junexdayy

[junexdayy]

Naïve

Featherlight touches after dark,

Stolen kisses with the taste of alcohol on your tongue,

When you pulled me closer, did you mean it?

When your fingers sent shivers down my spine, did you feel it?

When you squeezed my hand, did you know what you were doing to me?

I am asking as if I don’t already know the answer

Of course, you knew

You knew all along and you didn’t care

You were leading me on because it was convenient for you

You were thinking that I would go with it

You were thinking that one night of happiness would make up for the week of crying after

You were thinking that I was naïve

You were thinking that I wouldn’t be bold enough to ask you

To ask you what we were

To ask you where you wanted this to go

To ask you if you wanted me just as badly

Well, I did ask

I wanted to know

I wanted clarity

The Voice in the back of my head, the vicious one, said that you were just playing games

But there was still this tiny part of me that believed that maybe you were serious

That just maybe you and I could become a we

Pretty naïve huh

Because you never intended for us to become a we

You knew all along where this was going

You knew you were going to hurt me

But you didn’t care

You simply didn’t care

And after all, why am I even surprised

I should’ve known all along

All of these girls before me, why should I be different?

But that stupid little part of me still believed, hoped, that it meant something

That it meant something when you pressed me closer by my waist

That it meant something when you gently stroked the hair out of my face

That it meant SOMETHING when your fingertips danced around the hem of my pants

But of course, oh how naïve I was

No, while I was wide awake burning beneath your touch, you were simply ‘too drunk’ and ‘half asleep’

And it hurt

It hurt so much

When all of the sudden you were rolling your eyes at me

When all of the sudden you were leaning away from my touch

When all of the fucking sudden I seemed to not even exist to you

Well at least now I got the clarity I oh so badly wanted

Its not the answer I believed I would get

But I guess that was just the naïve girl in me  

#coping with writing #situationships are the worst #10/10 would not recommend #crying throwing up #why do men #yes im being overdramatic again and what about it #poetry #short poem #writing

[junexdayy]

WHY

Why?

Why why why.

Tell me did I read the signs wrong?

Tell me did I do something wrong?

Tell me how to do better

Tell me how do I make you smile

How do I make you happy

How do I make your day

Tell me what I can do as I would do anything

But please don’t walk away from me for I cannot bear it

Please just stay for a little longer

Stay till I figured out how to live a life without you

Stay till I found purpose

Stay till I don’t need you anymore

Stay till I push you away for I can’t bear to be near you

To be near you and not be able to touch you

To be near you and not be able to kiss you

To be near you, knowing you’re thinking of someone else

To be near you hurts almost as much as being parted from you

Why can’t you feel the same

Why can’t you feel the butterflies acting up whenever me meet

Why can’t you feel yourself blush when we lock eyes

Why can’t you feel the aching in your chest when we’re apart

But I know why

For you’re one of those girls who drives other girls crazy

For you’re one of those girls who needs the bitter taste of alcohol on her tongue, the sweet taste of a cigarette, before you kiss a girl

For you’re one of those girls who’s just not into girls

#gay poetry #‘poetry’ #writing #love #unrequited feelings #wlw pride #wlw #short poem #not based on my life even though she is indeed straight #I got over her though so a round of applause #so this is all fiction #gay #pride month

[junexdayy]

Admiration

I still remember it like it was yesterday. The first time I saw her.

She was really pretty.

Blond locks, blushed cheeks, a cute snub nose and I think I even spotted some freckles on her face.

Quite honestly, I don’t know what it is but there is something about her.

I noticed her right away.

How she shyly brushed her hair behind her ear.

How she wrinkled her nose.

How she nervously played with her hands.

She seemed like she would want to be anywhere but here.

I guess she is just pretty shy around strangers.

But soon she opened up a little and found friends.

Of course, I am happy for her…

But I can’t shake the feeling that I am a little

Disappointed?

Sad?

Jealous?

That I’m not a part of her friend group.

I don’t know why…

I could just walk up and talk to her.

That actually shouldn’t be difficult for me,

I do that all the time.

But it’s different with her.

Suddenly I’m scared of rejection.

It’s weird, normally I don’t think twice when I want to talk to someone…

So, why now?

What is so special about that Girl?

What is it about her that makes me nervous?

What is it about her that makes my heart beat faster?

Whatever it is, I don’t want it.

I’ve always been bad at that whole feelings stuff.

It confuses me and I can’t concentrate.

When she smiles and giggles so shyly

I can’t help but look at her.

I can’t help but also smile.

I can’t help but be happy when she is happy.

Sometimes I notice her staring at me.

But that probably doesn’t mean anything…

Right?

But still there is this little spark of hope deep down.

But hope for what exactly?

I honestly have no idea.

Do I hope she likes me?

Do I hope her heart beats just as fast as mine when she is around me?

Do I hope she also feels these butterflies in her stomach?

Wait

Butterflies?!

No, it can’t be…

That’s not possible.

My feelings are just platonic!

Nothing romantical whatsoever.

Because I don’t like Girls like that

Right?

I’ve never felt this way about anyone ever before.

So, it can’t be Love.

I’ve been in Love

Right?

Love doesn’t feel like this,

Right?

No, it must be something else,

For sure.

Thinking about her all day,

Feeling my heart pound against my chest whenever I see her,

My Voice shaking whenever I talk to her,

That all means nothing.

That’s not Love

That’s admiration

And pure devotion.

Pure Platonical devotion of course.

Yes, that’s exactly what it is.

I admire that beautiful girl with her pretty locks and her sly mind.

With all my heart and devotion, I admire her.

#her POV #I’mnotgettingmyhopesupi‘mnotgettingmyhopesup[...] #this is just my imagination #or how I wish it would be #in my dreams she likes me back okay don’t judge #gay poetry #writing #wlw #‚poem‘ #idk just something I wrote spontaneously

[junexdayy]

Love

Today was a good day.

She sat next to me.

Our Arms even touched.

It sent shivers down my spine.

Just the feeling of her beside me

It made my heart pound furiously

Just the feeling of her Arm touching mine

It made me wish we could stay like this forever

When she giggled, I felt her body vibrate next to me

Her smile was wide

Her Eyes were shining

And in that moment,

I knew that I was completely

and irretrievably

in Love.

I was in Love with that Girl.

I didn’t notice until that moment.

It just hit me.

It hit me when she laughed and I felt my heart skip a beat.

It hit me when she looked at me and I felt myself shiver under her gaze.

It hit me when she said only good morning and I just blushed furiously.

But I think deep down I always knew.

I always knew that I somehow felt a deep connection to her.

That my feelings weren’t platonic anymore.

I should’ve known way earlier.

There were many signs.

When she looked sad, I felt the urge to hug her tightly

To cup her cheek and tell her it’s going to be alright

To give her a kiss on the forehead and assure her she is safe with me.

When she went to parties, I wasn’t invited to, and I felt a sting of jealousy in my chest.

When she found her new, close friends and it hurt me.

When she didn’t talk to me for days and I cried in the school bathroom.

So, there were really many signs.

But I ignored them.

I disavowed them.

I didn’t want it to be true.

I knew it would make things even more complicated.

And it turns out,

I was right.

I can’t do anything.

My thoughts, my mind, even my dreams are haunted.

Haunted of her sweet giggles

Haunted of her shining eyes whenever she laughs

Haunted of every feature of her.

It is truly a curse.

In my dreams we are together.

We live our happily ever after.

We are happy.

And when I wake up,

I realize, that wasn’t real.

I’m still as alone as ever.

It was all just my imagination.

Some may say I should talk to her

Maybe she feels the same way.

Maybe we were meant to be together.

But I know that’s not true.

Because she is too good for me.

And I know that,

She knows that,

Everyone knows that.

That’s just how it is.

One day we will part ways and never see each other again.

She will never know about my feelings.

Never.

And that’s Good.

#another gay poem lmao #‘poetry’ #writing #unrequited feelings #of course I’m exaggerating my ‘poems’ #I don’t cry in the school bathrooms lol but it still hurts me yk #and I wouldn’t say I’m madly in love bc we don’t talk much but I did catch feelings oops #anyways it’s inspired by my own life but not 100% accurate bc in rl we don’t talk... #out of my POV #I want to talk to her so badly but I’m too shy #welp #anyone has any advice? #how does one talk to girls #how do I know if she even likes girls? #it’s complicated bsbsbdj

[junexdayy]

Overthinking

There is just something about her.

Though she is pretty quiet, she isn’t shy.

She is self-confident and outgoing.

Another thing I admire about her.

She isn’t nervous talking to new people like I am.

She is unwound and sympathetic.

She is just her natural self.

No overthinking, no second thoughts.

I wish I could be like that.

Maybe then, we would be friends by now.

But sadly, that’s not how it is.

My Voice shakes whenever I just greet her.

My hands shake whenever I just try to smile at her.

My heart pounds furiously against my chest whenever I just look at her.

Is this what Loves feels like?

If that’s so, then I hope I’ll never fall in Love again.

I didn’t know unrequited Love can be so painful.

So full of hope, yet also pain.

So full of Frustration, anger, sadness, missed moments…

But also, so full of joy, happiness and dreams.

She makes my day brighter, and she doesn’t even know.

Every smile, every look, every short conversation, every accidental touch…

It means everything to me.

She means everything to me.

And the problem is, she will never know that.

I’m too scared.

Too scared of rejection

Too scared of the consequences

Too scared that she will just laugh at my face

Too scared that she won’t understand

Too scared that she may tell anybody

Too scared that others will judge

Just too scared…

Maybe she doesn’t even like me

Maye, she thinks I’m just weird

Maybe she thinks I’m annoying

And maybe I’m overthinking this again.

I should go to her.

Tell her.

Risk it.

Because maybe I’m lucky and she returns my feelings.

Because maybe something good will turn out of this.

Because just maybe it’s worth overcoming all of my fears.

But I’ll never know.

I’ll never have the courage to tell her.

And at some point, in our Lives, our ways will part.

Probably Forever.

I’m just going to be a distant memory in her head.

But she will follow me in my sleep.

I’ll remember her.

Everything of her.

Her looks

Her smell

Her smile

Her heartly laugh

Missed chances will haunt me.

And when I wake up,

I’ll be filled with regret.

#still my POV #another shitty ‘poem’ I’m sorry #gay poetry #writing #love #unrequited feelings ;-; #overthinking #when you’re too shy to even smile at her 👍 #I’m struggling lmao #it’s complicated okay!! #this could be us but you’re playing

[junexdayy]

Her...

I remember it like it was yesterday. The first time I saw her.

She was the most beautiful Girl I have ever seen.

She wore a boyfriend jeans with her orange blouse tucked in. She had shoulder-length, dark brown hair with bangs.

So pretty.

She looked like she would like sunflowers and 80’s music.

Like she would go watch the sun rise on the beach.

Like she would spend her nights with her friends, just eating pizza and laughing.

She looked so free and happy.

Her smile was honest and her giggles were music to my ears.

Now I imagine how it would be like to make her laugh like this.

To be the reason, her eyes light up whenever she smiles.

Oh, to be just able to talk to her.

To just listen to what she has to say, whenever she gesticulates so vividly.

To find out about her interests.

Maybe she plays in a band? Maybe she likes hiking? Maybe she is passionate about baking?

There are so many possibilities, so many things to find out about her.

So many things I want to ask her.

If I would just ask her…

But I never will.

I’m too coward.

Too coward to just walk up to her, and talk.

Too coward to even smile at her.

I wish I could be that person that can just walk up to people and can talk to everyone.

What I would give, to have just no fear around strangers.

What I would give for just having the courage to smile at her.

I would give so, so much

More than she will ever know.

I already know how this will end.

I’ll continue to look at her from distance, to smile at her when she doesn’t look, to cry about her when I’m alone in my Room.

She will find new, close friends.

She will enjoy her school years.

She will go to parties and sleepovers.

She may even fall in love with someone.

Someone better than me.

And after 3 Years, it’ll all come to an end.

We will part ways even though they never really met.

She would be excited for what’s next.

I would be devastated to leave her.

We would say a last Goodbye before she leaves.

Forever.

She will never know about my feelings.

She will never know how much she means to me.

She will go on in Life and never think of me again.

Maybe, just maybe, one day we would meet again.

And maybe she won’t even recognize me.

But I just know that my heart will beat just as fast as the first time I saw her.

I just know that I will never forget her.

I just know that I’ll always remember her as the girl who brought the most joy, yet the most pain into my Life.

The one who never knew about how she turned my Life upside down.

The one who showed me that sometimes Girls fall in Love with Girls, and that’s okay.

In Fact, it’s beautiful.

#writing #gay poetry #love #idk actually #my dumbass fell for a girl in my class lmao #inspired by my own life #‘poetry’ #I wouldn’t call it poetry but just some scrap I wrote to channel my emotions #complicated feelings #I’m too shy to talk to her lol #writing is not my defense mechanism shut up #from my POV #lgbtq #lgbtq writing