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Prentiss: Sergio is the only valid member of my family. The roomba is valid too, I guess, but it’s on thin fucking ice.
JJ: What did the roomba do?
Prentiss: Tried to eat my fucking sock.
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Reid: I am the smartest, most skilled agent in the BAU.
Morgan: ... is your hand stuck in that candy machine?
Reid: I paid for my Rolos. I'm getting my Rolos.
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“My dad taught me to throw knives to make me less gay. Now I know how to suck dick & throw knives.”
-Alvez
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Reid: Do you like Morgan too?
Garcia: Of course I do. He’s Derek Morgan.
Prentiss: I don’t.
Garcia: You don’t count.
Prentiss: That’s discrimination.
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Reid: I’m kinda cold.
Morgan: Here, take my jacket.
JJ: I’m cold too.
Prentiss: Well damn JJ, I can’t control the weather!
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Reid: Would you guys shoot your best friend in the leg for 10 million dollars?
Morgan: Garcia, shoot me. Then when my leg heals we can buy a huge-ass house and sweet cars.
Garcia: Hey, you can shoot me too, and then we’ll have 20 million dollars.
Prentiss: Good thinking. Fuck the system.
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Hotch: We need to break up, but here's a puppy!
Beth: Aww! Wait, what?
Hotch: He's a puppy, it's over between us, and he's cute!
Beth: Do you think I don't hear the bad parts of these sentences?
Hotch: His name is Martin, I need my keys back, and he's a puppy!
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Prentiss, about the rest of the team: You don’t have all the facts.
Barnes: Which are?
Prentiss: I love them.
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JJ: Will you guys stop fighting?
Alvez: We are not fighting. We are having a creative discussion.
Garcia: We are too fighting.
Alvez: Creative discussion!
Garcia: Fight!
Alvez: Discussion!
JJ: I can’t believe you guys are fighting about if you’re having a fight!
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Garcia: Wait a minute! You don’t go TOWARDS the weird, scary sound!
Morgan: Yeah, we do. We always do.
Garcia: Right. I hate that about us.
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Prentiss: My reasons for doing things: 1) spite. 2) the aesthetic. That's it.
Prentiss: ...okay, I lied. 3) attention.
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“It’s my god-given bisexual right to be dramatic.”
-Garcia
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“I think I’m just gonna find the nearest bar, have one or eight drinks, and hit the hay.”
-Rossi
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Hotch: I already have a tattoo.
Garcia: What? Where? Why? How? When?
Hotch: I will never talk about it again.
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“I spend a lot of time with the real me, and believe me, nobody's gonna love that guy. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go take a shower so I can't tell if I'm crying or not.”
-Reid
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Lewis: Are you a big spoon or a little spoon?
Prentiss: I’m a knife.
JJ: She’s the little spoon.
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Prentiss, looking at a woman: Wow, she’s so pretty.
Reid: Don’t feel like that, Emily. You’re pretty too.
Prentiss: I’m not jealous, Spencer. I’m gay.
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