ickyyuckyugygrl - Tumblr blog

ickyyuckyugygrl · 1 month

Text

Lonliness

I see a lot of people around me, or online say they're lonely/have no friends etc. But if you really focus on it or know the person personally, they just didnt have anyone to talk to in the moment and got bored. I understand that can be lonely, but it's not as severe as they think, and in all honesty I'm jealous of them.

Because I'm stuck in a genuine severe never ending loneliness, not the type where I can text a bunch of people saying "I'm so lonely talk 2 me/hang out w me" mainly because I dont have anyone to text.

I'm stuck in a type of loneliness where I start to cry every 10-15 minutes or i literally cant cry at all, I'm always in bed, I rarely leave my house, I'm always stressed out because of it, its become a physical problem, my throat closes on itself making it hard to drink and eat, i feel nauseous, and theres a growing pit inside of my body it feels so heavy yet so empty.

I have tried to fix it, i've talked to new people at schools/treatment programs, i've invited people to hang out, for sleepovers, i've tried getting a job, i've had hobbies, online and in person, therapists etc, but nothing ever works.

Even if someone does stay long enough to become a friend I always end up being forgotten about, i dont even think im anyones back up friend.

I'm so unbearably lonely. Does anyone else feel similar?

#tw self destruction #$elf h4rm #self h@rm #tw self h4rm #anxi4ty #tw self sabotage #tw depressing thoughts #tw depressing stuff #depressing shit #depressiv #lonliness #lonly girl #lonley #lonlyness

4 notes · View notes

ickyyuckyugygrl · 1 month

Text

Someone tell me if im overreacting

Im with this one guy and he says he loves me right? but then the first while we were together he told one of my best friends he loved her eyes and that her eyes were his favorite thing to look into. (well we are together he has done all of this well we are together) i confronted him he apologized he said he wouldnt do it again We planned a date he then invited her to go with us without asking me first I confronted him he apologized and said he would communicate more clearly then he invited her to his house without telling me first, she was the one who told me she was there, then they both didnt reply to me for 3 hours, he ended up telling me she just wanted to talk to his mom ab some of her problems i asked her about it she said she didnt end up talking to her and she got mad at me accusing me of being suspicious and said she wasnt going to deal with it, i never even said anything back i just said it was nice they were able to hang out, i apologized to her and said i wasnt suspicious i did not really confront him on this the day before my birthday i introduced him to another one of my friends, that same night at 4 am he invited her to hang out with him alone she declined and told me i asked him about it and he said he was just bored and wanted to see if someone could come out next he asks the first girl to ask me when i was ready to have s3x with him, i was upset because we had been dating for a little over a month at this point i was a little hurt he didnt ask me privately but i was too scared to bring it up i found out he was telling things i was privately telling him to the girl as well next i find out he has told her that he originally had a crush on her but because he kissed me first he felt bad and didnt want me to feel like a second option so he stayed with me and said he ended up gaining feelings after or something. I was so upset over this i confronted him i couldnt even get 3 sentences out before i started crying which made everything even more embarrassing he assured me he didnt like her anymore and that he did like me etc but not even three days later i find out he was play fighting/flirting over text with the same girl, she showed me a video (i guess she didnt think it was a big deal? maybe im overreacting idk) but they were calling each other names in a very flirty tone and under the video she said "beefing" and put two smirk emojis after it then she said his name over text and put these emojis 🥰🥰🥰😍 in that exact order after later she told me that if i hadnt met her or him at the time i did something could have happened between them but said she was "glad" it worked out this way but idk it just felt very back handed and fake, i cant complain to her either or tell her how i feel because she'll villainize me i've tried a few times just to say "hey im kinda worried ab this or that" but never in an accusing tone and it was never ab anything serious or even about her it was mainly ab him and how i was a little sad he replied to her asap and told her everything he was up too or planned to do but ignored me for up to 4 hours at a time, and she would say stuff like how me saying that isnt fair to her etc and yeah she also got mad at me when i talked to another girl privately for exactly 8 minutes not even joking and idk i also keep having dreams of him leaving me behind/sleeping with her or walk away holding another girls hand and im so stressed out to the point where im puking and up all night but i cant find it in me to leave him either i dont know if im being dramatic or if its not that big of a deal and im just being sensitive i just dont know what to do or what to think of it hes also recently not hanging out with me and always making excuses im worried

#sh #help #advice #baby cvts #sh cvt #cvtting addict #ed not ed sheeran #tw restrictive ed #relationshipadvice #sos #so silly #someonehelpme #silly thoughts #silly posting #realtionship help #crisis #mental health #experience

3 notes · View notes