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A manifestation of my thoughts
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For a moment my whole world was destroyed. I didn't know if I could handle it. But despite what happened, I cannot leave the person who is most important to me. My love for him only confirmed it and whatever happened, I will forgive, accept and love always. 🩵
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I feel like we don't have any feelings for each other anymore. We care more about our own feelings. I would really like to feel that it is different, but it only confirms that it is over.
The worst thing is that I know that at this moment he is sleeping or playing his games and not thinking about anything or how to fix it. Come on, I know we won't fix it. but me?, I can't sleep or take my mind off some other task. I just look at the ceiling and think about him.
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I have to learn to be a single mother. This relationship has no future and the last moments of this "relationship" are happening now. I shouldn't have been angry, I wasn't supposed to expect anything from him anymore. But the fact that he no longer cared about what was happening to me was driving me crazy. This relationship has nothing but routine and toxicity on all sides. I should finally make an adult decision and leave a man who doesn't love me anymore. I wonder if he ever loved me and if, apart from habit and routine, something kept him with me???
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Our relationship has improved a bit, but I still feel like it's not perfect. I just let him go and let him feel free. But he doesn't know that what he does repels me and that my feelings are losing strength. When will he realize this?
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We're having a boy. Our little boy. 🩵 I guess the fact that we thought it was going to be a girl and that shock and happiness kindled some feelings in us again. Maybe not everything is lost yet.
It will be hard for me to forget how he treated me, what he said... I would like to talk about it but I know we can't because everything will go wrong again.
For now, I'm happy for us. I can't believe I'm having my own little son. Just a moment and I will be able to have him in my arms. I'm sure he is a gift from God.
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Today we will find out what the gender of our baby will be. I was so happy but now the thought of this meeting only makes me sad because I know we can't be together. Two people love each other and suffer at the same time.
Why do I have to be the one to leave? Despite the lack of feelings, he prefers to force himself and hurt us both.
Our relationship turned into a routine and all the love and feelings are gone. I already know that I am much worse than his ex, and I also know how free he feels without me. It’s time to let him go, right?
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Why couldn't I just let go. I don't want to break up with him and I will not, he's the only person I've ever loved. But why do I care so much about a person who, apart from saying "I love you", cannot love me. I just want all my feelings, how much I care about this relationship and this love, to give up a bit. Then I wouldn't suffer so much...
Why do I give my whole life, my body and every part of me to a person who is so bothered by everything I do, everything I feel. I am no longer myself around him, I have given up on myself. A person who loves you shouldn't want to change everything about you, right?
How to be with a person who I love so much but also hurts me so much?
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Was it so bad that I wanted to share my dream with him? I had a bad dream…. I thought sharing things like this, what we feel, our emotions, is something what relationships do in. And instead of giving me a short moment to tell him, he was doing something on his phone and wasn't interested in what I was saying.
I would like to have someone with whom I share my feelings. I wish I could do this with the person I love. With him. Shouldn't he support me and care about my feelings? Am I asking for so much? Do I expect so much?
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He tells me not to think about it. For him it's so easy. It's so easy not to think about the fact that he said a million good words about how his past relationship was perfect. And when I asked him, he couldn't say even one good word about me. And he said that I'm not supposed to think about this what he said because he don’t want to comeback to past and he just wanted to make me annoyed….
And then what? I already know that he will say that I am an overthinker, toxic and sensitive girl. And he will tell me again that all the problems in our relationship are created in my head…. is he right?
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I need to talk to someone about all this shit in my head but I have no one… I lost everything
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nothing special ♡
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