gothicdicordia

[gothicdicordia]

Masking is running a second operating system for your professional life.

I took a lot of acting and singing classes as a child as well as dance. It helped me understand everything people were really performing appropriate affectations per gender per economic level and per social situations.

So masking is having an entirely different version of yourself. It's a construct of who you want to be seen as and also adding an extra warning system and review of everything you do and say.

It's exhausting. But worth it. But exhausting.

Because if you play the game long enough you can find a job with precise balance of private you time and public facing "" time.

And you won't have to fear getting too tired or sick to effectively perform your facade.

In other words for younglings - In real life, unless you have no need to work or pay bills via wealth, there is no space to "keep it real" or be the totally loose honest version of you. Every situation is a different set of rules and codes you learn to get on.

Be yourself is such dull advice. BE YOUR SELVES. Because at any given time as we hurtle through space we are constantly become a newer version of the previous one. You are not a constant. How you feel now can change drastically with a thought or five years. So don't be afraid to have space for Work you and ADHD you and School you and Friend you.

We are all learning and changing each day.

#goth #adhd #lgbtq #transhumanism #druid #adult adhd

[gothicdicordia]

Everyone's a high on crack if they don't realize the need for a Neverwinter Nights, franchise that allows building within a tool set and hosting a persistent game worlds as a follow-up to a BG game.

The trail is out there. They just need to follow the map of the past and use their skills in the future to modernize the entire dungeons& dragons franchise.

But now flush with cash. Everybody decides to go on their passion projects because the entire storyline of the game was developed by a passion project.

Incredible power move to make one of the most beloved crpgs ever made using a modified dnd 5e system, make a ton of money and shit on most AAA game studios in the process, then say “cool. Anyway fuck dnd 5e and wizzards of the coast. We’re doing our own thing now.”

#larian studios #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #baldur’s gate #neverwinter nights

[gothicdicordia]

I used to write about endless sexy times in detail. Now I'm simply mesmerized by an natural peach filter of a stormy sunset on a 75 degree spring evening while crickets chirp and frogs peep.

#goth #adhd #druid #lgbtq #transhumanism #adult adhd

[gothicdicordia]

Why'd you go black? they asked me when the stress of the pandemic and high process red destroyed my hair. My brows disappeared. My eyelashes barely there

Because of Morticia and Wednesday and Lisa, Misu, and Anime.

Because of finding out the texture had come from Nigeria and Pacifica in the 17th century from relatives lost to time.

Learning that my whitest white skin would be Snow White.

And that never again I'd be Bijou or Mame or Dolly or a Bella Dame or a Dance at the Bougival.

Or be her. The previous me. The half of my life I lived unenlightened. Her name was dead.

I am asexual. A marble wraith. I am order. I am death's handmade. I am black.

#goth #adhd #lgbtq #druid #transhumanism #adult adhd #erp

[gothicdicordia]

Goth outfit yesterday while deeply anemic: Chaos blood fae

Red taffeta sundress with smocked front and black embroidery. Over black romper with sleeves, over black finely pleated tulle skirt and bare legs with sandals.

Chaos fuzzy braid bun with drapey glass black beads.

Threwon my coziest black turtleneck.

Froze my ass off with bare legs.

Returned home for lunch and put on pants under skirt.

Today - stretch red blood leopard pattern dress, tank top to cover low decolletage. Pettipants. Cozy matching hoodie with thumb holes. Sandals. Simple bun. Red lips.

Tired. So tired.

[gothicdicordia]

I plucked this forth in an anemic phase

"The vast marvel is to be alive… The supreme triumph is to be most vividly, most perfectly alive. Whatever the unborn and the dead may know, they cannot know the beauty, the marvel of being alive in the flesh. The dead may look after the afterwards. But the magnificent here and now of life in the flesh is ours, and ours alone, and ours only for a time. We ought to dance with rapture that we should be alive and in the flesh, and part of the living, incarnate cosmos. I am part of the sun as my eye is part of me. That I am part of the earth my feet know perfectly, and my blood is part of the sea. My soul knows that I am part of the human race, my soul is an organic part of the great human soul… There is nothing of me that is alone and absolute except my mind, and we shall find that the mind has no existence by itself, it is only the glitter of the sun on the surface of the waters."

D.H. Laurence

#goth #adhd #lgbtq #druid #transhumanism #adult adhd #halsin

[gothicdicordia]

If you leave Astarion in the hall, then engage the encounter, have the entire party first waste one ascended and, then bring him in, it pretty much goes down like this.

how it should have happened...

Fuck cazaldor.💀

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 bhaalspawn #bg3 fanart #bg3 dark urge

[gothicdicordia]

I feel kinda awful and silly. Or foolish. Or ridiculous. Or dumb and light headed. Out of sequence.

Perhaps I am out of blood again. Heme is low. Pouring out cups of hot blood every 50 mins.

I drink C with Iron. Made myself have meaningful sausage mc muffin. Drank juice. Even had chocolate. Chocolate provoked madness and energy.

Honestly, I just want to sleep. I can't handle this.

Bee at work.

#goth #adhd #druid #adult adhd #bee #honey bee

[gothicdicordia]

Where are the bees?

#druid #bees #bumblebee #generalized anxiety disorder #pride #teaching #bee core #honey #redbud

[gothicdicordia]

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL ASEXUALITY DAY!!

-April 6th

#asexual #ace #international asexuality day #ace pride #pride #lgbtqia

[gothicdicordia]

I hope the art of the 1970s first wave isn't erased.

hey tumblr go eat shit you gormless little sex hating bitch

#goth #bdsm #leather #adhd #lgbtq #transhumanism

[gothicdicordia]

The video was shot over the Arctic Circle, right between the borders of Canada, Alaska and Russia. It took only a few seconds to shoot a truly stunning landscape in every sense of the word.

This phenomenon can only be seen once a year for 35 seconds. The moon appears in all its glory to such an extent that it seems that it is about to collide with the earth, and immediately after that there is a total eclipse of the sun for only 5 seconds, during which it suddenly becomes dark, and then the light returns.

This phenomenon occurs only at the perihelion point (the point where the Moon is closest to the Earth), and then we can see the enormous speed with which our planet is moving.

https://t.me/admiration4/10062

[gothicdicordia]

I belong in here

#goth #lgbtq #adhd #druid #adult adhd

[gothicdicordia]

I was talking with my mom about a consistent timeline of "old people" hair and fashion. Why is it that "old people" look the same as I did when I was 8 as when I'm 40+?

Why it bugs me....we work with young people and most of us 1-1 as role models. Why are ppl my age dressing like old people did when we were 5 to work with young people in their teens and 20s?

And that's weird ADHD thoughts that obsess my weird mind and distract me from stuff that really matters like good character and inside good traits.

#goth #lgbtq #adhd #druid #adult adhd

[gothicdicordia]

I don't think Mom is willing to accept that I'm a genius. And that's knowing she was the first to know I had a 149 IQ at 6.

Maybe she doesn't remember?

I got my master's degree in a two year intensive program and spent half of it knee deep in inner city schools. I wrote a thesis that was published and used broadly as a source.

And of course - published two erotic novels. Published a second paper on erotic roleplay. Wrote a third. Wrote two books of poetry. Played Titania in "Midsummer's Night Dream."

I've far exceeded any expectations I had for myself and lived my life to its greatest heights. Financially, since I'm prone to massive flights of fancy, I'm prone to debt.

But I own a house now. I own an acre. I own a car. I have some cats. I'm mad for seeds and plants. Mad beyond my weakness.

I suppose now I must write another grant to impress. Graduate my students. Adopt my own child.

But my goal is sublime - let nature take the wheel. Despite this anger and invasion into my psychic solace, I still can find the place of peace in my heart that bloomed when I nearly died.

I say she knows nothing of genius, just being bright and clever. And I'm going to grind it in simple ways. My art is real and polished. The movies I watch from now on will be deep and inaccessible. I will read books again with difficult titles.

I will exceed my place and travel often. In suits. Dressed to the nines. She will not forget I lived in the house of tomorrow - dreadfully powerful.

Why does it bother me? Because going back to school and getting a flimsy masters from an online college was in competition with me. I went hard. I went hard without a support network. And they didn't even show up to graduation to mixed up with their drama.

Drug myself out of a mental health crisis and rose up to a high level position. Nothing. Continued the prestige. Nothing. Saved hundreds of lives nothing.

I had the best day of my life in 2014. Secretly. Topped everything I had ever done that year. No one knew.

I'm sure my time will come too but if brain implants and nanotech eclipse my being before I degrade my gods - I will persist.

#goth #lgbtq #adhd #transhumanism #adult adhd #bipolar #genius #asd #mother issues

[gothicdicordia]

Vampires get real...

#goth #lgbtq #adhd #druid #adult adhd #vampire #Instagram

[gothicdicordia]

Was having a glorious day when it suddenly got too (80) hot and I realized I could not eat lunch without finishing my dental visit. So I drank yogurt.

At this rate I'll hit the road by rush hour. I just want a good burrito and to go home.

Instead waiting for my teeth to get fixed while Easter Midwest frenzy begins.

Goth outfit today - Configuration - pathetic. Orangey peasant blouse, black Levi's, carnelian and onyx beads. Hair down, then in a ponytail then wind whipped into fuzziness. I wanted to look normal but gal took my facial prothesis to work on it for four hours.

Didn't seem sympathetic I now had to shop with a deflated side of my check and face. I'm like "I guess I shouldn't complain, other people have it worse." Like cancer instead of being punched in during a MMA fight.

Still -10 to Cha today and my bones hurt. Getting hungry and angrier now that they made me wait.

I honestly took this picture today. Filtered sunlight really enhances colors.

#goth #lgbtq #adhd #druid #adult adhd #tulips