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Left And Confused

If you have plans of leaving, please tell me beforehand.

Please just tell to that the bond that we have right now will soon fade away.

Please just tell me that you're not the one to stick by me for all season.

Please just tell me that you have no plan to stay.

So if that time comes, when you'll soon be gone without saying goodbye, it will hurt less.

If that time comes, I'll know my place in your life - and that is in Nowhere Land.

If that time comes, I will not bombard you with messages because I know it is not temporary, you are really leaving for good.

If that time comes, I know I should not expect and cling on you anymore.

Please tell me beforehand.

Because I'm too broken to invest affection again on people who don't even care.

I've had enough.

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...

Am I not worthy of an explanation? Is it too easy to just toss me away and made me feel insignificant?

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13 Reasons Why. . .

I rarely do the watching before reading of certain stories. But this time, after watching the popular Netflix series - 13 Reasons Why - weeks ago, I decided to read the book. Of course there are a lot of scenarios changed but it is still heartbreaking.

The story revolves around Hannah Baker's tapes which she recorded before she committed suicide.

It's saddening how teenagers took fond of this story because they see themselves in Hannah.

Hannah Baker had 13 reasons why she ended her life. Well, let me share to you 13 reasons why you should value yours.

I hope you're ready because I'm about to tell you the story of God's love. More specifically why He loves YOU. And if you're reading this blog, you're one of the reasons why. 😉

1. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)

2. You are adopted by God. You are an HEIR. (Galatians 4:4-7)

3. In Christ, you are not CONDEMNED. (Romans 8:1)

4. You are a new creation. You are not defined by your past. (2Corinthians 5:17)

5. You are chosen. You are picked. You are given mercy. You are special. (1Peter 2:9-10)

6. You are worth fighting for, you need only to be still. (Exodus 14:14)

7. You are created in God's image. (Genesis 1:27)

8. You are a great delight. (Zepaniah 3:17)

9. Know that you are a child of God. (1John 3:1)

10. In Christ, You are victorious. (1Corinthians 15:56-58)

11. You are loved in your brokenness. (Romans 5:8-9)

12. You are NEVER forgotten. (Isaiah 49:15)

13. Your pains are not neglected. (Psalm 56:8)

Jay Asher says "Suicide has such a stigma attached to it that we feel we're going to offend that person by bringing that up. But I'd rather err on the side of offending rather than losing them to suicide." Me too, Jay. Me too.

Cheer up buttercup. There's always a ray of light at the end of the dark tunnel -- and that is LIFE. ❤

#suicide #13 reasons why #jay asher #God's love #bible verse #depression

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I Don't Need It

If I want an advise, I could have asked you.

What I want right now is to vent my anger out.

Correct me some other time because right now, I really need to release it.

Stop the sermon, that's the least thing I need right now.

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How can I stop? What can I do? My action speaks loud for my zipped mouth of what my heart contains.

#love in silence

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The Trouble Poem

"Trouble, trouble go away," That's what I often say I wanted to stay on my comfort zone And tried to avoid all the troubles thrown But life is unpredictable Problems are inevitable I grew tired and weary My eyes filled with mist and turned blurry Many things that occupy my mind With answers I couldn't find I thought to myself, was it kismet? It's more than this, I bet Then I came to know You Christ, Whom I worship with all my might Without You I am in a labrynth, Clueless of what may have been You put this smile on my face And see how I'm amaze I want to live the life You want me to have Living the life of Your unending love So now I say, "Trouble, trouble come on my way I will stand and will never sway Christ is in me I will now go forward with glee --

#trouble #Christ #transformed

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God's Promises Stay The Same

The ability of us trusting God to fulfill His promise is never dependent on the greatness or the smallness of the problem, it is dependent on the ability who gave the promise -- and that is GOD. The Sovereign One. ❤

#God #trust #problem #problems #great #Sovereign #promise

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When I Trust

The thing with trusting people is you bare yourself to them. They know things you kept to yourself because you allowed them to. You say your deepest feelings to them, you haven't learned to filter. You trust too much. That's why be very careful whom you trust. Be very careful because you don't know the limitations of trusting.

#note to self #trust #people #truth

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I Waited For The Knock

I was like the girl who kept herself locked inside the room. I waited for the knock. I waited for the knock while being contented of the four corner room I am in. I waited for the knock with the presumptions of what is on the other side of the door. I waited for the the knock with the hopes of a colorful outside world to see. I waited for the knock hoping that someone would have the courage to open it for me. But You came. You came to save me. You promised to redeem me from the darkness. But I was too reluctant to invite You in. I was doubting Your identity and how you can pull me out of this misery. You knocked . . . and knocked . . .and knocked. Then finally, I gather up the courage to open the door myself. I waited for the knock. You did knock. I opened it for You. The light blinded me. And there You are, with arms open wide, you embraced and filled my emptiness. Thank You for not giving up on knocking. - - - "Look! I stand at the door and knock. Whoever hear my voice and open the door, I will come to him." -Revelation 3:20

#knock #revelation #redeemer #saviour #promise

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In any case, you mustn’t confuse a single failure with a final defeat.

F. Scott Fitzgerald, Tender Is the Night (via books-n-quotes)

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I am trying my hardest to not tell you all of the pain I am feeling.

Don’t tell me I talk about my illness too much. Every movement. Every breath. Is a reminder that I’m not ok. That I may never succeed.That I can’t do things that normal people do. That everyday is a struggle. Never ever tell me I talk about it too much.

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11 powerful photos show the faces of those struggling with invisible diseases 

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My body alone has been my greatest insecurity since time immemorial. But I have stopped obsessing of the standard beauty set by human a long time ago. Others have crooked teeth but I have a crooked spine. I am noy sassy but my left hip sticks more than my right. I am not a camel but I have a hump. I am an abstract. 💜

#scoliosis #scolio #scoliosisawareness #chronic pain #bentnotbroken

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Depression 101

I’m one of those person gifted with the ability of awkwardness. It’s awkward when I laugh, awkward when I talk, awkward when I tell a joke, awkward when I’m surprised, even awkward in my silence. And these awkwardness goes on until I can’t go on.

The awkwardness is overwhelming to the point that I can’t start what I’m trying to write.

So I want to start this with a question:

Have you ever been depressed?

Whether a major, manic, seasonal,  or psychotic depression, it’s still a depression.

Or you haven’t? You haven’t been deppressed because you are gifted with wealth and health. You haven’t been deppressed  all your life because you possess all the optimism in since you were born. Or you haven’t been deppressed all your life because you choose not to. You choose not to feel the random emptiness or havoc within you.

Let me tell you something. Depression is never a good thing nor a bad thing. It’s a normal human response bacause this is our nature. There are even characters in the Bible that experienced depression. Remember the prophet Elijah? He was so deppressed he wanted to die (1Kings 19:1-14). He was so afraid he ran for his life for escape. He even left his servant.  While in the midst of escaping, he felt he was a failure so he asked God to take away his life. That’s how frustrated he is of himself then.

But above all that, he was still known as the prophet whom God took to heaven without dying (2Kings 2:11)  and surpassed that depression.

Let us learn to deal with depression just like how Elijah did.

Rest. Elijah actually fell asleep under the shade of a tree after asking God to take away his life. Stop, rest, and let all your worries and confusion be laid down. Breathe in and out, pack your bags, go somewhere alone, stare into blank space, sleep well, rest.

No, you are not giving up life, you are just taking a break.

Get up and eat. The journey is too much for you. I know it’s been quite tough for you for being depressed with no one to turn to. Hydrate yourself and be comforted with the company of food. Who cares of calories anyways? It’s gonna be a rough road again ahead so you need to fuel up.

Talk to someone. “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.” Open up yourself to people around you, you need someone to talk to. But oftentimes, people may be the reason of your depression. You are afraid of them judging your side of story and you try to stay away from them. Don’t force yourself.

Well, just try to Pray. Maybe you’ll find the peace you’re looking for if you pray. Let it all out, no one will criticize whatever you say anyways. It’s just you and God.

I, myself had experience depression, too. It’s some kind of seasonal. A depression that just comes suddenly and make me shut myself to the world. I even thought of suicide. But after thinking of killing myself then computing the burial expenses, including the coffee to be served to the guest, I gave up the thought. And here I am, living, laughing and loving.

Learn to always love yourself and appreciate things and people around you. And if deppression struck again, sleep, take a rest, eat then fix yourself. Repeat the cycle. Groom yourself in a way to convince your inner self to be fixed to. There is nothing more peaceful than organizing your thoughts.

Live life young. Not wild, just free.

xo

Originally posted at https://dyunaleeza.wordpress.com/ (August 19, 2015)

#depress #depression #elijah #move forward #begin again

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To The Guy I am Waiting For. . . (Holding On)

Ours was not the typical boy meets girl love story. We were just two old friends who met again. We were both living our own lives and pursuing our dreams. I never expected that that first call after years of not hearing from each other will bring us to where we are right now.

We suddenly had this unspoken feelings for each other. You tell me things that would make my heart flutter. You give me butterflies in the stomach every time I hear from you. But on top of all of that, we never commit to each other. We spent talking and exchanging some sweet nothing but there was never an "us".

You know what, I stayed being contented of what we have. I mean, what "we are not". People call me irrational but I am not swayed by their opinions and criticisms towards my passive attitude regarding "us".

I vowed to myself that if ever I would enter into a relationship, that man would be my lifetime partner.

Currently, we are not on the same faith but I like you. I like talking to you, I like spending time with you. But I will not risk the standards I vowed to my God.

We are not yet financially, emotionally especially spiritually stable to risk of labeling a relationship I am very sensitive of. I will not risk the standards because of the pressure (of being single) of the society weighing on me.

I am contented of what we are right now. We’re still on our early twenties trying to achieve our goals, learning about life and living according to our will. Let us not put pressure on ourselves just because.

Let’s wait for our God’s time for what’s in store for both of us. Stay strong. Fighting!

Originally posted at https://dyunaleeza.wordpress.com/  (August 22, 2015)

#waiting #thoughts

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Every year that you grow, you will find me bigger.

Aslan (Prince Caspian), C.S. Lewis