dondonblubstudio

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Howl’s Moving Castle (2004)

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Happy New Year 2021!

The way they count down is too cute!

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This is the first UNDERTALE fanart I’ve done since the game’s release! It’s just a pixel-y little drawing, but I was reminded how much I enjoyed that game today.

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holiday drawing. 

Lol jellyfish moon princess vibes

instagram:@dondonblub

#kawaii #art #doodle #digitalart #moon #anime #fanart #dondonblub #illustration #vaporwave #follow4follow

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I needed a break between all the emails, charity sale, and art book stuff so I did a fun speed paint, and what’s more fun than flowers for hair? :D 

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Beth Harmon’s wardrobe in Queen’s Gambit 🥺 #bethharmon #queensgambit #netflix #annataylorjoy #celinekim

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[dondonblubstudio]

Nintendo Posters made by Reddachi

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Revamping, pessimism and change

I will likely be revamping my dondonblub blog to be a more blog-like lookng format.

Their is a lot of peice I have with having like No followers on tumblr, and tumblr being somewhat a dead format. It’s like I dont have to care if anyone comes across my blog, lie I literally have no friends and no nobody who even uses tumblr these days, and that is so peaceful.

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Lately all I often think about is the fragility of life and what I want to do with mine. I know I wanna be a CPHT for stability, but also I want to make childrens books and be a good mom, to travel, and see my friends. 

But also I often think, yea these things arent reasonable. I should just live in the moment, but I cant help but look forward.

I want to accomplish alooot I dont want to be stagnant, I want to trudge onward and do more and more.

I guess I am never satisfied.

even when I accomplished doing one thing, I am likely gonna replace it with 5 more things. It isnt depressing actually it something that makes me happy.

#journal #depression #blog #followforfollow

[dondonblubstudio]

Jessie Arms Botke (1883-1971) - Hybiscus and monstera, watercolor, 26,6 x 36,8 cm.

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A nonsensical mess of how I have been feeling lately

Idk why I am posting this here on tumblr, I guess its because I dont have any friends who go like use tumblr and in all honesty

I dont have any friends lol so I might as well blog more often.

What an awful time I have been having in life lately.

So, I will tell my none existent blubs.

i am 25 I have accomplished literally nothing except basically fucking up my own life. I should’ve been a bit further then this. Unlike most people I have few excuses' on why I am in the current circumstances in my life. Accept for the fact that I am just very very stupid. And therefore have the tendency to make stupid decisions.

If one were to give someone like me two paths, and clearly one path which would be the right path would lead to a wonderful realm of joy, success and like wealth.

And the left path clearly I can see dragons on the horizon, it reeks of blood and rot.

I would likely go down the left path because, it looks cool, and I would be sure I would be fine.

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The sheer level of my stupidity, honestly is fascinating from an outsiders perspective. Thats why I am sure people who have bullied me or currently think poorly of me are often provided with absolute entertainment.

Tbh I am just honestly tired. I am so tired of hating myself. and I desperately wish for just a short period of time I can simply like myself.

Tbh I wish I had friends again and I can see people again. And I dont think anytime soon that will happen. Its difficult cuz I have literally noone to talk to about my horible distress. And instead I am constantly grabing my feelings and depression and self doubt and throwing it into a basically already filled pit in my mind. 

I dont really know what to do anymore, except continue working harder and harder, and moving further forward, with the meer hope that a year or a couple years from now, I could have accomplished enough to feel satisfied.

In a way I know its all just perspective, I am perceiving myself as a failure, and also its laziness. I am to lazy, I could do more I really could I just need to get out of this lazy mindset.

Its sad but the only satisfaction in joy I get is by the idea of staying busy and working hard. I hope to work so hard, not for any aspect of success. But so I get sick or it completely destroys and exhausts me.

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Its sad in my adulthood all my friends are gone, I basically only have one. I am not pretty or happy anymore. 

I just have hit a situation. A metaphorical rock in the road and shattered to peices. And became a fragment of what I once was. But as I rebuild myself maybe it is a good thing, because I wasnt anything special in particular, maybe by constantly rebuilding, I can become special.

At this point everything I am saying is probably becoming gibberish.

But hopefully on my tumblr I can become more honest with myself at least, since I cannot be honest with anyone else, I have to be a grinning jester. And just stay happy and put together and well.

Because thats the nature of adulthood and even motherhood, is to be put together no matter what as to not burden others with things as trivial and silly as having feelings.

But I often wish I could be human, and have nervous breakdowns like other human, or cry, but I cannot. I have to be strong. Even though I am glass and broken glass, at that. I have to be strong broken glass. 

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I was watching a youtube video about DARK SOULS and theres a character in it based from the OV Angels Egg.

I dont really no much about either but from whatI gather. 

Dark Souls a woman of godly illusion of a female character, is asleep and holding a massive broken egg against her bussom the egg is broken. But shes asleep. When the main character wakes her sheopens her eyes sees the broken empty egg and it turns to dust and she I presume dies.

In the story Angels Egg, it is also similiar, a young cute girl is running around with an egg she found in a post apocalyptic world, she meets a traveler who ponders why she carries the egg. The girl says she thinks there is a bird inside. She cares deeply about the egg. Later on in the story the traveler I think does break this egg.

In both stories this egg, represents illusion, hope and religion. Its isnt whats inside the egg, whether with the goddess asleep holding it dearly or the little girl carrying it around. Its rather the illusion of hope that keeps people going and keeps pushing us forward. Whether the traveler of Angels Egg, Or the main character of Demon Souls. It takes a character to break this illusion, that then destroys the goddess, or little girl.

My egg(illusion) is the belief in a better life. I am not even sure what a better livelihood would mean to me. I guess something stereotypical, where I have friends and hobbies and can afford a decent lifestyle for my daughter. A plausible world where I can no longer dislike myself. 

This is an illusion because in reality I have depression, that I leave untreated, because I have anxiety and a sickly sweet personality that people find annoying or bizarre.

But I still hold onto this egg. I still will continue striving and failing and striving and failing. Maybe this is something that I can be proud of myself. Is because no matter how many times I fail, and my mental health deteriorates, I can not stop working hard. Even if I wanted to I am incapable of stopping.

I have to truck forward, I am just really tired. And lonely. Because every step forward I do make, my failures blow me 10 steps back

So yea that was my feelings. 

I just wanted to talk about it. There not important so.. yea thanks for reading.

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If anyone wants you can follow my instagram: @dondonblub 

#lonely #journal #depression #diary #anime #sad #black

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#aesthetic

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Hi I have an instagram account

http://instagram.com/dondonblub

I really wnnat to reach 1000 followers. I definitely will follow any accounts back that follow my instagram.

Please consider following I have had 800 followers for so so long and more than anythink I just want to reach 1k

I am an art acount. I am a black weeb otaku girl, whose in college and I love drawing andd collabing with other people, so please again consider following me

#art #f4f #like4like #followtrain #instagram #artist #digitalartist #artistoninstagram #aesthetic #blm #blackartist #melanin #blackgirlmagic

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Coraline was one of my favorite movies

Instagram: @dondonblub

#art #artist #digitalart #inktober #coraline #witch #timburton #animation #fanart