deepdarkwaters

[deepdarkwaters]

about zoomed in kisses and lil touches and lovely smiles #for love ✨💕

#ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd s2 #ofmd spoilers #rhys darby #taika waititi

[deepdarkwaters]

your whole fandom will be nothing in a year :)

😂 Okay! Enjoy your soft epilogue while we're watching pirates kiss for the rest of October.

[deepdarkwaters]

AO3 Top Relationships Bracket- Round 2 Side 1

This poll is a celebration of fandom history; we're aware that there are certain issues with many of the listed pairings and sources, but they are a part of that history. Please do not take this as an endorsement, and refrain from harassment.

#future tip: #resist the urge to act a cunt and you won't get crushed by a spite wave

[deepdarkwaters]

I'm too old and tired to give the slightest fuck about tumblr shipping polls, but only one of these fandoms is filling the post tags with demands for people to kill themselves so do me a favour and vote for the pirates to ruin their day tomorrow.

I miss you, Kingsman friends! Hope you're having beautiful lives 💖

(Also please find me on twitter if you ever want to talk about pirates, diversity, reliably good storytelling, a lack of queerbait that this far into the 21st century shouldn't STILL be as surprising as it is, and Scotland's Ass: https://x.com/robertaseaport/)

AO3 Top Relationships Bracket- Round 2 Side 1

This poll is a celebration of fandom history; we're aware that there are certain issues with many of the listed pairings and sources, but they are a part of that history. Please do not take this as an endorsement, and refrain from harassment.

#ofmd #shut the fuck up about soft epilogues it's SO cheesy and embarrassing #also ofc everyone's aware they're not actual death threats #but it's still ugly as fuck deranged vile behaviour

[deepdarkwaters]

Hi! I had an enormous mental breakdown, didn't write a word for several years, watched OFMD, and now feel at least 30% restored which tbh given the way I was feeling before is truly a miracle.

Hopefully will be returning to Kingsman at some point because god do I love these guys 💖💖💖

But for now, pirate shit is happening @robertaseaport instead. Please say hi if you've succumbed too, I don't know anyone at this party yet!

Well, well, well. Look who's eating seaweed.

Me, if "eating seaweed" means "finally getting my shit together enough to watch OFMD and suddenly unable to think of anything else".

Deepdarkwaters on ao3

RobertaSeaport on twitter

#ofmd

[deepdarkwaters]

The King’s Man

HELLO FRIENDS. Rising from the dead here because I just saw The King's Man and I need to spaff some spoilery first impression reactions out somewhere other than twitter.

First text to a friend after was "Not as charming as Kingsman 1 but not as offensive as Kingsman 2" which is broadly true but maybe a bit unfairly flippant because actually there's a ton I really liked. (I should probably say though that I'm in my 25th year of being absolutely besotted with Ralph Fiennes so perhaps take all of my praise with a pinch of salt because I physically cannot be objective about him, especially when he's in his underwear and having sword fights.)

This is going to be a bit of a word vomity bullet pointy probably incoherent splat of babble, but I just wanna get this out so I can properly process everything:

Pacing is just awful, especially in the first half. It's pretty slow and boring around moments of good stuff, but it does pick up eventually.

ORLANDO OXFORD

If anything's going to rocket me out of years of writer's block it's the big Polly/Oxford femdom vibes. Link me immediately if you see any! Massive weary eye roll at having one Token Lady Character yet again, but at least she got more to do than most of the others and more respect from the writers than Roxy. Hope she takes off as a fandom fave because I really really want to see more of her. Same with Shola - you're gonna cast an actor with as much charisma and expertise as Djimon Hounsou and think that means you can get away with giving him this flimsy underwritten character with so much potential and absolutely no substance just because you know he’ll fill it out with his presence? COME ON. Fandom, do your thing.

"Oxfords not rogues" is a bit cringey.

Beautiful fight scenes, like always, and I appreciate that there's a lot of really brutal ugly stuff as well as the silly flashy music video type thing we're used to, but they seriously fucked themselves with the church scene in TSS because that was so impeccably shot and performed and was 95% of the reason I went back to gape at that film about another eight times but nothing since than has really been on the same level. Giving my favourite a sword is always going to work some kind of swoony magic for me (fun fact: my first Kingsman fic was a 67K word excuse to write Harry having a sword fight) but overall, the fights in this are all just a little bit disappointing because they're SO CLOSE to the greatness they've proved they can give us but never quite tip over from just good. I mean they're still very good!!! But not "please enjoy Mr Darcy murdering fifty bigots" good.

Some lovely technical stuff: notably a sort of time lapse of war devastating the countryside and a Wings type shot that made me a bit motion sick. CHEF'S KISS. Same actor playing Wilhelm, Nicholas and George was a nice touch too.

MORTON? Tell me the story of this family link.

Lots of lovely ridiculous moustaches plus one of my favourite tropes, "handsome elegant gentleman experiences trauma so he gets drunk about it and grows a messy beard which shows everybody he's at rock bottom except for B who is a pervert and likes her favourites to suffer and have facial hair".

Stanley Tucci should be in every film.

Harris Dickinson is so generically handsome that I immediately forget he exists two seconds after he leaves the screen. He's a competent enough actor, he just has all the presence of a gentle fart in a gale and vanishes completely beside everyone else in this. Pretty weird casting choice, especially after finding Taron for TSS who could absolutely stand up to all the greats he was chucked in with.

Someone's definitely been snooping at fandom and either badly BADLY misunderstood the appeal of "gay honeypot mission" or (let's be honest, more likely) decided to make a mean-spirited joke of it. Thank you for getting the love of my life moaning in his cute little underpants! No thank you for basically everything else about that scene, and especially no thank you for showing the world how I eat Bakewell tarts.

There's not nearly as much irreverence in this as TSS/TGC. TSS especially is a bit more lighthearted and goofy and parody-ish while still getting enough of a real emotional impact to spark this glorious devoted fandom. This one tipped a bit too far into the Generic WW1 Drama genre, complete with that same old boring cliche shot of the guy running heroically through a storm of gunfire without being hit once. I mean, I get it??? Narratively it works as it's supposed to. It's just tedious and dreary and lazy and not what people see these films for.

I've managed to avoid all spoilers so Conrad being killed was a genuine surprise! Probably should have seen that coming, given what TGC said about the founders, but didn't somehow. Again, like with everyone else, I want MORE ARCHIE. Him being shunted from the trenches into aristo world is really intriguing to me, but maybe that's just because it kind of mirrors Eggsy's journey and I miss him.

Knife shoes origin story made me very happy <3 Some of the callback details were a bit shit and forced but that one was a beauty. Also I have a massive fear of heights so yet again they fuck me up extremely effectively with High Up Peril.

Terrible lazy cartoony boring ridiculous villain. Rasputin was crass and unpleasant but at least he fulfilled my flashy fight scene needs. Shepherd/Morton was just a bit rubbish. Spy films are only as good as their villains, right? This one was another waste of a good engaging charismatic actor. He could and should have been better, then the whole showdown sequence might have felt like it had some real weight and danger and excitement to it. I don't deserve this cruel letdown and neither does my husband Ralph.

I'm running out of steam and can't remember much else that really stood out. The tl;dr reaction is that it's a bit meh, the tone and pacing are badly off, and most of the characters are underdeveloped in a way that should be illegal for people lucky enough to do this as their job, but nevertheless it's so nice to be back in this world again even if nothing on the screen really holds up to the quality of stuff produced by fanfic authors ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ A few interesting characters and relationship dynamics and new details to play with, but nothing that can't be as universally ignored as TGC canon. Nice fight scenes, sometimes with SWORDS. My favourite cries. No dogs die.

5/10 as a film 8/10 for fight scenes 10/10 for fanwork potential 12/10 for Ralph Fiennes' perfect beautiful face

(And I mean it, hook me up with that Polly/Oxford femdom content!)

I’m mostly on twitter these days at @ambrotypes if you want to catch up <3 I miss fandom! Hoping to strain like hell to get past this bullshit writer’s block and actually produce some new stuff next year.

#kingsman #the king's man #spoilers

[deepdarkwaters]

HI TUMBLR

If anyone's moved on and is looking to sell this Harry dolly please let me know 💖 I've been trying to get one forever but an ebay sale mysteriously vanished in the post a while ago and various other deals kept falling through and I can't find it for sale anywhere that looks legit any more.

#kingsman #harry hart

[deepdarkwaters]

And some more ✨

[deepdarkwaters]

I've been neglecting this thing and now I'm too lazy to catch up one post per project so here's a dump of some recent FOs 💖

[deepdarkwaters]

Aw these are all beautiful 😍 This is as close as I could get it! Everyone consider yourself tagged, I haven't been on here in ages so no idea who's already seen it.

I wanted to start my own tag game (just for fun) and was low-key inspired by @shadowsinger11 hehe

Create your very own here!!!

So I’m tagging you lot hehe!!

@teenagereadersciencenerd @kitkatd7 @lovesmesomehiddles @mojofun @patton-fielder @queenofchaos7 @dearspacepirates @shadowsinger11 @screaming123 @im-a-writer-right @emmaloo21 @pottahwriter @chaotic-fae-queen and anyone else, feel free <3

#me #selfie #art

[deepdarkwaters]

so after a couple days of scrolling through old social registers from the 1910s and 1920s, i think i have finally amassed the ultimate list of utterly insane old money names. i am going to use every single one of these as an alias in one way or another, starting with marmaduke corbyn and miss elinor vandegrift

#names #tag yourself i'm miss symphorosa bristed

[deepdarkwaters]

(973): He told me he was ‘pondering the natural wonder that is my ass' 

(973): Like, dude. I’m already fucking you, you don’t need to wax poetic.

[deepdarkwaters]

This otter is another of my favourite things I've ever made 😍 His mouth is a tiny pocket pushed in so he can hold the fish.

Pattern here: https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/river-otter-3

#also gonna reblog this one because look at that face #😍 #knitting #otter

[deepdarkwaters]

I got a request to do some dinosaurs in pride flag colours, so here are the Birontosaurus and his bff the Transceratops. Need to check what yarn I've got stashed and do some more - pretty sure I've got the right colours for a Nonbinaranosaurus Rex. (Note: all lame pun suggestions gladly accepted because I'm out.)

Patterns here: https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/dinosaur-16 and here: https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/mini-triceratops-amigurumi

#i'm not going to spam-reblog everything i just posted to tw #but some of you might like this one #crochet #dinosaur #lgbtq #bi pride #trans pride

[deepdarkwaters]

Kingsman people, I swear I'm going to stop spamming you with toy dinosaurs and get back on topic at some point, my brain is just an unholy mush of writer's block right now! DISLIKE.

This has helped before, so if you're interested - drop your drabble prompts in my ask here: https://deepdarkwaters.tumblr.com/ask (anon is on if you want something particularly spicy and embarrassing 😏)

Previous drabbles are all here: https://deepdarkwaters.tumblr.com/tagged/drabble

#kingsman #drabble

[deepdarkwaters]

This is possibly my favourite thing I've ever made 🦕💖 Triceratops was always my favourite dinosaur. The white is from Aldi and the colours are Hayfield Bonus, all dk acrylic. Not sure how much I used because it was all leftovers but way less than a ball of each. She turned out huge! I used a full 250g bag of stuffing plus a bit more, she's super chunky and beautiful and I love her with my entire heart.

The last picture shows the construction: you use the same basic pattern repeated a different number of times to make pentagons, hexagons, octagons, etc, then all the pieces get crocheted together in a specific way to build the 3D shape. On Ravelry here: https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/plod-the-african-flower-triceratops - it looks tricky but it's really not, the pattern is fantastic with photos for every step. Go!!!

#crochet #triceratops #dinosaur #toy #mine

[deepdarkwaters]

This is the third lamb I've made from this pattern, it's so good 😍 https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/lamb-27 All Drops yarn: Alpaca Bouclé and Flora wool/alpaca held together for the fluff, face and feet are Flora and 4-ply Alpaca, and Brushed Alpaca Silk for the ears, and she's stuffed with the waste from wool carding machines so she smells like a real sheep! I've got that bouclé yarn in black/grey/brown too, so might have to make a whole girl gang in all the colours.

#knitting #lamb #sheep #toy #mine