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It's strange how a song is a wormhole through time; I was viscerally disturbed, at seventeen, by Hozier's Take Me to Church. I was deep in the fundamentalist Christian cult of my childhood then. Now Hozier is my number one streamed artist, and I'm not entirely sure when I went from the wretched, silent sobbing of myself to sleep, to singing and dancing in the shower with Take Me to Church cranking through my speaker. I'm sure it's kept pace with my recovery; I do know that Take Me to Church has been a healing song for me, as I've fought the insidious fuckery of my conditioning.

Well. I hope Hozier knows that he was instrumental in saving my life and sanity.

Take me to church, I sing defiantly, at the top of my lungs, and am fiercely glad that I will never go to church again.

#take me to church #c ptsd #healing #religious trauma #hozier #recovery

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I don't want to be a normal adult, I want to live somewhere far away from most people and just make art all the time and ignore the world😭

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This is me like all the time. It's a vicious cycle😅

me: ah yes! let’s start doing this cool thing, and this new hobby, and this book, and this movie, and languages, and —

me, 2 days later: bed

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Time for Spotify Wrapped, so if you want me, I'll be lying under a soft blanket with my eyes closed, dreaming to all the songs that brought me comfort over the past year.😴😊

#spotify wrapped #happy #tired

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You were the caretaker for the mythical beasts of the royal family. Yesterday they decided to replace you with some incompetent noble, before kicking you out of the castle. You then spent the night in a nearby forest. However today you were awakened by the beasts who chose to follow you.

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I laughed SO HARD 🤣😂😂

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Not to continually be that girl but the whole of social justice (primarily being done in online spaces) needs to be redone. We have to move away social justice (morally) motivated by vengeance and separatism towards one guided by love and solidarity that’s just my raw onion tho

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if you’re a mentally ill adult, especially if you’re psychotic or have bipolar, i highly recommend you look into getting a psychiatric advance directive. basically they’re a form you can fill out where you can specify what kind of treatment you want and don’t want in the case that you ever get legally declared incompetent. normally, getting declared incompetent means that psychiatrists take away your right to make decisions about your mental health care. for example, they can force you to take medications you don’t want or institutionalize you longterm without your consent. also the state appoints someone they choose to legally “consent” in your place.

what a psychiatric advance directive does is put limits on what the psychiatrists assigned to you can do. you can appoint your own person to be your legal representative, someone you trust who knows you and cares about you. you can also specify what hospitals you don’t want to be sent to or what doctors you don’t want to see or medications you don’t want to take or whether or not you consent to electroconvulsive treatment. you can also say what you do want, like i put down that they decided to institutionalize me, i wanted it to be at a specific psych ward i’d already been to and had a not terrible time at. and now, if i ever get declared incompetent, psychiatrists are legally not allowed to put me back on the meds that gave me a seizure. 

nobody wants to be legally declared incompetent. it’s really scary to think about, but it does happen, especially to people with psychosis or bipolar disorder. it’s better to have legal safeguards in place ahead of time and not need them than to get declared incompetent and not have an advance directive

#do this!!!! #it could save your life #mental health #human rights

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This is something I do😅

*sees a feather on the ground* *small gasp* a gift

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any time a male director says i just want a real reaction that's why i endangered or purposefully harmed an actress:

1. that's a snuff film. there is no longer any artistic, social, or legitimate merit to this piece. we as a society do not stand here and say well, cinema. no fucking excuses, no simpering about how it's good besides that. fuck you.

2. this should be considered an admission of guilt and should be immediately grounds for an investigation and trial. he should be stripped of any accolades and access. he orchestrated someone else's trauma. that is not noteworthy. that is a felony.

3. each and every single one of these men should be forced through the trial they are so fucking keen to capture. if it's that important to get a real reaction, why can't it be your reaction? after all, if the actress don't need to be acting, why not just make the director do it? why not make his children? why not make each of these motherfuckers stand up and put their money where their mouth is and say -- if it's that important to you to hurt somebody, you fucking do it. or is it only cinema when it's hurting someone who fits your fantasy?

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You know what’s sad? Having to tell my adult patients that they don’t have to be boring fucks who hate everything to be considered adults.

Seriously, people have a very weird idea of what it means to be an adult. I have patients who come to me and tell me they are unhappy with their lives and they don’t understand why, because they have a job, they have a good salary, they can pay their bills, they have a significant other, they’re doing everything right and still they’re unhappy.

And then we start talking and talking and, finally, we reach the real problem: they stopped being themselves.

I have so many patients who stopped doing things they liked - harmless things, fun things - because they felt it was innapropriate for an adult to do them.

Videogames? I’m too old for that.

Comic books? I’m too old for that.

Disney movies? That’s for kids.

Super hero movies/series? I’m an adult, I should act like one.

Going to parks/carnivals? I don’t have kids to do that with.

It’s scary how these people simply gave up on these fun hobbies just because they reached a certain age. And it’s even more scary that they don’t see the problem with this.

Adult life is more than just work, paying bills and marriage. It’s about going out with your friends, it’s about buying silly things that have no purpose but to bring you a little joy, it’s about having fun and living your life to the fullest.

You don’t have to be a boring fuck to be an “acceptable adult”. Fuck society and fuck whoever says you can’t like something because you’re “too old”.

You’re never too old to do the things you like, play the games you want to play and watch the movies/series you want to watch.

Dress up and go to Comic Con. Go to the midnight premiere of your favorite super hero movie. Read the “silly teen books” you want to read. Play that “childish” game you’ve been wanting to play.

Being an adult doesn’t mean you need to forget who you are. Being older doesn’t mean you need to let go of the things you love and enjoy.

Be unapologetically yourself and go live your best life!

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Been there done that, can I get some answers now please?

"If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things."

— René Descartes

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Hmm yes this looks like a good place to live

Druid shrine in North Yorkshire, England

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I think I want to make a sea voyage, but preferably with a hammock instead of a bunk. This looks very...interesting 😅

That jump is the funniest shit

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Reasons I should be allowed to go feral and live in the woods:

1) I adore nature and sleep like a baby outside at any time

2) I love animals and know how to care for most of them

3) animals love me

4) I think I have relatively good survival skills and also I learn hands-on things fast

5) in the wild, my anxiety and ADD are, in fact, advantages

6) If I go missing for long enough, my

student debt will be canceled

7) I won't have to deal with people

8) why *CAN'T* I go full cryptid? Like why do I have to serve society at all?

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Let me share my story of how I once died and came back.

I fell from a swing at the height of its arc when I was 12 years old, and I fell about 10 to 12 feet down onto gravel, landing on my forehead. I fractured my skull from forehead to base, and according to one of the teachers who found me (she was also an EMT) I had no pulse, wasn't breathing, and my eyes were not responding to light (which is the first sign of brain death). From my perspective, I fell, and I blacked out as I fell, so that when I struck it was just one blinding moment of pain on impact. The next thing I knew, I was standing about 50 feet away. It took me a moment to put together that the girl below the swings was actually my body. There was a kind of thread (it looked like it was spun out of silver starlight) between me and my body, and I instinctively knew that if that thread snapped I would never get back to my body. As soon as I made that mental connection, I also made the connection that I was dead. I didn't cross any river or go through a tunnel, it was instantaneous.

So I immediately looked down at my hands, and I could see through them, yet it was like looking into deep space, iridescent incomprehensible blue, full of stars and galaxies and nebula.

I then looked up and around, and discovered that everything is made of light. Like...matter is woven from light of so many colors I don't have names for them. Living things are brightest, and leave trails of color in their motion.

Being a 12 year old, I was immediately excited and having been raised in a Christian household, I thought, I'm going to see if there really are pearly gates! So I turned 360°, but there was no gate, no city, nothing but incomprehensibly beautiful nature. However...

There was something waiting for me. They (it?) was/were not human, but they were a vast and powerful consciousness. They were made of light too, but I couldn't actually see them, but I could...feel them. With my mind. I got the distinct impression of enormous wings and infinite eyes- they could see everything, I think. They were waiting for me. And somehow I knew that I had the choice to stay or go with them.

If I stayed, I would simply go back to my body, but if I left with the Entity, then we would go on a very long journey.

I decided to stay. And I made that decision and took a step toward my body, and the string of starlight snapped taut and I was suddenly back in my body and in immense pain because of my fractured skull and severe concussion.

Here's the wild part: I had never read or seen anything like what I experienced before I had that experience, which is why "If I Stay" really freaked me out years later when I did read it.

As for recovery, I have what's called secondary impact syndrome, bc I went back to school the next day even though I shouldn't have. I get migraines all the time too. I don't know if I have anything else directly tied to that injury😅

#life after death #why I don't fear death #everyone sees what they believe they will see #this is the only spiritual truth I know for sure