d0llrvst - Tumblr blog

d0llrvst · 1 year

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rel

#ed but not sheeran #ed rant #ed vent #tw ana diary #vent #tw ana shit #tw ana trigger #ana trigger #4norex1a #ana stuff

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d0llrvst · 1 year

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d0llrvst · 1 year

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d0llrvst · 1 year

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i hate it here im getting a therapist which is okay ig but im also getting a psychodietician which means that im gonna have to stick to some meal plan and i will have to gain, i can't do it i already gained 1,5kg and i feel terrible and am scared about my body. Im too attached to my elbow being wider than my arm, my ribs being visible, my breastbone and collarbones being defined i just started to actually live my body and wanting to show it off even tho i was always skinny. How is recovery supposed to help me when its literally driving me insane and for the past two weeks i feel so depressed its so draining just like a mental torture.

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d0llrvst · 1 year

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scrolling on tumbrl while waiting for therapy session to get diagnosed is kinda funny

#ed but not sheeran #ed rant #ed vent #tw ana diary #vent #tw ana shit #tw ana trigger #tw ana related #ana trigger #4norex1a

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d0llrvst · 1 year

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I desire the things that will destroy me in the end. - Sylvia Plath

she's so rel for this

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d0llrvst · 1 year

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idk i just do not want to exist anymore if i don't feel pretty, i do not want to recover anymore, idc anymore im miserable either way so let me be pretty at least, doctor told me to eat every three hours, take iron suplements and gain 5kg till next month, i don't want to recover but i thought that they would take me more seriously like by giving me a referral to a psychologist or even hospital bc my bmi is almost under 16 like isnt that enough?? i hate this i want to cry if i didn't even got proper help then thank u let me continue my things and feel good with myself

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d0llrvst · 1 year

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My mom noticed that im eating less but only asked me if im trying to loose weight but saying ,,no" was enough to get rid of her and she just told me to at least eat a banana so i won't pass out in the morning. I hoped that somebody finally noticed how much i lost and will be concerned about my health. I guess this will be become my motivation to loose even more. Thank god i have winter break for two weeks so i will be able to workout more through the day. I will be skin and bones.

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d0llrvst · 1 year

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losertown told me that i would reach my ugw in march but im 1kg away from it!!! im sooo happyy im thinking of lowering it tho, bc i want my ribs and collar bones to be even more visable and if i can loose even more then why not?

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d0llrvst · 1 year

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i have always suffered from insominia and for some time while restricting it got even worse bc i was so hungry and was thinking so much about food that i couldn't fall asleep. However for some time now since im barely eating and fasting to 2 times a week i will literally fall asleep the second i lay down on my bed. Tho i feel like i have less and less energy to walk.

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d0llrvst · 1 year

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nvm i just found out that you burn more calories during period bc menstrual cycle increases metabolic rate!! thats why many people feel more hungry during their period and are craving sweets or fast foods

i got my period today...HAVEN'T I GIVEN ENOUGH??? I thought i have been eating so little and overexcercising to at least stop having period. I hate it here

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d0llrvst · 1 year

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I swore to myself that once im gonna hit my ugw im gonna recover bc that will be ,,sick enough weight" but how am i gonna ask for help like i don't talk with my family about emotions how will i be able to expose myself like that?? I just hope i will look so skinny that they will just know and i won't have to tell them anything bc i hate talking about my problems and feel like a burden to them. Just the thought of me saying ,,i have to tell u sth or i have a problem with sth and need help " or sth like that is already kinda cringey and uncomfortable.

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d0llrvst · 1 year

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I came to conclusion that ☆ving is way easier than eating very little. Eating little portions doesn't even end hunger i just want to eat more after but when i fast im only hungry for some time but then my body eats itself to get energy so the feeling of hunger ends.

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d0llrvst · 1 year

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i had been fasting again, this time for 46 hours and it was actually pretty easy but jeez i felt so sleepy today i literally had no energy to get out of bed

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d0llrvst · 1 year

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i got my period today...HAVEN'T I GIVEN ENOUGH??? I thought i have been eating so little and overexcercising to at least stop having period. I hate it here

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d0llrvst · 1 year

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i hate myself i lasted 36 hours and wasn't even that hard but today i ate a looot of peanut (it being so caloric is a sin i hate this).

I searched up that if i eat under 500 cals a day i should reach my gw in march (pls someone motivate me its only 5kg) so i decided to make a meal plan for a whole week and i will stick to it. I can share it if anyone's interested.

for the last two days i was eating more and felt terrible about myself i even gained 1kg which is probably food weight and even tho im gonna loose it fast i feel bad about it. To make up for it i'll try fasting for 2/3 days to reach the state of ketosis. Will update how much im gonna loose and if i will even succeed. For now i just had black coffee and tea no sugar or anything ofc.

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d0llrvst · 1 year

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help my mom came into my room and told me she noticed that i hadn't eaten anything today but i told her that i grabbed sth ealier when she was upstairs, besides that i was at a party yesterday so hungover was my excuse for not feeling like eating

for the last two days i was eating more and felt terrible about myself i even gained 1kg which is probably food weight and even tho im gonna loose it fast i feel bad about it. To make up for it i'll try fasting for 2/3 days to reach the state of ketosis. Will update how much im gonna loose and if i will even succeed. For now i just had black coffee and tea no sugar or anything ofc.

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