cynicaltirade - Tumblr blog

cynicaltirade · 8 months

Note

Honestly i just like sharing my music taste + i directly mentioned it in the post. If anyone is curious, he's what i listened to while writing this

"Your Body, My Temple" - Will Wood

"Love, Me Normally" - Will Wood

"No One Thinks About You" - ROAR

"Fading Kitten Syndrome" - ROAR

"Heart For Brains" - "ROAR

"Mary" - PhemieC (if i could kin a song-)

"Thin Lines" - PhemieC

"Amnesia Was Her Name" - Lemon Demon

"They Way You Look Tonight" - Tony Bennett

"It's Only Sex" - Car Seat Headrest

pretty please more ted plushophilia but inside it. your writing is so good. love love love. -🍒

:33 < For you 🍒 anon, as my first anon, anything! Words can not ever express the amount of joy writing Ted brings me. Fair warning - this one is dark in tone but not in actual subject matter, but there are trigger warnings so please check those out. To skip anything included in the TW, please skip to paragraph 13!

:33 < I think it shows that I'm more use to writing SFW slow burns rather then smut lmfaooo. Anyways, I tried my best and that's all that matters!!!

How to sleep 202 (Plushophiliac Ted Nivison ep 2)

:33< Part One - not a mandatory read to understand, but if you want full context, check it out!

NSFW UNDER THE CUT, MINORS DNI

TW: Addiction themes, relapse themes, and a slight paranoia mention. There is no actual addiction or relapse, but it can be read that way. None are romanticized or glorified, but the author straight up just doesn't know how to write someone feeling guilty over doing something they said they wouldn't do again without it sounding like an addiction/relapse.

Contains: Plushophilia (attraction to plushies), corruption themes, the usage of "violating" but only once, shame, gooning themes, lots of shameful feelings, probably inaccurate feelings of polyester but author doesn't care

Word count: 1,450 exact!

Once again, this is the "muse" of this work!!!

It had been a couple weeks since the initial "incident". Ted wasn't exactly proud of himself for stooping so low as to fuck a stuffed animal, but the memory of how amazing it felt still haunted him. He had done some research on the topic now though, turns out it's actually a decently common paraphilia. Still, He didn't want to go down that rabbit hole. There was too much shame and, further more, what would he even do if someone somehow found out?

Maybe though, maybe it would be ok if Ted just watched plushophilia porn. It didn't feel nearly as violating to watch other people fuck stuffed animals then to do it himself. Despite living alone, he decided to lock his bedroom door and close his blinds. Maybe he was just being paranoid, but then again you could never be too safe when hiding disgraceful porn habits.

Feeling as though his privacy was secure, Ted sat down at his computer and got onto the plushophilia subreddit. It only took him a few minutes of scrolling before he was rooting around in his black pajama shorts for his dick. There were just so many utterly fascinating ways people expanded on the base desire to fuck their plushies. Some folk would cut holes in the bottoms and occasionally mouths of their plushies. Other people would even going as far as to put flesh lights in the hole, or put a strap on their plush. Both seemed so trivially easy to accomplish and like they could feel simply divine...

Still though, his ego and pride couldn't afford to fuck a plush again. No matter how nice the mental image of the plush's fur getting slicked down with precum, or how amazing it would feel to fuck into the plush like his life depended on it. No, Ted needed to just settle to porn. Although, nothing was stopping him from having "Mr Buns", as he had so affectionately named his stuffed rabbit you had given him, from watching. Just watching though. He shouldn't... no he couldn't do anything to Mr Buns, the guilt would be too immense.

Thank god the bookshelf where Ted kept Mr. Buns was just a short reach away from his computer desk, he really wasn't in the mood to get up and walk with a semihard on that he was nursing into a full erection. He went through video after video of people griding on their plushies, each one strengthening his longing to feel the soft silky fur of Mr buns again. He really shouldn't... he... hm... maybe just rutting against the plush wouldn't be too terrible, but he wouldn't make a hole.

With a deep sigh, Ted pulled the stuffed rabbit into his lap and awkwardly positioned it just over his crotch. He felt disgusted that his cock was already springing to life more so then it had when he had started. Regardless, he pushed past the feeling of shame and pulled his pants down fully. He lined his cock up with the space between the rabbit's thighs and began pushing between the once again soft fluffy fur. Thank god he had cleaned it after his last "one night stand" with it, this would feel horrible otherwise.

There it was again, that immediate jolt of pleasure shooting up his spine as soon as the fur brushed along his cock and down his stomach. Yeah, this is ok. It's ok to rub you cock against a stuffed toy that a close friend gave to you. The thought made him blush, knowing you would be utterly disgusted with him if you caught him doing this. He could ignore that for now though. One last time jerking himself off with Mr Buns, that's it. That's all he'd allow himself.

Oh, but the feeling of the fur enveloping him felt oh so nice. He rutted into the plush again, continuously fucking just the head of his cock between it's thighs since that felt the most stimulating. It didn't take long before that comforting fuzzy fog he felt last time was returning to his mind. It made the shame of the whole situation so oddly hot once again, and he sure as fuck wasn't complaining. It was so easy to slide his dick between the thighs of the stuffed rabbit over and over. It was so easy to let the weirdness of his interest go and just enjoy the feelings. It was so addicting to let his dick do all the thinking while his mind floated back into that hypnotizingly pleasant pool of pleasure. He could just turn his mind off, grind into the plush, and not even worry about how embarrassing his whines of bliss were.

There was something so sweetly overwhelming about watching others fuck their plushies while he fucked his. Still though, it made him wish for more. It felt so tantalizing to reach down between the stuffed rabbit's legs and rub along the seam. Knowing there was something so soft and untouched just inside... but he really shouldn't. Ted shouldn't ruin a gift from his friend like that. Although... if he kept Mr buns under his bed, no one would see it and therefore no one could judge him!

Yeah, yeah that's right! He was just cock drunk and wanted a hole to fuck. It wasn't because it was a stuffed animal that he was fucking that he was getting off to, no it was just a sex toy hole to fuck that's it. That's it, that's all. This is ok. He reached down and opened the drawer of his desk and rooted around for his scissors. Ted hesitated for a moment though as he was about to snip a hole between the legs of the stuffed rabbit. It was too late at this point, he might as well get it over with.

Snip

Just like that, Ted was forever differentiated from the majority of humanity. He was one of the vast minority who actually modified a stuffed animal to be fucked. At this point though, with how foggy and heavy his mind was, he didn't care. Swiftly, he rooted around his desk looking for a condom to keep the stuffing from getting in his urethra. Thank god he found one.

Ted's cheeks burned a bright red as he struggled to roll the condom on from how shaky his hands were in that moment. It wasn't his fault that his nerves were getting to him even when he was cock drunk! He felt so... naughty, dirty, improper... but all in the best way possible if that makes sense? Oh the feelings were all too confusing!

To keep his thoughts from spiraling any further, Ted grabbed the stuffed rabbit like a flesh light and quickly lined his cock up with the hole he had just snipped between the stuffed rabbit's back legs right under the tail. Without giving himself the chance for a second chance, he pushed himself into the slim tight hole and it was heaven. The soft fluffy polyester filling felt so silky smooth and thick around his cock. The feeling alone was enough to tear a groan from Ted as he bottomed out in the plush. Shame burned on his cheeks as he shuddered.

It only took him a moment to recollect himself before he started thrusting into the plush. Feeling the stuffing move to make room for him, watching the bulge form in it's little stomach every time he bottomed out, the way it fit so perfectly in his grasp... the memory was already burning its self into his mind. The fact he use to think just rutting against the fur was heavenly was idiotic compared to the reality of this.

He persisted in his purrsuit for pleasure. His cock disappearing deep into the soft fluffy stuffing being a memory that would permanently seared into his memory. Little bits and pieces of stuffing came out with each withdrawl, most getting stuck in Ted's pubes or even on the stuffed animal's fur. Still, that was no reason to pause. He was right on the edge and he sure as hell wasn't going to be edging himself away from it this time. He wanted to stuff mr buns and he wanted to stuff him NOW.

With that being said, it didn't take long before Ted's cock was throbbing through each burst of cum spewing from it. His mind blanked, vision almost going white as he clung tightly to the rabbit from how hard he came. It didn't cross his mind at first that wearing a condom would make clean up much easier then last time, but as he was coming down from his high, he was quite thankful.

:33 < Ok, so this ended up being a lot more heavy then even I was expecting. This is my lesson not to write porn when listening to my everyday playlist I guess! little secret: there is a second scrapped version that had a lot more religious guilt built into it but i decided to scrap. TBH, I probably won't be writing any more plushophilia fics for a bit since I truthfully struggled a lot to write this one haha. I may, MAY, do a rewrite of this later to make it lighter in tone/sound less like a relapse story. Please let me know if you would be interested in it!

:33 < Feel free to send in more requests for fanfics, head cannons, drabbles, ext! I love writing about the chuckle sammy guys, genuinely and truly. Honestly, my goal for this tumblr blog is to provide a space to talk about LEGAL (emphasizing legal because some of y'all are creepy) weird/uncommon/obscure kinks/fetishes!!! I'm willing to at least hear about/research most anything.

:33 < Dividers Credit: @cafekitsune

#self reblog #music taste #i love music #like an ungodly amount

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cynicaltirade · 8 months

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pretty please more ted plushophilia but inside it. your writing is so good. love love love. -🍒

:33 < I think it shows that I'm more use to writing SFW slow burns rather then smut lmfaooo. Anyways, I tried my best and that's all that matters!!!

How to sleep 202 (Plushophiliac Ted Nivison ep 2)

:33 < Part 1 - not a mandatory read to understand, but if you want full context, check it out!

NSFW UNDER THE CUT, MINORS DNI

Word count: 1,450 exact!

Once again, this is the "muse" of this work!!!

Snip

:33 < Dividers Credit: @cafekitsune

#ted nivison #ted nivison smut #smut #smut fic #fanfic #asks #🍒 anon #anon request #addiction tw #addiction themes #relapse tw #relapse themes #content warnings #plushophilia #corruption #shame #cathartic writing

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cynicaltirade · 8 months

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:33 < Fun fact; this is why I don't want to be within 100 feet of Ted!! not only is he almost a foot and a half taller then me, hes probably got 100+ pounds on me and I just dont think I can handle the physical intimidation of that shit-

:33 < I don't think he'd ever have reason to punch me, but the fact that he posses such strength and the ability to punch me if he (for some reason) really wanted to makes me want to be nowhere near him lmfao

Have all my Ted girls seen this vid yet?

https://twitter.com/froggytonic/status/1685723030733950976?s=46&t=2V13XONG02u10cHmMwtb5w

Because MMM. I just- I need me a Ted™

-❤️‍🩹

oh god I’m fucking FERAL AHSHHSHSHSBS

#reblogs #ted nivison dni

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cynicaltirade · 8 months

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This is literally so cute I'm screaming!!!

hcs on what i think it'd be like to be a guest on chuckle sandwich !!

(schlatt has a littttllleee bit of a crush on you)

HI. i am very nervous to post this as its like my first writing thing EVER. but uhm. yeah! i hope its okay ^^

- ted decides to invite you onto the podcast after hearing schlatt talk about you a few times

- obviously wouldn't be full-on gushing over you, but ted saw how he felt about you after a while

- you and ted message back and forth on discord, and ted keeps dropping subtle hints. very subtle hints. (eg. "schlatt has been looking forward to you coming on the podcast!!" and "schlatt actually talks about your content a lot. he thinks its wayyy more interesting than other creator's stuff.")

- the day finally came when you were sat in that cozy little booth between the two of them, mics infront of you all, and schlatt already looked way happier than usual.

- throughout the podcast, he'd have his full attention on you and what you're saying, except from the times he'd catch ted giving him a little glance, sort of an "oooo i know you're in loveee" kinda glance. typical silly ted stuff.

- you'd be oblivious to this, but you did manage to catch the way schlatt looked at you at times.

- it was quite a sweet sight, really. seeing someone whose internet persona is quite, y'know, big n tough i guess, look at you so softly.

- there was one point in the recording where schlatt had placed his hand on the table, and he had accidentally-on-purpose put it a bit closer to you.

- you were in the middle of telling a story, and so obviously you hadn't noticed. when you took a break from talking to take a short drink, you placed your hand down on schlatt's.

- you immediately looked at schlatt, expecting him to look a bit pissed and shoot you a joking insult, but instead, you were met with a forgiving smile, and there was a look in his eyes that was pretty much unreadable.

- you slowly took your hand off of his, giving him a sheepish smile before muttering a small "sorry" and quickly getting back to your story, not wanting to make things awkward.

- schlatt just gave a small laugh and let you get back to your storytelling. after that, he made sure to leave his hand a little bit closer to you, in the hopes that your hand would rest on his again. whether it be by accident or on purpose.

AKCKRNCJRJFJF i hope that was okay enough im actually shitting my pants rn. if theres something i need to fix pls tell me :3

#reblogs

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cynicaltirade · 8 months

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What I listened to while writing this!!!

This is extremally self indulgent, i just like sharing my music taste lol

"どう考えても私は悪くない!" by Izumi Kitta 私がモテないのはどう考えてもお前らが悪い! / watamote ending

"Nepeta's theme" by Toby Fox

"Olive Rouge" by Toby Fox

"Walls Covered in Blood" by Toby Fox

"Cannibal" by Tally Hall

"Cabo" by Ricky Montgomery

"Christmas Kids" by Roar

"驫鹿～とりぷるばか～" by ラマーズ feat Miku, Neru, and Teto

"千本桜" by White Flame feat Miku

"愛して愛して愛して" by Kikuo feat Miku

and a lot more but these are my favorite

Plushophiliac Ted Nivison (aka How to Sleep 101)

:33 < Received a request of this from an anonymous discord friend (love you kitty <3). Not really into it myself but it was interesting to write about!!! Gonna drop the line starters for my actual writing since they can get annoying!

:33 < DISCLAIMER: I only condone the "usuage" of STUFFED animals (not taxidermy mind you). z**philes DNI. Otherwise, if you don't like, don't read - plushophilia doesn't hurt the plush lover nor anyone else so it's fine (enough) in my books.

NSFW UNDER THE CUT. MINORS DNI

Contains: slight self-degradation, Plushophilia (attraction to plushies), edging (self orgasm denial), gooning themes though not out right stated, homemade sex tape, mild begging to cum, corruption kink if you squint.

Word count: 1,761

:33 < Btw this is the "muse" of the story :3

It had been a long quiet night, but that's to be expected when you are a chronic insomniac. Ted had already considered reaching out to you or any of his friends, but seeing as it was nearly 4am, no one was awake. Short of waking someone up to chat with (which he didn't exactly want to do), he had exhausted most of his usual means to entertain himself; Youtube was getting boring, Netflix had nothing very interesting, his twitter feed was dead, and he was far too tired to make a cohesive video script right now. Truly, this was the most mind numbingly dull situation to be in.

Sure, he could jack off, but at the same he really was not in the mood to just use his hand again right now. Well... Maybe he didn't have to fuck his hand. It was a surprise to even him that while he was scanning his room for something to jerk himself off with, he caught his eyes lingering on a large plush rabbit maybe a foot long. You had gotten it for him as a get-well-soon gift when he was sick just a few weeks ago, telling him that you hoped it would make him feel at least a little bit better. Maybe this wasn't exactly the type of "feeling better" you had intended the plush to help Ted with, but then again, sleeping would make him feel much better and the most surefire way to make him sleepy would be jacking off.

The walk from his computer desk to his bookshelf where he kept the plush rabbit felt like miles. There was a certain shame that came with using a stuffed animal to get off, let alone one that was gifted to him by a close friend of his. For whatever reason though, the shame made his mind spin in anticipation. Feeling the vast expanse of soft fluffy white and grey fur under his fingers once he finally grabbed the plush was was electrifying. His mind was already trying to blank on him as he thought up a hundred excuses as to why this was fine. He was just helping put himself to sleep after a long night of insomnia.

It started off small, dipping his toe in the water so to speak. He sat at the edge of his bed with the plush rabbit laying on his bed as he thought of how best to go about this. Maybe he should just... he decided to try laying down and grinding up against the plush through his black boxers and red plaid PJ pants. Sure, there was nothing morally wrong or illegal about using a plushie to get off, but it still felt so wrong. Regardless, he assumed position.

Ted held the plush rabbit's back close to his chest as to get it's butt comfortably lined up with his crotch, a slight blush crossed his cheeks at how humiliating this felt. Still, he pushed on. One little thrust up into the plush and sparks of pleasure shot up his spine. It was so wonderfully soft and fluffy and the fact that the rabbit was stuffed enough to give some friction but not enough to give enough friction was intoxicating. He gave a few more experimental thrusts through his boxers and PJ pants, feeling his cock stand further at attention with each rub between the thighs of the plush.

It wasn't enough though. He needed more and he needed more now. Quickly Ted undid his PJ pants and kicked them off before returning his attention to his (hopefully) one night stand. With how caught up he was becoming in the action, it was understandable he didn't exactly notice the wet spot forming in his underwear, let alone how much precum was leaking out of his almost aching cock. The slick translucent precum smeared its way from his cock to the plush rabbit with every thrust making it all so much more pleasurable. As much as he hated to admit it, he couldn't help but to give small almost silent "ah"s and "hnn"s as he fucked into his plush. The feeling radiating from his dick was so horribly amazing he felt like his mind was growing heavier, hazier, and made it so... so hard to think. It was as if his mind was getting melted into pond he was sinking into and each thought was just a little ripple - almost imperceivable from the bottom where he was.

Feeling the very beginnings of a knot forming in his stomach and Not wanting to get off too quickly, Ted bit his lip and forced himself to stop thrusting. It felt agonizing at first but he wanted to wring every drop of pleasure out of himself he could manage for now. The original intention of his ministrations were still in the back of his mind, but with each panted breath in this short moment, the thought of going to sleep floated further and further away. His eyelids fluttered for a moment as he gripped the plush closer for some kind of rock to stabilize himself on in the empty lake his mind was becoming.

Feeling the beginnings of the knot in his stomach die down some, Ted resumed by fucking up into the soft slick fur between the plush rabbit's legs. He held it's thighs together to give himself the tightness he had begun to crave. At this point, all he could think about was in, out, in, out, in, out. His mind melted just that little bit further listening to his dick quietly rubbing against the stuffed body he held close as well as his own panting and almost whines. Not wanting to be heard, despite being home alone, he bit onto one of the ears of the plush rabbit. the soft mink lining of the inside of the ear against his tongue felt so disgustingly nice. God the plush rabbit even smelled nice now that he had his nose practically buried in it. Did you put essential oils on it or something? It almost smelled like jasmine, citrus and that unique old plushie smell.

This. This must be what heaven is. The combination of the smells, the taste, the softness of the fur, the sounds of his dick ravaging the thighs of the plush rabbit, and of course already being one edge in was so, so, so very wonderful to Ted. The only thing that could make it better was if the plush was nice and warm, fuck he would simply be unable to keep himself from cumming if that were the case.

The thought of fucking a nice warm hole made it that much better though, god damn. Ted paused once again, trying to fight back the thoughts and keep the knot in his stomach from snapping. While spooning the plush was nice, sure, he wanted something different to enjoy any new sensations he could get. He landed on fucking the plush rabbit in closer to a doggy style position where he stood at the edge of the bed with the plush laying out on a pillow perfectly at dick height. In what was probably his last half aware thought, Ted reached down to his PJ pants pocket and took out his phone. He propped it up at one corner of the bed to fully capture the current scene and hit record. Making sure the film was running, he started fucking into the stuffed rabbit with renewed vigor. If what he was just doing was heavenly, then this must be godly. The precum soaked fur on the top of his dick tantalizingly slicking up the head of his cock with his own precum released with each thrust, and now the cold satin sheets on the underside? He had to grip the base of his cock and still his thrusting just to not cum on the first thrust between the little sandwich he had made himself.

Ted was already at three edges, his dick growing to be angry red in colour as he kept fighting off cumming just to carry on a little longer. At this point, not even clinging on to the plush was enough of a life vest to keep him afloat in the vast expanse of open ocean his mind had become from the overwhelming sensations. He was lost in a sea of pleasure and quite happily drowning in it. Poor boy's mind was so far gone he had already forgotten why he was biting the stuffed bunny's ear, although it didn't really matter since he was home alone.

"Fuck... please..." he murmurs as he leans down to nearly lay on the plush rabbit. Ted didn't really know what he was pleading for but he knew it felt right. His whines grew wider as he let his mouth hang open and fuck himself senselessly into the stuffed rabbit. "Please, please, please, please" he repeated as if it was some kind of personal mantra, his pace becoming more erratic with each desperate thrust. "Please, I wanna cum so bad, please! Too good, please!!!" he grew louder, holding the rabbit tight as he finally chased his orgasm like his life depended on it. Realizing the was about to cum, he hurriedly flip the plush rabbit over onto its back and pressed his cock back up against it's stomach. His dick almost reached half way up it's stomach, actually seeing that fact and thinking about the bulge he'd surely make if he were actually fucking into the soft fluffy polyester insides.

With just a few final thrusts, Ted's short yet sweet gooning session was over. Thick pearly white ropes of cum surged from his cock as he grinded into the plush for that final bit of stimulation. His cum claimed it's everything as his; it's stomach, it's chest, it's face, and some even got on it's ears. With a satisfied yet shaky sigh, he pulled away and examined his work. The plush was, to put it lightly, ruined. The fur on it's underside had become so slicked with precum, cum, and a bit of sweat. What was once the sweat smell of jasmine, orange, and the unique old smell of stuffed animals was over cum by his own musk and the smell of sex.

Ted panted into the hot and heavy room as he came down from his high. He hadn't cum that hard in ages, and god did that fucking feel good. A final shiver rolled up his spine when he pulled away from the slick fur of the plush rabbit.

A realization hit him after a few moments. Well shit, how was he going to clean this up?

:33 < JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THAT TOOK FUREVER!!! I hope yall enjoy it :3. Despite not being into plushophilia myself, I had so much fun writing this! honestly this is genuinely the most satisfied with my writing I've been in a while :3. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, but that's ok, I think it's just fun to write about weird kinks/fetishes as long as it isn't about something that hurts people! Anyways, thank you so much for reading!

:33 < Dividers credits @cafekitsune and @benkeibear

#self reblog

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cynicaltirade · 8 months

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Plushophiliac Ted Nivison (aka How to Sleep 101)

:33 < DISCLAIMER: I only condone the "usuage" of STUFFED animals (not taxidermy mind you). Otherwise, if you don't like, don't read - plushophilia doesn't hurt the plush lover nor anyone else so it's fine (enough) in my books.

:33 < part 2

NSFW UNDER THE CUT. MINORS DNI

Word count: 1,761

:33 < Btw this is the "muse" of the story :3

A realization hit him after a few moments. Well shit, how was he going to clean this up?

:33 < Dividers credits: @cafekitsune

#ted nivison #ted nivison smut #smut #fanfic #shitfic #shitfic taken seriously #not proofread #we die like men #I genuinely hope my family doesn't see this #content warnings #plushophilia #gooning #corruption kink #if you squint

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cynicaltirade · 8 months

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:33 < incase any of y'all haven't seen this, please read!!! It's by void so you /know/ it's written well. Love you void! </p>

-🐾 "anyan"

mm perv roommate!schlatt fingering you on the couch, licking into your mouth as his fingers slowly pump in and out of your sticky cunt, savoring the little moans and whines that come out of you. he did this on purpose, knowing that your shared roommate, ted, would be coming home any second. but you were too needy, too desperate, slipping into that subspace he so desperately wanted to introduce you too fully to notice the click of the lock.

but schlatt does.

when he breaks the kiss, licking up any of spit that dripped from your mouth as his thumb rubs at your clit. "keep moanin' f' me, dollface," he whispers to you. "look at my fingers spreadin' this pretty lil' cunt open."

as you try to keep your eyes open to watch him fuck you with his fingers, his eyes lock onto ted's wide ones. the door closed quietly behind him as he stood in shock, face getting hot as he listened to you moan. ted knew he was fucked the second he saw schlatt's little lip quirk as he chuckled, eyes filling with mischief.

"y'hear that? so fuckin' wet," schlatt cooed. "pretty little cunt is soakin' my fuckin' fingers so good." the keen that left you was so pretty to ted's ears, his eyes fluttering as he tried not to groan to reveal himself to you.

"yeah, you like that don'cha," schlatt smirked, the wet noises picking up as his fingers quickened their pace. "baby doll's all sticky and creamy...gonna have to fuck this mess back inside her, yeah? ohh, listen to how fuckin' wet this pussy just got from thinkin' bout it."

everything he said, he said while looking right at his roommate, licking his lips with a devious grin and ted felt himself throb hard when he realized it.

schlatt wasn't talking to you.

schlatt was talking to him.

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cynicaltirade · 8 months

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:33 < Same I can't stand it!!! I feel so squished and limited. :<

im not going to lie this new layout is pissing me off

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cynicaltirade · 8 months

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:33 < EVERYONE SHUT UP- I just got word from the gods (I had a dream) about a 100% completely real and factual peice of knowledge (my brain made it the fuck up) about schlatt!!!

:33 < this motherfucker is the type of guy who likes doggy style specifically so he can push your head down into the pillow and call you his mangey mutt. He likes hearing your muffled whined and moans as he pumps you full of his dick. Might even have a breeding kink idfk. That is all.

#i just woke up #jschlatt #schlatt #schlatt headcanons #schlatt x you #schlatt x reader #i shouldn't have internet access

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cynicaltirade · 8 months

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:33 < Hello little gay people in my phone!!! Just wanted to share some of my favorite schlatt pics 💚💚💚

:33 < I literally have nothing else to say o just wanted to show these because they are so incredibly impurrtant to me :3

#jschlatt #schlatt #schlatt appreciation

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cynicaltirade · 9 months

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:33 < I'm always so weak in the knees for your poly! TedSchlatt writing it's not even funny. I love them so much your honor they are just such a perfect duo. I so badly want to be held between them in a DP situation while Ted calls me the most vile disgusting names he can thing of and Schlatt praises me and calls me tooth rottingly sweet pet names.

:33 < your honor just imagine that fucking stretch like holy shit!!! I think I'd genuinely go cock drunk. I hope my therapist never finds my blog!!! Have some pictures of the duo that ownsy wallet

we are on a poly!tedschlatt roll rn guys im so unnormal

#shut up and take my money #i love men #jschlatt #schlatt #ted Nivison #i actually dont know how tumblr tags work so im just kinda bullshitting here. hope your day is going well though!!!

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cynicaltirade · 9 months

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Somnophilia Headcannons / Little Ideas

:33 < Awahh!!! I was doing a roleplay with a friend and we got onto a (consenual) somonophilia scene and it had me absolutely r33ling in somno ideas for the chuckle fucks and the reader!!!

TED NIVISON

ミ★ Didn't expect to like the idea as much as he did. suprisingly into it after a bit of talking.

ミ★ Is careful to be quiet at first but he just can't help but to groan and praise you a bit louder as he gets closer to cumming.

ミ★ Starts off with just using your hand to jack himself off before moving to tit fucking you (if applicable), and finally full P in V penetration (f) / or blowing you (m)

ミ★ Takes pictures. Takes so many fucking pictures oh my god. You look so perfect when you're asleep and he, /HE/ gets the honor of fucking you at your most peaceful? he's in heaven.

SCHLATT

ミ★ Suprised you want to, unsuprisingly really into it.

ミ★ Tries (yeah right) to let you sleep peacefully through it but most of the fun for him is teetering on the edge of waking you up.

ミ★ The type to eat you out and finger you for a while just to get you warmed up before just going straight into fucking you.

ミ★ Intentionally goes rougher right before he cums just so he can see the confused bleary look on your face as you wake up right before he paints it white.

ミ★ Sets his phone down on the bedside table to record while he fucks you in your sleep. What? He likes having little mementos!

CHARLIE SLIMSICLE

ミ★ Would be hesitant at first but would go along with it after you convince him that you are actually ok with it and want to do it!

ミ★ Anxious about possible waking you up, so he goes really slow, gentle and tries his best to stay quiet.

ミ★ Mostly sticks to fucking your thighs and your mouth since those feel the least at risk of waking you up.

ミ★ Uncomfortable taking physical pictures, but the image of his cock slipping in and out between your thighs is going to be permanently burned into his memory.

︿︿︿︿︿︿ [🐾🌱🐾 ]︿︿︿︿︿︿

:33 < That's all for now! I just <3 <3 <3 I love them so much. i want them so badly. I genuinely have such bad chuckle sammy brain rot its not even funny. Anyways, still mostly going to be lurking as an anyan, I just had to share this on my own account!!!

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