cosmic-crybaby

[cosmic-crybaby]

Break My Heart Again - Tommy Shelby x Reader

Part 5

Summary: After being childhood friends, you and Thomas made a promise one day to get married, but when he returned from France, he came back a completely different man.

Warnings: Angst with a happy ending.

1934, soon after Tommy's' battle had ended. Three more Shelby's' dead, and one less evil he had to worry about right now. His second wife, Lizzy Stark, was nowhere to be seen and was never found. Neither was his son, Charles. After the alleged affair with Diana Mosley, she left Tommy behind. As he did with the rest of his family.

So, where was he now?

Ireland. Finding himself knocking at the door of the home he knew she resided in. The sun was barely breaking through the forever gloom of the grey clouds, he shoved his hands in his pockets as he turns around, looking at the green grassy hill, cattle grazing the lawns minding their own.

"Who are you?" The voice came from behind him. Tommy moved his body, eyes snapping down in front of him to see a young girl. Around the age of four or five, standing in the threshold of the doorway. Her head was slightly tilted, as she peered up at him with her big eyes. Tommy tried to find the words, as he was speechless. She looked almost identical to Charles.

"I...I am um..." He began to speak, but footsteps cut him off and made him look up again. The front door was pulled open.

And then she appeared. His last breath got caught in his throat when his eyes fell on her. She looked even more beautiful than the day he saw her. The day she left and the day he found her, all those months later. Seeing her up close again, made him feel like he was frozen. His mind was buzzing with a myriad of questions, apologies, excuses. She wore a house dress, her hair was pulled into a bun, pieces of hair framing her slim face.

"[Name]," Tommy said. His voice made her eyes quickly snap up from the young girl to him. She froze for a moment as she saw who was waiting for her. She never thought she would see THE Thomas Shelby...ever again. Everything else seemed to disappear when she locked eyes with him.

"Mummy...who is this?" The girl pulled on her mothers dress, breaking the silence.

[Name] managed to break her eyes away first to see her daughter, Maeve, looking between the two adults in confusion.

"Darling...this is an old friend...Tommy Shelby,"

Old Friend was an odd way to put it. Knowing they were nowhere near that title, it made Tommy chuckle a bit. But the label would do for now. The young girl nods once and smiled up at the tall man.

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Shelby," Maeve spoke before turning to her mother.

"You as well, darling," Tommy managed a small smile. [Name] cleared her throat and kneeled down a bit to talk to Maeve.

"Maeve, can you be a big girl and go check on Cian for me? make sure he's still asleep," She suggested, knowing that she didn't want the children to be around while she talked with Tommy. The girl nods with determination, exiting the area and down the hall. [Name] takes a deep breath and moves away from the door.

"Come in,"

The inside of the Byrne estate was large, clean, and full of light. Nothing compared to what Tommy had at Arrow house, but it somehow had the same comfort. The two sat across from each other at the dining table. Tommy would tell it was well crafted and made from the hands of the Tall brunette man he saw before. Neither Tommy nor [name] knew what to say to each other. It felt like hours had passed as they were locked in each others gaze.

"You found me..." She stated.

"I did...I came looking for you, everywhere...Turing to every connection I had...I had to find you [name], " He answered her, not bothered how desperate he sounded.

Because deep down he knew he was.

"Why now?" She questioned. "After all these years,"

"I wanted to apologize, for everything I had done and put you through...I'm sorry for lying, for the things that I left out, for leaving you...everything. You deserved to know, more than anyone," Thomas answered, his words rang in your ears, holding as much sincerity as they can.

The woman across from him nods, her face didn't change as she stared at him. Her glaze bouncing from his eyes to his lips to the worn hands he placed on the table.

"I had wished you well and vouched to never lay my eyes on you again, yet here you are apologizing to me again...You sure made a name for yourself Tommy," She commented, a small smile forming on her face. She couldn't lie, she was proud of him. "It wasn't uncommon around here, my late husband would speak of it every now and then, I would have to pretend like I didn't know who you were,"

"Late husband?...my condolences,"

[Name] nods once and held her hand up for a moment to stop him from going on further.

"He passed just last year, consumption...Maeve was only four and Cian was barely a year," She informed him, a lump caught in her throat and a gloss in her eyes. A knowing look formed on Tommy's features, he would know all about loss.

Greta, Grace, John, Polly, and Ruby.

"Do you have anyone for yourself now?" She asked, changing her subject.

"I did...remember Lizzie Stark?"

[Name] nods, and refrained from rolling her eyes. After she had exposed Tommy for who he really was, she found out about his secret relationship with his assistant. Leaving her spiraling under the realization that again, he chose another woman that wasn't her.

"We got married and had a daughter, Ruby...she's gone now, also consumption, after everything had happened, Lizzie took Charles and left,"

Silence had fallen between them, but it wasn't daunting...it was comfortable. She didn't know what else to say...what else could she really say? She looked at the dining table, her nail slightly digging into its' surface while Thomas held his gaze on her for a moment, admiring her beauty and how, even now, she still looked as youthful as ever. He ultimately made the decision to break the silence between them.

"I don't want to waste any more of your time...Just know what I am still sorry," He said to her, shifting as he felt the heartbreak hit him and standing from the dining table. She said nothing as she heard his chair scrape against the floor, and his footsteps leading him to the foyer. An inch away from grabbing the door handle before he caught her voice calling for him.

"Tommy wait!"

He quickly turned around. Their hearts pounding as she stood in front of him. She looked like she wanted to spill something to him. Tell him everything that she had held away. Her eyes searched his until he asked a simple: 'what is it?' in a breathy tone. Her lips quivered as she tried to find the words. For once, she was speechless in front of him.

"Maeve...she's not..." [name] started. She took a deep breath and Thomas found himself holding her shaking hands in his. She swallows and nods once as he looks into her eyes. 'Breathe'.

"My husband, Andrew, he didn't know...For Christ sake I tried to keep it from him all these years and after he passed, I feel guilty even now...but, Maeve she's not his...she's yours Tommy," Tears pricked her eyes. Tommy stared with wide eyes. He couldn't question her, the time added up, he saw what her late husband looked like and he saw what her daughter looked like. He could recognize those ice-like eyes anywhere. Licking his dry lips, he sighs heavily.

"I know..." He mumbled. "I could see the Shelby resemblance in her when I saw her...I didn't want to believe it at first...but after looking at her again, I saw it,"

She wanted to call an objection to his words but decided to keep her mouth shut, knowing that the Shelby's liked to keep their pride.

Even if it was an exaggeration.

Silence fell between them once again. Tommy steps closer, grabbing one of [names] hands. His hands were ice hold and hers were warm like the flames that roared in the fireplace.

"I'd like to see you again, [Name]" He told her, a ghost of a smile forming on his lips.

"There is a lot of catching up that we need to do...," She looked down at their intertwined hands. Thomas reaches for the woman's other hand. His gaze softened as he drew in closer, her lids closed slowly as his cold, cracked lips connected with her soft and plump lips. Her heart ignited, that small flame that slowly gave out when her husband passed suddenly blew up. Except this time, it was a different type of love. This version of Thomas Shelby was...new.

The woman tried to keep calm as the gangster pulled away from the kiss, afraid he wouldn't be able to stop once he got started.

"Very well then," Giddy on the inside as she kept her smile small.

"I'll see you tomorrow," He told her calmly, one hand rubbing up and down her arm before he took his leave.

The days and weeks to come, Tommy got along well with Maeve. The more the two got along, the more [Name] saw the resemblance. Cian was more attached to his mother by the hip, usually shadowing her until he was familiar enough with Thomas's presence. With the two in bed together one night, [Name] lifts her head as she felt Thomas digging through his nightstand.

"What are you doing?" She asked curiously as she tried to look in the drawer as well. Thomas held the object in his hand, closing his hand into a fist as he laid back down and looked at his beautiful girl.

"I found this, a few months ago...before I came to see you," He started. "Everything else was destroyed, but I kept this because I knew I would find you again one day, and give it to you..."

"Come on, Tommy what is it?" She asked, sitting up on her knees, trying to reach for his hand. He pulled his hand away and gave her a look. 'Wait' It said.

"No matter what happened between us, I knew I would come back to you, even after all these years...all of this pain...it has always been you...I'm so sorry it took me all this time to realize it," He told her. He grabbed her hand with his free hand and slipped the gold ring on her finger. It still fight like a glove, maybe even more-so now. In awe, she watched as he slipped the ring on her finger. It was cold on her warm skin, causing goosebumps to form on her arms.

"Thomas...?" She gasped. Looking at him, then at the ring, then at him again as her eyes were wide, tears forming in her eyes.

"[Name]…will you do me the honor of marrying me?" He asked. It made her think back to their childhood and that promise they made for each other.

"Oh Thomas...yes," She nods happily. Not hesitating to jump into his arms and kiss him like there was no tomorrow.

"I've loved you from the start,"

---

[Tag List]

@mysticalbouquetwolf-posts @milljane @cyphah @diosa-ahre-blog @badlandsbrunette @adaydreamaway08 @namelessghoul0 @deltamoon666 @cherryslyce @calmingmelody96 @bruher @galactict3a @soulmates8 @angelofdarkness2468

#Spotify #peaky blinder fanfic #peaky blinders #tommy shelby #thomas shelby #tommy shelby x reader #x reader #peaky fucking blinders #tommyshelbyxreader #light angst #friends to lovers

[cosmic-crybaby]

Break My Heart Again- Tommy Shelby x Reader

Part 4

Summary: After being childhood friends, you and Thomas made a promise one day to get married, but when he returned from France, he came back a completely different man

Warnings: Angst, mentions of loss/grief, smut (minors DNI plz), sad ending for Tommy. This is a long one (sorry).

Six years.

Six years since she had her heart broken again by Thomas Shelby.

One year since she attended a wedding and a funeral within the same year. And one year since she officially departed her employment from the Peaky Blinders.

When she received the invitation to the wedding, she begged her mother to not attend.

"Tell them I am ill, tell them I have come down with a case of pox, anything please! I cannot bare seeing the man I love getting married to another woman!" She cried. Her mother comforted her daughter, once again. It seemed as though she's had to comfort her desolate daughter more times than she can count within the last few years. She hated seeing [Name] so heart-broken over the same man over and over again. But, she just sighed and rested her daughters head on her lap, petting her hair out of her face.

"I can't do that, my love...Thomas would be upset if you didn't attend,"

"He could care less if I went or not," She sniffled.

"Have you ever told him how you felt?... Before the wedding?" Her mother asked. The woman sat up and looked down at the floor.

"No...he doesn't know...he shouldn't have to hear me say it he should just...know how I feel about him,"

"Men can't read minds my dear...Unfortunately," The older woman mumbled.

"I know...no matter how long it has been I don't think I can cope with him leaving me time and time again, mum..."

Her mother deeply inhales and nods.

"You still have his heart...it's just a matter of time until he realizes it, go to the wedding...show him you're strong and that you are still his closest friend,"

[Name] attended the wedding. After the ceremony, she immediately started indulging in champagne. By the time the band had started ragtime, she was pulled to the floor by a Calvary boy. Which she learned later, he was from Graces' side of the family. Dancing together to the music without a care in the world, she didn't even learn his name before she was trailing behind him, kissing the mystery blond before her name was being shouted down the corridor by none other than John and Arthur Shelby, Michael following behind with his hands in his pockets. An altercation ensued, [Name] shouted and cursed at the Shelby men for ruining her chances with the mystery man and scaring him off.

"If you're gonna sell yourself out to someone here, don't let it be the Calvary!" John argued. She had her arms crossed over her chest, heaving up and down as she glared at them with tears in her eyes. Her hair was pinned out of her face, besides the curls that framed her features. The beautiful midnight blue satin dress she wore hugged her curves in just the right places as she hugs the black lace shawl around her arms.

"What's going on?" Thomas' voice broke her drunken gaze as she looked at him, silently with a scowl.

"Your brothers are ruining my fun," She half-joked as she turned away to reach for the cigarettes in her purse, using a match to light it and inhaling the smoke. She was never one to smoke, but in the recent years she began to pick up the habit to relieve her stress. And partly out of spite since Thomas always told her it was a nasty habit to have regardless of his own addicts. She hoped that if she did it enough, he would despise her enough for her to finally lose those strong feelings she still had or him.

"I told you already, no fucking fighting with the Calvary, and you-" He turned to her after reprimanding his brothers. He grabbed the cigarette from her lips.

"Oi!"

He held up a finger to her, with a stressed look on his face.

"Come with me," He reached to grab her arm but she stepped back.

"No!," She refused.

"I need to talk to you, quickly let's go,"

She shook her head.

"[Name], I have other things to attend to tonight, come on,"

She scoffs.

"You're really doing business on your wedding night? Is this really that trivial to you?" She slurred with a laugh. John and Arthur snicker as they watch the two of them go at it like children, like the children they used to me.

"What is so important? Huh, Tommy? Say it now or forever hold your peace," She mocked. He stops and stands in front of her.

"What's going on with you?" He asked quietly. She chuckled.

"Nothing, I am simply indulging in the festivities! I mean, my best mate is getting married, who wouldn't want to celebrate the perfect love you have for each other,"

Her words rang clear, but Tommy could still hear the pain behind it all. He sighs heavily.

"Be honest with me, [Name] please, Love..."

"Don't call me that, Thomas please don't call me that," She gasped a bit but choked back her tears with a tired laugh. After a moment of silence, and hearing John and Arthur mumble to each other a few meters away as they wait for their middle brother.

"You know I think...I think I'll just go... I don't even know why I agreed to attend," She turns on her heels and begins to leave.

"Wait, [Name], what are you talking about?"

"God, Thomas! You always made foolish decisions but you were never this daft! If you can't read between the lines, or even see just a glimpse into my mind then I am at a loss because I am tired of explaining it to you over and over again!" She shouted. Just then, a pair of hands hold her tense shoulders, gently pulling her away from Thomas as he looked at her with wide eyes, astonished.

"Come on, I'll take you to your mother," Michael spoke to her quietly, he glances at Tommy.

'I got her'

"I'm fine Michael, please don't touch me right now," She held her hand up, turning to look at him. Michael tried to compromise but only made her more agitated, that was until Arthur stepped in.

"Come on, love let's go back up...have a dance and a drink," Arthur smiled a bit then held her hand to lead her away. 'How does that sound?" She only complied with a silent nod. She then paused and turned to Thomas.

"You want me to be honest? I can't stand being around you when you're with her, just when I thought she was gone for good, you find her again and marry her, your old flame...She left you when you needed love the most, and there you were running to her like a puppy, but who was there for you when you cried all those nights? I stayed by your side, I was your friend, and I saw that you were in need of a friend, of love and understanding..." Her voice quivered but she wore a slight smile on her face. Bittersweet smile.

"What are you saying [Name]?" He asked. She pauses as her tear filled eyes scanned him, a stoic look on her face as she shrugged.

"I resign...officially,"

Months later, her mother informed her of the death of Grace Shelby. She felt remorse for the family, especially the fact that Tommy would practically have to raise Charles by himself.

If she had been on good terms, she would have offered to help.

She attended the funeral, on the sidelines of course. Keeping her distance from Thomas, but still paying her respects.

It had been another year since she had seen him.

It was 1925.

"Do my eyes deceive me, is it really the most beautiful women of Small Heath?" Arthurs voice boomed through the room. [Name] and her mother look up from the mannequin they were decorating with fabric. The customers and guests whispered in fright and intimidation as they watched him strut right into the newly opened family owned shop.

The older seamstress stands as she greeted Arthur with a hug and a kiss to the cheek.

"It's nice to see you Arthur, do you need a new suit?" Her mother asked. His mustache moved as his lips curled into a smile.

"Oh, not this time, Love, I did come here to talk to [Name], though," He turned to her daughter, who held pins between her teeth as she pinned the fabric in just the right way so it draped beautifully over the client. She looked up at Arthur before standing, sticking the pins into the cushion.

"Keep her for as long as you want, she needs a break," She winked at him, patting his arm before returning to the dress.

"How can I help you?" [Name] stood with her hands on her hips.

"It's Tommy," He said quietly. She nods once and leads him to the perfume counter to have some privacy. She let Arthur talk, and upon hearing the news on Tommy's mental state, her heart sank to her stomach.

"And, why have you come here to tell me this, Arthur?" She asked, hushed as her eyes had wondered around the store as the women feared away from the Peaky Blinder.

"Talk to him, [Name]…you're his closest friend-"

"Was...I'm not anymore Arthur, I can't face him after that night," She shook her head. He sighs.

"He needs help with the boy...He's got his head wrapped on expanding the company...but I can see it in his eyes, he needs help...he isn't gonna listen to us...he needs yah,"

She rolls her eyes a bit and looks off to the glass counter to think. She could stop by and give him peace of mind...or a piece of her mind if it went wrong. Her heart broke in a million pieces when he got married, and she promised yourself that she wouldn't ever speak to him again. Unless.

It was already dark outside by the time Tommy had returned home. He always came home late. He was exhausted, frustrated, and dwelling in the somber events he had to partake in that day. The voices in the study interrupted his eerie silent mansion as he hastily walked to the door, alarmed and gun in hand. He sighs as he just see's his older brother.

"Arthur, you're here," He sighed heavily as the two brothers shared a look. He didn't even notice the woman that stood behind Arthur until he stepped out of the way. Thomas's shoulders fall as he looks at the woman before him, glowing like an angel from the light of the fireplace.

The silence that followed made her shift as Arthur cleared his throat to speak up, but Thomas held a finger up to his brother, shutting him up before looking back at [Name].

"Hi again, Thomas..." It felt like the hundredth time they had greeted each other again like that, but she still felt the butterflies in her stomach with each time she sees him again. Even a year later, he had aged. Looking beyond his years, on account of the death of his wife no doubt. Arthur look his leave, but not before Thomas gave him a glare. 'We will talk later'.

The sight of her again, lightened his mood and unclenched his jaw. All he wanted was to feel her, make her smile. He takes his coat off and walks further into the study, leaning on his desk as she stood in front of him. Nothing was said to each other as she dropped that unforgiving stoniness and wraps her arms around him. He didn't hesitate to do the same.

"I'm so sorry, [Name]," He whispered into her hair as she hugs him tightly.

"I shouldn't have left you," She sniffled as she felt his hands rub up and down her back. "We've been mates for so long, I shouldn't have let my feelings get in the way of our friendship," She pulls away to look up at him. He creased his brow in confusion.

"Feelings?" He asked. Did she love him still? Even after everything he had done? [Name] scoffs and shakes her head.

"My mother was right...you're not a mind reader," She mumbled. His blue eyes wandered and searched for hers as she gazes towards the roaring fire. He brings his hand to her chin, making her face him once again and her face lit up, the bright puppy dog eyes that peered into his. His eyes searched her face once more before he blinks a few times and brings his lips to hers. His lips were warm and soft against her plump rose-tinted lips. He missed the way her lips felt, he missed the way she looked at him, the way her kisses seemed to melt away the pain of the world around them. Just then, Graces' death didn't seem to weigh on him anymore. His hands cup her face, protecting her from the dangers of the world, showing her that no one could ever harm her, she was his. The most precious thing he had ever laid eyes on.

They break away to breathe, [Name] giggled a bit as she stood before him as he admired her beauty. He smiled and grabbed her by the waist. She bit her lip and gives him those doe eyes that had him weak at the knees. A sudden animalistic urge fell over him as his hands hold onto her waist and flips her around so she was pressed against the sturdy desk. With a gasp, as she bit her lip at the lust in his eyes. They had only ever come this close before, but now that it was going to happen , [Name] felt her legs tremble for the events to come. Only in her wildest dreams would this happen between them. She hums against his lips as his rough hand roam all over her body, pulling her close to his own body by her ass, his erection pulsing against her lower stomach. His lips kiss and suck on her neck as he works the zipper on her dress, smirking when he pulled the straps down past her shoulders, pushing it further and further until it hit the wood floor.

"I think about you every day, [Name]…every fuckin' day," He breathed against her skin, speaking in a soft husky voice as she worked the buttons on his shirt. "Even in France, before France, after France...just to get through it all...I imagine how it was holding you, touching you...finally getting to taste you,"

"God, I missed you more than anything, Tommy," She rushed to reply as her eyes marveled at his figure. His tattoos, his muscles...everything about him made her mouth water and almost forget the ability to speak. Kissing your shoulder as he untied the strings to her bra, pulling it off as her chest was fully exposed to him now, kissing her roughly as his hands toyed with her breasts. She tilts her head, exposing her neck to him while her hand pulled at the nape of his neck, pushing him to keep at the motions and letting his teeth graze and bite at her collarbones. When he had enough, he pulls away and grabs her legs, behind her knees and lifted her onto the desk, scattering the paperwork as his fingers worked skillfully to unbuckle the garters as fast as he could. Her breath hitched as he gripped her thighs, spreading her legs as he stood between them. The sound of his clothing rustling made her blood run cold as she knew what was coming next. Running the head of his cock against her folds. Catching a glimpse at the size of it made her gulp and nervously look up at him. He pauses and holds her face with his hand. 'It's okay' his eyes flashed. With each inch he pushed in, a small gasp left her lips, her face scrunching in the momentary dull pain before that pleasurable feeling took over. Kissing her again until he felt her relax around him, her legs squeezing his hips as he began thrusting in and out of her. Thomas was gentle at first, making sure not to hurt her. Leaning his palms on the desk as she moans, her nails digging into the skin of his shoulder blades.

"You're so gorgeous," He stroked her cheek while he picks up the pace. He leans up once again, that gentle lover had gone as the dominant gangster took over. His rough hand slip from her chest up her to neck and wrapping around her neck, guiding her upper body to lay on the desk as he fucks her like the animal he was. He watches in satisfaction as the tears in her eyes twinkle in the light. Lips were swollen and puffy, eyes glossy and breathing hot and heavy. What a beauty she was when she was under him. He angled his hips upward and with just a few fast snaps of his hips he felt her thighs squeeze around him. Crying out as her orgasm hit her like a train. He leaned into her to kiss her as his own was on the edge. Only a moment later he had spilled his load deep inside of her.

The two weren't the same after that night.

The endless nights they spent together, and still the sacred words weren't said. Not even muttered. Having each other back in their lives was a blessing and a curse. The two were one again, only something more and different than before. But that only meant chaos would soon ensue. [Name] saw things no woman should endure, it wasn't a life for the faint hearted, but she knew that. The first few months, Thomas had begun to change. Things were getting difficult...more dangerous. He was out all hours of the night on some days.

One day in his office. She caught sight of a letter and a photograph. It was Thomas when he was young, and a mysterious woman that stood beside him. She was beautiful. Her name was Greta Jurossi. Her eyes scan the words on the paper, dated 1914. Next was the letters upon letters with her own signature, the letters he claimed to have never received. The letters between him and Grace between those years that he claimed she was gone and married to another man in America. She had spoken to Polly and Ada about it. Ada claimed she had no idea, since 'Tommy does what he wants'. Polly on the other hand told her everything. Greta and Thomas were in love and she had died of consumption before he went off to war. It pained [name] to even think the man she loved, was in love with another, even after he told her the things he told her. The promises he made. She told her about Grace, and how Grace was a spy...but [name] already knew that she had some skeletons in her closet that Thomas decided to push away. As for the letters, Polly had no idea.

"I wouldn't know any reason why he would do that..." She told her.

"It makes me nervous, Pol... I don't want to keep fighting with him,"

But the two sympathized with her. They knew how much she loved Thomas.

"Thomas is still in that part of his life where he thinks he can get away with anything with no consequences...He will come to you again when the time is right, when he stops thinking with his cock and starts seeing you as a real woman...a woman he loves,"

That night [name] stood with her back to him, she couldn't hide her cold demeanor when he came through the door, smelling of booze. It almost made him shiver as he greeted her but got no response. He stayed silent as she turned to him. The look on his face was obvious, he didn't even have to speak his mind.

"What do you think I am? I am not a shiny new toy you can just string along, Thomas..."

He stared at her in confusion before she threw the stack of letters before him. He clenches his jaw, sighs heavily, and closes his eyes. She waits for his response, and upon hearing nothing but silence. Not even an explanation or a fight. She rested her arms at her sides and shakes her head in disappointment.

"All of those years together, all of the time we spent together and the promises you made to me really meant nothing to you? I see it now, you played me like your pawn, just some familiarity to go back to when you were lost in your own mind, and when you find your way out you just...push me aside until you need me again," The tears sting her eyes, it pained her to do this again. This time it felt like the last time.

"We're done...I can't stay here and dote on your every move,"

For a moment she thought she saw a glimpse of regret...maybe even remorse in his eyes. Maybe he could finally see his mistakes and own up to them.

"You knew what you were getting yourself into, [name]..."

He was as cold as ever.

"After all these years, you still think back to that promise I made you when we were kids? It's time to grow up sweetheart,"

She smiles with disappointment and looks to the floor.

"Because that was the only truthful thing you had ever told me...Nowhere in my heart did I think you would hurt me this way, if I did I wouldn't have stayed," She shook her head bitterly. Thinking back to when he made her wait on him all those months while he was with another woman, when he made her end things with Daniel, when he chose Grace over her. 'What did she have that I didn't?...was I just not good enough for you, Tommy?' She thought.

"Did you ever love me?"

The question was again met with silence at first. Thomas opened his mouth to speak before he closed it again and shrugged. That was the last time she had seen him. She made haste and packed her things in a single bag and left Arrow House. She left to Ireland. To start a new life away from the crime, away from the peaky blinder, away from Thomas for good. A week after she left, she wrote to him a letter that he received from her mother, who looked more disappointed than he had ever seen.

Dear Thomas, I did love you, more than words can say. For years all I had wanted was you. I wanted us to have the life you planned for us. I guess now that's just a foolish childhood dream, like you said. It's okay, because you made me realize that I shouldn't keep chasing after love that doesn't deserve my own love. One day, I will stop falling in love with you and some day someone will love me like how I loved you, and until then I will drink my tea and pretend that we are more than just friends. Of course, then I'll let you break my heart again. [Name]

After reading the letter, he realized his wrongs. He searched for her for months. Making it his own mission to find her, in hopes that it wasn't too late. Thomas Shelby found himself in Ireland one gloomy Sunday, walking on the country side after having a few drinks at a pub. He wasn't going to give up until he saw her again. Tell her how he really felt about her. It wasn't over yet. Looking up the hill beside him, he saw a large farmhouse, seemed to have been just build as a woman calls out a name. The name he didn't recognize but the voice sounded almost.

Comforting.

His eyes widened and his blood ran cold. Not only because of the chilly weather that nipped at his skin, but because he recognized those eyes and that smile almost instantly. It was like a symphony of angels sang in his ears as he stared, shocked and relieved that he found her. He found his [name]. He felt himself taking steps towards her, wanting nothing but to wrap her in his arms and hold her again, tell her he loved her.

Stopping in his tracks as he sees the couple share a hug, the long-haired brunette man picked up the woman, spinning her in his arms as she squeals and laughed before he set her on her feet, giving her a kiss on the lips before his large hand covered her stomach. Thomas could barely make out what they were saying, but that laugh was always so easily identifiable. He sighs and nods once.

He decided that he couldn't fight for her anymore. He turned around and left down the hill towards the pub again, accepting that he lost the only woman he really loved. He could be the selfish and tough gangster he always was, but not this time. He left her to her new life, and returned to his own, only this time it was darker and dreary than it was when she was in it.

---

[Tag List]

@mysticalbouquetwolf-posts @milljane @cyphah @diosa-ahre-blog @badlandsbrunette @adaydreamaway08 @namelessghoul0 @deltamoon666 @cherryslyce @calmingmelody96 @bruher @galactict3a @soulmates8 @angelofdarkness2468

#spotify #peaky blinder fanfic #tommy shelby #thomas shelby #tommy shelby x reader #x reader #peaky blinders #tommyshelbyxreader #light angst #friends to lovers

[cosmic-crybaby]

Break My Heart Again- Tommy Shelby x Reader

Part 4

Summary: After being childhood friends, you and Thomas made a promise one day to get married, but when he returned from France, he came back a completely different man

Warnings: Angst, mentions of loss/grief, smut (minors DNI plz), sad ending for Tommy. This is a long one (sorry).

Six years.

Six years since she had her heart broken again by Thomas Shelby.

One year since she attended a wedding and a funeral within the same year. And one year since she officially departed her employment from the Peaky Blinders.

When she received the invitation to the wedding, she begged her mother to not attend.

"Tell them I am ill, tell them I have come down with a case of pox, anything please! I cannot bare seeing the man I love getting married to another woman!" She cried. Her mother comforted her daughter, once again. It seemed as though she's had to comfort her desolate daughter more times than she can count within the last few years. She hated seeing [Name] so heart-broken over the same man over and over again. But, she just sighed and rested her daughters head on her lap, petting her hair out of her face.

"I can't do that, my love...Thomas would be upset if you didn't attend,"

"He could care less if I went or not," She sniffled.

"Have you ever told him how you felt?... Before the wedding?" Her mother asked. The woman sat up and looked down at the floor.

"No...he doesn't know...he shouldn't have to hear me say it he should just...know how I feel about him,"

"Men can't read minds my dear...Unfortunately," The older woman mumbled.

"I know...no matter how long it has been I don't think I can cope with him leaving me time and time again, mum..."

Her mother deeply inhales and nods.

"You still have his heart...it's just a matter of time until he realizes it, go to the wedding...show him you're strong and that you are still his closest friend,"

[Name] attended the wedding. After the ceremony, she immediately started indulging in champagne. By the time the band had started ragtime, she was pulled to the floor by a Calvary boy. Which she learned later, he was from Graces' side of the family. Dancing together to the music without a care in the world, she didn't even learn his name before she was trailing behind him, kissing the mystery blond before her name was being shouted down the corridor by none other than John and Arthur Shelby, Michael following behind with his hands in his pockets. An altercation ensued, [Name] shouted and cursed at the Shelby men for ruining her chances with the mystery man and scaring him off.

"If you're gonna sell yourself out to someone here, don't let it be the Calvary!" John argued. She had her arms crossed over her chest, heaving up and down as she glared at them with tears in her eyes. Her hair was pinned out of her face, besides the curls that framed her features. The beautiful midnight blue satin dress she wore hugged her curves in just the right places as she hugs the black lace shawl around her arms.

"What's going on?" Thomas' voice broke her drunken gaze as she looked at him, silently with a scowl.

"Your brothers are ruining my fun," She half-joked as she turned away to reach for the cigarettes in her purse, using a match to light it and inhaling the smoke. She was never one to smoke, but in the recent years she began to pick up the habit to relieve her stress. And partly out of spite since Thomas always told her it was a nasty habit to have regardless of his own addicts. She hoped that if she did it enough, he would despise her enough for her to finally lose those strong feelings she still had or him.

"I told you already, no fucking fighting with the Calvary, and you-" He turned to her after reprimanding his brothers. He grabbed the cigarette from her lips.

"Oi!"

He held up a finger to her, with a stressed look on his face.

"Come with me," He reached to grab her arm but she stepped back.

"No!," She refused.

"I need to talk to you, quickly let's go,"

She shook her head.

"[Name], I have other things to attend to tonight, come on,"

She scoffs.

"You're really doing business on your wedding night? Is this really that trivial to you?" She slurred with a laugh. John and Arthur snicker as they watch the two of them go at it like children, like the children they used to me.

"What is so important? Huh, Tommy? Say it now or forever hold your peace," She mocked. He stops and stands in front of her.

"What's going on with you?" He asked quietly. She chuckled.

"Nothing, I am simply indulging in the festivities! I mean, my best mate is getting married, who wouldn't want to celebrate the perfect love you have for each other,"

Her words rang clear, but Tommy could still hear the pain behind it all. He sighs heavily.

"Be honest with me, [Name] please, Love..."

"Don't call me that, Thomas please don't call me that," She gasped a bit but choked back her tears with a tired laugh. After a moment of silence, and hearing John and Arthur mumble to each other a few meters away as they wait for their middle brother.

"You know I think...I think I'll just go... I don't even know why I agreed to attend," She turns on her heels and begins to leave.

"Wait, [Name], what are you talking about?"

"God, Thomas! You always made foolish decisions but you were never this daft! If you can't read between the lines, or even see just a glimpse into my mind then I am at a loss because I am tired of explaining it to you over and over again!" She shouted. Just then, a pair of hands hold her tense shoulders, gently pulling her away from Thomas as he looked at her with wide eyes, astonished.

"Come on, I'll take you to your mother," Michael spoke to her quietly, he glances at Tommy.

'I got her'

"I'm fine Michael, please don't touch me right now," She held her hand up, turning to look at him. Michael tried to compromise but only made her more agitated, that was until Arthur stepped in.

"Come on, love let's go back up...have a dance and a drink," Arthur smiled a bit then held her hand to lead her away. 'How does that sound?" She only complied with a silent nod. She then paused and turned to Thomas.

"You want me to be honest? I can't stand being around you when you're with her, just when I thought she was gone for good, you find her again and marry her, your old flame...She left you when you needed love the most, and there you were running to her like a puppy, but who was there for you when you cried all those nights? I stayed by your side, I was your friend, and I saw that you were in need of a friend, of love and understanding..." Her voice quivered but she wore a slight smile on her face. Bittersweet smile.

"What are you saying [Name]?" He asked. She pauses as her tear filled eyes scanned him, a stoic look on her face as she shrugged.

"I resign...officially,"

Months later, her mother informed her of the death of Grace Shelby. She felt remorse for the family, especially the fact that Tommy would practically have to raise Charles by himself.

If she had been on good terms, she would have offered to help.

She attended the funeral, on the sidelines of course. Keeping her distance from Thomas, but still paying her respects.

It had been another year since she had seen him.

It was 1925.

"Do my eyes deceive me, is it really the most beautiful women of Small Heath?" Arthurs voice boomed through the room. [Name] and her mother look up from the mannequin they were decorating with fabric. The customers and guests whispered in fright and intimidation as they watched him strut right into the newly opened family owned shop.

The older seamstress stands as she greeted Arthur with a hug and a kiss to the cheek.

"It's nice to see you Arthur, do you need a new suit?" Her mother asked. His mustache moved as his lips curled into a smile.

"Oh, not this time, Love, I did come here to talk to [Name], though," He turned to her daughter, who held pins between her teeth as she pinned the fabric in just the right way so it draped beautifully over the client. She looked up at Arthur before standing, sticking the pins into the cushion.

"Keep her for as long as you want, she needs a break," She winked at him, patting his arm before returning to the dress.

"How can I help you?" [Name] stood with her hands on her hips.

"It's Tommy," He said quietly. She nods once and leads him to the perfume counter to have some privacy. She let Arthur talk, and upon hearing the news on Tommy's mental state, her heart sank to her stomach.

"And, why have you come here to tell me this, Arthur?" She asked, hushed as her eyes had wondered around the store as the women feared away from the Peaky Blinder.

"Talk to him, [Name]…you're his closest friend-"

"Was...I'm not anymore Arthur, I can't face him after that night," She shook her head. He sighs.

"He needs help with the boy...He's got his head wrapped on expanding the company...but I can see it in his eyes, he needs help...he isn't gonna listen to us...he needs yah,"

She rolls her eyes a bit and looks off to the glass counter to think. She could stop by and give him peace of mind...or a piece of her mind if it went wrong. Her heart broke in a million pieces when he got married, and she promised yourself that she wouldn't ever speak to him again. Unless.

It was already dark outside by the time Tommy had returned home. He always came home late. He was exhausted, frustrated, and dwelling in the somber events he had to partake in that day. The voices in the study interrupted his eerie silent mansion as he hastily walked to the door, alarmed and gun in hand. He sighs as he just see's his older brother.

"Arthur, you're here," He sighed heavily as the two brothers shared a look. He didn't even notice the woman that stood behind Arthur until he stepped out of the way. Thomas's shoulders fall as he looks at the woman before him, glowing like an angel from the light of the fireplace.

The silence that followed made her shift as Arthur cleared his throat to speak up, but Thomas held a finger up to his brother, shutting him up before looking back at [Name].

"Hi again, Thomas..." It felt like the hundredth time they had greeted each other again like that, but she still felt the butterflies in her stomach with each time she sees him again. Even a year later, he had aged. Looking beyond his years, on account of the death of his wife no doubt. Arthur look his leave, but not before Thomas gave him a glare. 'We will talk later'.

The sight of her again, lightened his mood and unclenched his jaw. All he wanted was to feel her, make her smile. He takes his coat off and walks further into the study, leaning on his desk as she stood in front of him. Nothing was said to each other as she dropped that unforgiving stoniness and wraps her arms around him. He didn't hesitate to do the same.

"I'm so sorry, [Name]," He whispered into her hair as she hugs him tightly.

"I shouldn't have left you," She sniffled as she felt his hands rub up and down her back. "We've been mates for so long, I shouldn't have let my feelings get in the way of our friendship," She pulls away to look up at him. He creased his brow in confusion.

"Feelings?" He asked. Did she love him still? Even after everything he had done? [Name] scoffs and shakes her head.

"My mother was right...you're not a mind reader," She mumbled. His blue eyes wandered and searched for hers as she gazes towards the roaring fire. He brings his hand to her chin, making her face him once again and her face lit up, the bright puppy dog eyes that peered into his. His eyes searched her face once more before he blinks a few times and brings his lips to hers. His lips were warm and soft against her plump rose-tinted lips. He missed the way her lips felt, he missed the way she looked at him, the way her kisses seemed to melt away the pain of the world around them. Just then, Graces' death didn't seem to weigh on him anymore. His hands cup her face, protecting her from the dangers of the world, showing her that no one could ever harm her, she was his. The most precious thing he had ever laid eyes on.

They break away to breathe, [Name] giggled a bit as she stood before him as he admired her beauty. He smiled and grabbed her by the waist. She bit her lip and gives him those doe eyes that had him weak at the knees. A sudden animalistic urge fell over him as his hands hold onto her waist and flips her around so she was pressed against the sturdy desk. With a gasp, as she bit her lip at the lust in his eyes. They had only ever come this close before, but now that it was going to happen , [Name] felt her legs tremble for the events to come. Only in her wildest dreams would this happen between them. She hums against his lips as his rough hand roam all over her body, pulling her close to his own body by her ass, his erection pulsing against her lower stomach. His lips kiss and suck on her neck as he works the zipper on her dress, smirking when he pulled the straps down past her shoulders, pushing it further and further until it hit the wood floor.

"I think about you every day, [Name]…every fuckin' day," He breathed against her skin, speaking in a soft husky voice as she worked the buttons on his shirt. "Even in France, before France, after France...just to get through it all...I imagine how it was holding you, touching you...finally getting to taste you,"

"God, I missed you more than anything, Tommy," She rushed to reply as her eyes marveled at his figure. His tattoos, his muscles...everything about him made her mouth water and almost forget the ability to speak. Kissing your shoulder as he untied the strings to her bra, pulling it off as her chest was fully exposed to him now, kissing her roughly as his hands toyed with her breasts. She tilts her head, exposing her neck to him while her hand pulled at the nape of his neck, pushing him to keep at the motions and letting his teeth graze and bite at her collarbones. When he had enough, he pulls away and grabs her legs, behind her knees and lifted her onto the desk, scattering the paperwork as his fingers worked skillfully to unbuckle the garters as fast as he could. Her breath hitched as he gripped her thighs, spreading her legs as he stood between them. The sound of his clothing rustling made her blood run cold as she knew what was coming next. Running the head of his cock against her folds. Catching a glimpse at the size of it made her gulp and nervously look up at him. He pauses and holds her face with his hand. 'It's okay' his eyes flashed. With each inch he pushed in, a small gasp left her lips, her face scrunching in the momentary dull pain before that pleasurable feeling took over. Kissing her again until he felt her relax around him, her legs squeezing his hips as he began thrusting in and out of her. Thomas was gentle at first, making sure not to hurt her. Leaning his palms on the desk as she moans, her nails digging into the skin of his shoulder blades.

"You're so gorgeous," He stroked her cheek while he picks up the pace. He leans up once again, that gentle lover had gone as the dominant gangster took over. His rough hand slip from her chest up her to neck and wrapping around her neck, guiding her upper body to lay on the desk as he fucks her like the animal he was. He watches in satisfaction as the tears in her eyes twinkle in the light. Lips were swollen and puffy, eyes glossy and breathing hot and heavy. What a beauty she was when she was under him. He angled his hips upward and with just a few fast snaps of his hips he felt her thighs squeeze around him. Crying out as her orgasm hit her like a train. He leaned into her to kiss her as his own was on the edge. Only a moment later he had spilled his load deep inside of her.

The two weren't the same after that night.

The endless nights they spent together, and still the sacred words weren't said. Not even muttered. Having each other back in their lives was a blessing and a curse. The two were one again, only something more and different than before. But that only meant chaos would soon ensue. [Name] saw things no woman should endure, it wasn't a life for the faint hearted, but she knew that. The first few months, Thomas had begun to change. Things were getting difficult...more dangerous. He was out all hours of the night on some days.

One day in his office. She caught sight of a letter and a photograph. It was Thomas when he was young, and a mysterious woman that stood beside him. She was beautiful. Her name was Greta Jurossi. Her eyes scan the words on the paper, dated 1914. Next was the letters upon letters with her own signature, the letters he claimed to have never received. The letters between him and Grace between those years that he claimed she was gone and married to another man in America. She had spoken to Polly and Ada about it. Ada claimed she had no idea, since 'Tommy does what he wants'. Polly on the other hand told her everything. Greta and Thomas were in love and she had died of consumption before he went off to war. It pained [name] to even think the man she loved, was in love with another, even after he told her the things he told her. The promises he made. She told her about Grace, and how Grace was a spy...but [name] already knew that she had some skeletons in her closet that Thomas decided to push away. As for the letters, Polly had no idea.

"I wouldn't know any reason why he would do that..." She told her.

"It makes me nervous, Pol... I don't want to keep fighting with him,"

But the two sympathized with her. They knew how much she loved Thomas.

"Thomas is still in that part of his life where he thinks he can get away with anything with no consequences...He will come to you again when the time is right, when he stops thinking with his cock and starts seeing you as a real woman...a woman he loves,"

That night [name] stood with her back to him, she couldn't hide her cold demeanor when he came through the door, smelling of booze. It almost made him shiver as he greeted her but got no response. He stayed silent as she turned to him. The look on his face was obvious, he didn't even have to speak his mind.

"What do you think I am? I am not a shiny new toy you can just string along, Thomas..."

He stared at her in confusion before she threw the stack of letters before him. He clenches his jaw, sighs heavily, and closes his eyes. She waits for his response, and upon hearing nothing but silence. Not even an explanation or a fight. She rested her arms at her sides and shakes her head in disappointment.

"All of those years together, all of the time we spent together and the promises you made to me really meant nothing to you? I see it now, you played me like your pawn, just some familiarity to go back to when you were lost in your own mind, and when you find your way out you just...push me aside until you need me again," The tears sting her eyes, it pained her to do this again. This time it felt like the last time.

"We're done...I can't stay here and dote on your every move,"

For a moment she thought she saw a glimpse of regret...maybe even remorse in his eyes. Maybe he could finally see his mistakes and own up to them.

"You knew what you were getting yourself into, [name]..."

He was as cold as ever.

"After all these years, you still think back to that promise I made you when we were kids? It's time to grow up sweetheart,"

She smiles with disappointment and looks to the floor.

"Because that was the only truthful thing you had ever told me...Nowhere in my heart did I think you would hurt me this way, if I did I wouldn't have stayed," She shook her head bitterly. Thinking back to when he made her wait on him all those months while he was with another woman, when he made her end things with Daniel, when he chose Grace over her. 'What did she have that I didn't?...was I just not good enough for you, Tommy?' She thought.

"Did you ever love me?"

The question was again met with silence at first. Thomas opened his mouth to speak before he closed it again and shrugged. That was the last time she had seen him. She made haste and packed her things in a single bag and left Arrow House. She left to Ireland. To start a new life away from the crime, away from the peaky blinder, away from Thomas for good. A week after she left, she wrote to him a letter that he received from her mother, who looked more disappointed than he had ever seen.

Dear Thomas, I did love you, more than words can say. For years all I had wanted was you. I wanted us to have the life you planned for us. I guess now that's just a foolish childhood dream, like you said. It's okay, because you made me realize that I shouldn't keep chasing after love that doesn't deserve my own love. One day, I will stop falling in love with you and some day someone will love me like how I loved you, and until then I will drink my tea and pretend that we are more than just friends. Of course, then I'll let you break my heart again. [Name]

After reading the letter, he realized his wrongs. He searched for her for months. Making it his own mission to find her, in hopes that it wasn't too late. Thomas Shelby found himself in Ireland one gloomy Sunday, walking on the country side after having a few drinks at a pub. He wasn't going to give up until he saw her again. Tell her how he really felt about her. It wasn't over yet. Looking up the hill beside him, he saw a large farmhouse, seemed to have been just build as a woman calls out a name. The name he didn't recognize but the voice sounded almost.

Comforting.

His eyes widened and his blood ran cold. Not only because of the chilly weather that nipped at his skin, but because he recognized those eyes and that smile almost instantly. It was like a symphony of angels sang in his ears as he stared, shocked and relieved that he found her. He found his [name]. He felt himself taking steps towards her, wanting nothing but to wrap her in his arms and hold her again, tell her he loved her.

Stopping in his tracks as he sees the couple share a hug, the long-haired brunette man picked up the woman, spinning her in his arms as she squeals and laughed before he set her on her feet, giving her a kiss on the lips before his large hand covered her stomach. Thomas could barely make out what they were saying, but that laugh was always so easily identifiable. He sighs and nods once.

He decided that he couldn't fight for her anymore. He turned around and left down the hill towards the pub again, accepting that he lost the only woman he really loved. He could be the selfish and tough gangster he always was, but not this time. He left her to her new life, and returned to his own, only this time it was darker and dreary than it was when she was in it.

---

[Tag List]

@mysticalbouquetwolf-posts @milljane @cyphah @diosa-ahre-blog @badlandsbrunette @adaydreamaway08 @namelessghoul0 @deltamoon666 @cherryslyce @calmingmelody96 @bruher @galactict3a @soulmates8 @angelofdarkness2468

#Spotify #peaky blinders #peaky blinder fanfic #tommy shelby #tommy shelby x reader #tommyshelbyxreader #x reader #angst #angst and hurt/comfort #lovers to strangers

[cosmic-crybaby]

Break My Heart Again- Tommy Shelby x Reader

Part 3

Summary: After being childhood friends, you and Thomas made a promise one day to get married, but when he returned from France, he came back a completely different man.

Warnings: Angst, mutual pining, betrayal, emotional manipulation, emotional whiplash.

It was 1919. Over a year since she left Thomas and the betting shop behind. [Name] was stuck in solitude for days, and each day her mother comforted her, easing her daughters cries until she slept. The first person to reach out to her since she had left, was Ada.

"Please talk to me [Name]," She had asked her friend, sitting across from her at the small dining table.

"There is nothing to say, Ada...I can't go back, not now," She picked at her nails anxiously, the deep burgundy lacquer slowly chipping away.

"Believe it or not, it hasn't gone completely to shit, but Aunt Pol is having a hard time finding reliable people to do your job-"

"That's not my job anymore," [Name] reminded her. "Listen I'm sorry...I really am,"

"Where will you go now?" Ada asked. The girl opposite to her thought for a moment, she could be a barmaid but the chances of running into the Peaky boys were high. Jobs for women were scarce now that the men are back. So she just opted to respond with a shrug.

"No idea, Ada..."

Over a year later and she managed to get a job at the local library. It was quiet, of course, but at the very least she was able to put some of her knowledge to good use. It paid well enough for her to live comfortably and it kept her hidden away from running into the Shelby Family. She was just glad she didn't have to resort to becoming a prostitute. Her mother would have a heart attack is that was the case. With the exception of Ada and Polly, who would often drop in to have tea with her and her mother or bring treats and gifts. Sometimes [Name] felt they only offered these gifts as peace offerings, of behalf of what Thomas had done. It was as if they still couldn't forgive him, and they would understand if she couldn't either.

Because in the last year, she had changed.

Physically and mentally. She had grown into a beautiful young woman, the stress of illegal betting and horseracing, the stress of Thomas Shelby had left her life, which in turn rewarded her to grow even more. In only a year, she begun to finally get noticed by the other young bachelors of Birmingham. Little did she know, she had them turning their heads all this time, she was busy with her eyes on someone else.

It was one afternoon when she met her current suitor. His name was Daniel and he was the sweetest man she had ever met. Considering she had only surrounded herself with the three Shelby men and the Peaky boys, that was a big change. While she was working at the front desk of the Library, he requested some aid in retrieving a couple of maps of the world. She didn't pay any mind to Daniel at first until the third and fourth week he had come in, still asking for her help.

"I remember you, I would assume you knew where the maps were by now," She quietly cut him off. This caught him off guard, making him flustered as he tried to search for his words. [Name] only smiled as she watched the dark auburn haired man blush more and more.

"I-I am sorry miss...I just," He cleared his throat. She arched her brow at him for a moment. He was at a loss for words as he admired her beauty. That day he had asked if she'd like to accompany him to some dinner in London, to get to know each other more.

It had been a very peaceful and cherishing month with Daniel, she found that he was a traveling business man and was looking to expand his company in America. But, like all good things it came to an end when Thomas Shelby came into the picture once again. While in London with Daniel, he took her to the shops to buy a new dress to meet his family one night. She had broken away from him as he spoke to the salesman about the dress he was about to purchase. Stepping outside to look at the lightly clouded sky, examining the different shops on the street.

"[Name]?" The voice sent shivers down her spine. She quickly turns at the mention of her name towards the deep voice.

"Thomas?" She asked, surprised to see him.

Seeing the man that broke her heart and betrayed her trust right in front of her eyes was like a whirlwind of emotions. She didn't know if she should stay, run, or beat him until he was blue and on his knees begging for her forgiveness.

But, she was better than that. She was with a man who actually loved her.

"It's nice to see you again," Thomas told her, stepping closer. She subtly takes a step back, clearing her throat as her eyes dart to the shop entrance, praying to God that Daniel will emerge soon so the two can leave the awkward interaction and never turn back.

"Yeah, sure, Thomas..." She nods slightly. Thomas Shelby didn't forget what happened between them over a year ago, but he was perplexed that she would still treat him like a stranger, even after all these years of being as close as they once were. Within that year of missing her by his side, he refrained from showing up at her home to see her, refraining from asking Ada and Polly to tell him what they had discussed when they visited her. Part of him hoped that her and her mother still took those evening walks in Uncle Charlies' yard after dinner. Thomas often found himself at Charlies' yard nearly every night, hoping he would run into her.

But that's exactly what she had avoided. [Name] did everything in her power to avoid every little place and thing Tommy knew about her. IT seemed to work, until this very moment.

"What brings you here?" She asked curiously. Hoping she didn't have to put her favorite dress shop in London on a list of places to avoid Thomas Shelby.

"Just...doing some business in London as it seems...until I saw you leaving the dress shop...thought I would come and say hello," He shrugged. [Name] looked down at her gloved hands, pondering her next words.

"I see...well, goodbye Thomas," She nods once, still avoided his eyes, afraid that once she sees his eyes again, it will start all over again. The warmth he gave her, the butterflies in her stomach, the cure to all of her hardships. She makes hasty steps past him, but his hand reaches out to grab her arm...it was gentle but firm as to not hurt her. He always knew how to be gentle with her.

"[Name], please..." He said quietly. She felt the tears brim her eyes as she slowly turned to him again. Slowly lifting her gaze to his eyes. Once he saw her tears, it was like everything around them had stopped. It was just them two together and no one else.

"What Thomas? What could you possibly want from me now?...After all this time, when I am finally happy you come into my life again, why?" She asked, sniffling as the small tears rolled down her high cheekbones and onto her chin. Her skin blushed, and her eyes were red with salty tears. He was at a loss for words at first.

He gently spoke her name again, reaching down to pick up her hand in his, testing the waters to see just how much she will accept from him. Her hand twitched and nearly jerked away as he slipped her glove off. Feeling the warmth of his skin made her comply. His hands were rough now, from the years of digging tunnels and fighting. She had no doubt that his hands and mind were both distressed.

"I...I'm sorry for how things ended between us...frankly I can't stop thinking about you," He told her regretfully. Her eyes were shining in the dim light of the London sun, the tears glistening as they roll. Each one looking like diamonds.

"You're sorry...After a year you're finally sorry," She almost laughed. Thomas only sighed.

"Yes of course! and...and I regret everything I said, I can't live my life without you, [name],"

"You should have thought about that before you asked me to marry you!" Her voice raised just a bit, before realizing that she was still in public, as to not bring attention to herself. For once, Tommy didn't know what to say next. His eyes darted across her face. Her cheeks were red, her brows were furrowed in frustration, and her lips... Oh those lips he had always wanted to kiss deeper each night upon his return, they were downcast in a frown. He released a sigh when he realized her eyes had not left his this entire time. He knew she still loved him deep down. She just couldn't bear it. His thumb ran over the top of her hand gently.

"I hurt you, I know that now and...There is nothing else I can say other than I am immensely sorry, give me another chance [name], I can prove it to you that I am a new man, as friends or more I need you in my life,"

His words made her lips tremble as she closed her eyes to think and steady her breath. She opened her eyes first before she opened her mouth to speak.

"[Name]?" A voice called, and suddenly the bubble bursts. It was like the busy street surrounding them suddenly became clear again. It wasn't just the two of them in the world anymore. She turned her head from Thomas to Daniel. The man she adored more than anything, as he searched for her. Thomas also managed to sneak a glance at the stranger, and his cold heart sunk a little deeper into the pit, leaving a sour taste in his mouth and a clenched jaw. She looked back at Thomas.

"Think about it," He whispered before walking off.

[Name] stood in her place in stillness as she tried to process what just happened to her. Daniel approached her, smiling widely as he informed her that he purchased the dress and reassuring her that it will look lovely on her for the dinner party with his family. She gave him a small smile before it quickly faded when he looked away from her.

The days leading up to the dinner party, she had thought of Thomas. It was like he himself had infected her mind as she had no more room to think clearly of anything else besides him and the words he spoke to her. But could she really trust him again?

Should she trust him again?

Every day and every night she had spent with Daniel, she tried her best to reciprocate the love he had for her, but somehow something was wrong. She didn't love him the way she loved Thomas. The night of the dinner party, she waited for Daniel to pick her up. Wearing the dress he had bought her, the jewelry she borrowed from her mother, and the hair and makeup she spent hours perfecting just to impress his family.

"What's wring, dear? Your hands are shaking," Her mother pointed out as she helped her daughter prepare.

"I...I don't think I can do this," She swallowed thickly. But before her mother could even ask, there was a ring at the door. [Name's] stomach was in knots and her blood ran cold. Her mothers words of encouragement were drowned out by her own raging heartbeat. When she opened the door, her mouth was agape. Expecting to see Daniel, instead Thomas stood at the front door.

Out of breath and panting. No words were exchanged as they stared at each other. She nearly leaps into his arms as she engulfs him in a tight embrace. It felt right, being in his arms again. Like they were kids again.

The following days, she kept her distance from Daniel, much to her mothers dismay. She had written him a letter.

To my Darling Daniel, I am sorry things had to happen this way. You had shown me the love no man has ever shown me before. But I am afraid I do not deserve it. Our time together was more than I could ask for, but I simply cannot keep loving you the way you want me to. I will forever cherish our memories together in my heart, as you were the only man to treat me a way a woman should be treated. I hope you find love again, and the next woman you find love in will be a very lucky to have you. I will always have you in my heart. [Name].

With the letter, she returned the dress he had bought her, she thought it would be ill-mannered to keep it. She hadn't heard from him after that. Not even a letter back, but she knew why. She would never hold that against him.

The following week, [Name] had began showing her face around the betting shop again. Here and there popping in to talk to Ada and Polly, slipping away into Tommy's office to speak with him when he wasn't busy. It was a but of a shock to the Shelby women when they saw her. They thought she was crazy for showing up again, but she had reassured them that everything was fine.

For months on end, [Name] and Thomas would spend their time together. Hand in hand as they drunkenly walked along the streets after visiting a pub on the weekends. Dancing to records in her home, holding each other close as they slow danced in the fire-place lit room. One night they went to the old hill, the same hill they used to go to when they were kids. Laying beside each other, drinking a bottle of cheap wine as they star-gazed. It was the only place where the sky wasn't absolutely covered by the smoke and smog of the city.

"I forgot how beautiful the sky was at night," She spoke softly as she sat up, eyes scanning the sky.

"It's been a while, hasn't it?" He asked, leaning his shoulder against hers. She takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly with a nod, laying her head on his shoulder.

"Thomas?" She asked. He hums.

"I missed you,"

"I missed you too, [Name]," He spoke truthfully. That night, they shared a kiss.

A week later, she approached him in his office.

"Pol said you were going to the derby..."

"We are...It's an important matter of business, [Name],"

The girl sighs. "I know that...I also told you I would go with you if you needed me to,"

"No..."

"Uh- no?" She asked, perplexed.

"Absolutely not, Kimber is a dangerous man, you're not coming with us," He argued. She aggressively rolls her eyes and throws her hands up in the air before putting them on her hips.

"I was hoping to come talk to you without being interrupted-" She mumbled.

"And I was hoping you would know better than to ask to join on this mission-"

"Then who are you taking?" She interrupted him, crossing her arms. Thomas sighs, shaking his head in disbelief at her childish attitude.

"The barmaid,"

"The barmaid? Why the fuck would you take the barmaid?" She asked. He widened his eyes at her for a moment. She bit the inside of her cheek as she waited for his response.

"It's all a part of the plan, please trust me," He stood as he slowly walked to her, placing his hands on her shoulders to calm her mind. She pursed her lips, a solemn look on her face.

"I don't care who goes with you to the derby, I just can't sit here and hope you'll come out alive one of these days...I-" She pauses. "I adore you too much, Thomas,"

He pulls her into a tight hug, his hand caressing her hair as he kissed her forehead. "Everything will be okay," He reminded her. Lifting her chin to slowly look at him. Her eyes, as alluring as they were. His lips attack hers in a rough kiss. Pushing [Name] against the wall as her fingers pull at the fabric of his white shirt, his body pressing against hers. She could practically feel his heart beating against her chest. His hands slipping down her body, her waist to her hips to the roundness of her ass. His strong hands gripping every curve of her as he started pulling at her dress with his hands. Pulling away to catch their breath, but before she would dive in for another kiss Finn had burst through the door, inquiring that their Aunt Polly needed to speak to Thomas at once.

Begrudgingly letting him handle his business, she was left alone in his office, blushing and fanning herself with her hands as the heat began to rise, biting her lip in bafflement.

She wanted to see him again and ask about the kisses they had started. What they meant, what would have happened if they weren't interrupted. But Thomas too involved with conspiring against Billy Kimber. Fucking Billy Kimber. Hearing his name made her clench her jaw. He had been the talk of every family meeting since he found his way into Birmingham just weeks ago. But Thomas was just too busy. Too busy to talk to her. Eventually, too busy to even see her as frequently.

She recognized the pattern. It was what happened to her before he left for France. If only she could just read his mind, find out exactly what was going on in that head of his. From seeing him and his eyes, his smile every day, to seeing him at least once a week. This time he would still act the same with her. Kind, gentle, caring, but somehow she knew it was different. He wouldn't touch her, or kiss her like he used to. [Name] thought that maybe, just maybe, if she told him how she felt everything will go back to normal. Perfect even.

She just had to wait for the right moment.

When Thomas had come to her home for an evening tea with her and her mother, she decided that she would tell him then. The tea was nice, the conversations went well. [Name] was eager to finish, to get it all over with, waiting for their moment alone. Later that night, after her mother excused herself to bed, the two sat on the couch, sharing a whiskey as they talked. She sat her glass down when he called her name to get her attention.

"I need to tell you something,"

Her ears and cheeks grew warm as she looked at him, eyes brighter than ever.

"I actually need to tell you something too...but please go first," She smiled. Thomas turned his body slightly towards her, seemingly less enthusiastic as her. Thomas clears his throat before he spoke.

"I want to start off by apologizing for not seeing you as much these past few months, but I promise everything is going to work out for the better in the end, not just for my family, but for yours as well..." He paused, holding one of her hands in his.

"Thomas," She glances at their interlocked hands before looking up at him again. His blue eyes didn't look as bright in the dim lighting of the room.

"You have been with my family since the beginning, and you helped us out when we needed you the most, when everything takes off, I want you by my side through it all, promise me that you will do that for me [Name]," He requested. The young woman stares into his eyes once more and nods silently.

"I can't imagine leaving your side...ever," She stated quietly. Thomas looked down again, smiling slightly. As far as she knew he rarely smiled now...the only time she saw him smile was when he was with her.

"There was another thing I wanted to talk about," He started. She nods, urging him to continue. "There's a woman,"

His voice dropped low, the way he said 'woman' rumbled as her cheeks flushed. At the drop of a pin, her lively face slowly dropped at his words.

"A woman?"

She sank into the sofa as he spoke, but his words fell upon deaf ears. Her mind went numb, buzzing as she blankly stared off into the shadows of the room. He loved her, convinced her to leave Daniel, kissed her, treated her like she was the only woman for him...almost married her. All those years together, meant nothing to him. Once again. She should have known better than to get attached to a man like him.

A man only out for his own good.

"[Name]...You're crying," He pointed out, stopping mid-explanation to wipe the tear. She wanted to tell him. Tell him she loved him, that she wanted nothing more than to be with him for the rest of their lives. She looks at him and smiles.

[Name] shook her head and sniffled, chuckling and looking away to wipe the tear.

"I'm just...really happy for you Thomas...She seems like a nice woman," She didn't hear a word he said about her. The mystery woman that had stolen his heart.

'If only you knew what I felt'

After Thomas had left that night, she went to her room, sobbing in her bed. The heaviness in her chest weighted her down as she was held into place by rocks. The agony she felt, not only for herself but for hurting the only man that loved her. All for nothing. It was too late to go back now.

---

[Tag List]

@mysticalbouquetwolf-posts @milljane @cyphah @diosa-ahre-blog @badlandsbrunette @adaydreamaway08 @namelessghoul0 @deltamoon666 @cherryslyce @calmingmelody96

#spotify #peaky blinder fanfic #tommy shelby #thomas shelby #tommy shelby x reader #x reader #peaky blinders #peaky fucking blinders #tommyshelbyxreader #light angst #friends to lovers

[cosmic-crybaby]

i got left on seen by morrissey so goodnight

[cosmic-crybaby]

Break My Heart Again- Tommy Shelby x Reader

Part 2

Summary: After being childhood friends, you and Thomas made a promise one day to get married, but when he returns from France, he comes back a completely different man.

Warnings: ANGST, Tommy being a jerk, talk of trauma/death/etc. Platonic(?) betrayal.

It had been what seemed like weeks after the men were shipped off to France to fight in the war. When in reality, it had been only a week. [Name] had went back to work rather quickly, her mother preferring not to have her daughter mope around the house like a widow. So, she wrote her first letter to him.

Thomas,

You've just left us and it's already quiet here. Too quiet. The betting shop, the street, and the pub are all silent compared to the liveliness we were used to when you were home. When we came back from the platform, Polly, Ada, Martha, and I had walked in silence. Even Finn wasn't being his usual disorderly self. It's almost as if no one knew how to fill the silence. No one can fill the void that you three left.

In all honesty, I am scared. Terrified something will happen, and you won't return home to us. I want you to know how much I think about you, how much I need you to come home to me. I want you to be my first everything, I want you to keep that promise you made me before you left. Even now, as I write this letter, I stare at the ring on my finger, imagining how our future would be. We will pray for you every morning for a safe return.

Stay safe and please watch over each other. We are sending our love and prayers.

Sincerely, Your love [Name].

The whole of Small Heath seemed to be silent the first few days, but the women quickly took over while most of the men were gone. She had worked and worked everyday with the other women in the shop. Polly and Ada were strong women, and they were cracking down on the books like no other. They had involved themselves with their work that [Name] didn't expect her letter to come a few weeks later. Ada came running in with the post, handing her Aunt Polly the letters, and dropping Thomas' letter on the desk in front of her new close friend.

[Name] had never pulled out her letter opener so quickly. She nearly missed the blade as her hands shook to open it. The pages of parchment fell on the desk, unfolding it to read the letter he sent. Her colorful eyes went wide as she read the first page, heart fluttering and beating fast as she imagined his voice saying these words.

[Name],

When the train had left the station, I had already found myself missing home. We Small Heath boys sat together and no one knew what to say. We try to stay optimistic but news is that the odds are not in our favor. It hits harder the further we are from home. I am currently at a training camp, and even when my face is in the mud I still think of you. Your eyes, your smile, your voice. You visit me in my dreams, even when I'm in this hell you still feel like home.

No matter how long this will last, it will be difficult for you as it is for us. But Polly with take good care of you, you are no doubt a part of this family already. You will soon be a Shelby. I had never forgotten my promise to you. You are my dearest friend, and the most beautiful girl I had ever met. I knew from the day we met, you were special.

I will be safe [Name] I promise you that. We are going to make this out alive and you and I will get married and have our future together, building our legacy. Keep your thoughts clear and your mind positive until our return.

Until I write again my Love, Tommy.

The single tear ran down her cheek. Smiling a bit as she folded the paper again, placing it back in the envelope and into the drawer. Hearing Polly and Ada read the letters out loud from Arthur and John as they laughed through the sniffles. It made her lean back into her chair, looking up from the ring to the ceiling.

"[Name]! What did Tommy say?" Ada ran into her office, leaning on the door frame. [Name] turns to the younger Shelby sibling.

"Wouldn't you like to know," She teased with a light-hearted smirk.

"Come off it, lemme see!" Ada skipped to the desk, sitting down on top as [Name] gave in and took out the letter again, handing it to Ada. She smiles brightly as she read over the letter.

"Oh, [Name], that's so nice...I've never heard him be so...well, that before," She laughed. The girl tsked and grabbed the letters back from the Shelby.

"You'd be surprised, he's quite the romantic," She arched a brow at Ada.

"Yeah sure..." She shook her head.

"How are John and Arthur doing?" She had asked, putting the letters back.

"As good as they can be, [Name]...as good as they can be..." She paused. "Have you talked to Martha?" Ada asked. [Name] shook her head.

"Is she still sick?" She asked, her voice laced with worry.

"We think so, Polly's gonna visit her after work today, give her some medicine make sure she's okay, but just don't say anything to Tommy about it...She doesn't want John to worry," Ada explained.

"Of course, your secret is safe with me," Her lips formed into a tight lipped smile.

"I'll leave ya to write your letters," Ada hopped off of the desk and left her office. [Name] lets out a heavy sigh, moving the record books out of the way to pull the typewriter forward, placing the paper in before thinking of what exactly to write. How she could pour her feelings into one letter. Taking her fingers away from the keys to take a quick prayer, the same prayer that Polly taught all of the girls at the shop.

---

It had been years since the men from Small Heath had left. During those years, the two of them wrote letters back and forth as often as they could. At some point the letters began to slow. Anyone could imagine the reason why. In the last letter Tommy sent, he gave [Name] an idea of what he had to endure. The carnage and violence was only the beginning. The deaths he encountered, the injury and damage that had happened to him physically and mentally was enough to hurt her. Just from reading it. It was the middle of July of 1918. She was writing another letter to Thomas.

Thomas,

I received your letter last night. I miss you more than words can describe. Everything is starting to feel like normal again, as normal as is can be. I suppose the women taking over the jobs while most of the male population being away was the norm for the time being. It was still strange though. However, business has been slow recently. Ever since Martha had passed Polly and I had been taking turns to take care of the kids. Cooking for them and cleaning up after them nearly every day was just as hard as I imagined, Martha made it look so easy. Please give John my condolences once again and that we are thinking of him. And let me know how he is holding up.

The horses are looking healthy, Curly has been taking good care of them. My mother and I take walks in your uncles yard after dinner nearly every night just to see how the horses are doing, and so far he has been doing a wonderful job.

As much as I want to keep this letter forward-looking and cheerful, I do hope you are doing alright Tommy. The last letter you sent me had me worried for you. You told me you were going to be in charge of digging tunnels to bury explosives, I just hope you make it out alive. You had been there for me when my father had passed, and I hope you will let me be there for you after this is all over. Of course I have no real insight of what you are going through, but I hope you are safe. You were always so determined and strong. Make us proud, you always do.

Please give my love and support to your brothers.

Your Love, [Name].

It took months to receive a letter back. Longer than usual, but you didn't question it as you knew his job was hard, but you'd be lying if part of you didn't think the worst. But those clouds that plagued your mind were clear upon seeing his letter. It was a short one this time, but you imagined that he barely had any time to write these days.

[Name],

I am writing this by candlelight, Danny and Freddie doing the same. Writing wills and writing home. I have left everything I had to the family, you included. I'm sorry it's not much or what we had planned, but this is inevitable.

Knowing what's waiting at home encourages me and I will do my best to come out alive.

I will make sure to relay your kind words to John next time I see him.

Until I write again, SMG, Tommy.

Her hands shook as she read over the short letter. Again and Again she couldn't believe what he was saying. She set the letter in the desk drawer, along with the other piles of letters, before shutting it. She didn't want to believe it, not one bit. She was still hopeful that he would live. He even said 'Until I write again,'...but she didn't expect the letters to completely stop coming after that. No matter how many letters she had sent his way, she still didn't receive one back.

Weeks had passed, as Ada and Polly were receiving letters back to back every week, while [Name] came to an empty desk, but she never told them, afraid to hear if they received his letters as well or not. It made her heart hurt to think of the possibilities.

On November eleventh, a boy ran through the streets blaring the news. The war had ended. There was a shift in the air after the news broke of the war ending and the men finally returning home. The entirety of Small Heath seemed to be rushing to prepare for the return of the soldiers. Even Polly seemed increasingly distracted as she prepared for the return of her nephews, leaning on [Name] to review additional books and records. But tensions arise further as the official date was announced of the soldiers arrival.

Ada and the other girls grew giddier with each passing day, making [Name] just want to smack them. She was happy for them of course but, how could she witness their excitement for their men if she hadn't heard from hers in months. When the day finally arrived, it felt like the entire town was rushing to the station. Polly and Ada were waiting in anticipation for the train to arrive, while [Name] kept her brows stern in worry as she kept her gaze to the cement floor. She honestly had no idea what to expect. If he wasn't to return she would be heartbroken, if he was she would be confused by the cold shoulder he gave her. The sound of people cheering and screaming caught her attention as the train approached. Polly and Ada pushed their way forward as the train came to a stop. [Name] made sure to hold onto Finn as tight as she could so he wouldn't get lost in the crowd.

"Where are they?" Polly asked, excitement seeping in her voice.

"I dunno, [Name], do you see 'em?" Ada asked as she pulled her quiet friend along. Her eyes barely scanned the area as families reunited in tears, the boys finding their family members and just melting into their embrace.

"Um..." [Name] tried to get a better look, but the hordes of people blocked her vision.

"[Name]!" Ada called next to her...and she felt your heart drop. "I see them! Aunt Pol, look! There they are!"

[Name] couldn't catch her breath as Ada pointed somewhere in the distance. She squealed as she pulled [Name] with her. The closer they got, the more her heart began to beat. It felt like it was going to beat right out of her chest. She almost didn't want to lay her eyes upon them. In fear she would end up like the women receiving bad news that their own soldier had died in the battlefield.

But, she finally looked up. Ada, Finn, and Polly running to hug Arthur and John. [Name] stood in her place as she met this eyes. Those icy blue eyes and suddenly the air flew back into her lungs.

He was alive.

"Thomas?" She called, he stared at her. "Thomas!" She took off from her planted state and ran towards him. Throwing herself in his arms as she held him tightly, his arms wrapped around her tightly as he burred his face into her neck, inhaling deeply. She smelled like florals, an exotic blend of jasmine and violet. She smelled like home.

"You're okay...you're alive," She whispered to remind herself that he was in the flesh. She lifted her head to look at him, tears flooding her eyes as she rekindled with him. His hair was cut, short on the sides and back, nearly to the root with longer hair on the top that draped just across his forehead. The square of his jaw was clenched and sunk at the cheeks, sharp cheek bones...sharp enough to cut glass. Dark circles under his eyes and pale skin, but the same freckles littered his nose and cheeks. He looked so different. But nothing could beat the look in his eyes. He looked like a man that had gone through hell.

She supposed he actually did.

"My love? Are you really here with me?" She asked him, bringing her hands up to his face.

"I am...[Name], I'm here," He slightly smiled at her as he kissed her forehead. She knew he was physically here, but part of her knew mentally...he was distancing himself.

As the days passed, his once beautiful, vibrant blue eyes turned dull and emotionless. Just like before, he was sweet with her at first, but he started to grow cold. On some nights, she would sleep in his small bed, just waiting for him to come home in the late hours. When he did come home late, he would be drunk and simply stumble into bed, the faint smell of roses on his neck. He was a shell of the man she used to love.

One morning, she walked into his office.

"We need to talk," She told him, standing in the doorway sheepishly. He barely looked up at her before lighting a cigarette.

"What is it [Name], I am extremely busy," He huffed. The woman rolled her eyes, clenching her jaw as she closed the door behind her and walked to his desk until she were standing in front of him.

"You have been acting strange with me all these weeks, Tommy...What's happened?" She finally asked.

"Nothing happened, [Name]…Is that all this is about?" He asked, standing to grab some books from his shelf to look over, still avoiding her eyes. She almost felt delirious as she just wanted him to look at her. Her eyes followed him.

"You barely talk to me-"

"We're talking now," He quipped. She refrained from tearing her own hair out at how dismissive he was being.

"Hardly..."

"What is the point of this conversation [Name]?" He asked, arching a brow as he went back to his desk, again her body followed him, facing him again.

"The point is you don't treat me like I matter to you anymore, you hardly treat me as your bride-to-be let alone a friend! Does our friendship even matter to you anymore?"

He stayed silent as he just kept his head down.

"For Christ sake Thomas, look at me!" She shouted in frustration. His head snapped up to look at her. Surprised she had raised her voice as she had been so quiet since his return.

"You want to know what really happened, [Name]? Eh?" He quickly stood up and stalked towards her, her breath shuttered a bit as she was backed away into the wall, he stood tall over her.

"I saw people die, for four fucken' years! I nearly died in those tunnels, drowning in the mud and still, you assume I'll forget that ever happened?!" He shouted, getting closer.

"I don't blame you for what happened while you were gone...I understand-"

"No you don't [Name], stop fucken' saying you understand me when you don't! You weren't there, you will never understand what happened to me out there!"

"So what changed Thomas?" She asked, her lip trembling a bit. "What did I do to make you treat me this way?"

He scoffed, shaking his head as he pushed himself off of the wall and distanced himself from her.

"I thought you died out there Thomas, you didn't respond to my letters for weeks, I...I was so scared, and to find out you were alive and now? You treat me like a stranger... What did I do wrong?" Her voice was stern, but even Thomas heard the unstable wavering of some of the words. Thomas eyed her, looking at her like she was some common woman, not his closest friend and love of his life.

"You drain me...just being with you is exhausting, I mean for fucks sake [Name], you cling to me more that a fuckin' leach from the cut,"

"A leach?...That's what you think of me now?" She shook her head.

He hesitated.

"So that promise you made me was all fake?"

'What can I say? France gave me clarity..." He shrugged. [Name] was fuming. This wasn't the man she loved. Not anymore.

"I don't know who you think you are, but I loved you Thomas...But you're not the man I fell in love with,"

Thomas bit his lip before reaching into his pocket to grab another cigarette. There was still light in his eyes but he was too deep in his memories of France that he couldn't get out. He hardly slept as he heard the digging in the walls every night. She would have made those noises from his head and those terrors in his dreams if he had just given her the chance. He'd rather spend his nights elsewhere getting drunk and sleeping with the prostitute he met shortly after returning home.

"The old me died in the tunnels..." He spoke softly. She wanted nothing but to just kiss him and tell him everything would be okay. But the memories haunted him. And therefor turned her love away.

"I suppose the new you doesn't have love for anyone?"

"No," He replied quickly.

She nodded slowly. Reaching into her left hand and debating if she wanted to return the ring he gave her before he left. Tears brimmed her eyes as she slipped the gold band off of her finger. Thomas' eyes widened ever so slightly as he watched her walk over to him, grabbing his hand and placing the ring in his palm before folding his fingers over it, moving past him as she left his office without any last words.

she had stormed to her own office, slamming the door and quickly gathering her thoughts before gathering her things. She had left the shop in silence, Polly had called her name as she watched [Name] leave without a trace.

"Where has she gone, why is she leaving?" She asked her nephews and niece before going to investigate the now empty office. Thomas watched in shameful silence as Polly confirmed that her things were gone. Though the reason was unknown, Polly accused of Thomas being the reason for the young woman's departure. After she had voiced her (harsh) words, she left him in silence again.

"Trouble in paradise?" His brother asked, smirking a bit after watched their aunt butchering him with her words.

"Shut up John," He rolled his eyes before returning to work.

---

[Tag List]

@mysticalbouquetwolf-posts @milljane @cyphah @diosa-ahre-blog @badlandsbrunette

#Spotify #peaky blinder fanfic #tommy shelby #thomas shelby #Tommy Shelby x reader #x reader #peaky blinders #peaky fucking blinders #tommyshelbyxreader #light angst #friends to lovers

[cosmic-crybaby]

Masterlist

Peaky Blinders:

Blue Skies:

Summary: Sparks fly when a self-sufficient, newly single mother meets the cold-hearted bachelor gangster of Birmingham. On their first outing, it was like everything in the world was asking for them to finally meet each other. But when fate intervenes, they soon find themselves suffering the reprocussions of their own decisions.

Let You Break My Heart Again:

Summary: After knowing each other since childhood, you and Tommy made a juvenile promise to get married one day. But that promise only turned into a renege when Tommy returned from France. Only he returned a completely different man.

---

The Last of Us:

TBA

---

Tokio Hotel:

TBA

#cosmicsmasterlist #masterlist #fanfic masterlist

[cosmic-crybaby]

Break My Heart Again - Tommy Shelby x Reader

Summary: After knowing each other since childhood, you and Tommy made a juvenile promise to get married one day. But that promise only turned into a renege when Tommy returned from France. Only he returned a completely different man.

Ratings: Mature, minors DNI

Warnings: Will be stated at the beginning of each chapter

1. Sign Of The Times

2. Would That I

3. The Other Woman

4. Let You Break My Heart Again

BONUS CHAPTER: 5. From The Start

---

If you would like to be on the tag list, please comment on this post!

#peaky blinder fanfic #tommy shelby #spotify #thomas shelby #tommyshelbyxreader #tommy shelby x reader #x reader #peaky blinders #light angst #angst and hurt/comfort #angst #friends to lovers

[cosmic-crybaby]

Break My Heart Again- Tommy Shelby x Reader

Part 1

Summary: After being childhood friends, you and Thomas made a promise one day to get married, but when he returned from France, he came back a completely different man.

Warnings: Angst, fluff, tommy before the war (Lowkey OOC) 

She's known Tommy almost all her life. They met one day at the cut when he was ten, trading cigarettes with the other kids, and she was eight, tagging along with her older cousin. It was merely a passing glance, maybe an introduction of names, but she hadn't seen him until years later. At the ripe age of twelve and fourteen, when he defended her when the older boys pulled at her hair and pushed her around. She was forever grateful to him after witnessing him take in three in a fight, punching the daylights out of one, shoving another's head into the mud, and threatening the third. 'If you ever come near her again, I'll fuckin' take your eyes!'. That was enough to scare them off. The two were almost inseparable ever since. Years of growing up together the two would often get into mischief together and cause trouble in the smoky streets of Small Heath. As [name] got a little older, the more she started to fall for the future gangster, and the more time passed, the more she started to change.

And of course, Thomas began to notice.

By the time they were seventeen and fifteen, the two delinquent teenagers seemed to be more than friends. The way Thomas would hold her hand as they run up the grassy hills, the way [name] would stare into his eyes as they lay on the grass under the shaded tree.

"I don't know what I would do without you, Tommy Shelby..." She spoke softly, her voice was like heaven to him. "I can't picture myself beside anyone else," She admitted. Thomas just stared into her eyes, his soft hands rising to brush his knuckles against her cheek, tucking away the pieces of hair that came undone from her clip.

"You don't have to...because I'm going to make a promise to you [name]," He suddenly sat up, causing her to sit up as well and gaze at him in confusion.

"What kind of promise?" She asked, curiously. He opens his mouth to speak then quickly closes it before thinking for a moment. Collecting his words carefully. Clearing his throat so his voice wouldn't crack, because he knew he wouldn't hear the end of it from her if that happened.

"That one day, when I have me own money and me own house, we will get married," He finished confidently. She sat there, her lips slightly agape.

"Stop joking around!" She laughed, swatting at his arm, causing him to laugh as well and to catch her hand before she should hit him again. This time both of his hands enveloped hers as he stared at her with a content smile.

"I'm being serious, trust me when I say I want to marry you one day [Name] [Lastname]!" He said, laughter hidden within his words. She thought for a moment then nodded once, reaching for his hand. She kissed the back of his hand, her soft lips were warm upon his skin.

"Okay, promise," She smiled lovingly as he returned the kiss on her hand before bringing her close to kiss her forehead.

"Promise,"

In the years that followed that day, she was by his side, even when he was starting to work at the betting shop with his family. At first, she was just there for moral support, but right when she finished high school Polly saw her potential and how educated she was, and on the spot, she was hired. Checking the maths and records in each book, making sure everything was in its place.

It was a dream being with Tommy at nearly every waking hour. Of course nothing would go beyond holding hands, gently touches, and friendly affection . But even when those were at a minimum, she was falling in love with him.

Her love for him only grew since they first met. It was unconditional love and ever since he made that promise to her, she only fell harder. It almost felt like she was already married to him. With the way he kissed her forehead or cheek, the way he was so kind to her and checked in on her work whenever he needed an escape, and how he would tell her he loved her. Every night after work when he walked her home. He would kiss her knuckles, her cheek, and her lips before saying.

"Goodnight [name], I'll pick you up in the morning, I love you,"

It wasn’t until she began to notice his slow distance from her. At first, she thought nothing of it as he wouldn’t give her as much affection as he normally did. Her hands grew cold as they were empty from his. His touch was slowly detaching from her own. The emotional distance was noticed quickly, but the physical distance made her heart cold. He went from seeing her every day to nearly every other day, now...she was lucky to even catch him at the betting shop.  As much as she wanted to convince herself that it was nothing, she couldn’t help the emptiness she suddenly felt. She had wondered what he was so busy with and deep down she had hoped he hadn’t gotten in any more trouble than he already was getting himself into.

The weeks and months went by, her resentment for Tommy only grew. On the days he went to the shop, she tried to make her presence known, nothing but a simple "Hi [name],"would be his response. Sometimes not even making eye contact with her.

One day, in 1914, he approached her in her office. She was too busy organizing files and writing down and calculating the records to make sure they were accurate. She didn't even notice his presence at first. He stood in the doorway, hands in his pockets as he stared at her, waiting for her to pay him any mind. 

“I’m busy,” She simply mumbled, seeing him in the peripheral vision of her eyes. He scoffs before stepping in further and closing the door behind him. 

“So that’s how you treat me now, eh?” He asked, sitting across from her in a chair. He was met with silence as she kept her eyes glued to the page. “[Name]” He called. 

Again, silence. 

Tommy suddenly slammed the book shut and grabbed the pen that was in her hand.

“Hey! I'm trying to work, you just made me lose my spot!” She shouts, quickly standing up as the chair behind her scrapped against the wood floor loudly.

Tommy just smirks. She stomp towards him to retrieve the pen back, but the older boy just held it above her head as he extended his arm up, barely just out of her reach. 

“Thomas, this isn’t funny!” She pleads. He just laughs. 

“There you are, finally acknowledging me,”  

She sighed in defeat and set herself back on her feet, holding his gaze with a glare.

“What do you want now? Go on with it, Polly needs these by the end of the day and she’ll have my neck if I don’t have em ready,” She crossed her arms over her chest. Tommy let his arm down, setting the pen on the desk. 

“What makes you think I want something?” He asked. Her eyes widened slightly. 

“I don’t see you for months and you barely even talk to me let alone look at me whenever you’re here, so this sudden change in behavior is quite a shocking one,” She explained, her tone still stern. She was met with his eyes, a guilty look on his face. 

“I know...I know and I do apologize-” 

“You were supposed to be my closest friend, Thomas...” She interrupted him. Her voice was calm, almost meek. 

“I am your closest friend, never forget that [name],” He held her slumping shoulders. She takes an exhale through her nose. 

“Listen to me...I’m sorry, I had some prior engagements that needed my attention,” He said quietly as he tried to get her to look into his eyes. 

“I know but I just wished you had just talked to me...I felt so alone,” 

Thomas held his breath and clenched his jaw. He couldn’t tell her now...Not yet at least. 

“When you’re with me, you’ll never really be alone,” He told her, holding her close. She knew there was some truth to his words but pushed herself away from him. 

“I have to get back to work,” She said. He rolls his eyes at her sudden coldness.

“I’m not leaving until I get a smile out of you...and maybe an ‘I love you’,” He smirked, still holding her, his hands on her shoulder blades. She scoffs, giving him a small, ingenuine smile. 

“Happy?” She asked. He shook his head. His hands slowly crept to her sides, going unnoticed by her. 

“Tommy...” He gave her that look. That look of mischief. “Don’t you dare-” But her warning came too late. His fingers began digging into her sides, it didn’t take long before she began giggling profusely. 

“Tommy stop! I can’t- I can’t breath!” She squealed in between fits of laughter as she tried to push his hands away. He was too strong. 

“Tell me you love me [name]!” He laughed. 

“N-No! Never!” She laughed, the tears in her eyes started to seep down her cheeks. 

“Say it [name] and I’ll stop!,” 

“Fine! I love you Thomas Shelby!” She gave in. The tickling had stopped, yet she barely caught her breath when Tommy pulled her close and picked her up from the ground and kissed her cheeks. 

“I love you too, [name] [lastname],” He said quietly. Looking into his eyes made her even forget why she was upset with him. He looked at her with perfect love in his eyes and a small smile on his lips as he quickly kissed her hand before leaving her to continue your work. 

 A week later, Tommy had told her the secret he had been keeping from her. Finally letting it out. 

“No...Tell me it’s a lie...” She was in denial. Shaking her head as the tears welled up her eyes. 

“[Name]-”

“No...”

“[Name] please...listen to me,” He approached. 

“Please don’t do this you don’t have to do this!” She cried. 

“We have to go, [name]...it’s the only choice,” He calmly stated. 

“To put your lives on the line? To leave your family behind to leave me behind?” 

The silence was daunting. She sniffled and turned away from him. 

“I understand the sacrifice you’re making, but I can’t bare the thought of my life without you...Arthur, John, you...You three have been in me life every day since I was a child, if you were to never come back I don’t know what I would do without you,” She shook her head as she choked up once again. 

“Don’t think of it that way, love...We will come back once it’s over...and when it’s over I will come back to you,” 

“Tommy...” She felt his hands on her shoulders as he stood behind her.

“You will be the one I am living for...who I am looking forward to come home to...” He steps in front of her, grabbing her cheeks in the palm of his hands as they locks eyes.

“I don’t want to lose you,” She whispered. He pressed his forehead to hers. Closing her eyes tightly to stop the tears.

“You won’t...I promise,” 

She has always known for Tommy to keep his promises. But deep own she wasn't sure if this was within his control. And it scared her. Shattered her heart and soul to know he was leaving in just a few weeks. Every day after that he spent every moment with her as if it were his last, even though it felt like it to her. 

The day the three Shelby brothers left, Polly, Ada, and Martha were in shambles. [Name] tried to stay strong but the second she approached the train station she began to tear up. 

She had said your goodbyes to John and Arthur first as she held off her departure from Tommy. She stood in front of him, he seemed to put on a brave face for his family and for her but she could read right through him. He was just as scared as she was. She embraced him tightly. 

“I will write to you every day...and pray for you three while you’re gone,” [name] told him. He nods quietly, he reaches into his pocket to pull out a small, simple, ring to held it to her.  

“Remember that promise we made when we were kids?” He asked. 

“That we’d get married one day?” She nods.  

“I am giving this to you, so that when I do return we will get married...That way I will come home with a purpose...to marry you,” He said. She gasped a bit as he slipped the golden band on her ring finger. 

“Just promise me you’ll never take it off, for as long as I live and love you,” 

“I promise,” She smiled at him. He gave [name] a quick kiss. The train whistle blows. 

“Come home to us soon...please,” She begs. He nods again before Arthur and John pulled him away to board the train. 

Watching the men wave off their families as the train took off was heartbreaking. The four women of Small Heath held onto each other, comforting each other when they watched the three men in their lives leave on a train. [Name] rested her head on Polly’s shoulder as she rubbed the young girls back, quietly sobbing beside her.

[Name] went home that day, sitting alone as she twirled the ring on her finger, counting the days until his first letter came. 

#Spotify #peaky blinder fanfic #tommy shelby #thomas shelby #tommy shelby x reader #x reader #peaky blinders #peaky fucking blinders #tommyshelbyxreader #light angst #friends to lovers

[cosmic-crybaby]

Blue Skies - Tommy Shelby

Chapter 18: 'Like Real People Do'

Warnings: Mentions of blood, childbirth, last chapter

Masterlist:

---

Months had passed since your relationship with Thomas Shelby had come to an end.

You had someone by your side with every step of the way. Now just a few weeks away from your predicted due date, Ada, Polly, and Esme were there to help you when you needed them. Even Alfie and John had stopped by a few times when you needed them to. But the Shelby women were there through it all. Esme had made an effort to be with you almost every day, even while she was expecting her first child herself.

Esme also kept Thomas' name to a minimum when it came to conversations with you, although she had wished she could gossip about the recent things he had done. Your mind had drifted back to him from time to time, wondering what he had gotten himself into now or how he was doing in that big mansion all alone. You stayed strong and refrained from reaching out to him for your own sanity.

Esme wore she would never give Tommy any kind of update on how you were doing, but Polly and Ada gave him some peace of mind after answering his burning and persistent questions.

“She’s doing just fine,” 

“Her and the baby are healthy,” 

“Yes, she’s still working,” 

But that was the extent of it all.

Tommy really had no idea how you were really doing, and even though you wanted to keep it that way, he still refrained from stopping by your bakery, or sending a peaky boy or two to keep watch on you and the kids. An extra measure to make sure you were safe. He knew you were smart, and would have spotted them right away, but again part of him wished that was the case so you could talk to him again.

But it was better this way, it kept him up at night, thinking you were all alone now. He stayed awake at night with the regret of ever hurting you and jeopardizing your relationship. The one night with Lizzie Stark caused his heart to shatter every night he went without you in his arms.

You, on the other hand, continued to care for your two children and work on your own for the most part, even if you slowed down the further you grew into your pregnancy. You eventually gave into Esme’s request to help you out when the days got busy or when you simply needed to rest. 

Tonight was Henry’s first orchestra concert. You were adamant on attending, no matter what. You sat in the front row with Elizabeth in the middle between you and her Aunt Esme. Watching him on stage along with the other kids of all ages. You gushed to Esme about how cute he looked in his suit, but went silent as they began to play. Listening to the beautiful symphony of classical music. You proudly gazed up at him on the stage as he focused on the sheet music and the movements of the bow on the strings. It was times like this where you were thankful that Thomas paid for violin lessons so he could perfect his skills on time for the show. Your smile dropped as you felt a sharp cramp to your side, inhaling quickly. Your hand quickly flew to your stomach for a moment until the pain quickly subsided. You managed to sit through the concert in uncomfortable silence, not wanting to miss a second of Henry’s performance. You shift in your seat as you take slow and deep breaths while rubbing your side to calm down. 

Once the curtains close and everyone applauds, you turn to Elizabeth. 

“Why don't you meet your brother backstage when he’s done?” You asked her. 

“Okay mum,” She nods, watching her stand from her seat and skip off to the side of the stage. Esme looked over at you, worried.

“What’s wrong, love?” She asked, moving to sit in Elizabeth's empty seat. You groan a bit, attempting to stand up but sit back down with a shocked gasp. You feel around your dress, as the clear liquid spilled down to your knees and into the floor. 

"I-I think my water just broke," 

You knew your due date was nearing quickly but you didn’t think the baby would come this early. Esme rushes to help you stand, grabbing your arm as you hissed at the aching pain in your back. 

“Come on love, not much time now,” She guides you to stand up. Just as you pass the stage, Elizabeth and Henry walk out. Henry held his violin case as he looked at you. You halt your steps. 

"Oh, you did amazing sweetheart," You smiled at him as he gave you a tight hug. 

"Thanks mum," As he let you go, you reached out for their hands. You glanced at Esme as she nods once to make a call to John.

"Okay, listen..." You paused, taking a deep breath. "We will drop you off at Aunt Adas and then we will come pick you up in the morning when-" 

"Rather than staying with their own father?" A strong voice said from behind. 

"Dad!" The two shouted happily as they ran to him and hugged him tightly. 

"Alfie?" You stood up straight with a groan. After he greeted the kids he approached you.

“No way in hell you’re gonna let my kids be watched over by a Shelby,” 

"Alfie I-”

" Right, I will be taking them for the night, I insist…" He dismissively told you. 

"You really never miss their performances," You told him quietly with a small smile. 

"Of course not, I fuckin' love my family," Even past his burley exterior, you could still see the love in his eyes.

"Mum?" Elizabeth looked up at you. You glance down at her. 

"Right! We'll get you in the morning when the baby gets here. okay?" 

Their eyes brightened up. 

"Okay mum," They said. You slightly bend down to pull them into hug them and give them quick kisses on their cheeks. 

"Stay safe, mum" Henry whispered in your ear. You nodded. 

"I love you, I will see you in the morning," You handed your children off to their father. Just then Esme had returned, rushing to your side.

"Thank you, Alfie," You smiled at him, wanting to just reach to hold his hand, but Esme grabbed your hand first after seeing the sweat beading on your forehead. 

"(Y/n)," She whispered. 

"I wish you well (Y/n), may God protect you, Love...stay safe," 

That was the first time you had seen him show real concern for you in a very long time. 

"Love, the car's here we've got to go," Esme rushed.

In the car, Esme sat in the backseat with you, helping you breathe through the sudden increase of pain as John drove like a madman back to your flat. As planned, you had arrived home and John helped you out of the car and into your bedroom. Esme was quick to call Polly and had her rushed over, since she was the only person you had trusted to help you deliver the baby and she lived only a few streets away. As you sat on the bed, hunched over and panting, John rubbed your back. Even though he had seen this many times before and witnessed the birth of his many kids and siblings, he still felt anxious for you as his hands shook.

"(Y/n) Polly is on her way but we need to get you ready," Esme hurried into the room, holding clean sheets and a large, thin night dress. She had ushered John out of the room, sending him to gather blankets, towels, and water. She helped you undress and put on your nightgown as you finally were able to catch your breath for just a minute before the cramping started up again, this time a loud cry erupting from your throat as you gripped onto the bed sheets. 

"Fucking Christ!" You shouted.

"You're doing great love just keep breathing," Esme calmed you, trying to keep your breathing regulated. She moved your hair out of your face as it stuck to your face the more you began to sweat. 

"Esme, it hurts! I can't do this!" You cried. 

"Yes you can! Just hold on, Polly's almost here," She comforted you. You whine as John entered the room, bringing the things Esme ordered. 

"She's here," 

It was like everything was a huge blur, you had no idea what was going on until Polly greeted you. Hasty, and trying to stay calm as she ordered John to get more water. 

"(Y/n), you've got a fever, you need to stay awake so we can get the baby out, okay?" She spoke clearly. You tiredly nodded. She helped you onto the bed, sitting up as she rubbed your back gently. In the midst of your next contraction you held Esme's hand tightly as Polly checked your dilatation. 

"You'll need to start pushing soon okay?" Polly asked, standing up to wash her hands and grab the pile of linens and towels.

"N-No, I can't, it hurts," You cried, your words coming out like slurs and your eyelids getting heavier. 

"Shit, John! Where is the fuckin' water?!" Polly shouted. The room began to spin as everyone in the room began shouting and yelling at each other. You couldn't comprehend what was happening. Not until you heard him call your name. 

"He just turned up, I couldn't tell him to leave, Aunt Pol he has every right to be here!" John argued. 

"I don't give a shit, he's hurt her in more ways than one and right now she needs help not a fucking reminder of the man who put her in this situation!" She argued. 

"She doesn't even want to hear your name, what makes you think she wants you here?!" Esme spit. 

"(Y/n)," He called. "I need to see her, please," He begged as he tried to push past Polly. She glared at him, refusing to let him through. 

"Only if she agrees," She noted. 

"She's delusional, she can barely speak!" Esme shouted. 

"Tommy?" You mumbled. A whimper left your throat as you looked towards the door. A moment of silence filled the room as he was let in, much to Polly and Esme's dismay. Thomas stood by you and held your hand as you looked at him with a dazed look in your eyes. Your face was pale, your pupils wide, as the sweat drips down your temples and neck.

"Hi love...I'm here now, I'm here for you," He nodded. 

"Polly-" You quickly turned away from Thomas as you called for his aunt. She walked to the bed once again, lifting the sheet to check your dilatation. With a focused face she ordered Esme to help. 

"Give her water, try to keep her cool because this baby is coming now," She hurried. Drinking the water quickly and shutting your eyes as you felt the need to push. 

"You're doing great, (Y/n) just keep breathing," Esme encouraged you as she dabbed your forehead with a damp towel. You nod once as you try to focus on your breathing. The impending pain made you open your eyes as you frantically reached for Esme's hand. Esme held you close, looking up at Thomas to step up and do the same. He was almost frozen in his place as he stared at her.

"Tommy," You called for him again, holding your hand out as he tightly squeezed. You cried out in pain

"It'll be okay, keep going," He looked at you with wide eyes. 

"Fuck!" You cursed loudly as you threw your head back. 

"Almost there (y/n) almost there! One more!" Polly affirmed. It seemed like everything had gone by within the blink of an eye. One last push and one last cry from you and it was all over. The pain became numb as your legs trembled. The warmth of the blood drenched your sheets as Polly gasps in relief. Far too exhausted to lift yourself up to get a proper look at the little bundle as Polly cleaned them up. Your vision begins to double as you sink back into the pillows. The muffled sound of Esme and Tommy calling your name was almost deafened when you heard the coos and crying of the baby. You felt your eyes get heavier and heavier as the sweat and heat began to get too much for you. And with that, you were out. The room was worried for you. Trying to wake you up but the fever, the pain, and the blood loss had all hit you at once. 

That summer, Elizabeth and Henry were sitting on an old blanket on the grassy hills under the trees. The very same spot Thomas had taken them, chasing the ducks and flying paper airplanes over a year ago. The sun was warm and bright as the birds sang and the children laughed. A basket full of food and sweets sat beside them, Henry was restraining himself from sneaking a taste of the apple dumplings. You had approached behind them, the small baby in your arms as you set the small bag of necessities for the baby on the grass before you sat down. 

"Can we take Evelyn to look at the ducks, mum?" Elizabeth asked, the baby cooed and giggled as she grasped onto your fingers. 

"Yeah, let's go before Aunt Esme arrives," You nod as you stand up, and approach the small pond. She was still small, but her chubby hands grasped at the water, giggling as the little gold fish scattered whenever she wiggled her fingers. You chuckled as Elizabeth and Henry fed bread to the ducks, screaming and laughing as the ducks quacked and chased them around if they held the bread for too long. 

"(Y/n)!" Esme had called. You stood up, looking at the top of the hill, holding your hand over your brow to shade your eyes from the sun. She waved happily, the baby in her arms bundled close to her chest. John's kids greeted Henry and Elizabeth before they gathered to run about the hill. The two of you sat on the blanket, watching the kids kick a ball around, their laughs were carried with the wind. Behind you, in the car, John stood. Smoking a cigarette. 

"You alright, brother?" John turned to his older brother. Thomas leaned against the car. You didn't know he was there, and he didn't want to be known. He held the cigarette in his mouth as his hands were shoved in his pockets. He heavily sighs. 

"Yeah..." He mumbled. He hoped to get a glimpse of your new life. You looked happy, laughing with Esme as you held the baby by the hands as she took wobbly steps. The small glance he got at her, in her bright blue eyes. She looked just like a perfect combination of the both of you. It ached him that he had to keep his distance when all he wanted was to be next to you, holding the babe in his arms just as you were now. 

"Why don't you go talk to her?" John asked. He didn't completely understand why Thomas couldn't just man up and talk to you again. But it was more complicated than that. 

"I can't John," 

"Why not? Tom, you were meant to be, just give it a try," 

The days after Evelyn was born, Thomas tried to reignite that spark in you. And as much as it saddened you, you declined.  Your heart wanted you to go back to him, but every other part of you didn’t want to get hurt again. It just wasn't going to work. The amount of times he had hurt you was just too much to overlook the times he cherished you.

"Perhaps meant to be just wasn't for us, John..." 

You picked Evelyn up, lifting her up in your arms before bringing her down to give her a kiss. She squeals as you do it again and again. 

"That's bullshit," John muttered, flicking the end of his burnt out cigarette onto the gravel road. Thomas only took his hand out of his pocket to do the same. Shaking his head, swallowing thickly as he felt the lump in his throat grow the more he watched you. 

And you smiled, maybe not at him, but after all this time you still smiled, so he smiled too. He quickly looks down, licking his lips before pushing himself off of the car. 

"Let's go," He mumbled as he got into the driver's side. He gave you one last glance. Evelyn looked at you before turning her head to Thomas. Locking eyes with him. It was like he lost his breath at just how beautiful she was. Making him think, just how could someone as cold and deadly as himself make something so warm and beautiful. 

"What are you looking at, love?" You asked Evelyn, she looked at you then back to the road. Pointing a chubby finger in that direction. Confusion washed over your face as you looked over your shoulder. You both stared at each other, doing and saying nothing until you lifted your hand to give him a small wave, as a comforting smile formed on your face. Thomas returned the gesture before driving off. Your eyes followed the car until you couldn't see it anymore. 

"You still love him, don't you?" Esme calmly asked. You looked down, swallowing a bit before silently nodding. 

"That's okay...You made the right choice," She scooted closer to you, putting a comforting hand over yours. You nod again, your breath shuttering as you look up. The golden sun casting a glow on your skin as you wiped your tears. 

"We were always made for each other, just never made to last,"

---

This was the final chapter of 'Blue Skies' I really hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I have another Tommy Shelby story in the works that will be posted soon! In the mean time if you would like a bonus chapter with Tommy x (yn) or Alfie x (yn), feel free to let me know.

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#peaky blinder fanfic #peaky blinders #thomas shelby #tommy shelby #tommy shelby x reader #arthur shelby #john shelby #esme shelby #polly shelby #polly gray #ada shelby #alfie solomons #grace burgess #lizzie stark #one night stand #angst #angst and hurt/comfort #bittersweet #strangers to lovers #lovers to friends #friends to strangers

[cosmic-crybaby]

you’re just some twerp little faggot pretending to know things abt the real world

i’m obsessed with the way this is worded, reblog if you’re just a twerp little faggot

[cosmic-crybaby]

OH… oh

[cosmic-crybaby]

Blue Skies - Tommy Shelby

Chapter 17: 'On My Own Again'

Warnings In This Chapter: Nothing much, just some fluff. Lowkey filler chapter.

Masterlist:

---

When you awoke the next morning, you were in your bed alone.

The first thing you remembered was the fight you had the night before. And just how scary it had gotten. 

Looking around the room, not used to how lackluster it all looked compared to Thomas’ room. The only thing you really missed was the luxury of sleeping in a large bed with only the finest silk sheets to keep you warm at night. You didn’t miss Thomas. Not one bit after last night. Every time he ran across your mind, you felt a small kick to your side, sometimes you even felt nauseated. However, the somber feeling resonated within your chest as the tears threatened to fall and soak the pillow under your cheek. You had made a call to Alfie that morning, asking to take the children a few days earlier than usual so they wouldn’t have to see you in your condition. Alfie didn’t ask any questions, not having to even ponder what had happened, as the sadness in your voice when you said his name gave it all away. You tried your best to stay strong in front of your children when they were picked up. Elizabeth noticed right away, but didn’t say a word, as to not worry her younger brother. 

"I love you, mum..." She whispered to you, her hand squeezing yours. Within a few moments, they were gone to London. You had locked yourself in your room, not bothering to go to work that day. You rewarded yourself with a day off, you needed it. 

Rubbing a comforting hand over your stomach, knowing the baby might feel all of the emotions you were going through. It was an attempt to soothe it and bring it the comfort you didn’t have at the moment. The more you sat in your silence, the more you began to realize something about your relationship with Thomas. For the most part, he showed you how to love again. Showed you how to remember after all those years of almost forgetting what love was. But Thomas Shelby also brought you so much pain and anger. You didn’t expect Thomas to hurt you the way he did, but you knew deep down that you were thinking too highly of him. This made you feel even more upset with yourself, knowing that Esme was just trying to warn you. But of course, you overlooked them. 

Your resentment for Tommy dominated the fact that the both of you did the ten things you had discussed the night you first met.

It took a few days for you to get back on your feet again, finally feeling some kind of motivation to work. 

It was the middle of the day, you were just cleaning up some tables and taking the dirty tea cups into the back sink to clean them. Your task had to come to a stop once you heard the familiar bells chime as the heavy wooden door opened and slammed shut. 

"I'll be right with you!" You called, groaning a bit as you opted to just place the cups in the sink, reminding yourself to finish it up later when you had the chance. 

"What can I get for-" Your words got caught in your throat once you exited the back kitchen. Your eyes went wide as you looked at the person you'd least expect. 

"Hi love," Her voice was calm. Her hands were clasped one over the other in front of her. 

"Esme," You were surprised. The two of you stood there for a moment until she opened her mouth to speak first. 

"I just wanted to ap-" 

"No," You stopped her, moving past the back counter to stand in front of her. Taking slow steps towards her. 

"I should be the one apologizing, Esme...I am so sorry for not believing you..." You shook your head as you felt yourself choking up already.  "I should have listened to you, I don't know how I could be so selfish," You rambled. 

Esme took fast steps towards you, noticing how your eyes glossed and your nose turned red. Engulfing you into a tight, and much needed hug and closing the space between you. Hushing you as you allow her embrace and wrap your arms around her. 

"You're not selfish, (Y/n) you were in love," She paused. "Ada was asking about you and when Tommy told her what happened, she told Polly and Polly told me...If it makes ya feel any better they're angry with him right now, especially Polly...you might be expecting a visit from her soon," Her voice filled you with warmth as she pet your hair. You sniffled, resting your head on her shoulder. 

"I don't have the heart to face them again, Esme..." You meekly replied. 

"What do you mean?" She asked, pulling away from you. 

"It broke my heart when my parents died before I could even say good-bye, it's breaking my heart again that my new family is forced out of my life because of him," Your voice was full of pain, yet the spite was still evident in your tone. 

"Even if that is the case, the Shelby's will never truly leave your life...Even if you aren't with Tommy anymore, they adored you and they will never leave your side," She comforted you. You look up at her finally. 

"Should I move so he can't fine me...or-" 

"Even if you did leave he would still find a way to find you..." 

"What should I do now?" 

She took a deep breath and held your face with her small hands. Looking at her made you feel at ease, for once. Her kind eyes and warm smile gave you a sense of safety. 

"Live your life...You can still do that, can't you?" 

You nod. 

"With or without him, I will still be by your side through this...okay?" She asked. 

After what felt like days, you finally made up your mind about Thomas. You had told Esme to relay the message to Thomas. That was the last and final straw. You felt desolation after you came to the realization that you and your children would never see him again. You loved him too much for his own good and he ruined that. It took you days to finally feel normal in your life without him.

 Esme was proud of you and therefore you were proud of yourself. 

---

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#peaky blinders #peaky blinder fanfic #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby #tommyshelbyxlizziestark #arthur shelby #john shelby #esme shelby #polly shelby #ada shelby #lizzie stark #grace burgess #alfie solomons #angst and hurt/comfort #angst #hurt/comfort #fem reader #strangers to lovers #lovers to friends #friends to strangers #one night stand

[cosmic-crybaby]

Do you have a master list?

Yes!

The only story I have uploaded right now does have a masterlist.

Of course, the more stories I upload, the more I will add to the masterlist.

#peaky blinder fanfic #peaky blinder imagine #peaky blinders #tommyshelbyxreader #tommy shelby

[cosmic-crybaby]

Hello My Dears,

So sorry for the slow updates on 'Blue Skies', next chapter will be up soon. I am currently in the process of writing not one, not two, but three other stories!

One of them, which will be released first, is another Tommy Shelby angst story (I can't seem to keep away from the angst at the moment).

The second is the Joel Miller x reader I made the poll for a few months ago. That ones coming along well ;).

And lastly, I couldn't help myself. The Tokio Hotel Fandom had completely taken over me once again, and I returned to my childhood roots. That one won't be uploaded for a while, though, but I am super excited for you all to read it.

All in all, I could start uploading them now, but I simply have no time to constantly update the stories each week. I want a pretty reliable and organized uploading schedule. So. For the sake of my own sanity and my neurodivergency, I will be uploading one at a time. Or else I will get overwhelmed.

Thank you for tuning into this authors note, I will see you all soon when the next chapter of Blue Skies is updated.

-River Styx ♡

#peaky blinder fanfic #peaky blinders #blue skies #joel miller x reader #the last of us #tokio hotel #bill kaulitz #tom kaulitz #tommy shelby x reader #tokio hotel fanfic

[cosmic-crybaby]

Blue Skies - Tommy Shelby

Chapter 16: 'You're No Good For Me'

Warnings In This Chapter: Hinted affair, mentions of blood, manipulation etc etc. ANGST

Masterlist:

---

It took you almost twenty minutes to calm your children down.

Reassuring them that things were going to be okay. But even you yourself were unsure. Giving them a tight hug and a kiss goodnight, making sure to tell Frances to stay with them until they fell asleep, before you entered the bedroom.

You didn't want them to hear the absolute terror you were about to unleash.

Thomas sat on the bed, his jacket discarded and his white shirt somewhat unbuttoned. His hand was still wrapped in the blood-stained cloth from the dining table. You harshly slammed the door behind you, making the room rattle, approaching him and stopping to stand in front of him with your arms crossed.

“You lost your temper with my kids, Thomas…That can never happen again, do you understand?” 

He only nods once before he purses his lips and looks up at you.

“Your kids are out of control,” He stated with raised brows and condescension behind his words. Your brows furrowed in confusion. 

“They’re fuckin’ kids! That is how kids behave when they’re tired, hungry, and disappointed,” You listed. He arched a brow at you. 'Disappointed' he repeated with a bitter laugh.

“I told you I wasn’t ready for this, didn’t I? I warned ya…I fuckin’ warned ya,” He pointed a finger at you with his non-injured hand before he stood up and struggled to unknot his tie with one hand, taking strides to his wardrobe. You stood in your place as you stared at him, bewildered.

“It’s not that hard to ask for help, you could have asked your Aunt or your sister for help, but it’s a little too late to turn back now,” You shook your head in disbelief.

“Yeah, I am sure Aunt Pol would have some great advice on how to discipline your kids for you,” He simply said with a small glance. Perplexed, you screwed your brows together. 

“Don’t you dare,” You seethed.

“What?” He taunted, walking to his wardrobe to put his clothes away. 

“Don’t you dare blame my kids, the only person acting like a child tonight was you!” 

He exhales heavily as he slammed the door to the wardrobe shut before turning to you, the obvious frustration on his face. His normal glacier eyes were dark like the darkest depths of the ocean as he wore a stern look on his face. He approached you, at least a few inches away from your face. Under any other circumstances, he would just be a kiss away. And everything would have been forgotten.

“I’m acting like a child?” Shock laced his question.

“Yes, you are,” You argued. You looked down and reached for his wrist, bringing it up to show him. “You slammed your hands so hard, that you broke a fucking glass and you cut yourself…you threw a tantrum just like a fuckin’ baby,” He jerked his hand away from you. He wasn’t in any pain, his anger numbed it.

“I have made big sacrifices for you…huge fuckin’ sacrifices, I am behind on my work because I spent all my time with you-” 

“And you think I haven’t? I have to commute at least forty minutes back and forth everyday,” You interrupted. 

“And that wouldn't have been a problem if you just took everyone’s advice and hired someone to help you,” He said quietly. 

You took a deep breath before speaking again. 

“You walked into my family…my beautiful family that took years to grow and create, one that you would have started by now if you had any strength, courage, or restraint,” You stepped back from him, glaring at him with disgust. “Esme was right, you’re unstable…I get it…work is hard but that does not give you the right to act the way you do,” 

“And how is that, (Y/n)?” His condescending tone was pushing you closer and closer to the edge. Your blood boils with every second. 

“Oh, would you like me to list it off for you, Thomas?” You asked. “Your terrible temper, your unstable mood, your drinking problem, and the fact that I found snow in your office and opium in your nightstand!” You yelled. 

He chuckled.

“Ah, after all this time…I still stand by what I assumed,” 

“Which assumption would that be? Because you’ve made so many,” You laughed. You stood far away from each other. You were by your vanity while he leaned against the bedpost. 

“You pretended to be drunk to get me to fuck you, get you pregent,” 

You both fell silent. The only noises in the room were your heavy breaths and the crackling of the wood in the fireplace as the flames cast an intimidating shadow upon your face. Your chest heaved up and down rapidly as you gulped down the lump in your throat as your hands moved to rub your stomach, protectively as the baby began to move about and kick. 

“Oh God…How could you say that?” You asked yourself as you turned away from him. You held your hand over your mouth to side the sobs as you bent over, one hand leaning on the vanity. Thomas slowly approaches you and attempts to hold you. 

“This is just an obstacle…eh? Listen to me…Listen to me (Y/n), I am sorry I shouldn’t have said that, this was only a setback,” 

You pulled your arms away from his touch. Overwhelmed by everything around you. His smell, his touch, his voice, the hot temperature of the room, the weight of the baby, everything had you wanting to just tear your hair out and scream. 

“No…No this isn’t a setback, Thomas…this is a fuckin’ disaster!” 

“I warned you that the stress of what I do and the stress of this is going to ruin our relationship-” 

“The stress of what?” You asked, turning to him with tears in your eyes. 

“Having a baby together,” He answered. You shook your head. 

“No…Three…” You held up your shaky hand, showing three fingers. “Thomas…Three children!” 

“I didn’t even ask for one!” His voice boomed.

“You act like you’re the only one who fucked up their life,” 

He shook his head before he sat down at your vanity chair, picking up a cigarette to rub it across his lips before lighting it.  

“I guess that’s what happens…” He took a deep breath. “When strangers get drunk and fuck,” he exhales the smoke. 

You paused and swallow thickly. Your eyes scanned him. Until you spotted the red smudge on the collar of his shirt, the red and purple spots on his clavicle. Everything seems so clear now. Your eyes began to tear up as you gasp in doubt.

"I knew it," You muttered as you looked away. Thomas lifted his head to look at you.

"I fucking knew it!" You shouted, picking up a glass perfume bottle and raising it to throw it at him, Thomas quickly leaves the vanity chair and rushes to the washroom, dropping the cigarette as the glass bottle shattered against the hardwood as it merely missed him.

"What the fuck?!" He shouted from behind the door. He could only hear you shouting, crying and the loud crashing of only what he assumed was you breaking the valuables on the vanity. He scrambles to look in the mirror, cursing to himself as he looked at the love-bites and the lipstick that were evidently clear now that he was sober.

"You're a fucking coward Thomas Shelby!" You cried as you leaned against the door.

"It was nothing (y/n), you're overreacting!"

You chuckled sourly. leaving the door to sit on the bed. Thomas cautiously opened the door, looking out into the room, the broken glass of the beauty products were haphazardly spread across the floor. There you sat, tears glistening on your cheekbones as you looked down at the floor.

"(y/n)…please," He held his uninjured hand out as if you were a wild animal. You tsked and roll your eyes at him.

"Oh please, Thomas..." You mumbled.

He threw his hands up, breathing heavily.

"Humor me, Thomas..." You started, slowly standing up. "Who was it?"

"I don't know what you're-"

"Stop lying for one second and tell me!" You snapped. He blinks, his body seemed less tense as he conjured up the courage to tell you.

"You know who," He simply stated.

"At least have some courage and say her fuckin' name...you owe me that at least,"

Thomas licks his lips and looks down. Suddenly feeling brave he says her name. It felt like a curse leaving his lips.

"Lizzie Stark,"

You nod bitterly, crossing your arms over your chest. 

“I’m packing my shit and I’m leaving…tonight,” You told him, turning back around to pack whatever little you had left into a trunk. He watched as you then went into your children's room to wake them up and help them pack a small bag, fetching some maids to help you take them to the car as you threw whatever gifts, dresses, jewelry, other materialistic things he got for you onto the floor. Throwing your coat on as you made your way down the stairs with Frances’s help. Your children, although confused and still tired, sat in the backseat of the company car, knowing this was the last time you would have that kind of luxury. You sat in the middle as they rested their heads on your shoulders and cuddled into your sides. A single tear escaped your eye as the car began to take off down the long entry path. If only Thomas knew of the agony you felt in your heart.

Thomas stood outside, watching in somberness as you left. Without a goodbye and second glance. You and Thomas had argued before, of course but it never got this bad. It was always resolved by the morning, but he feared that this was the last time. 

He wanted to cry, scream, and yell over the fact that he really fucked up his last chance with you. He loved you more than words could say. As the car disappears into the dark distance he retreats back inside. 

"Should I assume she is coming back, sir?" Frances asked. 

"That...I am unsure, Frances..." He shook his head. 

"Please get some rest, Mr. Shelby...have some peace of mind," 

And so he did. He tried at least. He cleaned up most of your mess but as he laid in bed he held the engagement ring between his fingers. You had left it on your vanity before you took off. 

Oh how beautiful it would have looked on your finger when you got married. 

---

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#peaky blinder fanfic #peaky blinder imagine #peaky blinders #tommyshelbyxlizziestark #tommyshelbyxreader #thomas shelby #tommy shelby #arthur shelby #john shelby #esme shelby #ada shelby #polly shelby #lizzie stark #grace burgess #alfie solomons x reader #angst and hurt/comfort #hurt/comfort #angst #x reader #fem reader #strangers to lovers #lovers to friends #one night stand #manipulation

[cosmic-crybaby]

Blue Skies - Tommy Shelby

Chapter 15: 'Alone Tonight'

Warnings In This Chapter: Hinted affair, excessive alcohol consumption, arguing, Thomas really messing things up for himself etc. etc. etc.

Masterlist:

---

The distance between you had only grown with the passing weeks.

The more time had passed, the more Thomas had to work. The more he was gone, the more you realized you had been sleeping alone most nights. You understood how busy he was and how his job and family relied on him to make the right choices, but you were a part of his family too, You wanted to keep reminding him, but you knew it was useless when he couldn't put off business any longer.

It was the the night before Elizabeth's performance, and you had finally caught a moment with him. You didn't want to be a bother as you caught sight of him sorting through endless piles of papers on his desk.

"Thomas..." You meekly called as you stepped through the threshold and into the office. He looked up at you for just a moment. And in the split second, you saw just how overworked he was, slowly being consumed by his work. He acknowledged your presence with a small raise of his brow. His blue eyes lit up behind his glasses. "I didn't want to bother you, but I wanted to remind you that tomorrow is Elizabeth's first performance, and she really wants you to be there," You told him, walking further into the room. By the time he nods at your words, you were already at the front of his desk.

"You could have told Francis to deliver the message to me instead of getting out of bed to tell me yourself...you know you need to rest more now that you're further along," He simply stated.

"I wanted to deliver it to you myself so you know just how important this is,” You stood up straight, making sure it was known to him that you were not to be taken lightly at that moment. 

“I’ll surely be there,” He sighed.

“If you can’t make it, tell me now so-” You rambled. Thomas takes a heavy, slightly frustrated sigh. 

“(Y/n),” 

You shut your mouth as he stated your name. ‘Hm?’ You hummed, raising your brows in acknowledgment.

“I would want nothing more than to be there, I promise I will go,” He calmly stated. You nod once. 

“It’s late, please try to come to bed tonight,” You reminded him of the time. By this time he was fully invested with his work again as he just hummed at your request. Without another word you were gone. You read his actions loud and clear before going back to the bedroom, holding on to the railing to help you along the way. You slept alone that night once again. 

The next day was a busy one. Your kids were taken to school in the company Bentley  as you were off to work. Sitting in the office, doing some last minute paperwork and orders for inventory. Ever since you started seeing Thomas, you and your family were put on the protection list, on behalf of the Peaky Blinders. Thomas even managed to have your bills paid and taken care of. It made you feel uneasy to have your independence taken away, but you wouldn’t emasculate him when you knew he was doing it to not only ensure you were taken care of but to ensure you put all of that money into your own wallet for once. The Peaky boys would often linger around the front and back of the bakery to make sure you weren't in harms way. It's not like you ever were in the first place.

Winter was slowly rolling in and you were preparing hot drinks and baked goods for the customers who just wanted to keep warm during the cold seasons. You even offered to serve hot whiskey cider to the workers who came in at the end of their shifts when the snow really kicked in. 

And that was why you were everyone’s favorite baker. 

After you had closed up the shop, you were picked up and taken on the trip back to Arrow House. You got yourself and Henry ready for Elizabeth's first big performance at the ballet. Frances was there to help get Henry dressed. You struggled to clasp your earrings on you asked her: 

“And where the fuck is Thomas, we’re late!” 

Much to your knowledge, he was in his office. The pub was lively that night, but he was sitting like a dead corpse at his desk. Smoking a dull cigarette while staring into the flames of the fireplace. The music and laughter muffled by the thick, wooden doors. The heat filled the room but Thomas was still as cold-hearted as ever. Thomas was a smart man after all, but his weakness had just strutted through the door. Holding an even bigger vice than herself, right in her thin hands. Two crystal glasses and brand new bottle of whiskey. 

If his recent days hadn’t been so hectic he would have declined her advances and her offer to share a drink. And maybe he would have remembered the promises he made.

At the theater, the show was just starting. You sat in the second row, your son beside you to your left and an empty seat to your right. You watched in amazement and excitement as you spotted her on stage amongst the other swans. Her small height compared to the taller women giving herself away. She looked so beautiful and grown up it nearly made you cry. She didn’t show any sort of hesitation or insecurity as she hit every step, spin, and leap in tune with the orchestra. But in the back of your mind, you still wondered where Thomas was. 

“Why aren’t you out there? Arthurs’ just started singing,” She chuckled as she closed the door behind her, drowning out the loud noise and music. 

“Lizzie,” He blinked at her as she sat in the chair across from his desk. The red dress she wore exposed her shoulders and her long arms, the necklace that hung around her neck was shining under the lights. 

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” He asked, sitting up and putting the cigarette out in the ashtray. Assuming she was inquiring about her job. She shrugs a bit, setting the whiskey and cups on the desk in front of him. 

“I just wanted to speak with you,” She reached for one of his cigarettes, and being the gentleman he was, he lit it for her. She continued to speak, but he began to drown her out. 

He eyes the alcohol for a moment before clearing his throat and reaching to check his pocket watch. He could have sworn he had somewhere to be, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. 

“I didn’t ask you to put anything on my schedule for tonight, did I?” He interrupted. It was unlike him to forget things so easily. 

“Um…” She paused to think, but it came up empty and she shook her head. “No, you didn’t tell me anything about tonight. Why, am I keeping you from attending something important?” She asked. His gaze was distant as he slightly shook his head. 

“I suppose not, now…what did you want to speak to me about?” He asked. He watches as she stands up to open the bottle and pour him a glass as well as herself. Watching him as he took a small sip, longing for his touch again…missing him deeply. Loathing him for what he did behind her back. But then again, she still wondered…

“Are you happy, Tommy?” 

“No…No not always,” He gruffly answered, but his answer was honest nonetheless. But, she already knew that. Everyone already knew that he wasn’t a happy person. After France, after Grace and Charles, after constantly worrying about losing his family. But then, there was you. You helped him little by little to gain that happiness again. To maintain that feeling of being alive. 

But that was only temporary when Luca Changretta had his family's names engraved on bullets. 

“But there are things in me life that help…still working on those things,” He said. Lizzie nods along. 

“What things?” 

“Being a good man…a good father,” 

She hums. 

“Yeah…kind of wished you worked on that when we were together,” She takes a deep inhale of her cigarette. And if Tommy Shelby wasn’t so cold already, her words would have cut him like a knife. 

“Why did you do it?” She finally asked after they sat in their silent tension. He set his glass down, looking away from her. 

“I wasn’t in love with you,” He told her honestly. She held her stare on him for a moment. Nodding bitterly. 

“You’re a fuckin’ liar,” She accused. Tommy chuckled as he leaned back in his office chair with a creak. 

“If you really didn’t love me, you would have let me marry John, or fired me after I spoke to your mistress, or wouldn't have given me this fucking job in the first place…so explain that to me, you at least owe me this,” Her eyes were glossy with hot tears. The blinder hesitated before he took one last finishing gulp of the whiskey in his cup. 

After the performance, you waited for her in the hall of the theater. She skips to you and Henry, already carrying a  bouquet of roses, wearing her boots and a coat over her leotard. Her hair and makeup are still on. She smiled brightly as you opened your arms to engulf her into a hug. 

“You did amazing!” You praised her proudly, letting her go as Henry stood beside you. 

“I saw you almost tripped,” He teased. 

“Shut up,” She nudged him 

“Henry that’s-” You started to scold the younger son before you noticed Elizabeth glance around the room. 

“Where is Thomas?” She asked, her smile was still on her face but you saw the faintest dismay. 

“He really wanted to come, Love but he got stuck at work,” You lied. You had hoped that was the case, but even you weren’t sure. You rubbed her shoulder comfortingly. She stutters. 

“That’s okay, can we just go home? I’m starving,” You nodded, your arms over her shoulders as Henry held your other hand, slowly leading them out of the theater and to the car. 

At home, you tried your best to hide your disappointment in your fiancé, who still hadn’t shown up. But regardless, the three of you sat at the dining table as the maids served Elizabeth’s favorite dish. Roasted chicken, potatoes, salad, and bread. It was simple compared to the other dishes the kitchen staff make, but it was more than enough for your family. In her opinion, your home-cooked meals were better. 

“Did you know dad came tonight?” Elizabeth stated as she picked up her silverware. 

“Was he the one who brought the roses?” You asked, desperately wishing you could guzzle some wine to distract you from the growing stress in your chest. The feeling of dread coming and going with every ticking second on the clock.

“Yeah...he sat in the back, he saw me just before you did,” 

“That’s nice, darling I’m glad he came,” 

‘At least he made an effort, can’t say the same for Thomas,’ You bitterly thought. Your eyes were dark as you stared at your plate. Aggravation causes your appetite to greatly decrease.

“Should we wait for Thomas?” Henry asked. You shook your head. 

“Go ahead and eat,” You gave permission as you moved the food around your plate, attempting to at least eat. You, rather aggressively, cut into your chicken as your silverware clanked on the ceramic plates. Your children watched you, giving each other a knowing glance to not ask as they followed and hesitantly began eating. You heard the heavy footsteps of your fiancé walking into the room. “Sorry I’m late,” He apologized as he went around the table, rubbing Elizabeth's shoulder and tussling Henry's hair before he approached you. Henry fixed his hair as he smiled up at him while Elizabeth gave him the silent treatment. He placed a hand on your shoulder before kissing your temple. “Hello, sweetheart,” He whispered. Your lips form into a tight line before you acknowledge him. Your jaw clenched a bit as you refrained from pulling away from his touch. He sat down in his own seat across from you. 

“I’ve been trying to reach you for hours,” You stated, a hint of displeasure in your voice as you take a sip of water. 

“I was at work,” 

“All day?” You quickly shot back. 

“Yes, darling I was stuck at work and then I attended a very important family meeting,” His tone slightly changed, exhausted from his long day and the interrogation he had to go through with you. As he got situated, the only noise was your children eating and quietly whispering back and forth. 

“Well, Elizabeth did amazing tonight,” You reminded him after clearing your throat, keeping your eyes down on your plate. Thomas formed his lips in a thin line, internally scolding himself. He knew deep down he had forgotten something important. He glances at you but your eyes were elsewhere, the dead and tired look in his eyes showed only a bit of guilt as he looked from you to your daughter. 

“Elizabeth,” He called. She only continued to eat, not looking at him when he spoke. “I had a terrible and busy day at work today, but I apologize for not showing up tonight, I was really looking forward to seeing you,” 

Elizabeth just glanced at him. 

“It’s fine…” She simply said before going back to pushing her food around her plate. 

“You know, next time you’re going to be this late, I would at least appreciate a call,” You told him, quietly enough so only he could hear. 

“And next time when I have a shit day at work, I would appreciate it if you didn’t badger me the second I walk through the door,” He said in the same volume, but in a more apathetic tone. 

Your eyes scanned him, examined him as he just stared at his plate. Your eyes quickly scan your children before turning back to pick up your glass of water. 

“Eat some bread for Christ sake,” You hissed your Small Heath accent thicker than he had ever heard. Thomas widened his eyes a bit in disbelief as he started dismissively yet obediently eating the food on his plate.

“Henry, how was your day?” You asked him. He looked up at you and smiled. Thomas' gut sank at the change of pitch in your voice. The sweetness as you spoke to your children was like honey.

“It was good,” 

“And your lessons?” You pondered again. 

“I’m getting better, Miss Matisse says I might even have a part in the orchestra this year,” You smiled warmly at him. 

“I’m glad darling…what about you, Elizabeth?” You turned to her. 

“It was fine…just uneventful before the show,” You nod at her words. 

“What about you, Thomas?” You asked, sarcasm and accusations seeping from your words. 

“It was fine, (Y/n)...How was your day?” He feigned interest. 

“Oh, I think you should go first,” You mumbled.

“You can go first,” He scoffed, arguing. 

“No,” You set your silverware down with a loud clank and looked at him. Sharply lifting your head to make direct eye contact with him. Your eyes darkened as your tone and demeanor completely changed, it was something he had never seen before. “Tell us, how was your day?” You faked a smile at him as he just stared at you. His eyes are low and dark. 

“I said my day was fine…” He said back to you, spitting as much venom as you did. You heavily sigh through your nose. Bringing your water to your lips. As dinner went on, Henry had brought one of his toy cars to the table. Rolling the wheels over his napkins and silverware. The irritating squeaking of the wheels caused everyone at the table to feel vexed, but Elizabeth was the first to snap. 

“Will you stop?” Her brows furrowed as she looked at him. He grinned as he stopped momentarily before continuing. 

“Stop!” She shouted. 

“No,” He argued, sticking his tongue out at her. The two continued to bicker. 

“We all want to hear what happened to you today,” You said again. Thomas sat back in his chair, pressing his thumb and index fingers to the bridge of his nose. He pulled his fingers away as he stared at the nearly full plate before him. His mind was practically numb at this point, and the anger began to bubble up with every passing second. The frustration radiated in his head, jaw, and shoulders as he shifted to try to calm himself. The more you questioned him and the louder your children fought made his head ache and his jaw clench. Just then, Elizabeth grabs the toy car and begins to run around the table as Henry chases after her. 

“Elizabeth, sit down please,” You sternly, yet tiredly ordered. “Mom, she won’t give it back, make her stop!” Henry complained as she held the toy over his head, just barely out of reach. 

“Both of you come sit back down, I won’t ask you again,” 

They continued to chase each other and argue as Thomas sat in silence, the pending anger just waiting to be set off. The two children began to yell and whine. 

“Mom!” 

“Knock it off, let go of me!” 

“Stop it, both of you!”

“Stop!” They repeated loudly. Just as you were about to stand, Thomas abruptly stood from his chair, it loudly scraped against the floor as he slammed his hands on the table. 

“Shut the fuck up!” With each word he yelled, his hands came down to slam on the table. You covered your ears, startled by the sudden loud noise as Henry and Elizabeth stopped in their tracks, in sudden shock as they stared with wide eyes. The room was suddenly silent. You kept your eyes down at the table and your hands were on your lap. Upset and angry but not sure how to react. Thomas takes a deep breath to calm himself down. Hanging his head low before standing up straight. 

“I…I am so sorry, but you really need to listen to your mother, eh?” He asked. Breathing heavily, he takes a cigarette out of his pocket. He didn’t even notice the blood on his hand until he saw the red stain his sleeve, the table, plates, and silverware below. He simply uses one of the napkins to wrap it. 

“She asked multiple times to stop, you have to listen to her, she is your mother,” he excuses himself and leaves the room, a trail of smoke follows. You shakily stand up, giving your kids a tight hug, holding them into you tightly as you reassured them that things were going to be okay. You sent them to have a bath as you sat in silence at the table. Holding a hand over your mouth, feeling nauseated and shaken. You stand and slowly walk to Thomas’s side of the table. 

“Fuck,”

---

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