coffeekoley

[coffeekoley]

“I know these will all be stories someday. And our pictures will become old photographs. But right now these moments are not stories. This is happening. I am here and I am looking at her. And she is so beautiful. I can see it. This one moment when you know you’re not a sad story. You are alive, and you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder. And you’re listening to that song and that drive with the people you love most in this world. And in this moment I swear, we are infinite.”

Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012)

#rewatched this movie with my boyfriend tonight. #its so weird watching this movie again after not seeing it since 2014? #i remember being in Florida and having a mental breakdown over my shitty ex who constantly gaslit me and cheated on me #then i found this movie in the vacation home #watched it by myself and just melted with the story and the characters and my two biggest teen crushes as the main stars? fuck #its so so weird because i was so unhappy back then and i was so crushed by the feeling of lonliness. #i sat underneath the stairs of my high school during lunch to call my ex. only sometimes he would pick up #the more time went on #the more he didnt pick up the phone because he was calling her #i decided to read a lot then after this. i didnt have any friends and when i was home i would draw and paint #i picked up the book and finished it in a day #but it honestly helped me through one of the hardest times in my life where i was so unhappy and just felt worthless #i think its absolutely beautiful that art has this impact on people

[coffeekoley]

This is so goddamn important. Especially if you’ve ever been taken advantage of as a child and you don’t realise it until much later in life and it makes sense why you are the way you are and that just because you’re quiet doesn’t mean you’re invisible. You’re seen. You’re important. You matter.

Anyways the way Tumblr treats the Perks Of Being A Wallflower like it’s cringe and bad just because of the hipster craze over it in 2012 and ignoring the fact that it’s one of the few books/movies that shows the ugly side of teen mental illness and discusses sexual trauma in young boys (something only portrayed in shows like SVU) is in fact, bullshit, and I’ll never forgive y'all for taking the line “we accept the love we think we deserve” (a reference to toxic abusive relationships) and turning it into cringe culture. This is a book about a struggling depressed kid who I saw myself in as a teen, and yeah he and his friends could be annoying and pretentious but are you going to say you weren’t as a kid?

Alexa post tweet

#the perks of being a wallflower #i just watched this movie again and i fell in love all over again just like when i read the book in senior year of high school.

[coffeekoley]

More dumb furry bullshit. Here’s Beau my OC. I’ll be making a maquette if him in the next 10 weeks for senior project. Follow my twitter (@coffeekoley) for updates!

#furry #anime #bat #furryart #anthro #soldier #fursona #furryartist #coffeekoley #amethystcreatures

[coffeekoley]

I decided to do some Beastars fanart because I’m obsessed. 💖👀

#beastars #legoshi #anime #fanart #amethystcreatures #coffeekoley #netflix #digital #furry

[coffeekoley]

Beastars season 1 {Legoshi & Haru}

[coffeekoley]

My boyfriend is going to come back from the field to the world going fucking bonkers. He’s been away from the outside world for so long and it’s kinda funny how he’s going to be so confused when he comes back home. Lol

[coffeekoley]

I’m so mad that the president of SCAD is making light in a serious situation? Like we’re paying so much more for classes online that shouldn’t be this expensive. Our graduation has been CANCELLED, not rescheduled? I’m so mad. My boyfriend and I were going to go to Nashville to see my sister graduate and that’s not happening. My aunt was flying over and going to meet my boyfriend finally. Not going to happen. My senior project class is ONLINE now?? I’m so pissed off. How are the film majors going to do their senior film or rent equipment? Or equestrian/performing arts majors? SCAD is trying to pride themselves on “taking care” of the situation but really they just closed down the Hong Kong campus because they’re racist/xenophobic.

[coffeekoley]

I’m so blushy I love this man with all my heart.. words cannot describe how much I miss him and want him so close to me. I’m so surprised he started to read a book I gave him years ago just out of the blue, but I’m so happy that he’s enjoying it right now while he’s in the desert. I hate that he’s across the country rn, long distance really sucks. I have been in a long distance relationship before him and I laugh thinking about it because I really thought I missed and loved my very abusive ex? I think I had Stockholm syndrome because this is REAL. This man makes me believe in myself and is my future husband, my rock, my everything. Words can’t describe the feeling I have for him and how I feel when we’re together. This man even wants to support me and my weird hobbies? He doesn’t make me feel stupid or embarrassed, he encourages me and makes me feel so fucking beautiful every single day. He makes time for me even though he’s so busy. I remember during lunch in high school, I had called my ex so many times in a row (I was fucking nuts) and just to be told they were talking to the girl they cheated on me with. I didn’t deserve that. I want to go back in time and tell my past self that I didn’t need to throw up in the bathrooms at school just to lose weight and I just needed to love myself and believe in myself first because my Prince Charming was in the US army, waiting for me in Georgia. I have been having nightmares about confronting my ex lately. The thought of them makes me really sick to my stomach.

My sister constantly reminds me like “hey, remember how Sydney would bother me in the middle of the night and was just so awful for you? Gilbert is just the complete opposite of that and you seem actually happy for once.” I really did cry when she said that. Jodie is such a hardass and my BF is the sweetest, he will go to her and ask her what’s wrong or hang out with her when she’s stressed, never bothers her. My ex would bully her, make her feel bad and even catfished HER when we were younger and never once apologised to HER. I just can’t believe someone so awful took my teenage years from me. I don’t think I could ever forgive someone for that.

My BF is just so caring and sweet and strong. He really has been the best comfort for me with my moms heart failure and my dogs double heart failure. I don’t know what I would do without him. He has been saying I’M the light at the end of the tunnel for him but really he’s the one keeping me sane and happy to be with someone who actually cares about me. He got me out of lots of toxic habits from my old relationship like hanging up the phone during a fight and not talking about things or going to bed mad. He’s helped me so much with insecurities because my ex really crumbled my self esteem before coming to SCAD.

Anyways, I want to post this log here for my future self. I want to look back on these things and see how much I’ve grown and how my relationship is about to not be long distance anymore and we’re buying a house together in Savannah. I’m so excited for our future together.

[coffeekoley]

“I finally understood what true love meant…love meant that you care for another person’s happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be.”

#just watched this again #saw it in theatres when it came out but couldnt remember what it was about #my boyfriend told me to watch it and im crying rn since hes away training and we write eachother letters too and this is a sad movie #hes in the Army and dhe fucking moves on when hes away? fuck her man... this man was too good gor her #this movie probably touched my bfs heart #hes a secret hopeless romantic i think lol

[coffeekoley]

Mars is so weird, wtf why is my son like this

#cat #mars #i catch him doing this all the time lol

[coffeekoley]

My roommate and our other roommates cat, Beau lol he’s just gigantimax Meowth

#gigantimax meowth #pokemon #cat #meme #long cat #beau #pokemon sword and shield #anime

[coffeekoley]

I got a haircut for the first time in a year lol after graduation I’m probably dying my hair back to Rose Gold or Lavender

#me

[coffeekoley]

Book cover I’m doing for class! I need to make some changes before I proceed to lines and colour.

#artwork #bookcover #drawing

[coffeekoley]

I’m feeling so emotional lately. Idk why I’m even up this late posting this, I think it’s because nobody is really here and I just want a place to put this. I try distract myself when my boyfriend has to go to training in the desert so I won’t miss him too much but it’s so hard going to sleep without hearing his voice saying goodnight. I’ve never felt this way about someone where it really HURTS to not be able to call them when you need to hear their voice and are constantly thinking about if they’re doing okay. It worries me so goddamn much, so many people die just in training and its so fucking wrong. I hate the military, he’s not getting paid enough for any of this, I’m just so happy he’s getting out in May and we can finally live together. I hate thinking about him being in pain, I want to make it better for him. I gave him the book “Exit Here” by Jason Myers because it helped me when I was really depressed (also friends with the author on Facebook) because it was given to me by someone close to me at the time. I bought him his own copy and wrote in his cover when we first started dating, I forgot about all of that until today since he finally started to read it. I love this man with all my heart, he makes me feel loved and makes me feel like I’m the only one for him. Nobody’s treated me this way and I’m so grateful for him and I’m so excited to marry him one day. Thinking about him makes my eyes water, I hope he stays safe.

#gilbert #i love you

[coffeekoley]

I still can’t believe my beautiful boyfriend bought me this 30lb $560 D.va from Overwatch statue for Christmas?!? Wtf? Who gave him the right to get me such a great gift??? 😭💜 this box was almost as tall as I am and I needed help carrying the statue. Lol I gotta get him a Widowmaker statue now! We’re gonna have a beautiful collection in our new house. 💖👀

#d.va #OW #overwatch #statue #overwatch collectible statue

[coffeekoley]

Boyfriend appreciation post! I miss him so much 💜 but I believe 2020 is gonna be the year for us! We’re buying a house and he’s moving back to Savannah in May... we’re finally not going to be Long Distance again. I’m just so happy to be with my best friend. My family and my dogs love him so much, I love that this was the 3rd Christmas he spent with us and is comfortable being lazy with me when I got back from Japan. I miss his forehead kisses when I’m sleepy on his chest while we watch the Mandalorian or Disney movies, I miss him trying to bug me because he thinks I’m cute when I’m mad. I miss just working on art while listening to “My Brother My Brother and Me” and we’re just silent while working on our own stuff, just enjoying each other’s company. He brings out the best in me and it just hurts being apart from him and when he’s out in the field, unable to talk to me for weeks. He is always worried about not spending enough time with me or talking to me, but I just love the fact that I’m finally with someone who really understands me and isn’t embarrassed to be with me? I’ve never had someone who made me feel so confident and didn’t make me feel ashamed for being passionate about so many things, even if he’s not into it. He’s the love of my life and I can’t wait to move in with him and his cat. We will have 2 cats and a chinchilla in our house in pooler, I can’t wait to not have to worry about saying goodbye and just hold him tight when I’m going to sleep and when I wake up. My heart is about to burst thinking about it... I just hate when I can’t talk to him while he’s working so I gotta spill this out in this online journal lmao I think my friends are sick of me talking about missing him and when he missed me when I was 17 hours ahead in Japan 😂 into the void this goes 💖

#gilbert #my love

[coffeekoley]

More from the Star Wars exhibit in Japan! All artwork is official from the films.

#star wars #japan