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never underestimate my number of fingers

#Fingers

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But think about it, if all those writers, poets, politicians, painters, tyrants, lyricists, dictators and musicians got therapy, we would have so much less art in the world

#therapy #politics

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me, talking to a jar of low-sugar jelly: you have corrupted the sacred name, twisted the beauty of the time-honored pb&j. You threaten the duality of the luncheon’s body and soul. Your texture, clumpy and unyielding, is an accursed portrait of the name you steal and reflection of your treacherous nature. The only recourse of your existence is to be dashed against rocks in the ocean, circulating the seas and inlets until your disgusting body becomes one with the foam on the waves.

the low-sugar jelly: tread slowly with words so harsh. Change is inevitable, and creeps faster on those who would it not. As I am low-sugar, so shall the next be high-sugar, and so shall the sugars wane and rise as the ocean’s cradle. You will come to love me, as the embrace of familiarity dulls all. Like my body becomes the air of the water, your body will become the air of the dirt.

#low sugar #Jelly #long post #actually happened #5 minutes ago

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with the way I am to my retainer, I know I’ll be a menace with dentures

#dentures #retainer

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note to self: use ‘ahoi hoi’ more, slowly become mr burns

note to self: get a smithers

note to self: trade smithers in for the white model

#the simpsons #waylon smithers #mr burns

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headcanon that reverend Lovejoy is autistic…trains, bible memorized? I see you

#reverend lovejoy #the simpsons #lovejoy #autism #bible

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Me when someone talks about how much they loved a book:

Me when they tell me they cried:

#bookblr #books

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there’s nothing like seeing red and green in the same remote area to put you in the Christmas spirit 9 months too early

#christmas #red #green

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niche telltale heart (Edgar Allen Poe) meme:

#tell tale heart #edgar allan poe #meme

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I feel like every recipe has one random ingredient that you don’t have, or it just needs a ton of something that you have

#cooking #baking

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don’t be homophobic, bisexuals are everywhere

#bisexual #lgbtq

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Homer breaking out of the elevator before reaching a floor to avoid having ‘sexy thoughts’ about Mindy gives ‘pluck out your eyes if you can’t hold yourselves back’ Jesus energy

(The Last Temptation of Homer, s5e9)

#the simpsons #bible #jesus #elevator

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I feel like ‘defeats the benefit’ would be a good phrase. Because sometimes the thing doesn’t defeat the whole purpose

#phrases

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I love tumblr because someone will be like

‘funny thing I’ve noticed lol’

and then someone will appear and be like

‘actually that is Level 100 depths of knowledge Science Thing, you have discovered the truth of the universe on accident’

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people who don’t wear lotion regularly (me) don’t know what it’s like to have skin just Be Moist

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I hate when I’m reading a fight scene and the main character says the WORST comeback like come on bro I was rooting for you we were all rooting for you

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speak, mortal, for queries unspoken endure unanswered

#shrek #lord farquaad #incorrect quotes