booksnteatime

[booksnteatime]

a letter to someone i know:

hi. it’s me. but you know that you always do. you’re miraculously three steps ahead of me but somehow i always trip you first.

i need to tell you this. i need to tell you something or anything at all but ******, i am what you wanted me to turn out in the end. i am just a figment of your greatest goal to feel equal. to feel wanted and to feel loved.

do you know how hard it is to have everyone love you but to feel no one likes you? you do i know it i know you do. i study you like a scientist, observing everything you do in comparison to everything everyone has always ever done.

we’re so incredibly different but the same. nobody likes you. they talk they talk about your brother and then say, “oh, but what happened?”. i feel bad for you in that way, always in the shadow, never good enough never trying hard enough.

you told me you’re afraid of fucking it up. if we were real you said you were afraid to hurt me. i think you said “i’m sorry” 19 total times. i’m deliberate about not saying, “it’s fine.” it’s strange how you can recognize that you can’t even trust yourself to be good enough. someone’s always told you you weren’t good enough. i always tell myself that.

i think you’re good enough for me. i’m neurotic though. crazy. about to crack at any moment. maybe it’s the days i’ve spent not eating. maybe it was the lack of sleep. maybe it was the trying to be perfect thing, i don’t know.

i miss you but i’m relieved it’s over. no more hoping. no more clinging on the meaningless compliments or anything. maybe now i can get some sleep. maybe.

probably not though. there’s always someone else. i haven’t gone a month without a new one at my door trying to wiggle his way into the spot that at one point i only thought she could fill. i need a mother. or God. neither of them are present enough to listen.

hope you’re well though. fill holes with meaningless things. you’ll miss me soon enough. why are we still talking?

love,

everyone and no one

[booksnteatime]

girls im going to keep it real with u im getting worried about my spotify wrapped already

[booksnteatime]

baroque in the 21st century

[booksnteatime]

[booksnteatime]

Poem by me

Untitled

Why does no one pray for the devil?

Ultimate evil,

She sits and watches Her world burn.

I was a child once.

A decaying scent follows Her.

She smells like sage, like death, like whiskey.

Even Her breath smells like black cherry water flavoring.

Her hair is dark and straight, rests on Her shoulders.

Her skin is the color of honey, She waits.

She waits in Her home. The home.

Her home?

The sun seems to follow Her around.

Like a blister on Her back.

Like a summer's day when all you can think about is winter.

“Save me!” someone called out.

She went to them.

“Come, rest your head on my shoulder, my love, I will be here for you,” She said.

And they did. And She listened. And She comforted them.

She had a way about Her.

Kind, She liked the blooming flowers.

Kind, She gave food to the poor.

Kind, She waited patiently.

But so evil.

Evil, She listened to your screams.

Evil, She watched you suffer.

Evil, She waited patiently.

They all thought of Her as God.

“God,” they said, “God what are you doing here?”

“I am not God, dear, just a friend,” She said.

They thought this preposterous.

Only God would show such kindness.

God has a reason for everything.

“God, why can’t I just be happy,” They said to her, She was braiding their hair.

“Do not call me God!” She snapped one day.

Grabbing them by the shoulders She said,

“God isn’t here.

God never was.

If he was here I shouldn’t be.”

They looked Satan in the eyes, “Why doesn't God listen?”

She let go of their shoulders,

“Because if he did, the world wouldn’t burn.

I did this. It’s my fault, your pain.

I can stop it but I won’t. I can't. I don’t know how.”

#dark academia #academia aesthetic #books and libraries #light academia #poetry #short poem #writeaway #writerslife

[booksnteatime]

Classical Pieces You've Probably Heard but Might Not Remember the Name

William Tell Overture- Rossini (Most famous part at 8:45, but why not listen to the whole thing?) I’m adding hints, at least to the ones I recognized culturally. This one is “go, horsey, go!”

Also Sprach Zarathustra- Strauss Slow, dramatic entry scene, IN SPAAACE.

Eine Kleine Nachtmusik- Mozart People running out of a fancy wedding or something. Also known as DUN, dun DUN, dun DUN dun DUN dun DUUUUN.

Symphony 94, Mvt. 2 “Surprise Symphony”- Haydn ?

Toccata and Fugue in d Minor-Bach Halloween organ!

Nocturne Op. 9 No. 2- Chopin Picture a tiny old woman playing piano in a sunlit room with lots of flower vases, about the spill the tragic secrets of her past to some timid young visitor.

Rondo alla Turca- Mozart the babysitter from The Incredibles: “Time for some COGNITIVE ENRICHMENT!”

Sinfonie de Fanfares: Rondeau- Jean-Joseph Mouret Royalty is coming. Or someone is getting married. Or royalty is getting married. Also the PBS Masterpieces theme.

The Four Seasons: Spring- Vivaldi (I just linked to the whole thing because it’s great) Again, someone is getting married, but this one is strings instead and a lot less frumpy.

Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring- Bach That one that amateur guitarists love where the notes are all up and down but all the same length. Also used in movie weddings.

O Fortuna (from Carmina Burana)- Carl Orff SONG OF DOOM. Also song of “baby on fire!” in The Incredibles.

Funeral March- Chopin ?

Orpheus in the Underworld: Infernal Galop (A.K.A. Can Can)- Offenbach Well, “aka can-can” says it all.

Pomp and Circumstance (You probably graduated to this)- Elgar Oh yes, Baaaa dun dun dun duun duuuuun… Also if you were a bandie you had to play it for 3 years before graduating to it.

Gayane: Sabre Dance- Aram Khachaturian Comically hectic productivity, a circus clown juggling while standing on a ball, or perhaps a rapidly-approaching termite infestation. Could go any way, really.

A Midsummer Night’s Dream: Wedding March- Mendelssohn The song movies play right AFTER they both say “I do.”

Carmen: Les Toreadors- Bizet I can’t be the only one who remembers when ‘Hey Arnold’ did this. “Bullfights and swordfights, rolling in manuuure!”

The Ride of the Valkyries- Wagner Good song for a naval battle I guess? I can only think of the mini golf course I went to as a kid with the creepy castle on Hole 18 that played this.

Für Elise- Beethoven That one every amateur piano player loves to play because the beginning is just E and E-flat over and over. Also ballet and piano recital scenes in movies.

Dance of the Hours- Ponchielli Hello mudda, hello fadda, here I am at, Camp Granada…

Rigotello: La Donna e Mobile- Verdi More than a few sophisticated movie villains (or snobby good guys) have this playing on a Victrola. Also, tell me you don’t picture Pavaroti no matter who’s actually singing.

Night on Bald Mountain- Mussorgsky ?

Romeo and Juliet: Love Theme- Tchaikovsky More movie-love, usually building up to admitting they live each other.

Entry of the Gladiators- Julius Fucik I have one word for you: CIRCUS.

Lakmé: Flower Duet- Delibes OMG ALIAS. Nadia’s spy  backstory in Film Noir!

Peer Gynt: In the Hall of the Mountain King- Greig Mischievous Tiptoeing in Movies song. Also something growing out of control, slowly at first and then quickly, and (comically) exploding.

Rodeo: Hoedown- Copland The title says it all tbh.

Peer Gynt: Morning Mood- Greig Sunrise/waking up Movie Song du jour.

New World Symphony Mov. [2][4]- Dvorak Well now I’m thinking of “An American Tail” and I’m crying…

Ave Maria (You knew this, but did you know that it was by Schubert?) Nothing to add. I’m not a music snob, really, but if you didn’t know this, YOU SHOULD.

Canon in D- Pachelbel This is the one that the pretty Trans-Siberian Orchestra Christmas song comes from. :-)

Add others if you want! Have fun!

[booksnteatime]

you didn’t notice the end of the world?

I want to smash my head against the wall.

To become one with it.

To breathe in the dust, to visit with the rodents who make home in the space between.

(My brain feels like it’s wrapped in cotton.)

Take me out of this narrative!

Throw me through the bricks,

past the pond in my backyard.

I only know two brick walls.

My favorite is bathed in sunshine, you should climb to the top.

Once you are there,

you should watch the fireworks

long after the sun sets.

The bricks hurt my butt.

But I’m on that wall smiling.

Arms around me.

They cancelled these fireworks last year.

I want to smash my head into that wall.

I used to walk by it, and I know of the cobwebs that grow inside.

That’s the wall I need you to throw me through.

Head first.

poem by me

[booksnteatime]

Untitled

Why does no one pray for the devil?

Ultimate evil,

She sits and watches Her world burn.

She ruins lives,

breaks families,

cracks friendships,

builds and destroys, and,

kills children.

I was a child once.

A decaying scent follows Her.

Her breath smells like black cherry water flavoring.

Her hair is dark and straight and rests on Her shoulders.

Her skin is the color of honey, She waits.

“Save me!” someone called out.

She went to them.

“Come, rest your head on my shoulder, my love, I will be here for you,” She said.

And they did. And She listened. And She comforted them.

They all thought of her as God.

“God,” they said, “God what are you doing here?”

“I am not God, dear, just a friend,” She said.

They thought this preposterous.

Only God would show such kindness.

“God, why can’t I just be happy,” They said to her, She was braiding their hair.

“Do not call me God!” She screamed and grabbed them by the shoulders, “God isn’t here. God never was. If He was here I shouldn’t be.”

They looked Satan in the eyes, “Why doesn't God listen?”

She let go of their shoulders,

“Because if He did, the world wouldn’t burn.

I did this.

It’s my fault, your pain.

I can stop it but I won’t. I can't. I don’t know how.”

a poem by me

#dark academia #books and libraries #aesthetic #poertry #my poerty #poets corner #light academia #classic academia

[booksnteatime]

You Didnt Notice the End of the World?

a poem by me

[booksnteatime]

[booksnteatime]

i’m not alone ever, like especially right now. the now is the loneliest i’ve ever felt and the most i’ve ever been with people.

i look at all their faces on my screen, they have their own lives but their lives are being shared in the same space that mine is being shared. they live in that tiny little box with their dogs and parents coming in to say hi, the snapchat selfies they take are also being shared.

voices are heard and laughs are exchanged. it’s like everything but nothing changed at the same time. like i’ve invited 30 strangers into my home to see my life and talk with me about things that we experience together. but then, something happens.

i shut my laptop closed and sit in the new silence. i’m alone but i was never really alone until all the people in their little boxes wave goodbye and then it’s just me. in my box. with only myself.

[booksnteatime]

“my mom made me a blanket

i sleep with it every night

it’s not that it’s sentimental

it’s just a nice blanket”

notes app poetry

[booksnteatime]

if you like percy jackson more than harry potter, odds are you’re into dark acedemia now

[booksnteatime]

when i was younger i use to pray to god whenever i saw an emergency vehicle with its lights on. i prayed that whoever needed the help would be okay in the end. i dont know if it worked or if my prayers were heard by someone up there, but i like to hope so. i was never super religious growing up i’m not sure why i prayed.

a journal entry from a year ago

[booksnteatime]

she always wants something of me. i’m here friend. her mom. her therapist. her pillar that will never crack. someone once told me that i would never be sad because i just poured happiness. i often feel people feed of my pseudo happiness and pretend perfect.

[booksnteatime]

i’ve been living in my own sense of normal for a long time now. the walls come down and i realize i can’t go back this is the new reality. this is what life is like now and this is how we do things. technically i’ve been going by the rules but now not going by the rules is bad and shouldn’t be done and once you learn that you can’t go back

[booksnteatime]

sometimes i forget i’m my own person