beaver-time-blog

[beaver-time-blog]

FFS

Friendly reminder, violence is only legally allowed as a deterrent from further violence. Reacting psychically to verbal hostility will land you in jail should your victim choose to press charges. I won’t waste my time bringing up the irony of somebody shouting about equality but employing racial profiling either. If the average bear isn’t able to sniff that out by now, they never fucking will. 

So i guess the correct quote here should be: “i’m so sorry, but when somebody disrespects you, you ask them to stop or you grow a pair.”

What did the feminist say when she learned the definition of irony?

Nobody fucking knows.

It’s BEAVER TIME

My girl!

#feminsim #racism #dumbcunts

[beaver-time-blog]

RTBC #11

Here’s a good Reason to be Canadian

You Have The Right To Be Canadian II

                 Welcome to 2017, where feminism mean elitism (nothing new), racism means safety (an oldie but a goodie), and irony is a dear departed memory of our past (Like compassion, trust, and rationality). Now we could dwell on the socio-political nonsense the previous year had been, but that would be a bigger waste of time than the governor general pretending to not adore thick black cock. SO! Let us do our finest imitation of a 69-ing Tom Cruise and look forward… to the future… not David Miscavige’s alien-probed butthole. Today we take a trip down south to Canada’s biggest neighbor, the United States of America! Yes the land of the brave and the home of the free, or whatever, is Canada’s biggest trade partner, and very much our social sister. Take any Canadian, and simply remove everything altruistic and neighborly about them. Ta-Da! Instant American. Now I’ve had many people claim that our differences are obsolete and irrelevant, but I’ve also had Tom Mulcair look me dead and the eye and say his favorite food group wasn’t cum, so I have trust issues. Now I bring up the U.S. because of an incredible moment that was overlooked by some during the 2016 presidential election, which may well have defined the fate of both countries occupying North America. Before we bring up that subject, however, please allow a message from our sponsors…

                Quick ad read then to the laughs...

                Today’s reason to be Canadian is brought to you in part by “Shutting the fuck up!”. Are you full of rage and tears over the electoral decision of your country? Do you perhaps toss and turn every night over something somebody said that wasn’t perfectly in line with your predetermined beliefs? Are you by chance someone who identifies as a feminist? Are you Jenny McCarthy? Try “Shutting the fuck up!”!! “Shutting the fuck up” will provide you with all the time in the world to do things like; Checking the mail! Educating yourself on an issue! Appreciating how good you have it! Getting the fuck off of my twenty-dollar bill! “Shutting the fuck up” is the only service which will let you calm down and respect other peoples opinions! Try free today, or use the promo code “Hey, just because somebody disagrees with me doesn’t mean they’re evil” To receive the added benefit of no longer being a dick.  Now I hate ad reads as much as the next guy, but this is a service I truly believe in. Across the united states of America, there has emerged a group of people determined to de-throne the currently elected President, Daffy Trump. Daffy here has infuriated countless classes of clowns with his language and laughable political intent, causing many to protest and refute his right as an elected official. These guys we’ll call the Bald Eagles. Forewarning though, If you want to read in depth about the choices Daffy has made to create the Eagles, go watch John Oliver. I won’t lampoon Daffy for the same reason I won’t hunt an unarmed man. No Sport. If something is easy, it’s not worth doing. Ever jerked off? Easiest thing in the fucking world. Probably not going to share it at the dinner table. Ever fucked Justin Trudeau? No you haven’t because that shit is impressive and you would have told EVERYONE, and you wouldn’t have walked right for a week. Guys is packing heat. Seriously ask anybody, taking that dude is like playing ring toss with a hula hoop and the Eiffel tower. No way bud.

                   Everyone’s their own protagonist.

                Back on track to the Bald Eagles though, there is some comedy that wrote itself I’d like to point out. During his campaign, Daffy spoke how if the vote came out against him, he would not accept its results. Naturally this pissed off every self-respecting Bald Eagle living south of our border, as it should. A politician disregarding the very system designed to elect them is more dangerous than an armed Hillary Clinton on her period. Not that her love cave has cried red tears since 1984, but that’s irrelevant. Now the comical part of all of this is that Daffy won the election, and never needed to cast doubt on voting reliability at all! But what happens next? Bald eagles took to the streets and their Tumblr’s to repeatedly shout things like: “not my president!”, which was meant to resist and deny their new elected leader. If you haven’t noticed the irony yet, I hear buzzfeed has a new top ten list, maybe that’s more your reading level? I’ll spell it out though; Refuting the results of the election moments after you had judged a politician for doing just that is evidence enough to suggest you seek only an opponent to fight, not a cause worth fighting for. IF at this point you STILL haven’t picked up on the irony, let me then be the first to welcome you to Beaver-Time, Mike Pence. Fuck you, Mike Pence. This unfortunate trait of the Bald Eagles is not unique to them however. Look at what goes for feminism today; a bunch of glue sniffing self-identified “Victims” of the patriarchy. For fucks sake. There too, along with the “black lives matter” community (a bunch of chimpanzees that make even Martin Luther King blush) you can find hordes of people that fight careless to the cause. Don’t believe me? Go to any coffee shop within two kilometers of a university, and wait for somebody (ANYBODY) to voice an opinion, ANY opinion, and deny it for as long as you can without laughing. So that bitch thinks bunnies are cute? Take her down. Your mother was RAPED by a bunny god damnit. I mean all the bunny did was accidentally make eye contact while he was eating a carrot, but sill that is RAPE! Watch what happens. Their entire existence is now committed to how evil you are, how you are definable as negative as Hitler. Be sure to wear sunglasses and part your hair differently, because you are now the star of their blog. Oh my god aren’t you that guy form Allmenarepigs.org? Can I have an autograph?

                Onward to reality.

                I specify then rationalize the poor judgement of the bald eagles to be as fair to them as possible, because despite my jokes and jabs, they are incredibly important to me. Alex Jones knows how I feel, the guy is always having to bash the faggot community on his show, but tell me… have you ever seen him and Chaz Bono in the same room? I’m onto you Jones… Truth is, these bald eagles are going to help shape Canada in the years to come, which brings us to that fateful day in November. Once the vote began to turn toward the favor of Daffy’s republican Party, the Canadian government website dedicated to immigration crashed from over use. In that beautiful moment, bald eagles everywhere decided that their best bet was to flee the scene, and fly north for the winter. While these birds were publicly shamed across numerous sources of media, truth is, that was the right decision. If you live in a democratic state, you only have two options when a politician you don’t like is elected: deal with it, or fuck off. Canada says, for better results, fuck on. But spare a thought for the long-term ramifications of these migrants coming to Canada. Those infuriated by the election were the same people who valued equality and freedom. They may be confused about the best way to achieve these ideals, yet still they remain their central influences. So, these progressive, equality minded eagles come north, and what happens? Well, less and less of these great birds will occupy their native country, so more and more racist and sexist legislation will be allowed to exist. This will in turn provoke more eagles to come out of hiding and make the trip to Cancukville, and by now you can see the pattern. Within a decade, the divide between the progressive eagles and the regressive pigeons will no longer be a civil matter, but rather one dividing Canada, and the U.S.. Just as the lack of progressive minded people will slow the evolution of American politics, the surplus of these forward-thinking eagles will speed up Canada’s evolution. Daffy may be the final nail in the American coffin, but he alone will transform July 1st into an international holiday. But wait there’s more… The one real positive aspect Daffy provides is economic reform. He has promised to reset and kick-start the American financial system, yet this benefit is not exclusive to the states! Canada’s own market directly mirrors Americas own financial success. When they’re good, we’re good. When they’re bad, we’re still ok. So come to Canada, where you can enjoy every benefit, yet no punishment, from Daffy Duck’s administration. And don’t worry about all of this creating a country populated exclusively by people from 1945, if they get too rowdy, we’ll just build a wall on our southern border.

                But can people just come on over?

                   Oh yah, and travel will be a piece of cake. You know why? Even if for whatever reason you get turned down as an immigrant (you won’t) you can still get in as a refugee! How’s this? Well I’ll tell yah. American Government is like the strap on dildo Meryl Streep would use to butt fuck Bill O’Reilley. Looks like a dick… feels like a dick… makes him cum like a howler monkey….like a dick…but that aint no dick. I won’t go into detail, but here’s the problem: American government does not elect its leader based on the popular vote. When an American votes, they vote for who the STATE should vote for. If the majority of the state votes democratic, then the entire state is labeled as democratic, and a number of what’s called Electoral College Votes are given to the person who won that states majority. The problem here is each state has a different number of votes to give out, and the number of these votes IS NOT dependent on population. Meaning, that your vote means a lot less than somebody form a different state. Because of this system, Daffy was elected yes, but he lost the popular majority to his opponent. This means you hail from an oppressed country, and you can file for refugee immigration! Yay! If America was a true democracy, the white house would be staffed by a washed up half dead housewife that couldn’t even suck dick properly. But because of this unfairness, the leader of the country who thinks they are the leaders of the free world (they’re not), Is a sexist, racist, hypocritical liar. Please, come to Canada. You can do so much good here.

                Not that we’re perfect...

                   I throw these stones from the relative comfort of my glass house.  Canada is no more democratic than the U.S. Remember, we have the Senate. A group of cunts, who was elected by this one cunt, who in turn was elected only by this other cunt, who only has power because she was born into the right family. Now, it is legally treason for me to suggest that if anybody ever has the chance to give her the cobweb cleaning she deserves, to contract HIV first, so I won’t suggest it. Nor can I or anybody else ask that the next time she waddles out onto the taxpayer-funded palace gardens, that the closest person there do us all a favor and bounce a rock off her skull. Seriously, it’s illegal for me to ask you to do it! So please don’t hurt the queen. Besides, if you really wanted to kill her, you could just run for MP, put in a private member bill to separate from England, and at the ceremony that will be held to say goodbye, as you shake her hand, lean in and whisper, “Downtown Abbey isn’t very good”. Bitch will keel over right there.

                Welcome to the tribe!

                But enough of that dick-breathed sex-demon the union calls a queen (only queen I respect wants to ride their bicycle), and focus on the eagles immigrating. Like Kanye West’s first attempt at prostate probing, there will be some tension at first. The Bald Eagles themselves will feel intimidated, until they realize that even though they were always a symbol of America, Canada has way fucking more. Welcome home guys. There will be of course, Canadian tensions as well. We haven’t forgotten that these new additions are still the annoying as shit causeless rebels that haunt many attempts at progression, despite being progressively minded themselves. However, there is a fast and simple solution to instill some logic and empathy into our American friends. Try “Shutting the fuck up” free today.

Things to take back to the dam... 1. Utilize difference in opinion to make friends, not enemies. 2. Democratically elected officials should be respected. 3. Non-democratic elected officials should get off the twenty dollar bill. 4. Shut the fuck up a minute. 

#trump #canada #feminism #equality #rapedbybunny

[beaver-time-blog]

RTBC #10

Here’s a good Reason to be Canadian

You Have The Right To Get Fucked

               The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, and Canadians everywhere are taking their favorite partner (or partners) by the hand (and genitals) to partake in that age-old dance of love! That’s right it’s spring time here in the great white north, and nothing helps the snow melt faster than some good old fashioned friction burns. A commonly debated topic of conversation between Canucks is what exactly IS our national sport? Some claim it’s lacrosse, others are convinced it is hockey, yet the vast majority of us are all too busy playing a little game called hide the peanut butter to even participate in that conversation. It’s quite simple, insert tab D into slot V and wiggle until the world makes sense. Alternatively, you may also connect slot V to another slot V and rub together until satisfied. A slightly less conventional yet just as delightful approach would be to insert tab D into slot A! Bight the pillow baby.

              For every type of learning...

              Now we have discussed in the past a Canadians right to association and belief, as detailed within the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, under Fundamental Freedoms. These rights allow you think that your gardener looks sexier the dirtier he gets, and then invite him inside to see just how dirty you can make him. How about you plant your seed right here? Not to be one to repeat myself, I won’t dwell on how incredible a freedom it is to have absolute sexual liberation, which allows you to sit on or glaze as many faces as you like. Instead, allow me to discuss the educational process between sexual ignorance to sexual awareness. Sex Ed is a provincial matter, with each province being allowed to determine when it is appropriate for children to be educated in certain subjects. Body parts, orientation, gender identity, consent, sexual abuse, birth control, STI’s, and “sexting” are all integral topics of the subject, with the definition of sex itself, along with the idea of romantic relationships, being educated along the way. This is a subject of education that may not be ignored. Sex is not only vital for our species existence, it is hands down the funnest way to pass a slow weekend, or liven up a dull dinner party. Now when are kids taught of these things? Good rule of thumb, Ontario teaches the earliest, New Brunswick teaches the latest, and every other province falls somewhere in between.

             And we all agree on when the kids get taught this all, right?

             Fuck that noise. This is the question haunting every parent unlucky enough to be dragged into this debate; “How old is old enough?” When should a child shed their innocence and step into the light of education and knowledge? The argument is stuck between two ideas, with the first being that children should be educated in sexual matters, for their own protection, as early as possible. Kids will inevitably stumble into a sexual environment, whether it is a consenting experiment owed to their own genetics, or a criminal scenario where they’re being preyed upon. In either case, the liberals among us believe that sexual education will serve as a defense for our youth. If a child understands the implications of sexual disease and pregnancy, they are better suited to avoid them. If a child understands the definition of consent and sexual assault, never again would their own ignorance allow a sexual crime to take place. It is a shameful reality, that many children are lured into harmful circumstances, simply because they do not understand that the actions of Father Smith are illegal and intolerable. Why are we taught to look both ways before crossing the street? So we don’t head-butt a truck. Why are we educated in modern day politics? So we never vote conservative. What’s that? Public schools only educate kids in political occurrences from decades and centuries ago, and nothing modern at all? Well, that explains Harpers rise to power doesn’t it?

               And the other side?

               Welcome back to the stage, seven time winner of the “Biggest Dickbag in Canada” award, Doug Sharpe!! Doug here is the president of a little group known as Canada Family Action, which you may remember is the Canadian group dedicated to forcing Christian values onto society at large. Religious extremists who believe that the only lifestyle that should be allowed by law is one that their god allows, these guys are just one violent act away from becoming the new KKK. Due to their affinity towards Christ, and how indistinguishable they are from ISIS, let’s call them…ChrISIS. ChrISIS leads the charge on the conservative view on sexual education; Ignorance is bliss. These kids won’t be at risk for pregnancy and STI’s if they simply don’t know what sex is! They can’t be run over by a truck if they don’t know that crossing the street is even allowed! They would never vote Liberal if we just don’t educate them about politics! ChrISIS feels that Sex Ed is a wasteful example of valuable class time, where students could be learning about how the earth is three thousand years old, and how woman are essentially cows that can stand on two legs. This of course is a perfect example of religious freedom, so we must not judge them on their archaic views. Sorry I read that wrong… the GOVERNMENT must not judge them, but you and I can judge them harder than a Texan court judges a black guy. If only we could sentence Doug Sharpe to death for being an asshole. The dream. ANYWAY! In 2015, when the public school system of Ontario had their sexual education curriculum re-written to accommodate things like sexual identity, and likening anal intercourse to vaginal intercourse, ChrISIS lost its conservative mind and began another tirade of petitions to halt the educational nonsense. You must remember, that these are the jerks that believe sexual intercourse should be for reproductive purposes only, and not just because you’ve got five minutes to kill. I’m not saying forgive them, but at least understand them. That’s currently where we find ChrISIS today, in a mad dash to make sure their children are left sexually ignorant until the one day they are inevitably raped.

              Now which side are you on Mac?

Let me blow your minds harder than choir boys blow on saxophones. You thought that was going to be another child molestation joke didn’t you? Sexual assault is no laughing matter you sick fuck, so let’s make like Trump and pander to some god-lovers. I agree with ChrISIS. I know right? For the first time ever, I find myself aligning my political views to an extremist cult hell-bent on controlling my life. Why? Because I believe in freedom. I believe in choice. Now that sounds a little paradoxical, so Let me break it down for you. ChrISIS aims to remove sexual education from public school curriculum, but why do I think that’s good? well, no matter your opinion on sexual education, whether you’re for or against it, you have an opinion. You have in your mind a definite outline of the perfect sexual curriculum, detailing what your kids should know, and should not know. Well guess what!? As a parent, it is your right to decide what your child does and does not get educated in, so how about you teach your kid yourself? Like you should be doing? Yet, instead of actually doing their fucking job, parents across Canada drop their duties onto the public education system. I don’t want to teach my child how to be an adult, that’s what I pay taxes for!! That is embarrassing. You want your kids to know what sex is, and how to defend themselves? Then teach them. You want your kids to know that sex only exists for procreation, and only allowed between married couples? Then teach them. Stop complaining because your government is doing YOUR job incorrectly. Stop your incessant whining and fix the problem yourself you lazy ass lickers. ChrISIS’s ideology of sexual ignorance allows parents everywhere to be in direct control of their children’s education. When you become a parent, you are now responsible for every success, every mistake, and every action your child commits. If your child is molested because they did not know what sex was, it is YOUR fault, and your children should be taken away from you. Personally, I will never give a DAMN about what a school tries to teach my child about sex. I will be the one to educate my child in their own health, and how to enjoy romance in a safe way, and I will teach them to completely disregard what others may tell them about sex, and to not be afraid of sex. That’s MY kid. Get your own.

               Freedom of lifestyle

               Now what is the difference between myself and ChrISIS? Well, we both are trying to use politics to create what we believe to be a Utopia. That is where our similarities end. ChrISIS exists to control others. They see things like homosexuality, sexual education, free immigration, and equality as wrong, so they attempt to make these things illegal. I would judge them, but too many Canadians share their view of; ‘I don’t like that, it should be Illegal’. Assisted suicide, drug use, and sexual re-identification are believed to be wrong by so many Canadians, and so they aim to make them illegal. Control through law. If you don’t like something, don’t fucking do it. Don’t force others to conform to your lifestyle, let them be free to live the way they want to. That’s what liberty is. What if the person in charge didn’t like going to church, so they made it illegal? Where are you now ChrISIS? That’s our difference. They aim to force you into their lifestyle, to take choices away from you. I aim to simply give you more choice. You don’t have to get an abortion, you don’t have to try marijuana, you don’t have to marry a similar gender, but I do believe you should be allowed to if you want to. Unless an action is directly hurting another person, it should be legal. Licensed? Maybe. Regulated? Probably. But legal. I can do just as much damage to others with my car than with a gun, so why should firearms be illegal? Because people are afraid of guns. They don’t see guns every day. Same with heroin. Same with Abortions. We should be aiming to give people more rights, not to take them away. And ChrISIS, one right I heartily suggest you exercise, is the right to get fucked.

               Bitch about god some more bud.

               Fine. I will. But that doesn’t mean I hate the idea of a god. My problem here is not with religion itself. I believe religion is an integral pursuit of human existence for many people, and I would not dream of taking away that privilege. My problem lies in people, people across North America, who believe that their own lifestyle, whether it be inspired by faith or fact, be FORCED onto others. That’s not freedom. My problem lies in people, people across North America, who believe that their lifestyle makes them BETTER than others. That’s not equality. If your only argument for the existence or eradication of a law is simply “My god thinks so”, then fuck off you Nazi piece of shit. If we enforce laws onto the public at large for no other reason than that some assholes god agrees with it, you are infringing upon the countries freedom to religion. Separation of church and state isn’t just a good idea, it’s the law. Mr. Sharpe and his band of merry men we call ChrISIS represent a group of Canadians who believe that their religion should be forced onto others by law, and these ridiculous goofs are the worst thing to happen to freedom since the invention of god.

 Things to take back to the damn... 1. All Canadians must have freedom to, and freedom from, religion. 2.Parents must take an active role in their child's education and health. 3.Citizens like Doug Sharpe must continue to take an active role in their government, no matter their outlook.

It’s BEAVER TIME

#CANADA #sexed #god #politics

[beaver-time-blog]

RTBC #9

Here’s a good Reason To Be Canadian

You Have The Right To A God.

               The Canadian Charter of rights and freedoms is a peerless example of Canadian liberty. Herein is listed what the Canadian Government believes are the basic human rights that every person is entitled to, for no other reason than they are alive. Preceded by the Canadian Bill of Rights, this charter was established by Prime Minister Trudeau as a part of the Canada Act, 1982. That’s Trudeau Sr., not the sexy man baby we have in office today. Let’s not fool ourselves by pretending that Justin Trudeau will do anything for our government, but who can blame him? His schedule is locked up pretty tight; Facebook in the morning, Twitter at noon, then Grindr all night long. The charter is your one stop shop for all your freedom needs. Mobility Rights allow you to enter and leave Canada at your hearts content, Democratic Rights allow you to not only vote, but also to serve as a member of government, and Equality Rights demand that the law treat you as any other. There are another dozen or so rights outline here, but my favorite ones fall under what is known as our Fundamental Freedoms. Here we have Freedom of belief, which allows you to think that gays shouldn’t get married. Freedom of association let’s you form hate groups, and you’ll need Freedom to Peaceful Assembly to allow all of you create protest conga lines outside of your local abortion clinic. Oh, and take this, it’s Freedom of Expression. This will let you yell things like “MURDERER” and “CHILD KILLER” at the fifteen year old girl going into said clinic, after she was raped by her churches priest. Can’t forget freedom of thought either, which defends your right to daydream about all of those sinful atheists burning in hell forever. Oh, and why are you allowed to go on the news to condemn all those who believe in gender equality? Well that would be your Freedom of the Press! Last but not least however, the coup’ de grace of your right to be an asshole, is your Freedom of Religion. God keep our land, glorious and free. Oh Canada.

               Playing Jehovah’s advocate,

               Religion has never been part of my life, as I was raised Agnostic. I have no issue with the concept of an all-powerful being creating everything, but I could never truly wrap my head around the concept of a deity who would ever care what his mortal subjects got up to. Why in the nine circles of hell would a god ever care if you ate bacon? Fuck off, god made bacon delicious. There’s your sign. Too many things in the grand scheme of worship caused my critical mind to begin pulling at plot holes like loose threads on Bernie Sanders’ thong, slowly unraveling it’s lacy existence. Now, I do my part in viewing every argument from every side, so, in an effort to better understand those who are dictated by faith, I tried participating in some of the token activities the faithful practice. I started with Christianity, but after reading it’s book and being given reason that my mother, sisters, and many of my friends all deserved to be tied to a pole and have rocks thrown at them until they die, I had to walk away from that one. Onward I went towards Catholicism. I was doing good, loved the wine, but I got tripped up at the confessional. The poor bastard asked for my sins, “sometimes when I masturbate I wrap a twenty-dollar bill around my cock and pretend I’m ass-fucking the queen.”. I was asked to leave. I tried Hinduism, but being on my knees for so long just reminded me of bible camp. The Mormon’s seemed really nice, but when I arrived at their clubhouse all of their women were chained from the ceiling, begging for water. Scientology just made me giggle, although those weirdos have some of the best Sci-Fi since Empire Strikes Back. Jehovah's witness don’t celebrate Halloween so not a fucking chance, the Jews wanted me to cut off the tip of my dick, thanks but no thanks, and the Wicca guys got real pissed when I arrived in my Ron Weasley cosplay. All in all, not a very productive weekend.

               Too many religions, but only one god

               This lead me to March twenty-second, of 2016. On this day I began the exploration of a new religion. Islam. Like Christianity, there are multiple interpretations of this faith, and while both are advertised with the possibility of peace and prosperity, both Christians and Islamic followers, Muslims, have used their worship to rationalize the oppression of women, the arrest of education, and the deaths of those who deny their god. Muslims consider the worship of their god the very purpose of existence itself, and many fundamentalists have banded together to form the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant. Publicly known as ISIS. June 2014, ISIS declares itself as a Worldwide Caliphate(worldwide government with a single Dictator), which claims worldwide military authority over every Muslim on Earth. Currently occupying territory in Iraq, this group enforces their fundamentalist beliefs’ over the people confined there, as well as in Libya, Nigeria, Afghanistan, South Asia, and North Africa. As of today, ISIS may have physical dominion over anywhere between three and eight million people. The group claims it has forty-thousand able bodied fighters, and has proven very skilled at Social Media. Videos of the murders of soldiers, aid workers, journalists and civilians have been circulated as campaign of fear, and many bids of recruitment have aimed at bringing in foreign youth to fight the good fight in the name of god. It hasn’t been since World War II that the world has been given such a clear-cut bad guy. The goals of ISIS are simple, detailed by German journalist Jurgen Todenhofer, who spent ten days embedded within the company of ISIS. They want Democracy dead. They want equality dead. They want freedom dead. Only the beliefs and believers of Islam will survive their tyrannical tsunami, and they are willing to get their hands dirty to do it. This group has claimed responsibility for many instances of terrorism, most recently being the Brussels Bombing, on March twenty-second, 2016. They kill people, and they are proud to do it, all in the name of their god. The actions of those who fly the ISIS flag have inspired much racism and fear throughout the western world, where many Muslims live peacefully to this day. At the epicenter of this fear, is god. Or rather, his representatives.

               And jesus bless momma and poppa and…

               The American Christian community, also known as “Trumps target demographic”, has expressed an interest in the removal of all Muslim peoples from American soil. That. Is. Adorable. To explain why let’s play a game, I’ll say a belief from either Christianity or Islam, and you guess which one I’m talking about. Ready? Here we go. Women are beneath men. Homosexuality is sin. Democracy is sin. People must worship god. People must not worship any other god. The holy book is law. Jesus was a teacher to man. Allrighty let’s do the tally. Ok the results are in, and ALL OF THEM ARE BELIEVED BY BOTH RELIGIONS. You know why? They’re from the same place, and once were the same fucking thing. Another similarity? Christians have killed, tortured, and enslaved people to achieve the same political ends as ISIS. Muslims have ISIS, and Christians have the KKK. The Ku Klux Klan was a fundamentalist Christian organization, who used violence and death to fight against the “oppression” of public equality and liberty. Started following the American Civil War, this group became famous for cross-burning, lynching, raping, and the targeting of Jews, African-Americans, and Catholics. They wanted Democracy dead. They wanted equality dead. They wanted freedom dead. Only the beliefs and believers of Christianity would survive their tyrannical tsunami, and they were willing to get their hands dirty to do it. Remember however, that just as not all Muslims support ISIS, not all Christians supported the KKK. Let he without sin cast the first stone, Christians. Here, we have two religions built on classism and control, but today, there are those who practice modern-day variations of their faith, peacefully and privately, and they must be allowed to continue doing so. It’s not the Freedom to Religion that is at fault here, it’s assholes that think they are better than people. They just happen to love god. Shocker.

               What do we do about ISIS though?

               Well, here we have an enemy who truly believes that the death and control they wield has the direct support of their deity, and they would be punished for NOT forcing their religious practices on the world. How do you defeat an opponent that believes God demands they win? How do you win a war on god? You don’t. Allow me to explain. To achieve world peace, you have two options. Option one, drop an atomic bomb on your enemy. How can your people be hurt if there is nobody alive to hurt them? Hiroshima. Nagasaki. However, in doing so, you have become death, destroyer of worlds. You have decided that you and your country is better than your enemies, and in extinguishing the light from those millions of souls, you have become the greatest enemy the world will know. You may call yourself the hero in the history book, but it is you have lost that war, along with your humanity. Option two, speak softly and carry a big stick. Your enemies aren’t going to come looking for trouble when they are afraid you’ll enact option one, will they? This is the tactic currently employed by the majority of the world’s super-powers. Fear. However, the fighters of ISIS do not fear death, they welcome it. They believe that their god will embrace them as heroes if their holy fight results in their demise. So, your only option is number one. Kill them all. Press the button. So, congratulations, you have ended the war on ISIS, but have become more barbaric and cruel than any of them ever were. You don’t win a fight against god. You lose it.

               What if they didn’t want to kill us?

               Well, that’s option three for world peace. If you can’t scare your enemies away, and killing them makes you a monster, your only option, is don’t have enemies. Have friends. How could we do this? Well, in 2011, Canada’s bill of running all defense programs, such as the it’s army and navy, added up to $24,659,000,000. Twenty-four Billion dollars. So here’s the plan… We abolish the Nations defenses, use one billion to get employees of these now-extinct military programs occupation in domestic defenses such as policing or emergency response. Keep two billion for foreign aid, to fully fund the blue beret’s peacekeeping program. Melt down all of Canada’s tools of war and use another two billion and all that steel to build each province a new hospital. Use another billion to buy a 5km by 5km square of land at the southern tip of Vancouver Island in British Columbia, and use the rest of that billion to become an investing partner with Disney, and give them that land for free to build DisneyWorld 2. We use another four billion to line Canada with wind turbines to supply free energy to it’s people, and then use another billion as financial assistances to farmers. We put two billion towards the national debt, then nine billion gets put back into the taxpayer’s pocket. Then, we ask the Islamic state to cease it’s military force of their beliefs’, and allow people to choose for themselves which religion to aspire to. In exchange, the world will forgive ISIS of it’s crimes, and using two billion dollars, we build them the biggest and most beautiful worship temple the religion has ever known, while promising our armies will never set foot on their soil again! So, we have ended the war on ISIS, food has never been more accessible, electricity is free, Canada has a Disney park, there are a bunch of new hospitals, and taxpayers save twenty-four billion dollars a year. And remember, from abolishing the Indian act we cured every disease ever, and gave those cures to every country in the world, so we don’t need a defense budget anyway! Welcome to world peace, sponsored by Canada.

               What about these assholes back home?

               Ignore them. Be proud that you live in a country that allows you the right to expression to such a degree. So they don’t want you to go home and commit serial sodomy, they don’t know that they’re missing. They’re within their rights to encourage people to act a certain way, the responsibility lies with the government to make sure their “encouragement” doesn’t include violence or force. Trust me, it would be far worse if they weren’t allowed to march around town with their signs and hate-chants.

Things to take back to the dam... 1.Christians have no right judging Muslims. 2.Government must seek a swift and politically correct solution to the war on ISIS. 3.Canada’s defense budget must be re-allocated towards creating a more sustainable Canada. And a Disney park. For the tourism.

It’s BEAVER TIME

#Canada #God #ISIS #politics

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Fuck. The law is continually separating men and women just as badly as the trannies are. Both sides of this fight are equally guilty for promoting Gender role and discrimination.Hell at least this one is south of the border eh? Like watching two downies fight over the last applesauce.

Ringo is far from alone in his boycott of North Carolina. Here’s a running list of every artist who has taken a stand.

#Shut up trannies Shut up government

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RTBC #8

Here’s a good Reason To Be Candian...

You have the right to be Canadian!

               Welcome to Canada, Where the houses are made of snow, police drive horses, vodka is whiskey, and no matter where you come from, you belong here. If a Personality is simply the soul’s reflection of the most prominent parts of every other personality it has ever witnessed, then Canada is the personality of Earth. Here lives an example of humanity from every corner of the world, living hand in hand, free, and fair. Whether you are first generation or seventh, Canada loves you like an adopted child, you’re part of the family now kid, welcome home. This process of immigration is dictated by an ever-evolving legal system, with new acts continually making this system easier and more accessible. As of today, Canada currently supports four classes of immigrants. The “family class” are foreign peoples being admitted into Canada based on their close familial relation to current citizens. “Economic Immigrants” are those who carry a skill which would benefit the economic status of Canada. “Refugee” immigrants are those escaping a cruel existence from a different part of the world, who simply need a new home. The “other” class is our final group, however a better name would perhaps be the “Why The Fuck Not?” class. Want to live here? Don’t blame you! Get in the car.

               Our home and native land!

               Of course Canada is also home to a proud and hardy aboriginal people. These Aboriginals were those who first greeted Christopher Columbus and his band of merry men when they mistakenly bumped into North America, instead of their true goal, India. Christopher here sent the word home about this exciting and vast new world, and the masses followed. It seemed as if Europe as a whole became overtaken with the mad urge to pack up and head out to this new land. These first immigrants swept across Canada East to West, drawing borders and claiming land all the while. As they did, the aboriginal peoples of Canada traded with these new inhabitants, taught them of the land and its beasts, and as a reward, the white man bent them over a chopped-down totem pole, and ass fucked them until they started coughing up semen.

               Party foul.

               Human beings are natural conquerors. Whether you’re Cesar, Vlad the Impaler, Adolf Hitler, or George Bush, many have fallen victim to the very human instinct of “steal everything that isn’t nailed own, everything that IS nailed down, and then the nails”. It’s why we have war. I’m right and you’re wrong so shut up and let go of your stuff. Now these first settlers fell victim to this instinct dreadfully hard. Here they saw a people they deemed inferior, so, they robbed their way of life, stole their land, raped their women, and placed their children in forced education schools. All of this was in pursuit of assimilation, to have these barbarians conform to what we believed the correct lifestyle, and to stop bitching about the anal fissures. This is an example of the human condition that still clings to society today. Let’s revisit our old friends; Canada Family Action, AKA the Nazi’s. The Nazi’s goal is to enforce Christian values onto todays society, using whatever weapon the feel empowered to wield. The Nazi’s are an excellent representation of the attitude portrayed by those who first settled in Canada; people are living in a manner that we would not enjoy living in, and therefore we must halt their lifestyle's existence to save these animals from themselves! If along the way, they give us all of their stuff, well that simply makes sense doesn’t it? No. No it does not you fucking Nazi’s. The Nazi’s believe that things such as homosexual relations, gender equality, assisted suicide, and religious freedom are poisonous and feral ideas that exist only to tempt them away from the path of god. They believe that their lifestyle of worship is the only truly permissible one, and are driven with the goal of control over all of us through law. Assimilation, if you will. This was the same attitude of Canada’s first settlers, which, if you remember, led to the metaphorical and literal raping of the Aboriginal Community. That’s what the Nazi’s want to do to you, your lifestyle, and everyone you’ve loved. Strip you of your freedoms, and penetrate you with the strap-on dildo of control. Don’t think it would happen? Neither did the aboriginals.

               But what are we famous for?

               Saying sorry. However, we were a little slow in doing it. Laws that forced the Aboriginal Community pervaded our legal system from 1876 until 1960, which itself saw the removal of the law demanding that aboriginal peoples give up their status of “Indian” in order to vote. Sounds like a Conservatives wet dream. Now what exactly does this “indian” status mean? In simple terms, it serves as a label for somebody who is entitled to the apologetic benefits afforded by the “Indian Act”. This act was first set in 1876 and was designed to “encourage” the native population to renounce their beliefs and lifestyle in exchange for the proper, Christian one. How? Well, it created land reserves that Natives must not leave without a signed note from their white sponsor, it renamed natives with European names, banned their language, and much, much more. Today the Act still is used, but in name only. It serves instead to regulate those who are entitled “status Indian”, and what they’re entitled to.

               So what’s the problem?

               I’ll tell you. If you hold your “status”, then you are exempt from income and sales tax, so long as your spending or earning of this money happens within an Indian reserve. These people still use hospitals, they still are allowed to vote, but they don’t have to pay a dime. What. The. Fuck. Not okay. Our government is allowing bloodline, an uncontrollable circumstance of one’s birth, to dictate the responsibilities a person is held to. Government endorsed racism. Despicable. Worse off, Inuit and Metis peoples, who are just different shades of red, are not eligible to apply for Indian status. So our government is not only classifying aboriginals as a different people, but creating sub-classes that are better than everyone else. Let’s do the math. In 2002, 704,581 Canadians held Indian Status. Median individual income in Canada is $27,600, which would have been subject to a 15% taxation. Then you consider sales tax. What’s your monthly budget? Say you’re thrifty and your monthly expenditures come out to only $1,000, so in a year that comes to $12,000. Who knows what province you live in but you’ll have to pay 5% on top of that in sales tax to the federal government anyway.

               The end result is…?

               A twisted segregating government that legally enforces racism, that at the end of the day costs the Canadian taxpayers $3,387,113,940. Numbers speak louder than words. A margin of error is expected here, as not all of an Indians finances may go through a reserve, nor may they make enough annually to qualify for income tax being applied. However, this also does not account for the money that Indian “Bands” (Self-governing Indian groups) are afforded, nor the provincial taxes, so I’ll call this one a wash. Let’s be nice though and call it an even three billion. We are a nation in debt, and the Indian Status population of Canada is forcing the problem to worsen, with our only reward being further classism. If federal debt and racism are highways to hell, Indians would be our driving force. Our Engines.

               Welcome to the tribe

               These Engines must be stripped of their privileges and be forced to conduct themselves as ordinary citizens of Canada. There is no making up for the sins of the father, nor any point punishing his descendants. Some truly terrible deeds were committed when the first settlers showed up, and there is no making up for that, so let’s stop wasting our money. These Engines are as hard-working and industrious as any other Canadian, they do not require financial support from the government, they can take care of themselves. Aboriginal populations will surely use the arrival of the first settlers and the cultural molestation from the time to protest in favor of these racist benefits, but to me that’s as adorable and pathetic as a white person complaining about immigration, and I’ll tell you why. Only those who are pure-blooded aboriginals, and who have not adapted to modern day technology may complain about Canadian immigration. Why? Because if not for immigration, you would not be here you ridiculous turd. Also, Engines, if you want the country to yourself, fine! We’ll leave! But we are taking every Hospital, every road, and everything with a battery with us. What’s that? You want to keep all those? THEN YOU’RE FUCKING STUCK WITH US AND YOU ARE GOD DAMNED WELCOME. SHUT. THE FUCK. UP. PAY. YOUR FUCKING. TAXES.

               Seriously carry your weight.

               Remember though, that only about 50% of aboriginals carry status cards, so don’t believe it’s the aboriginal community as a whole who is costing our country 3 BILLION every year. It’s the goverment, and those lazy fucking engines. Solution? literraly just remove the Indian act. Really thats it. Poof. Problem solved. Then we can take that new 3 billion and, i dont know, cure cancer? And MS? And Aides? AND PARKINSONS? AND ALS?!?! We could do that in year one if we had that kind of money. We then take these cures, put them all in a box, and give every country on the planet their own little “Canadian Immortality Gift Bakset”! Tucked between the cures to Autism and Spinal cord injuries is a hand written note.......

             Oh hey there buddy! We Canadians had some free time after the play-offs eh, so we cured every disease ever don’t ya know! So be a pal and mass produce all of these for all your people eh? Our gift to you there bud. Enjoy! So anyway, now we’re all great friends and all, how about we promise to never have a war eh? That way none of our pals will have to die, none of your pals will have to die, and we can all just go on not dying! How’s that sound eh bud? Also, just so ya know, we gave everybody else one of these baskets too, we didn’t want anybody to feel left out. So if anybody is ever buggin’ ya friend, just give us a call eh? We’ll go talk to whoever’s gettin’ under yer fur and then we can all have a beer! OH! Almost forgot! We threw in an album from our favourite band, it’s called RUSH! Hope you enjoy it! Anyway, hope to see you at the next winter games there bud! Love, Your Bud, Canada.

Engines. Fucking up world peace since 1960.

Things to take back to the dam... 1.Government must abolish the Indian act.

It’s BEAVER TIME

#Canada #Native pride #politics #too far

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Canadian Translation

Stephen Harper reaches over for some of Justin Trudeau’s Poutine. When Trudeau politley asks him to stop, Harper sells it to China to the lowest bidder. Trudeau then asks Obama if he can build a pipeline to take his poutine to china, Obama says no. China is mad at Trudeau for not sending over the poutine. Trudeau cries. He wanted his poutine for himself. But now it’s China’s.

(via Anthony DeRosa)

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RTBC #7

Here’s a good Reason To Be Canadian

You have the right to democracy

               A rare moment of sober reflection before I dive into the endless ocean of vulgarity. If you live in a democracy, you have no right to complain. About anything. You exist in a world where those with force, power, and influence are put into that position, by you. There are 192 countries in this world, yet only 123 maintain a democratic government. A forgivable reaction to such a statistic would be a jovial one, as from those two numbers alone, it shows 64% of countries incorporate some form of democracy. The majority of the world is democratic, right on! However, it’s deeper than that. You need to account for population. You need to account for false governments which do not enact nor enforce basic human rights. The American statistic corporation Freedom House conducted an in-depth research program to fully understand just how many people on this planet currently live in legal systems which deliver fair, free lifestyles. SO how many? 38%. That means that 62% of the words population, 4.34 BILLION people live under a rule of force. I don’t care that your hair didn’t turn out the way you wanted it to, I don’t care gas prices are so high, I don’t care that your family doesn’t support you identifying yourself as a broom, I just don’t care. You are free. Quit your bitching, enjoy your freedom. That being said let’s complain on the internet!! FREEEEDOOOOOM!!!!

               This almost sounds like a sales pitch

               Well that’s because it is. There aint no rest for the wicked, and money don’t grow on trees. Allow me to introduce; Taxes. Taxes are funds taken from the population of a country in order to finance the operations and maintenance of that countries government. It’s healthy to treat an election in Canada like a job interview, where each political party is really just a hopeful applicant, and their campaigns are the interview you conduct with them. It’s important to exercise caution when you finally do hire somebody, because their contract will be for a minimum of four years, and no matter how terrible of a job they do, they’re still getting paid. By you.

               So who’s passing around the collection plate?

               Canadians are taxed in a variety of different ways, but the two that are applied universally to every Canadian citizen is income tax, and sales tax. Sales tax is simple; let’s imagine our governor general, David Johnston, is looking forward to another night playing “what’s the biggest vegetable I can shove up my ass” with tonight’s special guest Bill O’Reilley, when he realizes that his fevered morning of exploring the bottom half of Donald Trump left his supplies of water-soluble lube a little lacking. So, he saddles up his loyal steed Justin Trudeau, who happily gallops off towards the local sex shop as his royal master gives him some giddy up love taps from his riding crop. An hour of Justin getting the whipping he knows he deserves later, David walks into the dimly lit adult toy store, collects his favorite flavor of lube, and proceeds to the check-out, daydreaming vividly of the squash unsuspectingly resting at the bottom of his refrigerator. As the cashier rings in his order, she applies a percentage to it’s cost, raising it slightly. Mr. Johnston pays for his lube, and boyishly skips off back to his patiently waiting steed, promising to mount him in an entirely new fashion when they get home.

               The fuck did I just read?

               There is nothing shameful about exploring your sexuality, and you don’t need consent from produce, so don’t judge. What is shameful, is that one dinner Mr. Johnston threw where he accidentally mixed up his “for cooking” and “DEFINATLEY NOT FOR COOKING” vegetable crispers. Besides the erotic fan fiction, we experienced a first hand account of the most basic trade between a government and it’s people; Taxes, in exchange for services. The percentage that the store clerk applied to David’s purchase was “sales tax”! This money is then sent to the government to help pay for the maintenance of the road David traveled on, the ambulance responding to an emergency across the street from the store, and the child services workers who took advantage of David’s absence from his home to sneak in and pry open the cages containing several dozen hairless Filipino boys. Sales tax is as close to flawless as this country will ever allow it’s taxes to be; Everybody pays the same percentage of items purchased, and this money is easily collected and regulated by our government so it can pay for hospitals, schools, and David Johnston’s annual salary.

               This is danger close to erotica

               Don’t worry i’m reigning it in. So that leaves Income tax. The premise is simple, and the tax itself perfectly mirrors sales tax. Income tax works exactly as the name would suggest it, when you work to earn money, a certain percentage is applied onto your earnings, and that money is used to finance the country. The system works! These two taxes, among others, are the reason we have such a beautiful and dependable country. However, Income tax, like the leather-bound sex slave who is at this very moment cleaning out the inner workings of Her Majesty the Queen, is fucking garbage.

               And here we are again right back to Erotica!

               Not quite. Because now I’m angry. Let’s examine why Income tax is more fucked up than Queen Lizzie’s sweet royal asshole. Income Tax is based upon your annual income, meaning the more money you make, the higher percentage of taxes you will be paying. Despite not being more of a financial toll on the government, Canadians are being punished simply because of their own financial wisdom, and because the lower class needs to just shut the fuck up and stop trying to bring others down to their level. The rationalizing of this was simple; The rich CAN pay more, so they SHOULD pay more. This is as brainless as voting Republican in the U.S. Presidential election. Just because you RepubliCAN doesn’t mean you RepubliSHOULD. Why are we forcing more of a financial responsibility onto a group of people just because they are good at something? In this case, finances. Let’s put that idea into sales tax. Imagine two open counters at your local Tim Hortons, and they each call up a customer. They both ask for their customer’s order, to which they patriotically reply “Large Double-Double please!”. The barista’s behind the counter then ask what is their customers annual income. Customer one says 40,000, and after the employee put’s that number through her till, the price of the coffee is calculated. His coffee comes out to be about two bucks. Customer number two, a self-made woman with her own business, informs the barista her annual income comes to $145,000. The barista puts the numbers into his till, and the final price of the coffee is calculated. One coffee, four dollars. Fuck that noise. That is not equality. That’s classism. That’s segregation. That’s combining David Johnstons two favourite fetishes of bestiality and scat porn. Fucking bullshit.

               Damn, tell us how you really feel.

               You got it. FUCK DAVID JOHNSTON. Fuck David Johnston, Elizabeth Mary, every Canadian Senator, and every Cabinet Minister who is not an elected MP. Fuck every single one of you. You know why? It’s these rat bastards who are the reason that my country is not a democracy. What do I mean by that? Well, let’s go through government again!! We know that we elect in Memebers of Parliamant through a process we call Canadian General Election. Each MP elected serves as its own vote for prime minister, as whatever party with more MP’s elected gets to assume office, with the party leader becoming the Prime Minister. However, where do laws come from? Who changes, moves, and influences the country? More than just the MP’s. See, there are three groups; House of commons, the Senate, and the Cabinet. The Cabinet is a cool-kids club whose meetings are regarded as Nation secrets. The Prime minister himself gets to decide who takes what position in the cabinet, such as finance minister, minister of defense, and so on. They’re all called ministers, which is poetically appropriate considering the raping of democracy that is about to unfold before us. These ministers debate and decide big government decisions, and if a majority of them support a new idea for a law, they all must pretend to endorse it publicly, or resign. This all makes perfect sense, with one exception. Cabinet Ministers are usually chosen from elected MP’s, but not always. Sometimes, random, un-elected assholes are chosen by Optimus Prime Minister to critically steer our country. Our own little slice of a dictatorship, this practice is inappropriate and is an insult to freedom of choice. Members of the Cabinet should be chosen exclusively from those who the people elect. Now, once the cabinet has agreed on a good idea for a law, they write it into a “bill” which is simply a proposed law. The House of commons, which is simply a room full of the MP’s we elected, bat it around and debate it, and sometimes change it, until it represents a perfect change to our countries laws. Members of the house, the MP’s may also individually propose bills, and the same sequence unfolds. The bills approved by the people we elect then become law then right?

               WRONG.

               Enter the senate. This is another group of up to 105 people, who, after the officials we elected to represent our interests have decided on something, get to give it the final say of yes or no. These senators are appointed by the governor general, and that requires a moment to allow comprehension. The queen, some dumb cunt who we did not choose, appointed Governor General David Johnston, some dumb cunt we did not choose, who then appointed senators, dumb cunts that we did not choose, to tell the government THAT WE FUCKING CHOSE when they are allowed to implement change to our laws and country. How much are these senators taking form our annual taxes? About 17 million altogether. What have these bastards done for our country? Well, they’ve overturned bills like C-278, which you’ll remember reinforced gender blindness. They also disallowed a climate change act, BILL C-311, which aimed to drastically reduce carbon emissions, and would have served as the first nail in the oil dependency coffin. But those ass-lickers are stuck in the dark ages, understandably, considering that’s when most of them were born. Today’s Canada is worlds different than the Canada of their generation, but they’re holding onto it with the desperation of a conservative having their favorite set of anal beads taken away. Fuck the Senate. They need to go.

               Deep breaths Mac…

               If I’m getting a little too worked up over this, then good. Anger is not passive. Anger gets shit done. These motherfuckers have been a financial and evolutionary restriction for too damn long. Let’s make Canada a democracy, and I swear I will stop complaining. And to bring it back to those still sweating blood in anger over my arguments towards tax brackets, let me twist that knife sticking out of your back, and don’t bitch about what you think is fair. You know what’s fair? Drawing up the annual cost of running Canada, dividing it by the number of our population, and sending everybody a monthly bill in the mail that is exactly the same. I don’t give a beavers furry ass how much money somebody makes, or how many kids you have, everybody should be paying the same amount in taxes. Not percentages either, dollar values. If it costs $100 for ten people to rent a skating rink for an hour, then each person should pay $10. Government is a service. No different than your morning double double. We should keep sales tax, make some money off tourists, and annual financial surplus should be retracted from that monthly bill you get. THAT is fair. Not the one percent paying for the rest of us you fucking commie. Understand, that this is not oppression, this is equality, but when you’ve become accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression. Want more money? Don’t have kids. Don’t smoke. Ride the bus. Eat wisely. Move to a more affordable town. If you feel financially restricted, and you Live in a big city, have three kids, drive a car, eat crappy food, and are on a pack of smokes a day, your problems are your own fucking fault, and you’re a bad parent

               Mac, what about Aboriginal populations in Canada, who don’t pay taxes, and have dozens of additional financial aids given to them from our tax money?

               THAT IS TOO MUCH RAGE FOR ONE FUCKING TUMBLR POST. NEXT TIME.

Things to take back to the damn... 1.The senate, the queen, and the governor general represent not only an absence of democracy, but an annual bill of roughly 70 million$. They must be removed 2.Government should enforce more equal charging of taxes. 3.Sexual exploration and habits should never be shamed.

Legal Disclaimer. I have no knowledge of the personal lives of any person or persons mentioned here, as such any claims of knowledge are false and fictionalized, and should be taken as satire.

It’s BEAVER TIME

#Canada #Politics #royal family

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It’s almost a vision test. Do you see two celebrities, or two financial drains and insults to democracy and equality? If royalty was an article of clothing, it would be a white-gold dress. Or maybe a blue/black dress? No I've got it! The leather gimp Lizzie makes the royal guards wear during her “private time”. There we go. These two are probably lovely people, but i think the only example of “royalty” who did what they should have was Dianne.

Prince William and Duchess Kate visited India and Bhutan Sunday, leaving behind their baby royals, George and Charlotte, but getting far away from carping critics in the London media. Full gallery here. Photos by Getty and AP

#Monarchyisbadidiot

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ur fucked up but shit this made me laugh

lololololololololololol

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RTBC #6

Here’s a good Reason To Be Canadian...

You Have The Right To Be Naked

           In Canada, it is perfectly legal (in the correct context), to strut through your neighborhood showing the world the perfect natural specimen of humanity you are! Nude. Birthday suit. Naked. Topless. No-pants-party. You can tell by the way I use my walk I’m Canadian, no time to talk.  Canadian Criminal Code prohibits "indecent acts", but there is no set definition for what that means. As long as your intentions are not sexual, or purposely offensive, you're good to go bro. Here's the catch, cops can still arrest you if they think your intent is to upset the public. Also sexual offense is TAKEN, not given. Meaning that if some tory goof considers your nudity an act of sexual aggression, you're going to a holding cell, then court. I had no idea you had a tattoo.

                BUT WAIT!

                In either of those cases, if you can convince the judge that your intentions were entirely peaceful, They'll clear you of everything! There has been many legal cases trying to slowly define what does or doesn’t transform public nudity into public indecency, and it’s continually supporting public penises and visual vaginas! Cases of nude streaking, tanning, and swimming have all been set as acceptable by previous court proceedings, so your job, is to liken your morning Sunday stroll with nature to any of those scenarios! It’s a little bit of a toss up about what the courts will accept as o.k., so take advantage of that sweet grey area while we have it!

               So it’s time to rock out with your cock out!

               Keep in mind though, private establishments have their own set rules about clothing, so that one time you got arrested in McDonalds at 3am on a Thursday for ordering 5 junior chickens and 2 mcdoubles with no pickle while not wearing any pants, was entirely justified.

               What if you want to jam out with your clam out?

               Get on it then! Despite popular belief it is perfectly legal for hard working Canadian girls to drop their over the shoulder boulder holders and bust out the goods in broad daylight. They’re just tits man. However, women in Manitoba have gone on record to numerous newscasts stating that even though its legal, they fear sexual harassment. Hopefully one day every Canadian will shed the shackles of sexual oppression and fly their freaky flag.  Sure, the USA may have the right to bear arms, but we have the right to bear everything else.

                What’s this all in aid of?

                Trying to de-criminalize sexuality itself. The Human race is one of oxymorons. One half of the world is starving to death, the other half suffers from an obesity epidemic. Sexuality is no different. We are hard-wired to get busy whenever we can, its our most basic primal instinct. Create a family. Tribe. Yet somehow, on the opposite side of the same coin, western civilization not only fears sex, but in and unfamiliar context, despises it. We maintain such a fear of it, that we need individual labels to appropriately file different versions of sexuality, so that we don’t get too overwhelmed. Before you are allowed to be sexual, you first need to properly divided into your correct group! Let’s call a spade a spade here; Homosexuality is bullshit. A male does not fall in love with another male. A female does not fall in love with a female. Heterosexuality is bullshit. A male does not fall in love with a female. A female does not fall in love with a male. PEOPLE, fall in love, with PEOPLE. We are all so preoccupied with who is hetero, who is homo, who’s bi, who’s omni, that we have forgotten that every single one of us, is, SEXUAL!! YOU DON’T FALL IN LOVE WITH MEN, YOU DON’T FALL IN LOVE WITH WOMEN, YOU FUCKING FALL IN LOVE.

FUCK.

Things to take back to the dam... 1.People must stop demonizing sexuality. 2.Government must continue to support sexual freedom. 69.GET NAKED

It’s BEAVER TIME

#Canada #law #politics #nudity #naked #tits #wang

[beaver-time-blog]

RTBC #4

Here’s a good Reason To Be Canadian...

You Are Free To Love

                Freedom to love falls under what is called our “Fundamental Freedoms”. Under section two of the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, our law dictates that we as Canadians have free reign on our own conscience, thought, belief, and association. These freedoms give us THE most important right we could ever ask for; The right to Love. This means that you can go out and mount or marry whatever flavor of person your twisted ass desires, you beautiful freak you. So go get some.

               Ok, what’s in the fine print?

Like everything else good in the world the only restrictions revolve around protection. For all us wild weirdos looking to satisfy that burning itch you have only ONE rule to follow when sowing your Canadian oats; GAIN. CONSENT. See love is a game, and every team should know they’re playing, and what they’re playing for. You can’t force consent out of somebody, so put the whip down, unless they’re into that. Your partner in this dance must also be old enough to make the decision for themselves! How old is old enough? Good question. The Canadian government answers it with an iron SIXTEEN YEARS OF AGE, with zero exceptions. Remember, under the current law if you have sex with somebody while drunk you are legally a rapist, regardless of how much they are into it, how drunk you were, or how fucking retarded that law is. These restrictions govern (almost) every act of intimacy or affection between any two people on Canadian soil. Soil covered with wild oats.

               But what’s that camera for?

               Well, if it exists, there is porn of it. Flip to a random page in the dictionary, pick a word, type it into google images followed by the word “Porn”. Voila. Emperor penguin. Fire extinguisher. Stephen Harper. Pornography is everywhere, about everything. Human beings are a bipedal mess of sexual disaster, and each one of us is more fucked up than the last (a fact to be celebrated). The best part about Porn? TOTALLY LEGAL BABY. To purchase, to produce, whatever! So you want to meet a stranger you found on craigslist at your local Best Western, prop up your phone against the wall, play a little game of “hide the peanut butter”, then post the finished result on PornHub? Welcome to Canada.

               Can I trade some cold cash for some hot lovin’?

               Well, Pride rock has an elephant graveyard, Canada has Calgary, and the intersection between love and law also has a shadowy area, and you must never go there. Our Canadian prostitution laws were inherited from the United Kingdom, with the first recorded laws dealing with prostitution taking place in Nova Scotia, 1759. What did these laws say? Essentially, that sex is like votes in the election; You’re not allowed to pay for them, so stop throwing fives at me Mr. Mulcair. Something, happened, though in 2013. Something bad. Canadian Parliament was charged with re-writing our laws concerning prostitution. Why? Prostitution was no longer being looked at as a nuisance, “but as a form of sexual exploitation that disproportionately and negatively impacts on women and girls”-Canadian Department of Justice. So, the laws were re-written so that purchasing sexual activities remains illegal, however providing them is now perfectly acceptable within the confines of our Canadian law. So, in order to protect women being exploited for their bodies from legal persecution as well, It’s completely legal to SELL some quality time with your physical assets, it’s Illegal to PURCHASE these same services.

                  What the fuck?!

                  Yeah that’s ridiculous. However this law was put in place to provide more security to those who would chose to sell their bodies. Well security has long been a killer of liberties. This is no exception. Our government has gone on record reasoning a laws existence because it paints Canadian women negatively. Let’s explore a law whose existence is dependent upon a party being a specific gender. What if the purchaser is female? What if the prostitute was male? Why wouldn’t they be anyway? Everybody needs theirs. As of April 9th 2016, it is now morally defendable in court for a male to purchase sexual favors from another male, yet undefendable if a female seeks sexual favors from a female. Because that’s how our law works. If you are caught doing something a police officer thinks is illegal, you go to court. Then you have the right to defend yourself, trying to prove that whatever law you were breaking doesn’t apply to that scenario. Canadian women today have been Queen Elizabeth the second-royally fucked in cases of prostitution, where men have a defense. Our government had an entire year to establish absolute sexual equality, but landed right back on segregation. If you are an equalist, or simply a feminist, this should worry you. One day a reason to be Canadian will concern gender equality, but we’re not there yet. A libertarian inspired government would never tell you what you can and can’t do with YOUR body. An equality inspired government would not restrict that freedom to one gender. So you think prostitution is bad? tell me more. Just kidding I don’t give a fuck. Just because you think something is wrong, doesn't mean it should be illegal. 

               So Canada sucks eh?

               FUCK NO. Here in the great white north lies your happily ever after, or a sweaty weekend with a near stranger, it’s your choice. And on the subject of happily ever after, Canada loves it if you love you own. On July 20th, 2005, Canada became the first country outside Europe to legalize same-sex marriage with the Civil marriage act, letting Canadians everywhere scissor and dock to their hearts content. So you can’t pitch your Starbucks barista fifty bucks for a cheap handy in the restroom. We’re getting there. So for your next vacation getaway, consider Canada, where winter is always coming.

Stuff to take back to the dam... 1.Governments should not use sexism to rationalize laws. 2.Governments should have no control over your body. 3.People must stop forcing their lifestyles onto other through laws.

It’s BEAVER TIME

#canada #Politics #law #sex #love #prostitution

[beaver-time-blog]

RTBC #3

Here’s a good Reason To Be Canadian...

You Have The Right To Consume Alcohol

           Cheers to the freakin’ weekend! What’s yer poison there buddy?! Cold gin? Shots, shots, shots, shots-shots-shots? Tequila? A whiskey river? Well, have a drink on me, I’ll take one bourbon, one scotch, and one beer. Don’t give me that look it’s five O-clock somewhere. Up here at the top of the world the easiest way to get through some icy Canadian winters is nice tall glass of liquid warmth!  So let’s all sit down, raise our glasses, and toast to the first step the Canadian government has taken towards our deserved right to self-destruction. Welcome to margeritaville, AKA Canada. Everytime liberty or equality is mentioned, take a shot.

               Liberty. Drink motherfucker.

               Canadians have long regarded alcohol as one of the major food groups, but it hasn’t always been legal up here. See, back around 1916 there were two major groups who knew what was best. They knew what was best for you, your children, and your government, but then again, so did Hitler. Then again, so do I .... ANYWAY! The Dominion Alliance for the Total Suppression of the Liquor Traffic was a group dedicated to exactly what their name would suggest, but saying their name is as hard for me as explaining ANYTHING to the media was for Harper. To that end, let’s refer to them as henceforth as the Nazi’s. Backing them up was the Woman’s Christian Temperance Union, and doesn’t that name say it all. They’re Christian. They’re Women. They’re temperate. They have a union. Run bitch. Them we’ll call the commies. Now these two parties agreed that poverty, crime, disease, and domestic abuse would stop, overnight, if alcohol disappeared from our lives. I say there’s more of a chance of Elizabeth May taking off her mask revealing to the world that she’s been Al Gore this whole time, but let’s see where they’re going with this. Together, the Nazi’s, Commie’s, and every Baptist, Methodist, Presbyterian, and Congregationalist they could find they swept through Canada, East to West, spreading the good word of prohibition. Their ultimate goal was to abolish the production and trade of alcohol, as well as criminalize the consumption of it. To our Great-Grandparents horror, they succeeded.

           How the hell were they gunna pull that off?!

           Not easily. Back in 1916, the Nazi’s and Commie’s went to the Canadian government to convince them that the soldiers returning from WW1 deserved to come back to a better Canada, and that the only iron way of providing such an improved country was with the removal of alcohol. Now, before the war ended, our favorite Communists and Fascists had gone to papa government pleading to abolish liquor as a war-effort Benefit. Their argument was that consumption of liquor leaded to waste and inefficiency, and ridding Canada of it would bolster our wartime economy. How they drew that relation is more of a mystery than how does Harper think he’s fooling anybody with that hairpiece. So, the Canadian government took these arguments, and with the societal-friendly labels of Wartime Domestic Reform, and the Preservation of Grain Resources, Prohibition was implemented into the War Measures Act in 1918, sealing Canada’s fate as a dry country. Some provinces were downright dry as a bone, while some still allowed the regulated sale of light beer, and low alcoholic drinks. But a Canadian without a whiskey is like a conservative without Jurassic political views. They’re just not the same, and they sound way smarter than they actually are.

          VIVE LE REVOLUTION??

           Hell yah. Almost immediately the illegal alcohol trade was born. Rum-runners, Al Capone, Nixon, you know the story. Canadians had become accustomed to their lifestyles of work-hard, party-hard, and they were not anxious to give up that Liberty. Provincially, one by one, Canada slowly emerged from the shadow of prohibition, and stepped into the light of inebriative freedom, holding a beer-bong in one hand and a bottle of Jack Daniels in the other. Don’t bother calling the cops they’re doing a keg-stand in the backyard. The repealing of prohibition was a monumental political movement in Canada. Our people didn’t enjoy seeing their freedoms compromised, so they stood up as one and bugled in unison an intolerance for the governments control over their lives! The government’s reply was simple and beautiful; “Hey, it’s your country”. YOU’RE GOD DAMNED RIGHT IT IS!

            What if you’re the mayor of Toronto?

           Too soon, but if by that you mean you aren’t a huge fan of liquid love, and are more a fan of some other inebriation favorites such as cocaine or heroin, you’re out of luck. Development and distribution of such substances are very, very illegal, and have been for some time. The argument towards their criminalization is the terrible deeds many Canadians have acted out while under their effects, as well as addictive properties and damages to the user’s health. So, as a function of security, these drugs became, and remain, illegal. To save us from ourselves, for we are foolish, lost sheep, and we will be cursed blind and deaf forever, without our Shepard. A government that enforces foreign justice will never know peace. A people who demand safety will never know liberty. It is the question of politics today; Revenge, or peace. Security, or freedom. Not one mortal sinner alive may stand alone and declare what is right and wrong, but equality… equality is not opinion. It is neither outlook nor idea. It is stone. Resolute and unyielding. It carries a definition, allowing the application of its label to be presented only unto those who truly understand it. It is neither right nor wrong that alcohol may be legal whilst other intoxicative substances remain prohibited, it is simply not fair. A Libertarian inspired government would never tell the people what substances they may or may not take for their own enjoyment. An Equality inspired government would never restrict the people to only one. Self-Destruction isn’t the prettiest Liberty, but it is still one we all deserve. While We’re here, could somebody please explain to me why Alcohol is legal and Heroin is not? Because you were trained form a young age to demonize heroin, and not alcohol, and you consider your own way of life to be the definitive one. Your lifestyle is not THE lifestyle, it’s A lifestyle. You want to do Heroin? you’re an adult, do whatever the fuck you want.

            Could this ever change?

           Everything can change. That is the beauty of democracy. It is neither fate nor divine providence that conducts this symphony we call Canada, it is choice. My choice? No. Your choice? No. Their choice? No. It is OUR CHOICE. Together. No one Canadian has ever sung our national anthem alone. I invite you to a social experiment. Today, at work, waiting for the bus, at school, sing the anthem. Proudly. No less than half of your surrounding population will immediately join you in your serenade of our mother land. Now, go into a bar, any bar, or a party, and start to sing. There is something hidden in Canadian liquor, something they don’t tell you about in the commercials. Within every domestic bottle of whiskey contains a rabid desire to trumpet our anthem as loud as our vocal cords will allow. There will be no silent voices, there will be no hats being worn, every Canadian will rise and place their hands over their hearts and join you in a musical love letter to our nation. The same is true with change. It will require all of us together to be properly heard. The government said it themselves, it’s our country. Change isn’t just possible, it’s inevitable, but it needs your guidance, because change is not enough. Politics must not change. Politics must evolve.

Stuff to take back to the dam... 1.Government should hold no power over your body, nor what you do to it. 2.People need to stop forcing their lifestyles on other through law.

It’s BEAVER TIME

#Canada #Drugs #booze #Politics

[beaver-time-blog]

RTBC #2

Here’s a good Reason To Be Canadian...

You have the right to safety

           It’s a right that many across the globe dream of, the idea that you are protected from evildoers and conservatives alike, and should you need him, the great Mountie in the sky shall ride down upon his winged moose to deliver swift and blind justice to those who would do you harm. To regulate the measures utilized by our government to enforce order and peace, the country developed a rulebook to serve as our lawful gospel. Meet the Canadian Criminal Code. Herein lies a warning to all those who define themselves as Canadian; Play by the rules. In Canada, if an officer of the law witnesses a fellow Canuck causing misery or mayhem outside of the allowance of the criminal code, the officer may issue a fine to Captain Canuck here, or take them into custody, depending on the offence witnessed. At this time, you will be presented with a court date, where you may defend your innocence or confess your guilt to a judge, an impartial representative of Canada’s judicial system. Depending how it goes, you will either have to accept the punishment, such as paying your fine or serving jail time, or, if you are able to convince the judge you truly are innocent, you walk. No crime, no punishment. The system itself is a love-letter to freedom. It allows you the right to act however you would like, to defend yourself in a fair manner should somebody believe you are violating a term of the criminal code, and if you are are deemed guilty, you will be appropriately punished. The Criminal Code is a work in progress, it was implemented originally in 1892, but since then has undergone a radical evolution, making it recognizable as the original code by name only. Every year this code has amendments rework and rewrite different sections of it, as Canadians tolerance and intolerance for certain actions fluctuates, just as Christians are constantly rewriting the bible to accommodate every new planet and form of matter today’s scientists stumble upon. No really, Noah knew the whole time that dark matter was a thing, really.

           So Whoever Breaks The Law Is A Bad Guy?

           I wish. Nothing in life is that black or white, although truly I wish it was. There are many components of our criminal code that inflict judgement and suffering on the wrong party involved, and what’s worse, is some laws often contradict each other, leaving this void of injustice to plague whoever is unlucky enough to fall into it. It is one of the most difficult jobs of a government, to find the delicate balance between justice and revenge, however the task itself is as integral as it is difficult. One could easily argue that justice is simply revenge carried out by the correct party in the correct way, and finding a counter argument would not come easy. Another separation we must strive to achieve is between morality and law. The two intersect, as right they should, however morality is entirely relative, where legality must not be. As a result, this creates even more voids of injustice, where a respectable, hardworking Canadian, who pays their taxes and mows their lawn, can easily be found on the business end of a criminal sentence, which could upset their entire life. The key thing to remember, is that somebody’s hero, is somebody’s villain. Sometimes the good guys, are the worst guys.

            Should The Majority Always Win?

           What happens, when the good guys, those who are popularly favored as the just and righteous party, support an ideology or outlook that spreads more harm than it does good? Even worse, what if you support an argument that goes against what the current times perceive as altruistic or just? Well, it means you are now the bad guy. Welcome to the tribe. Across history, only one thing has ever been able to flawlessly define who is the villain in each story, and that is whoever writes that story. Have you ever noticed, not in the history of conflict, that an evil party has ever won a war? It is always the heroes, the good guys, that come out victorious? Well, now you know why. When you win the war, you get to write the history book. When a conflict ends, it is the victor who gets to decide who was the Spartans, and who was the Persians, who was the north, and who was the south, who was the allies, and who was the axis. Before a conflict ends however, and sometimes before it begins, the badge of righteousness is defaulted to the popular side, the majority team. Because of these definitions of right and wrong, many times what would create the most good for a particular circumstance is regarded as a cruelty, and its supporters are condemned for having even thought of it.

           How Does This Play Out In Law?

           Well, let’s take a look at a particular instance of crime and punishment, one even the most airheaded of Instagram addicts, I’m looking at you Trudeau, will have an elementary education in; the rape of musical artist Kesha, which was a court proceeding which began March 2016. Now this was a legal circumstance handled in the law system of the USA, Canada’s racist downstairs neighbor who keeps egging the rest of the houses on the block and then cries when they throw eggs back, but the manner in which it was dealt with is extremely similar to how a Canadian court would have, so we will use it as an example strictly for people’s familiarity in it. Kesha requested that her working contract with her producer be rendered void, as ten years prior to today, that same producer drugged and raped her. The producer denied these claims, but the allegations were taken seriously due to the publishers checkered history in sexual abuse concerning Kesha. As the Grindr user who met a conservative MP in a Dairy Queen bathroom said to the reporter, this was not his first time. Instantly, the western world erupted in a volcano of defense for Kesha, as well as condemnation for her alleged rapist. Everyone with a twitter account evolved into a woman’s rights supporter overnight, mislabeling this instance of crime as an instance of sexual inequality. The popular idea, and therefore the just one, was that Kesha was the victim of a terrible crime, and she should be released from her commitment to working with her assailant, and he should be bound naked to a cactus, doomed to watch Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders mud wrestle over who gets to use the butt-plug first. A greater hell I could not imagine. It was simple, either you agree with the argument that Kesha is a victim, or you are an evil, twisted asshole. Now a number of people took to the internet siding with the producer, imagining a reality where Kesha had fabricated these claims simply to be released form her professional responsibilities. This argument painted Kesha in an extremely negative way, which by all definitions is fair. Every time an allegation of any crime is falsely created, it creates a precedent for future court proceedings, which cunning lawyers will use in the defense of the accused, which in turn allows more and more guilty parties to be pardoned from the very real crimes they have committed. If Kesha had fabricated these claims, she is unknowingly assisting in the rapes of future people, by allowing rapists more and more defense in court. Harper is not so evil, Trudeau not so naïve, and Layton not so dead to ever label those who assist in the act of rape anything but cruel. If you help somebody get raped, you are a cunt. Today however, I would like to discuss the possibility that Kesha WAS raped, and address the failures of justice that occurred that day.

           What Happened To The Good Guy vs. Bad Guy Thing?

           We are getting there, two minutes. So, what if Kesha was actually raped? It’s an excellent example of one of the unavoidable shortcomings of the law. In order to create the most fair and just legal system that we possibly could, sometimes bad people will get away with doing bad things. If Kesha was raped, then crime was committed, and justice demands, crime receive punishment. The imagination comes alive, doesn’t it? Picturing all of the terrible dreadful ways to remind this criminal, this despicable example of humanity of the horror they have wrought? Jail time seems too boring, how about a little amputation? Waterboarding? Hot-iron branding? Some whips? Chain them up in a deep dark dungeon and slowly cut off their air supply? I majored in BDSM at the Mulcair Institute of Orgasms, so I could think up torture ideas all day long. While these methods of punishment are easily found in a folder on the Queens computer titled “Definitely not porn”, perhaps they are a little out of taste within the confines of Canadian law, so perhaps the fairest punishment, considering chronological distance to the crime, is to simply serve her with a heavy fine. No you didn’t mis-read that, I said her. We are talking about a criminal here, and it is not the publisher. Ten years ago, Kesha signs on with a publisher, who promises to make her famous. This publisher then drugs and rapes her. The next morning Kesha presents herself to the police, and with the evidence on and in her body, from her assailant’s semen to the drugs he used on her, the courts are able to create a fair case to put this monster behind bars, and he is never able to harm another human being again. But that’s not what happened. She never went to the police. She chose the lure of fame. She chose the idea of money. She swallowed, ironically, her hatred of this animal to pursue a star on Hollywood boulevard. In a study in 2010, some earth shattering evidence was collected, suggesting that only one out of every ten instances of sexual assault actually gets reported. So, let’s just assume the statistics here. If Kesha is the one of ten that gets reported, that means nine other human beings could have been at the mercy of this violent monster. Nine. How many people could somebody rape in ten years? Ten? On hundred? Or maybe just one? All of these people, could have been spared this most horrifying of experiences, had Kesha decided that justice was more important than fame and money. It provokes an interesting question; how many people are you willing to let get raped if it makes you famous? Never thought about it really, probably zero, because unlike Kesha, I am not a massive Cunt. 

           Popular Opinion. Got It.

           This argument that Kesha is truly the guiltiest, this idea that there is no difference between her and a serial rapist, makes me a bad guy. I have fought against my instinct to come to the aid of the crying girl, the very instinct that drives so many others, and that makes me bad. Makes me cruel. But just you wait, it is about to get much, much worse.

           Bring It On Home.

           Back inside Canada, we have our own protocol for handling instances of rape. Up here we have only one rule for sex; GAIN CONSENT. Over sixteen years of age and you can’t force a yes out of them. However, there is one other particular guideline, but first, the token history lesson; In Canada past, there was no such charge as sexual assault, instead being identified as indecent assault. That was until 1983, when the Criminal Code adapted with the times once again, to characterize sexual assault as not a sexual crime, but one of physical violence and trauma. Now, as before, consent is your only goal here. However, to detail the specifics noted within the criminal code, your partner must not be of a diminished capacity, such as mental health concerns or intoxications. Also, the lack of refusal, meaning your partner doesn’t say no, is not enough to the courts, neither is the plea that you genuinely believed they were ok with your actions. To be free from the label of rapist you must be able to say in a court of law that your partner expressed their consent to the activity. Ask two questions; are you drunk? want to fuck? If the answer is yes to both, you contain zero risk of being falsely labeled as a criminal, so long as you are not violent, or force your partner to do anything they would not like to. However, if this person admits yes they are drunk, but still wants to have sex with you, tread carefully. At any moment in your future this person may decide that they were in reality NOT o.k. with having sex with you, re-title the action from sex to rape, and by definition of the law, you are now a rapist. Of course this is ridiculous, you aren’t a rapist, but unfortunately that’s what happens when laws are improperly assembled. Innocent people go to jail. The only way to stop the false accusations and mislabeling of rapists is to enact two counter-measures within your lifestyle; the first, is to not put your mind into a state where you cannot comfortably control your actions. The second, would be to not waste your sexual energy on somebody that is so turnt they can’t even stand up. They would be a terrible lay anyway, move on to somebody still dancing. If you have consumed so much alcohol that you cannot make rational decisions, then why are you even outside? This is a rare case of Canadian law going against what is fair, and subjects innocent people to dreadful fates. What would you rather be? A rape victim, or a rapist? It’s quite terrible to be either to be honest. I’ll ask you one last question; why are you held accountable for decisions you make while fucked up if you hurt others, but not if you hurt yourself? On that note, having sex is not hurtful, it’s natural, healthy, and one of my favorite things. If ever you intoxicate yourself, then agree to having sex with somebody, guess what? You are not being raped, you are being fucked. You chose this. 

           I Understand.

           It’s terrifying to think you were raped. It is an absolute divorce from power and pride. Just the suspicion alone of being a victim of it is enough to create a sinking, unavoidable terror. Your only defense is to not go past your limit, stay in your brain, don’t leave your body to fend for itself. Safety is not just a right, it is a responsibility. Time to start acting like adults Canada.

Stuff to take back to the dam... 1.Government must hold those who inebriate themselves responsible for their actions while inebriated. 2.People need to stop demonizing sex. 3.People need to stop raping people.

Legal disclaimer. I was not present at any of the court proceedings mentioned above, as such i cannot prove they happened. I was informed of these events the same way you have now; I read about them on the internet.

It’s BEAVER TIME

#Canada #ke$ha #offensivejokes #law

[beaver-time-blog]

RTBC #1

Here’s a good Reason To Be Canadian...

You have the right to vote

           Welcome to the world of Canadian politics, where campaigns are made up and promises don’t matter. It’s hard to find something more Canadian than drinking a Tim Horton’s coffee and wearing a toque while waiting in line at the ballot box to support your favorite political party. It’s an exercise of flawless equality and liberty; Every Canadian, regardless of sex, ethnicity, belief, or financial class, may evenly influence the election of Canada's leaders. From voter to voted, the sequence is as polished as Justin Trudeau’s “sexiest Prime Minister ever” award. This system is titled the Canadian Federal General Election, where Canadians elect representatives for their region, Called Members of Parliament(MP’s). These MP’s belong to individual political groups called “Parties”, and these groups each have a designated leader. The leader of the party with the most MP’s elected becomes our Prime Minister. Since 1867, with the election of John A. McDonald (the purple guy on the ten) Canadians have slept soundly and sung proudly to celebrate a simple yet monumental step in their country’s development; the ability to decide who’s in charge. We’ve undergone another forty-one elections since then, and in 2015 we elected Justin Trudeau, of the Liberal party, as the leader of Canada, replacing Stephen Harper of the Ankle-grabbing party, A.K.A. the Conservatives. For those of you new to Canadian politics we will do a quick run-down of the main parties in play. The Conservative party, sometimes abbreviated to “tories”, are basically the Canadian Republicans. They’re like Herpes. You’re not sure where it came from, it just pops up every once in a while to make your life miserable. Then there is the Liberal Party. Canadian Democrats. These guys are like strippers. Sure they’ll turn you on and get you excited, but they’re never going to finish the job. Next up is the New Democratic Party, the NDP, and these bastards are the platypus. An awkward and bewildering genetic mutation of nature, which leaves the rest of us wondering what the hell is it doing here? Does it have a purpose? No it does not. Onward to the Bloc Quebecois (Block-ka-bek-wa), our token French party, who’s only goal is to allow the province of Quebec to fuck off and become its own nation. Sadly some of the best parts of Canada reside in Quebec, so we aren’t drinking that kool-aid. The  “I’m taking my ball and going home” kid, that’s the BQ. Lastly is the Green Party. The Political Hippies. You know that friend of yours that is really, really smart, only when he’s baked off his ass? That’s the green party. Save the planet.

           The System Is Sound!

           So if the basis of our system is so great, why isn’t Canada the world’s largest utopia, where abortions clinics are in every mall, there are no wars, and every disease has been cured?  Let’s get critical. Canadian Government, and the election of it, is divided into three parts, and it is in the relationships between these parts where success, but more commonly failure, occurs. The middle level is the aforementioned political parties, where Mr. Trudeau, still moist from my drool, sits atop his maple-wood throne as beavers in bow ties form an orderly line to deliver him chilled glasses of crown royal, with Elizabeth May singing the anthem to his left, and Tom Mulcair, wearing nothing but a thong made of Stephen Harpers hairpiece and a still-alive moose, working the pole to his right. Them we’ll call the Bears. The base level, is the voters themselves. You guys. The masses. The people who decide. Those who carry the terrible labor of having to choose who may lead their country, but have a minimal amount of control over where they are led by the very people they chose to elect. You we will call the Beavers. So, that’s relationship one; the humble beaver, working every day to provide a safe home and warm food to their beaver family, and the mighty Bears, promising a safe forest to their Beaver voters. To properly explain this relationship, we must first begin lesson one in politics.

           Politics, A Case Study, Chapter one...

           Welcome to the hundred-acre wood, currently governed by the Polar Bear Party. As the next Forest General Election draws closer, each Bear Party is providing arguments to the Beaver population as to why they should be elected. The Polar Bear party is promising that, if re-elected their economic plan will reignite the Maple Syrup trade, and the price per barrel will climb to match what it was when they were first put in office. Both the LiBearal Party, and The New Democratic Pandas rest their political arguments on how terribly the polar bears have been conducting the forest since 2006. When questioned by the beavers on the differences they could expect from their groups should they be elected, both the LiBearals and the NDP’s promise change. When pressed for details, the Bears quickly fictionalize a new unified Hundred-Acre Wood, that marches towards the future. The Beavers try one more time, seriously what’s your plan? The Bears then reference a terrible tragedy or failure from the currently elected Polar Bears, and exit the stage growling “Merci Bear-ucoup”. Two other Bear parties are in major consideration for election. The Bloc QueBearcois were separatists, aiming to remove the region of Quebearque from the Hundred-Acre wood, affording the region its sovereignty. The last group was the Brown Bear Party. The Brown Party’s political endeavor was surmised in a simple message “Guys fuck off the forest is on fire”. True to their word, the edges of the Hundred-Acre Wood were actually engulfed in flames.  Their plan to put this fire out, was to stop depending on Maple Syrup as the forests only source of food, as the collection, refinement, and use of this commodity lead to the maple trees self-combusting in an act of rebellion. Whenever she got the chance, the leader of the Brown Party ranted and roared over how the Polar Bear Party was destroying the forest, preying the message would sink in to the minds of the masses… of Beavers. The Beavers voted, the ballots were counted, and in a majority vote, the LiBearal Party took office. These Bears promised change and safety, and promptly went to work. And accomplished nothing.

           Chapter Review...

           Why the fuck did the Libearals win? They just skirted the issues, never devoting to one plan or another? They never properly addressed The Maple Syrup Trade, or even mentioned how the forest is literally on fucking fire. What happened?! Well, consider the attitudes of the LiBearals/NDP’s, against the attitudes of the Brown/BQ Parties. See, it’s much easier to lose voters than to gain them. If you are selling something, and you let slip you love the color green, half of your audience will reactively go “ew no i hate green fuck this guy” and you have lost them forever. That’s why Politicians are famous for speaking a thousand words but never saying a thing. So when the brown bears announced their intention to rid the forest of Maple Syrup, the entire province of AlBearta, whose economy lives and dies on the production of Maple Syrup, realized they should never ever vote for the Brown Bears. The rest of the forest was kind of put off by the fact the leader of the Brown Party has rabies, which isn’t a big deal, but her mouth was always foaming when she was on stage and she looked bat-shit crazy. On top of that, the Brown Bear Party showed the Beavers a future that they didn’t like. All the Beavers had become addicted to Maple Syrup, and they were afraid of living in a forest without it. As such, this party, the only party with a both a plan and the conviction to carry it out, was almost ignored…However the message they were preaching sunk in; The Polar Bears are destroying the forest. The Beavers remembered this message, and quickly became afraid, for the entire forest knew that if AlBearta had its way, the Polar Bears, who were destroying the forest, would be re-elected. They were left with only two parties, The LiBearals and the NDPandas, because fuck off Quebearque you started this race with us and you are going to god damned finish it. However, the NDPandas made a promise of their own; more care for their senior population. What they failed to consider, is that the beaver population is an exponentially growing one, and there will always be more Baby Beavers, than Senior Beavers. So, the award for being the most vapid, soulless automaton was given to the LiBearals. What was the name of this award? Majority Government.

           So That’s Beavers And Bears.

           One group is so obsessed with election, they will never announce nor carry out any real plans for political evolution. The other group is so afraid of their world changing, they will never let it evolve, so whenever any Bears actually show even a hint of a soul, the Beavers run screaming in the opposite direction. Put those claws back in those paws, you dumb bear! Bears need to grow a pair, and Beavers need to learn to embrace change, and stop forcing their lifestyles onto other beavers.

           Let’s Commit Treason, Shall We?

           Those of you paying attention will remember that there is still a third group to consider in this cavalcade of political metaphor, so now that we’ve discussed all things constitutional, let’s consider the monarchy. Above the Members of parliament, above even the Prime Minister, sits a Monarch. Canada is still considered part of the empire, and as such we have a Queen. We started at the Beaver, elected some Bears, but at the very top of the political food chain is the Loon. The relationship between the loon and the other animals is a strange one. The beavers pay the loon fifty million dollars every year, and in return the loon does absolutely nothing. The bears constantly compliment the loon on her marvelous feathers, and in return the Loon does absolutely nothing. It just sits there, up in the trees, and shits on us. Let’s discuss monarchs for a moment. I believe that the circumstances of one’s birth are irrelevant, and it is what one does with the gift of life that determines who you are. Monarchs, and the concept of their relevance, directly antagonize that ideology. The very idea of royalty reinforces segregation, classism, and privilege. You want happiness in life? You should have been born into a better family. Elizabeth is not a queen, she’s just some stupid bird. To me at least, because today, members of the royal family are not seen as a useless drain on Canadian finances, nor demi-gods who are destined to reign over us because they have the right blood, they are celebrities. They are on our magazines, they must be better than us, right?

           Eat A Dick Lizzie.

           Elizabeth Alexandra Mary (the green bitch from the twenty) represents everything I despise about the human condition. She provides nothing for Canada, yet is still considered an integral part of its governing system. She is currently my queen. As a Canadian there is no avoiding that fact, however the only queen I will ever get on my knees for is Mr. Trudeau. This cockney weasel, literally lives in a castle for no other reason than that she is better than you. And we love her. Lizzie, if you’re having one of your servants read you this, know that it is my own personal political goal to see Canada removed from your empire, but I will never turn to force or violence to do so, nor should anybody else. I have nothing against the human being that is Elizabeth Mary, after all, we’re all just beavers in the end. It is in the very idea of royalty itself where I find my distaste, and I am sure Lizzie is a very loving person once you get to know her. Until then though, get that cunt off my money.

Stuff to take back to the dam... 1.People need to stop being afraid of evolution. 2.Politicians need to grow a pair. 3.Royalty needs to fuck off back to the dark ages.

It’s BEAVER TIME

#canada #politics #queen #election #offensivejokes #funny

[beaver-time-blog]

RTBC #5

Here’s a good Reason To Be Canadian...

You Have The Right To A Gender

               It’s a fifty-fifty shot as a human being, isn’t it? Do you begin this marvelous tirade of glory called life as a man or a woman? Up here it really doesn’t matter, because just in case god mistakenly miss-read your particular assembly instructions, Canadians have been given the ability to choose which gender they may identify as. Gender identification is a matter decided by provincial governments, as most legal documents, such as birth certificates and numerous licenses are established provincially. Province by province, the ability to change the gender you identify as, has been implemented and simplified. Originally, transgender persons were tasked with jumping through numerous hoops to legally establish their identity, such as undergoing sexual reassignment surgeries, living a pre-determined observed time where you identify yourself as the specific gender, and obtaining a physician’s endorsement on your legal reassignment. As time marched forward, and then off a cliff, it dragged with it the fear and hate fueled protestants of this evolution, and soon the process was boiled down to an even simpler sequence. Today, the vast majority of Canadians require only signing legal documents swearing not only do they currently identify as the specific gender, but also that they intend to continue doing so, voluntarily. There are a number of items in the fine print, such as Quebec requiring a doctor’s endorsement to legally change your gender for a second time, but overall, these legal proceedings have been an unapologetic bound into our future, and every Canadian alive should feel safe in proud in their ever-expanding right to identity. Today, regardless of biological classification, your government must legally address you as whatever gender you damn well please. However, you don’t go to Stephen Harper for economically wise political decisions, and you don’t come to me to hear what’s good about our government. So, in the endless pursuit of pissing people off…

               Let’s talk about Bill C-279.

               Bill C-279 was first read in parliament September 21st 2011. Its goal was to implement amendments to the Canadian Human Rights act, as well as the Criminal Code. These amendments would allow gender identity to be included as a prohibited ground of discrimination. This would include allowing access to previously gender-restricted areas, such as change rooms or bathrooms, as well as in the criminal code, so that alleged criminals could not be judged based on the gender they identify as. The Bill was initially well received and despite being introduced as a private members bill, which don’t usually become law, it seemed that this may be an exception! This Bill was sponsored by Randall Garrison, of the NDP, currently the MP for Saanich-Esquimalt-Sooke in British Columbia, as well as serving as the NDP’s critic for issues concerning the LGBT community. An all-around good guy and promoter of both equality and freedom, Mr. Garrison will forever be labeled as an unwavering ally in Canada’s war on domestic oppression, and upon his grand vision of sexual equality was a terrible battle fought. Two sides arose around this bill, representing supporters and protestants. So let’s meet our contestants;

               In the red corner,

               Meet Amanda Ryan. Amanda Ryan was among those who were determined to be identified and referenced to in their new genders pronouns, and took great offence to the idea of being labeled as a “Man in a dress”. Amanda serves as the outreach coordinator for the Transgender advocacy and support group entitled Gender Mosaic. Gender Mosaic is the first and largest Canadian Transgender Support group, and their firm belief was that gender was not a random accident of genetics, nor the willful decision of god, but a journey of self-discovery, left to the individual to realize. This group became publicly involved when the Bill was to be sent into the Senate, where instead of being passed forward to receive royal ascension, making it law, it was re-introduced by Senator Don Plett, with three amendments. Chief among these changes was the removal of allowing Transgendered persons to indiscriminately use gender-restricted facilities, such as prisons, crisis centers, and most importantly, bathrooms and change rooms. Now it is a curious thing to put facilities such as toilets above the importance of crisis centers, however it was around this implementation of washroom accessibility that a great scandal unfolded. It was in the idea of Transgendered persons having access to their new genders washroom that inspired great fear and hatred within a few terrible yet unfortunately influential people. See politicians are predictable; where there is money there is greed, where there is resource there is theft, and where there is fear, there are fear tactics. Let’s meet these cunning tacticians.

               In the blue corner,

Fuckin Rob Anders. Robert J Anders represented the riding of West Calgary from 1997 until 2015 for the Conservative Party, and that should tell you everything you need to know about our boy here. Conservative? Kill it with fire. Also, if it came out of Calgary, it’s probably evil. Calgary isn’t just late to the political party, it forgot to bring the wine. Now, Fuckin Rob Anders isn’t just an MP for the conservative party, if that wasn’t bad enough, he was a founding member of the modern conservative party we know today. Every fear and hate based political disaster that took place between 2006 and 2015 can easily be drawn back to not only Stephen Harper, but also his longtime friend, Fuckin Rob Anders. While Robbie here openly opposed the approval of Bill C-279, he wasn’t alone. Just as Amanda Ryan had The Gender Mosaic, Fuckin Rob Anders was backed by entities such as the Canada Family Action Coalition. I fucking love these guys. They are my sunrise, these squirrely bastards are the reason I wake up some days. Let’s call them the Nazis. Lead by activist Doug Sharpe, the Nazis march forward towards their ultimate goal of a perfect Canada, one where Christian principles are enforced in Canadian law, politics, and society. Are you growing tired of endless battles between equality and god? Good. Me neither. Upon learning of Bill C-279’s initial approval from the house, they became infuriated that politicians, even from their own representative, the Tories, had openly supported Transgendered equality. So, they went into action. They began a campaign of fear, using the oldest and most effective marshalling cry known to politics - “think of the children!”. Now that of course isn’t what they put on the posters. What they really said was “Men in dresses are coming to rape your daughter.”. Holy fuck that escalated quickly! Ok, ok, that wasn’t strictly verbatim either, but it was the exact message they were trying to get across. Their argument was that allowing biological males to access female facilities could only result in sexual assault, and that the bill would afford these scary monsters a legal defense in court. The Nazis live under the deranged belief that only biological males possess the capacity to commit sexual crimes. Shall we do another drinking game? A shot for every count of sexism from these Nazis? Not enough whiskey in the world my friend. The Nazis also collected the personal contact information from every Conservative MP who voted in favor of the Bill, and those who didn’t even show up for voting, and posted them online for the public to access, instructing the masses to voice their fury at these politicians wanting their daughters to get raped by men in dresses. These thousands of gullible parents painted the country with petitions to abolish the Bill. These petitions were then taken by a conservative MP to the senate to convince all parties involved that this Bill should never see the light of law. Who was this shining star of oppression, this monument to inequality, this ghost of democracy past? Who else? Fuckin Rob Anders.

              This fuckin guy.

               Fuckin Rob Anders. The very same Fuckin Rob Anders to have helped create the Conservative party that we know today. This is the guy who opposed giving Nelson Mandela honorary Canadian Citizenship. This is the guy who has gone on record to say that gay marriage undermines civilization. This is the guy who genuinely believed that Tom Mulcair had a hand in Jack Layton’s death. This is the guy who only ever stayed awake in political proceedings if somebody was attempting to diminish the name of his god. Back in 2012, at a parliament committee meeting with veteran’s groups, he arrived late, and promptly fell asleep. Afterwards, because he is above apologizing for his arrogance, he lashed out at the Veterans saying they were NDP-loving idiots who were running a smear campaign against him. Robbie, the NDP isn’t running a smear campaign against you, I am. And so, in this hilariously inept excuse of a politician, the Nazi’s found their knight in sexist armor. With several thousand signatures from angry parents under his arm, Robbie went forward to the senate, and… he won. The Bill did not receive approval, it did not receive royal ascension, and to this day, establishments are legally able to bar transgendered person from using gender-restricted facilities. Once again, Canada’s advancement towards perfect equality was delayed by fear, and sexism. You win this round god. The Bill itself still has a future, in the sessions of parliament to come it may yet find a home within Canadian Law. Every day, people that argue against these types of advancements are dying, and every day, people who will embrace these changes are being born. It is simply a matter of patience. We will get there.

               But now it’s really time to piss some people off.

               The concept of Transgenderism is simple; You have the right to look, act like, and be addressed as the gender you believe you are, regardless of biological assignment. Let’s examine that ideology for a moment. Why do people become transgender? Well, many would argue that nobody BECOMES transgender, but rather, they are born with a specific identity that may or may not clash with their own physical embodiment. However, while this is a shining example of liberation, it is also a terrible instance of segregation. Those associated with this culture are just as sexist as the God-loving mistakes of humanity that believe the idea of sexual re-identification is the finest representation of sin. The idea that each gender has its own predetermined personality traits, aesthetic aspects, and societal responsibilities is defineably evil. Nobody in the world is restricted to how they may act, feel, or believe by simply their gender alone. Now this is a lecture about politics, so to bring it back allow me to educate you on what the politically correct term for sexism is: Gender Role. The very idea that males and females carry unavoidable differences, and the two groups should NEVER be fully integrated within society, and may disaster strike wherever attempts at sexual unification can be found. In today’s medicine, biological gender no longer dictates what you will look like. Massive breasts can be found in aisle twelve, and beards are next to the deli. And you better believe I support a humans right to look however they like. It’s your body. Want to grow out a mustache to go with those new double-D’s and the red pumps? Well i’d reccomend some button up flannel to tie the outfit together you sexy ANIMAL. The only way Canadians will know true gender equality, is by eliminating gender-restrictions on facilities such as bathrooms, stop segregating our kids from the opposite gender, and stopping the assumptions that a living, breathing human being will fall into a specific category of character because of one random strand of DNA. Differences between men and women do exist, but they are strictly medical. To that end, gender should be recorded at birth for medical record and intervention, then never have it mentioned again. Erase gender identity off of every driver’s license, passport, and criminal profile. The best part of this ideology? Our government already supports it. As of today, as detailed in the Canadian Human Rights Act, sex is a prohibited ground of discrimination. That means you can be whatever you want to be, whoever you feel you are, and you must never feel ashamed for you gender. There is no avoiding this one; If you believe in the concept of transgenderism, you are sexist. Now between your options there you could have been racist, a pacifist, or even something way worse, so rest assured you aren’t the worst bad guy out there, but you’re still a dick. Or a cunt. You can choose that one.

              That being said...

               You’re an adult, do whatever the fuck you want. You want to label yourself as the gender you’re not? Go ahead. You want to draw up a “god hates fags” sign and parade around town? sure. You want to write to your MP asking they create their own private members bill which would disallow women from voting, or maybe restart the black slave trade? Fine. You’re just exercising your freedom of speech is all. I mean, you’re not invited to my birthday party, because you’re just as much of a segregating asshole for doing any of those things, but I’m not going to force you what to do. Fucking bully. You want to identify yourself as a broom and tell your family over dinner that you like it when people hold onto the stick shoved firmly up your ass so they can sweep the floor with your hair? God speed you mad bastard.

               Now what about the 2%?

               Oh, you must mean Dysmorphia. Let’s talk about that. Dysmorphia is a syndrome where a person has an unnecessarily high and obsessive anxiety or issue concerning one or more parts of their body. This Syndrome was initially suggested at the end of the 18-hundreds, however it would be another hundred years before medicine considered it as a legitimate, diagnosable medical concern. Recently, the Psychiatric Association of America concluded this syndrome was part of the Obsessive Compulsive Spectrum. Gender identity can easily be taken over by this syndrome, and can force the poor soul affected by it to be overtaken by an inescapable obsessive force to re-shape their body into a different gender. NOW. Every time I discuss transexualism with somebody who has gone through an attempted gender transition, they use Dysmorphia as the iron-bound reason why gender transition must remain a socially acceptable thing. Here’s the deal. The American Psychiatric Association estimates that roughly 2% of people suffer from form of Dysmorphia. Beyond that number, Dysmorphia can affect ANY part of yourself, and completely ignore sexuality. So! Before you go ahead and label yourself a sufferer of Dysmorphia, make sure you’ve been diagnosed with it by a specialist. If you do label yourself as such without the diagnoses, go ahead and stick your nipples in bug zappers, because you’r insulting and making of a mockery of sick people who live with challenges you chemically cannot understand. An important thing to remember, is that Dysmorphia, Anxiety, and Depression are all not only illnesses, but emotions. Everybody feels Anxious. Everybody feels depressed. Everybody feels inadequate in their body. If you ever feel any of these things, the only diagnoses you deserve, is being Human. Welcome to the tribe.

               So do we need Bill-C79?

               No. But, in a world of sexism and segregation, even from the team that think they’re in the right (the trannies), an allowance of sexual identity will allow people to organically stumble upon the idea of erasing the lines between men and women. This Bill was an essential step. Oh, and before we wrap up, if you’re afraid of doing your bathroom business next to the opposite gender, your sexist and a total fucking cunt and i really do hope somebody lights your reproductive organs on fire before you can make more carbon-copy idiots who let fear and generalized thinking dictate their entire fucking life. Listen up. We are all just people. We aren’t men, we aren’t women, we are just fucking people. For fucks sake.

               But I have the right to a gender?

               Yeah. It’s the one you were born with. Call yourself a “Man wearing a dress”, and look good doing it. Somebody tell me what’s shameful about a man wearing a dress? Fuck off. Stand up. Own yourself. Drop the stereotype-driven mindset. You do not need to change your gender, because you are something far MORE than just a gender; you’re you. To combat that relentless gender shaming that has now become the norm, we have only one weapon, only one fair, loving, and embracing light to shine upon this darkness. Canada’s favorite sin. Pride. So just be you. Nobody can ever tell you you’re doing it wrong.

Stuff to take back to the dam... 1.People must accept gender roles are fictional. 2.Corporations must halt gender restrictions. (bathrooms, change rooms, prisons, resource centers) 3.Government must not endorse the identification of gender, save for the criminal code, and medicine. 4.People self-diagnosing themselves with illness are an insult to real sufferers, and must stop.

Legal disclaimer. I have never met Robert J Anders, and have not witnessed any of the actions I have claimed that he has made, and as such cannot prove he has committed them. If readers are curious to his political and personal history, I would recommend they do their own research. I’m sure he’s a nice guy once you get to know him, he’s just a mean politician.

It’s BEAVER TIME

#Canada #politics #lgbtq #transgender #tranniesaresexist

[beaver-time-blog]

Beaver Call #1

01/19/16

An arsonist becomes a fire-fighter. He spends his days saving lives, helping people, and protecting the world. How does he get through life? How does he go by every day, doing what he does, when he can never shake off the urge to burn the whole place down?

He finds an outlet.

This is how I've been feeling the last number of months. My lifestyle demands that I maintain a calm, unbiased, and passive demeanor when considering anything from people to politics, and guns to governments. My problem, lies in the fact that sleeping just below the surface of my impartial mindset, is a resolute and unyielding drive to burn the whole place to the ground. Every day that passes, i see more and more witless and woeful wastes of will we incorrectly title politicians halt Canada’s advance towards it’s future. Even worse, some awful arrogant annoying aristocrat who calls himself a member of parliament will not only delay Canada’s advance, but will pull it back further towards the past, and that triggers me. This is me triggered. If ever i am forced to wear only one label in this world let it be “Patriotic”. I love my country, and when politicians get in it’s way, or needlessly fuck with it’s people, I get angry. I can only do so much, I can write to my MP, I can protest, I can riot. That hasn’t been enough. I need to get my ideas out of my brain. Sadly the people I love in this world are diagnosably Conservative, and my views on politics and the law are too radical and too offensive for them to discuss. I can’t be vulgar in my job, I can’t be cruel around my family, but those are parts of who I am and I NEED to express them. So what’s a canuck to do?

He finds an outlet.

Call this political therapy i guess. 

I have this itch in the back of my brain, an itch that only gets scratched when i’m yelling my thoughts and ideas at the walls. A  few months ago, i started writing those ideas down. Some made me smile. Some made me laugh. They all got me angry. Each one in their own way will be offensive to somebody, but I believe they would foster more happiness than the related system currently implemented within our legal system.

You don’t need to be deeply educated in Canadian politics to grasp the arguments I try to make, hell you don’t even need to be Canadian. 

You simply need to be opinionated.

So, to try and free up some space in my head, i’m going to be collecting all of my asshole ideas and recording them on here. The best part, all of my negativity and critisicm comes from positive apsects of Canada, as such, I’ll be titling them as Reasons To Be Canadian (RTBC). Standard issue blog posts, which i doubt i’ll be doing often, while be called Beaver Calls. Thank you for helping me get this bullshit out of my head.

Disclaimer;

Vulgarity, sexual content, borderline treason, blaspheming god, and wishing Ebola had lived up to the hype will be found within. Don’t read if you’re easily offended, or if you have ever voted Conservative. Seriously Tories, get your gook ass off my lawn. Nah i’m just kidding, I know conservative supporters can’t read. Neither can gooks. It’s dangerous to mess with those Tories though, because they get as angry as I do when i see Canada re-invest in the Keystone XL Pipeline. Now as a rule of thumb, if ever any content on this blog offends you, or if ever you get angry because my political agenda is to disrupt a portion of your lifestyle, I would recommend that,

You find an outlet.

And you stick your dick in it.

You little bitch.

My name is Mac Williams, Welcome to Canada Motherfucker.

BEAVER ONE BEAVER ALL LET’S ALL DO THE BEAVER CALL

BEAVER TWO BEAVER THREE LET’S ALL CLIMB THE BEAVER TREE

BEAVER FOUR BEAVER FIVE LET’S ALL DO THE BEAVER JIVE

BEAVER SIX BEAVER SEVEN LET’S ALL GO TO BEAVER HEAVEN

BEAVER EIGHT, BEAVER NINE STOP!

It’s BEAVER-TIME

#canada #politics #offensivejokes