21stcenturyexplained-blog
21st century explained
I started this blog as a continuation of a joke of which my girlfriend was the butt of. I’m totally sorry but also look at all the good that came from it!
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Blair witch bike project
Blair witch bike project
This past weekend Etta and I went for a nice, small, solo bike out at Patapsco where everything looks like you just exited the cave from The Descent. As creepy as everything looks out here, I’m so grateful for all of the Mid-Atlantic biking I’ve gotten to do.
The first time I ever went mountain biking I think I was in fourth grade and on my newly purchased treasure: the Target bike. The only…
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In an effort to be both vulnerable and more present in the moment, I am revamping my use of this blog. Since moving from Seattle to D.C., I’ve noticed that my tendency to wish I was someplace else (read: ANYWHERE outside) has gotten immeasurably worse.
So, despite the fact that this is not the place I see myself even a year from now, I’m going to make the most of it! Also, we’ll see how frequently I actually post to this site considering I just got this idea yesterday while running through Malcolm X (Meridian Hill) Park and listening to the Stay Sexy & Don’t Get Murdered audiobook by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark – which I highly recommend if you haven’t listened to it yet already. Yes, listen, don’t read because Paul Giamatti reads some of it and it’s absolutely delightful.
Anyways, here I am, sitting at my standing desk (don’t tell my boss) with a flickering light above me that will never ever get fixed and air conditioning blasting so I can no longer feel my toes. With all the concrete and negativity that surrounds this job and this city, I couldn’t be more grateful for the chance to break out of my routine/rut that I had developed in Seattle.
I love all of my friends dearly and I love the Pacific Northwest mountains, but I was becoming far too comfortable. Getting distance and perspective away from the place I grew up has been invaluable. It has made me realize how much I leaned on other people to make the bad things inside of me feel better – the anxiety, depression, the triggers. By surrounding myself with friends and, let’s face it, probably too much red wine, I was burying my hurt and my sadness with fun and laughter and humor. I feel almost stripped naked now and forced to confront the things I haven’t wanted to and to be legitimately vulnerable to myself and to Jozy and to potentially any new friends that I want to make while on this side of the continent.
Don’t get me wrong, my true friends are those with whom I can share these vulnerabilities, it was the rut that I was in that was preventing me from sharing with them. But now that I’m all the way over here and have spent the past six months away from those that I hold near and dear to my heart, I can see what I was doing wrong and I now have the ability to fix it. So, if you get a weirdly heartfelt text from me just know that 1) I’m not sorry for sending it, 2) I really mean it, and 3) Wish You Were Here.
Anyways, here are some things I am looking forward to today:
My lunchtime run on the National Mall
Going to The Public Option brewery tonight
Coffee with a work friend
Because being in the Capitol is fun and interesting in a different way, and I’ll get back into the mountains soon enough.
2020 In an effort to be both vulnerable and more present in the moment, I am revamping my use of this blog.
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Migration
mi·gra·tion mīˈɡrāSH(ə)n/ noun seasonal movement of animals from one region to another. “this butterfly’s annual migration across North America” movement from one part of something to another. “there is virtually no cell migration in plants” When an animal migrates, it is out of necessity and only to return home again the next season. When humans migrate (I’m talking about today, modern times,…
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Building a bridge
Hey, hi, hello, how’s it going? Me? I’m great, I’m FINE. In all reality though, today is a good day mentally. Yesterday was too! But there is something that has been nagging at the back of my brain for a while now and I didn’t quite have the words to describe it properly. Let me start by saying this: Do not ever, under any circumstances, tell someone with anxiety, depression, PTSD, ADHD, or any…
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New year, new adventures
New year, new adventures
The stop and go traffic on I-5 on Friday afternoon was insane. We left Seattle at 2:30 and didn’t make it to Westport until 7:30. It was late and cold and dark so we found a motel on the marina to spend the night in, instead of pitching our tent in the dark per usual. Obviously, I forgot to pack an actual charger for either of our phones so they were dead the entire night and the summer tourist…
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Turn and face the strange
Turn and face the strange
The air in my bedroom felt heavy this morning. We both lay in bed, not moving, not speaking, staring blankly – hoping that what happened last night was a dream. As a friend so eloquently stated about herself: “I want to first acknowledge my privilege living as a white person. Let me also acknowledge that I am a white, cis female who passes, daily, as a straight person. These acknowledgements…
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Dear Jozy,
I notice things now. I notice the way you poke fun at me by saying you’re sorry too much and by telling me that whatever you’re doing is the biggest favor you’ve done for anybody. I notice when you stop talking just to smile at me. I notice when you take time out of your day to cook dinner. Exactly when I began to be able to pay attention to these things, I don’t remember. There was some slow and…
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Just because
Just because you talk about something openly does not mean it owns you. Just because you realize that something hurts you does not mean it owns you. Just because you are attempting to take care of yourself does not mean that you are giving in or being weak. Just because you might not be as bad as others does not invalidate the pain you’ve gone through.
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The beauty of a body
The beauty of a body
Thanks to my social media spam, I’m sure everyone is aware that I was in the North Cascades this past weekend and saw lots of really, really ugly things. Anyone who spends time outdoors will tell you that there’s something so calming about feeling so small in the world. They’ll tell you that it’s a good reminder that we need to take care of our planet so that our grandchildren can have the same…
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I'm eating the last slice of pizza
I’m eating the last slice of pizza
My body finally let itself get sick after the LSAT. After a month of stressing out, studying, and emotional breakdowns, I was finally able to relax enough to get sick. So I stayed home today and it was glorious – besides the fever and sweating thing ya know. After my fever went down, I took the dog out for a casual 2 hour long walk. It was just the two of us and the only time I ever spoke was…
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Friday morning feeeelings
#blog#blogpost#blogger#ptsd#healing#new blog#stress#friday feels#friday got me like#21stcenturyexplained
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Let's talk about stress, baby
Let’s talk about stress, baby
I swear to the Good Lord up above, I have cried more in the last few months than I have in years. YEARS. And no, I’m not talking about the I-just-watched-the-Notebook-that-was-so-sad-I-don’t-wanna-die-alone cute tears. I’m talking like I-just-watched-Atonement-what-is-real crying (i.e. The Ugly Cry). Thanks to being an introspective asshole, I’ve figured out why! I wrote a post earlier about what…
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Woods comma Elle
I told myself two weeks ago that I wasn’t going to do anything social until after I took the LSAT. Actual photo of me when my friends go do fun things and I’m at home with my practice exams I might have (read: absolutely 100% positively) underestimated how mentally exhausting it would be to work 8 (ish) hours each day and come home to do nothing but study and/or exercise – or exorcise however you…
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Follow up to yesterday's post
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Rubus armeniacus
Yesterday’s post got over 450 views. Compared to my previous 21 from my very first post, I think maybe a couple more people saw my page? Like maybe 10 more? I was really nervous to post anything on my blog (that only my girlfriend and best friend actually read, thankyouverymuch), much less plaster it all over my Facebook. Yet, here I stand (sit), a day after sharing my story with the virtual…
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1 in 5 Women
1 in 5 Women
I woke up this morning at 6:30 – said fuck it, fell back asleep, and woke up again at 8:30. There was a shower, some coffee, oatmeal, snuggles, and a casual conversation with my new neighbors this morning. Drove the 5 minutes to work, sent some emails, worked on an environmental statement for some City somewhere, decided to go get a salad for lunch with my coworker. I honestly don’t even remember…
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