wewontdieunbloomed

[wewontdieunbloomed]

[wewontdieunbloomed]

Hey! What do you plan to study in uni?

i somehow missed this ask from SO LONG AGO sorry HELLO HI im heading to uni in about a months time and i dont actually hve to decide yet but i put my major down as political science for now. ill probably try to do a second major/bunch of minors too but i will figure it out as i go :)))

#answered asks #thanks for the ask!! #i am so not ready for uni barelt even begun to comprehend that im actually going there so soon #excited and nervous

[wewontdieunbloomed]

stop believing that you ran out of time to shape yourself into who you want to be! stop believing that its ruined! stop believing you don’t have potential! you are not a fixed being! you have endless opportunities to grow.

[wewontdieunbloomed]

this summer i will learn italian and french and russian and run a marathon everyday and work for three months and get fifty new ear piercings and read every work of high literature ever created and watch every movie. but most importantly just chill and relax

[wewontdieunbloomed]

#vienna by billy joel esque

[wewontdieunbloomed]

this is part two of unlearning the bad things i unconsciously learnt from last year.

part one was the negative default pessimism i fall in to, which i keep calling it me being emo which means i dwell in my “misery” for far too long, instead of trying to think of something positive to get myself moving out of the bad zone i am in. as we are often told, sadness and negativity gets comforting, it feels like you are protecting yourself. but one cannot see beauty in life and find joy for oneself if one does not make oneself vulnerable.

and so making myself vulnerable is what ive been doing. trying to romanticise this state that im in, a liminal space, at crossroads. its not the most ideal, too many things are unknown and for the first time in my life im dealing with having barely any structure to my days, with nothing to do yet so much i should do.

it took me quite a while to stop lamenting this unknown and start returning to the foundations i built this blog and my entire philosophy off, the whole concept of “lest we die unbloomed” of making sure i dont realise one day ive wasted my time. and in small parts i like to think ive made progress on that

the focus now is the second part. i lost a lot of my attention span and impulse control, and today i reached a horrible point where i am sitting on the kitchen floor at 9 with no dinner, having ruined my microwave dinner out of a lack of common sense. i am not sure if all this recent muddling is because of covid brain fog or the horrifying amount of screen time i have had recently, but i was so sick of it. i have done a lot of things on impulse recently, and though today i had a really fulfilling day spending time with people i havent in a long time, when i got home and im back to reality of the things i havent done and been procrastinating for too long on, i felt horrible. this need to change, i realised.

so this is part two. it calls back to one of the values i set as something important to myself, being honest with myself. i know what im doing now is not working. i know that even though i use my planner im not sticking to it. i know my todo lists are not helping me. then why do i stubbornly stick to methods i know dont work? i told myself a year ago i would not change my system if it doesnt need to be changed. i have forgotten that i need to change it when it does. how silly! so im changing.

so in the last 2 hours in order to get myself up ive written todo lists on paper instead of in my journal. used a timer for every single step from shower to sweeping the floor to brushing my teeth. enough lazing around and letting simple things occupy too much time. its a parkinsons law thing.

enough doomscrolling and opening instagram when i have nothing to do. im setting a limit for a block of time in the day where i am not allowed to use social media, pwrhaps not any internet at all. i need to make drastic change, even if it seems inconsequential. it might not be academic but its personal. and my personal life and what i want to do with my time is worth taking big measures for, because it should be more important than all that revision for exams i used to do.

so the point f this ramble is to clear things out with myself. make some sense of whats goijg on. have a direction. tomorrow i have an interview. ill come home and do the chores i have to. prepare for my afternoon activity. go for lunch and my afternoon appointment. go for a run. buy dinner. write my applications. research on uni stuff. read a book. and all the other tint things i need to give more importance to even though they seem inconsequential. it sa new mantra ive gotten into ever since part one of this. that “this is the way” this is the new way. enough lazing. its time to go hard and be rurhless. take things up a notch because when else can i do it? go big from experiences to measures i have to take to discipline myself. this is the way.

04.04.2023

#productivity #motivation #100 days of productivity #self improvement #student #lifestyle

[wewontdieunbloomed]

in honour of 3 years of this blog here is a reminder again to myself the inspiration behind it

in these past few months between A levels and now i havent been in the best state, but i only recently plucked up the courage to face what i was feeling, which was a mess of remnant guilt from As, some disappoint and fear towrds the future. i was procrastinating really badly these few months which resulted in ne only finishing my uni apps today but its a good circle it all comes to back here on 20th march where it all began.

anyway ive picked myself up from all that despair and misery and set myself up to make the next 5 months before uni and the Rest of My Life to live and do many things ad enjoy myself. i hope to post here every now and then, revamp this soace a little into less of a study space to more lifestyle, inspiraitoj etc etc.

today i finally watched tv after finishing my application and felt so good to relax guilt free. am currently recovering from covid and i half wonder if it was some sort of poetic significance that as I am purging myself of my previously pessimistic thoughts and mindset, i am also physically purging this stupid little virus.

#productivity #motivation #self improvement #march 2023 #lifestyle #inspiration #student #100 days of productivity #100 days of fulfillment #new year guys and its a new face of wewontdieunbloomed

[wewontdieunbloomed]

Be careful.

You are not in wonderland

I have heard the strange madness

long growing in your soul.

But you are fortunate.

In your ignorance

In your isolation,

you who have suffered

Find where love hides.

Give. Share. Lose.

Lest we die unbloomed.

This poem was written by Austin Bunn and John Krokidas in the style of Allen Ginsberg for their movie ‘Kill Your Darlings’. The movie is a biographical drama about the early life of the famous beat poet Allen Ginsberg, particularly his relationship with Lucien Carr, and to a lesser extent, Jack Kerouac and William Burroughs. In the film, this poem is the first example of the 'new vision’ that Allen writes. He writes it for Lucien, who he is in love with, and directs it toward him when he recites it for the first time. It’s a very poignant moment in the film, as before this scene, Lucien was doubting if Allen would be able to write such poetry, and after it he knows he’s found the right guy for the job. 

The most interesting part of this poem, I think, is how it was written. The writers of the movie (and this poem) describe Allen Ginsberg as having a “magpie” style, where he stole from common speech and repurposed the words into his poetry. In the movie, a lot of the words in the poem were said to him beforehand, and you see his process of collecting these words and incorporating them into his work. The poem itself is beautiful; despite the danger and madness of the word, it is an invitation to live and love.

#this is the inspiration behind this blog btw

[wewontdieunbloomed]

Literally who am I if I'm not good at school

#took me not being good at school to find out #but hey im okay

[wewontdieunbloomed]

Sorry to say this but you can’t buy your way into a lifestyle… you have to stumble around, flit through explorations of self that you will one day look back on and cringe, later look further back on w gratitude and affection for your wobbly legged self, hold opinions you will someday discard, wake up too late and go to bed early to quiet your frenzied and aching mind… you save yourself by scraping your knees along the way, by digging your hands into the soil of your spirit, strengthening your wings by failing to take flight the first time you try because trying allows you to make that mistake and the next one and another one too so you can learn from them later… pick up a hobby to put it down for another one that seems more true to who you are today, revisit the hobby you left behind and realize it makes more sense to you now w all this life beneath your feet, cry in the shower and the car and to sleep and start all over tomorrow, move through the years full hearted and lost and floating not like a bird on the verge of extinction but a little fledgling that knows there’s more out there… you carry less shame in your shoulders by trying and failing instead of shying away from life entirely

[wewontdieunbloomed]

yeah

[wewontdieunbloomed]

In case anyone is having a bad night:

Here is the fudgiest brownie in a mug recipe I’ve found

Here are some fun sites

Here is a master post of Adventure Time episodes and comics

Here is a master post of movies including Disney and Studio Ghibli

Here is a master post of other master posts to TV shows and movies

*tucks you in with fuzzy blanket* *pats your head*

You’ll be okay, friend <3

[wewontdieunbloomed]

Anyone else feel like things have been Very recently? Like it's all just getting a little Too for me

[wewontdieunbloomed]

Beware!

[wewontdieunbloomed]

[wewontdieunbloomed]

also been looking at journalling books lately and am intending to get one, if anyone has any recs pls sned them to me 😁😁👍👍

13.01.2023

hello everyone ive decided to come back for a bit. some stuff ive been doing lately since finishing my A levels and uni

- apply to uni (SO EXHAUSTING)

- preparing for scholarship applications also similarly exhausting

- looking for a part time job/internship

- personal projects like crochetting abd making my diorama

- trying to get back to running and working out

- reading books and watching shows (im currently watching hannibal!)

honestly it has not heen going well and i find myself still extremely stressed out by scholarship and uni apps and tthe general stagnation of my life right now. my personal goals have also been suffering because while i try to write my applications i end up procrastinating and having even less time to do my own things guilt free. i think things are starting to pick up ive been trying to get to completing things and being mroe organised

last night in a fit of frustration i redid my planner and calendar for jan-feb which really reoriented me to how my deadlines are spread out. the ones that bother me most currently are all within the next weekor so, so i realise things really arent that bleak.

have not been working out but the past two days i started to do a little more than the usual miserable dragging ny body around i did, so that one set of exercises count of something i guess. starting new skincare and making progress with the book im reading and crochet so that is a small win as i work towards the larger tasks like the godforsaken applications i have to submit

been finding a lot of new music lately so here is a song: Mountains by Jome

#studyblr #studyspo #study inspiration #studying #studywithme #studyinspo #school #student #students #productivity

[wewontdieunbloomed]

13.01.2023

hello everyone ive decided to come back for a bit. some stuff ive been doing lately since finishing my A levels and uni

- apply to uni (SO EXHAUSTING)

- preparing for scholarship applications also similarly exhausting

- looking for a part time job/internship

- personal projects like crochetting abd making my diorama

- trying to get back to running and working out

- reading books and watching shows (im currently watching hannibal!)

honestly it has not heen going well and i find myself still extremely stressed out by scholarship and uni apps and tthe general stagnation of my life right now. my personal goals have also been suffering because while i try to write my applications i end up procrastinating and having even less time to do my own things guilt free. i think things are starting to pick up ive been trying to get to completing things and being mroe organised

last night in a fit of frustration i redid my planner and calendar for jan-feb which really reoriented me to how my deadlines are spread out. the ones that bother me most currently are all within the next weekor so, so i realise things really arent that bleak.

have not been working out but the past two days i started to do a little more than the usual miserable dragging ny body around i did, so that one set of exercises count of something i guess. starting new skincare and making progress with the book im reading and crochet so that is a small win as i work towards the larger tasks like the godforsaken applications i have to submit

been finding a lot of new music lately so here is a song: Mountains by Jome

#daily log #productivity #motivation #100 days of productivity #self improvement #january 2023 #might start posting again to keep myself accountable