vinniespeaks

[vinniespeaks]

hey all it’s been a while but i have some awesome news! a week or so ago i was able to get assessed for autism (after over a year on a wait list!) and… drum roll… i am officially diagnosed with autism!! i could not be happier that i and my family understand me more and i am able to get the accommodations i need for the future <3

#actuallyautistic #actually neurodivergent #actually adhd #autism #asd #adhd #neurodivergent

[vinniespeaks]

here is what a week of my life looks like right now with school, featuring my math notebook under my journal :,)

#bujo #studyblr #bullet journal #bujoweeklyspread

[vinniespeaks]

HUGE update btw, my mom finally sent in the autism screening form about a week ago so hopefully by my next appointment i can have an actual discussion about it with my therapist!

[vinniespeaks]

hi im back :]

[vinniespeaks]

[vinniespeaks]

hello! i recently moved into a new place and bought a brand new bookshelf that’s currently very empty. could you recommend some books you think are essentials? ty!!

if u had told me what type of books you like i would’ve actually given good, more specific recs !! not everyone has the same taste in literature but

contemp poetry: decreation by anne carson, literally ANY poetry by audre lorde (!!), crush by richard siken

classic poetry: collections by keats, dickinson, rimbaud, etc.

classic short story collections: gabriel garcia marquez, john cheever, katherine mansfield

contemporary short story collections: salt slow by julia armfield, daddy by emma cline, calypso by david sedaris

fiction: greenwood by michael christie, the secret history by donna tartt, fifteen dogs by andre alexis (reading now and i love it), the night circus by erin morgenstern, lanny by max porter, white teeth by zadie smith, the humans by matt haig, name of the rose by umberto eco

classic fiction: carmilla, picture of dorian gray (not my fave but seen as an essential to most ppl), orlando by virginia woolf, villette by charlotte bronte, rebecca by daphne du maurier, maurice by em forster, northanger abbey by jane austen

[vinniespeaks]

on a side note, thank you for 20+ followers!!

[vinniespeaks]

hi !! srry to just kinda dip suddenly, im still working on getting screened for autism, trying to get caught up in 3 classes in less than a week before our tri ends, and sorting out my mental health and physical health bc both have took a huge plunge. also lowkey gonna make this a study-blr ish blog, i just want somewhere to post my notes and bullet journal stuff lol

[vinniespeaks]

school’s kicking my ass i feel like a fucking robot lol

[vinniespeaks]

i talked with her [my therapist] about it and she thinks i have social anxiety disorder :,)

so she’s going to screen me for both, which, at least im going to get screened for autism.

i looked over the symptoms of SAD and the comorbidity between SAD and autism. the main difference with the two is that SAD’s social deficits are from anxiety, while autism’s is from lack of understanding other’s tone, expressions, etc, but it is entirely possible for someone to have both SAD and autism.

my therapist thinks i have strong communication skills for some reason, and she listed off symptoms of SAD and asked if that sounded like what i was experiencing. i know i have social deficits but i don’t have debilitating anxiety of social situations. im definitely anxious when im in new environments with new people, and i have to somehow talk to people, but its much easier talking to people who are much younger or much older than me.

i have a hard time reading tone, i often answer rhetorical questions, take jokes or sarcasm literally, i can never keep a conversation going with someone ive met, i don’t know how to jump in to an already going conversation, and i still dont know how to make friends. im impulsive with what i say and i usually say what im thinking without worrying about it until after ive said it.

even if i am screened for autism and all the signs point to me being autistic, my mom will probably think that i faked it. i accidentally overheard her say to my therapist that “[I] convinced [myself] that [I’m] autistic.”

i talked with her about it after she was done and she apologized, but it still feels like no one believes me which sucks. even if im not autistic, you dont have to be rude about it. im just trying to figure myself out. does she not want an autistic child that bad?

#vinnie speaks #autism #autistic #actually autistic #actuallyautistic #mental health #sorta vent #i just wish someone believe me lol :)

[vinniespeaks]

i get to meet with my therapist in a little under a minute, im really nervous :,)

ill update once im done with my appointment!

#vinnie speaks #mental health

[vinniespeaks]

WARNING: this post will mention nazism, child d//ath, and ableism. stay safe!

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The person “Asperger’s Syndrome” is named after is Hans Asperger, who identified autistic traits in 4 boys, but to him they didn’t show enough traits to be labeled as autistic.

Hans is a nazi, plain and simple.

While never joining the nazi party, Hans was apart of several groups that were affiliated with nazi ideologies. He also sent children to hospitals knowing they were at a high risk for dying. Here’s a few exerpts from different articles in journals (all information was taken from wikipedia):

Herwig Czech, a scholar and historian from the Medical University of Vienna, wrote in an article for the Molecular Autism journal, saying:

Asperger managed to accommodate himself to the Nazi regime and was rewarded for his affirmations of loyalty with career opportunities. He joined several organizations affiliated with the NSDAP (although not the Nazi party itself), publicly legitimized 'race hygiene' policies including forced sterilizations and, on several occasions, actively cooperated with the child ‘euthanasia' program.

Ketil Slagstad, a Norwegian doctor and historical scholar, while taking a look at the reasons why Asperger may have been involved in these organizations (challenges of war, preserving his career, and protecting the children he cared for), critically noted:

Historical research has now shown that he [Asperger] was...a well-adapted cog in the machine of a deadly regime. He deliberately referred disabled children to the clinic Am Spiegelgrund, where he knew that they were at risk of being killed. The eponym Asperger’s syndrome ought to be used with awareness of its historical origin.

If you’re going to use the term Asperger’s, please be aware of its historical context and origins.

I’m not here to start fights or debate, I’m just trying to educate.

If you doubt the information, you can look it up for yourself. It will be there just as it always has been.

#vinnie speaks #tw antisemitism #tw ableism #tw child death #autism #aspergers #aspie #autistic #mental health

[vinniespeaks]

i need to realize that my definition of autism is probably wildly different from my family’s. they most likely see autism as limited speech, aggressive hand flapping, heavy adversion to eye contact, bad posture, and loud voices, and only those things. meanwhile if i told them (besides my mother) i think im autistic they would probably laugh at me because i “don’t look autistic”.

also i realized a reason for why i wouldn’t have been diagnosed with autism when i was screened. i was 2 years old when i was tested, which makes it 2007-2008. doctors were still using the dsm-4 which listed asperger’s and autism as two seperate disorders, because it wasn’t until 2013 when the dsm-5 was published and they were grouped together into autism spectrum disorder.

so if i brought up the possibility i could have asperger’s to my family, maybe they would be more accepting? i in no way intend on identifying with asperger’s or calling myself an aspie as both the terms have antisemitic pasts and its no longer a medical diagnosis, but my grandparents are very close minded and probably have a very fixed idea on what autism is so using asperger’s might help them understand better, not to mention my sister who has already shown she’s heavily ableist and thinks im trying to act autistic because i was researching it. i still dont know how she found out. she mustve seen me typing a post on this blog or reading an article when i sit next to her in the car.

and if you dont know why using the terms asperger’s/aspie is antisemitic i’ll make a post explaining why in a moment.

#vinnie speaks #tw ableism #autism #autism support #autistic #being autistic #autistic spectrum #actually autistic #aspergers #aspie

[vinniespeaks]

Hi my friend Mo reached out to me and asked me to spread this around. She lost her older brother and would like to have a proper funeral for him. Please share!

[vinniespeaks]

so actually no if i am autistic my sister will not stop insulting me with it or stop using the r slur. today after i left dinner i overheard her say “[They] have autism” as an insult and my mom got super defensive and scolded her because i had been telling my mom every night about autistic traits and all the ones i relate to.

it just hurts, i guess. it doesn’t hurt that much right now but i know if it gets any worse in the next week i’ll end up breaking down.

i’ve never had a good relationship with my sister, she’s always insulted me or put me down. she’ll make fun of my voice, posture, interests, appearance, clothing. she’s called me “weird” and seems to always ask the question “what’s wrong with you?”

tonight she pretended to punch my injured hand (she didn’t actually, just acted like she was going to) and mocked my voice by making hers high pitched and “annoying”

today has been rough sensory wise as well. my grandparents seem to be yelling and arguing with each other every hour and i had to turn off my mom’s show because of the amount of screaming and loud noises (it was criminal minds). family dinner is no excuse, since my grandma talks very loudly and my sister is constantly raising her voice or yelling and picking a fight with any other person at the table. i’ve also been really sensitive to light today and i can feel a small headache coming on. it’s hard to keep my eyes from going unfocused as well.

back to my sister. she used the r slur in reference to her friend’s dog a week or so ago and i told her that that word is a slur and extremely offensive. we went back and forth until she literally said that she’ll use whatever words she wants.

i just wish someone else in my family understood what this is like.

#vinnie speaks #vent #dont rb #tw ableism #autism

[vinniespeaks]

that epic adhd moment when you walk into a room or open an app with the intent to do something but you either

a) forget completely what that something was and end up leaving the room/closing the app

b) get distracted by something else in that room/the app, and once you’re done with that something else you leave the room/close the app, but as soon as you do you remember what your original intent was

c) sit in the room/stare at the open app yelling at yourself about what you came here to do until you remember it

[vinniespeaks]

that epic adhd moment when you walk into a room or open an app with the intent to do something but you either

a) forget completely what that something was and end up leaving the room/closing the app

b) get distracted by something else in that room/the app, and once you’re done with that something else you leave the room/close the app, but as soon as you do you remember what your original intent was

c) sit in the room/stare at the open app yelling at yourself about what you came here to do until you remember it