vanwritestrauma

[vanwritestrauma]

Let this be a lesson to not text while high. There are worse things that I could have sent by accident.

#i'm high #im high #weed #don't smoke and text #i am so fucking lucky #van is ridiculous when he's high

[vanwritestrauma]

[vanwritestrauma]

A small victory to celebrate for today

[vanwritestrauma]

Horniness is not intrinsically less pure than any other human motivation

[vanwritestrauma]

[vanwritestrauma]

The abandonment wound that turns into a deep, never healing "I want someone to take care of me" is just

So

Big sometimes

And so often we become the one who takes care of people - those of us with this wound.

The hard thing is, learning how to take care of yourself really well doesn't heal it. Learning how to ask for help when you need it doesn't heal it. Learning to live with it doesn't heal it.

Nothing really does, when that "step" in your early childhood was either missed, mishandled, or otherwise fumbled spectacularly enough to cause this kind of wound. It's hard in complicated cases too, where you were cared for in many ways but maybe not the one that mattered. Or you were cared for in ever way but inconsistently. Or it was from a source that betrayed or abandoned you, even if you were handed off immediately to someone else that took care of you. There is no wrong way to receive this wound, nor is there a competition for who gets to feel it the hardest or the deepest.

But those who have it recognize each other, I think. We do, even if we don't know what it is we are recognizing. Even if the wounds were caused in different ways, even if our stories look so very different.

"I want someone to take care of me"

It may just always be there, in some way or another. It may even be unwanted, where you can't articulate it or you become hyper independent. It may be desperately wanted and cause clinging and limerance and all those painful things. It may be witnessed and cared for and managed by someone who sees their wound and does all the 'right' things.

But it doesn't really ever leave, does it

And we find each other, don't we?

[vanwritestrauma]

Reason to Live #10552

 Because I want to, or at least I want to learn to want to again. And I need to live to learn how to live again.  – Guest Submission

(Please don't add negative comments to these posts.)

[vanwritestrauma]

I have RSD, and this was a nice reminder.

Hey fellow freaks of tumblr,

at the ripe old age 35 I'm beginning to suspect I might have ADHD. Actually I've been carrying around that thought for some years now. There's currently noone in my life I can talk to about this. My partner refuses to believe me and stresses that I'm totally normal and like everyone else (I'm beginning to suspect he's got ADHD too and just thinks his experiences are the norm). But I don't see other people struggle with the same things I struggle with. I'm trying to get a doctor's appointment at the moment, which isn't easy.

What brought me to this point is the fact, that I'm pretty sure I have rejection sensitive dysphoria along with some other symptoms that make my life a living nightmare. Especially work, where I have little control over the environment.

Can the ADHD-side of tumblr maybe give me some tips on how to deal with RSD? It's going to take a pretty long time to get an appointment for diagnosis, so I thought I might try out some things in the meantime (it can't hurt, right? I mean, my hair dresser, who has ADHD and takes Ritalin for it, offered me her pills and I was very tempted. But maybe it's a bit of a smoother start to try some behavioral things first).

[vanwritestrauma]

The inability to work and lack of money, because my family is not rich, continues to play a major role in my mental well-being.

#trauma #adverse childhood experiences #ptsd #cptsd #mental health #can't work #van writes

[vanwritestrauma]

It’s weird to miss who you were before the trauma when there was no you before the trauma.

[vanwritestrauma]

She was projecting.

She was projecting.

She was projecting.

She was projecting.

I was abused.

I was abused.

I was abused.

I was abused.

#toxic relationship #toxic ex #trauma #mental health #van writes

[vanwritestrauma]

Repeating yourself is a trauma response! I did not know that, and I'm so glad to know that now. Because I do repeat myself a lot.

Maybe it'll help me move past the abuse my ex put me through.

#abuse #toxic relationship #toxic ex #trauma #trauma healing #trauma recovery #ptsd #cptsd

[vanwritestrauma]

It’s okay if you need to scale back your goals. It’s okay if you need to break them up into smaller steps. It’s okay if you need to change your goals. You aren’t a failure.

[vanwritestrauma]

Because I circulated a call to action about it here that got some traction: to those of you who contacted Maine legislators when it counted, thank you— it worked. Maine just passed sanctuary-state-level protection for trans rights.

[vanwritestrauma]

Writing that letter to my ex has been empowering.

And while my thoughts are swirling around about it, it's not in a chaotic, bad way.

It's the rumination of finally being able to speak my mind and have someone hear it. (Even if it's not the person the letter is to.)

There is some truth to writing letters to people about how you feel, and I'm already planning more.

[vanwritestrauma]

how to find literally any post on a blog in seconds (on desktop)

there are so many posts about ~tumblr is so broken, you can’t find any post on your own blog, it’s impossible, bluhrblub~

I am here to tell you otherwise! it is in fact INCREDIBLY easy to find a post on a blog if you’re on desktop/browser and you know what you’re doing:

url.tumblr.com/tagged/croissant will bring up EVERY post on the blog tagged with the specific and exact phrase #croissant. every single post, every single time. in chronological order starting with the most recent post. note: it will not find #croissants or that time you made the typo #croidnssants. for a tag with multiple words, it’s just /tagged/my-croissant and it will show you everything with the exact phrase #my croissant

url.tumblr.com/tagged/croissant/chrono will bring up EVERY post on the blog tagged with the exact phrase #croissant, but it will show them in reverse order with the oldest first 

url.tumblr.com/search/croissant isn’t as perfect at finding everything, but it’s generally loads better than the search on mobile. it will find a good array of posts that have the word croissant in them somewhere. could be in the body of the post (op captioned it “look at my croissant”) or in the tags (#man I want a croissant). it won’t necessarily find EVERYTHING like /tagged/ does, but I find it’s still more reliable than search on mobile. you can sometimes even find posts by a specific user by searching their url. also, unlike whatever random assortment tumblr mobile pulls up, it will still show them in a more logically chronological order

url.tumblr.com/day/2020/11/05 will show you every post on the blog from november 5th, 2020, in case you’re taking a break from croissants to look for destiel election memes 

url.tumblr.com/archive/ is search paradise. easily go to a particular month and see all posts as thumbnails! search by post type! search by tags but as thumbnails now

url.tumblr.com/archive/filter-by/audio will show you every audio post on your blog (you can also filter by other post types). sometimes a little imperfect if you’re looking for a video when the op embedded the video in a text post instead of posting as a video post, etc

url.tumblr.com/archive/tagged/croissant will show you EVERY post on the blog tagged with the specific and exact phrase #croissant, but it will show you them in the archive thumbnail view divided by months. very useful if you’re looking for a specific picture of a croissant that was reblogged 6 months ago and want to be able to scan for it quickly 

url.tumblr.com/archive/filter-by/audio/tagged/croissant will show you every audio post tagged with the specific phrase #croissant (you can also filter by photo or text instead, because I don’t know why you have audio posts tagged croissant) 

the tag system on desktop tumblr is GENUINELY amazing for searching within a specific blog! 

caveat: this assumes a person HAS a desktop theme (or “custom theme”) enabled. a “custom theme” is url.tumblr.com, as opposed to tumblr.com/url. I’ve heard you have to opt-into the former now, when it used to be the default, so not everyone HAS a custom theme where you can use all those neat url tricks. 

if the person doesn’t have a “custom theme” enabled, you’re beholden to the search bar. still, I’ve found the search bar on tumblr.com/url is WAY more reliable than search on mobile. for starters, it tends to bring posts up in a sensible order, instead of dredging up random posts from 2013 before anything else

if you’re on mobile, I’m sorry. godspeed and good luck finding anything. (my one tip is that if you’re able to click ON a tag rather than go through the search bar, you’ll have better luck. if your mutual has recently reblogged a post tagged #croissant, you can click #croissant and it’ll bring up everything tagged #croissant just like /tagged/croissant. but if there’s no readily available tag to click on, you have to rely on the mobile search bar and its weird bizarre whims) 

[vanwritestrauma]

Telling people about my transition before I came out, without even asking me, because you wanted to talk about how you felt about it... that was the first red flag I wish I had not ignored.

#trauma #trauma healing #mental health #trauma recovery #toxic relationship #toxic ex #emotional abuse #abuse #van writes