tuliplandia
walkingloveletter
Why not lie in a field of tulips and daydream of being a fairy?
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I would love my cycle of life and death to be that of a star. Shine at my brightest glory then burn out.
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I wish I felt invisible, instead I feel brutally and painfully ignored. Like they see my existence, but don't understand it.
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I was so focused on saving you from yourself that I forgot about myself. And now I'm one of the many broken hearts you've left across your path.
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I'm tired of having to heal from things that weren't even my fault.
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"Why do I always have to be in so much pain?" is what I want to say after a "how are you?" question, but "I'm okay." comes out instead.
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I love you so much that I've taught my own heart to seek comfort amidst the knives that are your hands.
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How can I choose myself when my entire being is composed of different people I've trusted with bits of my heart which they refuse to bring back?
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I'll always be the one to break your fall, no matter how many times you've let me hit the pavement stone.
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After a wearying battle with the outside world, it's you whom I wish to tenderly remove my shield and kiss away all my battle scars.
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I once found solace in the veiled cloak of anger, a potent shield against the vulnerability of pain. Now unmasked, I am but a shadow, a hollow vessel for my pain to inhabit, like a ghost haunting the recesses of my soul.
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Even in your death, you seem to be my favourite place. The memories of you are where I like to spend my time away from reality.
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To my old friend, Grief.
Your presence looms heavy, casting shadows upon every corner of my being, but it is through your darkness that I have learned to appreciate the light. Until we meet again, I'll cling to this flicker of hope, waiting to be destroyed by your dreaded yet inevitable presence.
Yours in sorrow, S.
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You'll spend the rest of your life knowing what it is like to be loved unconditionally. I'll spend the rest of my life wishing I had experienced the smallest bit of your love. Even if it was conditional, I would've embraced it. That's how desperate I was for your love...that's how desperate I am for your love.
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I'm afraid the chaos you left within me when you left will forever be greater than the peace I felt when you were here.
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“Anxiety happens when you think you have to figure out everything all at once. Breathe. you’re strong. You got this. Take it day by day”
— Karen Salmansohn
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Healing is a fuckin' pain in the arse.
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I'm tired of being the hero in everyone's story, but my own. Why can't I save myself?
Why can't anyone come to my rescue?
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