thoughts-and-vents

[thoughts-and-vents]

it disturbs me how much children watch Youtube Kids at all. any time i meet a kid, they are always a viewer of this sick shitshow. even without the violent content, there is still plenty of messed up content that doesnt break any rules. its all fast paced, seizure-inducing materialism with no morals. the videos never slow down and give kids time to breath and process things. it's always "LOOK AT THIS!! LOUD NOISES! WACKY SOUND EFFECTS! OVER-EXAGGERATED REACTIONS!! my baby sister is so used to only watching youtube kids, that she cant pay attention to a movie if it has nothing going on for a few seconds. compare youtube kids content to the stuff YOU grew up watching as a small child. I remember watching things like care bears as a young child and thinking about the nice things that they did and wanting to be more like them. now look at youtube kids. parodies of nursery rhymes, people screaming incoherently at the camera(see jojo siwa and the sharer family) and videos of bratty kids screaming at their parents until they get what they want. I see kids out in public not even old enough to form permanent memories sitting completely still and quietly in strollers as they stare blankly at a screen and the rage and sadness i feel in my heart is indescribable. youtube kids is a platform for people to easily get rich off of lazy content that they dont even care about. there is no effort. just endless merch plugs and screaming. i despise this stupid app and i am outraged that noone is speaking up against it.

#youtube kids #youtube

[thoughts-and-vents]

There’s no hope left for me. I have two failing grades that I couldnt make up even if i got 100s on the remaining assignments. I dont have a car or drivers liscense, ive never had a job, i dont have a bank account, and i dont know the first thing about money. i only have 2 friends. everybody else rejects me. all they see when they look at me is an incompetent, stupid, lazy, gross weirdo. both of my biological parents have told me to my face on multiple occasions that they hate me. my mom has tried to beat me twice in the past few months. nobody wants me. im a failure. what else is there for me in this world? i cry every other day. i gradually become more bitter and sad as the years go by. i used to wear my heart on my sleeve. i had big dreams. i wanted to be everyone’s friend. but nobody ever liked me except for the rare select few. all the bad things and the bullying stopped once i stopped talking. now im so worried about embarrassing myself and being a bother that i isolate myself even when i want to socialize and meet new people.my family doesnt love me. other people just think im annoying and creepy and weird. i have no hope for the future. im failing college. why should i be nice to anyone? people arent nice to me. why should i try? im gonna get kicked out of college and therefore kicked out of the house without any life experience. all i know is cartoons and grades. im gonna die out there anyways, so why should i even try anymore?

[thoughts-and-vents]

she makes me feel stupid and alone and unlovable

[thoughts-and-vents]

Whatever love I had left in my heart for that hag is gone

[thoughts-and-vents]

my mom

Told me to take the headphones off while i was doing work today. got mad at me when i did so with sass and showed visible anger. I like working with classical or ambient music because it helps drown out my loud, annoying family. I'm being forced to work out here instead of in my room where im "turning into a psychopath" to quote my mother, and i cant even use my headphones(which are one of the few things that i actually bought for myself) to drown out my distracting family. Complained about me not emailing my teachers about my late work i thought the teachers would find it insulting Told her ive been reading my drivers test book she said i dont have time for that and that i need to be working 24/7 only calls me lazy/dissapointment/getting more childish as i grow older/disgusting/bad attitude( basically, i want to be free and left alone to make my own decisions, but she thinks im too incompetent to do anything on my own. anytime i express anger or sadness, she always gets mad at me. basically,"you're not allowed to be upset, because i sacrificed so much for you! i had it way worse than you! you should be grateful that you have me telling you what to do. I didnt have anyone helpinng ME when i was your age" she grounds me(yes, most of it is her stuff technically, but i still think its dumb) she moved me downstairs to the room right across from hers so that she can make sure im not staying up late. She bosses me around telling me exactly how to do everything, and I'M the one making HER life a "living hell" by standing up for myself and being understandably upset about this whole situation. about a week ago, my mom decided to check on my grades. she saw that i had a bunch of missing work in my english class. mind you, my english class started when i was moving rooms and was very busy and there were alot of intense arguments. i was very upset when i checked my grades before and saw all this missing stuff and i tried to make up for it in the new work i had gotten. i tried telling her that, but she just kept on saying "bullshit" and getting mad at me.she then went off about how lazy and disgusting i am and going into great detail about how she doesnt like me and that im bringing shame to the family. I lost it and went into a crying breakdown. she then copied the sound i was making while crying and told me to shut up. i told her to shut up back. we argued for a bit more until she decided to try and slap me. i blocked her before she could do it. she then tried to slap me with her other hand which, again, i blocked. and then she decided to stand up and try to detain me. she was grabbing wildly at my arms, trying to slap me. i dont remember clearly what happened because i was just scared and sad, but either i was holding her wrists, or she was holding mine, and this bitch tries to fucking HEADBUTT ME. eventually she grabs at my face and scratches my eye. she didnt seem even the slightest bit remorseful. i only saw rage when i looked into her eyes. The next day, i was still upset, which is rare because usually i forgive and forget, and she complained about me being resentful.

[thoughts-and-vents]

THIS BITCH TRIED TO BEAT ME YESTERDAY AND SHE HAS THE FUCKIN AUDACITY TO COMPLAIN ABOUT ME BEING RESENTFUL THE NEXT DAY

[thoughts-and-vents]

me and my mom got into a physical fight. she doesnt love me anymore.

[thoughts-and-vents]

Im so sorry to everyone who replied to my post now. I was able to talk to someone, and things are better now. Sorry for posting this so late

[thoughts-and-vents]

Journal comics - reminding yourself you’re worth it is my daily mantra

[thoughts-and-vents]

[thoughts-and-vents]

Is there anyone out there willing to listen to me rant about my troubles?

please Im in pain and i dont have anyone i can reach out to without feeling like a nuissance

#help #mental health #please help #autism #im so tired #please #send help #mental help #pokemon #steven universe #mbti #intp #ive resorted to using unrelated tags #seriously please #undertale #deltarune #i dont want to do this anymore #suicide #im buzzed off my ass #depression #depressed #mental

[thoughts-and-vents]

She’s been problematic in the same ways for most of my life. She says and does the same things, but the pain and rage gets worse the more it happens. screaming and crying does nothing for me anymore. I don’t know what I’ll do next.

#im tired of being stuck with her #her behavior has made me consider hurting myself and others so many times #i thought i was done with this

[thoughts-and-vents]

I love how my mom grounds me like a fucking child because I don't wanna do things her way :))))

So I have an assignment that's due in like, 3 days, right? Like, it's the only thing I have to do this week. Gonna be honest with y'all, I'm a real procrastinator. I would rather jump into a volcano than do my work as early as possible. So I was just chillin', playing Fallout 4, when my

Mother

Calls me downstairs. She tells me to give her the xbox and goes on this rant about how I'm somehow making her life a living hell by not studying 24/7/waking up at 8 am every day/getting all my work done the SECOND it's assigned to me. All things that should be MY OWN DAMN BUSINESS. She grounds me from my shit, and BOSSES ME AROUND as if she's the fuckin' boss of me(I'm 18, so I have my freedoms, now). I can understand the "my house, my rules" thing, but her only rules for me were to

1. Keep myself and my room clean

2. Get good grades

She should only be worried about my grades. Not how I bring them in. That was NOT a part of the deal.

This bitch is such a fuckin' control freak/workaholic istg. Bending the rules so that they cater to her! The god damn AUDACITY of this bitch!

[thoughts-and-vents]

tfw you really  wanna reach out to someone for help, but also don’t wanna embarass urself/seem like a nuissance :,)

#this is a cry for help

[thoughts-and-vents]

NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE DECISIONS FOR MYSELF BECAUSE I’M TOO STUPID AND INCOMPETENT, I GUESS!!

[thoughts-and-vents]

Until I was six, it was just me, my mom, and my little brother against the world

We had all always been alone. Just the three of us, nearly poor, but still having fun and loving eachother. I was really popular with the other kids when i first started school, however. I used to be such a good leader; friendly, perceptive, extroverted... but that all changed when we moved all the way to the other side of the country. I was still optimistic, wanting to impress and be friends with everybody. People didn't like me here, though. The kids thought I was annoying and weird, and they were mean kids, so they never held back. I have never been one to take that kind of crap from anyone, so I always stood up for myself(and with equal or more force). I guess people never saw me being bullied, because I would always get into trouble for standing up for myself. Nobody wanted to be my friend. They only saw me as mean and stubborn. It didn't deter me so much back then, though. I kept trying and trying, desperate for attention, fantasizing about impressing my peers and higher ups with my art. I never got any positive feedback."why would you draw that?" "That looks weird" "stop drawing in class". One time a teacher straight up threw an art piece of mine in the trash. I was determined and optimistic, though. I practiced and perfected every aspect of my art any chance i had. I drew in class, at home, at family/friend get togethers. This meant that i didn't pay attention in class and my grades slipped. At the end of a fruitless day, I would go to my parents for help. If I can't get any good reactions from my peers, at least I have my parents to support me! "Oh, yeah, that's cool..." Dad would say before immediately returning to his dumb video games. "If only you put that kind of effort into your math!" Was all Mom could ever say. The more time passed by, the more lonely and insignificant i felt. I couldn't focus in class, I wasn't good at any of the things I liked to do, and I just took it. I dealt with this until I was about 17/18. My optimism and energy slowly drained from me with every loss. I had been on and off with suicidal thoughts starting at grade 5, before I even knew what suicide was! Now I just hide, socially isolating myself, never putting myself before others because of how lowly I feel, but slowly becoming more confident in my art skills as of recent.