#zero survival skills

[thewhimsyturtle]

Today was the most traumatic day of my life:  I got completely drenched by a thunderstorm!?  ⛈🐢😱😱

As you may remember, I HATE rain!  I have only ever been rained on twice before, and both of those times, Mom rescued me after just a few drops.  But even then, Mom has never seen me as angry as when rain dared to fall on me!  😡

Today’s weather forecast didn’t include any rain, so Mom put me outside in my Aivituvin Wooden Tortoise House right after breakfast.  After lunch, a small thunderstorm came out of nowhere, so short that it was almost over before Mom could grab her shoes and I didn’t get wet at all in a corner.  Grandmom put an umbrella over my enclosure for the last few minutes of that first thunderstorm and confirmed that the weather forecast said no more thunderstorms for the day.  ☔️

But then a few hours later, another, bigger thunderstorm pelted down—and blew away my umbrella!  🌬😱  By the time Mom and Grandmom noticed, my enclosure was filled with puddles, and I was soaked head to tail and frozen in shock in a corner.  It took all my energy to crawl out of the puddles onto my food rock.  Mom rescued me as fast as she could, but I was so traumatized that I sat frozen in a corner even after Mom brought me inside.  How DARE so much rain fall on me?!?  😱

Eventually, I recovered enough for a special lettuce bum treat and fresh escarole and collard greens.  But I was still so upset that I went straight to bed after my noms!  🛌😫🐢

Mom says I have now proven that I don’t even have zero survival skills.  She says I have negative survival skills.  🙈

#rain #summer thunderstorm #NOPE #zero survival skills #Kirby #ridiculous #angry #HOW DARE YOU #tortoise #Russian tortoise #hidey hut #tortie butt #tortie tushy #tortie bum #cute #animals

[swimpies]

fnafsona because I’m already nocturnal why not be paid for it to

#fnaf sona #fnaf #night guard sounds fun and all I won’t lie #will definitely be stuffed into a robot suit though #I have zero survival skills

[rebelcharmings]

what is the fandom's general consensus on epic winter. bc i watched it for the first time a week ago and i was just constantly annoyed by crystal

#and also wondering why raven wouldnt come along #and then also realise if she DID half their problems would be solved in literal seconds #i started watching it when i was younger and thought i finished it but then realised i didnt remember half of what i watched??? #turns out even younger-me got bored and turned it off ;-; #sorry any epic winter enjoyers #also WHY DID IT TAKE THEM SO LONG TO REALISE THE WINTER ROSE WOULD BE IN THE . WINTER KINGDOM???? #these princesses have Zero survival skills #and that random ass musical dream number caught me so offguard i cant #ever after high #eah #epic winter #crystal winter

[countess-of-edessa]

baked a cake from scratch, fed the dogs and the father, cleaned the kitchen, wrapped christmas presents. wearing a beige sweaterdress and black ballet flats, hair in bun. reading a profile on hilaria baldwin…the cottagecore tradwife in me is winning i fear

#im being sarcastic but honestly though i keep having the creeping and uncharitable thought of like. i don’t think this is quite as hard as #my mother has always made it seem. and my father is literally zero help and she works really hard but also there was always the not-always- #unspoken implication that the reason the house was always kind of messy and disorganized and everything was kind of chaotic and accompanied #by a distinct sense of overwhelm was because of my sister and I #either our stuff or our actions or the fact that taking care of us took up too much time she could devote to other stuff #but neither my sister nor i live at home full time anymore and when we do at least i am objectively more helpful than anything else #so im like okay well that wasn’t it then #and like i also get that everyone thinks they could do better until THEY get married and have kids and then you see #but the backlash against the pressure for everything to be picture perfect has turned into (imo) a general “relatable” idea that #adulthood and especially marriage and parenthood is nothing but a slide into complacency and chaos forever and like. i just don’t agree wit #that. obviously you cannot live as you did as a single person or a non parent but the prevailing image of parenthood i see advertised as #“realistic” is one where everyone is constantly exhausted unhappy and living in filth #i See a question from a woman asking how to SURVIVE nine whole days of winter break with her children. SURVIVE? wtf? #i do think parents of today spend too much time with their children and that’s part of the issue but also like. i cannot believe that #everything is as thoroughly and completely awful as it is pretty much always portrayed nowadays #and how i see it reflected at me. and this isn’t like a housewives don’t work aaaa thing because no. #but like. when i see people being like you can’t expect your sahm to get the laundry done OR dinner made OR the house clean on a consistent #basis EVER i am kind of like…..but literally what are you doing then if none of those things?? #cause unless you homeschool or have literal infants (whole different ballgame) then like…what are you doing #maybe an unpopular opinion but I think a lot of women are bad at being housewives. because it is a skill that women used to study and learn #and now it’s not but it’s still the most important job in society #so we took away all the instruction manuals for the backbone of society and now who comes the closest to approximating an educational resou #? influencers. which is horrible because any person you are taking advice from on Instagram is someone with a public Instagram account #which automatically makes them odd and untrustworthy and not someone at least I would want to emulate. #my mother doesn’t apply to this she is a great homemaker her issues are (1) time management (2) fatigue (3) starts too many projects #but i digress #i suppose i shouldn’t say that I reject the idea children turn your life to chaos because I don’t. but I do reject the idea that #the chaos of parenthood sentences everyone to a perpetual state of overwhelm and reactivity #that simply has never been the case for people in any time period before now even when raising children and the daily business of living wa #far more labor intensive

[bongwateriero]

if you were on a desert island populated solely by coconut crabs and meerkats how long would you survive? you have no supplies, only yourself, the meerkats, the crabs, the ocean and the island.

the things that killed amelia earheart ?? like 2 days

#zero survival skills baby #ask tag

[mybitterbisexualarse]

Ellie you gremlin stop climbing into holes

#this girl has zero survival skills #tlou hbo #the last of us #ellie willams

[grandparomeaskblog]

Lot's of first times on this roadtrip 🤣🥰

#lupin zero #lupin III #daisuke jigen #rich monkey boy picking up some socially needed survival skills #stop laughing or he'll cut himself XD #my art #boy could pick a lock at age three but was never taught to make himself a sandwich so sad #not buying jigen ate food from his helmet even though his hair looks like its true

[sab-teraa]

This country is truly the pits lmao. I truly just be applying anywhere for a job

#let’s say I get in … would I be able to survive? most likely yes #but you best believe imma miss my privileged live bc there’s no way imma ever get that there LOL #I have zero household skills #ok not zero I had to learn it when I moved out #but yeah no

[twelvemonkeyswere]

I know it's probably me looking too deep into the predator films but I'll maintain always that the main theme in the background of the first predator is the injustice and brutality of military interventionism/American imperialism especially in Latin America (which is not a topic many want to do movies about), and in the second film, though to a lesser degree, the corruption and brutality of police forces as an oppressive mechanism in the face of poverty and immigration.

When I heard about this new Predator movie I was excited because the protagonists would be Comanche and I thought that was a really cool concept. Now with the trailer I'm super stoked to see the action thriller unfold!!! I think the "we are being invaded by an alien predator" setup can be a great vehicle to explore the horrors/anxieties of colonization too, which given the year the film is set in (1719) will likely be at least in the background the same way American imperialism and police brutality are in the background of the other two. Either way I'm excited to see what they do and I can't wait to see the protagonist kick some alien ass!!!!

#films #prey #prey 2022 #predator #but for real i LOVE the first predator #i love that the hunter (the soldier) becomes the hunted by an alien force who came into someone else's backyard to cause havoc just because #Arnold's character wins but at what cost #he loses all his friends after destroying the jungle and killing a bunch of people #we celebrate the cleverness of his win but he gained Zero things from the trip #the man isn't a hero #he's comitting manmade horrors and accidentally had the skills to survive the Predator #i just love the movie #the same way we celebrate arnold killing the alien is how we'd celebrate the latino people getting rid of the soldiers

[deanncastiel]

the way i am just.... so attracted... to nick offerman in the last of us

#do you think it's like a survival instinct? #i would literally be so fucked in the apocalypse i have zero survival skills #bri watches the last of us #finally lol

[neige-de-mars]

In the mood of getting lost in the woods

#i have zero survival skills but lets gooooo

[the-sound-of-her-wings]

I guess now more than ever it's time for me to dust off the old fallout isekai wip

#fallout #all my isekais are the same which is supremely real and funny of me #modern woman with lots of foreknowledge and zero survival skills with a love of music gets thrown into a hostile universe? groundbreaking /s

[icyfox17]

https://www.tumblr.com/icyfox17/731303812247240704/a-random-mountain-in-russia

brasil:0 i would not fare well

MOOD FHFJ

#foxieasks #beanz tag #i have zero survival skills #mucy to my parents disappointment

[patchworkgargoyle]

Binged all of sense8 in like three days and I forgot how fucking great it is.

#sex is normal you cant survive alone surviving isnt thriving different is GREAT love is powerful be so loudly queer and poly #blah #also jfc i wish the sensate thing was realy #i have zero skills to add to a cluster id be of no use but damn #itd be nice to have people around loke that

[jolikesgames]

after creating my fictional characters, i think i finally understand why it’s so difficult for parents to pick their favorite child

#like they’re all so great #but in their own ways #i just love my fictitious kids #and my favorite is constantly changing #am i favoring stabby insecure daughter or bisexual disaster with zero survival skills today?? #the world may never know #my writing #authors #reading #writing #writer things #writerblr #writeblr #books and novels #bookish

[gremlingottoosilly]

Stalker!König x reader with no survival skills

Konig watches you leaving the apartment for the third time, without checking if you turned off the stove or not. You didn't - and he had to break in, carefully turning off every piece of electronic you had in your tiny apartment, knowing that you won't even notice that your TV is out of socket and your sink is weirdly dry. He doesn't know how you survived without his care for so long - but he knows that he can't leave you now. Not when you have surviving skills of a panda being dropped on its head way too many times. Maybe, you are so careless because of his care for you. He freed you from the consequences of your actions, and, perhaps he needs to stop before you grow into a spoiled housecat with zero survival instinct. But he can't - stalking you now feels more like a charity case than a crime. Konig is sure that if you were to come to the police, they would tell you to get a gift basket for the stalker who cleans your room, fills your fridge, and turns off every dangerous thing you're leaving because of your sheer stupidity. It's alright, though. Konig doesn't mind his girl being a bit stupid. He can stay at your place at night, take notice of everything you have. He buys copies of your shampoo bottles, both to pile on in his dwelling when you will be ready to move in, and to replace what you already have in your own flat. You think you're doing such a great job adulting and taking care of yourself - you never run out of groceries, or drug store products, you always have everything in reserve while you don't exactly remember when you got it. It's no matter - you enjoy being independent. Konig spends the night with you, gently caressing your hair and taking notes on the clothes you like to wear, your sizes and your favorite colours - he knows you're too precious of a girl to miss out on, and he wants you to feel comfortable once he is transferring you to his apartment. Jerking off to your sleeping body is also a nice added bonus. You will enjoy it even more when your stalker finally shows up. Oh, turns out you did have a stalker - with absolutely zero ideas of his existence, Konig never realized just how adorably dumb and clueless his girlfriend is.

#cod #konig x reader #konig #yandere konig #cod x reader #yandere cod