Tumgik
#your'e welcome i guess?
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Gangnam Style (Chapter 3)
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~Trigger warnings~
Language, depictions of domestic abuse
Seoul, March 8, 1999.
Jang-Mi tossed and turned in a fitful sleep as the horrors of her past flooded her mind again.
So much time had passed, but it felt like none at all. It was as if she lived in every moment of trauma she suffered.
Especially at night.
The moment her head hit the pillow each night, the nightmare began anew, and the images of terror and pain ran amok in her mind.
The blood that pooled over the beautiful rug.
The shards of glass embedded deeply into her skin.
And the voices... Always, the voices.
"I don't know what i did wrong, Danny! I am sorry! I want to be good wife to you, I do! Just tell me what i did! Why can't i please you?
"You'll always be my little pet. Nothing more."
She shot out of bed, sweat pouring down her forehead as she took in deep breaths.
Ugh, that dream again. 씨발.
Jang-Mi tossed the sheets away and began her descent downstairs, where she knew she'd find solace in her music room.
And a bottle of Soju, of course.
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"And all the people say You can't wake up, this is not a dream You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen Low on self-esteem, so you run on gasoline"
Jang-Mi ran her hands through her inky dark hair as she lifted her hands from the piano, letting out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding.
Things had been... difficult since the accident.
The scars along her back were healing up nicely, but the mental ones were going nowhere fast. Jang-Mi's good friend Britney had been more than considerate during this time of suffering, and she knew she was lucky to have her in her life.
Maybe going to that Clueless premiere wasn't such a mistake after all.
Jang-Mi placed a hand under her chin, which allowed her to go deeper into thought, and ignored the discordant notes that played on the piano as she her elbow hit the keys.
Her new album would drop tomorrow. She didn't know if anyone would like it.
And If she was being honest with herself, she didn't give two s**ts.
The people on the news rarely talked about her anymore, and when they did, it was either in pity, or mockery.
No more.
Jang-Mi wasn't the fragile flower she'd once been. And she was going to make sure the world would never again see her as a weakling. Jang-Mi had grown a lot since the accident, and she was going to prove that to everyone.
If they didn't like it, they could f**k off.
Jang-Mi shook herself out of her moody thoughts and snatched the bottle off the windowsill beside her. It was time for another shot.
Or two.
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Detroit, March 12, 1999.
Marshall found himself transfixed by the radio as he sat in the dark parking lot. Before long, he was tapping his foot to the beat as the song played on the radio. The singer sounded familiar, but he couldn't place where the hell he'd heard her voice before.
"And that was "Gasoline" by Jamie-Ann, who is shaking up the music world with a new album, and a new name!"
"Jamie-Ann, huh? interesting."
The song was bold.
Harsh.
Provocative.
And there wasn't a damn line in it that he didn't relate to.
Whoever this girl was, she knew what she was doing. As Em began to start his car, he made himself a promise.
"If i ever see this girl in person... i gotta meet her."
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A/n
Whew! that was a doozy. i literally busted my hump to write this before thanksgiving so you guys could read it while stuffing your faces, as i promised i would do. That being said, i hope it dosen't feel rushed. Anyway, disclaimer, all rights for "Gasoline" belong to Halsey, of course. Enjoy! ❤
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hazenllas · 6 months
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Can't Get Enough II Hazel Callahan
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Pairings: Hazel Callahan x reader
Warnings(?): kissing, tiny bit of angst, mentions of break up, fluff at the end
(Apologies for any spelling mistakes, english isn't my first language)
Summary: After 7 months without any contact with each other, you somehow end up at your ex's front door?
"So, your'e breaking up with me? Over long distance? Hazel, we can figure it out somehow. I promise you." You say with tears welling up in your eyes.
You are moving across the state because your mother found a new job and you have no other choice but to join her.
"Y/n, you know how i feel about long distance relationship! We will lose contact and find someone better! This is just the way it has to be, i'm sorry." Hazel states holding your small hands in her big ones while looking int your eyes searching for an answer.
"Whatever, Hazel. I really really can't do this right now. Have a great life i guess." You respond, not even looking at her so she doesn't see the tears streaming down your face. You turn away from her and walk away. Hazel made you lose control over everything since that day. You were a mess. but what would anyone expect? You were an 18 year old girl who just went through a break up with the girl you loved and valued most and put her before anything and anyone else.
It's been 7 months. 7 months since you moved, 7 months since you and Hazel broke up. 7 months of you and Hazel not speaking to one another once. It was torture. Fighting the urge to apologize from running away from the situation instead of properly ending things. Fighting the urge not to ask if shes found anyone new, because you certainly haven't. Trying to get through this breakup was hell for you and everything made you think of her. Hell, you found a drawing of a flower on the sidewalk pavement and you thought of Hazel.
You get a call from your mom that you will be moving back to your hometown to live with your cousin, PJ and her mom because your mom found a new boyfriend and will be going on multiple buisness trips and no one will be capable of watching you. Thankful that your hometown is only a few hours from here, you quickly gathered and packed your things to get ready to travel. As your mom is driving you towards your cousin's house, nervousness hits you as you remember about Hazel. since PJ is friends with her, you might have to face her.
You wave your mom goodbye, and she backs out of the narrow driveway. You knock on the door, as it swings open revealing a very excited PJ. "Hey Y/n! Welcome back!" PJ practically yells. She gives you a big hug and allows your to enter the house. Your aunt greets you as you greet her back, following PJ up the stairs, to her room. "So, I think we should invite the girls over, to come and see you again, and just have a little group hangout. Just like the old times!" PJ speaks, sitting on her bed." "PJ, ive only been gone for 7 months! it hasn't been that long." You respond laughing. PJ rolls her eyes and texts Josie, Isabel, Brittany, and of course, Hazel. "Listen, i know you might not want to see hazel after you know, but you need to talk to her a bit! She misses you a lot you know." PJ says, not looking up from her cellphone. you take those words deep into your thoughts. you can't talk to her! that is scary to even think about. You just shake it off and wait for your friends to arrive.
You are welcomed by a whole bunch of hellos and hug, each girl seeing you and running up to you. You can't lie, you missed them all while being away. "Wow Y/n, you didn't change much did you? Well, seems you just got sexier while away!" Brittany says, looking at you. Each girl is talk to you, well, except for one. Hazel. She kept her distance from you and the group and just stares at her white converse. It is like this the whole time the girls are over and it's driving you mad.
After pacing around an overthinking for the past, forever, you finally decide to go to Hazel's. You know its a bad idea but you can't take this anymore you need her, and well, to talk to her. After begging PJ to drive you over to Hazel's, because you don't have a car, she finally agrees. It is pouring outside so all the sound that is in the car is PJ cursing at the blurry windows ahead of her caused by the continuous raindrops. Finally getting to a stop, you are infront of Hazel's house. Or should i say, mansion. "Good luck champ." PJ sighs, patting your shoulder. "Thanks PJ. Ill text you when im ready to leave." You say, getting out of the car. You wave at PJ before turning towards Hazel's house. You take a deep breath before knocking on Hazel's door. It takes a bit, and you realize you a drenched from the rain. Hazel finally answers, looking down at you in shock. "Y/n? Shit, your soaked. Come in." Hazel gestures you to walk in. you whisper a quiet 'thank you' before walking inside. She quickly heads towards the closet with the towels, and handing you a purple one. "Uh so, what are you doing here?" Hazel asks looking you up and down. "I uh i wanted to talk, if that's okay with you Haze." Shit. 'Haze' a nickname you called her when you both were dating. "Yeah yeah sure come on lets sit on the couch." She answers, walking towards the couch. You both sit there, waiting for one to speak. "Hazel, im sorry, like really sorry. I didn't mean to just leave like that. We should have talked it out properly and and-" You rambled, being cut off by Hazel speaking. "Listen, it's okay. i promise, it was dumb of me to end the relationship when it was healthy and fine. Im in the wrong to Y/N." she answers, putting her hand on your knee. You look up at her already staring at you. you both stare at eachother before you break the silence. "Haze, I-.. I still love you, And its okay if you don't feel the same or youve found another-" You are yet again cut off by Hazel. But this time her lips are on yours. Kissing you softly. She hums as she feels you kissing back with just the same energy. The kis starts to get more quick, as you both kiss eachother with such need. her hands are on your waist as she pulls you up into her lap. You pull away for breath but Hazel stars kissing down your jaw, to your neck, leaving hot, wet kisses. You sigh in pleasure as you move your head to the side, allowing Hazel more space. You hands go into her hair, at one certain suck she makes that leaves a heavy purple mark. "I love you, i hope you know that" Hazel breaths. looking up at you. "I love you more Hazel." You say, as you lean in to kiss her once again.
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moonxmagix · 2 years
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Leave The Scent of Your Cologne 
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Pairing: Frank Iero x Fem Reader
Requested by: My Own Brain
Word Count: Too fucking many !
TW: Wine, Cigarettes
A/N: First time doing something like this I hope you enjoy. Wanted to do something soft and gentle! Because those are the type of things I enjoy reading lol.
Summary: Frank is your close friend but behind the scenes you guys are a lot closer than people think. You haven't started dating so things are confusing. One night he comes over and leaves his mark with you forever.
Setting: New York City apartment, Winter time.
You and Frank had always been close friends since High-School. Best friends you could say, you could go to him for anything and could call him at any time of the night and he'd come over. You always had a small crush on Frank but never wanted to tell him because you thought you'd get over it or that it would ruin the friendship with him.
Your POV:
I got home pretty late, I look at the clock to see it was 8pm. God. Work had been crazy and so stressful that time didn't even seem real. Time passed and time froze certain days. I turn the news on while sitting on the couch of my tiny apartment. Blah Blah Blah...News talk...Winter storm?!
It had started snowing on my commute back home but I didn't think it'd end up getting bad. I decided to call Frank and ask him to come over and spend the night, I know he'd say yes. "Come over. Pleaseeee?" After some convincing he said yes, "Fine, you always sucker me in." I hear his deep laugh on the other end and it makes my heart flutter.
I put on some cozy pajamas aka my trusty sweatpants and black tank top. Not long after I hear a knock at the door, "Welcome home!" We both laugh welcoming him inside, "Home? You wan't me to move in so bad it's funny." He wasn't wrong, I wanted to spend all my time with him. He did bring a big bag of his stuff so that's what it felt like.
"Wine?" I offer him going into the kitchen. "You know it! Cigarette?" He offers with a smile. His smile drove me crazy that it made a bright red flush across my face. "You know it." I lean against the island counter taking a sip of wine and drag off my cigarette. Frank did the same staring at me.
I wonder what he's thinking about. After some silence I bring up the storm, "You know there's a snow storm tonight right? Probably gonna miss work tomorrow." He finishes his cigarette and wine, "Duh, it was all over the news. You just wanted to be trapped with me. I know you can't get enough." Frank laughs and smirks walking a bit closer to me, our faces now a couple inches apart.
I could feel my heartbeat pick up rapidly. It was so loud that I thought Frank would be able to hear it honestly. "Movie?" He speaks softly. "Yeah sure, which one?" We sit on the couch together sharing a ginormous blanket. My couch was small so it was impossible not to be touching him. We put on a random hallmark romance and I could feel the tension between us.
I put my legs on top of his and could feel him immediately relax, I guess we both needed that. He places his hands on top of my thighs rubbing them gently. "Do you have a heater? It's fucking freezing in here." He whines getting under the blanket. But he kept repositioning himself to lay on top of me with his head on my stomach.
It took me by surprise but I tried my best to embrace it. "If you need a heater then you have to let me get up, Frankie. So I can turn it on." I run my hands through his hair, "I'll turn you on." He whispers with a cute giggle. "Excuse you?" He looks up at me, "Your'e excused missy."
Frank lets me get up and I drag a small heater to the couch facing it towards us. He laid right back in his spot and we finished our movie, cuddling, warm, and safe. I decided to turn the news on after the movie finished and it was already 12am. They told everyone to stay inside because of harsh winter conditions and that everything would be closed.
"Guess you're stuck with me all day and night tomorrow." I stretch my arms tiredly then wrapping them around Frank. "That's exactly what I want." His response made me blush and I couldn't even respond. He was right. "I think I'm gonna start getting ready for bed." I say with a slight stutter pushing him off me onto the floor.
"Without me?!" I laugh and pull him with me to the bathroom. I grab my face wash and start cleaning my messy makeup off. I was taking up most of the bathroom and Frank needed in, "Coming by sweetheart," He says placing his hands on your hips placing a small smack on your ass. You knew what he was doing and he knew what he was doing.
"Frank!" I say while my face is covered in soap so I can't see him laughing his ass off. "Keep your eyes closed or you're getting flashed," He says and suddenly you hear a water stream. I wash the foam off my face, "FRANK! Why couldn't you wait until I was done?!" I turn around mistakenly, which resulted in me seeing his dick. I close my eyes placing my hand on my forehead, good lord. "I told you!"
We brush our teeth while standing next to each other. We would make quite a cute couple if I do say so myself. Maybe tonight will be the night I confess my feelings for Frank. We go into my bedroom which was dimly light by my bedside table light which was a salt lamp. Vibey, I know.
Before we lay down Frank took his shirt off throwing it on the floor, "Wait here, I have something for you." He says rushing out the room. I decide to put his shirt on instead and hop in bed covering myself with the blankets. "Here. It's the newest copy of our latest release." He looked so proud of himself.
I know the guys had been working so hard on this album so I felt so special to receive this. "Frank, this is amazing. Thank you!" I place it on the bedside table and Frank hops in bed with me. I cuddle myself up with him resting my head on his chest and my leg over his waist. I trace with my finger over his tattoos, they were my favorite part about him because he was covered in them.
No one knew how close Frank and I were. We hadn't had sex yet but there were lots of steamy make-out sessions and dates. I don't know why we weren't dating but I think a lot of it had to do with my work life and his band activities. It was just never the right timing. Right person but wrong time vibe.
"Are you wearing my shirt?" He asks pulling you away from him to examine your body. "It is! My clothes look so much better on you than me." We stayed up talking for another good two hours before we had both fallen asleep entangled in one another.
I felt safe with Frank. His smell was my favorite part. He always smelled like cologne and cigarettes with his lips having a hint of coffee most of the time. I dreaded the moment knowing in about a day he would have to go back home.
~^~^~^~^
I woke up to an empty but warm bed so I figured that he had just gotten out of bed. Until I see the heater pointed towards me, that wasn't there last night though...
I get out of bed turning the heater off heading into the living room. Frank sat on the balcony with a heavy coat on smoking. What the fuck was he doing out there? It was still snowing heavily when we woke up.
Frank eventually comes inside, "Why on earth would you go outside to smoke? You're literally crazy." I start making my coffee. "Crazy about you." He says staring right at me taking his coat off. "Shut up Frank." I try laughing his comment off but it kept repeating itself in my head. "I'm serious, Y/N." What is he talking about?
I look at him tilting my head to the side like a dog, "Y/N, I think I'm in love with you," I stood frozen ignoring the beep on my coffee maker to tell me it's done. He walks over to me pinning me against the counter, "I want you so bad, Y/N. Every fucking day your face, your voice, everything about you is on my mind 24/7. It's driving me crazy knowing we aren't together."
I was speechless, "Frank-" I go to speak but get interrupted by Frank intertwining his lips with mine. I gasp and put my arms around his neck moving my lips with his harmoniously. He pulls away and our eyes met for what felt like eternity. When I was with Frank everything felt...good. Life felt normal with him around constantly, it had already felt like you two were dating for years already. He was familiar, he was comfort.
"I know this is sudden but, will you be my girlfriend? Officially. I'm ready. Just say yes and I'm yours." He says holding my face with his hands. "Yes Frank, of course. I felt the exact same way about you but I had no idea how to tell you. I didn't wanna ruin things between us but I'm glad you finally said something." It felt good to get that off my chest. It felt like the worlds weight lifted off my shoulders.
After some breakfast and cuddling on the couch I say, "Why can't you just move in with me already? Ugh." I groan, I wanted to take in every moment with him. I was dreading the morning time when he had to leave. "Who said I couldn't? There's no getting rid of me." He squeezes my cheeks placing kisses on them.
I take Franks hand in mine, "Leave your stuff here. Please? You can bring more of your stuff, I don't mind." I beg him. "I knew you wanted me to move in, sneaky rat." He teases and goes to unpack his bag putting a few of his clothes and toiletries away.
The weather seemed to be clearing up quite a bit, "Would you be mad if I left tonight?" Frank pulls me in for a hug not letting go just rocking back and forth. I heavy sigh, "Yeah, but what's your reasoning?" I was willing to negotiate with him. "So I can pack as many boxes as I can and move in tomorrow dummy. The quicker the better." He did have a point.
"Fine, but you promise to be back?" I hold out my pinky for him to swear on it. "Absolutely pretty girl. I can't be away from you for long." He smiles and I melt inside. He made me absolutely weak in the knees.
He gets dressed in warm clothing so he could head out on his way, "Don't miss me too much sweetheart." He winks and kisses me quickly heading down my apartment hallway. He left around 7pm so it was now dark and I was now alone, again. I know he'd be back but I felt like I was being ripped apart from my soulmate.
I decided to call it a semi-early night and lay in bed. It still stayed the same from when I had woken up. I turn the heater on and get in bed. I was still wearing his shirt and buried my head into the pillows he slept on last night.
I inhaled deeply to take in the scent of his cologne. He smelled so good, it was heavily. Mixed with cigarettes it made it intoxicating. I grabbed one of the pillows from under my head to cuddle with it. I lay with my pillows wrapping my arms around it tightly, "I love you Frank." I whisper.
I know he wasn't there to hear me but I felt like I needed to practice first. God I felt pathetic. I can't wait for him to get here tomorrow.
My phone dings suddenly and I grab it frantically, it was a message from Frank with a picture. It was a picture of a bunch of boxes and bags packed. "Soon." He said.
This is how I know this is forever.
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Text
YouTube special: Diana's YouTube channel: Spaghetti Princess
Feels like - YouTube special
a peek into our favorite goofy brit Diana's YouTube channel
Story Masterlist
video is starting now
"Hey folks welcome to Genovia and your watching Disney Channel "
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*badly imitates the disney sound* "Bullocks" She looks up the stairs and shouts " Y/N " no answer "Y/N" " W h A t? " comes back y/n's voice. Diana looks to the camera a giggles
" DO YOU THINK SELENA GOMEZ WILL LEND ME HER DISNEY MOUSE DRAWING GLOWSTICK"
" FROM THE YOUR'E WATCHING DISNEY CHANNEL ADVERTISMENTS? "
" YEAH! " "NO"
"......."
"Bullocks"
Diana Facepalms and looks at the camera sheepishly
" you guys have good imagination right? "
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Camera cuts to her eating pickles with THE FRIDGE door open and then suddenly she stops. Then she starts belting out all too well.
" DANCING ROUND THE KITCHEN IN THE REFRIGERATOR LIGHT !"
"ITS WAS RARE I WAS THERE I REMEMBER IT"
She songs as though it's the national anthem
The door suddenly opens and Conan runs in and joins diana with the singing and dancing.
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Camera cuts yet again to Diana cooking while talking to the camera
"So a lot happened this week ! my Best friend y/n FINALLY MOVED IN and guess what she brought the pictures I asked her too ! "
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"Which proves she loves me"
"......" "Then she didn't cause I broke her guitar"
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Video cuts to Diana with a guitar in her hands and she looks up to the camera and grins and says " imma be a YouTube star "
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And promptly breaks a guitar string in the next 20 seconds
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Camera cuts back to Diana cooking
"Yeah so that happened but then to cheer her up I took her to a handmade picnic"
"We had fun and we were all cute and adorable the way that everyone ships us but we like separate people way"
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"Credits to Riley from my class and I'm sorry again that I spoiled your Ganache by putting vinegar in it"
"IT WAS A MISTAKE" she screams to the ceiling "Talking about cooking, Mine didn't fail this week."
She says and then winces once again
" sorry again Riley "
"Anyways I baked a gorgeous state of the art amazing strawberry shortcake and I was so proud of my flour that i cried for some time and I even took a few pictures with it "
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"But I forgot the strawberries" She facepalms yet again "And when I drove up to the store for the first time in my life the parking was empty, so I thought I just have to take a picture of my self there but I can't with my car parked so I careful parked mine on the opposite street and I turn around and guess what? THIS BUGGER PARKED IN HE PARKING AREA" GASP "WHO DOES THAT???"
"Any ways I somehow convinced that guy to pull out by telling him how how get Taylor swift tickets and he agreed and He finally took my picture"
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"And then when he gave me back my phone and asked me how to get tickets and I told him to download ticket master and get it and I ran for my life back to my car. And I'm pretty sure he was looking up to the sky and questioning his life when I looked back." "Kinda rude" "Eh" "But it was worth it"
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Editing Diana : " I eventually did get the strawberries later but I went home and felt so guilty that I named a plant after him" she holds up a pink cactus and says meet strawberry
Brief intermission : lobby music plays
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"MY BABY LOOKS SO GOOD WHEN SHES ANGRY"
She screams into her pillow She gets up normally and picks up the ravioli she just made "So you might have noticed the flurry of cat pictures on my social media accounts if you didn't I hate you"
"I really don't" She said smiling once again "Anyways me and y/n had a housewarming party for our new apartment"
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"And there were a lot of people" "Famous ones" she whispers "But apparently I will be choked to death by a federal agent if I tell you guys so …" camera cuts once again to Diana shouting "TAYLORSWIFTWASTHERE"
"But as always if any of you guys know me My day ended with me in bed listening to the moment I knew........Sobbing"
"Ok goodbye and your welcome for the clip coming ahead" Clip shows y/n hugging a pumpkin and saying " I don't want it to go hysterically crying noooo" Finneas comes and pulls it out of her hands dropping it by mistake causing the pumping to split apart. AHHHHH someone screams from the back ground. "Y/n no!" Taylor screams "Beat his ass y/n" screams Billie
end of video
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dp-pastandpresent · 5 years
Text
Past and Present: Chapter 9
Sam woke up that Saturday morning excited and nervous. While yesterday had been simply wonderful–what with the kiss and all–it was the prospect of today that made her heart flutter.
'Our first official date…'
After they had gotten through the awkwardness of the kiss, reality had set in that maybe they needed to spend some more time together. Up until now, it had really only been sporadic rescues appearances. And neither of them could seem to stop thinking about the other.
She hopped out of bed happily, then stopped, remembering the words of Tucker yesterday.
'He's a ghost. And as a ghost, he can't really age or change.'
She had found herself debating these issues all of last night, not really sure what to do or say; in the end, she ended up just falling asleep.
But now that it was morning, and her head was clear, she began to smile again.
'Tuck, I love you, but I gotta do this for me.'
She quickly ran into her closet, hoping to find the perfect outfit for her date.
It had been ages, literally, since Danny had been on an actual date, and going on one as a ghost was definitely a new experience.
He did his best to hide the nervousness with excitement, but his mind kept going back to the whole idea of dating a human. Yes he had been one once, but now he wasn't. He had emotions, that was true, but he also had ghost powers. He'd never age again. He'd never die. He'd never truly be able to give her a proper life. If he made even one wrong move, he could send her back to that dark place she was the night they met.
'Just stop. Obviously she doesn't seem to care – yet – or this wouldn't even be happening. Just take it one day at a time. Maybe what you need right now is a friend. Someone on your side.'
And then there was the idea of hanging out in public, something he usually tried to avoid during the day unless he was on a rescue.
'But she can't be expected to stay out at night. You have to do some giving as well. Take some risks.'
And the more he thought about it, the more it became clear that no matter the situation, he had to make it work. Make THEM work. If nothing else, to make up for what almost was all those years ago.
Memories had been coming back in bits lately. Memories of what once was, the girl he loved and never told, and the night he almost did.
'If that fire hadn't happened, maybe we'd be together right now.'
But they weren't, and here he was, a GHOST. In love with a HUMAN.
Could the afterlife get any more complicated?
--
Purple clutch in hand, Sam raced down the stairs, hoping to sneak out unheard. Unfortunately for her, Grandma was waiting at the bottom and, unable to stop, Sam soon found herself on the ground.
"Sammy, where's the fire?" Grandma exclaimed, reaching from her chair to help her granddaughter up. Upon looking her over, she got that glint in her eye and knew exactly what the rush was.
'Could she possibly be going to spend more time with him?'
"Well look at you, all dressed up! You trying to impress someone?"While Sam didn't originally think her look was that fancy today, apparently anything beyond the norm could raise a flag. And as she dusted herself off, she did have to give herself some credit: she cleaned up well.
She had ended up with purple flip-flops and black tights, paired with a purple skirt with lace trim to match the purple lace that accented her black tank top. She had let her hair fall down messy, barely even brushing it that morning as she had applied her standard purple eyeliner and lipstick. And it was all completed with the silver chains that she wore around her neck and wrists.
"Grandma, why can't I just dress up for once?" she asked, blushing.
"I know you too well kiddo–you only dress up this nice if your'e trying to impress someone so spill it! Did this Dash fellow finally apologize?"
'Let's see how well she gets out of this one.'The image of Dash making out with Paulina quickly found itself in Sam's head before she grimaced.
"Ewwww no! Grandma why would I ever!?"
"Well, who else would you be rushing off to see? Not good enough to introduce to your favorite Grandma?"
"You're my only Grandma…" Sam commented, starting to sound annoyed.
'Ok Sam, you win today, but I will get my answers soon.'
She gave her granddaughter a wink, which meant that the was done asking questions."Just go have fun, but be safe ok?"
Some days, she really wanted to slug her grandma, and yet she always ended up hugging her instead.
"Thanks, I won't be out too late."
--
Danny wanted to be a normal teenager for once, and today seemed like a good day to do it. But he also knew that the connection they shared was anything but normal. Could it really ever be normal?
Still, he couldn't help himself from swiping some 'human clothes' to wear on their outing, and thus found himself in a baggy t-shirt, torn jeans and a punk band baseball cap.
'Because nothing screams normal like this crap…'
When the clothing style had changed, he did not know, but he desperately wished that this was not what was considered cool.
'Blend in, just for a bit. Be normal'
Having agreed to try some normalcy also meant no flying, something he desperately wished for as he walked to the corner of Sam's street. She had refused to let him come around the house and risk being seen.
But as he approached, Danny found himself feeling anything but normal.
She was really an angel. Standing in her beautiful dark clothes underneath the street sign as she patiently waited.
Looking up and seeing him in his baggy clothes, she smiled and let out a small giggle.
"I know we said normal, but I think I preferred the ghost clothes." She laughed louder as he got closer.
"Really? Is it that obvious I don't belong here?" he joked back.
"So obvious!"
Whatever fear he had before quickly melted away. She didn't want some 'normal' high school boyfriend, she wanted him. The emotional, somewhat concealed, GHOST that he was.
Danny pulled off the cap, letting his messy white hair hang free, and threw it into the street.
"Ready to go?" he asked as they took each other's hands and began to walk.
"Ready, but I have one more question…" she said still smiling.
He nodded.
"Can we fly?"
--
Flying wasn't normal, and Sam didn't care. Normal was out the window the second Danny showed up.
'Who needs normal anyway?'
If she wanted normal, she wouldn't have found herself in this relationship to begin with.
"So where are we headed? The pier, a movie?"
"Better," he replied, glancing down at his dark angel before coming to a landing outside that same record store from before.
"The record store?"
"I figured it was time we got to know each other."
--
While he had spent a great deal of time atop the store, Danny had never found himself inside, and thus did not know what to expect.
During his time on Earth he had listened to a fair amount of music on the record player, all his favorites with their scratches and nicks from being listened to so often.
Naturally, walking in to a store full of CDs and computers was not was he expected.
Sam could see the shock on his face and started to laugh again.
"I think you need a little welcome to the millennium tour." She smiled as she grabbed his hand and pulled him inside,not even realizing that it wasn't as cold as it usually was.
The first aisle they went to was Sam's auto-pilot aisle: the heavy metal, gothic rock genres. She quickly grabbed a "Dumpty Humpty" CD and took Danny to a kiosk. All the while, he just went though the motions, unsure what to really think.
Handing the bewildered ghost the headphones, Sam couldn't help but chuckle as he tried to figure them out and, once he did, frowned at the music they omitted.
"People LIKE this?" he said rather loudly over the heavy drums and guitars that filled his ears. "How is this even music?"
"It's not music, it's a mood. Feeling. It takes me where I need to be when I need to be there," Sam explained.
'I guess I can understand that,' Danny thought, 'but I still wish it wasn't so explicit.'
After a few more seconds, and a lot of concealed laughter from Sam, Danny finally pulled off the phones.
"Do they have any Elvis? Ray Charles?"
"Who?" Sam asked somewhat jokingly as she walked him over to the "Oldies" section.
'Much better.'
Danny reached for a copy of "Heartbreak Hotel" and walked back over to the kiosk, fumbling to figure out how to put the CD in.
"Here, listen to this," he said five minutes later as he handed the headphones to a laughing Sam.
"Hmmmm I think I've heard my Grandma play this one before," she commented as she listened. "I remember vaguely liking it, but it's not Dumpty Humpty."
Sam winked as this, knowing full well that Danny needed some adjusting if he wanted to get used to this time.
Danny missed the wink, for at the mention of Grandma his mind went back to her and the possible connection there could be.
'Not today, not now. Stay cool. Be normal. Forget there could be a connection.'
"You're doing it again," Sam said, interrupting his thoughts.
"Doing what?" Danny asked, completely bewilderment in his voice.
"Flickering. Your glow. Every time you're around me you flicker…" Sam explained, hoping Danny may have an explanation.
"Really? I… I never noticed. "
'Add that to the list of things I need to investigate later.'
Seeing Danny's confusion, Sam quickly decided to change the subject.
"Here, let's try something in the middle," she said as they made their way to the "Classic Rock" section. She had a feeling he'd like what she was about to pick out.
"But close your eyes, I don't want you see the title."
"Really, we're playing that game now?" he joked as he put his hand over his eyes like a child.
'She's pretty cute when she jokes like that.'
Sam put the CD into the player and handed him half of the earphone, putting the other half onto her own ear.
With both their heads together under the same set of headphones, Danny found his cold body turning warm. The sound of guitars filled his ears and the words began to form.
"Oh yeah, I'll tell you something I think you'll understand When I'll say that something I wanna hold your hand…"
A smile on her face, Sam tried to turn her head to face him and the same time he turned to face her. They both had bit of blush in their cheeks and a small smile on their faces. They closed their eyes, knowing it was about to happen again...
CRASH!
The world stopped. They both jumped, losing their headphones, their song, their moment.
"Remember my name!"
Danny turned, his senses heightened as he saw a girl floating above the shelves.
She hadale blue skin, fiery teal hair, she was holding a guitar which was emitting ghostly musical notes left and right.
'This cannot be good…'
--
"You will remember my name!" she sang loudly as more notes filled the air. The people in the store had all stopped and turned, suddenly finding themselves clapping along with the ghost.
"Ember! Ember! Emberrrr!" they chanted as her hair blazed stronger.
'She's gotta be a ghost. But how did she get here?'
After the lunch lady yesterday, he had a feeling he'd start seeing more ghosts around town; with the Fentons always opening that portal, it was bound to let a few out. Still, he didn't quite feel prepared to battle any.
'Ok think, how can you take this one down?'
"Danny! Yesterday, the lunch ghost. Your hands! Remember?!"
Almost as if his body answered her words, he found his hands glowing green, the same way they had yesterday when he used his rays.
'This could work…'
He looked up, held out his hands, took aim, and prayed.
Green beams shot out of his hands and knocked the guitar half way across the room, catching the other ghost off guard.
"Well, if it isn't a little dipstick, coming out to play," she snarled, but without her guitar found herself unable to do much of anything.
'Ok, so the guitar is her power…'
Danny's hands glowed green again as he flew closer, taking aim once more at the guitar on the floor.
'Stronger, stronger, stronger…'
The guitar exploded in a cloud of green light, sending shards everywhere, while the rocker ghost just hovered, her hair slowly fizzing out.
"Not so tough without the guitar, are you?!" Danny shouted, some confidence coming back to his voice.
She opened her mouth to sing, but instead found nothing. Her powers were gone, and she had no more fans to bring them back, since they'd all scattered when the guitar exploded.
"You win this time, Babypop, but I'll be back. No one ever forgets Ember McClain!".
And with that, she flew out of the store in a huff, defeated and helpless.
--
The whole time Danny was battling the ghost, Sam found herself in the corner, behind the headphone kiosk, completely useless.
'There has got to be something I can do for Danny!' she kept thinking, even though there really wasn't.
Then she remembered: yesterday during the lunch incident, she had seen his hands glow green, something she had never expected. They had become powerful, useful, dangerous.
"Danny! Yesterday, the lunch ghost. Your hands! Remember?!" she shouted from her hiding place.
She could tell he heard her, for his hands began to glow as he took aim and knocked the guitar across the room.
'Yes!'
The battle continued as Sam watched on, wishing there was more she could do, but knowing that Danny could handle whatever came next. It wasn't until the ghost finally disappeared that she let out a sigh of relief and ran over to shaking Danny.
"Danny! You did it! You did it!" she said, jumping up and down like a little girl.
"Sam… How'd you remember… the beams? Weren't you passed out yesterday?"
"Sometimes when things are important they just come flooding back." She smiled.
--
While it hadn't been the date they were expecting, it had been a wonderful day in both their minds, and the walk home couldn't have been better.
"Seriously, you listen to THAT?!" Danny asked again of her tastes in music.
"It's not THAT BAD once you get used to it. Better than that bubble gum pop that all the radios play."
"Still, it's a bit intense don't you think?" Danny smiled.
"And 'Heartbreak Hotel' isn't? I never pegged you as an Elvis fan." Sam smiled back as she gently nudged him.
"What can I say, it was the times…"
They stopped, looked at each other and laughed.
The age gap, while apparent, was becoming a great quirk in the relationshipSomething about how things were then and how they were now kept the mood light and open, things they both needed so desperately lately.
"But really, what was that last one? I LOVED IT!" Danny found himself asked.
"'I Wanna Hold Your Hand.' I can't believe you weren't around for the Beatles!"
They stopped again, this time without the laughter, as Sam's eyes got big.
"I am sooo sorry! I never… I mean... I know you're … ugh!".
"Just stop, Sam. It's ok. I know. I'm not from here. This time. It's fine. I'm not… normal." He turned away, trying to hide the frustration in his face at the fact that things could never be normal between them.
"But… Danny… You don't have to be. I know it's weird. I know you're… a… ghost… But we can figure this out. I want to figure this out."
He turned back, a small smile forming on his face again, yet still showing a trace of sadness.
"Yea?"
"Yea. And you know why?"
She walked closer to him, wanting to make the first move this time. She leaned in, eyes closed, ready.
SMACK. Her head hit the ground.
Out of pure instinct, Danny had goneintangible at exactly the wrong moment.
"Shoot! Sam are you ok?" he asked, turning solid again and leaning down to pick her up.
"You need to warn me next time you do that." She said, rubbing her head and praying it wouldn't bruise.
"This is what I meant! I am not normal. I'm a ghost. I can shoot RAYS OF LIGHT from my hands. I can FLY! I can turn INVISIBLE without even trying. Half the time I can float THROUGH things! This can't work!" He turned away and began to walk the other direction.
'Why doesn't he understand? My life was normal before and I was miserable! I don't want that again. I need excitement. Unexpectedness. You!'
"Danny!"
He kept walking.
"Danny!"
Still walking.
"PHANTOM!"
That stopped him.
He turned around, a look of confusion in his face.
"Please Sam, just try to understand."
"I do understand. But I don't think you do. Don't you see? You've saved me time and time again. And you have never had to at all.".
She ran closer as he stood there, waiting.
"I think it's time I saved you."
And this time when she leaned in, he stayed as solid as a human.
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jenroseyokel · 5 years
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Blogging, Goals, and Stuff About Influence (a brain dump)
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The writing life is an interesting cycle. It goes sort of like this...
When summer is fading and September comes around, suddenly I have a deep urge to do ALL THE WRITING THINGS. Maybe it's because I was a nerd that never got over the excitement of back to school. Maybe it's all the notebooks on sale. Or maybe it's because I’m married to a college professor so when he heads back to work, part of me wants a fresh start at work too.
So, for a few months, I'm on it. Get the blog back in shape. Freshen up the design. Write up a schedule. Reignite that Tiny Letter. Plan a Write 31 Days series. Things are gonna be different. I will write. I will build. I've got something to say!
Christmas comes. Fall term ends. We spend the month between Christmas and late January catching up on movies and books, sneaking off for a weekend in the mountains, gently letting the old year go. And a second-guessing voice returns to my head: do you really want to do the blogging thing? You don't want that blogger life. You don't write the kind of stuff moms pin. Maybe focus on getting freelance gigs, focus on what your'e doing now, make things for others and their platforms?
And once again, writing for myself about the things I care about gets pushed further down the line.
And now, here's January again. This is Chris' first full week back at school. I have a maple latte on my right and a $3 Target day planner on my left. I don't even like using day planners, but somehow I think this little spiral notebook with calendars and blank pages inside and 2019 on the cover, dedicated to my writing work, will make me awesome at what I do?
Oh right, I was supposed to tell you and the Five Minute Friday community my thoughts on platform building. But here's the thing... I don't even know, because I struggle in the tension between hating the spotlight and wanting to be seen.
The truth is, platform still feels like an icky word. I still feel weird sharing my blog posts on Facebook. I'm not an influencer and I don't want to be. I both absorb all the blogging advice (self-hosted Wordpress! tag-based email service! sell a product! Instagram all the things!) and stubbornly resist everything the pros tell me (I host my blog on Tumblr and email people with a Tiny Letter and that's fine thankyouverymuch)
But there's also a part of me that hopes maybe, just maybe, to have a little influence. That hopes to be seen while hiding behind the screen.
(And yeah, it's kinda cool to get paid for all this writing.)
So it's January 29th. I am shaking off the dust my blog collected over winter break and attempting to tackle multiple writing projects I've been putting off. (Including my January Tiny Letter.) I have a list. I won't leave this table until one of them is done. And then I'll do another, and another.
I have hopes for 2019 -- like getting a new poetry book out, cracking 100 Tiny Letter subscribers (LARGE HINT :)), consistently posting at least one thing a week in this place. I make lofty writing goals every January, but staying in them... that's the struggle. It's a lot easier to take the trickle of work as it comes, to do what others ask me to do, to plod along through the days.
And then on the other side of that, I want to be faithful and present to my life, wise with words, slow to speak and quick to listen. those things don't seem super conducive to building influence.
And maybe that's okay.
Photo by Kaitlyn Baker on Unsplash
This sloppy brain dump post is part of Platform Building Confessions: a special edition blog link-up at Five Minute Friday. Welcome if you’re visiting from FMF.... I tried my best to stay on topic! ;)
You can learn more about me and my blogging adventures at my About page, or click here to read some Posts of Blogging Past!
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Ep. 2: “My secret alliance is over before it even started” - Tyler
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James Hayden
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9f9uh2olp1Q&feature=youtu.be
Amy A.
Definitely more people coming up to talk to me and that makes me excited. Have had about 4 or 5 people tell me they wanna work with me and that’s amazing. Formed an alliance w Ryan and (totally forgot his name) called outsiders which is basically all of us not from USA. Hope they’re true allies. Excited for what’s going to happen next. 
Najwah
Tribal council was insane and intense. I understand why it's so easy for people to slip up when asked questions. My heart was racing to the point of me feeling nauseas haha. I can't believe we blindsided Neil. He took it well though. Aimee is feeling a little left out and I think she's taking it personally. I really like her though and would love to work with her too. I think it's about time we start a strong girls alliance. I may get Amy in on it too. And Sarah. We'll see. I can't guage where exactly I stand with people yet but people can lie lmao and I made more of those who lied very easily. Like James and Sarah. Watching them. 
Leanne
Mixed feelings on tribal. At least we are all still here, and at least I was on the right side of the boat. I didn’t have any bond with Neil so I didn’t care about seeing him voted out. But now I’m rethinking my relationship with Zach. What he decided to do today was dumb. Big moves just for the sake of big moves usually are. He kept repeating, the easy vote isn’t always the right vote, but sometimes it is, and I didn’t see a point in doing that, especially if it’s only for the sake of playing hard. You don’t play to go hard, you play to win! Of course I didn’t say that for three reasons. First, I didn’t care at all about Neil; he was perfectly expendable. Second, I still regard Zach as a close ally, at least for now. Third, once again no one will dare to be the dissenting voice. Right before Zach dropped that bomb shell, at least on me anyway, we were talking about how we trusted each other and wanted to go the distance together. He asked me who I was closest to, and I said him and Najwah. with Ben as a distant third, then floated the idea of starting a power trio with him and Ben. That’s when he told me Neil was the target. I asked whose idea it was, and he didn’t give me a name, he gave me reasons. I’m not sure if it was his move or not.
The other likely suspect is Cody, especially because when Zach brought the big group together, most were clueless... what’s going on here? Then Cody said, how about we summarize the events of the last hour? Well, I’d known about it for maybe a few minutes prior, but certainly not an hour. Cody at least knew about it before I did. I’m almost positive the idea was at least one of their’s.  right as it was all going down, when it was up in the air and I didn’t know which way it was going to go, Aimee messaged me and asked me for a name, and I told her Amy because at that point Zach made me promise to keep it confidential. I later found out that Zach wanted to bring her in but she had told him she was close to Neill. Oh, so *that’s* why you asked me who I was closest to. I’m wondering exactly who else he spoke to before he made the big group chat, and to what degree. He’s unpredictable, and I don’t like it. And in case I haven’t mentioned it, I very much don’t like making moves for the hell of it, with no good reason beyond that. But back to Aimee.
I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that she got left out of the vote. I was on the verge of messaging her privately and saying, I have new information but you have to promise it stays between us: I just found out the target is Neil, but vote Amy anyway in case he plays an idol. If I were her right now I’d be pissed and confused, and I wanted her to think I was on her side, and build a relationship, especially if she thinks everyone else is against her. But I didn’t trust her enough not to rat me out. Besides, the reason she was left out in the first place was because she was close to Neill. How close I don’t know, and I don’t know if she would have fought to protect him. So I am happy to have been included and on the right side of the numbers. It shows I’m not on the bottom tier, which seems to be Aimee, The outsider, and Amy, Who wasn’t around. And I knew she’d vote for me, I knew it, I knew it, because if I were her and didn’t have any information at all, that’s exactly what I’d do. Doesn’t mean I liked it but fair is fair.
The group consensus is that we can vote Amy as an easy vote next time. I just hope *someone* doesn’t flip again without a good reason. Amy TI am shocked, but also not shocked. I knew I was taking a HUGE risk not jumping on the initial video chat, but I slid through this vote. I had a feeling an alliance formed there. I almost reached out to a few I thought would be in that alliance before this vote, but didn't want to look like I was scrambling. I am thankful to make it through to the next round, and after today I no longer have company and will be semi settled into my new apartment, so I am really going to try to be more active in video calls so that I can bond better with my tribe.
I fear I am the next vote otherwise. I am also going to bring this up, and I don't know if I should, but I will say it anyway. I am actually quite disappointed in the vote, but it falls in line with the pattern of all survivor votes: first vote is most always a person of color or an elderly individual, and we have no one old. Sure, it's a coincidence, and I didn't really know Neil, but it's not a great pattern to uphold. But as others quoted Sandra, a will do the same: anyone but me. Now I am playing from the bottom, which is nerve-wracking.
Pedro A
i feel like i will sit out ..cause i dont feel good about this challenge
Pedro A
Also we came from Winning and if i screw it up...it will be all blamed on me...so its better if i just keep my name out of this one
John B
Watching the other tribe's tribal council has me stressed because it seems like Neil went because he was a threat. That does not sit well with me because I already have Ryan telling people I have the "winner vibes" I need to simultaneously kick it into high gear and keep a low profile if that's going to be the tone for the game. hopefully we can kill this challenge, this feels like something that is going to be up my Alley because I love Survivor Trivia. Hopefully this goes well because I do not want to get voted out!
Zack M
ok. setting a scene. let's pretend this is big brother. wrong show but play along with me. hey neil. if you seeing this, it's nothing personal. you were out of the chat all day yesterday and then had everyone eating out of your hand within 10 minutes of being back. you were ready to play but not as hard as me. i started with cody, worked it up through ben, added sarah into the mix, and then sprinkled the rest in. the recipe for your ending. sorry about it! hope to stay friends outside of the house. 
wait .... but srsly ... i did that. I CAUSED A BLINDSIDE. what?! i'm shook. i can't believe these people are listening to me. so wild. honestly knowing 4 people drafted me really put the fire in me. i always draft and i hate when i lose. this is me winning for me and you. feel free to venmo me to show your support.
in all honesty. it was strictly a game move. neil was a threat. we all saw it. that's it. i know i could possibly have a huge target on my back but i feel like i'm playing a strong social game. i hope the people in my final 4 trust me (sarah, ben, and cody) because i'm ride or die for them. i asked to make sure getting neil out wouldn't hurt their game. look at me being thoughtful. hopefully they notice it and hopefully the rest believe all the lies i tell him. because truly, it was so last minute. *evil smile* 
Zack M
am i confessing too much? i don't know BUT challenge 2 is survivor knowledge and i have none. -oop. i'm a fake fan. i live tweet and forget. hoping my team pulls this one out because i'm going to MCDs for some chicken nuggets and then continuing with my social game. 
also, amy thanked me for keeping her but she didn't thank any of the other people in my alliance. does amy know more than we think? also, your'e welcome amy. 
Pedro A
I feel this challenge will be a MESS...we will for sure lose, ...Tyler is not even seeing any of the messages...and some people are seeing the messages and not choosing A PAIR....i kinda feel like we will lose...the other tribe will bring they're A game....i just hope at this point...THAT A MIRACLE WILL HAPPEN
Tyler H
Ok I’m very upset my secret alliance is over before it even started! But I don’t think I’m in a bad spot right now, I think I’m growing an army slowly and all I can do is hope we don’t lose the next challenge and I can gain momentum 
James Hayden
https://youtu.be/hvUgCa6joQc
Aimee
NEIL! BUDDY! I’m soooo sorry!!!! I had no idea the majority was going to blindside you like that! It was just horrible to watch. I’m gonna play my heart out for you! You deserved a chance to play this game! I hope you make it on the real Survivor! I don’t understand what made these people so threatened by you, I did not see anything of the sort. You were voted out I guess because you were pleasant????? Well...We’ll have to play Dead by Daylight on PlayStation once this is over for me. Take care of yourself and I’m sure we’ll talk again real soon.
As far of my read on the game....I am not clueless. The second the votes were read I knew Amy voted for Leanne, Neil and I were set up to vote for Amy and everyone else voted for Neil. I messaged people who bold-faced lied to me about the vote and they all confirmed my suspicions without me having to say anything about it. Hahahahahha. Do these kids really think I am that simple? I might’ve been recruited but this is absolutely not my first rodeo. 
Oh, and for the record... and this is obvious: Leanne Zack and Sarah are all working together. You heard it here first. Guys, your messages to me are extremely telling. I guess I truly am Michelle playing this game now...how fitting. But get ready for your girl to pull all the stops from the underdog position. It’s where I honestly will thrive.
Already hopped right onto Amy before anyone got a chance to set me up and say “oh well Aimee wanted to vote for you”. Yeah that wasn’t even true, everyone adamantly told me to do that and it was the majority. They set her up too. Also checked back with my girl Najwah (think we are in it to win it), Cody, as well as James and Ben. (Hoping these guys are being genuine with me too) Think that is my best bet moving forward. All 4 of these people claimed they were told last minute...which I believe. NOBODY bothered to tell Amy anything. It is absolutely bizarre to me that they thought me and Neil were so close that they couldn’t tell me about that vote? All night and day no one said anything about the vote and I had the hunch that Zack probably had the most social capital out of anyone so I reached out to him first. He is honestly the biggest threat but it’s no kidding that he and Leanne chose Neil to be the target. Leanne absolutely shit the bed with the typing challenge! Okay? I tripled her score and I was not going that fast. Let me just talk about that again real quick....600 numbers in an hour?! Did that math.... that’s one number typed every five seconds. Did she like, stop typing and go grab a snack or text her friends on her phone or something? How is that possible?! Make it make sense. 
To be honest, for everyone not bothering messaging me after the vote to smooth things over and try preserve my relationship with them proves how sloppy they are being with this vote. AGAIN I had to be the one to reach out to almost everyone, just like yesterday. They think they are playing next level 4D chess but they are severely underestimating me. Could’ve been an easy vote but I guess people to want to make “big movez” even when it is detrimental for us as a tribe. I could cause a lot of damage and I have the knowledge; know that! If I made the jury, would I give them a vote for that kind of gameplay? Nope. I am keeping all this information in and playing it very chill and “yes girl” but I will absolutely strike when I need to. I have an ability to make people feel comfortable and trust me and maybe even feel guilt about how they treated me. I will ride that wave as far as I can until I can set up shop for the next vote. 
Zack M
here to nervous rant .. i thought got a strike because i sent a screenshot of my call log to a group i accidentally cheek called when a friend's phone disconnected. lol what?! trust me .. i know. TODAY HAS BEEN A DAY FOR ME. 
look the truth is .. i would do it again! i know there is a target on my back after switching the votes and getting neil out. i don't need anything extra working against me at the moment. breaking rules, lying, .... am i the bad boy of the season? because like i'm not cool enough for that title. 
Zack M
ok. i'm seriously over this challenge. who even knew survivor wiki was a thing? why would you remember / want to remember this stuff? i'm reading some of the things that the tribe is adding and thinking to myself, "did i even watch survivor?" 
the only thing i can remember is wendy freeing the chickens, kim not winning winners at war, and chris underwood's penis bulge. that's his last name, right? like i could literally draw it for you. why can't that be a challenge?
anyways, tomorrow should be fun. i'll have to pretend that i'm contributing if jay doesn't accept my idea to play the word game with their names. fingers crossed we win. however, i'm not too hopeful. i have a feeling the other team has some good players. is it bad i'm ready for the merge this early? also, if we don't lose ... what do i do with all that free time? how am i supposed to bond more? all i care about is making sure that ben, sarah, and cody stay loyal to me. i know i should want to merge with numbers but i think it's clear i like a challenge. i want a resume and a cover letter when i get to the end. 
Ryan
I've put so much effort into this challenge. Kinda desperately hoping that my tribe sees that and realise I'm valuable. Or more valuable then some at least
John B
Lol remember when I said I might throw Maddison under the bus? Well strike that because we are for sure working together now. We may be behind in the challenge but honestly I’m not worried because it’s super close so far and half the tribe hasn’t done anything yet so I think we will be fine. If we don’t end up pulling out the win my target will still probably be Ryan. I could see people going for Tyler or honestly even Amy (just because she’s not on very often) but if I have a say I definitely want Ryan out. I do not trust him at all. Hopefully it won’t come to that but at least I have a plan.
Alan B
I think this game is gonna be pretty hard to manage alongside work especially while covid has got my mental health just blasted, i might end up dropping out before my time, but for now i think i'll hold on for at least a little while longer
Zack M
omg we still have two hours left of this competition. i've done all i'm willing to do to pretend like was helping out. finger crossed the host doesn't share how many facts each person contributed. i would have like 3. lol. 
real note, i thought this game was one night like sequester. i didn't know what i was signing up for. i feel duped. but i needed a second to step away. i started out playing so hard. i need switch up my strategy. this is a sprint, not a marathon. i don't need to run the tribe. i just need to be in all the conversations. haha. 
i have a feeling we will be losing tonight so i'm just chilling. ready to see what everyone says. again, i feel like i have a huge target on my back.
i'm like kat on big brother last season, "are you bitches conspiring against me?"
the only people i haven't talked to one on one is james and najwah. james is in my 5. i'll have a conversation with him tonight or i'll have a conversation in the group of 5. one or the other. i feel like i should talk to najwah as well but i like is that obvious. maybe i'll start it right when the challenge is done, before we know if we won or lost. that's a little more chill, right? ugh. 
amy would be the easiest vote but i feel like she would be on my side. najwah is the only person i would care to vote out but i feel like cody and leanne are close to her. 
oh, not sure if i shared this but leanne wanted to start a trio with ben and i. that's cool. i like leanne so i'd like to keep her as long as possible.
this confession is starting to get lazy so i'm going to go back to watching real housewives of potomac. i'll check in win or lose .... because we have to. :) 
Alan B
I'm trying to be a team player so that we don't have to vote anyone out for as long as possible, but i feel like this is a bad strategy long term - especially once the merge happens then it'll be gone and i'll be a threat
Zack M
told you we were going to lose. that's it. that's the confessional. 
Olivia A
I’m super proud of us for winning the second challenge! I feel really good about my contribution and our team work. I think the excitement from continuing to win will keep motivating us and hopefully lead to a significant streak. 
Pedro A
im so happy that we won...even tho some people that dont understand the concept of  team work 
Maddison
This challenge really showed who is pulling their weight. Even though the doc was anonymous, the chat activity and general conversation led me to believe there are a couple of slackers that should be first to go when the time comes. I hope my tribemates don’t grow complacent after these two wins. The other tribe will be out for blood. 
Amy A
So far I’ve spoken privately with everyone except Tyler and some two others. So I’m guessing my social game isn’t shabby. Also, we WON again. Such a delight because I don’t want to do tribal council this early in the game. Idol hunting was a bust today too but hoping for the best. Madison and I seem to be getting closer by the day. She checks in with me most of the time and hypes me  up for challenges. Definitely want to be aligned with her. 
John B
Winning feels AMAZING, especially since half of the tribe hadn't started until half the time was gone. Our tribe feels really strong right now. That being said, I definitely noticed some people not participating as much as everyone else, Tyler disappeared and didn't contribute for most of the challenge. I think it is safe to say he will probably be first out from our tribe at this point if we lose, but who knows anything can happen. I'm still gunning for Ryan. Hopefully we can keep this positive momentum going. I am going to keep working on my alliance. I have all of the pieces with my relationships with Pedro, Maddison, Grae, Olivia, and kind of Alan, I just need to wait for the right time to bring the pieces together.
James Hayden
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V96zovCVssg&feature=youtu.be
James Hayden
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RVOZFYZc24
Sarah
SORRY FOR THIS BRICK. Wow. There is too much to talk about after tonight. Lost another challenge in which everyone kicked ASS. This vote at tribal council is definitely not based on a lack of effort on anyone’s part. 
Right now, we have our majority of five (Cody, Zack, Ben, James, and I) so we can decide who goes home. We are leaning toward Amy (with a Y) because she’s not as available and we really need people on the tribe to be all in. We have made a large group with everyone but Amy saying it’s Amy so everyone feels included and we aren’t exposing our majority alliance. Of course we are worried that Aimee may be talking to Amy and expose all of us. Or that Amy has an idol so maybe a 7-1-1 vote would be safer. Amy is really just trying to get in a group and is reaching out to everyone to the point where she is copy and pasting her messages that she’s sending us. 😂 Leanne told Amy that people are saying Aimee so if we need to tell Amy that as well we can. I am a little worried about Leanne if she is telling lies that easily. I have really enjoyed getting to know my alliance well these past few days. HOW HAS IT ONLY BEEN FOUR DAYS.  Zack is always bringing the comic relief and Ben and James are so loyal and genuine. Cody is my RIDE or DIE. I am hoping that people don’t catch on to how close we are but we do have so much trust in each other and just are always on the same page. Having a ride or die has always been my Survivor strategy. Cody and I are praying to those Survivor gods that we can stay on the same tribe come tribal swap time. Amy T
Right after challenge results 7/13. https://youtu.be/dC7ORD2w4BQ
Amy T
update 10pm pst 7/13. Well I have reached out to everyone and I am so confused. Right after the challenge Leanne threw out Aimee's name saying everyone is saying that. Which was odd because it was so soon. I quickly learned there is a large group chat which I'm not in, so it is possible. But I asked around and people either didn't say a name or know what they were doing, or they said they heard Aimee from Leanne. So here's where I stand either they are all saying the same thing to me and it's actually me going home. or Leanne is trying to run the show and she is making up who to vote for on a whim and then saying everyone is saying this. I tend to think that it's actually too early for them to have a large group. And I honestly think Leanne is misinforming people on purpose. I'm fine with whoever as long as it's not for me but it rubs me the wrong way to think somebody you know next to vote can just say my name or someone I'm working with name on a whim and just tell everyone that you know everyone is saying this and everyone goes with it. Because it seems like the last vote she also fed information to people. So as it stands now I am leaning towards Leanne but I haven't made a move on that because I'm scared I'm coming off as playing too hard and I know that's what got me all voted out. In the end it doesn't make a difference if they do have a large chat because they already know and I'm already gone but if that's not the case I Maybe the only one sticking their neck out. And maybe it's stupid me because it's not even my name on the shopping block that I know of. Well we'll see if I make it through this but if I do and if I can gather votes, There is a possibility to get numbers. I think I have Ben on my side Aimee on my side I think Zack is on my side unless he is close with Leanne and it seems like Cody might want to work with me. That everyone's lying to me and I'm going home so haha.
Leanne
Feeling a bit frustrated and discouraged at the moment; two losses will do that to you. Trying to organize my thoughts into something resembling order. I was relieved and optimistic when I saw what the challenge was going to be. We had a fighting chance. It was close and it was intense. These last few days on the whole have been intense, and I don’t think I realized that would be the case. There’s definitely a question of just how much I’m going to be willing to give to this. How many more times am I willing to stay up way too late because somebody wants to get on a call? How much more am I going to make myself available at damn near any hour to drop everything and jump on Skype every time it goes off? If you absent yourself from any of it you’re a target, and that’s what’s going on with Amy right now. I’ve been talking to a few people, most notably Zach and Ben, and the consensus seems to be Amy. I would be fine with this, but their reasoning alarmed me somewhat. They said Aimee had been going around talking to people, trying to figure out why she was left out of the vote. Well, she hasn’t been talking to me. Amy, on the other hand, has. We’ve had a few good conversations yesterday and the night before, and it doesn’t look like she’s talked to anyone else. So it would be a lot more beneficial for me to have her around, who is presumably talking to me over and above others, then to have Aimee, who is talking to others and not me. But I don’t think I’ll try to change things for a number of reasons, not least of which because I have no idea how to justify my position. Also I’m not sure how strong our little power trio is or isn’t, and I don’t want a repeat of last time, a shakeup just for the sake of a shakeup. Let’s not set the precedent that that’s a thing that will just happen. The tribe seems so unified against Amy. Cody put us all into a group without her and we all agreed summarily to get rid of her. She might have made a good ally but I think I may just have to sacrifice her; she probably isn’t worth fighting to protect. I reached out to Aimee... Best start trying to build that up. We got in a few superficial commiserations about losing but nothing more than that. I don’t feel good about her.
In other news, I’ve been trying to solicit info on the idol hunt, with little success. Najwah and I have taken similar paths. I asked her about it, and she got back to me, but she did so just as my turn was happening. I really wish I had more Intel on what’s on the mountain. Zach says he’s found nothing, and I hesitate to go there in case there’s something bad. I thought that earlier on but doubly so now that I know we have a disadvantage in the next challenge, dammit!!!!! I’m going to ask Najwah if hers was in the perfume, so I know what not to do. I’ve been considering trying to pole coins with her and go in together on the jewelry box or something. Haven’t decided yet. I may go up the mountain after all. First I want to ask a few of my tribemates where this disadvantage was. It tells us as a team not to go there, and if it’s a binary option, go left or right down the road for instants, and left leads to something bad... Well anyway I haven’t decided what to do yet.
Pedro A
Okay, so today I wanna talk to Kalle, Maddison, and Tyler...I didn't have the chance to talk to them yet...so I wanna see where they're head is at the moment.
Also, I feel like I can trust Alan... I gave them my coins...and now they have an idol...... I feel like they can trust me now....and also....i feel like we can use the idol to our advantage...since no one else knows were in an alliance..except for John.
John is my nº1 person in this game....which could later in the game kick my butt....I'm afraid he might be more respected than me down the line... I guess only time will tell...now I gotta go the bathroom byeeeee
James Hayden
Morning of day 5 and I'm nervous/paranoid AF! I talked to Ben last night for twenty minutes about short term and long term strategy. We both agreed that voting out Amy is everyone's best move and will cause the least amount of waves. I went to bed feeling good about my position in the game. This morning I woke up to a message from Sarah suggesting we do a 7-1-1 in case Amy has an idol. I responded saying I don't think she has an idol, but if she does should we do a 6-2-1, so we can decide who goes and avoid a revote? That was around 8:00am CST and she hasn't responded. I know she read it which is freaking me out. Did she just throw that out there to see my response and to throw me off he scent of my blindside???? I'm nervous that some shady shit's happening. 
I also sent a good morning message to the vote out Amy group chat around 8:45 and no one responded!!! We are active chatters and the fact that no one responded worries me. I hope I'm just overthinking this, which is on brand for me, and nothing bad will happen tonight. But I don't know. If it's me, I wouldn't be surprised. I hate that I'm thinking about this on day 5. I'm not even close to finishing this game. 
Note: Cody and Ben just responded in our group chat as I typed this. we may be good then??? 
Note: I lost power this morning, so I'm at my parents house who have power and AC. No AC in the summer in New Orleans is no good. I would've recorded this, but they're sleeping and I didn't want to disturb them.
Cody A
https://youtu.be/gSbNCp7UBLY
Leanne
So, idol hunt news. Go figure, I was so freaked out about finding a disadvantage that I didn’t want to do anything at all, and of course I went and got one. A certain Alanis Morissette verse about being afraid to fly comes to mind. I am now debating whether I should quietly tell a few people, so that people know what not to do. We are in serious need of a win here, and this next round isn’t looking good. I told Zach, in a, don’t make the same mistake, kind of way. Even though I don’t feel quite as fantastic about him as I did before the last tribal, I still do consider him an ally, at least for now. So for now I will give him good info about things, if only because I want good info from him in return. This next tribal should make things more clear. We were talking about Amy this morning. He said she’s scrambling and wanting to know where the vote is going, and pointing out how there’s a whole chat going on with everyone except her. So I said, in a way I hoped would get the message across, well at least we know that this is going to be easy and no crazy stuff and no drama. He affirmed that, and brought up several times the easy vote thing. So at least it looks like he doesn’t want to rock the boat. If something crazy happens between now and then he’ll be marked in my mental file folder as unpredictable and suspicious. If not then I will move forward trusting him.
John B
Alrighty, so many developments since the challenge ended. SO! Pedro and I have been talking about the possibility of a tribe swap/expansion which has us both STRESSED. I also found out that Alan has the immunity idol because Pedro donated some coins to them. This is great to know even though it is terrifying. Hopefully Alan and I are on good terms, I feel like we are but until we vote and we can see where everyone stands, who's to say. Kalle and I have been talking a lot more and I think we are definitely settling into an alliance. We are both getting bad vibes from Tyler which feels like the general consensus so far. He disappeared from the challenge yesterday which I think we all noticed. I love that we keep winning but I think if we go too long without a vote things might get messy. For now, we are perpetually in a state of the calm before the storm, at least I have Pedro.
Kalle N
While I'm glad that we won another challenge, I'm also sad bc this means we still don't really have to strategize. Thankfully people have still been reaching out to me though. The "rox the sox" alliance is still good I think even though it's been quiet and no strategy has really been discussed. I've been talking a lot to John, and we actually both started throwing out names of people we've talked to and who we don't like so far. John told me he's good with Pedro and Maddison after I said I was good with them (I said their names bc I know they've talked to almost everyone and I wanted to see if he would agree or give other names but he didn't). We also both agreed that we get bad vibes from Tyler which is reassuring bc I really want to vote him when we get the chance. He also said he trusts me 100% and wants to talk real strategy and I don't think he'd have any reason to lie to me yet so I'm also trusting him. 
Zack M
oop- i drank a bottle of wine last night and forgot to confess. my b. i mean, really nothing has changed. back to the first tribal vote .... it's amy's time. some of my alliance members want aimee out but i'm really trying hard to push that out of their mind. 
do i trust aimee? absolutely not. is she a bigger threat than amy? 100%. however, amy suffers from a common disease called "not being able to read the room". i know she is scared and she is scrambling but it's messy. when you are in the majority alliance and everyone is sharing that you're copying it pasting it's low key embarrassing and like that's nothing against amy! truly. she is a pleasure and like i would totally facetime her in the future and gossip with a beer. a lesson in the future if you're reading this amy, make sure to be around on night one! gotta build connections. also, copy and paste is not your friend. get creative. i always write these and then think at the end ... lol what if i go home?  i'm going to look so stupid. but honestly my social game is so strong right now. hoping it pays off. if not, whatever it's a compliment. let's be real for one second. we all know i'm the biggest threat on this tribe at the moment. if i fall from the top, at least i was at the top. and it was beautiful. oh and also cody and i thought we were slick and were going to get the idol at the market today so i gave him 5 coins. it wasn't the idol. that sucks. but i would rather be the one holding it so i'm not sweating it. 
Najwah
Yesterday's immunity challenge is still haunting me. I was literally working on that shit for over 12 hours and TRIED SO HARD, however it seems as though some people just didn't try at all? So many people were just tapped out and made ZERO effort. They're the same people that seem to be running things and making the big decisions? Also there is talk of someone having found the immunity idol. I approached Aimee with the idea of starting a women's alliance because honestly, I got annoyed at the guys (EXCEPT MY BOY CODY) yesterday. My alliance with Leanne seems solid. Sarah hasn't spoken to me since the first day. Today is also the first day of shark week so I feel very shit and tired. If I stay up until 3am only to be voted out I am going to be big mad. Zack reached out to me last night. I actually have a lot more in common with him. We have unanimously decided to vote Amy out but I don't really trust any of them.if it were real life survivor and I could see people's eyes and read their body language, I'd have made a move to somehow let Amy stay and get someone else out. Perhaps someone else is doing that and they're getting me out lmao. I can't believe we lost again. I hate it here. 
James Hayden
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2LsbITMPpw
Ben Kessler
Dear Confessional,
Hello Jay. It's me, Ben. Every tribal council makes me nervous but I will take these people down one by one using my charm and good looks. After 2 challenge losses, I'm fairly content just losing every challenge and voting all these paranoid people out one by one. I'm cool with that. Might make it happen, who knows. The Amy's are scary because they won't say anything concrete. But I am 20 years old and therefore invincible. If I get voted out tonight I am going to look like a dumbass. Feel free to send this to the VL. I will win this game but it is a marathon, and people are playing it like a sprint. 
John B
YIKES! As if he wasn’t already a Target Tyler just shot himself in the foot. He made such a rude comment about the other tribe and I am uncomfortable. I think if we lose it’s pretty set in stone who the first out is going to be at this point.
Olivia A
On my first idol hunt I went to the market and found the prices of various items. There was a jewelry box for 20 coins and I feel like there’s probably a clue or something in there. Right now I have 10 coins that I found in the boat and I’m hoping to find more so I can buy the jewelry box before anyone else does. 
Aimee
You know? This confessional would’ve looked a looooot different last night after we lost again and just the sheer amount of mind games going on, and anger and frustration but you know what! I feel like I have come full circle. This won’t be the same daily bitchfest as usual. At least not at the moment. Right, so, tonight I am either being blindsided, or I finally actually have my footing in this game. The vote will test that. I am going home...or not. All I can do is rely on my social skill and connections I have with people here who actually talk. I have my roots in almost every contestant and I am hearing things that match with other people are saying...so if I leave then EVERYONE is lying and EVERYONE had to play me not just some. It’s a little doubtful but anything can happen within fifteen minutes as we seen last time. Information is everything! I feel like although I am playing from the bottom, I am not playing blind. By having the Individual connections with people like Cody, Ben, Najwah, James, and Zack, I can compare and tell if what people are saying is true or not. Amy is another huge piece of the puzzle people overlook. I really wish Amy wasn’t on the outs and I really like her but everyone on this tribe formed a group chat without her in it and said it’s her. Interesting thing is, they have no idea how much I have talked to Amy and the tea she is spilling about what they’re saying too.
I learned that Leanne told her that they all had a group chat episode one as well that didn’t include her me or Neil fifteen minutes before the vote. Amy told me she is going around asking people who the vote is which Leanne apparently told her it was me. I think it’s a ploy so she votes me but the vote hopefully really is not. Knowing she is talking to people, I can cross check with the people who I am closest to in the game besides Amy. Which they confirm she is running around talking to everyone making people paranoid. The people I am closest to don’t want another fifteen minute thing again and are saying no one is talking to them and it makes them nervous and at least I am taking. Like........?????? That has been exactly the case. No one really seems to ever be talking?!?!?!?!? They say they trust me because Im not quiet and I don’t just spit names out at them last second. And guess what? That matches up because it’s how some people talk to me too. I caught people who never talk to me just coming up to me like episode one being like Sarah asking “are you okay with the vote?”  I’m like....uhhhh what vote? The one that I talked only with Zack about? Oh! So he told you? Great now I know you’re together hahahahaha.
Leanne is another one who doesn’t really talk to me at all but always seems to be leading the vote after someone. Other people confirm this with me too. Oh and don’t forget people using the SAME VOCAB WORDS I USED to one person and repeat them to me minutes later. Pretty obvious. I think by just playing a half way decent normal social game I can start really getting a foothold here if I can just make it through this vote. But apparently that is what made Neil such a threat last time. I have to adapt constantly, whether it is talk more or don’t talk too much. It’s really hard to play when no one says much to each other but that’s the mold I have to break through.
Grae G
Hewwooo uh so busted my ass on that challenge that shit was ROUGH but you know you gotta do what you gotta do. I’m officially aligned with: Olivia kalle Maddison (as an alliance), individuals: John, & Alan. I’m talking to Pedro and Amy but we aren’t aligned. I feel like I have pretty good movability W all the talking but I definitely get the sense that everyone is talking to one another far more than I am, but I just don’t have the time to do more :(( Tyler seems like the consensus first vote out if that has to happen but from there not sure what’s next for everybody. Honestly if we can keep winning cool because I’m nervous about my place in the tribe so if we don’t have to go to tribal alright be me. If I felt more confident w the ally’s if had I’d say differently... but ya! Feeling like ok at least bc I know people want to talk to me and are starting lots of convos with me so I know my approachability is going well. 
Zack M
tribal is coming up. the worst thing would be if amy and aimee are playing together. one of them has an idol that they play for amy and write down someone else.
i feel like that's a long shot though. if it does happen ... dear god, please don't let it be me. i wonder what i would do if i were amy. i feel like i would have been more vocal to more people at once. not just hit up people individually. i would have felt around to see who i think are in groups and message them. i really hope people are as obvious when they are voting me out as they have been with her because i have no problems addressing the entire tribe with gossip i may be hearing. can you imagine? first tribal, blindside. second tribal, fight? amy kept asking who "everyone" is ...... it would have been iconic if she messaged the entire group "leanne said everyone." i would have screamed. but that is my game, not hers. this is more fun then i thought it would be but i'm also so tired of it. thank you for helping me realize i don't actually want to be on the show. i also just found out the the VL people don't read this immediately and i'm bummed. but like i'm still going to act like they can. ugh, i love you guys. hopefully i'm still around tonight. xoxo.
Amy T
DAMN IT I SAW IT COMING like right after last tribal then I tried to play my way out and they convinced me it was Aimee. https://youtu.be/gHm3J6X9fvE < this was minutes before tribal. I was walking home earlier and almost made one simply "It's me." haha It's so funny because I kept almost saying "well it's either everyone is for Aimee or it's me" then there were just so many hints that it was me, but I was hoping to sneak my way in to the main active people and those willing to talk, who I think they are running the game. so I can't tell if zack is with leanne or what but I have a feeling ben and cody have a hand in running things based on how they jumped right at working with me and the timing of their responses lol. I am KICKING myself for not making a girls alliance. I hope they do it. But let's be real scores haven't been great against the other team. The youths are killing it haha! also everyone was nice, so as much as I want to be like EFF YOU, I did enjoy getting to know them even though they were openly lying to me hahahaha whoops damn it. I hope to play again when I can dive in day one instead of immediately being on the outs.
Amy T
Final after vote out thoughts : https://youtu.be/1hzWKy5aCVE
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tegamisim · 4 years
Text
lizcrea replied to your post “lizcrea replied to your photo “I wonder if anyone has recolored this...”
Your'e welcome. I'm not sure about what Maxis Match is. I only use Pooklet and would extract texture pooklet colours for braids, the scalp, curly bits for my own retextures projects. Which I do for my Sims actually.
I guess maxis match are just the textures that resemble the Maxis textures closely? There’s many different kinds of them tho ;v; 
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