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blackstarchanx3new · 10 months

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FSR rambles PT 4

Over explaining the decisions in my own comic once again. UwU

Smth fun about these pages is ZELDA. My lady.

Something I'm not sure was how well this portrayed that this was shortly after they put the sword back (like maybe a year at most?)

I kind of like to think for FSR at least, they were all around 13-15 during the events of the manga (This isn't my opinion tbh, though in the bonus pages they buy child tickets for the theme park so they aren't canonically adults.)

Link's old enough to drink in FSR so he's at least 21.

(I've never really liked the idea they're YOUNG kids during FS it just lends itself better to FSR specifically. I really write them however old I want for whatever scenario I'm writing because Link's as fluid as a Vocaloid when it comes to making fan works and cannon is my bitch. Writing them as adults during the events of the manga usually lends itself to MORE writing opportunities but not for FSR. I don't really give a shit what other people decide to do when making fan works either.)

You'd also notice the 7 years it takes FS Link to pull the sword is a reference to the seven years Link misses during OOT.

Anyways onto the page itself: Zelda's a sweet girl who cares deeply about her childhood friend. Link means a lot to her and she makes time for him. He waits for her too. Zelink shippers I got you lol.

Something I always found WEIRD was how Link doesn't talk in the pages after he reformed. That's so odd to me. The fan "theory" It's basically cannon in BOTW/TOTK at least Link's selectively mute. That Link's mute is also something I took inspiration for FSR Link.

So Link doesn't respond to Zelda verbally but she still makes the effort to talk to him.

Shadow Link is very disapointed he can't get hugged by the princess. Because as he stated earlier in the comic he loves her. Zelda addressed him too so she tries to include him.

This page shows off just how gradual the curse was: So funny enough at the START of the comic it was actually going to be explained how Link utterly deteriorated but I decided to add that later. (Wanted to get to funny shenanigans with the boys so I put it off)

It started with him just hearing whispers, then full voices then the what I call "Headspace" fully appeared.

Blue mentions liking Zelda's hugs Haha "Where's my hug???"

Vio just says Zelda's name, Vio's relationship with Zelda is something I'd love to expand upon later down the line.

Green's more focused on food oof.

Red's just happy to see Zelda.

Green was right about being hungry, so Zelda invites him over for DINNER-

Shadow Link's still just vibing.

Zelda lifting Link up in this panel just shows she's there for him.

Link is just dealing with the fact he can hear them by himself. Also dad is still alive.

Lol he's actually making his dad proud which was something he didn't do often before the OG book.

Zelda hanging out with Link and his father kind of shows them as a family.

Shadow Laughing in the bg but he's away from the rest.

So the captain died in a fight, and Link blames himself for it because he can't think straight when there's 4 people constantly talking.

Daddy's demise was really the start of the snowballing downhill for him.

Lol. So Vio's daddy issues are apparent for the SECOND time in the comic. He was uncomfortable even bringing up Link's dad before and this is partially the reason why:

Vio's the only one not crying or overtly emotional about their dad dying.

But something to consider is if he's truly talking to Link or himself in that panel. Because the man is still SHOOK. We have the liberty of SEEING Vio here, but Link doesn't.

So he takes this statement very poorly because:

Well, Vio's seeming "no shits given" attitude is unsettling enough coming from an outside source but that IS apart of Link.

A part of him, seemingly doesn't care his own father kicked the bucket and that's scary to him.

I think anybody would have lost it at this point.

Too bad Zelda saw Link screaming his lungs out at his father's grave lmao. Poor man.

Bro can't do anything but plead for Zelda to help him at this point. She's really the only person he feels he can turn too anyway.

Our girl comes in clutch with them hugs.

This was the conformation Link was actually not speaking in the comic Felt like I had to outright state it cause I wasn't sure if people would notice it otherwise.

Something I REALLY wish was a thing in Zelda manga:

Zelda and Link BOTH lose their parents. Usually their mothers.

And we never get any sort of bonding over that. And I find that a complete waste of potential.

I'd like to dive further into that with FSR or some other Zelda work I do because: HOLY SHIT THEY COULD BOND OVER THEIR LOST PARENTS????

Also Zelda's unfortunate phrasing here with "You can talk to me" she means just, that he can confide in her in general lol.

He's still struggling to actually speak. Poor guy.

While keeping him from doing knight duties kept him PHYSICALLY safe it was just another thing he lost to the curse Vaati laid on him.

So the obvious: Zelda had to watch the person she cares about most completely fall apart before her eyes and she couldn't do shit.

They weren't even aware this WAS A CURSE from Vaati mind you. They were completely in the dark trying to solve this.

Something horrific about this situation you might have also considered:

Not only did Zelda have to watch Link deteriorate but so did Shadow Link.

Shadow Link couldn't even offer much comfort. Zelda could offer physical comfort and attempt emotional comfort but Shadow was completely fucked.

And with the new context of "Link was mostly mute" the fact he wasn't actively TALKING to Shadow Link makes a lot more sense.

Still didn't make that fact any less painful in the moment.

Shadow literally could not participate, was isolated and lonely and had to watch someone else slowly get isolated and lonely and couldn't even help.

Link and Shadow Link literally felt the same way and could not help each other even though they were right next to each other all that time.

Also with the new context of what Link was going through, Shadow's persistence to be there for Vio starts to make a whole lot more sense: He can actually DO something now.

Vio's just stating the obvious at this point and his broken record nature really pissed Link off.

I'm sure you noticed what he wore color wise matched his emotions lol.

Vio technically is 100% right: They think Gannon is in the sword. It would literally be INSANE to pull it knowing that.

But Link's kinda at the point of not giving a shit.

Zelda would get hurt no matter what his "solution" to the problem ended up being.

Shadow Link trying to cheer Link up by reminding him he's there is so sad. Mghhhh

And for the first time in the flashback we actually have Link fully acknowledge Shadow Link's presence.

Vio was outright in denial the man was still alive and didn't want to acknowledge his existence so Link fully embracing Shadow Link here was a big moment between the two of them.

Shadow Link started to figure out what the man was planning but couldn't do squat about it. (He also couldn't communicate with the 4 or HEAR THEM.)

Link shows up in the head space! :D

His words imply he wasn't SURE he could properly communicate with Green like this alone...Which is no surprise considering Vio thinks how odd it is they were able to do that in the first place.

I kinda scrambled to think of what to have him look like hah. Ended up with him wearing white. Since white is the lack of color, white reflects all wavelengths of light so it literally kinda REJECTS color. (Apposed to Black which absorbs light, which funny enough his pants are black...)

And it symbolizes rebirth, peace stuff like that.

It can also symbolize death but we're ignoring that one lmao.

His nails are all the colors + Shadow Link too.

Lmfao when you gaslight yourself.

Okay in all seriousness the Link lays down just how DIRE the situation is since the other 3 don't seem to be quite aware.

And the "Promise" Green made to Link is what had Green so shook at the start of the comic for.

And the weight of the line "Can I trust you?" really sinks in as we'll see.

Link's kinda spooky haha. You can tell he wasn't sure Green was going to help him but that's quickly overtaken by how overjoyed he is Green is for sure on board.

One of my favorite panels from this batch is how happy he is. He's so relived he can finally just rest.

Green can't though. The crushing weight of keeping everything "Okay" is a heavy burden to bare and Dark Link spits those words right back into Green's face, and just holds him.

Green doesn't seem to hate the hug as much as Vio did hah.

Green doesn't even seem to acknowledge his presence while Vio not only NOTICED but was actively terrified of him to the point of trying to grab his sword.

He also mocked Vio more throwing Vio's own words back in his face, but just repeats what Link said to Green.

How. Odd.

And that's all for this batch. Hope ya come back to read my rumbly thoughts about my own comic.

#Four Swords Returns Rambles #FSR AU #LOZ FSR AU #Four Swords returns #four swords returns au

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gaiaxygang · 6 months

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Blorbos From My Games: An Introduction

So you may have seen me talking about EnaMafu from Project Sekai. What the hell is an EnaMafu and why do they remind June Gaiaxygang of seemingly every PerthChimon pair in existence? Since my circle on Tumblr is majority Thai BL fans (unlike Twitter) this felt like a good time to make another Big EnaMafu Post wehehehhehe

Project Sekai: Colourful Stage

First off, what is Project Sekai (PRSK)? Project Sekai: Colourful Stage ft. Hatsune Miku is a Japanese mobile rhythm game launched in September 2020 featuring a cast of 20 original characters and of course, Hatsune Miku and her Vocaloid friends. It features rhythm gameplay (obviously) as well as 5 main stories, and ongoing event stories.

We're currently at 3 years of service, and the characters have been aged up by a year! Because I don't read (I HAVE A BAD ATTENTION SPAN) I'll only cover what is neccessary for Ena and Mafuyu, but their stories are heavily linked to every other cast member, especially their unit.

In PRSK, several music-loving teenagers notice an 'Untitled' music file on their devices. Clicking on it transports them to another world, 'SEKAI', where they meet Hatsune Miku. Miku encourages them to pursue their dreams and helps them overcome fears and soar as musicians.

25ji, Nightcord de.

One of 5 units in PRSK is 25ji, Nightcord de. (aka Nightcord at 25 or Niigo!). They're an online music circle who make songs anonymously, communicating via messaging service Nightcord at 25:00, or 1 AM from roughly 2 years before the start of the story.

This unit consists of songwriter Yoisaki Kanade, lyricist Asahina Mafuyu, artist Shinonome Ena, and MV maker Akiyama Mizuki. The 2 I will focus on are Mafuyu and Ena, though I'll be making references to the others (and occasionally characters outside of their unit).

Kanade has loved music since she was young. One day, she writes a song for her father that wins a competition. This causes her father to later overwork himself, unable to live up to Kanade's composition, falling into a coma.

Kanade, blaming herself for this, sets out to write a 'song that can save people'. She posts music online under the alias K, where she eventually meets honour student Mafuyu, going by Yuki. Touched by Kanade's songs, Mafuyu wants to write lyrics alongside her. Soon, they are joined by aspiring artist Ena and social outcast Mizuki.

The 4 of them continue unit activities as usual, Mafuyu offline, until one day a file named 'Untitled' appears on Kanade's computer, together with a white-haired Hatsune Miku that urges her to 'find that girl, before it's too late'. Clicking on 'Untitled', the 3 are transported into an empty 'SEKAI', where the 4 meet for the first time.

Asahina Mafuyu

Asahina Mafuyu is the lyricist of Niigo, who goes by K online. Although she has a friendly exterior, she has long lost sight of herself under the weight of others' expectations.

Throughout her life, Mafuyu has always been pressured to be a perfect 'good kid' by her parents, especially her controlling mother who wants her to be a doctor rather than a nurse, which Mafuyu wanted to be when she was young. Mafuyu strives to meet these expectations, getting perfect grades and even becoming the class president in her second year of high school, and regularly participating in the archery club.

At some point, Mafuyu started to realise that her true 'self' had been lost. For years, she had changed herself over and over to fit into the 'good kid' mold to meet expectations of everyone around her. Unable to feel anything or have preferences of her own, she started wanting to disappear.

Upon hearing Kanade's song, she felt something stirring in her chest. This prompted her to reach out to K, eventually forming a music circle with her. She also writes her own songs under the pseudonym OWN, publishing them and gaining enough views to match Niigo's numbers on her own.

Mafuyu despises her natural talent. It has never been something she has wanted, and has always caused her pain as it led to people expecting more of her over time. She searches for something, anything that will save her to no avail, and her feelings manifest in the form of the Empty SEKAI, a world with nothing.

Shinonome Ena

Shinonome Ena is the artist of Niigo, drawing their thumbnail and MV art. The daughter of a renowned artist, Ena has strived to create art loved by many, often to little success.

Ever since young, Ena has loved art. She looks up to her father, Shinei, a well-known artist. She attended an art class and intended to apply to a high school with a specialised art course.

However, once Ena confides in Shinei about wanting to pursue art as more than a hobby, she is quickly shot down. Shinei tells her that she has no talent and cannot succeed in the world of art. The next day, when she attends her art class, her teacher Yukihira tells her that she won't be able to make it as an artist because she draws for attention from others rather than a love for art. This leads Ena to believe her art is worthless, but at the same time strengthens her resolve to draw and prove everyone wrong.

Ena was touched by Kanade's song. After hearing it, she drew illustrations based off the music. This prompted Mizuki to use her artworks for a fanmade music video of the song, causing Kanade and Mafuyu to reach out to them, officially forming Niigo.

Ena craves acknowledgement and respect. She has always felt inferior to others around her, especially those that she considered 'talented'. These feelings cause her to start to want to disappear, similar to Mafuyu. She wants to try hard, yet her efforts rarely bear fruit and she starts to wonder if it's worth trying at all. To fill the void in her heart, she posts selfies on social media, only to be disappointed when her personal account gets more interaction than her art account.

The Story: EnaMafu Cut

In main story, after finding out about Mafuyu's emptiness, her want to disappear and her activities as OWN, Ena is furious. She doesn't understand why someone like Mafuyu, with talent and recognition would be suffering, as those are things Ena has desired for a very, very long time. She is taken aback when Mafuyu points that Ena, too, wants to disappear and hates that of all people, it's Mafuyu that understands her pain.

Later in main story, Ena yells at Mafuyu, making her true feelings known. Deep down, she loves Mafuyu's music, her lyrics and screams and Mafuyu to not disappear because she has to keep creating on this earth, suffering with everyone who doesn't have the talent she does. Although this is honestly something you should never tell someone on the verge of suicide, it's something Mafuyu needs. Ena's bluntness, together with Kanade's promise to save Mafuyu, is enough to convince her to return to the real world and continue making songs with Niigo.

In the next event story, Imprisoned Marionette, we find out more about Mafuyu's relationship with her mom. Mafuyu's mom (I will call her ASHN Mama because she is unnamed) is controlling as well as verbally abusive, wanting Mafuyu to be nothing short of what she envisions. This makes Mafuyu feel like a puppet in a cage, dancing in her mother's palm. This is where, in my opinion, Ena starts to understand Mafuyu more. She sees for herself why Mafuyu is the way she is, even if she doesn't know what to do with these feelings in her heart, she wants to try to help.

The next event story is Ena's. In Unsatisfied Pale Colour, Ena enters an art contest against Shinei's suggestion. She wants to win it and prove Shinei wrong, but ends up proving him right in a way when she fails to win a single award. This, together with comments that suggest viewers of Niigo songs don't care about Ena's art on its own, lead Ena to start to consider giving up on art entirely.

Ena enters the SEKAI, starting to understand why Mafuyu came to it when she wanted to disappear. It's comfortable and silent, with nothing to disturb her or remind her of things that hurt. When she is found by Niigo, she confesses that she doesn't want to give up on art, but sees no reason to continue because her efforts will never amount to anything.

When Kanade and Mizuki reassure Ena of the importance of her art to Niigo, the blunt Mafuyu tells her something else. She tells Ena that in her eyes, she doesn't have a reason to give up on art. If she wants to be acknowledged by the public and by Shinei, she has no reason to stop drawing now. Niigo has to continue making songs as a unit anyways, so what's the point in quitting?

This. This is such a big moment to me. Although Ena needs reassurance, sometimes it isn't quite enough. And just like how Ena's blunt words got through to Mafuyu in main story, Mafuyu's honest thoughts get to Ena, too. Niigo give Ena support that she's never truly received, causing Ena to become more open about her feelings and concern for others, which is crucial in later parts of the story.

(dangerous romance folks. this is why i say ep 3 is the pale colour of drts. so much of it parallels kanghan's own arc and revelations in the end of ep 3)

As the story continues, EnaMafu takes a backseat. As Mafuyu discovers more about herself, her trauma and starts to feel something like warmth again because of Kanade in Mirage of Lights, Ena is also becoming kinder and softening up to her unitmates. She shows concern for Mizuki, who she notices is distancing herself from Niigo. This is shown best in My Footsteps, Your Destination, where Ena tells Mizuki she'll keep waiting for Mizuki to confide in her. (happy 2 irl years since, btw. no progress has been made!)

Niigo is slowly realising that ASHN Mama is the cause of most of Mafuyu's pain. This becomes more apparent as Mafuyu skips mock exams to spend time with Niigo and her grades in class start dropping, resulting in ASHN Mama trying to isolate Mafuyu further.. After discovering traces of Niigo on Mafuyu's laptop, ASHN Mama suspects there is a music-loving classmate encouraging Mafuyu to do music, distracting her from her studies.

Niigo is, of course, trying their best to support Mafuyu throughout this. It is Ena who takes the first step, in a way, on a rainy day after her art class.

The Big EnaMafu Event

Sorry. Header not necessary but it is my favourite PRSK event of ALL TIME. I was top 3000 I can prove this. Someday, This Wish Will Transcend The Morning Sky is an event that focuses on Ena and Mafuyu. The event title even references Mafuyu's surname (asa, meaning morning in this context)!

In this event, Ena is heading home from her art class (which she has since started attending again, despite quitting after what Yukihira said to her in middle school) when she runs into Mafuyu. It's starting to rain, yet Mafuyu is making no move to get out of the rain. Mafuyu is internally contemplating whether she should go back home immediately or stay outside longer, knowing that there's something about her home that makes her feel uncomfortable.

Ena, noticing this, invites Mafuyu to the Shinonome household. Shinei is currently out on a work trip, so it's only SNNM Mama (again, unnamed) and her younger brother Akito (from another unit, Vivid Bad Squad) at home.

Once they're in Ena's room, they call ASHN Mama, requesting for Mafuyu to stay over. ASHN Mama doesn't know Ena is one of Mafuyu's music friends, of course, but she doesn't want anything distracting Mafuyu from her studies. In response, Ena does the one thing she despises. She uses her father's name, saying that she is the daughter of artist Shinonome Shinei, who wants to draw Mafuyu for a project while Mafuyu helps her study. This works, and although Ena doesn't like it, she's glad Mafuyu is safe.

At dinner, Mafuyu starts to notice something different about the Shinonomes.

The Shinonomes aren't a perfect family, even without Shinei present. The siblings bicker, and SNNM Mama, while loving, sometimes fails to understand Ena (she is implied to have absolutely no idea about Shinei and Ena's fight but that's another topic). But it's warm. Mafuyu can feel the warmth of their family, despite their flaws, so different from her own. Asahina family dinners were always cold, despite them seeming like a perfect, quiet family on the surface.

Ena is the only one that can make Mafuyu realise this. Kanade lives alone as her mother passed when she was young, and her father is in a coma. Mizuki's parents and older sister work overseas, so Mizuki also lives alone. Ena is the only one who is able to show Mafuyu what a warm, somewhat normal family is like.

After dinner, the 2 return to Ena's room. Ena and Mafuyu have a heart-to-heart about what Mafuyu's feelings towards her mother. When Mafuyu expresses how she's afraid of letting down her mother, Ena starts to understand. Ena herself had similar feelings about Shinei, but while Mafuyu has suppressed her true self out of fear, Ena rebels and strives to continue doing what she loves.

This conversation also gets Ena to reflect on her own relationship with Shinei, realising that although their relationship is pretty much unsalvagable, she respects him as an artist and acknowledges that he didn't have bad intentions. Akito had previously talked to Shinei and told Ena that Shinei just didn't want to see Ena fail like several of his artist friends. Ena doesn't forgive him for this, continuing to avoid him as best as she can despite coming to an understanding.

Later at 1 AM, the two log on to Nightcord for their Niigo meeting. As Mafuyu starts to work on lyrics, Ena notices how focused she is. Although Mafuyu claims to have no dreams or aspirations of her own, her expression while she writes tells Ena something else. Seeing this, Ena gains inspiration for her art project and starts to draw.

Silently, Ena prays. Seeing how Mafuyu is like doing what she loves, Ena wishes that someday, Mafuyu will break out of her shell. That one day, Mafuyu will be free of her mother's chains, doing what she loves, no longer suppressing herself to make others happy.

This... this is an incredible event. It reflects EnaMafu's development, especially Ena's. From not being able to understand eachother (something that Marionette's event song, Jackpot Sad Girl highlights) to empathy and concern and even love (of the platonic type! or romantic idk up to you). It highlights why Ena and Mafuyu are important in eachother's lives, and how they have a role no one else can fill.

And that's pretty much all the major EnaMafu stories! Since then, Mafuyu has gotten closer and closer to finally escaping her mother. Some key events are Immiscible Discord, where Kanade reveals herself as Mafuyu's music friend and swears to ASHN Mama that she will never leave Mafuyu's side after realising there is nothing like love in her heart for Mafuyu. Another one is Our Escape for Survival, where Mizuki tells Mafuyu that sometimes, running away from your problems is okay as long as you face them someday.

(i... i really like mafuyu's card in this event. 1. RAIN MOTIF! not posting mizuki's but she's giving mafuyu an umbrella and getting drenched herself in it!!!!!! 2. holy hell that hairstyle and the piercings. i need it to come home during the rerun or i WILL die)

This all culminates in Niigo's final event before 3rd Anniversary, Saying Goodbye to My Persona. Here, Mafuyu finally cuts the strings binding her and admits her true feelings to her mother.

ASHN Mama, of course, rejects this. She is unable to comprehend that Mafuyu has been suffering all this time. She throws Mafuyu's phone into the fish tank and in response, Mafuyu runs out into the rain (!). Niigo search for her, and eventually it is Kanade who finds her. They hug, sharing in eachother's warmth in spite of the cold rain.

And that's where we're at with Niigo! Their next event is in like under a week so we WILL find out where their story goes soon... Ena and Mafuyu are now 3rd years, and Mafuyu is living with Kanade!

Why Ship EnaMafu?

I have been an EnaMafu fanatic since Pale Colour (my PRSK account proves it but I do not currently have screenshots...). They're opposites, yet they complement eachother so well. They're able to relate because they've both been mistreated by their parents, yet unable to comprehend because they reacted so differently to it. Mafuyu hiding away parts of herself and Ena becoming bolder, trying to rebel even if it hurts her.

They're able to see through eachother, and their bluntness (Ena due to her personality, and Mafuyu because she is unable to understand why her words might hurt) is something so unique to Ena And Mafuyu. They've become key parts of eachothers' lives, despite their initial conflict. Although Mafuyu has difficulty showing it (writing issues lol) Ena like all members of Niigo is someone she cares deeply about. And Ena, who has always been stubbornly supporting Niigo, slowly starts to open her heart up to someone she used to hate.

They also have 3 cover songs that highlight their similarities. Hello/How are you, about a lonely girl who just wants her voice to be heard (this is the one i think is kanghansailom). Hurting for a very hurtful pain, a song about, well... pain (i am not a vocaloid expert sorry). And my personal favourite, Love me love me love me which can be interpreted in a number of ways but is mainly about a girl crying out, desperate to be loved.

All of this drives me Up The Wall. I love their dynamic and development over the 3 years I've known them. I may be biased (I own like $100 SGD of Ena merch) but I really, really love EnaMafu!!!

So Why Does This Remind Me Of BL?

(this one is mainly for my bl mutuals you can skip this if you want)

The obvious answer is that I am unwell and like making my interests about eachother.

A slightly more serious answer would be that many have compared EnaMafu's dynamic and tropes to yaoi. Contrary to popular belief I do not read or watch yaoi so I cannot confirm this. But it sounds about right!

The actual answer is that it's because some BL characters have arcs that are similar to this. As I have pointed out many many times, Ena reminds me a LOT of Kanghan (Dangerous Romance). From the dad problems to how they've changed because of Mafuyu and Sailom (on Ena's side it's a group effort! But come on).

They're also very ChopperBen to me in quite a few ways. The obvious one being the parental problems (let's be real here.) but also how to me, ChopperBen have a certain level of... Misunderstanding... between them. They've led different lives and been through different things and have different personalities which is why the Bathroom Fight happens!!! Of course there are more feelings below it but it goes down to their fundamental differences in the end. Which is pretty much early EnaMafu.

(also because i erm. the enamafu fic i wrote from ena's pov is a scrapped ben pov chopperben fic? certain elements of it, not the whole thing lol. i was thinking about how ben likes to play off his very serious wants as jokes and how he can barely speak his honest thoughts, then i went, Wait A Minute. and wrote 500 words. you can read it here)

This is pretty much why my PerthChimon wishlist looks something like,

miserable teenagers (this one is likely knowing GMMTV)

unable to understand eachother for some reason (and its not funny)

burdened by natural talent and fears being untalented (self explanatory)

THANK YOU for reading my absurdly long post. I adore PRSK and EnaMafu and they've been my personality for 3 years and counting (PerthChimon gives them competition). You can listen to Someday, This Wish's event song I Nandesu here!

(and of course thank you @naomi-obsessions for reading and supporting my very unhinged enamafu posting <3_<3)

#gaiaxyposting #prsk #enamafu #mafuena #thats all im tagging have fun everyon(#gaiaxymeta

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crumbedtuna · 9 months

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Meet the Admin/Artist!

Hello! I am Isabella but you guys can call me Tuna, Sushi, Onion, Well anything actually I am a 14 year old Australian artist and SynthV producer

some personal stuff

I was born in Cairns but moved to Brisbane after moving from Western Australia in 2021, this year I am almost half way through highschool in 8 grade! I draw as a hobby but sometimes will make headcanons or post synthv songs or covers! I am genderfluid but often like to be referred by It/Its. I am also bisexual! I also want to try and animate but can't really find any free animating software's (Pls recommend some that can work on windows laptop :'))

My main interests!

~*...............................................................................................................*~

GANGSTA

I've watched this anime early March or April this year and it is really good! The storyline is very interesting for an anime that was released in 2015 with only 1 season with 12 episodes. It also has diversity! Showing rather accurate looking dark skinned characters! And also showing mixed races!

My most favorite character from the anime is Nicolas Brown. He's a very interesting character and the representation of him being deaf is really realistic, it also surprised me when Worick mentioned he was half asian in episode 5 but it was also so cool to me, his and Worick's backstories were really sad but also interesting to watch, I also loved how the JP va of Tristan from 7DS: Grudge of Edinburgh voiced the young version of Worick. I was also very surprised when I found out Nicolas was also voiced by the JP VA of Nanami (Kenjiro Tsuda) from Jujustu Kaisen!

Another character I like is Cody Balfour, he's so cute and shy I wanna place him into my pocket, he doesn't show up much in the show nor manga but he is very cute I love him, Cody my son :')

Another Character I like is Emilio, he is a rather interesting character since he has black and Chinese heritage, but I feel bad for him since he just wants to have the destroyers help him find Alex who is his older sister but is watching twilights get killed left and right. And its sad how in chapter 38-39 he thinks his sister is dead since the bastard was attacked, my poor child needs a therapist :(

Nanatsu no taizai

I loved this show from when I was about 10 years old which was 3 years ago! My twin brother got me into the anime and I'm very grateful he got me into it. It is such an interesting show and I always and I mean always would talk positively about the show.

I love Estarossa and Mael, their both interesting characters and thats what I love about them! The way Estarossa was first shown in the anime and manga was just a big game changer for me, I just fell in love with him, I also got spoiled from manga images on google when I searched them up to look at Estarossa panels on my tablet which sounds weird but ay, you gotta do what you gotta do, I also already knew that Estarossa was Mael from manga panels but I found it so cool and always admired both of them, my little brain filled with stuff about them and I wouldn't stop thinking about them. I love them both equally!

I also like Dubs and Daliah from Cursed By Light, when they got introduced I thought it was very interesting as we never got to see another giant that was human sized like Diane and never got to see a fairy with an athletic build, but they both were such interesting and I always rewatched the movie, also for some reason I thought they died because I would randomly stop watching the movie and when I realised they were alive in Meliodas and Elizabeth's wedding scene, I just was like "I'm a dumbass lol"

VOCALOID

this was one of the big parts of my childhood and what got me into making SynthV covers and songs, I remember playing Project Diva Future Tone on my PS4 always playing Weekender Girl and Out of the Gravity, but their not gonna count as the first songs I listened to, the first vocaloid song I listened to was either Rolling Girl from Wowaka(Rest in peace, you will be missed Wowaka) or Common World Domination by Pinocchio-p who is currently my favourite Vocaloid producer, fun fact I always pronounced Pinocchio-p's name wrong and pronounced it as Pino-cho-p :')

My fav VOCALOID songs

Apple Dot Com by Pinocchio-p

Reincarnation Apple by Pinocchio-p

Godish by Pinocchio-p

Be my Guest by Azari

Nightmare by Azari

Sweet lies by Azari

Ghost Rule by Deco*27

Salamander by Deco*27

MKDR(DSCF) by Deco*27

Bitter choco decoration by Syudou

Cute Girlfriend(Cute na kanojo) by Syudou

Her boyfriend Jude(Kareshi no Jude) by Syudou

Corpse Attack!!(Mukuro Attack!!) by Utsu-p

Easy Peasy Euthanasia by Pepoyo

Melty Land Nightmare by Harumaki Gohan

Patchwork Staccato by Toa

ID Smile by Toa

~*......................................................................................................................*~

DNI list

Proshippers

DON'T interact, its VERY gross to ship adults with minors

Zoo's

WTF, same thing. DON'T interact...why would you want to fuck an animal???

Fushoji/ Himedanshi

just don't.

Homophobes and Transphobes

If you have a problem with people liking the same gender or people wanting to live happily as a gender they feel happier as, FUCK OFF

Racists

just no. Go OUT THAT FUCKING DOOR

M@P's

Just leave...JUST FUCKING LEAVE

Estarossa X Mael Shippers

...Ok why tf do you exist, just go. GO, GO AND DON'T EVEN VIEW THIS ACC, JUST GO AND TAKE YOUR DISGUSTING SELF CEST SHIP OUT THAT FUCKING DOOR!

Anyway, thats all for now! hope all of you enjoyed reading this and also hope you liked learning about me :)

Bye bye!!

#admin intro #hello world

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lampternfish · 2 years

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Regarding that of Maharaja Reramos and the Windara arc

What if they explained more about how reramos got to power if monsta was able to explore into slightly darker territory? (Spoilers for isu 10 to 14)

Okay, so, as the title suggests, this is about reramos, and the windara arc, i have gotten an idea to talk about this after listening to how the devil dances/devils manner, a vocaloid song.

The devils manner/how the devil dances is a metaphor for political freedom, basically, the devil is a metaphor for a "big brother(george orwell's 1984)" kind of figure, it removes the diffrent opnions of people and basically with clever wording, makes them all basically subvervant consentual followers, or something like that, i dont exactly know how to explain it in detail so i do recommend you listening to it with english subs on.

Perhaps maybe, reramos got into power in the first place because in the absence of kuputeri, the goverment was basically in shambles. Especially after the attack retak'ka sustained to windara, understandably, without the guidance of their monarch kuputeri, they were trying to rebuild the economy and fill the vaccumn of power. Thus, the race to get to the top began for the most influential people under kuputeri, as she has no mentioned heir to take care of things incase of her sudden absence. So, the houses of royalty, began to quarrel to choose a heir, and so they chose one, a young ruler with no prior experience to even be prepared to rule a planet sized nation, even bigger than the entirity of russia.

An advisor, which i will refer to as mon'aki, was the one actually calling the shots, he influences the prince to get rid of people who could possibly replace/put him out of power, he is the one who convinced the prince to enable him to control the military and grant him access of the use of lampbot, as at the time the military was incompetent, suffering heavy loses from the previous attack of retak'ka they were recruiting rookies, inexperienced nobodies who knew nothing about combat, so reramos proposed with the use of lampbot to make best of the current military force. He was the one who started the system of forced labour to increase production, by the numbers, he was increasing the productivity of windara, by the people, they viewed the new king as a tyrant.

Thus, they finally overthrowed him, in a revolutionary movement, led by that of a revolutionary group, a civil war clashed between the two sides, the current monarchy loyalists and ones that sided with the revolutionary group, which the former knights of windara, sibella, cikala, bee girl (i seriously dont know her name), and rhino bettle dude(which i also dont know the name of), also the edgy dude who can scream very loud. Maripos , decided to be loyal to protecting their queen stayed with her cocoon. Eventually, after exausting even more resources, the fight was won by the revolutionary group, and a leader was chosen as the new monarchy was established, the leader of the revolutionary group, which i will refer to as sesamut, but their reign was short, as they were struck by illness, cikada, which at the time was nomited as a new member of the former knights of windara, supported one of the more influental members below sesamut, reramos, at the time having the job of being in charge of the military, to step up to the throne to replace sesamut. Reramos eventually rose to power, undoing that of some changes that sesamut did, which, to be honest, was still opressive but it was improving slowly. And we get to what we have on the comics

Okay, that was long, very long, this was like a mini fic, anyway, that was my take on how reramos got into power, you may take inspiration, tag me so i can see

#boboiboyreramos #boboiboy #fanfic ideas #wtf lmao #send help #theresgonnabesomanytypos

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yamachizuu · 4 years

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Stupid Vocaloid AU

Uh yeah I made a weird cringy AU this summer and I hate it so much but I feel like posting about it so yeah.

Character Descriptions

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Rin Sakine

Age: 14

Outside of school, she wears a light/pale green hoodie (light jacket), a white T-shirt and denim shorts. She wears a white ribbon/bow on her head.

She's pretty mischievous and likes pulling pranks on people. She's loud, extroverted and sarcastic.

She's almost never seen without her younger twin brother; Len.

The two are aspiring to become idols like their friend, Miku Hatsune (whom she might have a crush on...), and can sing very well.

They are also referred as: the "Kagamine Twins"; "Kagami (鏡)" because they look almost identical (despite being fraternal twins) and because they act alike, and "Ne (音)" because they can both sing.

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Len Sakine

Age: 14

Outside of school, he wears a dark-ish blue hoodie (sweater) and loose-ish gray shorts that go up to his knees. Usually seen wearing white headphones.

His personality is almost identical to that of his sister's, though he's less bright than her, but more creative.

He's almost never seen without his twin sister, Rin, and enjoys causing trouble with her.

The two are aspiring to become idols like their friend, Miku Hatsune (whom he might have a crush on...), and can sing very well.

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Miku Hatsune

Age: 16

Outside of school, she wears a knee-length light-blue sleeveless dress. She wears her hair in pigtails that go down to her waist; they are tied up with small(ish) fuchsia ribbons. Sometimes, she wears a white cardigan over her dress.

Miku is a sweet, peppy, and optimistic girl, though she's a bit airheaded and half-delusional.

Though not very bright academically, she's really good at singing and dancing; she's a musical idol. Ironically, she doesn't understand that much about music theory, but somehow, she can sing equally as good as someone who studies. She adores singing, dancing and making people around her feel happy.

Her best friends are: Rin, Len and Luka. She considers Luka more as an older sister than a friend.

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Luka Megurine

Age: 20

Luka wears blue glasses, a loose-fitting/baggy T-shirt (a different shirt every day or so, but usually has some sort of cute and/or small design on it) paired with either a skirt, denim shorts or black leggings. She usually wears a purple-magenta hoodie/light jacket tied around her waist.

Luka is a polite, respectful and a (socially and academically)smart young lady. She helps by doing volunteer work wherever she can and whenever she feels like it.

Sometimes helps Meiko with stuff and enjoys chatting with her, despite their age difference.

She, like the characters mentioned above, can sing very well and like Miku, is a musical idol. She plays the Piano/Keyboard often.

She studies music in college.

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Meiko Sakine

Age: 32

Usually wears something simple, like a red shirt paired with a random pair of pants she found in her closet/drawer, and occasionally a simple pinkish-red dress. She doesn't put much thought into what she wears.

Polite and respectful to strangers and people who aren't close friends to her. Around close friends, however, she's slightly extroverted and a bit strict with her children (Rin and Len.) When intoxicated, she's loud and will not hesitate to say her (brutally) honest opinions or beat people up.

Spends most of her time at home doing work on the computer, so she doesn't go outside that much.

Not married to Kaito, despite having children with him and living together.

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Kaito Shion

Age: 32

Literally always in his standard VOCALOID outfit (Scarf, Coat, etc.) because he's a songster/performer and is always busy (I guess; idk what to do about him.) When at home, he wears something simple (such as a white shirt and jeans), but not without his scarf; he's always wearing his scarf.

A seemingly carfree, gullible, kind and happy man. Seems kind of foolish at first, but when the time comes, he can be very wise.

Considering he's usually busy and not around his children (Rin & Len) and his partner (Meiko) often, whenever he has the chance to be with them, he spends as much time as possible interacting and being with them, and cherishes those moments he has with them.

Not married to Meiko, despite having children with her and living together.

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vocaloid-sparks-creativity-blog · 4 years

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Hocus Pocus

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The song “Hocus Pocus” is a duet that features the voices of Hatsune Miku and Gumi, which was composed by Shikemoku and uploaded on Oct 19 in 2012. When listening to the song for the first time it gives a very simplistic feeling due to the rhythm of the lyrics/instruments, the slower tempo, how the two singers interact, and even the limited number of instruments. However, as a creative piece, the song is much more complex then it lets on, getting its charms from the ability to do so much with so little. From an instrumental standpoint the song is pretty simple, using only a piano, keyboard, triangle, and tambourine. The piano carries the heaviest role throughout the song, at times acting as drums would to set the pace of the music, while the other instruments are used as accents throughout the song. The piano has a few simple rhythms that, throughout the song, build off of each other to create more complex rhythms. Depending on the lyrics the piano reduces to only one bare-bone rhythm to place more emphasis on the story, doing more by doing less.

Up until this point I have purposely avoided talking about the content of the song. This is because I feel it’s worth listening to first (while reading the subtitles) so that you get the full experience. “Hocus Pocus” is very much a narrative, it explicitly tells a story that has the capacity to evoke an emotional response from the listeners. So if you have read this far without watching the video I advise you to go listen to the song now before I discuss the lyrics and story.

“Hocus Pocus” is song about a woman who finds a little girl beaten and bruised in a park and after realizing the girl is abused at home, she decides to kidnap her in order to give the girl a happier life. By “casting a spell” the two find an abandoned house where the woman seems to wash away all the girl’s worries (seeming almost like magic) for a short period of time until one day, the authorities find the woman and arrest her, leaving the young girl distraught. The woman’s arrest brought the young girl’s abusive home life to light, and ultimately got the girl into a safe environment. At the end of the song it’s revealed the the woman was also abused at home when she was younger but no one ever came to her aid so when she saw the little girl she knew she had to do something. This is the story hinted at within the lyrics, and explicitly shown in the official video. As the song lyrics pop up on screen so do the lines of the story. Each story line is placed thoughtfully with each lyric or lack thereof. In the song both Miku and Gumi sing from the perspectives of the characters in the story while the outside narration takes place in the video. Gumi sings from the perspective of the woman while Miku sings from the perspective of the young girl. Throughout the song Gumi and Miku take turns singing the lyrics and never sing at the same time as the other. I believe that the choice to not have the voices overlap one another was intentional to establish that Miku and Gumi are singing from different perspectives in the story and that the perspectives we see are not happening at the same time.

There are a few more creative details of the song I would like to touch up on.

Not only does the lyrics and story lines set up the setting for the story of the song but the instrumentation does as well. When Gumi first begins to sing all the instruments aside from the piano stop playing. And even though the piano is still playing it has a very simplistic repetitive rhythm. like its only purpose at the moment is to keep the tempo steady. As the song progresses and as we learn more about the characters instruments are added to that base piano rhythm. As conflict is introduced different instruments join in or stop playing.

The music and rhythms change according to what is happening in the story to put more emphasis on it. (Most songs do this its nothing new but, after listening to this song well over fifty times I have either picked up on some interesting patterns or I am analyzing the song too heavily). in the song when Gumi and Miku both sing the chorus, chanting “Hocus Pocus” and try to lose themselves in the happy lie they have created the piano has a small little rhythm that gets added to the base rhythm. It evokes a sense of hope, playfulness, innocence and naivety. Or in the video when the women is taken away the music comes to a full stop. These characteristics of the song help to influence the emotional value of the song and the story it tells.

In most songs there are lines that repeat throughout the song with slight changes. This mostly happens in the chorus but its not weird for it to happen in the verses either. One aspect of the song lyrics that I really enjoy, looking from a symbolic POV, is the parallels in the lyrics between both singers even though that each singer portrays a different experience and point of view in the story. Specifically i think of Gumi’s lines “Since the day I made an enemy of the world / the world began to spin / Since the day I made an enemy of the world / We began making time” from the first verse, and Miku’s from the second verse “Since the day the world became a foe / the world lost it’s color / Since the day the world forgave a lie / my clock began to tick”. The phrasing of Gumi’s and Miku’s lines are very similar but refer and show different experiences. I interpret Gumi’s lines refer to how when the woman takes away the young girl (making an enemy of the world) her life is thrown into a state of chaos and unpredictability (it began to spin) But, because of the woman’s actions she created a time in the young girls life where she could enjoy herself (We began making time). When Miku sings from the perspective of the little girl the lines “since the day the world became a foe” refers to the abuse the girl experiences and how she received no help. She believes the “world lost its color” because there seemed no hope to escape her home life, the world was unforgiving and unkind to her, so she didn’t see the joys the world has to offer. So when the woman took the girl away to live with her in secret,(since the world forgave a lie) she expeienced things that made her happy like, stories, hair ribbons, and a warm bowl of soup. But this new found happiness could only last for so long until the woman was found out (My clock began to tick). Even though the lyrics are able to be phrased so similarly but it’s meanings vastly differ is something that specifically fascinates me as a person who likes to see how smaller aspects of a story (particularly parallelism) come together to form the big picture and create an experience for the audience.

The charm of the Vocaloid software is that it gives the users free range to create whatever they want. The only limit being the user’s imagination. Hocus Pocus is a great example showing that to make a good song with the software, you don’t need to go above and beyond. Sometimes, simplicity and repetition can create an experience that is just as great, if not better, than songs with more complex instrumentation or sound.

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dokidokiliteraturegirls · 6 years

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Hello everyone! Yui here, with today’s special feature, DDLitG Behind the Scenes: What’s the deal with Ako?

In this special update we’ll talk about her character in general, design, her place in the story, and more! So get comfortable in your seat, get yourself some good snacks, and let’s delve into the background of DDLitG’s 1st-ish original character~

Who is Ako?

Ako, formerly known as “female student”, was originally one of the many NPCs used by the game’s engine to fill its world with nondescript background characters, so as to make it feel less empty. However, Sayori took a special interest in her, and decided to befriend her, following the steps of a young MC who befriended Sayori in a similar situation and ended up saving her life. This would in turn allow Ako to grow as a character beyond her 1 line of coding and get her own sprites, as well as being able to interact with the world. She would later go on to fall in love with Sayori and shenanigans ensue.

Ako was created with the purpose of telling the story of the Friendship arc.

Designing Ako.

Let me make one thing clear: I’m not a character designer. I don’t know jack about it besides the very basics. But I did try to make someone who looked mildly original and, most importantly, different from the other girls.

Originally, she was going to be the image of a shy, fragile girl who Sayori befriended out of pity, more than anything. Based on this initial idea, I made this beta Ako design on one of my copybooks when I should’ve been working:

As you can see, her very first sprite was the one where she’s shyly looking away to avoid eye contact (and to seem annoying, but more on that later). I was happy with the pose but not with her face, as it looked super unoriginal. She resembled Ochako Uraraka from My Hero Academia a bit too much, so I tried to change her hair to make her stand out more. Here is her second iteration:

This time, I felt like I cranked it up too much to the other side. Now she stood out TOO much. Her hair felt like it came more from a protagonist than someone who’s supposed to be a background character. I adopted a new philosophy after seeing this result: she had to look as bland as possible. She had to be the kind of character you see all the time in the background of an anime - those simple, unassuming designs you’d never look twice at because you’re too focused on the protagonists with candy-coloured hair. In DDLitG’s canon she’s a filler NPC brought to the forefront, and her design had to reflect that more than my desire to make her look “cool”.

With this in mind, we come to Ako v0.3

As you can see, this is much closer to her current design. But this was still a sketch (even the drawing above is very much unfinished). As you can see, I got closer to her 0.1 version with the hair, but changed the eyes to make them look more unique, giving her that more neutral, “nothing” expression. Having finally found some ground I was comfortable with, I redefined her design a little further, gave her some more details around the hair and clothes, adjusted the proportions of her body (because apparently I draw heads huge), and made her finalized design.

I was happy.

What’s with this sassy... monochrome child?

If there’s one constant to be found in the pictures above, is that she was always meant to be black and white. There are plenty of reasons, which I’ll list because, honestly, there are a lot.

1. I didn’t want to look her like the rest of the cast at fucking all. She is an OC introduced in a story with already established characters made by a much more talented writer. She’s an outsider, someone who doesn’t belong with this cast of colorful characters, and I wanted readers to be able to tell that at first glance. No, she’s not like the other girls. They don’t belong in the same place. She is not a member of the original DDLC cast, and it shows.

2. I know I can’t draw as well as Satchely, so trying to copy DDLC’s art style would just end up looking awkward and wrong. I had no choice but to do my own thing. And if I’m doing my own thing, why not take it all the way? I already gave myself artistic freedom, I might as well go crazy with it~

3. I just adore characters in a fictional universe that look different from the rest of the cast or have some strange design choice for literally no reason. Like Krillin from Dragonball, with his eyes that make him look like he belongs in an entirely different manga...

...or even Jotaro Kujo, whose hat merges with his hair because why not!

I live for dumb crap like that.

4. A huuuuuge inspiration for me while writing (besides my own uninteresting life) is music. Many times I listen to a specific track or imagine situations with specific background music to make them seem more real, and be able to better portray the feelings of a scene when writing [For example, I listened to My Chemical Romance’s Welcome to the Black Parade a lot while writing Monika’s Death].

Ako’s creation was no exception. Her appearance was partially based on the cover for not only one of my favorite Vocaloid albums of all time, but one of my favorite albums period: Wowaka’s glorious Unhappy Refrain.

I’ve been writing stuff based on this album alone for years because it’s just so damn striking to me. The picture of the faceless schoolgirl falling into the unseen abyss, the background uninterested characters that imply they are used to seeing fellow girls suffer, the distorted world they live in, the album’s way to explore teenage depression, the freaking name of the album, EVERYTHING! IT’S SUCH A GOOD EXPLORATION OF THE DIFFICULT LIFE TEENS FACE THAT OFTEN GOES UNNOTICED!! AAAAAAHHHH IT’S SO GOOD.

5. Ako was also based on a previous design I made for another character meant for an original visual novel I was writing and I’m probably never going to finish, who was also going to be monochromatic to reference this album (in that context it made more sense though cuz every character was a musical reference).

This character, in turn, was based on Monoko from Yume Nikki, which is more obvious because of her crying eye and extra arm.

So basically at this point it would’ve been weird if I hadn’t made her monochromatic.

Naming Ako

This was one of the most difficult parts, ngl.

As I mentioned, Ako was originally going to be a fragile, shy girl. Based on this, her original name during the design face was Moromi, which is one more letter than “Moroi”, which Google translate promises me means “Brittle” or “Fragile” in Japanese.

However, after the philosophy change that happened during her conceptual stage, “Fragility” was no longer at the core of her character, as it was now “Nothingness/Blandness”. Because of this, I changed her name to “Ako”.

Many people have submitted their interpretations of the name, ranging from its meaning “To teach/to learn”, and “To yearn for”, which all fit better than the original tbh.

The intended meaning is for “Ako” to be read as “A-Ko”, which is a way by which Japenese media often refers to filler characters, as it translates to “Girl A”.

Examples of this can be seen in Super Danganronpa 2, where a character in a videogame is called “A-Ko” to hide their identity...

...and in a movie called “Project A-ko”, which was a parody of the anime tropes from the time, so they gave the protagonist the most generic name ever. The antagonist and side character, by the way, are called “B-Ko” and “C-Ko” respectively. This movie is fucking awesome.

This name also made sense in the context of the story, because we already had a character named “Student A”, so this goes to show that the game just gave Ako the default name it had stored for female NPCs.

Blinded Ako, or How I Learned to Convey Emotion Through Ahegao

When I came up with Ako, she was meant to have most of her character revolving around her infatuation with Sayori. She was, after all, written in the story with the purpose of falling in love with her, and nothing else. Her character, personality, likes/dislikes, and hobbies came afterwards. As the story progressed, however, I decided that she should have a personality separate from just being in love with another character. So to separate the actions she committed under the influence of her passion, I did a little design change in the middle of the arc: Blinded Ako.

In this version, Ako has been literally blinded by love and stops being rational. This is represented by the hearts covering her eyes, and clouding her judgement. This was done not only with the purpose of representing she was past her breaking point, but also to differentiate the Ako that makes mistakes with the Ako that was introduced in the beginning of the arc. Almost so as to make them two different characters, so when she is reintroduced as a regular character after Friendship, readers could think “oh, she’s not going to do dumb stuff again, she’s not blinded by love anymore.”

Many people compared the above panel with “ahegao”, a trope in hentai manga where a character does a silly face to represent them breaking from enjoying themselves so much. This was done partially on purpose. The main idea was to represent Ako being blinded by her infatuation for Sayori, not to equate her sate of being with anything sexual. It DID end up looking more hentai-esque than I expected though, as, well, Ako is in black and white, and the heart eyes are also a trope in ahegao. And she’s sweating. And she’s saying that she’s about to break....

.....

....well at least I drove my point home.

Ako’s musical influences

Above I mentioned how music was a big part of my inspiration, and how I listened to Welcome to the Black Parade while writing Monika’s Death, so the question in no one’s mind is: what music did Yui use as inspiration for Ako’s character and the arc? 🤔

Well, hypothetical reader, the answer is that since Ako was meant to be bland and flavour-free, her original depiction is not based on a song or anything. Her desperation towards Sayori and Blinded Ako, though, are based on TRONICBOX’s 80′s style remix of Ariana Grande’s Into You. And yes, this 80′s remix in specific. Not the original song. I highly encourage you to give it a listen and pay attention to the lyrics if you want an insight into how Ako was feeling during her breaking point.

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Also, as a side note, no one has asked me this, but I imagine Ako’s voice to sound like the vocals of Panty and Stocking’s ending, Fallen Angel. It’s a truly beautiful song, and once again, I highly encourage you to give it a listen and pay attention tot he lyrics if you want an insight in Ako’s current feelings towards Sayori.

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Ako’s reception

This is more something personal than an explanation of the character, but it’s something I want to share nonetheless.

Remember when I said Ako was meant to be annoying? Yeah... xD

When I decided to add a new character I did so under the idea that everyone was going to hate her, because it’s a purposefully boring OC made by some insane person with the sole purpose of being added to an already interesting and loved cast of characters just to fuck everything up.

The first scene I ever wrote for Ako was the part where Monika asked if she had hurt Sayori, and she said “Not intentionally...” while looking away, which is why her first sprite ever was in that position. She was meant to make people feel frustrated over this girl just looking away from her problems and avoiding responsibility, while also telling Monika to her face that she had done something bad to Sayori. Readers were expected to hate her. That’s why in the beginning she says she doesn’t like literature, to assure you that she’s not joining the literature club. That’s why there’s a scene where she gets punched in the face. That’s why she looks so extremely out of place.

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DISLIKE HER!! omg I’m still surprised at how warm the reception was, you guys are just too nice for me~ ❤️

Because of the unexpected reception I had to change some parts of the arc, which were originally going to be much crueler towards her [I even questioned adding the punch at all, but it was an important part of Monika’s development so I felt it]. I also established her as a recurring character in spite of her dislike of literature, and did my best to make her less hate-able than she was originally going to be, even cutting some planned lines of dialogue that made her pretty irredeemable. Looking back, I am glad I did those changes, we ended up with a well-liked and pretty nice girl because of it~

Final thoughts

The introduction of Ako and writing Friendship in general was a very intense experience for me. It was very difficult to balance Ako as being both relevant to the story and moving the plot forward, but not make her the sole focus of everything and have her obscure everyone else, because OCs in established pieces of media tend to do that.

This arc also got a LOT of mixed reviews, some people liking it, some hating everything I did. This made me really question what I was doing and at many points even regret I was writing Friendship at all. At a certain point I lost almost 50 followers in a single update.

I also had trouble writing some parts because they were too sad. And that’s not my style! I like writing happy people being good friends, damn it, not everyone crying and hating each other.

But when all is said and done, I’m happy I wrote both Friendship and Ako into the story. I’ve received many wonderful, supportive messages telling me how much readers enjoyed it. Even some people saying they had been in a similar situation to the one depicted in the story, and were glad to see a story that showed a positive outcome.

Will I write more OCs into DDLitG?

Meh, who knows. I love writing more original stuff and expanding the world of DDLitG, but I also feel like if I introduce yet another OC, people will crucify me and hate me for flooding the story with too much stuff that’s irrelevant to the DDLC they’re used to. That being said, writing this blog is my first, and very possibly last chance to expose my stories to such a large audience. And seeing people like what you do not only because you’re riding the coattails of a recognizable brand, but because they like what you do with it, makes me pretty darn happy. Being completely honest, I’d like to add another character. But just one. And only if it’s something that will push both the story and the girls’ character arcs forward. Not just adding OCs for the sake of it.

Thanks for sticking until the end of this BTS, and I hope you found it an enjoyable read, or at the very least I made you a little bit less bored~ ❤️

Next time, in DDLitG Behind the scenes: What’s the deal with The Perfect Yuri?

#ddlitg behind the scenes #updated version!

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cynicaljapanophile · 5 years

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Naruto Dating Sim AU P. I

Hana back at it again with the cringy headcanons and AUs(did I really just make a Damn Daniel reference in 2019? I'm sorry.) I know I haven't been doing anything lately it's just that I've been really busy lately with school and studying for finals, but the main reason why I haven't been making much of my high low-quality headcanons is because I'm not really creative but I had a random spark of inspiration so get ready for some cringe LI = Love Interest MC = Main Character Note : I'm going to be switching between you and MC because I don't know how to refer to people.

Naruto Uzumaki

Sporty-Innocent

Is the innocent young character

Is also the "sporty" character

Still goes to college

Is a struggling college student

Is really desperate for a girlfriend

Really clingy

Has confidence issues

To get a good ending in his route you have to help him with his confidence issues

Probably a fan of idols and Vocaloid

Closet otaku

Is inches away from becoming a NEET

Only eats things from convenience stores

Rides a bike to school

Lowkey sadist

He constantly calls you pretty

You could be covered in mud and he would still call you pretty

Has a baby face

He is the youngest so because of that he doesn't like being called cute

There is probably a scene where you call him cute and then he gets upset and tells you that he is still a man(anyone that has played the route of the "young" character knows what I'm talking about)

You probably met him before the events of the game takes place

You probably met him at college

You probably move in with him in one of his endings

If he was an otome character he would be an underrated boi

Routes his would be like : Yoosung Kim(Mystic Messenger), Mitsunari Ishida(Ikemen Sengoku), Rhion Hatter(Kissed by the Baddest Bidder)

Sasuke Uchiha Tsundere-Mysterious(Lowkey Oujidere)

Is one of the younger characters

Pretends to not know you for like the first couple "chapters" of the game

Suffers from some childhood trauma

His mother died when he was a child

He is childhood friends with Naruto

Roasts every other love interest

You probably become close and share a kiss midway through his route

Hella protective of you

Always makes sexual jokes

Is the type of LI to constantly call you plain and the opposite of sexy

Probably has a crush on you in every route

Is hella rich

Probably drops a million dollars to buy something without a second thought

Has like 37 kissing cgs

Poster boy

Probably the "canon" route

Has the most stories and merch

Routes his would be like : Masamune Date(Ikemen Sengoku), Taki Kozaki(Kings of Paradise), Eisuke Ichinomiya(Kissed by the Baddest Bidder)

Kakashi Hatake Older+Enigma(Lowkey Deredere)

The charming older man

Looks like he's 21

What is his job? Literally, no one knows

Has dated a girl in every country

Before getting in a relationship with MC he would get into open relationships

Probably comments that he's old all the time

Calls MC kid all the time

Lowkey silver fox(there I said it)

Is always smiling

Is supportive of MC in every route

Is one of the nicest characters to MC regardless of the route

Is always not so subtly dissing and roasting every one

Originally didn't have a route and was just an NPC

Ranked #1 on popularity polls for a few months so the game developers decided to give him a route

His route is hella angsty

On an angst scale from 1 to 10 his route is probably 13

Probably had a girlfriend or fiancee who died

He gets really flustered when MC calls him cute

His cgs are absolutely beautiful

Routes his would be like : Kojuro Katakura(SBLP), Luke Foster(Kissed by the Baddest Bidder), Giles Christophe(Midnight Cinderella)

#naruto #naruto headcanons #naruto uzumaki #uzumaki naruto #sasuke uchiha #uchiha sasuke #kakashi hatake #dating sim au #hana writes #myposts

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thesinglesjukebox · 5 years

Video

youtube

DEMPAGUMI.INC - PRECIOUS SUMMER [6.62] When we last covered them, it was 4 years ago and they had 2 fewer members. We got a lot of catching up to do.

Taylor Alatorre: This sounds like someone hired a group to do the opening theme for the next YuruYuri OVA but they were deemed to be too fast and too loud, so they decided to get even faster and louder as revenge. It's cosmically hilarious that anime openings are one of the places where the insurgent spirit of punk rock remains most vibrant, albeit filtered through happy hardcore and caked in moe sensibilities. Dempagumi themselves have a mixed record when it comes to anime songs, with "Punch Line!" being weighed down by panty-related punnery that's unfortunately quite relevant to the plot. Here, with no media property attached, they're free to chase the wildest, most high-velocity sounds possible, and the listener is free to imagine whatever cute and wacky scenarios they want. The yearning power pop outro is the meaning of the song's title belatedly coming into view: that those carefree summer days are indeed precious and cannot be made to last forever, no matter what BPM you charge at them with. It makes the preceding thrill ride all the more worthwhile. [9]

Katie Gill: Initially, I was ABSOLUTELY confused because I didn't realize that "DDR song from the early 2000s mixed with that one song I can never full combo in Love Live" was a genre. And yet it is! "Precious Summer" is an example of a denpa song, a song characterized by traits like off-key vocals, an intensely over the top tune, and a generally 'weird' or 'out of touch' feel. "Precious Summer" succeeds in that regard: this song does not stop. It makes me feel like I have a caffeine buzz just by listening to it. And despite the very real people performing this, "Precious Summer" sounds amazingly fake. The vocal manipulation borders on the uncanny at times, more Vocaloid than actual person. But that's possibly the point. This is a long-winded way to say that initially I was completely baffled by this song, and now...I'm still completely baffled. But at least now I know that it's a 'this is probably not a genre for me' sort of thing. [5]

John Seroff: Combo after combo.... look at all those combos! I'm very glad this kind of frenetic jpop denpa nerdmetal exists and, in proper dosages, I've been known to indulge. It's just that when I go one toke over the line (say, past that third repeat), I feel like I'm gonna hyperventilate and die. Helluva drug! [6]

Iain Mew: One of those bits of fantastic music writing which has stuck in my brain forever is MG's groovesnjams description of Girls' Generation's "I Got a Boy" as an arcade machine attract reel. The first couple of minutes of "Precious Summer" is more like someone impatiently hammering through the game's lavish menus, intense cues piling on top of each other as they're not even given the chance to play out before the next one slices in. After that it stays exactly as ultra-demonstrative but slightly less ultra-fast, which is as close as a concession to the reasonable as you get with them. [7]

Ryo Miyauchi: The frantic electronic beat of "Precious Summer" turns up the speed by 1000% with saturated colors bleeding as if to signify the effects from the beating sun. The line distribution moves back and forth just as intense, enough to inspire some motion sickness. It's more or less what you'd expect from a Dempagumi single cashing in on the season. While the group delivers exactly what's called for, if you're familiar with Dempa, you know you don't necessarily have to wait until summertime to enjoy this kind of music from them. [6]

Jonathan Bradley: It's been a little while since I last checked in with the frenetic and eternally glitching Dempagumi.inc, and it was welcome and faintly disappointing to hear how familiar "Precious Summer" is. Welcome, because there is still so much glee in this act's overclocked call-and-response shouting and jump-cut arrangements. But listening to Dempagumi should be an off-kilter experience, one in which the horizon has not only been lost, it might have been rendered entirely unlocatable, and this song traces its shifts in pace and tone in ways that propose the confusion is a recurring set of convoluted compartments bolted together rather than ever-replenishing chaos. Still, fitting for a tune with a title Joyce Manor could borrow, "Precious Summer" is the nearest this band has come to pop-punk, and that's a good fit for them; the counter-melody on the outro could have been sung by Tom DeLonge on a Blink-182 track in 2001. [7]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: There's a lot of innate energy in a colorful denpa song like this, but the longer it goes on, the more that any and all excitement is squeezed out. While the normalization of these ostensibly disparate elements is fine, it reveals how "Precious Summer" could use stronger songwriting to compliment all the accouterments. The vocal melody that graces the outro almost convinces me that the rest was worthwhile. [5]

Rebecca A. Gowns: I know next to nothing about J-pop, so I usually abstain from writing about it. This time, the video intrigued me, resurfacing fuzzy memories of watching Lucky Star and K-On during a lazy summer 10 years ago. The association isn't random, as it looks like Dempagumi.inc's whole thing is being a group of otaku girls who got together to try and make it as an idol group. Musically, it reminds me of those shows' openings: plucky girls singing rapidly, stream-of-consciousness, shouting interjections, quirky and cute in an extremely conscious way. Wikipedia tells me that Dempagumi's music is not just idol music, it's also denpa, which I haven't seen other writers reference here before. Suddenly the anime theme songs and Dempagumi's songs are outlined with a more cohesive thread -- this is the sound of electromagnetic waves infiltrating your brain. Now I get it. This performance is exactly what you dream about after watching too many episodes of "Lucky Star" on a hot summer day. The memory comes to me more clearly now, and I appreciate this song for what it evokes; that feeling of being a young girl with in the throes of a sticky, depressed mania, and grabbing onto cute pop culture and happy make-believe as if it was a life preserver. [8]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

#dempagumi.inc #music #pop #j-pop #music video #mv #new music #music writing #music reviews

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gabi4chan-akatsuki · 7 years

Note

How do you feel about the PPG reboot?

Friend, you have no idea the kind of rage I have for that abomination.

First of all, let me express my feelings for the PowerPuff Girls 2016 reboot in one simple sentence: Fuck it to hell.

No joke, no hyperbole, I fucking despise that show and I hope it dies a slow and painful death because it is an insult to the original series.

Not only is the animation shit, not only are the jokes shit, not only are the plots for the episodes shit, BUT THE CHARACTERS THAT I GREW UP WITH ARE A COMPLETE JOKE.

If you’ve not seen any episodes of it, you are a blessed soul. You will gain absolutely nothing by watching it. In fact, you’ll lose something. After every episode I felt filthy and drained. It was like I was forced to watch someone I loved dearly spiral down and become completely unrecognizable and ruined beyond all belief.

You wanna know what kinds of things have happened in the reboot? Well, let me tell you about a few. First off we have 6 year old girls high on ecstasy and twerking. Then we have a transphobic episode. We also have a self-insert OC, courtesy of one of the writers, who is paired up with one of the main characters, who again, is a 6 year old girl. Oh, and did I mention kinks such as inflammation? Yeah that’s also in the show.

The comedy is complete shit as well… Outdated references and memes as the writers clearly try to pander to the young kids watching the show and failing miserably at that. And for some reason they have Bubbles deliver most of the “”memes””.

Not to mention the fucking ridiculous decision to take Miss Bellum out of the show entirely… The writers say that “she didn’t convey the kinds of messages that they wanted to give out”. Excuse me? Miss Bellum was a role model for children. Yes, she was naturally voluptuous, but only adults noticed these sorts of things. She was written as a strong female character who acted as a guide for the girls when they were feeling lost. Jesus fucking Christ she was a government worker who kept the whole fucking city in tact because the Mayor was incompetent as all hell.

Oh, and did I mention that they removed Miss Keane’s breasts? Hey reboot, is the message you’re trying to convey that girls aren’t allowed to have natural curves?

But no let’s talk more about this. Did I mentioned that in the episode that they removed Miss Bellum they added in a complete fucking stereotypical female villain whose main thought process was ‘FASHION!!!!1!!’.

Oh, and let’s talk about what they’ve done to my childhood heroes, the PowerPuff Girls. Remember how in the original show they were superheroes? Well, apparently, the reboot’s forgotten about that. No, they aren’t allowed to be superheroes. One of the messages the show’s trying to convey is apparently that girls aren’t allowed to save the day and they must only go to school and study and do nothing exciting whatsoever, considering how many times the girls have to be saved by ANYONE else other than them saving themselves. But let’s go over each girl individually.

Buttercup. She was a tomboy. She is the one who taught me that it was okay to act like a boy and still be a girl. She could get angry at times, sure, she made mistakes, she hurt other people due to her harshness, but you know what? She fucking cared about other people and she apologized and tried to better herself. She loved her family unconditionally and would defend them no matter the cost. Reboot Buttercup? Oh, she’s a bitch. Nothing more to add really. She’s a tomboyish rude bitch who hurts others and doesn’t give a shit.

Then we have Bubbles. The sweetest angel on the show. She would get scared, she would get sad and emotional, but she could also fight for herself when she needed to. Yes, she was the most sensitive of the girls, but guess what, she was also a hero. She liked girly things, and she was proud of it. Heck, she had a plush toy named Octi that she considered to be her friend. Reboot Bubbles is like a spoiled brat who acts like an easily offended teenager. She is easily the nastiest of the group, which is incredibly sad to say…

And then we have Blossom, my favorite PowerPuff actually. Original Blossom was resourceful, intelligent, could think quickly under pressure, in short, the perfect leader. I always related to her and her need to be perfect in every way, as well as to her sadness when she let the people she loved down… Reboot Blossom is an insult to that character. She’s naggy, bossy and just downright mean to her sisters at times, which is not how the original character is at all.

Oh, and let’s talk about the “””fourth””” PowerPuff they added. That is a fucking Mary Sue OC, from the powers to the fucking backstory which makes no sense in regards to the original canon. Bliss is not the fourth PowerPuff Girl. Need I remind the writers of this character named Bunny? You know, the one who was killed off in the original show? Is that what you’re gonna do, show? You’re gonna spit on her memory by adding in this Mary Sue in a vain hope to replace her?

This is what this show feels like to me in general.

It’s like someone spitting on my childhood, crushing it in front of me and then laughing at me and insulting me. If you like it, fine, I don’t care, good for you, but for me, it insults the show that brought me onto the Internet in the first place.

Yup, you read that right. The only reason I have a YouTube account is because I started out by making PowerPuff Girl videos. I started drawing and posting on DeviantArt because I loved drawing those characters. For fuck’s sake my earliest posts on Tumblr are PPG related. If it wasn’t for that show, I wouldn’t be here.

I wouldn’t have made a channel, I wouldn’t have found out about Vocaloid and started to make covers using it. I wouldn’t have people watching me. I wouldn’t have made the friends I have today.

Fuck the PPG Reboot.

Fuck it to hell, fuck it to oblivion, I fucking despise it.

#ask #ask me

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teatime-with-alyssa · 4 years

Photo

Music Review: Hatsune Miku

When given the prompt “listen to one of your country’s highest-grossing musicians from the past 10 years”, she is who immediately came to mind. After all, I have spent the last 10 years listening to Hatsune Miku music near daily. Her voice captivates me, and as a computer science major and general computer enthusiast, her being just a voice synthesizer software absolutely enthralls me. She will, as this article so eloquently puts it, will “destroy everything you love … about pop stardom.”

“A voice synthesizer software?” I (metaphorically) hear you ask, and reaffirm this notion. Hatsune Miku is not a real human being. However, her backstory is not what I need to speak about today. What I need to talk about is my experience listening to her songs over the years. I still remember the first song I heard using her voicebank way back in 7th grade: Ryo’s “World is Mine”.

While the melody is simple, what you may notice is that this song tells a (somewhat) coherent story. The music video is quite cute, following a girl who is just a bit too bossy trying to win the heart of the boy she has a crush on. However, a song telling a story in such a direct manner was a completely foreign concept to me prior to this point-- and, frankly, I had quickly become obsessed.

As I grew older, my music library had begun to fill with artists who utilized Hatsune Miku and other similar voicebanks instead (or concurrent with) human vocals. From Ryo mentioned above to others such as wowaka, DECO*27, and Hachi, Hatsune Miku’s voice rang through my playlists. When I was in a good mood, or a bad mood, I had a song sung by her to listen to. And, in my worst time, I had wowaka’s “Rolling Girl”.

While often debated even all these years later among VOCALOID enthusiasts, most agree that “Rolling Girl” tells a rather dark story, and one I was living at the time I discovered it. It portrays the thoughts of a suicidal young teenage girl, “rolling” constantly in a loop of trying to stop self harming and relapsing. Over and over.

“One more time, one more time,” the song chants, and it rings painfully in my ears even after being 5 years clean. And then, the song, and her life, ends abruptly. Obviously, mine did not.

It’s gotten better for me.

It, unfortunately, hasn’t gotten better for Hatsune Miku, though. While she still has quite the fanbase, her popularity has been fading. One of the most famous songs of recent times, Hachi’s “Sand Planet”, talks about this with that signature VOCALOID artist song story.

The desert that Hatsune Miku finds herself in for this story represents the declining traffic to Japan’s most popular VOCALOID song upload site, NicoNico. It is said that Miku’s masked followers represent composers, utaite (cover artists), and more broadly fans in general. Miku is forced to walk through this desert, losing supporters at each fork in the road. About halfway through the song, she reflects on the past-- and references various popular songs of the past such as Kagerou Daze, Panda Hero, and Melt, all songs that lifelong fans like myself picked up on right away.

Of the three songs I listed here, this last one is definitely the most bittersweet for me. When I was younger, I assumed that Hatsune Miku was far too removed from traditional human pop stars to ever have a fall from relevancy as much as she has. But because she is at her core just a voicebank for music composers, I know that it will be a long time before she officially “retires”.

In case you’re curious on more and more Hatsune Miku songs, or want to get into VOCALOID yourself, here is a 30 minute compilation of popular songs sung by her.

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chibiarmygeneral · 7 years

Text

I was originally going to put this as a reblog but I can’t locate the original post. If anyone comes across it or you’re the poster, let me know since I got inspired by it.

Basically they wanted to know if anyone has made a Servant of Evil AU (A popular Vocaloid song) and I made up my cast. I did a few changes from here and there also there are references to other songs in the Story of Evil series so beware of spoilers~ I hope you enjoy but you may not. ~shrugs~ Also man this got long quick. I ought to put a read more here.

Let’s see... There is Klance, one-sided Mallura (Matt x Allura), Lallura... kind of (Lance x Allura), also just because I can, I am making it a Shallura as well. Explanations below:

(Rin) Daughter of Evil- Matt Holt (or in this case, Prince of Evil), main reason I chose him for this role is mostly due to our next cast member. Prince of the Country of Yellow.

(Len) Servant of Evil- Katie Holt. In this song we discover that both the servant and daughter of evil were twins and the servant took the place of his sister in order to keep her from being executed by the people who were rebelling. Considering all that Katie has gone to find her father and brother, not that far of a stretch plus it would be easy for her to cut her long hair like she did in the show to look more like Matt. After her death Matt took the name “Pidge” and deeply regretted that his actions essentially caused him to lose the only family he had.

(Kaito) Prince of Blue- Allura (Princess from across the sea). The prince was originally proposed to marry the Princess of Yellow but fell in love with the Girl of Green and that caused the Princess to order the slaughter of the entire county of green in retaliation. Upon finding the Girl of Green dead, the Prince wanted vengeance. Like, this fits Allura perfectly since she’s already lost her loved ones.

(Meiko) Revolution Leader- Shiro, after the lost of a loved one, the Red Warrior worked with the Prince of Blue to combine forces and overthrow the Ruler. They succeeded and the country went through a time of celebration and peace. I think this is a good fit for shiro and I personally headcanon that Meiko and Kaito in the original got together ( I think it’s mentioned in a song but I don’t think it was official) and I like Shallura so that works.

(Miku) Girl of Green- Lance. (Boy of Green) The Girl of Green was referred to as being very loved and friendly. So much so that the Servant of Evil fell in love to the point of disobeying orders and hid her away instead of killing her off. Lance is an outgoing and people person so I think it fits well with him. While I don’t necessarily see Katie interested romantically in him, I think she’d find it hard to kill someone who has done no wrong despite her brother’s decree. Also despite the Prince of Blue’s infatuation of her, she really held a deep connection to the Daughter of White. Unfortunately the Girl of Green was killed off by an assassin.

(Haku) Daughter of White- Keith (Son of Galra). Wh(ite lived in the Country of Green but was alone because she was the only one with white hair amongst the sea of green. She prayed to a tree to have a friend. One day she finds the Girl of Green underneath that tree. She was happy for a friend but kept wondering why the girl would choose this one who is so odd from everyone else but the Girl of Green replied that she was the most beautiful of all and that she was treasured no matter what. After the slaughter of the people of Green, the Daughter of White lived in a church near a harbor. One day she meets a young girl who was alone and exhausted. She took her in and they soon became good friends. One night White overhears the girl speaking in the confession box and discovers that the girl was the princess, the very same that she heard was killed but there she is right before her and if it wasn’t for that girl’s orders then her friend and love would have been alive! When the girl was on the shore, White was planning on killing her but ultimately couldn’t do it because she saw herself in the girl; someone who was alone and lost someone precious to them (and the fact she saw an illusion of a spirit beside the girl [the servant of evil])

STORY: Matt is the Prince of a country while Katie is his servant. Matt wants to marry Allura, Princess from across the sea but she ultimately chose to go with the boy, Lance, from the neighboring country of Matt’s, outraged, Matt demanded the death of the people of that country. Within that country, there was Keith, who was alone due to his Galra blood and therefore was not slaughtered in the attack. He did lose his one friend, Lance and ran off to a port town. Princess Allura finding that her love was killed became outraged and worked with a local civilian in Matt’s country, Shiro. Shiro, after years of oppression and abuse, and lost loved ones due to the Prince’s selfishness, rallied the people together and alliance with Allura to overthrow the Prince. When they invaded the castle, they captured the ‘Prince’ but it was actually his servant, Katie, who was his identical sister. She took his place and was executed instead of him. After the execution, the people rejoiced their newfound freedom. Matt, now referring himself as Pidge, ended up wandering through the countries till he collapsed on a beach. Keith helps him get better and they became good friends. When Keith overhears that Pidge is actually Prince Matt, he’s determined to kill him to avenge Lance but in the end he couldn’t do it because he felt that they were the same since they both lost loved ones and were left alone with them gone. He ends up living peacefully with Matt and reflects to that day on the beach when he was prepared to stab Matt but saw the image of a girl holding him, protecting him.

I’m a Klance fan and tbh I picked Keith’s role first and kind of went backwards from there. Couldn’t think of a spot to put Hunk though. Any suggestions? Feel free to leave comments if you want.

#Voltron #Voltron Legendary Defender #VLD #Daughter of Evil #Servant of Evil #Regret Message #Daughter of White #Story of Evil #Evillious Chronicles #VOCALOID

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syekick-powers · 3 years

Text

i feel the need to write a long post about my experiences as an nb trans guy. i honestly feel like not enough people understand what that means. tw for mentions of miscarriages, deep discussion of transmasc dysphoria, and occasional mentions of sexual assault near the bottom.

my dysphoria didn’t really start until puberty. when i was a prepubescent child, i mostly felt okay about my body and who i was. did i have discomfort with how people perceived me? yes, but it was so heavily sublimated that i didn’t recognize it for what it was until years later. one of my earliest memories when i was a child was sitting in front of the TV in my grandma’s house watching arthur while my grandma cooked in the kitchen up the stairs. i was thinking to myself about gender, and i concluded that i must’ve been a boy, because that’s how i felt. i didn’t know anything about gender as genitals. i didn’t know anything about gender roles. i was a very young child with barely any conception of the differences between genders, and i still concluded i was a boy.

i didn’t think about that again for a long time. my mother, bless her, was obsessed with the idea of having a daughter. she told me over and over growing up how happy she was that i was born, how much she tried and tried to have me, how she had three miscarriages before finally giving birth to me. over and over and over, she insisted that she loved me specifically because i was “female”, because i was her “daughter”. this was a constant throughout my childhood, and when i was younger i didn’t fight it. because i didn’t really know anything about gender, and i let the adults decide for me because i didn’t have the vocabulary to describe what i was actually feeling.

would i have identified as nonbinary from childhood if i’d known what that meant? absolutely, i would have. once i knew the difference between penis and vagina, i always wanted to have both. i always wondered if that was weird, but i was too afraid of coming across as a freak to ask any of my peers if they felt the same way or if i was just a weirdo. i don’t necessarily buy into the “born in the wrong body” narrative, because my body is my body. i don’t always feel comfortable in it, but it’s still mine. i want to change it to make it fit myself better, because that is my right as a human being.

but i did have dysphoria. once i hit puberty, the changes my body was doing was enough to fill me with so much self-hatred. when my mom was telling me about puberty, she told me “now you’re going to grow breasts” and the very first words out of my mouth were “but i don’t WANT them!” my mother told me that the feeling of my breasts itching or hurting meant they were getting bigger, and to this day even the slightest unusual sensation around my chest gives me dysphoria. my greatest dysphoria was always around my chest. i never felt this pain when i was prepubescent because i didn’t have breasts. but when they started growing, i hated them so much. i just wanted to rip them off my body. they felt like alien parasites clinging to my skin, like fleshbags that had been stapled to my chest. every single time i felt them move or bounce i wanted to claw my own skin off.

but you know what? i had no idea what i was experiencing was dysphoria. my hatred of my body manifested as body dysmorphia. i felt ugly, ugly, ugly--but i had no idea it had anything to do with my gender, because ninety percent of the self-hatred i felt was because i was fat. that was the largest part of it--my family is descended from northern europeans, which means that our body types naturally favored carrying a lot of fat. when i was a young child, i was aromantic due to gender dissonance, but as a teenager i gradually realized i did want a relationship. but i was convinced i was just such an ugly “girl” that no one would ever love or even fuck me. i hated my body because it was fat, or so i thought. that was what i was convinced of, because it made enough sense.

the first clue that i had that i was maybe not just an ugly girl was when i started using the chatrooms on dA, aka dAmn. i entered a chatroom with a bunch of people in it and introduced myself, and gradually i became one of the regulars and even an admin in the chat. and since this was like a decade ago, the assumption on the internet was that most of the people who used the internet were men. people who came into the chat assumed i was a guy, just because that was how the internet was at that point. and when people came into that chatroom and assumed i was a guy... i never corrected them. i never proudly proclaimed “actually, i’m a girl.” i never acted offended or weirded out (though i was surprised that people didn’t think my alias sye didn’t sound feminine, because at the time i conceptualized it as a “feminine” name), and when people used he pronouns to refer to me, i always got a thrill from it.

eventually, however, i migrated off of dA and onto reddit. i was a fairly frequent reddit user in my later high school years, but i mostly interacted on the ragecomics subreddit, the vocaloid subreddit, and the queer subreddit r/ainbow. i picked out r/ainbow because during middle school i had been questioning my sexuality (at first i called myself pan, but then gradually i drifted to the bi label for a few reasons) and i’d heard that r/ainbow was a much friendlier subreddit, because a lot of redditors claimed that the r/lgbt subreddit had been taken over by tumblr SJWs, and since i was still overcoming a pretty serious case of 4chan poisoning at that point, i decided to pick the “friendlier”, less “SJW” queer subreddit. r/ainbow had pride flag flair (little icons you could put next to your username) and my first ever foray into identifying as nonbinary was changing my flair on r/ainbow to be a combination of the bi flag and the genderqueer flag.

now, i knew for a fact that my sibling also used reddit, and that he’d see my choice of flair sooner or later. eventually, we had a conversation about that, and he told me that he’d accept me and asked me about my pronouns and did all the accepting things he could, letting me know that he really cared about me.

my parents, on the other hand.... i didn’t come out to them for the longest time. i hate saying that i was “in the closet” because so many people use it to mean that the person doesn’t really know themself and that they’re just holding back showing everyone who they really are. i hated this idea that “being in the closet” meant you were being dishonest. so i never really considered myself “closeted”. but i didn’t tell people face to face that i was nonbinary. i was loud and out about it on the internet, but i never ever told anyone directly to their face that i was not cis. at the time, i was still not sure of what i wanted to do with myself. i’d just been introduced to the idea of not actually being a girl, and i was grappling with what that meant for me, what it meant for my self-perception. i’d had the identity of “girl” beaten into my head so much during my childhood thanks to my mother’s obsession with having a daughter that i didn’t know how to self-conceptualize any other way. i didn’t want to transition yet. i didn’t even want to socially transition. i was scared. terrified of what being trans meant. i went through a phase where i said i was “nonbinary but not trans” just because the idea of changing myself so drastically was terrifying, even if i hated my chest and hated presenting as female. (to a certain extent, i never really consciously presented as feminine. i had long hair, which meant that everyone assumed my presentation was “feminine”, even if i wore cargo pants and a leather jacket.)

but gradually, over time, my self-perception changed. i realized that part of the reason why i hated my appearance so much was because i was gendering my own features. my face wasn’t my face, it was a “female” face. my body wasn’t my body, it was “a girl’s body”. a lot of my ambient dysphoria came from just perceiving myself and my body in an inherently gendered way. over time, i trained myself not to see my own body as inherently anything. i didn’t have “a girl’s body”, i had my own body. i didn’t have a “girl’s” face, it was just my face. i still do experience dysphoria, mostly around my chest, but not nearly to the level i experienced as a teenager.

and, of course, with gender questioning, my sexuality questioning was also pretty intense too. one of the things i see a lot of queer cis people not understand is that the experience of being queer and trans is so much weirder than being queer and cis. you have no fucking idea how weird it is to grow up being attracted to men your whole life, loving how they look and their aesthetics and their voices and their bodies and everything--but just feeling so, so alienated at the idea of trying to be in a relationship with them. because of how they’d perceive you. because to them you’re just a girl, and boys are supposed to be the man of the house and women are supposed to be nurturing housekeeping mothers and how weird are you for being attracted to men and not wanting to be seen as a woman. because as a queer trans person, people assume you’re just a weirdo cis straight person with a fetishizing fixation on m/m (or f/f if you’re queer+transfem) couples. i remember when i first started using tumblr i saw a post from someone who said something like “i have read so much fanfiction now that i’m no longer attracted to men as a woman, but as a gay male” and the comments were just full of people screaming UGH STRAIGHT WOMEN ARE SO UGLY YOU GROSS FETISHIZING FREAKS HOW NASTY ARE YOU DISGUSTING SHAME SHAME SHAME and i, who had been reading m/m fanfiction and felt seen for the first time in my life, internalized such a huge amount of shame and self-disgust just from that post alone. any time i was attracted to a queer male character in a piece of media i hated myself so much for being a “fetishizer” because i wanted to be in a relationship with them, but couldn’t because i was just “a sad straight girl who turned gay men into a fetish”. never mind the fact that seeing m/m romance for the first time in my life made me feel seen and understood in a way that no m/f romance in mainstream media had ever made me feel. never mind the fact that i wasn’t even a girl in the first place. it’s nothing like being queer and cis at all.

i still remember the first time i came across gay male subcultures, and how different men with different body types would be categorized with various nicknames. i encountered the bear subculture, the group of men who were fat and hairy, and i felt something click. this, i thought. this is what i want to be. because i had spent so long thinking of myself as just an ugly girl, it never even occurred to me that there may be someone out there who would look at my body type and find it hot and sexy and desirable. my brain had been so drenched in a potent combination of self-hating misogyny, fatphobia, and transphobia that i couldn’t even consider myself sexually attractive at all. and then i found bears, and i realized that maybe someone could find me sexy and attractive, that i wasn’t just a failed girl, that someone could find me beautiful even with the body i had.

and it wasn’t just the whole “fat and still sexy” thing that struck me about the bear subculture, either, it was specifically “fat and hairy and sexy”. because one of the ways i struggled with gendered expectations as a teenager was the feminine expectation to shave. i hated shaving my legs and my armpits. i have moles in my armpits that make shaving without hurting myself impossible, and my leg skin is so bumpy that i couldn’t shave there without hurting myself either. no matter how much i tried, i would always, ALWAYS nick myself in the shower with the razor, and in the case of my armpits, sometimes the moles would get actually stuck in the razors and it would fucking hurt. and my mother constantly, constantly harangued me to shave, told me that women who didn’t shave were seen as dirty and unhygienic and gross. to this fucking day i cannot wear shorts in public because my legs are SO hairy and i am so terrified of someone handing me shit for not shaving my legs. i literally cannot bring myself to wear anything but full-length pants out in public no matter how hot it is because of how scared i am of someone insulting me for my leg hair because they assume i’m a woman. but the bear subculture? you could be fat and hairy and still be stunningly attractive. you could be chubby and totally covered in hair and still be a total sex bomb.

eventually, i found myself wanting to take testosterone. i thought of myself as trans, not just nonbinary. i started to become more loud and direct about my gender. i was still not out to people in my face-to-face life, but on the internet i became pushier and pushier about my identity. i felt more and more like i wanted to alter myself so i could stop living in this perpetual pit of frustration that was dealing with dysphoria. i wanted to transition, more and more, even if the social consequences of transitioning were severe, because the longer and longer i went allowing people to assume i was female, the angrier and angrier it made me to be misgendered. when i was a child, someone calling me “lady” was nothing. but as i got older, hearing someone call me “lady” made me want to fucking snap their neck. i wanted to correct them so, so badly every single time, even if outing myself put me in danger.

my mother forcibly outed me as trans to the PCP doctor i was visiting, which was extremely stressful and painful for me at the time--but it turned out that the doctor’s brother was actually a trans man, and as a result he was much more friendly to me about my identity than most other doctors would be where i was living in rural nebraska. i had been struggling up to this point trying to find a place to get testosterone. the first place i went to was super gatekeep-y, where they had a policy of not calling you back to schedule an appointment if you didn’t call them repeatedly and insistently, because apparently only calling to ask for an appointment once meant that you didn’t “want it enough” to be “really trans” (never mind the fact that i have terrible phone anxiety). the second endocrinologist i tried didn’t actually prescribe HRT. it just wasn’t his thing. i drove 100 miles in bad weather to see him and he didn’t even do what i needed from him. but then i talked to the PCP my mother outed me to. i asked him to help me find a clinic where i could get testosterone. he did a quick google search and dug up a gender clinic in denver, printed out all their information for me, and told me to give them a try. now, denver was a few hours drive away from where i was living, but i had friends in colorado who would let me stay with them, so i had no problem with finding time to go to denver. in september 2019 i scheduled an appointment to go to this clinic, and they gave me a date and time and i made sure to schedule a trip to see my friends around it.

the moment i went into the clinic, i could tell that i was somewhere that would help me. the staff was mostly made up of black and latina women who were very kind to me. the patients were largely obviously GNC, transfem and transmasc alike. one of the patients in the waiting room when i went in was a person who had the brightest, most HOT PINK mohawk i’d ever seen and was wearing a tricked out leather jacket. most of the patients were also not white. i filled out their paperwork, and eventually they called me back to see the doctor.

the doctor was a nice man. he was wearing a rainbow lanyard. when he walked in, he asked me a few questions about my gender (mostly clarifying questions about my pronouns, since i said i liked both he and they pronouns and he wanted to know which of the two to use for me), listened to me discuss my gender dysphoria, and told me they were going to do a few blood tests to check my hormone levels to make sure that i didn’t have any medical problems that would get in the way of HRT. he sent me to their in-house lab, and the phlebotomist was a beautiful black woman who had a lovely laugh. i waited for a while longer in the waiting room while they ran their tests. then the doctor spoke to me again and told me that everything looked normal enough and i was cleared to start hormones. he said they had their own built-in pharmacy in the clinic where they’d send in a prescription for T and fill it the moment the insurance approval came back. this involved more waiting, but i was so excited about getting my hormones that i didn’t care. my best friend/qpp was with me at the time (they came with me for moral support since driving in denver is so fucking stressful), and i was happy enough that i was going to get my hormones that i didn’t care even if i had to wait all day.

and then, the nurses told me that i was going to do my first shot that day. they took me back into a back room with a vial of T and a needle and taught me how to do the injection. it was subcutaneous injections, so i didn’t have to worry about doing the long, scary intramuscular needle, but i still warned the nurse that i was a needlephobe and that i’d probably need to hype myself up for it quite significantly. but i was in a fuzzy state of mind at the time, too sleep-deprived to really feel any kind of fear. so the nurse told me “just pinch a bit of skin up and inject the needle halfway at an angle” and i was just like “okay!” and stuck myself immediately. the nurse was genuinely surprised.

i walked out of that clinic feeling giddy and unbelievably relieved. for the longest time i’d experienced nothing but obstacles when trying to get myself hormones. and all it took was one appointment at this gender clinic to get the prescription i needed. i was overjoyed beyond measure.

and i noticed, after i started testosterone, that my gender changed too. before i started T, i considered myself mostly non-gendered. i wanted only neutral pronouns. even if i didn’t mind certain masculine terms, i still only wanted they pronouns. but the longer i was on T, the more masculine i felt. the more male i felt. and that, truth be told, did not bother me in the least. i feel comfortable in my skin now on testosterone, more than i had ever felt before. and i’m still changing. i’ve only been on T for about a year and 2/3rds or so, and bodily changes from hormonal transition take like 5 years to complete. i have a much deeper voice now, and i’m growing facial hair, but since i still have boobs and wide hips, people still assume i’m a woman. and even then, i’m happy as who i am. i’ll probably be happier once i get top surgery, but i’m still much happier with how i look now than i ever was as a teenager.

and you know what? i’m fine being a nonbinary guy. i consider myself both nonbinary, and s a trans man, because my gender isn’t wholly male, but i still feel comfortable being seen as “a man”. for the longest time i called myself “none gender with left boy”, but now it’s more like “guy gender with left eldritch.” i like thinking of my masculinity as inherently weird, like i’m some kind of odd colorful nonhuman creature that is man-shaped and has a deep voice and a flat chest but is still unmistakably nonhuman. i have a deep love and respect for the nonbinary community all those years that i identified solely as NB, but now i realize that thanks to the testosterone, i fit in somewhere else.

and let me tell you, it fucking hurts to be on tumblr, now realizing that i am, at least partially, a guy, and seeing how trans men are treated in queer spaces, both by t/er/fs and by other queer people, even other fucking trans people. it honestly feels to me like any time a trans man tries to speak about the specific experiences he has as a trans man, you have people either being like “you’re not oppressed because you’re a man so this didn’t happen”, or you have people being like “stop trying to dominate the conversation and take the focus away from transfems!”, or you’ll have t/er/fs either calling you a gender traitor or trying to indoctrinate you so they can brainwash you into detransitioning. and god fucking help you if you’re a trans man of color. MOC are already demonized enough for their identities; trans MOC get the worst of both worlds where they’re perceived as a threat due to being not white, AND due to being a man, AND due to being trans. it’s like everyone universally hates you for what you are, and refuses to let you speak about your problems because theyre 1) not “real” problems, or 2) you’re “stealing resources” from “the people who really need it” (i.e. transfems).

and this pisses me off so fucking much. i have no interest in playing oppression olympics with anyone, let alone my fellow trans people. i don’t want to claim that i’m “more oppressed” than transfems because by and large, i have led a fairly privileged life, and i recognize that. i know that i was lucky to be born to middle class parents who didn’t abuse/neglect me, who don’t hate me for being trans, who didn’t throw me out on the street when i came out to them. i know i am not more oppressed than others, even as a fat, queer, neurodivergent nb trans man--because i am white. because i was born to middle class parents. because i was not abused or neglected. i know this. i know it very well because my mother fucking raised me on a steady flow of “you’re so lucky to have us, you’re so lucky you’re not abused, so many other people have it so much worse than you do, you should be grateful we’re not abusing you.” and she did this so fucking much, in fact, that now i have a goddam complex of “everyone else has it worse than me so i should just shut up forever and never complain about anything because i have it so easy.” so when you have other people in the trans community itself playing the oppression olympics card, acting like focusing on anyone else aside from a very narrow group of people is “taking away resources” when it’s literally just trans men talking about what they experienced throughout their lives, i really don’t understand it. i don’t hate my trans sisters. i don’t want to pick fights with them over who’s had it harder. i want to stand in solidarity with them so we are united against the people who want to hurt and kill us. so when i see people acting like trans men are somehow “decentering the important people” when they literally do nothing else aside from just tell people shit that’s happened to them, i really have to wonder why they consider trans men to be less important to the conversation. over and over i’ve been fed messages that trans men are just secretly misogynists, that they just hate trans women and that’s why trans men get fooled into becoming T/ER/F/s. like, have you considered for a moment that maybe the reason why trans men and transmasc nbs get pulled into T/ER/Fi/sm is because so, so many trans spaces are SO FUCKING HOSTILE TOWARDS US??? AND THAT T/ER/FS MIGHT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS????

idk bro. the internet’s version of feminism is just hatred of men, of any and all kinds. it is just pain turned outward against people perceived to be the problem, who are not. so many people are like “trans men are just misogynists” but being fucking real with you, most of the people in my life who have mistreated me and been cruel to me over my gender are cis fucking women. ive heard so, so many stories from other trans men about how badly the cis women in their lives mistreated them because of their gender, their transition, their appearance. i hear stories about trans men being fooled into dating t/er/fs who then mentally, physically, and sexually abused them into detransitioning. even my own fucking mother, who raised me with this feminine expectation because she so badly wanted me to be her perfect “daughter”, reacted badly to me coming out as trans, because she confessed to me at one point that it felt like i was “rejecting how [she’d] raised [me].”

i want to be happy in my body. i want to be happy in who i am. but when casual hatred of men is so fucking condoned in queer (and even trans) spaces, it makes it really fucking hard to feel happy or comfortable in any of these places. at all. hatred of men doesn’t help anyone. it hurts trans men, who don’t need to be shit on so much just for being themselves and presenting in a way that makes them happy. it hurts nb people, especially those who are masculine-presenting or masc-of-center, AFAB and AMAB alike (since so many people see AMAB nbs as just “man lite”). it hurts trans women, both in and out of the closet, because it assumes that they’re male too and that they don’t know anything about female experiences despite being women themselves. it hurts cis men because it teaches them that people are going to assume they’re inherently threatening and violent and evil, even if they’re trying their best not to be any of those things, so why bother trying to be otherwise when people already expect you to be a violent, predatory asshole? and fuck, this whole bullshit of “men bad women good” doesn’t even help cis women either, because it fools them into believing all women are inherently safe, making it easier for female abusers to take advantage of them because “i’m a soft pretty girl uwu i could never hurt you like those bad evil dirty violent men could. how could i possibly hurt you. im just a sweet innocent girl uwu.”

like you can say “men aren’t oppressed for being men” all you want, but that doesn’t stop people from hurting and abusing and even killing trans men, queer men, men of color, neurodivergent men, disabled men, etc. and if you don’t believe that these intersections can intensify their oppression just because they’re men, then i really don’t know what to fucking tell you. trans men both queer and straight are shit on for being men because cis people see us as sad, broken failed women and other trans people see us as threatening and dangerous stealers of resources. cis queer men are shit on for not being “real” men and will be called things like “sissy” and “f*g” for not conforming to traditional cishet masculinity. men of color are seen as inherently threatening and dangerous just for existing as men and POC simultaneously. and disabled and neurodivergent men are also seen as “not real men” because they can’t perform to some arbitrary standard of able-bodied masculinity imposed on them by neurotypicals, for being “weird”, for not being “tough enough”, for their behavior being seen as threatening just because neurotypical people can’t understand what they’re doing, for having accommodation needs that people don’t want to meet because it’s inconvenient for them. sure, a white, cishet, neurotypical, able-bodied man is not going to be “oppressed” for being a man. this particular type of man will live a “privileged” life. but just acting like all men have no problems period and that their problems aren’t “real” problems just because they’re not women is NOT going to make men stop and go “wow maybe i’m being an asshole” when confronted about misogyny or whatever, it’s going to make them get defensive and double down. you don’t start a conversation with someone by telling them that their life was so easy and they don’t know what real problems are. if you REALLY want to open people’s eyes to misogyny (and transmisogyny), the way of doing that is NOT by shitting all over all men and acting like they’re all evil bastards who’ve never known what it’s like to be oppressed. and i hate how the phrase “not all men” has turned into an invite to be dogpiled and abused, especially when you’re talking about trans men or queer men or MOC, because clearly you’re just a dumb evil man trying to mansplain misogyny to the righteous, pure cis women who are clearly the only group of people on the planet who’ve ever experienced any kind of gender-based oppression at all.

i am an nb trans man. i am trans and nb and a man. and i am sick and tired of seeing trans men be mistreated. me talking about my issues is NOT “stealing resources” from transfems. me talking about my experiences with misogyny and toxic beauty standards is not “taking” anything away from anyone. i am not “dominating the conversation” just for talking about my life. i am not a threat to other trans people just for fucking existing as a man. i want my voice to be heard--not at the expense of others, but i’m tired of other voices being elevated at the expense of my voice. iim not demanding that all the resources be funneled to trans men. i’m not asking for trans women and transfems to be listened to and respected and validated less. i just want trans men to have an equal seat at the table. i just want us to be told that we are welcome specifically because we are trans and men, because our community should welcome all trans people. i’m not going to ever play oppression olympics with anyone because i will always, always lose that fight, but i don’t have to be the most oppressed person in a discussion for my voice to deserve to be heard. i have struggled my entire life with my identity, both gender and sexuality wise, and i am just sick and fucking tired of people telling me that i’m wrong for whatever reason for doing this or that or the next thing when i’m just existing as myself. i’m not fucking hurting anyone. i live a pretty blessed life compared to others, considering my parents and some of my other family have no problem financially supporting me while i grapple with my ADHD and depression. i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again: i’m not asking to take away resources from anyone. i just want trans men to be listened to and elevated too. our voices are also important. we contribute to the trans experience too. we go through systemic oppression too. and it’s not unfair or threatening for me to say “hey, i’m not trying to take away from your problems, but i also want to talk about what i’m going through and be validated for it too.” it’s not like by validating transfems, we cannot validate anyone else in the entire community. it’s not “mom says it’s my turn on the valid” here. we can uplift each other without taking from each other. and the amount of casually condoned hatred of men i’ve seen is fucking exhausting. it hurts every single time i see it. it’s fucking r/a/d/fe/m rhetoric too, this idea that all men are inherently bad. and seeing people espouse it uncritically hurts pretty much everyone.

i guess what i’m saying is, that i’ve had a long life journey to get to this point of being happy with who i am. and i refuse to let people tear me down for it just because they’ve swallowed too much t/er/f rhetoric to understand that this casual, pervasive hatred of men hurts everyone. it hurts trans and cis men. it hurts trans and cis women. it hurts nb people of all kinds, masc-aligned, fem-aligned, and unaligned, transfem and transmasc alike. it doesn’t do anything but wank the oppression boner of angry cis women who think that trans women/transfems are the root of all evil and that trans men/transmascs are just gender traitors that need to be raped and psychologically abused until they accept that they’re “really women”. i don’t want to steal anything from anyone. i just want to be listened to and told that my experiences matter. and our community is really not doing that right now, and it’s bullshit.

trans men, transmasc nbs, i love you. i love all of us. we are not “dangerous”, we are not “threatening”, we’re not “stealing resources” just for fucking existing and asking to be heard. we are amazing people, choosing to fight for our identities in a world that would strip us of all our agency. we deserve to be happy. we deserve to be loved. and if no one else is going to do it, i’ll love us anyway.

#sye's babbles #trans stuff #extremely long rant pardon me

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