#yes it's named clown car I didn't have any better ideas

[justnerdthings]

Just a collection of Alex, Echo, and Jo incorrect quotes from a generator.

Jo: Some people are like slinkies. Echo: What? Jo: Not really good for much but bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs. Echo: Echo: Please don't push Alex down the stairs. Jo, pushing Alex down the stairs: Too late.

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Alex: A party is a celebration of a life, bringing people together to let the guest of honor know how much they’re loved. Echo has done so much for us. This is our chance to do something for them. Jo: By forcing them to have fun at a party that they don’t want to be at? Alex: I knew you’d understand.

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Alex: We're having a baby. Echo: Oh, congradu- Jo, slamming adoption papers onto the table: It's you, sign here.

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Echo: It’s impossible to make a sentence without using the letter a. Jo: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here’s one more to further disprove your theory. Alex: Fuck you.

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Echo: *gets a text* Oh! It’s Alex. Jo, excitedly: Did they get me the stuff? Echo: Yeah, they say they got you the clown costume, the power drill, and 12 gallons of blood. Jo: Wow! Where’d they find 12 gallons of fake blood? Echo: You wanted fake blood? Jo: Echo: I’ll go call Alex.

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Alex: Nice rock. Jo: Thanks, Echo gave it to me. Echo: I threw it at you! Jo: Aren't they the sweetest?

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Alex: Who wants to make fifty bucks? Jo: How? Alex: I need someone to take the fall. Jo: What did you do? Alex: I can't tell you. Yes or no, no questions asked. Echo, from the other room: Oh my god. Alex: ... Echo: OH MY GOD! Jo: Make it a hundred. Alex: Deal.

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Echo: So, what is Jo to you? Alex: The reason I wake up every morning. Echo: ...That’s adorable. Jo earlier that morning, barging into Alex′s room, smacking pans together: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!

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Alex: I mean. Echo's just standing there now. Alex: Waiting for me, I guess. Alex: But it's okay, I think they've pretty much settled down. Jo: Settled down? Alex: Well, they only stabbed me once.

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Jo: Can we go out to get icecream? Alex: Did you ask Echo? Jo: They said no. Alex: Then why did you ask me? Jo: They're not the boss of you. Alex, internally: It's a trap, it's a trap, it's a trap.

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Echo: Would you slap Alex- Jo: Yes. Echo: I didn't even finish! Jo: Sorry, continue. Echo: Would you slap Alex for 10 dollars? Jo: I would do it for free. Alex: Rude...

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Echo: Is this your plan B? Alex: Technically, this is plan P. Echo: Plan P? Is there a plan M? Alex: Yes, but I marry Jo in plan M. Jo: I like plan M.

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Echo: The moon looks beautiful, doesn’t it? Alex, looking at Echo: Yeah… but do you know what’s more beautiful? Echo and Alex in unison: *sighs* Jo

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Alex: So are you gonna explain how the hell you crashed my car? Jo: Well we were driving and there was a deer in the road, so I said "Echo, deer!" Alex: ...And what did Echo do? Jo: ...They said "Yes, Honey?"

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Echo: Did Jo just tell me they loved me for the first time? Alex: Yeah, they did. Echo: And did I just do finger guns back? Alex: Yeah, you did.

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Echo, at Jo: Would you like to stay for dinner? Alex, from the kitchen: Would you like to stay forever!?!

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Echo talking at Alex’s funeral: You do know we’re burying a great person today! Jo, shocked: Did someone else die?

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Echo: Hey I just got a pet snake. What should I name him? Alex: A pet WHAT?! Jo: William Snakespeare.

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Alex: Jo has no survival skills, their need to win has replaced them. Echo: That can't be true! Alex: Watch this. Alex: Hey Jo, race you to the bottom of the stairs! Jo: *Throws themself out a window*

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Alex: What are you guys doing? Echo: Like in life in general or- Jo: Not much. Why, what's up? Alex: I dunno, I’m bored playing AC. Jo: Assassins Creed? Alex: Animals Creed. Echo: Assassins Crossing.

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Echo: How are we supposed to put a tracker the size of a penny on Alex without them noticing? Jo: Hey, Alex, I bet you 5 bucks that you can't swallow this penny. Alex: *takes and swallows tracker* Pay up, loser. Echo: ...

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Alex: Why is everyone so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I’d just be excited to have a bunk bed. Echo: Echo: I'm gonna tell them. Jo: Don't you dare.

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Echo: What time is it? Jo: I don’t know, pass me that saxaphone and we’ll find out Jo: *BLASTS the saxaphone* Alex: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXAPHONE AT TWO IN THE FUCKING MORNING Jo: It’s 2 am

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Alex: Would you take a bullet for me? Echo: ...yes? *Jo angrily burst into the room* Alex: *running away* Great, thanks!

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Jo: What makes you think it's okay to watch Hannibal given its subject matter? Echo: Sometimes, I watch television shows for entertainment purposes. Alex: Because I condone murder and cannibalism.

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Alex: Welcome to Fucking Applebees, do you want apples or bees? Echo: Bees? Alex: THEY HAVE SELECTED THE BEES! Echo: Wait- *Jo approaches, shaking a jar of bees menacingly*

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Echo: Jo and I were crossing the street, and this man drove by and honked at us. Alex: What did you do? Echo: Jo chased him to the next red light, and reached into his window, and- Jo: *walking in* Who wants a steering wheel?

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Jo: I lost Echo. Alex: How did you LOSE Echo?! Jo: To be fair, they are very small.

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Echo: Who do we know that has handcuffs? Alex: Well Jo and I- Jo: *elbows Alex* Alex: ...wouldn't know.

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Jo: What’s it like being tall? Jo: Is it nice? Jo: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards? Alex: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want. Echo: It was one time!

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Jo: I told Alex that their ears turn red when they lie. Echo: Do they? Jo: No. Echo: Then why did you tell them that? Jo: Because I can do this. Jo: Hey Alex! Do you love us? Alex, with their hands over their ears: No.

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Jo: Is Alex always like this when they lose? Echo: Oh, yes. You should've been there for the Great Jenga Tantrum of 2015. Alex: You bumped that table and you know it!

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Alex: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Echo's birthday invitations. Jo: Well, what are they supposed to say? Alex: "Echo's birthday". Jo: So, what do they say instead? Alex: "Echo’s bi". Jo: Jo: Works out either way.

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Echo: Alex got into a fight. Jo: That’s bad. Jo: Jo: Did they win?

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Echo: I’ve never asked someone out. How do you even do it? Jo: Oh, what I do is, I look them up and down and I say: “Hey… how you doin’?” Alex, scoffing: Oh, please. Jo, to Alex: Hey, how you doin’? Alex: Alex: *giggles and blushes*

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Echo: That shirt looks great, Alex. Alex: Thanks. Echo: But I bet it would look even better on Jo's floor. Jo: Are you hitting on Alex... for me?

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Echo: Hey, do you know the password to Alex’s computer? Jo: Fuck you, Echo. Echo: Hey!! Jo: No, you misunderstood, the password is "fuckyouEcho". Echo: Oh, no numbers? Not very safe.

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Jo: Hi, sorry I’m late. I was doing a couple of things and got distracted. Alex: I’m “a couple of things”. Echo: I’m “got distracted”.

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*playing twister* Echo: Right hand red. Jo: *ends up on top of Alex* Alex: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you? Echo: I stopped spinning like 15 minutes ago. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice.

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Jo: Where are my fucking keys? Alex: Jo, Echo is around, can you say it a little nicer? Jo: May I ascertain the whereabouts of my FUCKING KEYS?!

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Alex: A sprite is anything not static. Echo: A sprite is a variable object, be it 2d or 3d. Jo: A sprite is a fucking soda. Jo: You god damn geekass bastards.

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Jo: Echo! What did I tell you about lying? Echo, looking down: ...That it only works on Alex.

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Echo: What are you writing? Alex: The government wants to know what kind of weapons we have in the house. I'm letting them know it's private information. Jo, looking over Alex's shoulder: This just says 'fuck around and find out' in calligraphy.

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Echo: Why would you think any of this was a good idea?! Alex: Probably because I’m a dangerous sociopath with a long line of violence. Echo: Oh... Jo, from across the room: I don’t understand how you keep forgetting that.

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Alex: If you get in trouble, I'm gonna be like... a lawyer to you. Ok? Echo: Okay. *later* Jo: Echo! Sit down on the chair, you're in trouble. Alex, whispering: Deny everything. Echo, loudly: That isn't a chair.

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Jo: Why do you let me win when we race up the stairs? You’re the faster one. Alex: Erm... it’s nice see your smile when you win! *later* Jo: They're probably just staring at my ass, aren't they. Echo: Yeah, probably.

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Echo: *speaking Spanish* Jo: I know, I know. Alex: You speak Spanish? Jo: No. I just know the phrase, 'this is all your fault' in every language Echo speaks.

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Jo: Alex, what are you doing? Alex: Making chocolate pudding. Jo: It's four in the morning, why are you making chocolate pudding? Alex: Because I've lost control of my life. Alex: Here's your pudding, Echo. Echo: Oh that's okay, I'm not hungry anymore.

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Alex: I know you love them. Echo: I am not in love with Jo! Alex, staring at Echo: I never said who... Echo: *realizes* Echo: Shit. Well, anyways-

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Echo: Coca Cola can remove rust from metal, imagine what it’s doing to your body. Jo: Pfff, getting rid of the rust, idiot. Echo: THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS! Alex: Hmm... I've been drinking soda and my body's rust free... not sure where you're getting your facts from...

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Jo: Yo dumbass, get over here. Echo: Okay- Alex: *gleefully runs past* I’m coming! Echo, sadly: I thought... I was dumbass...

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Jo: But what about Alex? Echo: Don't worry about them. Echo: I once watched them fall down 5 flights of stairs, stand up, and keep eating their hotdog like nothing happened.

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Echo: I hope you have an explanation for this. Alex: We have three actually- Jo: Pick your favorite.

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Alex, to Echo: You know, Jo can be really aggressive, so it's important to take all the necessary precautions when approaching. Alex: *blows airhorn at Jo* GET FUCKED!

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Echo & Alex: *accidentally set the kitchen on fire* Echo: We need an adult! Alex: Echo, you are an adult! Echo: We need an adultier adult! Get Jo!

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Jo: Are you a painting? Alex: What-? Jo: Because I want to pin you to a wall. Echo: OH GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY YOU WANTED TO HANG THEM OR SOMETHING-

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Alex, bursting into the room: You two are having sex! Jo, not looking up from their book: Really? Echo, why didn’t you tell me? I would have put my book down.

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Alex, excitedly: Heeyy!! Echo: Hey, someone's excited. Jo, deadpan: Yeah, and it's making me sick.

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Echo: When Alex has daiquiris they get really into how beautiful they are. Alex: Hey, I dare you guys to dare us to make out. Jo: Hey Alex, you know that’s a mirror, right?

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@chadillacboseman @roofgeese

#there's more than i thought there were #but these are all now canon #idk where all of these are from #but the pudding one is rugrats #jo #gaits #alex demir #echo

[chris-evans-indian-fanfic]

Unhinged

One-Shot

This one-shot is my entry for @jtargaryen18 's super spooky Haunted House writing challenge! The prompt was - A celebrity haunted house for charity will be open one night only, Halloween night. You spent days trying to get a ticket online for the event. Thanks to a bad day on Halloween, you get there only a minute before the line closes. You’re the last person to go in and thinking that’s either really bad (everyone is tired or would be in a hurry to see you out) or really good (maybe you’d get some extra time with the one you came to see). You are never seen again.

I had extremely fun writing this story with Mr Freezy! 😍 I hope you guys enjoy it! Please click here to check out all the other wonderful entries!

Description: Villain!Reader meets Mr Freezy aka Robert Pronge and, let's just say they don't get along well.

Warnings: Torture, mentions of murder, non-consensual acts of sex, abusive language, dark theme. ONLY PROCEED IF YOU ARE 18+

Word count: 4300~

My Main Masterlist

I don’t consent to have any of my work published or featured on any third party app, website or translated. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but Tumblr and AO3, it has been reposted without my permission. In that case, please do share the link and let me know.

…

You looked at the pale, lifeless face of a certain Mr Patterson. Skin shriveled up, eyes gouged out, side of the face smashed in and the mouth permanently set in a horrified expression, Mr Patterson laid on the table in front of you as his widow sobbed beside him.

"I-I can't ev-even look-k at hi-him," she croaked between her tears, "My sweet-sweetheart, who-o would d-do this-ss to yo-you?" she wondered rhetorically as she completely broke down in the arms of her daughter, a woman of closely your age.

The daughter couldn't bear to look at her deceased father as she consoled her other parent. She looked at you with sadness, "Can you, maybe, make him look, a little, a bit, presentable?" she inquired quietly, "It's not going to be an open casket funeral. But we, we just want him to, you know, look a little…like slightly, better."

You almost laughed at her face on the request, but years of working at a funeral home as a makeup artist to the dead had trained you not to gawk any client's requests.

You successfully suppressed your laughter, and instead donned a sincere expression, "I will surely try my best ma'am. I am sorry for your loss, please accept my condolences."

As the mother-daughter duo left the room, you turned to face Mr Patterson. "Condolences my ass," you muttered as you spat at his face. It was ironic how the majority of your victims found their way to the funeral home where you worked. Take Mr Patterson here for example, not less than 48 hours ago he was begging you to spare his life, and now, here he was, laid out in front of you, lifeless.

You considered him for a moment, then decided against wasting your good makeup on this pervert bastard. Or maybe he might have been innocent? Who cared, he was dead now. Maybe he was truly looking at the Halloween decorations hung around the house behind you that night, or maybe he was just ogling at you. It was dark so you couldn't get a good look. But hey, you had a suspicion that he was checking you out, so you obviously had to teach him a lesson!

You still remembered killing your first victim. It had been your piano instructor. That lecherous pedophile had forcibly pulled you down on his lap, stating that sitting on him will make you a better pianist. You had grabbed the nearest glass vase and brought it down multiple times on his head, until the carpet beneath was red and his screams were all but an echo in the living room of your parent's house.

Since then, murder had become an activity from which you rarely partook in, then turned in to a pastime, a hobby, a passion and now finally, it was as natural and as necessary as breathing for you.

It didn't matter whom you killed anymore. Whether it was an old man looking at his neighbor's Halloween decorations, a dull attendant at the supermarket, an enthusiastic door-to-door salesman, a college student listening to irritating music on their headphone, or an incessant toddler crying for attention in the store, you didn't care. Anybody who irritated you, or pushed your buttons in the wrong way, or just, was at the same place at the same time with you doing something you disapproved of in your mind, you made sure to dispose of them.

The world had enough idiots, you didn't need any more of them around you.

You quickly wound up your work and left. Halloween was tomorrow and you had to make a quick stop to a local celebrity haunted house that you hoped had already been set up. It was being organized by an NGO for some God knows what charity and the tickets had proven to be difficult to procure. So you had just decided to break into the establishment a night prior.

Unfortunately, the exhibit was still being set up when you reached the venue and so, you decided to try again tomorrow night.

🎃

"OMG I can't wait to see him!" the teenagers standing in the line for the exhibit squealed as you watched them from the shadows. You looked at them with disgust, open contempt. Bloody fucking teenagers, you thought as you regarded their extreme enthusiasm. Clad in rhinestone studded clothes which sparkled under the streetlight, all the teenagers were busy on their iPhones. You rolled your eyes as each girl went live on either Instagram, Snapchat, Tik Tok or God knows what app. Fortunately, they were the last group to be admitted inside the exhibit, and if you could just time everything right, then you could maybe pull this off.

Gingerly, you approached the one who was facing away from the group, her front camera facing her with the entrance of the exhibit behind her. You cleared your throat, "Hi, um, excuse me, could you please help me?"

The teenager looked at you and flashed a wide smile, "Sure what's up?"

You smiled in relief, this would be easy, "I think my car keys fell somewhere back there, and my phone died so I can't really find them. Will you please come with me? I could use your phone's flashlight."

"Oh sure absolutely! Hey guys," the teenager called her friends, "Let's go and help her find her car keys."

"Oh no no no that's not necessary," you said urgently as her other friends grinned kindly at you, "I really just need one person. You guys stay here and hold your position in the line. We will be back in a few minutes."

"Are you sure?"' inquired another girl from the group.

"Yes yes," you smiled back in a reassuring manner.

The teenager who came with you - Ashley - looked at the grass and sidewalk at your request. If you hadn't want to enter the haunted house so much, then you would have considered sparing poor Ashley's life. Meh, you thought as you slowly crept up behind her, life wasn't always fair.

"Hey Ashley, please look under this car. I think it might have gone underneath it," you requested with a sincere expression.

She nodded as she got on all her fours, "It's not here."

"Try inhaling a big whiff of air. The keychain has a strawberry scented air freshener on it. Maybe you could smell it?" you suggested, knowing full well that the cyanide sprinkled under the car by you would instantly kill Ashley.

Your plan worked almost too well. As she painfully writhed on the floor gasping for air, you took her smartphone, hid her hideous rhinestone phone cover in your pocket and headed towards the exhibit.

Ashley's friends were waiting for her at the entrance when you reached. You told them that she was on a call with someone and would join them soon. While they still waited for her, you showed the guard the e-pass on Ashley's phone and entered the haunted house.

You were thrilled at seeing your most favorite characters almost alive in front of you! The animated wax statues bore close resemblance to their movie counterparts. Whether it was the Ghostface from Scream, the creepy Annabelle doll, the weird guy in the hockey mask, the Nun, Pennywise the Clown or the long-haired lady from The Ring, they all looked truly horrifying and you were loving it!

As you ventured further, you were surprised to see Chris Evans' character Mr Freezy or Robert Pronge. The movie wasn't exactly popular, but you figured they had maybe included this character now that Evans was all the rage thanks to the uptight stick-in-the-ass Captain America character.

Mr Freezy was standing besides his ice-cream truck, inviting you to enter it in repetitive robotic movements. His face with his signature long hair and glasses smiled at you vacantly as you looked on.

You vaguely remembered watching this movie, hell, you had even copied the cyanide idea from Mr Freezy himself! Just when you squinted your eyes, hoping to remember more parts from the movie, you heard noises behind you.

"She came inside, Officer," said a voice that sounded like one of the girls from the group. Shit! They must have discovered Ashley! you panicked as you looked for a way out. The door ahead of you had been mechanically locked shut, and the voices behind you were growing louder by the minute. The bright lights flickered on and the animations of the objects around you completely stopped.

Except for Mr Freezy.

His movements increasingly sped up and his eyes grew wider. At first, you thought it might be a malfunction, but you were shocked when he whispered your name, "Enter the truck to escape. NOW!"

As if on auto-pilot, you opened the door and hurriedly stepped in. The dry ice engulfed you, the voices lessening in volume behind you. A moment later, the entire truck shook violently, causing you to blindly hold on to the sides and yelp in surprise.

Suddenly, someone pressed the brakes and you lurched forward. The dry ice cleared inside the van as you stumbled towards the driver's seat. You heard someone close the door and walk towards the back of the truck. A moment later, the backdoors of the van were opened by none other than Mr Freezy himself.

Your jaw dropped to the floor and he mirrored your expression, the pair of you taking in each other's appearances.

Your modern 21st century clothes were completely out of place in the 1960s America that was home to Robert Pronge. His blue eyes from behind his long curtain of hair seized you up as he recovered from shock.

"Who the fuck are you and what the hell are you doing in my van?" he broke the foreboding silence.

You cocked your head to the side, your brain unable to comprehend the reality of the situation. Did you just appear on a movie set? What sort of time-space travel bullshit was this?

"ANSWER ME YOU CUNT," Mr Freezy's voice was loud enough to break you from your reverie, but the strong, tall, well-built man hardly intimidated you.

Instead of cowering as he expected you to, you raised your eyebrow, "So you are one of those method actors huh? Sorry I appeared on your set unannounced Mr Captain Evans," you said with spite as you walked towards him and crouched down to be at his eye level, "I will be on my fucking way now."

"Mr Capta-what? Who the fuck sent you? How did you come inside my van when I locked it? You weren't in there when I left Atlantic Avenue. What the fuc-"

You punched him in the face before he could finish his sentence. Though you liked his deep, smooth voice, his incessant cursing and hostility had started to get under your skin.

As he stumbled backwards from the force of your punch, you looked around him and noticed the absolute absence of large lights, cameras, large crew and any kind of set whatsoever.

You jumped from the van and looked at Chris Evans again as you landed on your feet. He looked exactly like his character in the movie. But something didn't feel right. That's when you heard the small click of his revolver.

Before he could aim it at you, you hit his right palm that held the firearm and twisted it, effectively breaking it in the process. He screamed in pain and tried to move away from you, but you weren't done yet.

Pulling him towards you, your knee brutally met with his pelvis and you punched the air out from his stomach. He doubled down with pain, his eyes watering as he tried to regain balance. But one swift blow to the back of his head turned his world dark.

You were panting when Mr Freezy finally lost consciousness and collapsed on the ground. You looked around again. The streets were isolated and there were barely any houses lined on the sidewalk.

You felt around your pockets for your belongings, but found them empty. You waited around for a few minutes, hoping to get some sense of clarity for your situation as Mr Freezy drooled on the street.

Finally, you resigned and hauled his heavy ass back into the van in the passenger's seat. Desperate for some sort of explanation, you put your hands inside his pants' pockets. You were rewarded with his wallet, some keys and a bunched up paper with an address roughly scribbled on it.

The year on the license was 1963 and the city stated was Jersey City of New Jersey.

Just as you secured his unconscious body with the seatbelt, you took a close look at his face. Despite the creepy hair, he did look handsome. Afterall, it was Chris Evans! Or some sort of alternate-universe-reincarnation-asshole version of his. His soft plump lips looked a bit dirty, so you looked down at his crotch. The pants had riddled up when you had placed him on his seat, giving you a clear outline of his dick.

And my was it a sight!

His thick member was struggling against the uncomfortable position of the pants. The rotund rod was anything but flaccid. You squeezed and rubbed your palm over the semi-hard member, cherishing the disgruntled noises that escaped his lips.

After about 5 minutes, you decided to drive his van back towards the line of houses. You guessed you were at the outskirts of the city and right now, you needed to find how to blend in with the people.

Soon enough, you were deep within the city and found a dress shop. All the signs on the shops which you passed seemed to fit the 1960s, thus leaving no doubt that you had actually time traveled into the past, that too in a completely different timeline.

You considered breaking into the shop and stealing a few clothes, but then decided against it. You were absolutely against stealing. It was probably the only crime you couldn't excuse.

The only time you hadn't paid for your stuff was when you wanted to buy a yellow dress. The lady shopkeeper with kind eyes had told you that the colour purple suited you better than yellow, and insisted that you buy the same. Later that night, you had calmly walked over the old woman's dead body and grabbed the yellow dress that you had loved.

You looked at the dresses in the shop window and decided to come back tomorrow. That's when you noticed the sign "WHITES ONLY".

You went back to the van and grabbed the revolver. Three suppressed shots from the silenced gun destroyed the sign, the wreckage of which witnessed you breaking into the shop and literally stealing everything that was on the premises.

Two. There were two crimes you wouldn't excuse.

You turned the van around and headed back towards the outskirts of the city. It was almost morning by the time you reached the address that you had found scribbled in Mr Freezy's pocket. It seemed to be some kind of a cold storage facility in a dilapidated building.

As you managed to make your way to the second floor with his limp, but still heavy, body, you remembered seeing a similar storage facility in the movie where Mr Freezy stored the dead bodies of his victims.

Your suspicions were proven correct when you picked the lock and entered the room. You found the tub where he cut the bodies of his victims and the chains he used to tie their bodies with.

As you ventured further, you found the dead body of the girl who had been force-fed pufferfish. That you remembered well, because you had tried to buy one but couldn't get your hands on the costly bugger fish.

Looking around, your eyes fell on the chains again and an idea popped into your head.

🎃

Robert Pronge woke up to find himself naked, spread eagle on his table, hands and legs wide apart, tied to the table with secured chains. The worst part? Large chunks of ice were wrapped around his palms and feet, rendering them numb. Waves of painful, frostbiting cold passed through his body. Hardly any sounds escaped his gagged mouth as he feebly tried to recollect what had happened last night.

He vaguely remembered you, a strangely dressed woman who had suddenly appeared in his van and knocked him unconscious.

He tried to look around him, a painful but necessary moment, and he realised he was in his own facility.

After what seemed like a few hours, he heard the door open and the clickety-clack of a woman's heels came near him.

Still shuddering with cold, he looked at you with his hooded eyes, the blue irises filled with hatred.

You chuckled at him. This was going to be fun. "Good morning Robert. Or should I call you Mr Freezy? Do you have a preference?" you cheerfully asked him as he kept staring at you.

You were wearing a yellow dress with white polka-dots, and a small artificial bouffant completed your look. Basically, you were dressed like any other cunt in 1963.

"Oh silly me," you scoffed at yourself, "I forgot about the gag."

A slew of profanities escaped his plump lips as you removed the gag, "You fucking whore! Untie me right now you bitch. Who the fuck do you-aaarrgghhh!" He shut up mid-rant when you slapped his cold naked dick.

"I will not tolerate any bad language. Let's take it from the top, shall we?" you reprimanded him and gave him your name.

He tried to spit at you but failed, his body dehydrated with the cold.

"You have no idea who you have messed with bitch. When my friends find out-"

"Friends?" you asked him, feigning surprise, "I thought you worked alone. Or has Mr Freezy gone all softy for The Iceman?"

Watching Robert gulp in anticipation gave you immense satisfaction. You went away from him, the dull clang of the metal chains filled the air as you heaved and huffed. Finally, he heard you crank the lever and the metal rattled as something huge was hung upside down on the metal hook.

Richard's dull, muted musk reached his nostrils before his dead body came into view. His feet were secured on the hook while his lifeless eyes stared into nothingness. His arms waved around a bit before the metal conveyor belt was brought to a stop.

"See? Richard found you," you claimed excitedly as Richard Kuklinski or The Iceman's body slowly turned above Mr Freezy.

Robert went still. Too still. A different chill had now consumed his body, his heart. He recognised the ugly emotion. He was scared. Terrified. It had been a long time since he had felt this horrible emotion but now, he lay motionless consumed by it.

His desperation grew when he heard you hum lightly, "You don't own me, I am just not one of your many toys". He had to get away from this place, from you.

As soon as he saw you disappear inside the freezer storage, he started struggling against his bonds once again. But the chains did anything but budge. "Now now, that is no way to thank me for making sure you meet your friend,* you scolded him, returning with a heavy block of ice.

"Let me tell you-UGH," you irritably shoved aside Richard's limp body as you came to stand beside Mr Freezy's horizontal torso. "Let me tell you how this is going to work. I want the names and addresses of those dusty, old, poor excuses for flour sacks 'Mafia Bosses' who apparently rule this city," you emphasized with air quotes.

Mr Freezy regarded you carefully. He knew by now that you were dangerous, but even he had his doubts that you would be able to destroy the mafia families in New Jersey. "Rot in hell bitch," he managed to spit weakly.

You rolled your eyes, "Men. Why do they always have to be difficult?" you muttered as you placed the heavy block of ice on his chiseled abs, and he immediately started writhing with the cold. "What did I tell you about your language? Tut-tut, looks like someone needs to be taught a lesson."

And with that, you made your right hand travel down his stomach and towards his thick naked member. Upon the contact, Mr Freezy tried to still his body, but the unbearably cold chunk currently resting on top of him made it impossible for him to stop moving.

You played with the hair surrounding his trunk, twisting and pulling almost teasingly, your eyes searching for his, but unfortunately, Richard's body hung between the two of you, blocking the view. So Mr Freezy couldn't see you and you couldn't see him. But who said there was romance in maintaining eye contact?

You gently wrapped your fingers around his length, making him gasp. "Someone likes this huh?" you cooed as you sped up your gestures, his length soon hardening under your touch.

"St-stop," his command was almost a moan.

You laughed at him, at his pathetic state and at his measly little request, "I don't think you want me to," you teased him as his member was almost erect now. You increased the speed of your strokes, your hands applying more pressure to thick rod that was now bulging with veins.

His hips and thighs tightened, indicating that he was close to the finishing line. But you were not done with him. Not yet.

You completely stopped your ministrations and lifted your hand. A small groan escaped his mouth before Mr Freezy caught himself.

"N-now you lis-listen to me you bit-AARRGGHH" he tried to speak between his pants, but shrieked when you roughly slammed an ice cube against his penis.

"What did I tell you about the swearing?" you chided him as you pressed the ice cube further to his length and balls.

Mr Freezy started fighting his bonds again, and frankly speaking, his refusal to accept his fate had started to get on your nerves in a bad way. You decided to keep the chunk of ice between his legs and grab some early lunch.

You returned in about 2 hours, just to find him in the same position as you had left him. The only difference was that all the ice had now melted. Oh, and there were huge, deep, red cuts on his wrists and ankles, probably due to all the fidgeting.

He was still slightly shivering though. Eh, it wasn't your problem anyway.

"Let's try again shall we?" you asked him as you got a fresh chunk of ice from the freezer. Richard's body was still hanging exactly where you had left it when you reached for Mr Freezy's lollipop again.

He tried to shake his hips, his length dancing along with his movements, as if to discourage you. "No," he muttered through gritted teeth, "No. Stay where you are. Don't you dare don't you fucking da-"

He shut up as soon as you started stroking him again. "We need to do something about your swearing Mr Freezy. Is that the language you use when you talk to kids? Huh? Looks like I will have to teach you some manners."

He soon started feeling the knot in his stomach, ready to unwind at any second, but you stopped. Completely. Again.

Even though he was mentally prepared for the cold hard ice to be rubbed against his genitals, his body wasn't.

This continued for 4 times more before he gave up. As you tried reaching for him for the sixth time, he almost pleaded with you, "I will give you their names, addresses, fucking every detail you would want about the mob bosses. Just let me go."

You laughed at his admission. He nearly jumped out of his skin as your sickeningly sweet laughter filled the isolated room. "Do you really think it's about that now?" you asked him, am incredulous expression on your face, "Ooooh Mr Freezy. I can get that information from anyone! Sure it would be convenient if I got it from you. But that's not what all this is about."

"Wh-why?" he asked, as if he already knew the answer and was terrified by it.

"Because I like breaking strong men," you replied with a pleasant, innocent grin. "Now, let's get back to work. Hhmm?"

"No no wait. I can. No. I will give you whatever you want. You want me to kill for you? I will-"

"Do you think I need a handy boy?" you interrupted him. "You want to give me something? Fine. Then stop swearing!"

He nodded eagerly, "Done. Not a single bad word. I will stay quiet. I promise. Just let me go."

You regarded him carefully, "No," you shook your head, "I don't think you have learned your lesson yet," you claimed decisively as you headed towards his legs.

With what bare minimum strength that was left in him, he shook his body again, hoping to get away from you. "Stop touching me! Stop!"

"It's funny that your mouth says stop," you grabbed his member again, "but your dick says the complete opposite." You bent down to kick a wet stripe from his balls to the tip of his mushroom, giving it a gentle suck as you reached the tip.

Mr Freezy's breath hitched in his throat. While he felt filthy and dirty everytime you touched him, the organ between his legs was aching for your attention. A tear escaped his eye as he realised this was probably the end of his life, that he might never see his son again.

As you set to work on him again, the part of his mind which had refused to accept his fate, slowly started succumbing to your sinful torture. His rebellious spirit was only left with one thought now. To be afraid. Very afraid. Of you.

__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__

Permanent tag: @donutloverxo @notyourtypicalrose @just-one-ordinary-fangirl

Chris Evans and his characters taglist: @onetwo3000 @bluemusickid @badbo1-evans (unable to tag you ☹️)

Taglist open! Just comment, send an ask or message!

#mr freezy x y/n #mr freezy x you #mr freezy x reader #villain!reader #alternate timeline #robert pronge x reader #robert pronge x y/n #robert pronge #the Iceman #Halloween #JsHauntedHouse2020

[toomanyfandoms02]

Halloween // Matthew Gray Gubler x Reader

Another Story based on a gif/picture! (Hope this is kinda what you were thinking @aberrant-annie )

Summary - It's the first year that y/n and Matthew are a couple, and he insists that they have a couples costume for an upcoming party.

Word count - 2.5k

Gif courtesy of @nationgubler

It was that time of year again. The time where Matthew got impossibly excited, wore tremendously weird costumes, and snuck up behind me an ungodly amount of times.

Halloween.

Now you may be thinking, 'Halloween is a fun and *normal* time of year for many families!' But you only think that because you haven't met my boyfriend Matthew.

Now let's give a little background on the weirdo that is my best friend.

Matthew Gray Gubler is an actor, author, filmmaker, illustrator, fashion model, and painter. But what they don't put on his google search profile is that, before all, he is a Halloween Enthusiast.

He and I have been best friends for over 8 years, and every single one of those years he has effortlessly dragged me into any kind of spooky shenanigan that he could. This was the first year of the 8 that we are a couple, so he decided, in a fit of glory as he put it, that we *needed* a couple's costume this year for the Criminal Minds cast Halloween party. I was 100% down for this idea, but boy, I really didn't know what I was getting myself into by agreeing to it so easily. So let's go back to where this whole ordeal began.

The day was October 15th, and I was sitting blindfolded in the passengers seat of Matthew's car.

"Where the hell are we going?" I giggled, flailing my arms around the car, blindly looking for the trail mix I left in his car the day before. He grabbed my wrist, leading it down to the cupholder and putting my hand on the bag. He knew me too well.

"It's a surprise, obviously, just know it has to do with Halloween." He grabbed my hand and placed a gentle kiss to the top of it.

"Doesn't everything have to do with Halloween with you?"

"Maybe." He laughed.

We were in the car for around 15 minutes, all the while I jammed out to a mix of songs I loved and goofy Halloween themed songs. Matthew had made a playlist of the two as a compromise.

I heard the car click into park and listened as Matthew left the car and walked to my side, opening the door and leading me out.

"When will I be able to see again? This whole blind thing is not for me." He laughed at my remark, looping his arm through mine so he could lead me to what I could only assume was my death. That's when I heard it, the all too familiar laugh of a clown.

Here we go.

Without the notice of my lovely boyfriend I whipped my hand up to my head, removing the black cloth that covered my eyes, I only heard a squeak of protest from him before I saw 'The Haunted Jail' before me.

"Of course." I rolled my eyes in a playful manner, unhooking myself from his arm. "So, why are we here."

"Well, I was thinking that maybe we could get some couple costume ideas from here. It's the jails doubles night so two workers tag team on a costume." He gestured wildly with his hands towards the sign that read *Doubles night! Couples get a 15% discount tonight*. I shook my head in amusement.

"Alright, let's go."

After walking through the 3 story building, we came out with a nice list of ideas for scary couples costumes. This consisted of :

•Beetlejuice

•Pupetmaster and puppet

•Purge

•Wedding gone wrong

•Twisted Alice and Mad Hatter

Then we just had to come to a decision, and soon.

We then sat in the car on our way home to dig out more decorations from the attic. Our house from the inside looked like someone had gotten murdered. There were giant floor and window stickers that resembled blood, fake knives everywhere, and caution tape. This all paired with the tape in the shape of a body on the ground near our fridge. But Matthew had so graciously pointed out that we needed to decorate the outside like we were a haunted house.

He was currently up in our creepy ass attic as I stood with crossed arms at the end of the rickety ladder that led up there. He popped his head out of the little square hole, wearing a jason mask. I narrowed my eyes and shook my head with the smallest smile.

"I'm gonna hand some boxes down to you." I heard him say behind the muffling mask.

The first box held large organized strings of orange LEDs and hooks to set them up on. The next box was filled with fake webs and the next was a huge box. I set it on the ground, prying it open to reveal giant spiders with tacky red eyes and long fangs.

"Are we gonna have these bad boys climbing the ivy outside?" He popped from the attic in a new, mask. A werewolf one I assumed.

"Yep!" He lightly set another box in my hands. "I hate the smell of these masks," He ripped the mask off, revealing his unruly hair and squinting eyes from the new amount of light. "why do I keep buying them?" It made my heart melt, messy hair Gubler was my favorite Gubler.

We dragged all of the boxes outside and decorated for what seemed like 6 hours, it was way harder work than what you would expect. We ended up with 2 giant spiders hung on the ivy, 1 crawling up the porch, and 2 more on the roof. The webs we had were strung everywhere, but the 'main web', as Matthew called it, was across the porch. We had LEDs lighting up most of the outside of our house, it made it look like a constant sunset, or constantly living in a horror movie. Whatever floats your boat. And lastly, we had bloody tomb stones scattered in the yard with fake hands reaching up at the sky through the ground.

Then it was October 16th. I had woken up groggily, feeling the bed beside me for Matthew, but only touching the soft white sheets. The time was 9:47 am and the sun was bleeding through the curtains. My legs hung over the bed as my limbs stretched, pulling down a shirt that was much to large for me *probably because it wasn't mine*. As soon as I stepped out of my bedroom I was met with a scream mask.

"**Morning!**" This made me scream.

"Damnit Matthew Gray! Christ, will the scaring ever end?" I say this but of course, it was really one of my favorite things about him.

"Not until Christmas." He replied with a cocky smile, kissing me softly. I grabbed the back of his neck, deepening the kiss and trying to make him take the hint. He pulled away swiftly. "I would *love* to continue doing this." He ran his hands down my arms and to my hips. "But I made you breakfast and eggs are better warm." He squeezed my hip and gently pushed me toward the kitchen.

Over breakfast we discussed what we were going to go as for the party. We came to the conclusion that doing purge killers would be the most fun. Now all we had to do was get the costumes.

So we left around 1 for Party City. The place had a surprisingly small amount of people, considering the time of year. However there was one girl in there that kept sneaking looks at Matthew. She was standing near some children's costumes. I quickly found out why when a kid came running up with an Alice and Wonderland costume. Shaking it profusely at her mom. The woman kneeled down to her size and gestured towards Matthew. I scrunched my face up.

*What was she telling her?*

Matthew had kept walking and I swiftly caught up with him in the mask aisle. As soon as I got there, the small girl I had just saw was tugging at his orange pumpkin T-Shirt.

"Hi! My mommy said she's a big fan of you on crimimal minds." I giggled a bit. She waved him down to her level, and he gladly came down to listen. "I think she might have a crush on you." I could hear her whisper. He looked back at me expectantly, I just smiled with a shrug. I wasn't much of the jealous type, Matthew was *extremely* loyal, I trusted him with my life. I shooed him towards the woman. He stood and waved at her, gesturing her over and backing up to be by me. I was trying to be inconspicuous and look at the masks. But clearly my lovely boyfriend had a different idea.

"Hi! What's your name?" He asked with a famous million dollar grin.

"A-ashley." She stood for a second, silently staring at him. "I'm sorry, I obviously didn't expect to be seeing you. I'm a just huge fan of yours. And it doesn't help that you are way cuter in person." She smiled shyly, hugging her daughter to her side. Matthew smiled politely but quickly snaked his arm around my hip. I turned to her with the kindest smile I could. I could see realization dropping from her eyes to the red tips of her ears.

"Well you obviously know I'm Matthew. This is my girlfriend, y/n." I leaned into him slightly. Me and Matthew hadn't exactly gone *public*. So it was an honest mistake that she wouldn't know we were together. But to be fair, we weren't hiding it either. "Would you like a picture by the way?" That seemed to distract her enough to knock her out of her clearly petrified trance.

"Yes! A million times yes!"

"I'll take it for you." I grabbed the phone she held out with a slightly tense smile. We took a few pictures and said our goodbyes as she checked out an left. We got back to looking at masks.

"Did you see her face when I grabbed your hips? I kinda live for that look." I smacked his arm playfully.

"The poor girl, she just flirted with you in front if your *girlfriend*. You petrified her!"

"Well I think you just made her a little jealous." He came behind me, wrapping his arms around my stomach and kissing my shoulders.

"Ok Gubler," I slipped from his grip. "we are in public." He groaned a little and followed me down the aisle. I grabbed the cool LED masks with the X's for eyes and big smiles, the typical Purge ones. I got me a purple one and him a red one. Next stop was fake weapons.

I gazed at all of the weapons on the wall. Machetes, guns, bats, nunchucks, knives, all of it. I then looked over to see my boyfriend squinting and tapping his chin in fake contemplation.

"Oh just grab the knife, I know that's what you wanna get." He whipped it off the wall and gave me a serious look, pointing the sharp styrofoam at me. He tapped it to my nose and couldn't contain his laugh as I looked him in the eyes with the biggest smile I could muster.

"You really know how to break me out of character."

So he did end up buying the styrofoam knife, and I ended up buying a plastic machete. As we left the store, the masks and weapons in hand he nudged me.

"So have you thought of what we are gonna wear?"

"Oh yeah. I already have the outfit, you're gonna love it, mine at least. We still have some spare fake blood at home right?" He narrowed his eyes at me, nodding suspiciously. "Great, then I just have to decorate the shirts." Which is exactly what I did when we got home.

I laid our two white button up's on our asphalt driveway, splattering them with blood. Matthew watched me. Sitting a lawn chair as I covered my hands in the blood and put a few handprints on random parts.

"Can I see the whole outfit you have planned now?" He whined.

"Nope, you have to wait. It's not that far away."

But he had asked me to show him everyday up until today, October 31st, party day. Now here we are, on our way back from a McDonalds run that took a *bit* longer than anticipated and we had a very slight chance of being late. We stumbled into the house and ran to the room.

"Why are we rushing anyway?" I took a pause, catching my breath. "We don't have to be exactly on time anyway." He agreed and we slowed down a bit to get our things together.

"I didn't want to have to rush out after seeing you in costume anyway." He said, slyly reaching into the closet and grabbing our button up's. I grabbed the rest of my things from a plastic bag under my side of the bed. I went to the bathroom and changed. My outfit consisted of a black miniskirt, a black cropped tube top, and black knee high socks. Paired with black heeled low-top booties. Then slung over it all was ny open button up. I sheathed my machete behind me and walked out of the bathroom to see Matthew in his bloody shirt and old dress pants and shoes. His giant knife was sheathed in a holster on his side. He ogled at me for a moment, shifting on his feet.

"Holy- wow." He breathed out. I waltzed up to him, unbuttoning a few more buttons and messing his hair to fit the part a bit more. I handed him his mask, with my eyebrows raised. He set it on the bed behind him, cupping my face and bringing me in for a kiss. I ran my hands down his half bare chest and I could feel him smile into the kiss, so I did too, and boy was he a sucker for that. He deepened the kiss and pull me towards him as much as he could, leading his hands lower and lower. Eventually he grabbed my butt a little and I let a giggle slip into the kiss. I parted from him, staring into those honey brown eyes. I felt like a teenager. He had not taken his eyes off me since I left the bathroom.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer."

"Alright." He slid he phone from his pocket, snapping a picture of me. What was I gonna do with this man? I grabbed our masks and we headed out.

We were only about 20 minutes late to the party. We turned our LEDs on and entered AJs house, as her door was wide open.

"You guys look *amazing*!" Kirsten gushed. "Especially you y/n. *Damn* do you rock those socks."

"I know right?" He lifted his mask, placing a kiss on my cheek.

The whole night was filled with chugging fun Halloween themed drinks, compliments on our costumes, slipping secret kisses, and quite the photo shoot.

*And man was I in for it when I got home.*

-----------------------

@spenciereiddd said they wanted tagged in some writing, so here ya go my dude.

#mgg #criminal minds #matthew gray gubler x reader #matthew gray gubler #matthewgraygubler #spencer reid

[movienotesbyzawmer]

April 10: Rocky II

(previous notes: Rocky)

When this movie came out I was a little kid living in Northern California, and we used to go to huge drive-in movie complexes that had like six screens. No matter what movie you were watching, you could see other movies from your lot. I don't remember which movie we were watching at the time, but I remember being distracted by a nearby screen showing Rocky II. I totally watched the ending in suspense. It was eventually on cable a lot so I was able to see it for real, but still like 40 years ago.

Anyway, I wonder if this movie will have the effect of dulling the charm of how the first movie ended, so climactically and with appealing suddenness.

Also, is this the only one of the first four movies that doesn't have a rollicking hit song emerging from its soundtrack?

Stallone famously wrote each of these movies all by himself, and starting with this one he is the director of a bunch of them as well.

Same kind of intro with the fanfare, except the music sounds very clearly, to me at least, to not be playing on real horns. I think it's synths. "Modern".

We're now just watching the end of the first movie. We get to relive the intense experience of seeing Adrian's face in closeup closing her eyes for one and a half seconds. The drama.

The whole first five minutes is the whole last five minutes of the first movie. That's weak. Cheap.

Then the whole opening credits follows, and it's following the ambulance that's taking Rocky to the hospital because of all the punchplay. Not a good use of this time. But more importantly: are they going to address the eyelid situation.

Rocky and Apollo confront each other in wheelchairs in front of the press at the hospital. They're still fired up.

After Rocky gets out of the hospital he rambles a lot and it's like an amateur improv scene where he's figuring out on the spot some things to say about where they are. He gets the idea to have Rocky propose to Adrian, then when she accepts he does a Tarzan wail. What a cheeky clown that Rocky is.

His eye seems fine now.

0:18:20 - the a cappela street musicians are still at it, still not very complex with the harmonies. Isn't Sylvester Stallone's brother a singer named Frank, and does he look like the guy in this scene? I bet it's him.

I'm pretty bored of this movie so far. It's like the people were clamoring for an answer to the question, "what happened after the fight", and Stallone's enthusiastic answer was "just regular stuff like you'd guess!!!!!"

Oh my. It's their wedding night and they talk like dumb, uninspired newlyweds and then kiss, and it's like the director, who remember is Stallone, directed the two of them, one of whom is also Stallone, to perform slow, exotic lip dancing and no one told him that's a thing called kissing which is normal and common.

Rocky has some money now so he and Adrian are looking at buying a house. The realtor is all "this whole place is supported by solid steel" and Rocky is all "yo Adrian that would be a great spot for a radio". It's like porn stars that have been told to ad lib for a few minutes in the beginning of the scene. Except that we aren't about to be rewarded with porno.

0:28:05 - Adrian is pregnant! They talk about it. They talk about it in small talk. "What if it's a girl" "Oh a girl I didn't think about that can you imagine".

So one of the adventures of post-the-first-movie Rocky is that he gets to do a commercial. They show the filming of that and that it doesn't go well because of his Rocky personality. And the next scene he has realized that he needs a white collar job so he's at an employment agency office and asks for a job where he gets to sit. But he's not a good fit there. So he goes and gets a job at a butcher place. He promised Adrian he was done with boxing so now we have this boring part of the movie which isn't short enough.

Okay it's definitely going in a direction of not-boxing-is-sucky-for-Rocky, because he lost the butcher job and had to sell his car to Paulie. He said "it's a great car, buckle up for safety!" Do you think Stallone actually scripted that line or did he improvise it and the director, who you may recall is also Mr. Stallone, thought it was really good and kept it in

0:46:30 - He goes to visit Burgess Meredith at the gym. BM is not helping Rocky's morale, tells him he's washed up POI-manently. He begs for a job doing menial tasks at the gym and BM tells him everyone will think he's a loser but okay. Stallone does okay looking humble about that.

When he comes in to the gym everyone is laughing at a very stupid editorial cartoon in the local news publication, it shows Apollo doing harm upon Rocky-as-a-chicken with the ingenious caption "APOLLO CREED VS THE STALLION CHICKEN". It was clearly "STALLION CHICKEN". That does not make any sense.

BM was easily persuaded by Apollo's cockiness and so he then shows up at Rocky's nad easily persuades him to accept the rematch deal. Feels like movie formula but at least it's about to be less boring.

I like BM's voice.

They're doing a thing going back and forth between Rocky training and Apollo training. Apollo's is going better, partially because his facility is kind of luxuriously spacious. Then they stuck a scene in the middle of that of Adrian working at the pet store all preggo, but having trouble lugging a weighty thing and listen my friends, I think Talia Shire acting is not good acting.

We're in a long sequence that's about how Adrian had the baby prematurely and she slipped into a coma or something, and it's made clear that she had health problems because she was stressed out and overworked because of the heavy things at the pet shop and the husband who went back to boxing. Big old guilt trip taking up a lot of the middle of the movie. Adrian is in a coma. They don't show the baby. It's all just sadness about comatosity of Adrian.

But! She eventually wakes up! And after the first ever conversation they've ever had about what to name their newborn son, Adrian inexplicably changes her tune and tells Rocky she wants him to win. "Win!" That's what she tells him. Then she says it again. Stallone writing, Shire acting, what more could you want.

Now an upbeat training montage that's more hopeful and he's obviously high energy. He must be hitting the punching bags better because just look at how confident he looks.

1:29:35 - It is the sequel to the famous running montage from the first movie. The inspired updates include a new recording of that same song but with children singing "flying strong now" or whatever, and also children following him on his majestic dash to the steps of that municipal facility. Someone probably said "do the running scene again just exactly like in the first movie", but no. Stallone was not satisfied. "We will change it a little," he proclaimed. And lo.

Oh I hope there will be a sequel to the shot of Adrian closing her eyes for considerably longer than a blink. Do you think when people stop her on the street they're like "do the eye close thing do the eye close thing! My friends will all ask if you did the eye close thing and I need to tell them yes she did I saw it and it was even better in person"

We're at the fight now. It's about to start. It's all going as expected. I truly believe that everything will be okay.

Before it starts, Apollo tells Rocky, "you're going DOWN". So maybe it will NOT be okay after all…

Seems like the shots of this fight are not as varied or interesting this time, and they're relying more on the announcer commentary telling us what to think compared to the first movie.

Now the obligatory montage to show us the rounds moving forward and them still going at it. Not the same style as the first movie, but whatever it's working fine. I'd maybe watch a boxing match if it were shot and edited like this so that it's just ten minutes.

I swear I remember seeing this imagery from across the drive-in way back in the 70s, I don't care if you believe me or not it's the truth.

Look, I know I don't know nothin' 'bout boxin' but it seems like you're supposed to use your forearms as shields kind of, and Rocky doesn't do that like at all.

The dialogue is telling us that Rocky is maybe losing going into the final round. I wouldn't have thought so… thanks dialogue!

"YOU'RE GOING DOWN" repeats Creed. Such writing I tell you. Rocky II - A Film By Sylvester Stallone.

I will never forget the carefully choreographed climax of the movie. They both crumble onto the floor and the one-to-ten countdown all slow-like as they maybe try to get back up and Apollo doesn't and Rocky barely does so he is the new world champion. Then the last couple minutes of the movie is the same basic energy as the first movie. It's like the first movie's ending was a template and they just replaced a couple of things.

They kept making more of these movies! I'm going to keep watching them! I'm going to do this notes-about-them thing!

(next: Rocky III)

#rocky 2

[paceywittergayboatman]

Jess is the Gay Subtext Gilmores Gay Meta

Jess within the Gilmores Gay subtext is Rory’s mirror.  He has a lot in common with Rory: a negligent father who left, a mother who relies emotionally on him or isn't able to deal with her trauma and can't express love in an entirely healthy way, who are both into reading as an escape and a career path, both of there parents get remarried and have another kid and there are also legally cousins. He's also gay in the subtext(link at the bottom for my mini post on that.)

I’m gonna talk about episode 6.8. In which Rory and Jess talk and he essentially awakens something in Rory that brings back a part of herself that she lost. He also meets Logan but that for later on.

In the scene Jess and Rory talk after not seeing each other for awhile:

JESS: Yeah, and I didn't think you'd believe it if I didn't show it to you in person. (takes out a book and give it to her)

RORY: Well, colour me curious. A book. (reading the cover) "'The Subsect'...written by Jess Mariano."

JESS: It's no misprint.

RORY: You wrote a book?

JESS: A short novel.

RORY: You wrote a book?!

JESS: And through a fluke, I got it to these guys that have a small press, and they read it. I don't know if they were high or something, but they decided to publish it.

RORY: You wrote a book.

Subsect sounds a lot like subtext huh? By this time in the show he's already kind of admitted he's gay.(ill put a link at the end of this for that) So he does reflect her.

But then he goes to leave and lo and behold they run into Logan. We already know that Logan is gay given other things(link down at the bottom) So we know all the people in this scene are gay so put that into context makes this make sense. I’m gonna link the clip here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnTsSPKyzG0.  Logan and Jess to put it plainly are eye fucking and Rory looks very umcomfortable:

RORY: No. Hey. When did you get back?

LOGAN: Couple hours ago.

RORY: Oh, I...I thought you were getting back tomorrow.

LOGAN: I thought I'd surprise you, Ace.

RORY: Well, I'm glad you did 'cause you get to meet my old friend, Jess. This is Logan, my boyfriend. Logan, this is Jess. He's in from out of town. (uncomfortable silence) Wow. That sounded so grown-up. We're at the age now where we say things like "in from out of town" and "old friend", 'cause when you're young, all your friends are new, and you have to get old to have old friends. (uncomfortable chuckling from Rory. Logan extends his hand to Jess)

LOGAN: How you doing? (they shake)

JESS: Okay.

RORY: We were just gonna go grab a bite to eat.

LOGAN: Great. Well, how about if we all go together. Is that okay?

JESS: Okay by me.

LOGAN: Good

RORY: All right. Good. We were actually at a loss for where to go, so you actually saved us.

LOGAN: Call me superman. (at Jess) Why don't you follow us.

JESS: Sure. (Logan puts his arm around Rory's shoulders and stears her to the passenger side of his car. Rory is a bit uncomfortable with the gesture)

Two things to note, Rory refers to jess as her friend, and Rory is in the script said to be uncomfortable. Which confirms my earlier theory.

They got to dinner and this shit gets gayer:

GAN: So...what do you do, Jess?

JESS: Oh, this and that.

LOGAN: Describe the "this". Describe the "that".

RORY: He writes.

LOGAN: You write? Impressive. What do you write?

JESS: Nothing important.

RORY: He wrote a book.

LOGAN: Oh, you penned the great American novel, Jess?

JESS: Wasn't quite that ambitious.

LOGAN: So, what are we talking here? Short novel? Kafka length or longer? Dos Passos, Tolstoy? Or longer? Robert Musil? Proust? I'm not throwing you with these names, am I?

JESS: You seem very obsessed with length.

LOGAN: I'm just trying to get a picture in my head, that's all.

RORY: It's a short novel.

The use of length is homoerotic. Despite Logan being classist Jess is still flirting with him.

More:

LOGAN: (at Rory) Any good?

RORY: I haven't read it yet.

LOGAN: Yet? Well, at least you'll have one reader. That's something.

JESS: Yeah.

LOGAN: You know, I should just write down all my random thoughts and stuff that happens to me and conversations I have and just add a bunch of "he said, she said"-'s, and get it published. You got a copy on you?

JESS: No.

LOGAN: You should send me a copy.

JESS: Sure. And where do I send it? The blond dick at Yale?

Ok so again the use of dick is very homoerotic. 

Jess is upset of course:

RORY: Jess, wait. (he stops and turns to look at her) Jess, I'm sorry.

JESS: We shouldn't have done this.

RORY: He's just in a bad way lately.

JESS: He's a jerk.

RORY: He was. In there, definitely. I'm so sorry.

JESS: I read that guy the second I saw him. I should have begged off.

RORY: Well, I didn't want you to.

So he read him, implies that Jess know Logan’s gay. He’s figured him out sexuality wise.

Theres more:

JESS: No, no. I mean with you. What's going on with you?

RORY: What do you mean?

JESS: You know what I mean. I know you better than anyone. This isn't you.

RORY: I don't know.

JESS: What are you doing? Living at your grandparents' place, being in the DAR, no Yale...why did you drop out of Yale?!

RORY: It's complicated.

JESS: It's not! It's not complicated.

RORY: You don't know.

JESS: This isn't you. This, you going out with this jerk, with the Porsche. We made fun of guys like this.

RORY: You caught him on a bad night.

JESS: This isn't about him. Okay, screw him. What's going on with you? This isn't you, Rory. You know it isn't. What's going on?

RORY: I don't know. I don't know.

So Jess being her mirror is acknowledged when he says he's knows her better than anyone.

Jess leaves and Rory and Logan fight:

LOGAN: Look, I'm sorry I came back early. I really messed things up here.

RORY: Jess wrote a book. He wrote a book, and you mocked him.

LOGAN: I did not mock him.

RORY: He's doing something.

LOGAN: Good. Fine. He's doing something. Everybody in the world's doing something. More power to him.

RORY: I'm not. I mean, what am I doing? I'm living with my grandparents.

LOGAN: That's temporary. Have a drink.

RORY: Temporary can turn into forever.

LOGAN: You're not living with the Gilmore’s forever.

RORY: I'm palling with my grandmother and being waited on by a maid. I come home, and my shoes are magically shined. My clothes are magically clean, ironed, and laid out. My bed is magically turned down. I'm in the DAR? I'm going to meetings and teas and cocktail parties?

Rory is having realization about her life because of what jess said to her. The fights not over yet:

LOGAN: Again, temporary. Have a drink.

RORY: And wasting my time partying and drinking, just hanging out doing nothing.

LOGAN: Whoa, whoa, whoa. (he gets up) Don't pull me into this.

RORY: I didn't say anything about you.

LOGAN: Yes, you did. Don't make me feel guilty for your drinking and partying. That's your choice. I'm not forcing you. When I ask you out, you can say no

RORY: It's all we do.

LOGAN: It's not all we do.

RORY: It's all you do.

LOGAN: Well, it's my prerogative, you know. You're damn straight. I'm gonna party. I'm gonna do it while I have the chance because come June, my life is over.

RORY: Oh, yes, your horrible life. Let's hear about it.

LOGAN: Got a week?

RORY: You have every door open to you. You have opportunities that anyone would kill for, including me.

LOGAN: No one's stopping you from making whatever you want happen. Go into journalism. Go into politics. Be a doctor. Be a clown. Do whatever you want.

RORY: It's not as easy when it's not handed to you.

LOGAN: Really? It's all so easy for me? (getting upset) I don't want that life. It's forced on me. You talk about all these doors being open? All I see is one door, and I'm being pushed through it. I have no choice. You try living without options.

Logan is stuck within a heterosexual playboy idea of himself that isn’t him. And so he parties to cope.

RORY: How hard are you fighting it?

LOGAN: I didn't tell you to quit Yale. You did that. I gave you one month, you went beyond that month, and it had nothing to do with me. It was all you. Now, you want to change? Change it, but don't blame me. Don't you dare blame me. You know what? Why don't you go off with John, Jack, whatever his name is?

He's not claiming responsibility because he's an asshole, but also he doesn't know how to be a boyfriend because he's gay. He's uncomfortable with Rory relying on him emotionally because he's viewing it as romantic and the gay guy in him doesn't like that. Rory's comment about him fighting is the text is noting his struggle with compulsory heterosexuality. Rory leaves and as we know she does break up with him and jess comments to her bring her back to herself. 

my other links 

https://jessandroryaregayfightme.tumblr.com/post/635171090892783616/doyle-paris-and-logan-and-the-milk-metaphor

https://jessandroryaregayfightme.tumblr.com/post/634824232687255552/yale-gay-subtext-in-gilmore-girls

https://jessandroryaregayfightme.tumblr.com/post/633010606083112960/logan-huntzberger-isnt-just-a-lazy-straight-man

https://jessandroryaregayfightme.tumblr.com/post/632166174651727872/so-its-time-for-another-homosexual-gilmore-girls

https://lupineluke.tumblr.com/post/634255134572036096/wait-but-youre-forgetting-the-most-important-part

#jess mariano #rory gilmore #logan huntzberger #Gilmore girls #Gilmore girls meta #gilmore girls

[caranfindel]

Recap/review 14.13: “Lebanon”

THEN: They hit me right in the face with gorgeous young 1.01 Dean saying "Dad's on a hunting trip and he hasn't been home in a few days" and beautiful baby 1.01 Sam saying "we've got work to do" and we end with 14.12 and Sam furiously punching his brother and then furiously hugging him and Dean saying "let's go home" and does anything else matter? No.

NOW: We see the reflection of Sam and Dean walking up to a pawn shop, with a nice selection of guitars and sunglasses and that weird monkey that was in Rocky's Bar. The proprietor seems friendly enough. Dean flashes him a wad of hundred dollar bills because they're looking for "the really good stuff." This gains them admittance into a secret back room full of things hunters would be interested in, including a hockey mask (?) and a perfume atomizer full of dragon's breath. They tell the guy they're looking for the skull of a specific woman who was executed during the Salem witch trials, and the fact that he has it basically proves that he killed the friend of theirs who previously owned it. (Also Sam picks up a teddy bear and starts to pull the string to make it speak and the guys warns him not to and this is Dean's role, isn't it, messing with things he shouldn't be messing with? But I don't care because chastized Sam and eye-rolly Dean are precious to me.)

Sam goes through a ledger of the guy's inventory and says he's got a lot of occult objects that they should take with them. (Dean plays with the dragon's breath. Sam ducks and flinches and does the really, Dean? thing with his hands and face. I laugh again.) Dean agrees they should take the stuff home.

Title card!

The Impala zooms past a sign welcoming us to Lebanon, Geographical Center of the USA. Then we find ourselves in front of a movie theater showing Beetlejuice and Hell Hazers (All Saints' Day is coming soon, and I imagine Route 666 can't be far behind), where a group of teenagers is talking about... somebody. "People say they're brothers," a kid in a knit cap says, "but all I know is, I was standing right here, and I heard this bam from the trunk of their car. And then, this like, shallow breathing." I'm pretty sure this is a fake-out, and it will turn out he's talking about someone else, but the Impala pulls up in front of the theater and Knit Cap Kid says "that's them!"

As the Winchesters get out of the car and enter a liquor store (decorated with that Family Business neon sign from Rocky's), Sam is still reading the ledger, which lists things like a hangman's rope, fairy dust, and John Wayne Gacy's cigar box. Well, that's oddly specific! The guy working there greets the "Campbell brothers" and knows their usual order. Oh, wow. I love that they're actually known in Lebanon, and that they're going by Campbell. And we know that actual Lebanon, Kansas is too small to have a movie theater or this much business downtown, but I'm happy to handwave that.

What do you mean, "happy to handwave that?" You're always complaining about the inaccuracies regarding tiny Lebanon having traffic cams and whatnot.

Well, maybe this episode just MAKES ME HAPPY, okay?

Anyway. Sam thinks cataloguing the confiscated items would be a good way to take Dean's mind off "things," but Dean's pretty convinced nothing will ever take his mind off that.

Outside, the teens are asking where the guys even come from, and what about their weird trenchcoat-wearing sidekick, and "that kid with the dumb Bambi look on his face all the time" (!) One girl says that, whatever the deal is with these guys, they do have an awesome car, and no one can argue with that. And the other girl, Max, who seems to smitten with the first girl, gets an idea.

Inside, Sam has discovered something significant in the ledger - the "beyzoo" (no, I know that's not how you spell it), which is one of eight ancient Chinese treasures. A pearl that gives you "what your heart desires." Oooh, getting rid of Michael, maybe? But as the guys are discussing this, Dean sees the Impala drive by the window. Guess Max figured out how to impress that other girl! (BTW, there are couple of COOL old trucks on the street.)

The guys see Knit Cap Kid standing on the sidewalk looking confused, and while Sam tells him the car is dangerous to whoever stole it, Dean looks like he wants to murder someone. And yet the Winchesters are confused when the kid says he doesn't want to die. (Or get locked in the trunk!) He says Max is new and he doesn't know where she lives. Dean raises a fist, but Sam pulls him away.

MURDER. I'D MURDER THEM.

Post office. There's a poster of stamps featuring old cars behind the customer service counter. I'm really getting my old truck fix tonight. Sam comes in with his sweet anxious smile and asks for help finding the girl who washed his car, since he forgot to tip her. Post Office Lady is not amused or helpful, or the least bit swayed by his sweet anxious smile. Then Dean comes in and calls her by name and asks about her grandson and she MELTS and he gets sincere and puts his hand on hers and she does exactly what I would do, which is offer up ANYTHING YOU WANT, ANYTHING AT ALL, WOULD YOU LIKE MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER WHILE I'M AT IT? Unfortunately, all she knows is where Max's mother works.

SAM’S FACE.

(Sidebar: Have I mentioned that Sam is wearing that nice blue jacket from the episode where he killed the alpha vampire? I like it. Toss that stupid orange jacket, Sam, and wear this more often. And Dean's wearing the black jacket that I always love.)

At the restaurant where Max's mom works, we learn that she has no idea where her daughter is, because she was supposed to be in school. But the guy working in the kitchen knows February 7 is Skip Day (is it always February 7? what about when that falls on a weekend?) and that she'll probably be at a party at this old house on Route 36. (Yes, I did confirm that Route 36 is just outside of Lebanon. Yes, I did use Mapquest. I'm old school up in here, y'all.)

Party house. The little batch of delinquents has taken all the boxes of occult objects out of the Impala for some reason. Including the evil teddy bear. Luckily, someone announces "pizza's here" before a girl pulls the teddy bear's string. At some point I've got to find out what would happen if you pulled it. Fic it for me, friends! (Also, I just noticed the teddy bear's mouth is SEWN SHUT and that's not creepy AT ALL.) The camera slowly pans to a wooden box, and we watch the lid open to reveal a smoky/dusty ghost hand. With a ruffled sleeve. Uh oh.

Knit Cap Kid runs in to warn the partiers that "those guys" are looking for Max, and he's told to chill. Another teen goes into the bathroom, where the mirror frosts over and then the CREEPIEST CLOWN EVER comes out of it. Seriously, creepier than the clown in Plush, which you wouldn't think was possible.

The Winchesters pull up in yet another antique truck, where Dean greets his car with "Baby, Baby, please tell me you're not hurt." Sam's more concerned about the boxes of dangerous occult objects missing from the back seat. Ghost Kid comes running outside and the girl following him tells the brothers that he saw a clown ghost that tried to kill him. Maybe it's my imagination, or maybe Sam has a flash of crap, a killer clown ghost expression before they run into the house.

Dean announces they're FBI and everyone needs to get out, now. Once the room is cleared, he asks if "anything screams clown to you?" Sam immediately notices John Wayne Gacy's cigar box and guys, I'm ashamed to say I didn't put the two together until now. The killer clown ghost is John Wayne Gacy. And Sam is freaked the fuck out about it. "We should burn that right now," Dean says, in a lovely holding-in-the-freakout way, and Sam rushes to throw it into the fireplace. Then Dean says "I mean, this is like a best worst thing that's ever happened, because you love serial killers, but you hate clowns" and I'm DEAD. (I'm also loving TWO gifts from the Continuity Fairy in once sentence.) The lights start flashing before Sam can get his lighter lit, and then the killer clown ghost shows up and tosses Dean around. Knit Cap Kid and the girls run back inside just in time to watch John Wayne Gacy's ghost go up in flames. So the kids get the "monsters are real" speech and are told to keep it secret.

Back at the bunker, Sam's going through the occult goodies and thinks he found the magic pearl. Dean's ready to use it right now, and dismisses Sam's suggestion that they call Mary or Cas. If it doesn't work, he doesn't want to have gotten their hopes up. Sam looks distressed at the idea it won't work, but agrees. The pearl doesn't come with any instructions, so Sam suggests Dean hold it and concentrate on what his heart desires. "Michael out of my head," Dean says, and I'd have been more specific. I'd have concentrated on Michael out of my head and destroyed, and me perfectly fine, but, well, what do I know?

(Also, I KNOW all you Wincest and Destiel fans are gonna have your own ideas about what - or who - appears in front of Dean when he’s granted what his heart desires. This setup is better than sex pollen. Have fun, my kinky little friends.)

Dean clutches the pearl and concentrates, and the lights flash and then go out, and in the red emergency light we see someone in the bunker. Someone fighty, who knocks both brothers down and then pulls out a shotgun and says "don't you move," but it's a familiar voice and then the lights come on and what do you know? Winchester Surprise!

So, was anybody truly surprised? I covered the guest stars on first viewing, as I always try to do, but I noticed on rewatch that they didn't even credit JDM at the beginning of the episode. Which they sometimes do, to avoid spoilers. And yet. Has there been a single episode of this series that was more spoiled? I don't think so.

(Sidebar: What do you think would have happened if Sam had taken the pearl and made a wish? I think Michael would be gone. Because I don't think there's anything Sam wants more than saving his brother.)

Back to our story. Everyone is shocked. John thinks Sam should be in Palo Alto, apparently in his 14th year of post graduate work. He thinks he's still in 2003, and he doesn't notice his boys are older. And they apparently don't notice that his hair is very short and a lot greyer than it was when we last saw him. (I mean, really, they slapped a wig on Samantha Smith to make her look like The Last Version Of Mary, so why couldn't they do the same thing with JDM? It's distracting.) Sam figures they must have accidentally summoned John from the past. So they do what one does in this situation - sit down and drink.

John's astonished. Dean's proud. Sam's visibly anxious. We don't get to see exactly how much of the backstory they tell him, but they do tell him about the apocalypse and Lucifer and living with "an angel and Lucifer's kid." And now John thinks he died "taking out Yellow Eyes," which... not really? But okay. And they don't tell him Mary's back, until he mentions her and Sam's, all, yeah, about Mom, and then she comes in and John hears her voice and tears up and dammit. This reunion is everything I didn't think I ever wanted. I mean, I've made no secret of the fact that I'm not a fan of John Winchester. He's a fascinating character and JDM does a great job with him, but he's such an awful father (don't bother arguing with me, you will not change my mind) that I can't really like him. And I'm not too impressed with resurrected Mary, either. But when these two come together... damn. It's good. It's very good. Well done, you two.

I love that the boys give them some privacy, because it's been over a decade since John saw them, but it's been even longer since he saw his dead wife, and this should really be a John and Mary reunion.

Out in the hall, Dean's gleeful and Sam's all, how the hell did this happen? Dean explains that he's wanted this since he was four years old (oh, my heart) but Sam warns that messing with time will not end well. I don't actually remember Sam being that concerned about the unintended consequences of time travel, but I'm sure there's a good reason he's bringing it up now. Dean doesn't care. Dean just wants one family dinner together (oh, my heart again, remembering his one last dinner with Mary).

Sam, sans Dean, runs into John in the library, because Mary's off making a shopping list and he decided he'd rather examine the bunker than be involved in that I guess? Okay. But then this happens.

I screwed up with you a lot, didn't I?

No, that's okay.

No, it's not. Sammy, tell me the truth.

I don't want to talk about that.

You didn't have a problem talking about it before you left.

Dad. For me, that fight, that was a lifetime ago. I don't even remember what I said. I mean, yeah, you know, you did some messed-up things. But I don't... I mean, when I think about you... and I think about you a lot... I don't think about our fights. I think about you... I think about you on the floor of that hospital, and I think about how I never got to say goodbye.

Sam. Son. I am so sorry.

I'm sorry too. But you did your best, Dad. You fought for us, and you loved us. And that's enough.

OH MY GOD. This is everything I ever wanted.

1. John admitting he was a crap parent to Sam.

2. Sam trying to sidestep that - because he's Sam Winchester and that's what he does - and John not letting him.

3. Sam finally calling him out instead of just saying nah, it's fine.

4. John calling him Sammy.

5. Sam pointing out that he didn't get a goodbye from John. (Did he ever find out that Dean got praise and an apology?)

6. John apologizing.

7. Sam forgiving him.

8. "And I think about you a lot."

9. The way Sam keeps having to stop talking and look away and make that little "hmmm" noise.

10. And the tears.

10b. The way Sam tears up even before The Talk, when he remembers them as kids trying to make Winchester Surprise.

11. The shaky voice.

12. And Sam's shirt.

13. And the way Sam's expression looks so much like his expression in Sacrifice, when he tells Dean that his confession was about how he let his brother down.

This, right here, is two minutes and 24 seconds of the best television I've ever seen. I don't care what else this episode does, this 2:24 is worth it. And yes, this is three weeks in a row that Jared Padalecki has ripped my heart out of my chest and STOMPED ON IT.

And I love it.

Meanwhile, Dean gets the shopping list from Mary. Sam finds him and tells him he's right, because Sam also just got everything he ever wanted, and then offers to go shopping with him. (Saaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmm!!!!!!!)

When they get to town, the guys split up - Sam to the grocery store, Dean to the liquor store. Dean's surprised to see the liquor store guy, the one who remembered his "usual" earlier in the day, has no idea who he is. If Dean had ever seen "It's a Wonderful Life," he might say this is just like when George Bailey goes into Martini's Bar and isn't recognized. But apparently Dean Winchester, pop culture aficionado, has never seen that movie (no, I haven't gotten over that, and I never will) so he doesn't recognize a classic uh oh, we changed the course of history moment when he experiences it.

Meanwhile, Sam steps out of the grocery store and finds that neither Max nor the postal clerk recognize him. And then he sees a wanted poster in the post office window. Dean Winchester, wanted for assault, murder, and credit card fraud. Whoops! He trots to the car, where Dean is waiting, and tells him they have a problem. "Yeah, we do," says Dean. "Check this out."

He shows Sam his phone and it's a video of SAM IN GLASSES AND A BLACK TURTLENECK AND SLICKED BACK HAIR GIVING A TED TALK. HE RUNS A LAW FIRM AND LOVES KALE. IT IS THE SECOND MOST AMAZING THING I'VE SEEN TONIGHT.

HE'S STEVE JOBS.

So, those of you who were spoiled... did you know about this? Or did they actually keep THIS AMAZING THING under wraps?

Sam Jobs tells his audience that being your best leaves no time for hobbies or a family, and Sam has seen enough. He tells Dean about the wanted poster, and Dean says yes, of course he googled himself too ("a lot of beheadings," hee!!!) and wonders if there are alternate versions of them running around. Sam thinks it's a "temporal paradox," and time is self-correcting, changing to the new one. If they don't fix things, they'll become those alternate versions of themselves. "Well, I'm cool," Dean says, "but you're, ugh." Sam's less worried about them, and more worried about what else might have changed.

(Sidebar: You know, I could quibble about why bringing John forward in time has such a significant butterfly effect, but bringing Mary back, and their other time travel, and Henry's time travel, changed nothing. I absolutely could. But I choose not to, because SAM JOBS, Y'ALL. But okay, let's think about it. 2003 John would have disappeared while Sam was at Stanford. Dean wouldn't have gone to get Sam. Or Sam would have refused to go. Maybe the hurt on both sides was still too fresh. Maybe that's why Dean's hunting alone, and Sam's an internet-famous lawyer.)

What else has changed, you might ask? How about ZACHARIAH? That's right, my favorite angel is back. And with him is ORIGINAL FLAVOR CAS WITH HIS FLUFFY HAIR AND THINGS JUST KEEP GETTING BETTER AND BETTER. Zachariah calls him "Constantine" and Castiel says "I don't understand that reference" and THANK YOU BABY JESUS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID TO DESERVE THIS, BUT THANK YOU. They enter Max's mom's restaurant and ask who's been messing with time. (Because she would know?) And if they don't start talking, he'll have Cas murder all of them. "My name is Castiel," he intones solemnly. "I'm an angel of the Lord." YES YOU ARE. He reveals himself like he did to Dean (no, not like that, jeez) with the shadow wings. Outside, the Winchesters see the bright light of an angelic reveal coming through the restaurant windows, and they know something's up.

They herd everyone out of the restaurant, and are shocked to see Cas and Zachariah. Zachariah is equally surprised to see them. He says they had big plans for the Winchesters, but then their father disappeared and... and he doesn't finish, so we'll never know why yoinking John out of 2003 changed any of that vessel stuff. (Handwave!) Cas, of course, doesn't know them, and when Zachariah orders him to kill them, he complies.

Dean pulls out an angel blade but is, of course, unwilling to actually kill Cas, so he starts hitting him with other things. And Cas, for whatever reason, doesn't just put a finger on his forehead and kill him dead. (Handwave!) Zachariah chokes Sam and asks him what they did, even though he can't talk because he's choking (handwave!) and Sam acts like he's trying to speak so Zachariah gets closer to hear him, and Sam stabs him with an angel blade. Cas continues fistfighting with both of them, and slams Sam head-first into a table a couple of times, leaving him spitting blood on the floor. Which Sam uses to paint an angel-banishing sigil while Cas is choking Dean. Smart Sam for the win!

Bunker. Pretty bruised Dean has explained the temporal paradox, and John accepts that he has to go back, or else Mary will probably disappear. "Okay," he says. "I mean, me versus your mom, that's not even a choice." DAMMIT JOHN WINCHESTER DO NOT MAKE ME CARE ABOUT YOU. Elsewhere, pretty bruised Sam explains it to Mary, and tells her John won't remember anything.

John tells Dean he never meant Dean to have this kind of life. He's proud of him, but he hoped he'd be able to have a normal life, with a family. "I have a family," Dean says. They sit down and have one final family meal together, and everyone's quiet and sad until John points out that they can either think about what's going to happen, or appreciate what they have right now. They cheer up and listen to Bob Seger (well, we listen to Bob Seger) and talk and laugh and have the family dinner Dean has always wanted.

Later, while doing the dishes, Sam says how unfair it is that they all had this and then have to throw it away, and John has to go back to being Dad. He thinks it would be nice for John to go back knowing what he knows now. "I used to think that too," Dean says, and admits that he's blamed both John and Mary for their crappy lives. And if they could send him back to 2003, or even earlier, maybe none of the crap would happen. "But here's the problem. Who does that make us? Would we be better off? Maybe. But I gotta be honest, I don't know who that Dean Winchester is. And I'm good with who I am. I'm good with who you are."

Later. Mary and John are holding hands, and I guess they're doing the thing now. I'd hoped they'd at least let these two have one last roll in the hay (especially since I'm pretty sure Mobby is permanently done after this), but no. They have a very sweet goodbye and their sons are brokenhearted and I am too. John tells his boys to take care of each other and Sam says "we always do." That's a nice change from telling Dean to take care of Sam, isn't it? He tells them both (BOTH) that he's proud of them and loves them, and they have a three-way hug and Sam wipes his eyes and Dean says "love you too" and I REALLY CAN'T, BOYS, YOU HAVE TO STOP. Then John takes Mary's hand again and Sam crushes the pearl (why does Sam have to be the one to do it?) and John glows and then fades away.

We get a quick glimpse of downtown Lebanon returning to normal, and the three teens talking about how cool it is that "those guys hunt monsters," and then we're back to the bunker. Cas walks in the door and sees the remaining Winchesters, obviously distressed, and asks what happened. "Well, there's a story," says Dean.

And finally, we see the Impala WITH HER ORIGINAL KANSAS PLATE. John's asleep in the driver's seat when he gets a phone call from Dean. "No, I'm okay, I just had one hell of a dream. No, it was a good one."

GUYS. GUYS.

When I heard there was going to be a musical episode for the 200th, I was sure it would suck. When I heard about the Scooby Doo crossover, I cringed, because I knew it would be awful. WHY AM I ALWAYS SO WRONG.

Eh, who cares why. Let's just appreciate what we were given. Happy 300, my friends. Here's to 300 more.

(Please help me stay unspoiled for future episodes, thanks!)

#spn #recap #tv recaps #14.13 #things that make my heart hurt #sam winchester #dean winchester #john winchester #mary winchester