#yeah im not really worried anymore

[bangcakes]

.

#still crazy to me that i live in a world where i can just ??? message him whenever i want n he replies ??? #we've come such a long way its insane #like this time last year we hadnt even messaged unless it was thru like. the class dc server JDJDJDJDJDJ #actually like a year ago yesterday he blew my fuckin mind bc i was walkin from the parking lot to class n he was just standing there #waiting for me ???????? it blew my fuckin mind bc at that point id given up on him right. i was like ok no way this guys into me but JDJDJDJ #i was super early for the test n he said he had to go put something away in his car n he happened to see me n we talked all the way to #the exam and all b4 JDJDJSSJNSNS #our relationship is so weird. like just so weird #i feel like we gravitate toward each other its..... idek JDNNDDNNDNZ #this has never happened to me b4. like usually i talk to the guy n its like o .... actually ur not what i imagined djdjsjsjs #but this guy #... so annoying bc he gets better every time n we've known each other for over a year now #idk i just.... ive talked about it b4 but our similarities are insane. and like the way we kept bumping into each other ???? #idk its so weird JDJDZJJZJZJS #i think its mutual i really do. i think its just gonna take awhile to make a move. idk if its gonna be me or him but... #yeah im not really worried anymore #personal

[muscariii]

I don't have much time to draw because of school but I managed to do some lazy drawings today.

I actually wanted to make something with colors and stuff but I just can't find any time to do that. At least this week since I have a lot of studying on my head right now. But maybe I'll manage to draw more on the weekend!!

So for now here's a usual Nerevar and Rasha thing :3

They're really fun to draw for me. I feel like I keep making both of their hair longer and longer so uh... Whoops :T

#i want to post more stuff but its hard when i have so much to do right now #im actually really exhausted from all the things i need to get done #kinda wish i could write those finals already so that i dont have to worry about them anymore #and also i just hate my school because its terrible and sucks at its job #but yeah. more stuff coming soon #tes #the elder scrolls #morrowind #tes morrowind #indoril nerevar #nerevar #nerevarine #dagoth ur #voryn dagoth #tes oc #muscariart

[angel-of-sweet-revenge]

When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out

#vent #its not like they didnt offer to hear my problems. but i just dont want to talk about. or anything #i dont want serious conversations. i dont want to have to worry about other people. i just cant. #im just so fucking exhausted and i dont know if its talking to them and feeling drained by the fact that theyre going through something- #-and that i need to be the therapist or if im just sick. again. #plus yesterday i slept late. my mum made me cry (i think she was just tired out by that point in the day so i doubt it was personal) #and just #im fucking tired ok #and I'm sorry im a bad friend #i just dont have energy. i want to have good energy around me to try give me some. #but when theyre upset it gets into me and drains me and I've been there as much as i can but i just cant right now. im too tired #i know im a shitty person but literally everyone got to be a shitty person at my expense so isnt it my fucking turn? #and then assuming i was acting like that to hurt them. I DO NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE. IF WE HAVE A FIGHT I WANT TO MOVE ON. #I'm not gonna be caught up in it if we resolved it #but yeah. long story short they're going through shit and i feel like shit #and i think them going through shit is what makes me feel like shit. because i worry about them #and they can lash out on me #i just dont know anymore. i dont know if im an awful person or not #last year i broke up with a friend and my mum said I'll do the same with the next friend #it wasnt my fault #that friend ghosted me #im trying not to be her rn too and im scared that ive been in the wrong im scared im a shitty person too #but at the same time im too done to even really care #i just wanna stop fucking feeling all this and just get on with my day

[who-the-fuck-knows-blog]

the scene where izzy is talking to stede about the knives is such a good display of his character development. not only has he previously shown that he cares about the crew, and feels responsible for their safety; he actively stepped up instead of trying to kill himself again he saved that bullet to prevent ed from killing the whole crew, but he also acknowledges that he hurt ed (despite my disagreement with him that ed’s entire emotional state was caused by stede and izzy—thats a whole other can of worms regarding personal responsibility and mental illness and autonomy). I’m not sure if this is new character development for him, or if this was consistent from the start, and as we know, aspects of the previous season’s image of izzy will be somewhat divorced from how he usually behaves due to his emotional state. I didn’t particularly see him as a character who wouldn’t accept responsibility, but he has lied previously. not that it did him any good.

it seems entirely consistent to me that him lying initially about ed’s death (alongside the crew who initiated that lie) was due to his stated goal of wanting to avoid any more harm to the crew. He, at this point is only barely back from suicidality. I think the crew is holding him together quite a bit, and he wants to protect them as fiercely as he did edward.

i hope that we will get some flashbacks to him and the crew bonding, or his attitude shifting, but imo, the way he’s been shown to try to protect the crew, standing up to blackbeard directly and redirecting the attention to himself, shows he does really care.

I love that he isn’t and has never been a one-note, one-dimensional villain who selfishly only exists for himself and is actually a nuanced character with layers, things he is working on improving. None of them are “good guys”, really. because they’re people and contain multitudes. but the whole point of the story is about personal growth and escaping unhealthy dynamics and relationships and healing and how beneficial community is to all of that. I think the show is doing very well at portraying that and most people will see and understand the points being made.

#cw suicide #ofmd s2 #izzy hands #i cant promise i will always tag for suicide #as it is a main theme of the show #it’s possible i will forget #happy that so many people are seeing who izzy actually is now #underneath deranged jealousy and heartbreak #he had a found family moment and went #yeah im gonna ensure the safety of these guys #(gender neutral) #izzy positivity #i’m excited to show this to friends and family and see their reactions to izzy #i have a feeling he’s gonna become a favorite alongside ed for them #its not a moral judgement to like antagonists but it also is fine to acknowledge #when a character is not currently functioning as an antagonist anymore #and change your opinion of them #the izcourse #since i haven’t really been participating in fandom despite having been here a while #i worry i am encroaching so let me know if my use of the izcourse tag is that

[bluebellhairpin]

I write cannibalism and murder into my fanfics so I am a cannibal and a murderer. No one is safe near me lest I get confused about what is fiction and what is reality. Lock me up I am sick and twisted.

#this is mostly satire btw. if it offends you. i dont really care. #if u dont know what im talking about. dont worry. #if you think its funny. i also do. #i make poor jokes. it happens #but fr with dc there are lines i wouldnt cross. but with fanfic (NOT REAL) i am all for eating people and burtal murder #however would i do that irl? literally never. the thought makes me feel physically ill. in fanfic? there is a thrill. #i might talk about it woth my therapists later this week who knows. but either u understand whats real and fake or y dont #and we had a very good reminder this last week of all the people who cant do that very well #like yeah hearing about it was shocking. if i came across it on my dash though i wouldnt have thought twice about it #i wouldve kept scrolling. maybe blocked the tags. but imo this has all been blown very far out of proportion lol #like drop it fr. we're all better off not having to think about it anymore #lemme write about murdering people who wanna fuck my fictional husband and then eat them with him

[trashworldblog]

it's absolutely insane that the song that has the most quotes that i want to get tattooed is sandwiched between a song about skinning ryan bergara alive and a song that alludes to playing a brass instrument is like giving a blowjob

#sorry watcher if you see this. extra sorry shane if you see this. #i love puppet history so much. the duality. #btw the quotes are 'if im gonna stop this looks like a really wonderful place to do it' 'tell the critters that you love that you love em #thats enough' 'some shits just etched into the stars collamities you cant outrun' 'the sky will burn and boil the sea as mountains rend its #you and me' 'but im not worried anymore im with my favorite dinosoars' 'we're history' #and some short phrases like 'a cosmic kiss' 'the greens and blues be still my heart' that are still bouncing around my head for tattoo #designs. but yeah. i'll start with the first one and go from there lol. theres also that one hotdaga quote im thinking of getting but im not #sure. im so excited to get this tattoo though. im going to film a little vlog about designing it and getting it and probably blab about how #its meaningful to me. i cant wait for it to be on me to look at forever. its gonna be so wonderful. i hope shane gets to see it. especially #in person. that would be such a cool experience to me. especially since i got him to write the quote for me. fucking awesome #this is the first tattoo idea im 100% sure of. the song still gets me emotional almost a year later.

[pallases]

ourgejjg

#i am feeling so ill rn for no reason and i need to shower and wash my hair so bad but i can tell if i do it rn it’ll make the #lightheadedness ten times worse and there is a nonzero chance i will just pass out in there 😭 #best guess is bc my period started today and yeah the first two days suck but they’re not usually This bad #personal #also this is the last thing i need rn it’s tech week and all rehearsals lately have been going/are going to go till 10 pm and i have no tim #to do all my assignments and my probability prof assigned a lab today that’s due TMRW AT MIDNIGHT? <- we usually get a class period btwn #it being assigned and the deadline and he’s not even giving us until the next class period to do it now like why is it due at midnight #instead of noon the next day… also i have not one but two exams immediately following this weekend and i really want to see my family for #easter but that sounds like such a bad idea im so unproductive at home and i’ll be busier than usual when i go home on top of that bc easte #and one of the exams is circuits for which exams are worth 90% of our grade and im averaging a 74% at the moment which is NOT #promising and. AAAAA #also have an exam this thursday which imnot nearly as worried abt but still. and i have to meet w someone abt a scholarship tmrw during my #free period so i Still can’t work on that stupid lab due tmrw night like. this sucks okay ‼️ #the engineering chronicles #the music chronicles #i know it was only a matter of time before musical started stressing me out but 😭 please give me back the joys of saturday’s rehearsal… #oh also there’s ANOTHER probability lab due day after easter and same day as circuits exam and the prof is the same so he knows full well #what he’s doing like. why are you not giving us the usual period in btwn for these anymore fuck you <3 #OH ALSO soldering qualification i need to do for like 3 hours wednesday the night before my thursday exam. nearly forgot abt that one i hat #it hereeee #soldering i could reschedule tho which i might do. but ive already pushed it back once so im like :/ do i really wanna do that #idk. still feel sick as fuck and still need to do physics prelab tonight 😭 it shouldn’t take long but i really don’t want to get up and #stare at my computer even more ifeel so awful rn #ANYWAY. sorry that was oversharing even for me i am just 😐 you know.

[khayr]

anyway. I just think that it’s totally fucked that it’s even still called discourse when it was just. nasties in our own community talking shit and spouting vitriol about our identities and lived experiences as if there aren’t parallels all over the place between us all. The fact that so many ace/aro people felt like they had to a) out themselves or b) share their personal trauma with strangers on the internet just to be taken seriously (or not, even) is just so fucked. the whole thing was fucked. there is so much nuance to human gender and sexuality and it just was not fair what they did to us lmfao

#I used to really fight to make sure that people online and irl knew I WASNT straight and like. I just gav eup tbh #people can think whatever they want it doesnt matter to me anymore #my own parents went 'we dont really get it but we just want you to be happy' which was sort of nice but #when i later got married my mom confessed she 'had been worried i would just be alone my whole life' #which like. thanks but also thats not.................................. yeah #as if being ace doesnt color and affect my entire relationship on a daily basis #in some way or another #like man im 32 years old and I Am Tired these days yall do whatever

[bangcakes]

.

#saw him.......... hes still cool n funny #and i like him a lot #i guess tiny thing that happened since i guess this is my Log JDJDJJXJXMXMX #i was walking toward the restaurant and saw his car and he was waving at me like crazy trying to get my attention #so i waited for him by his door n when he came out i was like.... oh wow i saw you waving this time (last time i didnt 💀) #and he was like... yeah i thought of honking but i thought thatd scare you JDJDNDNDMDMDMMX cute.... #hes my favourite fr... #he messaged me after too. about some drama that happened but still NFJDMMDDMDMDN #thats two times he initiated a convo with me today lmao #i think things will progress... but v slowly #i cant like. idk i think its mutual.... #we communicate with our eyes ffs NDNXNXXNXN #idk.... i think what we have is special. i just. ya.... im not worried anymore tho #i think things will progress.... #im not really ready for a relationship rn anyway. id like to you know.. get a job #JDJDJDJDMDM #personal #kinda funny to have the opposite problem than i usually have tho. like rn its boy but no job #usually its job but no boy NDJJDMDMDMDMD #n e way i think i looked really cute today so its his loss if he doesnt make a move on me NDNFNDNDNDNNDND

[todayisafridaynight]

oh girls dont look im rambling in here

#spoilers #?? ig?? potential y8 spoilers??????? #snap chats #anyway its been recently revealed by hidenari ugaki that he hasn't heard word about reprising his role as majima yet #and like. part of me doesn't mind the possibility of majima not coming back to LaD8 but: #1.) ugaki sounded upset bout the fact he didnt hear back yet :( if it means he isn't worried anymore then please bring maji back #2.) if majima isn't in the game then im just curious as to what the fuck kiryu's purpose is going to be then #maybe he just hasnt gotten word yet so i dont wanna say its official hes not coming back #but LaD8's set to release two years from now- not even maybe a year and then some #so if he hasnt gotten word yet it is lookin a bit uhhh whats the word/phrase. idk Down To The Wire thats it I Think #im not saying majima and kiryu are stapled at the hip and if one of them is there the other one has to be #it's just... it's just so baffling having kiryu come back as a protagonist #this is less of a ramble about majima's potential return to the franchise and more about kiryu's return haha baited yall sorry #him coming back in LaD7 was already a bit of a stretch but i get it- i cant say im totally mad about it #if that would really be the last time we saw him then i wouldve been happy #but yeah im just.. really anticipating LaD8 now like whats he going to do in it if none of the past players are coming back #cause LBR if not even majima is making it when he's been beyond established as a fan favorite then there ain't hope for anyone else #ugh 2024 get here sooner please i just want to know what's going to happen #i also wanna see my boy ichi again. my sunshine my fellow my guy my pal my-- #ok thats all from me for tonight feel free to send me your opinions or somethin idk

[zero-braincells-left]

what the fuck do i do now dude

#zero’s irrelevant thoughts #but i sort of vent in the rest of the tags but not really #half the reason i don’t play new games or watch shows very often anymore is just #the weird empty feeling after it like. huh. #undertale was fun as shit but . now what #at least with games I’ve played like purrgatory. 2 fanfics quickly consume yeah #but the undertale fandom is so fucking big and has been for so long i can’t. enjoy it?? #anyways on a slightly related note I’ve been thinking abt the clones less and less #however i will continue biting hissing scratching and clinging onto them like a feral cat #i swear they’ll be only thing i think about once rp gets going again or something #but even then maybe i SHOULD get over it. because i know it’s going to end one day #that day might not be soon necessarily but im still worried about it like. damn #but i still refuse to move on to any other fandom until then #and no for whatever reason I can’t really really enjoy 2 fandoms at once #one always takes over and overshadows everything else #that WILL be the clones . I will make sure of it #but just. damn

[arttrampbelle]

Welp since i now officially have nobody to actually genuinely talk to about mortal kombat guess i have to make my own verse. My own kontent. For myself. Alone.

*sigh*

Oh well at least I'm trying to have fun regardless.

It just sucks when you have legit nobody to info dump to. And your either get ignored,or talked over.

So maybe I'll just keep to myself for now i guess.

#i have legit nobody here to talk to anymore 🙃 #mortal kombat #and like everyone wants the damn new game shit so thats a nope from me #plus my mutuals kinda either left or just dont really care about it that much anymore so yeah im alone again #but hey i got the blorbos i guess #vent #admin is kinda sad rn don't worry about it I'll be fine

[hecksupremechips]

My mother was genuinely pissed off tonight about the concept of two guys showing affection towards each other in any capacity and was ranting about it for like 20 minutes. And she still claims she’s not homophobic 😞

#the klock keeps ticking #im genuinely so sorry i feel like i keep bitching about being home but hnnghhhh this woman is so exhausting to be around #like here she was complained saying that boys nowadays are really affectionate towards their male friends #like. hugging them #THATS LITERALLY ALL IT IS THEY HUG THEIR FRIENDS FOR MORE THAN HALF A SECOND #and my mom is like I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS BUT- #like bitch you so fucking clearly do have a problem you specifically brought this up out of the blue and bitched about it #and im like literally what is the problem here its a good thing these kids are being affectionate with their equally affectionate friends #especially since boys ESPECIALLY around here are pumped up on toxic masculinity and dont express love in healthy ways #and she literally I SHIT YOU FUCKING NOT said that shes worried a) about the fact that boys apparently #arent ‘touching’ girls anymore (which she specifically said was cuz of metoo era parenting so shes literally talking about assault) #so yeah i guess shes mad boys arent sexually harassing girls as much??? #then b) said that boys as a result are going to and i quote ‘stop touching girls and start only touching each other and living together’ #and this is an issue cuz humans will no longer procreate #IM NOT MAKING ANY OF THIS UP SHE SAID LITERALLY ALL OF THIS AND SOMEHOW DOESNT SEE HOW ITS HOMOPHOBIC #i really really am just. exhausted she is too much #i kept desperately trying to move on but she kept TALKING ugh #i hate her #i need comfort and a restraining order

[britneyshakespeare]

i told the last of my friends who didn't yet know today about the guy ive been writing extremely angsty personal posts about for the last month, who came to me yesterday with his fake ass apology, and all of them were really supportive. it felt a hell of a lot better than just telling him off myself (in fact i actually hated that part. who said getting stuff off your chest feels good? not if your fucking afraid of the person you're saying it all to.) anyway i love my friends so much

#if it weren't for them i wouldn't know that i deserve better than him #tales from diana #i am not the problem i am not the problem i am not the problem #a number of them could see it coming which. im not surprised. he always embarrassed me in front of them #for a long time i was worried he was a ticking timebomb. like he was going to say something to offend somebody really badly #and i was gonna have to be there to clean up the mess. to confront him or make excuses or be his apologist #im glad i didnt. im glad the person he first burnt was me. im glad i mitigated some of the damage he couldve done to my other friends #the only friends i told before today i told bc i was worried hed start manipulating them and turning them against me #but only some of them were susceptible to that. some of them he straight up didnt care about at all #he's such a cold indifferent person if you don't immediately give him attention. he's a fucking baby #one of my best friends who he was by far the most rude and indifferent towards was like 'yeah no i never liked him' #'he dominated conversations and it always felt like he was leaving me out of things' #because he was always!!! fucking!!! tearing my attention away from her every time i tried to make her feel included!!! #she's really sensitive and shy and he didn't care at all about earning her favor or regard #he just thinks he's innately owed it by everybody. even though he's a huge jerk #im just so glad he's not going to be a problem anymore. i hate him i hate him i hate him