#yeah im going for the 'completely fucked up' this time around

[tgcg]

an open fly walking

i didnt like this one but i thought id finally air it out since its been sat in my folders for months now

TG: hey karkat

CG: YEAH?

===

TG: you ever noticed you like

TG: walk weird

CG: WOW, OKAY.

CG: HAVE *YOU* EVER NOTICED THAT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT?

TG: pff

===

TG: no listen because i got my ears scoping that shit im like a scouter for dude activity

TG: ok maybe me mentioning it to you is gonna fuck up your ecosystem or something but

TG: you have the heaviest feet of the century man

CG: I DO???

TG: just thrust them straight down into the ground like youre trying to homebrew a san andreas fault

TG: viciously tamping on tectonic plates hoping for top score on the richter scale

TG: waging war against solid particles and the basic flow of gravity

TG: i could ID those footfalls out of a million i mean it

CG: SERIOUSLY?

===

TG: i mean theres nothing wrong with it but

TG: yeah

CG: I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU'RE FUCKING WITH ME RIGHT NOW.

TG: im not fucking with you striders honor

TG: when have i ever lied to anybody about anything

CG: NOT UNPACKING THAT QUESTION WITH YOU TODAY.

CG: BUT SHIT, HOLD ON. LET ME SEE.

TG: yeah take the umbrella go over there and just walk to me

CG: ON IT.

===

===

TG: see you just kinda slam em straight down dude

CG: THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY RIOTOUS FUCKING JOKE OF A LIFE.

TG: dont your feet ache

===

CG: MOOT POINT. THIS MIGHT SOUND INSANE BUT I'VE ACTUALLY HAD MY STRUT PODS FOR A WHILE. ANY KIND OF PAIN THIS WOULD'VE BEEN CAUSING WOULD BE TOTALLY FILTERED OUT OF MY SPONGE BY NOW AS BACKGROUND NOISE.

TG: damn i didnt think that through

TG: my shades

CG: ALRIGHT, GET BACK UNDER THE SHITTING UMBRELLA AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME.

TG: look ive fucked myself over here too i dont have shit to clean these with

TG: ugh

===

TG: guess its karma

CG: HOLY FUCK. HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE THIS BEFORE?

TG: i dunno but im gonna assume having a dad thats a literal crab monster is probably a contributing factor

TG: im guessing thats not a great role model for this kinda thing

TG: just conjecture i mean

CG: YOUR ENVY IS OVERWHELMINGLY OBVIOUS DAVE. AS A DISCLAIMER, HE WOULD'VE ABSOLUTELY KICKED YOUR ASS.

TG: yeah probably

CG: THAT'S PRETTY MUCH ALL THERE IS TO SAY ON THE MATTER.

===

TG: but see bro had me stringent on feather feets

TG: i bet i could slip across a bike horn warehouse with nary a fucking toot

CG: HAHA. ASSUMING YOU DON'T MAKE A TOTAL ASS OF YOURSELF, AS PER USUAL.

CG: IF YOU WEREN'T CONSTANTLY RUNNING YOUR GASH ABOUT EVERYTHING AND BEING AN INIMITABLE CLOWN I SERIOUSLY THINK YOU COULD BE ON PAR WITH YOUR CUSTODIAN.

CG: THAT IS A MONUMENTAL "IF".

TG: well look at it this way

TG: im basically doing you all a favor by being a dumbass

TG: never gonna get caught off guard by the bozo patrol

CG: WOW. GOOD POINT.

===

TG: also screw this can i use your shirt

TG: this stupid hoodie is just smudging my lenses up

TG: i cant see dick

CG: UH

CG: SURE, I GUESS.

TG: cool

===

TG: so yeah i could be prowling around like a goddamn verbal assassin sniping convos left and right

TG: but no ive got the decency to go bunp in the night

CG: YEAH.

CG: IT'S DEFINITELY COMPOUNDED BY THE CONSTANT INANE RAMBLINGS.

CG: BUT

CG: IT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY RELAXING, Y'KNOW? IT HAS ITS OWN RHYTHM.

TG: see yeah i sound it off and

===

TG: wait really?

CG: YEAH

CG: I DON'T KNOW

CG: FUCK. HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS WITHOUT WANTING TO CRAM MY FROND DOWN MY PROTEIN CHUTE.

===

CG: IT'S LIKE

CG: A SALVE FOR MY AGGRAVATION SPONGE.

CG: YOUR VOICE IS THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF ASPIRIN.

TG: uh damn karkat hold your hoofbeasts i was talking about the rhythm thing

CG: ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT. I'M TAKING US BOTH THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW. YOU HAVE REACHED THE BAD END OF THIS CONVERSATION.

TG: you think thatd be heroic or just

CG: IF I WAS STILL GHOSTING AROUND THE RUINS OF SGRUB'S ARCANE FRIGGIN GAME SYSTEMS, THE COMPLETE LACK OF SHIT AFOOT NOWADAYS WOULD BORE ME TO DEATH.

CG: LIKE. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME OUR THERMAL HULL LEVELLED UP, DAVE?

TG: hah

===

TG: but uh

TG: i mean we had aspirin on earth

CG: NO, NUMBNUBS.

CG: I'M SAYING YOU ARE MY ASPIRIN.

TG: oh

CG: YEAH, TAKE THAT TO THE BANK AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR 20-KARAT ASS.

===

TG: heh

TG: well get this

TG: i will literally talk at you forever for free

TG: you got lifetime priority seating for the davealogues

TG: never gotta go to the drugstore again you can just get doped up on my dulcet tones for the rest of time

TG: take that and some of this

TG: im packin punches

CG: OW, FUCK! NO! MY MIGRAINES!

CG: SWEEPS OF VEINCLOTTING AND NERVEFRAYING DOWN THE FUCKING GAPER. BECAUSE OF YOU.

CG: YOU ASSHOLE, THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME.

CG: AND YOU'RE LAUGHING.

TG: chuckle up it only gets worse from here

===

CG: BE HONEST WITH ME. DID FONDLING MY SHIRT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET EVEN DO ANYTHING?

TG: barely but yknow sometimes you just gotta deal the cards youre given

TG: ill just be astigmatic for a while its cool

CG: PFF… OKAY MAN.

#davekat #dave strider #karkat vantas #homestuck #comix #an open fly walking

[reds-skull]

BLOOD||HUNGER

[PREV PART] [AO3]

Like I said, I already wrote 2 chapters, and this is the second one, called "The Death-way"

Page 5 of the “Blooede Starvatfōre-dēde”, parable 2:

A fine trader finds upon his path a great Beast,

Dark and terrible, unsated by battles long and fierce,

Armor fallen, wounded by fangs, lays a final time,

Under the malefactor, you will not see life,

The trader leaves the harsh thing, he laments,

Then walks a path, which beasts cannot bear.

A maiden finds upon her path a fearsome Beast,

Eyes spat flames, fangs reach for heavens,

Perishes all surroundings, small birdsongs and prey,

All bow to the daemon, a creature of pain,

The maiden returns, from whence she came,

On her lips nothing more, but words of pray.

It was an extraordinary thing - shaped for fighting, a strong, solid body, adorned with black. It blends into the night, its enemies wouldn’t see the shadow until it was too late. It was perfected in battle, forged from the worst humanity has to offer.

Its name was the Ghost. A weapon to be picked up and discarded as needed.

And he is needed tonight - to kill a target, and collect intel. Covert, solo op. His speciality.

Ghost silently sneaks across rooftops, nimbly avoiding the cracking shingles. His CO for the mission didn’t give him much info on the target themselves, but they had plenty on their location. If he’s honest, the whole thing has an air of wrongness to it, and it all starts and ends with the person commending him.

“The Hunter”. Virtually nothing is known about the commander - not that Ghost has really tried looking into it. He doesn’t concern himself with a temporary arrangement. If he researched every odd fuck he encountered, he’ll never have time to actually do the damn job.

It is a little off-putting that the Hunter seems to try and copy Ghost. Specifically, in the mask department. Blood-red skull mask, with a jaw and all. If the Hunter wasn’t paying well, Ghost would’ve ripped that thing right off their face.

He feels like it’s taunting him. Mocking him.

Ghost exhales, ridding himself of all thoughts but those pertaining the mission. He unpacks his sniper rifle, provided by the Hunter, and sets up on a high roof. The roof overviews the building his target is in. The city is quiet, almost unnaturally so, but as it helps the mission, Ghost doesn’t complain.

All he needs to do now is wait.

As he does, he can’t help but wonder again about this strange mission.

Several days earlier

“Ghost”, a soldier calls beside the Hunter. “Right on the dot. I guess the rumors about your professionalism aren’t unfounded, are they?”

Ghost doesn’t grace the man with a response, instead glaring at the Hunter. The person is about his height, tactical gear marked with red streaks making them look imposing. Ghost thinks it looks a little tacky. 

“You got the brief, I assume?” the soldier asks. Ghost nods, taking his eyes off the Hunter to inspect the racket around him. Soldiers carrying boxes upon boxes of ammunition, guns, and gear. It makes him squint.

What kind of mission are they going to that needs this much preparations? He thought they’re going to a civilian city, not an active war zone.

The soldier draws his attention back, “we will infil you in 3 days. We have accommodations for you on base-”

“That won’t be necessary.” Ghost drawls. Hell will freeze over before he bunks down in a foreign base.

The soldier sputters, opening his mouth to argue, but the Hunter stops him. They exchange hushed words, and the soldier relents, “as long as you’re here when the helo takes off, we don’t care where you are.”

Ghost sharply nods. At least someone here has a bit of common sense. “And Ghost?” The soldier calls behind him.

“We’re very glad you’re here.”

Ghost doesn’t look back, but he can feel the physical weight of the Hunter’s gaze on him. It makes his spine shiver in a way things really don’t do, not after what he’s become.

This whole business reeks. Better finish this quick and clean.

The target entered the house 6 minutes ago. Ghost watches the lights turn on in various rooms as they walk around, unaware of the man that haunts them. The target isn’t in his sight just yet, but Ghost can be quite patient.

A light turns on at a bedroom facing his position, and Ghost moves his scope to its window. A few moments later, a middle-aged man enters, taking off his coat. He seems a little frazzled, Ghost absentmindedly notes.

Ghost inhales, lines up the shot, and pulls the trigger on exhale.

The man drops dead on his second step into the room. Ghost leaves the sniper rifle on the roof, and jumps down to the balcony of the target’s building. Stepping around the broken glass, intending to leave no traces of himself in the scene.

They don’t call him a ghost for nothing.

He spares a glance to the target. If it weren’t for the clean bullet hole in his forehead, he would’ve looked like he’s just sleeping. Ghost moves on.

Searching the house yields no results - and an irritation begins to rise within him. The Hunter’s sources were wrong, it seems. Ghost is about to radio it in when multiple soldiers enter the house from the ground floor.

He waits until the Hunter and their communicator climb up to level them a glare, “your intel was a bust. There’s nothing here.”

The Hunter glances down at the body between them, and back up at him. They tilt their head, examining Ghost. For what, he’s not sure-

There are eyes at the back of his head. Guns pointed at him. Ghost swings around.

Nothing. The soldiers are busy ransacking the house for any drop of information.

The communicator’s voice makes him turn again, “it seems so, unfortunately. Either way, you’ve done your part.”

The shifting behind him stops.

It feels wrong it feels wrong he needs to get out.

“Thank you for your service, Ghost.”

The Hunter dashes at him, lightning quick as they grab his neck. Ghost tries to retaliate, but hands come from behind to restrain him.

Betrayal. How could he be so bloody stupid.

The Hunter sinks a sharp needle into his pale flesh, cold metal squeezing a freezing liquid into his bloodstream.

Poison.

Ghost manages to release one arm, punching the Hunter, feeling his knuckles burst open on the sharp mask.

He puts distance between himself and the several soldiers trying to grab him again, pushing the Hunter forward.

They’re not shooting, he frantically realizes. They want him alive.

He can’t. Not again. GET OUT.

Ghost growls as he gives a final push, toppling both him and the Hunter over the balcony railing and onto the cold harsh ground.

The body beneath him crashes with a sickening crack, Ghost wasting no time, taking out their pistol and spinning to shoot a few heads.

Soldiers fall around him, the ground painted red, and Ghost pushes off the Hunter to run.

Horrifyingly, he knows the commander isn’t dead. And he damn well knows they won’t stop until they have him.

It comes and goes in waves, Ghost discovers in the next few hours. Sometimes, he feels completely fine. And others… his left arm is barely functional, certainly not enough to hold a pistol.

He hates every second of it. Hates that he can’t predict when his arm will suddenly become useless.

It… scares him.

The Hunter’s soldiers are killing everything in their path. Ghost doesn’t understand why they bother. Why go through the effort to kill all civilians, when they don’t even want to kill him?

The only thing that makes sense here is what they would do with him. Ghost knows too much, is too valuable to discard. If they catch him, nothing but torture waits in Ghost’s future.

He hears nearby screaming. Time to move again.

Ghost has been trying to rest, to slow the spread of the poison as much as possible, but the endless waves of hostiles keep pushing him out of the abandoned houses he holes down in. Right now, he can’t even begin to think of a way to get an antidote, not when he has no allies anymore.

And the fact the poison might paralyze him, leaving him unable to move but so achingly conscious as soldiers find him…

He can’t think about it right now.

He sneaks out of the back door, careful but hurried as he speeds to the next.

Scanning around him, the coast appears clear. Ghost slowly pushes the door open, when he hears a clank. A hiss of a smoke follows it, instantly filling the narrow hallway with thick haze. 

What the fuck…? This is not the work of the Hunter, why would he set such a stupid trap-

Ghost grunts when something catches his ankle, lifting him off the ground, “FUCKIN’ HELL-”

He swings up, dangled off of the ceiling by a wire. Ghost frowns when he notices what the trap is made of - junk and odd household appliances. 

The stairs creak as someone steps down. Ghost tries to make out the silhouette, but the man is still in shadow.

“If ye want to live, ye better start fuckin’ talking. Who sent you here, and what are yer orders?!”

Ghost blinks. His attacker is… Scottish?

The man steps into the light - built, but wearing civilian clothes, now marred with blood and mud, with the stupidest haircut he’s ever seen. But that doesn’t interest him as much as the rifle he’s currently pointing at him.

The man snarls, “answer me!”

He thinks he’s losing it a little, when Ghost has to suppress an urge to laugh. This entire day was such a fuckin’ shitshow, and now he has to deal with a Scottish bastard that apparently specialises in crafting traps right out of Indiana Jones.

“I’m not with them.” Ghost eventually breathes.

That makes the man lower the gun, “the fuck is a Brit doin’ here?”

Ghost would’ve leveled him with a deadpan if his body didn’t swing around again, hiding his face from the man, “the fuck’s a Scot doing here?”

The man huffs, “aye, suppose I should’ve expected that. Yer military?”

Ghost considers his answer for a moment. “Affirm. SAS.” he feels the blood rushing to his head uncomfortably, “you?”

“Ex-military.” The man says almost bitterly, “SAS too.”

Ex-military? Interesting… “Rank?”

The man steps around to face him, “Sergeant- the fuck are ye wearing?”

Ghost looks the man up and down (well, down and up in his current predicament), “a mask, Sergeant. They discharged you for being blind?”

The Sergeant squints, “I’m perfectly fit, ye weapon. Got booted out.” He lets the rifle rest by the strap, “ye a Sergeant as well?”

At that, Ghost does smirk, not that the man would be able to tell, “Lieutenant. Now, care to let me off your bloody contraption?”

The Sergeant startles like he forgot about that, before pulling out a knife and cutting the wire. Ghost almost falls on his head, getting his arms under him just in time.

“Fuckin’ bastard…” Ghost glares at him.

The fucker actually grins down at him, offering a hand that Ghost bats away, “So, what was yer mission here?”

Ghost straightens his back, now towering over the Sergeant, “was working under a commander named “The Hunter” to take down a target. They stabbed me in the back.” the man’s face darkens.

“Why are they killing civilians then?” 

Ghost cracks his neck, “don’t know. Was trying to get outta dodge when your bloody trap got me.” he walks forward to examine it. Looked damn convoluted. This man is surprisingly resourceful…

The man follows, “been stuck in this city for three days. Tried to get intel, caught you instead.”

Ghost stares at him. Why didn’t he run away?

Doesn’t matter. Ghost is not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. The Sergeant might be his ticket out of here.

He takes out the pistol he stole from the Hunter, “you still know how to shoot?”

The man makes an offended noise, “I know what I’m doing.”

“Good.” Ghost clicks the clip back after check how much bullets he had left, “on me, Sergeant.”

The Sergeant sputters, “what?”

Ghost puts on his commending tone, “we’re going to get out of here, call for backup, and finish off the Hunter. I’m broken, so I’ll need someone on my six.”

He looks down at him, “unless you got a better plan?”

The man sighs, pouting like a child. He offers a hand to shake, and Ghost reluctantly takes it. He has to play with the team for now.

“Soap.” the man says as he lets go.

The fuck’s kinda callsign is Soap? “Ghost.” he grumbles.

Soap grins, “really going hard with the Halloween vibe, eh?”

Ghost sighs, “Take point, Sergeant.”

“Yes sir.”

As they walk out of the house, covering each other’s six, Ghost can’t help but feel a sort of sickness within him.

The stab in the back, the callsigns and ranks, the fuckin’ handshakes and introductions…

This is a song and dance he went through a long time ago.

And he doesn’t know if he’ll survive an encore.

#call of duty modern warfare 2 #cod mw2 #cod ghost #cod soap #john soap mactavish #simon ghost riley #BLOOD||HUNGER #call of duty fic #call of duty fanfic #call of duty modern warfare #cod fic #cod fanfic #so if anyone remembers how i talked about in my postscript #that i feel like there are 2 types of ghost portrayal in fics? #yeah im going for the 'completely fucked up' this time around

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

ok no im so tired but ive had this Thing a Laughingstock Concept Thing in my Brain for Days Now and its.... basically what if Barnaby adopted a lil caterpillar. like it's not sapient or anything its literally A Wriggly Puppet Prop. but he finds it in his home and it reminds him of Howdy and he keeps it. he carries it everywhere. he treats it so tenderly and names it and everything. his delusional smitten subconscious is like "omg... mine & howdy's <3" he and Howdy are not even together at this point

so Barnaby cares for this lil caterpillar and Howdy ends up getting attached as well, because he's on the same shit as Barnaby. and eventually the lil caterpillar pupates, and they watch over the chrysalis So Excited to see what lil wormie will look like as a butterfly. and it emerges and they're so proud and weirdly emotional. the butterfly takes off on its first flight and lands on a flower patch

just in time for Eddie to trip and fall on the patch, instantly crushing it And the butterfly

#in my mind eddie is all 'oh man :( thank goodness frank wasnt around to see that' and then goes about his business #completely missing howdy & barnaby watching on In Horror off to the side #not lil wormie... no.... #also in my mind lil wormie looks like the fuckn. Adorable worm from sesame street #oscars little friend i think? the cutest little thing in the world? the little red wormie? yeah.... #but im feeling very Tender about bigass dog barnaby toting around this teensie weensie lil worm thing #treating it with utmost care and affection #big characters caring for absolutely tiny thing kills me every fucking time #bury me shallow... ill be back to die again.... #absolutely unprompted #laughingstock #ohhhh my god im not even gonna say how i almost butchered the laughingstock tag #sometimes i type letters in the wrong order or add an extra one. that would have been so unfortunate but Deeply Hilarious #ANYWAY LIL WORMIE IS AN ESTABLISHED THING IN MY MIND AND I DONT KNOW WHY #maybe... maybe tomorrow i will scribble it... #also to be clear the events of this post all happen within a week or two. #it is a brief shining Worm Time #ok going to bed now officially. im going #wait no i have to complain about something ive done to myself hold on #so i really like reeses puffs cereal yeah? but the problem is it cuts up my mouth to hell and back and makes eating anything a Pain #tried to eat sauerkraut tonight... it burned... the roof of my mouth is so scraped up... #i Will be eating another bowl when i wake up tho. its too tasty. i can take the annoyance that is minor pain. i have a high tolerance <3 #can i easily Not eat it? yeah. but i dont want to stop. nothing will stop me. its a jumbo box. i Will Finish It. #anyway wormie <3 gonna go think about her <3

[skrunksthatwunk]

found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?

#i didnt really get to process it bc i found out when i was hanging w a friend but. im processing it now #sigh.. i dont know. i dont know. #at the end of the day he is and has always been someone else's cat. i can't control what she does with him #no matter what i think of it. she can always take him away. but every time it happens im just. im tired yknow? #it's worth it to me to have him around. i love him dearly and i want him to be in a home where he's actually cared for (which i have done my #best to provide) but he's just. not mine. and every time it happens i back up and think man. im such a sucker. #i don't think people manipulate me often. not in an ongoing way i mean. i don't think ppl see me as valuable enough to most of the time. #but damn. she really found my weak spots didn't she. free petcare courtesy of one chump who can't live without animals around. sigh #he deserves stability but he deserves love more. this weird shared custody thing is better for him i think. and frankly i also love him. #im not the priority here but my feelings are like. there. him being taken away without even telling me first hurts. i'd like to be able to #say goodbye to him. im not saying he has to stay or this has to go on but couldn't they just.. consider my feelings a bit more? #just bc you're fine with dropping your cat off somewhere for weeks not knowing when you'll see him again and not visiting doesn't mean i am #and i kind of feel like my roommate is part of this. after all it's not like his owner can just break into our room and take him #and if im always out when they do it there's a chance roomie's just shipping him off whenever she gets sick of him. #she's done it before. even after she agreed so vehemently with me about never wanting him to go back to such treatment and stuff early on. #she's been spraying him for little reason lately too. and i mean i get being a little more cautious with some things bc her neck's broken #but she's really fixated on how much he smells and bites and stuff and talks about how if i wasn't around she'd consider eating him #and then other times she's like that's my pookie. i don't get it. like yeah i tell rascal to fuck off sometimes bc he hurts me but it's not #like a hateful thing. i dont resent him for it i'm just annoyed sometimes bc he's maiming me a little. he's my baby. how could i loathe him? #so it makes me think that roomie might be blaming his transfers on his owner bc she doesn't want me to judge her #and like. this is her room too. it's not her fault she's more bothered by the smell than me. if she doesn't want to be bitten and clawed all #the time i can sympathize. i don't wanna force her to house him. but i wish she'd just be honest with me i guess #like. what if his owner decides to give him away without telling me? i'd take him in in a heartbeat. even though i know it's a bad idea. #but i'm worried he'll fall out of my reach completely. and at the very least I'd like to be able to say goodbye first. that's all.

[munch-mumbles]

ive been a little upset about it all night so i need to write out all the things that happened at work today and are bugging me so i can TRY to get it out of my head and actually RELAX bc i just keep pacing in circles around it instead of just accepting it and moving on

#for context i was working frying chicken today. ok so i arrive and literally all the chicken out expires within ten minutes of each other #meanwhile to remake everything takes about an hour 20 #tried my best to get everything out and replaced and make sure i have enough of everything and then take my break bc with chicken there are #few narrow windows to take your break in you have very little control over when it is #get back and while im getting ready for my next fry one of the assistant leaders comes back and passive aggressively asks 'everything ok?' #and when i say yeah shes starts saying how shes 'just checking' because apparently i didnt have enough chicken out for her liking and went #on about how we're in a chicken drive (I KNOW. I WORK CHICKEN SHE NEVER HAS.) #etc etc. i just say ok and she leaves #like 20 minutes later she comes fucking back to rag on me again about how i need to choose my break times better and i need to have more #chicken out there as back up (extremely difficult bc there is literally only so much room in the fryers. the batches i usually make already #nearly completely fill them up) blah blah and then when i try to explain how i WAS making pretty big batches people are just snatching them #up fast she keeps trying to walk out the door right away and keeps stopping and looking over her shoulder to just stare at me while i try t #finish my sentence #and she just. doesnt say anything in response when i do finish she just leaves #so clearly she didnt want a conversation she just wanted to rag on me #then later for cleanup the timing of everything just kept lining up inconveniently so i kept having to get in and out of raw cleaning gear #and slowing myself down and i end up having to stay almost 15 minutes late to finish cleaning #during cleaning i have to go grab a key to the back door to take out my trash and this one coworker i have was standing in the way of the #door. i say excuse me and she just stares at me and goes huh? #and i say i need a key and she barely moves out of the way without responding and she has a look like im bothering her #why are you acting like im being douchey. i just need a key. thats something she does a lot she acts like im inconveniencing her by asking #basic favors . ive stopped asking her to help me open the back door (sometimes needed if i also have raw garbage to take out and therefore #cant touch the key myself) for some reason she takes it upon herself to almost completely close the door after i walk out so when i come #back i have to awkwardly use my foot to reach around and pull the door open #ive asked her before not to do it and she just ignored me #GRAH GRAH. and then like i said in my last rb i realized while i was drivign home i forgot to wash a damn pan #im mostly worried about it because ive forgotten a couple times in the past too . in my defense its a pan i personally dont use but it just #gets left behind from first shift sometimes and then second shifters end up having to make sure its clean #im just irritateddd and im mad im worried about it all. its all little things piling up on each other #LOL I WROTE A LOT MORE BUT THE REST GOT CUT OUT IG I HIT A TAG LIMIT. tumblr voice ok dude quit your bitching !!

[hella1975]

listening to call your mom rn (god it feels wrong spelling it like that)

gripping u by the shoulders. this song is everything to me.

#OKAY STORYTIME THAT NO ONE ASKED FOR: #do u guys remember that girl that was basically my bi-awakening and we had the very stereotypical #intense homoerotic friendship that traumatised the both of us? yeah her #well basically i still have a lot of love for her and we're still friends like she's in my hometown friend group so when i talk about them #i still mean her and out of our entire group she's the ONLY one who didn't go to uni and me and my other friend spoke recently #about how unhappy we know she is bc she got abandoned by us in this awful hometown and we dont think she loves her boyfriend #so much as she stays with him bc she literally has no one else until we come home her life is literally just waiting for us between terms #and i worry about her all the time and one thing that happened a while back was she did drugs w this one guy by the river #and she completely whitied like it was just weed but she was 17 and had never done it before and turns out she's like me #where edibles just do NOT agree with her on a good day let alone when she took as much as she did and she was with a random boy #by the fucking WIER (basically a big dangerous waterfall) and we were all at our mate's house that was a 40 min walk away #and she RANG ME. i was the one she rang. that still sticks with me. and omg it was so scary bc she was so out of it on the phone #and all i managed to get from her was that Something Was Wrong (didnt know what) and that we needed to pick her up #so we did. we got on bikes and fucking RACED to this girl and we picked her up and in the end she asked for her mum #and i was the one to take her to her mum and knock on the door and stand there with her daughter's arm around my shoulder #barely conscious her sick on my shoes and explain what happened. like WHAT #& yeah basically i still have so much love for that girl and i know she struggles with shit hence why that even happened in the first place #and it's like. im still here. i still love you. i'll call your mum. i'll come and get you. just ring me and i'll pick up. stay on the line. #so yeah this song did unimaginable damage the first time i heard it. literally gives me chills and transports me to my 17 year old self #we were young and didnt know what we were doing and the town was suffocating us #AND WE WERE BOTH DROWNING AND DIDNT KNOW HOW TO SAVE EACH OTHER BUT THERE WAS AN UNDERSTANDING THAT WE WERE DROWNING TOGETHER #ask #noah kahan

[united-under-skyfall]

.

#i think one thing i really didn't prepare for w overnights is just how fucking lonely it is. like yeah 80% of the reason i took it was to #get away from customers but like. it worked. and the night shift team is v v small. there's only 4 of us and we've never been scheduled all #at once yet. and usually we're running around on completely opposite ends of the building going long periods of time without #radioing each other. and then i come home all amped up and the rest of my house is still asleep. and then when they wake up #it's just to get ready and go and we don't really have time to talk. and by the time they get back i'm sleeping #and it's my first night off and i can't fuck up my whole schedule i worked so hard to switch over to w them flipping me all over the place #so now i'm just like. sitting in the half light trying not to wake anybody up not doing anything. the only places near us open are #gas stations and i can't exactly loiter there and what would i do even if i could. and it's too cold to go for a walk or to the park #or something. and i feel like i haven't talked to another human being about something that wasn't related to work in years #and it's only been a week. #and we can listen to music or podcasts or something but our carts and machines are so loud you miss half of it. and we can't hold #super long conversations when we ARE in the same room for the same reasons. plus we all want to die so none of us feel like talking. #and just. im tired and lonely and want to sleep and im already regretting this but i'd feel bad for backing out now when they have so #few options and i volunteered for it in the first place #and then there's also like. even just doing my usual solitary thing at home feels so much more isolated bc there's not the noises #of other people existing nearby. the nearest signs of life are some coughing and then a car on the other side of the block #just. what am i even doing here. #tag ramble

[lilgynt]

yes life sucks and i’m re running through traumatic memories BUT. i can in theory take myself to see spiderverse again tomorrow so it’s not that bad

#personal #completely down to me actually just getting up brjdnfnfbg #but yeah life IS terrible. but. i can watch into the spiderverse than mess around for a little then go see beyond the spiderverse #like yes. a therapist told me it’s amazing im functioning at all and i fell through every crack in the system #as far as being protected or cared for properly #and this was a yuppy maybe 19 to 20 year old ignoring the last couple years #more importantly last 8 months but also i got spiderverse so we’re good #i can also sit down and watch hannibal but also small complaint #i have watched season one so many times bc it feels weird to jump out of order but god above i need to get back on s2 and 3 #like yes i can just skip season one but also just heard myself say that. and sounds. like the dumbest shit i’ve ever said #but may fuck around and pull up specific episodes for fun

[orcelito]

oh i also talked a lot about fire emblem today. specifically whether i was planning to buy Engage or not. verdict is: Probably, considering reviews say the tactics gameplay is really rich & that's like 80% of why i enjoy playing fire emblem. so yes i am not a fan of the character designs. but i will probably buy it. at some point.

i went to gamestop after work to see if i could find it but didnt see it and INSTEAD i saw 2 games for relatively cheap. so i got those instead.

#speculation nation #it's uhhh horizon zero dawn. which ive heard good things about. and tales of arise. which ive known i'd b getting eventually #considering how ive enjoyed every tales of games. & xillia 2 Still is the only game that's made me cry like a baby Twice #reviews seem pretty positive for tales of arise too so tbh more likely i'll play that first. #character designs of party members seem pretty solid too #i also got two sets of dice for a total of $4 so like that's pretty rad. im up to 82 sets now. Woo #i. need to go to sleep lskdjflskdjf #but ya me chatting with my coworkers who dont know fire emblem about different games #mentioning that my fav is still fe echoes bc it is superior in character design. story. map tactics. and ESPECIALLY the music. #but also i'll enjoy a slightly trashy fire emblem game which i KNOW bc i loved fates. genuinely. #it gets a lot of hate & god Knows i can complain about its faults endlessly #but i have a lot of fun with it and i love a lot of characters. So. #tbh so many ppl love three houses but i honestly enjoy fates more. there's a reason ive completed like 4 games of fates #and im still struggling through my 3rd of 4 playthroughs of three houses lmao #the maps are fun but there's too much downtime. & i feel like i Have to use the downtime bc otherwise im losing out on skill grinding #but i dont like fire emblem for wandering around and talking to people. i like fire emblem for playing complex tactical maps #and sure yea i could up the difficulty. probably will have to for my next three houses game to keep it interesting (it is WAY too easy) #but. yeah. back to back battles is probably Also a lot of why i like echoes #no wasting time just puttering around. we're on a WAR PATH. why would we go back to the castle between every fucking mission? #it makes no sense. genuinely. #anyeays uhm. fire emblem. i'll get it eventually.

[captainshadowshifter]

Yknow, I think there should be like. A similar kind of general rule with rollercoasters and thrill rides that there is with drinking - know your limits

#tw vomit #example of this? #yesterday when we were waiting to go on galactica (air it will forever be called air to me) #some ppl a couple rides ahead of us threw up after the ride stopped. #in the bit where you just dangle for a bit waiting to go into the station to get off the ride #now. air rlly isnt that intense. its pretty damn chill. but if youve been going on like nemesis and the smiler and oblivion all day? yeah. #it was. EVERYWHERE. all over the floor. i may be dramatising this but thats how it looks to someone with a bigass phobia of it #i have never gotten off a rollercoaster so fast in my life (i fucking love rollercoasters i hate getting off them) #ON THE FLIPSIDE kiwi doesnt have as strong a stomach as i do. but they are aware of it #when they started feeling nauseous (thx blade lol) they told me and we sat for a while before going on any more rides #drank water n shit #and guess what? they were COMPLETELY FINE #i think what im tryna say here is like. YES you wanna get on everything before it closes. but always remember to put your health first #bc that shit can ruin your whole day and everyone elses around you #... on a side note i went on oblivion again for the first time in 8 years and. NOPE. NO THANK YOU. NOT GOING ON IT AGAIN TIL 2032 THANK YOU

[cinnamon-notes]

leaving the apartment where i lived with my ex turned out to be more painful than her leaving the apartment where we lived together

#i keep unconsciously forgetting stuff there that will have me go back there just one more time and somehow it's so hard and soooo painful #tried to talk to my mom about this but that era of my life is actually something she cant bring herself to reminisce at all #i could really use a talk with my mom abt this but i dont wanna force a subject on her especially if its something i know she cant talk abt #it was the darkest era of my life and we had that phase lorelai and rory went through when rory dropped out of yale #and i have to thank GG because it made me realize in how much pain my mom must've been at seeing her gifted elder daughter become her worse #self and literally waste everything she was and had and knew. which also helped me realize why she isn't that happy when i mention that time #we went through. cant blame her. i literally threw away two years of my life and all the beautiful people ive been up to that time. #but still- i really need to talk to her about this. because it was indeed painful to walk around an apartment newly emptier and not be able #to be eaten out alive by all the spots of that apt where some things happened or some things were said or some things were seen. it was. it #was extremely painful. it hurt so fucking much. but leaving those spots omg- being willing to never spot them again. being willing to lose #the memory of them. forever. wow- it's a completely different level of pain. it just hurts differently. because i know it's time and i know #it's been time for a very VERY long time. and i know this is literally all it takes for me to be more free from the thought of my ex. i know #it's more than necessary and i know it's the right thing. it still hurts. cuz it's all damn over. and i let it pass without ever actively #process it. because to process it was too painful. and i will heal silently. away from here. alone. with a few true friends. i know i will. #it still hurts cuz like- you can know you made the right decision ans you can still grieve and hurt. so yeah im ceying bye i need my mom and #i need to process many things and im way too traumatized and i probably wont have any other romantic/platonic/sexual relationship for many #many years. and i probably wont have that many friends for a little while. and its okay. its time to settle a little bit steadier than i am. #always remembering im not a tree and im actually allowed to move whenever and wherever i wish. but i need more stability right now. i need #to learn how to love myself without becoming cynical. and im almost there. i know i am. i can feel it. and i feel this steadiness for it to #final. #cinnamon diary #sorry about the rant im just in desperate need to cry and hurt

[exopelagic]

kinda mad I figured out how to study literally 2 weeks before I’ll never have to do it again

#it’s FINE it’s transferable I’m gonna have a lot of independent work to do over the next. up to 6 years. insane to think abt that #but goddamn I’m like? enjoying this now?? #and that’s combination of having no other demands on my time + immediate and desperate need to do it #but ALSO. turns out I kinda like this. wild #adding this to the Fuck This Place pile #but yeah apparently what I have to do is 1. be out of the house. this is the first and most important step #2. have music on that’s familiar + mostly me fucking around with whatever pops into my head #3. have some kinda tracker so I can see number go up #but yeah setting regular times to be out the flat and not worrying abt work so much unless I WANT to outside of that has saved my life #saying this now for future reference so that Luke in 2 weeks-6 months time doesn’t completely forget everything #but also. I’d honestly be chill with doing lecture notes for a while longer #like at the rate I’m going currently I’d be done within a few weeks but if I had free time during term time I’d probably be able to keep up #alas. 8 days. #im making progress im gonna have at least half the content done and with how I’m prioritising that SHOULD be enough #it’s gonna be fine #library in t minus 24 minutes and I can return to nodulation <3 #luke.txt

[mieltelecheycrema]

its insane how good and bad my luck is head in hands

#mielmbles #just got oil like completely saturated into my paycheck #its all over my desk but ! my laptop was upside down so the oil didn’t get into and of the like mechanical bits #the fact that we just have to keep going whenever something happens just fucks me yk ? #like yeah this happened now i just gotta figure out how to fix it or move on #like i cant even feel anything about its just yeah okay this just might as well happen too #in fucking sane im telling you and the fact that this kinda shit is like an every day thing for me like at least ten times every day #something goes fucked like my door breaks or my clothes rip or my things get horrifically stained #its tiring but again every thing keeps going and like i cant get hung up on little stuff cuz then i wouldn’t have any time in the day for #anything #plus theres all the big stuff too so like eh yk ? #godddd im exhausted. at least its a good lesson ? #cash those checks in sooner or smth or check for holes in sauce bags before carrying them around everywhere #cannot believe i had to spend the whole shift at work just completely covered in t sauce lmao #and like at this point its just funny and tiring like an exhausted chuckle of course this would go wrong yk ?

[senseichaos]

head empty only thinking of lucifer who likes to tease and praise his “duckling” while she’s fucked completely dumbbbb (ALSO LUCIFER WITH A DADDY KINK IS REAL ASF!!) LIKE OLEASE IM BEGGUNB

Your wish is my command!

IMAGINE

Lucifer loves to fuck you dumb. It's his own little 'quirk' of sorts. His precious little girl all broken and silly on his cock? Oh my god. He always has to try not to cum right then and there.

Hands either side of your head Lucifer thrusts his cock into your pussy for the fourth time that night, causing you to let out an overstimulated whine as the 'plap' of his skin against your own rings through the room. Lucifer just can't help but fuck you again :( especially when he's so hard!

He looks down at your fucked out face with a grin as he begins serving you soft yet quick thrusts, each thrust sending the same wet noise through the room. With a babble you reach out for him, wrapping your arms around his chest and pulling him down so he is close to you. He has to lean on his arms instead, one of them moving slightly to hold the side of your cheek.

"Awe! Has mwy pwetty ducwing gone all dumb for her daddy?" He says in his babyish teasing voice, grinding his cock into your core in a tantalizing way. You whimper loudly at this, cheeks red from exertion with the way Lucifer continues to fuck you.

"Good duckling, good good duckling, hm? You're so good letting daddy use you like this," Lucifer comments lowly, voice buttery and smooth in your ears.

"My silly little duckling," he says, watching as you beg to cum in a high tone. He always loves the part when you beg. Beg him to fuck you, beg him to let you cum, beg him to go harder. He loves your begging. Especially If your eyes are all teary and glossy like right now.

"Of course my little duckling, cum on Daddy's big cock," He purrs with arousal, giving you a harsh thrust as you come undone with a long high pitched moan of his name. He purposely drags out your orgasm as long as possible, thrusting shortly yet quickly as his own orgasm begins to approach at the same time.

"Daddy's gonna come in you again, yeah? Daddy's gonna fill his pretty duckling up again.." he rambles, hips stuttering as he bites his lower lip. He practically humps into you when he cums, trying his best not to collapse on top of you as his thick warm ropes of cum fill you up.

Slowly Lucifer pulls out, cock half hard as he gives you an empathetic yet teasing look.

"Can daddy use you? Just one more time?"

You just can't say no.

#proship #senseichaos #antishippers dni #senseichaosdrabbles #proship fanfiction #hazbin hotel #lucifer x reader smut #lucifer imagine #lucifer x reader #lucifer hazbin hotel #lucifer #lucifer morningstar x reader #lucifer morningstar #lucifer smut #hazbin hotel smut #hazbin hotel imagine

[omgeto]

☆ WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH YOUR EX — GOJO, GETO, TOJI

summary: you have sex with your ex. thats it.

cw: afab!reader, smutty smut smut so mdni. unprotected sex with all of them (since I forget that condoms exist) you sit on geto face, kinda finger fucking & mild hate fucking with toji but its fun, and gojo is just lovely.

an: i was meant to post this last night but I fell asleep writing geto's part so slay. anyways I hope you enjoy lmk what you think!! not proofread so ignore any mistakes please.

☆ GOJO

“this doesn’t mean we’re back together y’know,” you remind gojo, panting as he thrusts into you.

“you’re really saying that with my dick deep in your cunt,” he taunts, admiring the deep arch of your back, the way your ass ripples every time his hips drive into you. “i’ve missed this.”

“f-fuck keep going,” you moan out, as his dick hits your spot – just how you like it.

“so you don’t miss me?” he pesters, and you roll your eyes, as although you couldn’t see him, you just knew he had a pout on his face. “you really don’t miss me?” he continues his thumb making way to your clit, swiftly flicking at it.

“i don’t miss you.”

gojo pulls out of you almost defiantly, pushing you down – turning you around your back. he stares at you with something you couldn’t quite place, and re enters you just as quickly. he smirks at the way your mouth gapes as his hands roughly grab at your tits, pinching and pulling on your nipples.

“s-someone’s mad,” you egg on, loving the way that his strokes become harder.

“y’know the reason i always loved fucking you this way when we were together?” he asks with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“what’s with the trip down memory lane?,” you complain, your arms come around his neck as you take him in deeper, “i called you to fuck me, not for whatever you’re tryna do here.”

“because i always got to see all the faces you make,” he continues, completely ignoring your comment, his tongue drags up the side of your jaw, before pressing a quick kiss just under your ear. “and the face your making right now, tells me, that you're lying.”

you scoff, but didn’t say anything because you knew he was right. you did miss the way he’d plough into you, the way he knew the ins and outs of your body – how to please you. “im gonna cum,” you whine out, “satoru please i need yo–”

“you can cum when you admit the truth babe,” he teases, his strokes purposefully shift speed, still keeping you writhing underneath him but just not quite enough to get you there. “just say you miss me.”

“fine,” you force out, exasperated, “i m-miss you i do.”

“see wasn’t so hard, was it?” he kisses you deeply, driving deep into you, and you cum with a cry, you did miss being this close with your ex boyfriend. gojo is quick to finish after you, filling you up with all his cum.

he eventually pulls out of you, collapsing down on the bed next to you pulling you into his hold. you, against your better judgement, relaxing into his arms – which goes against all the rules of sleeping with your ex. “this still doesn’t mean we’re back together,” you add, knowing there was very little truth to that.

“yeah, yeah, whatever you say babe,” he smirks, his lips coming down to your forehead, placing a soft kiss, “so what did you miss about me?”

☆ TOJI

“i thought you didn’t spin the block, princess,” toji asks with a shit-eating grin, as his fingers slip inside of you “what happened to, ‘once an ex always an ex huh?” 

“i’ve always hated that nickname,” you mumble, hissing at the contact of toji’s fingers toying with your pussy, “and there are some exceptions to my rule.”

“so you’re little boyfriends not hitting it right then,” toji grins, pleased at hearing that he was the ‘exception,’ “if you’re here, slutting yourself out on my fingers.” 

“no he’s hitting it greatly,” you smirk, not rising to toji’s comments since you know what he was trying to get at, “i just missed you, that's all.”

“oh so you really have a boyfriend then?” he snapped, his fingers curling up in you.

“no i don't,” a smug smile appears on your face as you see toji’s smirk drop, “but it’s cute that you care though. are you jealous, toji?”

“shut up,” he says moodily, swiftly removing his fingers out of you, pulling you onto his lap.

you straddle him, your face inches from his, “aww are you mad toji?” you taunt with a mock pout. you’ve always loved getting a rise out of toji, you know your ex boyfriend very well, the more pissed off he was, the harder he fucked.

“sit on it,” he commands, the ‘it’ in question being his hard dick that he was furiously stroking at the sight of you. there was something about you that got on toji’s nerves – hence why you didn’t last long as a couple – but that special something was good for times like this. where you could both unleash any pent up energy you have, on eachother.

you welcome his dick eagerly, practically jumping on it, the wetness of your pussy was inviting. his dick slotted in perfectly, making you both curse at the contact. “fuck, you always feel so good,” he praises, loving the feeling of you clenching around his dick whilst you ride him.

there was a forcefulness coming from the both of you, as you were fucking each other as if you had something to prove, as if there was some unspoken competition to see who could get the other to cum first.

“f-fuck,” you mutter, the feeling of toji’s dick pistoning into you becoming too much.

“whats that princess?” toji mocks, grinning seeing your eyes gloss over, he could tell that your dick-stuffed cunt was about to release all over him, “y’gonna cum for me?”

you ignore him, continuing your mission to get toji to fold first. you manoeuvre your lips to his neck, kissing and sucking on his exposed flesh, and he takes a sharp inhale – bingo. you knew toji’s body as well as he knew yours, and he was always was weak for the way you’d nibble and bite on his neck as he fucked you dumb.

“are you gonna cum for me?” you mock mirroring his question, his strokes was getting sloppier, you could tell he was close. but you were not far behind, squirming in his lap about to reach your climax.there were no words that needed to be spoken as you and toji both cum together, your cunt too overloaded with both of your cum, making it drip out all over his dick.

“we should do this again sometime princess,” toji suggests, as you eventually hop off his dick and start putting back on your clothes, “you always know to fuck me right.”

“i’ll think about it,” you conclude, knowing that you’ll probably be back in less than a week, “and stop calling me that fucking nick name,” you say as you leave the room, the only response you hear being toji’s howling laughter.

☆ GETO

if there was one thing that you couldn’t deny your ex boyfriend had, it was his head skills. everytime without fail, he could have you sprawled out on any surface as his tongue laps your pussy. 

“s-shit, you’ve always been way too good at this,” 

“only, to please you,” he hums, pressing a soft kiss to your thigh, before going back to sucking on your clit. your hands knot his hair, pulling and tugging as he works on your folds. he loves it when you play in his hair, showing that he’s getting what he’s aiming for – giving you pleasure. 

your moans only encourage him to toy with your pussy harder, nipping and biting as your thighs clench around his head. he’s been at this for ages, tonguing your cunt for as long as possible, as if to see how long he’d be able to go. 

“sugu ‘m gonna cum,” you cry, pressure building up inside of you, “please let me cum.”

but he doesn't. ignoring your request completely, geto removes his mouth off of you. his lips were practically shining, coated in all the juices from your pussy.  “you know there was one thing we never got to do when we were together,” he starts to say, eyeing with a mischievous smile,

“which is…” you prompt, slightly upset at the lack of stimulation you were getting at your, now throbbing, pussy.

“you never sat on my face,” he utters just above a whisper, licking his lips at the thought of it. 

“but what if I—“

“don’t worry about any of that,” he murmurs, pushing himself further back on the bed, his eyes still focused on you, “come sit.”

you slowly work your way up his body, the mischief in his eyes making you feel excited. you pause, straddling his chest, your hands rest on his shoulders, “are you sure about this?”

“girl if you don’t–” he starts to say, but the rest of his sentence is muffled as he pulls you onto his face, his mouth enveloping your pussy. your hands immediately grip onto the headboard in front of you, as his tongue gives long strokes to your wet pussy, lapping up all the juices spilling from you. 

you were riding his face, your hips moving back and forth against his mouth with his head sandwiched between your thighs. “f-fuck sugu, it’s too much,” you moan out, throwing your head back. 

he grins in response, his hands gripping your ass pushing you onto his mouth deeper. he couldn’t get enough of you, the way you taste, the sweet scent of your pussy that he practically inhales, burying his nose in it.

“s-shit,” you curse, as your cunt explodes onto your ex’s face. you pause, catching your breath, still feeling the pleasurable high he just gave you. he still had his mouth on your pussy, eating up all the cum that was dripping out of you.

“hey suguru, wanna go and–” you turn to see gojo burst into the room, “oh shit, yn? are you two back together?” you scramble off of geto’s face, giving gojo the hardest glare for interrupting. 

“satoru, can’t you see that im busy,” geto chuckles, his mouth still covered with your cum, “im eating here.”

“right…” gojo nods, “i’ll leave you two too it,” but just before he leaves the room you here him yell, “im gonna tell everyone you’re back together.” you both chuckle at your friends antics, and geto pulls you back into him.

“get back on,” he smirks, “who said i was done?”

AN: so there we go. I love geto's part so much but maybe im biased idk. but yeahhh hope you enjoy the thoughts that I had at like 7 am. DIVIDERS BY @/CAFEKITSUNE

#stampedwithanE★ #jjk x reader #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #toji x reader #gojo x reader #geto x reader #toji smut #gojo smut #geto smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader #geto suguru x reader #gojo satoru x reader #toji fushiguro x reader

[hellafluff]

.

#fucked up every day about my grandmother dying ten years ago and how that completely changed myself #and how we were cheated out of any life insurance for reasons never explained to me #but i once heard a figure of around 100k #and i just #yeah my mother probably would have squandered that on her drug addiction but at least for a while wed have been okay #im tired of being poor and tired and disabled #im tired #im tired of waiting to die #i dont have the energy or means to live #i wish my friends had better reactions when intold them my feelings #instead of sympathetic Im Sorrys and a change on conversation or following radio silence #they have problems too but i wish we could communicate with eachother and help each other through it #wish my family gave a shit about me #the only ones who seem to care live hundreds of miles away and i haven't seen since i was 7 #well except my dad but the last time i saw him was junior year of college #and he cares but we talk less then once a month #and he never wanted me #one time he told me he and his wife (not my mom) had cats because they were never going to have kids #as if i wasnt his kid; as if im not his clone; as if we dont have the same eyes and hair and love of weird alien bullshit and music #i hate that im so fucking isolated from family because my mother burns every bridge and life line put infront of her and #my father couldnt be bother #dot