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#yeah I'm tired of hashtagging
actionsurges · 5 months
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please. god. i play ttrpgs and whenever i mention i enjoy them to someone they tell me to watch critical role. i still have not and i do not want to i am not INTERESTED in this highly scripted show being masqueraded as a group of friends just hangin' out. additionally dnd isnt even that great of a ttrpg. there are better ones. i am taking peoples hands and showing them monster of the week.
i do get what you are saying but you're quite literally talking to the guy with winner of d&d in their bio.
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batemanofficial · 8 months
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hello upper middle class northern usamerican tumblr user. i want to play a game. you will notice that you are in a super america convenience store in rural kentucky - you have three minutes to purchase a snack and drink of your choice and make normal small talk with the cashier. however, if you use the word "cryptid" or generally make reference to appalachia and its inhabitants as "wild", uncivilized, or lacking restraint around alcoholic beverages during your time here, i will personally tie you to the chassis of a four wheeler and tip it into the river. live or die. make your choice
#speak friend and enter#i can appreciate mothman as much as the next guy but can we stop treating appalachia like it's the subject of a richard attenborough doc#i come from a long line of hillbillies and i like to think i've got a good sense of humor about it but sometimes i am tested#like. this is not a lawless land with a moonshine still in every holler and nameless voices in the woods!! this is a normal town!!#idk maybe i'm reading too much into it but i'm just tired of the cultural fetishization of appalachia by people who aren't from here#and who don't know anything about it. like yeah you know mothman and what hooch is and that's all well and good#but do you know what the opioid epidemic really is. do you know about the structural injustices that keep people like mcconnell in power#i'm not saying you have to apply dialectical political analysis to every issue that occurs in the region to be able to have an opinion#but also like. i'm tired of people looking at places like where i grew up and making them into things they aren't#like. on the one hand we have ''ooh spooky hills!! run if you hear the trees whisper your name''#and on the other we've got ''isn't appalachia so depressing...so hashtag ethel cain core...shame it's got no value beyond aesthetics''#and on yet another hand we have ''i - a person with no ties to the region - am going to take up the cause of every social issue#occurring across the entire appalachian region so the world will see just how bad these poor hill people have it. i am very smart''#and like. it's frustrating#i'm not saying you should never speak about appalachia if something we have is interesting to you#nor am i implying that i want to gatekeep discussion of the region's issues to the community bc that won't accomplish anything#i'm just saying that like any place it's complex. it's got its good things and it's got its bad things.#and you shouldn't isolate the good from the bad or vice versa - especially if you don't know the context in which those things happen.#and for the love of god dont let your own ignorance cause you to boil down those issues into a reductive and inaccurate set of stereotypes#learn about us from us. not from tiktok not from movies and for christ's sake not from hillbilly elegy. i hate that fucking book#anyway that got weirdly serious but i mean it. putting appalachia as a talking point up on the shelf until y'all can speak intelligently#ok to rb
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to be completely honest, the stranger things fandom has damn near ruined the show for me lmfao
#and i don't mean in the 'i know too much i can never be satisfied as GA again' way#people are just soooooo fucking petty#and i swear to god nobody in this fandom seems to remember that it's supposed to be... fun???#for them and for everyone else#like. bro. have u considered sitting down and maybe drinking a glass of *insert preferred juice*#people take the stupidest shit tooooooo seriously#also HEAVILY controversial opinion so i'm banking on nobody seeing this lest i get hashtag cancelled:#the vast majority of the characters are pretty bland and have middling chemistry#yes. this includes mike and will#i enjoy them. i like them. i don't think they're BAD. but sweetheart they are not that deep i'm sorry ToT#truly fascinates me how worked up people get over a handful of fictional pubescent suburbanites#yeah i'm losing followers if anybody sees this but i honestly do not give a shit#it might just be the mental illness but i barely care about any of it anymore even on a perfunctory level#i miss stranger things being a show i really really liked without being muddied by how fucking annoying fandoms are#(just in general but indo tend to fall into obnoxious ones and ST is no exception)#honestly half the entertainment i've gotten here has been from participating and half has been from watching other ppl squabble#i guess we all suck. haha#i'll probably be less of a holier-than-thou jackass in a couple weeks when i maybe get new meds#but til then i am honestly so sick of logging onto tumblr and having my dash at least half full of stranger things#i'm sick and tired and bored. i just wanna enjoy my blorbos in the peace of my own mind and then forget about them for a couple of years#maybe the hyperfixation is finally ending#honestly??? i hope so#lexi stfu challenge
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[cw: anti-NPD ableism, fictional child death, gore.]
you know. i can't believe it didn't quite click for me until now, but i knew there was a piece of the ableism puzzle missing with ivan, and i just realized that along with the audhd/dyslexia stuff he is a really violently hateful depiction of NPD.
pwNPD are all evil, stupid abusers who will only ever accomplish anything by riding others' coattails; anyone who believes they have worth or deserve love only thinks that because they're fooling themselves and denying reality, at the expense of the reasonable people who actually deserve the love and approval they're hogging; it's funny, satisfying, and their just deserts to take them down a peg by intentionally insulting and humiliating them; and you should cheer for their gruesome, frankly dehumanizing deaths. very awesome and cool
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shimydim · 1 year
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my computer just took 15 (fifteen) minutes just to boot and get into the desktop... yeah i’m getting a ssd lol
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warmspice · 1 year
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*partakes in the act of lunch for the social enrichment rather than the nutritional benefit*
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mediumgrapefru · 3 months
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still too lazy to make up my own tumblr tagging system
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neverendingford · 1 year
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astrxealis · 1 year
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OH MY FUCKING GOD I AM. very happy. my speech i had to give that i crammed on bcs i was really anxious about even just thinking it and i had to deliver it memorized and in front of the whole class for the first time in years? i only got. minus 1.25
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#i was really anxious uhh even like. now. a whole month after? egeshbgjh like damn what if i get a bunch of mistakes#but nah apparently i did really well !! proud of myself oh my god#i'm much better at speaking than i probably seem often irl. i'm just shy and anxious and need a proper environment#me at home i can talk with an incredibly loud voice for hours. unfortunately lune knows this very well LMFAO#my dad also has a loud voice but sometimes i even speak louder than him. so. yeah. really loud voice#i'm good at speaking aaa idk i keep putting myself down sometimes even if i am confident and i know what i can do!#anyways i also think i am more. less confused on course choices :] i want bs psych fr aaa i want to help people a lot in that regard#i'm going to look up more on it tho! compsci i'm good actually as a 2nd choice. i'm more feeling > thinking but i am a huge thinker lol#hashtag i love math LMFAO i just haven't been putting in as much effort but i do believe in myself! so. yeah#miss ty for the comments LOL i agree a lot. too much unnecessary movements. i always speak like that eee oops#i have my next speech uhh... next tues actually! also really anxious and stressed but less so. i'll just need to work on it asap and prepar#.75 minus for delivery makes sense! uhh .5 minus on content. i think i get it but i'll just keep it in mind as i make my next script#tbh i get so anxious too reciting during class but i have a lot to say usually and the teacher often says exactly the same idea or aka#i'm correct. so. raghhhhh i will recite more !!! almost end of the sy but it's never too late to improve. even if i recite wrong its still#added to my grades. so yeah. anyway uhh !! idk i love speaking a lot actually lol i'll try my best to be diligent productive etc#raghh i will do my best ... i am very smart ive just been slacking a bit since the pandemic bcs constant state of Tired. + anxiety#okay i don't really get the minus on content uhh is it bcs i didn't really have sources LMFAO it was a personal speech anyway but#im good at writing and good at speaking i will just do my best and uh. goodbye. not cramming#I ALSO EXERCISED TODAY. like. yeah. i should exercise a lot daily. also i did finger exercises hashtag guitarist era <3#my fingers and hands are already very flexible lol i'm double-jointed and always played w my hands even now! but i forgor warmups existed#the amount of mistakes i got for my speech really make sense lol i should really prepare more in advance! procrastination is my enemy
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chickenisamazing · 1 year
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I gotta say, cishet men scare me sometimes
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disaster-racing · 7 months
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I don't usually do text posts, but I just have to ask - has anyone else noticed something strange with the Screaming Meals streams recently? James and Clem have been making some weird comments about Marcus, and they sound... a bit worrying? So I went back to their previous streams to check, and here what they said:
Qatar quali stream:
C: "We're trying, you know, to really promote this channel… trying to make it grow, got no idea what we're doing. And Marcus Armstrong doesn't wanna help us." J: "Yeah. To be fair, he doesn't have a say these days in what goes on his Instagram." C: "Does he not? Oh! That's true, I forgot about that. That is true."
C: "So, so, can you… is that the real reason, the fact that you haven't got enough devices, that you're not listening to our stream, or is it sort of censored in the household, per se?" M: "Yeah, the US has actually censored Screaming Meals, umm…" C: "Oh, see, I didn't think it would have been–" J: "Sort of a North Korea situation, is it?" C: (laughs) M: (laughs) "For obvious reasons, mate, for obvious reasons." C: "Yeah, doesn't seem to be the US, but err…"
J: (talking to Marcus) "I don't know about you but the last time I checked my bank account, fuck me, there was some… there's gotta be some numbers missing, but…" C: (closes eyes, laughing)
Qatar sprint stream:
J: "Marcus gets to the UK sometime in November so we'll definitely be filming some stuff in November, as long as he's allowed to. Um, then you can get some more pods."
Qatar race stream:
J: "Marcus says please call a bit later than lap 15, with an x." C: "What a loser! Just always skiving off work." J: "Yeah, why, like… I dunno, he's probably getting screamed at or something, I dunno." C: "Marcus is? Yeah… well, he has been under quite a lot of pressure hasn't he, recently." J: "Yeah… " … C: "No, he hasn't lost control of his downstairs. He has lost control of his credit card, though." J: "He certainly has lost control of his credit card. Anyway!"
C: "Marcus joining us as well for a short trip [in Brasil]. Interesting." J: "Yeah apparently we're not allowed to talk about that." C: "No, we're not. Good times."
J: "Shall we give Marcus another go?" C: "Nah." J: "Fair enough." C: "He was being his usual 'I'm too cool for you guys'…" J: "He was being a bit, wasn't he. He's probably on another sanction from speaking to us." C: "I think so yeah. Must be one of those sanctions."
Mexico race stream:
J: "I'm gonna give Armstrong a buzz." C: "No chance he answers." J: "I believe he's due to fly out 9pm Mexico time." C: "He'll be under heavy control. …has your number not been placed on the 'banned' list?" J: "Ah, no, this is a burner." C: "Oh, mine has. Mine has." […] C: "Quite a lot of restrictions to get in contact with Armstrong these days."
Q&A stream:
(talking about what they would buy if they had to spend £1million on each other) J: "Then for Armstrong… ummm, I'd, I dunno, I'd probably just help him pay off his credit card debts." C: "True! Paying off his credit card debts would be something. Definitely."
C: "Look, we've got Loraine with the hashtag Free Marcus." J: (snorts) "No comment."
And when Marcus was on the sprint race stream last night, he seemed a bit tired and low energy, quite different to how he was on the streams earlier in the year. Maybe I'm just overreacting, but I really hope he's okay and some of the things they've said aren't as concerning as they sound...
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totothewolff · 8 months
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Season of Love (1/?)
+18 | Toto x reader fem!teamprincipal, romance, comedy, and some good drama.
Summary: One night on a pier in Monaco, while admiring the sea under the night skies, you tell Toto: "I came to the conclusion that love is simply not meant for me." That's the answer to a question you have been asking yourself for the longest time. But what if he proved you wrong? Author's note: Hi, fam! I'm nervous since this is my very first fanfic. I have been following this tag for a while now, and I got so inspired by all the talent here that I went and wrote my own story. Please be kind to me. English is my second language. I will upload chapters regularly - using this hashtag and on #seasonoflovefic. I have been dealing with anxiety the entire year; writing this has been part of my healing process. I hope you like it. By the way, this story is fun and light-spirited.
< Masterlist | Next chapter >
Dances with Wolff Arc Chapter 1: Engines on and hearts off!
Bahrain
It is a hot and sunny day in Bahrain. Golden hour is set, and every single person in the paddock seems to be in a rush. It is the usual chaos every pre-season brings.
Toto makes his way through the sea of people, cables, tire carts, and cameras at his regular pace - which means those toned and long legs going full speed - rocking this year's Mercedes kit and a new pair of designer sunglasses, phone in hand when it buzzes.
—Breaking news: After lengthy negotiations during the break, the De Vos Group acquired Williams Racing - as speculated. New female owner Y/N De Vos will be joining the paddock this season. The team's principal will soon be announced. Check our exclusive first look with her.
Toto reads on his iPhone after tapping the Sky Sports push notification, slowing his pace a second. He raises an eyebrow and gazes around, noticing many people in the packed pitlane doing the same, slowing the frenzy on the floor for a close bit. 
He reaches out for his pockets and puts on the Bose earbuds before hitting the play button. Curiosity is overpowering him - and, honestly, excitement, too - as he looks at the preview thumbnail. A stunning, tan-skinned woman with great, shiny hair and a beautiful smile appears in front of the microphone with a smug smirk.
—God, she's gorgeous —Toto lets out to himself. Continuing his way to the Mercedes garage. This year, it is located one spot before Williams and following Ferrari's.
Finally, something exciting, someone new. After years of dominating the game, trying not to sound too egomaniac, every season starts to feel like routine to him. Toto is hitting a personal low, avoiding calling it what it is: depression mixed with boredom, especially this season and at this moment in his life. Same old tracks, same old challenges, same old people, same old ways, same old Toto.
You answer the interviewer's questions with ease. You are very well-spoken in his eyes like you are used to doing press or public speaking, and you have a cheeky sense of humor. Toto gets captivated, to say the least. He puts his phone into his back pocket and continues walking while listening to your interview, muffling the paddock's noise.
You have a soft voice, a professional speech pattern, and excellent enunciation, reinforcing Toto's idea of you being trained at it. He detects some accent but can't figure out where it is from. He listens to the whole thing; it's impossible for him not to sigh at the stupid questions they ask you a couple of times. The more Toto listens, the more questions he has for you in his mind. He may get them answers later when he finally meets you.
So far, you seem like a breeze of fresh air, and Toto is desperate to breathe you.
And yeah, no question Williams looks different. Toto, as usual, ventures to inspect more than he should - and is allowed to - taking a good peek at your brand-new garage. Knowing quite well, he also is hoping to spot you in person.
The garage looks tech and minimalistic, matching your new modern W logo. Whites, blacks, and touches of grey colors predominated. The lighting, screens, and interior design look so futuristic, expensive, and dope; it's a whole vibe. It is a sexy garage! A phrase he never imagined using. What F1 has done to a man?
Toto can feel the desperate modernity Williams once needed and the resources. Of course, he knew firsthand the Williams family was looking to sell after years of struggling to win races and its economics. Toto remained neutral throughout the process, informed but not too involved. He had felt a little indifferent about the entire ordeal till now. 
He hopes not to sound insensitive. Of course, he has a special place in his heart for that team and its people, he first started there, but the businessman side of him knows it is the right call and best for them. Of course, it's sad, but that is the game: evolve or die.
He knows his investment is in good hands because last he had heard, and in Niki's words, it got acquired by a Belgian zillionaire, and Niki reassured him it was a perfect choice. He was respectable and trustworthy, and Toto didn't need to know more. But this sudden change - and announcement - took him a bit by surprise. Little did he know.
-
Gossip and theories fill the paddock. Supporters and haters - already - are all over social media, typing divided opinions as usual. It is the talk of the town, and you, you are the center of it at this point; there is more to come.
Toto greets his team on his way to his chair, already inside Merc's garage after doing his little on-site research. A couple of pats on the back and hugs later, he makes himself comfortable in his spot while catching up with Bono. 
Just as Toto is about to place the headphones on his head, the corner of his eyes caught Samanta, better known as "Sam" - a beautiful, thin, young, pale-skin, platinum blondie - Niki's assistant, hugging you goodbye and walking towards him. 
You wave Niki hello from afar and on your way to the W garage.
For the briefest moment, Toto's eyes and yours met. You are more petite than he expects. And you dress very classy and minimal but with a sexy touch. You match the new identity of Williams, or well, Williams matches your style. The Jacquemus "La robe saudade" dress you wear hugs your curves, accentuating your beautiful toned legs and great ass. He couldn't avoid staring you down as you walked past. Sometimes, he was just a simple man.
Toto suddenly feels the Arabic heat rushing through his body.
—Getting up close with the enemy, tearing down its walls, I like your style, evil as I would expect from you —he says to Sam, now next to him, as she takes off her access badge and picks up her tablet from a drawer.
—Bok, dumb. No bad blood! Just a friendly welcome to this testosterone hell, you know, girls being supportive of one another. I'm pretty sure you will like her, and judging by that look you just gave her, I guess you already.
—Začepi, dumber —Toto answers in his usual authoritarian and collected deep voice, but jokingly. He feels his cheeks turning red. —Spill how, when…
—We were roomies a long time ago. I adore her, she's great, strong, intelligent, kind, fun, and so damn hot. That's all you need to know for now, and that's all I'm telling you.
Sam is the youngest daughter of the Dobrev heirs, a very wealthy and old-money Croatian - almost royal - family who owns multiple fleets and half the country, like filthy rich. They are famous for being all platinum blondes, having many scandals, and investing in motor and water sports. They are one of the main Mercedes-AMG sponsors. 
As far as Toto knows, Sam doesn't have the best relationship with her family and dislikes talking about it, but he knows she cares a lot about her elder brother, to whom Toto hears her speak on the phone now and then.
After years and years of working and traveling the world together, Sam lets her walls down with Toto, becoming great friends and this sort of family away from family, although she remains pretty reserved on some subjects. He loves her like a little sister. She is pretty younger than him and sometimes reminds him of his own sister. Niki always describes them two as his annoying children, always teasing and bickering at each other when possible. The old man cares so much for them personally and at work, and they do, too.
Toto wonders if by "old roomie" she means ex-girlfriend? He has met some of Samanta's "roomies," and… Toto doesn't feel like pushing. He wonders if you may have someone... You know... As team principal, he has to learn about other teams' dynamics, right?
He tosses the thought off and gets in the zone. They have another title to win.
-
You hug Samanta goodbye and take a glance at the Merc garage. Sam is family to you, and you heard so much about them and F1 over the years, ever since she moved out of the Manor after having that massive fight with her parents and started working for Mercedes-AMG, swearing to make a living of her own and never needing them EVER again, a bit over dramatic reaction but that who Sam is and you love her that way. 
She is also your bestie; you two text each other daily. Thanks to her, you knew everything about everyone in the paddock: the good and bad, scandals, and more. Yet they knew nothing about you. For them, you are brand new and the perfect excuse to gossip about.
And there he is, Torger Christian Wolff, the guy Sam couldn't stop gushing you about. Damn, she is right, Toto is gorgeous. You would feel slightly jealous of their closeness if he wasn't Sam's cup of tea. But you can't get distracted; you have a purpose for being there, and nothing will get in the middle. Even if you are dying to meet him, even if you treasure every detail you know about Toto, even if you have been fantasizing about him for the longest time, not to mention being half in love with the man already or the idea of him. Sam made him sound like such a remarkable and caring human being. 
Niki waves hello to you from afar, and you wave back. You adore that old man. He is one of the reasons why the Williams family agreed to sell you the team. Without his support, it wouldn't have been possible.
You met Niki two winters ago; thanks to Sam, you explained to him your motives and why you wanted to buy a team, and he fully agreed to support you and mentor you throughout the whole process. He is a badass and one of the kindest people you have ever met. You immediately felt embraced by the Laudas. Along with Sam, they are among the very few people who know your entire story and genuinely know you, the real you. 
Back to the present day. You feel Toto's dark eyes set on you and can't resist ignoring them even if your life depends on it, so you look back at him. For the briefest moment, your eyes met. The desert is too hot, isn't it? Uff, what's going on with this heat? Damn you global warming! 
So you better hurry yourself away before it is too late and you dare to get closer to him. You reach your new team's garage at the speed of light, so it is fittable for the place you are at. It feels weird saying "your" so much. 
Everything is so different from the world you are used to, but you don't feel nervous. You are a woman on a mission, and after all you have gone through in life, you are not that kind of girl. You bear a challenge.
You greet your team. —He hasn't arrived yet? —you ask the aero performance engineer while he is placing green and yellow dots on the left side of the new car. You reached close to inspect the latest upgrades.
The car is beautiful, matte black with a powerful Lamborghini engine. They are your main sponsor and partner and the only one, which is insanely impressive. No million logos, no visual noise - it is something to see due to F1 budgets. 
Commotion and gasps come from the outside. While you ask the engineer that question, a frenzy starts in the front of the garages. You watch camerapersons and fans pass by, running crazy. Total mayhem.
Oh, there he is.
-
Toto's phone buzzes again - in the middle of that circus - "Breaking news; The legend is BACK. Michael Schumacher joins Williams as Team Principal, son Mick Schumacher, and the sensation of the moment, female driver Millie Dobrev joins him along as drivers."
The FIA, in its many attempts to be perceived as "forward" or "woke," has allowed for the first time mixed-gender racing, starting this season - about damn time! Millie is one of the top female drivers and the youngest, achieving a lot at a young age and becoming a serious threat to everyone on her way. 
—Dobrev… Dobrev?! —Toto looks from the photo on his phone screen to Sam and back; a very young petite girl - with sun-kissed skin, short platinum blonde hair with pink ends and clear blue eyes, a round face with delicate features - poses in a pastel color outfit doing a Korean heart gesture with her hands, fingers full of expensive jewelry. —Care to explain?
—Yes, did I mention she's my dear niece? —Sam answers, deadpan.
—The fuck —Toto says —Are all blond Croatians your family? —Toto teases.
—Hilariously accurate —she laughs it off.
—Your niece?! You are like twelve, how old is she, two!? Can't believe you are an aunt already. I don't know what to do with that fact..."
Samanta rolls her eyes. "Thank my gross old uncle with a young trophy wife?" she thinks.
—So you keep secrets from me, huh? I thought ours was special.
—You give yourself too much importance. And yes, that's why my hair grew bigger during the break. It's full of secrets! —Sam replies. Swinging her long, straight locks.
—What??? —Toto doesn't get her Mean Girls reference.
—Sometimes I forget you are prehistoric, almost fossil.
They both fulminate each other with gazes in a classic and frequent stare-down. Then Sam proceeds to cross tasks on her tablet, slowly stepping away.
—Don't you dare run away from me! You have things to explain, missy.
—Sorry, I'm so busy right now, unlike you.
—I'm busy.
—No, you are not; you are trying to gossip!
—I'm always busy. I'm this team's principal, to remind you, so yes, I'm important, and maybe… maybe… I'm trying to gossip… a little bit —Toto gestures with his hand.
—Could you two stop?! —Niki calls it quits, half annoyed, half laughing, struggling to hear clearly what the tactics team is trying to tell him, turning around on his barstool and waving his hand at them.
Toto and Sam laugh softly, and Toto makes a small O with his mouth while Sam pretends to adjust her invisible tie before returning to business and being professional people doing professional tasks.
Toto looks once more at his phone screen. —Impressive —it's all he lets out. Toto can't wait. He can't wait.
-
It's been a long time since Michael set foot on the paddock, after years of being retired and living almost exclusively to recover - after his infamous accident - and trying to enjoy being a father and a husband when possible. He became this mythical figure that existed in F1 and people's minds but is nowhere to be seen, making him feel like a ghost. Nowadays, he is doing way better but was getting bored of being a recluse at home waiting for the right moment, for that one sign that make it all start over for him. 
And there she is, in front of him, doing a fake courtesy.
—Welcome back, Kaiser —you joke with him.
—Hi, boss! —Michael greets you with a thick German accent and sweet voice. —Sorry about that! —He pushes you aside as a photographer flashes photos. The lens almost hits you in the face while two other cameramen bump into each other. —Better if we go inside. There's lots to talk about and to get ready to start testing. This is bonkers! —he finishes saying, looking at the circus surrounding you two.
—Okay. Let's go then, Schumi —you reply to him.
You feel ready.
-
The testing goes out smoothly for Mercedes. There are just a few sensor improvements and small details to fix, but only a little to worry about. Lewis and George seem happy with their car's performance, and the team feels optimistic.
As for Toto, his day was stressful; he felt exhausted after many meetings and people asking him questions all day, demanding his attention at all times. The hours went at an alarming speed. Somehow, the day is done, but the amount of work has just started. He blinks and is dark already, and the chauffeur is now driving him to his suite in a high-end hotel.
Tomorrow is a crucial day for the team, and his schedule is full of press, too. So he needs a good night of beauty sleep; at the moment, he looks like trash and feels like it. Toto likes to keep it real. He loves the attention of being under the reflectors and calling the shots but still isn't a massive fan of media day.
Speaking of the devil, he takes out his phone and opens his news app. Toto relaxes in the big luxury car seat. He has bookmarked several sites that cover F1, his long, unhealthy habit. He likes to stay current, even if he has "briefing" and a person in charge of doing that.
Even though he doesn't want to feel like a stalker, he pretty much is acting like it. Toto refreshes the app to read the latest news about Williams and you. He learns all he can of you from the newly released press articles; there is little about your background, past, or in general; all he keeps reading appears to be PR-approved since it is constantly reprised on different platforms, which feels weird.
Google doesn't offer him much either, just a couple of articles with photos in which you appear in various charity events related to children's foundations. It is like you don't exist online.
Toto reads your most recent interview and Michael's, and you both appear in good spirits about your car performance. He hates losing but loves a good challenge. A good old-fashioned on-track battle. For a change.
-
The bellboy opens the suite's double doors for him and carries Toto's things inside. It is a massive entrance and makes him feel tiny in comparison. Toto notices a small LV suitcase in front of the large door, next to a big antique wooden carved table, in the middle of the foyer under the soft dim coming from a stunning Tiffany's chandelier, which lits the room and reflects on the exquisite tile walls. The Arabic architecture and interior design of the place are breathtaking.
It means Susie has stopped by. Their relationship is in a weird spot, in one of those hiccups they face occasionally after dating forever and from a very young age. Their relationship at the moment feels monotonous, and love is lacking, which is slowly killing him. He still loves her very much but could sense he is losing her. Especially since they started seeing each other less and less - although he wouldn't blame anyone who has to bear with his crazy schedule - they almost stopped texting and talking to each other, too, and sex is nonexistent. So many red flags.
—Hi, schatzi —Toto greets her.
—Hi, Toto —she gives him a quick kiss. —You look tired.
—I am, but I'm happy you are here —he says, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his temple on hers. Soon after, he lifts Sussie from the ground into a tight hug. There is a clear height difference.
—I know. I'm happy to see you too, even if it's for a brief moment. I was hoping you got free sooner. Our jet has permission to take off in an hour exactly.
—I'm sorry, today was crazy —Toto apologizes.
—I can imagine. I tried to communicate with you earlier, but it was impossible to reach you; it was almost like you were avoiding me.
God, she knows him so well. Yes, he has been avoiding her - although not today, he honestly had a crazy day - but since they had that awkward and hurtful conversation at their New Year's Eve reception at their house in Oxford. Not because he is angry at her or scared, he misses her a lot. It's just he has been unable to decide and come up with an answer to the situation.
—I wanted to clear things out between us before the start of the season. I'm aware that from now on, you only get busier and more challenging to reach, and my schedule this year is also insane, Sussie says.
—Yes, love. Tell me what you need?
—Your thoughts.
—On what? —Toto pretends to be confused and not get what she is referring to. 
—Come on, Torger. Would you like me to remind you of our last conversation at New Year's?
Silence.
The last time they saw each other in person was months ago. He panicked after that conversation and left for Austria, calling it a business trip and a visit to his sister to spend time with his nephews. She didn't follow him around. Because it was clear he was running away and needed time alone without her.
—So... as I mentioned to you that night... You wanted to try for children this year, and I let you know I didn't see that happening this year or any year. And that I have been feeling increasingly lonely since you spent most of your days away. Honestly, every day, we spend more time away from each other. My career keeps taking off, and I'm not raising children on my own amidst it! I can't even imagine the idea of being pregnant to start with! Plus, you said there's no way you are quitting your job, and I'm neither, so...
—I didn't say that. That's not how it went —Toto feels his head hurting now. He rubs his forehead, exasperated hearing Sussie's Director's Cut version of the events. "It went more like this: I don't get your full attention at all times like before, I'm not able to control you as I once did, and every time you ask me to spend time together, me traveling to you or you traveling to me, if it's not the way I want it I always come up with something to avoid it. Plus, I never mentioned to you before that I didn't want children, not once in the thousand times we discussed family and raising kids together, ah! And I always blame your job as the reason why things aren't working between us." That's how it happened, Toto thinks.
—The point is... —Sussie ignores him. Throwing him a look. —We didn't reach a middle ground but chose not to break things off immediately because none of us felt sure.
There is a pause and a big exhale from her. 
—That's why I suggested exploring having an open relationship. We would establish rules and limits. I know you are more traditional and don't envision this for us, but I wanted you to think about it and give it a chance, not to run away and avoid me after suggesting it. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to be with someone else behind your back because I still love you, and I want us to work. I feel we both need someone who is present in our lives to touch us and hold us when we feel like it. 
Toto feels crushed. All he wants is to settle down, start a family, and become a good father - as his father was to him - he never expected Sussie to go in the opposite direction. His intention has never been to make her choose between a career or kids. This isn't the case. It is going to be a two-person job. Besides that, they have all the privileges, resources, and support to successfully achieve being both parents and having careers simultaneously. —This isn't the right moment for this conversation. I had an...
—It's never the right moment for you! Christ's sake, Toto! I..! —Sussie starts losing it and gets emotional. He can't avoid feeling miserable. Suddenly, Toto felt the day's weight on his shoulders and back, which was killing him now; he needed a soft mattress to lay down so desperately. He doesn't want to make the drama bigger.
—Okay, easy, love —he hugs her. —I will think about it and give you an answer this week.
—You promise? Won't you run away from it anymore?
—I promise. I won't.
—This week, Toto! —Sussie wipes her tears, hugs him once more, and kisses him goodbye. —Let me know.
—Yes, this week. I will.
She grabs her suitcase and exits through the doors. Toto drags himself to bed with the remains of his energy, tosses his phone on the wireless charger nightstand, and lets himself drop on the mattress, face down. As he drifts away, a new notification red dot appears in the news app.
Now, an open relationship looks like an acceptable idea.
He falls asleep.
-
The view from your suite is impressive. Bahrain's entire skyline of modern skyscrapers is lit under the night skies, and the desert surrounding it looks beautiful through the floor-to-ceiling panoramic windows. 
It isn't your first time in Western Asia, but your first time traveling so far from home on your own. This hotel is insanely expensive, and the suite is humongous for you by yourself. If you weren't so used to inhabiting a massive, almost empty Manor with you as your own company, you would have felt anxious in such an isolated, huge, and quiet space. 
It is already late at night to text Samanta and meet her to chat. You both have work tomorrow and need to rest. But you have so much to catch up on - since yesterday? - No, but seriously, a lot had happened during your first day at the paddock.
As you are relaxing in the bathtub - you chose a bath bomb made of sea salt soap and local herbs with delicious scents - you let your mind go through all the day's events. You can't stop thinking of that pair of dark eyes going all over your body. You wanted to do the same. You wanted to admire him all. 
You have created many scenarios of what it would be like to meet him. But it went so differently than what you pictured. He doesn't even know who you are or doesn't even care about you. You two could become friends in the future, but for now, your feelings for him are all over the place, and you don't wish to let your heart shatter, not again. Besides, he has Sussie - of course, you have no idea what those two are going through - and you, well, who would want to be with you and your whole "situation"? Your chances with him are zero minus a hundred.
You do your skincare routine before sending yourself to bed - for sure, you will be visiting the hotel's spa in the following days - already dreading tomorrow, a day full of meetings and interviews, you are slightly nervous about what the press is going to ask you, even if Michael does the heavy lifting for you in those matters, everyone seems so curious about you. 
You turn the lights off and pray for a good night of sleep, free of the frequent nightmares you experience.
-
The following day, the driver's parade happens inside walls, while all drivers gather together in a small meeting room - a very office-looking space with sad, white-empty walls, gray carpeting, and way too lit up. Cold lighting is the worst! No F1 glamor on sight - this is part of one of the new progressive and "brilliant" ideas from the FIA. 
Chaos is unleashed as everyone looks for a chair with their name tag.
—Did everyone see her? —Lando asks loudly to the entire room - filled at the moment just by drivers - He is sitting backward in his chair, on the front row, facing the rest. He is wearing his McLaren kit and cap, which is worn backward.
—Yes, we all did. Unless you live under a rock, you have missed that circus, but coming from you, it wouldn't surprise me —Checo answers, joking. 
Lando purposely ignores him and throws him a dirty look and a kiss. —Then, ladies… From 1 to 10, how hard would you bang her? Starting with you, Seb —he asks everyone.
—Seriously, mate? So… sexist… —Vettel answers.
—Come on, bee-guy. What? It's just friendly chit-chat among us drivers, as the FIA would love to remind us, "This meeting's purpose is to establish communications between all teams drivers, their principals, along with the FIA representatives to build relationships and sportsmanship among-"
—Stop reading from the sign, idiot —Carlos says, following Lando's gaze to the sad poster pin crooked on the open door.
—Fine, but let's be honest here: she's the most exciting thing to happen to us in a while, not to mention the most recent. It's not like we are going to admire new guy Yuki's hips. All here have excellent vision, and she looked so FINE like you pervs didn't notice.
—Speak for yourself —Pierre answers jokingly, coming through on his way to his chair, passing in front of Lando in that reduced space, trying not to step on someone. Everyone laughs.
—She is so out of your league anyway; why bother? —Max mentions from the corner, sitting stretched out, his back against the wall, legs on top of the chair beside him. —And I agree with Pierre, Yuki's hips are immaculate, by the way.
—If someone cares, I think my vision is starting to fail me. I will need glasses soon —Nando jokes.
—Don't you worry, abuelo! It's just you getting even more ancient —Pato adds.
—I thought this meeting was for drivers? I mean real ones —Alonso jokes back.
—Oh, mate, low punch! I saw some of her interviews on telly; she is cheeky —George adds, drinking from a Merc bottle and standing near the door.
—Couldn't sound more British if you tried —Bottas adds. 
—He is your Royal Highness, Prince George —Lewis jokes.
—More like your Royal Ass-ness —Leclerc adds amidst laughs.
—I saw her interviews too! It's like Ricciardo got female, but was actually funny and hot —Lando replies.
—Fuck you, mate —Daniel answers, laughing. —You know, she could breastfeed you.
—I wouldn't mind —Lando kids, hitting Dani - sat beside him - on the ribs with his elbow. Today, he is set to act like a naughty boy.
—Lando!! —four drivers say in unison, in shock.
—You're so gross, mate, I swear —Lewis adds simultaneously, palm on his face, half laughing, half wanting to rip his own ears off.
—I'm pretty sure that would be so illegal. I don't want to go to jail, Mr. Officer! —you say, entering through the door. Everyone turns to look at you. You overhear that part of the conversation; it doesn't feel mean-spirit. Then Lando's face matches the red color on Charles' shirt as he slowly turns around on his chair and sits - the proper way - quiet and still. It's a hilarious scene.
—I'm not into minors, but I could change your diaper and read you some bedtime stories to make you fall asleep. "The Little Orange Tin" you would love —you joke to break off the tension.
Michael follows you inside, laughing under his breath. You two take your seats and start chatting casually, two places away. You are seated next to Lewis - to your right - and to an empty chair with no tag to your left by the end of the row. 
You are already a fan of Lewis. And again, you know so much about him because of Sam. Now, he is her favorite person on earth. You feel slightly hurt by that fact, but he sounds lovely, so honestly, it doesn't bother you.
—Hi, I'm Lewis —he offers you a fist bump.
—Hi, Lewis. I'm Y/N 
—How is F1 treating you? All good? —Sebastian asks you, popping out from Lewis's right. Both their attention to you. Heavens, those are some beautiful eyes. You can't figure out if they are green or blue, but you don't want to stare too long.
Sebastian's actual chair is next to Charles, some rows at the front, but he sits next to Lewis because he feels like it. Messing the order. An anarchist at heart.
—All good, thank you —you answer. —It's been chaotic, but I'm enjoying it. And I'm eager for the first race.
—Me too. I always miss driving during breaks —Lewis tells you.
—I agree —Seb adds. —It is the best feeling in the world, so it's hard to let go.
Then Millie enters the room - pink cat-ears headphones on, rocking the new Williams kit: A minimalistic stretchy sports jersey, a white tee with black seams, and the W logo in black print at the center of the chest. It is a fully fitted silhouette with a high neckline and short sleeves, paired with some sleek black sports slacks. 
Michael and you point Millie to the chair next to Michael - with her name tag - she gets there fast and takes off one side of her headphones.
—What up! —Millie greets. —Hi, Sebs!, Hi Lew! —she says extra sweetly and high-pitched tone, waving a hand while facing them. That girl is like a walking cartoon. She looks extra petite and young among those guys.
—Hi, Millie!!! —both of them answer in unison, with the same sweet-pitched tone. It's a cute moment.
Then, the room starts to fill up. And the FIA representative enters, meaning the meeting is about to begin.
A very rushed Mick gets in, also wearing the team's kit. Millie raises a hand and waves it, catching his attention. He moves very fast to his seat. And behind him enters Mattia and Toto, chatting with each other.
Holy shit. The fact that Toto would be there didn't cross your silly mind. And since Seb swapped chairs. The one where he sat belonged to Toto. So the chair next to you is empty and available for the Austrian. You see Mattia sit on the last free spot at the front, and Toto glances around, confused, till he spots the space to your side. You see him walk towards you almost in slow motion. And you set your mind to "if I pretend to not notice him, it means he's not there."
You sense him sitting only inches from you, his arm skin almost touching yours. While you keep your eyes locked straight ahead, point to the FIA guy without daring to move. He stretches while trying to adjust himself to a comfortable position. He is tall and muscular, and these chairs are a joke. His knee moves dangerously close to yours. For a moment, you see the inevitable contact coming. And your heartbeat starts to rise. But it doesn't happen. Damn, he smells so good! How on earth are you to get focus? 
And then the meeting begins.
The whole thing is lame. You and Lewis laugh several times at Seb's under-his-breath comments and jokes about what is happening right at the moment. The German has excellent timing and good puns and one-liners. Those two seem like besties, Lewis being the "serious" of the pair; go figure!
The open mic section starts and the FIA guy offers the microphone around. Lewis instantly and discreetly crosses an arm over Seb's hands, and Vettel raises his eyebrows. —Freedom of speech, much? —Sebastian jokes. 
—What are you going to ask? Seriously? —Lewis tells him.
—I have a genuine question!
—Why I don't believe you.
—Like why? You don't trust me?
—Oh, I do, but...
—But then... let me grab the mic.
Lewis lets out a sigh. Seb raises a hand, now free from Lewis's grip. And the microphone goes to him.
—Check, check —The entire room pays him attention. —Ahm, I have a question for you all.
—Yes, please, go ahead —The poor FIA guy looks overly excited that someone cares enough to say something. Most of them, not to say all of them, look forced to be there, bored, and by that point, so done with this meeting.
—Gentlemen, a short view back to the past. Thirty years ago, Niki... —The more he talks, the louder everyone laughs. Michael loses it. Sebastian recites the whole thing by heart.
What an icon.
The FIA guy couldn't look more confused.
You hear Toto's laugh for the first time; he has been sitting there quietly this entire time. You briefly and occasionally feel his gaze set on you, but you don't dare to turn, look, or talk to him. You know very well that any moment of weakness from you means your doom. Back to Toto's laugh. What is that heaven-sent sound? You want more. How can you get more? Can someone get addicted to a sound?
—Blimey, I knew it! —Lewis lets out, shaking his head and also smiling.
With that question, it is clear the meeting has ended.
As everyone is getting on their feet, you feel Toto purposely caressing his arm against yours as he gets on his feet and then walks to the exit without looking back at you. Your eyes follow him around till you lose sight. Sweet baby Jesus, those toned arms.
-
Race day arrives. 
The Sahkir circuit is a whole party, and the atmosphere is to the roof. All drivers get in position after the entourages move quickly out of the way. The chaos on the track dissipates within seconds. 
Then, after the formation lap, the red lights turn off, and the violent roars from the engines fill your ears. Oh, what a sound, now you are addicted to it.
After a great start from your team and almost two hours later, Lewis and Millie face down in a back-to-back battle. Switching positions 3 times in the final ten laps. It is a monumental effort from the drivers, teams, and their strategies. Emotions are on edge at the pitlane and at the benches.
Millie crosses the line first, less than half a second ahead, and fireworks go up in the air. Fans roar, and you all go nuts! Your crew runs to the pit wall fence, climbing it up and waving as she passes by, lots of fist pumps onto the air. It's your first podium! Your? Like you did something, lol. Your team gets their first podium!! - better - it is a great start. And for the first time in forever, you feel alive and cheerful.
Amidst hugs and pats on the back from crew members and supporters, you make your way to the podium area, following Michael. He is dragging you along; you are in a blur with all that adrenaline rushing through your veins, the noise, the lights, and the crowds.
During the podium ceremony, when the Croatian anthem plays - you are now surrounded by all three teams' entourages, all watching the ceremony together and supporting their driver - you notice Millie getting emotional. It is a first for her, too. And when it finishes, everyone around you starts cheering and clapping like maniacs for her as she raises and kisses the trophy. 
Michael, right next to your side, takes off his white W cap before Millie, and she gestures a praying sign with her hands from high above the podium to thank him and thank you. You blow her a kiss just before rivers of champagne fill the place.
Millie is the sweetest. You felt a genuine connection from the first moment you met her - a couple of months ago at the new Williams headquarters - before she agreed to sign the deal. She trusts you, and you believe in her. So you are on this journey together and feel so happy for her.
You get so distracted by these thoughts and others, too, that you don't notice the place started to empty. When you return to reality, you turn around to leave, following Michael's steps, and almost crash into someone walking in the opposite direction. You are left facing a very nice-looking chest - mere inches away from your face - wearing a white Mercedes shirt. You raise your gaze from those fine pecs that belong to Toto and look at his handsome face.
—Hi... —He says, looking down at you, he is way taller than you.
—H-h...i —You feel weak on the knees.
—I-I..
—I... I'm.
You both say at the same time. You step to the left, and Toto steps to the left synchronously. 
—Sor..ry-y.
—So-rry.
You both keep talking over each other. So Toto moves aside, gesturing with his hand to let you go through first.
—Nice meeting you —you say calmly and quickly rush away.
—Same —he replies, following you with his gaze and watching you walk away. You feel he wants to say more, and you do, too, but it is better this way.
"What the fuck was that. Why on earth were you so nervous, girl? It was like you forgot how to speak!" You think.
"The fumes in the garage are starting to affect me," Toto thinks. "Is she running away from me? Yeah... The fumes are definitely affecting me. Damn, she walks fast."
-
Australia
Thanks to poor scheduling and the worst jet traffic, Michael and you aren't able to land on time. All tracks are being used at the moment, so you get sent to another terminal further away from the circuit. Qualy for the Australian GP is about to start, and obviously, you two are running late.
A Lamborghini Sian car is already waiting for you when you land. So you ask the chauffeur to toss the car keys to Michael. —We have like ten minutes to be there —you tell Schumi.
—Understood, boss.
You instantly regret phrasing it like that. Schumi is driving like a madman while getting directions from the chauffeur in the backseat. Michael pushes the engine to the limit, and the car goes full speed. You feel your body melting with the car seat as you hang for your dear life to the seatbelt. Ten minutes was a say, you didn't truly mean it, let's try another one: To get there alive if possible, this one you meant it.
Michael enters the staff parking lot at the Melbourne circuit by taking an extreme corner still at full force. The two security guys sprint to open the gates; it is that or get run over. 
Once you get in, you see him letting the wheel go a second, and the car starts spinning around - it twirls at an alarming speed. "Am I going to get projected out of this window?" you think. And in just one wild movement, he parallels parks, tires burning. The Fast and Furious stunts were a kid's play next to his. Everyone stares at the scene, astounded.
—9.48.00 minutes, boss —Schumi says. Turning off the engine while checking his Rolex Daytona.
He was insane for this.
—Well, I hope you are as fast on your feet as you were on this car —You joke, grabbing your purse and access badge while getting out of the vehicle, heels hitting the ground like nothing had happened. Because, above everything, you are a bad bitch.
—Are you? —he dares you. Walking past the front of the car, catching your step.
—Haven't you seen my legs?! —You joke. Toned they are.
—You make the 100-meter dash athletes jealous —He jokes back. 
You are going to get so many fines. So many.
-
You two make it to the W garage on time. You "fashion walk" there, according to the people who mock you. Since you don't feel like blending in with the mechanics - and because of your outfits and looks. The Williams garage is located dead last on the pitlane, so you have to walk in front of all other teams' garages to get there every time - expensive bag-swinging in the air, designer heels clacking on the floor, always wearing a chic something; dresses, shorts, skirts - as if they don't enjoy it! Of course, you expected toxic masculinity and sexism on your way, especially since your team is dominating! But not this early on.
—You are late! —Millie jumps at you.
—Let's not talk about it. I'm going to need therapy, thanks to that experience.
—What?! —She looks at you with a funny face.
—Nevermind. All ready?
—Do I look like ready? —She says, gesturing at herself. She is wearing an oversized lilac tee - at least twice her size - and a white tennis mini-skirt with matching white Jordans. 
She follows you to the dressing rooms right across from your remote office, where you quickly leave your purse and stuff inside. As you two get there, Millie tells you how excited she is that Sanrio offered to design her helmet for Suzuka before going to change.
—What do you think? Is it too much? —she asks you. Inviting you into her custom dressing room and pointing around. It looks like Minisio had puked that room out.
—Is very you! —you answer.
—I know, right!!! —she gives you a big dumb smile.
—Are your boobs out? —Mick asks while entering through her dressing room doors - eyes closed, arms extended in front, walking mummy-like - not seeing you there, obviously.
—What?! No! —Millie answers as Loretta (her trainer slash assistant) finishes suiting her up.
—Great! I can open my eyes then! —he says.
—I don't think there's much to see, Mick —Millie jokes while putting on a sad face and looking down at her chest. —Two lemons, barely.
—I don't think Marc from statistics thinks the same. I saw him trying to find them —He jokes. Mick gains a smack on the arm.
Millie's popularity has skyrocketed; she is already a paddock favorite. By this point, she had already rejected three engineers who asked her out - not because of ego, being rude, or wanting to break hearts - but because she is so clueless and a shy dork with zero social skills, in her own words: "I communicate better with cars and engines than with people, at least I know how to work them."
—Kids, kids! —you say, amused at the scene.
—Oh, hi, boss! I didn't notice you there —Mick looks at you, a bit embarrassed.
—No worries —You are glad those two are getting along well.
Mick drops himself on the fluffy pink oval puff in one of the corners. One leg up.
—Why are you here on my land? —Millie asks.
—Oh yeah. I came to say something —Mick adds like he is just remembering. —Yes! My father is waiting for you two to start the team's meeting. Everyone is there already. It's urgent. So hurry.
—Oh god, and you just let us know now.
The three of you get on your feet real fast.
-
After a good team catch-up and an impeccable motivational speech from Michael, all of you get to your positions inspired and ready to give it all.
As the Qualy starts, you turn to Michael. —You are a great leader, you know? We are lucky to have you —you tell him.
—I'm glad to be here, more than you imagine, boss.
-
Millie secures a pole position. Sparks flyed. Damn, that car was fast, and she, she was faster!
-
When the workday is done, you wait for Sam across from Merc's hospitality. It's getting dark.
You are sitting on a bench a few meters away, next to a tree with beautiful yellow flowers, looking at your phone and minding your business, avoiding looking like a threat near competitors' territory.
—Waiting for Sam? —Toto asks you from the other side - at the bottom of the stairs of their main cafeteria entrance - you raise your gaze at the sound of his voice.
—Yes! Hi! Will she be taking long? —You can't avoid smiling at him and sound slightly nervous.
—No, she is on her way, but I must warn you, she's been insufferable the entire day. She had one of those, what she calls it? A bad ha...
—A bad hair day —you both finish in unison. —Yikes! How bad it was? The hair? I mean.
—Oh, terrible! I had to look at it all day —he answers jokingly, putting an ew face. Toto walks towards you and sits on the bench by your side, stretching his legs and resting one on top of the other.
The truth is, Samanta doesn't have naturally straight locks; she has long, curly hair she straightens. And sometimes, some days, some weather gave her that wavy, frizzy, wild, non-combable hair.
—You are such an inspiration, a true survivor. Tell me all about your journey —You make him laugh, you love that. More, please.
The door interrupts you two as you both smile at each other like dumbs and lock eyes. Sam goes out, black Merc hoodie on, covering almost her entire face, overdramatic as usual.
—Rocking the Palpatine? —you tease her.
—Hilarious. Bad hair day. I look like Monica Geller on that trip to the beach beneath this —she says with sarcasm. Toto laughs. —Ah, now that reference you get —Sam rolls her eyes.
—Jezz, that mood, huh? A few drinks will get you through these dark times, my friend. Let's go! —you add.
—Oh no, I'm not going.
—What?! Why?! Why are you like this, Samanta?!
—No, why is humidity a thing? Who needs it?
—Aem, all of Australia's wildlife? —Toto adds.
—Shut up, smarty pants —Sam lets out.
—You look like Hagrid —he replies.
—Torger, don't test me, I swear —she warns him, fingers rubbing her forehead.
—So, when will you be available then? —you ask her, cutting off the bickering.
Sam opens her weather app to check the humidity levels. —Ahm, like next week? Not in Australia?
—Are you serious, dude?! I already booked! —You two were going to that Michelin star blindfolded dining and drinking experience. It was so on trend that booking a table there was Melbourne's most challenging and expensive thing at the moment.
—Sorry, I'm not going out looking like this! But for sure Toto could join you! He desperately needs to get some of that stress out of his system. He's getting meaner.
—What!? Me, the meaner one? —Toto lets out.
—What?! Sam! No, no. He is probably busy, and I don't want to bo... —you add, quickly, getting nervous while trying not to show it.
She interrupts you.
—Busy?! No, he is just in an antisocial mood swing. Toto barely left his office today! All grumpy, he was inside there. Besides, didn't you, my guy, tell me you were going straight to your hotel to lock yourself and binge-watch Love Island while eating ice cream straight from the bucket? —Sam teases him, well aware Toto is feeling low - more like heartbroken - Sam hates Sussie, but of course, she will never admit it publicly, and definitely not to him. This is her weird way of showing him her support by setting him up to go out and have fun with a great person instead of being miserable and all alone. Classic Sam.
—What? No. What's Love Island? I wasn't being antisocial; I had a ton of work today, unlike you —He answers deadpan. 
—Do you even own a TV? —Sam is seriously curious.
—Of course, I do! Several, in fact —It doesn't mean he watches them.
—You must be rich! —you joke. He smiles.
—Yeah, whatever. Come on! Get to know each other! Have a good time on me and my hair's behalf —Sam grabs you both, each by the arm, and walks you towards the exit.
—Is it me, or is she getting worse with age? —You address Toto.
—No question!
—Hey! You can't trash-talk me! —Sam complains.
—Oh, that's all we will be doing; we are going to talk so much trash about you, piles of it, that the garbage collector will plead to us no more —you mock her.
—I'm hating this already! —Sam crosses her arms.
Well, now you have a date with Toto. A date, yeah, in your dreams.
To be continued... < Masterlist | Next chapter >
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kaliyakarnage · 1 month
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He was so tired after combat training, he fell asleep right then and there.
Well, I guess you have to sit like that until he wakes up again, Draal... XD
Too bad those two never met. Pretty sure Draal would have loved his new troll brother ^___^
-----SORRY! LONG, INSIGNIFICANT TEXT INCOMING!-----
So I am back into my regular drawing style again. That seems to be all I can really do and it made me realize that I am stuck. My skills didn't improve for quite a long time now, despite having watched several drawing tutorials. Especially on composing, coloration and backgrounds, because those always were my greatest weaknesses. The only things I'm kinda good at is anatomy, cell shading, expressions and a little bit of character design.
I do digital art for almost 15 years now (before that it was only traditional drawing), but I believe nobody would think that by looking at my works. I really started to feel embarassed after seeing so many genius artists here on tumblr and instagram, that are only 18 or 19 years old and whose works are putting mine to shame. Yeah, I know I am by far not the only person experiencing this. But it doesn't change the fact that I am, for so many years now, struggeling really hard with not achieving more with the thing, that is and always was my life. That one and only thing I thought I was really good at. But "good" will never be enough. So maybe it is finally time for me to leave the "great" to those who have a chance and to stop uploading my drawings for good. I will still need some time to finalize this decision, but I'll make sure to let you all know.
Sorry for this sentimental flood of words. I want to thank everyone who did like my works. I enjoyed all of your likes, funny hashtags in reblogs and kind comments I recieved over the years. I would have left a long time ago, if you guys hadn't kept me going. So much appreciated!
Artwork(c)KaliyaKarnage
Characters(c)Dreamworks
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sydneysageivashkov · 6 months
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moroi dashboard simulator
🔥 burnthemall follow
you know I really think the alchemists all have to be repressed vampire fuckers. there's no other reason to hate us that much we're all so fucking boring.
🌺 goodqueenalex follow
boy do I have news for you
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👊 rosilisatruther follow
so tired of how moroi-centric everything is. where's my dhampir sexyman tournament. hashtag dhampir rights
#janine hathaway sweep
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🤴moroisexymantournament follow
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👻 hrhtatiana follow
NOT tasha ozera sweeping the sexyman polls have you people no shame she literally killed the queen
🌊 piesandstuff follow
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🔪 atheistwithabiggun follow
sorry for thinking an anti-monarchist milf is sexy ig
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🍋 humanshit follow
all the court-based moroi being so scandalised about adrian ivashkov running off with a human is so funny like just say you've never stepped foot outside the wards and go
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🗡️ dhampirrevolution follow
i love being on tumblr bc i can come on here and be like we should be able to kill all the royals with hammers. and everyone is like. yeah. but then i have to log off and i'm expected to let the strigoi kill me with hammers bc the royal i'm guarding won't even learn how to throw a punch.
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🤖 raptorbot follow
hate it when I think I have an amazing mutual and then they turn out to be a human rping
#should have known when they said they were a spirit user but like #have you seen how many spirit users are coming out of the woodwork lately?
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🧛 vampirevampirefucker follow
oh noooo mr strigoi don't get staked you're so sexy aha
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🐦‍⬛ saintfladimir follow
and is jillian dragomir in the room with us right now
#so the queen supposedly makes quorum and then her '''''sister''''' is never seen again.... #sure jan. sure
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👑 royalwatch follow
SPOTTED: Rose Hathaway, Dimitri Belikov and Adrian Ivashkov spotted at a dhampir commune in Michigan.
🤡 strigoicowboys follow
oh lmao do you think we're gonna get another world changing discovery this week
#isn't ivashkov meant to be living in marital sin or whatever
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olivieblake · 9 months
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Hey, Olivie! I'm in need of advice, and a bit of assurance, but mainly advice.
Right now, the traditional publishing industry is - pardon my French - shit, and I'm in a bit of a pickle. I'm on the verge of querying my second manuscript, and for context, it was very well received by my closest circle, my critique partners, and several agents and editors who wanted to see the manuscript on their desks in 2022 during pitch events. However, revisions took a bit longer than anticipated due to school and work on my end. It's 2023 now, and I'm almost ready to submit, but now I'm not so sure of this book, or my career.
Trends come and go, and right now, I'm not sure if my book would do well in the current market. My first book, ironically, was a romantasy I wrote two years prior, and now, it might hypothetically do better. But that isn't the main point - I'm tired of writing projects that fall wayside of what's desired by agents and publishers mainstream, by just a couple of years or a couple inches off the mark. Additionally, right now, there are fewer agents and editors to go around due to several scandals I won't specifically name. It just feels like every single barrier is up against me right now. Publishing is a business, and I don't know if I'm a desired product.
I know my worth. I know I'm qualified, and I'm a writer with a fair bit of experience under my belt, but right now, I just don't know if the traditional industry is right for me or not, and I'm seriously doubting the idea of having a future part-time career - or even a full-time one eventually at all. I really don't want to go through indie publishing, since I don't have the resources nor time to market myself without a team on my side. And to be fair, I'm almost a college graduate (undergrad, senior), so this might be jitters talking, but so is my anxiety. I'm mixed Southeast/East Asian, so given publishing's fascination with slotting Asian voices into neatly packaged, "exotic" hashtag Diverse Voices Packages - I just don't know if my not-neat voice is wanted, or will ever be needed.
It would kill me, but...I don't know if I should just stop and come back in a couple of years, or just stop altogether. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to follow through with my current book and face another set of rejections, then write nine more books and face nine more rejections. TLDR: the pessimist in me is having A Time. any advice gladly appreciated!!!
okay
I'm not going to lie to you
I was nodding along sympathetically and then
I got to your age
and I burst out laughing
I laughed OUT LOUD oh my god my sweet summer child
(for reference: I am 34, I have no formal writing training, I started trying to get published when I was 27, I didn't see any success until I was 31, at your age I had a masters degree and a scholarship to law school and was very sure I was going to be a lawyer. I am. not one)
okay so laughter aside, please allow me to tell you gently, very gently, that at this age, you're not supposed to know what you want, you're not necessarily supposed to see your career, and you're not meant to understand if there is a place for you in the market until you try. look, I won't lie to you, traditional publishing is a life filled with rejection on every floor. there is no level of success where you will no longer hear no. and yeah, it's hard to find your way in—I tried for five years before I got my first publishing contract, and showed no particular success until a completely different self-published book went viral through essentially no doing of my own an entire year after that. everything that happens in publishing is a spectacular accident. and what's very crazy to me about the fact that I'm currently sitting in my third week on the nyt bestseller list is that this book was actually my first self-published book—I wrote it six years ago, when all of publishing was telling me no. I had no reason to believe I had any talent for writing, but I did it anyway, because I loved it and only felt alive while I was doing it. the fact that it is successful now, with nothing having changed along the way except for someone giving me a chance in this industry, is why I am laughing. because everything is an accident and all of this is mess.
so, the choices you make in publishing CANNOT be about external markers of success. it can't be about money (that is, beyond the question of how will you survive while writing—I could because I had a freelance job and my husband's income to help me. you'll need either family money, a partner with an income, or a job). it can't be about marketability. your desire to publish has to come from somewhere innate and you have to be able to take no and keep going. for the question of self/traditional publishing, the main issue is: do you want to run your own business? you can self-publish so long as you don't mind managing your own editorial, sales, PR, production, and marketing. if you have the resources to get started, and if it's a genre/age category that has shown success (adult SFF or romance), it is a totally valid way to make a living. if you, like me, prefer not to handle your own production/marketing etc, then traditional publishing is the way, but you will encounter all of the gatekeepers along the way who might say no. so you have to think how you're willing to deal with that, and how you will pay the rent and buy the groceries over the course of publishing's very lengthy timeline, where you will make your advance in 3rds (so about 1/3 per year through the production process) and likely have to consider supplementing your writing with a full or part time job.
basically, the point is: query the book. you have nothing to lose. do it now before the winter holidays because nobody in publishing reads over the holidays. don't worry about whether your voice is wanted. you already know it is. send it out. the worst you can hear is no. and then try again, or don't! but my advice is always shoot your shot, and your resiliency and adaptability is what will carry you through this process, more so than sweat or skill. getting an agent or a publishing deal is not what will make you believe in your talent. you have to believe in it now, and the love and the work you put into the stories you tell is what will be rewarded in time
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scarisd3ad · 8 months
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Superstar | football player!Joel Miller x popstar!Reader
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Prologue - you belong with me
>> next
Masterlist
Taglist
Warnings - cursing, fake dating? Age gap based off of Taylor swift and Travis Kelce kinda hard launching their relationship last night, Joel has his both his daughters but they are way younger in this (Sarah being 9, and Ellie being 5), Joel is 37 and reader is 26, no outbreak au, and modern au (its around 2022 or 2023)
Summary - when you find out about a certain football player showing up at your tour you decide to reach out just because of all the dating rumors, but what if thoughs rumors turn into reality?
‘Can’t you see? You belong with me’
I let out a sigh as I throw myself onto my couch. I've been spending the last 3 months touring around the US and to say I was tired was an understatement. I pull my phone out of my pocket and begin scrolling through Instagram. my cat ollie hops up in my lap chirping in delight and rubbing his face against my arm. "Hi ollie" I coo as I drag my hand down his head and back. "Hi handsome how are you baby?" I coo as he curls up on my lap.
bringggg bringgg bringgg.
my phone that I had discarded next to me begins to vibrate and display a picture of my best friend Kailey. I pick it up and answer the call. "Yes?" she begins to talk "didyouknowthatjoelfuckingmillerwasatyourconcertlastnight?!!!" my brows furrow in confusion "k I did not understand a word you just said" she lets out an annoyed sigh "Joel miller the football player was at your concert last night" my brows stay in their contorted state because why the fuck would I care? a lot of celebrity's come to my concerts. "Okay?"
"Ugh y/n he said on some podcast that he wanted to give you his number" Joel miller was a name I've heard before, he was a popular football player one that all girl fawn over. "But he couldn't because you weren't doing a meet and greet" I have a feeling that this was all for some type of pr, to get in articles and shit. I've had an influx of popularity recently and a lot of men have claimed they went out with me or hooked up with me just for attention. "Do you really think he's telling the truth?" I can almost hear her eyeroll through the phone. "Just maybe you should dm him. maybe it will be good for you y'know after what happened with Andy." Andrew or Andy was my boyfriend, well now ex-boyfriend. we broke up after almost 6 years together, it was heart breaking to not only me but my fans too. I just haven't been up to date since because I thought he was it for me. "Okay, okay maybe alright?"
once we hang up, I go on twitter to see that Joel miller is trending. I push on the hashtag to see millions of screen recordings of the podcast. it's a podcast that he has with his brother tommy miller who also happens to be a football player. "So, I heard you went to y/n's tour" tommy says with a tiny smirk on his lips. "Yeah, I wanted to give her a bracelet with my number on it, but I couldn't" Joel says with a chuckle, tommy raises his brows "your jersey number or your number?"
"You know which one."
he was cute, I can't deny that he has dark brown hair and dark brown eyes, just my type, but I think he's a little too old for me. I'm 26 he's 37 I think he'd get a bunch of hate online if we got together, right? maybe I should dm him, even if it didn't end up in a relationship I could end up with a cool new friend. I type his name into Instagram and push on the first verified account I see. the account is really just full of pictures with his daughters, his brother, and teammates. no girlfriend in sight. I push on the message button and begin to type.
'Hey, saw the podcast. thought we could may-' no too straight forward. 'Hey, wanna go out?' I decide to settle on just 'hey' because everything else I typed felt cringy.
joelmilleroffical
Me - hey
I let out a sigh as I drop my phone beside me and lean my head back against the couch cushions. "mreow" I look down to see ollies eyes wide open as he looks up at me. I place my hand on his head and begin to pet him.
ping
ollie begins to purr as I pick up my phone. it's a notification from Instagram. I push on it, and it takes me to Joels chat. butterfly's form in my stomach, I shouldn't feel this excited right? I don't even know if he was serious about wanting to give me his number.
joelmillerofficial
Me - hey! - 12:30pm
Joelmillerofficial - holy shit hey
Me - saw your podcast lol...was wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime?
Joelmillerofficial- yeah, yeah that sounds cool whenever you're up for it lol.
Me - how bout tomorrow? you could come over swim in my pool. you can bring your kids if you want
Joelmillerofficial - sure I have to see if my mom can watch my girls.
the conversation is a little awkward, I just hoped that it wouldn't be like that in real life. I don't really expect anything from this I still don't think I'm really ready to date, Andy and I broke up 3 months ago. I think it's alright for me to be single for a while after a 6-year long relationship. the press was just starting to think that Andy proposed 2 months before the breakup, I was already thinking about rings, so was Andy's mom. the breakup was a total surprise, I didn't expect it, nobody did. I thought he was in love with me, he was nothing but loving towards me. yeah, he didn't like to call attention to our relationship, or talk about me in interviews, or post me but I just thought he want our relationship to be private, he didn't want everyone to know about every aspect of our relationship. maybe I deserved a man who would scream at the top of his lungs that I was his girl.
ping.
joelmillerofficial
Joelmillerofficial - my oldest want to come with me but my mom will watch my youngest.
Joelmillerofficial- what time should I come over?
Me - is 1 alright for you?
Joelmillerofficial- yup
I've never even met this man in real life and him and his oldest daughter are coming over to my house tomorrow. this is good branching out most of my friends are people in the same industry as me or people I met during childhood so meeting someone who has nothing to do with the music industry is cool. I know nothing about the NFL, and he knows nothing about the music industry, a match made in heaven. twitter is blowing up about Joel, every other TikTok or tweet is 'Joel x y/n???' or 'do you think they'll be the new it couple?'. whenever a new man enters my life it's like this, even if the guy is just a friend every article is speculating if we're dating or hooking up. I decide not to tell Kailey because I don't want her to freak out until something is official. knowing her she'd insist on being here, and then embarrass the fuck out of me. this is just going to be a cool getting to know each other thing that'll probably just end up in a friendship.
Taglist
@taylarxse @none-of-this-makes-any-sense @ktheunready @camixkami @skysmiller @mars743 @romeestrvjds @lightxzhan @alyhull @jenna-mcgraw19 @rainyblizzardgiver
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