#ya girl has a wedding to go to and then her own bridal shower | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

javierpena-inatacvest · 5 months

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Chapter 18: Hole in None

Summary: During your bridal shower, Steve takes Javi golfing. When they return, the way Javi is acting has you questioning everything you knew about your relationship.

Word Count: 12.1K (getting back to my roots of a short chapter LMAO)

Warnings: SMUT(18+) unprotected p in v sex (wrap it up irl pls), oral (f receiving), creampie, praise kink, breeding kink (if you squint?), makeup sex and getting caught (The Murphy's will never catch a break) ANGST (I'm so sorry!!), Hurt/comfort, Javi being super insecure, you being confused as hell, Steve being an absolute idiot

A/N: HELLO. IT'S ME! I DO EXSIST! I am genuinely SO sorry that this chapter has taken a million years to happen. December has been so busy and I have had no time to write, so I really, really appreciate all of your patience 🥺 This is a lil different than any other chapter we've had so far in the NTL universe, it's a lil angsty-er than normal but ya girl only believes in happy endings so don't fret!!! Also poorly beta'd bc I have the stomach flu and I am 100% there are mistakes in this chapter that I'm sure I missed 🫠

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“Do I really have to do this? This thing hasn’t even started yet and I’m already exhausted.”

“Yes, Hermosa, I do think that most people do expect the bride to be at her own bridal shower.” Javi laughed, staring into the bathroom mirror as he ran his hands through the dark curls of his hair, fixing them into place as you stood next to him, finishing the rest of your longer than usual makeup routine to prepare for being the center of attention against your will for the next several hours.

It wasn’t that you weren’t grateful that your co-workers wanted to throw you a bridal shower before your wedding, now only a few weeks away- the sentiment of the whole thing was incredibly thoughtful. Your 3rd grade teammates had even found a way to get in touch with your family to make sure that your mom, aunts and cousins felt included in the event, too. You should have been thrilled about the fact that the people who loved you most in the world were coming together to celebrate your upcoming wedding and quite literally showering you with gifts, but if there was one thing you hated more than anything else, it was the social exhaustion that came from having a party planned for no one but you.

You had really tried to convince Maria, Estelle, Linda, and now, your mom that you didn’t need a bridal shower- your wedding was going to be small, and since you had already been living on your own, there weren’t a lot of things you needed as you started married life together. Unfortunately, neither of those arguments were going to stop those ladies from going all out for you, leaving you feeling like your bridal shower was turning out to be even bigger than your actual wedding.

“Don’t you think I could just get a cardboard cutout of myself and use that instead? All these ladies love to talk so much that I don’t think they would even know the difference.” You sighed, giving yourself a once over in the mirror before putting away the rest of your makeup as Javi snuck behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist, planting a soft kiss into your shoulder as he pressed his chest against your back.

“I have a feeling that someone would notice.” Javi chuckled, a soft grin spreading across his face as your eyes met in the mirror, his smile and sweet eyes enough to calm your nerves for at least a moment. “I would definitely notice.”

“Well that’s easy for you to say, you don’t even have to be there.” You huffed, letting a little pout fall from your lips as Javi playfully shook you in his grasp, trying your best not to smile as you tried to keep up your unenthused facade. “It’s not too late to trade. You can go to the bridal shower and I can go golfing with you and Steve.”

Even though Javi had insisted he was more than happy to stay at the shower with you, Maria had insisted that Javi find another way to spend his time so the spotlight of the day could be on you, and not him being distractingly handsome to everyone else there. Lucky for Javi, that meant extra time to spend with Steve while Connie was at your shower- not so lucky for you that Maria had banished your future husband from attending an event for your own wedding.

“I honestly may have to take you up on that. Steve must have needed an ego boost when I let him pick what he wanted to do while you and Connie were at the shower because he knows I can’t golf for shit.” Javi’s overdramatic sigh and roll of his eyes was enough to make you break into a little giggle, turning your head enough to press a quick kiss onto his cheek before reaching your hand under his chin, giving his jaw a little jiggle. “It’ll go by fast, Osita, I promise. And then, when we get home,” he paused, pressing another kiss into your shoulder and up towards your neck, digging his fingers a little tighter into your sides as he rasped into your ear, “I’ll take as much time as you want to destress you.”

“As much time as I want? Bold of you to assume that the dog is gonna give us that long.” You snickered as a happy Bear trotted into your bathroom right on cue, his tail loudly thumping against the bathroom cabinets from his happy wags as he wedged himself between you and Javi.

The newest furry member of your household had been a well loved addition, but if there was one thing Bear had no concept of, it was privacy. Your dog had become a constant shadow to you and Javi anywhere and everywhere in your house, including your in your bedroom, even when you were, well, not sleeping. It hadn’t helped that Javi had already formed such a soft spot for Bear, and had let him on your bed from the moment he stepped foot into the apartment, and now, your dog and his clingy personality had become a new obstacle to try and navigate in your sex life.

“Someone needs to tell his dad that he’ll survive if he gets left out of the bedroom for a half hour, huh? That he’s adorable, but that he can be a little cockblock, can’t he?” Squatting down next to Bear, you wrapped your hands around his face, scratching behind his ears as you mockingly serenaded him, raising an eyebrow at Javi.

“He just sounds so sad when he whines and he’s trapped outside the door.” Javi grumbled, kneeling down to join you, patting Bear’s stomach, now much thicker and fuller than it was a few weeks ago after you had first brought him home, skinny and neglected from his lack of care from his previous owners.

“You say trapped like we're kicking him out to the streets when we close the door on him. He’s adorable and sweet, but he’s a dog, Jav, he’ll be okay.” You smirked, playfully scolding Javi as you peppered Bear’s head with kisses, making his tail thump even harder as it wagged back and forth. “Tell your dad you’ll be just fine, won’t you?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah…” Javi groaned, knowing damn well you were right, even though he couldn’t bring himself to admit he had become an absolute softie for your new dog. “Alright, Hermosa, we gotta get you to this shower before Maria yells at me for making you late.” Pushing his hands against his knees, Javi let out a little grunt as he pushed himself back up to stand, checking the time on the silver watch wrapped around his wrist.

“Wow, so eager to get rid of me, you must really be excited to go get your ass kicked in golf.” You teased, now following suit and straightening out your dress as you stood, throwing your arms around Javi’s neck, pressing up on your tiptoes to plant a little kiss on his lips. “Sure you don’t want me to golf for you?”

“I’m sure, you dork.”

After Javi had insisted on giving Bear more than his fair share of treats before the two of you left for the day, you were on the road to Maria’s, Javi insisting that he drop you off, instead of letting you take the treacherous 2 minute drive by yourself. As you drove down Maria’s street, you couldn’t help but smile at the memory of walking up to her house for an end of the school year party almost exactly a year ago. A party that had ultimately turned a handsome stranger from the Laredo Sheriff's department into your future husband, now sitting in the driver’s seat on the way to your bridal shower. You couldn’t help but laugh to yourself at the irony, leaning your head over onto Javi’s broad shoulder as you pulled up to Maria’s house.

“What’s up, Osita?” Javi asked, a twinge of confusion in his voice at the content and calm of your demeanor as the two of you arrived at the event that you had been seemingly dreading for days.

“I just- It was probably a year ago to the day the last time that we were at Maria’s house. Crazy to think that a year later we’re getting married and here for my bridal shower. I don’t know, a year ago I never would have thought I would have met someone I love so much, let alone be getting married, building a house, owning a dog, I- I’m just really happy that the department made you come to do that stupid presentation. You’ve made this year the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I love you, Jav.”

A tender silence hung in the air as Javi leaned over the center console, gently bringing his palm to cup the side of your face, his thumb tracing circles along your cheek, letting his sweet brown eyes lock with yours as a soft smile spread across his face. “I love you too, Osita.” His words barely left his mouth above a whisper, bringing his lips to yours. The two of you could have stayed like this forever, lost in the moment of your love for each other, but unfortunately, the world had other plans.

“JAVIER. DIOS MIO. CAN YOU KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF OF HER FOR 3 SECONDS?” Maria shouted, banging at the driver’s side window, the aggressive thumps of her hand against the glass making the two of you practically jump out of your skin.

“Jesus Fucking Christ….” Javi whispered, clutching his hand over his chest, trying to steady his heart rate back to normal, the two of you looking at each other in pure terror.

“If you’re going to drop her off and make a scene in my driveway, the least you can do is help an old woman out before you leave, Javier!” Maria demanded, still rapping her knuckles against the glass, the two of you trying to keep from dying of embarrassment as you exited out of the car.

“Sorry Maria…” The two of you grimaced, still trying to avoid direct eye contact with her before she decided to scold you more.

“Chucho is right, you two are no worse than a pair of teenagers. Come on, we only have an hour before everyone arrives and I need you and that wildly blonde haired boy to help me move chairs.” Shaking her head in disappointment, Maria was already halfway up the driveway and into the house as you and Javi trailed behind her, glancing at each other in confusion as to who she was referring to, until you noticed the Murphy’s car parked on the side of the street, realizing that Steve and Connie must have beaten you there.

Before you even had a chance to make it a foot into the house, you were greeted by an overbearing swarm of people rushing to say hello and give you a hug, already feeling overwhelmed 30 seconds into the start of your shower, and these were all people you knew. Your mom was the first to make her way through the crowd, squeezing you in a death grip hug, even though you had just seen her last night after picking her up from the airport and dropping her off at her hotel.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe the day is almost here! My baby girl is finally getting married! Ugh, you look beautiful sweetheart!” Your mom beamed, planting a chaste kiss on your cheek before making her way over to Javi, squeezing him just as hard. “C’mere, don’t think that you get to escape hugs from me too, Javi.” Javi looked over at you, trying his best not to laugh at everyone’s dramatics, knowing how stressed you already were, and that no one’s overly excited attitude was doing you any favors.

“Ouch on the finally there, Mom. What do you need help with?” You asked, noticing that your mom had been holding on to Javi for a touch longer than what was probably appropriate while everyone else continued to hustle and bustle around Maria’s house.

“Does he always smell that good? God, I wished your father smelled like that, the man smells like a sweaty sock. Javi, what kind of cologne do you-”

“Mom! Jesus Christ.” You interjected, burying your hands in your face.

“Sorry, sorry! Honey, you don’t need to help with anything, it’s your shower!” Your mom swatted her hand at you, shaking her head in disbelief that you would ask to help, even though she knew better than anyone it was not in your nature to sit back on the sidelines and let other people do the work for you.

“Why don’t you come help me set up decorations?” A soft voice replied behind you, making you whip your head around as their hand rested on your shoulder.

“Connie!” You grinned, throwing her arms around her, relieved to find someone who wasn’t going to drive you absolutely crazy for the next hour of party prep. “It’s so good to see you, thank you so much for coming!”

“Hey, Sweetheart!” a lower voice grunted from behind a stack of folding chairs making its way to the backyard.

“Wow, Maria put you to work too, Steve? Yikes, she’s running a tight ship around here.” You and Connie snickered as Steve set down his stack of chairs, revealing his already sweaty and frustrated face, considering Maria had probably made him carry 6 trips worth of seats up and down the stairs since he and Connie had arrived.

“You’re tellin’ me. Hey, make yourself useful and pick up some of these chairs, lazy ass. Sooner we get this set up, the sooner I kick your butt at golf.” Steve smirked, gesturing over at Javi, still standing in the doorway with his hands on his hips.

“In that case, I’m taking one chair at a time.” Javi sighed, pressing a quick kiss to your temple in stride towards Steve, giving him a swift hug and a pat on the back before being interrupted by a shrill and demanding voice.

“JAVIER. I HEARD THAT. IF I DON’T SEE YOU WITH A STACK OF CHAIRS IN YOUR HANDS THE NEXT TIME YOU’RE OUTSIDE, IT’D BETTER BE BECAUSE YOU ARE DEAD.” Maria shouted from across the house, making everyone’s faces freeze in fear.

“You heard the woman. Chop, chop, Peña.” Steve chuckled to himself before passing off half of the chairs over to Javi, and walking towards the back of the house as Javi picked up his share, begrudgingly trailing behind Steve.

“Alright, we should probably get to work on decorations before Maria finds us standing around for too long. I know you’re the bride, but I have a feeling that holds very little value to her until everything is set up.” Connie shrugged, nodding towards the backyard where the shower was being held.

“You’re definitely right, and I would prefer to live through my bridal shower in order to make it to my actual wedding.”

With all of the helping hands around the house, and Maria’s commanding dictatorship over shower setup, all of you had finished with time to spare, leaving your mom and co-workers to happily chat and gossip amongst themselves as you and Connie found your way to say goodbye to Steve and Javi, one of whom was looking much more excited about departing for golf than the other.

“Have fun, ladies. Any last words for your future husband before I absolutely obliterate him on the golf course?” Steve snickered, giving Javi a soft punch on the shoulder.

“Shut the fuck up, Murph.” Javi groaned, rolling his eyes as he braced himself for the next 3 hours of harassment from his former partner.

“Don’t be too hard on him, okay Steve? He gets grumpy when he loses, so just a reasonable amount of ass whooping, nothing too drastic.” You teased, now playfully punching on the other side of his arm, you, Steve, and Connie laughing to yourselves at Javi’s fed up frown.

“Says the one who literally pouted for hours after insisting we play "Sorry" and then she lost.” Javi smugly murmured, raising an eyebrow at you, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Well someone wasn’t very sorry about it, were they… You know what, Steve? I changed my mind, go ahead and kick his ass for me.” A mischievous grin grew across your face, bursting out into giggles as Javi flung his arms around you, giving you a squeeze and shaking you in his grasp.

“Pendejo. Alright, you need anything else before I go get my ass kicked, Hermosa?” Javi asked, pressing a kiss into your hair. You were about to speak, but stopped yourself for a moment, looking Javi up and down, admiring how handsome he looked in the khakis and navy blue polo he had picked out this morning. You’d been so worried and worked up about the day that you hadn’t really had a chance to get a good look at him until now, and God, part of you wished you hadn’t taken the time to really take it all in as he stood next to you. You knew there was nothing you could really do about it now, but that wasn’t about to stop you from at least getting a little taste.

“Uh yeah, I uh- actually um, I uh, I scraped my finger earlier on one of the banners I was setting up and I think I got a papercut. I forgot to ask Maria about it earlier, but um, can you show me where the bandaids are upstairs again?” You tried your best to sound as casual as possible, but Javi knew just as well as you that there was no way in hell that you actually needed a bandaid. His brow scrunched in a slight confusion, head cocked to the side as if to say “I think I know where this is going and I’m not really sure it’s going to work” before giving you a little shrug, gesturing up towards the bathroom at the top of the stairwell, trying to keep his smug grin hidden between his lips.

“Yeah, I uh- here, let me show you where they are and I can get you one before we go.” Before Steve or Connie could even muster a word in protest, Javi was already dragging you halfway up the stairs, barely letting you make it to the top of the stairway before closing the bathroom door behind you.

“Band Aid, really? That was the best you could come up with?” Javi laughed under his breath, letting his hands roam down your sides and under the hem of your dress as his fingers dug into the meat of your ass, the heat of his breath tickling your skin where his lips met your neck, gently sucking at your pulse point, making a tiny moan escape from your mouth.

“I needed to come up with something to get you alone for long enough to give you a proper goodbye before you left.”

“And a Band Aid was the way to do that?”

“Oh shut up.” You giggled, draping your arms over Javi’s neck, letting your hands roam through the curls at the nape of his neck before pulling him in tighter to let his lips crash into yours with an electric intensity, his fingertips gripping deeper into your flesh.

“I don’t think-” Javi muttered between kisses, “I don’t think a bandaid is gonna buy us enough time to do anything, Hermosa.”

“I know. I just needed this. Just needed to kiss your stupidly handsome face. I needed something before you left me to fend for myself. Plus,” you paused, pulling back to see the lovestruck grin spread between Javi’s cheeks, “only fair that I get a chance to recreate our first kiss.” You snickered, gesturing to the interior of Maria’s bathroom, where you had found yourself with Javi almost a year ago to the day, your lips meeting for the first time as you sat on the ledge of the sink after Javi had came to your aid when a shattered beer bottle had landed in your leg.

“Fuck, I forgot our first kiss was in Maria’s bathroom. Real fucking smooth of me, huh?” Javi grumbled, rolling his eyes at his past self for letting your first kiss be in the bathroom of his Mom’s best friend’s house.

“Smooth enough for me to wanna marry you, so I guess it all worked out okay, didn’t it?” You teased, planting one last kiss on his lips before shooting him a wink and slipping out the bathroom, your face warm and tingly from the rush of excitement tucked away with Javi in your impromptu makeout session. Javi ran his hand over his face, taking a moment to try and compose himself, shaking his head to himself in shock and delight at how he found himself falling more and more in love with you every day.

“Okay, uh- sorry, sorry about that. Just didn’t wanna have to bother Maria for anything.” You sighed, darting your eyes away from Steve and Connie, their arms crossed against their chest with almost comically smug smirks on their faces as they watched you shuffle back down the stairs, Javi reluctantly trailing behind you.

“Yeah? How’d that bandaid work out for ya?” Steve smiled with a shit eating grin, nodding to your hands, neither of them with a bandaid anywhere in sight. You let out a gulp, trying to quickly tuck your hands behind your back, your cheeks flushing pink with embarrassment. “Goddamn, you two gonna make it 3 hours without touching each other, or am I gonna have to bring him back here after hole 4 for a mid-round makeout?”

“Jesus Christ, Murph, really?.” Javi grumbled, rolling his eyes. “Bye, love you. Have fun and I’ll see you soon.” Leaned over, snaking his arm around your waist to plant one last kiss in your hair.

“Not soon enough, apparently…”

“Murphy…”

“Stop makin’ out and I’ll stop givin’ you shit.”

“Touche…” You muttered under your breath, just loud enough to make the 4 of you burst into laughter, easing the uncomfortable tension that you had brought upon yourself from your antics. “Love you too, have fun getting your ass kicked.”

“Yes, yes, out, out, out! It’s only 10 minutes until guests arrive and your truck is taking up all the room in the driveway! Out!” Stampeding into the living room, Maria waved her hands at the boys, quite literally shooing them out of the house after overhearing your goodbyes. Giving a quick wave to Javi as Maria kicked him and Steve to the curb, you caught Javi’s head whipping around for one last glance at you before you left, giving you a once over with his eyes and a soft smile on his face as the front door shut behind him.

Truth be told, your shower ended up being way less painful than you expected it would be. In all honesty, it was actually somewhat enjoyable. The fact that your mom, co-workers, and Connie had put into helping everyone come together to celebrate you filled your heart with so much more joy than you could have predicted- your friends and family had bought you and Javi so many more gifts than you knew what to do with, had so many kind things to say about the two of you, and Connie had even gone out of her way to make sure that there were fun games planned for everyone to keep the need for constant socialization at bay. It really had ended up being a fun afternoon, even if it meant having to answer the same questions about your wedding, house and honeymoon plans more times than you could count.

Javi, on the other hand, could not have been having a worse time on the golf course, getting his ass thoroughly handed to him by Steve hole after hole, wondering to himself how anyone could bring themself to genuinely enjoy the torture that had been the past two and a half hours of hacking his club into chunks of grass and loosing his golf balls in the brush. The only consoling factor was that Javi was grateful to spend time with Steve, even if it meant being berated by endless questions from him on top of his painful performance while he played.

“You feelin’ ready for the big day?” Steve grunted, after smacking his driver against his ball from the tee box, Javi relieved that the pair were finally on the 9th and final hole.

“Yeah, I mean- Oh fuck me-” Javi grumbled, hitting his club and watching his ball fly into a patch of trees, the opposite direction of where he was trying to aim for, “I still can’t believe I’m getting married.”

“You and me both, Jav. I never thought I’d live to see the fuckin’ day, that’s for damn sure. Javier Peña, a married man.” Steve chuckled, slipping his club into his golf bag as Javi followed behind, grabbing what must have been the 57th golf ball from his bag this round.

“Shut the fuck up, Murph.” Javi chuckled, shaking his head at his friends’ jab, the two of them hopping into the golf cart together to try and scavenge for Javi’s long lost ball.

“I’m just given’ you shit, Jav. I’m fuckin’ happy for you man. Really happy. She’s a great girl. Best thing that’s ever happened to your sorry ass, I’ll tell you that much. Guess you don’t have to worry about really followin’ through this time?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re actually gonna get married this time? You’re not leavin’ her at the altar like Lorraine, huh?” As Steve laughed to himself, Javi could practically feel his stomach drop, his heart beginning to race as a wave of terrible guilt and panic washed over him at his friend’s ironic question.

To his own shock and surprise, Javi hadn’t thought about his last lack of a wedding once since the two of you had gotten engaged. He had been so head over heels excited to spend the rest of his life with you, that the failures of his past engagement had been tucked far away in the back of his mind. But then again, no one had been so gracious as to bring up the knife to the chest that was leaving Lorraine at the altar, and no one had been so gracious as to bring it up in classic Steve Murphy fashion.

Javi could audibly hear himself gulp, his heartbeat pounding so loud he could hear it ringing in his ears as the terrible reality of the past he had so glady forgotten about met him in a head on collision, instantly re-opening all of the cuts and wounds he had finally managed to sew together.

The last time he almost got married, Javier Peña had astronomically fucked up the lives of every last person who cared about him, leaving nothing but chaos and heartbreak in his wake.

Rationally, Javi could tell himself that his upcoming wedding was the polar opposite of everything that was once planned between him and Lorraine. Javi couldn’t have cared less about Lorraine. From the moment he had wearily accepted his fate, he had dreaded every moment of his future from that point on. But you were not Lorraine.

Javi loved you.

Javi cared about you.

Javi wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with you and give you everything in the world you could possibly want.

But, one mention of that 8 letter name had Javi’s brain flooding with every single doubt, regret, and painful memory of his past that he had fought so hard to forget. It had his mind reeling with every uncomfortable feeling of remembering the man he had been before you had come into his life and changed him for the better. He knew he was a better man. A stronger man. A man who was worthy of the love and compassion you had shown him from the moment you two had met.

Or was he?

“Earth to Javi? Hello? Anyone home?” Waving his hand in front of Javi’s face, Steve stared at Javi in confusion as to why it seemed like his friend had suddenly become lost in his own world as they pulled up to the patch of trees where his ball had most likely landed.

“Uh yeah, uh- what, sorry, um, what did you say?” Javi asked, visibly trying to shake the thoughts from his head, painfully scrunching his face and running his hand through his hair before looking back over at Steve.

“I asked if you were gonna go get the ball or if you just wanted to add to your +200 score and drop one here instead. Hey, you okay, man?” Steve questioned, pausing for a moment before asking the later half of his statement, seeing the color flushed from Javi’s face.

“Uh, yeah- Yeah, sorry, I just, I’m good. I’ll um, I’ll just drop a ball.” Javi muttered half to himself as he stepped out of the cart, barely paying attention enough to even remember what in the world he was even looking for in his golf bag.

If Javi wasn’t already thankful to be on the last hole before Steve’s comment, he sure as hell was now, mindlessly whacking his golf club with no regard as to how his ball made it to the green. Any thoughts about golf, let alone any previous attempts to even try to play well had now flown out the window, creeping thoughts of self doubt and resentment crawling through Javi’s mind. The rest of the round and the entire car ride back to Maria’s were spent in an internal battle ranging in Javi’s brain, the fight between the man he used to be and the man he’d thought he’d become rearing its ugly head with a painful intensity that absolutely felt like it was consuming him whole.

Steve, who was just as oblivious to his friend’s distraught state as he was to the idiocracy of his sarcastic question, had chalked Javi’s quiet and somber mood up to being an overly sore loser after getting mercilessly crushed at golf. Little did he know that his one silly comment had sent Javi spiraling down a trail of crushing self-doubt.

As the pair pulled into the driveway and made their way to the backyard where a few straggling party goers still lingered, trying to monopolize their time with you to get the details of your upcoming plans for the future. Being the attentive and patient person that you were, you were trying your hardest to seem enthused and engaged with in the conversation with who you thought was Javi’s Aunt’s Cousin (at this point, you had been introduced to so many new people, you were questioning your own name), but it wasn’t long before your future husband’s big, broad body entering the backyard had you more than distracted, your face instantly lighting up at the sight of him. Peeking over his Aunt’s cousin (or cousin’s aunt, you weren’t really sure) shoulder, you bit down on your lip to try and contain your excitement, letting a little wave shake from your hand in his direction.

Javi wished that your sweet smile and beautiful self were enough to snap him out of his funk, to see how you beamed in excitement just at the sight of him and shot him that lovestruck look he’d never get sick of- but for some twisted reason, it only made him feel worse.

You were everything- kind, smart, funny, the most breathtaking woman he’d ever seen. But what was he? Tired? Broken? A shitty guy who had done even shitter things, who had left nothing but destruction in his path for years and years, with no regard for who it hurt, or even worse, left for dead? How was he supposed to give you everything you deserved when he sure as fuck didn’t deserve you?

Before you had even said a word to him, you could already sense something was off about Javi’s demeanor that was due to more than just losing to Steve in golf. Even from across the backyard, his forced smile and tired brown eyes had a worried pit swirling in the bottom of your stomach, politely excusing yourself from your conversation to make your way over to Javi.

“Hi! You guys have fun at golf? Steve didn’t kick your ass too bad?” You grinned, wrapping your arms around Javi’s waist, pressing up on your toes to plant a kiss on his lips, his mouth barely ghosting over yours in return.

“Yeah, it was um- yeah, it was fine.” Javi nodded, trying to make a smile appear between his pursed lips. “How was the shower? You uh, you ready for Steve and I to start putting things in the truck to bring over to the new house?”

You immediately frowned in response, cocking your head in confusion at him. “Yeah, it was great, but hey, are- are you okay? You seem really off, like more than just Steve kicking your ass at golf off. Did something happen?”

“No, I’m- yeah, I’m good, Hermosa.” Javi’s eyes darted towards the ground, trying his best to stifle his sigh before another fake smile spread across his face, his response making you even more concerned than you were before, seeing he was clearly lying to you. As much as you wanted to problem solve right then and there to figure out what had Javi so distressed, the calls of one of the last groups of party goers wanting to say their goodbyes rang across the backyard, you flashing them a quick smile and a wave to signal you’d be over in a second. Before you could try and get anything else out of Javi, he had already backed himself away from your hands still tangled around his waist, nodding towards the group of women who were not so patiently waiting for you. “Go say goodbye, I’ll start loading stuff up.”

“Um, I- uh, yeah, o-okay. Thanks.” You murmured, half to yourself, as Javi had already begun to walk away to find Steve to help him start carrying things out to the car, leaving you more anxious and confused with every passing second.

With goodbyes finished, and decor and party setup cleaned up just as fast as Maria had demanded it to be put up, you and Javi made your way to your now packed car, followed by Connie and Steve, who had asked to see the progress on your new house while they were in town. You figured you’d kill two birds with one stone, inviting them over and having them help to unload gifts in the same trip, but now, given the strangely somber mood that Javi couldn’t seem to shake, you really wished it was just the two of you so you could figure out what the hell was going on.

You and Javi piled into his truck, Steve and Connie hopping into theirs and following you down Maria’s street towards your new house. A stark silence filled the car, praying to yourself that maybe Javi just wanted to be alone before he said anything about his current state, but 5 minutes down the road without a single word falling from his lips, you had a devastating feeling that wasn’t going to be the case.

Your leg bounced against the seat, fingers nervously drumming in your lap, letting out a quiet sigh to yourself before looking over at Javi and mustering up the courage to try and interrogate.

“Sooooo, golf was fun? I love ya, but I think it’s probably safe to assume Steve won?” You quietly snickered, trying your best to stay nonchalant.

“Yeah, it was good, Steve won, but that’s no surprise because I suck at golf.” Javi mumbled to himself, barely glancing your direction from behind the yellow tinted aviators perched on the bridge of his nose. Normally, if either of you had something that self-deprecating to say, it was at least followed by some sort of a joke or laugh, but his comment ended with nothing but a stoic silence as his hands gripped tighter around the steering wheel.

“Hey, babe, it’s okay, you don’t ever golf, so it’s hard to expect yourself to be good at something you rarely ever do.” You reached over to grab his arm to reassure him, that unsettling and anxious pit beginning to grow in your stomach again with the way Javi was acting. All he could muster was a half hearted huff in response, signaling to you that whatever was happening was much bigger than a poor game of golf.

“Javi… Baby, what’s going on? Did something happen with Steve?”

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s clearly not nothing, Jav. Did I do something wrong?”

“No, I told you, it’s fine.”

“Javi, it obviously isn’t fine if this is the way you’re acting about it. Why won’t you talk to me about it? I just wanna-”

“I told you, it’s fine, okay!? Jesus, I don’t need you to solve all my problems.”

Oh.

You and Javi had been in arguments before, hell, you’d been in fights before, but never once in the time that you’d known him, had Javi snapped at you like this. You could practically feel yourself recoiling in your seat from the harsh tone of his voice, fighting back the tears that had instantly begun welling in your eyes. You could feel your heart in your throat, choking down a heavy gulp as your lip quivered to try and keep from crying.

What had gone so wrong that Javi was acting like this?

You wish you had it in you to dig it out of him, but as you pulled up the driveway of your new home, Steve and Connie right behind you, ready for a tour, the best you could muster was a quiet, “O-okay.” As soon as the car was in park, Javi was unbuckling his seatbelt and slamming the door behind him, leaving you behind in the car, trying everything in your power to not become a startled, sobbing mess.

Wiping away the wetness pooling behind your eyelids, you swiped the back of your hand against your cheeks, taking a few deep breaths before following behind, mustering up as much courage as you could to keep your cool for however long Steve and Connie were planning to stick around before heading back to San Antonio.

You had hoped that Steve and Connie hadn't picked up on the palpable tension brewing between you and Javi, trying your best to put on a brave face as you paraded the Murphy’s through your nearly completed house. To be quite honest, you couldn’t have recalled anything that had happened in the time that they were there, your mind racing in torment as you watched Javi brood around your new home, barely saying a word to you, let alone make any eye contact, or look in your general direction.

As the four of you made your way upstairs, your attention was finally caught by the low lull of Steve’s laughter as he situated himself between you and Javi, grabbing you both by the shoulders and shaking you in his grasp.

“Well I’ll be damned. Y’all got enough rooms up here to house half a baseball team! You want that many kids driving ya nuts, huh?” Steve chuckled, making his way down the hallway, peeking into the empty bedrooms of your 2nd story.

“Steve!” Connie scolded, slapping the back of her hand against Steve’s stomach for his comment.

“What?! I’m just sayin’! I thought y’all would want like, 2, but there’s enough room for way more than that. I mean, I guess you two are fuckin’ goin’ at it like rabbits all the time, so I can’t really be shocked.”

“Steven Edward Murphy! Jesus Christ!” Connie snapped, shooting Steve a dangerous glare, aggressively raising an eyebrow at her husband as she gestured towards you and Javi.

“No, it’s okay, we don’t know for sure how many we want, but we figured if we had the space we’d add the rooms and even if they’re not bedrooms, they’ll still get used.” You had it in you enough to force a half smile across your face, flashing it at Steve and Connie before looking over at Javi.

While you hadn’t expected much of a response from him given the current situation, what you weren’t expecting was the panic stricken look painting Javi from head to toe.

If you weren’t already worried out of your mind about what the fuck was going on with Javi, you sure as fuck were now.

“Uh, I um- yeah.”

Those were the only words Javi was able to choke out through the audible thumps pounding in his chest as his face went ghost white, eyes peeled to the ground.

“See, Steve? You’re making them uncomfortable! You have absolutely no filter, I swear! I’m so sorry, you guys!” Connie frantically apologized, giving Steve another hardy slap in the stomach, making him wince.

“I’m just jokin’, Jesus Christ, sorry!” Steve grumbled, holding up his hands in defense from his wife’s accusation, sheepishly looking over at you and Javi with a little shrug.

“No, it’s uh- no, it’s fine, don’t worry about it.” You had given up on trying to be convincing at this point, your voice quietly shaking as you stared at Javi, now looking like a terrified, ragged shell of himself.

What the fuck was going on? Did Javi want to wait to have kids? Did he not want to have that many? Was he having second thoughts about kids all together? Fuck, was he having second thoughts about getting married? He’s literally never acted like this before. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

You were sure at this point, you probably looked just as much of a mess as Javi did, letting your thoughts race wildly throughout your brain, the silence now lingering between the four of you now seemed to feel deafening, Connie beginning to pick up on the uneasiness festering between you and Javi and knowing she had enough common sense for her and Steve to pick up her cue to see herself out.

“Well, still, I’m sorry. We should probably get going anyways, we told the sitter we’d be back around 6 so we should probably hit the road. Thank you so much for the tour! The shower was beautiful and I’m so glad I could be there for it. We’ll see you guys for the big day soon! Just let me know if you need any help with wedding stuff between now and then okay?”

“Uh yeah, yeah of course. Thanks for all your help, Con. I’ll um- I’ll let you know if we need anything.” You stammered as Connie pulled you in for a hug goodbye, followed quickly by Steve, who planted a few pats on your back mid hug.

“Bye sweetheart, thanks for letting me steal this asshole for golf today. See y’all when you’re gettin’ ready to get hitched! Adios, loser.” Steve chuckled as he pulled away from your hug to tug Javi into another, giving him an even harder pat on the back before letting Connie say her goodbyes as well.

“Do you want me to walk you guys down to your-”

“Nah, we’ll find our way out, no worries. Bye lovebirds, see ya soon.” Steve grinned, giving the both of you one last wave farewell before disappearing down the stairs, their hushed bickers about Steve’s unnecessary comments quietly trailing behind them. Before you could even get a word out to Javi now that the two of you were alone, he was already halfway down the stairs behind the Murphy’s, not even bothering to look back at you as he mumbled under his breath.

“I’m gonna get the gifts out of the car and go sit outside.”

“Jav, wait, I-”

You could feel the lump beginning to swell in your throat, your bottom lip trembling with tears welling in your eyes as you watched Javi storm down the stairs without even so much as an attempt to care about what you had to say, leaving you with nothing but yourself and 5 empty bedrooms that now had you questioning everything you thought you knew about your future with Javi. You felt your body begin to collapse like a sad pile of jello as you melted into a sobbing puddle on the floor, bringing your knees to your chest as you cried into the flowy fabric of your dress, leaving wet stains behind from your tears. Your breaths were rapid and shaky with each muffled sob, trying to rationally grasp on to something, anything, as to why Javi was acting this way. But the more the gears frantically turned in your brain, the more irrational and terrifying your thoughts became.

This all happened so fucking fast. It’s only been a year since I’ve known him. Is he realizing it’s too much? Am I too much? This was all too fucking good to be true, wasn’t it, you fucking idiot.

Taking a few more minutes to collect yourself enough to at least stop full on sobbing, you wiped your wet cheeks with the back of your palm, inhaling a trembling deep breath as you mustered up every ounce of courage you could find to face whatever fate was waiting for you downstairs with Javi.

Each step down the stairs felt heavier than the last, leaving your fingers anxiously drumming against your legs as you saw Javi’s broad body hunched over the side of the unfinished back patio, staring out to the tall grass of your backyard swaying in the warm summer breeze. If it were any other time, you would have rushed up behind him, wrapping your body around his back and attacking him with kisses until the two of you were wound up in a fit of laughter and giggles, happily tangled in each other's bodies.

Right now, you were terrified to even step too close to him.

Carefully and quietly sliding open the glass door to the porch, you prayed with every bone in your body you weren’t going to do anything that set Javi off enough to even let you attempt to have a conversation with him about what was going on. The new wood softly creaked under your shoes, making Javi turn his head just enough to acknowledge your presence as you wearily approached him. Taking one more deep breath, you opened your mouth to speak, but with your jaw hanging open, Javi’s words filled the stark silence before yours could.

“I don’t know if we should get married.”

Fuck.

You could practically feel your heart sink to the bottom of your stomach, like the weight of 1,000 bricks had been dropped on your body all at once, hearing that come out of his mouth. You could have mentally tried to brace yourself for a lot of things, but hearing Javi tell you he didn't want to get married anymore sure as hell wasn't one of them.

“Javi, I- baby, what- I don’t- I don’t-”

“Why the fuck do you even wanna marry me?”

Your brows scrunched in pain and confusion at the sharp tone of his words, desperate to try and understand what point he was trying to prove in this gut wrenching game he seemed to be playing.

“Because I- Javi, I- Javi I love you, that’s why.” you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper as you sat down next to him on the edge of the porch, leaning over enough to see the tears glistening down his cheeks, his eyes red and puffy as he tried to stifle the sobs rumbling in his chest. He shook his head back and forth before his gaze fell into his lap.

“You shouldn’t love me.”

“Javi… what the fuck are you talking about?” you plead, feeling the pain and hurt creeping through your body as you watched the tears he was so desperately trying to fight. With a scornful scoff, Javi shook his head, pressing against his knees to stand, taking a few paces around the porch, burying his hands in his face, his words muffled and muted by his palms covering his mouth.

“What the fuck am I- I’m not- I’m not what you deserve. I don’t understand how you don’t fucking see that.”

You followed suit, bringing yourself to stand with your arms crossed tightly across your chest, staring at Javi in bewilderment, biting down on your tongue so hard to keep from bursting into tears you thought you were going to make it bleed. You could feel the storm of pain, anger and confusion brewing deep in the pit of your stomach, your body numb and mind blank.

“Javier. What the fuck is going on? I don’t understand why-”

“Because last time I was gonna get married I fucked up everything. For everyone. I hurt everyone I cared about. I went half way around the world and I spent a decade fucking things up even more. How do you know I’m not gonna fuck everything up again? I love you too much to let it happen to you. The thought of ever hurting you even half as I much as I’ve hurt anyone else because of my choices fucking kills me. I can’t do it. I can’t hurt you like I’ve hurt everyone else. I’d never fucking forgive myself. I love you more than anything, Osita. I love you more than anything in the world. You deserve someone who isn’t going to hurt you. Someone who will do right by you, by your family, your future children, I just- fuck- I don’t think that person can be me.”

A deafening silence hung in the air as you stared blankly at Javi, tears streaming from his tormented brown eyes, his body trembling with devastation and regret. You had no doubt your body mirrored his as the guilt and heartbreak flooded you from head to toe, wondering how in the world you had ever let the man you loved and cared about more than anything feel like he wasn’t enough for you.

You wished you could speak- to find the words to tell him that he was your everything, the glue that had put you back together when you were convinced there was nothing else that could mend the broken mess that you had become. You wished you could express to him that there was no one on the face of this earth that you would rather spend the rest of your life with than him- that there was no one else you wanted by your side through every moment of your life, the good, the bad and the ugly, more than him. You wished there was a way to tell him that you loved him more than anything, but in that moment, all you could do was grab him and wrap your arms around his waist, squeezing him as tightly as your body would let you, letting your wet face rest against the familiar warmth of his chest as you whispered into the soft fabric of his shirt.

“Javier Peña, you’re the only person it could be.”

You could feel his chest begin to rumble with heavy sobs as his arms draped around you, pulling you against his body so closely, it was like his life depended on it, like he couldn’t bear the thought of ever letting you go again. One arm stayed wrapped around your back as the other slid up the back of your neck, his broad palm cradling your head in his grasp, his fingers practically digging into your skin to keep you close as the two of you let yourselves do nothing but hold each other in your teary silence.

You let one of your hands reach up towards Javi’s face, cupping his jaw and forcing his gaze back on to you, as your thumb traced back and forth along his cheek, wiping away the wetness that had been welling in his eyes.

“I need you to listen to me, okay?” You asked, waiting until you felt Javi’s head gently nod up and down in understanding in your palm before you continued, “The man you were before doesn’t scare me. If it did, I would have been gone a long time ago. The man you were before has turned you into the man that you’ve become. The man that I want to spend everyday with for the rest of my life. Every good day, every bad day, every painful, hard and shitty day, and every day in between. And I promise that I will spend every last one of those days until the day I die trying my best to convince you that you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And if I die trying, then so be it. I love you, Javi. Don’t you ever think for a second that there is anyone out there that I want to spend the rest of my life with more than you, and I won’t ever let you forget it.”

It was only moments before both of Javi’s hands were cradling your face, gently trembling as they cupped your soft, wet skin as you locked eyes with his, watching his face shift from terrified to bewildered, thinking he must have misheard what you had just said to him.

“Osita, I-”

“Promise me.”

“Promise you what?”

“Promise me that you believe me. Promise me that you know I love you more than anything.”

There was a part of Javi’s brain that wished he could find something to prove that he couldn’t. To prove he wasn’t worthy of keeping the promise you had made to him. To convince himself that he had no reason to believe he was worthy of the love you had given him.

But the truth was, for the first time that he could remember, as he looked down at you, the woman who had taken his life and forever changed it for the better, who had helped to heal him in ways he didn’t know he needed, who had cared for him in ways he never thought he deserved, and who had stood by him even as you learned about the ugliest parts of him he never thought he’d forgive himself for, Javier Peña finally realized he had learned what it was like to be worthy of love.

You had made him realize he was worthy of being loved.

A small gulp slid down his throat between his shaky breaths, taking a moment to soak in everything about you, before letting his lips ghost across yours as a quiet whisper left his mouth.

“I promise.”

And just like that, his lips crashed into yours with a ferocious and tender passion, soaking in every ounce of the sweet flavor of you, a taste he knew he would never tire of, one that he craved like nothing else.

“I love you, Osita. Fuck, I love you so much.” Javi moaned between your kisses, praying with every bone in his body you knew how much he meant it.

“I love you too, Javi.” The hot breath of your words danced across his lips before they were crashing together once again, his tongue swiping between your parted mouths as he ran his hand down your back and around your waist, pulling you so close you were convinced your bodies were going to melt into one as you pressed against his broad chest, now needily grasping at fist fulls of his shirt.

In that moment, it was like the two of you could feel something in the air change. The tension lifting, the frustrated fog fading, the both of you desperately needing the other to know how much you loved them. The Javi you knew and loved had come back, returning home to you. All of the fear and sadness was replaced by a rampant desperation to know how much you needed him, almost as much as he needed to show you how hopelessly he craved you, too.

With your bodies still tangled together, your kisses became messier and sloppier as you backed your way towards the door that lead inside, stumbling and trampling over each other’s feet without any regard for where you were headed until you felt your back bump against the kitchen island, the rounded edges of the countertop stopping you in your tracks as Javi caged you between his broad figure and the island.

Both of your hands were now feverishly roaming across each other’s bodies before Javi had run his hands down your thighs, hoisting you up to sit on the countertop, planting hot, wet kisses across your neck and collarbone while his fingers crept under the hem of your dress, his palms sliding up and down your legs, digging his fingers into your flesh.

“Javi…” You whimpered, letting your eyes close and head fall back as he sucked at your pulse point, leaving you with one hand bracing yourself against the edge of the counter and the other with your fingers wrapped around the navy fabric of Javi’s shirt, clinging on for dear life.

You eyes opened, and gaze shifted downwards as you felt Javi pull away from your grasp, watching him drop to his knees, slotting himself between your parted legs and kissing the inside of your thighs while his hands tugged at the waistband of your already soaked underwear, hastily shuffling them to fall down your legs and pool at your ankles. His needy kisses up your thighs crept closer and closer to your core as your legs draped over his shoulders, kneeling before you like you were the altar of everything he worshiped as his deep brown eyes looked up at yours, like he was begging for forgiveness for his sins.

“I’m so sorry, Osita. I’m so sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it. Fuck, I love you so much. Let me show me how much I love you. Please, baby. Please let me show you how much I need to be yours.”

Your response was nothing but a ragged moan as you felt his hot breath hovering over your cunt before letting long, flat licks of his tongue drag through your folds, each swipe pressing firmer than the last, lapping up the arousal dripping from your entrance like a sweet nectar. With one hand still white knuckling the edge of the countertop, the other shot down to bury itself in the dark curls of Javi’s thick locks, tugging at ends to find some place to ease your tension as he began to flick and swirl his tongue relentlessly against your clit, lapping you up like a man starved.

“Oh fuck Javi- fuck- you feel so good, baby.” You moaned, raking your fingers along Javi’s scalp as you watched his head bob nestled between your legs, feeling the low hum of satisfaction thrumming in his throat as he began to suck your sensitive bundle of nerves, latching his lips around your clit as his mouth worked feverishly against your cunt. You could already feel the tingle beginning to grow at the base of your spine and spread to your legs as Javi found every sweet spot that he knew made you lose all control, desperate to make you feel how much he needed your love and forgiveness.

“That’s it, sweet girl. Let go for me baby, I’ve got you.” Javi hummed before diving back between your legs, tightening his grip around your thighs as his tongue danced around your clit relentlessly. It wasn’t long before you could feel your orgasm begin to flood your body, pleasure crashing through you as you cried out his name, a death grip clutching around the counter and Javi’s dark locks. Javi worked you through your high, drinking up the juices of your slick as you came, feeling your legs tremble as they stayed slung over his broad shoulders, not stopping until your body was shaking and your whimpers and moans had become so wrecked, he had no choice but to stop to relish in the blissed out, dripping mess he had made you. He would have loved to stay like this forever, watching you become more and more wrecked beneath his tongue, the want, no, need, to be buried inside your heat, getting lost in your wetness and warmth, savoring in the way no one else would ever be able to have you like he did, to know that you were his.

Javi worked in a determined silence, rusting with his belt buckle until the metal clangs of it opening had his pants and boxers in a puddle around his ankles, splaying kisses across your neck as he slid you towards the edge of the counter, his fingers digging into your hips with a bruising intensity. He stroked himself a few times as he lined his cock up with your entrance, guiding his tip through the glistening arousal covering your folds, leaving his dick shiny with your slick as you whimpered into his skin.

“Javi… Please, baby. I need you.” You whimpered, instinctively bucking your hips towards him, desperately craving him to ease the achy emptiness between your legs.

Resting his forehead against yours, the dark, damp curls of his hair brushed your skin, the hot and heavy heat of each of your shaky breaths melting into one another’s as your lips ghosted his, only fully meeting yours to catch the moan that had escaped your mouth as he pushed himself into your heat, letting himself bottom out, his tip brushing against your cervix. You couldn’t help but wrap your legs around the small of his back and drape your arms over his shoulders, desperate to have your bodies needily tangled and intertwined together as you savored in the sweet sting and stretch of his fullness.

He began to rock his hips, letting his cock drag in and out of your cunt, taking his time with each stroke, the movement making you dig your fingernails into the fabric of his shirt stretched over his muscular back, in turn, making the grip he had around your waist even tighter, his fingers buried in the soft flesh of your stomach where his hands had crept under your dress.

The way he punched up into you, perfectly pounding against your g-spot with each thrust, combined with the way the hairs at his base rubbed along your clit, already had the inevitable coil beginning to tighten in your belly. You dug your nails deeper into Javi’s skin, grasping for the damp curls at the nape of his neck, your whimpers growing louder and more desperate with each stroke as you could feel yourself beginning to crumble beneath him.

Each stroke seemed to become deeper and fuller than the last, Javi’s pace now climbing in speed and intensity as he felt your cunt clench tighter and tighter around his cock, knowing that familiar feeling meant you were coming closer to your end. You could barely muster anything but a whimper, your soft pleads and begs going straight to his dick as he slid and out of your wet heat.

“Fuck baby, don’t stop- ahhhh- please don’t stop, I’m so close.”

The lewd sounds of skin hitting skin and low, ragged moans echoed against the bare walls of your unfinished kitchen as Javi fucked deeper and deeper into you, singing sweet, soft praises against your skin between locking your lips with yours.

“Fuck- Dámelo, Hermosa (Give it to me, beautiful). Need to feel you soak my cock before I fuck you full of me. It’s okay mi amor- mierda- té tengo. (my love- shit- I’ve got you.) I’ve always got you. Forever.”

You could feel your legs lock even tighter around Javi’s waist as heat began to bloom in your belly, only needing a few more thrusts as you rolled your hips against his before your mind went blank and vision went white, your orgasm crashing through your body and flooding every inch of you with pleasure so intense, you could feel yourself going limp in his grasp.

“Fuck, Javi, fuck, fuck, fuck, oh my god-ahhhhhhhh-” You whimpered as Javi fucked you through your high, now desperate to chase his own as his thrusts became rushed and sloppy, pounding into you as your walls gripped around his cock like a vice. Your warmth and wetness consumed him, only needing a few more pumps before he could feel himself following suit, hissing through gritted teeth as incoherent babbles spilled from his lips.

“There it is, baby. Fuck- fuck, you’re so fucking perfect. I love you so much, Osita. Con todo mi corazón. (With my whole heart). Oh fuck- I’m yours forever. Oh shit, I’m gonna cum to, oh fuckkkkkk.”

With one last thrust, Javi finished buried deep inside you, hot ropes of his cum coating your walls as a slick mixture of spend leaked down your thighs, leaving him panting while he slumped into your shoulder, his chest heaving with labored breaths, trying to compose himself. Bracing himself with one palm flat against the counter next to your hip, his other hand reached up to your face, brushing away a piece of stray hair back into place before gently cupping your cheek as he spoke.

“Osita, baby, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I love you so much. I didn’t mean what I said earlier, I just- fuck- I’ve never been so sure of anything, but when we were at golf today, Steve brought up Lorraine, and I- I just was so scared I was gonna fuck everything up again, and I-”

“Oh God, he brought up Lorraine?! Jesus. I knew it. I knew this was Steve’s fucking fault.” You sighed, quietly laughing to yourself as you shook your head.

“Wait, how did you-”

“Because it just seemed so strange that you were acting like this all of a sudden. You got back from golfing with him and it was like you were a different person. I mean, I’m not gonna lie, I was freaked out and panicking wondering what happened because you’ve never acted like that before. That, and because I love Steve, but he’s an idiot.” The two of you were both now laughing, Javi rubbing his hand over his face before rolling his eyes, wondering to himself how he had really let his friend’s stupid comment get the best of him.

“I’m so sorry, Osita. I should have just ignored it, I just hadn’t thought about it in so long and I was so terrified to mess everything up again. It would kill me to hurt you like that.” His thumb circled around your cheek as he tilted your gaze to meet his, sincerity and remorse swirling in the dark pools of his chocolate brown eyes.

“Javi, listen, if this is moving too fast, or it’s too much for you, I want you to be able to tell me, I understand if-” Before you could finish your sentence, Javi’s lips were planted tenderly against yours, pulling away from your mouth with a goofy grin and satisfied sigh.

“I promise you, I’ve never wanted anything more. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I can’t wait to marry you,” he leaned in, pressing a quick kiss on your cheek, “I can’t wait to live in our new house with you,” he grinned, planting another ticklish kiss on your neck, “I can’t wait until we can finally start filling up these empty rooms with little baby Peñas” Javi chuckled, now peppering kisses all over your body, making you erupt in a fit of laughter and giggles, squirming and flailing in his grasp, playfully swatting at him. “I can’t wait to spend every day for the rest of my life with the most beautiful, amazing woman I’ve ever met.” He smirked, tilting his head to let your mouths meet again, this kiss filled with a tender passion and intensity unmatched by his previous playful ones.

It was the kind of kiss that said all of the things that words couldn’t. The kind of kiss that had butterflies fluttering in your stomach like the first kiss you had shared in Maria’s bathroom almost a year ago. The kind of kiss that made you fall even deeper in love with him, even when you thought you couldn’t.

It was also the kind of kiss where everything else in the world seemed to melt away and make time stand still, a kiss that you could have stayed lost in forever… unless a certain someone hadn’t forgotten his wallet at your house and needed to come back and get it.

You were so oblivious to anything else happening around you, that neither you or Javi had heard your front door open, followed by the rushed, impatient footsteps of Steve and Connie, arguing about where Steve could have left his wallet, and how on earth he could have left without realizing it was missing from its usual home in his back pocket.

“Seriously, Steve, I can’t believe we’re gonna waste a whole hour having to turn around and come back here because you couldn’t remember your wallet!”

“Con, I told you, it’s right on the counter, I know where it is, lemme just go grab it really quick and then we ca- Oh Jesus fucking Christ!” Steve shouted, walking into the kitchen to see you and Javi making out on your island, your dress pushed up well past your legs, and Javi’s bare ass on display from his pants still pooling around his ankles.

“Ahhhhh!” You and Javi shrieked, practically jumping out of your skin to see Steve’s tall and lanky frame frozen in your kitchen, now scrambling to try and fix your clothes and hair to try and save yourselves at least some dignity.

“What the hell are you two doin’?!” Steve grimaced, trying not to cackle to himself as Connie rushed up behind him to see what was happening, only to very quickly cover her eyes and turn away from you and Javi.

“Us?! What the hell are you doing here? Jesus, you ever heard of fucking knocking, Murph?!” Javi groaned, shuffling his pants back up and fixing his hair before helping you off the counter, trying your best to hide your beet red, embarrassed face.

“I forgot my wallet! Forgive me for thinkin’ you two would keep your hands off each other for long enough to let me come pick it up in peace.” Steve frowned, raising up his hands in defense.

“I’m sorry! I told him to call you to let you know he was coming to pick it up, but he seemed to think it wasn’t a big deal.” Connie scolded, giving Steve a forceful nudge of her elbow before finally turning back around to face you and Javi, knowing you were at least halfway decent. “God, I love you, but you are an idiot.”

“You can say that again…” You snickered under your breath, just loud enough to make Javi and Connie join in your laughter, leaving Steve with his arms crossed over his chest, rolling his eyes in annoyance.

“Hey, listen. Call me what you want, but I don’t think you’ll be callin’ me an idiot when you need me to come babysit your 47 kids so the two of you can get some…” He paused gesturing to you and Javi’s disheveled state, “... time to yourselves. Like I said earlier, y’all gotta lot of rooms to fill, and I don’t think you’re gonna have any problem doin’ it.”

And for as much as you wanted to give Steve the ten pounds of shit he deserved, as you looked up at Javi standing next to you, you couldn’t really even bring yourself to be mad. Because in the end, the only thing that mattered was him- the man you were going to spend the rest of your life with. The one who was your future, the one who stood with you through every twist and turn, the one who was your home. What started as a day that had you questioning everything had turned into one that had never made you feel more assured. You knew that Javier Peña loved you more than life itself, and you knew that you were so lucky to spend the rest of your life getting to prove to him over and over that you loved him just as much.

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@cool-iguana @rhoorl @whyjuliaaa @bbiophiliaa @pertinentpostmortem @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @pedrobaby @fatima-marisa @beboldbebravethings @poodlebae @kittenlittle24 @3sriracha @jungchloee @perennialdoll247 @prettyinpunk85 @partyofone3413 @harriedandharassed @pedrohoe04 @theorganasolo @endlessthxxghts @beware-my-thorns @missladym1981 @messinadress @milly-louise @jay-zzle @the-one-with-the-grey-color @persephone-girl @bitchesuntitled @pedropascallvr @millennial-teenybopper @nastiasnow @vee-bees-blog @hopplessilse @mxtokko @its-nebuleuse @mandoisapunk @msmorningstaarr

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barbasbodaciousbeard · 3 years

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If You Love Someone, Let Them Go: Part 6

Summary: Since starting with SVU, Sonny hadn’t kept much terribly close to the chest. The squad knew about his family, growing up on Staten Island, the classes at Fordam. What was hidden was why he didn’t date. Sonny Carisi was also separated from his childhood sweetheart, a separation neither ever took to divorce. They had the same haunts. They’d grown up neighbors. Their paths crossed every few months, and divorce talks would turn into reminiscing would turn into a night spent together, sometimes sex sometimes just talking until the early morning. It always ended with one of them waking up alone however. How will that change when the squad finds out?

Pairings: Sonny Carisi x Original Character

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

April 2015

“You ready?” Sonny called as he came into her apartment. They’d agreed to skip the pretense and drive together, and Sonny had booked a hotel room within walking distance after confirming she’d be okay with it. His bag was in the trunk, and he grinned when she came out bundled up, the same Fordham sweatshirt she’d stolen under her coat and the little wheeled bag beside her.

“Ready,” she grinned, stretching up to kiss him, and he felt like he could do anything. He took her bag despite her protest.

“I got us a room for the next two nights. We ain’t gotta stay both, but I thought it might be nice to go to dinner? I got both nights off, too.”

“That sounds real nice. I packed some real people clothes anyway.”

“Perfect. Now let’s get going. Bella said you guys got a make up artist coming.”

“Yeah. She got one and a hairdresser.”

“She’s definitely the one who wouldn’t wanna get herself ready.”

“Yeah. We gotta get there in time. What’re the groomsmen doing?”

“Playing video games and taking turns shaving and showering.”

“Not fair.”

“You look hot. You don’t need hair and make up.”

“You always think I’m hot.”

“That’s because you always are.”

“So are you. I got real lucky on the husband front.”

“You really think so?” She could sense the current under what he said. It wasn’t just Am I hot? but was also Are you lucky?

“Incredibly lucky. I got you.” He slammed the trunk shut, cheeks pink when he settled in the driver’s seat. It was familiar to drive with their fingers laced, and he smiled to see her wedding set in place. Bella had gone by the bakery to surprise her one day, and his sister was very pleased to let him know both rings were on her left ring finger. He’d told the squad the same day he told Olivia, and his ring had been on his hand every day since, the cross the only thing on the chain again.

“Think they’d notice if I do my own make up and hang out with you?”

“She really does have y’all going like two hours longer than Gina did.”

“Yeah. Gina was very ‘Let’s get down to business, get photos, and get married.’ Bella’s way more into the matching robes and face masks vibe. But she’ll be happy.”

“I’ll check in a lot, okay? I don’t like the video games Tommy does.”

“You just like Sims. It’s endearing.”

“It’s kinda fun.”

“You spent six hours building a house once.”

“I had t’make sure it was perfect. They were having twins, Tor.”

“I love you, you absolute nerd.”

“Your nerd.”

“Damn straight.” Sonny dropped her off at the venue, checking them in at the hotel and dropping off their bags. He stopped by the bridal suite when he got to the venue, thankful the weather moved the ceremony inside now that he was out of the cold.

“Dominick! No boys allowed,” Bella said, wagging her finger at him, hair in rollers.

“I know, I know. I’m just bringing Tor the key and her charger, okay?”

“You got her key?” Gina asked, leaning back to look at him and lifting her brow. “That sounds like you’re sharing a room.”

“We are,” Victoria said plainly, taking both items gladly. All the girls had changed into robes, but she’d opted to stay in his oversized sweatshirt until the inevitable photos. A primal part of him liked knowing that.

“That sounds like a reconciliation,” the younger Carisi sang, and Victoria rolled her eyes. “And you two snuck out of the party early like you used to.”

“I’m real glad you approve of our progress, but if you put too much pressure on us, we might break again.” Victoria knew he didn’t mean it and just wanted them to drop it, which she was grateful for. They weren’t quite there, but she trusted he’d probably open up by the end of their weekend together. Even if he didn’t, she’d decided she wanted to start planning to see him more after the wedding. Several late nights with Margy and a bottle of wine had told her that much. If you prove you’ll be there and patient, he’ll probably feel less like he’s scaring you off, she’d told Victoria after another night analyzing their last four encounters.

“Fine. But just know I’m telling ma. Maybe she’ll stop being mean to Tor.”

“Ignore Bella. She’s been glaring, but I think Sonny talked sense into her at Thanksgiving. She’s mad at both of them now.”

“As she should be,” he shrugged, kissing Victoria. “See ya for pictures.”

“See ya,” she grinned, ignoring his sisters’ squeals. This marathon made her kind of tired. Her hair and makeup were done soon enough, and she was grateful the dress was a dusty, dark enough pink in person to look good on her. She liked pink on Sonny, especially since the sides of his brunette hair had started going gray, against the blue of his eyes. The bridesmaids, the two Carisi sisters, Victoria, and a couple of Bella’s friends, all posed together in the matching silky robes before slipping their dresses on.

“And you thought that pink wouldn’t look good,” Sonny said softly against her ear before kissing her cheek.

“You like it?” Her hands rested on his shoulders as she smiled up at him, and he felt giddy. It was official. This was how they acted before, no almost needed.

“I do. Beautiful color on you. And damn, my wife got a figure.”

“You’re the best hypeman,” she hummed as she straightened his tie. “I ever told you how handsome you look in a suit? Or how pretty pink makes your eyes?”

“I can stand to hear it again.” There was the cocky smile he got sometimes. “I’m starting to look old, doll.”

“Nah. Getting hotter.”

“Even with the gray?” He’d been self conscious about it before, when the evenly dispersed gray in his dark hair could be mistaken for a dirty blonde. His temples gave him away now, but she loved it.

“Even hotter with the gray.”

“Stop being gross,” Teresa whined. “It’s like when you were getting ready for homecoming again.” She was rewarded with her brother and sister-in-law’s middle fingers, and Victoria was pleased with Gianna’s disapproval and the picture the photographer snapped. They took pictures, and Sonny was glad when they settled in the back of the venue. He could see the back of Olivia, Barba, Amaro, and Rollins’ heads, and the change in his dynamic with Victoria had him looking forward to showing her off at the reception.

“Shoes off at the reception. I intercept ma?”

“How’d you know?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m supporting ninety percent of your weight, Tor.”

“Love you.”

“Do I need to hold ya until we walk?”

“Not enough time to make a difference. But you’re a saint for offering.”

When Olivia saw Sonny with Victoria on his arm, it made sense why he’d been calmer the last two weeks. He’d been texting her more, though he thought he was sneaky enough no one noticed how he smiled at his phone throughout the day. She seemed to smooth his edges, and she and Amanda shared a look over the way the pair watched each other across the front of the venue. The ceremony was a quick enough affair, and Bella had decided to let her bridal party sit wherever they wanted. That led to Victoria stepping out of her shoes, pleased to be spared a big entrance. Heels in hand, she followed Sonny to the table his squad was at before dropping into her seat and giving a wave.

“Means a lot to Bella and Tommy you all came,” Sonny said, taking her shoes and tucking the wall by his chair. “This is my wife, Victoria. Tor, meet Rafael Barba, Olivia Benson, Nick Amaro, and Amanda Rollins.”

“Nice to meet all of ya. I’ve heard a lot.”

“Wish we could say the same,” Rollins said, and Victoria immediately recognized what Sonny had meant. No venom. Just protective of her occasional partner. And Benson was definitely the mother hen, shooting the blonde a look as Amaro and Barba concealed smiles.

“Get it all out now,” she joked, rolling her eyes. “Married into this family nine years ago.”

“Been putting up with Carisi that long? I’ll petition the pope for sainthood.” The three piece suit. The snark. Barba was just what she expected.

“Think she deserves it,” Sonny chuckled, arm flung easily over the back of her chair. “I can be a pain in the ass.”

Conversation started to flow easily, and he was glad Victoria was tough enough to bite back at Rollins and Barba when they referenced anything touchy. Tommy’s family filled out the rest of the table, and he was glad to see the trial had brought them around to agree that what happened to Tommy was wrong. Teresa and Tommy’s brother gave the speeches, and he liked seeing the squad join in as Bella threw the bouquet and Tommy threw the garter.

“Bella caught my bouquet, remember?” Victoria smiled up at him.

“Yeah. And Freddy Esposito got the garter.”

“Both of ‘em got married this year.”

“Was delayed for us. Our friends from back then are just now getting married.”

“We’ve been married nine years and aren't even thirty. I think we were ahead of the curve.”

“But now my baby sister is married and pregnant.”

“Dom, you do know she and I are the same age?” Sonny blinked, squinting at her.

“You’re fucking with me, right?”

“We’re both twenty-seven.”

“No way Bella’s twenty-seven.”

“I like how you can fully separate me and Bella graduating together.”

“I forget,” he shrugged. “You always picked me anyway.”

“Then married you. Duh. Long game.”

“I hear people making noise.”

“They’re cutting the cake. Amaro has the garter half in his shirt pocket, and a three year old caught the bouquet. The same age you think Bella was when she caught mine.”

“Shut up,” he laughed, pulling her to stand at the edge of the dance floor to watch the first dance. His arms slid around her waist as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

“He wouldn’t have to stoop so low if you’d wear your damn shoes, stellina.”

“Ma, leave her be.” Gianna rolled her eyes, but Sonny squeezed Victoria as the music started. “She’s coming back around. Called ya stellina instead of Victoria.”

It was kind of fun to watch the four members of his work family loosen up around the room. Amaro and Rollins were across the dance floor and not fooling anyone. Barba wasn’t sure what to make of any of the Carisis or Sullivans, but since they’d easily figured out that Olivia was not involved with him, the singles from both families had circled the man who was suddenly the most eligible bachelor. The best part was how hard Olivia ignored his visual pleas to be saved as she talked to one of Tommy’s uncles. It was nice not pretending work and personal life were separate; the squad had taken him in like he hadn’t anticipated, and now his family was taking the chance to accept his squad.

When the first dance was over, Sonny pulled her onto the dance floor, holding her flush against him in a way he hadn’t been brave enough to before. They’d talked every day the last two weeks, and he’d realized they really had hit the turning point. The songs weren’t slow, so his chest was against her back as his hand splayed over her stomach as they swayed. Both their voices were off key as they sang along to each song with the rest of the guests on the floor. Nick and Amanda were wrapped up in each other, and Olivia and Rafael seemed perfectly entertained, so he didn’t feel bad slipping out after a couple hours.

“I know you two. Go ahead and dip. You stayed for all the important parts,” Bella had grinned, bumping Victoria’s hip with her own. “I’m the only sober one here, so this is gonna wrap up earlier than anyone realizes. Baby and I gotta sleep.”

“You sure?”

“Positive, Tor.” That was all it took for Sonny to lace their fingers, duck out of the venue, and start the couple of blocks to their hotel. At first, she wore the heels and walked, but he quickly realized it was the shoes, not the wine, making her unsteady.

“That’s it,” he said, squatting in his suit. “Hop on.”

“My bag’s heavy.”

“I can handle it, babe.”

“You sure?”

“You don’t hop on, we’re going spider monkey front carry, and we both know that always ends in me tripping more.” She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and Sonny held her thighs, careful to keep the fabric under his palms to save her some modesty. When they were outside the room, she slipped the key from his breast pocket, helping him push the door open before he dropped her on the bed.

“Thank you,” she sighed, toeing the pumps off and letting them fall.

“Glad to be of service.” A little salute as he started to strip out of the suit and hang it. “Thanks for always ditching early for pajamas with me.”

“Glad to be of service.” She hung the dress and tucked the strapless bra away, and when Sonny turned from the closet, he saw her in the oversized sweatshirt again as she pulled the blankets back on the bed. He hadn’t bothered for two. They’d had that option every time but hadn’t used it when they were fighting.

“Comfy?” He ran a hand through his hair, breaking up the gel before flopping beside her.

“Very.”

“It’s literally nine o’clock. Are we old, Tor?”

“Old? No. Codependent? Maybe.”

“We been living apart a year and a half. Maybe we’re just a clique.”

“Very true. We’re like if the plastics were millennials who had been married a decade.”

“We should write that script.”

“Forget law school. Teen movie parodies based around our marriage.”

“Perfect. I’ll drop all my classes tomorrow.”

“I missed you. It’s been nice talking all the time.”

“I missed you too,” he murmured, watching her with his cheek pressed to the pillow.

“Regardless of if you’re ready to tell me, I wanna keep talking a lot.”

“I’m ready. I just was going to wait. Don’t wanna ruin our weekend.”

“I feel like you’re going to tell me and realize I don’t care as much as you thought. Unless you fucked somebody.”

“First, last, and only, Tor.” He rolled onto his back, taking a deep breath, and Victoria knew him well enough to know this really was going to be the moment. She sat up, legs tucked beneath her. Leaning towards him a little, she put her hand on his chest and rubbed what she hoped were soothing circles as he put his hands behind his head. When he was nervous, Sonny talked to the ceiling, just needing her to anchor him.

“Just trust me, okay?”

“I trust you, vita mia,” he murmured, and that particular Italian term of endearment let her know it was really happening. “You remember when my hours changed? End of 2011. Became a detective. Acted funny when you took me upstate. A year before I fucked up and forgot your birthday bakery combo dinner.”

“Of course.”

“I was working homicide.”

“Okay?”

“It really fucked me up, Tor. What I seen, it was so bad. The women. There were so many women, and they’d be so pristine. One of them was in a fuckin’ dumpster even. But he took all the time to give her a bath and do her make up and get her dressed. And you know what that always told me?”

“What?” she whispered, taking the hand that went from behind his head to rest on top of hers.

“It was their husband or boyfriend. The person who they trusted. And their faces were so peaceful, Victoria. They knew what was coming. And I’d go talk to people. You know what they’d say? They weren’t surprised. They’d seen it. They’d heard it. Those men hurt their wives and girlfriends. Took advantage of the fact they trusted and loved them. I started seeing you when I saw them, Tor.”

“Sonny,” she whispered, hating the way his voice sounded. It was thick with emotion, and he’d closed his eyes. She was well aware that if he opened them, they’d be rimmed red and tears would be falling. “This is what you couldn’t tell me?”

“You’re so proud of me. I didn’t want to disappoint you. I couldn’t sleep and it hurt so badly. I’d wake up freaking because I thought it was you. I’d never hurt you, but my brain just- I don’t know. And then you’re so good. You deal with cakes and fondant and cannoli and things that make people happy. I was so scared that if I talked about it, it would blot out the light in you. I felt like the only light I had was you. I think I pulled away because of that and it snowballed. When it got so bad, the last six months? It got to the point I thought all that darkness and the stuff I was seeing and the stuff my brain was picturing would- fuck- leak into you through osmosis or something. When I wanted to tell you, my brain would just change the words I wanted to say.”

“Sonny, I didn’t know it was like that,” she murmured.

“You couldn’t have known. I wouldn’t tell you.”

“I should have figured it out.”

“Don’t do that, doll. If you’re willing to trust me to tell you moving forward, I just want to move forward.”

“I shouldn’t have left, Dominick. You were hurting, and I just abandoned you.”

“I was depressed. I should have told you or talked to someone. Being depressed doesn’t make it okay to neglect you. I need to take care of myself.”

“And I should have stuck with you. Figured out the why.”

“You did though. I’ve known that I can come to you for the last two years. I just couldn’t get past myself. Doc’s been working through it with me. Says I gotta learn that dad bottling it up wasn’t good. It works better for him and ma because she couldn’t read him when they met. I never had to tell you so I didn’t know how. And then dad doesn’t believe in men sharing their feelings. It’s easy to ignore that for the good feelings. I didn’t want you to think I wasn’t tough enough.”

“I didn’t know how to tell you how I was feeling. I knew you saw dark stuff and I was scared to make it worse. I didn’t want to pressure you.”

“Are we okay?” His voice was almost pleading, barely a whisper as his eyes finally opened to look at her. She laid against him, cupping his cheek as his hand flew to rest on hers. They were both crying, and she hated it. She hated to know that it was such a stupid miscommunication. If she’d pressed on it, taken guesses, asked around, maybe she could’ve helped him not hurt. This new squad seemed good for him, and therapy was helping. She probably needed to address their relationship more in therapy, learn how to ask for what she needed. They had to an extent, helping her hold out as long as she had for him to open up.

“We’re okay, Sonny. I’m so proud of you.” She was nudging his nose with her own, not dropping his gaze.

“Thank you for being so patient.”

“I’d have waited for ya forever. First, last, and only, Sonny.”

“Come home.”

“We gotta consolidate now,” she teased gently. “But I’ll come home.”

“It’s in Brooklyn now. You’ll like it. I didn’t even get rid of that stupid dog statue.”

“He’s a very important dog statue.”

“I love you, you weirdo.”

“I love you too, nerd.” He missed laughing with her, even when they were both crying. The relief that flooded him was suddenly exhausting. Not telling her had been heavy on him for a long time, but he didn’t expect his body’s physical response to the openness. He felt like he did before he went on this pointless journey to hide the bad parts of his field from her. She knew what he did. She kissed him, slow and sweet and loving, and Sonny’s arms snaked around her. They’d kissed plenty since she left, but there was always a hesitance behind it. Unsureness around their status. Now, he was kissing his wife, not his estranged wife. Even if it took time, they were working towards her coming back home. They hadn’t had sex since their ill fated first run in post separation. It was slow and sentimental, and afterwards, he had a half second of panic she’d disappear. Instead of pulling away like his gut wanted, he curled around her frame, nuzzled into the crook of his neck.

“I missed that,” he murmured.

“Me too.” She rested her hand on his, and he could feel that she was smiling in how her cheeks moved. He felt greedy, wanting to feel every bit of her skin he was able to before he fell asleep. When he woke to find her still there, he was relieved, and even better, she’d twisted in the night, leg hooked over his hip and her chest pressed to his. They’d spent most of the night talking or tangled together, so they’d slept in until ten o’clock. He checked his phone to be sure everyone had made it through the night before. Once he reminded his mom he was spending the weekend and really wouldn’t be at Sunday dinner, he settled back in to watching her. After a while, she started to stir, pulling him closer. She’d been right, everything had changed once he told her. He didn’t feel like he had to keep any space between them.

“Morning, beautiful,” he whispered, and she stretched her arms over her head.

“Heya, handsome.” She pressed a kiss to his lips, and it took all his attention not to take her again. He’d made plans for the day, and he was determined to stick to them. Even if they hadn't reconciled, she was a sucker for the beach, even when it was cold, so he’d planned to take her to lunch, take her to get her nails done, and take her to walk the little shops he’d found. It would make her smile, and he’d missed the little trips they’d taken before. Other than going to the cabin, something she’d planned, it had been years between work and school and money. For their tenth anniversary, he was already planning, even though there was just over a year to plan. He wanted to take her back to New Orleans, just the pair of them together now and no disappointment on her part that her mom was there but ignoring her.

“I planned a day for us.” His hands trailed her spine, and he realized something else had shifted since he told her the reality. While he thought it wasn’t possible, he felt even closer to her. The men in his family, though well intentioned, had always told him it would be viewed as weaker to share his emotional world with anyone. They thought it was a little girly for him to be as sappy with her as he tended to be, tearing up at weddings and when he talked about how proud of her he was. But the bad things? Those were weaknesses that would drive her away. The realization that the depression and inability to separate work from her didn’t scare her off made him realize that letting her see it wasn’t going to break them. Hell, it seemed to bring her closer.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Lunch on the beach. Little walk on the beach after. Manicure- I know you, Tor. Don’t try to say you got one for Bella’s weddin. You love them but won’t take yourself ever- and then we can walk around some of the little shops and stuff.”

“That sounds like a real romantic day, Dom.”

“What can I say? I learned my lesson about not being romantic.”

“I’m excited to come home.”

“Me too, Tor.”

Tag: @cycat4077 @fear-less-write-more

#law and order special victims unit #sonny carisi #sonny carisi x oc #sonny carisi x reader #svu #writing

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louhooo · 5 years

Text

Hello My Old Heart | Chap. 10

Chapter Summary: Why are they called ‘rehearsal dinner’s’ if they don’t serve food until after?

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader [AU]

Warnings:Swearing, ANGSTY-ANGST-ANGST (sorry 😬) maybe some fluff? (not really but maybe if you squint?)

A/N: I’M SORRY THIS IS SO LATE!!! Motivation has been at a zero this week. I’m hoping to get more writing done this weekend, so I may (heavy emphasis) start posting twice a week, but idk yet

All feedback is welcomed! 💘

Why would he say he needed you if he really didn’t?

Had that been what Sharon was talking about when she asked if you had talked with Bucky? Was that a nice way for her to say that he wasn’t single? Was he just looking to hurt you? Did he think empty promises would sway you back to him?

They had.

You spent the night at Nat and Clint’s, tucked into your old bed, pretending that you didn’t exist for the rest of the day. Clint only reminded you why you were so happy to move out.

“Ya know, you’re bein’ kinda dramatic this week.” You glared up at him and chucked the alarm clock at him. He dodged it and hid behind the door. “This is what I’m talking about.”

“Get out, Clint!” You threw a shoe at him – you didn’t miss that time– and he finally seemed to get the message, leaving and shutting the door behind him.

“Bucky wants to know if you want him to come over, since you don’t seem to be answering him. Do–?”

“No!” You weren’t sure you could stand to look at him right now, let alone talk to him. What was there to talk about? How great Dot is? How fabulous of a couple they are? How pathetic you were for thinking he’d still want to be with you after you left him?

No thanks.

When Nat got home, she came in and laid with you, rubbing your back as you laid together in silence. She didn’t ask you what was wrong, but you knew full well that she wanted to know. But as long as she didn’t bring it up, you weren’t going to either.

You knew if you asked her about Dot and Bucky, she’d tell you flat out what was happening, but you couldn’t bring yourself to ask. It hurt too much.

Most of your day was spent running around town and getting last minute things done before going with Nat to the church and helping setup for the rehearsal.

“So,” Nat tied a bow on the ribbon at the end of one of the pews, “are we just ignoring yesterday, or are we gonna talk about it?” You sighed and tied another bow.

“Can we talk after the wedding? I don’t want Sharon or Steve to deal with any more of… that. It’s not fair for them.” Nat turned and assessed you, not sure if she should believe you or not. You were notorious for saying you’d talk about something “later” but later never came.

“I’m not lettin’ you leave town until you talk to me. And, I know where you live, so don’t think I won’t drag you back home.”

“Who’s dragin’ who home?” Sam came into the chapel, snapping his gum, dressed in black dress pants and a purple polo.

“Nothing, Sammy,” you walked over to him and took the extra ribbon from his hands and kissed his cheek. “I gotta put her bouquet together.” You walked out and went to the room in the back that would be the dressing room for the bridal party tomorrow. You pulled up a tutorial on making fake flowers with the ribbons and bows from the bridal shower and started piecing them together.

Sam pinched his brows and followed you with his eyes until you were out of sight. He turned back to Nat. “What’s wrong with her?” Nat sighed and shook her head.

“Wish I knew. Think something happened with Bucky.”

“Al-ready? Didn’t they just get back together?”

“I don’t think they ever made that official…” Nat chewed on her lip, “I take it you haven’t talked to him?” Sam shook his head.

“No, haven’t seen him since our run yesterday morning.”

“Jesus, when do you guys sleep? I swear I haven’t seen Clint sleep longer than three hours in the last two years.” Sam chuckled and shrugged his shoulders.

“I slept all day, so I don’t know about the guys.” His ears perked at the sound of others coming into the church. He turned and watched Steve and Bucky come in, each carrying a box.

“Here’re the programs. And some other aisle decorations Sharon wanted.” Nat fought the urge to roll her eyes. Just one more day and Sharon would stop finding last-minute ideas on Pinterest, and Nat would be free from this wedding shit.

“Okay, just set it down. I gotta finish this stuff first.” Steve set down the box his hands, and waited for Bucky to follow. But he didn’t. When Steve turned to look at him, he was looking around the chapel, completely oblivious to the other people in the room.

“Buck.” His eyes snapped to Steve’s and he hummed.

“What?” Steve raised his brows.

“Ya gonna set it down?” Bucky blinked and looked to where Steve was pointing his head.

“Oh. Right.” He set the box down beside Steve’s and fidgeted with his shirt sleeve. He was mad at himself for letting his mom convince him to wear a long sleeve shirt. He might have a t-shirt out in the truck, but he wasn’t sure how well that would go over with Sharon. Or Steve, now that he thought of it.

“Hey, Bucky? Can you get a pencil for me? There’s some in the Sunday School room.” His brows pinched skeptically.

“I’ve got a pen out in the truck if–”

“I want a pencil.” Bucky put his hands up defensively.

“Okay, okay….” He followed the signs in the hallway to the Sunday School room, curiosity filling him when he heard music and quiet singing as he got closer. He leaned his head in first, only to stand straight as he watched you make something out of ribbons and sing, completely oblivious to the audience.

You felt someone standing behind you, and jumped when there actually was.

“Jesus, you scared me.” Your heart was racing, and not just because you were startled. Bucky blinked at you, and you tried your best to keep working and ignore him.

“Are you mad at me?”

“Bucky…–”

“No, don’t ‘Bucky’ me. We texted all night,” he moved to sit in front of you, demanding your attention, “and then twenty minutes before our date, you cancel and don’t tell me why, and you don’t answer any of my texts or calls. What happened in those seven hours that–”

“I’m not talking about this right now. The rehearsal starts soon and–”

“I deserve to know what fucking happened, Y/N!” Blood was rushing in your ears and you weren’t sure if you wanted to scream or cry. Maybe both.

You stood up, turning your music off and grabbing the extra ribbon and bows you didn’t use, “No. If you really wanna talk, we’ll do it after the wedding is done. But right now, we have friends getting married and we aren’t going to keep fucking ruining it for them by making it about us. And don’t talk to me about ‘deserving’ to know what happened. I deserved to know, too.” You stormed out of the room, leaving Bucky only more confused.

“Y/N! What are you–?!” A hand came out and stopped him.

“Don’t start it right now. Sharon’s family’s here and this room isn’t as soundproof as you seem to think.”

“Sam, I gotta–” Sam moved his head until he was in Bucky’s line of sight.

“No… you don’t.” They stared at one another, each trying to silently prove their point. Once Bucky’s fists unclenched, Sam lowered his own defenses, “C’mon. It’s startin’ soon.” Bucky followed Sam back to the chapel, watching as you smiled and laughed with Sharon and Pepper, trying desperately to ignore the brunet consuming your every thought.

After the run-through (which took longer than expected because Sam and Clint wouldn’t stop messing around), it was finally time for dinner. You smoothed out your cornflower blue A-line dress and messed with the fake vines leading up the arch on the side of the restaurant.

“Nat wants to know if we’re gonna have to drag you in?” Clint appeared out of thin air, making you jump.

“Jesus! Will you stop scaring me?” He raised his brows, not sure where the outburst came from. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I-I’m just on edge.”

“Yeah, no, pieced that one together.” You took another breath and followed Clint inside. The sound of people laughing filled your ears. All of Steve and Sharon’s close family and friends were gathered in the small Mexican restaurant, the same one where Steve proposed almost a year ago.

Clint continued walking, and you followed closely behind, your eyes scanning the room for a friendly face.

Of course, Karma made you make eye contact with Rebecca Barnes. You watched her shoot up and beeline her way to you, nearly knocking you over as she hugged you. Neither of you said anything, and it wasn’t until you heard a quiet sniffle did you realize you were both crying.

“Hey, Becca.”

“Hi, Y/N.” You both pulled back, and you wiped her tears with the sleeve of your cardigan. She had cut her hair since you’d seen her last, now styled into a smooth pixie cut that complimented her high cheekbones and sharp jawline. She wasn’t the doe-eyed girl you left.

“I feel old for saying this, but when did you grow up, Bex?” She chuckled and wiped your tears.

“Dad says that, too.” You grinned and both moved to stand against a wall. “I missed you.” You grinned morosely.

“I did, too, Becca.” She looked over her shoulder, then turned back to you.

“I know mom and dad wanna see you…–” You shook your head. You had done a fairly decent job at avoiding them all night, and you would like to keep it that way.

“Your dad maybe, but I know your mom doesn’t want to see me.” Bucky was a Mama’s Boy, so there was no way she wanted to see you after you hurt her son.

“That’s not true! They both want to see you, Y/N!” You gave her a soft pointed look. “C’mon, I’ll show you that–”

“Hey, Y/N, come help me set up the slideshow.” Nat appeared at your side and grinned at Becca. “Hey, Bex, I’m gonna steal her for a bit.” Becca grinned and nodded as Nat pulled you along. You helped Nat with the slide show and quietly found your seat with the rest of the wedding party. Clint draped his arm on the back of your chair and leaned closer to you.

“I don’t wanna tell you what to do, ‘cause I know you know what to do, but can you talk to Bucky, already? If he asks me one more time what’s wrong with you, I’m gonna take my hearing aids out and wear a blindfold so I can’t read his lips.”

“I already told him when I’d talk to him. He can wait.” Clinking of glass rang out and everyone turned their attention to Nat, who stood by the projector screen on the back wall of the room.

“Hi, everyone! On behalf of Steve and Sharon, I just want to thank you all for being here tonight. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Nat, the maid-of-honor, and me and the other bridesmaids decided that since all of the fun, embarrassing things got banned from the wedding, we’d just show them all tonight!” Sharon and Steve both laughed, both of them getting red-faced from embarrassment as the cheesy pop music started to play, displaying baby pictures of both of them.

Halfway through the slideshow you snuck to the bathroom, partially to use it, but mainly so you wouldn’t keep catching Bucky stare at you. You kept your head down as you walked to the bathroom, and as you entered the restroom, you locked eyes with Winnie. She blinked and spun around as the door shut behind you. The sink was still running as she stood there with dripping hands, trying to process that you were actually standing in front of her.

“Y/N?”

“Hi–i, Winnie.” She blinked again and shut off the water and dried her hands. You shifted awkwardly on your feet, not sure what you should do. Once her hands were dried, she looked back at you and took four steps until she was standing in front of you.

She still looked the same as she did, just maybe with a few more grey hairs. Her eyes glistened just as Becca’s had, and you secretly wished she hadn’t given her eyes to her children so that it wouldn’t hurt so much to look at them.

“Are you avoiding us?” She sounded… sad? You blinked and shrugged your shoulders, staring back at your feet.

“Didn’t think you’d want to see me.”

Her hands landed on your shoulders and you looked up at her. “Y/N, we always want to see you. We still love you, sweetheart, that’s never changed. We just thought you were mad at us, too.” You shook your head, a tear sliding down your cheek.

“I’m not mad at you or George, or Becca. I–I–I just…” you took a shaky breath, “I’m not really your family, so–”

“Not really my family? Y/N, you’ve been part of our family since you became friends with the boys.” She wiped your tears and gave you a warm smile, “Honey, you will always be our family. No matter what.” Would she say the same thing to Dot? Had she already?

… Did you really want to know?

“You really won’t let me give you girls a ride, at least? I’d feel better if I did.” You grinned at Steve and shook your head.

“Not happenin’, Rogers. I’m driving the girls’ to Clint and Nat’s all by myself.”

“How many drinks have you had tonight?”

“None. How many have you had, officer?” He narrowed his eyes, not finding your teasing nearly as amusing as you did. “Steve, scout’s honor. You can even ask George and Winnie, I only drank water tonight.”

“Don’t think I won’t. I have their numbers, I’ll–” You saw Sam and Clint walking over and you yelled for them.

“Come get the groom and take him home. He’s doin’ that thing where he acts like he’s in charge and knows everything.” That got you a pinch and a stern look.

Sam and Clint chuckled and nudged for Steve to move. “C’mon, Stevie. The girls gotta go and do… whatever girls do at sleepovers.” Steve sighed and accepted that he wasn’t going to get his way.

“Fine, just let me tell Shar goodnight.” He opened up the passenger door and leaned in to tell his girl goodbye for the tenth time in the last half hour. You rolled your eyes and hugged Sam and Clint goodnight, and told them not to drink too much. No one needed a hungover groom or groomsmen on the altar tomorrow. You got into the driver’s seat and Sharon finally coaxed Steve to shut the door so you could leave.

Nat and Pepper waved to the guys as you drove off towards Nat’s house.

“Steve acts like he isn’t going to see you in ten hours,” Pepper chuckled.

“It’s sweet. He does the same thing when he has an overnight shift at the firehouse. He said it’s because he hates sleeping alone,” she rolled her eyes, but grinned. You chuckled.

“Well, I know Sam likes to cuddle, so maybe they’ll share the bed tonight.” Everyone laughed and you turned left.

“And leave Bucky out? I don’t think so,” Nat cackled out. You laughed, too, choosing to ignore the look Sharon cast your way and continued your drive to the house.

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

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#Bucky Barnes x Reader #Bucky Barnes x Y/N #Bucky Barnes x You #Bucky x You #Bucky x Y/N #Bucky x Reader #Bucky Barnes AU #Alternate Universe #Fireman!Bucky

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i-am-a-closet-fanfic-fiend · 5 years

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Stepping Up ~ Bucky x Reader (Part 11/12)

A/N: Hi my lovelies!!! Happy Sunday! I hope you all had a good weekend. And I hope this coming week is great for everyone. So I finally get this bit to flow. There is one part and an epilogue left in the story. I hoping to have the last part out next weekend, but we’ll see. I’ll keep you posted once I know. The last part is probably going to be a doozy so stay tuned. For now enjoy!

Summary: Wedding day has finally arrived.

Rating: T

Warnings: language, brief mentions of nudity, not too much

Word Count: 2109

Masterlist

Bucky woke up on the first ring of your alarm and shut it off, gently shaking you awake.

“Time to wake up, doll.”

“Five more minutes,” you whined.

“Well you can either sleep for five more minutes or kiss me for five minutes.”

“Mmm.” You cracked an eye open to look at him as you debated. “I choose sleep,” you declared before rolling over already giggling.

Bucky followed after you, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you firm against his chest.

“So that’s how it is, huh?” he rumbled in your ear.

“Mhmm. Sleep always wins.”

“Noted. I’m okay with that.” He pecked you on the cheek and cuddled even closer, tangling your legs together. “Five more minutes it is.”

Fifteen minutes later you finally started to stir. You were basking in the comfortable intimacy you had with Bucky after the night’s activities.

“I love you so much,” you whispered, not sure if he was fully awake.

When his arms closed even more tightly around you, you knew that he was.

“I love you, doll.”

You turned in his arms so you could pull him in for a slow sensuous kiss. He rolled slightly so he was on top of you and you loved the weight of him. You had just deepened the kiss when there was firm knocking on the door.

“Y/n, time to get up, sweetie. The rest of the bridesmaids will be here within the hour. And your dad will be here to pick Bucky up soon.”

“Okay, we’ll be down in a little bit, Aunt Meg. We both need to shower first.”

“Alright, darling.”

You pecked him once more and then slipped out of bed, plugging in your phone that had been neglected in the heat of everything last night. Bucky stayed put, arms crossed behind his heed, a lazy grin on his face as he was watched you, pleased that you didn’t seem the least bit bashful about your nudity.

“See something you like, Buck?”

He shook his head with a small smile.

“I see something I love.”

You couldn’t keep the dumb smile off your face if you tried.

“Smooth talker,” you commented as you entered the bathroom, humming.

“It’s true. You better hurry up though, doll. I’ve gotta shower too ya know,” Bucky taunted making you pause in the doorway.

“If you’re in such a rush, you could always join me,” you told him with a wink.

“I thought you’d never ask,” he chuckled as he leapt out of the bed.

You and Bucky were giggling as you entered the kitchen. Penny was sitting at the island scribbling on a notepad like a maniac; the binder was open to the day of page but your Aunt had already started marking some items off. Ben and Zoe sat huddled at the kitchen table making snide comments.

“Good morning, everyone.”

“Morning sweetheart. I hope you two slept well.”

“Never better,” Bucky commented reflexively. .

“I never realized the floor in that room was so comfortable,” Zoe smirked.

“Don’t know about the floor but the bed is like a cloud,” Bucky shot back calmly.

“Why would you sleep on the floor?” your Aunt asked.

Luckily Zoe didn’t get to answer since your parents entered the kitchen door.

“There’s the beautiful bride to be.”

“Morning, Auntie Di. Morning, Uncle Kev.”

“How are you feeling, sweetie?” Your mom asked Penny as your dad came over to hug you and shake hands with Bucky.

“Ready,” she sighed contentedly as she closed the notebook.

“Good.”

The doorbell rang and Penny beamed.

“That’ll be the girls. I’ll get it,” she announced as she hopped up from the island.

“I think that’s our cue to go,” your dad commented drily. “Are you boys ready?” he asked Bucky and Ben.

“Yes, sir,” Bucky nodded.

“Yep,” Ben shrugged.

“Meg, do you need anything before we go?”

“No. I think we’re all set. Just make sure you’re back on time.”

“That I can do,” your dad grinned. “Come on, men. Let’s get out of here.”

Zoe pulled Ben down to basically make out with him for a long uncomfortable minute that had everyone staring at anything but them.

You and Bucky shared a much less ostentatious goodbye. He opted to lean his forehead against yours for a moment before giving you brief peck and a whispered “I love you”. You smirked when he picked up the garment bag; you couldn’t wait to see him all dressed up.

There was a chorus of shrieks from the front hall and the men all picked up the paced out the door.

Once they were gone the morning and early afternoon was a wonderful chaos, filled with laughter and mimosas. When Penny came into the room in her wedding gown, she was radiant, and you immediately began to cry.

“Some badass you are,” she teased, holding back her own tears.

“Badasses have feelings too,” you griped. “Besides this is nothing compared to how Dylan is going to be.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

You were right. Tears started streaming the moment Dylan laid eyes on her, and didn’t stop until the minister pronounced them man and wife.

The ceremony flowed right into cocktail hour for the guests while the wedding party took photos. When you were finally released, you sought out Bucky who was deep in conversation with your dad. The moment you were in the vicinity, his eyes were on you, and he extended his metal hand to you once you were within arm’s reach.

“You did a beautiful job, y/n,” your father complimented you.

“All I did was walk down the aisle and hand her the rings at the right time. Not very hard.”

“I meant all of this,” he gestured to everything around.

You shrugged, “Tony really is to thank.”

Shaking his head, he looked at Bucky.

“Do you think you’ll be able to get my darling daughter to accept a compliment?”

“I’m not sure, sir. But I’ll never stop trying.”

“Good. You two relax and have fun tonight. I’ll see you in a bit.”

“See you later, dad.” You grinned up at Bucky before kissing him quick. “You two seem to be getting along well.”

“We’ve got a lot in common,” Bucky shrugged.

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“We both like crossword puzzles, and playing the piano, and reading Stephen King novels. And most importantly we both think you’re the best thing since sliced bread. And I actually remember when there wasn’t sliced bread,” he whispered, making you giggle.

“You sure clean up nice for an old man.”

“I’ve gotta look my best, when I get to have the most beautiful woman in the world on my arm. You look stunning, doll.”

“Thank you, Buck.”

“Would you like a drink?”

“I’d love one.”

He placed his hand on your lower back and guided you towards the open bar.

“So how did everything go before the ceremony?”

You breathed out heavily and he immediately started rubbing circles into your skin with his metal fingers, calming you.

“That bad huh?”

“No, honestly it wasn’t. There were a few tense moments where Zoe was being…”

“Herself.”

You snorted.

“For lack of a better term, yes. But with 6 bridesmaids all getting ready it was pretty easy to diffuse the tension.”

Bucky quickly ordered your favorite cocktail and handed it to you.

“Well, they’ve officially tied the knot so you can relax now. Cheers to the happy couple.”

“May they always be as happy as they are today,” you toasted, and sipped your drink.

“You ought to save the well wishes for your maid of honor toast,” a familiar voice commented from behind you, and you spun grinning.

“Hi, Gran.”

“Hello, y/n, my dear,” She hugged you tight before turning her attention to Bucky. “And you must be the lucky boyfriend I’ve heard so much about.”

“Yes, ma’am. I am. It’s a pleasure to meet you. James Barnes.”

“James hmm? That’s not what Diana called you.”

Bucky flushed and scratched behind his ear.

“I generally go by Bucky, ma’am.”

“Charming. Well, Bucky. Ma’am makes me feel old. You can call me Eleanor, or Gran if you like.”

“Would you like a drink, Eleanor?”

“Your finest scotch,” she informed the bartender who nodded and grabbed a bottle from below the bar. “So, that’s one granddaughter married. Only two more to go. What are your thoughts on marriage, Bucky?”

“Gran,” you warned quietly before she could bully Bucky into proposing on the spot.

“What, darling? I’m simply asking his opinion in general. Many young people today don’t believe in the institution of marriage.

“I consider myself a bit old-fashioned,” he explained wryly and you resisted the urge to swat at him. “I think marriage is a fine institution.”

He didn’t care to elaborate and luckily he didn’t have to. Right then the DJ asked that everyone take their seats so Penny and Dylan could make their entrance and have their first dance.

“May I escort you to your table, Eleanor?”

“You may.”

“I’ll be right back, doll.”

“I’ll save you a seat,” you joked.

Bucky offered your Gran his arm so he could lead her to a nearby table; she shot you an approving wink over her shoulder making you laugh and roll your eyes. When you took your seat at the head table, you could feel Zoe and Ben glaring at you from the table for the rest of the bridal party, but you ignored them, opting to chat with Greg and Amy instead.

Penny and Dylan cantered in to the tent as everyone cheered. You swore you didn’t even need the generators, their smiles were bright enough to light up the whole county. The DJ then announced that they would have their first dance. You were confused when they started on opposite sides of the dance floor, until you realized they had choreography.

You couldn’t help but giggle as they lip synced the lyrics. By the second chorus they had found their way to each other and were simply swaying, blissfully happy. Bucky’s hand sought out yours and you shared a secret smile, basking in their infectious happiness.

The meal was delicious, and after the third course it was time for speeches. You were glad Greg was going first, because you were worried about sounding like a blubbering mess, but after his sobfest you were considerably less nervous.

When it was your turn, you took the hand mic from him and took a deep breath before speaking.

“Hi everyone. For those of you who don’t know me. My name is y/n and I am Penny’s cousin. She has been my best friend for pretty much our entire lives, except for those brief ten months when she wasn’t alive yet. In all the time we spent together we’d talked about boys once or twice,” you shrugged nonchalantly, earning a chuckle from the guests. “Maybe that’s a bit of an underestimate, but regardless we’ve spent a lot of time talking about the type of men we wanted to marry. There were a variety of choices, from cartoon characters to band members. But I’ve got to say, Dylan is even better than anyone I could have dreamed up for her.

“The first time Penny told me about Dylan, she only could talk about how in tune they were. They’d only known each other a few weeks, but he could anticipated her needs. He could read her. And more than that, he wanted to make things better for her. The first time I met Dylan, I could see in an instant how smitten he was with Penny. And she was just as head over heels as he was. Despite positive first impressions, I was still cautious, but it only took a few more meetings for me to be convinced that these two are the real deal.

“Dylan, you’re getting the best girl in the entire world. And for a very long time, I wasn’t sure that I would think anyone was good enough for her, but I know that she could not be in better hands. You both individually are two of the best people I know. And somehow you make each other even better, and that is truly what love is all about. It is an absolute joy and privilege to watch the two of you grow together and I wish all the happiness in the world for both of you. To Penny and Dylan,” you raised your glass.

“Penny and Dylan,” the crowd echoed and after everyone drank you took your seat.

Penny reached out to squeeze your hand.

“I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you too.”

A/N: i hope you enjoyed! Thanks so much for reading! One more part to resolve some questions! Stay tuned.

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#Stepping Up #Bucky x Reader #Bucky Barnes x Reader #Bucky Barnes #Part 11

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sapphicscholar · 7 years

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Just some fun snippets from the engagement they deserved (especially as we’re getting to whatever fresh hell the crossover holds). Feel free to consider this a fix-it for…god, really the whole fucking season, but I’m giving them a bridal shower where no homophobic parents are in attendance, some wedding planning, and a bachelorette party featuring a one Lucy Lane

For those who had been asking for proposal fix-its, I already wrote one as well as a short ficlet with Maggie proposing for a change

Chapter Text:

“Don’t forget your bridal bingo cards!” Eliza called out, handing a sheet to each guest who walked through the door, along with a little golf pencil in case they hadn’t come prepared.

“Kill me now, please,” Alex grumbled, throwing an arm around Maggie’s shoulders and pressing a kiss to her forehead. The sound of a camera shutter drew Alex’s attention, and she held up a finger, pointing it threateningly at James. “What did I say about what I could do to you with that camera?”

“Ooh! Anyone who has ‘photos taken despite Alex’s objections,’ that’s a box checked for you!” Kara yelled over the din of the party, grinning as several people pulled out their cards and checked off the box.

“Brutus,” Alex hissed at Kara as she walked by.

“Nope, just your maid of honor.” Before Alex could protest, she found her hands filled with a flute of champagne and a cake pop and decided it wasn’t worth arguing—yet.

“Ladies!” Lucy yelled as she strolled through the door. “I have arrived!”

“Oh thank god,” Maggie deadpanned, “and here I thought we’d never be able to get the party started.”

“Fear not, Eliza and I have been hard at work coming up with the very best bridal shower games for you two.” Dropping her voice so that only Maggie and Alex could hear, she added, “And I’ve got even more in store for your bachelorette party.”

“What? I, uh, thought the maid of honor planned that?” It wasn’t as though Alex was scared by the thought of Lucy running wild with whatever inappropriate thoughts that came into her mind but, no, scratch that, she absolutely was.

“Typically, yes,” Lucy conceded with a dip of her head. “But since your maid of honor is more pastels and pompoms than lace and lingerie, I figured I could lend a hand. Thanks, Kar!”

“Please don’t mention it…ever.” She might be practically invulnerable, but she didn’t need to deal with an annoyed Alex in the kryptonite training room.

Once Lucy made her way over to Eliza, pulling far too many items out of her bag to Eliza’s delight and Alex’s horror, Maggie dragged Alex around the room to greet all their guests. The routine was simple enough, an excited, “Thanks so much for coming!” followed by some congratulations and best wishes and every so often a “secret tip” for keeping their marriage exciting and the romance alive.

“They don’t know that nothing about your life is boring, huh?” Maggie asked, gesturing to the clump of Alex’s aunts, all of whom had some different secret for keeping away boredom.

“They think I work in a federal lab…and really only do the science stuff.” Hearing the sound of a fork being hit against a glass, Alex grimaced. “Think you’ve got any alien friends who could be convinced to stir up a bit of trouble? Get us out of this hell?”

Maggie gestured around the room to where her closest alien friends were all looking beyond excited at the prospect of hearing about a softer side to the hardass DEO agent who had only recently been accepted by most of them. “I think they’re too invested in finding out about you to jeopardize this bridal shower.”

“Welcome to Alex and Maggie’s bridal shower,” Eliza greeted everyone, joined by Lucy in the corner. “We’ve got quite a few games to play today, but I think we’ll start by bringing our brides-to-be up to the hotseat for a round of the pre-newlywed game to find out how well these two know each other!”

“Deep breath, Danvers,” Maggie whispered, grabbing hold of Alex’s hand and dragging her up to the makeshift stage.

“For those of you who didn’t catch that, we had our first use of Danvers, so go ahead and check that on off your bridal bingo card!” Kara yelled, winking at Alex. If she thought she wasn’t going to use her powers to make sure everyone got the full bridal bingo experience, she was sorely mistaken. Though, Kara had to admit, she was fairly upset that none of her checked off tiles were in the same row or column.

Eliza and Lucy took turns reading off questions, while Alex and Maggie scribbled answers on small dry-erase boards. They started with a few easy ones.

Alex’s favorite color was quickly answered—blue—as was Maggie’s—green—followed closely by their favorite ice cream flavors—rocky road for Alex, while Alex made sure to note that Maggie preferred the vegan version of chocolate fudge brownie, accompanied by her own editorial note, “Gross.” With a question about Alex’s favorite animal (dog), anyone with “Gertrude” on their card found that they had another square ticked off.

“Now how did you two meet?”

A few moments later, they both swung their boards around. Alex’s read: “Crime scene. It was my jurisdiction,” while Maggie’s read, “National City Airport. She still thinks it was her jurisdiction.”

“And how did you two get together?” Eliza asked, remembering just how many weeks had gone by from the first phone call where she heard about Maggie to the one where Alex finally told her they were dating.

Maggie and Alex’s boards matched exactly: “We should kiss the girls we want to kiss.”

“Bingo!” Winn yelled, waving his card in the air.

“What do ya got?” Kara asked, plucking the card from his hands as she read them aloud; they’d agreed the full party would get to decide whether or not it was a real win. “Talk of Gertrude? Check. ‘We should kiss the girls we want to kiss’ story? Check. Free space. ‘It was my jurisdiction’? Check. Eliza being extra af? I don’t know… What do you think?”

“Not a chance,” Lucy yelled back. “We have so many more things planned—you haven’t even gotten the tip of the iceberg.”

“Then it’s ruled, no bingo!” Winn grumbled as he reached out and took his card back from Kara, but soon had his pencil back out as he heard Alex calling Maggie “Sawyer.”

“Alright, who was your last date with before you got together?” Lucy asked, wiggling her eyebrows at the look of concentration on Alex’s face as she scribbled her answer on the board. Once they stopped writing, Lucy called out, “So who was Maggie’s?”

Alex flipped over her board, looking slightly embarrassed about her answer: “That blonde lady who dumped you?”

“Uh, technically…she did have a name, though—Tricia.”

“No points for Alex,” Lucy declared wielding her pen like a judge’s gavel and tapping it against the table as she announced her verdict. “And who was Alex’s last date?”

“Some boring dude” was scratched across Maggie’s board.

“I mean, she’s kinda right. It was Max Lord.”

“Fake dates don’t count!” Kara yelled out. “Go back another two years!”

Alex glared at her sister, but Lucy beat her to the punch in responding: “None of you are right. Although she clearly did not know it, Alex’s actual last date before getting together with Maggie was with me.”

“What?”

“Don’t you remember those post-Myriad drinks?” Alex looked confused, while Maggie cackled loudly.

“Guess I don’t get to take all the credit for her big gay awakening.”

“Maybe we play a new game?” Alex suggested, really not needing the next group of questions to all be about her obliviousness.

Lucy shrugged, but pulled out the list she and Eliza were working from. “Okay, we’ve got the purse game that we adopted to be more inclusive—now it’s, what’s on my person?”

Everyone gathered round as Lucy explained the directions. “I’ll call out an item. You can use your pockets, bag, and coats. Whichever one of you can produce it first gets a prize.” Once everyone realized that the prizes were bottles of wine, the labels replaced with embarrassing photos of Alex and Maggie, they looked significantly more invested in winning. Sensing the temptation for cheating, Lucy motioned for James. “Hoist me up.”

“What?”

“I need to be able to see everyone.” She looked at him like it were the most obvious thing in the world. Finally he gave in, lifting her up to his shoulders where she perched, scanning the crowd to make sure no one was already trying to start off with more than they were allowed. “Alright, we’ll start easy: hand sanitizer.”

One of Alex’s aunts won handily, producing not one, but three small travel-sized containers of Purell. Winn claimed the next bottle for having a tin of mints, and Kara shocked everyone by actually having glitter on her person. They ended the game early when Lucy called weapon and found herself faced with an veritable sea of batons, knives, and guns—of both the human and alien variety—much to the horror of Alex’s family members. “Forgot how many cops and federal agents were here,” Lucy chuckled. “Let’s, uh, holster those weapons, grab some food, and settle in for the next game, why don’t we?”

“Wait! Bingo!” Lena yelled. She might have arrived a bit late, but with Kara’s help she’d more than made up for lost time.

“Let’s see.” Kara scanned the card, only to find it plucked from her hands by Lucy.

“Nope, we need an objective third party.” Lucy looked over the crossed off diagonal line Lena had checks through. “Alright, we definitely had Sawyer used as a nickname. I’m sure I did, in fact, say something inappropriate.”

“So many things,” Maggie laughed.

“Free space, yep. Alex and J’onn having a moment…did anyone else catch that?”

“I did!” Winn yelled, earning himself a light slap on the back of the head from Alex.

“Oh! I have bingo now too!” James yelled, ticking off, “Head slap.”

“Too late, we definitely got guns being drawn, so Lena won!”

“Congratulations, dear,” Eliza said, handing over a bottle with a photo of Alex and Maggie passed out asleep on the floor of the DEO’s conference room after having spent almost 48 hours awake dealing with an ongoing threat.

---

“Do we sit Lena with Kara at the main bridal party table?” Alex asked, biting at the tip of her pencil as she looked at the large seating chart she had in front of her.

“Oh, you mean because she hasn’t formally admitted that they’re banging?”

“Some might have said dating, dear.”

Maggie just shrugged. “Are we putting Vasquez with Lucy?”

“No…why?”

“Well they’re also fucking. So if they don’t get to sit together, it would kind of be a double standard.”

“Wait, what?”

“Danvers, you run in gay lady circles now. You’ve gotta keep up with the gossip.”

“Remind me to bring a notebook to our bachelorette party to record any rumors,” Alex grumbled.

---

“I hereby declare tonight the biggest, gayest bridal shower to ever hit National City!” Lucy yelled, gesturing for Kara to pop the bottle of champagne and formally start their evening.

“I take no responsibility for anything that happens tonight,” Kara added, catching sight of Alex’s apprehensive expression.

“We’ve got some roleplaying games, the naughty almost-newlywed game, and then Kara has something ‘appropriate’”—Lucy looked physically pained by the idea—“with glitter and cell phones.”

Grabbing the bottle of champagne from Kara’s hands, Alex cleared her throat. “As a reminder, the wedding is tomorrow, and the city is to be free of any and all crime tonight and all day tomorrow. You are all to report to your designated stations on time tomorrow morning.”

“She just means show up at the wedding venue!” Maggie called out, wondering when their wedding started to sound like a DEO mission.

“If any of you get too drunk to deal with emergencies for me tonight or to risk being late tomorrow, so help me, I will show up at your home with every non-lethal alien weapon I have and ensure that you regret your actions from now until the rest of eternity. Are we clear?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Lucy saluted, grinning and looking far too pleased with herself. “But fine, yes, I know some of you are on call tonight. Don’t be stupid—take your water shots and just embody that white girl wasted no shame mentality, mkay?” Once everyone had nodded in understanding, Lucy gestured for Maggie and Alex to come take their place in the two large chairs they’d decorated to look like thrones. “We’ll begin with some roleplaying.”

“Luce,” Alex hissed.

“Hush now, you’re not a part of this.”

Alex glanced over at Maggie to see if she had any idea what was happening, but she just shrugged. Procuring a top hat from what seemed like thin air, Lucy made a show of pulling three cards out—two small ones and one larger one. “Lena and, oh hey look, me! And we will be giving our best approximation of the Sanvers morning routine.”

“I’m still not sold on Sanvers as our wedding hashtag,” Maggie interjected.

“Yes, well, we voted and you lost. Time to move on and start tagging your posts properly.”

Maggie rolled her eyes, accepting the flutes of champagne and bowl of popcorn that were handed to them while Lena and Lucy took a shot each and got up in the front of the room, everyone else quieting around them.

With an exaggerated yawn and stretch, Lucy sat up. “Sawyer! Wake up!” she barked, earning a few small chuckles from the crowd.

“I’m not that bad,” Alex grumbled.

“Morning, Danvers,” Lena tried, looking significantly less sure in her role than Lucy. “Um, should we get breakfast?”

“I assume you want something gross and vegan or toasted to charcoal?”

Biting back a snort of laughter, Lena nodded, feeling the warmth of the shot she’d taken slowly spreading and helping to loosen her up a bit. Apparently Lucy was quite the natural. “Yes, dear. But first let’s look through our closets and pick out which of my twenty identical pairs of skinny jeans I should wear today.”

“Good idea, then we can go into our leather jacket room and find one nobody’s seen yet.”

“So glad we order them in bulk!” Alex found herself smiling in spite of herself, and Lena seemed to relax even more when she noticed that the brides-to-be were enjoying themselves as they went about reenacting their morning routine.

“Breakfast sure was great,” Lucy declared loudly. “Wonder what I should do now? Maybe I should call my dearest and most attractive and best friend Lucy…” She pulled out her phone and made a show of looking at it before putting it back in her pocket and glaring at Alex. “No, I’ll wait til it’s a world-ending emergency. Hmm…I guess the only thing left to do for fun besides shooting is fucking.”

For a moment Lena looked like she might bolt, but she finally seemed to give in with a nudge from Lucy. “We should be sure to do it right by the big bay windows when we know Kara’s visiting—make sure that she’s far too scarred to do anything fun all day.” Lena threw an accusatory glare over at Alex and Maggie, who looked appropriately bashful.

“End scene!” Lucy yelled, loudly clapping until everyone else caught on. “Unless we wanted to turn this into an NC-17 version…no? No takers? Not yet? That’s cool.” With a flourish, Lucy reached back into her hat and pulled out three more cards: “Next up will be Winn and Kara, and they’ll be playing Sanvers at the bar.”

After a few moments, Kara and Winn took their places at the front of the room, both of them grinning.

“Who’s whom?” someone yelled out.

“Obviously I’m Alex. I’m taller, duh,” Kara answered, earning a cheer from Alex.

“Hey, Danvers! Come try this whiskey.”

“Oh, my favorite! It’s totally something normal people drink, and isn’t at all purposefully dark and broody.”

“Nope, not at all. I sure like that leather jacket,” Winn complimented, even going so far as to tilt his head to the side to take it in.

“You too. Love that you’re also in skinny jeans and a leather jacket.”

“But it’s not like we’re matching, and my reaction of threatening Winn when he suggested it was so totally appropriate.”

“Threatening Winn is my favorite pastime! Maybe we should play pool? I love how no one else in this bar literally every approaches our table.” Kara shot a glare at Alex, remembering the one time she had tried playing and been shooed away.

“Ah yes, it’ll be fun to act like I could ever have a shot at winning.”

“I heard Maggie won in other ways on that pool table!” Lucy yelled out, cackling at the way Alex rounded on her and the bright pink flush that colored both Winn and Kara’s cheeks.

“End scene!” Lena yelled, figuring neither Kara nor Winn would go anywhere near the topic now that they knew it could all be turned into double entendre.

A short break and a few drinks later, Lucy dragged Alex and Maggie’s chairs up to the front of the room for all the newlywed questions she’d rejected for the family-friendly shower version. “Audience participation is firmly encouraged,” she added with a wink. “We’ll start off easy.” Alex let out a sigh of relief. “When’s the last time you hooked up?”

“Lucy,” Alex hissed. “What happened to starting off easy?”

“This should be straightforward.”

“Traitor.”

Eventually Lucy coaxed Alex into writing something down and got her to move it far enough away from her chest to let Lucy read it aloud: “Today.” She nodded in appreciation before turning to Maggie. “You in agreement?”

Maggie spun her board around: “This afternoon.”

“Extra points for the specificity, Sawyer! We’re gonna get along so well.” Maggie grinned at that. “How long did you wait until you slept together for the first time?”

At least Kara already knew the answer to this one, Alex thought as she spun her board around: “3 weeks.”

“Maggie?”

Biting at her lip, Maggie flipped her board: “2 weeks.”

“Interesting…you both seemed pretty secure in those answers. What exactly did ya do at two weeks?”

Thinking back to what had happened at two weeks, Alex flushed a deep shade of red and clamped her hand over Maggie’s mouth. “Nothing! I misremembered the date!”

Lucy looked like she desperately wanted to push for more information, but she figured she’d wait until after the wedding and get Alex a little closer to drunk before she asked. “Alright, we’ll let it go…for now. Next up, which of each other’s friends do you find most attractive?”

Encouraging the crowd to sell themselves, Lucy cackled as winks were directed at the brides to be and countless kisses blown in their direction. Lucy even played a few bars of music to try to encourage James to take his shirt off. Even if they weren’t together anymore, she could still appreciate the aesthetic.

“Alright, ladies, reveal those answers!”

Alex flipped hers over: “I only have eyes for Maggie.”

“Aww, babe, that’s so sweet.” Maggie leaned over and kissed Alex, earning a chorus of cheers.

“What about you, Maggie? What’d you put?” Lucy yelled, noticing her sliding her board away.

“Oh, uh, same answer!”

“Let’s see.”

“No need!” But Lucy moved fast enough for Maggie to swear she could have been Kryptonian too, snatching the board from her before she could erase her answer. “Oh, Detective, you could have just said so…” she trailed off, fluttering her eyelashes as she spun it around to show the crowd her own name scrawled on the board.

“Fuck off,” Maggie grumbled.

“Only if your fiancée agrees to it too,” Lucy teased, jumping up and back off the stage as she took off, Alex hot on her heels. “This your way of saying yes, Danvers?”

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