#work has been so fucking much lately

[francofolle]

i’ve been sick at home all week, feeling guilty for calling out of work, but literally unable to get out of bed all week, and here i am, 11:30pm friday night and suddenly i’ve got all the energy in the world. i’m relieved i’m feeling better but god damn it, where was this energy a couple days ago?

#and i know the answer #the answer is both my job and i were pushing myself too hard #work has been so fucking much lately #and i was trying so hard to still go and do things on my weekend #my body just gave in on me #so shocker three days rest and now i’m feeling myself again #i don’t think im upset i didn’t have this energy a few days ago #i think im relieved it’s back #im relieved it didn’t last longer #im relieved it was physical and not mental #i mean i wish i could just keep going i wish i had unending energy #i wish i even had the same energy i had five years ago or three years ago #but i don’t and that’s not my fault #work the last two weeks has been so goddamn hard #i’ve never been so exhausted at the end of the last week #im so glad im so eager to go back now #im glad im ready to go back and work hard but also fight for us too #im ready to go back and do everything i can for my coworkers #this week’s been a fucking doozy but im finally fired up and energized and everything #im finally ready to push back and not just stay in bed #and im ready because i stayed in bed #somehow that’s still hard for me to swallow #but i know i was useless all week and i know im ready now #sorry for the random ramblings #i wanted to vent this somewhere #madeleine parle

[svtskneecaps]

lukewarm take of the evening: y'all care too much about being ""outdated"". fellas this smp moves inhumanly fast. it is ok to CHILL holy shit CHILL. y'all are like "(posts BANGER ART) super late guys sorry" friend i am hitting you with a blanket i am snapping you with my metaphorical towel WHAT DO YOU MEAN SORRY. "(posts BANGER FIC) rip this is outdated now" WHO CARES???? I LOVE YOU, OK. ohhhh woe is us as the fandom at large for having MORE HAPPY PILLS ARC CONTENT oh no how outdated!! how could you be writing speculative fiction about how forever felt during happy pills :( slash SARCASM!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN!!!! THERE ARE SO MANY BANGER ARCS, WHAT, YOU THINK WE'RE COMPLAINING????? FOR GETTING MORE OF THE CONTENT WE LOVED????? oh no we're past the period where everyone thought green gay ninjas were like Dead Dead, my work is now outdated and noncanon :( WDYM. GIMME. A BANGER IS A BANGER IDC IF IT TAKES THREE MONTHS. you think rome was built in a day?? fuck you, baltimore, GIMME. my ass has been cooking a goddamn backflipo family fic since july when it was ALREADY outdated do you think i fear god??? "oh no, you're making an edit of slime's (attempted) egg murdering spree?? how could you, that was months ago it's irrelevant" SAID NO ONE EVER.

save your wrists kidlings ok carpal tunnel is no joke. CHILL!!!!! CHILL!!!!!!!! TAKE YOUR TIME SHEEEEEESH OK LOVE YOU <3

#qsmp #shut up vic #block game brainrot #IT IS OK TO NOT ALWAYS POST SHIT THIRTY SECONDS AFTER IT HAPPENS!!!!!!! #for god's sake we have MONTHS of lore and bangers ok??? #i still have a mental image of an art i wish i could make from BOBBY'S NIGHTMARE #HE HAS BEEN GONE FOR M O N T H S and you bet your ass if i can make it I WILL BE POSTING IT #SO. MUCH. SHIT. HAS. HAPPENED. who cares if it was months ago!!!!!! #it's ok to be a few days late!!! it's ok to be a few months late!!!!! don't tell me sorry for feeding me!!!!!! #part of me still lives in I'M NOT HOLDING A FUCKING FUNERAL CHAT #part of me still lives in maxo's final song for his son!!!! #part of me still lives in the day we thought ramón was gone for good #part of me still lives in cellbit sprinting to his son only to be ripped away back to the feds just as richas turns to write a sign #part of me still lives in the flooding of the copacabana ocean #THESE ARE BANGERS. REMEMBER WHEN FIT FOUND PAC E MIKE IN PRISON. BANGER. #oh dear new work expanding on a canon moment i super liked that happened months ago how late smh SAID NO ONE EVER #TWO CAKES!!!!! TWO CAKES MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!! WE LOVE PASTRIES DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT #COME ON Y'ALL. METAPHORICAL KISSES. LOVE YOU. HAVE A GOOD WEEK. #long tags

[inkskinned]

i hate how commodity and capitalism has ruined so much storytelling . i hate how sequels and prequels and whatever else all ring like merch sales; i hate that i as an author have to include any social media following i have as a marketable trait; i hate that everything feels like a xerox of a copy of a dream of a memory.

i hate that my nostalgia has been turned into profit. i hate that companies fear consumer backlash so no real commentary may be made; i hate that companies care more about quantity over quality. i hate that so many artists and creators are being overworked to the point of complete collapse rather than being allowed to tell the story their way. i hate that every point of representation has to be fought for. i hate it i want us all to go back to living in a cave .

when you sit with friends over a bonfire and the night is getting long and people start telling this slow, almost hypnotic story - in this quiet voice, like they don't expect you to listen while they say the most fucked up shit you've ever heard - that is storytelling. who cares if the punchline is car hand hook door. storytelling has always been about community, about us all sitting in the dark, choosing to fill the silence while the last embers are dying. we forgot that storytelling is spellwork. hallucinating together, our breaths held, waiting for the ending we already knew was coming.

#this is specifically due to my rage and undying hatred of megacorporation #disney. #and specifically bc i think there COULD have been a really good series of new #dinosaur island t rex movies #if they had just fucking gone the distance #stopped with the fucking bad CGI #and made the whole thing about late-stage capitalism #do you wanna know what would ACTUALLY sell and work on the big screen more than a trex screaming in front of a volcano #(u absolute jerkweeds)? #so they've rebuilt the island and the park. but the narrative is 100% #that nobody wants to fucking work there and it feels AT BEST cult-like and insular. nobody is paid well for this #at EVERY possible place they are cutting corners. the dinosaurs might have higher walls #but the handlers are paid 5.34 an hour due to island laws. the corporation has RFID tags in their costumes which they are forced to wear #the employees are not allowed to drink water in 120 degree heat bc it would be upsetting to guests #u know real things i experienced working for disney #(but it was 8.90) #anyway it turns out the park CEO knew the risks and just didnt care bc bottom line BAYBEE. #it would be so much more sobering and fucking GOOD if it was like. scientists being like ''i am an environmental scientist'' #''after the epa was slashed this is literally the only job i could find. i literally HAD to take it or i couldn't feed my family.'' #''i hate what i do. i am disgusted by it. i literally CANNOT STOP because the company also charges us 400 dollars a week to live here'' #the dinosaurs escape EARLY in my movie. like minute 45. and then... 1 week later #the park reopens. #half the staff are missing. they're just fucking gone. it doesn't matter tho the company tells everyone to work 2x as hard #that those people weren't loyal enough or they are tragic heroes bc they died doing what they love #and the movie isn't like ''wow dinosaurs scary!!!'' it's... #that in a global fucking pandemic disney kept sacrificing employees. #but it'll be disguised bc the pandemic will be dinosaurs. #this my beloved is what we call an ALLEGORY but unfortunately certain companies have never heard of them #allegories require critical thinking and that doesn't test well with audiences

[obslorsed]

they werent lying that everything did burn

#not my best work but considering I’ve been exploding to death so much lately which has rendered me unable to art. I like how this turned out #pay no mind o the fucked up anatomy this was intended to b just a lighting experiment. ik some bits look off but I donot have energy to fix #ANYWAY. sorry regualr followers & mutual alike I have contracted brainrot. wahooo #now to tag this with ten million things #double life smp #dlsmp #boat boys #??? idk if that’s a tag #trafficblr #dlsmp joel #dlsmp etho #oh fuck uh #cw fire #?? #technically it’s lava but what the fuck ever

[puppyeared]

adhd comix

#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired #like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability #and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors #i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working #isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol #if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you #need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid #im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher #to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll #go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms #AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis #theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were #comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run #and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make #a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!! #im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need #to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh #yapping #vent

[good-beanswrites]

Could you write a drabble for Mikoto and Shidou plus Blood? This request miiight be inspired by the fact that Mikoto mentions his body hurting a lot but doesn't seem to be receiving any medical treatment, either because Mahiru and Fuuta take priority or because there's no obvious cause, and therefore cure, to his pain...

👀👀👀 Thank you, this is such a good combo ough!! It's so interesting how much focus the others get when it comes to physical health, since Mikoto has clearly complained of his condition :( It looks like Milgram is trying to push the idea that he's completely oblivious to his alters, but I spun it where he's aware, just deep in denial. So have some Mikoto angst to get us hyped for Double!

Mikoto should be grateful. He was lucky. That’s what he kept repeating to himself. He had both of his eyes intact. Both his arms. He was strong enough to walk around freely. He wasn’t on the verge of death, or collapse. Thus, he should be grateful no one was offering him any help, because it meant he didn’t need it. He repeated it again. Maybe this time he would believe it.

With a groan, his body rolled out of bed. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d woken up actually feeling rested. Everything ached. His muscles tightened with soreness. His throat felt as raw as his knuckles, though he hadn’t been using either. He had no desire to lift his arms over his head, or twist around too much, so he didn’t change out of yesterday’s uniform. Maybe the belts and buckles had made it difficult to sleep. The theory wasn’t a convincing one, but dwelling on things like that had never gotten him anywhere.

He ran his fingers once through his hair, combing out a bit of the mess. Looking in a mirror was the last thing he needed. He made his way to the dining hall. 

The others trickled in for breakfast. His appetite, at least, hadn’t suffered. He hardly noticed the others giving him wide-eyed stares. What were they expecting? Of course he was looking worse for wear, given the circumstances. He ignored them, glad to focus on the hot meal before him.

A hand weighed heavy on his shoulder.

“Mikoto,” Shidou’s voice may have remained calm, but it was urgent. “Do you need some help?”

“Huh?” He shrugged his hand away, offering a weak smile. “I’m fine! Oh, I think Kazui was saving a seat for you over there, if you --”

“-- How about we go to my cell for a moment? Or yours, if that would be more comfortable.”

What was everyone’s problem this morning? Mikoto did his best to keep his voice pleasant. “Really, man, I’m good.” 

Shidou’s expression remained unmoving. Very carefully, he informed him, “you’re bleeding. Pretty badly by the look of it. You’re coming with me.” 

Mikoto blinked. He looked over his shoulder, following Shidou’s gaze. The back of his uniform was torn across the center. A significant splotch of blood seeped into the material, growing even larger as he shifted to see it. 

“...Oh…” 

Back in Shidou’s cell, sad to have left his breakfast plate behind, he slumped into a chair. Shidou gathered together some supplies. As always, he got right to the point. “What happened?”

“I… I’m not sure. I don’t remember anything from last night. I don’t remember most nights, recently. I know that sounds crazy, but…”

“It’s fine. I have definitely heard crazier.” He smiled, something gentle and reassuring. As usual, there was something hidden behind his eyes. It was as if he already knew what Mikoto was up to late at night that earned him so much soreness the following days. He didn’t offer an explanation, though. Mikoto didn’t press him for one.

He winced as he was helped out of his uniform. Removing his shirt revealed the mysterious gash. Shidou’s eyes widened at the array of scratches and scars. Some were fresh, but most originated long before Milgram. Though he didn’t ask, Mikoto answered.

“I’m pretty clumsy, huh?” Maybe this time he would believe it. 

Shidou was kind enough to pretend to. “Here, allow me…”

Shidou got to work cleaning and dressing the injuries. Mikoto closed his eyes. Even though the disinfectant stung, and sometimes those gloved fingers pressed a little two hard, it felt nice to have things patched up. 

“Is there anything else going on? Are you feeling pain anywhere else?”

Mikoto could have laughed. He didn’t. “I’m just sore. And my head’s been killing me, but I’m used to migraines. Perks of the verdict, I’m sure.”

Shidou hummed in thought. 

“Thanks, by the way. I’ll try to be more careful.” Not that he had much choice in the matter, it seemed. But he’d do his best. 

Shidou kept his face straight, but there were traces of pain in his voice. “I will too. I’m sorry, Mikoto. If I had known… I’ve been distracted lately, but I should have paid closer attention.”

“It’s fine,” he flashed a grin. “I know the others are pretty fucked up. And I’m not dying or anything. I’m lucky, you know?”

“I wouldn’t say so. Doctors don’t only treat the dying.”

Mikoto frowned. 

It didn’t take much longer to finish treatment. Shidou gave him a few instructions about the bandages, then offered him a clean shirt. “You’re good to go. I’ll be checking in more often, now. I’ll see if I can find something for your head.” 

“Thanks. Really.”

He returned Mikoto’s torn uniform. “You should talk to Es about getting a new one. Until then, you’ll want to clean this with --”

Mikoto waved a dismissive hand, heading out of the cell. “Don’t worry, I know how to wash blood out of my clothes. Er, that sounds bad. I’m just a clutz, yeah? The blood’s always been my own.”

Maybe this time he would believe it.

#milgram #mikoto kayano #shidou kirisaki #im so fucked up over mikotos state rn :(( im pretty sure his vd is going to melt me into a little puddle on the floor on wednesday #id need to do more research on what doctors are supposed to do but i think shidou knows mikoto is in denial and wants him to work through #the realization on his own first instead of forcing it on him - and telling him wont stop the late night rampages in his cell #and youre right - theres not an easy cure for the stress headaches and all that anyway so theres only so much he can do #but yeah itd make sense that shidou (and the others) were genuinely too busy with the 12yo and dying patients to notice his condition... #sorry for having a shirtless mikoto moment 😭 i didnt want to pull a meme but it was needed for the prompt 😤 #i kept it in mikotos pov but when shidou mentions what doctors do hes having an internal crisis about if hes a good doctor rip #i do think mikoto only had one victim but still got into fights and stuff sometimes - hence others' blood on his clothes in the past #thank you so much for the request!! #the double hype has been Consuming me asdfsdf so this was a ton of fun to write ;-; #drabbles

[devilsskettle]

i feel like i’ve been WAITING for the other shoe to drop wrt people’s opinions about watcher for this very reason. not that i think the reaction is completely not understandable but the greater the parasocial relationship, the greater the fallout as soon as public opinion shifts. you don’t have a relationship with these people they’re just content creators, chill

#ready to see all the people coming out of the woodwork to say how they’ve never liked watcher/unsolved/etc #and act like it’s ‘cringe’ now that their fanbase feels ‘betrayed’ #it’s great to have a fanbase but parasocial relationships will bite you in the ass every single time #it’s interesting too though because i’ve seen watcher have a LOT of support as they’ve tried to build something separate from buzzfeed #so this is the first time they’re getting real pushback about a decision they’ve made wrt shifting their platform/expanding their brand #so ig we’ll have to see how they react moving forward #but it’s soooo interesting to see how enthusiastically people dump on buzzfeed #AND how many people dump on youtube and how over the years so much of its functionality has been stripped away #how many ads you have to sit through. how much sponsored content there is now. etc #but when they try to do the same thing with youtube that they did with buzzfeed it’s like how dare you not lick their boots #because if you lick their boots and we lick their boots we can watch stuff for free #anyway. #even if you don’t any to say it’s a bad business decision. it’s not like there’s not precedent for it #1) the move away from buzzfeed was successful and 2) what about the dnd shows or whatever #don’t you guys watch those dnd shows that are ‘behind a paywall’ #don’t you guys have netflix hulu disney hbo amazon etc ad nauseum that are actually owned by billion dollar corporations #don’t you guys get on your high horses about supporting independent artists all the time #it’s interesting that people will profess to be such big fans!!! and feel like they’re friends!!!! #but how dare they think their work might be worth paying for #idk. idk. it’s entitlement though #sorry for the rant i’m ALSO not trying to blindly defend a bunch of people i don’t know #but you guys are being soooo fucking annoying about it lol #anyway i’m still waiting to see what their response is going to be from here before jumping to conclusions #also to be fair i am biased to be lenient about decisions made by independent filmmakers vs big studios etc #like everybody freaking out about the ai art used in late night with the devil. who cares honestly #‘they should’ve paid a real artist!!’ idk maybe their budget didn’t cover that #i don’t want it to become the industry norm but at the end of the day i would rather see indie shit getting made then only seeing #the big studios (who don’t have equitable practices anyway!!) making shit #but that’s another conversation. just to be transparent about my viewpoint on this kind of thing #maybe controversial but also can’t we have nuance. for once.

[devotedlystrangewizard]

the school arc to me is so good because it drags ciel out of his position as a powerful figure and literally places him in the shoes of the person he could have been. the circus arc ALSO drags him out of his position as big bad queens watch dog/head of the phantomhive estate but the school arc feels like a mockery of a future that never was. this is what he could have been had his parents not died. and even then its NOT because he will never be that kid.

he never was.

#ramblings #incoherent beyond belief its 4 am #and im trying to avoid manga spoilers #might add a reblog with more coherent thoughts when i wake up but im off my meds so i cant promise anything #actually correction im being vague w the manga spoilers #manga readers know whats up #idk if there are any anime only ppl who havent been spoiled on The Plottwist Ever yet #but i figured there will be new fans and though im not tagging this it might still get seen so #cant WAIT to see our boy absolutely miserable in animation form should they recreate that arc LMAOOO #which ofc is after the germany arc so thats still a long time away #but STILL. itd be fun i need to see this young teenager lose his mind in color with sound #him relying on sebastian to do all his fag duties (sorry. dredge) so he can work his way up the social ladder #trying to gain power while simultaneously proving that he cant do anything but rely on others #hes always needed help in basically every way and he hasnt CHANGED he just got a demon to do it for him #he learns to lie and charm and cheat and all the while hes a fucking CHILD WHO STILL STRUGGLES WITH NORMAL THINGS #ciel is my little baby and i love him deeply no matter how much of a little bitch he can be #his helplessness isnt just 'oh he was raised in british high society' its also that he never got the chance to learn anything #which to elaborate on that id also have to go into manga territory. iykyk #like absolutely at this point he just refuses to learn how to do things he has a pet demon to do it for him #but. #hi the phantomhives backstory is killing me again its so late #both atlantic and the school arc are just setup for the Big Arc but theyre very good in their own right i SWEAR #also when i rewatched the circus arc a while back and i realised how some scenes were shot #the heavy foreshadowing that i didnt realise. yk. 7 years ago or however long its been since i first watched it #CRAZY #if you are new. to kuroshitsuji. and you havent read the manga. dear god. read the manga #ALSO GRELLE IN THAT ARC IS SO BEAUTIFUL & OTHELLO IS TRANSMASCULINE. OKAY GOODBYE

[exlimix1a]

Hey Hey hey hgey hey guys. have you heard that sheezy.art is coming back

#HONEST TO GOD I REALLY REAAALLAY WOULD BE STOKED TO BE ON SHEEZY WITH ALL OF YOU!! #idk how many people who follow me know what sheezy art is #but its a website that was an homage to the original sheezyart that i was never on bc it was before my time #but its an art sharing platform that ran from 2020 to 2022 (when it started popping off as a bunch of artists began to share it and also #when i joined the website) #but shortly after the devs decided to close it bc they were all college students and the website was exploding faster than they could keep #p #but after some time. they have graduated #and they missed sheezy so much #that theyre bringing it back and wanting to dedicate their careers to it #Sheezy was legitimately the first website i ever truly felt excited to post my work to #You would get people liking your work and you could see other people's work and it was so friendly and beautiful and customizable #like an art sharing website would be #and i was sooo heartbroken to have it shut down but ofc i was happy for the devs for setting that boundary and leaving when they had to!! #but im SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED FOR IT TO BE BACK #legitimately i promise you the community is better than any art site ive ever been on since then #the discord for it has opened again and in late November the website will open again #first in beta for the people who already had accounts when it closed but then itll open for new folks #oh im so fucking excited #and i want you guys to be excited too!!!!! #im so stoked #i love you guys ok #mwah ah

[astraltrickster]

I wish I could tell my 9-year old self that no, growing up and getting excited about "boring" things like kitchen appliances isn't sad, because contrary to what people would have you think it DOESN'T tend to totally change who you are as a person and replace everything else you love - they add to what makes you happy, they don't replace a damned thing, and the excitement is VERY genuine

But since I can't do that I'll just put it out here for any younger people who need it

You grow to love "boring" things because they improve your life, not because it's the only thing you're "allowed" to get excited about once you reach a certain age

Also! That stage in life has nothing to do with numerical age; you can fall in love with something "boring" at any time and it feels exactly the same! Loving the new kitchen appliance as an adult is no different from loving the Easy-Bake oven or the first thing you learned to make your own recipes with as a kid! It's not "turning into your parents" (scary), it's bringing out new joy in YOU! It's fucking awesome!

#lpt #personal #in totally unrelated news i put a high-end blender on payment plan and it has been a godsend for my disabled ass #i will never even WANT to go to starbucks again #and this was recommended by buy-it-once groups i'll probably have it for the rest of my life #and i was afraid it would be super loud because it's so powerful but it's actually the quietest blender i've ever owned #and i've owned...a decent fucking few in the ~$15-60 range #that left huge solid chunks after several minutes of blending #and either burned out their motors or stripped their drive gears before long #and did you know that with a sufficiently powerful blender you can make hot soup? #did you know that this works BETTER for cream soups than a stove because you can't burn it to the pan? #with me staring down wrist surgery next month this is probably the best thing i could have done for myself #yes it sounds boring as hell if you havent experienced it lately #but the joy of Holy Shit My Life Just Got So Much Easier is VERY real #believe your loved ones if they say they want a vacuum for [insert major gift-giving event here] #i am as autdhd-engaged over new blender recipes as i am over some of my favorite media #not more so! just equally! #because joys in life are additive! there is no max capacity for them! #the younger you realize this i think the happier youll be

[stardustvanfleet]

2am twindown!!!!! and no i am not okay!!! ❤️🫶🏻

#i! am! fucking! sweating! ha h a ha! #but i looooove all of you my gresties!!!!! #this time of year is so bizarre bc it gets dark so early and i’m tired all day LMAO #i feel like i’ve been sooo zoned out lately idk?? but i love yall so much and i …. have some christmas blurbs in the works. hehehehe. #coming very soon i hope!!!! #also uhhhhhh. uhhhhhh. red light twins. yeah #li speaks #jake #josh

[professionaljester]

love being 25 and not knowing how to socialize bc i’m autistic and off putting and cringe so no one wanted to talk to me/wanted to be my friend growing up so now i’m an adult with very few friends or ppl i talk to on a regular basis bc i never learned how to socialize or text properly bc no one taught me how

#abc shut it #vent #i’m so lonely it’s not even funny #my talking to myself has just gotten worse in the past few months alone #i just want some friends i can do watch parties with and play games with damn it #i’m so bored and lonely all the time #my life has just been work sleep and chores and it’s driving me insane bc i have nothing breaking up the routine #like it doesn’t help no one texted me bc i was poor and had didn’t get a smart phone until is was basically too late :) #like i know part of it is the depression but #idk i just don’t do anything when i get home #sometimes i do art sometimes i game but usually i just lose track of time staring at tumblr and the next thing i know my few hours— #after work are gone and i have to go to bed #like don’t get my wrong i LOVE my coworkers but i need some more friends within my own age bracket #like is it to much to ask for a group of friends that will watch anime and movies with me in our own discord server #like is that literally to much to fucking ask of the universe can i be allowed to feel like an actual normal human being that’s connected #to the human experience for once in my fuckkng life #and not feel like some sort out outlier that doesn’t fucking exist to anyone #i’m to a point where i think and feel like i’m not even real! lol #like idk i would just like there to not to be days where i literally don’t communicate with anyone #and know what to say when ppl DO text me bc when ppl do text me i half the time don’t even know what to say #and forget the message is there and get to scared to reply after too much time has passed like #i know it’s a me problem that therapy would help but im terrified that it won’t #that i’ll just be going therapy and still be a lonely autisic looser who doesn’t know how to communicate without being off putting #or being too much

[marblebees]

Sorry everything ive actually seen about this homestuck racism drama is stupid but The Fact. That two tumblr users were actually discussing and taking halfway seriously the potential of physically fighting over it is hilarious

Anyways if any future Tumblr Fights happen for real id like to volunteer to coach anyone doing it 👍👍 itll be less expensive than a real coach but you only need to beat up another tumblr user so itll probably be fine

#also re: the racism theres literally nothing wrong with not wanting to associate with homestuck fans lmao #but like. there is something that ppl like about it and that isnt the fucking racism like can yall be serious 😭😭😭😭 #especually when (to me) part of the appeal of hs has been its time capsule nature to the late 00s and early 10s internet culture #homestuck is still talked about because it has so much to discuss and i think it is valuable to analyse its Worse Moments in the context of #the contemporary culture #to bury your head in the sand and act like its irredeemable bc Hussie was trying to be edgy is kinda ignorant and it takes away from Everyon #e else who made homestuck what it is #bc all the stuff abt hussie this hussie that its auteur theory all over again and for a work SO multimedia and collaborative as hs #its just disappointing

[hecksupremechips]

The best feeling in the world is when there’s a piece of media you know you love and you’ve hyped it up as your favorite thing for so long but you haven’t revisited it in a while so you start to worry if it’s really as good as you make it out to be and so you go back and revisit it and it’s like. Oh this is even better than I remembered this shit rules

#the klock keeps ticking #i always get this feeling when i play 999 but tonight i got it with the letter #cuz ive uh finally decided to bite the bullet and play the evil meanie route where everyone dies 😟 #a route ive put off for so long cuz its just too damn sad to think about akjdksk god it hurts #and ive played like for the most part every route of this game EXCEPT this one but i know the ending is really dark and i need to see it #plus i will at least get my beloved torture scene in so thats nice #i didnt kill off isabella though its a coma route which i hope still allows me to get the ending i want cuz i mean shell still be out of #commission in the final scene so hopefully it works out #but yeah no i started off tonight on the marianne chapter and while i did skip around through it cuz ive played it many times and i just #wanna get to the important stuff already alskj i also just replayed some of the best parts #aka the shit where lorraine appears and the gay shit alksks and god like hnnnghh not only does this chapter still ruin me emotionally #i also just remembered why i love this character so much and remembered just how good the character writing in this game is #and i also played into the rebecca chapter and didnt skip as much cuz i actually am not as familiar with the coma route #cuz it makes me sad and i never revisited it lol and i havent gotten to The Scene that makes me sob yet #its so coming though dont worry but idk i guess its just been cuz ive been thinking about p3 so much lately #and in particular shinji both the death route and coma route but in particular the coma cuz thats what im writing #and damn lol the letter just writes the grief and nuanced relationships and death stuff so much better lol god #like marianne loses her childhood best friend whom she has a gay ass relationship with to suicide and like its just better #she blames herself and still isnt even kinda okay with it after 13 years #like it just fucking ruined her and the only thing keeping her from losing it is her repression and drinking problem and unattached sex #and then with coma route well fucking first off isabellas friends actually like. visit her frequently damn #and they just all have such unique ways of coping like Zach is being optimistic so no one gets too upset #rebecca is sorta in charge of making sure everything goes smoothly she has to contact the family and make big decisions #and shes also just taking the most stress and shes got so many complicated feelings around isabella going on but she genuinely cannot stand #that isabella is hurt shes fucking destroyed she loves isabella and then ashton AAAAA god yeah i also just remembered that hes SUCH a good #character hes like being a genuine asshole right like Rebecca calls to tell him that isabella is comatose now and he literally doesnt let #her say anything he literally says ‘i dont have time for other things rn’ like the wellness of his friend is just ‘other things’ #but you just know thats not it not at all hes burying himself in work to the point of destruction so he can figure out who did this and make #everything okay and he refuses to show even an ounce of vulnerability cuz THE SECOND HE DOES IT ALL COMES OUT AND HE CANT GET OUT OF BED #ANYMORE CUZ HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY WHEN THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE IS DYING

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

i got the sweetest email from someone i did a reading for, and it made me tear up because i'm a giant baby, lmao.

#i've been doing online readings for extra cash lately&everyone has been so sweet. #i have lucked out hard on the ppl who want me to read for them lmao i know my luck wont last forever #buuut ill take whatever luck i can get #&after too much time in one service -type job or another its really cool to have ppl actually be grateful for the work i do #even if its just reading cards lmao. #doing personal blind-reads however is never gonna not be super nerve wracking LMAO what the hell happens when someone finally tells me #i was way the fuck off lmao. anxietyyyyyyyyyyy. #messages like this makes it worth tho. :) #gratitude journal #yas

[r029]

I miss when things actually meant things.. Back in the day, relationships actually meant relationships. Love actually meant love. But now.. it's just what people classify things as things that are Ultimately useless and pointless. Getting to know people, actually meant getting to know people without any ulterior motives or at least not as much as now. Now everything's a game, of how to play people, who can manipulate better.. like what the fuvk? What is the fucking point anymore? Why even bother? It's all a waste of time.

#there is no point anymore. no one cares and no one tries. no one tries to actually be themselves. no on tries in putting in effort. #if someone does the bare minimum its groundbreaking. and thats fucking sad. things were supposed to evolve but it just disintegrated. #im not meant to be in this generation. #everyone is so close minded and brainwashed into thinking stupidity. no one thinks for themselves anymore. #everything is failing. #and i have to exist and watch it happen because its everywhere and you cant get away from it. #i wish i had an endless supply of drugs to ignore it.. but whats the point of that? because at the end of the day nothing changes. #and then once the drugs wear off.. it all hits me twenty times harder.. #and its only way to not want to kill myself.. but theres no reason to be here and endure this shit. #my mother shouldve drowned me harder 😔 #everything is curated to what you want to see. to what you want to believe. its all just fake. #i despise the promiscuous posts ive put out when i feel the complete opposite.. and yet im deluded enough to think why shit doesnt #doesnt work out for me? I think.. im so accustomed to not being believed and never taken seriously and felt as if i did that #its like my way of saying “youre right” but now im doing it and really making it a reality that can no longer be taken back. #whats done is done. whats happened has happened. and now i cant seem to care about much of anything anymore.. #all because the people who were supposed to help.. didn't. the Teachers. the Principals. the Doctors. the Therapists. the Psychiatrists. #the Attorneys. the Judges. “Child Protective Services” and so many more. just didn't fucking care or try. until it was already too late #and the damage had been done. #im so fucking tired..