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hiswhiteknight · 3 years

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Unbelievably Outlandish– Part 8

Summary: Before starting down a new crossroads, the Reader goes onto an adventure of literary traveling. Suddenly tossed into an unbelievable story that has swept the world, The Outlander Series itself. How will a twenty first century woman survive?

Note: I own no characters, except reader, clearly this is based off the lovely book series Outlander by Diana Gabaldon and tv show. This follows more the tv show, but it’s far from accurate. I’m going to try to get better with using less proper English, but who knows maybe I’ll get into Scottish slang.

Pairing: Jamie Fraser x Female Reader

Words: 2345

Warning: Angst, playfulness, cursing, slow start, obviously fighting and such

What Murtagh said and how he stared at you was quite unsettling, what could you possibly mean by a ‘woman’ taking care of Jamie? You were quite sure Laohaire was a woman and could take nice care of Jamie. That thought didn’t settle well either, but you couldn’t understand why. It felt like it was something you had buried deep in your soul, so deep you could only focus on getting back home to your family – Davy. When you were preparing for the gathering, you tried to think about what your brother was doing and whether he felt alone or abandoned. The guilt of your lack of fight or focus on getting home crept into your body and weighed you down.

Angus entered the surgery, “Lass, the festivities are about to be going, let’s make our way up.”

You nodded at him and started to walk up, “Do I look like I’ll fit in up there?”

“You’ll fit in plenty enough, enough for a colony lass,” he muttered to you. “Just stay out of trouble, I’ve got my mind on-.”

You rolled your eyes, putting your hand to stop in from continuing, “Angus, I get you want to find a lady and I promise to not get in the way. I still got a ton of work to do before tomorrow’s hunt. I do not plan to stay long, which is what I told Mrs. Fitz. The laird gave me a job, I intend to do well.”

“Just do as your told,” he pushed you forward. You fought every bone and muscle in your body not to thrash him about. No matter the effort, you could not win the trust of some of the people here Angus and Dougal included. You could only kill someone with kindness so much before you take someone’s throat out with your fists.

Mrs. Fitz passed by you, “You look lovely in that dress, my dear. I told you, now some man will come and sweep you up, though I’ll hate to see the day someone takes you from us.”

You could see Murtagh rolling his eyes, as you looked down at the people prepping from the oath ceremony. You bit the inside of your cheek, “Mrs. Fitz, I told you. I do not intend to marry, I have a family waiting for me back by Inverness. I’m just buying my time.”

“That reminds me, Gale Allister left your payment in the kitchen by the flour. Thought it was best she avoids the surgery with all your business getting ready for hunt,” she shared with you.

“Thank you Mrs. Fitz, I’m not sure what I’d do without you,” you half hugged her. You tried to ignore the suspicious look from Murtagh. You had been finding little chores and such to help the community here, as well earn money that will help foster your escape home. “Murtagh, where is Mister McTavish? I’d assume he’d be here for the oath taking.”

Murtagh glanced down at you, trying to avoid making too much eye contact with you, “Leave the man be right now. He’s best to be not seen during the swearing ceremony. I feel you’ve tortured the man enough for a life time.”

“What are you on about, I do not torture anyone?” Collum entered the room starting the ceremony with Dougal. It was actually quite beautiful, full of tradition, and honor.

“You’re torturing me right now, lass,” Murtagh grumbled under his breath.

Mrs. Fitz pinched Murtagh’s arm to shush him, “If they are all the same, I’m off to get more work done. Keep me posted Mrs. Fitz,” you kiss her cheek and skip away to your work space. Angus caught sight of you and followed, “Angus, I pinky swear I will not wonder away and get you in trouble with Dougal.”

He gripped her arm, “No, no, no – you have to stay up here until I find a lady-.”

“Too much Angus, too much,” you stopped him quickly. “Here,” you pass Angus a necklace given to you by your mother, “This is my necklace given to me by mom before she died.” Angus looked immediately concerned you were going to get emotional, “As long as you hold that necklace, I’m not going anywhere. Go enjoy the gathering.”

He looked at the necklace in his hand to you, “You sneak off girl, I’ll gut you. Stay in the surgery, no wandering off like you like to.”

You put your two fingers up like you were a scout. Angus gave you a strange look before motioning you down to the surgery, “Angus,” you called to him, he looked back at you quickly, “You lose that, I promise no laird will stop me from taking your balls.”

He waved you off, laughing to himself, “A lady with a mouth like yours.”

You were only partially concerned Angus would lose your necklace. You had made your way to the surgery, but stopped on the last stair. You had already prepared for the hunt with your materials and such. You didn’t want to stay at the ceremony because it made you think of your past with the Marines and your brother with your traditions. Davy would be so impressed by seeing some of his heritage. He would probably love this whole experience. Think of the hunt the next day, you grew sick and worried. You were never a hunter; you had a soft spots for most animals. You had trouble killing spiders, though your history with war was quite the contradiction. Your brother constantly made fun of you for it. The thought of animals made you think of your horse. Your promised Angus you would stay put, but it’s not like you planned to escape. You just wanted to drop off your medical supplies and check on your horse. The stable hand made it seem like your horse wasn’t part of the elite, which made you like her more.

On the way to the stables, you used your military expertise to get past the men. You didn’t need Angus to find out you lied to him. A few drunken clansmen tried to take advantage of you being an alone woman. This immediately made you pissed for the lady folk in the area, the amount of women who had to be assaulted made you sick. One guy had gotten a swipe at you and your lip was bleeding. You made it to the stables, nursing your lip. You were going to take your time getting back to the surgery, this was probably the safest place for you outside your surgery space. Lost in your thoughts of consequences, you tripped over a mass. You rolled onto your back with a knife in hand, pressing it to the neck of a person and they were doing the same to you, “Deoiridh.” Jamie immediately released you, sitting up to give you space, “What are you doing out here?”

“I could ask the same to you, sir,” you shot back at him. Your temper was rising with the amount of times you had to keep your guide up during this time period. Jamie stared at you a little longer than you liked, he was hoping for a better answer, “I was checking on my horse for the hunt. I have a soft spot for her and I wanted to drop off my stuff now, so I wouldn’t have to have hungover Angus complaining in the morning.”

Jamie chuckled to himself, “Thoughtful lass.” He paused for a second, “Y/N, you alright?” He put his hand up, leaning in closer to get a look at your bleeding lip, “Did that just happen,” he asked with guilt seeping off his voice.

He took out some cloth and tried to dab at your lip, “I had an issue coming over here with some clansmen,” you mumbled, trying to find the right words. You didn’t need Jamie telling Collum of your violent assault to some of their men. You didn’t kill them, but they will probably be concussed and be missing the hunt the next day.

He shot up, “Did they,” he pulled you up to closer inspect you.

You pushed him back gently, “No, no.” You hesitated and tried to figure out the best way to share it with him, “I knocked them out before anything could happen.”

Jamie’s laugh filled the room, finally dulling down to lean against the horses pen, “You’re a deadly woman Deoiridh. I’ve seen you teaching some stuff to the kids, but I didn’t think you could take out Mackenzie men without more than a busted lip. You sure your alright,” he tried to cup you neck again to look closer at your lip.

His hands were rough, but it a way you’ve never felt. It was like your body was on fire, but wanting to crave more it. Electricity surges your body, “I’m fine,” you whispered, “I’ve had plenty worse.”

“These men are lucky you got to them first,” he said trying to relax his jaw. You should tell a piece of him was bothered by you being attacked. Something inside him wanted to crash out of the stables and slaughter the men who would do such damage to his friend, at least that’s what you were telling yourself.

“Murtagh mentioned you weren’t going to the ceremony for the gathering,” you reached into your bag, “I was going to stop by your hut, residence place,” you weren’t sure what to call his little bed area. You passed him some food from the kitchen.

He shook his head, “Again with the thoughtfulness, you seem to care an awful lot about my wellbeing.”

“Shut up,” you shove him as he laughs at you. You could see he was trying to get a raise out of you since you pushed him to talk to Laoghaire, “You’re my friend Jamie. You were the first one who was nice to me here, well before you tossed me over your shoulder and proceeded to act like chauvinistic tool.”

He grinned at you, “Well, you are probably the most unique, thoughtful, and caring women I know. Besides when you are prodding me and calling me mean names.” He put the bag of food down next to his makeshift bed, “We should get you back to the castle, I bet Angus won’t be taken to kindly to your journey to the stables.”

“I can get back on my own. Murtagh told me to leave you alone, something about the ceremony, which is none of my business,” you mumbled away, trying to push whatever you are feeling way down. “I took down three clansmen and you, I think I can get back on my own,” you look down at Jamie sitting on the ground.

He pulled himself up towering over you, “Me,” he questioned, “I think I’d remember you taking me anywhere,” he pulled your shawl tighter to your body. “Now let’s go, me walking you back is not up for debate.”

You rolled your eyes and jogged up next to him, “Suit yourself, but Murtagh doesn’t like me enough as it is. If you get caught or whatever, I’m not to blame you tell him that.”

Jamie stopped you at the door, leaning in close to your face to whisper, “Murtagh likes you plenty, believe me if he didn’t like you he’d ignore you. Now let’s go before you get me caught.”

“Jamie,” you whispered harshly, holding tightly on the back of his shirt waddling after him. With your face slightly pressed to his back as you both giggled out the stables, there was something about his smell. You’d assumed he’d smell like most rotting, sweating men. Being in the marines and being in the desert for long periods of time, you were pretty much used to it. But it was different with Jamie, your psychology background pushed towards his manly man pheromones. You pushed those thoughts away and tipped toed with Jamie through the McKenzie camp. You and Jamie got back to your work space without Angus knowing any different. You stood at the bottom of your stairs, looking up at the now ever more towering Jamie, who was grinning down at you, “Do you think you can get back without being caught, remember what I said about Murtagh, you wanted me to be nice and make friends?”

He looked down, trying to hold back his amused expression, “Yeah, I think I’ll manage.”

“When are you going to tell me why you are avoiding being seen during the gathering, aren’t they your family,” you questioned, trying to change the subject to something less flirty.

“It’s a bit complicated, maybe one day I’ll tell you. But for now, I’m off before I get you into trouble with Murtagh. You should go up and spend some time with the clan, it might be worth learning a bit more,” he gestured up the stair. He leaned closer again, “Maybe you can butter up Murtagh, get on his sweet side.”

“What sweet side,” you countered. Jamie shook his head, trying his best to not be amused by you, “Plus, I wouldn’t want him to get the wrong idea. He isn’t really my type.”

The look he gave you in that moment was something you rarely got to see in men, “What exactly is your type.”

“Not a dumb brute really, I’m not a picky woman,” you shrug walking further away from Jamie’s glances.

“That I don’t believe for a second. Try to stay out of trouble, hate you save you from Angus again,” Jamie started to make his way up the stairs.

“Jamie,” you call up to him, he turns to look at you one more time before he gets on his way to his hide away, “I never need saving.” Again, he held back a smirk, before trying back up the stairs again. You didn’t know how he did it, but you got to you again with those stupid hidden smiles and teasing. It’s like he knew exactly what to say to get a rise out of you.

Part 9

Taglist: @doctorwhatwhenandwhere @damnedandbroken @blushingpogue @blancastans @slytherinambitious @kinky-asher

#Jamie Fraser #jamie fraser imagines #jamie fraser x reader #jamie frazier x reader #Outlander #outlander fanfiction #outlander imagine #sam heughan

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solarlightsonline · 3 years

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ryanjdonovan · 3 years

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DONOVAN’S OSCAR PROGNOSTICATION 2021

We all knew it was coming: The Oscar nominees are now almost literally handpicked by Netflix and Amazon. We thought it would be a few years away, but it's just one more piece of fallout from the pandemic. It won't be long now before I'm making my predictions for the Flixies or the Amazies. (By the way, streamers: I just want to watch the friggin' credits, why is that such a problem??)

In case you haven't been paying attention (and I'm pretty sure you haven't), Nomadland is going to win the big Oscars. Haven't seen Nomadland? Or even heard of it? Or any of the Oscar-nominated films? Or didn't even know the Oscars were happening this year? You're not alone. With no theaters this past year, the non-bingeable, non-Netflix-welcome-screen movies were pretty much an afterthought. (But if you asked the streaming services, the nominees this year each accounted for a billion new subscribers and topped the worldwide digital box office for months.)

Well, I'm here to tell you the Oscars are in fact happening, albeit a few months late. Fear not: my 22nd annual Oscar predictions will provide everything you need to know before the big night. (You don't even need to watch the movies themselves -- reading this article will take you just as long.)

BEST PICTURE:

SHOULD WIN: Minari WILL WIN: Nomadland GLORIOUSLY OMITTED: Pieces Of A Woman INGLORIOUSLY SNUBBED: Ma Rainey's Black Bottom

If you're a fan of capitalism, this is not the year for you. Nominees like Nomadland, Mank, Judas And The Black Messiah, The Trial Of The Chicago 7, Ma Rainey's Black Bottom, Hillbilly Elegy, Minari, and The White Tiger are all (to varying degrees) indictments of a capitalist system, or at the very least are suspicious of those who benefit from it, and focus on those left behind. It's certainly fertile ground for angst and high drama, if not belly laughs. (Don't get me started on the ironies of all these movies being distributed by billion-dollar conglomerates. The filmmakers, producers, and actors can tell you that the checks cash just fine.) Like Austin Powers said, "Finally those capitalist pigs will pay for their crimes, eh comrades?"

There is no way for me to talk about Nomadland, which will win Best Picture, without sounding like an a-hole. It's a gorgeous work of art, and a fascinating character study, but I struggled to connect to the story. (You should know that for me as a movie watcher, story is more engaging than artfulness or character. But hey, why can't we have all three?) I wanted to like it, I really did. I'm content to drift along with Fern, the resilient main character played naturally by Frances McDormand, but she has no true objective or antagonist. She's a nomad on the road, either searching or hiding, either with the world or against the world, we're not quite sure which. I thought it might be driving (literally) toward a bigger revelation or resolution, but no. (Same with life, I guess.) It's meandering, reticent, languorous, and ethereal (I'm trying really hard to avoid using the word "boring" here). This is all quite intentional, by the way -- the film moves at the pace of its protagonist, and the effect is palpable. (And don't worry, it's not lost on me that I'm watching this movie about people barely scraping by, on a large ultra-high-def TV on my comfy couch in my warm home under an electric blanket, using a streaming service that the movie's characters probably couldn't access or afford.) Am I wrong about all this? Of course I'm wrong. Every critic out there is doing backflips over this film. And not surprisingly, the movie's mortality themes are playing well with the Academy, whose average age and closeness to death are extremely high. (Like the nomad Swankie, they're all anxious about that final kayak ride down the River Styx.) But beware the movie whose 'user/audience score' is significantly lower than its 'critic score' -- it means that regular people are not quite buying it. For me, the biggest problem with slice-of-life films is that I don't really want to go to movies to experience regular life -- I have life for that. Then again, I'm also a superficial, materialistic a-hole. But you knew that already. (Added intrigue: Hulu, Nomadland's distributor, might score a Best Picture win before Amazon, and gives Amazon a subtle middle-finger in the movie with its depiction of seasonal workers.)

Remember when feel-good movies were a thing? It didn’t mean that there were no conflicts or problems for the characters, it just meant that they were enjoyable to watch, and you came out feeling good about humans. Minari is the rare feel-good Oscar movie, and my personal pick for what should win Best Picture. It easily might have been a tough sit based on the premise: A Korean family moves to rural Arkansas to start a farm, and must overcome a drought, financial calamity, a complete lack of agriculture experience, a crumbling marriage, the son's potentially-deadly heart condition, and a grandmother that drinks all their Mountain Dew. In keeping with Oscar tradition, it could have been a constant assault of upsetting scenes. But instead, it's a warm, sunny, optimistic, funny movie. The family faces struggles and hardships, to be sure, but the story is treated with positivity, not negativity; with a sense of community, not isolation; with an attitude of resolve, not blame. And they get through their problems with mutual support, togetherness, tenderness, humanity, and of course, love. (Not to mention grandma planting some weeds that may or may not miraculously heal physical and emotional wounds.) All these things combine to make it a more engaging experience for me than Nomadland. Not only do I wish this movie would win the Oscar, I wish I could give it a hug.

A lot of pundits think The Trial Of The Chicago 7 has the best chance to upset Nomadland. But I'm not seeing that happen. It was an early favorite and has been getting tons of nominations in the awards run-up, but it hasn't actually been winning much, and seems to be losing steam. (The lack of a Best Director nod is virtually a killer.) I think Minari has a small chance to sneak away with a victory, as it's gotten almost as much universal praise as Nomadland, but hasn't had the same audience. Judas And The Black Messiah is an interesting case, in that it's a late entry that had little early awareness (it didn't plan to be eligible until next year's Oscars), but it scooped several unexpected nominations. Debuting a contender late and taking advantage of recency bias has been a successful strategy in the past, so don't be surprised by a surprise. (Had Shaka King scored the last Director slot over Thomas Vinterberg, I think Judas would be a fairly legitimate threat.)

If you had asked me in September, I would have predicted that Mank would be the wire-to-wire favorite to win Best Picture. Aside from being a prestige David Fincher film (more on him later), it's a smorgasbord of Classic Tales of Hollywood. And the centerpiece couldn't be bolder: It's an homage to, a making of, a dissection of, and political dissertation on Citizen Kane -- only the most deified film of all time. Simply recite the synopsis, describe the film's 1940s black-and-white aesthetic, and mention Gary Oldman's name as the star, and just watch the Oscars come pouring in, right? Well, not quite. It netted 10 nominations, more than any other film, but it's looking like it might not win any of them, certainly not Best Picture. I don't think the film quite knows what it wants to be; at least, I'm not sure what it wants to be. Centered on Herman Mankiewicz, the man credited with co-writing Citizen Kane with Orson Welles, it's a distorted, polemical, impressionistic portrait of a man I barely even knew existed. Though Welles is only briefly portrayed in the film, it demystifies him a bit, suggesting that he's maybe not as responsible for this work of genius as we thought. If the film was framed as "Who actually wrote Citizen Kane?", it would be a little easier to get into. But it feels somewhat academic and circuitous (in a way that Kane itself doesn't). And while the script is clever, it's clever to the point of being confusing. Of course, a film of this pedigree invites a lot of scrutiny, maybe more than any other awards contender (or any film that actually got released this past year, period). It has a lot to appreciate, and surely would benefit from a second viewing. I also can't help but root for the fact that it's been Fincher's passion project for almost a quarter-century. (Then again, tell that to any indie filmmaker who spends their whole life on a single passion project that ends up getting completely ignored, and they’ll tell you where to shove your Fincher pity.) Ultimately, it's an admirable work, but if you're looking for a Rosebud, it's not there.

Promising Young Woman continues to defy expectations. Not only did it rack up six Oscar nominations, it's likely to win one or two of them, and for a while, was gaining on Nomadland for Best Picture. Now that the chips are falling into place, we know it won't win in this category, but it remains one of the most talked-about films of the season. What I like most about the film is not necessarily the literal story (I should have seen the main twist coming a mile away), but the way writer/director Emerald Fennell elevates it in an interesting way. Instead of showing the whole story, she starts her film at the end of a typical revenge thriller (several years after the incident and the legal aftermath). In fact, the victim is not even in the movie, and the victim's best friend is already far along on her path of retribution. (It also challenges the definition of "victim".) The film is not voyeuristically exciting in any way; it's unsettling, but also oddly charming in unexpected ways. The key for me is how it serves as a metaphor for the secrets people keep from loved ones and the toll that it takes on them, and the penances we give ourselves instead of allowing ourselves to heal. It also made me realize that movies could use more Juice Newton. (Paris Hilton, not so much.)

Sound Of Metal and The Father were probably the last two films to make the cut in this category, and are the least likely to win. Their best chances are in other categories. (Pro Tip: If you put the word "sound" in the title of your movie, there's a very good chance you'll win Best Sound.)

I don’t recommend Pieces Of A Woman to anyone who's pregnant, or partners of pregnant women, or anyone planning to have babies anytime in the future, or any partners of anyone planning to have babies anytime in the future, or people hoping to be grandparents anytime in the future, or doctors. (And I'm certain midwives are not giving this a ringing endorsement.) The film starts with an infant death, and then gets worse from there. It's not just an unpleasant experience, it's a series of unrelenting unpleasant experiences: Depression, extra-marital affairs, guilt, a domineering mother, lying, manipulative spouses, abandonment, feelings of inadequacy, sexual dysfunction, litigation, sibling jealousy, public shame, borderline domestic abuse, bribery, courtroom drama, financial problems, baseless blame, and drug addiction. And if that's not upsetting enough, they also manage to throw the Holocaust in there. (This should be a movie sub-genre: "Parade of Horrible Events". This fraternity would include: Manchester By The Sea, Mudbound, Uncut Gems, 12 Years A Slave, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, The Family Stone, and of course, The Revenant.) And then there are the characters. It would be one thing if these were ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances. But these are extraordinary a--holes making extraordinary circumstances much worse. It's literally laughable. If I didn't understand what the word 'melodramatic' meant before, I do now. I'm aware that this is based on the experiences of writing/directing spouses Kata Wéber and Kornél Mundruczó, and I don't mean to trivialize their pain or what they went through. Nobody should have to suffer that trauma. And I realize art is a healthy and oftentimes beautiful outlet for grief. But… did I mention the movie is unpleasant? There are certainly wonderful fragments and ideas in here; if the components added up to something moving, I would be much more receptive to it. If I were a snarky (okay, snarkier) reviewer, I might call it "Pieces Of A Better Movie".

Soul is a lovely and inspiring movie, but I'm at the point where I have to judge films by my experience while watching them with children. Try explaining this movie to a 6-year-old. Way too many existential/philosophical/theological questions. I guess it's good for parents who like to talk to their children, but if you're trying to keep your kid occupied and quiet (the reason screens were invented) so you can do something else, it's a bust. (It's no match for the hysterical self-explanatory antics of a certain motor-mouthed, overweight, black-and-white, martial-arts-fighting bear with a penchant for sitting on people's heads and, more importantly, keeping kids silently dumbstruck.) And: Did they have to make the entrance to the afterlife -- a giant bug zapper -- so terrifying? If that's how you get to heaven, what is the entrance to hell like??

BEST ACTOR:

SHOULD WIN: Chadwick Boseman (Ma Rainey's Black Bottom) WILL WIN: Chadwick Boseman (Ma Rainey's Black Bottom) GLORIOUSLY OMITTED: Pete Davidson (The King Of Staten Island) INGLORIOUSLY SNUBBED: Delroy Lindo (Da 5 Bloods)

This one hurts. I usually don't feel a connection to or an overabundance of sympathy for celebrities, but this one genuinely hurts. When Chadwick Boseman wins Best Actor (for Ma Rainey's Black Bottom), it will be a wonderful celebration, but also a painful reminder, not just of who he was, but of who he was yet to be. If ever there was a unanimous vote, this would be it. Before this movie, we had seen him play heroes and outsized personalities, but there had been nothing quite like his role as Levee, the gifted and demonized trumpet player in Ma Rainey's band. His brash, wounded performance is astonishing, revelatory. Since the film debuted after his passing, we can only watch it through the prism of his death. It's hard not to feel parallels: Levee is just starting to scratch the surface of his talent, giving us hints of his abilities with composition and brass before his breakdown; similarly, we have only gotten a taste of Boseman's range and depth. For both the character and the man, we're being deprived of the art he would have created. Boseman's passing makes the performance more resonant and unshakeable, but I think under different circumstances he would still be the front-runner in this race. The only difference would be, we'd assume this would be the first prize of many.

Anthony Hopkins picked an unusual time to go on a hot streak. He recently left a memorable impression on the Marvel Cinematic Universe as Odin, got an Emmy nomination for Westworld, and scored 2 Oscar nominations (after a 22-year drought) -- all after his 80th birthday. This year's nomination, for playing a man slipping into dementia in The Father, probably would have been a favorite to notch him his second Oscar in a different year. He seems like he should be a two-time winner, and we just don't know how many more chances he'll have. (I stand by my declaration that he should have won last year for The Two Popes, over Brad Pitt.) To those aforementioned aging Academy members who fear mortality and probably consider Hopkins a spry young man: Maybe you shouldn't watch this movie.

Riz Ahmed's performance in Sound Of Metal establishes the tone for the entire film, making the experience feel grounded and real. I appreciate how his outward, physical performance is very still, while his internal performance is frenetic, like there's a live wire in his head that he's trying to conceal from the world. His quietness leaves us with an uncertainty that feels like authentic; he's not going to tell us all the answers, because his character is figuring it out as he goes. Speaking of questions, I have a few about his band in the movie (before the hearing loss): Are they any good? What kind of living do they make? Is their cashflow net positive or negative? Are they considered successful (in whatever way you want to define that)? What is their ceiling, commercially and artistically? Are they one lucky break away from making it, or is it a lost cause? Most importantly, if Ahmed and fellow nominee LaKeith Stanfield (Judas And The Black Messiah) had a sad, doleful, wide-eyed staring contest, who would win?

Steven Yeun has been a recognizable face in film and TV (and a prolific voice actor) for a decade, but we haven't really seen him front and center until Minari. And after this bright, heartwarming turn, I think you can expect him to remain in the spotlight for the foreseeable future. His understated and remarkable performance carries this beautiful story of a family finding its path through a new way of life. Despite scant dialogue and minimal exposition, we seem to always know what his character is thinking -- that he's facing daunting odds but has a steel resolve. He and screen partner Yeri Han (who deserves as much credit as Yeun for this film) create one of the most tender crumbling marriages I've seen on screen in a long time. (Though a marriage counselor could have given his character some helpful "dos and don'ts" that might have saved him some headaches.)

What's more improbable, Mank's meandering, decades-long journey to the screen, or the fact that we're supposed to believe 63-year Gary Oldman as a man in his 30s and early 40s? Well, once his performance begins, it's so hammy that you forget all about the ridiculous age discrepancy. He's playing Herman Mankiewicz, whose bombastic writing and sozzled demeanor helped mold the script for Citizen Kane into the legend that it is. It's a bloviated, ostentatious, spectacular exhibition of affectation and panache that only Oldman could pull off. It's a lot of fun. (It must be exhausting to be his wife.) It’s as if Mank wrote the story of his own life... and gave himself the best part.

I'm naming Delroy Lindo for my snubbed choice, for his intense and crushing performance in Da 5 Bloods. I've been hoping he'd get an Oscar nomination for 20 years, and by all accounts, this was going to be his year. Even in the fall, after a slew of critics' awards, he was the odds-on favorite to win. So it was a disappointment that his name wasn't called when nominations were read. For now, he'll have to be content with being everyone's favorite never-nominated actor. (But here's to hoping The Harder They Fall is frickin' amazing, so he can end that drought next year.) There are plenty of honorable mentions this year: Adarsh Gourav (The White Tiger), Mads Mikkelsen (Another Round), and Kingsley Ben-Adir (One Night In Miami) come to mind. (By the way: How often do Kingsley Ben-Adir and Sir Ben Kingsley get each other's take-out orders switched?) But my runner-up is John David Washington (my snubbed pick two years ago), who undoubtedly became an A-List movie star in the past year… but not for the reason you think. Yes, Tenet was a blockbuster and the cinematic story of the summer, but he had special effects and storyline trickery supporting him. Instead, Malcolm And Marie is what stands out to me -- he has nothing but his performance (as abrasive as it is), and he still commands the screen and our attention. When he gets hold of a juicy monologue, he starts cooking… but when he starts dancing on the countertop? Look out.

BEST ACTRESS:

SHOULD WIN: Andra Day (The United States Vs. Billie Holiday) WILL WIN: Andra Day (The United States Vs. Billie Holiday) GLORIOUSLY OMITTED: Anya Taylor-Joy (Emma.) INGLORIOUSLY SNUBBED: Jessie Buckley (I'm Thinking of Ending Things)

Coming down to the wire, we've got a race where three women have a chance to win, and the favorite depends on who you ask and when you ask. Carey Mulligan, Viola Davis, and Andra Day have each won precursor awards, and seem to leapfrog each other daily. Mulligan has been picked by most prognosticators, with Davis right behind. But I'm going to put my untarnished reputation on the line and predict a long-shot upset for Day. (And when that doesn't happen, I'm going to say that I actually thought Mulligan or Davis were more likely.)

Maybe I'm picking Andra Day because she's also my personal favorite, for her star-making debut in The United States Vs. Billie Holiday. The movie itself is serviceable but not stellar (some of the scenes and dialogue are absurdly expository), but Day is an absolute dynamo as the Lady Day. The film is a fairly rounded picture of her life, including her drug abuse, health issues, singing the controversial-at-the-time civil-rights song "Strange Fruit", and an investigation by the U.S. government (hence the title) -- all of which is intriguing for those of us not familiar with her personal story. (I'm sure you'll be shocked to learn that, despite my curmudgeonly ways, I was not in fact alive in the 1940s.) Day has seemingly come out of nowhere, because there was no early hype about the film, and nobody even saw it until a few weeks ago (and even now, it hasn't been seen by nearly as many people as the other contenders). Known primarily as a singer before this (I'm a big fan), she literally transformed her voice (straining her vocal chords, taking up smoking) to capture Billie Holiday's unique vocals. The singing alone might be enough to get her a nomination, but it's the dramatic work that puts her ahead of the field. More than any other nominee, we really get the feeling that she's laying her soul bare onscreen. Even for a seasoned actress, the depth of this performance would be impressive. Her film doesn't have the popularity or momentum that Mulligan's or Davis's do, so she's heading into Oscar night as an underdog. But if voters judge the actresses strictly on performance, not on the movies themselves, she might just pull an upset. And, if you haven't heard Day sing outside this movie, do yourself a favor: Stop reading this article (you might want to do that anyway) and browse her catalogue -- she has the best voice of any contemporary singer, period. Forget Billie Eilish, why isn't Day singing the next James Bond song?

Carey Mulligan returns to the Oscar game for the first time in 11 years, for Promising Young Woman. (Is she bitter that her performance in An Education lost to Sandra Bullock in The Blind Side? Probably not as bitter as I am.) Promising Young Woman is getting a lot of attention and accolades, and much of it is due to Mulligan's strong turn as Cassandra, a woman on a revenge crusade that has taken over her life. It's a layered performance; we see a lot of Cassandra's facades, but we don't know if we ever see the real person. Her best friend's rape and subsequent suicide has left her stunted; by the time we meet Cassandra, she's literally and figuratively become someone else. As rough as it sounds, Mulligan is able to make it… well, 'fun' isn't the right word, but 'enjoyable'. We see Cassandra refusing to sit or be bullied; she has agency and kinetic energy in situations where many do not or cannot. Whether or not the film works rests largely on Mulligan's shoulders; it's a good thing she's such a talented actress, because not many could pull it off. The more people see the film, the more she's been picked to win the prize. Will she get enough support for a victory? (Ms. Bullock, you owe her a vote.)

Out of all the nominated performances this year, Viola Davis's is the most amusing. Playing the titular singer in Ma Rainey's Black Bottom, it's clear she's having blast. When she's onscreen, Davis owns every single inch of it. She doesn't just drink a bottle of Coke, she guzzles the whole thing with gusto and verve, serving notice that this is going to be the most entertaining consumption of soda you've ever seen. And so it is with the rest of the performance. (Though the lip-synching is not particularly believable; but then again, that didn't hurt Rami Malek in Bohemian Rhapsody.) It will be interesting to see what happens on Oscar night. She's been up and down in the predictions. She was down after losing the Golden Globe (it's taken us until now to realize the Globes are a waste of time??), but rebounded strongly with a Screen Actors Guild win. She is universally adored, but she's also won an Oscar already for Fences, so voters may not feel quite as compelled to give it to her overall.

And we haven't even talked about Frances McDormand in Nomadland yet. Early on, this category seemed like a sprint between McDormand and Davis. But when neither won the Golden Globe or Critics' Choice, it became anybody's race. As we near the end of the contest, McDormand has pretty clearly fallen toward the back. I don't think it's her performance; instead, she's been discounted due to her own victorious history. She's already got two Oscars (in 1997 for Fargo and 2018 for Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri); a third one would require extraordinary circumstances. By comparison, it took Meryl Streep 29 years (and a lot of Ls) after her second to get her third. But if McDormand hadn't just won for Three Billboards three years ago, I think she'd be a lock here; Nomadland may even be a superior performance. She's probably the only actor alive that could pull this off; if she gave up acting, this is how I assume she would be living in real life. It's remarkable how she internalizes everything, yet informs the viewer how she's feeling and what she's thinking with very few words, just her physicality. This project seems particularly challenging. Her character doesn't have the answers; she's searching, but she doesn't even know what for. "I'm not homeless. I'm just house-less. Not the same thing, right?" It's as if she's posing the question to herself, and she really doesn't know. She gets lonelier as the journey goes on, a sort-of self-imposed isolation, and the viewer really feels it. (What does she ultimately find? Well, that's one of the frustrating ambiguities of the film. Don't get me started.) No matter what happens in this category, what McDormand will find is Oscar gold: She's a producer on Nomadland, so she's a strong bet to walk away with a Best Picture statuette.

Saying Vanessa Kirby is the best thing in Pieces Of A Woman is a bit of a backhanded compliment. My distaste for the film was made pretty clear in the Best Picture section, and anybody acting opposite Shia LaBeouf is going to look like Streep. But Kirby is legitimately great, and I think a welcome surprise to those who know her from the Mission: Impossible and Fast & Furious franchises. (And how many fans of The Crown thought Kirby would beat Claire Foy to an Oscar nomination? Don't lie.) Kirby makes the most of her role as an unpleasant person in an unpleasant situation enduring a barrage of unpleasant events surrounded by really unpleasant people. (An infant tragedy is the least of their problems.) But ultimately the film fails her, and unfortunately I don't really believe what any character is doing in this movie. Her nomination has been bolstered by a whopper of an opening scene: a 24-minute single-shot of a childbirth that ends horrifically. But I can't help but feel like the shot comes off as gimmicky; the immediacy of the scene was effective, but the filmmakers seemed to choose stylistic camera movement and choreography over intimacy and realness. The scene may be emotionally truthful, but hoo-eey, Kirby is dialed up. (My personal favorite ridiculous scene? When she's on the subway, wistfully watching children giggling pleasantly and behaving like angels. Ahhh, seems so blissful. Have you ever taken kids on public transportation? They would be fighting, screaming, climbing over the seats, kicking her, throwing goldfish everywhere, getting yelled at by the parents, bumping into passengers, licking the handrails, wiping snot on seats, and saying inappropriate things to strangers. That's parenthood.)

When the movie gods decided to create a remake that would be the exact opposite of what I would like, they conjured up Emma.. (That's "Emma.", with a period at the end of the title. Seriously. It's a "period" piece. Get it?) Anya Taylor-Joy is undoubtedly talented, but she's a letdown as the fabled matchmaker. She also believes that she can bleed on cue. With regard to her climactic scene: "I was in the moment enough that my nose really started bleeding." Wow. No words. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but her performance actually makes me miss Gwyneth.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:

SHOULD WIN: LaKeith Stanfield (Judas And The Black Messiah) WILL WIN: Daniel Kaluuya (Judas And The Black Messiah) GLORIOUSLY OMITTED: Shia LaBeouf (Pieces Of A Woman) INGLORIOUSLY SNUBBED: Glynn Turman (Ma Rainey's Black Bottom)

Can you have a movie with two main characters but no leading actors? If you're wondering why the two stars (and title characters) of Judas And The Black Messiah -- LaKeith Stanfieldand Daniel Kaluuya -- are both competing in the Supporting Actor category, congratulations, you're a human on planet Earth. That's Oscar politics for you, and it's nothing new. They are both unquestionably leads; nevertheless, the shift to Supporting has worked out well for both of them. The assumption was that Stanfield would campaign in the Lead category and Kaluuya in Supporting so as not to cannibalize each other's votes, and to have Kaluuya (the stronger awards bet) compete in the less crowded category. (It's been clear for half a year that Chadwick Boseman would be winning Best Actor.) Stanfield was considered an unrealistic shot to crack the nominees anyway (he was probably 8th for Best Actor, behind Delroy Lindo (Da 5 Bloods) and Tahar Rahim (The Mauritanian)). So when the nominations were read, it was a pleasant shock that he had been slotted in the Supporting Actor category. (And wouldn't you rather have him here than Jared Leto?)

But won't they split the vote, resulting in the very problem they were trying to avoid in the first place? As it turns out, no. Judging from other major awards, voters had made up their minds for Kaluuya long ago, so any votes to support this film will likely go to Kaluuya. It's not hard to see why: As Black Panther leader Fred Hampton, he's dynamic, steely, and charismatic. It's very different -- more confident, self-assured and domineering -- than we've seen him in other roles, like Get Out. (This movie is a like a mini-reunion of Get Out. Dang, now I want a sequel to Get Out.) But I'll be the dissenter, and cast my personal vote for Stanfield. I'm conflicted; they're a close 1-2. But for me, Stanfield's role (as an FBI informant infiltrating the Panthers) has more facets to play, and Stanfield's signature tenderness brings me into the character more. Plus, he also has the bigger challenge: he has to play the Judas (a role he initially didn't want). Like another character actually says to Stanfield in the movie: "This guy deserves an Academy Award."

Leslie Odom Jr.'s quest for an EGOT (Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony) has hit a speed bump. Already armed with a G and a T, he was the presumptive favorite heading into the Golden Globes to collect more hardware, for playing singer Sam Cooke in One Night In Miami. But that was before anybody had seen Judas And The Black Messiah. As the lone acting nominee for Miami, he's got a lot of support from anyone looking to honor the film and its stellar cast. And as the singer, he gets to show off his lustrous Hamilton-honed pipes several times. In many ways, he's the most relatable character in Miami, the one that (despite Cooke's fame at the time) seems the most mortal. So though he'll lose Best Supporting Actor, fear not: He's the favorite to win Best Song, and keep the EGOT dream alive. (Unless… 12-time nominee Diane Warren finally gets the sympathy vote for her song for the little-seen The Life Ahead. Wait, you mean she didn't win for Mannequin's "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now"??)

Paul Raci is a fascinating nominee, for Sound of Metal. He was virtually unknown before this movie (best known as Eugene the Animal Control Guy on Parks And Recreation), but his background is intriguing. He's a Vietnam vet who started as a small theater actor in Chicago (he has a Jeff nomination!). With his upbringing as a hearing CODA (Child Of Deaf Adult), he's a frequent player in ASL theater and is the lead singer in an ASL metal band. (Am I the only one who was gotten CODA confused with ACOD (Adult Child Of Divorce)? Is there such a thing as ACODDA (Adult Child Of Deaf Divorced Adults)?) And in the understated role of Joe, who runs a facility for deaf people and serves as a guide for Riz Ahmed's character, he's fantastic. It literally seems like he's been preparing his whole life for the role, and it pays off. (Though upon further examination of his character… Joe seems like a benevolent, trustworthy guy with altruistic motivations, with a shelter focused on mental healing, addiction recovery, and self-sufficiency. But he also appears to foster an environment that isolates its members, severs contact with all loved ones, preys on those who are unstable to begin with, and convinces members that they will struggle if they leave the community. Ultimately Joe runs every aspect of members' lives, and in return expects unwavering devotion and complete submission to his methods. As soon as Ruben says one thing to challenge him, Joe accuses him of sounding like an addict, knowing it will trigger shame and self-doubt, in a clear effort to control his actions. Joe even slyly suggests that he personally knows how to reach heaven, "the kingdom of God". Is there a chance Joe is actually running a cult??)

They may have just picked a name out of a hat to see which member of The Trial Of The Chicago 7 ensemble would get an Oscar nomination (now these are all supporting actors), but however it happened, nomination day was a good day for Sacha Baron Cohen. (He also got a writing nod for Borat 2.) He is effective in the movie -- maybe the best of the bunch -- and it's a (slightly surprising) affirmation that he's a good actor in addition to being a talented performer. Is his performance actually worthy of an Oscar nomination? I'm fairly impressed (except for his I-love-you-too-man scene with the inert Eddie Redmayne, which plays cheap… but you can probably pin that one on Aaron Sorkin). But there are several other people I would have nominated over Cohen. For starters, my snubbed pick, Glynn Turman, is exceptional as a musician holding his own against Chadwick Boseman in Ma Rainey's Black Bottom. (It seems like just yesterday he was the colonel on A Different World, one of his 150+ acting credits.) Honorable mentions include 7-year-old Alan Kim (Minari), Clarke Peters (Da 5 Bloods), Charles Dance (Mank), and Arliss Howard (Mank).

Wow. Shia LaBeouf is not the only repellant part of Pieces Of A Woman, but he's probably the most repellant part. I'm sorry, but anything he does, or is involved in, instantly becomes less believable. At one point he seems to be trying to creepily make out with his wife… while she's actively pushing in labor. Then later, in a distressing "love" scene, he looks like someone who has never had consensual sex with a partner before; I know the film is going for emotional rawness, but it just looks like assault. Bottom line, I have no idea what he's doing in this movie. (And I guess I don't care what he's doing, as long as it's not another Indiana Jones movie.)

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS:

SHOULD WIN: Yuh-jung Youn (Minari) WILL WIN: Yuh-jung Youn (Minari) GLORIOUSLY OMITTED: Nicole Kidman (The Prom) INGLORIOUSLY SNUBBED: Ellen Burstyn (Pieces Of A Woman)

Oh, sweet revenge. Don't you just love a rematch? It was just two short years ago when Olivia Colman, in a flabbergasting upset, tearfully apologized to presumptive victor Glenn Close in her acceptance speech. (…Or did she condescendingly mock her? We can't be sure about anything in that speech.) Now they are both nominated again -- Colman for The Father, Close for Hillbilly Elegy -- and the bad blood between them couldn't be boiling hotter. Since there are no nominee lunches or in-person media parades this year, I'm assuming they drunk-Zoom each other at all hours and call one another every cruel British and American curse word in the book. Colman even reportedly tweeted, "Glenn, this will be your Hillbilly Elegy: You never won a dang Oscar." Nasty stuff, but nothing unusual during campaign season. Colman is facing a tough challenge (besides playing a woman whose father is in the grips dementia). Voters will be hard-pressed to hand her a victory again so soon (and without any losses). Additionally, she didn't even get nominated for a BAFTA award -- the British Oscar-equivalent -- on her home turf (and they nominate six actors in each category). (But, she would be quick to point out, Close didn't either.) All the talk around The Father is about Anthony Hopkins. Colman is facing extremely long odds.

Which seems to perfectly set up Close to swoop in for the kill. Six months ago, on paper this seemed like a slam dunk. The word was that Hillbilly Elegy featured two of the losing-est actors (Close and Amy Adams) in transformative roles in a heart-wrenching adaptation of a successful book. It was going to exorcise the demons for both of them. Then the movie debuted. And the response was lukewarm. But then the response to the response was harsh. People hated the movie, hated the performances, and hated the participants for shilling shameless Oscar bait. (If you think there's a different kind of Oscar bait, I'm afraid you haven't been paying attention.) The film was weirdly derided as political, and faced a sort of anti-Trump backlash (which I don't understand, considering the movie takes place in the 1990s and early 2010s, when Trump was just known for being an inept USFL football owner and a silly reality-TV host). Entertainment Weekly actually used these words in a single sentence to describe the film: "ham-handed", "smug", "Appalachian poverty porn", and "moralizing soap opera". (I guess people felt about this film the way I felt about A Star Is Born.) And no, the movie is not great; it fades soon after the credits roll. But Close is compelling; at the very least, she's working her tail off. (If you think she's just hamming it up in drag, stay tuned for the end-credits images of the real Mamaw. It's uncanny.) I think the voters really want her to win (but I thought the same thing two years ago). The question is: Do they want her to win for this movie? The answer increasingly seems to be No. The general feeling (which I agree with) is that the role feels a little lacking, and below Close's other lauded performances. People realize that if she wins, it may get dismissed as being a flimsy career-achievement award, which would tarnish it.

So, which one will claim victory this time, leaving the other groveling at her feet, Colman or Close? Neither, it turns out. In a shocking turn of events, Yuh-jung Youn has emerged as a favorite over both of them. (Fortunately, she's blocked Colman and Close on Zoom.) Calling Youn the heart of Minari would be trite. She is, but she's much more than that. She's the conduit for connection: to the children, between the parents, and to the audience. Before her arrival, it feels like there's something missing. (The young son has a heart condition, is constantly chugging Mountain Dew, and is hiding his wet underpants. And the dad thinks he doesn't need a babysitter?) It's when Youn enters the film that the film excels, and we start to feel like part of the family. She also challenges our (and her grandson's) ideas of what a grandmother is (including possibly having magical healing superpowers). A lot of people are looking for a way to reward this film, and this category is its best chance. Heck, even if voters only hear Youn's one line of English dialogue ("Ding-dong broken!" -- referring to her grandson's wiener), that could be enough to win.

Maybe the most curious nomination is for Maria Bakalova, starring in Borat Subsequent Moviefilm as the notorious Kazakh's daughter. A lot of things in the past year would have been impossible to predict, but an unknown Bulgarian actress stealing the spotlight and getting an Oscar nomination for a surprise-release Borat sequel would have to be near the top. And she's actually the only one in this category who's managed to score a nomination from every major organization. She won't win, but her performance (and memes) may live on the longest.

I must be missing something in Mank. (Granted, I haven't watched it the requisite four times in order to truly appreciate it, according to the Fincherists.) But I just don't understand what the fuss is about with Amanda Seyfried. She certainly plays her part well (as Marion Davies, the illicit love interest of William Randolph Hearst and the platonic love interest of Herman Mankiewicz), but I don't see how she elevates it or brings anything extraordinary to it. Her character plays a pivotal role in Citizen Kane (Davies was the inspiration for Kane's second wife), and I presume she's supposed to play a pivotal role in Mank's literary epiphany, but I fail to understand why. (Or maybe I failed to understand her Brooklyn accent.) But more than that, her narrative thread seems distressingly incomplete. She appears to be set up for a meaty final scene, but then her character simply exits, leaving Mankiewicz (and me) baffled. I've been more impressed by her work in other movies, like First Reformed. Of course, perhaps the most significant implication of Seyfried's nomination: Two of the Plastics now have Oscar nominations. (Gretchen, stop trying to make an Oscar nomination happen. It's not going to happen!)

Just in case there was any confusion, 88-year-old Ellen Burstyn is here to let us know she can still bring the thunder. Pieces Of A Woman is a mess, and her character is dubious, but she gets one powerhouse speech to shine and (somewhat) anchor the movie -- a declaration of strength, resilience, and survival. And she delivers a two-handed, rim-hanging, backboard-shattering jam. Oh, right, there's the woman who scored an Oscar, plus four other nominations, in a 9-year span in the 1970s. And who's been an Emmy fixture the past 15 years. And who has four more movies already in the works. Just another not-so-gentle reminder that she's one of the great actors of her generation. (Honorable Mentions go to The United States Vs. Billie Holiday's Da'Vine Joy Randolph, who continues her scene-stealing ways after Office Christmas Party and Dolemite Is My Name; and Dominique Fishback, whose performance adds emotional heft to Judas And The Black Messiah.)

BEST DIRECTOR:

SHOULD WIN: Chloé Zhao (Nomadland) WILL WIN: Chloé Zhao (Nomadland) GLORIOUSLY OMITTED: Ryan Murphy (The Prom) INGLORIOUSLY SNUBBED: Christopher Nolan (Tenet)

The second-most-certain thing this year is Chloé Zhao winning Best Director for Nomadland. She's dominated the narrative and the awards circuit this year; nobody else is close. In fact, she might win four Oscars, which would be a record for one person with a single film. (In 1954, Walt Disney was a quadruple winner for four different movies… but do short films really count?) Odds are that she'll win three, but if she wins Best Editing early in the night, the record will be hers. Historically joined at the hip, Best Director and Best Picture have surprisingly been split between different movies several times in recent years. The voters will align them this year, but I'm going to malign them. (Disalign? Unalign? Who am I kidding, I will malign them too.) As tepid as I am on Nomadland for Picture, Zhao is my Director choice. She is clearly a masterful artist and impressionistic storyteller. But more than that, she's able to conjure a mood and state of mind with her pseudo-documentary hybrid style. She gets us to feel what the character is feeling and put us right in the environment -- and makes it seem effortless. The film's long, languid takes allow us to breathe the air, drink in the scene, and live in the moment, unhurried. Zhao augments the nomadic quality of the film in every shot. But (oh, you knew there was a 'but'), on the down side, I also find the style to be a bit tedious and overdrawn at times. Because of my lack of investment, the film often struggles to keep my attention, or more accurately, my curiosity. And despite the film being touted as a tale of community and interconnectedness, it mostly suggests to me (via the main character) feelings of pain, loneliness, coldness, and sadness. But ultimately, I think those things speak more to the story than the directing. This will doubtless be a crowning a achievement for Zhao, but I'm more excited to see what the future will bring, and what she can do for a story that I'm invested in.

I was really close to picking Lee Isaac Chung for my Should Win, for his rich, captivating film, Minari. (Really close. You, the fortunate, insulated reader, will never truly know how much I agonize over this. Some suffer for art, I suffer for unsolicited criticism.) Honestly, I was tempted to give Chung a clean sweep of Picture, Director, and Screenplay; but instead I've opted to spread them around (I can play Academy politics all by myself). So many of the qualities of Zhao's film are present in Chung's film as well; his toolbox is just as full and varied. His quiet, atmospheric shots are unburdened by haste yet always nudging the story ahead. Chung draws us in, as another member of the Yi family, our hopes rising and falling with each challenge and trifle (and sexed chick) they face. There's a real confidence in his style; he knows how to best engage the audience for the specific journey. For me though, what I appreciate most is the warmth of his filmmaking; while the story has tribulations, the film itself is compassionate, never harsh or aggressive. That stands in stark contrast to Nomadland; the palette is one of the main things that sets them apart. Chung also scored points by showcasing the best accessory on the virtual Golden Globes telecast: a ridiculously adorable child. (Was that his own kid, or a rental? Only his publicist knows for sure.) Careful, I might accidentally talk myself into flipping my pick to Chung.

This was supposed to be his year. Goddammit, this was supposed to be his year! That was the sentiment from cinephiles all over the internet this year. Throw a rock in any direction and you'll hit a podcaster (and possibly me) ranting about how David Fincher was robbed in 2011 when he lost Best Director for The Social Network to Tom Hooper and The King's Speech. (Was the Academy justified? Since then, Fincher landed a third Oscar nomination, fourth Golden Globe nomination, and two Emmy wins; Hooper directed Cats.) In early winter, the pieces seemed to be lining up for a Fincher victory with Mank: a big, mainstream, Hollywood-y underdog story; an ode to the most revered film of all time, Citizen Kane; a scenery-chewing performance from beloved thesp Gary Oldman; a film that was more accessible (read: less weird and violent) than most of his other fare; and a passion project that he had been developing for decades, written by his late father. The only question was not whether the film could win all the Oscars, but whether it could cure pediatric cancer or pilot a rocket to Jupiter. But that was 2020… and we all know how that year went. Maybe it's the fatigue caused by the prolonged award campaign season, maybe it's the lack of theaters that would have showcased his visual marvel, or maybe it's the fact that the film didn't quiiiiiiite live up to the hype, but one thing is clear: Fincher is out of the race. I'll say what a lot of the other film snobs won't: This is probably not the film we want Fincher to win for anyway. We want him to win for something sharper, weirder, more incisive, and more upsetting; in short, something more Fincher-ish. Mank is fantastic, to be sure; and in (mostly) pulling it off, Fincher demonstrates his mastery of historical and contemporary cinema. But the hiccups are puzzling. The film is structured like Citizen Kane itself, which makes it at times equally difficult to engage in; but while Kane's flashbacks feel natural, a handful of Mank's feel shoehorned. The dialogue is in the style -- but not the pace -- of hard-boiled 1940s films, which alone is a recipe for difficult viewing; further peppering every retort with unnatural irony makes for wit but not necessarily comprehension. The Kane-esque echo effect doesn't help; neither do subtitles. (I tried.) While it turns out that it's not supposed to be his Oscar year after all, I commend Fincher on an effort like this -- the singular vision, the vigor, the risk -- even when I don't necessarily love the movie or connect with it. We need his art, we need his beautiful mess. (But next time maybe throw in a grisly murder, perverted romance, or crippling heartbreak… and acquire a charming child for the awards telecast.)

Emerald Fennell impressively scored a nomination for her first feature film, Promising Young Woman, an inventive genre-mashup of a Rape Revenge movie -- a new spin on a 1970s grindhouse staple. Like a lot of people, I don't quite know what to make of the movie (I don't think I've ever actually seen a Rape Revenge movie… though I've seen plenty of Dognapping Revenge movies). It's a film that could go badly a thousand different ways, but Fennell makes choices that keep it fresh and thoroughly watchable. The primary word that comes to mind is 'subversive'. From the candy coloring to the pop music to the meet-cute to the campy suspense, she toys with convention at every turn (in some cases more effectively than others). Even the support casting -- the kooky, on-the-nose (or 180-flipped) cameos spice up the movie, but also tend to undermine it and give it a B-movie vibe. (Do we really need Jennifer Coolidge and Max Greenfield doing what they do best, but not as well as they usually do it? Probably not. Do they make me chuckle? Yes.) The result is an oddly entertaining movie on a subject that is anything but. The patina of playfulness is helpful; if it was an avalanche of distressing, horrifying scenes, it could be a tortuous watch. All in all, it might be the most enjoyable Rape Revenge movie you'll ever see.

Perhaps the biggest surprise nominee in any category is Thomas Vinterberg, for the Danish film Another Round. (The lion's share of the Oscar buzz had been for star Mads Mikkelsen; the film is also up for Best International film.) This movie is in the grand tradition of celebrating alcohol because excessive drinking is awesome. And the Academy has recognized Vinterberg because he has so astutely captured how booze is a tasty balm for every wound -- an ancient and failsafe key to enlightenment and inner peace. Wait, what's that? I'm sorry… I'm being told that this movie is actually a cautionary tale. Hmmm. I guess I should have watched it sober. In light of that, I suppose the film is an interesting examination of middle-aged ennui and the tendency to overlook that which is right in front of you. (Anyone that has gotten this far in the article knows exactly what ennui is, and should have overlooked what was right in front of them.) It's also an unintentionally apt allegory for pandemic life: When it started, we began drinking a bit at home, enjoying Zoom happy hours, and generally having a good time; pretty soon we were day-drinking out of sheer boredom, trying to teach our home-schooled kids long division while buzzed, and it got very sad and depressing; now we're all pretty much ready to jump off the pier. In general, I like the film (though I prefer my mid-life drinking crises more in the mold of Old School), but the story and arc are fairly telegraphed. You mean their problems can't be fixed by increased alcohol consumption? The more you drink, the harder it is to control? Drinking at work as a teacher around minors might go awry? Instead of booze, have they tried rest, exercise, healthy eating, or appreciating the good things in their lives? (Who I am kidding, those are a waste of time.) Ultimately, there are several directors I would have chosen over Vinterberg (Christopher Nolan for Tenet, George C. Wolfe for Ma Rainey's Black Bottom, and Florian Zeller for The Father come to mind), but it's interesting to see the continuing trend of nominating non-American filmmakers in this category, as the Directors' branch of the Academy becomes increasingly international.

I want to talk about the ending of Another Round for a moment. If you didn't see the movie (and I'm betting you didn't), just skip this paragraph. Most of the reviews I've read online interpret the ending as a hopeful, happy one. I think that's crazy. The ending is a Trojan horse. It looks joyful, but just underneath lies tragedy: The trio resume drinking after they've seemingly hit rock bottom and lost their best friend to booze; they believe they're in control and having a good time when really they're spiraling into chaos; they think they've found a balance, when they're actually sliding endlessly further into alcoholism. They don't realize that they cannot enjoy life sober. I think one of the reasons why I like the movie so much is that it masks that ending as a "happy" one, much the way a drinker would see it when they don't realize there's a problem. The ending is denial. A lot of people have seen the final scene as uplifting and life-affirming (even Vinterberg seems to say this in interviews, which is puzzling), that the friends have come to terms with their drinking, and have found a way to drink in moderation and still invigorate their lives and celebrate the small things. I don't understand that take at all. I would buy it if they had found a way to celebrate life while sober. Instead, I think it's the surest sign that they are destroying their lives, because they don't even realize it's happening. It's the 'darkest timeline'. They ask themselves the wrong question, "What would Tommy do?", instead of "What would Tommy want us to do?", and we know exactly what Tommy would do because we see him drink himself to death. Martin has gotten a reconciliatory text from his wife, but just as he's about to go to her, he instead joins the party, quickly gets plastered, and literally goes off the deep end. What's truly heartbreaking is seeing that they've (gleefully and unknowingly) perpetuated the cycle, having encouraged the next generation to drink in order to cope and be "awakened to life". I think there are hints in the final song lyrics ("What a Life") and the movie's poster (the image of Mikkelsen recklessly chugging champagne in a blurry stupor is from the final scene). To me, the seemingly exuberant ending is a fallacy… and utterly tragic.

In a surprise move that everyone saw coming, I'm naming Christopher Nolan as my Snubbed choice, for his twisty, backwards-y spectacle, Tenet. Did I understand the movie? Of course. Oh, you didn't? Dummy.

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY:

SHOULD WIN: Derek Cianfrance, Abraham Marder, Darius Marder (Sound Of Metal) WILL WIN: Emerald Fennell (Promising Young Woman) GLORIOUSLY OMITTED: Aaron Abrams, Brendan Gall (The Lovebirds) INGLORIOUSLY SNUBBED: Sam Levinson (Malcolm And Marie)

Did his name have to be Ryan? No, that wasn't my biggest takeaway from the script for Emerald Fennell's Promising Young Woman. But it was a big one. As Carey Mulligan's chances fade a bit, Screenplay is the movie's strongest chance to strike gold, making a strong run in the precursory awards. The ending of the film has been pretty divisive, but I like that it's completely unexpected. Maybe it's contrived, but it's what makes the movie memorable for me, and separates it from other revenge thrillers. Or maybe it's inevitable, given the themes of the movie and the character pursuing her mission past the point of no return. Either way, did his name have to be Ryan? Unless Fennell's role (she's an actress, too) as Camilla Parker Bowles on The Crown accidentally embroils her in recent royal family controversies, she should be collecting this award on Oscar night.

Most of the praise for Sound Of Metal has been specifically for its sound design. But it starts with the script (written by director Darius Marder, along with Derek Cianfrance and Abraham Marder), which is the blueprint for the sound and experience of the movie. And it's my pick (by a hair) for best screenplay of the year. It has -- hey, whaddya know! -- an actual narrative, with a main character who has an objective and opposition. It's always impressive to me when a story has very little I can directly relate to, but it still manages to resonate, and strikes a tone that feels real. I also appreciate the skill in the writing -- it's minimalistic, yet thorough in the ways that matter. The film doesn't explain a lot or give us much exposition -- it doesn't lean on voice-over, window characters, or monologues. It's quiet. Which may seem obvious considering it's about a man losing his hearing, but even the man himself and the real world he lives in have a muted vibe (despite his mind being anything but calm). The film has also been lauded for its authentic portrayal of deaf people… but not for its authentic portrayal of audiologists. (I mean, how bad is Ruben's audiologist consultation, that he is in no way prepared for how things would sound after getting cochlear implants? I get more information from my dentist when getting a cavity filled.) Also: What does metal sound like? I still don't know.

Aaron Sorkin would seem like the obvious pick here, for The Trial Of The Chicago 7. It's the kind of sonorous, social-consciousness word-porn we've come to love and expect from him. But he's already got an Oscar (though most people assume he has three), and the fight-the-system theme isn't exactly unique to his script this year. Not surprisingly, the movie feels like a mash-up of The West Wing and A Few Good Men, complete with humorous exchanges of smug cleverness, heart-warming declarations of overly-simplified principle, and his own trademark Sorkin-esque version of facts. Sure, the story of the Chicago 7 is intriguing, but would I rather watch a movie about a Chicago 7-Eleven? It's tempting…

I've previously talked about the reasons I appreciated Minari so much (written by director Lee Isaac Chung). A lot of the sweetness of the film is present in the screenplay. He cleverly tells much of the story through the eyes of a 7-year-old boy, so it's told less fact-by-fact, and more through the filter of a child's memory. (Chung based the screenplay somewhat on his own experiences growing up.) Charming as it is, I can't help but view it through the filter of a parent's anxiety: 1) Is moving across the country to live in a small town where you don't know anyone, living in a trailer, and starting a farm with zero experience the best way to solve marital problems? 2) One of the main promotional photos for the movie is a of the little boy holding a stick. Am I crazy, or is that the same stick that the father was going to use to beat the boy when he disobeyed? Did the marketing person keep their job after that? 3) The friend's deadbeat dad leaves the kids alone overnight, presumably out carousing and drinking, then shows up at breakfast hammered, saying, "Tell your mom I was here all night." How many times can you get away with that? 4) When the boy cuts his foot, is it bad that I did not think of the wound or his safety, but about the blood getting on the carpet? 5) Why aren't these kids in school??

Perhaps the script (and movie) with the biggest head of steam coming into awards night is Judas And The Black Messiah, a late entry that has been picking up acolytes left and right. The film has been lauded for its approach to the story of Black Panther leader Fred Hampton -- by telling it as a gritty, 70s-style, cat-and-mouse thriller, from the perspective of the FBI informant sent to help stop him. Director Shaka King (who wrote the script with Will Berson, based on ideas from the Lucas Brothers) has said that structure, instead of a more traditional biopic style, helped get it made by a studio. Despite the inevitability of the ending, the dramatic conflict and ferocity of the performances make for a satisfyingly tense ride.

This is going to come back to bite me, but my snubbed pick is Malcolm And Marie (or, as it should have been called, Things You Shouldn't Say To Your Girlfriend At 2 AM When You're Drunk And She's In A Bad Mood). It's like a really long Bad Idea Jeans commercial. Now, I'm not necessarily recommending this movie. You should know that most critics and regular people hate it. It's two hours of a couple arguing. It's a rough ride. It's indulgent, overwrought, and well, chock-full of mental and emotional abuse. But (stay with me here), if you can get past all that, those elements have a purpose, and there is a point to the film. I think the key is that it's not intended to be literal. It's allegorical for how we talk to ourselves -- the internal conflict we have, when we wrestle with ideas that are hard to reconcile. It's also lyrical; there's an elegance in how the characters spew eloquent vitriol at each other and rhapsodize (okay, rant) about some opinions that seem dead-on and others that seem wildly inaccurate. In some ways, the words seem like the most important thing; but in other ways, I think the movie could work as a silent film. (Either way, it's inventive: It was the first major film to shoot completely during the pandemic, so it takes place in a single home, with 2 actors, in more-or-less real time.) Writer/director Sam Levinson poses interesting questions about storytelling and authorship: Sure, write what you know; but also, and maybe more interestingly, try to write (and learn) about what you don't know. (Case in point: I don’t really have any experience or expertise about the Oscars, yet here I am.) Levinson has gotten a lot of criticism for what appears to be his point of view. I think that's fair, but I also disagree. I believe it's a bit of a misdirection. I think he believes in both sides of the argument; he's been the irrational, emotional one, and the cool, calculating one. The characters are halves to a whole. There's also the frustration with how the couple end up. The film is ambiguous, but audiences seem to think they stay together. I think the girlfriend actually decides before the movie starts that she's leaving him, and this is their breakup. That's why she lets him say all the horrible things he does, because she knows he has to get it out -- it affirms what she already knows, and reinforces her decision. Did I sell you on the movie yet? No? Well, how about this: It's the best autobiographical movie that Burton and Taylor never made.

As an honorable mention, it would have been a nice story had Mank been nominated here, as it was written by David Fincher's father, Jack Fincher, over two decades ago. The elder Fincher was a life-long newspaper man, who had an affinity for 1930s/1940s cinema, a strong knowledge of Herman Mankiewicz, and a fascination with a famously-dissenting Pauline Kael article that disparaged Orson Welles's contributions to the Citizen Kane screenplay. David Fincher had hoped to get his passion project off the ground in the 90s, but hasn't been able to until now. A nomination would have been a touching tribute to his father, who died in 2003. (Another interesting connection: John Mankiewicz, Herman Mankiewicz's grandson, was an executive producer on David Fincher's House Of Cards.) Despite my frustrations with the overall movie, the script is slick, and analyzes some intriguing inside-the-snowglobe aspects of Citizen Kane. It's a crackling, showy piece that jauntily goes out of its way to flaunt its writerliness. (For you keen-eyed writers out there, you'll notice I just made up the word 'writerliness'.) It doesn’t necessarily require you to believe that Citizen Kane is the greatest film ever made, but a healthy sense of awe doesn’t hurt. (It also helps to have a working knowledge of the film's lore, pre-WWII Hollywood, and 1930s -- or some would say, 2020s -- California politics.) The script simultaneously adores and gives a middle finger to Hollywood. Isn’t that what art is supposed to do? (That's not a rhetorical question. I'm actually asking if art is supposed to do that. Because I don't know.)

I've picked The Lovebirds as my Gloriously Omitted choice, not because it's a bad movie, but because it's a missed opportunity. It should have been amazing. The premise, the trailer, the choice of leads, and the chemistry are all fantastic, and set lofty expectations. But the movie itself is just… underwhelming. Maybe hopes were too high, but it's not as clever, tight, or funny as I wanted it to be. The problem isn't the actors -- Issa Rae truly holds the screen, and Kumail Nanjiani is naturally funny (though his character doesn't stray far from previous ones). I think it's the script (from Aaron Abrams and Brendan Gall), which feels rushed and half-baked, like a collection of sketch ideas. It's as if the screenplay left chunks blank, with a note saying, "The actors will figure out something funny on set." For these actors, I'd rather see a taut thriller story, and let them imbue it with humor and humanity. Or better yet, let Rae and Nanjiani write it themselves next time.

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY:

SHOULD WIN: Christopher Hampton, Florian Zeller (The Father) WILL WIN: Chloé Zhao (Nomadland) GLORIOUSLY OMITTED: Jane Goldman, Joe Shrapnel, Anna Waterhouse (Rebecca) INGLORIOUSLY SNUBBED: Ruben Santiago-Hudson (Ma Rainey's Black Bottom)

Adapted Screenplay is going to get swept up in the Nomadland tidal wave on Oscar night, but to me it's probably the film's weakest element. I've talked about my lack of connection to the story. I understand the opinion that it's resonant, but is it revelatory? I can certainly see how it would strike a stronger chord during the pandemic, when we are all isolated; it makes the main character's loneliness feel more real. We've all been living in Nomadland, and whether it's David Strathairn shattering our favorite plates, or our kids shattering our iPad, we're just about at wit's end. But Chloé Zhao's script also plays up the theme of community and interconnectedness, and I didn't really feel that. The main character seems to be closing herself off from connection (though the ending suggests a change that we never actually get to see). A red flag is a movie description that says, "It asks more questions than it answers." Ugh, that's tough. For me, narrative is king. I understand that the movie is literally about a drifter with no plan, and the structure of the film is supposed to make you feel unmoored, but a little plot direction would be nice. Then there's the emotional climax, when Bob the Nomad Guru comes to the rescue to explain the whole theme. He tells Frances McDormand (but really, us) that he gets through grief by helping other people: "For a long time, every day was, How can I be alive on this earth when he’s not? And I didn’t have an answer. But I realized I could honor him by serving people. It gives me a reason to go through the day. Some days that's all I've got." Hmmm, where I have I seen that exact sentiment expressed before? Oh yeah, an award-winning short film called Through The Trees. (Available now, for free on YouTube.)

Dementia Mystery Thriller… is that a movie genre? Well, it might be, after success of The Father (written by Christopher Hampton and Florian Zeller, adapted from Zeller's Tony-winning play). "Exciting" is hardly the word I would use to describe the horrible crumbling of the mind that is dementia, but in this movie, it weirdly fits. The film has a way of presenting the disorder in a unique manner, that goes a long way in conveying the helplessness and frustration of the victim. With copycat movies inevitable, I can almost see Christopher Nolan's version now: Demento, where a mumbling Tom Hardy (unrecognizable under heavy old-man makeup) kills his caregiver twice because he can't remember if he already killed her… or her identical twin. The big twist comes when he discovers whether he killed them in the past, or in the future, or if he's remembering the memory of someone else who killed them. The scenes of the movie play in a different random order every time, and the only score is the constant deafening sound of the old man's heartbeat. Marion Cotillard plays the twins -- apparently the only females in the universe -- using whatever accent she feels like, because she has limited, unrealistic dialogue, and has no compelling story or agency, or any useful traits for an actress whatsoever. Hardy's son may or may not be a British crime lord or an undercover MI6 agent, played by Michael Caine (digitally de-aged to look the age that Hardy actually is). An emaciated Christian Bale, who manages to lose 3 inches of height for the role, makes a cameo as Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Revolutionary practical effects include a life-size recreation of Westminster Abbey inside a zero-gravity chamber, for one massively-complicated but forgettable 5-second shot. It will only cost $723 million, and will go straight to HBO Max. I will name it the best film of 2022.

I may be picking The Father, but I'm rooting for The White Tiger, written and directed by Ramin Bahrani. Set in India in the recent past, it's a striking, chilling tale of what men may be willing to do (or forced to do) to escape poverty. Bahrani constructs a fiery examination of themes that never get old: power vs. agency, freedom vs. choice, complicity vs. culpability. His script uses a lot of devices that shouldn't work: excessive, expository voice-over; explicitly-stated metaphors; speaking directly to the audience; and on-the-nose correlations to current times. But the story and acting are strong enough to make these feel integral. Given the themes and foreign setting, it has the misfortune (or great fortune) of being an easy comparison to Parasite, last year's Oscar grand prize winner. But I find The White Tiger far more accessible and scrutable than Parasite (maybe partly due to the devices I mentioned). A win here would be a welcome surprise. By the way, Bahrani's first Oscar nomination is an interesting footnote to Hollywood lore: In the 2014 Roger Ebert documentary Life Itself, we learn that Ebert was given a legendary token by Laura Dern -- a puzzle that had been passed on from several film icons, with the understanding that each would pass it on to someone truly deserving. Dern had gotten it from revered acting teacher Lee Strasberg, and it originated when Alfred Hitchcock gave it to Marilyn Monroe years before. And now Ebert was giving it to Bahrani. 60 years of movie history, from Hitchcock to Bahrani, and into the future. (Good thing it's not at my house, we would have lost several pieces by now.)

Four of the most famous and popular men in the country walk into a bar… so shouldn't the patrons be freaking out more? One Night In Miami plays out a very intriguing hypothetical scenario: When Malcolm X, Muhammad Ali, Jim Brown, and Sam Cooke all met one night in 1964, what did they talk about? The compelling script (by Kemp Powers, based on his own play) and naturalistic direction (by Regina King) make for a highly enjoyable think-piece and character study. It's a daunting task, to say the least: Not only are they representing extremely visible and important figures, but two of the actors (Kingsley Ben-Adir as Malcolm X, Eli Goree as Ali) are reprising roles already played by Oscar-nominated performers (Denzel Washington, Will Smith) who may be more famous than the actual figures themselves. I guess my hang-up (besides the horrendous Johnny Carson impersonation) is, what are the stakes? Historically, we know the stakes for these four people, in the larger context of their lives and the civil rights movement. But in the film itself, in that single night, for these specific characterizations, what are the stakes? What are they each looking for that evening? I think the movie doesn't fully address this, structurally. Ultimately, due to their fame, we know where the characters' lives go from here -- how it "ends". While that makes it interesting culturally, it feels like it puts a ceiling on the movie in a way, like it's holding something back. With these outsized characters, plot-wise, I wanted a little bit more.

Released in October with almost no warning, Borat Subsequent Moviefilm either single-handedly swung the presidential election, or had no absolutely no impact whatsoever, depending on who you ask. It's a rare feat for an original movie and its sequel to both score Oscar nominations for screenplay; I can't think of another time it's ever happened for a comedy. The fact that it's even under consideration -- given its improvisational nature and whopping nine (nine!) screenwriters (I'm not going to name them all, I'm trying to keep this article brief) -- is fairly astonishing. Even more baffling still, it's been placed in the Adapted category instead of Original. (Pesky Academy rules: Any sequel is automatically defined as an adaptation of the original.) The movie itself is unfortunately a shell of the unrelentingly funny original (Sacha Baron Cohen looks more like a middle-aged man doing a mediocre Borat impression at this point). When the big night arrives, the film will either single-handedly swing the Oscar vote, or have absolutely no impact whatsoever, depending on who you ask.

One of the biggest surprises on nomination day was the exclusion of Ma Rainey's Black Bottom from Best Picture and Best Adapted Screenplay, assumed to be a lock in both categories. It was even thought to contend with Nomadland in this category (it would have gotten my vote, had they asked me). I think it was diminished by the perception of being a fairly straight recreation of August Wilson's play, which is a shame. The film version (written by Ruben Santiago-Hudson) makes wonderful use of the physical space, the confinement, the claustrophobia. And I'd say the movie feels more like an album than a play -- a collection of "songs" (monologues, exchanges, and actual songs), each with its own rhythm, beat, lyrics, and theme, but coming together as a cohesive piece. The composition is effective; it draws you in the way the best albums do, and challenges your brain to think one thing while your heart feels something else. (My only complaint is that I wanted more of Viola Davis and Chadwick Boseman together! Their personalities are electric, and their personas overtake the room. Their conflict is brief (it mostly flows over to conflicts with other characters), and I really wanted to see them alone, head-to-head and unbridled. I realize their distance is purposeful, and important thematically, but damn, it could have been a showdown for the ages. Just another reason to wonder… What might have been?)

The remake of Rebecca was written by a few people, including Joe Shrapnel, whose name may have been a bad harbinger for what was to become of this script. Keep it simple: Please leave Hitchcock alone.

#oscars #oscarpredictions #oscarpredictions2021 #oscarprognostication2021 #donovansoscarprognostication2021 #oscars2021 #academyawards #academyaward

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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Do you have a pair of Beat headphones? I used to have a pair. I mean it’s still around in my closet, but it’s completely broken now with the cable all given out and the cushion for the left ear has been missing for a while. I just don’t have the heart to throw it out because it was my absolute favorite pair of headphones that gave me good memories during a particularly shitty time in high school.

How was your week? A little better. I’ve gotten into the groove at work so I’m no longer shy when it comes to asking questions and giving inputs, and I’ve gained a better grasp of the workplace’s dynamic so it’s also been easier to communicate with people. Heavy life stuff is still around and it won’t be leaving for a while, but they were easier to ignore this week.

Are any of your electronics not working properly at the moment? Not really, but my phone’s charger cable recently stopped working. I have a backup that I’m using at the moment and while it’s able to charge my phone, it’s starting to fray and I’m not feeling too good about the wires that I’m starting to see hahaha. I just don’t know how to take care of my cables, guys. Anyway, this question made me paranoid so I took a few minutes to wrap a shit ton of electrical tape on the frayed area so I think it’s all good for now.

Are you excited to pick out your wedding dress one day? I like thinking about my wedding but I truthfully dread the wedding gown part. I’ve never been able to decide what look and style suits me best and I’ve just never been good at determining things like that. I like to imagine that I’d leave that bit to whoever my maid of honor will be, because I’d definitely prize a second opinion more than my own.

When was the last time you felt relieved? Yesterday, 6 PM when I exited the last Google Meet for the day. It was a Friday night and it meant my work week was over :)) I mean I love what I do, but Friday nights will always hit differently.

Does it bother you when an artist remakes a song that one has previously done? I wouldn’t say it bothers me but covers are definitely a hit or miss for me, with way more misses than hits. Nothing wrong with acts putting their own spin on an already existing song, but I’m personally the “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” type when it comes to music.

What brand of chapstick do you use? I don’t use any mainly because I’m bound to lose them within a week. Same goes for other care products.

Do you really think someone could be perfect? No. Everyone has their flaws and that should be okay to acknowledge.

When was the last time you cried? Wednesday, I think. It’s been three days! I’d count that as an achievement. But idk, my sadness comes in waves so I shouldn’t be celebrating too early. I’m sure I’ll feel a pang soon and be crying again over the weekend.

What’s a food that you like every once in awhile but not often? Cake. Too sweet and rich; I wouldn’t enjoy eating it every day. What letter is the song you’re listening to under? Not listening to music, but I have a YouTube video on.

Would you rather visit the 60s or 70s? 60s would be the lesser evil, I guess. I would NOT want to live through Martial Law in the 70s...I originally wasn’t even going to go with 60s because I think the world was a bit chaotic at the time, but I think my country was mostly unaffected by the political/cultural things happening then so it’s whatever.

Are you the type of person that enjoys getting hugs? I don’t actively seek them out but it feels nice when someone likes me enough to extend their arms out to me for a hug. I haven’t been hugged for a while and I feel kinda empty.

Do your socks say anything on them? I think some of my socks have the brand name on them but that’s it.

Name a TV channel that only has three letters in it. AMC.

Have you found out who your true friends are? For now, yes.

Gray or Grey? I use both spellings for no particular context. I simply like changing it up lol.

Will you be buying concert tickets any time soon? LOL of course not. And I’m very picky when it comes to concerts that I choose to attend anyway, so I doubt I would’ve bought any tickets in the last six months even without Covid unless it was for Paramore or Beyoncé.

Have you seen the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower? Did you like it? Nope, but everyone was hyping that movie up when it came out. It never really looked like my thing < Yeah pretty much. I feel like it’s such a teenage-y movie so I was never drawn to it. I also think it would be too triggering for my depression, so I’ve felt wary about checking both book and movie out.

Is there something you’d fall apart if you didn’t have? One of my biggest fears is to end up alone, so I always have to have some form of a support system to fall back into. I would be very lost if I didn’t have at least one person to rely on.

How many weddings have you been to? I can think of four off the top of my head. I was either a flower girl or a junior bridesmaid for all of those.

When you smile, are you confident? Most times I am; I like to smile. But sometimes I smile just to fake it and avoid any questions.

Have you ever not done something because you were afraid of getting in trouble? Yesss, all the time. I’ve always been all about following the rules and I’ve never seen the appeal in breaking them. That makes me sound boring but at least I’ve never gotten in serious trouble lol.

Was the weather beautiful today? For me it is, but only because I like the rain and cloudy weather. Others might find it bleak and sad, but I feel right at home.

Do you have to have a fan on when you sleep? Yeah, all year long.

Would you rather have an orange, red or gray bedroom? If I had my dream modern/brutalist home, grey would be soooo fucking perfect for the bedroom.

Would you ever dye part of your hair blue? I’m open to it, but I don’t think it’ll be a good match for my black hair as both are darker shades as it is. If I could dye my hair I’d pick lighter colors like green or even go all the way to blonde.

Have you ever gone to a private school? Yeah, from kindergarten all the way to high school. Private schools here typically give a better quality of education and they don’t give off the for-lazy-spoiled-kids vibe that I always hear from private schools in other countries, which makes them the norm for middle and upper-middle class families.

Is Finding Nemo a favorite movie of yours? I have other favorite animated movies, but that doesn’t stop me from loving Finding Nemo. :) I would always tune in for the whole thing if it were on.

Does/Did your school have a uniform? I had to wear one in my first school, but I didn’t need one for college.

Turn on the TV. What channel are you on? No TV where I am. I think my parents are watching a movie on their TV, but it’s on Netflix rather than a channel.

Does your house have security cameras? It does not.

Does a popsicle sound good right now? Eh, I guess it sounds fine but I’d rather have a pint of ice cream. I think that fits better with the weather and the mood that I’m in today.

What’s your favorite exercise workout? My weight training class last year was a lot of fun. I always felt dead after every session haha but I definitely felt healthier. I wish the semester had gone on longer just for that one class.

What’s your favorite thing to do? Lol I love doing many different things < Same lmao this question is so vague??? My favorite thing to do these days is binge-watch Rhett and Link content, but I like doing so many other things too.

What did you do for your 17th birthday? I was with Gabie that day and we went to a local art museum, as well as to a restaurant that she had wanted to take me to.

Does your local Walmart have benches in them to rest? We don’t have Walmarts.

Was your favorite stuffed animal really a teddy bear growing up? I never had stuffed animals. Well I was given a few of them as gifts, but I was never into them and they always ended up being owned by my sister.

If your house was haunted, what would you do? Not even think about it. Just show them that I couldn’t care less, lol.

Are you good at swimming? I can do a few strokes and am pretty good at treading, but I'm prone to panic-kicking when I can tell that the water is too deep.

What’s worse: Slow internet or slow walkers? Slow internet is such a pain in the ass. Shouldn’t even have to be an issue in 2020 anymore.

What is the rudest thing a guy has ever done to you? Cat-called, whistled at, winked at, lunged at. One good thing about this lockdown is that I haven’t had to deal with men as much as I used to. Do you sleep with the sheets tucked in or out? Well I only have one layer of bedsheet and it’s the one that covers up the mattress, so it’s tucked in by default. I have a blanket to cover me up when I’m cold.

What do you do to fall asleep faster? I find a few videos to watch as that tends to make me feel sleepy the quickest.

Do you carry a bottle of water wherever you go? I used to have a tumbler/water bottle in college but I forgot it at the gym one day and when I came back for it, somebody already stole it :( It was such a handy water bottle because it kept my water cold all day, so it sucks that I lost it. I’m planning to buy the same model again soon.

Are you afraid that one day you might get cancer? It doesn’t really run in my family save for one grand-aunt who had cancer, so I’m not too worried. But I’ve accepted the fact that it is at least a possibility.

Are you a fast or slow walker? I like being in the middle. Slow walkers are annoying so I try not to be one, and walking fast just reminds me of my mom and how quickly she walks at malls when she’s supposed to be spending time with her family lol.

Do you usually have to wear a belt with your pants? No. They all fit me just fine.

Does it bother you when people’s underwear hangs out? Eghhh, it really does. I know it shouldn’t but it really does. I just feel like it’s so invasive and it gives me a lot of secondhand embarassment.

Are you usually the person to try new things with your hair? Not really. I like staying safe with my hair. The most daring thing I’ve done with it is get bangs tbh, and I don’t plan on going any further than that.

When’s your birthday? April 21st.

What age do you look forward to reaching? I don’t feel that way about any age. Whenever I reach ultimate satisfaction and security will be a good enough age for me.

Name a state that begins with the letter M. Minnesota.

What’s the first thing you do after a car accident? Think about how to tell my parents. D:

What do you use to get rid of bad breath? Brush my teeth, drink water.

What exercise do you hate the most? Pull-ups.

What do you do at a party? Drink, socialize, tell stories, eat allllllll the food ha.

#survey #surveys

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homecoms-blog · 4 years

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annaaugustphoto · 3 years

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Chapter 2: Tuesday, May 14th, 7pm... 9pm.

[MAY14 – 7PM]

(Alex Basketball Court In Apartment)

“I still can’t believe you setup a freakin’ basketball court in your apartment.”

Micah took another terrible shot and hit nothing but… rim.

“Yea dude, I know. Sick right?”

Micah’s friend took a shot… nothing but… net.

Quick backstory, Micah’s friend’s name is Alex. He sometimes went by A.J. Although, he also had been known to respond to Mr. Jones, depending on who was calling him. Mr. Jones was a nickname he gave to himself from his favorite song of all time “Mr. Jones” by a band named The Counting Crows, you’ve probably heard of them—Alex mostly just liked the song “Mr. Jones” because his middle name was Jones, but additionally, the music was catchy, and it made for a good karaoke song choice, Alex isn’t exactly the kind of guy who’s big on deep meanings in things, if you know what I mean—His full proper name is Alex Jones Footman. Micah and Alex go way back. The two of them met at a summer sports camp in Maine when they were kids. Alex was absolutely amazing at sports—and Micah was absolutely terrible. For some unknown reason Alex always made it a point to pick Micah for his teammate, turning what could have been a truly terrible summer camp experience into a not so bad one. Micah felt forever in debt to him for that.

Micah walked up to the net and looked behind the backboard. He pushed his face flush against the wall and spoke in a muffled voice back to his friend standing behind him, he talked as if he were trying to reach a distant stranded small animal stuck between the walls, or, like when you’re halfway behind a couch trying to plug a charger into an electrical outlet that you can just barely reach. “Dude, how on earth did you mount this? Did you just screw the backboard right into the wall?”

“Yea dude. Just went to the hardware store and picked up a few supplies. I printed out some make your own instructions from online. It was cake bro.” He took a few more shots in a row from various angles making every single one before tossing the ball to Micah.

“You are such an idiot. You know you’re not getting your security deposit back, right?” Micah took another terrible shot and missed entirely.

“Totally worth it.”

The two shot hoops for a while and in-between watched a basketball game. Every now and then they would share a few snippets of conversation.

Alex threw the ball into the air above his head and caught it again from his sitting position on the couch. He got up bounced the ball once then took a shot. Nothing but net, yet again. He picked up the ball and turned to face Micah.

“Catch!”

He tossed the ball in Micah’s direction. Mr. not paying attention caught the basketball with the side of his face. Micah let out a loud yelp. Alex nearly fell over laughing, “Oh shit! Bro are you ok?”

“Yeah I’m fine. “ Micah mumbled while rubbing the side of his head and keeping his eyes staring down towards his lap. “What the heck was that for?”

“I’m so sorry dude! I thought you would see me throw the ball! What are you doing anyways? Checking your phone. You’re always on your phone.”

“Yeah.” Micah said in a distracted distant voice. “Us IT nerds like our phones.”

“Let me guess, you’re either reading work emails, or you’re on that stupid dating site again.”

“It’s one of those things.” Micah stayed in his same distracted tone.

“Dude, you need to go out with me one time. I’ll be your wingman. I’ll help you score big time!”

“Sure, okay. Sounds good.” He continued to scroll and type on the phone, distracted.

Alex sighed and plopped back down onto the couch, ”So what happened with that girl you were talking to on that dating site?”

“Which one?”

“The last one? I don’t know, the red head?”

“She disabled her account today.” Micah put his phone back into his pocket. “I’m kind of annoyed. She sent me a message just last night about how she was supposed to volunteer in the city this weekend. Then I logged in today at work to message her back and her profile was in disabled state. It’s so annoying.”

“Maybe she found someone else dude. You gotta pounce on that as soon as you can bro. You gotta just get in there and get on that. Don’t wait too long.”

“Okay, I mean fine maybe she did find someone else. But I’m saying it’s rude.. We’d been talking for a few weeks—“

“WEEKS!?!?! Whoa, whoa, whoa bro! What did I just tell you? Pounce.”

Alex made a cat like motion with his hands.

“Well, I didn’t want to scare her away by seeming too forward. It’s… You don’t want to come off as creepy or weird or desperate—So I’ve read. Anyway, it doesn’t matter now. I can’t ask for her number, she’s long gone. It just seems rude though. I spent all that time and effort putting thought into typing those messages. And then she just disables her account without an explanation! It’s just… rude.”

“I guess. That’s your view of things. Maybe she doesn’t see it that way.”

Micah fell silent. He didn’t care to continue this conversation. It was pointless. What was the point? Once someone was gone from your life, they were gone. That was it. That was that.

They returned their attention to the game.

Alex and Micah slouched side by side on the small green couch in front of the large screen flat panel TV perched precariously on a very small Ikea coffee table with one busted and then patched up leg. The coffee table was placed so that the wall supported half the weight of it��you know, so that it wouldn’t fall over.

Alex and Micah were both fairly tall guys. Alex, an even six feet and Micah was just shy at five foot eleven inches. Though they were almost the same height, their bodies were vastly different. Micah was a lanky tall. He had the artsy look. That’s what most people told him at least. He wasn’t sure how a T-shirt and jeans look qualified as “artsy” but he always seemed to take the compliment. Better than “IT nerd”. His friend Alex was a slick and suave muscular build that made him appear as though he worked out constantly, which he did, which is why he had that look. Suddenly the game cut to a commercial.

“Commercial break, name and, go!”

“Now?”

“Now isn’t a name.”

“I’m not in the mood.”

“This is exactly why we need to play!” Alex chided.

“Fineeee”

“Fine isn’t a name either.”

Micah punched Alex in the shoulder.

“Ouch dude. What the heck? You know I’m just messing with you. I figured you needed some cheering up since you got digitally dumped today and all.”

The Fake Name Game, or Fake Name Go, or sometimes name and go, or just Go as they more commonly referred to it, was a game that Micah learned at summer camp with Alex. Him and Alex used to play it while shooting basketball during free time almost every day and almost every summer they were at camp together. The game basically entails the following: One person starts by asking the other to fabricate some sort of name that is not their own. Using a friend or family member name is also not generally allowed.

It’s up to the person who initiated the fake name request to grill the other person until they finally crack and the lie is exposed.

Sometimes the fake name game is short lived. Other times, it can go on for quite some time. This particular game lasted exactly the same amount of time that the commercial break did, what are the odds?

“So what happened with you and Jen?”

“Which one?” Alex asked getting up off the couch and picking up the basketball to shoot some more. He took a shot just as one of the players on the TV took a shot.

“Seriously? I don’t know dude, the one you were with last time we talked.”

“We broke up, kinda. We’re still talking every so often”

“And by talking you mean…”

“Yep. She can talk ALL night. If you know what I mean. She’s got a way with words. But the sound of her voice is the most annoying thing I’ve ever heard. How about you bro? Besides bad luck on the dating sites. You getting your…”

“—I’ve… I’ve got nothing.” Micah stared out the open window at the glowing Pour House sign down the street.

Micah got up from couch and picked up a spare basketball. Alex had half a dozen sitting in various spots around his apartment; think hidden Easter eggs when you were a little kid. Oversized Easter eggs that look like basket balls, because they are basket balls. Micah took a shot and missed entirely.

“Micah, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you should just give up.”

“Give up? Really?”

“Yeah you haven’t made a basket yet bro.”

“Oh. You mean basketball. I’ll consider your suggestion.“ He tossed the ball to Alex. “See I have one theory that most of the girls that sign up for dating sites are just window-shopping. They don’t actually want to take anything home. They just want to try it on… see how it fits.”

“And that’s a problem why?” Alex took a shot and hit nothing but net. “My guess is this… they recently broke up with a guy… they bad mouth him to all their friends. But she secretly still wants him. The friends—buying all the bad mouthing—suggest signing up for a dating site to ‘get over’ him. I’m sure tons of girls have that scenario.”

“And how would you know that?”

“That’s what my last ex-girlfriend did after I broke up with her. Who knows, you probably even chatted with her on that site. It’s funny how small the world can be.” Alex took another shot and finally missed.

[MAY 14 – 9PM]

(Anna Edits and Daydreams)

Anna took another bite of the pizza that she had stopped and picked up after her phone call with her mom. It was cold by now. She’d been working for 3 hours straight. She placed the pizza slice back on the plate next to her computer monitor and peered into the glowing rectangle in front of her. The computer screen, a virtual photograph, displayed the latest lucky couple to claim each other forever and ever. Another happily ever after.

“So pretty,” She whispered half to herself and half to her cat sitting on her lap.

Another beautiful and happy bride, that wasn’t her, taunted her from the computer screen. A mix of emotions flowed through her. She felt jealous, very jealous. Then she felt angry. The anger melted into sadness and finally a longing. There’s got to be someone out there for her she thought. She bit her bottom lip and drifted off into daydream.

She began to imagine herself in place of the bride in front of her on the screen. The photo was—for all intents and purposes—perfect: newly wed bride and husband out on the dance floor. The DJ announcing “Can we get the newly weds out on the dance floor? Just the newly weds… everyone else please take a seat. This dance is for the lucky Mr. and Mrs. only”.

The lucky Mr. and Misses danced away. The idea of true love consumed her. In her mind she swayed in his arms. The song was slow. The dance was everything, perfect. Everything was perfect.

Anna let her heart overtake her mind. She felt a wave of intense emotion sweep over her, a yearning for a love story, her love story. The daydream became so vivid and so real. It was as if she could actually picture herself dancing before of all the wide-eyed onlooker-wedding guests glued to their seats. Not a single guest’s attention strayed. No uneaten remaining piece of cake was stabbed at with a fork and consumed instead of watching the newlywed’s dance. No candid photograph was taken with the disposable tabletop cameras. All eyes were on the couple silhouetted by the lights on the dance floor.

The music filled her mind and her heart. The music played on and she danced away.

The screensaver kicked in and brought her back to reality. Her playlist on the computer music player application continued on. Well, daydream over I guess. She looked down at her cat and noticed he was staring back at her as if to say “What about me? I love you!”

She sighed and closed the open picture.

“Someday” she whispered to herself.

Simon changed his look to ‘Fine, I see how it is’.

Simon is Anna’s cat. Entirely grey without a single hair of fur anything but gray. It was fitting. He was wise beyond his cat years. Like a wise old man in cat form. With gray hair covering his entire body. That meant he was extra wise? He always knew the right thing to say back to his owner, even in his own little cat body language.

He was probably just saying: feed me, or perhaps pet me; but his owner, Anna, interpreted it as I understand exactly how you feel and I’m completely empathetic to your cause. At that point he would put a paw on her hand and look her in the eyes to convey the meaning “stay strong.” At least, that’s the way she saw it. He was really just putting his paw on her hand to say “please pet me?” Either way it was a win-win! Anna always felt better and Simon got his way. I mean, what do actual intentions really matter if the outcome is good? Right? Right.

Anna looked down at Simon and then leaned over to hug him in close. He acted like he wasn’t into it, but he totally was. He let out a small meow to signify she should follow up with a little scratching behind the left ear. Anna complied. As she sat with a purring cat on her lap she thought about love or the lack thereof and if she would ever find someone.

Okay, so, quick backstory, Anna was pretty in her teens. I mean, she drove all the boys wild in school. They would stare at her in math class and drool. But she just wasn’t interested in any of them. They were all a bunch of buffoons—Especially at that age. She was interested in… a refined man—A man with grace and chivalry—A man that would take her hand and hold the door for her; and mostly wouldn’t drool. Really, they would drool, this is not an exaggeration of the truth, this really happened on more than one occasion in both middle and high school. Of course, when she arrived at college she put herself entirely into her studies. She just didn’t have time for boys. Sure she had a few come and go but they were just slightly older versions of the same boys from high school. Well, that’s not entirely true.

She had a very big crush on this one. He turned out to be gay. And then she had a relationship with another one that was only a relationship when his friends weren’t around. And, finally, there was… Sigh… Oh what does it matter, it’s over and done with.

After college with the stress of trying to find a job and dealing with life in general she lost her hourglass figure that all the guys seemed to care about. I mean, she wasn’t exactly skinny before but she was fairly fit. It’s not that she didn’t workout. She works out, she gets up every morning and goes on a run—Okay, fine, nearly every morning, look, what are you the running police? Anyway, her body just decided that it wanted to do something other than what she had imagined in her mind. It’s not that she’s out of shape at all. She’s perfectly in shape. She’s just not the shape that any of the guys she seems to meet seem to want. Again, Anna gets up “every” morning, in fact, to go on a run. She doesn’t always go on the run, but she gets up every morning, so that counts. Sometimes she goes on another one at night even! Or, a first run if the first run didn’t happen. Although, if she has a lot of work sometimes, she skips the second run. Like tonight, she skipped the second one as well, and got pizza instead. But most nights and mornings… okay, most nights, she goes on a run. Look, she goes on runs, she’s doing a couch to 5K… It’s called a couch to 5K for a reason, because you’re supposed to include the couch part, that’s where you start. So, she’s starting with the couch part, okay, running police… back off, the 5K part will happen eventually. And, so, sure she orders a pizza or eats a bowl of ice cream every now and then but who doesn’t? Okay running police? And you know what, she even goes to the local YMCA to use the pool once a week, or, every other week. What are you the swimming police too? No, you’re not because there are no swimming police, there’s lifeguards and they tell you not to run. See, running police, this is why she wasn’t running, she was just trying to listen to the lifeguard. Sometimes there’s too many people telling you conflicting things, run, don’t run. I mean which is it!? Anyway…

She was pretty. No, she still IS pretty. And she’ll find someone. She’ll find her gentleman. She’ll find a guy that will treat her with respect and not demand she eat a stick of celery for all three meals.

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fox-household · 6 years

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Act 3: A Fellow Science Enthusiast, Chapter 1

Alright, here we are again, this one isn’t very long compared to how long it took to post this, also not to much happens action wise, so sorry about that. Anyway hope you enjoy the content, I’ll add links later because I am a tired individual. Also since I haven’t done this for a while, I figure I should add it again. Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters technically, they’re from AU’s I don’t own but they are also changed from they’re source, they only mimic the AU in backstory. Liberties have been taken for entertainment purposes as this is fan fiction basically and you can find the original non-changed and non-RP version of them by looking them up in google or something. FIRST, PREVIOUS, NEXT, INFO

The skeleton scratched the side of his head with a finger stressfully, he was feeling the fear rise, and flashing red lights weren’t helping. Warning signals everywhere trying to warn him of ‘’Danger Imminent’’, even appearing in large red letters on the small screen, flashing away. ‘’Damn it I already know, just let me think’’, his mind was feeling cluttered with all the background noises and images, he had to cool down the core of the device before it exploded. Dropping the device on the table near the window he ran over towards the couch in front of the TV, where lots of tools were scattered, some on the floor, some on the couch and some in the crevices between cushions. Without checking which of them he was picking up, he quickly put together three different screwdrivers in his hands and ran back to the device, which he could feel heating up as he picked it up. He turned the device over and quickly jammed one of the three screwdrivers in a screw, trying to twist but finding it had no grip as the screwdriver didn’t fit, ‘’C’mon!!’’ he yelled as he threw it away and tried again with the second one, but it was only a repeat and another one went flying. The skeleton’s breathing was getting faster as panic was taking over, ‘’This better be it’’. With a shaky hand he inserted the third screwdriver, a smile appearing as he got it to fit in and start turning. A few rushed turns later the screw fell out, and another and another until finally the back of the device came off, which he was thankful for as it’s weight was starting to take a toll on his weary bones. ‘’Alright, we’re close, just got to move this wire over there…’’, he spoke to himself as he pulled out a yellow wire and plugged it into a different socket, and then completely removed a green wire from its socket, and then suddenly all the red flashing and loud warning signs stop, he turned it over to find a black screen. The skeleton let out a nervous laugh as he relaxed slightly, ‘’Heh good thing th-‘’ Suddenly a quick succession of beeps came out of the device and his eyes widened, ‘’Oh sh-‘’. Then suddenly an explosion erupted, and the only sound that was heard was a BOOM and shattered glass.

‘’God damn it Sci, here we are again’’. The skeleton sighed, he was currently sitting in his landlord’s office at her desk, watching the rabbit monster pace back and forwards over and over again, ‘’Sorry Brenda, didn’t really expect that to happen you know?’’ Brenda gave a frustrated growl towards him, ‘’Yeah, you never do, always build first, worry about OH&S later, how the hell didn’t you see this coming with an explosion like that, you took out your whole apartment.’’ Sci scratched the back of his head nervously, looking guilty, it really didn’t help that his clothes and face were black from the smoke and ash, ‘’Well uh the device was just something simple I created, I didn’t even think it was capable of such um damage.’’ She suddenly gave him a very angry and intense stare that caused him to physically gulp, he never liked being up against this look, it never bode well for him. ‘’Oh really? You didn’t think it had the capability? What the fuck were you making?!’’ He looked nervous, ‘’Um well… perhaps a… toaster?’’ ‘’Sci you better not be screwing with me!’’ He shook his head now, ‘’N-no it’s true, but not an ordinary toaster, one that uses thirty different scanners and few… other things that connect directly to a screen to give you instantaneous feedback on how well it’s cooked so it would be perfect for whoever uses it.’’ Brenda raised an eye brow at him, watching his expression and noticing the slight hesitation which gave her a theory, ‘’You know, I may not look it, but I’m smarter than the average bear. There is no way you could’ve made an explosion that badly with a simple electrical device, what else did you put in there?’’ This caused some panic on the skeleton, ‘’Uh just some other things to make it regulate temperature, especially in the core of it all…’’. ‘’Let me guess, a bunch of chemicals that aren’t completely safe… you got them from the lab, didn’t you?’’ His sudden frozen look was all the confirmation she needed, ‘’You weren’t meant to take these specific ones, were you?’’ ‘’N-no I’m sorry, yeah I used some things I shouldn’t have… but it’ll be ok right?’’ With this Brenda went silent and sighed, almost twenty awkward seconds of silence passed, ‘’I’m sorry too Sci, but I’m going to have to evict you.’’ ‘’What?! But… you can’t do that.’’ She nodded and crossed her arms, her expression had grown a lot softer now, which almost worried him more. ‘’It’s the only way, you can’t keep this up.’’ ‘’But it’s never been this bad before, this was my first big major issue, right?’’ he said as a growing worry was showing his voice. ‘’That’s the problem, it’s only escalating, it could get so much worse.’’ ‘’Can’t the company just pay for this repair?’’ ‘’Yeah they will, but after this there is no way they’re going to keep funding your accommodation and even then your stunts are making me lose customers, I can’t afford going out of business’’, she sighed once more, and gave Sci a look, showing that she didn’t want to have to do this. ‘’Is there anyway I can make it up to you, one more way to get a last chance?’’, he said pleadingly. ‘’No…honestly Sci I like you, I like you quite a lot, you’ve helped out a ton with your expertise and you’re a good friend, which is why you’ve stayed this long… and also why I’m going to falsify the report to your workplace, so you can keep your damn job. But I can’t keep it going on like this, I’m sorry, I want you to understand it’s not easy for me to make a decision like this’’. Sci nodded in acceptance, she was right, this was actually going to happen, he’d stuffed it up and he was going to have to accept the consequences. ‘’I… I understand, sorry, I’ll get what’s left of my stuff tonight and leave.’’ ‘’Do you need any help, I’ve got some friends who might take you in temporarily?’’, but the skeleton shook his head and took out his phone. ‘’No, but thanks for the offer. I’ll be good from here’’, he offered her a kind smile, ‘’No hard feelings here’’. She shook her head with a faint smile, ‘’No hard feelings here either, just stay safe, one of these days I swear, you’re gonna get worse than scorch marks.’’ She chuckled as she drew a line through the ash on his cheek, she then looked at her finger before rubbing it on her pants. ‘’If you need anything, you call me alright?’’ Sci nodded, ‘’You to, especially if something of yours goes toast’’. Brenda shook her head at the pun as he headed to the exit door, ‘’You know I’m gonna take you up on that offer, right?’’ The skeleton nodded with a slight laugh, ‘’Yeah of course, got a friend’s deal for you, about 5 grand per item I reckon’’. With this the rabbit monster rolled her eyes and gave him the middle finger before leaving. Sci now left alone in the dark office, he looked at his phone and went down the contact list. No not his Paps, he couldn’t move out of home and move back in, plus with him having disappeared for… quite a while, he had learned to become much more independent without him, although it was good for Paps to mature. His Alphys was overseas working on something, maybe it would’ve been a good idea if he went with her, can’t very well keep her from here, not easily anyway. ‘’Grillby might be…’’ Sci’s mind flashed to the shit he was going to get from his counterpart there and without even giving time for his mind to think any other thought, he moved the contacts down a few more people before he came across another Alphys, Glitch to be precise. ‘’Heh, maybe she’ll help out, hopefully I won’t be to much of a bother, although knowing her, she’ll probably fake being ok with it anyway’’. With that he pressed the call button, and listened to rhythmic rings, waiting for someone to pick up.

Sci stood outside the front gate, a concerned expression as he wondered if this house could even support another person living in it, surely even an extra bone of his was going to cause the whole place to come down, let alone himself and the two suitcases he brought with him. ‘’Well I guess I can’t talk, my old place is a little worse off now’’. That thought pushing him on, he chuckled as he opened the gate and walked towards the front door, hearing the creaking of the wooden porch. The skeleton started to feel some form of weird feeling inside his soul, as if he was starting to feel ill in the gut, but he couldn’t work out why, perhaps it was butterflies in his stomach, he had nothing to worry about, nothing to fear, it was just Alphys after all. Bone made contact with the door and a loud knock was made in the hope of gaining the attention of the house’s resident, and it wasn’t long before he knew it had done it’s intended purpose as he heard very fast footsteps, Alphys must either be very excited or very nervous, he instantly assumed the latter. Sci’s expression suddenly turned taken aback and confused and obviously his greeter noticed as a giggle came from the goat child in front of the skeleton. A few silent seconds passed before Asgore spoke, ‘’Heh, it’s nice to see you to Sci, how you doing’’? Sci shook his head and gave a curious smile, this was a bit different than he was expecting, ‘’Oh sorry, nice to see you as well, it’s been a while… what are you doing here? It’s getting a bit late, didn’t realise you two were close enough to have sleep overs’’. Asgore shook his head with a grin as he was obviously expecting this reaction, ‘’I’m um actually living here’’ ‘’L-living here?! Permanently? Gaster was ok with that?’’ Sci did the skeleton equivalent of an eyebrow raise as he wondered what the hell could’ve caused a situation like this, but he couldn’t complain, the more the merrier, and he enjoyed Asgore’s company at least. ‘’Yeah it’s all good, I’ve been living here for about a… a week huh? A week really goes by quick. Anyway yeah, so I guess we’ll be housemates for a while!’’, the goat child seemed to be quite happy as he moved out of the way of the door to let Sci in, an opportunity he took quickly, closing the door behind him. ‘’Well I guess you’ll be able to show me around since you’re experienced with the place’’, the skeleton said as he put down his stuff next to the front door, he would put it away later. The kid started to lead the guest to the kitchen, ‘’Well I’ll leave that to Alphys, she seemed incredibly excited to have you over.’’ Sci scratched back of his head with a nervous laugh, ‘’Really? That’s not what I was expecting… that’s nice I suppose.’’ ‘’Yeah, I think she really wanted to show off the small lab she has in the basement, I don’t think showing it to me had the effect she desired, most of it went over my head’’, Asgore chuckled as he got out a pot and started to fill it with water under the sink tap. ‘’Oh, I see, I’m actually interested in checking that out now, I wonder what she managed to fit inside? Speaking of her, where is she at the moment?’’ Asgore thought for a second before responding, ‘’She’s out getting dinner, think we’re just having some chicken and stuff? Can’t quite remember’’. He grinned, the kid was glad that Alphys wasn’t here right now, otherwise she would’ve insisted on serving the tea because she was their host, but it was his turn and he was going to deliver a good impression with this. Asgore moved the half full put over to the stove and turned the gas on, and in an action that frightened Sci for a second, he stuck his paw into the stove and then suddenly there was fire. The goat quickly pulled his hand out before it got to hot for him and turned to Sci, seeing a bigger smile appear on the skeleton filled with curiosity, ‘’Been learning some new tricks kid?’’ Asgore gave a slightly proud smile, not that he felt he had much to be proud about, ‘’Uh yeah, I’ve umm been practising this…’’, He raised his paw up and after a couple of seconds of concentration, light blue flames danced around it, like his paw was a match. ‘’Looking very nice, seems a little… familiar though.’’ Asgore gave a shy smile, ‘’Yeah we did think that as well, can’t give you a reason why though, but it’s cooler than orange… anyways there’s not much to be super impressed with, I can’t throw it and it’s not the hottest thing in the world, no where near Tori or anything.’’ Sci shrugged, ‘’Hey I’m sure you’ll get there kid, just keep working on it and soon enough you’ll be flinging fire like the best of them… flinging safely of course’’. The two of them gave small laughs as Asgore opened a packet of Golden Flower Tea, preparing for use. Sci gave a small sigh and then seemed to start examining Asgore, before finally resting on a joking grin. ‘’Guess you’re starting to grow up, aren’t you? Although… I don’t think you’ve got any taller.’’ Asgore crossed his arms and glared at Sci, ‘’People change greatly over two years and one of those great changes is my height. The Asgore you knew probably was a midget compared to me!’’ Sci laughed and shrugged, he was aware people change over large amounts of time, he knew better than most. Also, while he was mostly just trying to tease the boy, he honestly couldn’t really see much of a difference, perhaps he was just unobservant. Before Sci could try and give Asgore another fun verbal jab, the two of them turned as they heard the front door open and the goat gave a smile, ‘’Hey Al, he’s here!’’

’’Well at least this guy might actually be helpful, we don’t need another freeloader’’, Alphys sighed as the voice already started to complain, although it didn’t bring her down whatsoever, ‘’Asgore is a welcome addition to this place, ok?’’. The voice made a noise to show they didn’t care about arguing anymore, and she was fine with that. The lizard put her shopping bags next the her new guests suitcases and then sped walked to the kitchen swiftly, a big smile on her face as she entered, ‘’Hey Sci, W-welcome!!’’. Sci smiled as Alphys came over and hugged him, he returned the favour with his arms, although he still felt a little awkward doing it. She moved back and the two guys both noticed she seemed fidgety, although it was obviously more of an excited happy fidgety rather than one from pure nervousness, although that temporarily disappeared as she gave a squinty look at Asgore, and he gave back a slightly guilty shrug, ‘’The Golden Flower Tea’s already out Al, I got this one, leave the greeting tea to me’’. Alphys’ expression returned to what it was before as she turned back to Sci, ‘’S-sorry I uh wasn’t h-here when you a-arrived, but I g-got dinner, going to try and c-cook some ch-chicken and-‘’ ‘’It’s alright Al, glad to see you, how’re you?’’ Alphys was tapping her hands together, a nervous smile appearing, ‘’Oh uh I-I’m fine, j-just h-happy th-that you made it, I’m uh g-going to make sure y-you’re comfortable and such…,’’ She seemed to sweat slightly as she seemed to have some sort of realisation, ‘’Oh g-gosh s-sorry, I’m b-being a real suck u-up aren’t I? J-just make y-yourself at home, d-do whatever y-you want’’. The shy monster looked a little confused as Asgore and Sci shared a look and a grin before turning back to her, they seemed to have some mutual thought that made her a little worried. ‘’Hey Al, is there anything you want to do?’’, Sci gave a knowing smile and suddenly Alphys seemed to get super nervous, ‘’Oh uh n-nothing, I’m h-happy t-to just ummm chill and stuff…?’’ Asgore now decided to pitch in, a similar grin to the skeleton appearing, ‘’Are you sure you don’t want give Sci a tour of the place… perhaps somewhere in particular?’’ Suddenly the lizard realised what they meant and she proceeded to give Asgore another small glare before looking up at Sci, her hands balled up in front of her face and the fidgeting got a little more intense, ‘’Ok ummm I-I could sh-sh-show you… uh only i-if you w-want, n-no need to umm… feel p-pressure or anything, y-you don’t n-need to e-even w-‘’ Sci decided it was best to interrupt before she had a verbal implosion, ‘’Yes Alphys, I would like to see your lab, right now if you wish’’. She stared up at him for a few seconds as he simply gave her a nod. Before in almost in an instant, Alphys grabbed Sci’s hand and dragged him off quickly out of the room, Asgore was certain if he’d blinked, he would’ve thought the two of them had disappeared into the very thin air that was left before them.

#glitchtale alphys #quantumtale asgore #science sans #fox household #undertale

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twenty-nothing · 3 years

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OneHundredSixtyOne

On Saturdays, I like to… hang out with a friend and go to lunch

Where would you like to be a missionary to? No where

What’s better — toilet paper rolled over top or underneath? Over the top

Which Scooby-Doo character are you most like (Scooby, Shaggy, Daphne, Fred, Velma, the monster, Scrappy?) No idea, I didn’t really watch Scooby-Doo

If you had to endure one natural disaster (i.e. hurricane, tornado, etc), what would you pick and why? A blizzard. I already live in an area that gets A LOT of snow during the winter. Natural disasters scare me because you can lose your house and everything you own. So at least a blizzard sucks and might lose electricity but you will keep your home and everything in it.

What movie or TV show do you take guilty pleasure in watching? Any of “The Real Housewives”

If you had to describe your day as a traffic sign, what would it be? Green

What traditional stereotype would you classify yourself as? Prep

What “group” did you belong to in high school? Cheerleader

If you wrote a book about yourself…what would it be about? My life

If your house were burning down, what would you take and why? My dog, phone, laptop and my favorite sweaters and blankets

Describe your favorite pair of PJ’s. Soft sweatpants with lightweight baggy tshirt

How many handbags do you own? A few crossovers

If this were your last day alive, what would you say to your friends? I’d tell them I love them and was so glad I met them

What is your very favorite part of your day? Leaving work lol

What is your best scar? Tell the story of how you got it. LMAO I have a scar in the middle of my left forearm because I got a pen cap stuck in my cast when I was 13 years old. Old enough to know not to stick a pen, cap side down in your cast to itch it lol

You win a million dollars, but you have to give half to a charity. Which charity do you pick, and what do you do with the rest of the money? I would have to do a ton of research before I choose the right charity to make sure the money doesn’t go to the CEO’s like they usually do. The rets would pay off my student loans, my parents house and put the rest in savings

Describe your dream wedding where money is no option. I’d get the most sparkly dress I can find, Somewhere overlooking a waterfall in the fall, amazing plated dinner and fresh flowers ending with a fireworks show

What kind of deodorant do you use? Dove

If you were a spy what would your alias be? No idea

Do you have a birthmark? Where? Does it look like anything? Yes, just a brown large dot in the middle of my thigh

You are planning the most awesome dinner party of your life. Which 3 celebrities/historical figures (past or present) would you add to your guest list to keep the dinner talk interesting? Gordon Ramsay, Sandra Bullock, Harrison Ford

What is your favorite sport, and which team of that sport do you cheer for? Hockey. Syracuse Crunch, local team. Need to find a good NHL team to root for

Which would you rather have a kiss or a hug? Why? From someone I’m dating, a kiss. Everyone else a hug, but I rather not hug lol

If you could be a pair of jeans what style would you be? Why? Ripped skinny jeans. The best ones lol

You have multiple personalities, describe some of them. A bitch

What is the best thing you have done in your life? I can’t think of anything...

If you were blind for the rest of your life… what would you miss seeing the most? Fall foilage

What household chore do you hate the most? Dishes

What is your most disappointing moment in life? Seeing how long it would take me to pay off my loans after only going to a community college, made me wish I never went

When have you laughed the hardest? Cried? I’ve been laughing the hardest with Elaine at work, I cry the hardest when I think about any part of my life...

If you had a “theme song” that played whenever you walk into a room full of people, what would it be? I dont know, I’m awful trying to think of shit like that

What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Smile

What time period from the past would you most have liked to live in and why? the ‘50s. Just seems like an easier time. No technology really and just seems like a nicer time.

What is the best reward anyone can give you? Gifts

If you had a band what would you name it? No idea

Do you like fruit? Vegetables? Both!

What can someone do to encourage you? Show me encouragement by showing up for me

If you could be one for just 24 hours, what cereal box cartoon character would you be? Why? lmao who the fuck knows

What was the best thing that happened to you this weekend? The steak I had at Longhorn was PERFECT and amazing!

What is your favorite animal? List three adjectives to explain your choice. Koala. Grey, Cute, Small

What is your favorite color? List three adjectives to explain your choice. Mint. Cool, Relaxing, Pretty

It’s a very hot and muggy day. You desperately want something very cool and refreshing to quench your thirst and revitalize your body. What would you drink — either make your own or store-bought. Ice cold lemon water

You discover that the person you’re head-over-heels interested in loves a good homemade & handmade dessert. What will you concoct when you have this person over? Chocolate chip brownies

What would you leave in your will for the person you care about the most?

Everything

What do you consider to the most valuable thing you own: when you were a child/teenager/now? I don’t own anything really valuable

What’s the kindest act you have ever seen done? Just people giving back and being selfless

If you could have any job in the world, which one would you want? Forensic Accountant

What are your best/worst subjects in school and what subjects would you want to learn now? Best was science and worst was math, I’d love to learn all about history from start to now!

What are you most talented at? Nothing lol

What is your worst nightmare today? Lose my job

How often do you clean between your toes? Every time I shower

What is your favorite way to waste time at work without getting caught? Incognito internet lol

If you could have had the starring role in one film already made, which movie would you pick? Mean Girls

If you were to perform in the circus, what would you do? The ones that fly and flip in the air

If you could eliminate one thing you do each day in the bathroom so that you never had to do it again, what would it be? If it didn’t affect my health, brush my teeth lol

You were just given a yacht. What would you name it? Dreamer

If you could have been told one thing that you weren’t told when you were a teenager, what would you like to have heard? Really research what you want to major in, look up the jobs in the market that relate to that major, what do you really need? An associates or bachelors?

You’ve just been hired to a promotions position at Kellog Co. What would you put in a new breakfast cereal box as a gimmick? Coupons for free cereal

Just like “Everybody Wang Chung tonight!”, what action would your name be if it were a verb? What the fuck???

Name your favorite song. Right now it is Santa Baby because its like 4 days til Christmas lol

#random #short #long #survey #courtneyhelene

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allenmendezsr · 4 years

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thefatfeministwitch · 7 years

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Black cats and witches go together like newt’s eyes and cauldrons! The black cat has been following in the footsteps of their witchy master for as long as anyone can remember, and it’s no wonder. Cats are mysterious, agile, cunning, and vicious hunters. Cats get what they want and always land on all fours no matter what. The power and worship of cats goes back to ancient Egypt and to the goddess Bast, the mother of all cats. Bast was the goddess of love, sexuality, fertility and music. She was a strong, sensual goddess and is often depicted as being part cat or being surrounded by cats. Her grace, beauty and mystery matched that of the cat and this is where the story begins. Witches were always seen as wild women, women without morals and who eschewed the domination of men and of male run society. Because of its relation to Bast, the strong sexual goddess, the cat has always been seen as a sign of a woman’s rebellion against the norm, and a retreat into “darkness”. Witches have always been one with nature, and so it was only natural for a witch to develop a friendship with animals. A single animal who is fiercely loyal to a witch, and who aids in their magic is called a familiar, and the black cat is the most popular familiar of all.

GPOY TBH

The draw of a witch’s cat has persisted into modern society and witches in movies, on tv, and in books often have a loyal cat that appears to have chosen them – though few actually show witches working with their cats! Your cat friend can help cleanse your home of negative energy, lend energy to spells and rituals, and offer a connection to certain deities. If your cat is willing, incorporating them into your practice can be rewarding for both of you.

Since it’s Friday the 13th, let’s start with the real king of the magickal cats – the black cat!

The Black Cat

The black cat is the one most associated with witches and magick. In French the black cat is called matagot, or the magician’s cat. Contrary to North American superstitions, the matagot was considered good luck and any family who welcomed such a cat into their home was truly blessed. In England and Japan, a black cat crossing your path is seen as a good luck charm.

When the Pilgrims came to North America, armed with biblical level prejudice, they feared anything that could be considered evil. They claimed all black cats were either witch’s familiars or witches themselves who could shapeshift. This is why many people believe black cats are unlucky now.

In Scotland a fairy creature known as the Cat Sidhe (Cat She) was depicted as a large black cat with a white spot on his chest and was known as the king of the cats! Like most fairy creatures, the Cat Sidhe was not trusted but the people of the Scottish highlands. Legend said that the cat Sidhe could steal the soul of a person who had recently died before their soul could be taken to the afterlife by the gods, by passing over the body before the funeral. Night watches were set up and many methods of distraction were often set up to keep the Cat Sidhe away from the body at all costs. It was also said that this spectral cat was attracted to warm fires (cats love to sleep on the hearth!) and so none were lit in the funeral room. On Samhain, households that put out a saucer of milk for the Cat Sidhe would be blessed for the year with good luck, and houses that did not would be cursed with dried up cows until the following Samhain when they got a chance at redemption. In later years the legend changed to be about a witch who could take the form of a cat, rather than a creature from the Faerie realm.

The black cat was always seen as a symbol of magick and the mysteries on the night time world. Many black cats are depicted almost being electrically charged. This nocturnal mystery was a companion to wise women, healers, conjurors, and cunning men who gathered magickal herbs by the light of the moon.

Use images of the matagot in your spells to increase your magickal power, to incite mystery and energy of the moon, and to bring on good luck.

The Magick of House Cats

Whether you’ve got a familiar, or just a friend (or many!) cats have a ton of magical benefits that can improve the energy of your home and your overall well-being.

Cats climb in, on, around, and underneath EVERYTHING. They have a very fluid way of getting into all of the corners and dark spots in your home, and since cats are so in tune with energy – it’s no mistake. Cats move energy around, break up stale or negative energy, and keep the overall feeling of your home more positive – and they do it on purpose.

Like most animals, cats can also sense things like illness, sadness or depression, and negative emotions or situations. Some cats will bolt, but many will do their best to improve the situation. Whether that’s just by being there and breaking up negative energy, cuddling to cheer you up, or clearing the space through sound. Purring is a very gentle, repetitive sound that clears the energy of a space and since you know it’s a loving sound it will instantly lift your spirits and offer support.

At nighttime, cats take their jobs as night watchmen very seriously and not only protect you from physical assailants, but can also help to keep away spirits and nightmares. If you suffer from nightmares, clear your bedroom with smoke like sage or sandalwood, and maybe tuck a protective herb into your pillow (I like rosemary!). Before you go to bed call in your cat and gently explain to them the problem and ask them to keep you safe. Cats can sense when something is wrong and yours will no doubt stay close all night.

Of Course there are Goddesses of Cats!

Though cats were prominently featured in ancient Egyptian art work and magick and many gods and goddesses worked with cats, no cat deity is more famous than Bast, or Bastet – the Egyptian goddess with the head of a regal black cat.

Bast is the goddess of fertility, love, music, and sexuality. She was most frequently depicted as a woman with the head of a black cat and holding a sistern (Egyptian musical instrument) or basket. Her city was Bubastis, and here her temple featured a lush grove and was home to many temple cats who were pampered to no end. The temple also served as the final resting place for other beloved cats of the common people. Thousands of mummified cats have been found in a tomb in the temple at Bubastis, and it’s believed that by laying their beloved pets to rest here that their words and prayers would reach the goddess. There were even a few royal shrines erected by pharaohs for their cats.

Bast is gentle, loving and understanding – though fiercely protective of her family. When Bast becomes threatened she takes on the persona of predatory lioness Pasht. She loves to celebrate, dance, and have fun. Her festivals in mid-April always caused quite a stir and are often compared to a modern day mardi gras.

Call on Bast when you want to do magick to increase your sexuality or sexual attraction, and for fertility or pregnancy.

Sekhmet is another Egyptian cat deity, though sort of the polar opposite of Bast. Sekhmet was portrayed with the head of a lioness and was often shown with a crown of fire or pure sunlight and a cobra. She was often referred to as ‘The Terrible One’ or ‘She Who is Powerful’. She was the goddess of human fate and is often associated with the colour red to symbolize the power of the sun and the blood shed during battle. She was a goddess of power, fire, and war. She was often honoured and prayed to by soldiers before marching off.

Though she sounds terrifying, Sekhmet of course had her softer qualities. She was a fierce protector who brought closure to unhealthy situations, was incredibly wise, and fiercely protective of her people.

Call on Sekhmet if you feel threatened of attacked, to defend your home, and for courage and strength in difficult situations.

Freya was a Norse goddess of love and sexuality, beauty, magick, shapeshifting and was the leader of the Valkyries. She was also known as the mistress of cats because she rode in a chariot pulled by two large, silver lynx-type cats. Cats are known as a sacred animal to the goddess and farmers who put out milk for stray cats were thought to be blessed by Freya.

Freya was also a talented witch and taught other Norse gods about love potions and charms. In modern days she’s associated with magick, witches, intuition, cat magick, enchantment, and female power.

Call on Freya when you need to get in touch with your feminine side, magick to do with love, boosting your intuition or psychic power, or when you’re unsure which path to take and maybe need to hop a lift on a cat-drawn chariot.

Attracting your own feline familiar

Many witches believe that the familiar will choose the witch, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be a bit proactive. Visit animal shelters and maybe even volunteer and see if any cats get attached. Finding a cat through a shelter or fostering program as opposed to going through a breeder assures that your cat is familiar with people, in good health and well cared for, and allows you to learn a bit more about their personality. It also means your cat will be extra appreciative of their new home.

If you’re in Windsor come volunteer with me!

You can also attract a new familiar to your home by planting cat nip and cat grass outside (you’ll make so many new friends!), putting images of cats in your windows that have been charged with this intent and you can even do candle spells to attract them. Brown candles are often used in magick dealing with animals, and luckily they can be found almost anywhere – usually in delicious scents. Many metaphysical stores will carry cat-shaped figure candles, and if you can find one in brown you’re extra set!

Dress your candle in an attracting oil, or maybe even catnip oil, and meditate on the kind of familiar you feel you need. This is no different than attracting love or a new job, just focus your intent on the kind of companion you wish you attract and put that energy out in the world. You can carve the qualities you want into the candle, burn the candle on top of a list you’ve made and even put the candle in the window for extra visibility. Do this once a month, especially on or after the new moon, until your new familiar makes itself known to you. In that time keep an eye and an ear out for cats, maybe re-visit or volunteer at those local shelters.

Familiar or Just a Friend?

BCFFs!

Unfortunately, just because you find a cat you really click with, doesn’t mean they’ll be interested in being a familiar. It’s important not to force it. Ease the cat into it. Start by setting up some magical items on the floor somewhere they like and see how they react. If you want to keep everything on an altar, maybe set up a perch nearby! A tall cat tree right near the altar will make it clear they’re welcome and even have their own place to join or observe.

Offer treats before rituals so they associate treats and pets and chin scritches with ritual time. If you want to physically bring them into a circle or working space be very gentle and let them leave if they’re uncomfortable.

Incorporate catnip into your spells or rituals! Catnip is popular in spells to attract love and best friends; it attracts good spirits and good luck to your home, and helps with overall happiness for everyone. It’s a wonderful member of the mint family to incorporate into almost any magical working.

A magickal cat or familiar will be interested in your magick in some way, and not act like you’ve just brought out the vacuum cleaner. They will either stand guard in the same way every time, they will enter your circle and lend their energy, or they might even actively participate! If a cat you’ve had for a while is interested in your magick and really wants to be a part of it you may have already found your familiar.

And what if the cat you’ve chosen to be your familiar isn’t interested? Just cherish your pet for exactly who they are, and enjoy all of the benefits that any cat can bring into your home and life.

Feline Friendly Sketchy Herbs and Magic Rocks!

Catnip: Encourages love, good fortune, beauty, and happiness. Tuck the flowering tops into charm bags for these purposes and bless it before giving it to your magickal cat.

Valerian: another herb cats love! Valerian flowers and leaves are used in spells for love; to help get a good night’s sleep, for protection, and to encourage good health.

Amber is sacred to Freya and can offer safety and relief in the birth of kittens.

Citrine is a popular protection talisman for cats.

Lapis Lazuli was a popular stone in ancient Egypt for healing and increasing psychic abilities.

Cat’s Eye is a stone of protection and is often used to protect from the evil eye and to bring good luck. The Cat’s Eye also protects the accident prone, much like a cat always landing on its feet.

Tiger’s Eye comes in three colours – gold, red, and blue. The gold is used for creativity, prosperity, and balance. The blue is used for intuition, emotional balance, and peace. The red is all about vitality, confidence, and energy.

Some Everyday Cat Magick

Cats have a natural connection to the moon, mystery, and magick. As such working with a cat or familiar can be incredibly rewarding and can boost your magick. Working magick with your cat necessitates a certain closeness between the two of you.

First, work on being able to call your cat easily. Visualize your companion coming toward you, and then speak its name. No need to shout. Once you reach the relationship of witch and familiar, your cat should know when it’s needed for magickal work.

Next you need to be able to get a little physical with your cat. Gently holding and petting your cat calms and relaxes the both of you, but also raises energy. This is a metaphysical energy, but also an electrical charge! When the air is dry you can see the electricity coming off of your cat and you might generate some shocks if you pet them too long.

Now that your cat is in the right place and frame of mind gently and simply ask for assistance and let the cat know what you’re up to. True cat ladies always talk to their cats, don’t pretend that you don’t! Be straight and quick with it, and do your spell right away. Afterwards close up the spell and remember to thank your cat. Maybe come up with a special treat just for after ritual.

Of course, a true partnership involves give and take on both sides, so you should try and use magick to improve the life of your friend as well!

Start off simply by blessing or enchanting their food and treats before giving it to them. Call on any of the above goddesses or just charge the food with positive energy. Send energy for healing, happiness, and even magick into the food. Infuse their treats with feelings of love or gratitude before handing it over.

When you bring home a new cat do a small ritual and bless the cat and your relationship with a long and happy life.

If your cat is at the vet or recovering from illness you can do a small smell to encourage healing by lighting a white, pink, or green candle and either charging it with healing light or calling on Freya for help.

If the time comes to say goodbye to a beloved cat, you should do a ritual for parting and saying goodbye. Light a candle and burn incense made of rosemary for remembrance, basil for love and devotion, lavender for protection, and of course cat nip. Ask the cat goddesses to carry your pet into the afterlife and to take care of them. The Valkyries, under the watch of Freya, were charged with escorting warriors into Valhalla and so calling on them might be a nice symbol as well. You can also put these herbs and some crystals for cats into a small sachet and bury it with your cat, or ask the vet to include it in the cremation. If you’ve decided not to keep remains (or can’t afford it) many vets will agree to take a paw print of the cat before they put them down. Keep this on your altar and honour for familiar in rituals.

Choose a magickal name for your cat! Research names associated with cats or magick or different cat legends. You can even include a name ceremony when you welcome your new cat into ritual.

Finally, get a collar for your cat and decorate it with symbols of protection and magick! This can be painted right on, or can dangle as a decoration. Maybe find a small citrine point or a piece of amber. You could also make your own cat collar and infuse it with blessings, get a name tag printed with your cat’s magickal name or make up a rune/symbol/or sigil for your cat and have that stamped onto a tag!

No matter what kind of cat you find (or that find you!), they’ll bring magick, mystery, and love into your home and life. They’ll keep away negative entities and vibes, keep your home’s energy moving and changing, and of course… offer cuddles. I can’t imagine seeing any cat as bad luck, even on friday the 13th!

More A+ Friday the 13th Content:

You Lucky Witch! Blog Post

Rabbit Magick on Seeker’s Corner! [YOUTUBE]

Feisty Feline Familiars! Black cats and witches go together like newt’s eyes and cauldrons! The black cat has been following in the footsteps of their witchy master for as long as anyone can remember, and it’s no wonder.

#bad luck #black cat #black cats #cat lady #cat magick #catlover #friday the 13th #good luck #witch cats

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jodybouchard9 · 5 years

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9 Genius Housecleaning Hacks for People Who Hate Cleaning Their House

demaerre/iStock; realtor.com

Everyone hates getting bogged down with life’s little details. And guess what? You don’t have to! In our new weekly series, “Home Hacks: Real Estate Made Easy,” we’ll show you a slew of genius shortcuts that can save time and money, and streamline whatever task you need to tackle.

With spring cleaning upon us, we kick off the series with housecleaning hacks for people who hate cleaning their house. Let’s face it, this is everyone.

1. Use old socks to clean blinds

Blinds often have multiple sides and shapes, so they can sometimes be a hassle to clean.

“But with this simple hack, they don’t have to be,” says Leanne Stapf, chief operating officer of Maryland’s the Cleaning Authority.

Simply use a mixture of equal parts vinegar and water to dampen an old sock, and then swipe the damp sock over each section of the blinds. Embedded dust and dirt will come right off!

2. Dust electronics with coffee filters

“Coffee filters are perfect for cleaning dust from TV screens, computer monitors, and any other screens around the home, without leaving behind any fibers like towels do,” says Stapf.

You can also clean windows without leaving streaks—just clean them with a coffee filter instead of paper towels, says Larry Patterson, franchisee of the Glass Doctor in Dallas.

3. Clean your ceiling fan with a pillowcase

Instead of using a rag to clean your ceiling fan, which usually results in dust falling onto your furniture and floors, use an old pillowcase.

“Slip the fan blades inside the pillowcase, and then wipe each blade one at a time,” says Stapf. Then just throw the dirty pillowcase into the washing machine.

Here’s more on how to clean a ceiling fan.

4. Use dryer sheets to clean everything

Apparently dryer sheets have many uses beyond the laundry room. Run a dryer sheet along your baseboards to remove dirt and repel dust. Clean lampshades with dryer sheets as they pull away dust and prevent static cling, which equals less dust in the future. And add a dryer sheet to the bottom of your trash can to absorb odors and leaks.

“Dryer sheets, either used or unused, are also the easiest way to break down soap scum,” says Kathy St.Croix, president of Mr. Rooter Plumbing of Greater Syracuse, NY. Simply scrub fixtures with a sheet, and see results immediately.

Here are more uses for dryer sheets other than laundry.

5. Steam clean your microwave

Everyone hates cleaning the microwave. Instead of scrubbing it down, try putting a bowl with lemon juice and water in the appliance. Microwave on high power for three minutes, and allow it to sit for five more minutes.

“The steam will loosen any food remnants and banish odors, too,” says Stapf. A couple of easy wipes inside and you’ll have a clean microwave with a lemony scent.

6. Grab pet hair with rubber gloves

When your standard vacuum can’t suck up all of your pet’s hair, rubber gloves will get the job done.

“Just slide them on and rub down any areas that need extra cleaning,” says Stapf.

When rubbed against fabric, the glove generates static electricity, which causes pet hair and lint to stick to it. Rinse the gloves under running water when you’re done, and the hair will come off.

7. Clean with vinegar (and save big)

Distilled white vinegar is one of the most popular, eco-friendly, and versatile cleaning staples around due to its acidity. Plus, it’s cheap so you will save tons of money on cleaning supplies, says Abe Navas, the general manager of Emily’s Maids, a housecleaning service in Dallas.

And according to Stapf, you can use it in the following ways:

Shower: Wipe your shower doors with vinegar to prevent soap scum and buildup.

Kitchen and bathroom drains: To help keep drains clog-free, pour a cup of distilled white vinegar down every two weeks. Allow it to sit for a half-hour, and then run cold water to flush it out.

Tile surfaces: Mix a half-cup of distilled white vinegar and a half-gallon of warm water. Use it to clean all tile surfaces.

Check out these 28 uses for white vinegar around the house.

8. Polish bathroom fixtures with baby oil

Do you have dull bathtub, shower, and sink fixtures? No problem.

“Get a paper towel and some baby oil,” says Gary Downing, a green cleaning expert and owner of New York’s Happy Cleaning. “Put a dab of the liquid on the towel, then wipe it on the faucet. You’ll see it shine!”

9. Let your dishwasher do double duty

“If you only use your dishwasher to clean dishes, you aren’t using it to its full potential,” says Stapf.

Take a look at this list of things you can safely wash in the dishwasher, and put it to work:

Rubber flip-flops and baseball caps

Makeup brushes

Nonelectrical plastic and rubber kids’ toys

Mouthguards

Hairbrushes and combs

Plastic and metal garden tools

Refrigerator shelves

The post 9 Genius Housecleaning Hacks for People Who Hate Cleaning Their House appeared first on Real Estate News & Insights | realtor.com®.

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vampykitty-kun · 7 years

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This is the stuff I have to deal with:

The roommate’s GF quit her job a week ago. In that time I guess she’s been applying places but honestly I’m not up her ass and have no idea what she does and does not do outside of when I see her in the house or evidence left.

In that past week the dishes in the sink built up and were never washed. I could tell that she was waiting to see how long it took for me to do them. Except that their dishes are not my responsibility. I do all of my dishes either as/after I cook or in the case of dishes brought up to my room I do let them pile up a few days then I bring them down and wash them all at once. None of those dishes in that sink are mine and I’ll be damned if I’m going to wash them.

Well today she gets fed up and has a temper tantrum.

We crossed paths in the kitchen, she was doing the dishes and cleaning the stove all the wile slamming things around and ranting about how she’s the only one who ever does shit, etc, etc. Meanwhile I’ve already explained to you all the dishes situation. But let’s address the stove shall we? What is all over the stove? Pasta sauce and coagulated oil from things being fried. I’m sure most of you have tried to clean old fried oil off the stove or wall in the past so you know what I’m talking about. Well guess what? I haven’t made pasta in weeks, and it’s been way longer since I fried something. So again, not my problem. Am I maybe guilty of some mystery sticky on the center of the stove from leaving a spoon/spatula there while cooking? Probably. I won’t lie there. But the shit she’s having a fit about is her own doing.

Moving on...

We decided last month that we were all responsible for our own food. I had to buy and cook my own, those two as a couple had to buy and cook their own, and this other guy that was living with us and just moved out a few days ago had to buy and cook his own shit too. She was getting pissed off that she was having to cook a meal for all 4 of us each night- when no one EVER asked her to, and that none of the rest of us 3 were cooking dinner for everyone ever. So the solution was us being on our own which I had ZERO issue with. Except I’m apparently the only responsible and functioning adult living here (which holy fuck am I not a good example, so guys seriously, get your shit together!!!!! You’re 30 and 26, the 19yo that was living here at least had some excuse) and am the only one that pays attention to things. She got a link card. She knows how much she was supposed to get. She got a sheet stating how much she was supposed to get. Yet there was double that on the card. They spent it all last month, and then they were flailing around freaking out because no more money popped up on it this month. So now they have no link food money. Well like I said, she quit her job, which I can understand that part as she was driving a taxi, and they were just not getting calls. So after gas and the rental fee she was coming home with like only $6 some nights. But anywho, so she has no money for food OR rent. Well he’s working 5 days a week long hours, and he’s been giving the landlord his entire check just about. So, again they have no food money. but that’s not my fault.

Well for some reason, despite her being the one to initiate the whole “everyone for themselves” rule, she felt entitled to my food. I got on his ass about it, because trying to talk to her goes nowhere and I don’t actually want to start a physical fight. I start bringing most non-fridge stuff up to my room, and stuff in the fridge is all in tied grocery bags, and freezer stuff the same other than the freezer door which is also all mine. Despite all that’s going on some days I have a lot of leftovers from what I’ve cooked, and I’ve taken pity on them and shared some of the leftovers with them because there was just that much. Most of my meat is frozen when I get it or too large like a small roast, so I can’t portion out. But I’ve either offered or he’s asked me. Now, after I've bagged all my crap up she asks one day after he’s at work what food they can eat. She then gets pissed off when I said they could mess with the pantry stuff, as we have like 6 bags of rice, a bunch of different bags/boxes and types of noodles, and a ton of veggie canned goods. But she’s pissed because I won’t let them eat like my cheese, eggs, or meats and stuff. I tell my roommate this and he actually went off on her and gave her a massive lecture about how they’re not entitled to food I paid for. Things go okay for a few days after that.

But then, I made a shepherd’s pie sort of thing the other day. I go down for another piece a few hours later to find a slice missing. Turns out she took it, without asking, and hid it in the fridge for him for when he‘d come home from work. No asking, just did it, and did not tell me until I confronted them about it.

Then yesterday 2 of the 5 bananas I bought for banana bread were missing, taken and eaten by her without asking.

And now tonight, I made myself a small pork roast, with these garlic spinach noodles, and a can of mixed veggies with butter. The roast is larger than I can eat in one sitting, I know this. I will also have leftovers of the veggies and noodles. He comes home from work, says what I’m cooking smells good, and he says he’s running to the gas station. Asks if I want some soda, I say yes and offer to pay, but he’s like I’ve got it. Cool. She says she’s going to take a shower while he’s gone. Well he leaves, she states that she’s starving, looks at my food that’s in the oven just keeping warm, and says she’ll eat some of that when she gets out of the shower- without me offering and without even asking me, and then she leaves to take her shower. Meanwhile he comes home, I let him know what she said/did and he gets all flustered and frustrated with her. I’m like dude, it’s one thing for me to offer, or for you guys to ask, but neither happened. She comes down, starts rummaging for plates, he waits it out, and sure enough there’s no asking going on. HE then asks me, I say I guess even though I really didn’t want to share, and she gets all pissy, appalled that I wasn’t just going to let them take. She starts banging plates around and making noise with the silverware. All reasonable actions but purposely made loud to show her anger. She plates food out for the two of them, gets pissed off/jealous that we’re having an in depth conversation without her, and she leaves me a butt end of the roast, a thin piece, almost entirely fat- which I can’t eat as the texture in my mouth makes me gag. Something I’ve brought up before. Meanwhile, they eat, and go upstairs, and I wash MY dishes. While washing them I can hear him go off on her about not asking and crap and she’s basically all pissy and proud and arguing with him.

Like I don’t even consider this guy a friend anymore. But we’re getting along almost as well as we did in the start having a common human to vent about, and I am admittedly getting surges of happiness when he takes my side in shit, because then I know I’m seriously in the right.

Now on top of all this, she complains to him that I don’t clean the house- when I lock myself in my room the entire time I’m home unless in the bathroom or kitchen for brief periods of time. NOTHING is my mess. She’s also bitching about the gas and internet bill and how I’ve not given her any money for it. Meanwhile NO ONE has given me any money for the electric bill since it was put in my name in February. Even with me paying $100 on it each month the bill is currently sitting at $300 and I never paid anything on it this month because I was broke until today. When it was just me during the week my bill was $25. It has gone up massively with her and the other guy and now 2 ACs running with the heat. She leaves all the damn lights on all day, I run around shutting them off several times a day and she turns them back on, and she leaves their TV and AC running 24/7 most of the time even when they’re not home. So no, I’m not giving you shit for the measly gas bill. Now the internet? This month is the FIRST bill. Prior to this bill I’m the one that paid the damn $50 deposit connection fee! But again, the electric bill applies here thereafter, and I did not agree to her getting cable on the bill that is only in their room that I don’t watch when I have it let only when it’s only in their bedroom. And on top of these bills, because she’s not working, he has asked me to pay HALF of next month’s rent to compensate, instead of 1/3. When I just paid $100 this month, and $600 the month before that they were supposed to partly pay me back for and didn’t. (rent is $600 per month). And it’s like, I do not want to be paying most of the rent, for all of the electric bill, and all of the food, to live here and be miserable while you mooch off me. Especially when I did not give my consent for her to move in in the first place, nor the 19yo guy that lived here for 2.5 months. None of this shit is fair. I’m trapped her though until my housing gets moved back out this way and the guy doing it is taking FOREVER to have a spot in his schedule free to move it. I’m going nuts.

#Vampy Rants

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thecoroutfitters · 7 years

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Written by Pat Henry on The Prepper Journal.

It could be your worst nightmare. A disaster happens and for some reason, you aren’t prepared at all. In a panic, you drive to the local store only to rush through the front doors and see row upon row of empty shelves. The survival items you need are gone, already picked over with nothing left except items of no practical use to you like cake decorating icing and gift cards.

Scenes like this happen all the time to people all over the world, but as preppers your job is to make sure it doesn’t happen to you. Your family should be preparing well in advance of any potential disaster and we have many posts that outline simple steps you can take now to be more prepared in the future. But let’s just play along with the scenario above.

If you had only one chance to make it to the store, what items would disappear first? If you were in a race with your neighbors to get anything you could before the stock was gone, which items would you need to throw into your shopping basket?

Items that sell out after a crisis

In a lot of ways, the crisis will dictate to some degree which items sell fastest, but we can imagine that in every crisis, power will be off. This fact dictates most of what will appear in the list below. I want to go over each item and give my reasoning for why you should have these items now or in some cases, what you can have on-hand as an alternative so that you aren’t that guy staring at an empty store wondering how you can use shoe laces in a survival situation.

Generators

1600 Running Watts/2000 Starting Watts, 4-Stroke Gas Powered Portable Inverter Generator

A backup source of power is not something most of us think about (before we prepped anyway) until we hear that eerie sound of silence when every electric device connected to the wall goes dead. In my house, I have backup batteries on my computers so as soon as the lights go out, the fridge stops running and any ancillary devices stop, I begin to hear an annoying beep. That beep is telling me I only have about 10 minutes before my computer shuts off to save any work, but it also signals that we are no longer connected to the power grid in a meaningful way.

Generator sales always peak after a disaster and I have heard stories of people fighting in parking lots over them. The day the hurricane rolls into your town is not the day to try to go to the big home improvement store and get a generator because it is likely too late. If you think you need backup power for emergencies, set aside time and budget now to get a model that will work for you. Most generators will not power your entire home, but a decent sized portable generator can power several lights, charge devices or one to two small appliances. These are great for just the essentials to keep you going. But you should ensure you have plenty of fuel on hand also.

Alternative: In lieu of a generator, you can use a power inverter and your car’s engine to do the same thing. You may even use less fuel and will certainly cause less noise.

Extension cords

So, you have a fancy generator running outside but you need to connect your devices to it. Extension cords are always in short supply after a disaster because people forget they need to get power to the other end of their home or across the street to a neighbor’s house. A few 50 to 100 feet medium duty extension cords will help you bring the power into areas and away from the noise of the generator.

Weather Radios

When the TV is out and so is the internet, people naturally revert to the good old radio for information, entertainment and comfort. A weather radio is usually purchased because most like the Eton FRX3 Hand Crank NOAA AM/FM Weather Alert Radio have a crank that you can use to power the unit instead of batteries. This will ensure you can listen to local broadcasts or even emergency weather alerts without the need for power. Well, you supply the power.

Batteries

Speaking of batteries, it’s good to do two things ahead of any disaster. First, standardize on a common battery size now. I prefer AA for most of my devices that take batteries. My radios, headlamps, flashlights all use AA. The second thing is to have plenty of batteries on hand before you need them. I have purchased a couple of the 48-packs of batteries and stored them away for emergencies. These are not kept with the battery supply that is dipped into for game controllers and toys for visiting children.

Alternative: Use rechargeable batteries and a solar charger to keep your supply fresh. Even the best batteries will die eventually so rechargeables are a longer running option.

Candles

Candles are a grid-down staple that can be used for other things beside light. You can heat a room or cook with them if you have the right set up. They aren’t a perfect solution because I would still rather have a headlamp than a candle, especially to prevent fires but they do have their place. Funny, if you watch the walking dead apparently, they each have about 10 dozen with them at all times. Candles are your back-up’s backup.

Industrial fans

When the power goes out, a fan can be one of those conveniences that saves a lot of time and trouble besides just bringing a breeze. After hurricane’s Katrina and Sandy, industrial fans were used to dry out carpet before mold set in. In the summer time, they could cool a decent sized room too and keep things from overheating. Now, you are going to have to justify using the gas you have stored for a fan, but in some cases, these are sold out quickly. I can imagine how nice they would be in a hot Florida or Mississippi August.

Gasoline cans

What are you going to carry that gas in that you are standing in line for hours to get? Along with decreased or non-existent fuel supplies, having an appropriate container for transport is often overlooked. Your car is out of gas or more likely you don’t want to use gas to get to the store so you will need several fuel cans to cart any fuel you can obtain. Additionally, a yard wagon to haul 4 of these or more at a time (provided rationing will allow it) might be a good idea also.

Flashlights/Lanterns

Fenix Flashlights HL50 365 Lumens Headlamp

Most home have some version of a flashlight around for emergencies. My dad had several strategically placed at my home growing up and I have followed suite to a large degree. You never realize just how many flashlights you need when the power goes out and it’s pitch black. I would add a decent headlamp to this list for everyone in the family because I think they are superior for working hands free. Lanterns are great for powering a room like the kitchen when we all sit down to a nice meal of freshly grilled venison steaks that were going to go bad in the freezer. We can use the lantern to have enough light to see each other and eat with and not spend the batteries in other devices. I have a couple of battery-powered lanterns (little to no heat and zero risk of fire) and several Coleman propane lanterns for outdoor use or winter time, controlled usage. The heat off these is great in winter and you can cook on the tops too if you are desperate.

Non-Perishable Food/Water

Now, the most obvious item that sells out after a crisis, and that is food. I didn’t want to create a list of 10 food items, but let’s just say that you know food disappears when panic sets in. You know your family is partial to eating food because they do it every single day. You know that when the power goes out, your options for cooking that food will be a little bit different so take time now to stock up on canned food items that your family can eat either by heating over a camp stove or grill or even a fire. There are a ton of options that you don’t even have to cook. Have plenty of these on hand to feed your family because the stores will run out if this is really a disaster. Even if they get things running in 3 days, do you want your family to go without that long? Take steps now.

This list is just 10 items that sell out in a crisis, but they are by no means the only things that disappear off shelves that we might wish we had. What is on your list of prepping items to make sure you have before it’s too late?

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keywestlou · 4 years

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AN ASSHOLE IS AN ASSHOLE

Up front, let me apologize for the title. It was the first that came to mind. Nothing else as representative or befitting the facts.

Sometimes you have to call them as you see them.

The “hero” of this tale is Representative Louie Gohmert, a Texas Republican. A Trump die hard, also. To each his own.

Gohmert has refused to wear a face mask. To be expected. Trump has refused to wear one, also.

Gohmert tested positive yesterday for coronavirus.

He announced later in the day that he planned to “use hydroxychloroquine” to treat the virus. He said, “My doctors and I are all in.”

Normally federal judges are quite good. They follow the law. Not all judges do.

A number of Portland protesters have been arrested. Misdemeanor charges. They came before the court. The federal magistrate agreed to release them on “bond” (does not mean the case is over / the defendant technically must return for other court appearances and a trial or the defendant will merely forfeit bail and not appear for trial thereby ending the case with no criminal conviction applying.)

The judge has required each protester to sign and agree to an Order Setting Conditions of Release. A certain paragraph in the Order reads: “Defendant may not attend any other protests, rallies, assemblies or public gathering in the State of Oregon.”

Totally improper! Unconstitutional on its face! Arm twisting by the court.

A judge under the circumstances of this case has no right to require such agreement from a defendant. By so requiring, he is forcing the defendant to waive his right of free speech. Basically, the right to protest.

This scenario is similar to the Michael Cohen situation which occurred in the past 10 days in federal court in New York City.

Cohen had been released to home confinement because of the coronavirus epidemic. He was with his lawyer making a required routine visit to federal officials.

The word was out Cohen was writing a book about his experiences with Trump. The officials said Cohen had to sign an agreement that he would not write the book nor discuss his time with Trump with the media. Otherwise, he would be returned to jail.

Cohen refused. He was returned to jail. Several days later a federal judge released Cohen saying to prohibit his writing the book was an unconstitutional violation of his rights.

John Galt has been a religious reader of this blog for many years. A student of history. We agree more than we disagree. However, we do disagree on occasion.

John commented on the blog I wrote the other day titled: Grim Reaper Ain’t Gonna Get Reaped. I share his comment not because he agreed or disagreed with me re what I wrote. I share it with you because I learned some historical facts I was not aware of.

John wrote, “Some of the federal police opposing the demonstrators in Portland are from the Federal Protective Service. The FPS is one of those federal agencies that most of us have never heard of. Its origin dates back to 1790 when President George Washington was acquiring buildings to become the location for the seat of the federal government. Six ‘night watchmen’ were hired to protect the designated buildings the government was planning to use. FPS races its origin to those six night watchmen. In 2002, the agency was transferred to the newly formed DHS.”

Pizza Hut is cutting back on its operation and number of Pizza Huts.

The organization will be closing hundreds of locations in the U.S. Those that remain open will no longer provide restaurant service. The dine-ins have been under performing in recent years. The stores will provide only delivery and carry out.

I came across another Pizza Hut announcement. Its Greece stores will close. All or some? The news notation was slight. I could not discover any further information.

I would wonder why Pizza Hut or any other U.S. quick food chain would even open in Greece. I never saw a Pizza Hut in my many Greece travels. Also, Greece provides some of the finest short order quick food restaurants probably in the world. I enjoyed my lunches more than the dinners. That good!

Remember 2008 when American banks were too big to fail. The banks were saved by the government on that premise. To the detriment of millions of people who lost their homes in mortgage foreclosures. No governmental assistance.

Banks continue to get away with murder. U.S. banks on a precipice. Something many are unaware of.

European banks, also.

Th Spanish Banco Santander is a European biggie. For the first six months of this year, it announced a $12.7 billion loss. Its first loss ever in 163 years.

A primary reason was the bank’s write off of expected loan losses. Many coronavirus caused.

I have an uneasy feeling. Tropical storm Isaias has come about rather suddenly and is expected over Florida saturday. The cone looks like Irma. Initially, directly over Key West. Now could be either east or west coast of Florida. If east coast, we could be hit.

I have tons of food. However little “hurricane food.” Things like bottled water, crackers, peanut butter, jam, cookies. Thinks that do not have to be cooked. Can’t cook without electricity. Can’t store food that will spoil when the refrigerator stops working.

Isaias not a big deal compared to Irma. Irma was coming in as a category 5. Isaias will be a tropical storm.

Florida’s Governor De Santis rarely does anything right. Especially matters that are coronavirus related.

Yesterday was one of those rare occurrences when he exercised proper judgment.

There has been an eviction and foreclosure moratorium that is scheduled to expire saturday. De Santis has extended the moratoriums to September 1.

Trump continues his ill advised ways.

I wrote yesterday of Dr. Immanuel who supports the use of hydoxychloroquine. Trump became aware of her yesterday. He was on TV at 5 lauding her virtues.

The media did a quick in depth check on her. Turns out she is a fruitcake. Believes demons and witches are involved in our lives, that aliens have sex with humans in their dreams, etc.

By the time Trump went to bed last night he had to know he had praised a nut.

Apparently Trump does not care. He was back on TV this morning not backing off her purported virtues. He continued to laud her. She had spoken from the steps of the Supreme Court with a bunch of doctors listening to her.

He thought she was A-ok. I suspect so because she endorsed the use of hydroxychloroquine as the cure all for coronavirus. He avoided questions as to her demonic/witchery beliefs.

Trump’s support of Dr. Immanuel as good as Trump’s belief at one time that Clorox or bleach ingested would quickly cure coronavirus.

A survey released yesterday suggested taller people faced a higher risk of catching Covid-19. The study revealed that people 6 feet or more tall were twice as likely to be diagnosed with coronavirus.

Conclusion: The virus spreads through the air, not only from droplets.

Makes me happy that I lost 4 inches in height in recent years. From 6’1″ to 5’9″. Old age.

Enjoy your day!

AN ASSHOLE IS AN ASSHOLE was originally published on Key West Lou

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we-future-first · 4 years

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Twenty Six Predictions for the Next Eleven Months, and Two Technology Predictions for the Years 2022-2025

Predictions for the Next Eleven Months (For this, I am re-posting what I wrote in another forum about a month ago without any edits.)

What follows presumes (and this is important) that a vaccine will not be procured any time soon, and that due to the real world being the way it is the virus will instead continue to grow. These are all things that the world can anticipate in the coming year (eleven months). Some of them are already observable.

There will probably be a global recession that will in the USA rival the American Great Depression.

Strife will rise within China's borders for mostly personal financial reasons.

International distrust of China will increase.

Social distancing will continue to be encouraged and in some cases enforced by law enforcement across the world. Social distancing will very much be with us for the foreseeable future.

Most megachurches will fold, as will many medium-sized ones. Video communing will become a huge part of the Evangelical environment.

Many jobs will be move to the home office, and those which require only repetitive physical tasks will be increasingly given to automated machinery.

Due to poor sanitation and limited health resources, poorer countries will be decimated.

This winter will be cruel and see many deaths as the virus ravishes the poor, the elderly, and those with respiratory illnesses without access to medical assistance.

There will be an 8-magnitude earthquake somewhere on the planet. If it effects a heavily populated area unprepared for it, that area will experience a huge spike in deaths by pneumonia.

There will be violent civil unrest up to and possibly including isolated pockets of civil battles within the USA. There are too many variables and hot-headed factions for me to confidently guess who will participate.

Trump will be reelected, one way or another. And if he is not, those isolated pockets of civil battles will become a civil war incited by the man himself.

There will be a significant turn towards home-grown vegetables, and some people will become distrustful of others' home-grown produce and rely on themselves.

Faced with spending copious amounts of time with the children they had seldom ever seen, many parents will be unable to emotionally cope with the children and this will lead (and is already leading, mind you) to tons of child abuse.

Faced with spending copious amounts of time with the spouses they had not spent quality time with in years, many couples will get divorced.

Health care facilities the world over will collapse.

Beginning in a few months, those who are altogether elderly, overweight, and poor will be hard-pressed to survive.

There will be renewed discussion of a universal income in a number of developed countries.

Many airlines will fold (as some already are).

Tourist towns will either shrink or find another source of income.

Theme parks will fold.

Many movie theaters will fold.

The air will become cleaner (as it already is).

There will be a worldwide migration away from physical universities and toward online universities, which will result in earlier marriages as high school sweethearts and finally able to stay together.

Due to a worldwide increase in poverty, there will be (and already is) an increasing distaste for wealthy celebrities.

Due to a worldwide increase in poverty, there will be an increase in religious devotion (albeit privately expressed devotion, in light of the closure of many places of worship).

Among those for whom material wealth had been their sole desire and the source of their ego, there will be an increase in suicides.

Two Technology Predictions for the Years 2022-2025 (For this, I am re-posting without any edits what I wrote elsewhere a few days ago.)

Prediction 1: Deep fakes, real-time video augmentation, unclothing technology, personalized video backgrounds, and voice isolation, reproduction, and augmentation will come together as an app to allow anyone to produce videos of almost anyone doing and saying anything. It will be available for less than a month.

Prediction 2: A higher level of reality augmentation glasses and earbuds.

For about $500 USD (value c. 2020), you will be able to bring home a box the size of a bread box. Within the box will be 1) an ostensibly normal looking glasses with an ear piece on either side and a very tiny microphone; 2) a pair of very small bracelets and anklets; 3) a device no bigger than a pencil sharpener with a clear plastic ball on top and an environment-imaging laser scanner; and 4) some charging chords.

After charging, you turn the scanner on and take it on a tour of your entire place of residence, making sure to scan every nook and cranny, including faucets, light switches, beds, desks, tables, shelves, etc., with drawers, cupboards, and doors in closed and open positions. You will also similarly scan yourself. After this, you will put on the glasses and earpieces, and over the course of a moment teach the microphone to recognize and understand your voice while sad, excited, happy, bored, yelling, whispering, etc. Following this, with a simple pre-programmed voice command, you will see through your glasses and hear through the earpieces a personal companion. He or she will be able to visually and audibly though not tactically interact with both you and do such things as sit on chairs, lie on beds, turn your lights or TV on and off (if you choose, for an extra amount of money, the personal companion will be given control over the electricity in your residence), and hold conversations with you. While wearing the glasses, bracelets, and anklets, you will also be able to, for example, waltz with the ARC (Augmented Reality Companion). By scanning the inside of your vehicle, the ARC will also be able to accompany you on rides and turn the radio to a channel of either your or its own desire. It will be the first face you might see in the morning and the last face you might see at night.

submitted by /u/atagoringo [link] [comments] source https://www.reddit.com/r/Futurology/comments/gkn0a3/twenty_six_predictions_for_the_next_eleven_months/

#Future #Futuristic #Future oriented

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