#without rereading it

[a-little-unsteddie]

cw: child abuse mentioned, child neglect

Steve, who was never allowed to play in the snow as a child because it was ‘too messy’. Steve, who stared longingly outside as he watched other kids play in the snow. Steve, wanting to build a snowman, or an igloo, or have a snowball fight, but was denied each and every time by his parents. “It’s uncouth, Steven.” “It’s dirty, Steven.” “You’ll just whine that you’re cold, Steven.” “No.” “No.” “No.” Until he stopped asking altogether, even as he stared out his bedroom window at the other kids playing. Steve who loves the snow but was never allowed to play. The one time he snuck out, he was brought inside being dragged by his ear and spanked until he cried.

And then some for crying at all.

Steve goes shopping with his mom and sees a snow globe and all but cries for her to get it for him. If he can’t have the snow outside, he wants to have a snow globe to have it inside. She lets him get it, but not without commenting ‘at least it’s not going outside’.

Thus starts a collection, of sorts. Whenever he sees a new snow globe, he makes his mom buy him it and because he never asks to go outside to play in the snow if she buys one, she keeps buying them for him.

He has around 10 or 15 snow globes by the time he’s a teenager and left alone more than he isn’t. He still doesn’t go out to play in the snow, even if he silently yearns to, because now he’s ‘too old’ to play out in the snow. Tommy doesn’t like being cold, so he never goes out, and Carol won’t do something if Tommy’s not there, so Steve doesn’t bother asking her to go outside.

Steve becomes friends with Dustin and the rest of the party, and he still doesn’t let himself play with them, even when Dustin begs him to. He passes on the same excuses to him as his mom told him, and the words feel like ash in his mouth, but he doesn’t just play in the snow like he’s aching to. It’s too cold, he’ll be wet and miserable later, he doesn’t want to get water all over the house.

Mostly, they’re excuses because he’s kind of worried he doesn’t know how to play in the snow. That somehow he’ll be bad at it.

Eventually, when he and Robin become friends and their first winter together happens, he tells her this secret fear. It’s right after the kids go out to play, and it’s just them, and he whispers to her.

“I don’t think I’ll be any good at it.”

Robin is confused, of course, because how can you be ‘bad’ at playing in the snow? He elaborates to her that he’s never played and she’s less confused but more angry at his parents, which he thinks is an over reaction and she insists he’s having an under reaction, whatever that means, and the moment passes. Steve is relieved to have revealed that much to her. He still doesn’t go outside, and Robin gets cold easily, so she doesn’t want to go outside, so they stay inside together.

He still collects snow globes, when he sees them. He buys one in front of the kids and brushes it off as a white elephant gift for a family thing, but displays it in the unused guest bedroom with the rest of the snow globes. It’s on the other side of the house from where every other guest bed is, so usually no one takes it, and so he knows his collection is safe.

Even if he keeps it secret, and plans to keep it secret forever, until the following winter, after the spring break from hell and after the grueling summer and cool fall brings the snow again and Eddie Munson is a menace in his life. He’s by far the most energetic person that he’s ever been friends with, all touches and open affection, it’s almost too easy to fall for him.

Eddie is nosy as hell and of course it’s him that finds the collection of snow globes.

“What’s this?” Eddie’s voice echoes from down the hall and it takes Steve a few seconds to process where his voice is coming from before he’s rushing down the hall and into the unused guest room.

Along the left wall, there’s a shelf that stretches from wall-to-wall filled with snow globes.

Embarrassment shoots through him, and he shrugs. “…snow globes.” he explains badly, wincing when Eddie turns towards him with an unimpressed look. It quickly morphs into concern because for some reason, Steve’s started tearing up and once the tears start they don’t stop.

“Hey, it’s okay, I’m sorry,” Eddie soothes, wrapping his arms around him tightly. “You don’t have to explain if you don’t want to, sweet thing.”

And the thing is, Steve does want to explain. Suddenly overcome with the urge to spill everything, in fact. So he does. He tells Eddie about his mom and dad refusing to let him play in the snow, the one time he got caught and got spanked for it, the snow globes, the fear of being bad at playing in the snow, still desperately wanting to despite it.

Through it all, Eddie holds him and listens. He hums occasionally to acknowledge what Steve is saying, but never interrupts him, for which Steve is glad because he doesn’t know if he’d be able to continue if he was stopped for any reason.

At the end of it, when Steve’s tears have dried, and they’re curled up in a pile of blankets on the couch, Eddie vows to teach him out to play in the snow. How to make a snow angel, a snowman, an igloo, a snowball — everything. He whispers these promises and plans into his ear, their hands intertwined where they lay on Steve’s lap.

And he follows through. With everything.

And the next time the kids beg him to play, he plays his part and says no, because he’s still anxious he’s going to do it wrong, Eddie throws a snowball at his back while he’s busy arguing with Dustin. And silence falls over everyone, waiting for Steve’s next move. Because he’s never given in, and no one’s ever pushed their luck like that.

Steve turns towards Eddie, narrowing his eyes at him.

“Oh, it’s on, Munson.”

The kids cheer and then it’s chaos of snowballs being lobbed at one another.

Later, when everyone is warming up with hot cocoa, and Steve is curled into Eddie’s side with a blanket tossed over their laps, Steve knows he’s never been happier to have met Eddie, who taught him how to play in the snow.

“Thank you,” Steve whispers to Eddie, who hums curiously, lazily looking at him from the corner of his eye. “For teaching me how to play in the snow.”

“Always, Stevie. I’ll always help you.”

And it sounds like a promise.

#is this anything? #idk #i wrote this on a whim #without rereading it #so if it doesn’t make sense i’m sorry #christmasish fic #steve harrington #eddie munson #cw child abuse #cw child neglect #steddie #stobin briefly #unsteddie writing

[counting-stars-gayly]

Great time to remember that, in the books, Percy didn’t actually come to understand just how terrible the gods are (as a whole) until The Last Olympian. And he didn’t start to get bitter as hell about it until even after that. The show is doing a great job of setting this up, in my opinion.

#I’m begging you people please reread the books if you can #remember we’re only on season ONE!! #and let’s not forget that Percy equated Zeus to a monster without even having met the guy and then was proven RIGHT #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo #percy jackson #pjo tv show #pjo tv series #pjo tv adaptation #pjo disney+ #pjo season 1 #the last olympian #the lightning thief

[tumatawa]

I wish she had more scenes... Whateva

#dungeon meshi #rinsha fana #kabru #tumatawart #dont tag as ship #? Do people still use that these days #**SPOILERS in the tags I will ramble a little.** #I like how they have opposite ways of thinking with their shared environment shaping them greatly. I wanted them to talk about it together #Kabru just separates from the group for the rest of the series when the Canaries arrive without any reaction and I was like What... #Maybe briefly entrusting Rin as the party leader since in his eyes she's the most reliable... Having her do things her way. #Not necessarily showing how they fare. Thatd get messy but a slight change in dynamic after they come back together in the finale dinner #Maybe I need to reread I might be missing something u__u

[booksandothersecrets]

Thinking about this for ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and

#i wish i could tell you that i wasn’t legitimately crying just from rereading that quite #quote* #gideon the ninth #harrow the ninth #harrowhark nonagesimus #gideon nav #tamsyn muir #the locked tomb #tlt #griddlehark #do NOT even get me started on the follwing part #if i think too hard about you are my only friend i am undone without you i will pass out #tw killing #tw death

[saccharinescorpion]

Eleanor Vance should NOT have been at the club (she should have been at her little cottage with her white cat and her oleanders) (and her stone lions) (and her cup of stars)

#i'm rereading (re-listening) and i'm a mess #when a book is so good you're actively sad about how you didn't discover it earlier #the fact that you can't search this book without the goddam nnetflix series coming up first is a punishment against me personally #for my bad posts #the haunting of hill house #eleanor vance #shirley jackson

[perianthkat]

I reread something recently :3

ID: Shen Qingqiu from scum villain's self-saving system saying "The masculine urge to mold myself into a blimp and fly Binghe to wherever his little heart desires <3" while in the back Shang Qinghua from the same novel says "this is not a masculine urge this is not any urge you are Clinically Insane" while looking extremely confused.

#svsss #scum villian self saving system #scum villain's self saving system #shen qingqiu #shang qinghua #shen yuan #bingqiu #perianthart #perianthposts #i should reread svsss #dip pen #ibis paint x #mixed media #:3 #shout out to whoever know where i got the quotes from #not exposing myself without prompting

[intermundia]

does the frequency with which obi-wan and anakin think about each other when they're apart in revenge of the sith do psychic damage to you, or are you normal

#obi-wan cannot go three pages without thinking abt anakin #i'm unwell about it lol #even mid battle w grievous #we're on page 300 of the page a day reread #events are spiraling fast now #obikin #the team #revenge of the sith novelization my beloved #sw #obi-wan kenobi

[covey-o-quail]

talismans............

#this was the part of the book that made me insane on the first read. espesh cranky jesper seeking the comfort of a fav doll i reread that #sentence soo many times literally the way they. ugh. talismans. and they r so valuable likeeeee and then inej's knives having #several extra layers and rlly there's a lot more i didn't add just. talismans!!!!!!!!!! and them not looking/feeling like themselves #without them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im normal #six of crows

[pastelhooman]

"You risked your life to protect so much. I couldn't bear... to let that goes to waste."

---- timelapse ----

#wailing howboutyou- #vash needs a nap #i swear getting refs for them means subjecting myself to pain #cuz i have to reread #think ive talked about this b4 but o well it stays true ig TT^TT #originally i wanted to cap it with “this man killed a man.” but without the proper context it sounds so silly #spoiler #trimax spoiler #trigun maximum spoiler #trigun maximum #trigun #if your not reading trimax what are you doing gET YOUR ASS UP N READ IT!!! #vash #vash the stampede #trimax vash #nicholas d wolfwood #wolfwood #legato #legato bluesummers #i blacked out during painting so there's a vid timelapse this time #cuz i might need it lol

[showinalittlelife]

the fact that yoo joonghyuk was created for the sole purpose of keeping kim dokja alive kills me on a daily basis

#i miss orv so bad #like i cant do anytging without it baiting me #sighhh #gonna reread ch515 and cry #joongdok #orv

[cringefail-clown]

okay lets do this: 5k likes on this post and ill read hivebent from start to finish without dipping halfway through. ill also liveblog it. no listening to lets read homestuck allowed, gotta do this the old fashioned way - by reading all the walls of text myself

#homestuck #posting this feels like giving up my soul on the hs gods altar without any benefit for myself #maybe a benefit will be me getting through the frigging act five #its been 10 years ive reread hs like 3-4 times never done it its kinda embarassing at this point #also maybe ill warm up to beta trolls?? who knows #setting the limit at 5k also feels like a mistake but Oh Well

[shirozora-draws]

I wanted to try some processes I watched on some artists' reels over at the Insta, and practice designing and coloring manmade/artifiical environments for future projects in particular.

Deep winter also always makes me moody and nostalgic, and I start looking back. I know this is just a consequence of time and technology, but I don't have any of my old Tron art files saved on my laptop. It's so strange considering how much of an impact Tron Legacy and the fandom has had on my life on and off-line. I listened to the ficmix I made for that old fic of mine the other day, and man, I felt so unwell and unhinged. That movie, that OST, that fandom, that fic, that ship, still has such a stranglehold on me years after the fact.

Anyway, if you haven't done so already, go give this beautifully made extended Daft Punk music video a watch.

#shirozora draws #tron legacy #sam flynn #tron #the grid #samtron #started rereading We Are Pilots and MAN #there are definitely sections where I'd want to rewrite and tidy up #and there are sections that still take me tf out #the movie and fandom and ship and fic that really changed my life #there was 'before We Are Pilots' #and there is 'after We Are Pilots' #there is no Dangerous Dreams series without We Are Pilots. that's all I'm saying

[lunarharp]

more phoenix wright situations

#ace attorney tag #maybe i should tag this narumitsu or something. but i dont really care. #gearing up to rereading/illustrating bits of my fic i suppose...i think nick really is too dense to realise he's in love with edgeworth #without some scheming fop trying to intrude. i love villains like kristoph..villains can be fun..witnessing their pathetic folly.. #or more like edgeworth would never have mentioned his feelings ever in his life if he wasn't sure phoenix reciprocates. #i want to see it this way because Falling in love during childhood with the person you're going to end up with. is not relatable #there have to be Situations that make you Realise. #as with orufrey i adore the idea of people not working out their romance with that person until their 30s+ #but... i mean. even with orufrey i often think how alaira could be qifrey's ex. and oru having been pursued by noble fops through his work #there is that delicate sliver of time before orufrey start living together that such believable situations could have happened. #Then the relief of politely and amicably extricating themselves from those untenable situations #the idea of falling in love age 7 and saving your first kiss for age 35 or something is all very well but more relatable is #people realising how they really feel whilst trying something that ends up feeling wrong. #The comfort and joy of living with your dearest one as if it's platonic - much preferable to trying anything more with anyone else. #But i doubt i will ever portray that or mention it further. it is indeed very delicate to me. #and i really am an OTP FOR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! kind of person who can barely bear to consider this anyway...NOT a polyshipper i'm afraid ! #so i wouldn't mind either if they do have their first kiss in their lives age 35 with each other either. I would not mind that at all. #i love bi/gay couples apparently... bi father figures & their grumpy gay men waiting for them to work it all out... #not used to using colour in comic-style drawings..or at all..so this is messy and awkward looking..but colour is refreshing #i imagine i will go back to witch hat art soon btw. my destiny in life. #i still remember writing my nrmt fic expecting to write their first kiss & then partway through twas like Umm No. They have kissed prior. #does that really line up with this comic though... i think i had their early dinner dates/first kiss BEFORE disbarment. #so i guess this comic doesn't line up with my ficverse.... No..... U___U Oh well. sorry kris! <3

[spookybeandoodle]

Blue Skies~!

Recently replayed the portal series after years of not playing it and now I’m sucked back in to my obsession of this series. It’s sooooo gooooood! So I did a doodle to celebrate me getting back intoy obsession with Portal! There’s a bit of a reference to a certain *cough cough* popular fanfic-

#portal #portal 2 #portal chell #portal fanart #portal 2 fanart #chell fanart #companion cube #I love this game so much like holy shit #I use to be freakin obsessed with this game #come home from school to just replay portal 1 & 2 everyday #need to rewatch the musical version and harry101uk’s stuff #definitely need to reread blue sky cause that shit is fire #portal blue sky #the animatic to blue sky was another thing that made me want to be an artist #I can’t listen to Mr. Blue Sky without thinking about portal and then crying from nostalgia #that fanfic and ship had me in a chokehold and still does-

[intotheelliwoods]

A SPECIAL WEEK IS COMING AGAIN! This ones.. a trip. Get tissues get blankets the stampede of emotions starts Monday the 17th, at 8:30 EST.

The week event is so intense theres a whole playlist for it aha....

#hahahaha #just like last time #im starting without having finished fridays update #everyone give me the motivation for fridays update its a hard one #thena gain monday and wednesday were also very hard ones.... #listen theres a lotttt that goes down #hense my long absense #so going to pass out after the week ahaaaa #btw #I would highly recommend giving the comic a reread before it starts #I think out of all the week updates monday is going to hit the most #may as well get familiar with the huggy leos as much as you can before poop hits the fan on monday #.... monday.......

[coquelicoq]

justice of toren collecting songs and one esk/breq constantly humming/singing them is such a good detail and ann leckie does so much with it. an incomplete list:

justice of toren's eager collection of songs is part and parcel of its violent destruction of cultures: these songs are cultural artifacts that it only learns because of its presence on those worlds during their conquest, and in many cases breq is the only one to remember them because their people have died out due to that violence. JoT preserves cultural artifacts for its own use at the same time it directly contributes to the need for that preservation in the first place.

the matter-of-fact way in which this is narrated to us gives us information about JoT's stance on respect and imperialism - that is, contrasted with other characters who look down on the conquered cultures, JoT does actually seem to appreciate their value. and yet it communicates to us no sense of remorse over its role in their genocide.

singing can be a communal activity. this allows us to feel the difference between one esk's multiple bodies singing together in harmony/in a round vs. breq singing alone. this has emotional weight, is an evocative image, and illustrates quite nicely some of the logistic considerations of having one vs. multiple bodies.

the constant humming/singing is extremely notable and idiosyncratic according to other characters, which is a dangerous combination for someone who's supposed to be undercover, so it adds a lil bit of fun suspense for us.

the fact that no one ever figures out breq's identity despite this giveaway tells us something about the other characters' attitudes towards artificial intelligences (though see below about seivarden).

the fact that it's so idiosyncratic also tells us something about the ability of individual AIs to have personalities that distinguish them from other AIs, and the fact that one esk sings constantly but two esk doesn't tells us something about the ability of different ancillary decades that are all part of the same AI to have distinguishing characteristics. this is very relevant to, and illustrative of, the series' thematic throughlines around identity, personality, continuity, etc.

the fact that breq personally has a bad voice also serves multiple purposes. because breq and seivarden both believe that the medic could have chosen a body with a good voice if she had wanted to, we can infer something about how ancillary bodies work, how much the AI (and, by extension, its medics) knows about the individual capabilities of those bodies while they're in suspension, and what kinds of things the AI can and can't control once it has unfrozen and taken over a body.

we can also draw conclusions about the medic that chose that body and about intracrew relations on that ship.

breq's bad voice creates moments of humor and irony in the narrative, such as when breq's constant singing - aka the most obvious clue that she is one esk - is precisely what makes seivarden so sure that breq can't be one esk, because no esk medic would use a body with a bad voice for an ancillary.

constant singing/humming imposes itself on the shared soundscape, meaning other people can't easily avoid it and it has the potential to annoy them, especially if the voice itself has annoying qualities. the reactions of other characters to the frequency and/or quality of this verbal tic tells us something about the level of affection those characters have for one esk or breq.

because singing involves words, the meaning of the lyrics being sung can be used to advance the plot, communicate things about specific characters, create irony in juxtaposition with what's happening on the page, etc.

i especially like what's done with the lyric "it all goes around". it's woven throughout the story in such a way as to manifest its own meaning (the repetition of "it all goes around" is, itself, an example of something going around). by repeating the lyric, breq is the one making it true, and i would argue that her repetition of this particular lyric about things orbiting other things contributes to, and/or is a sign of, her growing understanding of the necessity/reality of interdependence and her place in that framework/her role in constructing it, or in other words, the extent of her own agency and the rights and obligations it confers upon her.

because the singing/humming is a constant, background, automatic action, it only ceases when breq is experiencing a strong emotion. from this we are able to infer things about the emotional state of our famously-omits-details-about-her-emotional-state narrator based on other characters' comments about whether or not she is currently doing this thing.

we also aren't even aware that breq is doing it constantly until another character says so. on a narrative level, this serves the dual purpose of making sure we know about how much she hums AND of reminding us that she's not telling us everything.

the humming is not mentioned constantly even though it is happening constantly - this helps us forget in between mentions that it's going on while also simultaneously reinforcing just how constant it must be, so constant that to mention it every time it happens would be like narrating every time she breathes in or out. whenever someone brings it up, we are reminded anew that something has been happening all along that we forgot about. this means that ann leckie is able, by leaving information out, to hammer home to us how much we are not being told.

through this one character trait, ann leckie efficiently and elegantly communicates not just aspects of character but also of setting, plot, tone, theme, and narrative. there's no extraneous exposition just to tell us about the song collection or singing; everything that tells us about it is serving other functions in the narrative as well. the ways in which she manifests this one character trait in the universe and in the narrative contribute to and exemplify both the story itself and the method of its telling.

#and the singing/humming is only one example of how leckie is doing this! #the ubiquitous she/her usage that is actually radchaai-specific is another #imperial radch #storytelling #my posts #i have been writing sooo many drafts lately and it's stressing me out that i just keep making more without posting the old ones #so i'm posting this!!! probably i'll reread this tomorrow and be like girl have you heard of editing? #but i have to get something out the door or i will drive myself crazy #i hope this is at least somewhat coherent lol #f