#wish people would stop directing their frustrations at me. like shut up

[groupwest]

Wish someone would come take me away

#just for a day #wish people would stop directing their frustrations at me. like shut up #so hard to see the brighter lighter side of things when peoples emotions are so heavy on my shoulders #how am I supposed to spend my time here in any kind of meaningful way that brings me joy. god #there’s nothing. I am. nothing. (I know this isn’t true I know this isn’t true I know this isn’t true) #I’m gonna. try and make banana pancakes maybe then everything will be okay. maybe

[knavesflames]

@alfiikae I have written it 😳 it is not the best because I got tired halfway through but decided I couldn’t not finish it. This is NOT my best work I don’t love this

This is very OOC for Arlecchino I think, but who cares? Not me

Sequel to the ask I received about childhood Arle and reader as friends!

Contents: crying, mention of self harm (not graphic, but mentioned and briefly talked about without naming it), just sadness

Word count: 3181

Under the cut!!

(Poor reader lmao, projecting all of my school experiences onto her 😓😓)

That day was stupid, you tell yourself. She hurt you, and you shouldn’t have let her back in. You still remember the humiliation of telling your mother that no, she couldn’t come for dinner because you were wrong, and she wasn’t your friend, and that the kids were right, you were weird and weird people deserve to be by themselves. You can still remember the pitying face your mother gave you as you shrunk off to your room to play with more rocks. The memory of you playing with those damn rocks fills your brain as you stare down at the textbook. Why are you so interested in rocks and stones? You don’t know, and part of you wishes you weren’t. You slam the book shut just as a knock on your door sounds out, and Arlecchino’s voice rings out.

“Are you here? You haven’t been answering my messages. I am confused.”

You try to stay silent because there’s no way in hell you want to answer the door right now. You’ve been avoiding her since that night, just like the way you’ve been avoiding everyone else. A vow made to yourself one day in freshman year of high school, avoid everyone like the plague.

“I can see your feet, can you please answer the door?”

A sigh, and your chair pushes back as you stand, walking reluctantly towards the door before you open it, poking your head out.

“What?”

“Can I come in?”

“I’m kind of busy.”

“You’ve been busy since-“

You cut her words short, your voice slightly distant, no trace of the warm child she once rejected.

“Yeah, well, I’m busy. Maybe another time, yeah?”

Your attempt to shut the door fails when her foot blocks the way, her face stern and her eyes dark with.. what is that? Worry? Guilt? Annoyance? You sigh, walking towards your desk again as you clutch the sleeves of your sweater to stop yourself from either crying in frustration or snapping at her.

“Why have you been ignoring me? We had sex, you can’t just ignore me like nothing happened.”

“You’re one to talk about being ignored, hm?”

“..touché. But the point stands.”

“Okay.”

Your head is in your textbook again as you try to grasp how to tell the age of rocks by the patterns inside. Your hand on your temple, attempting to block out the fact she’s stood right there, staring into you like she’s trying to analyse you.

“Damn it, what the hell is wrong? What is your problem?”

“You tell me.”

“I said and did one thing like ten years ago and you still haven’t let go of it! You have to move on. I’m trying to reconnect with you.”

“I’m a weirdo, remember? Why would I try to reconnect with someone who thinks I’m a weirdo? I’d rather hang out with my textbooks and rocks.”

Your voice is sharper than it usually is. You know from so many years of this that you have to toughen yourself up. You can’t let people treat you like this, you know that, but..

“That’s exactly the problem. All you care about is rocks, you never even tried to talk to people.”

Your head snaps around sharply in her direction, a glare on your once smiling face. Your tongue finds its way between your teeth as you take a breath. You can already feel the familiar stabbing pain in your chest.

“I have tried. You just didn’t care to pay attention. I care only about rocks because they’re the only things that won’t be horrible to me! Like you’re any better with your stupid insects.”

You hear a sharp breath being taken as her fists clench for a second. Your face is unreadable, but she can see you’re hurt. She feels guilty, but she’s so annoyed at the same time. She can’t figure you out the way she wants to, she can’t read you the way she can with other people. It’s like you’ve locked yourself away behind a wall that can’t be demolished.

“What the hell happened to you?”

“What? Are you asking me if I was dropped on the head as a baby?”

The words make Arlecchino stop. That was so specific, too specific to not have been said to you before. And your voice is so sharp, so distant. The guilt is beginning to form in a pit in her stomach, pulling her downwards into a sea of anger. Her eyes flick over you, noticing the thing she’s noticed constantly about you.

“No. I’m asking what happened. You were such a happy child and then one day you just weren’t. You were so social and then you stopped talking to anyone, and nobody said anything about it either.”

“Mhm.”

“And now you’re not you. I don’t like it.”

Your mind recalls everything. The day she ditched you seems like such a small thing, but it wasn’t. Not when you pair it with everything else that happened. It was just the icing on the cake. You still remember the feeling, what you turned to, the nights alone. Your vision blurs, but you blink rapidly, fighting the tears away. Arlecchino waits patiently, standing there as she stares at you, analysing your appearance, analysing everything she can about you like you’re one of her insects she plans to research. You’ve never spoken to anyone about this, and you never dreamed of doing it. Especially not to her. But the words beginning spilling out of your mouth in both anger and sorrow.

“Nobody liked me, so I changed. Being me was the wrong thing to do.”

“Wrong? No. People liked you.”

You scoff, raising an eyebrow in disbelief. You know that’s not true, people have told you that.

“Do not lie. Nobody liked me, and it isn’t like they made that painfully obvious.”

“What do you even mean by that? Is that why you..”

She gestures a hand to you, and you know what she means. It isn’t hard to know what she means. Your eyes narrow, and your tone becomes defensive.

“How do you-“

“I just know. I saw one time. You weren’t the best at hiding it, you know. And you didn’t take your sweater off when we had sex. It adds up.”

“Right.”

“You shouldn’t do that, you know. Why? What drove you to start with that? Because people didn’t like you?”

Your jaw tenses. You don’t even know what to say to that. Your hands clasp in front of you, bringing the sleeves of your sweater against your palms, an old childhood habit really, but you never really paid attention to it. You stare in silence for a while before your voice sounds out, quiet, almost sad.

“I don’t need a lecture.”

“Sorry.”

“You really don’t know?”

“No.”

“You don’t remember that the janitor had to lock the changing rooms after school hours because a girl got locked in there for the weekend?”

Arlecchino’s eyes widen for a second as she tries to recall that. She does, in fact, vaguely remember that someone was locked in the changing rooms for an entire weekend in freshman year, and was only found again on the Monday when they had gym class. She feels the pit in her stomach grow significantly.

“That was you?”

“Mhm.”

“What happened?”

“Do you even care?”

A pause, and then:

“I do.”

You begin explaining for the first time in your life, your voice thick and almost wavering. You stare straight ahead at the small amethyst geode next to your bed, refusing to make eye contact. And you explain everything, everything from first grade to now.

“People didn’t like me because they thought I was weird. They thought I was too interested in rocks and that they couldn’t talk to me because of that.”

“You are too interested in rocks.”

“You can go if you’re going to begin with that.”

“No, you’re right. Keep going.”

Your throat constricts. For some reason, all of your anger is towards her. In a sense, she was the catalyst for everything. Not that it’s inherently her fault, but you can’t get her words out of your head.

“I kept trying to make friends but it wasn’t working. They would always play with other girls, which was.. I don’t know, sad, but I could play with myself. Then they wanted to play with me all of a sudden, so we would play hide and seek. They would ask me to hide and they would find me, but they didn’t even try to find me. It was just a ploy to get me away from them. I didn’t get it. I remember thinking that I was a bit sad they never found me until I hid really close to them. I found out they weren’t actually trying to find me, they just talked about me. They called me weird for liking rocks and wanting to play with them.”

You pause, taking a shaky breath before you continue. Arlecchino’s stomach is completely filled with guilt now, because she can tell where this is going. She has the urge to reach out and grab your hand. To trace her fingers over your skin. She doesn’t.

“Then I met you. You tolerated me, at least. And I had never had a friend before. So I remember running home and talking about you to my mom. She was worried, you know. She knew I didn’t have any friends and she saw it made me sad. She was so excited for me and when we stayed friends for a bit— well, ‘friends’, she asked if you wanted to come for dinner. She said I could ask if you wanted to come. I was so happy and I had this whole idea that we were going to swing on the swings in the park and maybe go to the library you liked so much. It turns out you didn’t like me at all.”

Your fingers pick at your nails, and it’s clear that’s something you do often by the way your skin is red and peeling. It was the opposite of her not liking you. She did like you. So much so, that she realised that she was different from other people.

“Stop that.”

Her hand finally reaches over and grabs yours, stopping you from causing more damage to your skin. Her hand are a contrast from yours, her hands patterned and blackened, almost charred and long nails painted perfectly, with your hands being plain, blunt nails that are bitten down. Tears gather on your lashes now as you keep staring at the geode, one you got for your 15th birthday.

“I had to go home to my mom that day and see her excited face. I remember she asked me what you wanted to eat, what she should make and I.. damn it, it was so hard telling her you— yeah. Her face fell, she was so happy I had a friend, and now I didn’t. She asked if I was sad, I said no. I said I didn’t care. I said I knew I was weird anyway and the girls at school said weirdos can’t make friends so it all made sense. I heard her talking to my dad when she thought I was sleeping that night, she was so sad for me.”

“I didn’t mean for it to be so mean.”

“It doesn’t help now. That was just the start of everything.”

A singular tear finally drops from your eyelid, hitting your skin. Everything is running through your mind and it’s so overwhelming you can’t help but choke down a quiet sob. Arlecchino’s own eyes are tearing up, despite her best efforts to hide it. She feels like the guilt is eating her, that the shame of what she said is sucking her into a hole. Ashamed that she said and did all of those things only to fuck you years later like nothing happened. She doesn’t want to hear anymore. But she tells herself that she needs to.

“The other kids caught wind of what happened. “If the loner girl doesn’t want to be friends with her, why would anyone else?” I kept trying to join in conversations, I kept trying to make friends, but it never worked. I got weird looks and insults. I threw a party for my 15th birthday. I invited everyone. Even you. I think a part of me was desperate for someone to show up. I got everything ready at my house, I bought so much food and I had a cake. People said they were coming. They—“

Your words are cut off by a sob. This is the first time you’ve shown any type of emotion in front of someone in years, and you’re cursing yourself for it. And Arlecchino, she’s silent. She’s listening, and she’s so so sad for you. She knows it’s only getting worse because you haven’t even talked about the changing room incident yet.

“Nobody came. I went to bed at 1am after clearing everything away. The food sat in the fridge and I had to throw it away. I did something stupid that night. I wish I didn’t because it became a habit. But I was so sad. I didn’t understand why nobody came, so I asked people. They lied to me, they said they were coming but they didn’t. And then, one Friday, after gym, they hid my gym bag. I spent a while looking, and when I finally found it and tried to leave, they had locked me in there. They said they would let me out when I stopped being a weirdo, because weirdos deserve nothing, they don’t deserve friends. They left, and I was there all weekend until the janitor found me early on the Monday. I never spoke to anyone again.”

The shame Arlecchino feels right now is palpable. She herself is crying now, silently as she stares at the floor. She yells at herself in her head at everything she could have done, but didn’t. Her eyes flick to your upper body, covered by your sweater. It’s not an unusual sight, she hasn’t seen you without a sweater since your 15th birthday. Listening to your shuddering breaths, your sobs, it pains her. So much so that her voice sounds like a yell.

“Why the fuck didn’t you say anything to me? To anyone?”

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that.”

Seeing how broken you are inside, seeing the loneliness that secretly overwhelms you, she wants to punch herself. She wants to apologise, she just.. doesn’t know how. She’s not one to apologise, she never has been. She’s hot headed, cold blooded, but you soften her in a way she’s never felt.

“I’m really sorry I never reached out to you. I’m sorry I called you weird. Really, I am. And I should have never treated you the way I did.”

Her words only make you sob harder. You sob into your sleeve, the fabric muffling your almost wails, your gasping breaths. She feels like her lungs are constricting, she feels like she can’t breathe as she watches you break down into the comfort of your sweater, which is only a painful reminder that you truly have nobody but yourself. She begins wondering how many times you’ve cried like this. How many times you’ve turned to that awful habit. And the thought of that, sitting alone in your room as you cry, breaks her too. She cries into her hands.

“I am sorry. I feel horrible, I’m so ashamed of the way I just didn’t do anything. I could have done something, I should have done something. I pushed you away because I— I had just discovered I didn’t like.. god damn it. I’m a lesbian, and it was then I figured it out. Your fault.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me. I tried to push it down, but every time I saw you it was a mean reminder that I wasn’t like everyone else. You’re such a sweet person, you don’t deserve what you got. You should have been a girl who everyone loved. Instead, you got.. you don’t deserve to be alone like you think. I lov-“

She stops. She takes a breath before she continues. It’s not the time, and she can’t use this situation to confess her infatuation with you. It was an explanation, but she can’t use it as an excuse. She feels so awkward, she hates apologising. She can’t recall a single time she’s apologised properly and meant it. Her hands fumble with her tears as she wipes them away, pushing through the awkwardness she feels.

“I like you. I want to be your friend, at least.”

You don’t reply for a bit as you try hard to calm down. Biting your lip the way you did the way she refused to be your friend, you sigh as your breath hitches.

“You won’t leave me alone until I agree, won’t you?”

“No.”

You sigh as you rub your temple, running your fingers through your hair.

“We can try. Don’t expect anything. We’re not best friends. We can try.”

Relief floods through Arlecchino, at least a bit. She was dreading her apology being rejected, causing more awkwardness. A single nod as she glances up around the room.

“Alright.”

You both sit in silence as you try to calm down. Your hands fumble with your sleeves as the tears dry on your face before her voice is heard again.

“You know you have a cobweb?”

“I know. I’m scared of spiders so I just let it live there.”

“Is it big?”

“No, but I still won’t touch it.”

Her eyes search the corners before she finally finds the little fellow, a small smile gracing her face. Her hands reach up, gently pushing the spider onto her hands. She gingerly approaches you, your eyes following her. You know the fear is irrational, but it’s always been a fear. The spider is almost cute, if it wasn’t for.. you don’t know.

“It’s fine. This species won’t hurt you at all. They look a bit scary but they’re actually not. People just don’t know how to hold them.”

You know she’s trying to distract you. It’s like she knows your thoughts, but she knows better than to speak about it.

“Is that why they run?”

“Mm.”

“How do you hold them, then?”

She looks up at you, as if for permission before she opens her hand and lets the spider crawl onto your sleeve. She figures that it not touching your skin is easier for the first time.

“Just don’t be harsh. Don’t hold them by their legs, let them roam.”

“It’s almost cute.”

“I know. I like the purple rock on your nightstand.”

You both watch the spider as it crawls around your arm, you’re slowly relaxing, still on edge, but.. better.

“It’s a geode. Amethyst.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Can I?”

“Yeah. It’s pretty.”

And for the first time in a long time, a real smile ghosts your face as you begin talking.

#arlechinno genshin #arlechinno x reader #arlebina #arlefuri #genshin impact #arle #genshin wlw #genshin x reader #genshin fanfic #arlecchino angst #arlecchino fluff #arlecchino genshin #genshin impact arlecchino #arlecchino #genshin fluff #genshin impact fluff #genshin imagines #genshin impact fic #genshin impact fanfics

[mrs-weasley-reid]

Slap Back to Vegas

platonic Spencer Reid x geniusbau!reader | part 2

part 1 | part 3 | part 4

Summary: Spencer was broken, the most broken he has ever been. As much as bau!reader wants to coddle him with sweet words like the rest of the team does, she can't because she made a promise six years ago.

Warning: mentions of death, self-harm, violence. cursing. short-tempered reader. (tell me if I missed anything)

A/N: this might be a bit heavy, so please be mindful as you read.

— ✿ — ✿— ✿ ✿ ✿

"Reid, answer the damn phone and stop moping." You hung up the phone with a thud, your nostrils flaring.

It has been two weeks. Two weeks since Spencer began grieving over Maeve's death, shutting people out. You were no exception.

And you weren't one to be insensitive or inconsiderate or impassive or uncaring or any other words to paint you out as the inhumane agent, but Spencer needed a wake up call.

No. He needed more than just a wake up call. He needed one hell of a delicious eye opening slap on his face. He needed to stop blaming himself, killing himself with guilt.

It has been six years since you promised to be his one friend who would never hesitate to be real with him. You were true to your word.

You may not fully relate to his grief, but you knew his stupid attempt to wallow in guilt would not do him any good.

"He can take all the time he needs," Hotch announced as his focus remained at the folder on his lap.

You rolled your eyes, "No, he can't."

Hotch gave you a stern look. The look of a disrespected father being questioned for his parenting skills. "Why don't you focus your energy on the case?" He made sure his authority was clear.

"95% of those who loses their partners are at risk of suicide." You stated nonchalantly, flipping through your own copy of file. "I'm just saying. Give him space all you want. Exactly what he needs to hang himself." You shrugged, as if your words weren't horrible. They were. You knew they were.

Rossi was the one to speak your name in a warning tone.

Sometimes you wished you wouldn't be the one to shake some sense into Spencer. You grew frustrated. Genius and empty minded. Just like Spencer, emotion was a difficult area for you to dabble in.

So here you were, the villain in the BAU team's story.

A lot of them grew increasingly annoyed at you. They thought, at first, it was denial. Denial that Spencer was grieving. That your friend was hurt. Then, they were left to think it was jealousy.

You and Spencer have been awfully close for the past six years, but Maeve's existence seemed to surprise you. So, they thought, maybe you were jealous of her. Because Spencer loved her dearly. Because Spencer loved someone else.

And boy were they wrong.

You love Spencer? Correct. You're in love with Spencer? Maybe you should be the one hanging yourself. You cared for him deeply, finding friendship in the midst of tragedies. However, you don't find it in yourself to love him romantically.

As harsh as your words were, you knew sweet nothings wouldn't get through Spencer. It would just make him push people away further, just like what he was doing right now.

You sighed in defeat, obliging to Hotch's advice. You directed your energy to the case, helping them the best you could, probably even better than Spencer. You were a genius, too, after all.

— ✿ — ✿— ✿ ✿ ✿

Voice mail greeted you once again, you closed your eyes in agony. You were losing patience, much less hope.

"Spencer—" It was rare. You never called him by his first name. "How am I supposed to slap you some good ole reality if you're over there acting like you're dead? A simple, 'I'm alive, leave me alone,' would be fine. Spencer, I don't entirely know how you feel, but trust me, I know it's hard. Can you at least respond to the others? Blow on the speaker or something just so they know you're alive. I'm really mad at you. I look like the bad guy here. Just know that once you feel better, I will physically slap you back to Vegas."

A weak smile urged the corner of Spencer's lips as he listened to your irritated voice. That was the first time his lips even moved. He forgot how much he loved to talk.

You sighed, placing the phone's microphone closer to your lips. "You're being stupid, Spencer. You're being unfair to everyone who has been with you for years. They want to help you. Let them help you. Plus, I hate that everyone thinks I'm in love with you. Please tell me that makes you want to puke too." You paused. He could only imagine the grimace on your face, and that made him chuckle. "You must respond to them and tell them how much you love me as your annoying sister. Ugh! Fine. Mope around all you want—"

Spencer quickly played the next voicemail you left him, knowing how persistent you were as a person. He knew you weren't about to cut your speech off.

"This is fucking stupid. Who the hell made the decision to make voicemails three minutes long? Why am I even leaving you a voicemail? I don't even leave my mother a voicemail. Do me a favor, make it easier for me and answer the freaking phone, you son of a bitch!" Spencer couldn't take it anymore. He fell on fits of laughter in the tightness of his apartment. His stomach cramped, his hands cradling it to ease the shortness of his breath.

Spencer collapsed on the floor. Tears glided down his temple. What made the tears bearable was the fact that they weren't of grief. They were of momentary happiness. Would you be glad to know that your demise cheered him up a bit? Probably not.

A groan escaped you. He knew you've grown impatient of him. You didn't have much patience to begin with. "I meant your Dad, by the way. Diana would agree with me." He nodded as if you were in front of him. "Spencer. I wasn't oblivious. I am a genius, too, you know. Why does everyone always forget that I have 184 IQ? I knew there was someone. You always memorized phone booth locations first before working on the geographic profile. You're always smiling after a call from God knows whatever phone booth you wandered to. I knew it was someone who made you happy. If everyone knew about your girlfriend, I knew about the silly little book you're probably holding right now."

You took a well needed pause, your tongue went dry and empty of words, but your mind was running a thousand miles per hour. Spencer heard you shoo someone away and snorted at the shortness of your temper. And at that point, he found anything you did hilarious.

Clearing your throat, you continued. "I would be lying if I said that I wasn't happy for you. And a clown if I said I don't feel an ounce of sympathy for your situation. But guess what? I made a promise. So listen carefully. You, Dr. Spencer Walter Reid, are being excruciatingly stupid. There are people who wants to support you. You deny it? You're not so special, Spencer. You're just a genius. We're geniuses who struggle in life and as far as statistics could go, we shouldn't dumb ourselves down when emotions strike. We're too unapproachable to deny friends. So if there are people who wants to hold your hand, take it. And I'm sure Maeve—"

His fingers shakily played the last voicemail you left him. The mention of her name still ached his chest. If it was JJ who left him the voicemail, he would've turned the player off and cry for about an hour.

Somehow, you saying her name felt serene. As if Maeve was your best friend and you were relaying him a message from her in the meanest way.

You could've texted him a long essay. But no. You knew he needed to hear every word that left your mouth.

"Maeve wanted to meet with you because she didn't want you to feel alone. Don't you think moping by yourself defeats that purpose? I don't know her personally. But in the small time I saw the two of you together? At gun point and tied up, for sure, but I knew she loved you just as much as you love her. She wouldn't want you to be alone right now. No one is asking you to be okay. It's okay to be depressed. It's okay to grieve. But at least have the decency to let people help you. No one is forcing you to go back to work. Well... I am."

Spencer rolled his eyes and shook his head. Of course you were. You hated when he got the luxury of getting more day offs than you did. You hated that there was always something that made him vulnerable. All jokes, but a little bit of it was true.

He would never forget the day you got shot—luckily just grazed by the bullet—and Hotch called you in the middle of getting stitches, whether you remembered the unsub's face and was up to talk to a sketch artist. You glared blood and daggers at Spencer that day as he sat across you, an ice pack on his head to tender his concussion.

"I can handle the case without you, but—" You let three seconds pass. Spencer thought you ended the message there, but you spoke again. "I don't feel comfortable when a friend of mine with 187 IQ is being stupid. It distracts me. I worry. Hear that? I'm worried. That's very concerning. So please, respond to the others. Open the door for Penelope and JJ. Answer Derek's calls. Maybe cry in Hotch's office. Join his widower club. Is it too early to joke about that? I don't know. But I would never know if you keep being a jerk and don't answer me."

Spencer stood up. He has decided. He was going to let you slap him back to Vegas.

— ✿ — ✿— ✿ ✿ ✿

You had no idea whether Spencer was still breathing. And if he ever answered Derek's calls, you weren't aware. The whole team made sure not to mention him when he called Derek, or had a short conversation with Penelope.

It was unfair to you, really. They had no idea how much influence you had on Spencer that he began to work his way around the profile. Even better, ask Penelope to fly him to where everyone was.

Nevertheless, you racked your brain for any reasons why the unsub chose to use blood as his paint. You left the group when the lab report arrived, locking yourself inside the ladies room. You had had enough of them criticizing you and undermining your thoughts because they were still upset over your attitude towards Spencer.

Meanwhile, as you bit your nails in the privacy of the precinct's restroom, one specific curly-haired genius arrived.

"What other reasons would he have for separating the plasma from the blood?" Hotch examined. He was particularly waiting for your answer, but you were too busy rebelling against them in the restroom.

"It's a habit." Spencer interjected, earning everyone's attention.

"Reid," Derek said in suprise.

"Spence," JJ exclaimed simultaneously, relieved at the sight of him. She immediately engulfed him into a tight hug.

"I didn't expect you back this soon. You sure you're ready?" Hotch's usual austere brows softened ever so slightly.

"No, but I think I figured something out." Spencer flashed a tight-lipped smile, allowing everyone to know that he was coping just fine. "And I need someone to slap me back to Vegas." A soft chuckle vibrated out of him.

Everyone's eyebrows knitted. Was he making a joke? If he was, they had no idea what it was about. They couldn't find the humor in it.

"He's a hemophiliac." You announced as you walked back in the bullpen, unaware of Spencer's presence. "Some hemophiliacs inject plasma into their wounds—"

You were cut off by a huge impact on your body. Your arms were stretched out, processing what was happening.

Spencer was hugging you. That was rare. Almost as rare as you calling him by his first name. Not that the two of you had never hugged before, but it was only when one of you almost died, and needed the assurance that both of you were, in fact, alive.

"Thank you," He whispered next to your ear, his embrace tightening for a few seconds before letting you go. You have yet saved him from distress for the nth time, and he didn't know what he would ever do if you decided to stop.

Spencer placed his elbow atop your head, facing everyone. "And she's not in love with me. We would rather shoot each other." He said with a grin, taking everyone by surprise.

You scoffed, swatting his arm off your head. "Do you feel better?"

It was a mistake. He should've not nodded. He should've kept his sullen face, and maybe you wouldn't have glared at him whilst cracking your fingers.

You rubbed your palms together, nodding. "Good, because I wasn't lying when I said I was going to slap you—"

"—back to Vegas." Spencer finished your sentence, the recent sorrow in his eyes replaced by fear for his life.

Rossi turned to the others, "I think we owe our second genius a generous apology."

And they all agreed in silence, watching as you demanded Spencer to stay still whilst he ran around the precinct.

#spencer reid imagine #dr spencer reid #ssa spencer reid #spencer reid #spencer x reader #criminal minds fandom #spencerreid #criminal minds #cm #criminalminds #fem!reader #spencer reid x self insert #spencer reid x fem!readr #spencer reid x reader

[eco-lite]

Finally got to read Volume 6! I didn’t think anything could top Volume 4, but this one is a very close contender for my favorite. Here are my unedited thoughts:

“Sinhalite Beckons, Part 1”

* An extra case first??? Okay then.

* Who is this female version of Seigi? This is hilarious, they’re way too similar!

* Very curious where in the timeline this story takes place…

“The Wandering Conch Pearl”

* WAIT WTF?? That was Seigi’s dream? Did he dream of himself as a woman interacting with Richard in Sri Lanka??????

* Not the milkman omgggg.

* Oooh Richard’s assistant in Hong Kong. That’s probably the sleezy guy he was talking about in the last story. Can Seigi see into other peoples’ pasts now? Didn’t know there was going to be a supernatural element lol.

* “I couldn’t decide if I should serve tea or not, so my brain cells had a meeting and came to the unanimous conclusion not to” (34). I love Seigi so much. 😂

* “I couldn’t stop smiling. Richard thanked me. He said he thought I was dependable. His smile was beautiful enough to start, but boy, a direct hit from his charm sure packed a punch. I was glad he’s withdrawn to the back room, because I was pretty sure my face wasn’t going to go back to normal for a while” (42). Oh, honey… 😌

* Wow, I did not think I would be learning so much about post-WWII politics between Japan and the Dominican Republic from this series, but here we are.

* This conversation between Richard and Seigi from page 62-67 is all over the place. Richard shutting Seigi down when he invites Richard over, but obviously still wanting to let Seigi in. And he ends up asking Seigi to dinner even though he just made the argument that Seigi should go home and go to bed early. And then he gets frustrated that Seigi is being so amenable to going out to dinner with him?? Bro, get your emotions together! You of all people should know that Seigi is not a mind reader. Let him know how you feel, for fuck’s sake!

* “To me, Richard’s beauty was like Mount Fuji at sunrise or the windswept sand dunes in a desert. Anyone else’s beauty was…very human. When I looked at Richard, I felt a mysterious calm, like if I were looking at a lake or the sky or the sea. Normal human features weren’t even in the same category. But if I said any of that out loud, I was pretty sure I’d offend literally everyone” (67). Yes, would would offend literally everyone. You’re learning, Seigi!

* “To have someone look upon the grain of truth hidden within the most tender part of yourself, and tell you their unvarnished opinion of it—I thought that would, without question, be cause for joy” (69). Okay well then you better tell Richard how you feel about having to leave Étranger in the next story, Seigi! Expose that grain of truth!!

“Resplendent Spinel”

* Seigi is really too nice. Filling in for someone in a club where you don’t know any of the other members? Could never be me.

* Ayame describing the “insincere drivel” her boyfriend spouts at her and Seigi’s reaction is “I felt like I was about to go into cardiac arrest” (93). 😅 Is he finally gaining some self-awareness about how ostentatious his compliments of Richard are?

* Ayame: “‘And if you think that a compliment can’t cut as deeply as an insult, you’re terribly naive’” (93). Seigi: “I felt like I’d been sent flying by a body blow” (94). Seigi is really going through it…

* “‘But you are different. Your words are different. When your words brush my face, it’s like a playful wind. With your absurd vocabulary, you are expressly telling me that my appearance brings you joy. It does feel a bit peculiar at times, but perhaps I find that peculiarity oddly endearing, Seigi.’ And then he smiled. I was struck dumb for a while” (96). Holy shit… 😳

* “‘I have a hard time understanding the nature of your love for me. It’s be a great help if you could give me a rundown, as if you were briefing me for a job’” (101). I wish Richard would ask Seigi to do this. But I think Seigi needs to complete his “self assessment” first. He doesn’t even understand the nature of his own love for Richard.

* Wow, Itagaki is actually pretty mature. Good for him.

* “‘Well, I just want you to know there has been a lot of diversity in body type in the industry lately, and I would love you even if you put on a hundred kilos, so don’t overdo it’” (110). It’s really nice to see a male character so adamant that his girlfriend shouldn’t have to worry about losing weight, especially since she’s in the entertainment industry. I hope we see even more diverse body types in Japanese entertainment in the future.

* I hope we get to see this “long talk” they’re going to have in the next story.

“Paraíba Tourmaline Romance”

* Omg Tanimoto is back! And she’s finally meeting Richard!! The two of them ganging up on Seigi is so funny.

* “Once again, it was Seigi Nakata versus the allied forces of Richard and Tanimoto. Honestly, I was probably the happiest if ever been in my life, but I was also just as embarrassed” (135). This is so cute.

* “‘I agree that romance might just be a stone I don’t know yet, but it feels so removed from me—like that planet made from diamonds orbiting a distant star. Maybe I just don’t have the courage for interstellar travel’” (153). This is so ace. I’m so so glad Tanimoto decided to be true to herself and not force herself into a romantic relationship she didn’t actually want. Sometimes you don’t need to experiment. You just know yourself. I’m so proud of her!

* Wow, I really teared up seeing Richard talk about queerness and fluctuations in identity so directly. I’m so happy Tsujimura had the courage to include frank conversations about queer issues. Richard’s perspective here truly is “like a spring breeze rushing through a window that no one remembered opening” (153).

* “‘What really matters is that you never forget that while you possess the potential to change, your present self continues to become your future self… I know it’s hard to decide what choice will be best for you, if I were in your position, I would not think forcing myself into a romantic relationship would be that choice… While dying on your feet is all well and good, one wrong step might make it nothing g more than foolhardy and reckless. And perhaps in the same way, a strategic retreat isn’t running away so much as it is a change of course’” (157). Ace ally Richard is so important to me. This is why he’s my comfort character.

* “‘When Seigi told me about this place, I thought it was a shop run by a foreign man who would show his customers wonderful gemstones. I see it’s actually a shop that provides kindness and comfort to those who see themselves as Étranger’” (158). fUCK.

* I’m so glad Seigi apologized for what he said to Tanimoto at the museum. I know it’s hard for him to let go of the fact that Tanimoto doesn’t feel romantic love since he has a crush on her, but I think he’s more understanding of her feelings now, thanks to the conversation with Richard.

* Omg Seigi and Tanimoto having a mature conversation about why they wouldn’t work out romantically. So nice to see. I think Tanimoto still kind of misunderstood why Seigi wanted to ask her out before, but that’s very on brand for her lol.

* “‘I feel like having you around has made me a better person than I was before’” (173). Richard!!! 💘💘💘

* Tanimoto defending Seigi and telling Richard to never hurt him again! I love her so much!

* I love this story so much! It was great to learn more about Tanimoto’s past and see her finally interact with Richard, who was just so thoughtful here. I can’t believe he felt bad for telling her not to worry about romantic love because he thought it might hurt Seigi. That’s sweet, but I’m glad he was true to himself and what Tanimoto needed to hear in that moment. And Seigi got just a bit more mature, too. I have such intense affection for everyone in this situation. But not Seigi’s father coming to ruin the vibes at the end. 🤬🤬🤬

“The Tanzanite of Rebirth”

* Seigi’s father is such a disgusting manipulator. I always say I want to learn more about Seigi, but learning how awful this man was to him and Hiromi, and how dark Seigi’s thoughts were at that time… How dark they are now… It’s really distressing.

* The fucking tonal shift from this melancholy last dinner together to Jeffrey showing up in the hotel room is so funny. For real though, what did Seigi think would happen when he followed Richard to his room?? 👀 But it’s really concerning that Seigi felt he had no choice but to follow Richard to his room. Obviously that’s Seigi’s extremely negative headspace talking, but please have some self-respect!

* “‘Maybe you’ve forgotten, but I spent a long time stalking you within the realm of what’s legal, of course. Obviously, I’ve repented of my actions—please, God, forgive me for my trespasses. And since I’ve repented, I hope you’ll forgive me for reoffending. It’s plain for anyone to see that something’s been eating at you’” (228). JEFFREY. It’s kind of sweet that Jeffrey has been keeping an eye on Seigi, but did he have to get this intense about it? This kidnapping situation is so chaotic lol. That is his style, though.

* “‘Why do you treat me like some rock on the side of the road? What do you think I am? A doll that’s not good for anything but being on display? I’ve been on this Earth longer than you have. I possess more knowledge than you, and I have enough free time to be able to afford to spend some on you. And yet you had the audacity to try to abandon me and walk off into the darkness. It’s beyond asinine and irrational’” (230). YOU TELL HIM, RICHARD! (Not to even mention Richard told Seigi he loves him just before this rant.) But I feel like Seigi could have said this exact speech when Richard ran away to England before. They both feel that the other should rely on them more, but wouldn’t want to be a burden. After the England debacle, Richard learned that it’s okay to rely on people who love you. Now Seigi has to learn that lesson too.

* “There was a large dam inside my heart, and what it was holding back wasn’t water but sludge. And I didn’t want any of that getting on Richard. It’s the sort of thing that you let out into a drainage ditch in secret” (232-233). Oh, honey, no. First of all, Richard is a human being who loves you and can withstand hearing bad things. You’re not tainting him. He’s asking you to trust him with this. Second of all, please go to therapy…

* It’s really concerning to see how Seigi thinks of himself as having the potential for violence against people he loves. It’s really common for witnesses of domestic abuse to think that way, but it’s so clear in Seigi’s actions that he could never do that. He has such a good heart. But he’s really clouded by dark thoughts from interacting with his father. It’s not like he was thinking this when he wanted to date Tanimoto. These thoughts resurfaced very recently. Thankfully Richard has done enough self-reflection to throw his own situation in Seigi’s face to show him how ridiculous he’s being.

* “‘You don’t think of me as normal or expected. You don’t think of me as tangible, something that is always by your side. That is why I remain someone distant and unreachable to you… You never attempt to close the distance between us. And you never allow me to pay your price, the affection, you are worth’” (243-244). Wow. This reflective Richard is extremely powerful…

* “The moment I realized that he had been watching over me and accepting me for who I was on a much deeper level than I could even have imagined, I felt like I’d been tossed into the middle of the ocean—it was salty, and I struggled to breathe. I was such a loser, such a thoughtless person, a timid child crying in the dark with his knees held tightly to his chest, and yet it felt like he took it all in and said that it was fine. But it wasn’t just a feeling, he believed in me, more than I could ever believe” (247-248). Yes, Seigi, that’s what you do when you love someone. You did the same for him.

* Omg punk Jeffrey?! I wish I could see all those photos Richard keeps as blackmail. 😂

* I’m glad Richard brought up “what floor?” Seriously, Seigi not feeling able to reject him was scary. For both of them, I think.

* Seigi’s stepdad is an absolute legend! King of positive masculinity! “‘I don’t think being strong or not has anything to do with whether you’re okay’” (272). Fuck yes. Hiromi did so well marrying this man.

* “‘I don’t want an apology, I want you to reflect on your behavior. I imagine you understand this by now, but your number-one assignment at the moment is learning to value yourself more’” (274). The fact Richard is able to say this to Seigi is a reflection of his own growth as well. I’m so glad they’re in each other’s lives. They make each other better. 🥹

* Seigi trying to tell Richard he wants to keep being around him even if he doesn’t work at Étranger anymore but it keeps coming out likes he’s proposing or asking him on a date. I think his first statement was the truest to how he feels: ‘“I want to be by your side from now on, if you’ll let me’” (280). I think Richard was ready to accept that as a proposal until Seigi made a bunch of qualifying statements lol.

* Wow, this story means so much to me. Everything that came out of Richard’s mouth was something both Seigi and I (and so many other people, I’m sure) needed to hear. Their relationship got so much deeper. And I can’t wait to see what shenanigans Seigi gets up to in this hotel lol. Especially if Richard is staying there as well. Very excited for the next volume. This one had better come out on time! 😤

“Sinhalite Beckons, Part 2”

* OKAY this is wild! I swear to god the person on the motorcycle in part 1 is Richard, but it seems to be Seigi now???? And he and Richard seem to live together in this nice house in Sri Lanka???????

* Omg she’s the sister of the airport lady from “Flourite By Your Side!” 😲 Glad she’s feeling better!

* Okay so it’s been three years? And there are pictures of the shop in Ginza and their families on the coffee table?? This is so fucking domestic. Is this their future???

* It’s refreshing to see someone call Seigi attractive for once! RIP Keiko’s love life though lol.

* “‘But you know, you really surprised me. You speak textbook-perfect English, but your Japanese sounds like someone from a local convenience store.’ I told him I thought is was a very interesting gap, and he smiled bashfully. ‘He always tells me that—“At this point, the language you might be the least eloquent in might be Japanese.” It is the one language he didn’t teach me, after all’” (301). This is so funny. And it’s making more sense why I thought Seigi was actually Richard in the first part. I can’t believe Seigi speaks English with a British accent! 😂

* Lol once again somebody’s first assumption is that Seigi and Richard are a couple, and it’s still not hard to see why. Love that Keiko immediately asked Seigi out after learning they’re not together, though. You go, girl! But Seigi’s heart belongs to someone else, huh? For real, please tell me he knows it’s Richard at this point!

* I find it so interesting that Tsujimura decided to show us this glimpse of Seigi and Richard’s future. What was the purpose?? It’s a fun and cute story, but not very satisfying if you’re routing for them to get together. And it weirdly feels like an ending even though I know there are at least two more volumes after this…

“Afterward”

* This isn’t a story but I need to record my reaction to the sentence “the first part of the story has now come to a close with Volume 6—though there is still more to tell.” 😲😲😲 Okay, I didn’t realize this story was in parts! Maybe “Sinhalite Beckons” is a way to transition into this new future chapter of Seigi and Richard’s life. 🤔

* Tsujimura actually knows a jeweler who taught them how to make royal milk tea lol. That’s adorable. They do say to write why you know.

* “It would make me very happy if you would keep me company on their journey for a little while.” Tsujimura, I am with you for the long haul. 🫡 Let’s do this!

#jeweler richard #the case files of jeweler richard #tsujimura nanako #nakata seigi #richard ranasinghe de vulpian

[lilyoffandoms]

Blades Drabble - Tyril x Maiele (implied)

Warnings & A/N: Angst and canon-compliant trauma. I’m hoping this gets addressed and it doesn’t get glossed over because my god the possibility! And I’m sorry but all their reactions bother me (even if Tyril’s is the least bothersome to me).

The others had fallen asleep easily enough once the adrenaline from Valex’s attack had worn off. It had not been the same for him. His body was exhausted but he could not shut off his mind, which was running wild in all directions.

It had been so easy before. They had shared everything with each other. They didn’t keep their frustrations, their pain, their joys hidden from each other. They had shared countless personal stories with each other, they had tended each others wounds, had shared jokes, and made each other laugh.

Now?

Now they acted like a bunch of children.

No, children acted better than they were acting towards one another.

Now they acted like enemies.

No, enemies at least acknowledged and responded to each other, even if only in the heat of battle.

Now they seemed to be acting like strangers. Everyone out for themselves. No one recognizing the people they once called friends.

He shut his eyes trying to sleep but groaned and sat back up when that failed, yet again.

He wish he had someone to talk to.

Like he once had.

But they had changed.

All of them had changed but him. Well, that wasn’t true. He had probably changed the most but no one seemed to recognize that trauma. They were too preoccupied by their own. Everyone for themself.

Plus, it’s not like he had any reason to be upset like they did.

He had just been asleep, after all.

Not like he remembered anything.

A year had passed for them all but he didn’t have any memories of that time, only scars.

Scars that dotted his arms and legs. Scars from each wound she ripped open to take his blood. Scars from each flame she used to seal the wound back shut till his blood was needed again.

He has slept.

He he had simply slept.

Not like he had anything to complain about.

He got to sleep through it all.

Gods, he wished he had someone to talk to.

Like he once had.

But they had all changed.

Nia just asked if Maiele thought she was doing the right thing and spouted religious one-liners that were meant to bring comfort but simply grated on his nerves.

Mal just talked about how much he had changed and Maiele had not and wondered aloud constantly if Maiele was proud of him?

Imtura just avoided talking to him and avoided his eyes whenever he looked in her direction but looked for fights around every corner.

And Tyril, the one person he had come to rely on, the one he loved, just told him again and again how hard Maiele’s absence had been on him and how difficult it was to find balance with him again despite still having feelings for him.

Not once did any of them ask about Maiele, too wrapped in their own trauma to recognize that he was slowly drowning in his own.

Just because you can’t see his, just because it wasn’t as obvious as their own, didn’t mean it didn’t exist.

But that wasn’t right either. Of all of them, his trauma should have been the most obvious. Yes, they had lost a friend. Yes, they fought about the best way bring him home. Yes, they had moved on without him, fighting that pain.

But…

He had lost a year of his life.

He had been tortured, held prisoner, and experimented on by an enemy that sought the destruction of all that he held dear.

He had walked through prison bars and dissolved the rope that bound his wrist because a voice in his head told him he could.

He was a realm walker and he didn’t even really know what that meant.

He was pulled back and forth between this realm and the in-between by a figure that called himself The Watcher, and asked Maiele to trust him with nothing given in return.

He was being tasked with the impossible mission of stopping an entire empire almost single-handedly. If he failed, the Light realm would fall to darkness.

He could jump realms by simply thinking it.

He returned to his realm to find his lover gone, his friends missing, and the world moved on.

He wasn’t trying to negate their own pain but was it too much to ask that they simply acknowledge it was possible that he carried his own?

That maybe his trauma was more than simply being asleep for a year?

——————————

All Choices Tag: @storyofmychoices @peonierose @aallotarenunelma @inlocusmads

Other Tags: @choicesficwriterscreations @choicesbookclub

Follow up drabble if any of y’all are interested.

#choices blades #tyril x maiele #my drabble #i like to live dangerously and so do not edit please forgive any mistakes

[a-noone]

Silly McSpirk Story Idea: When The Ship Sails

Inspired by the story of two best friends who pretended to be a gay couple to win booze on a cruise ship. Plot under the cut.

The planet Klobour is rich in dilithium, and populated by a species with roughly 21st century level technology. As a pre-warp civilization, they are protected by the Prime Directive.

The Klingons do not care. Their plan is to slaughter the planet's Prime Minister, take over the government, and mine the hell out of that dilithium. They see their chance when said Prime Minister boards a luxury cruise ship.

Kirk, Spock, and McCoy must go undercover on that cruise ship. Chapel modifies their appearance, Uhura hacks some Klobour computers to give their men tickets, and they go and replicate both appropriate attire and a limited quantity of cash currency.

McCoy: "Well, if we're gonna blend in, we're gonna need extra cash for tipping, and for their over-priced alcohol."

Spock: "Doctor, the quantity of alcohol you undoubtedly wish to drink would necessitate replicating a quantity of currency that would almost certainly attract the attention of the constabulary."

The cruise ship is snooze central. It's mostly loud old rich people and families with whiny kids.

Jim's fine. He thinks the kids are cute. He flirts with a bunch of older people just to make them feel good about themselves. He goes swimming in a speedo. Somehow, after three hours, he's friends with the ship's Captain.

Spock is caught in the hell which is watching Jim go around half naked, flirting with people who are not Spock. He vents his frustration by making pedantic commentary to McCoy.

Bones wants to McFuckin' DIE. Jim's got that thing for the diving board and surely he's gonna bust his fool-head open, and they can't even use modern medical tools. Kids won't stop running around and screaming and whining. Spock won't shut up. And because they only have a small amount of cash, he can't really afford alcohol.

McCoy: "YOU did this to me, you damn green-blooded miscreant."

Spock: "I fail to see how I am responsible for the socio-political circumstances that necessitated our presence here."

McCoy: "Damnit, I told you we needed more money! I can't even afford a french fry here, let alone a mixed drink."

Jim: *getting between them and slapping them both on the shoulders* "Hey, you know, there's a newlywed contest. The prize is unlimited free food and drink. You two certainly argue enough to be a married couple."

And Jim is joking. Teasing.

Spock: "Undoubtedly, Captain. Securing additional food and drink for Doctor McCoy would doubtless improve his mood, and make the mission easier."

McCoy: "There is no way you could pull off pretending to be my husband."

Spock: *raising an eyebrow in defiance*

The game show is pretty standard. You have to answer correctly about the other person's personality, preferences, and favorites. They win because Jim has never, since they've known him, been able to restrain himself from gushing about each of them to the other.

McCoy tries to make Spock uncomfortable by laying the flirtation on really thick.

Spock's not uncomfortable. He's actually secretly touched that McCoy knows his favorite tea blend, his favorite book, his favorite poet, his favorite scientists, the name of his childhood pet, all of his hobbies. Spock remembers everything he heard because he's Vulcan. McCoy must remember because he cares.

Then, they win. As a bonus surprise, they are upgraded to the honeymoon suite. They must now, for the remainder of the cruise, sleep in a singular gigantic bed.

What they don't know is that they were recorded, and broadcast on loop to the entire crew, making them ship-wide celebrities.

They're asked to kiss every time they enter a common area. And they kinda have to do it. McCoy internally detonates at the realization that he likes kissing Spock, later yelling at him: "You didn't have to make it so convincing!"

Spock, a touch telepath, merely gloats.

Jim feels some kind of way about seeing his besties kiss each other.

But also, the secret Klingon operative on the ship now knows that McCoy and Spock are definitely on board! Romantic antics, pining, and angst are interrupted by Klingons trying to kill them and sink the ship.

The story ends with Jim confessing his affections for both of his friends. Spock announces that the only logical solution is a poly triad.

#only one bed #fake dating #fake marriage trope #mcspirk #cruise ship #Spock is a little shit

[luckyshotwrites]

What I'd Do As My Enemies Wife (Widfali AU)

Chapter 2 - Home Sweet, I'M STAYING HOME!

Contents (Warnings): Lynette's refusal to go leave the house (Shenanigans with Alexander and Lynette).

Wordcount: 1,800+

Side note: Thank you, @novorehere for being the menace that made me draw them going on a date and @aramastus for suggesting this AU idea in the first place! Love you guys! AGAIN, this is a goofy what if scenario. If you haven't read Widfali I'd recommend reading it first! That being said this is going to be much lighter and sweeter than what's been going on in the story thus far, hope you enjoy!

__________________________________________________

Alexander

He dropped the book onto the table and swiftly grabbed her upper arms. His hands firmly held her, and he succumbed to the compulsion to lightly shake her. 

He vividly pictured scenes he never wished to conjure because she said it was worse. 

"YOU-" He thought of all the names he could say: moron, idiot, little shit, but none of them conveyed his embarrassment or relieved frustration.

He stopped shaking her and continued when she faced him. "Why the fuck were you even trying to hide that from me? Do you think I'd care whether the other you was willing?"

"Because we-" Lynette abruptly shut her mouth and averted her gaze.

His head sank further in his hunched shoulders. "What?" He followed her leer that didn’t face him, which watched their reflections in the flat screen T.V. Once she noticed he looked there too, she closed her eyes. "We what, shrimp?" His emotions slowly settled at the bottom near his soles, and his hunger rose again like a devil on his shoulder. 

It whispered its woes about his inanition. 

His fingers locked onto her tighter. Fuck, no. Focus. Alexander tried to deafen any other feeling except his original question. What happened today? He ran over the events and, through his easy, jumpy awkwardness, landed on their discussion with Ceram.  

"You must act as your married counterparts."

His mind finally flicked on its light bulb. A mischievous curl broke into his grin—a look he hadn't shown her in a long time. "Ooooh."

Lynette turned back to him. A mewl scampered from her vocals, "Xander," she shook her head and tried to pull away. "You said you wouldn't say anything about it!"

"I didn't say yes to that," Alexander unknowingly leaned in closer, "Now, Ceram did say we have to act like our counterparts, didn't she?" 

His tease toward her backfired. The possibility of Lynette saying yes heightened the thrill of his near-rapacious appetite, which he tried and failed to impulsively quell.

"Ah! No way! I'm not agreeing to that!" 

It knocked him from his delusion, and he realized how close he had her. Their faces were so close that he felt her warm breath brush his lips. His thoughts entirely dispersed like cockroaches in light when he saw the fret in her green orbs.

Alexander's hands loosened enough for her to escape. 

He had the reflex to grab her but didn't. He tore his eyes to look elsewhere, not at the television as it outlined her short form. He stared at the seams of the white couch as if he could accurately count every stitch. 

"You're insane," he said, throwing up his arms, like he argued with the leather and not her, "who in the hell thinks that is worse than being willing." 

“I do."

Alexander did a double take. His wide eyes looked at her again in disbelief. "ARE YOU SAYING YOU'D PREFER THE OTHER THING?!"

She frantically covered her face as it flared with so much heat that Alexander swore he saw steam. Then, she turned her body and looked like she was about to be sick. 

It'd be an insult to most people, but Alexander expected it. He knew he wasn't sought after nor ever would be. That's how it always was. 

Her gags at least took his mind off his cravings. "Do you need a bag or something?" His sight moved from her to the kitchen in the next room. He took a few steps in that direction, and she threw her hands from her face and wrapped her fingers around his arm.

It was brief but stopped him nonetheless. "I-I didn't mean that to be rude." She pulled her hands back and made space between them. Her left foot touched the front of the armchair. "I just-" He partially looked back at her with a confused eyebrow raise. What? 

She softly met his stormy eyes. "I get queasy thinking of dates or relationship stuff with people I'm not comfortable with." She began to tug at her curls. 

"People scare you that much?" Alexander asked. 

She shyly looked away, "I don't know why." She slouched, and let out her timid, lack of confidence response, "I don't mean to do that, nor throw up. Not that I always throw up! I've only thrown up once," she grumbled under her breath, "no, twice."

"Because you dated someone?" 

Alexander found himself intrigued. I knew she was an oddity, but throwing up? He didn’t understand why.

Lynette collected her hair then moved it in front of her face. "W-well, I, there was this," she chuckled, "a guy, he uh, you know, uh, we went-"

Alexander sped it up, "On a date?"

She nodded, patted the sides of her cheeks., took a deep breath, and explained. "I was so nervous on my first date I threw up on the guy when he got close, then when he said it was fine and wanted to continue the date back at his place, I threw up again."

She left him speechless. He thought about every time he came in close contact with her. Hell, he could have received a face full of vomit holding her earlier. So if I pick her up next time, just fucking eat her. 

Lynette fell back on the armchair with a huff and wrapped her arms over her chest. She sank further into the chair's comfort to attempt to suffocate her humiliation. 

"Does it happen often?"

"NO!" The redhead slammed her hands on the leather armrests. "It's when people that I don’t know take an interest in me. I don't find them repulsive or anything like that," She clarified. "I just don’t like them that way.” She let her hands fall back into her lap. “I haven't really liked anyone that way before."

Alexander answered without a pause, "I guess not liking someone is something we have in common.."

She sat up in the armchair. Her feet didn’t quite touch the ground. She stared at Alexander questionably.

He bit his lips, let it roll past his teeth, and back into place. "I didn't like Mara in the beginning. I didn't even know her. Sure, she was good-looking, but she convinced me to like her,” he faintly smiled, though it wasn’t happy. “and it wasn't even…real." Alexander didn't like hearing what he said aloud. Why did I say that? He never talked about it with anyone, not even Drake. 

All the other words he had left to say retreated back like they were marionettes told to leave the stage. His eyes staggered to meet Lynette. 

"I-"

He quickly and abruptly interrupted her. "I gotta eat, so unless your next words are you offering yourself, we're going." He grabbed her wrist, a usual mistake, but his mind was too preoccupied to act upon it. 

"Going where?" Lynette asked and followed up with a slight bounce when she realized it. "I'm not going to watch you eat someone again!" 

She uselessly tried to cling to the armchair as he pulled her along. He got her up. 

"Again?" Alexander questioned as she squeaked in retaliation. He steered her from hitting the coffee table or couch. 

"At the festival," her hand tried to pry his fingers off her wrist, "you dragged me along just like this, remember!" 

Alexander pulled her near the front door and by the staircase. He only remembered a little of the festival besides the small snippet of events and their talks. He rarely remembered the people he ate besides her. He did eat her often enough. 

"Don't watch then, weirdo." Alexander groaned. He got the knob with his other hand, "You don’t have a choice. I don't want you far away from me if something happens."

"Like what? A burglar breaking in?" 

Alexander threw open the door. The cold, stale wind whisked over him and helped rid the air of her scent. 

He lugged her along. "You always get into some kind of trouble, and since you want to make this difficult and say I can't eat you, you're coming." 

Lynette grabbed the outer door rim, "I'm not going to agree because I don't want to spend most of my day inside you, NOR do I wanna watch you eat someone. It's gross!" 

I know you won't. Alexander said in his head with attitude, "You're coming then."

"No, I'm not!" Lynette clung tighter to the grooves of the house's door rim. 

He had let her wrist go and grabbed her by the waist to pull her off. If anyone were to pass by their house at the moment, he'd look insane trying to drag her out. 

Her fighting worked up his edacity. He plucked her off, and she squealed. "No, no, Xander, quit it!" 

Lynette’s soft disapproval finally extinguished the fire—he couldn't keep arguing with her. "Fine!"

He put her down, faced her, and his voice left in a snarl, "Call me if anything goes wrong, seems out of place, or odd." He moved toward her, so she reentered the doorway and the house. He grabbed the handle of the door. "Do not answer the door or go outside. If I don't come back in forty minutes, call me. If I don't answer, hide. If someone breaks in, hide." Alexander thought more about the different scenarios that could happen, and he charged the magic in his core. 

His eyes gently glowed as he 'wrote' the protective seal of a cloak over her body with his gaze alone. It was to make sure she'd be safe. 

"I will," Lynette seemed to recognize the feeling of its light weight all around her, "and thank you." 

Alexander nodded, "Mhm." He glanced near the door to a few hooks and grabbed the first pair of keys that looked like his. "I'll be back." He shut the door and put his key to the lock but heard her lock it behind him. 

He turned back, facing the streets—her scent still lingered on him. The clear air with hints of other scents relaxed him. He preferred that over being smothered in the house with hers alone. 

He grumbled, thinking about it as he walked the streets of several other houses. The fine neighborhood did nothing to lower his tolerance for Lynette. It still annoyed him that her taste was so strong, pleasing, and that he couldn't even have her. She had to stay at the pizzeria. 

He finally reached the city outskirts and debated on his next target. He had to find someone alone and someone who didn't look to be in any particular rush. It took him ten more minutes to find a suitable prey. 

He waited for his prey to pass the older couple so he could throw a barrier down, but he never got the chance. His eyes glowed briefly and simmered down when his phone started to ring. He got it from his pocket, expecting it to be Lynette.

He lifted it up to answer and narrowed in on the name. Why the hell is Wicks calling me?

...

Thank you for reading, GOOBERS! :D

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Catch up or check for release dates down below ↓

What I’d do for a Livable Income (Synopsis/Chapter - List) 1

What I’d do for a Livable Income (Synopsis/Chapter - List) 2

#widfali #vore story #vore writing #v.ore #soft vore #v/ore #v/0re #extreme cuddling #goofy ocs

[skippyv20]

Skip, Julie here. In an article you wrote about Princess Catherine and imploring people to leave her alone (100% behind you there as we always said if she wants us to know she will tell us otherwise it is not our business) you said “I am so frustrated I don’t know if I want to be here”.

We are all upset and frustrated but the scale of it is minimal compared to William and Catherine. They are and have been bombarded with this utter crap for 7 years. Non stop. Regardless of what they say or do it is never good enough. Why? Who would do this and why. Who would hold a grudge so intense they can not see past the red mist regardless of the benefits they have been afforded from the very family they target. Was someone rejected by the older brother before their target became the younger one. We know there are people who do not take rejection well and revenge can be a driver for them. It should have been me or mine and revenge I shall have is a common theme in murder mysteries. However, it could be anything but bringing down BRF seems to be at the heart of it and it has ramped up in recent years. Believe nothing about any member of BRF that is press driven

Skip, you really do not understand or accept that you, you! have been directed on this path to connect people around the world for a very good reason. You and your family who are your greatest asset have been driven by a higher purpose. Because you have a good understanding of how good people need a gathering place to feel accepted and valued. This is not an accident you community has grown so big over the last few years. You accept people for who they are not for what you can get. Make no mistake you have been chosen to do this.

Anyone can spew hate or disinformation but it takes a level of ignorance to be that type of vile human. In a world where most of us just want a life of peace and harmony where everyone is entitled to their own personal views and opinions but do no harm. However, the world has changed to where people think nothing of hurting or injuring someone with words or innuendo and often anonymously or buying bots to do their vile bidding and do it deliberately for their own sick gratification it says more about that person than the person they are trying to vilify.

You Skip are a safe haven for a large group of people to talk about current situations and voice opinions and views but never hatred or abuse. You are being tested and many will try to get you to shut down, go away. You are stronger than that. Think of every trial in your life and how you come through them all. You will not be broken. You have some wonderful close friends on Tumblr who have your back and you can talk to privately about your frustrations and the rest of us are here to support you always even when we have differing views on someone under discussion ( you know I don’t believe the Andrew story but I accept my opinion differs from others) Don’t let the haters and ill informed get to you. You really are blessed

Love you heaps.

Julie!  Thank you so much for the very, very kind words.  You really do give me much too much credit.  This tumblr is what it is because of the amazing people that come here, the amazing bloggers.  I am the fortunate one to be here with you all.  I know my frustration pales in comparison to what the BRF have lived through these many years.  I accept the world is changing, but I don’t like it!  I do have faith things will get better, but I doubt it will be anytime soon.  Catherine fighting her cancer battle is heartbreaking, as is the many others who have suffered from it or are now suffering from it.  I know many here have had such battles or are battling it now.  There is great sadness in our hearts for those who suffer, and when I see such vile things said, I get so angry.  I wish people could stop and think about how they would feel it this were to happen to a loved one of theirs.  Royals or not, they are human beings first.  I don’t understand the cruelty.  I won’t leave, but I was frustrated.  I was having an angry rant.  I value all who come here and I love “our “ community.  I don’t love the whole tumblr community.  There is a huge difference.  I do know as you do, I never started off this way when I came here.  My path took a turn, for whatever reason.  I do believe I am meant to be here, so….I rant, then step back and say…forward I go.  Again, thank you Julie!  You are such a wonderful friend, you always have been.  You have stood by my side from day one.  I hope you know how very much that means to me.  God Bless you Julie, for you are a rare one!🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Oh my!  Looking back over the years…oh my! It all seems like yesterday!❤️

[frostysfrenzy]

For the ship prompt…Sam/Daniel, 7 (if you want!)

I was intending to get to this days ago, but hey, life.

under the cut or ao3

“Sheppard!” Daniel chimed as he hit the control room. “Welcome back! Where’s Sam?”

“Sorry. Haven’t seen her since we landed.”

“Me neither. Thought you might have seen which direction she headed.”

“My best guess would be her quarters, but of course you know her better than any of us.”

Daniel nodded. “How’d the flight go?”

John shook his head. “Not great.”

Daniel sighed. “Alright. Well, I’ll find her.”

“Good luck.”

Daniel went straight for the gym, the place almost any expedition member could be found when they were frustrated, especially Sam. Daniel had known that for years.

“Hey.” He beamed as he found her at a punching bag, hoping it’d lighten her mood. 

It worked ever so slightly, she gave him a quick smile before sending the bag on another small swing. 

“How’s things?” He asked, almost rhetorically.

“They’ve been better.” She gritted her teeth, throwing another punch.

“I heard it wasn’t the best flight.”

“John give you all the details?”

“No.” Daniel shook his head. Sam kept her focus on the bag in front of her, until Daniel finally stepped in, steadying the bag before standing in front of it.

“Daniel, please.”

“I’m not leaving.”

Sam nodded, moving to another bag. “Not now, Daniel.”

“Sam, it’s me. Talk to me.” He carefully steered her towards a bench, sitting down beside her.

“I never should have let McKay give me the gene therapy. I mean what’s the point of having it if I can’t even use it? Every time I’ve tried to fly that jumper, Sheppard’s had to save us from crashing. Jack handled it perfectly fine, Shepard flies them like he was born to do nothing else, hell even McKay figured it out! And Carson, and he only accepts the mission when there’s literally no other option. I don’t know why I can’t figure this out, it has to be easier than half the stuff I did back on Earth. I’m the leader of this expedition, but how can I protect my people if I can’t-”

Cut off by Daniel’s soft kiss, she softened, meeting his eyes.

“Shut up?” She asked quietly. 

Daniel shrugged playfully. 

“Listen, Sam.” He began, reaching for her hand. “Nobody’s asking you to be perfect, no leader ever is.”

“I know. It’s just that having my own post in another galaxy… it’s kinda terrifying.”

“I know. So stop putting so much pressure on yourself with this one. Elizabeth never even had the gene and she did a hell of a job with this command.”

Sam nodded. “I guess I just wished I’d be able to help in the air when we needed it. I know John has the military command, but it’s in my blood.”

“Oh I know.” Daniel smiled. “And you can still keep trying. Just don’t overthink it, and don’t pressure yourself. And if it turns out the gene didn’t take, there’s nothing you can do about that.”

Sam gave him another soft kiss, squeezing his hand tighter. “I’m glad you got to come here.”

“We’ve both been wanting to come to Atlantis for years, Sam. And now we’re both here. It’s our city. It’s your city. Why don’t we just enjoy it and let what happens happen.” “Cross any bridges when we come to them.”

“Exactly. It’s what we’ve always done, isn’t it.”

Sam nodded, a small smile growing. “And we’ve saved our galaxy countless times.”

Daniel nodded. “And now we’ll do everything we can to keep saving this one.”

Sam smiled softly, laying her head on his shoulder, gazing into the otherwise empty gym. Punching bags were handy, but having Daniel around to keep her grounded was always the better option in the end.

#stargate sg1 #sg1 #sga #sam carter #daniel jackson #sg1 fic #sga fic #frostys fics #big cool ask tag here

[fighting-and-drawing]

Heart of the Warrior Chapter 13: Machibuse

Fandom: Cybird Ikemen Sengoku

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Yukimura Sanada x Male!OC

    Save for the black eye and dried blood under his nose, Nobuyuki was untouched by any of Yukimura's men. Bound with rope that circled his arms behind his back and around his torso, Nobuyuki kneeled on the bare wooden floor, ever under the vigilant eyes of Saizou. The rest of the men were scattered inside the building, some resting, others keeping an eye around the perimeter of the building. Thai and Sasuke were still outside, watched by no one and allowed to talk freely about returning to the Modern World. Mostly, it was Thai enduring the plethora of Sasuke's pop culture references and Sasuke enduring Thai's reasons why rum was underrated in the bartending industry.

    His mind was ablaze—Nobuyuki had not expected to ever see his younger brother again. He knew that their eventual encounter would end up in a fight, but this was desperate of Yukimura. He cursed himself at the thought of being easily defeated and tied like a common criminal.

    "Oi," Nobuyuki grunted dryly. "Let me have some water."

    Staying silent, Saizou went over to a bucket, picking up a wooden ladle filled with water. He stepped over to Nobuyuki and brought the ladle to his dry lips. Nobuyuki eagerly drank the water, parching his dry throat until nothing was left inside. He let out a sigh of satisfaction, Saizou tossing the ladle back into the bucket.

    "Saizou," Nobuyuki grunted. "You know this won't work. In a matter of days, they will notice my absence and you'll be found. Just...let me go and I'll cover your tracks. This was all the work of a bandit clan. I don't wish to see my younger brother and my old friends die."

    "If you don't wish to see that," Saizou argued softly, his tone lowering in pitch. "Then you'll listen to us and consider the ramifications if you don't." Saizou huffed and squatted down, his face level with Nobuyuki. "Oda Nobunaga, the murderer that invaded our lord's home, is already scouring the land and preparing for yet another invasion for his misguided mission for unification. You will be supporting the monster that has decimated thousands of people's lives and was responsible for the splitting of the Sanada Clan."

    Nobuyuki kissed his teeth in frustration. "It was our father's choice! Not his!"

    "But by whose reign of chaos forced your father to think about the survival of his clan rather than its prosperity."

    "Shut it!"

    Nobuyuki's outburst attracted Yukimura and the other shinobi. Nobuyuki fell silent, his red-hot glare and bared teeth directed at his younger brother. Yukimura let out a silent exhale, his tense body relaxing as he looked toward Saizou and the rest of his men.

    "Leave us, will you?" he asked sternly.

    They bowed, quickly exiting in an orderly fashion as Yukimura stepped towards his brother. He knelt down to him, keeping a straight look and calm nature, yet inside his emotions boiled from the maddened glare coming from Nobuyuki. It was hard to look him in the face; years of treachery and resentment began to surface in his strained expression. He dreamed of earning his place as the head of his clan, but to have the demon that was Nobunaga be the determiner of his clan's fate was downright despicable. Yet, Yukimura kept his calm, his nails digging into his palms.

    "Nobushige..." Nobuyuki spat. "There is no use in trying to persuade me to throw our lot into your dying lord's plans just for everyone to get killed. Stop this...and come home."

    Yukimura's chest heaved, his breath through his gritted teeth audible. "What?"

    "As head of the Sanada, I won’t risk a single life in pursuit of a suicidal wish to overthrow a man who has already swept away all opposition towards his rule. Come home, Nobushige. Lay your weapons down...and just come home. If you truly wish to reunite our fractured Clan, then fight with me, not against me."

    Yukimura sighed disappointingly. "...you know I can't do that," he said, "You say this is a 'suicidal wish', but is it not an honorable one?" Nobuyuki's eyebrow raised, a gleam of confidence in Yukimura's eyes as he spoke. "Is it not honorable to continue fighting for the man who protected us when that demon came bearing down on everyone? Is it not the right thing to do—to continue to serve your lord, especially at his weakest? It should be our duty as the Sanada to stay by Lord Shingen's side to rebuild the Takeda Clan. It should be our duty to fight off the demon that has destroyed this land!"

    Yukimura scoffed, his hands white once his fingers uncurled themselves from their fists. His nails nearly cut his palms, both palms imprinted deeply from where his nails were digging in. Nobuyuki stayed silent as Yukimura stood up, determined in his resolve.

    "If father was here," Yukimura said, a tear trickling down from his eyes and onto his flustered cheeks, "I would do my damndest to convince him, too. A clan torn apart will fall. There is no true legacy that can be saved from just saving half of our clan. Even you know this to be true."

    Nobuyuki shook his head in disappointment. "Nobushige..."

   "It might be a suicidal wish," Yukimura continued. "It might end with my death and the battle lost...but I'd rather die doing the right thing than become subservient to the demon that took everything from us."

    Nobuyuki glared up at his brother. For years, he always stayed true to their father's command. He was next in line to succeed as the elder heir. Their father was well respected by his own clan, his allies, and even his enemies. It was specifically in that last part that Nobuyuki was able to marry Komatsuhime. Nobuyuki knew he needed to be the leader his father was—a leader that looked to the safety and prosperity of his clan by any means possible. Even though he dared not question his father's leadership, he still bore confusion from his decision to split the clan apart. But, the ever-obedient Nobuyuki followed his lead without fail, siding with the enemy and keeping his clan safe.

    Yukimura's words stung his heart. As strong as he was in his will to keep his clan alive under the allowance of the Oda, he could not deny that his words were the truth. The Sanada were supposed to be the strongest clan—not subservient.

    Nobuyuki gulped, closing his eyes. "Nobushige..." he spoke. "Can I get some water?"

    Yukimura nodded, grabbing the ladle of water before raising it to Nobuyuki's lips. Yet, the elder Sanada brother didn't drink, his eyes gazing at the reflection in the water. "Nobushige," he spoke dryly, "...I—"

    A clamoring outside stopped the conversation. Both Sanada brothers looked towards the door, a vicious war cry and the clanging of swords following the sudden noise. Yukimura grunted, the door bursting open with Saizou and Rokuro coming through it, swords drawn.

    "Ambush!"

    Thai kicked back a warrior shrouded in black, Sasuke covering his six. One moment, the duo were talking about who was the best Marvel superhero, the next, they found themselves swarmed by a seemingly endless wave of shinobi that sprung from the trees. Thai ducked under a sword, spinning back around before striking his opponent in the head with his heel.

    "Where in the goddamn did these people come from!?" Thai roared.

    Sasuke had little time to answer, quickly engaging an enemy and swiftly knocking him out in the back of the head before his opponent could strike. Meanwhile, Thai swiftly stepped back from a sword strike, kicking his sword hand away as he swung again before grabbing and tossing the man over his hip. But, another attacker swung at him, forcing Thai to duck and roll away back to Sasuke.

    "There's too many out here," Thai said, taking out his razor and short sword. "Get Yuki and let's go! I'll cover you!"

    Sasuke nodded, swiftly running back to their hideout as Thai charged into the wave of attackers. He shook his head, adrenaline coursing through his body as he readied his razor, charging head-on into the fray. Darting through the halls of the hideout, he discovered the other shinobi already embroiled in conflict with several attackers who had broken in through the back entrance. Saizou and Rokuro broke out of the main room, both of them pulling Yukimura out.

    "No!" Yukimura roared. "He's still in there!"

    "We don't have time for that," Rokuro said, "We have to leave, boss!"

    "Sasuke! Get the horses!" Saizou cried out.

    Kamanosuke struck down his latest opponent, engaging yet another. "We can't!" he roared. "They ran off!"

    Kamanosuke struck down his opponent as the rest blocked the door. Thai slipped in just as they shut the door, the foreigner covered in blood. The myriad of attackers outside pounded on the door furiously, their chance of survival drastically dwindling. Sasuke ran over to a slightly shaken Thai, noticing that most of the blood on him was not from any injuries. “Thai!” Sasuke gasped, seeing blood on his palms. “D-did you—”

    “They gonna have a rough time healin’, but their alive,” Thai huffed as he caught his breath. “We gotta move!”

    “Damn!” Saizou grunted. Time was running out. They could not hold out forever and hope they stop. There was only one option. “W-we have to get to the river! There’s no other way!”

    The surrounding vassals looked at him in surprise. “Are you crazy! We’ll be sitting ducks out there!” roared Uemon.

    “No—he’s right!” Sasuke said, standing Thai up. “The current flows away from the city. If we swim, we can make it out!”

    “No!” Yukimura shouted. “We can’t run!”

    “YUKI! ” Thai suddenly cried out. All eyes directed at him. “ Está pronto ….it’s over. Right now, we gotta get the hell out of here quick, fast, and in a hurry!”

    Yukimura gasped in frustration, his fists balling up. Some of the shinobi nodded at Thai, running towards the backdoor to make an opening. Saizou put his hand on Yukimura, the latter growling before nodding. Thai shook his head, bewildered as the pounding on the door grew worse. Suddenly, shards of wood accompanied the breaking of the door, the attackers almost inside. Yukimura and the others retreated, Sasuke covering their escape by throwing caltrops onto the ground just as the attackers broke their way inside.

    The first group managed to clear a path, the second group running just behind them towards the river and through the pitch-black forest lit only by the faint light of the attacker’s torches as they swarmed around them, trying to flank the two parties. The river was close, yet attacks from all around kept halting their advance. Thai cursed himself—this was not at all what was supposed to happen! The cold, dry air in his lungs hurt with each breath, the muscles in his legs straining with each step. His mind kept racing, wondering how it was that they got found out so fast! But, that did not matter now. All that mattered was Yukimura—all that mattered was that he made it out safe.

    Yukimura pushed back another attacker party, swinging his yari furiously towards them as the rest moved on. He caught up to them swiftly, everyone hearing the rushing sounds of the river. A glimmer of hope ignited within the fearful shinobi, but once they got to the edge, they gasped in horror. Thai was nearly the first—he nearly slipped off the rocky edge until both Rokuro and Kamanosuke caught him. Thai let out a guttural cry, an unfathomable drop to the river just below his feet. He frantically scrambled back up, the shinobi looking down and weighing their options.

    “Shit!” Saizou grunted. “Quickly, we have to—”

    It was too late. The attackers were just behind the tree line, the flames of their torches furiously dancing around the forest. They put their backs to the river, holding out their weapons as they inched backwards. Thai kissed his teeth in frustration, looking back to the river below.

    “Yuki!” Thai growled. “How deep is this river?”

    Yukimura swung his head back wildly. “Huh!? I mean, it’s deep, but—”

    “Pakshet! It’ll have to do,” Thai said.

    “What!?”

    “We gotta jump!” he said, a hint of fear in his voice.

    “Are you crazy!?” Saizou gawked.

    “You wanna stay here and get your head lopped off or captured and tortured?” Thai shouted back. “We gotta go!”

    Without skipping a beat, Thai grabbed Kamanosuke and tossed him into the river. Yukimura grabbed Thai, ready to berate him as Kamanosuke splashed into the river. “What the hell are you doing, idiot!” Yukimura roared into his face.

    Before Thai could speak back, they heard something below. “Guys!” Kamanosuke called out. “What’re you waiting for!?”

    Thai shrugged at Yukimura, the Peerless Warrior releasing his grip. “....okay! Come on, guys, you first!” Yukimura ordered. “Now!”

    One by one, they hesitantly took a step before jumping down to the river. Yukimura stayed behind, pointing his yari at the forest behind them as the attackers grew even closer. Everyone jumped off swiftly, leaving just Thai and Yukimura. However, as Thai was about to jump off, he looked back down towards the river. Its current was fast, but there was no way that the attackers would stop trying to catch up to them. He muttered a curse, realizing they would just prolong the inevitable. He looked back at Yukimura.

    “W-what’re you doing!” Yukimura frantically asked. “Now you don’t wanna jump?!”

    “It’s not that, it’s—”

    “Come on” we gotta go!”

    Yukimura grabbed Thai’s hand, running towards the edge of the cliff, but Thai pulled him back. Yukimura spun his head to meet Thai, suddenly seeing his sullen eyes. The attackers were just about to break the tree line. Yet, Thai remained frozen, his eyes plastered towards the ground.

    “Thai…what’s wrong?” Yukimura asked.

    A tear dropped from Thai’s eyes as he looked back up at Yuki. “...y-you need to leave…they’ll be upon us even if we make it to the river.”

    A moment of confusion hit the Peerless Warrior as Thai’s eyes sulked. “...what do you mean? What about you?”

    Thai sighed, his eyes glistening with tears. He grabbed his Patuá , snapping the string off his neck before shoving it into Yukimura’s palm. Yukimura gasped, looking back at Thai…smiling? The foreigner chuckled, shaking his head. “J-just...make it back home for me…okay?," Thai said, "Don’t worry about me, just…when you win this war…save a drink for me, yeah?”

    “Thai! I don’t—”

    “ Rasteira!”

    The ground disappeared from below his feet, his ankle blooming with pain. He blinked once, the image of Thai disappearing and replaced with the darkened sky. He felt his body float before plummeting, time slowing to a seemingly endless halt. His heart stopped, realizing he was halfway down the cliff, the water’s edge just below. He felt the cold air rush up from his back, his hair ruffling through the wind as he fell, his eyes glued to the cliff. He waited to see if Thai dropped down too, yet as his body hit the water, no one followed. Cold, wet darkness engulfed him. The last thing he remembered was seeing two figures in the water reaching out to grab him.

    Thai let out a shaky exhale, Yukimura disappearing beneath the water. He wished he could follow, but someone needed to halt the attackers long enough for them to escape. At least he was safe—it was all that mattered. He looked back towards the forest, Nobuyuki emerging amongst the attackers. They pointed their blades at Thai, the foreigner standing his ground. Nobuyuki was livid, sheathing his tachi as he stepped forward.

    “Where is he!?” he spat.

    “Kansas!” Thai shouted back, “He’s gone…and you’ll never get to him.”

    “Tsk! The river!” Nobuyuki growled, “So what!? Will you follow my brother down in the river, too? Or, do you think you’ll have the chance to kill me?”

    Thai shook his head, keeping his inner fright hidden. “This doesn’t end with your death or his,” he called out, his voice nearly breaking, “Please…just let it go.”

    Nobuyuki sighed angrily. “...unfortunately…I cannot allow that,” he growled softly. His eyes hid a hint of reluctance as he spoke.

    Thai let out a soft exhale, pursing his lips as his hands grabbed the lapels of his kimono and threw it off. He threw it down the cliff, revealing a scarred, lean body wrapped in tattoos. Save for Nobuyuki, the sight made the attackers hesitate to jump in. “Then…I guess I’ll just have to buy him some time, huh?” Thai scoffed. “...Life’s a mystery, ain’t it?”

    Nobuyuki looked back at his men. “What’re you still doing here!?” he shouted. “Half of you intercept them down the river. The rest, capture him! I want him alive!”

    They let out a cry of agreement in unison, half of the attackers rushing back into the forest as the other half ran towards Thai. Thai let out a war cry, rushing into the attackers. He spun furiously in the air, striking down one of his attackers in the head before sliding towards another with a kick that slammed into his gut with enough force to knock him to the ground. Thai ducked another swing, spinning around before striking the man’s temple with his heel. He fought furiously against the attackers, his heart beating vehemently, his lungs pumping oxygen into his rapid bloodstream. He swiftly evaded every attack, returning with an attack of his own that incapacitated everyone he fought. The attackers grew hesitant, the foreigner almost too fast to strike down. They began to slow their attack, backing up as Thai eliminated the men he was already fighting against.

    Thai spun his head back, Nobuyuki fastly approaching. Thai ran up to Nobuyuki, jumping up again before spinning around for another heel kick. But, Nobuyuki was quick—pushing Thai back down before his leg could whip out to kick him. Thai crashed down onto the leaf-littered ground, yet he sprung back up with another kick. Nobuyuki leaned back to dodge it as Thai jumped back onto his feet. Thai rushed forward with a barrage of attacks. Nobuyuki blocked and dodged each of Thai’s kicks and punches. He ducked under Thai's last kick, returning a punch into Thai’s liver that sent the foreigner stumbling back in pain. Thai rushed forward again, but was struck in the chest and gut in quick succession. Thai stumbled down to one knee, coughing up blood.

    Nobuyuki towered over the fallen foreigner, Thai glaring at him as his lungs desperately pumped air into him. Nobuyuki’s hand reached for the hilt of his tachi, Thai’s eyes widening. Thai let out a pained cry, rushing back up to his feet in desperation to try and tackle Nobuyuki. But, before he could leap off the ground, the end of Nobuyuki’s tachi struck Thai in the temple, knocking the foreigner out.

    Thai fell unconsciously to the ground, Nobuyuki whistling for his men to bind Thai’s arms and feet. He sighed as he watched the unceremonious binding, his brows furrowed as another figure stepped out of the shadows. Nobuyuki sighed, looking back to the emerging figure.

    “So…it was you who found me, wasn’t it?” Nobuyuki asked, a hint of disappointment in his tone. “I didn’t expect you to come, Lord Mitsuhide.”

    A tall, white-haired man stepped forward, a grin forming between his lips. “I came to oversee how operations were in your fief,” he cooed, “It seems I came at a rather interesting time. You’re welcome.”

    “Tsk!” Nobuyuki grunted. “I suppose you want this foreigner back in Azuchi for you to torture?”

    Mitsuhide rubbed his chin as he looked down on the fallen Thai. He giggled deeply, his narrow golden eyes looking back at Nobuyuki. “Well, your castle is closer,” Mitsuhide smiled. “And, I just can’t wait to wring every bit of information out of him. I've never had the chance to hear a foreigner sing.”

#Heart of the Warrior #ikesen #ikemen sengoku #fanfic #ikesen fanfic #ikesen yukimura

[urostakako]

I had a dream last night that I was on a field trip of sorts with my classmates in a place that was supposed to be a city but looked like a museum that was in a house without a roof. Everyone was lost on where to go and I was getting very annoyed at this point because I knew the way and nobody was listening to me, going off in aimless directions and only going the right way in the slowest pace imaginable. I was kind of relying on intuition so I got scared when I went fast that I might’ve gotten it wrong, but every time I'd end up right and I'd only get more frustrated at how slow everyone was going and how stupid they were being.

We kept walking and walking and I eventually let my teachers or whoever was organizing this take the lead. It was nighttime and you could barely see the stars, and the sky was a solid dark blue. Steady orange light emitted from sconces and lamplights. The whole place had walls resembling a maze but also not really.

We eventually had to go up a narrow-ish flight of stairs that was walled on both sides, which was where this place began to resemble more of a house. I reached there first and was impatiently waiting for the rest to slowly file in. The staircase wasn't that narrow but definitely too narrow to fit thirty to forty to fifty students and a couple of teachers, so we were very tightly packed. I was at the front of it closer to the top and got even more frustrated.

When I reached the top I saw that there was some sort of small poorly fenced enclosure (by poorly I mean the only thing guarding it was a thin chain that could easily be stepped over). On the opposite wall was a warehouse door and adjacent to that on my left side was an alley or a hallway. There were workers there who I assumed ran this place and wore those highlighter jackets and they told me to pause where I was until they finished. Actually, they told us, this could count as a spectacle for your field trip.

So I stopped and into the chained area they brought out three tigers. They all seemed relatively tame but had the kind of look on their faces that we were only seeing them this way because they chose to be. From the alley came two more tigers with the same attitude. From where I was on the staircase, one of the tigers from the enclosure looked down on me with its teeth bared and though I felt an instinctual fear, I reminded myself that they were tame and nothing bad was going to happen to me, because danger doesn't follow me this way. So I stared back with hooded eyes and blinked slowly until it turned back to the workers that were handling it.

Thus it irritated me immensely when the classmates behind me started shrieking when they saw the tigers and started shaking in their boots. I wished desperately that they would just shut up and take it because nothing was going to happen to them. These are the same people who get frightened of house flies. Are they so out of touch they've never seen an insect before? If they could use a lick of common sense they would understand that nothing was wrong and it was this behavior - making big deals out of the things that don't actually matter, and doing nothing significant for the things that do - is what puts them in danger. That's what'll piss the tigers off enough to get you.

This went on for quite a few minutes. I didn't understand what those workers meant by a spectacle because they weren't letting the tigers do anything. The ones in the enclosure just stood there (it was so small they couldn't even walk a few steps comfortably), moving their heads around and the tiger from the alley took a few steps with its respective worker and a few steps back. Again, I was getting frustrated that we were getting impeded by something that really could’ve been avoided if people just listened to me. And it didn't seem that the workers were focused on doing anything with the tigers either or had an inclination to bring them back from wherever they had come from since they were just idly chatting with each other. They weren't even waiting for anything else to appear. Something interesting happened when the alley tiger approached one of the people at the top of the staircase aggressively, to her immense terror, at which point she started screaming at the top of her lungs. The tiger seemed to be playing with her, being scary on purpose while really just asking for its snout to be pet. She was shaking like a leaf when she realized what it wanted, stroking its nose with a trembling hand.

Even so, we weren't anywhere close to getting to our destination.

Unexpectedly though, one of the tigers from the enclosure stepped over the chain. The workers snapped back to their senses and started freaking out about how that could have possibly happened (💀) and I felt again that instinctual fear but I tamped it down because danger doesn't follow me this way and I was sure that nothing would happen. The chances of this tiger approaching any one of us in particular was incredibly low, even more so that it might be me. What are the chances that a teacher picks the student at the very front of the class? So I stayed silent as it surveyed our group even as the rest started vibrating in apprehension and shrieking.

As it turned out, it snarled at me. The ones around me started screaming and crying as if they were the ones with jaws around their neck, terrified out of their minds. My heartrate picked up but I stayed quiet, staring lowly and blinking slowly as the tiger's hackles raised and it padded ever closer to me. It raised its paw up with its claws out and I could feel my heart pounding but I kept reminding myself nothing was going to happen to me even when it made a harmless kind of swipe at my shoulder. At this point I really wished my classmates would shut up because they were genuinely doing nothing for the situation except raising my blood pressure.

But I realized the tiger wanted me to follow it, as angry and threatening and challenging as it looked, razor teeth and saliva and all. I stayed quiet and forced myself to move forward, trying to keep my gaze ahead instead of at the other tigers who seemed to only get more and more agitated as I passed by them, like they wanted to sink their teeth into me or something like that.

I walked ahead of the tiger to the where the alley almost began before we both stopped and it shoved me roughly to the floor. I did what it demanded of me because it was a fucking tiger. It kept that paw on my back with its claws out and I could feel their sharpness against my back. I kept my mouth shut and tried to keep my thoughts under control. I kept reminding myself everything would be fine and this tiger won't hurt me, because danger doesn't follow me this way, even when its paw slid down my back and I could feel the imprint of its sharp claws moving in turn.

The weight of it made me bow down with my head to the floor, and the tiger added its second paw. And all it did was slide its claws up and down my back, like it was making sure I knew that it held my life in its hands and it could do whatever it so wished with it. Reminding me that it could shred my flesh easily but it was choosing not to. I didn't get the feeling that it was better than me, though, or that it thought it was. It felt to me like a battle of wills. I tried not to tense at all. The workers were all shouting at each other, trying to figure out what to do, that the tigers never acted out like this before.

I couldn't see anything with my head to the floor but I could tell when the tiger's head started dipping lower and lower. I felt it's breath against my nape when it unhinged its jaws and wrapped them loosely around my neck, like it was going to take a bite. My classmates started screaming and I stayed silent, trying not to move. I kept reminding myself that nothing was going to happen because danger doesn't follow me this way, even when I could feel its teeth closing just slightly. One of the workers came up to me, lowered himself and said, We'll get this tiger off of you, but as soon as you're free you have to run from here and hide. Run far away so they couldn't find you or detect you in the slightest bit, not by any of their senses. I understood and they coaxed the tiger off of me. Still, I felt annoyed that this guy didn't do anything for so long, and this tiger wasn't going to hurt me, and he just interrupted our battle of wills. I was simultaneously relieved, irritated, and disappointed. And I thought that running would be unnecessary still, because the tiger didn't do anything and it was unlikely it might have a vested interest in me. Even still, I had that anxiety it would run after me, and after the tiger left I ran down the stairs to a lower floor that looked like a house, all the while agitated because I could feel the other tigers following me with their eyes as long as they could.

I saw my mom down there on an armchair reading something or other and she seemed surprised to see me, although I was really just looking for a place to hide. At this point it was more from anxiety than anything else that I didn't want them to find me, though I still kept my mouth shut. My mom, aware of the situation somehow, suggested this pocket area beside the stairs and I thought really? Under the enclosure? But I supposed through layers of concrete it wouldn't matter so much, and I sat there momentarily, trying to catch my breath. It would be stupid to stay there, though, so I came up to my mom and asked her for the car keys so I could drive out of there. She expressed her concerns about it but I insisted and she caved. I only relaxed when I was in the garage of the place, closing my eyes, and then I started the car.

#this is my blog i can write whatever i want !! so !! have this thing i cant stop thinking about !! with punctuation and all !! #hanancouldyounot

[parcequecestnotreprojeeeet]

Hello!!!! It’s Winter. Happy New Year!

This story is based on what Brigitte said in the ELLE interview. "I go quiet. That’s a very bad sign, because it’s not in my nature. I need to talk. When I say nothing, my husband worries!"

Emmanuel was reading files peacefully when he heard the door to his office burst open and then slam shut. Startled, he looked up and saw his wife fuming. 

Quickly, he got up from his desk and ran over to her. 

“Cherie, what’s wrong? What happened?” 

“Nothing!” She barked at him. 

He could clearly see that something had upset her. Brigitte never behaved like this. It was a bad sign when she didn’t want to speak.

“Sit down, honey” He pleaded. “Please”

“NO!” 

With much resistance on her end, Emmanuel was finally able to pull Brigitte to the couch. He kneeled down in front of her. 

“Talk to me,” he begged. "Come on"

“No!” She snapped again. 

Frustrated, he ran his fingers through his thick hair. How could he help her if she refused to tell him what was bothering her? 

“Brigitte! You must speak to me!” Emmanuel’s tone was direct. “I can’t help you if you shut me out!” 

She looked at him through watery eyes. “Have you heard the latest rumour?” 

He scratched his head. There was always gossip about them. He wondered what it could be this time. 

“Let me guess, I have another lover?” Emmanuel asked, rolling his eyes. 

“No…That I’m a man” she whispered. 

“Who is a man?” He asked, confused. 

“Me!!!! Well, not me! But that’s what the tabloids and the fools on the internet are claiming!” Brigitte was shouting now. 

Emmanuel wrapped her in his arms. He blamed himself. If he hadn’t run for President none of these things would be said about his wife. It seemed like every month there was a new “fake” story about their relationship. More than enough people believed their marriage was a sham. But this!? Who would ever believe his wife was a man? He didn’t understand it. There was nothing wrong with a transgender person, but this rumour didn’t make any sense. 

“I’m so sorry,” he said quietly. “This is all my fault” 

Brigitte caressed the side of his face. “Don’t blame yourself. I should be used to this by now. All this gossip, it’s the price that comes with our current life” 

Kissing her lips, he replied. “I know but you shouldn’t have to go through this. Nor should our children and grandchildren. They don’t deserve to read all the garbage that gets printed about us. You don’t deserve it either” 

They sat quietly just holding each other. The silence was broken when Brigitte spoke up. “All of this is worth it, in the end. It’s not an ideal way to live life but you’re doing amazing things for this country. And for our grandchildren’s future. I wouldn't give any of this up. When we got married, I promised til death do us part. We are a team. For better or for worse”

Emmanuel squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry I put you through this. All of it. The ridiculous rumours that keep creeping up seem endless” 

“I don’t regret it. Listen, I am a big girl. I can handle these fools” Brigitte put on a brave face but Emmanuel knew his wife was hurting inside. 

“I wish….” He began to speak. “I wish the public could see the type of woman you are. If they really knew you, they wouldn’t publish this shit!!” 

Now it was his turn to get mad. “You’re a perfect woman!!!! I want to fight the people who spread this garbage! The morons on the internet don’t help either!! They’re all stupid trolls who believe everything they read!” 

Emmanuel leaped off the couch as if he was going to hunt these people down right now and strangle them with his bare hands. 

Brigitte tried to calm him down, but nothing was working. Right now, she was regretting her decision to burden him with the latest news. 

“Manu… Stop! Stop! Getting upset isn’t going to fix the situation!” 

He took a deep breath. “You’re right. But now I’m all worked up!” 

She began to finger his tie, “I know what we can do with all that passionate energy” 

He tilted his head, “What did you have in mind?” 

Pushing her husband down on the couch, she climbed on top of his lean body. “Let me show you” 

Helloooo Winter! ❤️

Oh the though subject... but you ended up managing it quite well in the end. Brigitte being upset and then Emmanuel getting worked up about it too... bless them for wanting to protect each other so much! And yes, better to just get that passion into other... passion 😏

Thank you so much, Winter! ❤️❤️❤️

#fanfic #winter

[slytherwrites]

Mis-Matched Wrists

Fandom: MHA

Characters: Kirishima, Bakugou

Rating: M

Warnings: Talk of Suicide and death of a main character 9already happened).

Summary: The person most important to you is forever on your wrist. Unfortunatly for Kirishima, his boyfriend is on his wrist, but he isn't on his.

Kirishima knows that his name isn’t on Bakugou’s wrist. The most important person in his life isn’t his partner and Kirishima’s made peace with that. He just wants to meet this person. Some selfish, angry part of him wants to meet the most important person in Bakugou’s life. 

He knows the name, Katsuki's never hidden it. But he's angry and okay with it, selfish in his desire, but curious in the knowledge alone.

He just wants to meet Izuku Midoriya.

It’s for curiosity’s sake. He wants—needs—to see who the most important person is in Bakugou Katsuki’s life. If it’s not him, who is it? The question has haunted him since they met and now, over a year into their relationship

So, he does something unmanly. He follows Bakugou to his childhood home on his monthly trip home.

It’s not hard. Katsuki’s born and raised in Mustafu, Japan. It’s where U.A. is now. Hell, he just had to walk the same path Katsuki took when he decided to visit his parents.

Kirishima keeps the blond man in his sights as Katsuki buys flowers then takes a detour. The worst comes to mind, but he pushes it all down and keeps Bakugou in his sight as he turns and deviates from the usual path.

Kirishima has met Bakugou's parents. And their absolutly massive house isn't in this direction.

But Katsuki heads past the river and their old schoolyard to a graveyard and pauses, speaking to Kirishima, "I know you're there Shitty Hair."

Kirishima jogs to catch up with Katsuki. He starts to apologize, ut Katsuki cuts him off.

"Don't." Katsuki messes with the flowers. They're white chrysanthemums and Kirishim regrets doing this even more.

"Hey, babe, I'm sorry I'll—"

"Shit it, Shitty Hair." Katsuki replies, "I didn't want to talk about this, but since you're so fucking curious, I'll take you with me."

Kirishima listens to Bakugou, keeping his mouth shut. They head to a gmall grave near a large tree that casts shade onto this area of the graveyard. Katsuki places the flowers down, careful not to step atop where any dead bodies are buried. Kirishima reads the grave: Izuku Midoriya.

"You don't have to say anything I understand—" Kirishima is cut off again, "I'm only going to say this once and we aren't going to talk about this ever again. If this changes your opinion of me then so be it, but what happened happened and we can't fucking change it."

"We grewup together, our moms were friends. Hell, I still see Auntie Inko when I come back home." Katsuki starts, "We would play together and just be stupid kids. And that elevated when I got my quirk. I'd use it with reckless abandon, not caring about the consequences. And I hurt a lot of people, including myself. But I hurt him more. A lot. Because I got my quirk and he didn't."

Katsuki pauses and jsut stares at Izuku's grave as he keeps going.

"I saw myself as better than him. I kept using my quirk and I stopped accidentally hurting others, but intentionally, I'd aim them at people and fired. Not like the little fireworks I blast at you all when you fucks are being dumbasses. No, I took aim and let out all of my frustration. Every last bit of it." Katsuki catches his breathe and looks at his wrist, "I eventually made it known how much of a Useless Deku he was. I let him know his place in society. I let him know what I thought of people like him—Quirkless people—and how I wished they'd all go away."

"I told him to kill himself. over and over and over again, in new creative ways. Left red spider lillies on his desk and got the whole class involved. Teachers looked the other way. i was to be a hero, he wouldn't do anything good for society, but I would. Who cared if I took my frustrations out on this one kid? No one would remember him." Katsuki rubs his wrist, as if to take the name off, "And then one day, he saved my fucking life. I was being attacked and the heroes did nothing. Well, until fucking All Might showed up but I was being attacked by a villain I couldn't defeat and this fucking kid comes and tries to fight it with nothing but his school bag. He failed but that night, when I was going to see if he was alright, his mother said he didn't come home. And by that next morning, his body was plastered on the fucking pavement."

The birds chirp, kids scream and laugh from a playground in the distance. But the two of them are quiet.

"I didn't push him over the edge. He said that he met his idol and took my advice. Earlier that very day I told him to take a swan dive off the roof and hope for a quirk in his next fucking life." Katsuki lets out a laugh, "Well, I got some stern talking to by the police, but my name wasn't in the note, he just called me his best friend. Fucked up, right?"

"And now you leave flowers by his grave?" Kirishima asks.

"Once a month if I can." Katsuki says, "On his birthday. On his death day. Whenever I'm in town. I think I singlehandedly keep the flower shop open."

"You're remorseful, aren't you?"

"Making sure you're fucking boyfriend isn't a fucking sociopath anymore?"

Kirishima takes Bakugou's name-ridden wrist into his own. Kirishima's says Katsuki's name. Katsuki's says Izuku's name.

"I'm just making sure you know that." Kirishima says, "You're important to me. I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I've done the fucking therapy circuts." Katsuki says, "I'm not going to do anything rash because of it."

"I know." Kirishima says, "But if you want someone there next time, I'll come with you."

"I don't."

"Then I'll stay at the dorms." Kirishima says, "Alright?"

"Alright, Shitty Hair."

#teehee #this has been in my drafts in one form or another for like a year i think and i just wanted it gone #kiribaku #soulmate au #but its not what you think #tw suicide #talks of suicide #yep you guessed it this is secretly bakudeku #i read one fic where katsuki makes his hero name deku and i lost my shit #do i like the end result? no #but i wanted this GONE #my throat hurts when i get sad and GUESS WHAT #bakugou katsuki #eijiro kirishima

[timeoverload]

I just wanted to say that I'm not upset anymore about what happened last weekend. I honestly don't have the energy to be angry about anything right now. I realize I never said anything else about it so I'm sorry. I apologize for freaking out. I figured it would be best if I took some time to calm down anyway.

I don't want to be a downer but I'm having a bad week again. I could use a hug right now. I need to talk about stuff because I was having bad thoughts when I was driving home. It has been super busy. Everything is a disaster. Every morning this week I've walked in to find a mess. There are 4 people off this week so that has made things worse. Of course everyone is in a shitty mood and pissed off. I worked 11 hours Monday and Tuesday and 12 today. Almost everyone has been forced to work overtime.

The new computer system isn't making anything easier because it crashes all the time and there are a lot of problems with it. The morning team lead was super pissed off about it this morning. He was throwing a tantrum and yelling. He was trying to record the results for a biological test and the system wouldn't let him because no one logged the information for the control when they put it into the incubator. I was trying to get him to calm down and all he needed to do was put a new control vial into the incubator but he wouldn't listen to me. I offered to open decontam for him because I wanted an excuse to get away even though I still had a ton of stuff to get set up. I get anxious whenever I'm around someone acting aggressively even if their frustration isn't directed towards me.

I think everyone is super tired and people are making a lot of mistakes so we had to flash a bunch of instruments earlier. Somehow I haven't made any major mistakes considering I'm very sleep-deprived so that's good at least.

I remember mentioning a while back that 2 of my co-workers are dating and they fight all the time. It hasn't gotten any better. Today she came up to me and asked me how to get away from an abusive partner because she knew I had been in a similar situation. I was shocked because I didn't realize it was that bad but everything is starting to make sense now. She's dating the same guy that acted really creepy towards me a few months ago. He has always given me bad vibes and I was right not to trust him. He's very manipulative and controlling. I gave her advice and reminded her that she can text me any time. I am going to do my best to help her as much as I can. I'm not afraid to tell him to fuck off if I have to because I've already done it once. It's going to be difficult for her to get away from him since they work the same hours. I'm just glad they don't live together but I really hope he doesn't do anything crazy. I feel horrible for her and no one deserves to get treated that way. I hope things get better for her.

Anyway, the past few days have been a blur. I am glad tomorrow is my Friday. I'm not sure how I'm going to make it through the day but I know I will. I don't want to think about it anymore right now.

I know I need to try to relax but I'm having a tough time. I can't shut my brain off. I haven't been eating enough this week so it's making me feel like shit too. I wish I had more of an appetite. I will force myself to eat something soon. I am so achy right now. My neck is bothering me a lot and it feels like someone is stabbing needles into my vertebra. I just want to feel better.

I'm sorry for being so negative and complaining so much. I have to talk about stuff so I don't explode.

I still have a lot to do before I go to bed unfortunately. I hope I can get stuff done quickly because I need to try to decompress for a while. I can't focus anymore so I should probably stop writing now. It would be nice if I could go to sleep at a decent time because I'm so tired.

Thank you all for listening to me vent. I really appreciate it. I hope everyone has a wonderful day tomorrow. 💖💖💖

#personal

[badnikbreaker]

this started as me talking through my sonic’s treatment of surge and all that (  since i’ve bitched about the writing there enough that it felt worth addressing it  ) and turned into a meditation on sonic’s nature as ‘the golden hero.’  but, either way, it’s fun — let’s crack in!

i’ve talked about how i don’t love some of sonic’s writing in the overpowered arc — and how i’d probably be fine with his writing if it didn’t feel like the narrative was responding to that writing in a weird way.  since i am keeping IDW stuff canon my blog by default, it feels worth talking about my sonic specifically and how i’ll be treating that.

getting into the specifics of my griping, my primary frustration wasn’t that sonic was, especially initially, being written as arrogant and overbearing — as talking down to surge, as making zero effect to connect with her — but that the narrative was framing this behavior as sonic being Correct.  sonic’s a deeply compassionate dude and surge is obviously a victim of extremely heinous abuse, and while i don’t objectively mind sonic’s lack of interest in understanding her initially, the narrative needs to justify that rather than saying ‘yeah, this is just who he is, and also he’s right to talk down to her and not try to connect or understand.’

it’s extra frustrating because it’s not even something that’s difficult TO justify!  sonic just got out of an extremely stressful situation (  that cost him many of his friends, however briefly!  ) where his morals were constantly being called into question — it’s not surprising at all to me that he’d overcompensate in the opposite direction to cope!  for my sonic, that’s the justification; he psychologically just cannot endure any more doubt about whether his morality is negative, whether he is responsible to more suffering than he stops, so he just — doesn’t.  surge says that he’s caused her pain via his mercy, and he shuts down; gets holier - than - thou as a defense mechanism, doesn’t listen to her, doesn’t try to understand or connect.  just talks down to her because if he lets himself think that this stranger is right, that this stranger is ANOTHER person he’s hurt, then, fuck, he’ll just break.  he’s not consciously thinking of it that way, but that’s the internal motivation here.

(  it’s also worth mentioning that while my sonic’s general actions and the Content of what he’s saying lines up with canon - sonic’s, mine does monologue less here.  )

but even if he wasn’t being a dick for Coping Reasons, i don’t think he would have been able to connect with her, at least not initially.  one of sonic’s fun flaws is that he’s sort of...perfect?

obviously i don’t mean that he lacks negative traits.  i just described a pretty huge one!  but he’s always come out on top.  i’ve written this in the context of whisper before; sonic’s comforts to her sometimes feel shallow, or at least not real — because, sure, people have died in battles sonic’s fought.  but he’s never lost any part of his family, he’s never actually failed, let alone permanently.  so for whisper, who’s directly failed her family and they died for it, hearing someone who’s never, ever, ever failed or lost in that way — it all feels kind of hollow, right?

it’s not that sonic hasn’t been hurt or traumatized.  it’s not that his numerous adventures haven’t had a meaningful and often negative effect on him, on his friends.  and during the war, he DID lose, at least for a little.  but the fact remains that, somehow, sonic always keeps his friends safe.  sonic always survives.  sonic always comes out on top eventually.  and — again, people have died in the adventures he’s been part of, and he wishes that wasn’t true.  but he’s not blaming himself for people who died in station square to chaos — and certainly not the way he would if tails or the like were to die.  even people like chip or sage, as much as he loves and cares for them, aren’t his FAMILY the way tails / knuckles / amy / etc. are.  they could be, given time, but they’re lost to him before they can get there.  he loves people like whisper and he can sympathize with them, but he can’t truly empathize with them.  not they way they might need, at least.

swinging this back around to surge — he says, again and again, just pick freedom!  freedom’s in front of you!  just CHOOSE TO BE DIFFERENT THAN WHAT YOU ARE!  And he just cannot seem to conceptualize that it is not that easy for surge.  sonic’s been hurt, but he’s never been literally programmed for this, he’s never been so thoroughly puppeteered by his trauma — to him, it IS as simple as choosing freedom, again and again, no matter what.  but for surge, the idea of it being a ‘choice’ at all is completely foreign to her.  it’s an interesting spot to be in as a surge writer; it’s so abundantly obvious to me that it’s not that surge is “not choosing” freedom, it’s that freedom is impossible to her at this point.  that her trauma has prevented that from being possible.  but that’s not something sonic understands, and it’s difficult for him to do so — and, in some specific cases, it can prevent connection, which is otherwise SO important to him.  maybe worst of all, he doesn’t fully conceptualize that this stuff is not as ‘easy’ for everyone as it is for him.

add it to the fact that he’s not someone who ‘gets’ others’ emotions easily and has trouble putting himself in others’ shoes, and you end up with...well, a messy, complicated situation, even if sonic weren’t using self - righteousness as a form of self - protection.

anyway, i just think it’s fun!  it’s fun that his ‘perfection’, his ‘golden boy’-ness can also swing around and be a flaw!  i think he certainly can grow and understand more fully that he’s coming from a very particular worldview that many people he knows don’t share!  but he’s not there NOW.

#sonic : headcanon. #does this make sense #im not sure #anyway i also think this bleeds into his other bonds just in less overt ways......

[rommahh]

Love On Tour…Actually

{Im sorry for how late this was. I went to the show Friday and honestly, it was the best day of my life. I had a little PCD which made me super unmotivated but I’m back. I love you all, R}

You woke up a little grumpy, you won’t lie. You didn’t like waking up alone especially on a show day. It made you uncomfortable to be left to your own devices without any structure or schedule. You understood that Harry was a busy man but it would’ve been nice to receive some text so you could plan your day accordingly.

Sitting on the couch in the lounge of your hotel room, you chowed down on leftover pasta while watching Netflix on your iPad. You had yet to receive a text from Harry even though you had texted him hours ago when you woke up. It was hard to tell if he was ignoring you out of anger or if he was simply just lost in track. Either way you felt dejected.

On the other hand, Harry hadn’t even noticed that he iced you. He was busy running around Nashville trying to get things ready for tonight’s show. He bought you a new dress and shoes, and got the ring fitted. It was hard to figure out your ring size but he end up measuring your finger when you were passed out asleep in bed last night. When you slept, you slept and he knew that would be the perfect time to measure your finger.

Harry was so busy that morning, that by the end of his errands he realized he didn’t even have time to go back to the hotel before rehearsals. He was sporting a small cough and his vocal chords felt overworked but that’s all apart of tour.

Pulling his phone out of his back pocket as he walked into the arena, he dialed your number quickly. He had people trying to talk to him but he paid them no mind.

“Oh? Would you look who’s here?” Harry’s head shot up to the sound of your voice. There you sat on his dressing room couch, arms crossed over one another as you glared at him. Your gaze burned through him and he could just tell he was in trouble.

“Hello lovie.” Harry rasped.

“Harry you sound like shit but here you are up and about running around. You should’ve slept in this morning.” Scolding as you stand up to walk in front of him. Harry could feel the anger radiate off of you but you hid it well. He melted into your hands that cupped his warm cheeks.

“I had a lot of errands to run and I didn’t want to wake you. Also it’s just a sore throat from singing and traveling- comes with being on tour.” He mumbles dropping his head into your neck. You caress the hairs on the back on his neck and massage the tense muscles.

“You’ve got to think about yourself more, Harry. You have a show to put on but you can’t put on your best show if you’re not at your best. I am not happy with you at all.” Even though your words were scolding him, you held him your arms in the most soothing way. That’s what Harry loved about you, you cared for him like no one else could (aside from his mom). You could tell him off with your harshest words but he’d always feel your love from miles away.

“You’re right love, sorry for not keeping in touch today.” You hum in acknowledgement. You both pulled away from each other when his driver walked in with Harry’s abundance of bags. “Thank you, sir.”

“What all did you buy?” You ask walking towards the bags. Harry’s arm shot out in front of you making you stop. You looked up at him in shock. “Fine be secretive.”

You huffed before making your way back to the couch. Harry rolled his eyes at you, making way to his shopping bags. Plucking the bag from Nordstrom he plopped it down on the table in front of you.

“I just didn’t want you snooping at some other stuff. I bought you this, for tonight.” He sat down beside you, thighs touching leaving no room between you two.

“Im not trying to be mean. Just a little peeved that you left this morning without telling me. You also have a cold and I wanna take care of you since you won’t do it.” A hand rubs his forehead luring his eyes shut.

“Sorry baby, I thank you for caring so much.” He whispers sleepily.

“Im always gonna care for my bubs.” Kissing him on the lips, your turn your attention to the bag. The small grey bag had light tissue paper covering the product within the bag. The tissue falls to the floor as you dig into the bag. A silky champagne dress, folded neatly to decrease wrinkles, sits in the bag. The dress was soft and you knew it was loose enough to give you the room to dance. Soft snores escaped the boy beside you- the exhaustion evident on his face.

You pull the dress out of the bag and walk over to where his outfit of the night hung. The dress was hung beside his to be steamed for later. Turning around, you smile at the sight of your curled up boyfriend. Your heart hurt knowing that in a few minutes he would have to go rehearse.

Harry sleepily went through rehearsals sitting in a chair the whole time. He knew his stage cues and performance, he only had one more thing to rehearse but it required for you to not be in the room. He gave one look to Jeff to signal him to get you out. Jeff made up some excuse saying that he needed help with some social media post for the show.

Before the show, there was a catered dinner from some local restaurant. Harry ate a light meal of fresh vegetables and a sweet iced tea which has grown on him having lived in the states for some years. You ate grilled chicken and fries enjoying the free food. The two of you ate alone in his dressing room- wanting a moment of piece before the crazy.

“How are you feeling?” You ask Harry. He shrugs, he was more nervous than anything but you wouldn’t understand why if he had told that to you. He felt floaty. Tonight would be a game changer, a step in a whole new direction. This is something he’s wanted to do for years now but it’s finally happening, and he’s scared.

"Im ok, a little tired but what else is new. I can't wait to sleep all night and cuddle with you." He grabs your hand from across the table. you squeeze it, frowning at his revelation.

"I don't like that you're so tired." You worry, his hand squeezes yours in reassurance.

“Im ok, it’s all apart if the job.” He looks down to your bare ring finger, thumb brushing over the empty spot. Your nails were done in your favorite way, some funky pattern you found from Pinterest all painted on short coffin nails.

“I love you Harry and I’m so proud of you. I know that these years put us both in a bad place mentally but I’m happy of where we are now.” Harry could almost tear up to your words. They settled into his mind, resonating. He was making the perfect decision and you solidified that ideal.

2014

Harry didn’t know how they did it. A show every night, a new state everyday, a new country every few months- he was burnt out. He was tired of shared tour buses and the lack of autonomy. Last nights LA show was amazing, the crowd was amazing, the energy was amazing- so why did he feel so horrid?

He walked around in The Grove, security guards walking in front and behind him. He wanted a peaceful day alone but here they were. Fans watched suspiciously trying to decipher if it was Harry or not. His hat and sunglasses were obviously not the disguise he thought they would be.

As the whispers got louder, his heart started to flurry more. Panic seeped into his veins as he looked for an escape. Bolting in the Barnes and Nobles- security guards close behind- Harry asked for the employees to close shop just for a moment. Harry only needed a moment to get a car near by to escape to. Feeling overwhelmed, Harry hid.

In between the historical fiction and romance aisle is where he sat. Head between his knees, trying to catch his breathe.

“Are you ok?” A voice asked from above him. His head whipped up in shock. Standing there was you, three books clutched between your arms. Adjusting your dress you dropped down to the floor in front of him.

“I-im fine, tired but fine.” He replied. He looked different than he did the night before, you thought. Last night, he was energetic and full of life and now, now you saw a boy whose exhaustion overpowered him.

“You here for any books?” You were just trying to change the subject, something you did with yourself when you had panic attacks.

“Oh no, I don’t-“ he stuttered shaking his head. You smiled at him before pulling a book from your stack. The fault In Our Stars, your new favorite.

“I love this book, one of my favorites. Heard a movie is coming out too so that’s fun.” You joke. Harry’s relaxed slightly, you nestled closer to him. Opening the book, you began reading, your gentle voice calming Harry.

At the start of chapter four, an interruption pulled you both away. Harry’s security guard told Harry that a car was waiting and the perimeter of the store was clear. Harry nodded telling the guard to give him five more minutes.

“I guess this is it.” You mumble closing your book. Harry nods but makes no move to leave. Something clicks in him as he looks at your face again.

“You were at the concert last night, meet and greet?” He muses.

“Yeah, One Direction is my favorite band. My friend bought our vip tickets for my birthday. Best night ever.” You say quietly, scared that he might think that you’re some obsessed fan.

“Oh, well I’m glad you enjoyed the show….so why didn’t you freak out today or- or expose where I was?”

“You’re a human being, just like me. You get nervous, frustrated, and sad just like me. You get panic attacks just like. Who am I to treat you differently?” Your words did so much for Harry. “Now don’t get me wrong, you’re my favorite in the band, but I don’t idolize you nor do I wish to be in your position cause I know it must be hard.”

“It is. Hard, I mean, really really hard. I love my job but I’m tired.” The silence you two shared burned a connection between you two. “This may be weird but could I have your number? I like talking to you and I wanna hear more of this book.”

Placing your hand made bookmark in the book, you closed in and gently placed it on Harry’s lap. “Have it. I have one at home and if you still want to talk about it- I’ll give you my number.”

Harry stills as the book sits in his lap. “I want to talk to you about the book.”

After exchanging numbers, Harry was urged by you to go. Walking side by side to the door, you were separated by his security.

“Harry, don’t let this keep hurting you. Find the joy and grasp on to it.”

You turned out to be his joy. Calls every night after shows and different books being read together, you both gravitated towards each other. Everyday was a new day to grow closer together. He invited you to more concerts, paying for every ticket because he just needed to be with you.

The show was going beautifully. Harry looked amazing in stage in all white and most fans were captivated by your outfit too. It worried you to see Harry so exhausted on stage but you knew he would stick it through like he always does. Proud was an understatement in your eyes. Harry made you more than proud.

You stood in the back of the watermelon pit at the end of the aisle where his stage stopped a few feet away. Jeff stood beside you like he normally did but he was acting suspicious. You two never stood on the side of Harry’s exit but this is where Jeff said you’d get the best view tonight.

Harry sang his final ‘we’ll be alright’ before doing his stage stroll and bows, but instead of finishing in the middle of the stage- he went down stage to the place he normally exits to at the end of the night. You watched in confusion, along with the crowd, as he walked down the steps to you. The crowd erupted in screams as the lights focused on where you were standing.

“What are you doing?” You asked with large eyes of shock. You felt your heart stop in your chest. The crowd getting louder by the moment. Harry walked closer to you, one hand digging into his pocket while his eyes focused on your face. You couldn’t place what was happening but you’re eyes welled with even more tears nonetheless. Jeff was to the side with a huge smile and his phone out to capture the moment.

“Y/N, my love, my light, the best thing that has happened to me,” he didn’t have his mic on so the crowd couldn’t hear him but you could hear him perfectly. As if you two were the only ones in the large arena, you could only see Harry. “From the moment I met you in the bookstore, I knew you were meant to be in my life. Somehow you took me from my darkest place and guided me to my lightest.

I know our lives have been hard but we’ve always found a way to be alright. I want that for the rest of my life. I want you to be by my side for the rest of my life, so will you please, my love, marry me?”

You gave him no time to answer as you yanked him up by his arm. You wept as you exclaimed loud yeses, yeses that could be heard by a few fans who screamed in excitement igniting the rest of the crowd to scream. Harry picked you up in his arms, throwing one arm out to wave at the crowd before bounding backstage.

“Oh my god Harry!” You exclaimed as he set you down. He only had a few minutes to talk so you kept it quick. You pulled his face down to your kissing his lips. This kiss pulled you both deeper into each other.

He pulled away making you whine. “I gotta go back but I promise you’ll get it all tonight. I can’t believe you said yes. I love you so much.”

Harry’s energy multiplied by 100 going back on stage. He even went as far as to explain what watermelon sugar was about. Remembering when the song was made, it made your legs clench together- a pulse overwhelming your lower regions.

Looking down at your hand, you could feel yourself tear up again at the ring he bought you. It fit perfectly in your hand, you remember him measuring your hand that night even though he thought you were asleep. The thought of your future made your heart swell. A future with new music, a wedding, a nice house, and babies made your heart swell. This was something you couldn’t wait for.

Harry found his joy in you but he never knew about the joy he was to your dark life.

#harry styles love on tour #harry styles x y/n #harry styles smut #harry styles imagine #harry styles fic #harry styles one shot #harry x reader #harry styles x reader #harry styles love on tour nashville