#wholockposts

[nickywholockposts]

Anguish.

It actually is possible to be in so much mental agony that it physically hurts. It hurts to walk, to stand, to sit up. To breathe.

#borderline personality disorder #post traumatic stress disorder #bipolar #ptsd #actually ptsd #bpd #actually bpd #fuck bpd #bpd stuff #just throw me into traffic #I can’t do this anymore #wholockposts #mar17

[nicky-who-lock-games]

Today in Minecraft...

#Minecraft #creeper #pillager #sunset #patio view #traveling merchant #farm #farming #enderman #wholockposts

[nickywholockposts]

Sleep.

My service dog in training has started alerting me to anxiety and panic.

I really need to start listening to her.

#borderline personality disorder #post traumatic stress disorder #bipolar #ptsd #actually ptsd #bpd #actually bpd #fuck bpd #bpd stuff #just throw me into traffic #I need sleep #psychiatric service dog #service dog #wholockposts #june10

[nickywholockposts]

Out.

This is why people bang their heads against walls. This is why people use drugs and over-drink. This is why people just get in their cars and leave, never to be heard from again.

Because anything is better than this pain.

#borderline personality disorder #post traumatic stress disorder #bipolar #ptsd #actually ptsd #bpd #actually bpd #fuck bpd #bpd stuff #just throw me into traffic #life just hurts #I'm tired #wholockposts #april26

[nickywholockposts]

Valid.

"Family is a sinkhole. You were right to get out while you could."

#borderline personality disorder #post traumatic stress disorder #bipolar #ptsd #actually ptsd #bpd #actually bpd #fuck bpd #bpd stuff #living with bpd #Bojack Horseman #abuse #wholockposts #feb13

[nickywholockposts]

#stolen from Facebook #borderline personality disorder #post traumatic stress disorder #bipolar #ptsd #actually ptsd #bpd #actually bpd #fuck bpd #bpd stuff #living with bpd #relatable #wholockposts #nov2

[nickywholockposts]

Adult.

I can't just go to ER if my mental health gets worse. My therapist doesn't understand that I will literally lose everything.

No, I have to be an adult, suck it up, and carry on. The world doesn't stop because mental illness is trying to burn me alive from the inside out.

#borderline personality disorder #post traumatic stress disorder #bipolar #ptsd #actually ptsd #bpd #actually bpd #fuck bpd #bpd stuff #living with bpd #just fuck everything #I'm taking a nap #wholockposts #oct30

[nickywholockposts]

Poly.

"I can't say that the relationship was 100% consensual. Sure, she was 18, but she didn't have anywhere else to go. She didn't have good education or credit or money. She didn't have a choice. She was trapped."

This quote from a documentary on a polygamy cult really stuck out to me. Sometimes we're forced into things to survive. And the ones who do the forcing see no problems with it.

#borderline personality disorder #post traumatic stress disorder #bipolar #ptsd #actually ptsd #bpd #actually bpd #fuck bpd #bpd stuff #just throw me into traffic #this shit sucks #wholockposts #april15

[nickywholockposts]

Untitled.

I'm not sure how to convey how awful I feel right now.

A few hours ago, everything was fine.

Now I'd be okay with ceasing to exist altogether.

#borderline personality disorder #post traumatic stress disorder #bipolar #ptsd #actually ptsd #bpd #actually bpd #fuck bpd #bpd stuff #living with bpd #rapid mood swings #this is making me hate life #I was FINE a few hours ago! #wholockposts #sep23

[nickywholockposts]

Gut.

I'm learning that training a service dog requires a different, deeper kind of trust than I've had with previous pets.

It's hearing a noise in the apartment and trusting that my dog will react in some way. It's watching her calm outside with loud noises and trusting that's it's okay. It's sleeping in bed and trusting that she's going to take up that empty space. It's sitting in the bathroom to re-center and trusting that she'll come check on me if I'm gone too long.

I know we have a really long way go, as it's only been six days, but I honestly think we're on the right track. And I honestly have a little hope for my future.

#borderline personality disorder #post traumatic stress disorder #bipolar #ptsd #actually ptsd #bpd #actually bpd #fuck bpd #bpd stuff #living with bpd #psychiatric service dog #Sibyl #everything hurts still but I have a small hope #wholockposts #sep21

[nickywholockposts]

[un]Real.

I wish I could go back to a time where I didn't know a reality like this could exist.

#borderline personality disorder #post traumatic stress disorder #bipolar #ptsd #actually ptsd #bpd #actually bpd #fuck bpd #bpd stuff #just throw me into traffic #this shouldn't be real #I miss my family #I miss my friends #wholockposts #Mar3

[nickywholockposts]

Hide.

The marker lines on my wrist just aren't good enough tonight, not even slightly.

And that's terrifying.

#borderline personality disorder #post traumatic stress disorder #bipolar #ptsd #actually ptsd #bpd #actually bpd #fuck bpd #bpd stuff #living with bpd #hello again self harm urges #this needs to stop #I can't deal with this #wholockposts #dec13

[nickywholockposts]

Fi[n]re.

I'm fine.

#borderline personality disorder #post traumatic stress disorder #bipolar #ptsd #actually ptsd #bpd #actually bpd #fuck bpd #bpd stuff #living with bpd #wholockposts #feb5

[nickywholockposts]

Rooftop.

I just want to fall off the face of the planet. I don’t want to do this anymore.

#borderline personality disorder #post traumatic stress disorder #bipolar #ptsd #actually ptsd #bpd #actually bpd #fuck bpd #bpd stuff #living with bpd #recovery sucks #wholockposts #feb3

[nickywholockposts]

Nothing.

I learned last night that not even the universe gives a shit.

#borderline personality disorder #post traumatic stress disorder #bipolar #ptsd #actually ptsd #bpd #actually bpd #fuck bpd #bpd stuff #living with bpd #alone #it's just me against everything #I'm done #there's no point anymore #wholockposts #jan26

[nickywholockposts]

Concern.

Staring at a blinking cursor, holding a pen above a blank journal page, staying silent because I just can't convey how life feels right now.

#borderline personality disorder #post traumatic stress disorder #bipolar #ptsd #actually ptsd #bpd #actually bpd #fuck bpd #bpd stuff #living with bpd #life sucks #just throw me into traffic #wholockposts #jan14