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faelapis · 2 years

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White Diamond analysis: post-SU future

i've spoken about why i like white diamond before, but i want to update it. i've made a mediocre little video ages ago (i think its called "white diamonds cognitive journey" but i don't wanna link it here because while i stand by a lot of the conclusions, i was very bad at youtube and cringe at my editing)... but that's somewhat outdated now. because SU the movie and SU future happened.

so i will summarize my old thoughts, and add new ones.

i will say that i don't think white's arc, whatever you feel about it, is meant to read as "complete." i think that's where a lot of fandom cognitive dissonance comes from. i think it's meant to read as a continuous, breathing thing that could change more now that steven is gone. i wanna thank future for that, both problematizing white's current mindset and giving her a jumping-off point - along with jasper and the other diamonds - to keep changing.

so. what do i mean by this?

in CYM, white falls apart. then the movie, and future, are extensions of the mindset she gains at the end of CYM. people complain about an "offscreen" redemption but i don't think that's true. what i will explore is how white submits herself to what steven wants because she doesn't trust herself or her own judgement anymore if she's not perfect. the movie and future are just natural extensions of that.

let's start at CYM.

by the end of it, white finally questions herself, to perhaps an extreme degree because she'd built herself up around the idea of having to be perfect. to her, perfect means being wise, correct, unquestionable. she's kept watch over gemkind, she's always looking from afar. how its played, its ambiguous as to whether she could Literally see everything pink did, or if she just put herself in denial that of course pink was alive, of course this was all one of her games.

but if its the former, if she can Literally see all of gemkind through her divine light, i think the reason she can't predict steven is that he's half-human. she can't see him as clearly. she knew he was human from the get go, calling pink "hiding" and "embedded in that human child", so perhaps part of her obsession was not being able to see.

anyway, what others say they feel isn't that important, she knows what they "really" need and feel. she can see them, better than they can. she's their creator, their goddess "mother", after all.

and if she can, in a meta sense, see everything, she is the opposite of steven and the audience - they are subjective, and they know that. "we" can only see from steven's pov. white is a challenge to that, someone who represents the standard tv drama where an omniscent audience gets to see everything. we don't, we are limited to steven. because the point is that no one can truly be objective.

but anyway - white styles herself as being objective. she's facts and logic, she doesn't care about feelings (tm). so yellow and blue's emotional pleas don't matter. what matters is if she can be logically proven wrong. if she SEES that steven isn't pink, then she is objectively wrong. that's something she can't handle. she can't justify it, so her worldview falls apart. she's not perfect.

the question then becomes how she responds to this. and the answer is, well, like someone whose world has fallen apart! someone who trusts her own judgement so little that she has to follow someone else. so she acts like most homeworld gems, at some point.

as we see at the end of CYM, and made more explicit in the movie and future... she starts following whatever steven wants. the era 3 diamond symbol is flipped on its head - steven is the "highest" diamond, and white sees herself as the "lowest."

i don't think white, personally, has reached a conclusion on how she feels about corrupted gems. i don't think she has anything but gut feelings - some base disgust (as drawn throughout CYM, there's a great shot about getting into the pool but looks conflicted, that i think someone in the crew described as her "hesitantly getting into a public pool", which can be read through several different lenses of prejudice.) , but also wanting to help because she feels bad enough about herself to do whatever someone else tells her is helpful.

and that someone else is steven. even if she herself is conflicted, she spends the end of CYM looking to him for approval. its only through his joy and acknowledgement of her that she allows herself to hesitantly, awkwardly smile. despite everything.

and then the movie shows this at its logical extreme. like white, yellow and blue are also following steven - they are almost obsessed with him. he's made things better, after all! he's a hero! he even guided them at their worst, the way white was supposed to do. he's surely worthy of worship as the superior diamond.

when steven understandably wants to leave, they beg for him to stay! they whine about how they've done everything he asked. they're clearly doing it for him. because of him. just let us worship adore you.

in a way, they are extremely childish. they're not really changed in the sense of a mature understanding of the world based on their own experiences and moral compass, but they know they are flawed. and they love and adore steven, so HE will tell them what to think. what to be. what to do.

we'll do it all. whatever you say. you know better than us!

then future happens.

our heroic, superior steven isnt the perfect golden child anymore. perhaps he never was. he's no longer able to hide it, at least, because now that the war is over, he's not able to focus on a life's purpose ("living up to rose quartz" first, "being a hero" later), so he is haunted by his PTSD. everything catches up to him. he even questions his own relationships - a lot of them having formed around him being that "good," helpful person. someone who needs to be needed. someone who doesn't know who he is when he isn't perfect.

are we really surprised he went to the diamonds, at his worst? of course he did. on some level, i think he hoped they could heal him... but failing that, maybe he would find a fellowship of flawed, broken people who had abused others high opinions of them. instead, he found them doing good things, being useful, being better than him, despite how he himself was still suffering. suffering because of them.

another huge reason steven was "set off" by white was by literally seeing himself in her body, right after shattering jasper and making a bunch of other mistakes. the fear of becoming like her, an ignorant or cruel person in an abusive chain. but the poison was already in him. and in trying to hurt white, he was literally hurting himself. trying to focus on destroying everything imperfect around you, you become incapable of accepting the imperfections within.

anyway. this is still about white!! i just wanted to "catch us up" on my interpretation of steven in future, and also lay some groundwork of the parallels between white and steven here. i think steven, in all of future, is a disharmonic, symbolic mix of white and pink.

anyway, now this messed up, openly broken steven has to meet the diamonds. and of course, when they fail to heal him, despite his pain being partially their fault, and seeing himself "as white", fearing being like her, deluded instead of a true hero... he doesn't take it well.

and that brings us back to white. while she's clearly scared in this scene, "i am my monster" clarifies that she doesn't hate him, and certainly doesn't blame him. she and the others still come to call, they still help him however they can. even if he doesn't love them (as spinel puts it, he never writes or calls), they still love him. he still helped them. he still made them better.

and i think that's a crucial bit of progress, because it shows them putting the pieces together. yes, steven isn't the perfect diamond they hoped would guide them, he isn't their holy "father" the way they tried to be authoritarian "mothers" to gemkind, but they don't turn on him for that reason. blue and yellow aren't disgusted with steven "turning pink" like white did. and white isn't even mad at him for trying to kill her. she knows why:

spinel: this is my fault!

white diamond spinel! don't be silly! everyone knows that all of this is because of me!

spinel: NO, it's because of ME! i tried to wipe his friends memories so he could die alone on a barren world!

white: but that was because you were angry with pink, and if pink hurt you, it was because i hurt her! like i hurt yellow, and blue, and steven, and everyone in the entire universe! *sobbing* this is all my fault!

and after that, of course, chad connie comes in and focuses their attention on the fact that yes, they did hurt him. but this pity party - this obsession with self-punishment - is just making it about themselves. like the way some parents respond to their children hurting with "where did i go wrong?!" instead of actually helping.

but what's crucial is that despite the diamonds following steven almost blindly, it wasn't completely blindly. they understand the concept of generational trauma: it wasn't just spinel, and it wasn't just pink. it was all of them. and white may in some ways be the "source", but connie still insists they all try to help anyway.

the diamonds are not fully "there yet" in terms of emotional development, but they did learn one thing - you can't abandon or destroy people because they are flawed. through steven, and through being there for each other, they have seen how even they, themselves, can help despite their own flaws... and so, they are forced to accept that part of steven too. that is something they're able to process and turn into practice by the end of future.

so then... steven leaves.

earlier, when he left homeworld, he told the diamonds the exact same thing he told jasper: don't follow me.

that can be interpreted literally, but also figuratively. with jasper, its explicitly about looking up to him: "find something better to do with your life." so that leaves them all - white diamond, yellow, blue, jasper... adrift. but now, with some morals and experiences to guide them. they're not children anymore, they can't rely on steven to tell them what to do. maybe they'll even have PTSD and existential crises of their own! we don't know, because we are bound to steven - someone who has decided that's not his business anymore. he has to heal himself, regardless of what everyone else does.

so the show prompts us to accept that no, we don't really know whether the diamonds (and jasper) will "fully" heal, what the world will look like to them in 10, 100, 1000 years. but it gives them all hope. it gives them a starting point, recognizing that their flaws are not the end of the world. jasper goes to little homeworld. the diamonds have each other. they just have to keep going without an authority to guide them... the same way all of gemkind must find a way to exist without the diamonds.

i'm not the first to say a lot of this. there’s been a lot of digital ink spilled to say the diamonds are only doing what steven wants, and that steven is "using" them... but that’s usually in the service of saying they're not “really” redeemed, end of story. because steven doesn’t like them, the show ITSELF must hate them and have no real desire to redeem them. it’s usually a reactionary stance to “defend” SU against “soft on crime” allegations lol.

but i don’t care about that kind of punitive bs, nor do i think that’s the shows intended message. they could’ve had steven actually shatter white, but it would’ve been at the cost of the societal goods of rehabilitation. this is a show where revenge and healing are contradictory - rehabilitation is necessary for true structural change (literal and figurative healing). people are flawed and they can change. they could’ve written revenge to be more important or equal, but no. steven doesn’t need to kill them, he needs therapy.

as i’ve hopefully shown, while the diamonds are far from perfect, they HAVE learned something. they accept steven despite his flaws, they’re well on their way to accepting the concept of flaws in general. they seem happy with their new powers to heal and find meaning in helping people. and in future, they continue to do good despite how steven never calls or visits. even humbling yourself and admitting you’re wrong is, i think, more than many of us could do.

#steven universe #white diamond #su theory #su analysis #gif /#steven #jasper #yellow diamond #blue diamond #spinel #the diamonds

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spookyclooky · 2 years

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considering I will never shut up about this, and I see a lot of people ganging up on each other over this, I've decided I'm going to publicly share at least a few (if not all) of the slides from a powerpoint I made for my friends explaining why Stancy doesn't work and Steddie does

Keep in mind, this was not originally intended for general audiences but I've reached the end of my rope with this and I'm gonna show you some research I did (though I'm gonna exclude some of my slides cause they're introducing the characters for my friends who don't watch ST)

my first two slides, because some of this was jokes but I'm so actually fucking serious about this it's crazy

my summarization of both of their relationships (some of the Steddie one was jokes because they don't actually have a canon relationship obv)

and this is the summation of my analysis of both relationships (or what I think their relationship could be by analyzing the way they interact in Steve and Eddie's case). This doesn't even include the fact that Steve evidently wants a big family according to ST4, which Nancy straight up said is the last thing she wants. So, in being with Steve, she'd be trapped in her worst nightmare and would grow to eventually resent him. She even says this during that conversation:

Because she doesn't want kids! She expressed this early on the series when she's talking about her parents with Jonathan, telling him about how her dad was older and her mom married him for money. She didn't want to be like her parents, she still doesn't. She's trying her hardest to pave a path for herself in her journalism, by any means necessary. You think she can do that stuck in a house on the end of a cul-de-sac with someone she never truly loved in the first place?? NO!!! She says this to Jonathan in S1 E6, which just further proves my point

so hearing that, do you think she wants a cute little family with Steve, schlepping across the country with "six little nuggets" in tow? Absolutely the fuck not.

AND, for Steve, he straight up tells Robin that he doesn't love Nancy anymore. While he was on 'truth serum' from the russians. He doesn't even hesitate, and here's the scene if you wanna watch it again cause you don't believe me.

Even Murray, an outsider looking in, could see their relationship was not it

Like, do y'all not remember this?

Cause I do

this shows that even an outside party, who is JUST MEETING Nancy, can tell that she no longer loves Steve, and that's assuming she ever had feelings like that for him in the first place.

In S4, he SPECIFICALLY says, after the bit about crawling backwards, that he says when he gets a big enough thump on his head, he can change and move forward. He thanks her for helping him to 'crawl forward', which I kind of interpreted as a 'hey, thanks for showing me that the way I was acting before sucked, and you breaking up with me changed my life for the better', the breakup acting as his proverbial bump to the head in this particular case.

Speaking as someone who has been in an extremely unhealthy relationship in the past, I think that Steve is simply going through a denial stage at this point, his rose colored glasses coming back on to romanticize the good parts of his and Nancy's relationship instead of seeing the entirety of it. The good and the bad, even though from what we see as an audience, there's much more bad outweighing the good. Especially considering they weren't together for very long by the time the events of season 1 took place.

At the beginning of season 2, it seems like from Steve's perspective, the stuff involving the Upside Down (i.e, Barb's death, facing the demogorgon together, etc.), brought them closer together, but to Nancy, it made it easier for her to distance herself from Steve, for whatever reasons she personally may have found prominent at the time.

She at least acts like she's in denial at first about not being in love with Steve, but she lets that fall apart insanely quickly, considering she kisses/sleeps with Jonathan at Murray's a few hours after they talk about her love life/relationship with Steve where she says that she does in fact love him??

Delving into the mind of Nancy Wheeler is a complicated endeavor, the same could be said for Steve Harrington himself, but long story short, the idea that the Duffers could possibly be pushing them back together bothers me a lot because it'd be like Steve crawling backward all over again. It's like they don't know what to do with him unless he has some sort of love interest and it kind of shows. In S1 and S2, it was Nancy, in S3, it was Robin and now they're trying to come full circle which doesn't make any logical sense.

In all honesty, I think Nancy should just take a break from having a relationship all together, to finally let herself grieve Barb properly and Steve should have a partner that matches his emotional maturity that he's gained over the past seasons.

But that's all I'm gonna say, so thank you for coming to my TED talk and I hope you enjoyed <3

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unstablerk800 · 1 year

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Pets to play with

Word count: 3,158

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: kidnapping, abuse, rape/non-con, orgasm control, denial, non-con drug use, edging

Summary: Nines is evil. That's it. That's the plot. You've been warned.

So when I posted about being ill and writing this, I mentioned I'd tag people who commented on it, and I always keep my word. 💙 I'll also tag those who gave a like to that post, because I'm not sure if they wanted to be tagged or they just... liked... that I'm writing? I couldn't tag two blogs because tumblr didn't find them. What a mystery. Anyway, story under the cut. (Ao3 version is here.)

@go-flow-bro

@a-patchofmoss

@pomeranianmasovian

@heretoboogie

Nines enjoyed having toys waiting for him after the long hours of work.

It wasn't like she could complain, or his little brother. After all, they were very well kept, at least in his opinion.

After the state powered up the new RK900 model, all 200,000 of them, they ran all over the country in a collected attack. Humans and androids had absolutely no chance against them.

The first that had been activated and met his predecessor though, had thought that he would enjoy some company in his lavish, vast home. And he did. Rescued little brother Connor from CyberLife, and even got him company in the form of a girl RK800 seemed to like.

A budding romance at the station between the deviant and the human. How quickly it escalated into something else.

They resisted first, of course. Talking about freedom and how keeping them there was a horrible act. They tried to persuade him, talk sense into him, to no avail. There were also threats and insults - all of those comments were emotionlessly but cruelly, punished. Nines could care less about their opinion; he'd found stimulating them at his leisure at the end of the day to be... relaxing.

She had been molded to perfection over the past few weeks. Denial - coupled with aphrodisiacs - could do wonders to a girl's spirits. He had a medical android safely remove the hood from her little bud to expose it even more to his fingers and tongue. Of course, she wasn't allowed to touch it without permission. She wasn't allowed to cum without permission. Every meal was full of drugs that kept her extremely horny, but her cunt was stuffed with a dildo and secured with a chastity belt only Nines could remove. Very clever device. That was one of his favourites. The other was the dildo itself that kept buzzing to bring her to the edge during the day but stopped as soon as it sensed she would cum. The chastity belt was made of metal, which constantly applied pressure to her exposed clit, but never enough pressure to throw her over the edge. During the night, her cunt was allowed to rest - after Nines used it as he saw fit -, but her ass got stuffed with a large sized butt plug instead.

This went on for days and days without an end until she broke down. One evening when Nines arrived home, she threw herself in front of him and begged, sobbing, to let her cum. He had successfully destroyed the last of her dignity and then he fucked her for hours, ripping orgasm after orgasm out of her body before he let her rest - but the sequence still continued. Nines showed no mercy. He put the toy inside her and locked the belt before he left for work. Sometimes, she could keep herself from begging, but he always knew when she would reach her limit, and he was always looking forward to that.

Connor didn't have the luxury of ever having a release. Being her only companion during the day, she stayed with him for long, long hours, talking to him, touching him, comforting him. He was permanently locked to a metal framed bed with handcuffs. They've tried to open them, but of course, Nines was clever. The handcuffs, just as the chastity belt, only responded to his touch. There was no escape, only endless torture.

They've been cut off from the world, their only means of entertainment were each other. In the beginning, she'd hug him and cry, he'd comfort her, wishing he could hold her gently to his chest. He didn't even mind anymore that he was bare naked. He didn't feel embarrassed about the cock ring locked tight around the base of his cock and balls. He noticed her state of arousal every time she visited him, knowing how frustrated she was, and he couldn't do anything about it.

Or so he thought.

"Pet", Nines sighed when she slightly jerked her legs closer to each other one morning when he was gently slipping the toy inside of her. She knew better than to openly resist, but she really wanted some extra friction. "You know better than this."

"I'm sorry Master", she said quickly, tears gathering in her eyes. "But please could you... could you..."

"Could I what?"

His icy eyes locked with hers and she was at a loss. She couldn't take it anymore.

"Please fuck me", face flushed, she gripped the sheets under herself.

Nines analyzed her, his LED whirring in amber for a few seconds before he laughed at her. He was mocking, teasing, humiliating her at every step.

"So desperate for my cock, are you?"

She whimpered as her fingers tentatively gripped his coat's white edges at his middle. Nines was superior in every aspect, it was no surprise they've been equipped with an incredible size. A seven inch monster. Two inches thick. When he first wanted to fuck her, it couldn't fit, so he impatiently shoved it inside of her with brutal force, and she came immediately before she passed out. He didn't really care, he said she'd get used to it, and he was right. She really did. She could take him without any problems now, and he still could enjoy her tightness around him.

"Yes Master", she whispered.

Nines's hand slapped down on her cunt. His hand was hard and cold, and she yelped but didn't move. He really trained her well. She kept her position even when she was punished.

"Ask me in a full sentence, pet", he ordered coolly, his LED blinking in blue.

Her face twisted in distaste, but just for a second before she braced herself for the inevitable.

"Please Master fuck me before you leave, I'm so needy, I need your hard cock inside of me, I need it now, please-"

Nines gripped her jaw and kept her head still. He actually smiled. It was insane how handsome he was, even if his icy blue eyes were calculating and piercing. He gently kissed her lips. Slow, sensual. Cruel.

"After you've sucked Connor's cock for an hour today, pet", he decided, moving his hands now to lock her in her chastity belt, "I'll show you a good time."

She sobbed softly as Nines got up from the bed and walked out, locking the one and only entrance of his home, leaving her with the toy buzzing buried in her wet warmth.

The breakfast waited for her on the kitchen counter as always. She ate it without feeling the taste; it had been so long since she could enjoy anything unrelated to sex. She knew her every move had been followed through the countless cameras by Nines; lying would be useless, he would know whether she did what he told her to do or not.

She visited Connor in the empty room. His sensory deprivation was even worse than hers. During the weekends, Nines was at home, and he didn't let her visit Connor. His room was completely empty, save for the bed. White walls, white floor, white ceiling, just the cameras in every corner above. He flinched when the door opened, relaxing only when he saw it was her.

"Good morning", he greeted her gently.

His mere voice could do wonders to her mood. Nines sounded cold and monotone, more machine-like, even if his voice resembled Connor's. Whenever he spoke, her stress levels were rising because no good could come out of anything he said. Like that morning, for instance. Even though Connor's tone calmed her nerves a bit, she quickly spiraled back to what Nines said, and she was biting her lower lip as she made a beeline to his bed to climb on it.

"What's wrong?" He asked softly, quietly. There had been so many things Nines could do to her, and he had no idea what he had come up with now. Connor was truly concerned. "Love, what did he do to you?"

Perhaps that was the worst. That they've been in this together, like this, slaves to a powerful machine, and Connor still showed affection in every way he could. Mostly with words, since he couldn't move. He wanted to do everything in his power to make her feel at least a little better. Nines could've taken his memories of the past to render him even more helpless, but he did not. And he remembered every second when he had made her smile or laugh with a comment or wink. He remembered all the times she blushed when he approached her at the station; he was oblivious to why it happened for a long time until he deviated.

And then, it was too late.

Perhaps if the RK900 wasn't activated after he'd succeeded with his mission, it all would've ended differently. He wasted countless hours wondering about different scenarios and what ifs; from letting Markus win or become a deviant himself. The latter happened either way. He knew it did. When they were captured and taken here and Nines touched her the first time, and she screamed for help, Connor's software couldn't handle it.

And Nines knew that. He took great joys in opening his door when he arrived home before he went back to her to dish out both pain and pleasure. Despite the fact that she was always on her best behavior, Nines enjoyed leaving welts on her body. Just as a reminder, just to make her more obedient.

Now, Connor had scanned her, but came up with nothing except the heightened arousal and abnormal stress levels. Both became the norm lately.

"Nothing", she said, sniffling, as she climbed up on the bed beside him. She stroked his cheek, and his eyes slid closed as he enjoyed her warmth and company. It had been so long again. Every night was a struggle. Every weekend was horror. He missed her terribly. "He did nothing."

"Then what did he say?" Connor murmured with furrowed brows but with still closed eyes, knowing something was up.

She leaned down to kiss him, and he reciprocated. It didn't feel like he was mimicking the kiss anymore; it was genuine and gentle, careful and loving, human like. Nines kissed her coldly, without emotion. Connor kissed her like there was no tomorrow, as if she was the sunrise on his horizon. The only thing worth existing for.

They were in no hurry now. Nobody would distract them, and they'd be able to muster some courage and power from the love they've felt for each other. Despite everything that happened in the past few weeks, he knew she still loved him. Connor often wondered why, but he never questioned it.

Kissing him always brought her comfort. She often wondered why Nines allowed her to feel thus, but she often came to the conclusion he wanted Connor and her to suffer. There couldn't be any other explanation. He basked in their helplessness, their uselessness, their inability to escape.

Her thumbs ever so gently rubbed his cheeks and Connor shifted up with her when she started to pull away, but the handcuffs held him down. She changed her mind and leaned down again, pecking his lips over and over, letting him rub his tongue against hers. He had detected the aphrodisiacs lingering on her tongue, but he said nothing of it, as they both knew by now that Nines manipulated the situation as he saw fit. He wanted her desperate, and through her, he wanted Connor to be desperate, too.

"I love you", she whispered softly in his mouth, and Connor rubbed his bare feet against the covers under him.

"I love you, too", he whispered back. "Now tell me... what does he want?"

She pulled away, sitting on her ankles carefully. Connor swallowed at the sight of her bare body. If the thought even crossed his mind that she'd be naked with him, he definitely did not think it'd happen the way it did.

His thoughts of her were so innocent back at the station. He had imagined her lips against his own whenever she looked shyly back up at him as he approached her. He toyed with the idea of gently touching her small hips, bringing her closer to his firm body when he finally built up the courage to kiss her. He would've been so gentle with her... he would've made sure she was alright, that she suffered no harm, he would've paid attention to the signs she was giving him and he would've stopped if he ever noticed that she felt uncomfortable.

They never had that. Nines captured them and made her his right here in this room he was imprisoned in. He'd never forgive himself for how that happened. She still had plenty of spirits left; she resisted, she fought back, she kicked and punched and bit and screamed - which, of course, made Nines angry. He had slapped her, bruised her body until she learned to stay down, under him where she belonged, made her cry and sore. And there was nothing he could do. He just had to watch and listen.

"It doesn't matter if it's bad for me", he tried to reassure her quietly. "I want it all to be easier for you. You can do whatever you need to do."

She was exhausted. He saw it in the circles under her eyes, he saw it in the way she looked back at him. She had no spark left. She was slipping into apathy and would've ended her misery herself if Nines gave her the smallest opportunity. Connor knew all that. He could taste it on her lips. In her kisses. In the way she looked back at him.

She moved her hand tentatively on his left inner thigh. She nibbled on her lower lip, on the verge of tears. Connor reassured her again, as soft and gentle as he could, and she leaned a little forward.

"Could you set a timer?" She asked, utterly defeated, "for an hour?"

Connor did not ask anything. He just nodded. And when he did, she leaned down, wrapping her pretty lips around his half hard cock. His body worked as any other body, it reacted to teasing, it reacted to her closeness, but he wouldn't finish. Reaching an orgasm was just as impossible as escaping this Hell he'd been thrown into with her, and Connor whimpered with need as he let his head fall back and closed his eyes.

"No, no, don't stop", he whispered when he felt her freeze. He didn't dare to look at her, he kept his eyes closed. His LED was blinking in gold. "Do what you need to do. I'll be fine. I promise."

She silently complied, working on his length until it was fully erect, pressing little kisses on the top of it before she wrapped her lips around the head and sucked, drawing desperate noises from the imprisoned android. It was unbelievable how close she could push him, and only a few minutes went down from the one hour.

She needed to pause several times; her lips got tired, her jaw had to relax, but whenever she hesitated, he urged her to continue. If this was the only way he could make her feel better, then so be it. He carefully adjusted the counter every time she stopped, making sure that Nines would get exactly what he wanted, ignoring all the error messages flashing in his vision from being edged over and over again. His thirium pump worked twice as hard as usual, his synthetic heart rate was dangerously high, and he honestly had his doubts he had been built for these sort of games for the long term.

He just wanted to finish… he just wanted, just once, so bad…

"It's ov-over-"

He panted when the counter hit zero, and he felt tears prickling his eyes. His LED had been crimson for the past fifteen minutes at least. He didn't even realise how tense his body was until she finally pulled away and up. Connor relaxed his legs and curled up toes, his cock twitching with the ring around it with a desperate attempt to cum. But it would never come.

"I'm so sorry", she whispered, and he just realised now she was crying. He looked up at her as he was trying to get his body to return to it's normal state. Her lips were swollen and red from working so hard, and so were her eyes as she had been crying for quite a while by now. "I didn't- I didn't want to make you feel so bad…"

"It wasn't bad", he shook his head a little. He shouldn't say this out loud because he knew Nines would use it to his advantage, but at the same time, he wanted her to know that she didn't do anything wrong. "I mean, you're doing this… flawlessly. Really. You're so amazing." He smiled up at her to make her feel a bit better. "You're never doing anything wrong. I'm glad you're here with me. Come on, let's rest."

She half smiled at him, then grabbed the blanket on his side and pulled it closer to both of them. She covered them both with it, then she snuggled to his chest to listen to the noises and whirring sounds his body was making as it worked. It didn't take her long to fall asleep, as the toy buried in her stopped vibrating altogether.

Most of the day passed by with her resting on his chest. When she woke up, they've spent the time in silence. There was nothing left to say anyway. Plans of escaping were out the window long ago, and other than doing whatever Nines told them to do, they just wanted each other's quiet company.

She almost fell back asleep when the door opened. Startled, her hand gripped the blanket on Connor's chest when she saw Nines. She knew what she begged for that morning, and she remembered what he'd promised if she did what he ordered her to.

But right now, she just wanted to stay there with Connor and never get up again.

"You're not even greeting me?" Nines's voice was cold as he approached the bed, and her pulse elevated already. "I think some punishment is in order, pet."

"I'm sorry, Master", she hurried to get up now, but it was too late.

Nines reached under the blanket, grabbed her ankle and pulled her to himself. She was crying already.

"Don't hurt her", Connor snapped, and Nines regarded him with a pitiful look.

"I'll be back to gag you", Nines arched a brow, "after I'm done with her."

Without furter ado, he started to walk out - with her ankle still in his hand, pulling her off the bed and through the room as she was sobbing for help before he shut the door.

#detroit become human #dbh #Connor dbh #Nines dbh #Connor #Nines #RK900 #RK800 #|| Wondering if I should continue. 🤨#fanfic

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socialjusticevampire · 9 months

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for the system hc ask game: 3 7 8 10 18 21 & 23 with kudan <3

Wow beloved mutual I wonder how you got the impression this is a thing I have thought about in depth?

Answers below the cut because this is long.

3. Do they have a collective system name? If so is there a meaning behind it?

I feel like that would probably be a point of contention for them, honestly. I think that's something Kudan would be adamantly against, because she's very concerned with public perception and she strikes me as the type to view that sort of thing as... For lack of a better word, kind of cringe-inducing. I think she'd prefer to be subtle about it in general. Yu seems like the type to come up with one, but to be honest I don't think she really cares much either way and wouldn't wanna fight Kudan over the matter.

7. Is there a particular topic they disagree on a lot? (Ie what to eat, what to wear, what music to listen to, ect)?

A lot of things. I think, as a system, they generally try to intentionally distinguish themselves as individuals from one another, because all of the headmates share in common the fact they're extremely willful people who would hate being seen as anything less than distinct people so, they tend to have very different preferences.

That being said, I think there's a certain mutual understanding between them because of this to let whoever is fronting basically do what they want as long as it's, not actively against the interests of the system. If they're doing something together they usually have to talk it through first.

8. What is their headspace like?

I think they have separate rooms, but no real "interim" space - they go between each other's if they wanna visit. I feel like Yu Ushizawa read a lot of fantasy novels as a child and internalized that heavily so she'd have a sort of like, dreamy castle type area. Kudan might have her own separate study room that's more Victorian inspired, has a lot of books, not actually super high tech despite what you might assume from her outward interests.

10. Do they have a collective gender or sexuality? Are there any alters who’s identities contradict this?

Staying closer to canon stuff? Yeah. I view Kudan as like, lesbians tbh who are IRL closeted about it due to familial pressure reasons, and I'd say that's true for Yu as well. Straying further into headcanon territory... I think while they may have other alters who wouldn't share that, since they're stealth about it, they wouldn't really discuss it openly unless explicitly asked. Think Yu having a male alter is well within the realm of possibility though.

18. Do they have any other disabilities?

Hilarious thing for you to ask me about the canonically disabled character.

Besides that, I feel like she's got some type of neurodivergence going on, but besides a fairly obvious case of C-PTSD, it's hard to say. I don't think any of them are the type to self-diagnose, as Kudan's scared about stigma and Yu dislikes the medical/psychiatric framework too much.

21. What are their protector(s) like? How do they protect the system?

*staring at the camera* Kudan social protector vibes. No I am not elaborating on that because I would be here all day but ANYWAYs it's real to me sorry.

23. Have they ever had a host change? What was that like for them?

I think Kudan probably became the primary host when they were around 12-13 after Yu went through All That. Kind of in my mind Kudan existed for sometime before that but after all of the trauma surrounding her Dad, Yu sort of, withdrew from the outside world and Kudan took over essentially in order to "fix" things for her, and then steadily over time became dominant to the point where she's in extreme denial.

(Side note: I think the name Kudan is something she comes to associate herself with later on, after being forced to confront all of the System Stuff, and also to put some distant between herself and Yu because she has... Issues)

Anyways yeah TLDR I am Insane about them and also Protector Kudan is so real to me sorry <3

#the caligula effect 2 #kudan #system ask game

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into-control · 3 years

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sorry into, this is going to be a rant, but I'm so heated and upset right now

everyone who takes TTB's side (aka that demonic monster of a straight woman) is just a bad person at this point.

one side literally has multiple detailed testimonies from different people, evidence including countless emails that she sent to them, that demon woman literally spoke on her blog about how she'd managed to find people's real life identities and also said multiple threatening things like "your identity is not a secret" to people who called her out, like those are her OWN WORDS, that she said on her ACTUAL BLOG herself, one of her minions also accidentally admitted in a k*ylor discord server that TTB had contacted someone's workplace, TTB herself slipped up and accidentally mentioned that she knew the identity of a person who anonymously spoke about her outing them, etc

like she has OUTED multiple people. one of those people literally has a physically abusive extremely homophobic father, and she could have gotten them seriously harmed or even killed

and despite the mountain of evidence against her, all TTB has to say is "lol no they're all lying, I'm not TTB btw, I'm sp*de riddles, TTB is innocent, they're all just jealous of her and probably homophobic, they're all liars, don't listen to them 😌"

and then she focuses on semantics and keeps saying "TTB never doxxed anyone" bc she's using the definition of posting private information on the internet, even though people often use doxxing as slang to mean revealing someone's online identity to people they know in real life. but notice how she never says "TTB never sent those emails" or "TTB never dug up people's identities", she avoids that and always just says "TTB never doxxed anyone"

and that's all it takes to get all of her minions and her followers to strongly take her side and dismiss all of the evidence against her and to attack the people who have spoken against her and call them liars

she is fucking EVIL, she could have got people kicked out of their homes or fired or even killed, she's a disgusting human being and if anyone here still supports her, I literally don't know what to say

also on top of the fact that she OUTED people just for disagreeing with her over K*YLOR, she also fucking kept calling jewish people rats and "lizards" and "the lizard crew" which is literally taken straight from antisemitic conspiracy theories (no surprises there), she called BLM "drama", she said that bipolar people are "mentally unstable" and "literally crazy" and that they shouldn't be able to work with children, she posted fucked up things about karlie faking a miscarriage, she spoke about the baby having "dirty bloodlines" and being "k*shner spawn"

she constantly uses "that person is mentally ill" as a way to dismiss the opinions of anyone who disagrees with her, she treats people with mental illnesses like they're dirt, she claims everyone who disagrees with her is homophobic EVEN THOUGH SHE'S STRAIGHT, she's complained more than once about being "attacked" for being straight and compared it to what LGBT people go through, she called black people who asked her not to be racist "toxic" and "negative" and "keyboard warriors" and then she told them they clearly didn't actually care about BLM and that taylor was doing more than they were, etc.

like she's genuinely fucking vile. people could have died. she was genuinely trying to ruin people's lives just because they disagreed with her k*ylor blog, and all of these people that she harassed and outed were LGBT themselves which is really fucked up given that she paints herself as an ally

I mean, are we even surprised given that she had threatened to out karlie multiple times on her blog? but I guess people thought all of those threats of her outing karlie were just jokes, and now they're in heavy denial about her actually outing people for real

genuinely, if anyone still supports her, then idek what to say, she's evil.

so many people in the gaylor fandom have deactivated their blogs in the last month or so, especially kids, because they're terrified of being outed by her like those other people were. and yet she claims she's an ally and that her blog is a safe space

you’re absolutely right anon. we have to stop letting straight women define what homophobia is because it allows them to participate in things they don’t think hurts us but does. i would even go as far as to say that we should stop letting them label themselves as allies (it should be a label that comes from one of us) because they let it get to their heads and they start thinking they’re an important figure to the lgbt community, which ttb obviously thinks because of how often she repeats how she’s an ally in response to members of the community criticizing her

the fact that she’s actually become so full of herself that she thinks she has the right to out people exemplifies that. and yeah maybe what she’s done isn’t *legally* considered doxxing but it doesn’t make it any less shitty. it’s just common decency within the lgbt community to not out another person. it doesn’t matter if somebody has made some of their info public. in my friend group only one of my friends is out to their parents but other than that we all know not to talk about our sexualities around our parents and other people we’re not out to. it’s just basic fucking decency.

she doesn’t understand our experiences in the slightest and you can tell in the way she reacts to certain things taylor (and by extension karlie) does. you shouldn’t be a gaylor because you’re anxiously waiting for taylor to come out. i used to not think ttb being a hallmark of the kaylor community as a straight person wasnt really a big deal but you can see how over time whatever bit of allyship she had in the first place has turned into a superiority complex.

and i can’t really speak too much on the antisemitism and racism as a non jewish and white person but in general you’re just supposed to listen to marginalized groups when they tell you not to do something

#i try to keep the ttb content low nowadays but this was a good ask #ask #anon

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kittyit · 4 years

Text

let's start over with the eugenics discussion

this is what eugenics has looked like in america during the last 200 years

forced sterilization of black, latina and indigenous women against their will during other routine procedures, including birth procedures, and in many cases being straight up lied about it or only told after the fact.

forced sterilization of developmentally disabled women in health care. this is because of the extremely high rates of sexual abuse by male healthcare providers. the sterilization prevents pregnancy instead of stopping the constant rape.

birth control/sterilization being given coercively to impoverished women (many black, latina & indigenous) as a barrier/bargaining chip for necessary social services, such as help with food, housing, drug programs.

sterilization being denied to well-do-do white women (or middle and upper class women in general) because "what if you want kids" - contrast this with above

the deaths of black women (regardless of class) in hospital settings during birth because of the eugenic devaluing of their reproductive health (of course exacerbated by the anti-black racism that is ever present in america)

the intense democratic involvement in "benevolent" eugenics and denial of such

the pervasive idea that the reason climate change is happening/capitalism is choking us all to death is because of "overpopulation" - which means "poors breeding at a rapid rate" - instead of the intensely destructive forces of millionaires/billionairies and their companies

doctors overstating their knowledge & abusing their power in order to attempt control what kind of babies are born, including giving women who want children genetic tests that are not accurate to the degree they're presented as

doctors bullying women who want to give birth to their fetuses who test as having disabling conditions or women who want to give birth who are "too old" (which is especially crazy because older men's sperm is way more reliably linked with the outcomes that are trying to be prevented)

two things are necessary in the discussion of eugenics: recognizing eugenics as a patriarchal force that has shaped societal development and our personal development in far-reaching ways AND putting the moral responsibility on patriarchy and patriarchal medicine, NOT individual women.

the reason this recent discussion started around the topic of "is aborting fetuses with disabling conditions eugenics" is only because there were women saying that it is not. it is! but you know what? that doesn't matter in the situation that is being focused on.

women MUST be able to exercise their RIGHT to bodily autonomy and abortion without caveat. it doesn't matter why. it doesn't matter if her reasons are racist (she doesn't want a mixed race baby), sexist (she doesn't want a girl), eugenic (she doesn't want a baby with a disability), if she'd rather party, if she just doesn't feel like it, if she's just in a bad mood, if she does it on a whim - any reason you can think of. it doesn't fucking matter! women's right to abortion is undeniable, absolute, no matter what her reasons are or who wants to deem them morally incorrect or find them upsetting.

eugenics and anti-blackness (which are hand in hand, linked inextricably) are as american as school shootings and privatized healthcare. criticism of the patriarchal structure of eugenics is essential to understanding america as it is and also the effects globally american eugenic thought have had. just because we started the discussion off on the wrong foot doesn't mean that it's not and it doesn't mean it's too late to recover it.

#eugenics #reproductive health #anti-blackness #writing this post made me feel like typing amerikkka every time

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hearteyes-for-killmonger · 5 years

Text

Makeover fic. This is for my love. It's long but I lied about this being 2 parts because I'm long-winded. @amethyst1993

---

Part 2

The next stop was shoes. Erik grabbed a few pairs including heels, offering to pay since Ken was already spending a lot as it was. He shook a pair of 3-inch chunky heels at her impatiently and she turned her nose up..

“Do I have to? I can’t walk in heels.”

“Do you wanna be a bad bitch or nah? ..Yes? Then put them muhfuckas on and take your time… Keep your ankles straight.” He tried to control his face when her ankle went in and out but a snort escaped.

“I’m glad you find this so hilarious, nigga. You try walking in heels,” she snapped, embarrassed. "This is stupid!"

“Chill, you’re doing good... for a newborn giraffe.” He covered his smirk.

“I’m not doing this,” she sighed with her hands on her hips. Reaching down to take off one of the heels, she was stopped by Erik’s hand. She snatched away and her ankle went out again, but he caught her before she could fall.

“Hold onto me and walk, one foot in front of the other.”

“People are staring,” she whispered nervously.

“Don’t worry about what they’re doing. Worry about walking in them heels… More hips in the walk. You stiff. Get some motion going. Like this, watch me.” Her gave a brief runway walk mimicking the combined walks of all the women he’d been with.. strutting with just enough model and just enough stank to make Ken snort.

“I’m sorry,” she covered her mouth in attempt to stop smiling. Erik rolled his eyes.

“You get the point, now copy what I just did… just like that, boom boom. Don’t be scared of yourself… Shoulders back and chest out,” he said inwardly groaning as her chest popped forward. He averted his eyes. “Yup, you’ve got it.” She was giddy, hugging him tightly and jumping in excitement. “Okay, okay,” he pushed her away gently and she rolled her eyes thinking he didn’t want her all over him, but in actuality he just didn’t want her to feel him get hard. “So you bringing ya ass to class tomorrow. Remember.. posture is key. Walk is key. Know that you That Bitch and you will be.” Ken was overwhelmed with emotion. She stole another hug from Erik, releasing him quickly before he could push her off.

—

She took a deep breath, stepping into her classroom with the confidence Erik had coached her into. She didn’t wear heels, but her ankle strap sandals matched the outfit Erik chose, skinny jeans and an off-the-shoulder pink and off-white floral print blouse. Her hair was down, long and curly past her armpits and with a fresh, clean face and full natural brows arched to perfection, she didn’t look into her classmates’ faces, she simply took her seat as usual. She could feel the strong stares and when she did look up, a few girls complimented her silently with their large smiles. It made her feel good and she smiled back at them individually. The energy that they were giving her, she wanted more of. “You look so good! I love your hair, oh my God,” a girl named Mercedez gushed after class, approaching her and reaching out to touch the soft curls. “Is.. all this yours,” she whispered in question.

“Yep.” Ken had been growing it for years and leaving it alone. Only thing fake on her was her nails, which she was starting to love more and more despite the fact that it was harder to write, type, and wipe. She figured that out quickly though.

“Hey you, when’s your next class? When you free? You wanna go to the caf? My meal plan lit, I got you.” Marquis came up chatting to her in the hall like they were old friends meanwhile she’d never once had a conversation with him. They were nearly strangers! She thought he was speaking to someone else at first until his hand went lightly to her shoulder, barely touching it but still present and hovering.

“Can't today. I got a class I’m rushing to, but maybe Thursday,” she said, rushing off politely. That wasn't the last strange thing to happen. Her next class she shared with Erik and Travis and Travis was acting strangely. Ken heard him whisper to Erik about a new girl being fine.

“That’s not a new girl, nigga, that’s Ken,” Erik replied not so quietly. There was a pause. Ken walked closer to say her hello.

“You lyiiiinnnng,” Travis gaped in awe. “If you Ken, then say something Ken would say.”

“Your-middle-name-Rondalez-you-can't-cook-or-wash-your-own-clothes-you-peed-on-yourself in-the-”

“WHOA chill,” his eyes widened nervously flitting to Erik who shook his head. Travis gathered himself quickly, rubbing his chest. “Okay," he looked her up and down, "But what’s with the, uh,” he gestured to her outfit, “Everything. I mean...” He nodded his approval and Ken started to grin, flattered. “You do look good like this, I won’t lie,” he shrugged still focused on her crazy curves. His eyes were glued to her thighs. "Yeah, you look mad good in fact." Biting his lip, he grabbed her hand holding it up gently, “Turn around for me real quick?” She started to spin and Erik snatched her hand back down.

“Stop that weird shit. Nigga, it’s KEN.” Erik pushed Travis a foot backwards and stood as a barrier.

“KenDRA,” she stressed causing Travis’ eyebrow to raise. He looked around Erik to her. Annoyed, Erik pulled Ken to her seat and made her sit like she was on punishment before returning to smack Travis in the back of the head. Even after the class started, Travis kept looking back, biting and licking his lips, an obvious sign that he was into someone. Ken knew him well having seen him do the same exact thing countless times in the past to various girls. Their friendship did go all the way back to middle school afterall. This was weird, Erik was right. Travis was too close to her, almost like family. She couldn’t do it. She allowed Erik to block his path after class while she made her escape.

Thankfully, Shawn was still the same. "I'm still confused by this.. because you the homie, but you double caked up so it's weird.. You feel me?" He was so straightforward and honest. It was a comfort. "And I don't like Kendra. I knew a Kendra. I don't like that, can I just call you Ken?"

She smirked, "Yeah, you can call me Ken."

Then she saw him. Mr. New Balance from the mall and her little heart was heavy. She still felt the kick of his denial and she started to tuck her tail, but she kept her head high and kept walking past him on the sidewalk to her next class. Surprisingly, he turned altering his route to walk beside her. “Heey, I don’t think I’ve seen you here before and I thought I knew all the pretty black queens at this school.” That sentence made her sick. Not only did he not recognize her but in a twisted way without him realizing it, he was calling her ugly. She looked at him briefly. She was disgusted, all the pain of being denied by him gone.

“Oh you've definitely seen me before.”

“I’d have definitely remembered that,” he smiled, “I won't even ask if you gotta man ‘cause I don't care. I'm a wear you down and you gone be mine.”

“That’s funny, I asked you out two days ago and you said you had a girl.” He looked over to stare into her her face and she stopped walking, turning with a stomp to stare him back in his.

“Hm?" It took a while. "Oh damn,” he gasped finally recognizing her. “My bad, beautiful, I ain’t know you was this bad. Forgive me for sleeping.”

“Nahh, nigga," she chuckled humorlessly. "Stay sleep.” She strutted off without missing a beat. She was still irritated as she walked away, but a part of her also felt proud of herself and empowered. She’d denied the guy who’d denied her a couple of days ago and.. she checked briefly over her shoulder.. He was still staring at her as though she hadn't just dismissed him. What was this magic that turned men into even bigger fools? Was this ‘pretty power’?

She went through the rest of the week in a different light. It was a new world of opportunity like her glass ceiling had been raised miraculously. Overall, people of all genders were way nicer and more respectful. It was like living in the Twilight Zone and though she was sick at the duality and fakeness of people, she didn't want to go back to being ignored. She could do anything in this world as a pretty girl. Flirting for the first time with various people was enjoyable. She hadn't felt weird or uncomfortable or denied not once! She was well recieved. It was a mindblowingly freeing feeling. For the first time in her life, she was desirable. She felt that soon she'd even be able to find someone a special someone and start experiencing things like romance and sex. She was too ready, but how would she go about it when she'd never even been on a date?

At home, she took care of her coursework, ate, and then she got in the mirror. Taking stock of her face, body, and hair, she took to YouTube and Instagram watching beauty gurus, hauls, and lookbooks. She did her own research, ordering staple peices of the clothing that she liked from online. She took a trip back to the mall to buy some chokers, leggings, and accessories to mimic the styles she'd seen online. She even got her makeup done at Sephora and bought all of the products used. She watched carefully and soaked in the instructions before returning home to practice, binging on makeup videos. Over the next week, she styled herself and took pictures daily, posting them on her Instagram. Her follower count grew quickly along with the number of likes she recieved. She started getting hearts and eyes in her comments and her DMs wheezed to life. Soon, her packages arrived and she was really able to show out. She pulled a fluffy pink bra, multicolored pants that she adored, heels, a choker, and a matching waist necklace or whatever it was called. She beat her face in her home mirror and took down her hair allowing it to fall full and free. To say that she was feeling herself was an extreme understatement. Couldn't nobody tell her that she didn't look tantalizing and divine with her titties SITTING and her clothes fitting to her figure perfectly. She posed herself happy in the mirror, tossing her hair and loving the skin she was in before deciding that she needed to capture the moment on camera. The shots came out amazing. She loved how confident and fearless she came across and she posted the photos on Instagram, proud of the way she looked. Her IG had become her own personal lookbook.

The next morning, she put together another look that she was proud of. A cropped cream blouse with slight cleavage and bell sleeves, a brown nude miniskirt, and strappy corset heels. Her hair was up in a high bun and she wore large gold hoops. Going about her day, she had various classes and new people to fawn over her as they saw her around. She was getting numbers left and right. She still saw Erik and she gave him dap remembering not to hug him. He pointed out her heels with a grin.

"Oh you a bad bitch, huh? You cute or whatever! You do seem happier. I'm proud of you." He broke the touch barrier hugging her tightly and she happily accepted, but when he pulled away, he switched moods. "BUT.. BUT..," he pointed, "What the hell was that shit you posted on IG yesterday? You thirst trappin now? I DM'd you and you ain't respond. I texted you and you ain't respond."

"Hell yeah I'm thirst trapping," she chuckled, "I gotta find dick somehow. Do you know what it's like going from completely dry to having your pick of the litter?" She hadn't responded to Erik because she'd been so busy responding to various niggas! "I'm trying get these virgin guts smashed!"

"Nooo," Erik cringed, "Kendra... You gotta slow down and take your time get to know niggas, don't just give that shit away. Make them niggas work for it. They don't deserve it. YOU choosing now, so slow down.. the dick will be there."

"But I want it nooowww," Ken whined playfully, pouting.

"Babygirl, you need to wait.. and put on some pants! What's this school's dress code? You might wanna rethink wearing skirts that damn short. I can almost see your coochie. Ass too fat for that."

"...Babygirl?" Ken squinted at him in humored confusion. He kissed his teeth.

"That's all you heard? Yeeeeah, you thirsty. I'm just saying, you doing well and all but you're moving too fast. Just dial it back some. Put some clothes on or something when you on the gram at least.. and at school.

"Really nigga?" She chuckled. He was the one who put her in her first deep v-neck shirt and told her she needed to feel comfortable with herself and now she finally was. He was the one who made her buy lingerie in hopes that she would get laid. What else did he think would happen?

"I'm looking out for you, Ken. You getting the wrong kind of attention and the niggas you talking to.. ain't good niggas. I know things and I'm trying to spare you. They ain't gone tell you they ain't shit. They just gone let you find out for yourself the hard way."

"Mm and who's better, go ahead," she waited. He scoffed.

"I'll show you, gimme your phone... You talking to Dame? Nah not that one... and Charles a hoe, he like white girls. Marquis is a no. I hear that nigga got crabs every other month. Kevin got herpes and spreading it so be careful with these women too. This one broke as fuck and wanna use you. Damn. You don't wanna do any of these you got in your DM's right now... Why Travis ass in here?"

"Ask him! I've got the same damn question. I've been ignoring him." She snatched her phone back staring at the faces. Erik had no reason to lie, but she was still extremely irritated. She looked around and spotted a bookworm type who was cute but in an understated, under the radar type way. A smirk crossed over her lips and Erik turned to look at who she was scoping.

"I'm gonna ask him to take me out on a date and when he says yes, I'm going to have fun on my first ever date.. then I'm going to fuck him into a coma."

"You ain't hear a damn word I just said."

"I did! Have you heard anything negative about him?" He couldn't say that he had. Ken zipped over to the guy who said his name was Byran. She secured a date for the weekend. He said he'd take her someplace nice. She was over the moon with excitement.

---

"You did what," Travis chuckled.

"Told that nigga I'd crack his ribs if he touched Ken and that he better wine and dine her right then drop her ass off and fuck off to a comic book convention or whatever the fuck he does."

"Niggaaa.. She gone kill you for intervening. Why would you do that shit? That nigga look like if you touch him he'll shatter. He prolly shit himself when you threatened him! You sure I ain't the only one feeling the kid, E?"

"I'm just looking out for her, that's all. She hot in the ass right now and she need to slow down."

---

Ken wore a short mauve bodycon dress with a matching long mauve jacket and nude brown heels. She made sure her makeup was as clean as she could make it and that her long hair hung down in defined curls, checking her reflection anxiously over and over. Bryon dressed up nicely in a grey suit and orange tie. His suit was a little oversized, but it reminded her of herself. She figured she'd eventually help him to become more stylish as she had, but they could move slowly into it. She could even get Erik involved when the time came. She didn't want to bring that up on her first date, she wanted to get to know him and enjoy herself. He picked her up with flowers and it was an awkward meeting. He looked as though he were extremely nervous and preoccupied. He didn't seem to even notice her appearance and that offended her. She took the flowers and sat them aside, rubbing his arms in attempt to calm and comfort him, but he couldn't be soothed. Discouraged, she asked if he needed to reschedule, but he insisted that they go out. On the good side, he took her out for seafood and let her order whatever meal she wanted. She liked the food and tried to eat slowly, in a way that she'd seen others do. She was concious of her chewing and used her napkin. However, the evening was very quiet. He was very shy and not much for conversation. He barely looked at her. She thought she had something on her face at first, but a trip to the restroom proved her face was fine. At the end of the meal, he payed and drove her back home. She tried to get him to come in, but he was extremely adamant about having a lot of homework to do and in the end, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't convince him. She felt like she'd failed. He didn't call or text and she'd waited. She didn't understand what about her still wasn't good enough for love, so for the rest of the week, she made it a point to stay to herself.. until Erik called her to hang out with the guys.

It was Sunday and Shawn was already there. Travis popped up after. They listened to her boring date story pointing out all of the easy opportunities Byron missed. "He ain't called you back? Texted? Nothing? Yeah he's a dumbass." Travis shook his head. "See, I wouldn't do you li-"

"That's crazy," Erik added cutting him off. "Thought that lil boney nigga would jumped on it. Told you these niggas ain't shit. You gone listen to me eventually." Ken rested slouched on the couch, her thighs wide apart and she belched swirling her soda in her hand. "Cheer up, you dodged a bullet. Just focus on you and the right one will come. Be patient."

She didn't want to be patient. She wanted what she wanted. She wanted what she deserved.

---

"Yo baby, yo baby, yo," a voice called on her way to class and Ken turned to see that same negro approaching. New Balance.

"They got black fraternities on this campus? No baby, no baby, no," she rolled her eyes and he chuckled.

"Aw, my thick queen looking good enough to eat. I'd spend hours.. That's my word. You wouldn't be able to do shit but cum. Don't answer yet, just think."

"You wouldn't know what to do with it if you had it. Nigga, do you even know my name," she snapped.

"I'll learn whatever names you want me to. My name is Trent, and you are?"

"Not messing with you!"

"Okay," he smirked. "But maybe you should. Let me take you out this weekend. If not this weekend, next weekend. All my weekends are free.. for you." She stopped walking. He wouldn't give up or leave her alone until she said yes. Exasperated, she faced him.

"You know what? Fuck it. This my Instagram, DM me. I'm not giving you my number."

"Kendra," he said reading her name aloud. "Let me message you now. This weekend, Saturday at 7pm. I can scoop you or meet you."

"Meet me."

"I'll send you the location."

---

The location was a steakhouse and he was already there in a suit that fit and a thousand watt smile. He was attractive, of course, but still an asshole. He seemed to sit that aside though, showing nothing but charm. Soon, she forgot she wasn't supposed to like him and she began to actually enjoy herself.

"Kendra," a familiar voice called and she turned to find Erik dressed up and dapper with a beautiful woman on his arm in red. They looked red-carpet worthy and she was in awe. His eyebrow raised and she knew he was pissed that she didn't tell him about her date. With a sweet smile, she wordlessly tried to smooth it over.

"Hey Erik, this is my date.. uh.."

"Kenneth," he said quickly. She realized she'd never asked.

"Kenneth! Yes, and this is my best friend, Erik." Erik nodded, eyeing Kenneth closely. Ken suddenly felt a chill, but when Erik's date nudged him and gestured with her head toward the door, he excused himself with a polite goodbye.

"I'll talk to you later tonight," he said over his shoulder on his way out and Ken knew to expect an ear full.

"He likes you," Kenneth smirked, "But it doesn't matter because he's not fucking you tonight, I am." Sipping his drink he met Ken's eye waiting for her to oppose. She didn't.

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