#which Celia refers to i believe!
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it makes sense, but i didnt realize until i was just now noting down the dates that ep 6 and ep 7's non-case parts take place on the same date (12 feb '24)
#and then it skips a full two weeks to catch up to the real timeline#which Celia refers to i believe!#v fun that alex and jonny are actually looking at a calendar in advance for tmagp now#tmagp#tmagp s1#tmagp theory#ish.
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Aros In Relationships - Update Post
Oh god, everyone, it’s been SO long. I Just wanted to say (even if the bulk of my life updates soon here), that I’ve missed you all so so much, and I’m so glad I get to finally be able to share my work on these. It’s certainly been a long time coming.
But onto my personal note for this series - I’m really grateful that I’ve had the chance to transcribe their stories. Talking to these people, hearing their stories, their words … I can’t even describe how many times I couldn’t believe what I was hearing/reading, because everything they were saying felt so similar to something I would have said. I almost felt like they were reading out the thoughts and experiences in my own head!!
And I guess that’s why they call it a community – we do have a lot in common! But obviously, our experiences haven’t been identical on the romance front, and it was really nice to get to hear from other aromantic people about what this is like.
Image Descriptions:
Title Card: Cover Image. This Comic series is titled “Aromanticism and Romantic Relationships”. A subtitle underneath says that it is a collaborative sketch comic series. Four people are illustrated on the cover. On the far left is Arrow, a person with an undercut and wavy brown hair. Standing next to them is Lucien, who is wearing a hoodie and a collar with a pentagram charm. They have short brown hair and tan skin. Further to the right is Dot; she has pale skin with light freckles, long slightly curly brown hair in a high ponytail, and a grey hairband. On the very right is May, who has long curly brown hair, tan skin, and is wearing a maroon shirt with a striped dark jacket, and a necklace with a ring on it.
Slide 1: Celia faces the reader, hand at the back of her neck. “Hey everyone – it’s been an eon (ok, like a year or so). I’ll explain more about where I’ve been on my tumblr, but for this series I thought I’d make an intro for what it’s all about.”
Slide 2: Celia continues, “A while back, I was asked to make a comic about being in a romantic relationship as an aro person – Which, given the nature of my comics –I can’t really do, because I’ve never dated anyone.”
Slide 3: “Thankfully, some arospec people who had been in romantic relationships reached out – and were really kind in volunteering their time and personal stories to help me record their perspectives.”
Celia sits at a table, typing away at her laptop while interviewing May. Celia says: “Wait – you too?” in surprise as she realizes she relates to the story May is telling her. They reply: “Yeah! And when…” as they continue their story.
Slide 4: “And they’ve had *such* incredible patience for me these past two years I chipped away at these comics –”
A scene from the two years it took to get this comic series out the door. This was during Celia’s completion of her university thesis project. She holds a draft in her hands, reading out to the participant that she calls on her phone, “On page 9, I wasn’t sure exactly what to draw… I could show the progress of what y’all did on the date?”
They reply: “That works! The sketch is mostly accurate…”
In the background, references to upholstering a bench like padded chair, design sketches, and a poster with a map and circled possible apartment locations is depicted.
Slides 5-6: The scene switches to a group shot with Celia and the participants. She stands with one hand on her hip and the other outstretched, gesturing to them.
“So, without further ado – please welcome May, Arrow, Dot, and Lucien!”
The four are sitting at a table with nameplates set in front of them. Arrow waves a hand at the reader, while Lucien has their arms folded and resting on the table. May and Dot both smile in a friendly manner at the reader.
Celia continues, “You’ll be hearing from them over the course of this series – which I’ve adapted as long form comics like my “What is Love” comic over on my tumblr.”
Slide 7: “My process for these comics was highly collaborative. I worked together with these people as I wrote the script and drew the storyboard, because I want to be as authentic to their voices as possible. If they read a little different from my usual work – that’s because they are! And I hope you’ll enjoy getting the chance to hear from other Arospec folks' perspectives.”
Slide 7: “I’ll share each person’s comic with their cover page on Tumblr – the whole thing!” The cover page for May’s comic is shown, decorated with doodles of stars. It has the caption: “May – They/Them * Aro Demiace”
“And in parts with a collaborative IG account opened for each person’s comic.”
Also shown is a screenshot of an account named arosinrelationships_may. The description of the account reads: “May’s comics as part of @aro_comics series posted here”
Celia signs off on the note ‘See you soon!’ and a heart.
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tmagp 13 relisten notes!!
there are spoilers for episode 13 below the cut!
celia:
- admits to sam that she asked alice for advice and general information about him. this implies she has a pretty friendly relationship with alice (evidenced by alice buying her a mocha) and seems relatively unthreatened by her past with sam so far.
- "no one, im mysterious" -> evidence for her not being from this dimension, if no one can give a lot of information about her
- reveals jack is her baby! (not followed by a glitch)
- says the past couple years "since the move" (between dimensions?) were weird for her
- believes the incidents they work with are real, and im certain shes in the same boat as the audience rn, trying to categorize them with background knowledge that isnt accurate anymore
sam:
- easy to make blush, doesnt know how cute he is, is an overachiever, obsessive, a but repressed, nosy, kind of a recluse, and very easy to wind up
- gifted kid syndrome poster child; he seems to view being turned away by the magnus institute as the beginning of his rejection streak (not admitted to oxford, didnt get first, got fired from his legal firm). i think this will be a major point in his motivations and a fear of rejection and need for validation is going to drive him to receive the greatness he wants (and believes he has earned). i can already see a corruption arc brewing for him, poor thing
- did NOT tell celia about his experiences in the institute or what his "incident" was (referring to lena's interview where she asked him what the worst thing he's seen/experienced was). this isnt super sketchy considering its a first date, but is interesting since he was the one who wanted "all the baggage" out early
- he doesn't want to accept that the incidents are real, but i think he does believe in them. he brought the topic up to celia and has asked alice about it before too, so he may be aware that the incidents are real, but is unwilling to fully conceptualize what that means for himself and his world view
- says that alice doesnt love the idea of him seeing celia, which means he may have picked up on her feelings for him
gwen:
- feels guilty over instigating the mr.bonzo incident -> whats really interesting is that she doesnt threaten to quit or not be involved, she accepts that she gas another email to look through and another external to interact with, but it seems to upset her
- she asks lena why this (externals and mr bonzo murder) is happening, implying that she can stomach the work if its for a reason
lena:
- gives gwen the ABCs of genre-awareness:
- this dimension also has "opposing forces- most of them meaning to be harmful.
- these "forces" need to be "balanced" and controlled in order to maintain order in the world/system -> still working off of a smirke-esque theory that retaining balance will keep the world secure. i dont know if she means balance between forces of good and evil or forces in the supernatural sense
- says the OIAR is managing the bad guys, as in monitoring their actions and directing externals to "balance" things
alice:
- actually offended that sam doesnt want to share information with her and isnt having a good time knowing sam and celia are seeing each other
- tells sam "he cant prove anything" about the cases being real, but doesnt tell him hes wrong
- i would fling myself from a sky scraper for you, miss dyer, but please never say bussin or fire again
- "stop trying to make an impact" -> the more she tells sam to cut the x-files shit out, the more she stops protesting his suspicions. her scolding has gone from "nothing is going on, chill out" to "sure, theres a conspiracy, but we are paid to ignore it"
-
alice/sam's past:
- dated at uni, previously stated they were together for several years. it seems to have been a decent split since they stayed in contact afterward.
- sam was there for her when her parents died, but lost contact after
- she contacted him w the OIAR job details after he made an exceptionally pathetic vague post
incident:
- centered around gambling and self harm to achieve success- this draws ties to episode 2 (self harm) and episode 9 (luck). i expect this is more aligned with ep 9, as the self harm seems to be in the interest of changing his odds/luck, and the incident is primarily about gaining external success, not physical change. though, ep 2 could be a personal experience with ink5oul that is not representative with their "force"
- the narrator of this statement was quick to actively sacrifice his own well being to achieve better luck, which is a pretty stark contrast to other people who looked to harm other people in their own interest (violin guy and dice guy, i forgot their names sorry!!)
- zorro trader may be a reoccurring organization in relation to gambling
- the narrators options for his debt were to either pay it back or have a personal adjustment, once he completes the voicemail he is transferred to the adjustments apartment, which was not an option on the original call log and something he did not request
- he is promptly adjusted :)
- i think this could be related to the theme of keeping balance, since the incident narrator claims it isnt wrong to play with the loophole, and it ends with him getting what he owes, which is a nice connection to lena's explanation of the OIAR's purpose
glitches/lies:
- "im happy you're happy", alice (she is not happy that sam is with celia!!)
extra comments:
- i really didnt expect an explanation of the OIAR and its position in this so early, and im surprised lena was the one to reveal it. this exposes that shes pretty open with the staff she feels are on a need-to-know basis, and it also changes my expectations for how we'll come across a big reveal in this series, since information is being given in a more open way
- i think alice and celia definitely know something but in opposing ways- acting as foils to each other with sam (information seeker) in the middle. celia knows about how the fears work in the tma dimension, and alice knows why and what the OIAR are really doing- together, they solve the puzzle that sam is trying to piece together.
#tmagp#the magnus protocol#tmagp spoilers#tmagp 13#alice dyer#sam khalid#celia ripley#gwen bouchard#lena kelley#tmagp theory#tmagp thoughts
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episode 11 was pretty good! i think they're starting off the rest of season 1 well, still feels like we're setting up and laying down groundwork for a big climatic reveal and tragedy, which is exciting.
some thoughts under the cut
im interested in knowing what the hell Celia is up to, she's the character I'm most invested in understanding her deal with her obvious link to the old tma universe. who is jack??? I'm foggy on the details of tma characters but that has to be a previous character somewhere
also the case was pretty good too! nice to see life altering tattoos make an appearance again, ink5oul as a character will be fascinating to encounter in the future since they're definitely going to make more reappearances, possible villain of the season? i don't think so but it's not going to be the last we see of them for sure.
something about this season is that it's more fan servicey in some ways, but i don't particularly hate it because i have a feeling it's going to go horribly wrong. it's too saccharine, i don't trust it when things go well in tma it's a precursor to sadness lmao
like the "office romances" to me just feels like a bait, i don't believe tmagp will just earnestly have a romance story that isn't tragic, (because that would make me drop the show) because it would be a little anticlimactic also someone will die for sure by s1 end i just don't know who it will be
a part of me thinks it's Celia because she knows more than the rest, but also Colin because he's close to finding out, or maybe Gwen will kill Lena who knows! anything could happen
I'm also starting to actually believe that Alice is hiding something because her insistance to not follow through and connect anything is a giveaway. but not for nefarious reasons, just because she cares for Sam and doesn't want him to be further involved. and considering Colin wanted to speak to her in reference to the computers she must know something, even if it's just how the programming infrastructure works
also Alice's beef with Gwen seems to run a lot deeper? i don't think it's just bickering it seems like she actually has animosity towards her. maybe it's a class disparity thing because she's mocked her for being rich and it seems that she's financially supporting her younger brother, maybe she resents her because Alice has to work this job for stability and can't leave but Gwen could be anywhere else and has the audacity to lecture her on doing her job, idk I'm just speculating. toxic yuri amiright
half joking on that i still don't see or fully support any ships because i tend to be a person who wants to see the canon unfold first before being invested in ships, i like having the full picture to work with in regards to fan interpretation. that being said seeing the ships the fandom is cooking up is sweet.
regardless the rest of the season seems to be interesting, i like the format of mid season hiatuses, i think it has a good chance of keeping the fandom a little bit calmer? because they have time to digest and think rather than jumping the gun week to week.
and with the speculative nature of the fanbase it's enough time to go back and understand the story to pick up plot threads too, because reading the transcripts once over during the break was pretty helpful, highly recommend them they have a teeny bit more info that adds a little extra to the scenes. not necessary to read them but they are nice
my only complaint is that sometimes the episodes feel too short, but that's more just because I'm invested and i wanna know more :)
#tmagp spoilers#tmagp#aster listens to tma#the Magnus protocol#the Magnus protocol spoilers#aster.txt#also Gwen being a bonzo fan was a pleasant surprise#now i wanna draw fanart of a younger Gwen watching sos and sending fanmail#because it seems like she loved bonzo as a kid which makes her fear especially interesting#I'm making my posts non reblogable because they are my own thoughts#i like keeping them here
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How KinnPorsche's Episode 6 Uses The Pastoral Genre To Add Depth And Tragedy
While I have only recently watched the entirety of KinnPorsche, I think I have seen enough fandom content already to fairly confidently say that episode six is often considered one of the best if not THE best episode of the show. It is personally one of my favorite episodes too, along with episode 10. Besides being a major turning point of the series and the true start of Kinn and Porsche's romantic relationship, it also has the excellent symbolism of the cuffs, which physically represent how Kinn had been forcefully keeping Porsche by his side (since Porsche was forced to work as a bodyguard). So, by releasing the cuffs, Porsche was given the freedom to choose to stay by Kinn's side instead of being kept there like a bird (or Phoenix lol) in a cage.
But, while all of these factors have certainly contributed to the long-standing power of episode six, I believe they're not the core reason why people can't stop making gifs, mvs, artworks, fics, and more based on the episode. Something about the episode keeps people coming back to it. A certain tragedy that reverberates throughout the show and makes the season finale more bittersweet than it would've been without it.
Instead of its place within the narrative or its symbolism, the strength of episode six lies within its genre: the pastoral.
For those who don't know, the pastoral genre refers to artworks that represent an idealized version of rural life. In most pastoral works, urban life is seen as a corrupting force, and people can only be healed by going to the countryside and reconnecting with nature. Though this genre is extremely old, plenty of modern works still use this trope. For example, plenty of rom-coms have the protagonist move to a small town from a big city. Besides finding love, the protagonist of these rom-coms is often able to rediscover their true self, which was lost while they were dealing with the stresses, duties, and craziness of the city. Another example of this genre is farming sims like Stardew Valley, which has the player control a farmer that is burnt out by the city and finds a better life in the country.
Although it wasn't their choice, Kinn and Porsche still end up moving from the city to the country in episode six. Similarly to all those rom-com and video game protags, the setting allows the two of them grow closer and fully fall in love. Since their stresses, responsibilities, duties, and roles are left behind in the city, they are both able to reconnect and show their innermost selves. For the first time ever, Kinn and Porsche are truly free, and it shows not only in their carefree happiness but also in their honesty. It's because of the rural setting that Kinn and Porsche finally share their childhood dreams, deepest emotions, and darkest fears.
But, unlike those rom-com protags and video game farmers, Kinn and Porsche cannot stay in the wilderness. One of the most well-known examples of pastoral fiction is Shakespeare's As You Like It, which primarily follows the duchess Rosalind. Similarly to Kinn and then Vegas in later episodes when he moves with Pete to the safe house (which could also be seen as an example of pastoral fiction and also leads to the VegasPete romance), Rosalind and her cousin, Celia, are forced to move out into the countryside after Rosalind's uncle usurps the court. Before leaving, Rosalind meets and becomes infatuated with a poor man named Orlando, who is only poor because his older brother won't give him the money and education he deserves, after he won a fighting tournament (the parallels between Kinn/Rosalind and Porsche/Orlando!!!). While Rosalind is living in the wilderness disguised as a man named Ganymede, Orlando also ends up living there, and the lack of pretenses and social hierarchies leads to the two characters fully falling in love. Like most pastoral narratives, the reprieve from their life in the duchy allows them to find happiness.
But, in the end, this is only a temporary respite. As a twist on the typical tropes associated with this genre, Shakespeare uses As You Like It to point out that the responsibilities left in the city will still remain there even if you leave for a period of time. Eventually, Rosalind and the rest of the court, that also ended up in rural countryside over the course of the play, must go back to the city and resume their duties. Their important political positions make it so they can't stay even if they wanted to.
Like Rosalind, Kinn must go back to the city and resume his duties as the mafia head, and, like Orlando, Porsche must also go back to the city because he wants to stay by Kinn's side. Though the experience has made both the characters stronger (Kinn chooses to trust again and allow more of his inner self to shine through, and Porsche is more resolute and less naive about what's going on around him) and their relationship has truly blossomed, they are never able to reach the same level of carefree happiness that they had while lost in the wilderness because of the pressures around them.
After seeing and experiencing how happy Kinn and Porsche could be, there's a certain note of tragedy that reverberates throughout the entire story that wouldn't have been felt as strongly without the existence of episode six. From the first episode to the last episode, Korn succeeds in keeping Kinn and Porsche in a cage of responsibilities and bloodshed. Even as they have a seemingly fun party on a boat and sweetly pledge their lives to each other at the end of episode 14, it's hard to forget that the main antagonist has won and that our two leads are still trapped by the narrative. Though they are not struggling as much as Kim and Chay, they still have not reached a truly happy ending. This contrasts with Vegas and Pete who have managed to escape the narrative, which is represented in a meta context by literally having their resolution after the credits, and thus have the happiest ending out of the couples.
Though it would still be possible to see Kinn and Porsche's ending as somewhat tragic even without episode six, the episode allows the audience to truly witness everything that Kinn and Porsche had to sacrifice. Everything that they have lost. And that makes episode six an incredibly raw and unforgettable part of the story. (And is probably one of the many reasons why many of us are still hoping for a season two someday lol).
#kinnporsche#analysis#shut up anya#aka i once again use my english major skills for fandom purposes lololol
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This is my first post ever, but I have theories and want to talk about it.
So, Alice says they started getting chatter cases about a year ago, so it stands to reason that the events of mag 200 in tma about line up with around late 2022 in the tmp universe, and along with it the entities as we from tma know them.
BUT we know there have been cases from well before then, however these case have been somewhat muddled. For example, in ep 4, we get obvious slaughter references, but the man who gives the narrator the violin just kind of got the narrator to tell him his life story for no reason, which is serious eyes vibes, but I also picked up web elements, like how this guy feel bound by the violin; it’s playing him instead of him playing it. Ep 7 has a bunch of Strangers, but also spiral-adjacent pottery and laughing, flesh style pickled hands and medical tool, desolation fire and slaughter gunfire. Ep 3 has the sickness of corruption, the amnesia of the lonely, the Vastness and inescapablity of the garden etc.
I’ve seen a couple people say they think the tmp entities instead represent desires, but needles’ whole monologue in ep 6 kinda nullifies that argument (for me at least-if u disagree I’m open to being proven wrong). But my theory is that the entities ‘native’ to the tmp universe aren’t separate from each other like tma’s are. We know the tma ones started together and were separated from mag200, and this is where I think tmp is.
BUT tma’s entities entered this world in 2022. So, my prediction is we’re going to get cosmic survival of the fittest where these two sets of entities basically compete for fear, meaning they’ll get more aggressive in their manifestations as the seasons progress.
I didn’t rly keep up with the ARG and maybe there’s something in there that says something to the contrary, but this is my theory would love to hear thoughts if anyone has some.
(Also I fully believe at some point OIAR Celia will meet another version of herself but that’s less important)
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Whumptober Day 22: Glass Shards
This is a standalone story in my original Mind Games universe, a modern-day sci-fi/fantasy thriller setting about ordinary humans with superhuman abilities and the people who want to use or destroy them. Full description in my Whumptober masterpost, which is linked in my pinned post.
This story contains: lab whump references, minor whump references, self-sacrifice, death whump
Words: 1900
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The city skyline outside Dr. Litteken’s thirtieth-floor apartment made Celia feel like she was going to throw up every time she looked outside. She kept trying not to look. She tried to focus on the kitchen—on the little details. The drip-drip-drip of the leaky sink. The chipped tile under her feet with the pattern of a faded sunburst repeated over and over. The cup of coffee in front of her on the scuffed wooden table—in the lab, she had never suspected such a magical beverage existed as coffee. The groaning buzz of the refrigerator.
That old fridge doesn’t have too many more years in it, Dr. Litteken had said when Celia had asked about the buzz. I really should replace it one of these days. But now, without a job… Then she had sighed and looked away, and Celia had known not to ask anything more.
Any of those things was better to focus on than the view outside. But as Dr. Litteken talked, Celia’s eyes kept going back to that window.
“I think we should be able to find a lawyer to take on the case,” said Dr. Litteken. “The tricky part will be finding someone willing to take the risk. PERI is government-funded, and protected by laws they themselves wrote. Our best bet is to find someone who wants to use this case to make a name for themselves. A showman type. There’s plenty of room for a sensationalistic story here, for someone who wants that kind of reputation. A subset of humanity whose genetics give them supernatural powers, a secret government program designed to keep them in line and use them for clandestine operations…”
She kept going. Celia’s eyes drifted toward the window again. Her stomach flip-flopped.
She wasn’t used to windows, let alone ones this high up. The lab had been underground, or that was what Dr. Litteken had told her after she was out. With no windows, they could have been on the moon and she would have never known.
“Proof will be a problem,” Dr. Litteken was saying now. “The powers you and your fellow Enhanced have are far outside the realm of what most people are comfortable believing in. And PERI will start destroying evidence as soon as they know we’re coming for them. But I still have all the data I took with me when I left. And of course, you’re a living example.” She smiled across the table at Celia. “You can show everyone that the powers are real.”
The thought of standing in front of a bunch of strangers who wanted something from her made her stomach spin twice as quickly. But she said nothing.
She owed Dr. Litteken her freedom. Maybe her life—not everyone raised in the labs survived long enough to reach full operative status. So if that was what Dr. Litteken wanted her to do, then that was what she would do.
“The breeding programs and training facilities will be harder to prove,” said Dr. Litteken. “Even if you tell them from your own lips where you came from, they’ll think you’re lying. Luckily, I’ve got a collection of memos showing people with very familiar names discussing all this. They’ll try to say I faked it all, of course, but…” Her voice trailed off. “Celia? Are you okay?”
Celia tried to speak, but the words wouldn’t come. She had been sent to the punishment room too many times as a child for speaking out of turn. Silence had become a habit. As it turned out, it was as hard a habit to break as it had been to learn.
In response to Dr. Litteken’s look of concern, she only shook her head.
“I’ll try to make sure you don’t have to do too much,” said Dr. Litteken. “You might have to show a few people your ability. Maybe tell the story of your operative training. It’s one thing if I tell them PERI starts training their lab-born Enhanced at five years old, but it will have more of an impact coming from you.”
At the look of growing nausea on Celia’s face, Dr. Litteken softened her smile. “But that will be a long time from now. We can talk about it more when we get there. And by then, I hope you won’t be alone. I’m going to see if there’s anything I can do to get some of the other subjects out.”
Her brow drew together in the familiar guilty frown. Dr. Litteken was thinking about everyone she had left behind when she had fled PERI headquarters. She had been able to bring one of the subjects with her. It was pure chance that she had chosen Celia.
Dr. Litteken had shown her the sky. She had given her a bedroom in her own apartment. She had given her a name.
It didn’t matter how sick it made her to think about showing off her power and telling her story. For Dr. Litteken, she would do all that and more.
“I’m going to do everything I can to get the others out,” she said, her voice growing quieter, more troubled. “Whatever I can do to undo the damage I caused as part of PERI, I’ll do it.” She stretched her hand across the table toward Celia.
Celia took it. Dr. Litteken’s skin was soft and warm against hers. She didn’t think she would ever get used to casual touch. Ungloved hands on her skin. Someone touching her to comfort her, or to receive comfort—not to inject her with a drug or slice her open with a scalpel.
“You still look pale.” Dr. Litteken frowned. “I wonder if you’re catching a cold. I didn’t really think about how isolated you were from ordinary germs back there in headquarters. Are you feeling tired? Is your throat sore or scratchy? Maybe you should lie down and take a nap.”
But Celia wasn’t tired, and her throat felt fine. And if Dr. Litteken needed someone to talk to, then Celia wanted to stay here with her. She shook her head.
She focused on Dr. Litteken’s eyes, carefully avoiding the sight of the window and its long drop. But the unease grew anyway, hollowing a pit in her churning stomach. Maybe she was getting sick after all. Because she wasn’t looking out the window anymore, but she felt dizzy anyway, like she was about to fall thirty floors and land hard on the ground below.
Trouble adjusting, maybe. Dr. Litteken had warned her it would be difficult. But Celia had been free for weeks now. She had grown used to getting out of bed whenever she wanted, instead of when the alarm blared through her cohort’s dorm in the morning. She had grown used to having free run of the apartment, instead of being escorted from room to room by the gray-uniformed guards. She had grown used to solitude—the sweetness and the scariness of it.
And the dizzying variety of foods the outside world held. And not having to spend hours a day on training—physical training, ability training, training in enduring pain. And… and everything. There was so much to adjust to, but none of it was quite so dizzyingly new anymore. So why did she feel like this now?
Her eyes found the window again, despite her best efforts. The clouds reflected off the building across the street. The sight made her feel like she was a hundred floors up, or a thousand. Above the clouds themselves. Above the atmosphere.
Her stomach dropped. She could almost feel herself falling.
Maybe the view really was all that was wrong.
She was about to force her eyes away when a flicker from a window across the street made her freeze. The movement was wrong, wrong in the way this whole day was wrong, wrong in a way that made her stomach drop.
She couldn’t say why. It wasn’t even a premonition—seeing the future wasn’t her gift. It was… she didn’t know what it was, except that it made her feel like she might vomit on Dr. Litteken’s kitchen floor.
“Celia?” Dr. Litteken’s voice sounded like it was coming from a long way away. “What’s wrong?”
“The window,” Celia managed to whisper—
And then the glass shattered inward.
Celia used her ability without thinking about it. Time slowed down around her. The glass shards drifted into the kitchen in slow motion. Dr. Litteken’s mouth moved, but her voice was a low drone, slowed down too much for Celia to make out the words.
Instinctively, Celia threw up a hand to brush away a glass shard drifting too close to her eye. The shard bit into her skin as it stubbornly continued its original trajectory.
That was the trick with her power. While time was slowed down, she could only move herself. She couldn’t after the motion of anything else. Not even something as small as a shard of glass.
She leaned back instead, putting a few inches between herself and the glass shard floating toward her eye. It wasn’t enough. She shimmied out of her chair—the chair wouldn’t move either—and backed off to the side, out of the path of the flying glass.
Safely out of the way, she studied the scene from her new angle—and saw the tiny thing responsible for all this.
A bullet, hovering in the air, moving at the lazy speed of the glass shards. Moving directly toward Dr. Litteken’s forehead.
Out the window, a dark silhouette stood frozen. A sniper, slowed down along with the rest of the world.
Dr. Litteken had laughed about how PERI would send assassins after her. It had been a joke—or at least she had meant it to sound like a joke. But Celia had heard the genuine fear underneath the laughter.
PERI would do anything to stop Dr. Litteken from revealing their secrets.
The bullet crept closer to Dr. Litteken’s head. And closer. And closer. Celia could slow time, but she couldn’t stop it.
She hurried across the kitchen, ducking under the glass shards. She grabbed Dr. Litteken’s arm in both of hers and tried to tug her out of her chair. She shoved her hands against Dr. Litteken’s chest and tried to push her over. She wrapped her arms around Dr. Litteken and used all her strength to pull her away from the bullet. Just a few inches was all it would take.
Nothing worked. Of course it didn’t work. That wasn’t how her power worked.
She couldn’t pluck the bullet out of the air. She couldn’t pull Dr. Litteken out of its path.
She was the only one who could move.
She owed Dr. Litteken her freedom. Maybe her life.
The first time she had seen blue sky, she had decided she would do anything Dr. Litteken asked of her.
Dr. Litteken couldn’t ask now. She wouldn’t have asked even if she’d had the power of speech. Her guilt, and her tendency towards self-sacrifice—the same tendency that had put her in this bullet’s path in the first place—wouldn’t allow it.
But Celia would do it, all the same.
She shoved herself between Dr. Litteken and the bullet. It meant sitting half on Dr. Litteken’s lap, with the table cutting painfully into her abdomen. She barely noticed the pain.
She stared out at the blue sky one more time. She felt herself falling.
She took a deep breath and let time speed up again.
---
Tagged: @cakeinthevoid @gala1981
Ask to be added or removed from my Whumptober 2023 taglist.
#whumptober2023#no.22#glass shards#oc#fic#death whump#self-sacrifice#minor whump references#lab whump references#my writing#my writing: whumptober 2023#my writing: Mind Games
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THIS TOOK FOREVER TO FINISH! I think about maybe a couple of days. Probably 3.
Anyway, this is called The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern. As you can she, she’s also written another book called The Starless Sea so she’s pretty famous.
This book is about two competitors competing over their ability to do magic. Only one can win and someone has to lose. And if they lose, they die. No seriously, they do.
I assumed that it was gonna be filled with a tone of action and plenty of dueling matching, but it’s actually a lot calmer and more informative than I thought. This book doesn’t just revolve around the competitors. It revolves around all of the people in the circus. The setting takes placed between 1870s-1900s and the chapters aren’t always in order. Sometimes it’s in 1897 and the next chapter would be in 1902, something like that.
What I love about this book is that the author really captures all of the characters POV. The book itself isn’t in 1st POV, but Erin guides us through what the character is experiencing. I also love how no one really knows exactly why there’s a competition in the first place and having magic isn’t really explained. Sure, the thought does drive me crazy, but sometimes, things are meant to be kept as a secret.
Spoiler Alert: (skip this part if you haven’t read it)
I believe the ending is what really got to me. Towards the end, we get to see Widge performing a story for Mr. H— and Hector (his ‘shadow’). We learn that Mr. H— is a lot order than he claims to be and that his first student has disagreed with him. I believe that when he explains further, that the student he’s referring to is Hector, the name he was competing against. This ‘competition’ has been unleashed 7 times already and not once has Hector won. It frustrates him and it frustrates him more when he looses an 8th time. All he wanted was to beat his former mentor and he’s broken hearts (and former students) to get it. Even his own daughter (Celia Bowen).
End of Spoiler
My only downside to the book is that when I started reading it, it gave me the perspective of a text book from school. The words were pretty small, which also reminded me of the DMV text book I got to get my drivers license. (Yeah, I really recommend that you don’t buy that book). I also feel like this book could actually resemble a prequel to a book series made for a modern time of The Night Circus. If we were to get a series out of this, I’d gladly read it.
That’s my take on The Night Circus. Now, I’ll be reading A Soul of Ash and Blood. I’ve already read the first 4 books so I’m so excited to read this book. Since this is the last book I have so far, I’d really appreciated if you’d recommend some book for me to read/review as well.
That’s all for now. Stay on track and stay in the pack 🐺
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I had written even more in my outline but it was messy as hell; this is the cleaned-up version if you can believe it
Sins of Abundance: a story of gluttony. (thank you @peterlorrefanpage for encouraging my silliness :D ) I've had all this in mind just sitting around in a file and I need to write an actual story about it. Fair warning, it will be very silly. The following is just a story treatment, and I cut some things like whole exchanges of dialogue so you wouldn't have to read through rough first-draft nonsense:
A new servant arrives in a fictional village, in the service of the eccentric Baron (whom she has never seen) and the first thing she notices is that every single person in the tavern is quite fat. From the plump young barmaids to the extremely fat and jolly innkeeper, everyone is a person of size and they seem to love it. Everyone is having a great time. When she asks for directions and advice, and the other patrons find out she’s one of the Baron’s new girls, they all seem to think this is funny. “But she’s so thin!” one bluntly calls out, a little sloshed with too much beer. “She won’t be for long,” his friend jokes. No one will explain any further and she leaves feeling puzzled and a little bit worried.
She has heard the stories, of course. How the Baron has an eye for beautiful women, and so employs only women in his estate. She fully expects him to be the typical wealthy old lech, if it weren't for his reputation of being far more interested in eating and drinking. Allegedly it's not exactly sex he's after, but there is one strange thing he demands of his servants: a soothing belly rub after every meal. Allegedly.
She doesn’t even get to see the Baron that night. He is supposedly ill, so all discourse is handled by his loyal retainer Celia, an older, rather severe and stately woman who handles all his business affairs. Sometime later, as the maid is wandering the dark and mysterious halls of the mansion unable to sleep during a summer thunderstorm, she is frightened by a huge lightning flash that reveals a towering shadow on the library wall. It’s the Baron, seemingly recovered enough to come down to his study for something to drink. He can’t sleep either. The girl is at first terrified of his severe demeanor, but that turns out to be a front and a little prank on his part. He is much kinder than that, as she will soon discover.
But until she realizes the truth, the new girl imagines all sorts of horrible things. She is frightened to death the first time she gets stuck with belly-rub duty after dessert, but after some amusing misunderstandings, she realizes exactly what the Baron wants... and she loves it. She was secretly attracted to the chubbier men, though she would never admit it out loud, and now here's one who takes so much pleasure in eating until it hurts. She considers it a privilege to retreat with him to his quarters after a really rich meal and give his aching belly the most loving attention he's ever had, and she rests on top of him as he sighs blissfully.
Later, she stumbles upon a secret: the Baron is the last of a very old family and has no heir. His beloved wife died many years ago, leaving him alone with only his servants and Celia for company (I had a dream about this story in which Celia said: "I have served the Baron faithfully for many years. I am very fond of him, but tradition dictates I cannot marry him").
The new girl also discovers, through reading the family history books, that the Baron wasn't the only gourmand in his lineage. They all were, including those who married into the family, and even some of the favorite servants! Every single one of them got to be impressively fat. His family records speak of ancestors who reached truly enormous sizes in a time before mass-produced snack food, and there are even amusing references to those who allegedly ate so much they exploded, however the Baron dismisses those stories as merely apocryphal. “In my family, I would be considered on the thin side,” he says slyly.
How was all of this possible? The Baron explains that one of his ancestors was into alchemy, or sorcery, I'm not sure which, but he created a formula that turned out to be a weight-gain powder and flavor enhancer (magic, I guess. We'll call it "spice" because I love referencing Dune at every opportunity, and there's also a fat Baron, so). Oh and also it made the crops more abundant or something, so there's more food for everybody. Through the years, as science improved, the Baron's family passed down the secret of making the stuff and continued using it as a sort of cultural signifier of abundance and wealth--if you belong to this family, you're going to be fat n' happy because the spice is in everything, sorry that's just the way it is. In any case, this probably explains why the majority of people that the maid first met in the village were all at least plump, with more being outright fat.
The last Baron decided that he would never use the stuff on anyone without their knowledge, but he still loves eating and sharing this enjoyment with others, so he makes certain demands of his servants (like the belly rubs) to determine who would be 100% into this kind of thing. Sometimes he invites them individually to the dinner table, or if he’s feeling really fancy, he orders a big feast and invites the servants to join him. The servants usually find it overly familiar and baffling, but the newest one loves it, and is starting to feel more and more open to the idea of gaining some weight.
The Baron is delighted at the chance to transform her, but at the same time he can tell she is nervous beyond belief. At first the Baron pretends not to notice her awkwardness, but later he does comment: “My dear, I can’t help but notice that you are so very flustered every time we meet. Do I frighten you?” The maid gulps. It doesn’t help that the Baron has leaned far back in his plush seat, pushing out his magnificent stomach, pressed taut against his elegant waistcoat. She stammers something about not being frightened but she turns even redder just thinking about how wonderfully big and round he must be under that tight vest, and she can’t stop thinking of running her hands all over him… she is forced to flee as soon as the Baron dismisses her, throbbing with arousal and shame.
Nonetheless, she finds herself increasingly excited by the idea of growing bigger all the time. Maybe she might get to be as regal and plump as the Baron’s beautiful late wife, whose portrait hangs prominently in the banquet hall. She wears an old-fashioned Empire-style dress the color of coral roses, and the portrait includes a depiction of her favorite dog, a fat smiling dachshund that looks like a happy little sausage roll.
Somewhere in here is a scene where she’s hungry while serving a rare social meal with neighboring nobles and is forced to stand there and serve while they eat. Her tummy is not happy. Everything smells wondrously good and she must wait, stomach rumbling impatiently. She prays no one heard that, but the Baron did, right as she stood next to him to refill his glass. She holds herself stiffly, tightening her abdomen to muffle the sound and wishing she could disappear, but the Baron only smiles knowingly to himself, and sends her a look of pity as Celia sends her off.
Then one day, near-disaster, or so it would seem: the maid calls him by an unflattering local nickname (“Baron Bauch”) by mistake one day and is horrified, but the Baron actually laughs—after several seconds of frowning at her, but he was only teasing her. “Don’t worry, I know all about what they call me. I have heard much worse, and you are lucky I am not the sort of person to care about it. And anyway, we are no longer living in the days when you could be imprisoned for saying something mildly unflattering.” He is amused enough by her embarrassment that he invites her to her first real dinner; a private one, as the only guest.
After the first sumptuous meal with the Baron, the maid feels like she’s going to pop, even as he expresses some disappointment that she didn’t finish everything. “No matter. You’ll get used to it in time,” he says. He gives her some pure butter shortbread cookies for dessert and pours out some clear liquor from a crystal decanter. “Here, take this.” She looks at it, hesitating. It smells faintly fruity and it has a curious light blue tinge to it. “What’s the matter? Ohoho, what do you think, it’s poison? Don’t worry. Only a digestif. It’ll make you feel better.” He swallows a shot, just to reassure her, and so she tries it. Almost immediately it does something to soothe her insides. Everything instantly loosens up and her stomach doesn’t feel tight or achy anymore. She feels almost stretchier. Relaxed, she lets out an involuntary burp and sends her a look of pity as Celia sends her off.
In a little while he plans to retire to his chambers with Celia for a belly rub but the maid can’t help but speak up: “Please let me!” she squeaks. The Baron looks her over with interest, but tells her perhaps another time. He promised Celia this night.
She leaves, burning with need for him, but she does what he commands. They continue this ritual for some time, and the maid becomes a lot more adept at eating mass quantities. One night, she and the Baron decide to have a friendly eating contest, and the result is pretty close. They both have to push themselves until it hurts, and they spend the rest of the night trying to comfort each other’s bellies. It’s the most satisfying experience of her life, and the Baron does all he can to encourage her. He wants her to eat as much as she can hold, and really enjoy that tight bursting sensation as something right and natural, and unbelievably erotic. “Isn’t it a good feeling? That exquisite ache... it’s what I live for,” he sighs. She agrees, at the height of her passion, and it leaves her shaking and pulsing all over.
They gradually fall asleep together to the sound of a surging, drenching rain pattering on the roof. It rains so hard that the view out the bedroom window is almost white, the wind whipping through a heavy gray curtain of falling rain. Thunder roars close by, making her shiver. “Are you frightened?” sighs the Baron, drawing her closer. “Don’t be. This is the time of year for rain, but we are quite safe here. Yes, quite safe. So warm and dry, and full…” She cuddles into his cushy belly and her fear ebbs away.
I don't know what happens after this, if anything.
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Just listened to the new episode of tmagp and holy shit did it make me want to speculate. Spoilers below
So firstly is the content of the statement itself, multiple nameless forgettable people bringing many, presumably, artifacts to a branch of the Oxford peoples trust, a branch which is referred to as the “Hilltop” centre. This instantly makes me wonder if this centre could be on hilltop road or atleast in this universes equivalent. The statement ends with something, that while is definitely too small to be a ritual, atleast in my opinion, feels distinctly ritual adjacent to me.
Given the date that this statement is set in, which is possibly the time the Jon became the Head Archivist give or take a few months and thus when The Web’s plan began to fully set into motion, this, in addition to the location, makes me believe that the event at the end of the statement have something to do with the crack in the universe.
Secondly is Celia, In this episode she recognises Jons voice and asks Alice specific questions which heavily imply she knows about the fears, and, as I’ve just found out on attempting to look her up on the wikia, she also shares a name and voice actress with one of the survivors who were with Georgie and Melanie.
This ties in to a theory that I came up with while listening which ties in information that we learnt in the first episode regarding the institute.
Theory that is almost definitely wrong and relies on several things I made up
The institute burnt down in the 1980s, I believe that this universes Jonah equivalent (who I will now just refer to as Jonah) preformed The Watchers Crown a second time, the fires probably being an attempt to stop it by Desolation related individuals/monsters.
I think that in this universe there was the beginnings of a crack that split open slightly due to the ritual, not enough to let anything through, but just enough for Jonah see and thus know.
I think that while gazing through into the multiverse he saw the crack at hilltop road and saw through it and begin to know The Webs plan.
I think that Jonah organised the events at the hilltop centre to start preparations for The Webs plan and to drag something through once it succeeds, ending up with Jon, Martin and TMA Jonah being dragged through and becoming part of The Eye, possibly in addition to Celia and others who are yet unnamed.
#tmagp spoilers#tmagp theory#bullshit fan theory#it’s not going to be correct#but I can dream damn it
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Maybe More People Are Arospec (Part 3)
Maybe More People Are Arospec, 3/3 - The Alloaro Edition, in which we cover some alloaro specific (negative) tropes that I personally believe is the reason why there are so few people who identify as alloaro 🙃
I both have everything and nothing to say on this one, because the topic at hand hits home harder than I want to admit 😔. I think it's important to acknowledge the harm that constantly enforcing these ideas about sex without romance as being inherently emotionally drainining, a sign of emotional immaturity, or predatory, etc. probably damages the self-perception and self-worth of most alloaros greatly. Of course,:I understand that NOT ALL highlighted are inherently related to being alloaro - but the way these ideas are framed, especially in the split panel, imply sex without romance is the root of the problem, which in reality it is not. A lack of communication, respect for other's boundaries, or being flat out a predator is the actual issue here.
Anyway, I do understand the intersection of different issues that lead to the ideas that I referenced in the comic (elaborated more in the comments). I suppose the solution, as usual, is more education and more nuance surrounding the discussion 😅😉
I'm so glad to finally have this last part of the series up! I hope you enjoyed the ride, and for sure let me know if there's anything else that I haven't covered here you think also keeps people from realizing that they're aromantic 💚💚💚
[Image Description:
Slide 1: Celia sits on a green armchair in a living room. "Actually, let's make this take even more spicy - maybe a lot more people are alloaro in particular."
Slide 2: She looks down. "Alloaros are more likely to be labelled as heartless, or feel that on top of being 'broken' there's something predatory about themselves -"
Slide 3: "There's this idea that people who only want sex, and not romance, are the kind of people you want to avoid. Who don't care who they hurt. You know the trope - "
Slide 4: An illustrated example of the stereotypical trope. Shown is a house party where two characters are interacting. A taller man leans over a clearly intimidated woman:
"Hey Babe, you alone here tonight?"
"Umm …"
"Come on, don't be so cold, why don't you loosen up a little?"
"No, uh-"
An arrow points to the man that says ""the predatory-college-fuckboy-frat-bro-trope"
Slide 5: Another series of examples, this time illustrated from Celia's childhood. The panel is split into three as you progress through the years. In each section Celia watches a television show.
1: "You can't trust him, ALL he does is sleep around - he's never settled down"
2: "Sorry I'm only looking for something casual right now …"
"You're scared of commitment"
"No, I-"
"You're just using me!"
3: "At least it happened with someone who's loved her and been dating her forever", this is in reference to a teenaged character having sex the first time.
In this last section celia says, forlorn, "There's something wrong with ME, isn't there?"
Slide 6: Celia speaks to viewer directly. "I sure as hell didn't want to admit I was Aro because I knew I wasn't Ace."
Slide 7: "So yeah, those are my thoughts. I've told my allo friends about my theories and they …"
Slide 8: "… didn't exactly believe me." Celia is shown video chatting with her friend, saying "So those are my theories as to why romantic attraction is probably less common than we think, and why there's probably way more Aro people! People are probably too embarassed to admit it because stigma or never even realized it!"
Friend awkwardly says "I … I'm sorry I gotta say I don't agree …"
Slide 9: Celia holds her finger up to her chin, pondering. "Maybe it's just an Aro thing."]
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tmagp 14 relisten notes
(sorry this one is a bit late!!- spoilers under cut)
celia:
- says that sam can get intense, and seems to be down playing her feelings for sam (hesitation and lack of enthusiasm when telling alice the date went well)
- directly confronts alice about her relationship with sam, but with the intention of getting out of drama, not causing it. i think this goes to show she started this job with a mission, and isnt interested in anything that may derail it
- seems genuinely taken aback by alice flirting with her
alice:
- deflects when celia confronts her by flirting with her -> im a buzzkill, so i dont think this is a genuine act of affection on alice's part, though it does sound more nervous than usual. i think shes gotten worked up and its resulting in a change in her demeanor
- has a very awkward pause after celia says alice can "do better next time" (referencing her relationship with sam)
- says that when she first started the job, she also wondered about the cases legitimacy
sam:
- picked up on the letters of rejection from the institute, and was trying to talk himself out of drawing connections
- he grew frustrated with gwen, and got particularly agitated by her saying he wouldn't understand (rejection again) and that she doesnt have time for him
- this is the first time we've seen him drop the positive attitude he normally has with coworkers (other than alice), his walls are already coming down
gwen:
- very sullen, but still offers some minimal help to sam
- seems upset with lena (this checks out)
- shes exhibiting self isolation behaviors (not opening up about her problems or trying to get help from coworkers)
lena:
- looking for gwen, and not in a good mood (did gwen not follow up w the external she was supposed to email? was she actively on assignment?)
incident:
- jon chester narrating -> mentions an institute (hmmm i wonder what institute that may be) and is directed at sam. im not of the philosophical house that he's encouraging sam, i actually think hes using the incidents as a means of venting (bad computer pun) and warning sam, since the incidents are all about the doom of being involved with the institute
- incident occurs in 1995, 4 years before the institute burns down
- follow-up by the agency writing the report was post-poned due to the absence of the technician (assuming this is alyssa)
- the shop keeper was wary of a rat being in his shop and had various scratch and bite marks on his body-> interesting because he seems to have no issue with hygiene or contamination in the shop (and rats are commonly fed to pet snakes)
- the shop keeper had a "physical altercation" with the technician, and referred to "his burden" -> i can guarantee that this will be an important detail for future use, whether or not he becomes a reoccurring character, i expect that the "burden" will eventually be expanded on
- the description of the shop itself lists sickly traits: warm, likely has mosquitos, there is a sharp smell from the reptiles, there is old food left in the office space, strong smell from the bad food, ant infestation, squirrel droppings, and there was a hole in the wall
- the report ends in the midst of removing the squirrel, and resumes with the mention of waiting for police on scene
- the report becomes more of a personal log after this interruption, with alyssa speaking directly to her father. this is especially interesting since she says he will believe her, implying he has some paranormal experience
- the room shes locked in is a makeshift cctv room, which i find worth pointing out since it draws an obvious connection to the eye, though i dont think theres a real connection
- the shop keeper seems manic and aggressive, and wants to sell the snakes desperately
- the shop keeper began, well, Transformation (snake)-/-horde
- jane prenthiss
- the snakes seem to want to possess another person and wither their host, which is an interesting change to the themes of tma's corruption, which protected and embraced their host in most cases
- the shop keeper had pinned rejection letters from "an institute" (take a wild guess as to which one) to the wall -> this implies there have been others rejected from the institute even before sam, and that a rejection does not seem to be an indicator of inability to interact w the paranormal
glitches/lies:
- none
extra notes:
- colin hasnt been featured or mentioned by other characters in a while. i feel like this is particularly strange for alice, since we know they were the closest, but im assuming the characters are overlooking him because of their own distractions. but its still concerning
- i think this incident was chosen by chester specifically because of sam's rejection from the institute. ive interpreted it as a warning that continual obsession with the past (and the institute) will lead sam down a bad path. im also taking this as a potential foreshadowing to sam's arc, dealing with the shop keeper's burden/possession as a metaphor for what could happen to sam. the shop keeper eventually gets left by the snakes, allowing them to take up a new host, meaning these powers and horrors can be transmitted or given to others; so sam can just as easily turn into one of the monsters from an incident. he has to choose to stay away from this path
- im hesitant to draw connections between the fears of tma and whatever powers are at work in tmagp, since i believe theyre different (or, at least, theyre manifesting in new ways) but this was a garishly corruption-aligned incident. im unsure exactly what that implies, but im taking it as a hint that the tma fears are not entirely gone as we know them. (or this is a major red herring?)
#tmagp#the magnus protocol#tmagp 14#alice dyer#tmagp spoilers#tmagp theory#sam khalid#celia ripley#gwen bouchard#lena kelley
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Antony (my beloved)
Should I write about Helena next? yes. Am I ignoring that to give you a summary of a character that dies three years before the story starts? also yes. This is my blog and my inspiration is a fucking roulette wheel.
Antony is Celia’s first (and only) friend that she makes in the five years before the story starts. He’s from one of the smaller courts that no one can really remember. His mother lived and died without knowing freedom from there and he has no reason to believe that he’ll be different (if you’re sad now, just wait. The story gets worse).
Antony is fundamentally a person defined by his kindness. Yes, Celia is a good person too but she knows that she’s not Antony and she never will be. He truly does everything out of his love for people and his knowledge that no one deserves to suffer.
While Celia is a vigilante for revenge and Joshua (Ilana’s brother) is a vigilante for fun, Antony is definitely a vigilante for the people. He’s less of a roof climber and more of a con man, he can basically get anywhere in the city (but not out of it. Important because no one has ever escaped the city).
He meets Celia when he goes undercover to get some food to redistribute and finds a thirteen year old already stealing it. Because Celia has never had, and will never have any chill. She escapes before he can talk to her, but he’d caught her mid-theft, so he waits around for the next few days for her to come back. She does, and finds out that he’s already taken the food and left a note telling her to meet him by the wall. He reveals his robin hood-style thefts and bam! Instant best friends.
Antony is very different from Celia emotionally. Celia, while being a great strategist, is also a person who hates waiting around for things. Antony is always talking about creating systemic change, which will take years, and they have the following conversation a lot.
Celia says “and how many people will die before that happens.”
Antony: “why do you think I’m out here?”
Antony is definitely an idealist while Celia is a realist. He has these big plans for changing the world and he wants to do it from within. Celia teases him for the fact that he’s kind of a suck-up when not breaking the law, and he usually laughs along because she’s not wrong. He wants to gain influence over the years, starting with doing well at Debut. And, the worst part is, he actually gets pretty close. Antony actually does get invited to Debut when he’s 17, which is basically unheard of for someone not from a major court.
And then he slips up. He’s never had this many eyes on him and he’s always blended into the background. But not here. Someone (probably a noble but I’m not sure which one yet) gives him a warning. Stop it, or I’ll stop you.
This is very important because Antony knows. He knows what’s going to happen to him if he does anything. But he sees a 15 year old with a cut and asks him how he got it. And then he tells the guards.
There’s an investigation into the guard that hurt the kid, but it never goes anywhere. It’s eventually declared inconclusive due to a lack of evidence. And Antony is found stabbed in his bed at Debut the night after he reports it.
Celia doesn’t go to Debut. She’s never been invited and she’s not planning to be. So she only finds out through gossip. Eventually, someone delivers her a note that just says keep going on. Don’t follow me. Because Antony knew what was coming and wanted to keep Celia safe. It’s also a reference to a famous play, based off of Antony and Cleopatra (where both of the characters die at the end). Antony used to joke about being named after the character. They both loved each other, in the way that you love your best friend, and Antony wanted nothing more in his last moments than for Celia to survive. Celia still has the note.
For Celia, this is what turns her into a household name. She is going to make sure this city has some semblance of justice if it kills her. Because she already lost Antony. What else is there to lose?
And then Helena gets threatened.
#Celia#Antony#Part 2 coming soon#you know what kills me#is that without Antony Violet would have no reason to trust them#so he gets to save Celia one last time
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OVE chapters 39-41
The following book review contains violence & gang activity. Reader discretion is advised.
Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions
Chapter 39
“How did you know that?”
With a roll of her eyes, Alisa tapped her ear. It was hard to believe this was the same girl who had fallen comatose so many months ago, waking thin and frail on her hospital bed. She seemed to have grown a spine that was twice as thick in the time since then.
I’m not sure that Juliette knew Alisa well at all. After all, spying has kind of been her sole personality trait since the second she was introduced.
Her falling into a coma had nothing to do with her personality.
Benedikt nodded, a smile—a true smile—coming to his lips. For perhaps the first time, he trusted Juliette wholeheartedly. “At noon,” he promised.
Chapter 39 summary: Juliette and Alisa try to find Roma. They’re obviously worried about him being killed before they can find him. But then they decide that he must be with the white flower scientist.
We jump over to Kathleen, who is trying to warn the communists. It’s not so much simply because she sided with them, but rather the fact that they’re simple commoners who are trying to fight for their rights. She then randomly decides that the era of Scarlet is over. Kathleen is dead, and has been all along. She’s Celia. Which… wow. Can’t believe that we waited for two books for that.
With Roma’s grief, Ben tries to protect him from his own stupidity. But then Juliette and Alisa show up, and Roma is reunited with his love. And I have to say that Roma expressed more emotion over the thought of her being dead than he ever showed her while alive. Juliette explains why she wrote the note about her death, that they all need to get out of the city before the purge comes. Roma says he doesn’t want to leave the city until the Demetri problem has been resolved, but Lourens says that the vaccine is ready.
Now Roma is ready, but Ben won’t leave without his boyfriend now. Despite the fact that Marshall is being held by the police/his father. They all agree that with this purge, nothing will be the same again, no matter what the nationalists want. So they have to break Marshall out, and come up with a plan to do so.
Chapter 40
Outside, metal clashed against metal, an echo ringing all across the city —again, then again. Here, within these four walls, all they could do was hold each other, waiting for noon to come, waiting for the moment they could be free.
Chapter 40 summary: They smash up the lab a little to make it look like it had already been raided, and then go hunker down somewhere to get some sleep. After being left alone, Roma and Juliette then talk about their feelings some more. Juliette promises him that she’ll never intentionally leave him again, and tries to explain what a pinky promise is. He knows of the yakuza, and them cutting off pinky fingers, at the least.
But then he points to her ring finger and says that he wants that one, instead. Which would be way more romantic if Juliette hadn’t literally said that broken promises mean cutting the pinky off. Juliette says yes. Obviously.
In the distance, they hear gunfire. Juliette wishes that she could have done more, but Roma reminds her that she’s literally fighting against her own people. Juliette says that she wants to get rid of her past, and that she’ll take Roma’s name. He says that it’s not like his name is somehow better. And then he goes on this really long rant and calls the two of them “blood soaked roses”. Which I wouldn’t mind if there had been other sweetly poetic moments in the story. But the author is suddenly determined to squeeze in as many Romeo and Juliet references as possible, even if she has to stretch to make them fit her story.
Juliette then cuts off some pieces of string and ties them around their left ring fingers, while they say some vows. They both know that it’s not legally binding, but they’re both uncertain if they’ll survive. (Except that there’s STILL way too much story left.)
Chapter 41
Celia seemed to have ended up a soldier, perusing the battleground from above.
Let me ask you a question:
If I didn’t care about the political stuff (because it was so badly written that I complained that it felt like not even the author cared about it)
If I didn’t care about the Ben/Marshall subplot
If I didn’t care about the goddamned Roma/Juliette subplot (again, so badly written!)
If I didn’t care about the Rosalind betrayal subplot
WHAT THE FUCK MAKES YOU THINK THAT I GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THIS INSANELY MINOR BACKGROUND CHARACTER SHUCKING THE RUSE SHE’D BEEN MAINTING FOR THE PAST DECADE SO THAT SHE CAN HELP COMMUNISTS NOT BE SLAUGHTERED?!
Benedikt exhaled slowly. The Nationalists continued with their discussion, the smell of cigarette smoke wafting into the closet space. All the while, trying not to move a single muscle, Benedikt was trapped.
Chapter 41 summary: Celia/Kathleen helps the communists brace themselves. Literally none of this is important.
We jump over to Ben as he goes to the prison to break Marshall out. Too much time is spent with him simply going to the prison. He lies, saying he’s running a message for Lord Cai so that he can get past the guards at the front gate. He then spends too many pages running around in search of his boyfriend. He eventually finds a note basically ratting out Juliette and Roma. So now he’s on a deadline to find Marshall faster so that he can go back and warn Juliette and Roma not to leave the city via the boat.
He’s forced to hide in a room as soldiers come down the hall. He overhears Marshall’s shitty dad and an unnamed man talking. The man says that the Scarlets are complaining about the kill order on the White Flowers, but daddy says that “they’ll never get another chance like this again”. Ben, meanwhile, is trapped in the closet, unable to leave until those two assholes go.
#These Violent Delights series#Our Violent Ends#Chapter 39#Chapter 40#chapter 41#Juliette Cai#Alisa Montagova#HEADDESKING#Roma Montagov#Kathleen Cai#i have given up#Marshal Seo#Ben Montagov#Demetri Montagov#nobody cares#shitty writing is shitty#I would ask where the editor was but I think we all know there was none
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do you have any idea how many things had to go right for us to happen?
korea was closed for tourists, and i could only get a student visa. i was feeling kinda lazy, so although we got the offer to apply for a student visa and studying part time in a different location, i thought it seemed like too much work. i decided to postpone my trip, and left in late december instead of september.
you decided to come back to korea when you did. you could have likely chosen to go back sooner or later. it was for your enlistment that you came back after all, and although theres a time limit, you arent confined to a very specific timeframe to do it.
you got a job at EF. you befriended celia (to some degree.... lol), and accepted her invitation to join for dinner, which led to our meeting. celia happened to be in my class, which led to me going out to dinner with her in the first place.
you messaged me about valentines day after i posted a story on instagram, and although you maybe didnt intend it that way, i took it as a sign that you were interested. we made plans.
i think that after this point, we both made mistakes to some degree. some worse than others, obviously. although part of me regrets what happened here, its also a period of time that im grateful for; it led us to where we are now.
we met again at an activity, and decided to be friends. it gave me courage to ask you if you wanted to sit next to me on the bus to busan, the next activity. i dont even think i wouldve gone to the activity on my own, but me and aron thought it would be fun to see some place other than seoul, so we signed up together.
a lot of things happened in busan. refer back to previous post about your drunk behavior. anyway. you asked me to stay in your room, and we cuddled. i was lucky enough to have andreas there, who i explained the situation to (to some degree) and he agreed to switch rooms with me. hes the real mvp here
we decided to become fwb. i liked the arrangement, because i missed your closeness. and although you told me specifically "please dont fall in love with me", i did anyway. i swore to myself that i wasnt ready for a relationship after convincing myself i was the worst person alive, and you had already told me you would never consider involving yourself romantically with me again.
by some fucking miracle, you changed your mind. you slipped up, i dont remember the context, but you said something like "i wouldnt be dating you if you werent cool." "we're not even dating," i said. i didnt know how to take it. i was thinking about it constantly until you brought it up. i felt bad that i had maybe... gotten too close? i didnt want you to feel suffocated, or like you were getting into something you didnt want to.
you had to leave to get your drivers license. i was horribly in love, and i made time to talk to you every day. although i had more things i wanted to do in korea, i wanted to prioritize you not feeling lonely. i felt like you wanted/needed someone to talk to, and i wanted to be that person. i didnt want you to feel left out just because you werent here with your friends in person.
maybe it was just all the time we spent together the last few months. maybe it was the fact that we were fwb. maybe it was something else entirely. but holy fuck, so many things had to happen for us to end up where we are today. and i booked my ticket back to korea before even leaving korea. i had a lot of money left over from my initial EF budget, and it was enough to go back. you were so fucking worth going back for. and all these months will be even more worth it. i love you so much. i cant believe how many things had to happen before we could.
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I just finished reading The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo, here are some quotes I saved bc this book shook me to my core
Spoilers!!
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He'd convinced himself that his wanting me was my fault.
And I believed him.
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Be wary of men with something to prove.
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"It's on the house," he said, which I thought was the dumbest thing, because if there's anyone that should be getting free food, it isn't rich people.
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"Heartbreak is loss, divorce is just a piece of paper."
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People think intimacy is about sex. But intimacy is about truth. When you realize you can tell someone your truth, when you can show yourself to them, when you stand in front of them bare and their response is 'You're safe with me' - that's intimacy.
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"[...] I'm bisexual. Don't ignore half of me so you can fit me into a box, Monique. Don't do that."
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You do not know how fast you have been running, how hard you have been working, how truly exhausted you are, until someone stands behind you and says, “It’s OK, you can fall down now. I’ll catch you.”
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"Evelyn?" Harry said, before getting off the phone.
"Yes?"
"You know what's happening, right?"
"What?"
"You're about to become the highest-paid actress in Hollywood."
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[...] I have no idea that in less than a week, Evelyn will finish her story, and I'll find out what this has all been about, and I will hate her so much that I'll be truly afraid I might kill her.
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"Can you believe it?" She said. "Two of them."
"You deserve them. The whole world should be giving you an Oscar every day, as far as I'm concerned."
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[...] That seemed to be her pattern. I was a lesbian when she loved me and a straight woman when she hated me.
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People were just starting to talk about the idea of bisexuality, but I'm not sure I even understood that the word referred to me then. I wasn't interested in finding a label for what I already knew. I loved men. I loved Celia. I was OK with that.
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"If you are intolerable, let me be the one to tolerate you."
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"You love me?" she said
"Oh, my God, what an understatement," I told her.
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"To Evelyn," she said, lifting her glass in the air. "Who has lit up every goddamn room she ever walked into. And who, day after day, makes us feel like we're living in a dream."
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It's always been fascinating to me how things can be simultaneously true and false, how people can be good and bad all in one, how someone can love you in a way that us beautifully selfless while serving themselves ruthlessly.
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It was one of the last times we were all together, laughing smiling, happy. A family.
Because after that, I ruined it.
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"Being bisexual didn't make me disloyal," Evelyn said. "One has nothing to do with the other. Nor did it mean that Celia could only fulfill half my needs."
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"I'm not a good person, Monique. Make sure, in the book, that that's clear. That I'm not claiming to be good. That I did a lot of things that hurt other people, and I would do them over again if I had to."
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And just as she was about to leave the microphone, she said, “And to anyone tempted to kiss the TV tonight, please don’t chip your tooth.”
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"[...] I don't want to let you love me if you don't think you can lose me again. One last time."
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"I have been married seven times, and never once has it felt as right as this. I think that loving you has been the truest thing about me."
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The devastating luxury of panic overtook me.
And it has never left.
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That's how my story ends. With the loss of everyone I have ever loved. With me, in a big, beautiful Upper East Side apartment, missing everyone who ever meant anything to me.
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Evelyn was never going to let the thing that made her be the thing to destroy her. She was never going to let anything, even a part of her body, have that sort of power.
Evelyn is going to die when she wants to.
And she wants to die now.
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I hate Evelyn, but I think I like her very much.
#the seven hubands of evelyn hugo#taylor jenkins reid#books#bookworm#bookblr#bisexual#bisexuality#evelyn hugo#celia st james#harry cameron#monique grant#mine
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