#when episode 10 aired we called after and the first thing she said was 'I THOUGHT IT WAS JOE THAT CHEATED BUT IT WAS C H E R R Y!

[peterparkersnose]

Feeling You

pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

word count: 3.6k

warnings: david’s episode and themes along with that, reader is chained up, david is literally creepy and disgusting, reader kills a person, description of death, angst, joel cannot physically feel anything, trauma description, ellie’s aftermath of david, religious trauma, mentions of weapons

a/n hi season finale my life is over at least we got mando still 💪

summary Y/N confesses something to Joel she shouldn’t have when she saw him awake for the first time in weeks after his accident

masterlist

join the tag list

read time: 13 mins 10 seconds

The feeling of panic woke you up. The strange dream you couldn’t remember faded as your senses came back to you. It was cold and your head was pounding. The cold air nipped your nose. Your clothes felt like there was space between the fabric and your skin, you could feel the stinging cold prick your skin. You lay flat on what you could only imagine was a bed. It wasn’t comfortable whatsoever and only made your back stiff. Joel’s flannel from the night before had kept you warm enough to survive. Gaining the muster to move, you tried to yank your feet on the floor. Your right leg was cuffed to the bed pole.

“She’s awake,” you heard someone call, and commotion started around you. Blinking your eyes and trying to adjust to what was happening, the noise of a padlock being opened distracted you. “Good morning,”

You recognized that voice. The man that you and Ellie encountered in the woods. What was his name…David? How did you even get here?

“I’m glad to see your up.”

You scuffled on your hands, propping yourself up in bed. “Where is she?” you shivered, moving your free leg up to your chest. The only other thought that consumed your brain was the little girl you were protecting.

“You must be cold. Here,” David said, snapping his fingers. One of his friends fed a blanket through the bars that were currently entrapping you. He draped the blanket over you. You hated it, but had no choice but to accept it.

“Where is she?” you reiterated. “She’s fine.” David ensured to you. “All comfy like you.”

“This is far from comfortable.” you hissed at him. “Just, tell me a few things and I can make you feel real comfortable.” David said. His tone made your stomach drop.

“Where is he?” David asked, mimicking your insistent question.

You knew he meant Joel. That’s all they wanted. Joel. You and Ellie were just the sad accessories that came along with him. “With the rest of the group.” you lied. David sucked his teeth. “Tell the truth,” he said, standing up over you. Scooting over in the small bed, you tried to put as much distance between you and the man.

“God doesn’t look down well on liars,”

‘What a freak’ you thought to yourself. You remembered reading old stories about cults that mimicked his teachings, or what he had preached at you the night he found you and Ellie.

“What kind of god makes our world a living hell?” you taunted. “Why would you believe in some shit cause? Have you seen what is out there?”

A subtle but dark smile came to David’s face. He brought up his hand and promptly slapped you on the cheek. Hard. The all too familiar needle like feeling seeped in on your cheek. The taste of blood slowly began to form in your mouth.

“We all need a father. We all need some guidance.” David said, bringing his hand up to your face again. You winced, hoping he wouldn’t strike you again. Instead, his fingers grabbed your chin. “There’s always time to repent,”

He inspected your face, forcing it to turn in whichever angle he would like. Blood filled your gums and began to dribble down your face as he squeezed your cheeks together. “Such a pretty thing,” he sighed. You spat in his face. He sighed and wiped the blood and spit mixture from his forehead with his sleeve.

He let go and stepped back. “I see your confidence, I see your leadership, I see myself in you.” he explained, taking another step back. “We could lead, you know. Bring greatness to this group. I could give you a future. A future with me.”

A new kind of fear began as you slowly began to realize what he truly wanted from you. The only thing you were good for in his eyes, maybe besides your flesh. His eyes seemed to undress you under the few layers of clothes you had on. They had taken your coat the previous night and you were left in your jeans and one of Joel’s flannels you stole from his pack to stay warm.

“Just give him up and I’ll give you the world.”

You sat silently. It was obvious that David was getting annoyed. “He’s just your old dad. It’s probably better if my guys get to him before the-”

“He’s not my dad.” you said harshly. “Well,” David laughed. “My apologies.”

He dragged the stool from the corner of the cell to the side of the bed. He straddled the stool and got a little too close for comfort. “Is he her dad?” he asked. You shook your head no. “Uncle, brother, cousin…? I’m trying to understand the relationship so I don’t hurt the little girl too much.”

You looked away and focused on the painted white brick wall. He was searching for leverage, an advantage you were not about to give him. The breathing exercises were not working when you could smell David’s rancid breath on you. “Oh,” he said with a smirk. “I get it.”

“Your with him.”

Closing your eyes, you moved your hand over your face. “Aren’t you a little young for such an old geezer?” he asked. You shook your head no. What a fucking narcissist. This man had to be Joel’s age, and from the looks of how much hair he had left I would say, maybe, older.

The age gap was the one thing keeping you from going the extra step and pursuing Joel. The mutual attraction had been present for a while, but you both were too afraid to face the facts. And now that he was as good as dead, the mere thought of what could have been stung harder than it should have.

“If your not gonna talk, then I’m just going to move to your little friend.” David sighed, realizing he wasn’t going to get what he wanted out of you without some sort of leverage. His original plan hadn’t worked.

“No,” you called out, wanting to swallow your words back down. David’s back turned around again. “Then tell me pretty girl,” he said, each step echoing in the jail cell as he got closer to you. “Are you fucking him?” he asked, his nose almost touching yours. With lips pursed and your eyes tightly closed, you shook your head no. Your face rose with heat at the mere implication. 

“Liar.” he spit at you. He left you once again and sat outside your cage with his friends.

You began to doze off. Caged to the bed like a dog and freezing wasn’t the best headspace to stay in. You tried to imagine the penicillin Ellie came back with had some sort of super power and resurrected Joel so he could come kill this red headed motherfucker that wouldn’t stop staring you down. So that he could rescue you and Ellie and you could return to Jackson to get proper treatment and then take Ellie to the lab that was supposedly in Salt Lake City. So Joel could return to you and just be there and be alive. You missed Joel endlessly, even though you were just with him hours prior. And the last time you saw him, he was as good as gone.

As you were dreaming about the unlikely future, the men began to stir. One left, and another followed. There was muffled arguing down the hallway. David was getting angry about all the commotion and went to see what was happening.

“She what?” you heard him yell down the hall. “You mean to tell me she’s escaped?”

Your lungs caught your breath too hard when you heard him say that. She’s escaped? Ellie?

“Watch her.” David commanded, poking his head in the room and yelling at a man who you believed to be named James. He sat down in David’s stool and stared at you. You slowly began to get up, your leg chain dangling off the bed. James didn't say a word. 

Suddenly, two gunshots rang out. You grabbed for the white painted bars blocking you from leaving, and tripping on your leg chain. “No!” you screamed, pulling yourself back up. “No,” you said quieter, the reality of Ellie’s death started to become a little too real for your comfort. 

James had arisen, his hand rested on his gun in it’s holster as he anxiously stared at the door. He took a step back, contemplating what he was going to do. His back was turned to you. Another shot rang out, and James jumped backwards. In the hassle, the keychain holding your key to freedom was conveniently sticking out of his back pocket and was accessible to you. Without hesitation, you grabbed the keys and along fell out his knife. 

James was quick to react, grabbing your hand with the keys interlocked in your fingers. He grunted as your other hand met the set of keys and started to pry his cold, lanky fingers off the keys. James was hesitant to drop his gun, it would have been in reach for you. He was clueless that his knife was in reach where he couldn't see. 

“Fine,” he said, giving up. He let go and let you have the keys. “The second you try anything…” 

He looked over at his gun. He was still level with you on the ground. Sliding the keys behind you, you quickly grabbed the knife from behind him. Panic flashed in his eyes as you grabbed his neck and swiftly impaled his neck with the knife. He began to choke, and you pushed it in once again. His gun fell from his hand as he uselessly pawed at his neck. 

After a few tries with the various keys, you finally unlocked your leg from the chain that had been wrapped around your ankle all night. Quickly, you escaped your jail cell. You grabbed James’s knife from his neck and wiped it off on your jeans. Also, you stole his gun. 

You were shaking. Freezing and adrenaline wasn't the best combination at the moment. You were unsure of where to go. Where was Ellie? Where would Ellie go? You were all she had left. The cold hallway with a door with light pouring out under it seemed like the smart choice. 

When you opened the door, you were hit like a brick wall with a gust of wind blowing snow in your direction. Your arm immediately came to cover your eyes as you hastily made your way through the snow cloud. Just as it was about to clear, two arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you out in to the open. 

After grunting and fighting what you prayed wasn’t David or one of his associates, your hands were held behind your back tightly. Screaming and wriggling, you couldn’t hear the voice of your new partner in crime trying to calm you. 

“Y/N!” you finally heard. The haze around you seemed to settle. “Hey! It’s me,” 

You opened your eyes from the struggle and thought you were hallucinating from the evident dehydration and starvation. His hands now rested on your shoulders as he looked at you with the first inkling of real fear you had ever seen behind his eyes. 

“Are you alright?” Joel asked in a gutted tone, staring at the formation of a red handprint on your face. The fear turned into rage behind his eyes. All you could do was stare in to his face and enjoy the safe feeling once again. An unintentional sob came from you. Joel quickly embraced you. 

His hand shook as he cradled your head in his hand. “I got you,” he whispered, holding your body tight against his. “T-they still have her.” you whispered in his ear. 

Joel’s body stiffened. 

“Where?” he asked, letting you go. He reached for his coat, sliding it off his arms. “I don’t know I was trying to find her and—”

Joel noticed your hands and grabbed for them. They were covered in fresh blood. “Fuck,” he whimpered. “Go find her.” you said, pulling your hands away from his. “But—”

“Go,” you trembled. 

Joel’s longing look was one you were never going to forget. He saw the gun tucked in your pants and gave you a nod. “Hide,” he said in a hushed voice. 

As he was about to leave, you called out his name. He turned to you with a hurtful sigh. He was limping. Swallowing, you spit out the words to the man you had fallen for across this journey across the country. “I love you,” 

He was taken aback. It was definitely sudden and unexpected. His lips parted slightly in shock. Joel’s need to protect Ellie was strong at the moment. He didn’t have time to give in to these childish antics at the moment.

“I…”

His feelings for you wanted to stay, but his duty to Ellie, his duty to Sarah was more important than a silly crush on a silly girl. This whole time he thought he was just being delusional. All the little things, little moments the two of you shared he thought was just out of pure alliance and survival. 

Nausea filled you as you as you realized he had to go. He wasn’t going to say it back; from everything you knew about Joel Miller, you should have expected this exact reaction. He was unable to love, unable to just say it back to someone who was significantly younger than him and was a stranger just six months ago. Joel would regret this moment for the rest of his life. He stared at you in disbelief, unsure of what to do. He watched as your lips pursed and your hands wrap around your stomach, trying to keep yourself warm. 

“I’m sorry.” he muttered, turning away from you. 

You watched as you zipped his coat up as another gust of wind threw snow around the open space and he was gone.

Quickly, your eyes darted for a hiding spot. The survival instinct came in and tried its best to shut out the hurt you had just caused yourself. An old heat radiator stood a few feet to your left, in the direction Joel was. A produce crate covered in snow was another foot away and you picked it up, placing it next to the radiator. You sat on the freezing ground, clutching the gun and praying for something to go right today. 

A terrible scream erupted in the town’s square. You recognized that scream anywhere. Ellie, the little girl you had been with practically since her birth was in trouble. Your heart pounded in your chest as you jumped from your hiding space and ran towards the screaming. When you arrived, you stopped a few feet behind them. Joel was holding Ellie just as he was holding you moments before, moments before you had just fucked everything up. A lump rose in your throat as you feared the worst. 

“Ellie!” you yelled loudly and clear, catching the little girl’s attention. She looked up at you and wailed, her face was covered in blood. Almost falling on your knees mid run to her, she left Joel’s arms and collapsed in to yours. 

“Oh, baby.” you murmured, brushing her hair our of her face. She held on to you and sobbed in to your chest. You offered soft words of assurance, unaware of what monstrosities Ellie had just survived. Slowly rocking her back and forth, your hand intertwined with hers as you tried to calm her down. Brief words through the sobs Ellie let out broke your heart. 

“Y/N-” Joel said with a raspy voice. You shot him a look of hurt as you rested your chin on Ellie’s head. You slowly shook your head in disappointment. “It’s okay, Ellie.” you whispered in her ear. “Your safe now.”

“We really should go,” Joel urged, anxiously looking around. You closed your eyes, ignoring him. Ellie’s wails had subsided, but her grip on your waist hadn’t let up. 

“Let’s go,” you whispered to her, using the sleeves of Joel’s coat to wipe some of the blood off of her face. Joel was right. You all were heavily exposed at the moment. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

--

It was now night. The horse was gone, and Joel was barely able to keep upright for long. You had found a cave while trying to hunt down a rabbit. The three of you were going to rest there for the night. 

Ellie hadn’t left your side. Her hand was in yours as you made your way up the cold mountainside. Slowly, the three of you trudged upward. 

The rabbit you had caught for dinner was average. Joel was hurt, but still useful. He made a fire and helped Ellie get comfortable. She was in dire need for a good night of sleep. Hell, you all were in dire need for a good night of sleep. No words had been spoken between you and Joel since the small town. 

Ellie’s head rested in your lap. You sat against the wall of the cave and watched Ellie as she slowly took in breaths. Joel was fixated on the flames, making sure they were still roaring strong. 

“You should get some sleep,” Joel said, breaking the tension. You shrugged. “I-I can take first watch,” he offered. “No.” you said back bitterly. 

“Y/N,” Joel sighed, adjusting his tone to yours. “Are you going to be bitter the rest of this trip?” he asked bluntly. Your head snapped to look up at him. Joel raised an eyebrow. 

“I just need some time, Joel.” 

“Well, you kinda said it at the worst time possible.” he muttered, using the ground to stand up and fetch another log of wood for the fire. “Well,” you seethed. “I thought you were dead. When I saw you…I had to.” 

You sighed and closed your eyes as you heard him toss the wood on the fire. 

Joel’s shoulders slumped as he slid down back against the wall. “Yeah, I know.” he said heavily. “It’s just hard for me to hear things like that.”

You nodded. “I’m sorry. I should have been more… considerate.” you apologized, searching for the right word. Joel was right; wrong time and wrong place. Stretching your legs out towards the fire, Ellie stirred in her sleep. You and Joel stared at the girl, waiting for her to calm. Her grasp on your hand tightened, but she seemed to fall back into her hazy state.

“I failed her,” Joel said, a tinge of sadness backed up his tone. “Joel, no.” you sighed. “I-I should have been there. I should have been more careful and…”

His face scrunched as he placed his hand on his forehead, shielding his eyes. Was he… no. Was he?

Slowly, you moved Ellie off your lap. She let out a few grunts of protest, but you placed your backpack under her head. You scuffled next to Joel. He seemed to jump at your touch. “Joel,” you whispered, grabbing his hand in yours. Tears welled in his eyes. “I failed her Y/N.” 

The definition of her was falling on a fine line between Ellie and Sarah. 

“No you didn’t. You saved us, Joel. You saved her.” 

The two of you stared at Ellie. She was sound asleep. Ellie was now clean, you had helped her clean up in a freezing stream. It almost felt like a proud parent moment in some odd, fucked up way. The two of you staring at your miracle kid. She had survived and endured so much for her age. It was almost odd to see her resting so peacefully. The knowledge that the two of you got her there safely was enough to keep the hope flowing.

Your other hand fell over the one you had holding on to his, and your head rested on his shoulder. 

“I love that kid so fucking much,” Joel blurted out, his free hand moving to wipe a tear out of his face. “I know.” you said, feeling the emotions in you begin to rise. “I love her too,” you whispered, your eyebrows falling soft. Joel tried to keep it in, but a sudden gasp for air made it evident that he was crying. 

Sitting with him was the best thing you could do. Your hand rubbed over his knuckles that had healed from the events of leaving the Boston QZ. Slowly, testing your limits, your arm wrapped around his shoulders. He moved his head in to the nape of your neck and sighed. He was hiding behind you from his feelings and the world. You were his metaphorical escape. 

Joel’s mind wandered to all the previous moments the two of you had shared. Awkward, brief stares at each other in the Boston QZ periodically before you two actually knew each other. When you bandaged him up after a bullet graze. Your hands were so soft and you worked so carefully, making sure the process was as painless as you could make it. Or when you shared your last meal with him. You ripped the disgusting piece of jerky up and insisted he ate it. The two of you were sitting in what used to be a park and was watching Ellie play on the fragile equipment when it happened. One of the few moments she actually got to live like a kid. 

“Y/N?” Joel whispered in your ear. Turning to look at him, his eyes were red and puffy. “I do love you, you know.” 

A thin lipped smile rose to your face. You nodded. “I’m not very good at these kinds of things… I’m sorry.” he sighed.

You rejected his apology and rested your head back on his shoulder. “I know. Me too,” you managed to say, with a slight chuckle at the end. Your hand wrapping over his slowly turned in to his hand intertwining with yours. “We’ll get through this. Together.” you assured him. Joel nodded, leaning in to kiss you softly on the forehead. You felt a rush of happiness fill you at this small gesture. 

Joel was a hard man to crack, you had known that since the first day you met him. His stubbornness was relentless. This meant the world to you. 

Now as the two of you lay side by side, you felt him wrap his arms around you. Joel was so warm, it was comforting. He pulled you close, not caring what Ellie would think when she awoke. You both closed their eyes, praying this remote cave was safe enough to not stay up and watch for any danger. And it was. 

Joel was healing physically, but the shattered man inside began repairs as the night moved on. He knew he could do anything, feel anything, and try to be even an inkling of the man he used to be with you at his side.

tag list: @dani5216 @uwiuwi @alohastyles-x @mandoloriancookie @maddieinnit0 @alexxavicry @scoliobean @avengersfan25 @nyotamalfoy

#peterparkersnose #peterparkersnosework #pedro pascal #joel miller #the last of us #the last of us fanfiction #joel miller fan fiction #pedro pascal joel miller #joel miller angst #joel miller x female reader #joel miller smut #joel miller fluff #joel miller x reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller imagine #joel miller the last of us #joel miller one shot #joel miller headcanon #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller age gap #joel miller age gap fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal x female reader #joel miller pedro pascal fanfiction #joel miller pedro pascal #joel the last of us fanfiction #the last of us hbo #ellie williams #joel tlou #joel x reader

[theghoulboysblog]

My Top Ten Favorite Moments from Ghost Files in Dallas Texas starting at the funniest:

1. Shane and Ryan getting into a brief argument over the Sally House flashlights and Ryan saying, “We are NOT going to rehash a six year fight!” and then making a comment along the lines of, “We’re like a married couple!”

2. After someone clarified that Shane stole Goatman’s Bridge first, Ryan agreed and said that it indeed was *technically* Shane’s bridge and that Shane deserves all of the credit. In response to that, Shane said that after he claimed the bridge from Goatman, he added Ryan’s name to the deed, so therefore IT IS IN FACT Shane and Ryan’s Bridge that they have joint possession of :) And Shane wasn’t being teasing about it AT ALL. He wasn’t saying, “Ha, Goatman’s gonna get BOTH OF US NOW.” He was being painfully genuine in a “i want this to be a thing you and me share” kinda way. 😭

3. Shane saying that he will more than likely finish the Hotdoga someday and that he has the ending roughly planned out in his mind! :D He also explained that he stopped due to the work load, leading Ryan to say, “He made the Hotdoga to annoy me, but then he was like ‘Damn, this is a lot of work!’” 😭 (Also someone made a comment on the dead look in Ryan’s eyes at the mention of the Hotdoga and said, “It took me back!” and Ryan sadly responded, “Me too.” Haha!)

4. The Shaniacs teasing Ryan about the evidence he caught / the evidence that he found compelling enough to include in the live show. Some person yelled nonchalantly, “FAKE!” and Ryan teased them multiple times through the show. Another person put air quotes around the word “evidence” while talking to Ryan and Shane took his hat off for a second in respect, and another person brought a laser pointer to help Ryan point out the evidence cause it was so hard to see and Ryan was so flabbergasted 😭 BRO WAS GOING THROUGH IT!!! (It was all lighthearted respectful teasing and Ryan was a good sport about it all!)

5. A person, dressed HEAD TO TOE as the professor, politely tossed some jelly beans at Shane, Meredith, and Ryan. Shane then dropped some of said jelly beans and proceeded to eat them off the ground, claiming that since they landed on the white carpet under their feet and not the stage that they were fine. Ryan and Meredith were NOT pleased in the slightest. Ryan did however take a clean green jelly bean out of Shane’s palm and Shane let him happily and then politely offered one to Meredith (she said no haha.)

6. SHANE ALMOST FALLING WHEN HE GOT UP TO DO THE ESTES METHOD LMAOOO!

7. Shane and Ryan talking about the episode they discussed the possibility that the man who died playing piano pooped himself and then revealing that they had to cut for like five minutes because they cried laughing so long. Shane, while reminiscing about this moment, said, “Very sad but GOD DAMN was it funny!” 😭 He also revealed that there have been MANY times him and Ryan have laughed themselves to tears together and I thought that was kinda sweet.

8. Meredith and Ryan thought there was a ghost backstage, and then Shane and Ryan lied to Meredith and said the ghost started acting up again when she left, resulting in Meredith believing that the ghost was just racist.

9. A fan asking Shane a question about a certain clip and saying, “When that ghost called you daddy-” and Shane, COMPLETELY misunderstanding what they said, yelling confusedly, “WHEN THAT GHOST FUCKING DIED?!?!?!? 🤨🤨🤨”

10. And lastly, Ryan calling Steven their “Delicate Steven Lim” and teasing him for the last few minutes of the show haha 💛 The best part of it was when Ryan was talking about him and Shane taking Steven ghost hunting years ago and stating that Steven had said he found his calm. Ryan, remembering this moment, said, “He didn’t find calm, he TALKED TO GOD!!! FOR FIVE MINUTES!!!!!” 😭 and the exasperation in his tone was so damn funny.

Bonus. This person came up to ask a question holding an empty nacho box and Ryan was weirdly extremely fixated on it 😭 He was pretty much like, “Did that hold nachos??? Cool. It looked like a nachos kind of box. Cool, cool. You looked like you enjoyed them? The nachos?” I literally have NO CLUE what that was about but I think he might have been hungry for some nachos idk?!?! 😭😭😭

(Other honorable mentions are Ryan being upset the ghost called Shane daddy and not him, Shane yelling that he’s “GOT PUPPETS TO MAKE!”, Ryan getting a little anxious when people weren’t cheering for his evidence and being like, “NEVERMIND I DON’T THINK IT’S COMPELLING ANYMORE I SWEAR-“, Shane blasting “Mamma Mia” before the show, and Shane taking amazing care of a doll someone gifted him and putting it between him and Ryan!!!)

The show was AMAZING, the episode was SO great, (NO SPOILERS BUT YOU GUYS ARE IN FOR A TREAT!!!), the people there were so accepting, and the Ghoul Boys were so UNBELIEVABLY NICE TO EVERYONE. If you have the money and time for it, I honestly recommend buying a ticket to one of the shows because I had SUCH A GOOD TIME. (Also, LITERALLY DON’T BE SCARED TO ASK THEM A QUESTION OR GIVE THEM A GIFT CAUSE THEY WERE SO GRATEFUL, PATIENT, AND KIND, ESPECIALLY TO PEOPLE WHO WERE OBVIOUSLY ANXIOUS TO TALK TO THEM.) I honestly have NOTHING bad to say about my experience. It was a dandy time and I plan to go to another show in the future if they ever tour again.

#shane and ryan #ryan bergara #ghost files tour #ghost files #besties fr

[blogger360ncislarules]

The 100 knew how to do a redemption arc.

Throughout its seven-season run on The CW, post-apocalyptic sci-fi drama repeatedly doubled down on one of its many thought-provoking mantras: there are no good guys. The “good guys” often did terrible things in the name of survival, and the “bad guys” were rarely through-and-through evil (although they could be “cockroaches”).

Timed to the recent 10-year anniversary of the series premiere, we chatted with Richard Harmon, Lindsey Morgan, and Henry Ian Cusick about how they came to join the show, the extent to which Harmon and Cusick saw their characters as villains during the first season, and why they think The 100 has stuck around in the sci-fi genre.

Murphy wasn’t originally Murphy: he was “John #1,” and he wasn’t meant to live past the show’s second episode. Harmon recalled the process of first auditioning for the show: “I originally auditioned for the role of Bellamy, beautifully played by Bob Morley,” he said. “I remember auditioning for that and thinking, ‘There’s no way in hell I’m ever going to get this role.’ Lo and behold, I did not.” Weeks later, he got an audition for the roles of “John #1” and “John #2,” and after feeling confident that he’d booked it, he learned that he had. He was John #1.

Harmon said that despite his character’s predetermined Episode 2 death, he approached the first episode determined to do something different and have fun with the role. Thankfully, showrunner Jason Rothenberg was watching. “I guess he noticed that, liked what I was doing, and expanded the role in some rewrites during the shooting of the Pilot,” Harmon said, adding that half of what Murphy said in the aired Pilot wasn’t there in the original script. “When it got picked up to series, he emailed me personally—which was kind of a shocking thing as not a lead, to get an email from the creator of the show. He said, ‘I really liked what you did, how would you feel about not dying in the second episode? Could you stick around for the whole first season? Your last name will be Murphy, people will call you Murphy, and what do you think?’” And so went the story of how he booked “John #1”… and how “John #1” became John Murphy.

Katie Yu/The CW

First appearing in the show’s second episode rather than in the Pilot, Morgan wound up on The 100 through a whirlwind of correct timing and fate. She’d been waiting to hear whether she’d booked a role on Chicago P.D. when she auditioned for the part of Raven on Tuesday, chemistry-read with Thomas McDonnell [played Finn Collins] on Thursday, and was on a plane headed to Vancouver by Sunday. She later found out she wouldn’t have gotten the Chicago P.D. role. “It’s crazy to look back and imagine it happening any other way,” she said.

Similarly to Harmon’s “John #1,” Morgan’s Raven wasn’t meant to be a The 100 mainstay. Originally, Morgan said, Raven was meant to die after just five episodes—a shock, when one considers how integral the quick-thinking mechanic and tech genius became to the plot of the show. “I was on pins and needles, waiting to receive my death notice with each passing script,” Morgan said. After the Season 1 finale, Rothenberg made the offer to Morgan to stick around for Season 2. She’d been up for a role on a different show at that time. If she’d gotten it, Raven would’ve died from the gunshot wound dealt her by Murphy. Obviously, Raven survived. “The rest was history,” Morgan said. “As we all know, nothing can kill Raven Reyes.”

The CW

For his part, Cusick mentioned that it was a sense of longing for Lost that led him to The 100. “It was Pilot season, and I had just finished something, and I was reading a bunch of Pilots,” he remembered. “The 100 turned up, and I thought it was very similar in tone to Lost, which I was missing. I read that and I said to my agent, ‘That’s a cool Pilot.’ I ended up having a meeting with [showrunner] Jason Rothenberg, and we had a chat, and he offered it to me.”

While he did almost float Clarke’s mother, Dr. Abby Griffin (Paige Turco}, in the Pilot, Cusick disagrees with the label of Kane as a villain and passionately defends him. Even in the show’s early days, he says he just viewed Kane as “more of a d**k.” Cusick recounts several things his character was accused of doing but never actually did—such as attempting to kill Jaha (Isaiah Washington)—and maintains that rather than being villainous, Kane was simply a stickler for the rules. “Other people were talking about him and badmouthing him, but he was just a man who was trying to save the human race,” Cusick said. “He went about it in a rather authoritarian, draconian way. He was very strict. And then when he arrived on Earth, he went ‘Oh, humanity is still around.’ Then he could go back to being who he really was. That’s my opinion.”

Whether viewers considered him a villain or a d**k, Kane undoubtedly softened up. His kindness and diplomacy helped establish peace with the grounders as he formed a friendship with Indra (Adina Porter), he and Abby fell in love, and he gradually became a father figure to the delinquents—especially Bellamy Blake (Bob Morley). “I really took to Bob quite quickly,” Cusick remembered. “We would joke around a lot. I would call him my ‘idiot son’ and stuff like that,” he said with a laugh. “We kind of cultivated that relationship, I thought, that we were like father and son. We enjoyed each other’s company, so that was easy to play.”

The CW

Harmon, on the other hand, readily admitted he played Murphy as a villain in Season 1—so much so that he’d taken inspiration for Murphy and Bellamy’s relationship from Biblical literature. “I based [Murphy] loosely off of Lucifer, actually,” he said. “Bellamy was God, for this group, and I’m his right-hand favorite angel, but demon, really. Eventually I try to take too much power, just like Lucifer does in the Bible, and God smites me down. That’s when I get thrown out to the grounders in the wild and come back way later, with the sickness.”

When the show was picked up for a second season, Harmon and Rothenberg had another chat. “At the end of Season 1, Jason said, ‘Will you stick around for the long haul now going forward to Season 2?’” Harmon said. “And I was like, ‘Of course, I would love to, but how are you going to do that?’” Rothenberg, Harmon remembered, wanted him to get the audience on Murphy’s side. Harmon was up for the challenge, as long as he was given material to convince the audience that there was a good reason behind Murphy’s notable not-niceness. “Eventually, as the seasons progressed and the fans responded favorably to Murphy, all of my cuts were a good angle, and I was a little more tanned with dirt, and I was like, ‘I think they’re trying to, maybe, make me hot,” Harmon laughed. “I don’t think at that point in my career anyone had ever tried to make me attractive on-screen before. That was nice. That felt good.”

Raven Reyes was about as far from a villain as one could get, even though she, like every character, had to make incredibly difficult choices. Morgan has fond memories especially of Season 2, and portraying Raven’s journey with losing the use of her leg. “As an able-bodied actor, I felt a deep responsibility and honor towards playing a character with disabilities as accurately as I could,” she said. “I wanted to bring justice, nuance, complexity, and the best accuracy to her journey as I could, and hopefully share and showcase her truth, as well as the strength people with disabilities exhibit daily.”

Morgan, too, has fond memories of filming in the Vancouver wilderness. While filming with Cusick and the “adult” cast on the Ark put her inside in the warm studio (and closer to the snacks), she enjoyed being outside in the forest… and sneaking in an on-set nap when an opportunity presented itself. “I can, and will, nap anywhere,” she recalled. “Thomas [McDonnell] almost stepped on my head once, because I was napping on the floor of our cast tent. I blended into the ground.”

The CW

Aside from his bond with Bellamy Blake, Kane’s other major connection on The 100 was his romance with Dr. Abby Griffin. Surprisingly, Cusick hadn’t known the writers intended to take the characters in that direction. “I remember Paige [Turco] saying to me, ‘I think they’re trying to get us together,’ and I was thinking, ‘No, that’s never going to happen. We need to be combative. That’s where the drama is,’” he said. In the end, Kane and Abby had a heartwarming love that lasted several seasons. Cusick thinks that not being told from the start about the romance angle only improved his performance. “The actors had no clue that was going to happen, so we were just playing our motivations, and our roles, and what we thought was right,” he said. “There was no hint of any flirtation or anything like that between the characters, so that’s when it happened. Maybe the audience saw it, I don’t know, but it was certainly a surprise to me.”

Unfortunately, Kane and Abby didn’t have the happy ending that many might’ve hoped for. Cusick departed the show in its sixth season, and Turco’s character was killed off in the Season 6 finale. While The 100 fans know all about heartbreak, it might add an extra layer of sadness to know that originally, Kane and Abby had been intended to have a more hopeful story. “My relationship with Abby was good, and people wanted us to get together,” Cusick reflected. “I think that would’ve happened, had I not left. I know that Jason [Rothenberg] said he wanted that to happen—he wanted us to get married, which would’ve been interesting.”

Cusick also directed the eleventh episode of Season 4, “The Other Side,” and the tenth episode of Season 5, “The Warriors Will.” When he thinks back on those experiences, he does so with appreciation for the show’s crew including director of photography Michael Blundell, and gratitude to Jason Rothenberg, director Dean White, and the cast. “Just in general, I never really got a chance to say this: I wanted to say thank you,” he said. “When I meet everyone at cons, I’m thinking about how we all went through this together. We all have relationships that are unique, because we went through that show. I’m always amazed when we meet up at cons by how fun they all are, and how nice it is to see them again.”

The CW

On the subject of conventions, Harmon mentioned that he and Morley used to take it as a badge of honor when fans would tell them that they hated Murphy and Bellamy. Twitter death threats, too, Harmon learned to take in stride. “It got a little hectic at times, for sure,” he remembered. “If people wanted to hate you so much, I’m so grateful for that. That just means we did our job well.” Harmon also mentioned that he wished he’d gotten to keep Murphy’s jacket from Season 1. Unfortunately, he doesn’t know what happened to it. Morgan, on the other hand, has held onto a few of Raven’s iconic items—including her trademark red jacket and knee brace. “I joked that I was going to make a plaster cast out of my body and display them in my house,” she said. “I definitely didn’t do that, but I have them in a safe place.”

As for The 100’s staying power, Harmon, Morgan, and Cusick all pointed out its continued interrogation of what it means to be human, especially in heightened, life-or-death situations. While the show was airing, Harmon said he called it the “biggest show you’ve never heard of.” At this point, he no longer thinks that description is true—people have heard of it.

“It was cool to be on the biggest show you’ve never heard of, because people would be like, ‘What show?’ and then all of a sudden there’d be five people who’d go, ‘The 100? Yes!’” he remembered. “People who watched it fell in love with it. Or were livid with it. Either way.”

#the 100

[bohemian-nights]

The Daemyra beach sex scene is one of the worst sex scenes I've seen. It's so stiff and frigid and it looks like they're afraid of touching each other. There's no melting, no revealing in each other, no basking in the ambiance, no true passion in it. Let's not even talk about Rhaenyra's face at the end because if that's the face of a woman who had fulfilling sex with the man of her dreams then I don't wanna know what she looks like when she's having boring sex LOL.

And Daemyra stans had the nerve to claim that we have porn-rotted brains and need to get our heads out of the gutter and stop wanting gratuitous porn-like sex scenes. First of all: you can go online (Twitter and Tumblr specifically) and see how many of them constantly bitch and moan about how they were robbed of 20000000 Daemyra sex scenes 🤢, and how they hope next season they get more sex scenes and how they wanna see Daemyra have angry sex and sex on the painted table. They're the ones who want them to have a sex scene equivalent to the sex scenes from 365 days. They're the ones who sexualize Daemon choking Rhaenyra calling it a kink, but we're the ones whose brains have been rotted from porn. Second of all: all we asked for (which we didn't) was a decent sex scene. A sex scene that they claimed was "passionate, sensual, and loving" when it wasn't. That sex scene was purely transactional and Rhaenyra trying to secure the political bag. You know who had a passionate, sensual, love scene Stefan and Elena from TVD. That scene is everything the Daemyra idiots think the beach scene was when it wasn't. Lastly: Daemyra stans were the main ones bitching and moaning about how bad the sex scene when the episode aired I remember 🤣🤣. They were the main ones saying that they had no chemistry and that it was flat, but when everybody else (team Green, team neutral, casual viewers alike) started to say the same thing these idiots backtracked and started claiming that it was the greatest love scene in the world. Overcompensation at its best. Bullshit at its worst.

Aside from Rhaenyra's face at the end of that sex scene, it was so pitiful and sad to watch her chase after him at the funeral, to throw away her dignity and self respect and follow after like a lost puppy dog after everything he's done to her. Then she goes on to tell him her whole 10 yr life story when he doesn't do the same in return, and spills her secrets to him (poorly hidden secrets that everyone knows about) when again he doesn't return the favor. It's like this man nearly got you disinherited, left you alone in a brothel, abandoned you to get trampled on at the wedding and you just welcome him back with open arms!! Grooming 101 at it's finest! This is what Ryan Condal meant when he said that Daemon's grooming of Rhaenyra is not only abuse, but that it traumatized her and shaped her into the person that she is

Yep, they were the first ones crying about the show doing Dumbnyra and that dry a** “love scene” wrong(just like with chokegate).

Then they realized that by saying that it was dry they couldn't say that the show portrayed Dumbnyra as an epic romance so they started backpedaling and saying that the scene showed how much “mature chemistry” they had together and that there was some ten-minute cut of the scene that HBO is going to release… at some point…..

Not to mention they lied about how there was some scene of them doing it on a table that got cut(which I see they've now moved onto saying it will be in season 2 🤣).

Or how they are hoping Alys uses some potion to make herself appear like Rhaenyra and then proceed to rape Daemon so that they can get a sex scene in season two(the fact that they try to accuse others of being demented sex-crazed perverts is straight-up hilarious when they peddle this cow dung).

It is really funny to see the mental gymnastics these people will do to claim that show!Dumbnyra is the ship to end all ships and that beach sex was the culmination of their love while at the same time claiming that this show isn’t canon(the same way they try to say that Rhaenyra died a dragonriders death when that doesn’t even exist in the book. That's 100% Sara Hess’s sh*tty writing to make Rhaenyra’s death look less pathetic). Which they by and large didn’t claim until the finale then they finally realized this wasn’t the Dumbnyra show.

This show has made it clear from at least episode four(it’s actually been clear since the premiere but they don’t consider a underage girl having her uncle make passes at her to be grooming) that Dumbnyra wasn’t an epic romance, but they ignored this because incest is hot or whatever.

It’s actually cause they were the only two youngish white people in a relationship, but I’m not getting into that today since they always start crying when you point that out too. Dumbnyra wouldn’t be this popular if they had more competition. I’m really hoping they get overtaken by at least the Alysmond fandom because they truly are an insufferable bunch of delusional weirdos.

This 👆🏽was a preclude to beach sex(where Rhaenyra looked like she wasn’t having the time of her life) and to this👇🏽

No one was duped. These people know what a good or even okay sex scene is (there are so many shows and movies that have decent sex scenes, HOTD should be ashamed of themselves). They know how an actual romantic relationship would be portrayed. Hell, they know that Dumbnyra in the books(see their stealing and re-wording of the text) isn’t an epic romance.

It’s a relationship built on grooming/lust for political power/ to be closer to brother dearest that culminates with Rhaenyra’s abandonment(which the show is setting up since Daemon keeps abandoning her every chance he gets).

Her being used by Daemon is the reason why I have 0.001 of an ounce of sympathy for her🎻(She’s still incredibly sh*try character and her going on a racist tangent about Nettles is 100% on her).

The only reason why these continue to lie and act oblivious(and hope no one calls them out on their bullcrap) is because they don’t want to admit they were wrong(that or they really are delusional).

#lol Dumbnyra is worse than 5O shades of grey #it’s utterly atrocious #they can’t even touch 365 d@ys #anti daemyra

[cbrownjc]

i think you're right people came blind for the romance and i was maybe too harsh. i've been sideyeing people's reaction to this show and themes since half the fandom called daniel a voyeur pedophile for... demanding proof that claudia's diary actually said what louis was claiming. like this fandom is sensitive AS HELL and if/when louis chooses dick over claudia/it turns out episode five went way different i'm kind of scared how people will react

Hey Anon,

It's okay, I don't think you were harsh or intended to be.

The Daniel situation is interesting. I get people who sided with Louis and the idea that he was protecting Claudia when that episode first aired. Even I did, in theory. (Having to care for my mother, who had Parkinson's, for 10 years made me completely unobjective about Daniel slapping Louis when Louis manipulated Daniel's Parkinson's, however. I personally would have punched Louis for that one, even if it would have gotten me killed.)

But in my head, I also knew what Claudia's diaries, even being around, and a thing in the show, actually meant. Because I knew their significance in the book Merrick and what Claudia had written in her (one) diary that was found - and that was her hatred for both Lestat and Louis.

And so, I couldn't shake the feeling that Claudia's diary was being edited not just because Louis was trying to protect what had happened to her.

And as we see by EP7, Daniel was right to question the pages that were taken out. Because even though Louis took the pages of the SA out to protect Claudia, we see that even more pages than just those have been taken out of her diaries.

One section, in particular, where Daniel can clearly tell Claudia hated Louis' guts. Which matches up with her diary in Merrick.

Investigative Journalists aren't there to be friendly and sometimes can lack tact. And they aren't there to reinforce a story you want to tell yourself. I really don't know what to think of people who thought Daniel was being a voyeur pedophile for asking for the missing pages, because wow for missing the point. Daniel was asking because he could sense something was off when it came to the story Louis was telling and Claudia's diaries - which were being used to reinforce Louis' story - were not being presented unedited to do that, and he was right.

If you look closely at this image, you can even see pages have been taken out of where Claudia recorded Lestat's last words:

Armand is likely the one who's been editing the diaries when the edges are clean-cut like that. But the main point is that Claudia's diaries are being edited. Claudia's story, which she told for herself, is being changed to suit whatever story Louis has been needing to tell himself about everything that happened.

Daniel is being told an account of the events to suit what Louis needs to believe and removed of the things he can't face up to. Particularly when it comes to his own choices and actions.

Spoilers Below For The Second Half of the Book IWTV and Possibly Season 2:

I know much of the non-book fandom will flip out when Louis goes off with the man/vampire who orchestrated Claudia's death. Not gonna lie, when I read that in the book years ago - after having seen the 1994 movie when it first came out, which changed that bit - I was side-eyeing Louis hard for that one.

But Louis isn't supposed to be some heroic figure. He's tragic, with some maddening faults.

This whole story is a tragedy. IWTV ends tragically, not happily. And I just don't know if the part of the fandom that doesn't know the story will be able to deal with that fact.

These vampires are monsters. They love deeply and passionately and crave love like they crave blood, but they are monsters, each in their own way. And they are all going to do some awful shit, in season 2 and any others seasons we might get. Because that is the nature of their story over the course of the chronicles.

We'll see how those new to the fandom deal with that. But not all of it will be well, I can already tell.

#Interview with the Vampire #Daniel Molloy #Daniel Malloy #Claudia #louis de pointe du lac #Merrick #book spoilers #Armand #ask #ask and answer #amc iwtv #iwtv #iwtv season 2

[betweenujb]

too many 'ifs'

nayeon x ftm!jeongyeon

warnings: angst, needles, crying

"Okay, Mr. Yoo. Your levels look good. Remember to come back in two months to get your levels checked again." The doctor smiled and shook Jeongyeon's hand before he got up.

Jeongyeon got into his car, resting his head against the steering wheel. He took a deep breath, trying to not let his thoughts get the best of him, but it was hard. Being on testosterone for almost 6 months and still having difficulty seeing any changes was hard.

He took a deep breath and sat up, starting the car. He plugged his phone in and turned some music on, turning the volume all the way up to try and drown out his thoughts.

The music kept Jeongyeon's mind occupied for the 10 minutes it took to drive from his endocrinologist's office to his apartment, but once he turned the car off, that nagging sound of his thoughts quickly came back.

Jeongyeon let out a long sigh, got out of the car, and shut the door behind him. He punched in the code of his apartment and set the keys down in the dish by the door before taking his shoes off.

His whole body felt heavy. Wasn't he supposed to feel good after these appointments? It wasn't like his doctor had told him his levels were out of whack or anything.

Shaking his head, Jeongyeon slipped on his house shoes and shuffled to the kitchen. He grabbed a glass of water and sat down on the couch, turning the TV on. He flipped through the shows on Netflix before settling on one, not really caring what it was as long as it would take his mind off things.

+

Jeongyeon had been watching— more like staring at— the TV for about an hour before he heard the keypad on the front door. He laid his head back against the couch, putting a smile on as he saw Nayeon walk in.

Nayeon set her keys down in the dish, took her shoes off, and hung her jacket and purse up before she slipped her house shoes on. She smiled when she saw Jeongyeon on the couch and picked up her pace just a hair to sit beside him.

"I missed you," Nayeon said, kissing the side of Jeongyeon's head.

Jeongyeon chuckled and shook his head, kissing her forehead. "Bunny, we saw each other a few hours ago."

Nayeon pouted and sat back, resting her head on her boyfriend's shoulder. "Maybe, but still missed you, dork."

Jeongyeon wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her to his side. "I missed you too, beautiful."

With this, Nayeon tucked her face into his neck, a small blush forming on her cheeks. "Why do you always have to be so nice to me?"

Jeongyeon just shrugged and turned to kiss the crown of Nayeon's head. He turned his attention back to the TV to finish the episode of the show he wasn't really watching and held his girlfriend's hand.

+

"Baby, remember to do your shot." Nayeon called out from the kitchen and sat the last plate on the drying rack. From his spot at the dining table, Jeongyeon let out a groan and nodded.

"I'll be right back." Jeongyeon pushed his chair back and made his way into the bathroom. He pulled out the two needles he needed, a band-aid, alcohol wipes, and his bottle of testosterone.

Setting out all the things he needed to do his shot, Jeongyeon sat on the lid of the toilet. He easily went through the motions to get his shot ready. He wiped the spot on his leg off and uncapped the lid to his shot. Jeongyeon tapped on the barrel to get the air bubbles out, sighing as he held his thigh.

Only a few millimeters away from his thigh, Jeongyeon stopped. He started to feel just how sweaty his hands had gotten. How bright the lights were in the room. How sharp the needle was at the end of his shot.

Jeongyeon shuffled his feet a bit and took a deep breath, lifting the shot back up a few centimeters before dropping his hand back down again. He clenched his eyes shut, bracing for the impact of the needle. When he didn't feel anything sharp in his leg, he opened his eyes and looked down.

Fuck.

Whenever Jeongyeon first started doing his shots, it would take him at least an hour to actually get the needle into his leg. After the second month of doing his shot, he was able to do it in 30 minutes or less. The fear of missing a shot day or not being enough of a 'man' usually took over any fear he had of pushing the needle in.

Sometimes still, though, that mental block came back. Sometimes he felt that cold sweat on his forehead, the lump in his throat, and the shake in his hands that just wouldn't let him do it.

Fuck.

Jeongyeon looked up at the clock in the bathroom, noticing that he'd already been sitting on the lid of the toilet for at least 20 minutes. If he didn't get this testosterone in his body in the next 10 minutes or so, Nayeon was going to start to look for him. And that's the last thing he wanted.

He tried again, taking another deep breath. He shook the tension out of his shoulders and lifted the shot up again. He could do this. There was nothing to it.

Just one quick little jab, the testosterone goes in, and he was one week closer to being able to see himself like he always dreamt.

Fuck.

Jeongyeon looked down again, his hand shaking even more as the tip of the needle hovered just above his thigh. Capping the needle, Jeongyeon set it down on the bathroom counter. He looked up at the clock and put his head in his hands.

It had been over 40 minutes since he first got in the bathroom, and he just couldn't do it. If he wasn't such a baby, he'd be able to jab himself. If he was more of a man, he would be able to jab himself. If...

'If'. That was a word that had been clouding Jeongyeon's thoughts the entire day. There were so many 'ifs' that 'if' they were true, then his life would be so much easier.

He wouldn't have to worry about having to give himself a shot once a week. He wouldn't have to worry about missing a shot. He wouldn't have to worry about absolutely hating the face he saw staring back at him in the mirror every morning.

There were only so many 'ifs' that Jeongyeon could handle before they all started to pile up on him. He felt like his chest was caving in because of his binder, the room was too hot, and the 'ifs' were piling up faster than he could try and not think of them.

Soon, Jeongyeon started crying. His soft whimpers quickly turned into full on sobs as he hunched over, his elbows resting on his thighs as his whole body shook.

+

Nayeon stretched her arms up, checking the time on her phone. She turned around, eyes locked on the bathroom door. Jeongyeon had gone in a little over an hour ago and he still wasn't back yet.

Usually, Nayeon didn't like to bother him when he was doing his shot. Unless there was an absolute emergency, she hadn't been in the bathroom with him while he did his shot since the first two times he did it.

Nayeon let out a worried sigh and turned back around. She stared at the TV with her arms crossed, her leg nervously bouncing up and down.

After another 10 minutes, Nayeon couldn't take it anymore. She got up and walked to the bathroom, knocking on the door. The worst thing he could do was just tell her to go away. At least she'd know he was alive in there.

Nayeon knocked again after not getting a response and pressed her ear against the door. She wasn't sure, but she thought she heard muffled crying. Despite wanting to respect her boyfriend's privacy, the need to know that Jeongyeon was okay won out.

Nayeon slowly cracked the door open, swinging it wide open the second she was sure she heard Jeongyeon crying.

"Oh, Jeong." Nayeon knelt beside her boyfriend and gently placed her hand on his back, rubbing it up and down.

"I just- why can't I do it?" Jeongyeon barely managed to choke anything out as he looked up at Nayeon, tears clouding his vision.

Nayeon leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close to her. "I know it's hard, baby. But you're doing such a good job."

Jeongyeon shook his head against Nayeon's chest and sniffled, his body shaking against hers. "I'm so tired. I just want to be able to do this and like who I see in the mirror."

Nayeon's heart shattered hearing the way her boyfriend spoke about himself. She knew it was hard for him to see someone he wanted to see, and she desperately wished that he could see the Jeongyeon she loved.

She gently lifted Jeongyeon's head up and cupped his face, wiping his tears with her thumbs. "Look at me, baby."

Jeongyeon took a deep breath and opened his eyes that were red and swollen from how much he had cried.

"I love you. I love everything about you, and I know that you don't see the person you want in the mirror yet, but I see you. I see my handsome boyfriend. I see the strong, amazing man I want to be with for the rest of my life." Nayeon pulled his head down a bit and kissed his forehead.

"But no matter how long I'm on this stuff and no matter how long I'm with you, I can't be a real man. I can't give you kids, or-"

"Jeongyeon." Nayeon tightened her grip a little, gently kissing him to cut off his negative rambling. "I don't care about any of that. I don't care that you can't get me pregnant. All I want is you and you are a man. You're a good man. You're kind, and sweet, and you're so good to me. That's all I could ever ask for."

Jeongyeon closed his eyes for a second and nodded. Nayeon's words started to clear up the 'ifs' in his brain, his thoughts much easier to deal with now. He took a few more deep breaths and rested his forehead against Nayeon's.

"Do you want help doing your shot or do you want me to leave you alone?" Nayeon pulled away, running her fingers through his hair.

"Could you just sit here with me? Maybe talk about your day a little bit?"

Nayeon gave him a small nod and kissed his cheek. She moved to sit on the edge of the bathtub and started to talk about her trip to the bank earlier.

+

Jeongyeon managed to do his shot in only 5 minutes while Nayeon sat and talked to him. His head felt clearer, and he didn't feel as anxious or out of breath anymore.

He knew that the good feeling he had now wouldn't stay forever, but he was more than happy to just bask in the few quiet moments he had.

Lying in bed, his binder off, and tucked under Nayeon's arm, Jeongyeon was able to take a good breath in and out. He let his eyes close and sleep wash over him, looking forward to the thought that he'd soon hopefully see the man he wanted to see in the mirror.

(ftm!jeongyeon has a special place in my heart 💚)

#twice #twice fanfic #twice fic #ftm yoo jeongyeon #ftm!jeongyeon #jeongyeon #nayeon #kpop fanfic #kpop fic #girl group fanfic #nayeon x jeongyeon #im nayeon #yoo jeongyeon #ftm twice fanfic

[starseneyes]

Romitri - Rose / Dimitri - Vampire Academy - Season 1 - Ep 7

Let’s have some fun talking about Rose, Dimitri, Romitri, and this show that has all of us rapt with attention—Vampire Academy.

If you’re new and want to catch up:

Episodes 1-5 Meta

Episode 6 Meta

SPOILER ALERT: This is a Meta. I will talk about the entire season even though we are focusing on episode 7. So if you haven’t watched (and don’t want to be spoiled), run far, far away from this. Remember, I haven’t read the books, so please feel free to educate me on book stuff in the comments!

Yes, I *thought* I was going to batch out 7-10, but this got so long that I decided to go ahead and post.

Ready? Let’s go!

Beyond the Wards

“Cheater!”

Rose and Dimitri are playing a fun game. When I first watched the scene, the music and the fear in Rose’s eyes didn’t mesh for me, and I was completely confused. Then, I realized it was a game (er... training exercise) and it all fell into place.

I love Dimitri’s “Oh, really” response. No words. Just those raised eyebrows as he folds his arms. He’s toying with her, and he’s loving every second of it.

“There’s no way you beat me here, and set up an ambush unless you scouted ahead of time.” “Recon is just basic perimeter control.”

Look at you calling back to Episode 1 and your first real conversation with some MAD flirting. Go ahead, Dimitri!

“We said we were going in blind.” “Suddenly Rose Hathaway is a believer in rules.”

I love this conversation. For all of his hiding away and maintaining control at all costs, he’s turning so many of his own things into flirtations in this conversation. They’ve flirted about rules one other time—in the church during the Benchmarks. It was hot, then, too.

“Or maybe you've been scouting out secret places to get me into.”

Or to get into you. I’m sorry, folks, but it was right there (yeah, it was). *ahem* Where was I...

Dimitri can’t deflect because that’s exactly what he’s been doing. And strangely enough, in the light of day they are far safer than in the blackest night due to Vampire timetables. You can SEE his tongue dancing behind his teeth as he looks at her, glad she caught up to his plan. They start the seduction dance, eyes meeting, lips parting, but Dimitri decides to skip ahead. There’s a smirk on his lips when he makes the move.

He wraps his arms around Rose, lifting her up. But this time, instead of lifting her into the air to dance, or into his arms to spin, he lifts her onto the banister in one smooth motion. A laugh escapes her, elation bubbling within. They both exhale as they take one another in, like the long exhale after so much heartache and hurt that signals the shedding of the past to embrace the arrival of the good.

This moment is too good to be true, too much a dream to be believed.

Poor darling doesn’t yet realize how much.

But in the moment, she is breathing in every second of Dimitri’s undivided attention. There’s a smile on his face—slight, but real. More than that, there’s an absolute peace and contentment in that moment between placing her down and devouring her. It’s brief, but it’s just as charged as their last kiss while simultaneously more intimate even though they’re in the wild.

He leans in for two, tongue-filled, savory kisses. Her hands wind around his neck, into his hair. This feels so right.

A new charge works through him, as though those first two kisses were only the appetizer for a more enticing entree that must be devoured without delay.

His hand reaches for her face, anxious to feel her, to bring her closer to him, to embrace every second of the experience. Her hand slips into his hair, gripping it as their lips collide. Because, this isn’t a sweet peck—this is the wild attraction of two people who’ve met their soulmate—the one person who can bring them to life in ways they never anticipated.

Think about it. Damphir life isn’t about love. Yes, we’ve seen Damphirs sleeping together. We know that Morois sleep with Damphirs to create more Damphirs. But love isn’t really a big thing in Damphir life.

Heck, it’s not a big thing in Moroi life, either. Remember, Lissa said that most Royal marriages aren’t about love... that there are few exceptions.

So, both Rose and Dimitri have likely accepted a life with sex but without love. That was before they met each other.

He kisses her with renewed passion that surges out from within him like a plasma charge. Her neck calls to him, too far away and he moves his lips to it. Her mouth parts, wider than usual, consumed with thoughts of where else she’d like him to put that mouth.

In this moment, neither one of them is thinking about Strigoi, Moroi, or their duty as Damphir Guardians. Instead, they’re reveling in the experience of adoring one another in the safety of the sun.

Until Lissa calls Rose’s name.

Rose’s eyes fly open, but Dimitri’s reaction is only a fraction behind hers. It’s sobering, that’s for sure. He’s dashing out of sight, but Rose feels the need to give him an extra push. Neither one of them is up for getting caught at the moment. Little tip, Rose? Don’t look back over at the man you’re trying to conceal!

And Rose just sits up there all prim and pretty like she somehow got herself up there... for no reason.

And Lissa doesn’t even think to question it.

Rose chokes out an “uh-huh” because she’s still completely out of breath from Dimitri’s exploration of her neck. As she hops down from the ledge to join Lissa, Dimitri exhales. That was f*cking close.

“Speaking of which, Lissa, you told me I would have my own Guardian.” “I know I’m late.” “Well, hello, little Damphir.”

Ah, yes, the beginning of the Jealous Dimitri era.

When Rose comes in, she takes a second to appreciate Dimitri in his trademark duster. It’s been a bit since she’s seen him in it. Her eyes barely even note Adrian Ivashkov. But Adrian is definitely noting Rose. He drinks her in and makes his mark.

But Rose merely raises her eyebrows in surprise while Dimitri’s face literally oozes, For fuck’s sake.

“I’m driving.” “I am in your hands.”

The minute Rose asserts she’s driving, she’s got Dimitri’s attention. He’s driven her in Caroni, and not once did she ask to drive or demonstrate that she could. Then, of course, Adrian has to shoot his shot with Rose, again. Dimitri reacts a little less to this one, but he’s still frustrated beyond frustrated.

Rose steps down a little further, settling on the step above Dimitri, putting them at a very comfortable height difference. In episode 6, it was Dimitri standing behind her with one foot on the step, allowing him to lean down. This time, she’s standing too close right behind him.

“Have you ever driven a car before?”

Rose doesn’t say anything, but she doesn’t need to. Dimitri reaches to take the keys from her, and she doesn’t immediately let go. A low hum emanates from his throat as he looks back at her, and the look screams, honey... give me the keys. It’s so domestic I could scream with glee.

“Guess I’m in your hands.”

His eyes cut back to her, and it’s so clear she’s twisting Adrian’s words purposefully. Not only to pass on the keys, the flirt, but also to make her point—at this point Adrian doesn’t have a chance.

I understand from book fans that Rose and Adrian become a thing. But in this moment, she doesn’t remotely see Adrian as an option. And she’s trying to let Dimitri know it.

Rose skips away from him, and since I haven’t read the books, I don’t know if that’s a part of the character, or a subtle callback to the Vampire Academy movie (or neither... it could be neither). But Dimitri watches her go. He takes a moment to wish he wasn’t caught up in this ridiculous breach of protocol, then sighs and decides to get it over with.

“Make a night to regret...”

The first line of this song makes me crack up. It’s perfect. I love the music choices in this show (and the beautiful theme they created for Rose & Dimitri), and this is another that is totally on point.

“Now, Rose, just so you know when I start making inappropriate cameos in your dreams, just know that’s not Spirit Magic, alright? That’s just your intense attraction to me.”

Dimitri shakes his head, wishing he could stake this guy... just a little. Rose looks over to Dimitri, keeping her focus on him.

“So, have you ever healed anyone?” “Heal... you can heal?”

Dimitri looks over to Rose on this one. He’s been listening to the two of them talk about some weird things, but this one is the weirdest, by far.

We don’t know it, yet, but Dimitri leans hard into his religion and his code. He needs the structure, and he needs the parameters. We’ll get into that later. But what he’s listening to is unlike anything he’s ever heard before. He glances over to Rose again.

“So, maybe I should explain.”

The way she cocks her head to the side and her voice shifts up at the end reminds me a lot of “Can we be done with wind sprints?” It’s lacking the smile, but it has the same attitude.

And poor Dimitri’s frustration with the situation only grows when he realizes they’re off to see a Heretic. Not only is this whole little mission woefully unprepared for the perils of Strigoi attack, and lacking all the line-of-sight security he’d prefer (not to mention they’re off-grid because of Adrian’s power to get them into the Human World)... but now they get to go talk to someone who has basically been excommunicated. As Rose would say, goody.

Then, Rose spots the Human World out her window, and she and Lissa stare out the windows in wonder. Remember, Lissa and Rose’s whole plan when Lissa graduates is to go see the world... to travel in the Human World and get out of the Dominion to have a completely different life. Lissa wants to look at art, and Rose wants to protect her best friend while accompanying her on adventures.

Rose places her hand on the window, the dream seemingly more within reach than ever. She’s never seen the Human World, and she longs to touch it, to really experience it. A chuckle bursts out of her, the pure elation casting a joyful glow on her features. Rose Hathaway is in her element, even as Dimitri is being pulled further and further from his.

“Do we look human now?”

Lissa is the first to pop out of the shop wearing her new outfit, so Dimitri is already fully turned when Rose pops out alongside Lissa. And the giggling these girls are doing reminds me so much of the first episode when they were dancing together in merriment. Lissa and Rose are relaxed, and their outfits reflect it. Rose’s hair, usually tied back while on the job is styled and framing her face.

And she’s BEAMING.

Let me tell you, when someone is happy, everything in them shifts. And people around them can feel the joy emanating from them. Dimitri takes Rose in, the way her smile lights up her features, the way her hair frames her face, the way her clothes fit her body.

This time it’s Dimitri whose mouth drops open. Wow.

Rose catches the attention, and she revels in it. She loves the way he looks at her—a look reserved just for her. And she knows it.

Lissa looks from Dimitri, back to Rose, then over to Adrian. You seeing this, too? Adrian takes a quick look, and that’s all he can stand. He breaks the moment expeditiously.

“Who wants to go clubbing?”

He’s such a smug little sh*t.

The club is hopping and Rose and Lissa are reveling in it. Rose even gets a dance in with a girl on the dance floor before Adrian pulls Rose to him, hoping for a dance himself.

That breaks Dimitri’s focus on his desperate attempts to establish perimeter control. He strides over in full protective boyfriend mode.

Adrian looks at him, mock-quizzical. What? Am I doing something you don’t like?

Dimitri holds Adrian’s gaze the whole walk. You know exactly what you’re doing, you little shit.

Come on, we were all thinking that’s what’s going through his mind.

And Dimitri shoves a Royal Moroi. Like, this is a big deal if it was anyone else. He shoves Adrian, and pulls Rose away. Yes, he does want her to focus on the task at hand, but he also did not like someone else dancing with his girl.

Her face when he pulls her away is, oooh, my boyfriend didn’t like that! And as much as I love that, you can feel just how frustrated Dimitri is about every little thing.

“Focus, Rose. This is a protective nightmare.” “I got it, Mr. Perimeter Control.” “Really? How many entry and exit points? Yeah, I don’t know, either. You’ve got 360 degree exposure on our two charges, with only two of us to cover.”

Look, you might think of Dimitri as a buzzkill, but he’s right. This is a sh*t show in terms of protective detail. 

“I’m aware, but we’re good.” “We could be walking through a Strigoi buffet line.” “I’ll know if there are Strigoi.”

And there you have it... Yes, Rose is absolutely charmed by the human world. But she also has a good handle on her unexpected super power. She knows that if things really go to sh*t, she’ll be the first to know.

Dimitri still doesn’t like it, but he stops lecturing her. It is a good point.

“Muscle stays out here, Ivashkov. You know that.”

Of course, he did. But he wasn’t about to tell “uptight, righteous” Dimitri about that one. Adrian looks right to Dimitri, who is glaring like he wants to murder Adrian slowly with a stake. Dimitri’s arms are crossed, and he’s furious. But, there’s nothing to help it.

“Hey, uh, Rose, try not to get too bored without me, alright?”

And the way he points right at Dimitri, and Dimitri knows exactly what Adrian is trying at. Rose lets that roll off of her, but she really does want to have some fun.

“Want to do a shot? Joking... ish.”

I love that look he gives her. Like, Are you seriously asking me that?

And it’s not that Dimitri doesn’t like a drink... but he’s on the job. And that’s not the time for screwing around.

“This isn’t our world.” “No, this is fun.”

I love how she’s trying to dance with him, but he’s just standing there, like an immovable rock. She offers him a pouty face, obviously referring to him. But, he’s not wired for this. Yes, he could do the choreographed dance with the other Damphir within the rules of their world and rules of the dance. Everything there was scripted and practiced.

Freestyle dancing at a human bar while their Charges share drinks behind a wall they cannot answer is not Dimitri’s speed.

“You’re so awkward.” “I’m doing my job.” “Or maybe you don’t know what to do with yourself when you’re actually kind of free. No Moroi. No Damphirs. None of your rules. Just the music. And us.”

Yes, I left off the end of what she said. Honestly, it’s because it feels like a network note to me where they said, “What if the audience doesn’t realize she wants him to dance with her?”

It’s a club. She’s been dancing in front of him for a good while, now. I think we can understand she wants him to dance with her and not peg her right there on the dance floor in front of a bunch of humans.

But, she’s hit the nail on the head. Dimitri does well with rules. In an unstructured setting, even a dance is a lot to ask of him.

But Rose is going to try.

Though he rolls his eyes, as soon as she gets her hands on him, his thought process starts to short circuit. She places her hands on his chest, but it’s not like the first time they danced, where it was her job to set them there before a lift. No, this time her hands are trailing up and down his chest as she dances close to him.

He tries to keep his head up, to look around him and be aware of his surroundings. But he finds himself looking down at her wandering fingers. He licks his lips as he looks at hers. Yeah, he’s screwed.

His hands find their way to her waist, and oh, it feels so good to have them there. It’s too much, his hand lowers to below her waist, to her upper thigh, within reach of her *ss.

And Dimitri gives in. He presses his face into hers, his body into hers, and he starts to sway. Rose lights up, smiling widely in victory, a soundless laugh escaping.

He tries to look up, to convince himself that he’s still in control of this situation. But Rose draws him back to her, winding her hands down his chest, then across his arms until their hands meet.

Their fingers intertwine, and the rest of the world melts away. Dimitri’s eyes are solely on her... on the woman who broke through every rule and defense he’d constructed to wind her way into his heart.

She’s drawing him out, here. Out of his shell. Out of his structure. Out of his rule book.

And instead of finding all the things he feared, he finds Rose. He finds this moment. And like their first kiss, he’s finally done fighting. This is their moment on the dance floor, despite being surrounded by a room of strangers living their own moments.

This is ultimate freedom. Nobody knows them or cares that they are together. Before, they were sneaking around in the bright of day, the safest time to avoid detection. Here, nobody cares what they do. They don’t have to hide. They can embrace the moment without any worry.

That, my friends, is true freedom.

Dimitri spins her, and it’s so cute. She laughs as he does, because he can’t help sneaking in a little bit of structure to their dance. It’s an older dance move, one that fills high society films set in the Victorian era. But, it’s perfect. It’s the perfect melding of Dimitri and Rose.

When he pulls her back to him, they both break into wide grins. It’s the most earnest smile we’ve ever seen from Dimitri. He’s reveling in this moment with her, living in a way he never thought possible.

And while I posit it might have been a break from Kieron Moore more than it was originally Dimitri, the fact that they included it in the final cut of the episode makes it cannon.

Dimitri Belikov has never been so happy as he is with Rose Hathaway. And, she has never been so happy as she is with him.

They continue to dance as Adrian and Lissa emerge from the back room. Adrian looks confused and frustrated at the sight. He really expected to walk out and see Rose perturbed by Dimitri, and Dimitri frustrated with Rose, immovable and stoic. He didn’t expect to see them grinding on the dance floor. And Lissa finally understands the looks passed between the Damphir when Rose unveiled her new outfit. Wow.

But the party is cut short by Rose doubling over in pain as she breathes, “Fuck”. Dimitri catches her hand as she goes down.

“Which is it?”

Rose looks to Dimitri, and she’s ready to deflect, because she doesn’t know what the hell this is, truly. It’s her nature to not talk about what’s going on. But Dimitri’s observant, and he’s been waiting for the right time to ask about this. Now is the time, when they have two charges to protect.

“It is Strigoi or Lissa? I’ve seen this enough times, Rose. At home. At Caroni. You feel things coming. Which is it?” “Strigoi.”

She initially tried to deflect, but she’s in it, now. So, she tells him the truth. Now, we can say that she obviously would have tried to deflect had he not been able to catalogue his observance of this occurrence (though I’m racking my brain for him seeing it back home). She tells him the truth.

This is a big secret... that she’s tied to Lissa... that she can feel Strigoi coming. But, she’s let him in. And as much as she draws him out, he also draws her out.

They’re very like-minded while attacking life from opposite ends of philosophy. They are both so stubborn, and they both lock others out in their own ways. But the closer they get to one another, the more they let one another in, and the more they seal their fates as destined to love one another.

Yes, I know there are bumps and obstacles to come. It’s only episode 7 of this show, and we’re hoping for at least one more season. But... this episode binds them together more than anything else that has transpired. It’s not all stolen kisses and mutual pining. There’s also an honesty that they bring out in one another that is essential to a thriving relationship. They don’t lie to one another... even when it hurts.

But, right now, they are completely focused on getting their Charges out of there.

“What the hell was that back there? Not the Strigoi.”

At first, Rose plays it off, just like she tried to when Dimitri asked her if it was Strigoi or Lissa. Rose’s default is to deflect.

But her best friend is just as observant as her boyfriend at this point, and with a quick look from Dimitri’s chair back to Rose, Rose knows she’s caught. Rose still tries to play it off. But Lissa’s ahead of the game, this time.

“Took you long enough. I like it.”

Rose’s surprise is quickly replaced by a grin. Her best friend approves of her man. But... she’s not going to let the spotlight stay on her. She quickly shifts back to the task at hand... which puts them on a boat ride.

The Boat Scene.

This is my favorite Romitri scene thus far. Yes, I love their stolen kisses. Yes, I love their charged moments. Yes, I love their mutual pining. Yes, I love their dances.

But this is another point of no return for these two. This scene is everything neither of them ever thought they would have... honesty... transparency... trust... It’s a relationship built on layers and layers of those three things.

And the more they open up to one another, the more they blend beginnings and ends.

When this story started, Dimitri and Rose were at polar opposites of a power struggle. Now, they’re literally working on a covert mission together, following enough of Dimitri’s rules to protect their Charges, while following enough of Rose’s verve for life to actually enjoy themselves. They’re both more blended with bits of one another than they realize or would like to admit.

Rose hesitates at the door to the second level of the boat. She’s watching him... watching the water.

Have you ever been in love? My husband and I have been together 19 years, and one of my favorite things is to watch him when he doesn’t know it. I love to see his face light up in surprise and glee. I love to see him awash with contentment. I love to watch him when he sleeps.

You’d think that would go away after all these years, but it never has. And it started when we were first falling in love.

Dimitri’s hands rest on the railing. Already, he’s not in a defensive position. His arms aren’t crossed. His hands aren’t in his pockets. He’s in an open position, his body language indicating where he is at this moment.

In a strange way, Rose’s supernatural abilities are affording him the opportunity to relax. He knows the Strigoi aren’t on the boat. He knows that Lissa is safe. He can keep watch from up here while still embracing the crisp breeze of the air and the sound of the water lapping against the boat as it motors through.

Rose watches Dimitri a moment before crossing onto the second floor. 

He hears her before she reaches him, and his features are more relaxed than I can remember. He offers her a small smile before she can speak. He’s looking upon the woman who has captured his heart, and for the first time in a long time... he has a sense of peace.

Side Note: I grew up in a verbally and emotionally abusive home. I know I have a temper, and I have to work on it constantly because I refuse to let my children grow up the way I did. But that fear is always there. And, trust me, when you live a life ruled by fear... it’s hard to find peace.

But right now, on this boat in the Human World, Dimitri Belikov has found a pocket of peace.

“They’re down there, brainstorming questions for their heretic.”

Dimitri smiles, again. Earlier, he was incensed at the word. It slides off him easily, now.

“It’s the nerdiest I’ve ever seen her.”

Dimitri looks over at her, the smile still on his lips, but he notes her shiver. Ordinarily in the movies, the man takes off his coat so he can freeze while the woman tries to warm up. My husband and I have a different take on it... Matthew takes my hand, and places it in his own pocket with his hand to warm me up. It’s far more effective.

Looks like Dimitri thinks like Matthew, because rather than offering to remove his coat, he offers to let Rose in. He opens the left side of it, and she scooches in, adhering to his side, soaking in his warmth. He rubs her back through the coat, such a small, but meaningful gesture. It’s intimate. It’s comfortable. It’s domestic.

It’s such a far cry from their Guardian life.

“Do you ever think about another life? Being more than just a pawn they can rip from your home or throw Strigoi at for fun? A life outside the Dominion? While we were dancing, you wanted that freedom, too.”

This whole conversation, I hear poor Mason in my head, “You never ask!” And I honestly feel that’s because Rose doesn’t love Mason, and never can love him the way she will love Dimitri. I don’t think Rose meant it personally, but she’s never considered having a real relationship because that was never her focus. Her focus has always been Lissa. And while she cares about Mason, she never loved him.

Dimitri is a complete surprise... something she never saw coming. Her path was always so set and clear. Even after he appeared and got in her way to Lissa, she believed she would best him to get what she wanted.

This wasn’t a part of the plan. But this moment, right here, shows how deep she is. She wants to know his thoughts. She wants to see where his head is. She wants to know if they’re on the same page, because being on the same page would put them facing the same direction, and her path is suddenly shifting in her mind, whether she realizes it or not.

Dimitri considers her words as a new shiver runs through her. They shift so she can stand in front of him, now fully enveloped in his jacket.

He’s pulling her in as she’s drawing him out.

And Dimitri tells a story you know he’s never told before. He tells the story of the Royal who fathered him, the time he beat the beater, and the fear from his sisters and mother... and his own.

Rose soaks in his story, heart aching for him and everything he endured. She looks to him as he finishes.

“I remember the fear... not just his. But also the fear in the eyes of my mother, my sisters, and the fear I felt of that thing in me.”

He smiles on this, not the smile of joy, but that same smile of pain he smiled when he told Rose about his best friend, Alexei. It’s the smile of sadness that breaks through so sobs don’t consume you.

Side Note: Kieron’s just doing so marvelous with this. This scene is so gut-wrenching, and Sisi supports him so effortlessly. Truly, these two performers have incredible chemistry, but can also stand on their own, which is marvelous. It’s such a joy to watch. Anyway...

“It’s why I need the code of the Guardian life to keep that thing in check.”

He points to his heart... as though it’s his heart that is poisoned, as though this darkness is always dwelling there, lurking, waiting for an opportunity to emerge.

It’s so similar to the Spirit Darkness in Rose that it aches to watch these two speak on this and not realize how similar they are... how much they’re both up against. Because Dimitri found out that day when he was 13 that he was capable of much violence... just like his Father.

That is what terrifies him, so. That he could lose control and take out his anger on someone innocent. No, his Father wasn’t innocent and absolutely deserved what he got for what he did to scare him off. But, Dimitri has to live with that moment for the rest of his life—to remember how the people he loved most looked upon him with fear that he was just like his Father.

He sees it when he closes his eyes. He sees it when he’s scared, himself. He sees it when he steps outside the lines even the slightest bit. Because staying inside the rigidity of the code is all he knows to keep whatever darkness lurks within him at bay.

And it’s such a difficult way of living because he’s not really facing it, and not really dealing with it. He’s bottling it up. But that’s the Damphir way, right? 1 in 3 will fall in the line of duty. “Old age” isn’t really an option. Adhering to the rigidity of the code is the only way through.

But Rose challenges all that.

Maybe there is another way.

“Freedom. Freedom scares me to death, Rose. Or it did until...” “Until now?”

And there they are again... her drawing him out... and then him pulling her in.

Rose and Dimitri kiss... their most important kiss, yet. Why? Because this kiss isn’t fueled by passion. It’s not driven by lust. It’s not the culmination of wanting and yearning.

This kiss is love. It’s comfort. It’s understanding. It’s home.

Rose finally got her answer... they are on the same page. He’s looking at life differently, just as she is. The paths they’d assumed before and challenged by what they have now, by what they share.

When they kiss one another, it’s slow, purposeful, personal. It’s controlled, yet powerful. The perfect blend of Rose and Dimitri.

And their song plays... the song that played when he carried her home from the bar... the one that played during their scene outside the bar when she asked him to train her and first coaxed several smiles out of him... the song that played when he was in the Novice barracks confessing to being distracted by her. It’s that same song, but more intimate... and starts with a different instrument playing the notes of their theme.

It starts an octave lower, and with such resonance that it pulls us into the moment with them, its depth and intimacy.

Dimitri pulls her back into his coat, and he briefly nuzzles his chin near her neck before settling with it against her head. She smiles as he gets settled, relaxing against him, settling into his arms, his coat wrapped tight around her. They look out at the horizon together, and for the first time there are a plethora of possibilities awaiting them.

At least, that’s what they think.

Look, I’m here for happy, content, loving Romitri as much as the rest of you! But, we all know there has to be some angst before they can ride off into the sunset. But, for this brief moment, our ship is really sailing.

Yes, I just did that. Yes, I know it’s Dad-joke level. You should hear the jokes of the man I live with, and then you’d know where it comes from!

“Okay. I think I need to know what’s happening here.” “What do you want to know?” “All of it.”

The floodgates of honesty have been opened. After everything Dimitri just shared with her, Rose has made a decision to be completely honest with him.

This. Is. Huge.

We already established in the first batch of Metas I put out (Episodes 1-5) that Rose deflects from the truth. She tells Lissa she’s fine. She deflects with Mason. But with Dimitri she tells more of the truth than she does anyone else.

But there’s still been things she’s lied about... All of this, specifically. When Dimitri asked why she fought like a Strigoi, she didn’t tell him something was up with him. She hasn’t told him about Lissa’s ability to heal, about her trips with Christian to get information from Libraries and places where she shouldn’t be. She hasn’t let him in on all of that.

But in this moment, he’s willing to hear whatever she has to say, and she’s willing to tell him whatever he need to know.

And he’s asking for it.

It would be easier for him to stay blind, to not ask questions, to not get involved. Just from listening in the car, some part of him must understand that whatever is happening here could unravel his very beliefs. They are going to see a heretic, after all. But he wants to know. He’s asking for it. This is so huge for him. So huge for them both.

“They actually believe all of this? A Fifth Element?”

Okay, I’ll be honest, folks, I burst out laughing at this. It’s not a funny line, but I’m a mother and a child of the 80′s/90′s. So, I grew up on the film “Fifth Element” and I have children who are obsessed with “Frozen 2″ which is all about a Fifth Element. So, I had to go back and forth between Lissa being set between four stones to deflect a meteor and Lissa freezing a wall of water to save her town in my head. It was quite comical.

“Secret magic that Vladimir and the entire Dominion has kept secret for centuries?” “Or they just edited it out of the whole story after they burned a bunch of people alive. That’s what they do, lie and kill. So why not?” “Because... it goes against the whole holy Elemental Order. The four-part harmony of the world.”

Dimitri is spiraling. Remember, he affixes strongly to code and to religion. Now, I don’t want to turn this into a debate about religion. But, for Dimitri his blind faith is what helps him get through the day. He doesn’t question what he’s told in church, and he doesn’t question what he’s told by his superiors (until Rose).

“I shouldn’t have let this happen.”

He’s so frustrated, thinking that somehow it’s his fault, that he is responsible for this corruption of two Royal Moroi. No, honey. You need to get rid of some of that self-loathing that leads you to think too much that the world is your responsibility and that you are solely responsible for it. It’s unhealthy.

But, there’s no time to see what happens next, because Rose’s Fuck Alarm is going off. Strigoi.

Their Charges and the Heretic secure, Rose and Dimitri square off with the entry point. They move in synchronicity, achieved through countless hours of training and working together. But watch the head turn to check on their Charges... That was instinct. They both have that strong drive to protect their Charges above all else.

Then, they spot one another. They nod to each other, just like when they faced off against Strigoi Mikhail. Much as this sucks, they are ready to do this together.

But they aren’t ready for what happens next.

Dimitri and Rose fight together, both holding their own, as expected. Rose actually stakes her second Strigoi in the battle.

Two Strigoi burst in the front door as a third breaks through the bathroom window. Lissa cries out for Rose as she and Adrian cower.

Rose and Dimitri look to one another, considering, worrying, wondering. It’s only a second. It’s so brief. And when he nods for her to go, she takes off in a flash.

But that was one second too long... and they both already know it.

Rose tries to get her dagger into the Strigoi, but she remembers this kid. This was the kid from outside, the one she briefly played soccer/football with. The Heretic uses her fire power (with the aid of a lighter) to scorch the Strigoi.

Rose looks back to Dimitri, and they connect eyes. They’re safe.

But the Heretic’s words singe them.

“Never hesitate.”

Dimitri looks down in shame, his jawbones working overtime as he absorbs everything that just happened.

It doesn’t help that he was already raw from everything Rose shared, that he was already frustrated and concerned for stepping outside the lines of the order to which he so desperately clings.

“I saw him. He followed us here from the club.” “They had a human smorgasbord in there. What would we matter to them?”

Something in our dear Rose and/or Lissa is drawing them out, I fear. After all, the Strigoi was paying special attention to Rose at the Club, right?

I have to imagine the ride back to the Dominion was awkward for Dimitri and Rose... but she knows where his head is. She knows him well enough to understand that, by now.

Rose and Dimitri break up.

And that’s part of what is so heartbreaking about this scene... about their breakup... about their end. Because, they both see it coming. They both know what’s happening. It’s not a surprise to either of them. But it doesn’t hurt any less.

He’s working out in the open, but he’s also in shade. The glorious sun that bathed both of them before is still there, but he’s not in it. He’s using a bench to work out and stretch.

When she approaches, the focus is on his Molnija marks on the back of his neck... his order... his duty.

He sees her coming, but he can’t even look up to face her. She knows why. She can feel it.

“It was just a moment. We hesitated for one tiny moment.”

He finally looks up to her. She is pleading with him on that last word, begging him to not do what she thinks he’s going to do. She wants to hold onto the fairy tale a little longer.

But Dimitri has bottled himself up, already. He’s pulled away. He’s clinging harder than ever to the rules that make his life make sense.

“There’s no room for divided loyalties in this world, Rose.”

Her mouth closes. His decision has been made. She can see it. And there’s no way for her to get him to change his mind. There’s no way to draw him out this time. There’s nothing she can say or do. He’s as stubborn as she is when he wants to be.

“There can never be a question of you or them, me or your charge.”

He’s admitting right there that it was both of them. Remember, Dimitri thinks it’s important to own up to your mistakes. His problem is that he goes too far in the opposite direction to try to shield himself. And right now, that’s placing a high and hard-to-scale wall between himself and Rose.

“There can be no hesitation.” “Of course not!”

He lowers his eyes. He looks away. He doesn’t need to say anymore. He can feel it.

Oh, how these two know one another so well without knowing their own hearts whatsoever... at least not enough to listen to them.

“It’s a fucking dream.”

There it is. Love is a dream. Happiness is a dream. Having the luxury of choosing to save the person you love is a dream. Because they can never put each other or themselves first. That’s not the structure of the world within which they live.

And much as Rose bucks against the system, she is aware that she has to live within the system so long as it is in place. Lissa makes it worth that... but for a brief moment she dreamt she really could have more. That her mother was wrong. That Dimitri betting on her was absolutely right in more way than one.

But that moment has passed... and they both know it.

Dimitri can’t look at her. He looks down, but Rose lowers herself closer so they’re at eye level. She places her hands on the bench between his, aching for the time when she was within his arms and duster on the boat... for that brief span of time when the impossible seemed possible.

“But you felt it, right? What we could be?”

Rose needs to know, again, that they were on the same page. On the boat, she swore they were. She believed they were. And even if she’s going to lose it, she needs to know that it was real. That she is capable of loving and being loved. She needs to know it’s possible.

Dimitri finally meets her eyes, tears in his as he breathes out.

“Every second of it.”

And that smile, the same burdened, heartbroken smile slips through his lips. It’s his default when he thinks of loss... Loss of his best friend. Loss of his family’s trust. Loss of his love.

“But never again.”

He can’t stand to be near her. It hurts too much, and to see her in pain is too much for him to bear. He wants nothing more than to wipe away her tears, to pull her into his arms, to comfort her and love her. But, he saw what happened when he stepped outside of the lines. In his mind, he committed one of the ultimate sins. Damphirs are always told, “They come first” when it comes to the Moroi. He has adhered to this code since childhood, and he violated it.

In his mind, he deserves punishment. He deserves to be separated from Rose. And much as he knows it hurts her, too, he at least knows she understands why. That’s why he let up when she burst out with, “Of course not”. He knows that she understands why he is doing this.

Even if doing this won’t solve a d*mn thing.

As Dimitri runs away, their song starts, again. But this time... it’s a lone violin. One sad, lonely violin playing the song that once echoed through their hearts with explosive energy. Now, it plays like a death march to the shriveling of Rose’s heart as she fights to hold back tears.

Those of us who watched the episode know it ends with Lissa tearing out her heart, as well. Both Lissa and Dimitri think they’re doing the right thing by Rose, but Rose and Dimitri at least have common ground. They’re both Damphir. They know that Moroi come first.

With Lissa and Rose, it’s a completely different dynamic, and this is her best friend. So, I expect the breakdown over Lissa and not Dimitri. This relationship is her ride or die, her make or break, her one person. Rose had always accepted that her life would be dedicated to protecting Lissa, and she was okay with that because she knew Lissa loved her as much as a Moroi can love a Damphir... as family.

Next episode? Violence, heartbreak, and agony, I predict. We shall see.

As always, thanks for reading! And stay tuned, Vampire Academy fans!

#Romitri #Vampire Academy #Vampire Academy Peacock #Sisi Stringer #Kieron Moore #Dimitri Belikov #Rose x Dimitri #Dimitri x Rose #Meta #Rose Hathaway

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Have I admitted on this blog yet that I was deeply obsessed with Survivor for about a decade and a half? It's the only reality show I've ever watched (or had the desire to watch), but I really watched it. I got so into it, I used to read all the Survivor blogs before social media existed. It started airing when I was nine years old and I watched the first season with my parents, I think I initially got into it because I spent all my time trying to understand the complex unspoken battle that was the social system at school, one I knew just enough about to know I was the worst one in my whole school at it and that's why I was the only one with no friends, and I enjoyed watching adults play out a similar concept in a way that had slightly more clearly defined rules, and crucially did not have consequences for my personal life, so I could try to study that as some outside example in my quest to understand how people worked. Also my grandmother, who was a psychologist for thirty years, was really into Survivor so we started calling each other after every episode to talk for two hours, and we became very close as a result of that, we'd get into all the psychological reasons why things happened on Survivor and then we'd just start talking about psychology in general and that is a huge part of why I went on to get a psych degree at university, and like I said I had no friends before high school so being close friends with my grandmother was a big deal. I ended up continuing to follow Survivor even after my grandmother died when I was 16, I kept it up until my mid-twenties, around season 30. Haven't followed it in several years now, though the other day I saw my mom watching and was pleased to see they've reached season 46. Good for them. I hope they get to 50.

Anyway, I remember Parvati. I definitely remember Parvati. Her first season was in 2006, the last season that aired before my grandmother died, when she was sick but still watching. It was also the first season that aired after I started to really properly work out I was (mostly) gay, after a long succession of female contestants that I cheered for between the ages of 10-16 because I just really really liked them for reasons I couldn't quite articulate at the time. Parvati was one of the first few that I could recognize at the time I liked because she was an attractive person walking around in bathing suits, though I did not say so to my grandmother. I never came out to her before she died, but she did give me a Melissa Etheridge CD for my fifteenth birthday, after several years of listening to me always pick one or two very attractive women from each Survivor season to really really like for unexplained reasons, so I'm pretty sure she knew.

All right, is that enough to justify this? I have now tied this into my lack of friends/fear of social situations as a child, my close bond with my late grandmother, my chosen field of study and related career path, and figuring out my stigmatized sexual orientation. All of which is entirely true and Survivor really did play a part in those things, but also, I have specifically chosen to tell those parts of the story in the hopes that tying it to enough subjects with emotional depth will help justify admitting to having spent many years being really really into a reality television show. And am now reporting on reality TV-based celebrity relationship gossip.

All right, I think I've done enough of that. Parvati Shallow was a contestant on several seasons of reality TV (she first played when I was 16, then came back for several more seasons across a bunch of years), I watched those seasons when I was a teenager and in my twenties, she was really hot, Mae Martin is also hot, those two even being in a room together feels like an insane crossover episode of my extremely different interests that I have trouble believing technically exist in the same universe, but damn, good for them. Good for both of them. I hope they're having a good time. Parvati was definitely not (openly) queer when she was on Survivor, but I'm not sure heterosexuality can survive the lure of Mae Martin. Sorry for engaging in both objectification and reality TV-based celebrity relationship gossip, I'll go back to being respectable tomorrow.

[nevwornxiety]

I am rewatching all episodes of Call It Love and I am not satisfied with the latest episodes

But here I am with my analyzation on Joon and Haesung's body language. Especially on Joon.

So HERE WE GO!!

Jun's Body Language in front of Haesung

His body focuses on Haesung

Most of the time when he interacts with Haesung, his body language seems focused on her (compared the ones with Woojo where he can be busy eating, drinking or talking to the client at pharmacy etc). He does not really make much eye contact to Woojo, he only makes eye contact when he is postioned to sit in front of her. Even if he sits next to her, he will focus on eating or drinking. But with Haesung, he makes sure to focus his eyes on her. He looks at her even if she talks random things

He is vulnerable around Haesung

His friendship with Woojo is more of like brother/sister friendship where they are more comfortable in cursing and talk too casual as a friend. So whenever they want to show their vulnerability, they will be disgusted and just try to keep it cool even though they are dying inside. I noticed when they are fighting, one of them tend to be embarassed because they are too cool to show feelings. But in the two episodes, Joon is comfortable to say anything he wants to Haesung

He is more expressive with Haesung

Joon is someone who always control his feeling and emotion. He is always cautious. But as much as he tries to keep cool, he is still more expressive with Haesung. And you might need to watch drama few times to see a bits of his reaction.

Jun has a habit of pursing his lip, sighed a deep breath and puckered his lips when he saw Haesung:

- when haesung got mad and asked him to close his lips

- when haesung was kissing someone in front of the house

- when he took on a dirt on Haesung's eyes (He chuckled, shook his head and pursed his lips)

- when he feels he fucked up by saying anything

- when he is shy seeing her in the underwear

- when he joins her having lunch with her work friend

- when he sighs when Haesung talks random things

- when Haesung comforts after his family lunch

I still see the writer wants Joon is the flavoured bait for viewers to keep watching the drama. That's why if some people say Sung Joon cannot act naturally (for the most part of the scenes), it is because he has to mantain Joon's character as a stoic person.

He focuses on her lips, and then her eyes

I also rewatch the drama (eps 5) just to see their scenes. And i noticed the scene where all leads were in the restaurant + along with the youngest brother. And i saw Jun's expression unconsciously looks at Haesung' lips first and then her eyes.

He shows a real genuine smile with her

Most of the time with Woojo, he only gives a thin smile and smirk. But when he compliments Haesung on her yellow dress and then he teased her. He was sporting a bright smile towards her. That is why Haesung said " stop acting cute"

He wants to impress her to his parents

When Haesung is disappointed by his parent's reaction - he said about being hungry and asks her for a dinner. He feels embarassed towards what his parents did to her. I think at some point, he might have wanted to give a good impression to his parents? Because at first, he does not care and tells her to act normal. But when she gets there, he tells her to focus on eating. For someone who says that they do not care about someone, he really thinks about his parent's view. You know when a guy wants to introduce you to parents, he will unconciously worried if you are nervous.

He sincerelly wants her to be happy

On Ep 10, he says that he wants to cheer her up especially its his speciality. No matter what he thinks of Haesung, he would not want something bad happen to Haesung. At first I thought he took care of Haesung (esp karaoke scene) because he feels responsible to Woojo since she is Woojo's sister. But when I watch eps 10 and his conversation with his mother, when he admits that Haesung is a part of his air - it shows that he wants Haesung to be happy. It goes to show that Joon will take care of Haesung whether she is/isn't Woojo's sister

He acts nervous around her by saying his unfiltered thoughts

He usually holds back from saying anything to Woojo, especially about her revenge plans. He only tells her to be careful and let Woojo what she wants . He only steps in when he thinks it gets wrong.

He is usually laid back & chill around Jigu. He keeps a secret about Jigu's part - time work. It shows that he's neutral and does not want to choose sides among the siblings

But when it comes to Haesung?

He always tries to explain his thoughts, nitpicking the type of man she dated, calling her lousy at judging men, talking about incompatibility instead of generation gap( He said it true though) And after he said that? He apologized to her like a puppy

He is curious to the guy she currently dates

Remember the scene of park date between Haesung and Suho. When Jun steps in saying that he likes stripes and Haesung agrees? Jun stays there sitting with them. He genuinely interested and wants to tease her. Then he looks at Suho and smiles even though the tone of his voice is strong and bold when he says " Young Boy fighting" . I think he would have stayed sitting there longer if Haesung did not give him signs to leave.

He cannot explain his relation to Haesung

When asked about his relation to Haesung, he gives confusing answer " Haesung and I know each other enough and we respect each other's privacy".

Why is it difficult to say that I am her sister's friend? An acquitance? Meanwhile, Haesung has no problem saying that he's her sister's friend to Suho or "just a kid that I know" to her colleague. I think that when she said the latter, Jun gives her a look but she does not realize it. He only replies saying that they have special relationship when she said " it means there is nothing between us"

And when asked Special? He looks at her without blinking and ends up saying landlord -_-

It shows that he wants Haesung to see him as a man.

Jun can only explains his relation to Haesung as a friend/ sister's friend when he is alone with Haesung

He replies to most of her random talking

When Woojo or Jigu ignores her. He replies to Haesung's random thoughts even if some people find it weird.

He wants to be seen as a Man

You know Jun reminds me of the Shawn Mendes's song: Treat You Better. When Jun says "I have been your friend for over ten years. Do you know realize I was the one who took care of you apart from your sister"

"No matter how close we are, we should at least wash our faces before seeing each other"

He wants Haesung to make an effort whenever she meets him. Dont act too casual. Because it feels like he does not have much importance for her as a man. She does not take him seriously.

He is hurt when she is hurt

I think even if he does not admit his feeling, Joon hurts the most when Haesung feel hurt. With Woojo, he is ready to risk it all and be like " bro fight me" to Dongjin when Woojo has not arrived home. But with Haesung, he's more controlled yet he is pained with what he sees. I think that Haesung never hugs him or probably might have hugged him before but it would have been the rarest moment in his entire life. So when she hugs him, he does not know what to do. To hug or not to hug? Because his first reaction is shocked- calm his breath- controlled and repeat. He hugs her back only when she said he is humiliated. When she cries harder, something bugs him. And this is going to be the turning point of their relationship.

Side note:

My first assumption is that Jun would realise his feeling first and Haesung will not have any attraction towards him. It turns out the opposite. Haesung indeed is attracted to him and the boy is still in denial because He's his bestfriend's sister. His reaction is like How the hell do you like me? I am thinking that he is shocked that Haesung confesses her feeling for him only now after 10 years of friendship, so it caught him off guard. And if he decided to like her back, he's worried that they will break up faster and she will only treat him as his ex boyfriends

I would not be suprised if they will probably take it slow. I was expecting more stories like continue this fake dating trope or Jun admits publicly that he "dates" Haesung just to rub Suho off and show up to his parents.

But maybe they want to focus on the mature side of relationship.

Haesung tries being comfortable alone and does not jump on relationships

Joon works on his feeling and commitment. And be open with someone

Who knows? We might getting smile and walk together kind of ending for Joon & Haesung

#romance #call it love #kim young kwang #lee sung kyung #sung joon #kdrama #kdrama 2023 #kim yewon #korean drama #koreanshipper #i am not satisfied with the two episodes #i dont like Joon's reaction #how the hell does he react like that to Haesung? #BUT HERE I AM PINNING FOR HAESUNG'S CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT LEARNING HOW TO BE ALONE #call it love kdrama

[thegeminisage]

tng update time!! i'm behind, oops, four episodes this time. saturday we did "the vengeance factor" and "the defector" and last night we did "the hunted" and "the high ground"

SIDE BAR one of those first two eps has flashing lights and i forgot which one. if you know PLEEEASE tell me so i can put it on my warnings section in my spreadsheet :(

the vengeance factor: surprisingly good! i keep being surprised when tng is good fr but we are in it now ig

i like how chill riker and deanna are when one of them has a passing interest in someone else. they're not totally exes because she'll still hold his hand and call him beloved when he's dying, but neither are they together, especially in a monogamous way. i'm telling you they're polyam fr put worf in that sandwich!!!

once again i thought i knew where something was going and once again i was wrong. i was so sure riker would tell this blonde assassin chick that he was so tall and so gentle and didn't she want to come to the side of peace for him? but she was like actually no <3 and made him kill her fr. he was so fucked up about it. second clode encounter of the space babes for riker where he has potentially accumulated trauma points. we will see if this trend develops further or if he remains down to clown

the defector: i kind of loved this one. unfortunately i think those giant square shoulders on the romulan uniforms fuck.

the shakespeare at the start of this one was wack but i'm happy i identified patrick stewart as one of the extras. by his voice, naturally

tng seems to be in the era of actually letting bad anf cuked up things happen. i felt so awful for this romulan dude by the end and THEN to find out it was a trick made it even worse.

and what REALLY fucks me up about this one, aside from the obvious, is that obviously the letter is never going to get delivered to romulus. we all know that, right? according to star trek (2009) which takes place in 2258, spock prime tells us that in 2387 ("129 years from now...") romulus bites it. tng s3 takes place in 2366. in 21 short years romulus is toast and there's no way things get peaceful enough before then that they get to deliver this letter. this dude was like i did it all so my daughter would grow up AND SHE'S NOT GROWING UP, HOMIE. she's getting VAPORIZED with nero's wife!!!

the hunted: there was a brainwashed supersoldier with ptsd in this episode and i don't want to talk about it

no i'm just kidding we can talk about it. soldier aside, it was a good political episode re: america's general lack of concern for veterans once they come home. hilariously awful that nothing has changed since 1990 or whenever this aired.

one of my favorite parts of this episode was near the beginning when picard was SHOCKED, almost comically so, that this soldier guy had eluded THEEE enterprise. catherine said it was because the enterprise is a bucket of bolts (and i heap curses upon her for this disrespect) but i said it was because they kleft it to worf, wesley, and data. and as much as i deeply adore all 3 characters there was not one adult in that situation. love and light.

the fight scenes in this were VERY exciting. i loved watching them all run around trying to outsmart each other. a fun adventure a fine set of ethics and a little brainwashed guy. 10/10

the high ground: i'll be honest, after one heavy political episode and the previous two before that having been "if two guys were on the moon and one of them killed the other with a rock would that be fucked up or what" kind of episodes i was NOT in the mood for another Political Statement, especially when they um. fell just a LEETLE bit short of the mark. i wanted something light to space out the heaviness a little

HOWEVER...beverly crusher.

my GIRRRLLLL i did NOT know she had it in her!!!!!!

she popped the fuck off in this episode!!! she was GREAT! did you guys know gates mcfadden could ACT? i genuinely did not know! but she can and she did! choking back tears when wesley was threatened! cold fury at her captors! you could genuinely believe mister terrorist could fall in love with a woman like that

so much of the time beverly has been A Woman or A Mother that she lacked any other sort of personality. and when she did have a personality it seemed that the people writing her were always trying to make her enough like bones that we like her but not so much like him that she feels like a bad knock-off (like pulaski) and then they never hit the mark

but THIS EPISODE...she did it. i really wasn't thinking about bones at all, except for the beginning when she refused to leave the wounded even in the interest of her own safety. she was incredible. i was shocked. where has this woman been for the past two and a half seasons?!

that said, the uh. statement in this episode seemed a little vague. "terrorism bad"? sure yeah but what else? are we saying "don't sympathize with terrorist because they're assholes" or are we saying "people only resort to terrorism when other avenues have been closed off to them"? why is the terrorist so handsome? why is riker cooperating with the cops? i like that they were like "you can't just come in here and deliver medical supplies to ONE SIDE and claim to be neutral" bc so true re: real life world superpowers but like then what? at the end when the kid out down his gun but that fucking cop lady killed the handsome terrorist should riker not have gone "you see those people as savages but today you were the only one killing people"?

like this episode seemed to have a lot of questions and ideas to put forth and then answered/resolved absolutely zero of them. i'd give it a pass if not for beverly. again, she was fucking incredible

anyway, tonight we do "deja q" (DREAD.........) and "a matter of perspective."

#personal #star trek blogging #tng lb #i'm finally a beverly enjoyer.......... #this means there's no one left on the main cast that i dislike. HUGE feat #i never thought i'd get here #might be time to do another character ranking soon

[fireflyhwufanficwriter]

My thoughts on Dr. Stone’s S03E01 (“New World Map”)

(Safe to read for anime-only folks.)

My thoughts after watching Season Three, Episode One:

01. The first two lines we ever hear in this season, THIS season, is Senku saying, "This scenery takes me back. I'm absolutely bawling" while he and the others are flying to Ishigami Village. Which I'm SURE is a direct reference to when he stood over Byakuya's grave, said "this takes me back," and cried the very first tear we've ever seen Senku shed... at his father's, Ishigami Byakuya's, grave :') Very, very well-done already, and it's only been two lines so far! :O

02. Chrome is NOT willing to let Ryusui have his village, haha! XD

03. I know Senku was looking to the side probably because he rope helped him navigate the balloon downwards, and stuff... but Chrome tossed the rope to Kohaku, so he should be looking somewhere in her direction, and I'm gonna choose to believe he was looking right at her! :D

04. The production quality in this first scene is top-notch! And of course we're getting a short clips show :) It's pretty cool to see what Ryusui was doing right before he was petrified! :O

05. The kids and adults are so excited to see Senku! :) He even has a hand on a little girl's head, and he's smiling; aww! :D And another little girl asked him to play, AND he said agreed! That is so sweet! :) I HAVE to remember this for my fanfic! :D

06. Apparently, "Come. We'll show you around Ishigami Village," is Kohaku code for, "Come, I'm going to give you a walking tour of why Senku's so awesome" XD

07. He has a globe in his laboratory... that's a nice detail! Something else I can use in my fanfic! :)

08. Ryusui teleported from the laboratory to the shed of science XD

09. What's Ginro holding in his right hand? Is it a tool for smoothing the wood? :O

10. A ship building team and an oil searching team, both working towards the goal of sailing and finding out the truth behind the petrification! :)

11. I must say, I'm not feeling the opening song of Dr. Stone: New World. It's too fast for me, and it doesn't help that I don't know the English translation of the lyrics yet, so it doesn't have any personal meaning for me, although of course I like seeing my favorite characters, and certain new characters that will be introduced later on in the season :) ...Well, except that big hat guy. I know his name, but I don't like him... -_-

12. The second-to-the-last shot of the OP is really nice. At the end of the previous seasons' three OPs, Senku was always, always alone. But in this season's OP, he's with so many people - Suika, Kohaku, Ukyo, Kinro, Ginro, Gen, Nikki, Ryusui, Francois, Kaseki, Yuzuriha, Chrome, Yo, and Taiju. He really, truly isn't alone anymore - he has friends by his side :)

13. Ah, the title of the first episode of Season Three... New World Map! :) And the title is on paper now! :D

14. It is so cool that they have enough metal now that they can use some of it on things that aren't vital to their scientific goals, but are just little things that make life a bit better, like those metal food covers! :)

15. Ryusui... what you're imagining ain't what you're getting... XD

16. Grilled fish, grilled fish soup, grilled fish salad, grilled fish desert, grilled fish... something XD Small fishes inside big fishes! :O

17. Small detail, but I like that Senku addresses Jasper and Turquoise by name :) I suppose it's too bad that they... WEREN'T attacked? XD

18. Ryusui is SO determined to find food! XD Poor guy... And Senku's being quite encouraging! :D

19. Kohaku! ^_^ Kohaku's flying!! Yay! :D She's so happy and thrilled! AND prepared; she has her sword and new shield on her even though she's hanging from a hot-air balloon! :O

20. Senku casually said she should stop freaking out like a child, but he looks pleased AND he called her "lioness!" Ah, it's been WAY too long... :) Kohaku noticed, too! :D

21. Finally, a shot with just Senku and Kohaku! They're talking about the possibility of finding oil :)

22. I wonder why that forest stood out to Kohaku? She's seen a lot of forests, and even on the hot-air balloon, she would have seen bunch of trees already. Maybe cedar is rare for the villagers? Or maybe something about how the trees looked made her think they were noteworthy or useful? :O

23. High-quality animation AND new graphics - they're really showing what they've got in this first episode! :D

24. First, Kohaku and Chrome worked as a team to find the cedar forest, and then Ryusui and Ukyo worked as a team to find that feral goat herd. And the way he showed genuine respect and care to that goat was so Ukyo :)

25. But... are they supposed to let the blood out in the water like that? I thought you weren't supposed to do that because the bacteria would go into the water and negatively affect the fish there... or maybe that's just for guts and innards and stuff, but not blood? Or maybe that's just when it comes to fish? Don't know... :O

26. Sigh, Senku writing and Kohaku pointing, with Chrome and Ukyo and Ryusui, making a map of the new world together... :) It's so nice to see this in detail and color! :D

27. The villagers were impressed by the map! :) Although, Ryusui, you could have been more tactful; I'm sure the villagers would have also liked more variety in their diet... -_-

28. This is the second time we've seen that particular elderly woman show her relief that nobody will starve to death anymore... poor woman... :( And something I hadn't considered was that anime lends room for empathy when it comes to voices. Turquoise said pretty much the same thing to the world woman, but it seemed more dismissive/annoyed to me in the manga and more empathetic in the anime :)

29. Ah, so the village was a lot bigger before Kohaku was born, but a lack of food one year meant a lot of people died, including Turquoise's family... :(

30. Uh, this "plants enslaving humanity" angle is new to me... XD

31. Oh, Kohaku might not know about currency yet, haha! Oooh, she found golden foxtail... or wheat! :D

32. They're going to their own food, by themselves! :)

33. Slash, slash, slash, goes Kohaku on the golden foxtail, just like she did on the green foxtail! :D

34. I love how Kohaku's hopping easily with at eight bundles of wheat, Chrome is carrying two with one arm, and Senku is using both his arms but is still struggling and walking slower than Chrome with just one bundle XD

35. I really like that they included Kohaku's special attack move question AND animated it a bit! :D

36. Kohaku seriously just loves to, like, all-out brag about Senku and/or science XD She did it in Season One with Kokuyou; in Season Two with Hyoga; and this season with Ryusui earlier AND with Nikki, Yuzuriha, Magma, Taiju, Gen, and Ginro now XD

37. Awesome detail that Yo's farm sign has writing and Magma's farm sign has a sketch of his face :D And even though they're rivals, they seem to be pals too, taking breaks in the afternoon and resting at night together like that :)

38. Yuzuriha has insight into why Taiju is the way he is; Taiju talked about his past... :) And I really like that Gen had his head bowed in honor of Taiju's words :) Also, about the petrification... uh... um... what about the- wait, actually, note to self: talk about this thing in the future when it won't be as spoilery XD

39. Taiju's farm looks so green and plentiful, and Yo and Magma's farms... have a few sprouts? XD Very cool that Taiju remembered what Senku said about seashells all the way from the first part of Season One :D

40. Senku looks proud and happy that Taiju remembered his words, and Magma and Yo look proud and happy that their farms prospered after they did what Taiju did! :)

41. And even though the latter two aren't thrilled about it, they're still in the crowd that gives Taiju the straw hat of the farming/food king! :D I like that Taiju bent his head so that Yuzuriha could put it on him, like he really was being crowned :)

42. Even Senku acknowledged Taiju as the food king! :D

43. Whoa, a couple of seasons passed and the wheat ripened, just like that! :O

44. Also not feeling this ending song, although I do appreciate that there are some English lines. Are the circle thingies related to chemistry, and elements and protons and electrons and stuff? And maybe I'll like it more if I understand the lyrics; I should look them up! :)

45. Sigh, I dislike the lack of Kohaku in the ED, but I do understand, the five wise generals and all that :D

46. Ooh, they have an brick baking oven now! :) Senku's clearly unprofessionally baked bread looks like... that... but Kohaku genuinely likes that it's like a rock and has a fun, crumbly texture :D (Or... stone? Haha! XD) And Chrome and Turquoise and the elderly man who believed in Senku in Season Two like the burnt bread as well! :)

47. Ah, so Ukyo learned that about food in the Self-Defense Force survival exercises... :O And Yo, you do NOT need to be jealous... XD

48. Senku and Ryusui are united in their resolve: They MUST revive a professional chef! :D

49. So ends the first episode about Dr. Stone's Age of Discovery! :) A triumphant arrival in Ishigami Village; reuniting with Kohaku and other old friends; making a new world map; looking for resources; the rediscovery of agriculture; the crowning of the kingdom of science's food king; a bread baking experiment that was very successful for some but not successful at all for others... and a new goal for the latest required skill set for the kingdom of science! :D

50. I'm so glad that I'm finally watching Season Three - my own goal is to finish watching all the available episodes before the second part of the season starts airing in October 2023! :)

https :// fireflyhwufanficwriter . tumblr . com / MyDrStoneEpisodeMangaThoughts

#dr stone #ishigami senku #dr stone kohaku #dr. stone #dr. stone kohaku #add tags later

[cyarsk52-20]

The "Vanderpump Rules" Finale Reveal Of "Scandoval" Had My Jaw On The Floor The Entire Time

BuzzFeed Staff

Well, well, well. Here we are. Another week, another deeply unhinged yet fascinating look into Raquel Leviss and Tom Sandoval's hidden-yet-not-so-hidden monthslong affair. Except this week, aka the finale, IT'S ALL COMING OUT!!!!! And we finally get to see this moment fully play out:

It hurts my heart to see Ariana Madix go through this, but we also have to acknowledge that this pure rage and emotion captured will change the course of reality TV as we know it!

All of that to say, the finale episode of Vanderpump Rules Season 10 aired last night, and it's time to GET INTO IT.

This week's episode — Season 10, Episode 15, titled "#Scandoval" — is the finale we have ALL been waiting for. And it kicks off immediately with a clip from the infamous Watch What Happens Live With Andy Cohenepisode that had Scheana Shay and Raquel (and Raquel stating that Sandoval is the hotter Tom) mere hours before the Scandoval news broke around the world. And already, my blood pressure has been raised and my armpits are sweating.

Then we get an immediate split screen of Ariana and Tom Sandoval, who are both "not ready" to talk about this but begin talking about it anyway, thank god. The phone story rumor is proved true, with Sandoval recounting that his phone "fell out of his pocket" during his appearance at a concert for his band (which no one cares enough about to remember the name of, sorry) at Tom Tom, and someone then gave it to Ariana for "safekeeping." Ariana said she felt she needed to look at the phone.

"Call it woman’s intuition, call it light bulb, call it whatever,” Ariana says. “Literally in that moment, I went, I need to look at this.” What she saw on the phone's camera roll was a FaceTime screen recording of her partner of nine years and "best friend" Raquel. “My stomach dropped into my fucking ass."

Sandoval said, "I would normally delete something like that, but it had been such a busy, chaotic day," which is, like, both a wild thing to say and something that feels like it was meant to establish that he didn't spread this intentionally. From there, he apparently took Ariana outside away from other people inside Tom Tom, and she then called Raquel demanding to know what happened.

Scheana says that Raquel — who was with Scheana in New York City after their WWHL appearance — then "nonchalantly" approached her and told her that she and Sandoval had been having an affair for seven months and Ariana had just found out. The fact that she could be so nonchalant about this is shocking, but I have a feeling it's the least shocking thing we're about to learn in this episode.

From here, we get a few random scenes of the cast in what I assume is "present day" timing, aka when the news of the affair had already broken. James Kennedy is cooking and Tom Schwartz is washing his face, which is a relief for a man who is known for bathing in a river on his wedding day.

We then end up back at Ariana and Tom's shared home in Valley Village, where they are still living together. Ariana is with her good friend Meredith on the couch, and Ariana is drinking wine straight from the bottle. A bottle, we soon find out, that was purchased on Tom and Ariana's very first trip together. The scene is so incredibly uncomfortable, you can *feel* the tension as a viewer, and it only becomes more intense to watch when Tom Sandoval dares to show his face, asking Ariana if she "wants anything." She replies with her now famous line of, "For you to die."

Chills. Already! Fucking chills.

Tom Sandoval sits down for a conversation with Ariana, where she reminds him that he STILL has not even apologized. He says, "Every time I try to apologize, you get angry." I'm sorry, but no fucking shit, Tom Sandoval. She is angry. I am angry. We are all fucking angry! He also tells Ariana he "didn't want to hurt [her]" before referring to her as "dude."

Ariana then reminds Sandoval that she has been in his life for YEARS — before they even began dating — and that she loved him when he had nothing and was driving a 1997 Honda Civic. She even says, "I loved you then. When you had nothing." She then tells him he just wants someone to "gas [him] up." She is not wrong, and it is so satisfying to watch her tell him what we've all been thinking. 

Tom Sandoval tries to explain himself, and as much as I do not want to listen to a fucking word this man says, I am listening intently for this recap through gritted teeth. He refers to himself as "selfish," and Ariana reminds him that this is the nicest word he could use. And then we finally get the full context from the scene shown in the trailer: "I don't give a fuck about fucking Raquel. Your friendship is fucking bullshit." Ariana is honestly so FUCKING GOOD IN THIS SCENE!!!! It is both so hard to watch, and so incredible. Hard only because it's difficult to see such an incredible person treated this way.

Tom Sandoval then goes on the defensive and tells Ariana that his and Raquel's friendship is "real" because she "treats him with respect," which is "something he hasn't gotten from [Ariana] in a long time." Sandoval tries to claim it "wasn't about fucking" but was about them "giving each other confidence," which is possibly the most deranged thing I've heard in this episode thus far. Ariana points out that he's blaming her, and he tries to say he isn't. In case we have not established my feelings about this scene already: I hate this man and his bullshit excuses.

Somehow, the audacity of this fucking man continues, and he tries to tell Ariana all the reasons he did what he did, including, "We had no sex life." I am no relationship expert, but that's probably in large part due to the fact that you were fucking HER BEST FUCKING FRIEND, DUDE.

Ariana says that when couples go through shit, they go through it together, and his choice to sleep with her friend is not how you handle a relationship rough patch. Which, like, my god??? The fact that she even has to say this to him???????

He then claims that he "tried" to break up with her "two weeks ago" and she "wouldn't let him." Ring the alarm, everyone. Tom Sandoval is the world's biggest victim. Boo fucking hoo. You have been on a reality TV show since 2013, and as a main cast member since day one. If you really wanted to leave, Tom Sandoval, I promise you could have figured it out. Like, has he not heard of Two Men and a Truck? I know there are multiple hotels in the valley that your stupid ass could have stayed in!!!!!! Let's stop pretending you were held hostage in a relationship with a woman who you should be so lucky even LOOKED YOUR WAY.

Ariana continued and says, "I was ride or fucking die for you. And I had her back as well. And the fact that she has continued to smile in my face while smiling on FaceTime with you is one of the most god-awful, disgusting things I have ever heard." She's right. I honestly still can't believe these two humans were capable of doing this to someone they claimed to love.

Ariana is flawless in this scene, despite her obvious grief, and tells Tom, "You're worth nothing. And I want you to feel that, deep in your soul. I want you to hear that. I regret ever loving you." I actually wanted to stand up and yell at my TV and applaud.

They are both crying now, and unexpectedly, so am I. BUT NOT FOR TOM. Ariana says, through tears, "I was 100% committed to you; I would have followed you anywhere." Tom says that he never thought this would happen and she can think whatever she wants, but "they had some really good times." And with that, this scene ends.

We've now moved on to a scene of just Tom Sandoval and Tom Schwartz — two of the worst men in the history of Bravo — and Sandoval immediately starts dramatically crying and apologizing to Schwartz. The fact that this man is more apologetic to Schwartz than he was to Ariana has me seeing fucking red. Be fucking for real, Tom Sandoval.

Schwartz seems mostly upset about the fact that their restaurant — Schwartz and Sandy's — has gone from "4.8 stars on Yelp to 1 star." No offense, but I don't think this man's dalliances are the only reason. The lobster corn dogs aren't very good. Schwartz then asks Sandoval to "post about this" online and make it clear that he, Schwartz, didn't agree with this. Except that I don't believe that for one fucking second. And also, IS THAT REALLY THE PRIORITY RN???

Sandoval starts trying to explain his actions AGAIN and tells Schwartz that after guys night, he and Raquel went to the Abbey and they kissed, and he "felt something in that moment that he hadn't felt in a very long time." He then claims that he and Ariana have had issues FOR FIVE YEARS. Which is a HELL OF A LONG TIME to to stay in a relationship and PURCHASE A HOME WITH SOMEONE if you're so fucking miserable. Stop pretending you were held hostage — like, I actually cannot. He actually has the audacity to blame Ariana FOR NOT FOLLOWING HIM to see where he was going. Which is like a whole new level of fucked up that I wasn't prepared for.

BTW, Schwartz refers to this as "relatable." SHUT UP. And then says that "just for being Sandoval's friend and business partner, he's canceled." Sweetie, I wish that were true, because then we could stop seeing your miserable little face every week. However, you were not canceled, you are just fine, and more importantly, none of this IS ABOUT YOU!!!!!

Back to Ariana, and she is in her home surrounded by her friends. I am happy to see that she has support. Scheana shows up in a white, furry bucket hat and immediately starts crying, telling Ariana that she doesn't deserve any of this. Not that anyone does deserve this, but she is so, so right. Katie Maloney also shows up, and there are more tears and hugs, and I am feeling more emotional than I was prepared for.

Katie and Scheana say they can "put their shit aside" to be there for Ariana, and I am reminded about the hotel/wedding beef of this season between Katie and Scheana, which now feels like it happened approximately 15 years ago.

Ariana tells Katie and Scheana exactly what happened — including the fact that the FaceTime that outed the affair happened while Sandoval was at Schwartz's apartment, so spare me your fake concern, Schwartzy. She also shared that Raquel told her that the affair started "right after the girls trip," which is also when Ariana's dog, Charlotte, was dying. Fucking cold-blooded.

She at first said they "just kissed," but Tom Sandoval later admitted that they "fucked in her car that night," and then he didn't have a key to get inside and Ariana had to let him inside after he RANG THE DOORBELL.

Scheana begins to share what happened at the post- WWHL NYC bar hangout that we now know ended up in a restraining order from Raquel. She said she was "so angry" and that she "shoved her so fucking hard away from [her]." But Raquel is telling people that she punched her. Scheana then gives a demonstration of how she is physically incapable of punching with her nail length. Iconic. This is why she is a born reality star and deserves all of our respect.

Katie also shares that Tom Schwartz "obviously" knew about it. And this is part of the reason why he has literally always been the worst.

We're now at James Kennedy and Ally's apartment, and James shares how nervous he is. He says he isn't even that mad about Raquel but can't believe Tom Sandoval would do this. He says he has always looked up to him in a way, and even breaks down in tears during his confessional. James, BTW, is obviously the #1 guy in the group.

Lala Kent and Katie then show up to discuss further, and Lala shares that she really did suspect this for a long time. They all agree that this is certainly not the first time Tom Sandoval has slept around on Ariana because "no one chooses a best friend for the first time." Lala also shares that there was a rumor years ago involving Sandoval and former cast member Billie Lee. BTW, fun fact: I was once in a BuzzFeed videowith Billie Lee, and while this has absolutely nothing to do with anything, who doesn't love a fun fact!

James then straight-up CALLS Raquel, who answers, which is wild to me. Those producers sitting next to her, making sure she answers her ex-fiancé's call while a camera is on them, all really deserve a raise. Raquel informs James that she and Sandoval are "not an item," and that losing her friends has been "eye-opening." LMAO. Like, in what way, girlie? That consequences have actions?????

Things take a turn, and James basically calls Raquel stupid, which I can't entirely blame him for in this moment. He also says, and I quote, "You've done diddly fucked yourself over. And like, all the people you were building friendships with, you've trashed it for, like, Sandoval's little cocky cock. Like, his stinky 40-year-old cock? Seriously, Raquel?" LMAOOO.

Oh my god. We are now in Raquel's apartment in North Hollywood, which has galaxy lights *everywhere* and a sign above her sink that says "C'est la vie Paris" for some reason. I am not sure I am breathing. Tom Sandoval shows up, and they ask each other if they're OK while taking shots and drinking beer. Spare me. They then toast to "being in hell," and Tom Sandoval says, "Where we belong." Raquel then says they don't deserve to be in hell, because they're just two friends who fell in love. MMMM, not sure it's quite that simple, but sure, I guess!

Tom Sandoval then accidentally refers to Raquel as "Ariana," and it is both awkward and really fucking funny to me. They then begin discussing their families, and Sandoval shares that Raquel's mom "really fucking hates him." She is definitely not the only one. 

Raquel asks Tom Sandoval about his family and he says, "They love you." But Raquel thought he said, "I LOVE YOU," and she says it back! I'm sorry, but you're in LOVE NOW?????? BFFR!!!!! Raquel says they always agreed they wouldn't do this if it wasn't "worth it." They embrace and then almost kiss, but both agree that they don't feel comfortable kissing on camera. I mean, you felt comfortable enough fucking each other IN A CAR OUTSIDE THE HOME YOU SHARED WITH ARIANA, so why stop now???

In a talking head interview, Raquel says she was "just so curious to know what it was like to be physical with someone you loved." And that she did "not have the willpower to not see him." We know. It genuinely does not seem that Raquel has ANY remorse, and it is CHILLING.

They then try to show the "injury" Raquel has on her face from Scheana, which is honestly so tiny, it's hard to see. Raquel says Scheana "definitely did" punch her, but she "took it like a champ." Tom seems to agree, despite the fact that he was quite literally not even there. And while I do not support physical violence, I also have some questions about how this all went down after seeing Scheana's amazing display of how her hands worked earlier in the episode. I also would love to know how "taking it like a champ" equals "filing a restraining order," but I digress!

Raquel says that she feels "so alone" and she only has her parents, Tom Sandoval, and her sister, but that she's not entirely sure she can count on Sandoval, considering that he cheated on his partner of nine years and he may do the same to her. Is this...LOGIC??? Also, all of these things could have been considered like, mmmm, seven months or so ago.

They then laugh together while being like, "He-he-he, oopsie, we fucked up," and it's like, you realize you didn't, like, forget your clothes in the washer for a few days, right? You betrayed your best friend! 

We are now at Villa Rosa for the required Lisa Vanderpump scene. Ariana shows up in a very emotional state — and my GOD, who could ever blame her — and LVP offers genuine emotional support despite the fact that I know on some level, in her producer era, she is somewhat thrilled that this happened to her show. Ariana shares that she's been trying to "lean into her anger" because otherwise, she cannot function at all with all of this emotional pain. LVP asks if Schwartz knew (he fucking did!!!), and Ariana says she doesn't know but he had finally reached out that morning with a half-assed text that included the line, "I don't wanna kick my guy when he's down." Once again, the fucking audacity of these men.

Ariana says that Tom Sandoval is "not down," and she is correct. What exactly is going wrong for Sandoval? His restaurant had a few 1-star reviews? Boo fucking hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The text in question, btw:

Ariana is obviously emotional, and I think you would genuinely have to be heartless not to feel some of her pain in this moment.

We are now back at Katie's apartment for a scene with Tom Schwartz, my second-least-favorite Tom at the moment. Katie point-blank asks him, "How long have you known?" He says, "I don't know; I didn't mark it on the calendar," which is definitely something someone who was lying would say!

Tom Schwartz is really sticking with the storyline that he told Tom Sandoval he should end things with Raquel when he found out "just a month ago." Katie tells him that she knows he is lying and that he should tell the truth for once. He finally shares that he "knew about the one-night stand," which was obviously not a one-night stand. He also says that Sandoval "tried to break up" with Ariana. Again with the "tried." Sure, breaking up with someone may not be fun, but it is really easy to do before you fuck someone's best friend for seven months and counting. Schwartz once again brings up their fucking bar and how "hard" this is on THEM, and I seriously could not be more relieved when this scene ended because I could once again feel my blood pressure rising. 

We are back at Ariana and Tom's shared home, and OH MY GOD, THOSE LEGGINGS... IT'S KRISTEN DOUTE TIME, EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!! My god, I never thought I would be this excited to see Kristen back on my screen. They sit down to chat, and I am giddy with excitement and then reminded that the situation is actually very sad, and I feel bad.

Ariana and Kristen compare the similarities between their relationships with Tom Sandoval, and Ariana apologizes that she defended Sandoval "at Kristen's sake." Kristen will hear none of this, and they then move outside to "burn some shit." Kristen, you fucking icon.

Now we have another required LVP scene, except this time it's Tom Sandoval at Villa Rosa. Sandoval immediately goes in with his whole "I didn't want to hurt Ariana" shtick, and it's like, even if that were true, the whole point is that you fucking did! YOU DID HURT HER! SO NOW WHAT!!!!!!!!

Tom Sandoval says that he and Raquel "had every intention of telling Ariana before the reunion," which is, like, very convenient now that it was done for them. Sandoval says he is hesitant to share details because he doesn't want to hurt Ariana more, and then he has a full breakdown, which should make me feel bad but ultimately makes me feel nothing. I do hope he finds whatever it is he is looking for and leaves women out of it.  ​

Sandoval shares that he wants Ariana to "get the love she deserves" before LVP says that he's "not a bad person, he just did a bad thing." Truthfully, I really don't know if I agree with this at this point, but I do hope he changes.

Now a group scene. It's Lala (in her "Send it to Darrell" sweatshirt), Katie, Charli Burnett, Scheana, and Scheana's sister. Ariana also shows up and comments that it "feels like a death." I honestly can't believe Ariana is even standing right now, much less filming. And then we find out that this was filmed the same day that the temporary restraining order was filed against Scheana. After the women speak for a bit, the second-worst Tom on this planet, Tom Schwartz, has the audacity to show his face. He asks Ariana to speak before noting that "he used to have a bar and cocktail lounge." YOU ARE NOT THE VICTIM HERE, BRO.

Ariana agrees to speak with him one-on-one but lets Schwartz know that she is not here to hear anything about him being "down" or sad. Schwartz and this fucking business, he can't stop bringing it up, and Ariana notes that Tom Sandoval apologized to the business BEFORE HE APOLOGIZED TO HER.

Schwartz says that he isn't looking for sympathy — an obvious lie — but that he's not a co-conspirator. Ariana says that she understands but she will not have mutual friends with Tom Sandoval, so Schwartz's and her friendship ends here. Ariana says that she wishes she didn't miss him but what she misses isn't real.

And for the final scene of what is absolutely going to be considered one of the best episodes of reality television in history, we get a sit-down between Scheana and Tom Sandoval. Say what you will, but Scheana is instrumental to this show, and it feels fitting that this is where this explosive season ends. Sandoval says, "I was going to break up with Ariana regardless." And Scheana responds, "But you didn't — you fucked her best friend instead." CHILLS.

Tom Sandoval then finallllllyyyyyyyyyyy admits that he did, in fact, sleep with Miami Girl, which, tbh, we all knew. He also claims that Ariana knew the truth about this all along and that there was "one other time." When asked if it was "just a random person," he says yes, then changes his mind and says no but won't go into it further. Only adding fuel to the fire of those Billie Lee rumors...

Sandoval claims that Ariana "threatened to kill herself" when he "tried to break up with her," once again putting the blame on Ariana in a situation that is most definitely not her fault. We all knew he would do this, but it doesn't make it any easier to watch it play out. The scene ends, I still have full body chills, and then we get a preview for the reunion. I genuinely can't even breathe right now.

And with that, this finale ends. I'll see you back here next week for REUNION PART 1!!!! And in the meantime, let's all try to emotionally prepare.

And be sure to catch new (and old!) episodes of Vanderpump Rules on Peacock!The "Vanderpump Rules" Finale Reveal Of "Scandoval" Had My Jaw On The Floor The Entire Time Tom Sandoval accidentally calling Raquel "Ariana" is something I may never recover from, TBH.

Read in BuzzFeed: https://apple.news/A_PYXWt0XTomdew5npNvytQ

Shared from Apple News

Sent from my iPhone

#vanderpump rules #the drama #personal #bravo #TomSandoval #Apology #vanderpumprules #TeamAriana #RaquelLeviss #drama #pumprules #Scandoval #bravotv #VanderpumpRules #Rachel and Tom are both not seeing heaven for doing Ariana so wrong. #The punkassness #The bitchassery #The cowardice #the unfaithfulness #The caucasity #The cuntery #the fuckery #The dustbucketery #The crustiness #the gumption #the nerve #the karma they deserved

[parttimedragonslayer]

Day 30 (Day 37) - Complete December 6 2023

Went to the gym for a weights session. Bench, deads and a bunch of dumbbell stuff. Was a pretty short session, probably not the 40 minutes scheduled, but I’m counting it anyway. 

Day 31 (Day 38) - Complete December 7 2023

Rest day

Day 32 (Day 39) - Incomplete December 8 2023

Was supposed to run, but it was one of my early start days so there’s no way I was getting up at 5am to run. Planned to run when I got home, but it was raining so I used that as a lame excuse to not go. 

Day 32 (Day 40) - Complete December 9 2023

4km non stop! I was pretty sure that I could do it after my previous 3km, but it still seems weird to me that I can now run 4km non stop. I’ve not been able to do that for a long, long time, and last time I could do it, it wasn’t this easy. I’m still going really slow, but I’m not dead by the end and I feel like I could go further. 

Day 33 (Day 41) - Complete December 10 2023

Cross training at the gym again today - deadlifts and a lot of dumbbell work. The schedule said 30 mins cross train or 15 minutes run. I ended up doing about an hour of cross training, so I’m thinking that in future I will try and do less weights and a bit of extra running. I’m a little worried about how my feet and knees will go with extra running though, so I’m a little hesitant to increase it over the scheduled runs. I’m going to have to get used to it though, I’m going to be doing a lot more kms in the weeks to come. 

Day 34 (Days 42-44) - Incomplete December 11-13 2023

Things got a little rough here. I had a massive binge episode and I spent a lot of time cocooning in bed and I just couldn’t pull myself out of my little depression for three days to get myself to work, let alone to go for a run. 

I suppose this was triggered by the one year anniversary of mum’s death. I hadn’t expected to be bothered by it, but in the week or so leading up to it, I did start thinking about it a lot. I think it’s finally starting to sink in that I’m never going to see her again. Living in another country, I don’t think the reality of it has really settled on me, because even if she were still alive I wouldn’t have seen her. I would have called her or texted with her, but even that wouldn’t have been super often. We weren’t that close before I left, she didn’t play a massive role in my life. Generally contact with her was always a hassle, it was emotionally draining. But now, after a year, I think I’m finally starting to miss her. 

Day 34 (Day 45) - Complete December 14 2023

This was the second 4km non-stop run. I was a little worried that after 3 days of nothing I might not be able to just step back into where I left off. But it was fine. Started getting a little tired during the last kilometre but was still able to finish strong. 

Day 35 (Day 46) - Complete December 15 2023

Another rest day. Thought about skipping it, but the next scheduled day is a 5km non-stop run and I don’t want to do that straight after yesterday's 4km non-stop run. Also it’s a Friday so that means an early start, and it will be dark by the time I get home. 

Day 36 (Day 47) - Complete December 16 2023

My first 5km of  the program and my first non-stop 5km run for a decade. I made it. I was struggling a bit for the last km, and a lot for the last 500metres, but I made it. I didn’t stop. 

I’m might finally be learning to tell when it’s just your brain saying “I don’t like this, let’s stop” and when your body actually needs to stop. When I want to stop I check in with my lungs and see if they are just working hard, or if they are burning or struggling to get enough air. I check in with my calves to see if they are actually hurting, or just tired. Usually I find that I’m just tired and working hard, but not actually hurting, which means that I can keep going. 

The last couple of runs I’ve noticed my left knee feeling a bit strange. It’s not hurting, it just feels a little swollen or puffy. It doesn’t look swollen, it’s just the sensation it has, like it’s a little harder to move, perhaps? I’m not really sure how else to explain it. It always feels better after an hour or so, but it’s something I want to keep an eye on. 

Day 37 (Day 48) - Complete December 17 2023

Cross training at the gym today. Bench, deads and dumbbell work. I then jumped on the treadmill for a bit as well. It was only for 7 or 8 minutes while I was waiting for Steve to finish up.

Day 38 (Day 49) - Rest day

I feel like I could have skipped this rest day, but I had an unexpected earlier than usual start this morning so that’s enough reason for me to keep the rest day. I think I’m going to swap around some days later in the week to better suit my schedule as well. 

#running #runblr #10k training #10k diary

[wbwoqlqxoxxms]

Yishun Revengers Episode 1 "Time to commit Yishun"

"Staff, no offense, but older people, die faster!"

-sergeant to staff

"They say that Yishun is the heart of all...uh...interesting, events, to happen, in Singapore...ehehe...AHEM. Despite this, many Singaporeans still choose to stay in Yishun, seemingly disregarding all the risks of *gets pounced on by cat* OW I SWEAR TO GOD YISHUN IS CURSED! ANYWAY. AS I WAS SAYING. Yishun is-*gets pounced on by 4728928228 cats at once* ALRIGHT THAT'S IT I'M NOT COMING BACK TO YISHUN ANYMORE THIS PLACE IS BEYOND HOPE, NOT EVEN THE PRESIDENT CAN SAVE THIS CURSED LAND" *reporter removes his headphones and walks away*

"EY WAIT WAIT WAIT PLEASE DON'T GO YOU'RE THE ONLY REPORTER WILLING TO DO THIS PLEASE DON'T GO STEVEN CHIA" Assistant...whatever the assisant of the documentary people are called remarked.

"AND FOR THE LAST TIME, I'M NOT STEVEN CHIA, MY NAME IS STEFEN HUA!" Steven Chia-er, I mean, Stefen Hua said very angrily.

And then he took a deep breath to calm down like the chers always say to do except it works like -1 out of 10 of the times.

So after he's all calmed down and relaxed and able to think things through rationally, he announced, "Hey you know what, Yishun may be cursed, but so too is my wallet by the end of this month if I don't get my salary and my allowance to spend on hentai...AHEM. LET'S GET TO INTERVIEWING THESE PEOPLE."

So Stefen Hua and the assistant I'm too lazy to name went around in the void deck interviewing people on why they stay at Yishun. First they approached this weird looking auntie everyone is sure is a pontianak in disguise, and asked her, "Greetings, lady, would you mind answering a few of our questions?"

"Yeah yeah yeah whatever," Was her answer, so it's technically a yes.

"Alright, lady, so, despite knowing all the dangers of Yishun, why do you still choose to stay here?" He posed the question as the assistant positioned the camera.

"Well...what dangers?" She asked back in return.

"Dangers of the curses of Yishun, you know, pontianak, ghost, random cat moaning sounds at 3am when you're trying to sleep?"

"Ah, pontianak ah? Aiya, that ok, I am also pontianak anyway," She reply before vanishing into air and pontianak form.

Stefen Hua threw up his script paper in exasperation. "Yep, Yishun is cursed."

*takes another deep breath*

"Oook, how about we go ask that boy there? Surely he's not a pontianak..." He gestured to the assistant girl, then they tried to approach this boy more nicely.

"Hello there, boy, we're making a documentary on Yishun, care to answer a few questions? He asked in the same tone as the child pedo who keeps trying to stalk and kidnap the ginger ang moh exchange student kid.

Then the boy turned his head to face them, looking up from gaming, and said his profound words, "Simi?"

"I'll take that as a yes. So, why do you want to stay in Yishun even though it's so dangerous?"

The boy just got back to gaming, and then after a while of waiting, he just said, "Don't know, don't care, don't wanna know, don't wanna care, L+skill issue+ratio,"

At this point Stefen Hua was visibly frustrated. "At least it's not a pontianak this time..."

"Well, let's go ask those people playing chess there, idk what they're doing, I don't care, I just want to get this done to leave this cursed place already," He sighed.

They approached the group of people engaged in their chess game as carefully as they could.

"Uh, hi, would you mind answering a few of our questions-" Stefen Hua spoke but was then rudely interrupted by a random guy in black, "Whatever lah, don't care lah,"

On second look, he's one of the people actually playing chess, playing with that weird guy in something that looks like a suit but is not actually a suit?

"So, uh, since you know Yishun is dangerous, why do you still want to stay here-" Stefen Hua had continued to talk, before being interrupted again, but for the reasons he wanted.

At this point everyone was staring at him. The two people playing chess, the other four normal-looking people, and then there's the 3 weird furries with rabbit ears and yellow overcoats (this is Yishun, normal one), and the record-breakingly short guy with plain-looking clothes but actual horns sprouting out of his head, all staring at him.

Then finally the man in black spoke, "You want to know why we stay in Yishun, right? Well, I'm afraid that's a long story now..."

[bowtiesnmusicals]

Here is my recap of the Paging NPH (Dream On) episode of the podcast.

This is another big episode for Artie and Tina. They are Jenna and Kevin’s favorites because they can talk about themselves.

We get to see Kevin dance in this episode.

This episode aired on May 18, 2010. This was almost to the day the 1 year anniversary of the show debuting after the American Idol finale.

At first Ryan was adamant that Kevin wouldn’t dance but a year later he changed his mind.

Jenna watched a little bit of the first Glee tour before recording this episode.

May 20-22 2010 the glee cast kicked off a 3 night gig at the Gibson Amphitheater at Universal City Walk. Jenna said it was nice to be on home turf and to be able to sleep in their own beds at night. The amphitheater is now gone and Hogwarts is there now.

Amber asked someone at Universal if they could go on the rides between shows. They got security to take them to the backlot tour, Jurassic Park, and The Mummy.

On both Glee tours they had matinees. Normal concerts are once a day and at night. Kevin said it’s a slog doing two shows a day. An audience in the middle of the day is not giving you a 10. It’s hard have all the energy when the audience is giving you nothing. Yes it makes sense from a parents perspective and for kids shows.

During the second tour the Toronto matinee was the greatest of all time matinee crowd. They had two matinees and Kevin said he would be damned if the matinee crowds weren’t louder then any of the evening shows. They were bringing it. Jenna said Canadians are just nice people and gave them what they needed.

Jenna has a lot of notes for this episode.

This episode was directed by Joss Whedon. This was before the Marvel movies. He is a very musical guy so this was right up his alley. He interacted with cast very differently then any other director up to this point. Joss pulled Jenna and Kevin aside for an acting rehearsal which never happened. He took them to the dance studio and they worked on the scene with the tapping. He showed so much care and thoughtfulness. Kevin said this makes sense when you are just coming in for one episode and are able to prepare. Apparently the script was on time for this episode.

Neil Patrick Harris and Idina Mendel are both in this episode.

Kevin had a lot of recording for this episode. It was all done in one afternoon before a dinner at the Chateau Marmont. He had a melt down on both songs. His voice just didn't feel great. He was excited and talked to Amber at that dinner about how he was trying to make Dream A Little Dream sound older.

It seems like Dream A Little Dream is the most sampled and used song in everything right now. It's a great song.

The episode summary is that Will's former high school nemsis Bryan Ryan (NPH) shows up. Plus Artie and Tina, your favorites, try to find a way to Artie to live his dream of walking again or well dancing.

Bryan Ryan wants to cut the Glee club. He has to cut funding from the arts somewhere and since he hates Will the Glee club is the most obvious option.

Bryan Ryan is a dream killer.

Artie wrote he wanted to dance. Someone, I think Brittany wrote have a threesome. Quinn wrote not have stretch marks.

This is the first of many times that Tina cries. Kevin said this is the thing you do something and you do it to well they will just keep having you do it. They ran it into the ground.

It's not easy for Jenna to cry on cue.

When they filmed this NPH had hosted the Oscars the day before and everyone was out pretty late partying. Mondays is the earliest call. The choir room scene with the jackets was the first scene they filmed.

NPH got an Emmy for this episode.

Kevin remembers sitting there thinking how is he (NPH) doing this.

Someone who shall remain nameless fell asleep against the backwall. There is a shot of the group and someone looks more sleepy then others. It's one of the girls. She loves to dance. I'm guessing they are talking about Heather. There were a couple of girls who would regularly fall asleep during the choir room scenes.

Bryan and Will end up at a bar. They talk about their crushes. Bryan had a crush on Terri. Will says he married her.

When NPH is singing in the flashback scene he is singing live.

NPH and Matt sang Piano Man live as well. It's not supposed to sound super produced. They sang to the actual track.

Joss was very much into grounding this show.

Will tells Bryan they should both audition for Les Mis. They go to audition for it and their reprieve of hating each other ends when they realize they are doing the same audition song. The director guys says do it as a duet which would never happen.

Dream On is a crazy high song.

People often forget that Glee is a satire. Dream On is the perfect example of it.

Kevin's boyfriend Austin performed this version of the song in high school with his theater rival. Kevin joked that he had to break up with him because of this.

Bryan Ryan changes his mind and decides to cut some of the Cheerios budget instead.

Sue tells Will that he go the lead in Le Mis in front of the Glee club and Bryan Ryan. Bryan got a townspeople role. Jenna was a towns person in Le Mis in her freshman year of high school.

Bryan says to Sue, "you are an impressive woman. I can't tell you how much you turn me on right now. You ever heard of the term "anger se?" Sue replies, "It's the only kind I know Bryan." Then Bryan says, "I should tell you I'm married." Sue replies back, "Not a problem for me."

Bryan decides to cut Glee club because he's mad at Will for getting the lead. Will gives Bryan the lead to save the Glee club. We are back to square one like it never happened.

Bryan Ryan is a one off character. Jenna joked he called his agents saying needs a guest star Emmy, which show.

During the scene when everyone writes down their dreams, Artie writes he wants to become a dancer. Tina takes it out of the trash bin and confronts Artie.

Tina tries to help him live this fantasy. They decide to do a tap number with the wheel tapper things. It was not the most practical thing.

Zach had said to the writers room, what if we had Tina do a sexy tap number. Jenna is not the best tapper but she can fake it till she makes it in an audition. You just have to look like you know what you are doing.

Dream A Little Dream is a soft shoe number. Neither Jenna or Harry had tap shoes on.

Artie says he can walk and uses some crutches he found. He then falls and it's really sad.

Kevin was dreading this scene. He was really insecure about it. It was the one scene he didn't want to do. He wasn't confident in his acting ability. He is much more comfortable with comedy.

It's extra hard when you are surrounded by so many good dramatic actors. When you are in a scene and Chris Colfer can just cry and is so good. One of the producers, Dante, had to talk Kevin off the ledge. He asked Keviin if he thought was Chris was better then him just because he could cry. Kevin said yes he is better then me because he is better then me. Kevin said that while he does think Chris is much better then him Dante gave him nice notes. Joss was equally sweet about it.

Because it was a sensitive emotional scene Joss would talk quietly. He get down on his knees and whisper things for Kevin to try. He would tell him just think of this or that.

Kevin thought he and Jenna did a really nice job in this episode. Jenna said she thought Joss did a really good job guiding them.

Kevin said they knew they were in good hands with Joss.

Tina really tries to help Artie by doing research.

They had a perfect take with the sun flare during their kiss.

Kevin said watching people kiss is really awkward and uncomfortable. It's also not a good testament to say if you are a good kisser. Despite this Kevin though their kiss looked pretty damn good. Jenna said it did look good. It was a good shot. Kevin said you can tell they've done this before and it's not two strangers kissing.

The show then goes into a dream sequence without acknowledging it is a dream sequence. Kevin wants to know what the hell did people think when they watched this episode.

Jenna said their were probably people that were mad that he cuold get up and walk and others that thought it was amazing.

Jenna also said that was kind of the point. It was supposed to be shocking.

This was done right in the middle of the craze of flash mobs.

Joss had the idea of filming it on all different kinds of cameras.

This mall has a fish market and the camera was right in front of it. It smelled so bad. They shot a couple of things at that mall. This time was especially stinky.

Kevin's mom and sister happened to either be in town or Kevin coordinated it in advance. He can't remember. He told them to come to the mall to watch the filming. They were standing up on the ledge above the escalators. After the number they cried because they had no idea. They know how much he loves to perform and were excited for him.

Kevin says watching it he can tell he wasn't confident doing it. He wasn't used to having the attention and spotlight on him. Despite all of this it was really fun. He loved that everyone was in the number. It was just a big happy flash mob.

After this Artie goes to Emma to share the research he found with Tina. There is this kind of magical hopefully thinking that is very sad. Emma has to take Artie back down to Earth and remind him of what the reality is for him.

This leads to Artie telling Tina to find a new dance partner. Everyone is acting very sad in this number.

Then we go into Dream A Little Dream with Tina and Mike.

This is very reminiscent of True Colors.

They rehearsed this in one day. Harry is not a tap dancer but he is an outstanding dancer. Jenna said she has swamp thing arms. The shoes Jenna is wearing in this episode are her college dance shoes. Zach had to go back and all the tap sounds for this number.

Jenna has pictures from it that she can share.

The beautiful shot at the end is really sad. It was like a movie.

Jenna brings up when Artie says, "I sound like someone put tap shoes on a horse and shot it." Kevin says he loves that line.

Kevin said he thinks Jenna and Harry sold that number. He said give him swamp hands any day.

There is a reveal within a reveal in this episode. Kevin likened it to when a drag queen tags of a wig revealing another wig.

Jesse and Rachel start going through things in the basement. Rachel kept referring to Patti LuPone as mother. She also has a theory about Bernadette Peters being her mother.

They "find" the tape labeled from mom and Jesse tells her she should listen to it. She says no and tells him to leave.

We get the patented mystery shenanigans in the car scene while it's raining. It's always raining in the car. Jesse gets in the car with Shelby. We then find out Shelby directed Jesse to become friends with Rachel. We also find out Shelby is Rachel's mother.

Jesse goes back to Rachel's and gets her to play that damn tape. We go into a beautiful dream sequence of I Dreamed A Dream. It was not anything big but actually rather simple.

Rachel says, "My first singing competition I came in first place." Jesse says, "You were 8 months old." Rachel says, "I was very musically verbal."

Kevin says he likes when Jesse and Rachel were looking at the sonogram and says, "It looks like you are in 5th position."

That is Dream On folks. What a fun episode to do.

Kevin asked Jenna if this episode felt darker in terms of how it was colored or shot. Jenna said yes it definitely looked a bit brighter. It looked different.

Tartie Takes:

Cringe Moments - Bryan Ryan just the whole Bryan alluding to hooking up with Sue but being married.

Worst Dance Move - Bryan and Will's rivalry

Best Dance Move - Safety Dance and Kevin said he thinks some of the soft shoe was very nice

Best Song - Safety Dance. Kevin doesn't generally like the song though

Best Performance By a Prop - Jenna said Kevin. Kevin said the tappers on his wheelchair or Shelby's tape to Rachel

Best Line - Kevin: Jessie to Rachel about the sonogram, "It looks like you are in 5th position." Jenna: I just want to dance.

Shit We Found On TikTok:

Someone is having a Glee Night at a proper venue in NYC. It's a party of all Glee music. Kevin thinks it's hilarious and great. It's at the Grammercy. Jenna had to tell Kevin it's a very popular venue. Kevin wants to know if they are invited. Kevin said if you go to Glee Night at the Grammercy send pics and vids.

One of Harry's costars on Grey's took a video of Harry videoing him dancing to get his reaction. It's very cute and Harry looks the exact same. Jenna said he looks younger. This was a viral thing of parents asking kids to video them but turning the camera on them to get their reactions. Harry doesn't look so pleased. It's very funny. Jenna and Kevin would like to visit the set.

Nest week is Theatricality.

#and that’s what you really missed #atwyrm #jenna ushkowitz #Kevin mchale #glee #podcast

[boimgfrog]

I love talking to my friend abt sk8 cos we both adore Joe but view him vastly differently. I'll be like,,,tits,,,handsome,,,he would hold me if I was sad <3 and she'll pipe in like yea <3 he would give me an std <3

#its SO funny i love talking abt him w her #when episode 10 aired we called after and the first thing she said was 'I THOUGHT IT WAS JOE THAT CHEATED BUT IT WAS C H E R R Y!?!?$?!?' #she was CONVINCED that joe had fully cheated on cherry and thats why they are the way they are #me: joe would make me breakfast the morning after <3 #her: yea but he wouldnt wear a condom tho #jay says a thing #sk8