#when I started the Kingmaker blog I really didn't think there could be anyone on Tumblr who cared about the game

[outeremissary]

Fandom reputation: Number one Tristian fan, kingmaker enthusiast with highly interesting thoughts, creator of beautiful little artworks and always so much fun to talk to.

Haha, thank you. Though I think I have been too late on the scene and too antisocial to be number one anything, truly... There are a lot of people out there who have been creating in the fandom much longer than I and have brought really impressive things into being. For reasons that elude me, some even follow me- a great and terrible honor indeed.

I am always happy to hear that the art and the company are fun :) As much as I grow, I know I'm still unskilled in both creative and social spheres, haha. It's high praise from someone as skilled as you. I'm amazed by what you can create and how rapidly you've grown.

#I am the Kingmaker philosopher with this reputation for thinking. #though I hope one day it translates into more than vaguely discussed thoughts... #I suppose at risk of being too sincere there is something truly frightening about putting things out there #when I started the Kingmaker blog I really didn't think there could be anyone on Tumblr who cared about the game #I'm very anxious and have a bad habit of comparing myself to others #I never really participated in online fandom before because the incredible abilities of others scared me- I had little to offer #the idea of quietly running a blog that no one saw appealed from me even if there was a fantasy of being famous and praised #like no competition would mean no stress. #but the truth is that there were a lot of people there already who created things I couldn't dream of coming close to #mature and skilled art. long and carefully crafted pieces of writing. #when I became aware of that I got scared. #it made it hard to be proud of what I was doing #so I went to Twitter where I had no audience and I thought no way of being discovered #and then there were people there too. #there have been times I've been so intimidated by others I've really thought about giving up completely #I can't grow or create fast enough to feel like I'm keeping pace #but I guess I want to take a cue from Balthazar and live more selfishly. #I don't really want to be the best anymore and I don't want to worry about what I ought to be doing #or to have a purpose for things or follow some process to a conventional goal #I just want to do what I enjoy without worrying about other people #or thinking I take up too much space #it's hard though right #anyway. no real concluding thought here #sorry to throw down such atrocious tags here on a post already fishing for compliments haha #turns out I actually don't know what to do with compliments when I get them. #ask me emithing #long post #dmagedgoods