#what im even doing anymore lmao

[tuff-ponyboy]

also what do we think about post vietnam sodapop x "i'm on fire" by brucie music video 👀

#im thinking like..19? 20 year old soda? #maybe even 21 #he enlisted #got discharged for some reason maybe I'll give him an injury or something but he's back to working at the dx #steve owns it or something lmao and has made it a bigger. socs and greasers aren't really a thing anymore but soda is still from the other #side of the tracks and starts crushing on an uptown girl customer 👀 #should I make it cherry for the drama #what do we think people #a rich girl who got married off at a young age and she's bored with her life and finds excitement in breaking her car so she can see the #really cute mechanic on the east side 😍 #and she's rich so we can keep breaking shit and it's fine cuz her love don't cost a thing #i just be saying shit

[knightsvow]

nun out boy....fall nun boy.....fall out nun..........

#looks off into the distance. i dont even know what im doing anymore #these r half-traced lmao. u can tell. 1st from the i dont care mv (obvi) and 2nd one a shinymas card. but um. i had fun anyways #and i like how they look so like....whatever. cringe but free. or something (said thru tears) #png #fall out boy #fob #<- not brave enough for any more main tags (aka. foblr scares me)

[djinn-ale]

girls when they bite and maim and plot your demise

#transformers #maccadam #<- using this tag bc everyone else seems to be.? transformers enjoyers please explain #transformers g1 #starscream #megatron #heh. <- his ass is NOT beating the starscream enjoyer allegations #ok listen i prommy he is not my favie hes just the first transformer i learned how to draw and i just stuck to it #erm also sorry to anyone who followed me for lupin LMAO ur gonna have to put up with me fandom hopping every 2 posts #man i cant believe im posting fanart again. what a 1200 word essay do to a mf #LOL I SCHEDULED THIS POST AND THEN FOUND OUT THAT SOMEONE BEAT ME TO THE AH ETO BLEH JOKE #whats even the point anymore. #<- /j but like um i swear i thought of it by myself :pray: #art tag

[deus-ex-mona]

series i’m gatekeeping from my family vs series i’m ✨ok✨ with my family knowing i’m into:

#‘why do you gatekeep hw from your irls?’ well. the thing is. i just ✨don’t want to✨ #and. like. i’ve already led my family to believe that i bought bl manga when i was buying idol sengen at animate #so i think im already past the point of no return in that regard. so. um. yeah. #thank you village vanguard for the unexpected μ’s content in 2k24 you truly are yappa saikyou #i s w e a r falling back into my ll phase almost 10 whole years after i first got into it is unexpected tbh #compounded with the fact that i can now actually afford whatever im looking for. so. like. my wallet is in crisis lol #i had just reached my savings goal last month but now i’ve overspent bc i saw great deals on resold honoka-chan hoodies and i couldn’t help— #so now i have 2 identical hoodies lol. but i’ll keep one of them safe in its packaging bc im unwell like that ig #my merch whaling is out of control i s w e a r but my oshis are just too cute aaaaaaaaa #i probably should open another savings account instead… maybe that’d keep my spending under control… #b u t for now honoka-chan jersey im looking for you #tfw ur oshi is decently unpopular amongst the fans so hardly anyone resells her merch lmao #so ig the relatively fewer fellow fans she has are more dedicated to her than fans of other more popular characters lol #but at least her stuff (when resold) isn’t as overpriced as the actually popular members (birb and tomato) #so my wallet isn’t crying as hard as it could’ve been? ig? hunting for almost 10 year old merch is a pain fr though #either way. the grip idol series have on my wallet is truly insane #i wonder how many bags of chips i could’ve bought with the amount i’ve spent on hw and ll merch to date… #at least a thousand… i think. maybe even 2 thousand if my past gacha game whaling is taken into consideration… #…this is probably why it’s important to have a decent paying job ig. #oh well. at least i may be making b a n k this month with how much ot i’ve had to do this week so far… #i hope i won’t have to work till 5am again over the next 2 days… that had been a horrible experience. #help what am i even talking about anymore why am i having a life crisis right here and now u m. #anyways. dni if you dislike honoka-chan. thanks for coming to my crisis rant. see you when the last stage mv drops ig ok byeeeee

[macroglossus]

being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED

#which is dumb bc i have been formally diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses i dont think they can just take it back right????? #this is so stupid and cliche but what if i have been faking it........ all along........ Argh. #when i was in res i was put on adderall (bc the house psych just kind of experimented w meds LMFAO) and i had to go off them after like #two weeks bc it was affecting my appetite in a way i couldnt afford at the time lmao. but i do genuinely feel like it helped during that #time.... which is why i want to go on it again!!!! but im scared theyll just be like nah and i wont be able to take any of my meds anymore #is that crazy. am i being crazy rn. idk i truly do think most of my experiences w school and like. life could be explained by adhd and #when i was a kid they thought i had it but the two meds they tried didnt work for me so they just. kind of gave up #and i was really extremely unable to do school and graduated hs w an insanely low gpa and then dropped out of community college. LMAO. not #that people w adhd cant be good in school i just couldnt make myself do homework and couldnt listen in class bc i was too busy focusing on #listening. if that makes sense #IDK. idk. i know it's become like. a trend to have adhd is the issue and everything is being attributed to having it so im worried that ive #like. accidentally fallen in w that? even though ive thought i had it for forever and everyone has been like girl do you have this. IDK!!!! #idk. idkkkk im just like. genuinely scared. it's not the end of the world if im not diagnosed obviously but that means that #im just like this for no reason at all. and there's no way of helping it bc it's just the way i am. and i actually am just shitty n lazy. #epic. which incidentally is the proper name for how fucking long these tags are my bad. if you read this far sorry for being insane 👍

[silenthillbunni]

im the one society marked as avoidant yet im always the only one who wanna fucking talk things thru. y'all are a fkn joke!!! im sry but u rlly are 💀 im the avoidant one. the one scared of conflict nd afraid of talking.... yet im always the one staying and begging to talk while the other one just leaves or is a wall nd refuses to talk abt it 😹😹😹😹😹

#im sick nd tired of it #sooooo many ppl say they wanna talk #nd blah blah fucking blah #it's never ever true #!!!!! im so sick of ppl jesus fucking christ #im sick of society telling ME im the sick one the distubed one #im the one w a personality #w a personality disorder lmao*** #yet every one else are x100000 more avoidant than me #it's a joke!!!!!! absolutely fucking ridiculous #i barely have patience w ppl anymore bc all they do is blah blah blah but 1% of what they say is actually true #yeah yeah blah blah you're just wasting air atp maybe just stfu #dont say things u cant stand for #god im so fucking angry like????? why is it so hard for y'all to fucking TALK. say what u mean!! say what u wanna!!!! #talk things our instead of running away like a dumb fkn coward everytime smth gets a bit tough #or it's more like everyone have these extremely high nd uttainable expectations nd demands of u #nd if u dont live up to them suddenly you're trash nd they dont even want to talk abt things #bc you're not the perfect little thing they made up in their head #ugh fucking yikes people are so incredibly infuriating #i wish i could just find my ONE person nd then just go off nd be w them nd not bother w everyone else jfc #ok i obvi cant speelll when im angry whatever

[samarecharm]

So funny that i find myself w less and less new music to discover compared to what i was finding in my teen years, and i am like 98% sure its bc i havent watched frag videos or amvs in over a decade 😭

#chattin #like nearly 60% of my songs are from my ipod. #my IPOD #hundreds of songs i found from watching High Art from before 2012 #i have songs from last fm that literally do not exist ANYWHERE anymore. like i gotta make an effort to upload some of these for ppl #whereas most of my newly discovered songs are from artists i found prior to 2012 (and theyre still making music) #artists adjacent to THOSE artists #video game music #and artists related to that music #so im not like. exposed to completely mew and untethered music yanno? #mew……i meant NEW 😭 #that one insane uno video had a really REALLY good song and i have no idea if it was made for the video or if it exists on ytube or bandcamp #and i absolutely count that as an amv lmao #i think its bc i dont play games that would make for good frags anymore like ovw and halo #and i dont watch anime anymore so i havent tried to watch amvs #like. there was a really good mp100 one but i wasnt invested enough to look for more 😭 #maybe i should ask my sister for some jjk amvs….theres lots of fighting in that one right? i think that would help #u have no idea what people deem a good song for amvs and thats what makes them so fun; i love knowing what people listen to #oh i just realized; i think i am showing my age; do ppl even call it frags anymore??? #is it an amv or a fancam?? or something else…i also dont use tiktok so im unsure of the terms there too…

[todayisafridaynight]

would it be okay if u told me why u like aoki😭/gen😭😭😭😭BEEN TRYNA LIKE HIM FOR SO LONG I JUST CANTT but i love ur art so much so i still consume it otherwise lol

i liked tohru adachi in high school and tbh i think that alone is enough of an explanation for why i ended up liking aoki

#snap chats #haha see i told you last post's tags were relevant #anyway vLKVJEVLKAEJVLKJ IM CRYING ANON youre so funny. this is the funniest ask i coulda got thank you so much #i dont know why i like him either <- yes i do #fine lets get Real Talk about it #well first off all i thought he looked hot rolling out the elevator and i was playing the eng dub and i think his voice sounds hot there #and thats like. not athing that happens to me ever <- literally thought sawashiro was hot two frames into the game but anyway #i like politician characters. or characters that are in a position of power ESPECIALLY if they have to act like they dont suck balls #like i very much love the idea of the power of charisma and that type of thing not to mention the 'strategizing' as aoki puts it #that comes with politics. LIKE HE SUCKS DONT GET IT TWISTED HE SUCKS BUT //shrug emoji// #like its why i love the mine rggo stories i like seeing mine's thought process and how he uses his intelligence #smart's sexy to me idk what to tell you but moving on #its fun watching him lose his cool too ESP IN HIS FIGHT LMAO HE STOMPIN HIS FOOT LIKE A TODDLER SHUT UP #i also really love the arakawa family in general and thinking of aoki's relationship with each of them makes my brain explode #especially him and sawashiro that shit is painful to watch and i love it so much #i also thought him going from goth to republican was the funniest shit in the world like i howled at that AND i was distraught #aokis so interesting to me from the notion that he IS loved by his family but he has so much hatred for himself it eats him up #and as a result he cant be happy no matter what he does- how hes constantly seeking validation even if it's nothing meaningful #his lil. Dog-Eat-Dog world world belief to ichi also appealed to my edgy depressed high schooler brain. sorry. #his speech at the lockers also got to me. unfortunately. sorry everyone i empathized too hard it got too real it wasnt funny anymore #like as much as i complain bout the very end the ending is what solidified me liking aoki if not also cause of ichi's impact in those scene #plus... analyzing him and the environment around him is so much fun too.... #idk reasons for why i like aoki also boil down to personal reasons. he still sucks tho so i cant be upset when people hate him LOL #i probably have more reasons or could elaborate more i love rambling but i mean. who really wants to read all that 💀💀 #maybe for a character that WASNT the worst but. aoki is so LMAO #thank you for loving my art regardless :) im sorry i have to be attached to the worst guys ever

[hella1975]

the closest ill ever get to being a pick me girl is the joy that fills me when the chefs at work so clearly favouritise me. like im there nicely cleaned up in my smart-casual uniform just a 20 year old waitress smiling my customer service smile and behind me spawns Scary Dog Privilege 10x in the form of several burly middle-aged chefs at least three of which have criminal records and would all stick a bread knife in someone for bothering me

#like it's really funny bc i worked HARD with back of house bc i knew my job would be significantly easier if they liked me #(it speeds your orders through. you can ask for things without being told to fuck off during a rush. they'll get you food on shift etc) #and also there's a stereotype especially in fancier places where floor staff look down on kitchen staff and i think that's shitty #so i was always going to be try with them and be nice but ALSO when i first started my job it was in a peak era so while these days #we're struggling a lot and have had to employ a lot of college kids that dont know what they're doing #when i joined it was all private school girls that would swan about the place very snootily. so the divide between front and back of hosue #was INTENSE when i joined. and there i was a little state school girlie and the chefs immediately recognised that #and took me under their wing. so even though the class angle doesnt exist so much anymore and theres majority state schoolers #im still very much in with the chefs in a way not many of the other floor staff are. and there's also the fact im not scared of them #like chefs ARE rude and a lot of them DONT like or even respect floor staff but i will GLADLY tell them to fuck off if i think it necessary #and that's a language they understand like ironically there's one chef that doesnt get on with ANY of the waitresses #(i talked about him on another post he's the soup one) but he likes me bc when he tried that rude dismissive act i told him to shove it #and now the other waitresses literally SEND ME TO TALK TO HIM when they have questions/want something bc they know he'll listen to me #and me and the head chef are besties and the one kp will talk OVER THE OTHER WAITRESSES' heads and completely blank them #so she can talk to me and it's all just really funny bc the kitchen staff LOVE me and that's not even me being arrogant #it's like a known thing at work that they love me and im just. a 20 year old 5'2 waitress with my little pearl necklace and blouse #and some tattooed ginger mohawked 6ft chef is there getting angry for me when i come in complaining about a table #or the kp that is literally on probation will give me a sticky toffee pudding and tell everyone to leave me the fuck alone LMAO #hella slaves to capitalism

[strawberrycircuits]

do you ever think about how even though chell is the only living being in aperature, the robotic facility is somehow more alive than her. all chell has done is the rigorous testing originally designed by the scientists for robots they deemed unfeeling and unthinking, but now that they are gone we can see turrets that were built for destruction composing beautiful symphonies based on a love they were never thought to originally have, p-body and atlas have moments of interaction that show how much they can care about each other in their limited capacity for communication, and even glados slowly comes around on caring about chell. free from those who would do them harm, aperture has outgrown its original limitations and become something greater than it was ever designed to be

I THINK ABOUT IT ALL THE FUCKING TIME ARE YOU KIDDING ME. the idea of chell as a contrast to apertures humanity is SO INTERESTING TO ME because the facility is just positively teeming with life and humanity-- glados and wheatley joke, they have emotions like relief and happiness, anger, jealousy, insecurity-- they lash out when angry and cower and beg for mercy when terrified and, when really and truly confronted with what theyve done, they feel remorse. the turrets beg for their lives and forgive and the personality cores display charisma and arrogance and enthusiasm and for the 400 billionth time everything SINGS to you and chell exemplifies little to none of that. when shes hurt or terrified or remorseful she doesnt show it, she just trucks right on because she has a single goal in mind and by god is she going to execute it. and the idea of the human character being the cold, calculating, goal oriented one who doesnt show fear doesnt show remorse while all the robots are the ones loving and losing and realizing their own personhood makes me so jdflsjksjdfgdfgdkjfgksjdfioesruto435609568039485234i3t][er[;]23[4p][234;r23[4]5p45;6][7456. like. while the facility forces the devices to grow beyond their capabilities and intended functions it forces chell to grow beyond her humanity into this fearless, tenacious specimen that knows what it wants and isnt going to let mortality stop her. i think im goign to throw up

#aperture outgrowing its limitations also makes me nuts because those limitations are very much still there #glados has full control over the facility and yet has to answer to it when it claims shes too corrupted to continue functioning #wheatley is in constant fear of repercussion when theres no one around anymore to even doll out those consequences #personality cores long for things that their structure will never allow them to accomplish (aside from. space core i guess. lmao) #(ALTHOUGH SPACE CORE HAS A LOT OF LINES WHERE HE SUGGESTS HES GETTING BORED OF WHAT HE WAS MADE #TO DO. WHICH WAS ENJOY SPACE. SO ONCE AGAIN THERES ANOTHER INSTANCE OF APERTURE DEVICES #GROWING BEYOND THEIR INTENDED CAPABILITIES) #like! they are the facility and yet they are still trapped by it nonetheless. the scientists might be dead but theyre still #a looming presense because they were always supposed to be a looming presense in the minds of the machines they created. fuck. #also i dont think chell is literally inemotional i think shes actually a strangely forgiving person considering. everything #otherwise why save glados from the bird why reach out for wheatley in the end. yk #im normal. about this 16 year old game series.

[carcarrot]

i love my job that's like if you asked someone to design a place specifically meant to frustrate, torture and overstimulate an anxious person

#i cant do this anymore. i obviously will but like i cant do this anymore #you might think college-eduated professional people in a fancy office building would have some understanding of personal space and manners #but you'd be wrong! #i am staying in this job for everything aside from the actual job itself which i hate #im just here for the pay the insurance and the time off #and the fact that i can carve out important goofing off time during work hours. which just means i can be on my phone lmao #that being said i do sometimes miss my cafe job #i was more my own boss there and often worked completely alone (yay) #whereas here even though im kinda the boss of my own floor. i still have to deal w my dumb supervisor and coworkers and manager #plus at the cafe i had sole control of the music that played there. very important. lots of steely dan #sometimes when the work got really busy it sucked and was overwhelming but it would stil calm down eventually #and ill always hate dealing with annoying customers. but at least there they LEFT #here its the same assortment of idiots every goddamn day. and theyre always around #like yeah the cafe job had annoying things (taking out the trash from the basement. up stairs) #but it did have its fun moments #it just didnt pay nearly as good as this job and had no insurance or paid time off. oh well #this has me thinking abt what if i owned my own place. but i don't wanna

[eyluvu]

AT MY LIMIT‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

#UGHHHH #ITS ALWAYS RHE SAME #when does it stopppppp #im a fucking terriblr person #i want to kill myself #starts aggressively scratching and moaning #vienna rants #lmao #jokds #im like so good rn #i promise #i fucking #hate #FUCK!!!!! #me when i have nobody so i release it to tumblr #i cant anymore #i want to slam my head on the wall #sorry im not trying to get attention #i dont really know what I'm doing anymore #i need help i sont even know whay to do with myswlf anynore

[slutdge]

typical 7 am judas moment where im sobbing over what i could have been and accomplished if my parents had loved me :)

#what a waste of a life this has been #i gotta go to work now at my job i fucking hate and pretend im not constantly tormented by how much better i couldve done #if id just been loved and had the money to succeed #explodes and dies forever lmao #what did i do that was such a crime even as a baby that they hated me since the day i was born #what is so wrong with me #what is so intrinsically wrong with me that they have hated me since i was born?????? i drive myself crazy thinking about it #im totally fine and calm and collected enough to go to work (im not. i wish i was fucking dead. i cant take this anymore) lol #anyways broken record i know yall are tired of hearing about it. imagine how tired i am of living like this for 24 years lmao

[0bir]

god what am i doing lol

#orbit fear #splatoon #splatoon 3 #horrorboros #baphomet #yeah idk why this is in the fear tag i forgot the reason halfway through drawing thus #who cares im putting it in there #anyways i fused my favourites together #yay ^_^ #smh #what am i even doing anymore lmao

[bastardsofravenkroft-blog]

wait what happened with pissditching? im p sure you talked abt them in an ask response but i never understood what happened...

basically pissditching is friends with revengeromance and girlgerard (both of whom i dislike atp*) i said something in the tags of a post abt how i was pissed at revengeromance for something (unrelated) and pissditching found it and lowkey harassed me and several friends over it and said some real fucking weird shit to me so i blocked them (and probably said something snarky abt them on main but i dont really remember)

*i dont personally like these two users bc they (specifically gg) are the forefront of call gerard way nothing but she/her and i think thats fucking weird 🙂 personally. so i have them blocked and don’t interact with anyone around them at all.

#so in the tags of a random post i mentioned leo. so like. what was pissditching doing on my blog huh. i know but i dont want to get that far #into it honestly. at least publicly. but i know what they were doing lmao #do i make an ass of myself on the internet at times for reminding ppl someone’s prns? yeah probably. jokes and affection can be okay #but every. fucking. time. is so fucking weird. and gross. at least to me but what do i know. anyways #theres two ppl in that circle who i really hate enough to not mention here.i have nothing neutral to say at all. neither are gg or pd. #anyways this is also why i don’t interact with most of the fandom anymore its just so exhausting #ppl say that sort of shit to g. and as a qnc/queer person it just gets to me yk #btw im not posting this to “start drama”. dont even. the “gender wars” are such bullshit it’s embarrassing #crimson answers #crimson speaks #reportinglivefromsoda #the jester #the flunkies

[silenthillbunni]

🐁☁️🌫️

#sorry gnna sound like a shit person now but im not feeling well i just need to rant #nothing good ever happens to me. every aspect of my life is a mess. im constantly miserable w nothing to pull me out of it #it's been getting worse nd worse for years nd if it keeps getting worse im not gnna be able to take it much longer #ofc there are sooo many others who have it way way way worse than i do. so i feel weak nd pathetic for being so affected by it when i know #it could be literally sm worse than it is now. like i get that. i know im not nearly as bad off as many ppl are #but idk still it's rlly tough to have *nothing* that makes me keep going. the literal only thing is that i dont kms bc i dont wanna hurt mom #bc im poor so i cant do ANYTHING. i cant go anywhere. not the cinema not concerts not to the mall not to the bookstore not an amusent park #i cant even go to cafées bc i dont have any money at all to spend on that #i have no friends to hang out w. even if i couldnt afford going anywhere i cant even just take a walk or sit nd talk to them bc there r none #my sisters havent talked for me in over a year #and like yada yada i dont have anything to pull me out of my misery bubble. no friends to comfort me no family to hang out w #nothing to do or nowhere to go. hell i havent even been able to eat for 8 months so i cant even like eat smth yummy nd watch a movie lmao #i cant even read bc of the constant noise! i cant go out into the forest bc there r always subway construction work or choppers or gun shots #i know im 'focusing on the negative' but what am i supposed to do when theres nothing positive to focus on lol????? #im always physically uncomfortable bc of pain nd health issues nd im always anxious nd stressed too so like... yay #and. this is where i sound mean but like after years nd years of nothing good happening to me... idc for others anymore like #when they talk abt their loving relationships and their kind friends nd them going to concerts im like.. wow !! u get to be happy!! i dont!! #im just envious nd jealous nd bitter bc why cant i have ANYTHING good???? not just ONE fkn thing? #other ppl get to have multiple things but i get nothing????? #and its not exactly like i hate them or wish illwill on them im just like wow kinda dont feel sympathy for u bc u have sm things #i've never had :))) nd u can never understand how awful it feels to be deprived of it so idc :))))