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nyxdelanuit · 4 years

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Don’t Hook Up With Your Friends (Sero x F!Reader)

Jealous!Bestfriend!Sero x F!Reader

Warnings: NSFW, Smut ahead~

To say you and Sero were close would be a bit of an understatement. The two of you debuted as sidekicks in the same agency and though you had picked different agencies as fully-fledged pro-heroes, Sero was never far from you. This had culminated into you being entwined with his group, affectionately called the ‘Bakusquad,’ despite Bakugou huffing every time they referred to it as such. Being so close to Sero and his friends had some interesting repercussions, such as Sero and Mina trying to hook you up to each and every one of their available classmates.

You should have been thankful, that was how you landed your job as a hero at Shouto’s agency. You were a nice counterpart to Shouto’s stoicism and the media ate up your hot and cold personalities. This also meant you were conned into a date with Kaminari, his usual flirty nature replaced by a bleating, nervous wreck, flowers and all. You had banned any and all blind dates after that. Kaminari could barely look you in the eye anymore.

As close as you were to them, especially Sero, there was one secret you held close. One secret that meant no amount of hook-ups or blind dates would work. You were hopelessly in love with Sero. Every smile, every touch, every joke lit up your world. This was the reason you would never tell him. How could you risk losing that? There was a ridiculous level of burnout in the pro-hero scene, but one joke from Sero would pull you from the depths of your worst days. No, you were content being Sero’s friend. Perhaps even best friend.

You truly shared everything with him, which was why you were spending one of your precious free Friday nights sprawled out on his couch complaining about your lack of a love life.

“I just need a good fuck, Sero.” This fazed neither of you. With the introduction of Mina, you and Sero had learned the unadorned truth of each others preferences. From then on, it was less awkward to run with it than to avoid it. Now there was no filter to what you could talk to him about.

Sero chuckled, waving his phone. “I still have a few friends we haven’t tried. I could make some calls?” His wide grin faltered as you threw a round pillow at his face. He caught it out of the air and glanced around it. “I know they’re called throw pillows, but I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to actually throw them.”

You rolled your eyes, but the corners of your mouth still pulled up into a grin. “Sero! I said no more hooking me up with old classmates. You know that I’m already terribly in love with someone.” Yes, even this he knew. He heard how you pined for someone, he just didn’t know it was him. It was only fair, Sero often talked about his crush. Neither Sero nor you pushed for a name, knowing you would be pressured to reveal your own.

“Don’t you think it’s time to move on?” Sero pouted. He knew you couldn’t resist when he gave you that face.

“What about you? Are you moving on from your mystery girl?” You could tell by the way he averted his eyes that he wouldn’t- couldn’t move on. You tried in vain to push down the ache in your chest. As much as you wanted it to be you, even more so you wanted Sero to be happy.

“This isn’t about me! This is about you pining after someone, who from your own admission is blind to your feelings. Who is, and I quote, ‘Never going to happen.’ At least I’m optimistic.” His grin returned, a little bit lopsided as his thoughts drifted to more romantic affairs.

“It’s kind of hard to move on from someone I see damn near every day, Han.” His goofy grin intensified at your nickname, but you didn’t miss how he turned his phone back to his face. While he didn’t push for a name, he was adamant about trying to figure it out on his own. On his phone was a note listing all the little hints you never meant to give. With another bullet point, he jots down ‘sees often, every day?’ and closes the note.

“Well, instead of sitting here like two lovesick teenagers, why don’t we get out and do something about it. Maybe a couple of drinks and some good music will make you more open to a good hook-up.” He shot you a wink, and you were glad you had such a resistance to his flirtations. Your heart picked up, but the heat didn’t stain your face. There was little resistance from you, anything to make it seem like you had a life.

The sun had set long enough for a chill to set it, and you wrapped Sero’s arm closer around your shoulder. Despite his warning, you didn’t want to deal with keeping track of a jacket tonight. Not that he complained about you sapping his body heat. Luckily, you were able to slip into the cloying heat of the club soon after you arrived. You danced out of Sero’s grasp and to the bar, ordering for you and Sero right away.

You sipped on your drink heavily, wanting the alcohol and music to course through your veins. Sero merely chuckled at you, dipping into his drink to match your pace. A few more drinks and you and Sero prowled the dance floor. For a while, you were content to dance against the twenty-something-year-old frat boys and hero-chasers. A few more drinks and you started to look with intent. Even with the haze of alcohol over your eyes, every dance partner fell short. Curse your standards and subpar sex life.

You knew it was Sero from simply touch alone. It was as if the memory of his hands was seared into your body. You took no time to lean back against him, allowing the bass to drum through your body. You moved as if you were a thrall to the music, letting everything fall back except the noise and all the parts of Sero that pressed against you. His hands were fire on your hips, his face nestled into the crook of your neck. You allowed your hands to caress your sides as they slid up, barely ghosting your breasts. Your breath hitched at their passing, moving ever high to nestle into Sero’s hair.

All at once, you notice his hard length against your ass. It was a wonder you hadn’t noticed sooner. Your body seemed to move of its own accord, spinning in his hold. Sero’s hand dipped from your waist to trail down your thigh and you threw it over his hip. The effect was immediate on Sero, grinding up against you. You threw your head back and barely registered Sero’s face following to trail his nose along your collarbone.

You knew this was more than dancing as soon as you met his eyes. Half-lidded and blown out with lust, you never felt anything burn hotter in your core. You were unaware who leaned in, but your mouth was hot on his. It was nothing like you had imagined your first kiss with Sero, drunken and messy. Teeth hit teeth and lips, but neither of you shied away. As soon as you pulled back, Sero was dragging you from the club.

The two of you laughed as you crashed into Sero’s house. The door clattered and then slammed as you moved your way in, never out of Sero’s grasp. Hands, lips, and teeth were everywhere. You couldn’t tell if your head was spinning from the drinks or the pleasure of Sero touching you like this. Everything was such a blur. You fell into his bed with him settling on top of you. This wasn’t a time for the slow, sensual love you’d like to give him. Not while he’s sucking a deep purple into your neck and the metallic clink of his belt rings in your ears.

Your panties were slipped off and surrendered to a distant part of the room. You didn’t even get a good look at his dick before he ducked back to your lips. The desperate meeting of your mouths and the feeling of his hair running through your hands damn near distracted you from the prodding of his length at your heat. He swiped his cock through your slick, parting your lips as you bucked against him. His hand gripped your shoulder as he pressed into you with a groan. You winced at the stretch and your sober voice wondered softly if you should have prepared a bit more. That thought was quickly lost as the alcohol dimmed the pain. Sero’s soft murmurs into your hair and the shallow, slowly deepening thrusts grounded you as the stretch subsided. You felt his hips brush against yours after a few more thrusts, but you were too needy to listen to your body’s need to adjust. You rolled your hips against him and whined as your clit met the cool air and nothing else. It tempted you to flip Sero on to his back for the simple purpose of grinding the sensitive nub against him, but he quickly stopped those thoughts with a sharp thrust.

With how far gone you both were, there was no pacing. It was all or nothing, and the way Sero’s hips canted against yours, you couldn’t help but give him all you had. You arched you back as he gripped your hips and rutted into your heat. The sweat on you cooled on your skin in stark contrast to Sero’s smoldering heat. “Looks like drinks were enough to loosen you up for a hook-up.” Sero chuckled gruffly. Your heart sank to your stomach with his words. You felt sober all too suddenly as Sero groaned into your neck at his release.

You awoke to the tinny chime of your phone the next morning. For what had transpired last night, your headache was relatively dull. You didn’t dare look back at Sero, his soft snores assuring you that your phone had yet to awaken him. You slipped out of his bed as smoothly as you could, hoping you pulled it off at least a little bit better than a newborn calf. Your phone was snatched out of your bag and muted as you padded into the attached bathroom.

Shouto’s stoic face displayed on your screen as he called you again. “Shouto, it’s my day off, what do you want?” You usually had a bit more patience for these calls, but after the night you had, all you wanted to do was wallow at home by yourself.

“It’s your day off of work, but you did say you would help me train today.” You could almost hear the gentle smirk in his voice. You sighed heavily, running a hand through your hair.

“That’s right, sorry. I thought this was a work call. I… I’m gonna be a bit, but I’ll be there as soon as I can.” You winced as you felt the dried juices rub against your thighs. You hung up shortly after, assuring Shouto that you knew where to go. You peeked out the door, Sero turned toward you but still asleep. After a cursory glance, you gave up on trying to find your missing panties. It was just more time than you had to spare. You did stand for a minute, contemplating whether you should wake Sero. What would you say? ‘Thanks for the fuck, see ya around buddy?’ You didn’t have time to get into what it means for you. At this point, you just wished everything would go back to normal. No, you would pick the coward’s choice out and leave while he was asleep.

If Shouto had noticed the change in your mood that day, he said nothing. Not like you expected him to, he was still emotionally constipated. Sero had gone back to the goofy friend you had grown to love after a day of silence, but now his antics hurt. It was like that night had never happened. While it ached, you thought it was for the best. You’d rather have him like this than not at all. So you followed his lead, responding to all the group chats and texts with your usual fervor, even if you couldn’t bring yourself to believe it.

You had avoided him for a week and a half, something that was almost unheard of in your friendship. As much as you wanted to see him, you needed time to heal. Time to grieve. You were planning on holding out a little longer, but Sero’s reminder of your planned movie night ruined your plans. You couldn’t bail on him again without it becoming suspicious. The last thing you wanted to do was make him question your feelings.

You found yourself at his door, allowing yourself a deep breath before you walked in. “Hey Han, I brought popcorn!” You cheerily yelled into the halls. You set down your bag of goodies on a counter as you walked further in. To your surprise, Sero was sat in the living room, his elbows braced on his thighs as he leaned his head into his hands.

“Sero?” You questioned softly. He looked up to you, his eyes hard and angry. You weren’t used to seeing him angry at all, definitely not directed at you. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?! What’s wrong… you mean besides you ignoring me for over a week! Pretending nothing happened? Leaving me in bed after we fucked to see another guy and not even having the balls to wake me up before you go?” You flinched at his tone, each word like a cut to an already aching heart. “If you thought we could just go back to the way we were, you were wrong.” You broke at that. Pride thrown aside, you launched yourself into his chest.

“Please no Han- Sero, please.” You let your tears fall, as unbidden as they were. You could feel the heat radiating from Sero’s hands as they hovered over your arms.

“No, I can’t just go back to being your friend after this.” You jerked your head up to meet his eyes. His hands finally found purchase on your arms, nervously rubbing them up and down. “You can either go, leave now, or…” You shook your head before he stilled it with his hand. You couldn’t bear looking him in the eye, so you kept your eyes shut tight.

“I can’t lose you.” It was merely a whisper, but it was soon swallowed by Sero’s lips crushing against yours. You were so startled by it that you didn’t think of reciprocating. He was steady as he walked you back to the wall. Being between him and the cold roughness of the wall made your head spin. You gripped his shirt, desperate to anchor yourself to something. His body was pressed against yours, and you wished this was happening in a better situation. If it was friends-with-benefits or nothing, you were sure you could get used to it. It would hurt, but not having him would hurt more.

You gave in, letting his shirt drop from your hands in favor of winding them around his neck. The hot sting of tears burned in your eyes, but you kissed him like you wished you had earlier. Sero wasted no time in running his tongue against the seam of your lips. You opened easily to him, how could you not? It was sweet torture feeling his nose brush against yours as he tilted his head to slot against your mouth. You tried to ignore the feeling of a tear running down your face. Sero’s arms traced down your sides, sending a flutter through you when his hands met the bare skin of your stomach.

You felt empty as Sero pulled away, straying only far enough to push your shirt up and off of your body. He quickly started his assault on your collarbone, suckling an ever-darkening spot on the fragile skin. He continued down to the valley of your breasts. You tried desperately to lose yourself in his actions, to enjoy what you had desired for so long. Your hands searched for him, tangling in his hair as he lavished the skin he could reach.

You arched under his touch, inadvertently rubbing yourself softly against his leg. A gasp escaped your lips, causing Sero to look up at you. You tried to turn your face from him, hiding the wetness on your face but Sero knew you too well. His hands abandoned your sides, finding the swell of your cheeks. A rough thumb swiped at your tears as he kissed your cheek softly. His head bowed, once again nestled in the crook of your neck. You could feel the feather-light touch of his lips against your shoulder.

“I know I make you feel good. I know I can make you happy, so why?” Sero’s voice was a soft whine, the brush of his breath sending shivers through your skin. “Please don’t cry.” His hands fell against the small of your back, bringing you ever closer to him. You cradled his head in your arms, urging your tears to dry. Sero’s tongue wet his lips, accidentally dragging against your sensitive skin. He watched the effect he had on your body, leaving soft kisses on your shoulder. “Just tell me who… I know I’m not the best hero and I know that my looks don’t stand up to some of my friends… but I know you. There’s nothing that you haven’t told me.” His hands traced light patterns on your back. “I know your favorite movies, your order at every restaurant in town. I even know what you want your future house to look like and how many kids you want. You’ve told me all of your fantasies, just like I’ve told you mine. We know each other more intimately than anyone else in the world… so how? Who took you from me?” A defeated chuckle sent hot breath cascading over your skin. “It’s Todoroki, isn’t it?” He finally pulled back to look you in the eyes. You couldn’t hide from him anymore.

“It’s… you. Sero. Hanta, it’s always been you.” You were prepared for him to release you from his hold, but his arms tightened instead. The world seemed to be thrown out of balance as Sero hoisted you over his shoulder. He quickly made his way down the hall and into his room. You bounced softly as he laid you on his bed. Sero returned to ravishing your chest, arms straining against the plush of his mattress to remove your bra. You went to cover your chest, say something in protest, but you were swiftly reminded just how fast Sero had gotten. Before you could move, his tape had already circled your wrists, pinning them to his headboard. Your words died in your throat as you looked up at him, his eyes dark with want and an incomparable joy shining on his face. Sero stood, pulling off his shirt and pants as he grinned down at you.

“So you’re telling me,” he leaned over you, placing ticklish pecks on your hips, “that for years, you have been telling me all these dirty things you want to do with this mystery man,” he paused, allowing himself to enjoy the way you squirmed against his ministrations. “How badly you wanted his touch,” he sucked a dark mark into your hip, “how you wanted to suck him dry.” He made quick work of your pants, slipping them off your legs and abandoned them to the floor. His fingers traced you through your panties, slick already coating them. “And you were talking about me?” He laid a kiss on your thigh as he moved down. “Dirty girl.” His fingers were already hooked around your panties, pulling them slowly down your hips before you found your voice.

“Han, what… what about that girl that you like?” You were desperate to continue, but you needed to know. You watched him grin up at you from between your legs, biting your lip to contain the moan that the sight brought. Your panties were finally stripped from you and went the way of their predecessor, lost to Sero’s room. His fingers trailed up your thighs. “She’s amazing, but she’s oblivious as hell.” You tried to keep your head as his fingers trailed over your slit. “I thought I made my feelings clear over a week ago, but I guess it didn’t take.” You gasped, gripping the tape above your wrists as Sero softly pushed a finger into your warmth. “Lucky for me, I get another try.” It didn’t make sense, Sero knew how you felt now, and you knew Sero wouldn’t say things that would hurt you so badly. He ducked his head down, lapping at the excess wetness dripping from your core. You dropped your head to the pillows with a groan. “And she tastes so sweet.” It took a moment to register as Sero’s tongue circled your clit. Your head snapped up, desperate to see him. His eyes stared up at you hungrily as he lapped at you. Another finger entered you, curling and scissoring you open.

“Ha-Han! Please tell me you’re saying what I think you are?” He wiped the slick from his face as he crawled up your body. His fingers pistoned inside you as his palm ground softly against your clit.

“We’ve been pretty dumb, huh?” he peppered your face in sweet kisses. “I love you. Always have.” His last kiss pressed to your lips. Sero knelt, using his free hand to release you from the tape. You hands went to his hair, pulling him back into a messy kiss.

“You are an asshole, Han.” You panted against his lips.

“Your asshole, hopefully.” You swatted at his shoulder. Despite the remnants of tears glistening in your eyes, you smiled up at him.

“You’re stuck with me now.”

“Then let’s make it official.” He shucked his boxers in record time, removing his fingers only to glide your slick on his cock. You watched, enraptured, as he closed his eyes in bliss. His lip was worried between his teeth and you couldn’t resist tracing it with your fingers. You pulled his lip from his teeth before allowing yourself to trace down his body, following the lines of his lithe muscles. Sero rubbed his length against you, causing your breath to hitch every time it passed your oversensitive nub. Delicate nips and kisses were laid at your throat, traveling down your chest. Your arms grasped as Sero’s back as his lips brushed your nipple. His tongue traced idly around it, enjoying the way you tried to press yourself closer to his mouth. He obliged finally, sucking your nipple into his mouth softly. His tongue swirled around before releasing it with a satisfying pop. He quickly moved across your chest, repeating his movements as he ground himself against you.

“Hanta, please,” You maneuvered your hand between the two of you, trying to line him up with your opening. He chucked against your chest, sending the vibrations rippling through you. Your hand was softly pulled from his length. He brought your wrist to his lips, laying a kiss over your pulse before placing your palm on his chest. Sero adjusted between your legs, gripping himself as he ran his head over your slick lips. He touched his forehead to yours, gazing into your eyes adoringly as he slowly pressed inside. The stretch felt heavenly. Sero claimed your lips, a passion you had hardly felt before radiating from every touch.

Sero thrust into you slowly, taking his time to bottom out. He stilled as he did, peppering your face with kisses before snaking his arms underneath you. His first few thrusts were shallow as he took his time to enjoy your heat wrapped around him. It was a stark comparison to your first encounter.

He held you close to him, pressing kisses to every bit of skin he could reach. Each press of his lips was like a prayer, an apology for every day he made you wait, every time one of you had missed the obvious signs, every time something he said came out wrong. Your skin was begging to buzz from his affections. His fingers trailed up your shoulders, one hand cupping the back of your head as he focused on curve your jaw. He suckled a mark into the juncture of your neck causing you to buck into his lazy thrusts.

After a moment of hesitation, he rocked to the side rolling you on top of him. His hands slid down your back, settling on your hips as he helped you keep pace. He stared up at you like a worshipper at an altar, reverence and awe written on his face. His lips were swollen from his affections. You couldn’t resist dipping down to run your tongue over his lip, drawing a moan from deep withing him. He bucked up into you harder, urging you to pick up the pace. Your hands settled on his stomach, trailing through the sparse hair leading to where you were connected. The feeling of his hands pulling you down against him was a sweet torture, almost saccharine. Each time he brought you down on himself, you ground against him, pulling gasps and moans from the both of you. Your lewd duet only served to drive you higher, the sounds of your skin meeting his as your wetness pooled around you a lustful accompaniment. Your fingers stopped their roaming as you used your hands to help lift you higher, faster. You chased after your high, eyes locked onto your lover’s. His eyes were lidded and blown out as he panted underneath you. His dull nails desperately tried to find purchase in your hips, pulling you harder against him as he bucked into you.

Your moans only grew louder the harder he pushed. Sero seemed reluctant to move his hands from your hips, but the desperation of his face mirrored the quickening pace he set. His hand sent sparks through you as it dragged over your hip, settling on your oversensitive nub. He rubbed lazy circles against it, pulling broken moans from you. His touch was feather-light, causing you to grind even harder against him to gain friction.

You knew he felt you clench again him as he groaned, his eyes fluttering behind his lids. His hips stuttered and you took control, not faltering in your pace until your crest washed over you. Sero couldn’t hold back any longer, the fluttering of your walls driving him to buck into you with a desperate fervor. It only drew out your ecstasy as he chased after you. His release pulsed inside of you soon after.

You collapsed onto his chest, uncaring of the sweat that clung to the both of you. His forehead fell to yours, his breath hot against your face. You couldn’t bring yourself to care at the moment. You basked in the moment, pressing lingering kisses to his face as he did to you before. You would have been content to stay like this for a while, if not for the obnoxious sound of crunching popcorn from the doorway. Sero quickly pulled a sheet up over your bare form, slipping you to his side furthest from the door.

“Oh, you don’t have to stop on my account.” Mina popped another handful of popcorn into her mouth. She leaned causally against the door frame, a wicked grin plastered on her face. “Just thought you guys might want a reminder that movie night is a group thing. That started like fifteen minutes ago.” Sero stood with a start, finally getting over the shock of Mina appearing in his doorway. You didn’t want to dwell on how long she had been standing there. Sero quickly wrapped a blanket around his waist, leaving the sheet to cover you. He nearly stumbled over the dragging fabric as he rushed Mina out of the door, slamming it behind her. Her boisterous chuckle was loud even with the barrier between you. “Maybe close the door next time?” She cheered.

Sero turned back to you, an embarrassed grin on his face. “Well, I guess we better get dressed and get this over with.” He sighed, scratching at his face. You nodded, sitting up with the sheet pulled to your chest.

“Hey Hanta?” You murmured.

“Yeah?” He didn’t even look up as he scanned the room for his clothes.

“If you liked me so much, why did you keep trying to set me up with your friends?”

“First of all, I love you, not just like you,” he straightened to look you in the eye seriously, “and I just wanted you to be with someone who would be good to you.”

“And you weren’t part of that list why?”

He chuckled, “Doesn’t matter now.”

“Oh, and why is that?” You asked coyly, unable to resist the usual banter.

“Because I’m gonna marry the shit outta you.” His trademark grin was stretched across his face, warning your heart. Even with your fondness for him, you couldn’t let him get off with such a bold statement.

“Why sir, we’re not even dating and you’re talking marriage?” You gasped dramatically into your hand.

“Oh my apologies,” He threw the end of the blanket over his shoulder before dipping into a frivolous bow, “I would be forever grateful if my lady do me the honor of letting me court her.” His eyes twinkled in delight as he extended a hand to you. You accepted, holding the sheet to yourself as you returned an equally cheesy curtsy.

“How could I turn down such a chivalrous request.” You fell into Sero’s hold as laughter bubbled up between you. The two of you broke apart to search for stray clothes. You grimaced as you held up your panties, drenched and cold. Sero must have seen the dismay on your face.

“Catch.” He called from across the room. You barely caught a bundle of his clothes before glancing over to him in confusion. “Your shirt is in the living room,” he snickered, “and I figured you would be more comfortable in clean clothes.” Warmth bloomed in your chest at his thoughtfulness. You slipped on a pair of his boxers and shorts before slipping on an oversized tee. Sero tugged to you his side, tucking you under his arm. “You look good in my clothes.” He grinned against your hair.

“I like being in your clothes.” You retorted, mirroring his grin. He ushered you out of the room, not bothering to pull away from you. Everyone had at least heard the two of you already, no point in pretending.

The squad was gathered in the living room, and uncomfortable silence hanging over everyone except Mina, who twirled your shirt on her finger. Bakugou stared angrily out the window, but the tips of his ears were bright red. Kirishima was more upfront. His face practically glowed red.

“Uh, good for you guys!” He choked out, thrusting out a thumbs up towards you and Sero.

Oddly enough, Kaminari seemed the most put together. “So does this mean I don’t get a second date?”

#sero x reader #sero smut #sero hanta x reader #bnha smut #mha smut #bnha x reader #mha x reader #nyx writes

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quietthickwaterproof · 5 years

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⛓Tell me about a piece of jewelry you have⛓

So…this is a quick google search of the pin I have because I’m lazy and don’t want to upload it. It’s a Disney-parks exclusive rainbow “lucky emblem” and I love this thing. Despite the high quality of the pin, mine’s pretty beat up. I used to wear it on a hat but now it’s on the strap of my bag. The ugly bag I take everywhere with all my emergency needs. It’s an oversized purse, let’s not pretend. It’s my only gay regalia. I’d add more but I never thought about it. I kind of want to track down the Mickey hands in the heart shape rainbow but I think that’s rarer.

Not even the point.

So…I didn’t pick this up at the park. It’s actually been a long long time since I’ve been to Disneyland. It used to be such a casual thing to drop into the park when I was younger, even if my parents never took me. And now that I’m older, the scene’s changed and I’m…me. A mess. I’d love to go. But it’d have to be in such ideal, unplanned conditions and I no longer live close enough to predict “okay, I think I can handle it today” so it’ll probably remain a wish and shame. I feel actual shame I can’t/won’t go to the park. So maybe that should be a goal to set but set it really far into the future so it’s not weighing on me. Worth…discussing…I guess… *notes to bring this up at therapy*

I’ve always had a “more bang for your buck” type mentality. I like my cross overs. So gay + Disney? Nice. But I’d have never picked this out. A friend got it for me and he honestly said it was more of a joke. I don’t think he realized I was a Disney fan. I mean, yeah, I know Kingdom Hearts fans that aren’t that into Disney, or are casually into it because what American isn’t, but also like, I remember the absolute rejection of the game as a whole because “what sort of Mickey Mouse game is this?” like it couldn’t be good, let alone meaningful because it’s Disney. Like, ya’ll watch the same movies I did?

I guess I could go into that but…

Mickey Mouse has this same negativity of being less than. I think they mean sanitized, but it turns into “not important”. And I guess there’s some irony to my friend that I’d be a corporate gay. A Mickey Mouse gay. Whatever.

I like it, because I watched Disney and I like men.

I have so much of me that’s “gay Disney fan” I could expand upon. God…heavy. And I thought this would be easy.

So it’s not immaturity but a fondness of stories and life. They can relish in tropes and feel-goods, and fakeness, but why not? Why does my life have to be real all the time? I see a lot of posts now embracing women and fairy tales where it’s about making themselves the center of the stories and fighting for virtues and I think that can be universal but I guess I just wanted some folklore. Probably the appeal of comics, too. Batman and Bambi are my pantheon. Sorry folks.

I didn’t have a lot of culture that was “for me” when I was younger so I went and found it. And I think, well, my parents bought me Disney tapes and Fox threw Batman at my feet, so…there’s my stories. I’m not understanding where I had to “see myself” to love something.

There this Mickey, Donald, Goofy short where they go cross country. I don’t know what it’s called. But it’s all the problems that happen. And I LOVE IT. Never happened to me. Still just one of my favorites.

So I’m no Aladdin or Jasmine. No Elsa or Hans. But…I still see myself in Disney because they were made for me. A latino gay man with agoraphobia and from a working-class family. Do I think Disney would be better if I could see someone more like me? Hell yeah. Sanitize my life and make me a princess. But handle it with all the other cultures you steal–respect. I’d rather be Timon than LeFou.

And I think I might add some more gay regalia because who’s it for but me?

#answered ask #disney #gay disney #therapy post #jewlery #representation #lgbtq #gay #long #I think I was supposed to be more therapy-esque on this one #sorry not a session

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cryptswahili · 5 years

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Living on Bitcoin Day 6: An Artist, a Dev and a Moon Boy Walk Into a Bar…

This is the fifth instalment of reporter Colin Harper's "Living on Bitcoin" experience in San Francisco. Find out what happened to him earlier on Day 1 , on Day 2 , on Day 3 , onDay 4 and on Day 5.

On day six I woke with a renewed sense of energy. My last two days in San Francisco were booked up with plenty to do, and yesterday’s purchase had reinvigorated the experiment’s sense of purpose.

That morning I wrote, paid Kashmir back for the breakfast (she got into her Coinbase account) and set out for two days of Bay Area shenanigans that would include meeting a local crypto artist, getting tipsy with bitcoin and sleeping (and sailing) in the East Bay on a boat that threatened to capsize.

Around 1:00 p.m. I caught an Uber into the Financial District to meet up with Dustin, a multi-talented developer who had responded to a Reddit thread I made leading up to my week here. He invited me sailing, but the weather was sketchy — it had been raining for the better part of my time in San Francisco and there were winds and storms in the forecast — so we decided to meet at Digital Garage, a coworking space on Market Street that accommodates many cryptocurrency projects.

I was loitering in the lobby when he passed me, and we registered who the other was immediately. Big, tall, bearded with long, blonde hair, a tremendous smile and goofy disposition, he crossed from the other end of the lobby to greet me.

He’s got the hair, the beard, the “No worries, dude” vibe. We’re going to get along great.

We did.

As we entered the working space, I was pleased to see a cryptograffiti original on prominent display, which added an air of authenticity to both his presence in the space and to the San Francisco crypto community for supporting a local, industry-specific artist.

Posting up at a table in the working space, we hit it off and began jumping from one crypto topic to the next. Turns out, he’s a lone-wolf dev who’s building a hardware wallet with bluetooth-enabled mobile controls — not unlike Ledger’s own Nano X, I suggested. He hadn’t heard of it before.

“Well, they might have the bluetooth, but I doubt it’s trustless and multi-sig,” he tells me, going on to say that he knows of no other trustless hardware wallet. Interest piqued, I surveyed his app and the hardware wallet prototype, which he’s also building himself.

“You’re just a one-man band, aren’t ya?” I remarked, impressed, after learning that he was building everything himself.

He’s a bit of a crypto OG, it seems. He’s been in the space since 2011 and hangs around the Bitcoin Core internet relay chat (IRC), where he says he’s been humbled on a few occasions. I asked for his veteran perspective to help explain why I couldn’t find any more stores in the area that accept bitcoin. He suggests that it’s intertwined in the same trend that has made Silicon Valley so banal to him.

“Bitcoin has really exacerbated the aspects of Silicon Valley I don’t like,” he admits. “It has an appreciation for altcoins or stablecoins, but not really for bitcoin, hard money. I think there’s this culture in San Francisco that just idolizes what investors like, what’s new. I heard someone say Silicon Valley is about new things — bitcoin isn’t new anymore.”

Everyone’s just looking for “the next big thing” or “the next Bitcoin.” They’re not going to find it, was more or less his view, and he believes that the focus shouldn’t be creating something new but improving what we already have.

“I’ve heard it said that the East Coast owns things while the West Coast makes things,” he theorized, “and if that stereotype were true I could see more people taking bitcoin.

“I think the challenge is that the majority of people don’t understand security stuff. The people who buy these don’t understand half of it. The challenge is teaching them,” he said, broaching the evergreen topic on the “how-tos” of adoption.

Our conversation was kinetic and animated as we touched on a wide range of crypto-related topics. I’m not surrounded by developers much in Nashville (especially not crypto/blockchain ones), so the opportunity to talk to one who knew the ins-and-outs (and knew them real well) left my curiosity welling with streams of new, if half-hatched, bitcoin applications and infrastructural ideas.

We talked crypto assets insurance (a concept which we both had previously hatched complementary business models for), his conceptualization that the network serves users and not miners (he believes that “hashing wars” are irrelevant, since, ultimately, the users will decide which chain they buy in to) and his surprising penchant for interacting with some of the space’s most prodigious and controversial celebrities without knowing who they are.

At one point, he had left his laptop at the Crypto Castle only to retrieve it, unmolested, from the same couch he left it on a month later, though he didn’t really know who Jeremy was. I brought up Brock Pierce and his benevolent-or-parasitic (depends on who you ask) ventures in Puerto Rico. When Dustin was still involved in the Valley’s tech party scene, he was acquainted with him before either even knew about bitcoin.

“Ohhh, that’s Brock Pierce. I know him — I just didn’t know his name. We used to party a lot 10 years ago. That’s hilarious.”

Everyone knows everyone in this industry, and the degrees of separation between connections is often slim. It’s like Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon but with Bitcoin.

He would reaffirm this observation throughout our talks. For instance, he had applied for Coinbase back in 2013, a job he didn’t end up getting — though Armstrong’s consolation prize was pretty nice.

“He gave me a bitcoin,” he said, smiling and holding up his hands like he was holding something ethereal. “It was like 34 bucks then.”

The literal token of gratitude for being one of Coinbase’s first applicants.

That would have been sometime in 2013, maybe even right before Hill’s article. Funny, he was probably up for the position of Coinbase’s third employee.

I ordered some pad thai for lunch on Uber Eats, tried to manage some work but was ultimately distracted by my on-going, engaging conversations with Dustin. He’d agreed to go with me to the Bitcoin meetup at Stookey’s that night. To kill time until then, we decided we would give BitPay an office visit. I wanted to ask them about the decreasing presence of bitcoin-accepting merchants in the bay area, and see if the trend was national and global.

I called the office but only succeeded in leaving a voicemail, so we decided that running the errand on foot would give us our best shot. BitPay has two offices listed on Google. One was, no doubt, a mailing address but we had no way of figuring out which one.

The rain-soaked walk was made easier thanks to our umbrellas (Hans had graciously loaned me his, a feeble but functional black pocket umbrella). On our way, we took a detour so that I could try out a bitcoin ATM.

The experience wasn’t as gratifying as I had hoped, mainly because it didn’t feel like actually buying bitcoin — it was more like buying credit or a coupon for bitcoin, the opposite of what I had been doing all week: using bitcoin to buy credit and coupons in the form of gift cards.

The Coinme ATM was located in something of a mall a block over from the Moscone Center. I decided to use cash, but upon using the machine, any chance of anonymity was promptly thwarted.

First, it asks you to insert your ID, followed by a request to take a picture to verify that identity (that I would have to basically do know-your-customer (KYC) verifications twice to buy bitcoin with cash was anathema to me). After this it asked me for my phone number and email address, which I found ironically less intrusive after having to be photo identified. When all this was done, it printed a slip of paper with a username and password, along with a URL at which I could access the $10 worth of bitcoin I had bought.

Cool, I can’t even access it yet and don’t even hold the keys. Certainly different from when Hill used a makeshift, trustless prototype at Internet Archives in 2013 before the first crypto ATMs had been produced. Back then, it was just a computer and a cash box, which any employee could use to withdraw or deposit bitcoin for cash. Same concept, but more anonymous, easy and endearingly janky (you had to trust people not to steal cash from it, though).

The disheartening and borderline frustrating experience (it felt a bit cheap, a normal monetary transaction service masquerading as a crypto one) was aggravated when a Ramen vending machine 20 yards away teased cryptocurrency as a purchasing option, only to qualify the payment as “Coming soon!” at checkout.

We went on with our search for BitPay, but it was ultimately fruitless. At the first location, our call on the building’s outside directory went unanswered. At the second, we were told that BitPay no longer occupied space in the building, so we decided to pack it in.

Fighting the wind that had whipped up in our mile or so walk, we took refuge in an Chinese food joint that Dustin was fond of. We split a helping of kung pao chicken, which I repaid in bitcoin. Dustin had become an IRL intermediary through which I could enjoy those elusive dining-in-with-bitcoin experiences.

Dinner finished, we found our way to Stookey’s, an intimate, cooly lit bar that could comfortably seat maybe 30 people. We were fashionably late and took a seat at the rightmost end of the bar. I was unpleasantly unsurprised to discover that no one else had shown up for the meetup yet. For the first 30 minutes, we were the only ones, it seemed, a disappointing situation that was becoming par for the course in a week of almosts.

But it was also a win. I got to spend my bitcoin again, this time on a delicious pisco sour (a Peruvian, egg-white cocktail with a pisco base, bitters and limes) and enough beer and other cocktails to get a buzz on and cringe at the thought that the prices were not too far off from Nashville’s own.

Striking up a conversation with a wispy black-haired guy who “is kinda a tech geek,” Dustin asked him if he was there for the meetup. He said no, admitting that he was a bit skeptical of the whole thing. He rehashed an old misperception that I’ve heard from numerous naysayers, and the fact that I’m forgetting it now is either a testament to the cocktails’ potency or to the fact that most arguments against bitcoin (especially from the underinformed) have all been packaged into a nebulous hodgepodge of complaints that, in their ubiquity, have begun to resemble each other).

Dustin and I hit it off with one of the bartenders, who showed a greater-than-average understanding of crypto — so much so that he had educated opinions on forks, proof of work vs. proof of stake, and Ethereum’s Constantinople upgrade. He’s been invested for two-and-a-half years, though he had been tuned into the market and started conducting due diligence two years before that.

I asked if any of the crypto-focused co-owners were around so I could grill them. One of them, a close friend of his, was sojourning in Mexico, as one does when crypto rich. Our bartender was a more-than-adequate stand-in for my questions, seeing as he’d been at the bar for two years, so I asked him if he’d noticed a drop-off in Bitcoin meetup interest.

“They go up and down. We’re in between,” he said, conceding that they had been considering scaling the meetups down from weekly to quarterly.

He also shared his personal experience of the hassles that come with accepting bitcoin, particularly in times of network bloat. “Fees were getting ridiculous on BitPay,” he told me. “A $14 cocktail becomes a $24 cocktail and people don’t want to pay.”

“How many people pay in bitcoin, would you say?” I asked him.

“A few, mostly during the meetups obviously. Every now and then, someone will be a few drinks in, realize we take it and then want to pay that way.”

After about an hour, I turned to my left to observe a room whose patronage had thinned out in tandem with the vanishing contents of our glasses. With the room cleared, I could make out two dudes having an enlivened conversation two seats down from us: one, tall and thin-ish; the other, shorter and bulky, with blond hair.

“I think that’s Dan Held,” I told Dustin, referring to the blond character. True to form, Dustin didn’t seem to know who Dan was, showing the willful introversion of a man who is more preoccupied with the code of the industry over its personalities.

I went over and introduced myself, thanking Dan for an op-ed he had recently submitted to Bitcoin Magazine and telling him a bit about my experiment. I related it back to Kashmir Hill’s own, where he was featured in the final day of her 2014 excursion.

Dan invited me to get coffee the next day, but I said it would be tricky given my schedule. I would be busy in the morning and evening, and I had plans to meet up with cryptograffiti, a San Francisco-based crypto artist, in the afternoon.

He gave a half-cocked smile and nodded to the man he had been talking with.

“No way, seriously?” I said, shocked at the serendipity.

“Yeah, that’s me,” the tall man responded with a grin.

With introductions made, we talked a bit, and I learned (not to any surprise) that the artist was a maximalist of sorts.

“Bitcoin is my baby,” he said with the simultaneous seriousness and self-aware waggishness of a true believer.

Like Dustin, cryptograffiti was an OG. Always jumping at the chance to glean another point of view, I relayed the frustrations that had obstructed my week on bitcoin, and I asked why there were so few people at the meetup.

“People stopped going to meetups because the focus had changed. It was too financial. People started shutting you down if you knew what you were saying,” he said.

It’s all wrapped up in the paradigm shift the crypto community has experienced since 2013, he believes. Like Dustin, he thinks the altcoin boom exposed how mercurial community attention can be and diverted much of the excitement for bitcoin toward the industry’s new and shiny offspring.

“It’s cool to be contrarian. Everyone is looking for the next thing.”

Dustin joined the conversation, along with another meetup latecomer: a short, spiky-haired Ethereum “moon boy” with wide, distant eyes whom I had met at the conference and who claimed he had conceptualized a “decentralized, global supercomputer” in high school before Ethereum had even existed.

Sure thing, bud.

The meetup, while small, felt profound. It was small, but it was also quality and included a diverse sample of the industry’s many players. It was eclectic and intimate, much like the “Bitcoin at $100” meetup that Hill was a part of. Only ours was smaller, something I would not have anticipated when I started this.

But there was probably a greater diversity of professional specializations in the industry at this meetup: a one-man developer team who seemed to personify Bitcoin’s open-source nature, a Texas boy who had become one of the crypto space’s most recognized entrepreneurs, a San Francisco-based DJ-turned-artist whose crypto-themed artwork sells for five figures (yes, really), a Nashville-based journalist who didn’t know squat about Bitcoin until 2017 and was thrilled just to worm his way into this milieu, and the Ethereum moon boy who did brand relations for an Ethereum-built project.

Bitcoin and crypto had all given us the opportunity to pursue passions and careers within the industry.

Even if its use as an IRL payment has regressed, the impact of the network has been far reaching — the industry is more active than ever. This thought enlivened me.

Dustin had offered me a bed on his boat for the night, something I wasn’t about to pass up, especially with a few drinks in me. It was across the way in Berkeley, so we took the BART. I paid Dustin for a ticket and then a 15-minute drive from Oakland put us at the harbor.

The boat’s exterior gave the impression of a modest and relatively well-maintained sailboat. Below deck, the haphazard displacement of various sundries and provisions presented the habitat of a man who probably had the madness to create things few people could.

The night winding down, we decided to watch/play Black Mirror’s Bandersnatch on Netflix. The choose-your-own-adventure movie’s interactive nature gives a new dimension to Black Mirror’s typical rabbit-hole examination of technology and human frailty. We had both watched it before and wanted to see what different endings we could get.

Even if tenuous, the connection between the protagonist's struggle to create a choose-your-own-adventure game (it’s also glaringly meta, like a lot of Black Mirror’s concepts) in the seminal days of the video game industry and my own struggle to spend bitcoin became apparent.

What alternative endings, universes, paths had I not confronted, found or gone down in the course of my own adventure? Maybe I’d missed some opportunities where I could’ve used my bitcoin. Or maybe this was the most optimal path: I had met Held and cryptograffiti at a meetup and was about to sleep on a boat, owned by a developer whose myriad and disparate interests and lifestyle were like something out of a book.

What other endings are out there? I thought to myself, the boat gently rocking to the bay’s swaying tide.

It was an easy and comfortable sleep.

As Kashmir Hill did in her original journey, Colin is accepting BTC tips to help him along the way.

Tip jar: 3CnLhqitCjUN4HPYf6Qa2MmvCpSoBiFfBN

This article originally appeared on Bitcoin Magazine.

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ellahmacdermott · 5 years