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itsjaywalkers · 2 months

Note

for the prompt game: ROSEKILLER 57 WITH BOXER AU IVE BEEN WAITING MY WHOLE LIFE FOR THIS MOMENT……….. (also i hope you’re having a fun day off laurie hi hi 🥺🤍)

HI HI SAINTS BELOVED <333 i actually didn't get the day off bc i'm an idiot and i couldn't say no when my coworker asked me to change shifts.. but at least i got home before 10pm which . is unusual for me lmao . and today's shift was actually kinda fun so !!

anyways, hope you're having a lovely day and that u enjoy this silly lil thing <3 first peek into boxer au rosekiller <3 (i went a bit overboard but they've been plaguing my mind and u don't deserve less)

57. "Teach me to fight."

It's been more than half an hour of hitting the punching bag nonstop when Barty finally decides to take a break. It's not even because he's actually tired, despite the sweat he can already feel dripping down his back and his face. It's because his bad shoulder—the right one—dislocated during the last combination he tried, and after Barty puts it back in place, he's gotta wait a little bit before going back to training.

This happens way too often for comfort, but it's not really painful anymore—it never really was, or maybe Barty has simply dealt with much worse. Besides, the longer he ignores it, the more serious it'll get, which means he'll have an excuse to go get another check-up.

His manager already warned him when he first got the injury after that stupid fight with stupid Potter. Barty began to grow restless during recovery time, and then decided his shoulder was fine when it stopped hurting.

Obviously, he was wrong. Except, it only dislocates when he goes too hard, and he's learnt how to put it back in place without issue, so really, technically, he was sort of right. What does his manager know, anyway? As long as Barty continues winning and putting money in that fucker's pocket, there shouldn't be any complaints.

He pulls up his tank top and dries off some of the sweat on his neck and the side of his face, while rolling his shoulder gently, testing the waters before he goes back to punching, when the hairs at his nape begin to stand up.

There's no noise, no sudden sounds. Barty doesn't hear the door opening, or closing, and yet, when he turns around, smirk already pulling at his lips, he isn't surprised to find someone standing right behind him.

"Hey, Rosie," he greets the other man, who blinks at him, completely deadpan. "I didn't know you were still around. Long shift today?"

"Yes, you did," Evan responds, that cool tone of his sending a pleasing chill down Barty's spine. "Know, that is. I'm pretty sure you've got my schedule memorised."

Barty takes a few moments to drop the hem of his shirt, because he notices the way in which Evan's gaze drops to his stomach and stays there for a handful of seconds. His expression doesn't change, there isn't even a flicker of something in his face, but the attention is more than enough for him.

"Well, you left your email open and your laptop in my near vicinity." Barty shrugs, eyes running up and down Evan's body. He's still wearing that sexy white coat of his, the shirt underneath it perfectly buttoned and tucked inside his jeans.

There's barely any skin showing, because Evan is a little weirdo, but there's some ankle peeking, since the pants are ridiculously tight on him and the legs keep riding up slightly.

Honestly, it's like he's doing it on purpose. Barty can't be blamed if he ends up hard under his sweats. He can already feel some blood rushing south just at the sight of that tiny sliver of soft brown skin.

"And you downloaded my rotas?" Evan guesses, tilting his head to the side.

"Nah," Barty says, crossing his arms over his chest, flexing a little. "Didn't have to. I've got a damn good memory. I read over them for a couple of minutes until they stuck."

Evan nods, not fazed in the slightest.

"That's why you only come in when I'm on shift," Evan states, and it's not a question. He doesn't seem surprised, or freaked out, but then again, he barely shows any emotions. Apart from irritation, that is, and that one's reserved for when Barty is being especially pushy. Or especially horny.

"I don't think I've ever seen any of the other nurses a single time in my life," Barty tells him with a chuckle.

"You have," Evan retorts, and his eyes narrow the tiniest bit. Barty feels a pull in his stomach. "You were talking to Betty three weeks ago, after your match against Black. The bad one. You let her check your shoulder."

Barty lets out an incredulous laugh, not sure on where to focus first, going dizzy with how badly he wants this freak of a man.

He's obsessed with the way in which Evan always seems to get the urge to clarify which Black he's talking about, as if it's not obvious, considering only one of them fights. How he's always so precise, never allowing any ambiguity into his sentences. How almost nothing seems to hold his focus apart from his experiments and medicine and his patients' injuries, and yet, here he is, remembering when Barty talked to someone else momentarily.

"Did I?" Barty asks innocently, biting the inside of his cheek to keep his shit-eating grin at bay.

"Yes," Evan responds, a little furrow appearing between his eyebrows. "She was touching you."

"Was she?" The corners of Barty's mouth are twitching so much he's sure he must look like an absolute maniac.

"Yes," Evan repeats, some exasperation slipping into his voice. "She wasn't even doing it right. She kept kneading the muscle in the same place, instead of checking the ligament, and she did this for more than five minutes, even though it takes seconds to find out about a dislocation—"

"Rosie," Barty cuts him off gently, watching, with no little amount of delight, how Evan's frown worsens. "I didn't even know her fucking name. I couldn't give less of a fuck about stupid Betty, or whatever the hell she's called."

Evan blinks slowly. "But you—"

"I was tired and sore after that match, my shoulder was bothering me, and she was there. My manager told her to check my shoulder, just in case I had fucked it up beyond solution, but if I had known you were around she wouldn't have laid a single finger on me."

There's a beat of silence, Evan's dead eyes searching all over Barty's face, assessing and determined. He smirks at him, which results in Evan huffing and looking away.

"Don't do it again," it's what he ends up mumbling, and if Barty didn't know any better, he'd dare to say Evan is close to pouting. "You're my patient."

Barty raises both eyebrows, a deranged smile splitting his face while he perks up like a goddamn dog. "Is that jealousy I'm hearing, Rosie?"

"No," Evan drawls, straightening up. "It's just the truth. You're not my only patient, you know? But if you're getting treated by me, then you're not allowed to see any other nurses."

"Damn, way to make a man feel special," Barty scoffs, but he does actually kind of mean it. Which he's aware might be a bit pathetic, but, well, he'll be whatever the fuck Evan wants him to. "Wasn't interested in seeing any other nurses, anyway."

"Good." Evan nods, almost to himself, and Barty has to make an active effort not to coo. "Are you done training?"

Barty blinks a couple of times, slightly taken aback, both by the sudden change of topic and by Evan entertaining conversation. Normally, talking to the other boy feels like pulling teeth—oh, man, Rosie would fucking love this comparison—which Barty doesn't mind because he finds it incredibly fun. Unless Evan is going on one of his medical rants, and yeah, Barty shouldn't find it as attractive as he does, but it's not like he's ever worked like he's supposed to.

But this? This is new.

"Not really," Barty answers, still feeling off-kilter. He shakes his head, forcibly pulling himself out of his mind. "Why? You wanna join me, Rosie?"

"As a matter of fact, I do."

Barty snorts, assuming that it's a joke, even though he's more than aware that Evan doesn't do jokes, because his humour is way too dark, and rarely finds funny what others do. But Evan's expression doesn't change, and Barty nearly chokes on his own spit.

"Wait, you're serious?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You've never been interested in boxing," Barty points out.

"That's a lie. I watch every match," Evan argues, lips pursed.

"Because you're job kind of forces you to."

"Also a lie. I need to be there when I'm on shift, in case they call for me, but I'm not required to actually watch."

"Yeah, but you still do, because your pretty little morbid head goes absolutely feral at the prospect of seeing some blood."

Evan scrunches his nose, as if disgusted.

"You're wrong," Evan lies, expression giving absolutely nothing away. Really, if Barty didn't already know the truth, he'd be inclined to believe him. "It's got nothing to do with that. I like boxing."

Barty huffs, the noise filled with amusement. "Sure you do, Rosie."

"I really do," Evan insists, always so ridiculously stubborn.

"I don't know who you're trying to convince, but—"

"Teach me to fight."

Barty sputters, brows almost reaching his hairline, and he gapes at Evan, who's still staring at him. He seems unaffacted by Barty's dramatics, but then again, he's unaffected by almost everything.

"The fuck?" he manages to spit out at some point.

"Teach me to fight," Evan says again, a lot slower, as if Barty is some kind of idiot. God, he wans to fucking devour him.

Barty isn't sure of what's going on right now. Evan barely interacts with him outside of their appointments, it's always him reaching out, so he doesn't understand what prompted this. What Evan is hoping to achieve.

"Why?"

"I told you, I like boxing."

"Yeah, okay. And the real reason?"

Evan's tongue pushes against the inside of his cheek, and it's so, so hard for Barty, not to make a very inappropriate joke.

"I'm testing something," he admits, albeit bedgrugingly.

"Ah, so you want me to be your guinea pig," Barty sighs a bit dreamily. "That sounds more like it."

"Sure," Evan agrees with unsurprising ease. "Will you?"

"All you had to do was ask, Rosie."

They get to work right after that. Barty doesn't even bother with suggesting a change of clothes, because he's aware of how well that'd be received. The fact that Evan chooses to take the white coat off is already more than Barty expected.

He tries to show him how to stand, how to do a basic punch. Evan knows most of the basic theory, mostly due to how often he deals with boxing injuries, but he's absolutely helpless when he has to act it out himself.

It doesn't matter how often Barty corrects him; he keeps slouching, stance all wonky. He lacks strength, and he takes a bit too long to protect his face after doing a jab.

The main issue, though, is his obvious lack of interest.

Evan seems to be distracted by something, too inside his own head, and when Barty is about to point this out, poke some fun at him in hopes of getting Evan to snap, the other man speaks again.

"That's enough," he declares, tone leaving no place for argument. "Let's spar."

Barty chuckles, disbelieving, but then Evan is sending a glare his way, and he raises both hands in mock surrender, giving in immediately.

He'll do pretty much whatever the fuck Evan wants him to, really.

They both get into position, and regardless of how much Barty is holding back, trying to give the other man a chance, is actually kind of laughable, how easily he overcomes him.

One moment they're exchanging soft blows, and the next Barty has Evan pinned to the floor, his legs and arms completely immobilised as Barty grins maniacally from above.

"Happy now, Rosie?" he teases.

Evan presses his mouth in a tight line. "Not quite."

"Oh, really? Because I'm starting to think this was all a ruse to get me on top of you."

Evan rolls his eyes so hard Barty worries they might get stuck inside his skull. "I'm afraid that's more your style. And anyway, I don't think it's wise to understimate your opponent like this."

"It's nothing personal, Rosie, but when victory is already mine, I—"

Barty never gets to finish. Evan raises his head so quickly his brain barely registers it, and then he's sinking his teeth hard where Barty's neck meets his shoulder. Until he breaks skin, until he draws blood, until Barty lets out a pained groan and his body goes slack, more in surprise than actual hurt.

A moment later, their positions are reversed. Evan is straddling him, mouth still attached to his skin, and Barty is lying on the cold ground, dizzy and a little bit breathless.

He doesn't know how long they stay like this—definitely not enough—but after a while, Evan lets go and sits up a little, lips stained red. It's dripping down his chin, and when he parts his mouth a little, panting softly, Barty finds out that his teeth are also crimson with blood. With his blood.

Barty groans again.

"You're hard," Evan comments, painfully nonchalant. It's that same casualness he used the first time Barty had an erection during an appointment, after Evan had pulled at the stitches on his leg and stuck his fingers inside Barty's wound.

"Yeah," he breathes out, half-delirious. "Yeah, no shit."

Evan hums, cocking his head to the side, analytical gaze running up and down Barty's body and making him twitch in his pants. The fact that Evan can feel it right under him, between his legs, forces Barty to swallow down a moan.

Barty is about to say something incredibly stupid to maybe, hopefully, alleviate the tension, when Evan leans down once more; this time, slower, more careful.

He's prepared to feel the sting of a bite again, toes curling in excitement, but it never comes. Instead, there's something wet and tentative and soft lapping at the open wound, gathering all the blood there that is still coming out.

It takes Barty a moment to realise it's Evan's tongue.

The knowledge hits Barty like a motherfucking bus. He can't stop a low moan from coming out now, or his hips from thrusting up, searching for something, anything, that Evan might give him.

Surprisingly, and instead of pulling away, the other man makes an odd noise against his skin, and Barty thinks he's imagining it when Evan presses down on him.

He freezes up after that, but only for a second, Evan's licking never stopping. But then Barty moves again, more purposefully, rubbing his erection against the apex of Evan's thighs.

The response is immediate, although definitely unconscious. Evan grinds back experimentally, with no coordination or finesse, dropping another sound into Barty's bleeding wound.

His eyes widen when his brain finally catches up properly, hands coming up to grab at Evan's hips and halt his movements.

"Rosie, are you..." Barty stops, swallows harshly. "Are you turned on right now?"

Evan laps at the blood a few more times before straightening up again, staring down at Barty with unblinking eyes and red all over his face.

"Fuck, are you—?" A laugh, strained and bordering on hysterical. "Are you wet?" He doesn't even need to check to know the answer.

Evans nods, almost imperceptibly. "Apparently so."

He has half a mind to turn them over and fuck Evan into the floor. Until Evan is a whimpering mess. Until he's crying, begging, unable to do anything but fucking take it. Until he's sore, and hurt, and full, but still asking for more. Until he can't say anything else apart from Barty's name, until he's—

"Bloody hell," Barty whispers, shutting his eyes tight and letting out another cackle.

Oh, he's going to die. He's absolutely going to fucking die.

#this took me way too long bc my best friend kept distracting me #but i had . so much fun #god i'm obsessed with them #the boxer au is jegulus but don't get it twisted #it's still rosekiller's world #they're just living in it etc etc #ANYWAYS #hope you liked this saints and that it was everything you dreamt of #MWAH #silly little drabbles #rosekiller #boxer james agenda #saints tag <3

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callioope · 1 year

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Fencing update!

I fenced again today!

I wasn't expecting to because I hadn't formally finalized anything with either club, and the lady that runs the first club I went to (the one I want to continue going to) never got back to me about a few pricing questions I had over email. But! my therapist helped me build up the courage to *gasp* use a phone and just call them (she actually reminded me that it was, you know, an option at all). So I put on my adult pants and called.

The owner was quite friendly over the phone, and said they were not in the office today bc they are at the Junior Olympics, but that I could still come in (even on short notice), and we'd handle paperwork next week when they're back. They also mentioned the usual coach for this class was also at the JOs, so I should know the class would run a little differently.

So! Yay!

There were six of us there, four women and two men. This was delightful as historically in my experience fencing was dominated by men. Nothing against that, just happy to also see more women there! But more people in general is always great! I fenced everyone except one of the other women who left before I got the chance.

I'm just happy to be scoring any touches at this point, honestly, this being my third fencing experience in about 15 years. And that I did! We didn't formally keep score, well at least, I wasn't paying attention to that and my opponents were not saying it out loud if they were keeping score. This has been so helpful for me as I'm getting back into things. Less pressure.

Although I was still a bit muddled when it came to determining who had right of way.* I know conceptually how it's determined, it's just a matter of... following all the actions, breaking it down step by step. Very difficult when watching, but even still somewhat difficult for me while fencing, too, and that's what I want to get better at. It happens so fast! And honestly, my mind is mostly focused on like... remembering very basic stuff right now.

Back in the day, we used to direct (ref) ourselves at the Friday night open fencing, and I loathed doing it. Determining right of way even at my best was still difficult for me, and it didn't help that there were a lot of... very confident, assertive fencers who would definitely argue back if they felt I'd gotten it wrong.

*Right of way (also known as 'priority'): for foil and saber only. (The joke is that people who don't understand right of way fence epee, which allows simultaneous touches -- if both fencers hit , they both get a point, except for the last/winning touch, if the score is tied.) So if both fencers hit each other in foil or saber (within 1 second; after 1 second the scoring machine locks the second hit out), they use right of way to determine who gets the point. (Or if the person with right of way hit off target, no one does and they resume fencing.)

You can establish right of way by extending your arm, or by beating your opponent's blade and then extending. The idea is that you are initiating the action. You obviously have to continue to try to hit. In order to claim right of way from you, your opponent must now parry your blade and extend their arm and hit (or try to hit). You can then take back right of way by counter-parrying, back and forth.

That's simplified, but it can get more complicated, as you can imagine. Something I recall being controversial is that if you are moving forward, rather than extending your arm, some refs will award that right of way, which isn't technically correct but happens.

Anyways there's a whole wikipedia page explaining right of way if you want more details.

Regardless, I had a lot of fun! Still working on 'downloading' all that ancient fencing knowledge from the storage area of my brain. I was thinking of keeping a journal or something about moves we went over in class to help remember. Ideally I would be implementing them during bouts, but as I said, I'm just trying to get my body back up to speed with the basics.

A glimpse into my thoughts while fencing:

my new gear is sooo comfortable i didn't know fencing gear could be this soft and lightweight and silky

okay but how the heck do i attach the mask body cord to everything else i can't reach! [we didn't have mask cords back in my day bc the bib was not considered target area]

arghhh getting a [fencing] mask on with glasses such a pain

okay okay i have to beat or parry his blade if he extends or beats my blade that's very important

don't just look at opponent's blade look at the target area!! the arm is off target!!

oh jeez point control

*beep* *quickly look at scoring machine*

*beep* I don't need to look at the machine that was a very good touch against me

OH I HIT! and it's only my light!! I definitely got that point no question about it phew no right of way to worry about this time

oh sweet i got my mask on so smoothly this time, i think i've figured this out sweet

Oh they keep hitting the same spot how do i guard that again?

you know what, if both lights go on, but they get the right of way, i don't even care. i'm satisfied with just hitting on target

dear hand please for the love of god disengage around my opponent's sword i know i haven't used these wrist muscles in 15 years but i've tried to do this FIVE TIMES now please please disengage

;askjdf;asgh; stupid mask i thought i figured this out silly me how do i get it on i look like an idiot struggling like this

really wish i could follow all the actions and understand what's happening

omg my arm is so tired. does that mean i'm gripping too tightly? should i loosen my grip?

no no it just means i'm out of shape. right?

hey at least my point control is better this time than the first time

dear opponent with recent fencing experience please explain to me what happened not bc i'm questioning you but because i want to learn/refresh my mind on how this works

oh shit i'm the ted lasso meme!

"Oh come on, how did they have right of way!! No seriously explain to me how right of way works"

this lady is being so nice to me talking to me and commenting on the other fencers' moves which is helpful for learning

but i don't know what to say back

i like her socks!

i'm exhausted but in a GOOD way YES it's good to be back

#liz fences #the latest with liz

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peraltasames · 4 years

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a million dreams for the world we’re gonna make

post jimmy jabs II plotless domestic fluff, title from a million dreams from the greatest showman bc it’s what charles boyle would’ve wanted 💞

read on ao3

Under normal circumstances, Jake going to great lengths to win a bet in order to spend more time with their future child and saving their brand new car in the process would mean he gets rewarded with lots of baby-making (and a few added bonuses) as soon as they got home.

But by the time they get home and they’ve ensured that the epi-pen won’t have any lasting negative effects on his health as he doesn’t have any preexisting heart condition (they don’t go to the hospital, but they text Rosa and they figure that’s good enough), the adrenaline from the epi-pen has also worn off and Jake once again feels like he’s been run over by a semi.

Instead of their regular nightly (at least when Amy’s ovulating) sexy times, Amy shows her great love and appreciation for her husband (and maybe a slight amount of guilt that she injected him with drugs) by getting him comfy in their bed with half a dozen pillows and a couple of ice packs for his various injuries. She also put on Die Hard 2 even though it’s her night to pick and they’re halfway through a killer docuseries about home organization that Jake found for her on Amazon after she burned through all the Netflix ones.

“Feeling any better, champ?” Amy asks softly as she curls up next to him with the raspberry fertility tea Charles brought over the day Pimento spilled the beans.

Jake smiles softly and turns his head to face her, only slightly wincing as he leans in. She’s definitely making him see a doctor tomorrow, but she checked him over a few times and she’s pretty sure nothing’s broken, so she gave into his pleas to simply go home go to bed. She meets him halfway and gently cups his cheek while he kisses her.

“Am now.”

She can probably chalk his cheesiness up to the fading adrenaline, exhaustion, and the Extra-Strength Tylenol he took a few minutes ago, but either way she welcomes it and leans in for another quick peck, letting her fingers slide into his curls and gently stroke his scalp.

When he pulls away she lowers her hand from his face to his forearm, letting her fingers rest on his wrist for a few moments.

As soon as Jake snaps out of the daze of the kiss, he raises an eyebrow. “Babe, are you checking my pulse?”

“Rosa said to make sure your heart rate is normal.” She grabs his hand with her free one to keep him still. “Hold on - nineteen beats per fifteen seconds-“

“We checked back at the precinct and it was fine then, I’m sure it’s fine now.”

“Seventy-six beats per minute,” she finishes. “That’s still a few above your average - which is actually not bad all things considered - but it’s lower than it was earlier, so that’s good.”

He smiles for a moment, as if he’s smug with himself for being a relatively healthy person despite rarely going to the gym, but the look quickly fades. “Wait, do you measure my heart rate?”

“Yeah.”

“When?”

“When you’re sleeping, when we’re watching TV, whenever.” She shrugs, slightly confused by his tone of surprise. “I’m surprised you never noticed.”

“That you’re collecting data on me?”

She rolls her eyes at his incredulous tone. “Jake, you’re in your late thirties, you don’t get enough exercise, and your maternal grandfather had two heart attacks before he was sixty.”

He furrows his brow again, but she cuts him off as soon as he opens his mouth to question her.

“Your mom told me,” she explains. “Look, it’s no big deal, I’m just making sure everything’s okay in there because I need you to stick around for a really long time, okay?”

Jake’s face instantly melts, and he reaches to squeeze her hand. “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. I had a kale smoothie with my bagel this morning, so I’ll probably live to be like a hundred and twenty now.”

She can’t help but feel warmth bubble in her chest that the only thing that’s successfully made him change his diet is the list of foods that boost sperm count, which she emailed him a few weeks ago.

“Good,” she grins. “‘Cause it’s not just gonna be you and me anymore. Everything could totally change at any time now.”

“I know,” he brings her hand to his lips and lays a soft kiss to her knuckles. “I can’t wait.”

“Me neither.”

She interlocks their fingers and leans into his side a little bit, wanting to hold him closer but also to avoid aggravating his many bumps and bruises, and uses her other hand to idly stroke his arm.

“So,” Jake murmurs sometime later, right when she’s starting to suspect he’s falling asleep due to the lack of film commentary he’s made in the last ten minutes and his new position with his head on her shoulder. “How does it feel to no longer be the reigning Jimmy Jabs champion of our household?”

“Only because I let you win,” Amy points out. “I would’ve won if I didn’t value our car more than the bragging rights.”

“Well, technically you only won last time because I let you, so we’re even.”

Jake told her the truth about him letting her win when they were finalists, during the first Jimmy Jabs of their relationship. Apparently, to quote him exactly, “the satisfaction of you knowing that I actually should have won is worth the embarrassment of me pining for you for a year while you had a boyfriend.”

“We should have a rematch,” she suggests as the end credits begin to roll and she shuts off the TV. “Next time we have the Games, no outside bets. I know I can beat you fair and square.”

“Oh, as soon as I can move without feeling like my muscles are on fire you are on, Santiago.”

They climb under the covers and Amy nuzzles her face into his shoulder, dropping a soft kiss to his collarbone and a few more up his neck.

“What do you think, winner gets to pick the baby’s name?” Jake proposes, closing his eyes as the acetaminophen begins to make him incredibly drowsy.

“Hmm, I think that should be a joint decision,” says the rational part of Amy that is fairly confident in her ability to win the Jimmy Jabs again but also really doesn’t want her baby named after Bruce Willis. After a moment, though, her competitive side can’t resist making things a little interesting. “Maybe the middle name.”

Jake reaches for her face in the dark to pull her in for a quick goodnight kiss.

“Deal.”

#formatting might be weird bc im on mobile so just read on ao3 lmao #b99 spoilers #jake x amy #b99 #i need to sleep lmao

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jewpacabruhs · 4 years

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hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about.

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do.

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it.

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally.

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020!

#txt #mine

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trashinaglass-archive · 5 years

Text

“He’s in Love”

Based on this concept from a while back

A/n: I love this gif so much. Harrison is such a cutie.

The show I want to base this on is Sugar Rush on Netflix (US) and I don’t think they have a Brit version sooooo let’s play pretend😁 Let’s also pretend the show is live bc it works out better for me that way.

I also don’t remember what he says in this and I can’t find a video of it so making it up👍🏼

“Haz!” You yelled excitedly, hearing fast footsteps come closer to where you stood.

You looked up to see your boyfriend looking alert. “Are you okay?” He asked.

“Yes,” you said seriously before the excitement came back up. “But no. I got invited to be on Sugar Rush!”

“That baking show you really like?” He asked for confirmation, moving to look at the email in front of you.

“Yes. I’ve been wanting to go on for so long, I’m so excited,” you explained to him, not containing the small jumps that escape your body.

“That’s amazing, babe,” Harrison said, his voice matching your excitement. He wrapped his arms around you in a tight hug. “You’re going to do so well.”

. . .

“Y/n and Chelsea from Kingston”

Harrison’s ears perked at the sound of your name. “There she is, mate. Look at my girl.” Tom rolled his eyes at his best friend. He was so whipped for you, it wasn’t even funny.

“She hasn’t even done anything yet,” Tom laughed. He was one of your best friends, and he felt proud and excited seeing you on tv as well.

“She really doesn’t have to be doing anything if I’m honest. Just looking at her is enough,” he continued to gush about you.

“You two are gross,” Tom joked. He loved that his two best friends were happy together, but he had to give them a hard time. “I love how everyone is stressing and she’s just laughing and having fun.”

“That’s y/n.”

They continued to watch as you and your partner finished the first category. The judges made their way to your table to talk about and taste your cupcakes. You explained to them what you had made, an infectious smile on your face. Haz’s favorite sight.

“Now I couldn’t help but notice the smile on your face the entire time. Everyone is almost stressing, how do you keep so calm and happy?” One of the judges asked you.

“Baking is a pass time that I love- it’s something that calms me and it’s just fun. I think stressing over what your baking is the wrong way to go about it. I mean I understand we have a time limit, but still. Made with love, not stress.”

“I love that,” the female judge said.

“I don’t know about you guys but I’ve been dying to taste these. How about we go ahead and dig in?”

Harrison watched, almost feeling nervous. He wanted the judges to love your baking just as much as he does. Tom smirked seeing his best friend and pulled out his phone, opening the Instagram app. He recorded a story, showing a glimpse of you on the tv as the judges said the cupcakes were great and planned over to Harrison. He wore a proud smile on his face hearing the judges words.

“She says that to me sometimes,” Harrison began, “‘Made with love, not stress’.” He didn’t realize Tom was filming him until he turned to look at him and saw the phone. He let out a nervous laugh and shook his head, turning back to the tv. “There’s nothing wrong with being a proud boyfriend.”

Tom laughed at his best friend’s reaction, adding the caption “he’s in love” before posting it. He also made sure to send the video directly to you.

Tommy Boi: I make fun of you guys a lot, but he really does love you. I’ve never seen him so excited about anything.

Tom put his phone away, watching the rest of the program. You didn’t win, but they were still super proud of you.

“He’s so precious!!😩” you replied to Tom. You couldn’t wipe the smile off your face- the video was so sweet. His smile, the comment, everything just made your heart melt.

You made your way back home, opening the door to see Tom and Harrison asleep on the couch, open beers and snacks on the table in front of them. You made your way to Harrison, standing behind him as his head leaned back against the couch. You placed a kiss to his cheek causing him to wake up.

“Hey,” He said hoarsely, his voice rough from sleep. He reached his arms up, trying to hug you from behind him. “You did so good.”

“Thanks, beaut,” you laughed and kissed him again. “You want to head up to bed?”

“Yeah,” he replied with a yawn, standing up and heading to the bedroom. You walked over to where Tom was asleep, gently smacking his cheek to wake him so he could go to the guest room.

You joined Harrison in his bedroom, changing into a shirt of his to sleep in and crawled into bed next to him. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close to him. “You did great, pretty girl,” he whispered into your ear, placing a kiss to your temple.

#harrison osterfield blurb #harrison osterfield x reader #harrison osterfeild imagine #harrison osterfield one shot #harrison osterfield

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asoftslytherin · 6 years

Text

sweetener. ch. vi

a/n: i’m so sorry this took forever. i kept changing my mind on certain things and eventually had to split this chapter in half and if you look down at the word count, you’ll understand why.

summary: people are stressed about the wedding. namely you, but not about the wedding, technically. basically, you’re just stressed.

warnings: innacuracies about how weddings work in the uk. bad writing bc i’m editing this after i post it because the painkillers about to kick in and i really wanted to get this up as soon as possible. slight violence, idk if you could call it that but i just wanna cover all my bases. a little smuttiness. swearing, duh. a smidge of angst. drama? scandal? intrigue?

word count: 6k.

(as per usual, i don’t own the pic i just edit. also i’m actively trying harder to use more poc in these pics bc i don’t want any lovelies to feel ostracized bc i’m trying (hopefully doing at least okay) to keep this race neutral)

Before anyone realized it, the wedding was in a week. There was no bachelorette party, simply because there wasn’t enough time to have one, let alone plan one. Who knew about the guys, and honestly, who cared? You and every other bridesmaid had way more important things to take care of. The upside of all of this wedding prep drama was that Lily was handling it quite well. You weren’t sure if she was just really good at hiding when she’s about to freak out she’ll just snap one day over nothing, or if she was just genuinely relaxed. James only had one request for the bridesmaids: that their dresses be the color of Lily’s eyes. It was simultaneously the sweetest thing you’d ever heard and made you want to vomit. Some of Lily’s friends from school came into town the week before the wedding since they were some of the bridesmaids. Marlene was the Maid of Honor, obviously, and you, Mary, a very sweet girl who reminded you of sunshine, Dorcas, someone you knew immediately that she was not someone to be messed with, but nice nonetheless, and Alice, a friend who had already been married a year or two, were the bridesmaids.

You and Sirius had put a hold on the “meet-ups”, since you were both running around doing wedding errands and no time between work and the wedding. He’d still sext you occasionally, which just made you want him even more and it took some persuading and empty promises to make him stop. At the same time, those occasional texts would be to see how your day was going or just to talk. You told yourself he was just being a good friend, since there was technically a “friend” part to “friends with benefits”, and to not read anything into it, but there was a teensy part of you that was hoping that he had a teensy part of him that felt what you were feeling for him. Whenever those thoughts came up, you shoved them back down. Who had time for emotions am I right? Lily was the one who was allowed to have emotions right now, not you, you told yourself one morning while getting dressed when your eyes stopped on the dress you wore the first night you met Sirius. Nope. Feelings? Don’t know her.

You pushed through your workdays, concentrating solely on the task at hand, even if it just making copies or sending an email, you were only allowed to think about that email or that menial copy. Your phone was off the entire time you were at work, if you got a text from him while working, deep down you knew that you wouldn’t get anything done for the rest of the day because you’d be staring at your phone. When you got home from work you only did things that needed to be done for the wedding, if you had nothing to do, you’d text or call Lily because you knew she’d have something for you to do.

That Wednesday before the wedding you had finished tying ribbons on mason jars for the centerpieces and texted Lily, she needed to pick them up and if she just happened to have something to do for the wedding, then you’d do it. Because you’re a good friend. When Lily knocked on the door, you paused the podcast you were listening to (you didn’t really listen to music anymore, too many songs were about the feelings that you were currently suppressing) and basically sprinted to the door.

“Woah, hey,” Lily stumbled over her sentence, a little startled at how quickly you’d opened the door.

“Hello beautiful!” you beamed at her, probably looking ridiculous with a smile that big on your face. “Come in!” you gestured for her to walk in to your place.

Lily chuckled and walked through the door, setting herself down on the couch and crossing her legs. “You’re very enthusiastic today, what’s up?” Lily gave you a quizzical look.

“I’m just excited for your wedding, that’s all!” you sat down next to her and softly patted her on her knee.

Lily looked down at her lap and then looked back up at you. “Y/N, I would believe you if you hadn’t been acting like this for two and a half weeks. What is going on with you?”

“What?” You were somewhat taken aback by her question. “There’s nothing going on. Just work and working on your wedding, that’s it.”

Lily gave you a knowing look before she spoke. “When was the last time you saw Sirius?”

“What does he have to do with anything?” You were getting more confused by the second.

“Just answer the question, as an early wedding present.” Lily casually put one of her arms around the back of the sofa.

“A week ago, maybe a week and a half? We’re pausing things until after the wedding since he’s the best man and I’m a bridesmaid and there’s shit to do,” you somewhat glared over at her. “Why?”

“Because for the last week and a half you’ve been more eager to get things done for the wedding than my mother. I’d expect every text from her to be about my wedding but not you. It’s almost like you’re avoiding something.” She gave you a concerned look. “Did something happen with you and Sirius?”

“Wha- No! Things are fine between us! Am I really being that intense?” You finally figured out what she was getting at and tried your hardest to play innocent.

Lily picked up her phone and handed it to you, “I just want you to read through all the texts you’ve sent me for the last week and a half.”

You internally winced and took the phone from the redhead next to you. Every single text you sent her was about the wedding and if you could do anything or that you had an idea or wanted to know who you’d be sitting next to, and you’d been texting her almost daily. Inside, you knew that you were using the wedding to keep yourself from thinking about Sirius and that kiss in your bedroom and that feeling in your stomach that you hated. You set her phone down next to you and put your head in your hands, elbows resting on your knees. “Okay fine, but you can’t tell anyone! Maybe Marlene, but nobody else. Not even your soon to be husband,” you emphasized before looking directly into her green eyes and taking a deep breath. “After the night all of us had ramen and hung out here, while you we were taking things back to yours and James’ car, when I got the last stuff in the cars James told me to get Sirius because he hadn’t come outside yet. Well, Sirius was in my room just looking at my books and I told him they wanted to leave and he gave me this look and kissed me and…”

“Had you never kissed him before?!” Lily exclaimed in shock.

“No, I definitely kissed him before then, calm down,” you smacked her knee. “He kissed me and it like it was a quick kiss, but I wanted more but not in a sexual way, if that makes sense. Like he tried to pull away but I pulled him back down and, oh my god this is gonna sound so fucking stupid, but when I let him go my lips felt all tingly and then he gave me that same look when he left my room. And since that he’s been texting me every now and then, like not just sexts like asking how I’m doing and wanting to talk and I don’t know if he’s being friendly or has feelingslikeIdoandIdon’twannafuckitup.” You blew out a gust of air and flopped your torso on the back of the sofa.

“Not gonna lie, I didn’t entirely get what you said but I got ‘feelings’ and ‘fuck it up’, so I think I know what you’re saying. Plus Marlene texted me that night and said you had a ‘stupid look on her face since Sirius left her room’ and we kinda put the pieces together,” Lily grinned.

You were a little annoyed that your friend made you admit what you’d been denying for a while. What kind of friend makes someone come to terms with their emotions? “I’m gonna kill both of you,” you groaned.

“I just want to say that it’s okay to have feelings. If you didn’t I would call a doctor to make sure you’re not some kind of robot,” Lily leaned over and held one of your hands. “Plus, you can’t do this anymore. Mostly because there’s literally nothing left to do for the wedding except the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner and the actual. fucking. wedding,” she bore her eyes into yours and emphasized those last three words. “And on top of that, you’re gonna have to see Sirius at all of those things so you need to not act like a lunatic around him if you don’t wanna actually make things complicated between you two.”

Frowning at her you nodded. “You’re right. I can’t just avoid my problems, but it’s so easy,” you whined. “I think it’s so easy to just push all my feelings down because he’s ‘Mr. Non-Commital’ and you heard him at dinner! The longest relationship he’s ever had was with Marlene and that was back in school! All signs are pointing to ‘don’t get attached’. Plus, I’ve already been hurt way too many times by guys nowhere near as hot or as good in bed or as nice or as- Ugh! You see what I’m getting at?” You threw your hands in the air and widened your eyes at Lily. “This is a no win situation.”

Lily put her hands out in front of her, kind of looking like Chris Pratt from that scene in Jurassic World. “Okay, I get it. You’ve been hurt and that sucks. But you can’t give up just because someone attractive may or may not be into you! Why don’t you just try your hardest to be chill around him until after the wedding stuff is over and James and I are in Rome? That way, you aren’t acting like you’re going to explode, and when you do, I’ll be in another country!”

“Thanks, Lily,” you said in a monotone voice, watching her pick her phone up from the cushion next to her and begin typing a message to someone.

“I didn’t even tell you that you could tell Marlene! At least not yet,” you felt a little dejected.

“Oh, we both already knew,” Lily said casually, not looking up from her phone. “I’’m just letting her know that she owes me five quid because you told me about it first and not Marlene,” Lily shut her eyes and gave you a big grin.

“This is why we can’t have nice things.”

⭐️🌙⭐️

The wedding rehearsal itself took about fifteen minutes total. Surprisingly, weddings take like no time if just take out the actual matrimony stuff. Who knew? You definitely tried your hardest to be a normal person around Sirius. It probably just looked like you were really concentrating on standing in that one spot, that’s what you were hoping that was what it looked like. Every now and then you looked at Sirius just to see that he was looking right at you, with that smirk on his face, it might have been because Lily had asked all of you to dress nicely for the rehearsal and you settled on the dress you wore the night you met Sirius; partly because you liked torture probably, and it was the nicest dress you had. You felt your face getting warm each time you saw that smirk and prayed that people would think you were just a little warm. In November. In England.

When the rehearsal was officially over, James and Lily called the wedding party over to where they were standing, probably wanting to just thank you all for being in the wedding or something nice like that.

“Okay, you guys,” Lily began with an incredible grin on her face. “You know we love you and that you have done so many favors for us and some have even flown in to be here which means so much to the both of us.” She turned her grin up to James who was looking at her like she hung the stars, basically the way he always looked at Lily, but somehow it was with even more adoration than before, which none of you thought was possible.

James continued to look at Lily for a couple of seconds before he was elbowed in the stomach by her and realized he was supposed to say something as well. “Oh, right,” he snapped himself out of his daze, causing all of you to laugh, since this was just how James has always been around Lily. “The two of us wanted to take you all out to a nice dinner, just us, no relatives or anything. We just wanted to show you our gratitude and catch up with some of you and the rest of you can just drink and be merry,” James laughed. “We have some cars outside waiting for us. You can split up however you’d like, don’t really care either way, just be in a car in ten minutes!” He clapped his hands and walked towards the doors to the sanctuary you were in (Lily’s mother insisted the wedding be in a church).

Before you could even take a step, Sirius was right behind you, his mouth against one of your ears. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were wearing that dress just for me.” Turning around, he was standing about as close as he could without being flush against you, until he wrapped an arm around you and made it so he was truly flush against you. He was wearing a suit, something you didn’t know he owned and if Lily and James weren’t treating you to dinner, you’d be dragging him to your car.

With him so close to you, that feeling in your stomach graduated from a twinge to essentially what people referred to as “butterflies”, a metaphor you hadn’t fully understood until that very moment. “It’s a good thing you do know better, considering we’re in a church,” you said through gritted teeth, feeling the arm around you dip lower and lower down your back and you had to grab his elbow and yank it back up to an acceptable spot. “Regardless, we have to leave in ten minutes,” you rationalized.

“Oh, we both know what can be done in just ten minutes,” he whispered in your ear, sending shivers down your spine that you were sure that he could feel through your dress.

Taking a deep breath, you gathered all the composure that was left in your body, standing up straighter, looking directly into his piercing eyes. “And we both know that we’re not doing that here,” you smiled innocently. “However,” you leaned into his ear this time, “there are cars right outside, waiting for us.” The second the words left your lips, Sirius’ hand was clutched around your wrist, leading you towards the exit, causing you to stumble and tell him to slow down so you could grab your purse and jacket. Of course, he didn’t give you any time to actually put the jacket on, so when you were dragged outside you really wanted to put on that jacket, but as you were putting it on, Sirius was opening the door to one of the town cars on the curb and yanked you down into it and shut the door behind you.

“Any more coming?” the driver asked, looking at the two of you through his rearview mirror.

“No it’s just the two of us,” Sirius hastily replied. “No rush, we can leave with the rest of the cars, we aren’t in a hurry.” Sirius then pressed a button or switch, you weren’t sure, on his door handle and a partition came up between the front section with the driver and the backseat where you and Sirius were.

You gave him the side-eye. “Really?”

“You’re wearing that dress and you weren’t expecting this? Wait- that sounded awful. I mean, you look- And I haven’t-“ He paused and studied your face for a moment. “It’s been too damn long.” He was leaning towards you as he spoke and his words almost slipped out of his mouth and into yours. He kissed you quickly and forcefully, his hands gripping the sides of your face and pulling you as close to him as possible. You kissed him back with the same amount of force, your hands threading through his hair and mentally stopping yourself from just leaning over and straddling him, which gave you an idea.

You kissed him for a few more minutes, wanting to savor him, but you realized that if he was missing you as much as you were missing him, you could use this to your advantage. You began slowing the kisses down, removing your tongue from the equation and turning the full-on makeout session into soft pecks on his lips. Pulling away momentarily, you saw a look of pure confusion dance across his face. You slowly brushed your lips from his lips to his ear and sultrily said, “I thought you said we weren’t in a hurry.” You leaned back slightly to gather his reaction, which was sexual frustration and confusion.

“What do you- No,” he glared down at you. “I haven’t seen you at all in a week and a half and now you’re teasing me?” Part of him looked a little hurt, but you knew that he was playing up his reaction. “Literally any other time I would be so into this, but oh-ooh-“ He glared at you again as you slowly put your hand on his thigh and rubbed the inner part with your thumb. “This is just mean.” He squinted his eyes at you, not even flinching when the car began to move.

You smiled to yourself, turning your head and pretending to look out the window, sighing, letting your hand creep slowly up Sirius’ thigh. You felt his muscles tense underneath your hand and heard what sounded like a growl slip from his obviously clenched teeth. Your smile got a little bit wider. You’d never heard a noise quite like that from him. You looked back over to the man beginning to unravel next to you, watching him shake a strand of hair out of his eyes and turn them towards you.

“You do realize that two can play at this game, darling?” he smirked back, inching slightly closer towards you. He reached an arm across the back of the seat, hung a couple of his long fingers down, letting them find their way to your neck and let them stroke up and down the side of your neck, barely touching you causing a gasp to escape your lips and sending shivers down your spine for the second time that evening. Why did you do this to yourself? You still had a whole dinner to get through. Soon enough, his lips were brushing against where his fingers had just been. You really hadn’t thought this through. He was breaking your defenses faster than you attempted to build them up just moments before. You attempted to concentrate on the hand that was moving closer and closer to Sirius’ growing erection, just the sensation of feeling how hard he was for you, mixed with his kisses that were creeping up your neck and close to meeting your lips.

Before you completely broke, you turned your head away from him, so his lips couldn’t meet yours and moved your hand from his crotch, placing your hands in your lap. Out of the corner of your eyes, you saw that Sirius had a look of concern on his beautiful face. “Have I done something wrong? I swear I didn’t mean anything when I was talking about your dress. I-“

You put your hand on his and looked directly at Sirius. “No, nothing’s wrong.” You gave him the smirk he’d given you so often. “I just decided I wanted to be in charge tonight.” You looked down at your hands and caressed his thumb with yours.

Sirius took a deep breath and raked his fingers through his hair with his free hand. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m loving it. But why?” He had a look of bewilderment on his face.

You coyly leaned your ear over to his to whisper: “Just think about how good it’ll be when we finally get together.”

Before you had a chance to explain your wording, the driver had come around to your door and opened it for you. You hadn’t even noticed that the car stopped. You removed your hand from Sirius’ and grabbed your bag from the floor of the car, slipping your jacket on as you slipped out. You thanked the driver and kept your composure distracting yourself by looking up at the restaurant you were at. You’d never seen it or heard of it before, then again, you couldn’t really read the name of the place. The sign just looked like an ’S’ connected to wiggly line, so honestly, it could have been anything. The rest of the wedding party began getting out of their cars and making their way towards James and Lily who were standing just outside the entrance. Lily seemed to notice that you were standing uncomfortably with your arms across your chest. The redhead raised her eyebrows at you and you gave her a pointed look that said “Don’t ask”. She simply nodded, knowing not to push the subject and turning her attention to Marlene who was walking up to Lily to ask what kind of food they served at whatever this place was called, she’d always been kind of a picky eater.

Soon enough, the lot of you were sitting at a giant round table in a room separate from the restaurant. It even had it’s own door. You attempted to not be seated next to Sirius, but due to different people wanting to sit next to each other to catch up, you had no choice. Sirius, who still hadn’t taken his coat off, most likely to what you had done to him in the car, quickly excused himself, while everyone else was taking their seats.

Remus, who was sitting on your opposite side leaned over towards you. “So how are things between you two?” he asked, raising his eyebrows at you.

You lightly sighed and pretended to look at the menu. “I think it’s fine right now, but… I don’t know, I don’t think we want the same things,” you shrugged.

Remus chuckled. “Well, I think-“

“Oh no, Remus is giving his opinion, this can’t be good,” Sirius laughed, sitting down next to you.

“Oh, we were just talking about,” you began, still pretending to read your menu, “how ridiculous these prices are. Jesus Christ, Lily! I don’t even think I can afford water here,” you looked up at Lily with your eyes widened.

“Y/N, what part of ‘taking you out to dinner’ do you not understand? We’re treating you guys. And you aren’t allowed to order the cheapest thing on the menu so we don’t spend as much on you. I’m watching you, Y/L/N,” James said with a stern look on his face, pointing two of his fingers at his eyes and then pointing them towards you. You smiled and nodded, they were the ones getting married, after all. What they say, goes.

The waiter came around and got everyone’s drink order, luckily this place had your favorite drink on their menu, so you could at least relax a little bit. What you’d slipped out to Sirius was still hot on your mind. The table was soon filled with conversation, people catching up, talking about old times at school. You learned that James, Remus and Sirius were notorious for getting into trouble. They even had another friend that hung out with them but he was always quiet and died years ago in a terrible car crash into a lake where he was then eaten by an alligator.

“It’s so funny, it’s almost as though nothing has changed with you three,” Mary smiled, leaning back in her chair. “Remus is still extremely practical. I’m honestly surprised that you aren’t a professor somewhere”

“Actually,” Remus began, “I’m considering going back to uni for my doctorate. That’s the best thing about literature, they just keep making more of it.” Remus joked and looked down at his drink, obviously not liking the attention being on him in this capacity.

You put your hand on his forearm and squeezed it lightly, smiling up at him. “You’re too smart to not be great at whatever you do.”

He lightly smiled back, keeping his eyes on his drink and you removed your hand from his arm, not wanting to make him more uncomfortable than he already was. You took a small sip of your drink and looked around the table, feeling slightly out of place. As if he was reading your mind, Sirius moved his hand under the table and took yours, lightly making circles on the back of your hand. You looked over at him and smiled, feeling like everything would be okay.

The feeling of Sirius holding your hand had you in a slight trance for a moment, you didn’t realize that Mary continued talking about the three guys in their ‘heyday’.

“Of course James and Lily are getting married. I vaguely remember hearing James say that if he ever married Lily that he would… what was the exact quote?” Mary looked off into the distance trying to remember.

“Oh!” Dorcas exclaimed. “It was ‘If I ever get the chance to marry her I’m doing a musical number at the reception’!”

The whole table began to laugh as James put a hand on his chest, feigning offense. “Well now you’ve gone and ruined the surprise,” he joked, folding his arms over his chest.

“Now, let’s not forget about the infamous Sirius Black,” Alice smiled, pointing a finger to the man who was still holding your hand.

“Or as we liked to call him: ‘Mr. Non-Commital’,” Mary laughed. You tensed, unsure of what to do, wondering if you should even move. You really just wanted to be invisible.

“He used to swear that James was an idiot for pining after Lils,” Marlene added.

“But his rationalization of it was that you can’t just be with one woman at a time. ‘Sample every flavor’ is something I heard him throw around a lot,” Dorcas nodded, smiling at Sirius. You immediately dropped his hand from yours and began fidgeting with your fingers, trying to seem as calm as collected as you could to the rest of the table, even though it felt like your worst fears were being broadcasted.

“Alright, alright,” James started to attempt to diffuse the situation. “I think we’ve beaten on his ego enough for one night.”

Mary, Dorcas and Alice rolled their eyes at James and began whispering amongst themselves. You let out the breath you didn’t realize you were holding and downed the rest of your drink. You felt like you were going to be okay, until Dorcas let out a hearty laugh and almost yelled, “Oh my god! I forgot about ‘sexcapades’!” The three girls began laughing again.

You stood up and Sirius gave you a concerned look, “I’m just going to the bathroom,” you said somewhat defensively, taking your purse with you to fix your lipstick that you knew wasn’t looking great from how hard you had been pursing your lips together. You were glad no one else noticed you leave, you had stared at one of your forks for about thirty seconds after what Dorcas said before getting up so it wouldn’t seem suspicious.

When the door to the room closed behind you, it was like you could breathe easier now that you had gotten out of that situation, for now. You walked through the door that led to the restrooms and turned towards the women’s door until someone grabbed your wrist. “Sirius? What are you doing?” you ripped your wrist out of his hand and widened your eyes at him when he didn’t give you an answer.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” he spoke softly, a look of genuine concern on his face.

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” You put your best mask on, the one you’d spent years perfecting. “Everything’s fine,” you smiled and gave a small shrug.

“Y/N…” Sirius whispered, reaching for one of your hands. “I know that-“

“Black.” A man with long black hair and a large nose had walked into the hallway.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Sirius said underneath his breath. “Really? Why are you even here?” Sirius nearly yelled as he turned to the man behind him.

“Am I not good enough to be here, Black? Or am I interrupting something with the woman I’m assuming is your, ahem, escort for the night?” The man had a devilish grin on his face and you wanted no part in any of this.

“I’m leaving.” You walked past Sirius and the greasy-haired man.

Right as you got to your door you heard the man say “Oh, don’t look so despondent, Sirius. We both know you have the money to just find another whore.”

You stormed out the door, walking as quickly as you could to the front of the restaurant. Not completely sure how you were getting home. Assuming you’d stumble upon a taxi or something. If you walked far enough away you could get an Uber without Sirius trying to catch up with you.

You needed to be alone.

🌙⭐️🌙

Sirius’ night already wasn’t going great when you had excused yourself right after the things the girls had said about him. If it were possible to go back in time and beat his own ass, he would. “I’ll be back,” he said to no one in particular, walking through the same door you had just used.

You walked faster than expected, and Sirius had to pick up the pace if he was gonna beat you to the restrooms. Opening the door, he saw you and lunged towards your wrist, letting his legs catch up once he knew he could talk to you.

“Sirius? What are you doing?” He honestly didn’t think he would get this far and wasn’t sure exactly what to say. When you kept staring at him, he knew he had to lay it all down.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” Sirius looked up at you, trying to find the eyes of the girl he shared a car with. He hated seeing you like this.

Sirius saw your face change as if something inside of you had flipped a switch. You were shutting down before his very eyes. “Why wouldn’t I be okay,” she said with a plastic smile. “Everything’s fine.”

Sirius obviously knew that everything was not fine. He’d been in the same room as her and heard what they’d said about him. “Y/N…” Sirius began reaching for one of your hands, wanting to feel your hand against his one more time just in case you never wanted to see him again. “I know that-“

Sirius was suddenly cut off by a voice he would know anywhere. “Black.”

Snape. “Jesus fucking Christ,” he said under his breath. If he weren’t in a nice restaurant, he likely would have screamed it. “Really? Why are you even here?” Sirius was trying his hardest to not explode and it wasn’t working that well as he heard his voice reverberate off the walls somewhat. He turned to look at the last person he wanted to see right then, only wanting to punch him in the face.

“Am I not good enough to be here, Black? Or am I interrupting something with the woman I’m assuming is your, ahem, escort for the night?” Snape sneered at him. Sirius only saw red. Every fiber of his being was telling him to make Snape pay for those words, but the other part focused on the fact that you began walking away.

“I’m leaving,” you said in a straight tone.

Sirius let you walk, knowing there was nothing he could do at that moment that would convince you to want to have anything to do with him.

“Oh, don’t look so despondent, Sirius. We both know you have the money to just find another whore,” Snape spat at him. He heard the door close after Snape’s comment, letting him know that you had heard everything.

Sirius grabbed Snape by the collar and pushed him against the wall. “Don’t think I don’t see the ‘coincidence’ of you being at the same restaurant as James and Lily the night before their wedding. If you even think about being within fifty meteres of the wedding, or Lily, I will be the one to handle the situation and give you what you deserve. Do you understand?”

“Fine,” Snape coughed out. Hearing that, Sirius dropped him to the floor and hoped that he could still find you.

The first place he looked was the room where he had been just minutes prior. The second he opened the door all eyes were on him.

“Sirius, what’s going on? I just got a text from Y/N saying ‘heading home, not feeling well, enjoy dinner. see you tomorrow’. Did you do something?” Lily questioned him.

“I went to go talk to her and Snape, yeah that one,” he added when everyone’s eyes widened, “saw me talking to her and assumed she was my escort and then he called her a whore and she ran off.”

“Where is he now?” James asked, the same anger in his eyes.

“Might’ve run off, I don’t know. I did tell him to stay the hell away from the two of you and said some other things,” he threw in that last part before he leaned down and grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair. “I’m gonna go find Y/N and make sure she’s okay,” he said quickly before bolting out the door.

⭐️🌙⭐️

You’d put your phone on Do Not Disturb right after you sent the text to Lily and got in the cab. You were grateful that the cabbie wasn’t a talkative one, or maybe he just noticed he had a girl on the verge of a breakdown in his car and knew better than to try to talk.

He dropped you off, you paid him and tipped probably more than you should have, but you were glad you found a cab so quickly. Opening your front door, the first thing you saw were yours and Marlene’s dresses for tomorrow hanging in the middle of the living room. Another reminder that you couldn’t escape this. You grabbed some leftover pizza from the fridge, walked back to your room and flopped onto your bed. You were quite hungry and flipped the pizza box open so hard, the corner of the box hit the home button of your phone.

(37) missed calls from Sirius

You sighed, picked up your phone, about to type up a text to Sirius to leave you be, when his face appeared on your screen.

You gave in.

“Leave me alone.”

“Y/N, let me explain,” Sirius pleaded.

“What could you possibly say that would make any of this okay?” You felt your throat begin to close up but refused to let yourself cry over this. You can’t cry over a guy and then be in a wedding with him the next day.

“Give me five minutes, and if after that you don’t want to see me ever again, then I’ll respect that, just please give me a chance,” you heard the worry and hurt in his voice.

You glanced at the clock on your bedside table.

“You have exactly five minutes.”

to be continued…

a/n: if you made it this far honestly you deserve an award. also lemme know if i should make a taglist. the next chapter won’t take as long to get up bc a. i don’t have surgery in the foreseeable future and b. i know where i’m taking this. i think i left an easter egg for avps in this i don’t remember i’m gonna make a grilled cheese and curl up in my sock drawer and sleep for days.

💖-ella

#hp fic #sirius black x reader #modern!marauders #marauders era fic #*mine #*sweetener

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fatrainbowmermaidunicorn · 6 years

Text

Dear Jungkook (Jungkook x You) // Chapter 2

MASTERLIST

Summary : (I suck in doing summary, so yeah)

Jungkook, Y/N and Jae Eun are the best of friends. While Y/N is in love with Jungkook ever since she can remember, Jungkook founds himself falling in love with her cousin, Jae Eun when Y/N introduces them a year later.When both Y/N and Jae Eun move to the States, Jungkook tried to keep in contact by emailing Jae Eun. As the emails grew constant, Jungkook is sure he’s falling more in love with the Jae Eun that he got to know through their emails.Little did he know that all these while, Y/N is the one who has been emailing him back.

Y/N and Jae Eun has been living in the States for almost seven years now. Jae Eun has successfully become the queen bee that she always wanted, with her own little clique who worships her. Y/N has grown into her looks and self confident, turning her into a beautiful young lady, no longer akward and reserved, who is easily loved by everyone she meets. She's kind, friendly and intelligent. The two cousins might seem like a polar opposite but despite what people might think, they are the best of friends.

"Yah, Y/N, is this really Jungkook?" Jae Eun stormed into Y/N's room one day during one her lazy days spend in bed, shoving her iphone right in Y/N's face. Y/N squint her eyes and saw an article about Bangtan, the current hit idol group in K-pop, attached with a picture of Jungkook and the rest of his members right in the center of it. Y/N knows everything there is to know about this particular group. Jungkook had mention on more than several occssions about his group and his members antics in their still on going emails and online chats.

"Ye...yes," Y/N looked up to see Jae Eun smiling with glee. She can sense something bad is going to happen. Its been seven years since Jungkook's name even crossed Jae Eun's mind, why is she asking about him this time?

"You are still keeping in touch with him right? Still emailing him?" Y/N nodded and earn a chuckle from Jae Min as she plopped down beside her on the bed.

"I cant believe it has been seven years and you are still emailing him! How do you even find time for that?" Jae Min questioned and scoot in closer beside Y/N. "How come you didnt tell me that he has become this hot shot celebrity? And look at him, he is really hot " Jae Eun tapped her fingers on Jungkook's smirking face on her phone. Y/N just keep her mouth shut, not knowing what to say. She looked at the photo, yes Jungkook is handsome. Very much so, but that is nothing compared to his mind and the way he thinks that Y/N adore so much. She look over at Jae Eun who is gawking at the photo, mentioning something about how cute the rest of the other members are too. Y/N didnt think Jae Eun even remember who Jungkook is anymore. "Anyway, since we are going back home soon, I might as well continue to email him, dont you think? It will be weird when we meet him again and I look lost," Jae Eun ponders, more to herself than directing the question to Y/N. "He still has the hots for me right?" Y/N nodded her head when Jae Eun looks straight to her face. Its true, despite being in an internationally famed idol grouo, Jungkook still seem to be very much in love with Jae Eun. At least it seems like it in the way he write the emails to Y/N. Sometimes it breaks Y/N's heart knowing that all his sweet words are meant for Jae Eun, and not for her, although she is the one who has been telling him things and sharing her own experiences all this while. "You can stop helping me now. Thanks for your help though," Jae Min who was busy scrolling through her phone didnt even notice the change in Y/N's face. Y/N just sigh, knowing there's nothing she can do. After all, Jungkook thought he is emailing Jae Eun and he is in love with Jae Eun.

Y/N's father had mentioned that they will going back home in about a week's time for the summer. They will be spending the whole season back at home and later, both Y/N and Jae Eun can freely decide if they want to come back to the States continue to theur studies or just permanently stay home. Since the business deal that he had come there for went through, there will be a lot of back and forth trip to the States so he figured its fine if Jae Eun or Y/N decided to stay there instead of their hometown. Y/N's father is never one to forced anything onto his children and always gives them options to choose from. Y/N is both nervous and excited to come back to her beloved hometown to the point she cant get a goodnight sleep for about a week before they did. The place where she spend all her childhood and created amazing memories. The place where her mother is born and buried. Where her parents fell in love. The place where she herself fell in love.

Apparently, seven years did nothing to change her heart. Boys come and go during her years in the States, trying to win her heart, she even go out with a few of them, trying her best to move on but nothing ever worked out. No one ever succeed in taking Jungkook's place. Maybe keeping constant communication with someone you want to get over is not a good idea.

It's true that she is still emailing him even after seven years. Jungkook was so excited when she first responded, and since Jae Eun didnt show any interest to actually even open her email up to this very day, Y/N just kept on replying. And soon the lies has gotten too deep and to big for her to stop. Their friendship had gotten so real, its not possible for her to just cut him off anymore. As time goes by, her conversations with Jungkook turns more honest, and she become more of herself and less pretending to be Jae Eun. They even do more than just emailing, chatting on the messenger when they both have the free time.

Her emails with Jungkook are the highlights of her day. Jungkook, thinking that its Jae Eun who he's having all this meaningful conversation with, shares everything. His struggles as a trainee, his first performance, concert, tour, his favorite band, his daily activities, everything. Jungkook has constantly asked for a video call, or maybe a photo, wanting to put a face to the person he's been talking to. Y/N, trying her best to dodge the truth, always send him a photo of both herself and Jae Eun together and decline every video call that he made, saying that she's too shy. She make a silent pact to herself that one day she will reveal herself to Jungkook. Y/N guess she will never get the chance to tell him who she really is now since Jae Eun already told her that she will be emailing him herself until they get home. Y/N sat in front of her laptop, take a deep breath and open her chat to see if Jungkook is online. Fortunately, he is. She poised her fingers on the keyboard, taking a deep breath before she starts her chat with Jungkook, for one last time.

Y/N: Dear Jungkook,

JK: Hahaha. Why do you always start off your emails and chat that way? But its cute. I like it

Y/N: Hahaha. Fine. Hey!

JK: Heyyy! Why are you on9? Isnt it late out there?

Y/N: yeah... Y/N: cant sleep. Y/N: and since ur on9, i want to tell u sumting

JK: wat is it?

Y/N: tq for still keeping in touch with me all these years. Ur emails and stories always made my day Y/N: I enjoy everything that we talked about. And I enjoy getting to know more about you Y/N: I'm glad our friendship didnt wilt just bcs we are far away from each other

JK: .... JK: I had fun talking to you too Jae Eun. JK: U know u r the highlight of my day. No matter how busy I am, I always look 4ward 2 ur reply JK: but... JK: why does it sounds like u r saying goodbye?

Y/N: :) Y/N: i gtg now. Need some zzzz Y/N: gdnite jungkook

Y/N slammed her MacBook shut without waiting for Jungkook's reply. She can already feel tears forming in her eyes but remind herself that there's no point in crying. She's not losing anything. Jungkook was never hers to begin with. This is just a favor for Jae Eun. Seven years might be a long time. One would think its long enough for maybe even Jungkook to fall in love with her, but during all those seven years, Jungkook's heart had always been Jae Eun's. She already know this very fact seven years ago when she started this whole mess, and now that her heart has fallen more deeply in love with Jungkook, she knows there is no one to blame but herself.

/////

After hours of flying, Y/N and Jae Eun finally landed back home. Jae Eun puts on her expensive sunglasses and let the assistants wheeled her numerous amounts of Louis Vuitton luggage while linking her arms with Y/N. Y/N just laugh at her cousin's antics and use her free hand to wheel her own single luggage. She only brought over the neccesities. Who needs a thousand pairs of heels? After all, this is home. She still has some things left in her old room, and knowing Jae Eun, she will probably dragged her for another shopping trip. Yet still, Jae Eun insisted to bring all the latest designer items that she owns, just in case she might need it.

"I'm a model, remember? I have to look good!" she reminded Y/N of the fact. The truth is, Jae Eun has only been doing some small scale modelling in the States and that is all there is, but to her, its a stepping stone to be the next Gigi Hadid. Y/N just chuckle at her bold statement. "And also, the future girlfriend of idol superstar Jeon Jungkook!" Y/N's heart sank when Jae Eun mentioned his name. She had been restless during the whole flight. Will Jungkook be happy to see her? Does Jungkook think that she purposely stop keeping in touch with him? Will her heart be okay to see the boy she loves after seven whole years? Worse, can she take it when Jungkook dont even know he's been talking to her all this while?

It is a fact that Jungkook still very much likes Jae Eun. At least according to his emails, he still does. "I read some of the emails you guys exchanged. You know, to fill me in. But I skipped all the boring part! And boy, there were a lot!" she laughs. "But it sure seems like he's still into me," Jae Eun turn to look at Y/N when she didnt answer. "Right Y/N?" Jae Eun knows she had asked this same question before but she needs to really make sure.

"Y..yeah. He does,"

"Oh well. I cant believe he actually think its really me who's replying all those boring emails,"

"Do you...do you even really like him Jae Eun?" Y/N finally finds the courage to ask. Sometimes its ridiculous how oblivious Jae Eun is to the rest of the world. She cant even see how much her own cousin, her best friend is in love with the boy she's planning to turn into her boyfriend

"Well, now that he's a famous celebrity, I sure do!" she said, not even a trace of guilt or shame in her voice. "Oh look we are here!"

///////

Jungkook is puzzled by his last chat with Jae Eun. She sounded cold and she really sounded like she's saying goodbye. He waited a couple of days to see if she will be online again, but she didnt, so he decided to write another email.

Hey Jae Eun,

What happened during our last chat? Why do I feel like you are saying goodbye? Did anything happen? And why aren't you online for the last few days?

Jungkook

Miraculously, Jungkook didnt have to wait long as he received a reply the next morning.

Hey Kookie!

Nothing happen! Oh I have great news. I'm going to come back home in a few days time!

And my uncle is throwing a homecoming party for us, and of course, you are invited! Make sure to wear something nice you hottie. I wsnt to show off my handsome boyfriend to everyone *wink*

Love, Jae Eun

Jungkook is weirded out by the email. Kookie? Love? Wear something hot? Hottie?? Since when does Jae Eun ever say these kind of things. Plus, her emails always starts with Dear Jungkook, no matter how many times he tease her about it. And her boyfriend? Yes, Jungkook did hinted various of times that he wants ti be more than friends and all these while Jae Eun always dodge the question or laugh it off. He doesnt mind really, he finds it cute and if Jae Eun is finally willing to call him her boyfriend, he is more than happy to be one. So he just shrugged it off, thinking maybe Jae Eun is just excited to come back home and start thinking about the party where he can see the love of his life again.

He made a promised to himself to finally make Jae Eun his the next time he see her again.

When he first met Jae Eun, he admitted that he's attracted to her by her beauty. He knows that Jae Eun never did give him the time of the day but his competitiveness makes him want to fight for Jae Eun's attention. He spend less time with Y/N in order to achieve his mission, a fact that he knows but he always convinced himself that he will find the time for her later. But that time never comes and the next thing he knows, both Y/N and Jae Eun are leaving for the States. To ensure that he wont regret his decision of neglecting his best friend in order to pursue Jae Eun, he tried to keep contact by emailing her. It suprise him that she actually replied and as he slowly gets to know her better through their constant chats and emails, he finds himself falling more and more in love with the girl behind the screen. He is sure its for real this time, and not because of her beauty like he did years ago. Her thoughts on life, the way she thinks, every story that she tells him, it just makes him find her more interesting.

So he told himself that the next time he saw her, he will make sure she will belong to him. Jungkook did think about Y/N some times. He even told Jae Eun through his emails to ask Y/N to chat him up, he even emailed her once, but she never did respond. Jungkook grew angry at Y/N for disposing their friendship just like that and decide to just move on from her. If Y/N can easily forget about him, then he can definitely do the same to her.

/////

As expected of the Jang Empire, the homecoming party is luxurious. Live band, free flow of champagne, guest dressed in their perfect outfits. Jungkook even saw some other idols and celebrities at the party. Jungkook feels glad that he brought Taehyung and Jimin with him, or else he would have been akward standing alone surrounded by all these guests that he finds to be very intimidating. He akwardly stand around the party, trying to find the face that he had longed to see. Jimin and Taehyung are already off on the dancefloor, doing silly dances with some girl they just met. Jungkook just waved them off when the two boys asked him to joined them on the dancefloor, too nervous and eyes too busy searching for Jae Eun. He can feel girls are checking hin out, especially with his two handsome hyungs by his side, but no one else matter other than Jae Eun. Seven years he had stayed loyal to the same girl, and he can finally see her, smell her, touch her, tonight.

About 30 minutes into the party, Jungkook finally spotted Jae Eun walking down the main stairs into the party. She looks absolutely gorgeous in her red dress and perfect hair. Jungkook felt his breath has been taken away and a large smile crept up his face. A sense of pride start to consume him at the thought that the beautiful girl everyone is looking at belongs to him.

"Woah, who's that?" Jungkook look to his hyung who is staring at the same spot he was looking earlier. Irritation crept into him as he assumed they are talking about Jae Eun. His Jae Eun.

"God, look at her. I've never seen anyone looked so good in such a simple dress before," Taehyung still have his mouth opened. Simple dress? Jae Eun's dress is anything but simple with its deep red hue, slits on both sides and covered almost entirely in Swavorski diamonds. Then who are they talking about? Jungkook whipped his head up to where his hyung is looking at and is greeted with the sight of a girl behind Jae Eun. The girl is wearing a plain nude knee length coloured dress with the lightest makeup and her long black hair is styled in a messy updo. His hyungs were right, she is gorgeous. The moment she smile to someone in the crowd, Jungkook's heart starts to race crazily and a sense of familiarity hit him. Its the same smile that used to give him butterflies when he was eight, when she shoved him her extra pair of Converse and telling him not to cry anymore. The same smile that he didnt realize he had miss before tonight.

"Y...Y/N?"

#bts #bts jungkook #bts scenario #bts fiction #bangtan #bangtan boys #bangtan seonyeondan #jeon jungkook #jungkook #jungkook scenario #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff

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flamestoflight · 6 years

Text

anxiety provoking things that i did today

took my exam, which granted isn’t an accomplishment really because i had to do it lol but still, getting it done with is a big weight off my shoulders

submitted my ultrasound proposal - finally! that’s been hanging over my head for over a week

called my insurance company to ask them about my copay, and emailed my psychiatrist with an update. ALSO called the student health center (!!! big win over here) and asked them about blood work and emailed my psychiatrist about that asking for a script

and THEN i went ahead and made an appointment with the student health center for next week. i didn’t think i’d ever get myself in there, i’ve been putting off this appointment since april when i first realized i had to make it

also scheduled my flu vaccine appointment (for this afternoon), went and got it done, and uploaded the paperwork to my school’s site that they require

replied to my best friend!! finally! I’ve had such bad phone anxiety with this lately and i finally reached back out and had a conversation and yay! i think i’m out of the woods with this

i also got around to making these no-bake energy ball things: they’re made with oats and peanut butter and honey and flaxseed and i put dark chocolate chips in them. my head is telling me that i should eat those as a snack instead of the chocolate croissant that i got myself at the farmers market this past weekend, bc they’re “healthier” and I’ll “undo my run from this afternoon” if i have a croissant. stupid. so i’m stressed about it but i’m gonna eat my damn croissant while drinking coffee #2 and watching NCIS, and then finally get a move on with studying for my exam tomorrow lol.

But things are pretty good right now! I’ve meal prepped a tofu veggie stir fry for the week as well as those energy ball things as snacks, i got to run today, i’m already showered, my exam this morning was relatively easy, i’m sitting in a clean room under a warm blanket with my cats, i’m not itching for a nap or anything. it’s a bit later than i would have liked it to be but i’ve had a productive morning and i am proud of myself.

#mygrad2

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marmolita · 6 years

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belonging, ch1 (kink week day 1)

Heeeeeeey there! So I wanted to write a chaptered fic for @ffxv-kink-week but then I ran out of time, but then, I wanted to do it anyway, so I started writing a sequel to my other D/s-verse fic heart and soul. If you haven’t read that one, all you need to know for this is that it’s D/s-verse, Noct is a dom, and Iggy and Gladio are his collared subs. Once I get a bit farther along I’ll start posting to AO3, but for now, here it is on tumblr! For the kink week day 1 prompt of authority kinks.

Title: belonging Pairings: Noctis/Prompto, Noctis/Ignis/Gladio, eventual OT4 Rating: Explicit Words: ~2300 Warnings: none, at least none in this chapter

Teaser: Prompto taps his phone, rewinding the clip to the beginning to play again. Bless IBC for always putting news clips online right away, because after watching the live feed of the Kingsglaive swearing-in ceremony Prompto immediately wanted to watch it again. And again. And again, and okay, maybe he's got one hand in his pants while he's watching it but Noct looks so good all dressed up.

"It'll be the exhibition match on Thursday afternoon, then the swearing-in ceremony Friday evening, then the banquet right after," Ignis says, thumbing through email on his phone as he pulls on his clothes. "Gladio, I assume you'll have His Highness in top form for the exhibition?"

"'Course I will. He's been training with the Glaives for the last couple weeks, right Noct?" Gladio prods Noctis with the ball of his foot, and Noctis swats him away.

Laying back on the pillows, Noctis says, "As long as I don't have to go against Nyx I'll be fine. That guy could kick Gladio's ass."

"Yes, well. I'm sure he'd let you win for show anyway," Ignis replies as he buttons up his shirt.

"I don't want to win for show -- that wouldn't help with the whole filling-in-for-my-dad in the ceremony. People already think I'm too young, or too weak, or too . . . whatever."

Ignis sits on the bed next to him, setting a hand on Noct's knee through the blanket. "Don't worry about what they think. You're going to do just fine."

"You think so?"

Ignis leans in and kisses him, soft and light. "I know so."

The exhibition is in the courtyard, with bleachers erected on both sides. Gladio eyes the crowd briefly, then turns to survey the arena. "Don't forget the Glaives can warp just as well as you can," he murmurs in Noct's ear. "You can't just warp out of the way and think you'll be able to hang out and catch your breath."

"Right," Noctis says, and Gladio can read his nerves in his tone of voice.

"You're fast, and you're flexible. The magic is yours, it's not borrowed. If you want to swap weapons you can probably do it faster than they can. Don't forget to watch your back, and watch your left side -- they probably know you're a little weaker there."

"Got it." Noctis is clenching and unclenching his hands, like he's ready to pull his blade from the ether, but his eyes are still darting around the crowd. Gladio steps in front of him to block his view, forcing Noctis to look up at him.

"You got this," he says. "Even if you lose, you're gonna put up a good fight and show 'em what you can do."

Noctis takes a deep breath, holds it, then lets it out. "Thanks," he says, and Gladio claps him on the shoulder.

In the middle of the arena, Drautos raises his arm and the crowd falls quiet. "Ladies, Gentlemen . . . new recruits," he says expansively, "thank you all for coming. Today we'll see a demonstration of the power of the Crystal, and the power of the Kingsglaive. His Royal Highness Prince Noctis will battle one of our fiercest warriors." Noctis takes another breath, and Gladio can see his public mask settle into place. He walks out into the arena, smiling and waving.

"Now," Drautos says, "let us see who his opponent shall be."

An assistant brings out a bowl full of scraps of paper and holds it out to Noctis, who reaches in and selects one. Noctis looks at the paper for a moment, his face carefully blank, then announces, "Nyx Ulric." Shit.

The audience bursts into applause and Nyx takes the field, grinning. Drautos backs away to the sidelines, and Noctis summons his Engine Blade in a shower of sparks. Nyx makes the first move, throwing his short blade and warping straight for Noctis. Noctis phases through the attack, then swings hard, nearly connecting before Nyx warps away again.

To a layman, what follows is just a blur of blue sparks and phase shadows, clashing blades and flying kicks. To Gladio, it's Noctis putting in his best effort and having it be just enough to keep him on his feet, barely dodging each of Nyx's attacks. Their weapons clash together a few times, but the fight is mostly a series of fast warps as the two of them flicker from one end of the arena to the other.

Noctis throws his sword up so it rams into a high post, warping to hang from it briefly, then as Nyx starts to follow him, Noctis yanks the sword from the post, lets it dissolve back into the ether, and pulls out a javelin instead. He throws, warps, executes a mid-air backflip, and dives down toward Nyx with the javelin in his hand. For a moment, Gladio's breath catches as he thinks Noctis might just pull this off.

But then, Nyx throws up a crystalline shield, and Noct's attack is blocked entirely. Before his feet hit the ground, Nyx drops the shield and swings, his blade slicing into Noct's arm.

"First blood to Ulric!" Drautos calls. Both men drop their weapons and step back, breathing hard. Gladio's heart is in his throat, waiting to see how Noctis will take his loss. But Noctis ignores the blood running down his arm and turns to Nyx with a smile. Nyx executes a perfect bow, and when he rises, Noctis extends a hand to him, which Nyx clasps firmly.

"Lucis is honored by your skill," Noctis says, loud enough to carry to the crowd. "May all the new recruits grow as strong as you."

"The honor is mine, Your Highness," Nyx replies, appropriately deferential like he never is in training.

Drautos reminds everyone of the ceremony to be held the next day, and the crowd begins to file out as a page brings a potion to heal Noct's arm. By the time Gladio gets to his side, any sign of the injury is gone.

Noctis keeps his polite smile on until they're alone in the locker room, then sinks onto the bench with a groan. "Damn it," he says, slamming his fist into his thigh, "why did it have to be Nyx?"

"Hey, that aerial attack with the javelin was quick thinking," Gladio says, tossing Noctis a towel. "You did good."

"I got my ass handed to me," Noctis grouses.

"But you did it well. Iggy's gonna be proud of you for how you handled that."

"I'm supposed to swear in the new recruits tomorrow but all they're gonna be thinking is, 'Why should we swear our allegiance to this kid?' Ugh. Remind me why Dad can't do this again?"

Gladio sighs. "His Majesty is tied up with the ambassador from Accordo. You know that."

"Ugh," Noctis says again, slamming the door to the shower stall on his way in.

Noctis is still fuming when he flops into his bed after dinner. Ignis and Gladio have gone home, since Noctis is too tired and cranky to be good company despite Ignis's best efforts. Spending the night alone isn't unusual -- Gladio only stays over rarely, and Ignis often prefers an earlier bedtime and can't sleep with Noctis still awake. Some day, Noctis will get a place with enough bedrooms for all of them to be comfortable, but in the meantime this works well enough.

He rolls onto his back and flings an arm over his eyes. His mind keeps replaying the fight, searching for everywhere he could have done something differently. Of course now that it's over he can easily see a hundred opportunities he missed, but it's too late now.

His phone chimes and he groans and wrestles it out of the pocket of his jeans.

Hey buddy, the text from Prompto says, saw a clip of your fight w glaive, those moves were awesome!

Noctis's face does something between a smile and a grimace. Nyx kicked my ass, he types back.

[Prompto] u kidding bro he's like the biggest war hero and ur 18 of course he did [Prompto] u looked awesome tho, flipping around and stuff [Prompto] flexible ~.~

He laughs at that, imagining the way Prompto is probably wiggling his eyebrows, and types back, lol u make it sound way sexier than it was.

The return message comes right away: ur always sexy. Noctis can't help the little thrill that runs through him; Prompto has been dropping hints that he's interested for a while now, but he always backtracks before making anything clear, leaving Noctis to wonder whether he ever really meant it at all. Speaking of which . . .

[Prompto] I mean [Prompto] the whole royal authority thing, bet it really works for you w Iggy and Gladio

Noctis types out does it work for you? but then hesitates over the send button and ends up erasing it.

[Noctis] guess so [Noctis] sometimes I just want to be me

He sighs, thinking of the royal duties waiting for him in the morning.

[Noctis] gotta do the swearing in ceremony tomorrow bc dad is busy [Noctis] rather be playing kings knight w you

[Prompto] the night is young, and your phone is already in your hand

Noctis grins and opens the app.

The ceremony is held in the throne room, with the recruits lined up in formation and Noctis standing in front of the throne. He holds himself tall, and nobody would know that only minutes before Ignis was adjusting the drape of his cape and fixing his tie and cufflinks while Noctis frantically repeated his speech over and over.

"On behalf of my father, the king, I welcome you all to the Kingsglaive. Today you join the ranks of Lucis's most elite warriors, and begin your service to the people and the Crown." Noctis's voice is strong, and Ignis sees a hint of his father in the tilt of his chin. He hesitates for a barely detectable moment, then says, "Are you ready to pledge your loyalty?"

As one, the recruits fall to their knees and bow their heads, a hush falling over the room as Noctis descends the stairs. He approaches the first recruit and lays his hand on the back of her head. "I give myself in service to the Crown and the Crystal," she says, "and pledge to use the power granted to me to protect the people of Lucis."

"Do you give your life to the Crown?" Noctis asks. Normally, with Regis performing the ceremony, the line would be, do you give your life to me? but Noctis had felt it would be disingenuous, and Ignis finds he rather agrees.

"I do."

His hand slides around the side of her head and cups her chin, lifting her face. "Then rise, and join the ranks of the Kingsglaive." The recruit stands, and Ignis can see the shine in her eyes as she rises. Noctis smiles at her before moving on to the next recruit. The ceremony is repeated for the whole group, Noctis receiving one oath after another, until they're all standing.

As the audience bursts into applause, Noctis ascends the stairs again. When he reaches the throne, he materializes his sword and swings it high above his head, then spins it in a flashy circle and slams the point down into the floor in front of him, in the crack left there by this very same ceremony in the past. "The Crystal welcomes you, as do the people of Lucis," he says strongly, and the newly minted Glaives cross their fists over their chests and bow.

The applause is thunderous, and when it finally starts to die down, Noctis banishes his sword and makes his way down the stairs. Ignis meets him at the bottom as the recruits and the audience begin to file out of the chamber. "Well done, Your Highness," he says.

"You think so? My sword has nothing on Dad's armiger."

"You saw the look in the recruits' eyes. They were proud to be swearing their loyalty to you."

"To my dad," Noctis corrects.

"It may have been him in intent, but it was you in practice. I remember swearing my own oath of loyalty to you, you know."

Noctis laughs. "You mean when we were kids?"

"We may have been children, but I've always taken it seriously."

Looking at him with a small smile playing at his lips, Noctis says, "Me too."

"Well then," Ignis says, "I believe the banquet is ready to begin."

Prompto taps his phone, rewinding the clip to the beginning to play again. Bless IBC for always putting news clips online right away, because after watching the live feed of the glaive swearing-in ceremony Prompto immediately wanted to watch it again.

And again.

And again, and okay, maybe he's got one hand in his pants while he's watching it but Noct looks so good all dressed up. Even the ridiculous cape lends him an air of authority.

Are you ready to pledge your loyalty? Noct asks in the video, and Prompto's hand tightens on his cock. There was a time when he hesitated to jerk off to photos and videos of his friend, but these days he's accepted the fact that his feelings aren't going away any time soon and he can still be a good friend to Noct despite wanting to suck down his dick until he chokes.

Do you give your life to the Crown? Noct asks, and Prompto breathes, "I do," as he jerks himself faster. The clip is almost to the end, and he bites his lip as Noct ascends the stairs, then gasps, "fuck, fuck, fuck," when Noct materializes a sword and swings it around his head. He comes as the sword slams into the ground, the camera catching the steely glint in Noct's blue eyes, the hard set of his mouth, the perfect fall of hair over his forehead. He looks like a king, and Prompto would gladly lay down his life for him.

As the clip finishes, he pushes weakly at his pants, shoving them down to keep them out of the mess. He doesn't feel guilty for jerking off to Noct, but sometimes he feels guilty for how much he likes it when Noct acts like the royalty he is, because he's still got the texts on his phone saying sometimes I just want to be me.

#ffxvkinkweek #ffxv #promptis #polyship roadtrip #fanfic

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stuarttwiss2018trailride · 6 years

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Day 35. Balfour, BC to Revelstoke, BC. 241 miles.

A wonderful day of scenery and a sprinkling of stupidity. Nature and the kindness of others wins in the end!

I have been staying with Cybilla and Steven in their ground floor space overlooking an offshoot of Kootenay lake. I slept well, the weather report is 100% accurate and there's a strong sun in a blue sky.

I seem to be packed and out with ease and the help from Steven to lube the chain speeds me on my way.

Their recommendation for breakfast is the bakery at the Balfour ferry jetty. I get fuel for bike and rider here. The breakfast was made of pastries and muffins washed down with coffee. I have really slipped with my healthy diet, although the vegetable samosa was rich in turmeric.

The port is a hub for gossip and services. The bakery door advertises charter fishing, opera and burlesque. The three interests of the people of Kootenay? The fishing charter boasts 289 rainbow trout over 20lbs. Pictures of people barely holding up giant trout are proof of their successes. Everyone smiles and greets and seems to compete for the most beat up pickup. A family gathering to discuss a recent car auction, the mother laying free newspapers on the plastic seats to protect from the cold. It's chilly but sparkling in the sun. People comment on the improved air quality now that the cooler and wetter weather is helping bring the fires under control.

A last minute check had confirmed that my own route to the US border area remained blocked but I still had a good run planned on gravel and forest trails as far as Edgewood before heading West to Lumby on tarmac.

The ride is scenic, although that phrase does the glory of the landscape no service at all. At every turn the sun glistens on the reflected sky and the layers of mountains are greying into the distant horizon. Trees and water present themselves in every possible divine combination.

I reach the ferry, an untainted spot on the edge of the vast Columbia River. The panorama is astonishing and gazing at it more than occupies the 30 minutes it takes for the ferry to arrive.

The journey across is a rolling presentation of spectacular views, which is a good thing because as it happens I have to make the trip three times and if I hadn't I would not have seen the sparrows.

Leaving the ferry I don't expect to be called on to leave first but suddenly it's all systems go. I zoom off, park up and gather my route up. I have to turn off left as the stream of trucks and RVs head up to Revelstoke. It's a wide logging road which I follow into a weigh station for the 24 wheel logging trucks. Wrong turn, I swing round and head off up the narrower service road. A couple of miles into the trail I am heating up and choosing to take off a layer I find I have no backpack to put it in. Foolish me I will have left it on the ferry which I can see is already heading back and is mid river.

At the terminal the vehicle loaders are helpful but nobody they speak to via radio on the boat or the other side has seen it.

The back pack has some value but what is invaluable is the Spot, GPS tracker attached to it's harness. Spot helps family know where I am and is a lifeline to emergency services. Without it I cannot go on the trails. It also has the major advantage of being a way of tracing the bag. There is no cell coverage on the Shelter Bay side, the only WiFi is on the Galena side.

I am now on the ferry going back. A few hundred yards from Galena I pick up WiFi and Spot's spots appear. Some on the Galena slipway and the last one suspended in mid crossing. The bag was with me on the boat and then disappeared! Logical conclusion that I and two of the deck hands come to, 'Its been stolen!'. We bemoan the avarice of others and lament that this should have happened when most people are so kind.

I am now traveling back to Shelter Bay on the ferry. The ferry has its own family of swallows and the parents feed the young on the wing. I luckily catch some moving pictures of the fledglings bouncing on the boat hawser. Awesome flying and awesome phone camera.

I am back on dry land and, just to be sure I didn't take the bag off where I found I had lost it, I head off down the Forest Service Road. It's not there. I have no signal to check its location either but I am now convinced that theory 1, bag stolen, is indeed the right one.

I had emailed home on the boat, just the briefest, 'bag stolen', but when I get into data service 20km down the road I have already got an inbox full of CCTV and webcam links to the ferry. Then a phone call to share my woes and new plans: police to report stolen, insurance, new Spot supplier etc etc. I have already embellished my theory with villains, a couple on the ferry who acted strangely and shook my hand.

I have a hotel recommendation from home too but go with The Cube in Revelstoke. There I get the only room with its own shower and shower before sitting in the kitchen area to drink coffee, write my blog and bathe my wounds.

At the hotel table I find three new spots on the Shelter Bay side! The bag made it across on the ferry, perhaps it wasn't stolen, perhaps it was dropped.? The spots move but all are within the area of the logging depot where I made a wrong turn. The last spot is at 4.00pm, but no more. I form a new theory, 'Picked up by forestry worker and taken home for safe keeping,'

A while later another hotel guest hears my accent and this prompts a conversation. Soon we are talking origins, holidays and the journey I might take. I show Thea my map and Pieter her husband comes over on the way to his shower. We chat about or lives and recent journeys. They have been down South in Grenada and The Dominican Republic. I have been telling Thea about solo travel and our conversation moves onto Spot. I open up the Spot app and suddenly the 3 spots turn into 20 and all in the same space, the latest at 9.00pm, it hasn't been picked up by a forest worker and taken home, it may be lying on the area right now!

Knowing it is there drives me to want to head on into the back roads but it's dark already and I can't ride without the safety of the Spot tracker. Instead I ask Pieter whom I have known for 5 minutes to take me down to Shelter Bay, a round trip of 48 miles! Surprisingly and without hesitation he says yes!

On the road we talk about near misses and crashes with wild animals and how dangerous night driving is. Pieter has hit a moose and another deer and all but written off his car. He and I chat like old friends and the miles disappear so fast the turn onto the service road catches us out. A quick three point turn and Pieter is now nursing his car down what is a nasty corrugated road which on the dirt bike I had not noticed. I'm mortified.

At the logging depot we search the verges, nothing. Pieter plays his vehicle lights onto the area, nothing. I head up to the weighbridge and hut and, shining a light through the window, see the bag propped up inside. YAY! What a relief! I had dropped it off the back of my bike when turning to get back on track. There were no thieves only people looking out for other people. The ride is on again and I have a night freed from anxiety.

I am so elated and gabble on in the car about the friendliness of strangers. Pieter tells me of his life as the chauffeur of the Liberian Ambassador to the Netherlands and we share EuroRail experiences. We talk of children and grandchildren and the pain of loss. He's tired I know but even so he was yet another friend in need. People are great!

After saying goodnight to Pieter I get out for a quick taco and slaw. More talk with a young couple who, like me missed lunch and dinner and are trying to catch up. Then it's back to my room and this blog, check out the pictures.

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coloringmysensescherryred · 6 years

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2017

1. What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before? I went to Japan, graduated college, started teaching English in South Korea, and dated a Korean guy - a year full of traveling and adventures!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Last year I had two resolutions - eat better so I didn’t feel like I was gonna shit myself so often, and to stop looking for love and let it find me. TBH I followed them both - shoutout to Korea for helping me with them! Korea’s food is just much better on my internal pipes in terms of health, and the boyfriend thing kinda just happened. I’m more proud of myself for ending it when I wasn’t happy but I wasn’t forcing any sort of relationship, it happened organically; so I’m pleased that I stuck to my guns.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope! Most of my friends aren’t even married yet! (Not that you can’t have a baby without being married but ya know.)

4. Did anyone close to you die? No, thank god.

5. What countries did you visit? Japan and Korea!

6. What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017? I would like to have more confidence to straight-up tell people when they are doing things that make me mad or irritate me or that I don’t like. That is my new years resolution this year.

7. What dates from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? March 23rd - the day I got my email saying I got into Fulbright! and June 7th - the day I left for Korea for a full year.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Fucking picking up my entire life and moving to Korea on my own. Like I have so many friends here in my program, but I was basically coming alone because I knew that I would be separate from them when we went to our placements after six weeks.

9. What was your biggest failure? I don’t know, I felt like I succeeded in all the ways that mattered? I guess my biggest “failure” was confessing my feelings to my crush and him having to let me down because he had just gotten out of a serious relationship and wasn’t ready (altho I think he did like me tbh). So all things considered, that is a pretty good track record for an important year.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nope!

11. What was the best thing you bought? Netflix?? I had had it for like six months before Korea buutttt it has been a fucking lifesaver for me abroad. It’s a way to hear English from native mouths when I live in a homestay and don’t get to speak English with native speakers that often. It’s also great to do on traveling (like on trains and buses). Bless up to a great monthly investment.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? BURG, aka @officialff7remake. Homeboy was there for me when I was freaking out about MP or thesis or boys and just to pal around and drink with. The tightest of homies and I can’t thank him enough. <3

13. Whose behavior made you appalled? I guess my Korean ex, Huijae? He literally had never dated ANYONE before me, Korean or otherwise, and he while he meant well, he had no emotional intelligence and really did things that bugged me and patronized me and was trying to be manipulative? and I didn’t need that shit? So I got out of that relationship after holding back my own feelings for too long and I’m so much happier and I don’t really talk to him anymore (he has texted a few times after we broke up to ask if he could come visit my host family because he “missed them” *eye roll* but i haven’t let him and he goes off to military service in like two weeks so I think i’m in the clear).

14. Where did most of your money go? FOOD. I literally just buy food in Korea. Oh, and train tickets to go to Seoul or wherever.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? IT by Stephen King. I was fucking so hyped about it and luckily its release date in Korea was the same as in America so I saw it the night it came out! Also, obvi Fulbright and teaching in Korea. :)

16. What song will always remind you of 2017? 빨간맛 by Red Velvet and DNA by BTS! Two songs that I have heard OVER AND OVER in korea and I still love them.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer? I’m a. happier (or about the same - I was done with first sem and my thesis and had gone to Japan so I was probs p happy back then too), b. thinner! (I have lost like 10 or 12 lbs in Korea - wasn’t trying to but the food is just less fattening I think, and I walk more and go to an aerobics class like 3 or 4 times a week!), and c. richer! I’m not rich rich by any means but I have more money from fulbright than I was making as a waitress. :)

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Idk - I did really what I wanted second sem of school, like hanging with MP and drinking and having spontaneous fun, and saw all the people I wanted to before I left for Korea, but I guess I wish I had done more solo trips in Korea? I want to do more before second sem starts too, and I want to visit my friends in their respective cities more because I didn’t get to do that so much in the fall because of my stupid fucking ex always coming to my town and taking up every literal weekend. I wish I was joking about that but it was bad.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Spend less time napping! I like naps but then I feel like i miss out on things, as well as have trouble falling asleep at decent times on school nights. Also, I wish I had spent less time being miserable about my relationship and ended it earlier. I gotta put myself the fuck first this year.

20. How did you spend Christmas? I spent an early Christmas on the 23rd with 6 Fulbright friends in Gwangju, and ended up getting drunk and dancing at the airbnb with all the other tenants for the night! It was really fun. I then spent actual Christmas eve and day at a hotel with my host fam and close family friends, just seeing the ocean (in the freezing cold) and eating seafood stew. I was glad to be with them but I missed home SO fucking much during that time. I did Skype my fam on Christmas eve morning so I saw them a little!

21. Did you fall in love in 2017? I don't know if I can call it love, but I had a serious crush that was more than just infatuation with a guy in my last sem of college. I didn’t know what I wanted because I was leaving America and he was still a sophomore but I just knew that I could see us together, and it didn’t work out but I still have hope for the future. And with my Korean ex, it wasn’t love at all but I did like him so there’s that?

22. What was your favorite TV program? In terms of things that I watched in 2017 that I really liked? Breaking Bad, Dark, Stranger Things season 2, and Rupaul’s Drag Race!

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? My ex? Yeah, it’s petty, but whenever I talk about him or see his picture I get mad. I guess that only half counts on this bc I didn’t know him this time last year? But I don’t hate anyone else.

24. What was the best book you read? It by Stephen King. That thing is a fucking masterpiece.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? Sam Smith, biiiiitch. His newest album is all amazing and I slept on him for too long! Like I knew he was good but this new album is amazing.

26. What did you want and get? I wanted Fulbright and I got it!

27. What did you want and not get? I wanted to be with aforementioned crush but it was bad timing. Win some, lose some, live & learn.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? I CAN’T CHOOSE

29. What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Going through second sem of senior year knowing I had a job after graduation?

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017? it has changed a little since coming to Korea in order to try and not stand out so much? I have switched to more solid color tops rather than lots of prints, and I dress more demurely? Like less cleavage showing because that’s how koreans do (not that I am against it, but I’m just tryna fit in).

31. What kept you sane? Sydney, my best friend in the entire world. (This was my answer from last year and the year before that and the year before that AND THE YEAR BEFORE THAT but it still holds true) also everyone in the sv discord chat still AND natalie of course of course

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? All the drag queens from Drag Race but especially Trixie & Katya? Ummm also BTS but what is new. ;)

33. What political issue stirred you the most? everything trump and his administration do and the net neutrality repeal. :(

34. Who did you miss? I miss my dogs and my mom and my sister and Brian and Cannon and grammy and my MP friends. <3 Being in Korea away from them has been really hard sometimes. 35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017. If you really want something, strive for it. Keep your expectations low, but believe in yourself and what you are capable of shining through and getting you what you really want. <3

36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. “don’t you get lost in nostalgia, no” - Lost in Nostalgia, The Maine

“take me with you / cause even on your own, you are not alone” - Portugal, Walk the Moon

#personal #quiz #survey #2017 #me

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yasuragi-hotaru · 7 years

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Uta Pri: 6th Stage Report Pt. 1

By now, it’s no surprise how deep into Maji Love Live hell I’ve fallen. So it didn’t take long for me to get into my head that I would, in one way or another, make it to the event in person one day.

The moment this post hit my dash, it made me think, “Man, I would hate to miss seeing that! I feel like that will definitely be a reality for 6th Stage. Wouldn’t it be cool to be there for it?”

“One day” could be a reality, if, with a little faith and a lot of hope, I tried.

GETTING TICKETS

Was by far one of the most exhausting things I’ve ever gone through. And that is saying a lot as I have been going to concerts, in local venues and arenas, rock and pop, both domestically and internationally, for 13 years now. Without a doubt, there is nothing, nothing like the process of getting tickets in Japan.

I researched extensively throughout the entirety of the ordeal reading up as much as I could (reference links later!) before I fully committed to take the plunge.

For 6th Stage specifically, there were 4 chances to get tickets:

5/27 Lottery w/code from Legend Star vol. 1 in January

5/28 Lottery w/code from Legend Star vol. 2 in February

5/27 + 5/28 Open Lotteries on eplus in early March

5/27 + 5/28 General Sale on eplus in Late March

As luck would have it, I went through each and every one of these before securing my ticket. That’s right, I lost out in all 4 lotteries and somehow, by the grace of God, scraped the bottom of the barrel to snag a rare ticket from the general sale. Now. I’m pretty sure this took years off of my life, so here’s some things I learned along the way for each entry point.

5/27 Lottery w/code from Legend Star vol. 1 in January

Purchased through CDJ, shipped as Registered Air Mail - this was definitely mistake #1. I barely got my package in time to send the proxy service my code for the entry period orz orz orz

I used a proxy service (Japan Concert Tickets) and they were incredibly helpful, professional, and upfront throughout the whole process!

I was overly optimistic here, totally thought it was a shoe in, NBD, so losing the first time stung pretty badly ngl

5/28 Lottery w/code from Legend Star vol. 2 in February

As soon as I received MLLS1, i immediately updated the shipping for this next order to EMS. I received my DVD the day of the release. Yay! 10/10 recommend this shipping option if you need something right away from CDJ.

Still worked with JCT as the proxy service, but obviously lost out on this one, too

5/27 + 5/28 Open Lotteries on eplus in early March

This was probably the most stressful of the lotteries. probably because of the finality of what losing on these lotteries meant. SIGH OTL HERE WE GO.

I worked with JCT to enter, too, and they were a little less patient with entering on my behalf vs. the previous two times. Probably because they were helping more people this time than with people who made the purchase to enter in Jan and Feb.

They sent their confirmation of entering the lottery the day before the entry period ended. Cue anxiety. Woof.

I found out afterward that I could have also entered myself (I made my own eplus account after the fact), but I didn’t. I mourned over this for a while once I lost out on these lotteries, too. Oh well.

When JCT sent the losing notification, it was a blanket BCC email saying due to the extremely low chances of winning tickets, they will not be offering lottery services for future Utapri shows, for the time being. So FYI for prospective MLL attendees. Otherwise, they were very very easy to work with, and i totally understand it’s not the best use of their resources. Alas, off to fend for myself. Onwards to the general sale!

5/27 + 5/28 General Sale on eplus in Late March

At this point, i was pretty defeated, ngl. Everywhere I read, everywhere said don’t even bother with the general sale because there’s no chance.

I, obviously, refused to believe this. I believed there was a chance, even if it was a sliver of a chance. But it wasn’t over yet. Despite myself, I kept the faith and stuck it out.

eplus does not recognize international credit cards, which is ANNOYING. As a work around, I set up my account to pay/pick up at Family Mart. I figured I could figure this payment part out if I got to it. SHRUG

I have NEVER used eplus before, so I tried to poke around to other ticket pages to get a feel for how the application process works.

Spoiler alert: the 6th stage ticket application was NOTHING like the other ticket pages I poked around on D:

I was really scared to have my browser translate the page to English in the event it messed with the loading time or cookies on the page. I tried to memorize the fields so I could at least have some muscle memory with the first page on what goes where.

At 12:00:01 JST, I refreshed the page. And eplus told me I lost my place because I had another eplus page open. I did. it was my member page bc i was checking randomly for something else.

r u srs.

I went to go back, and the site crashed.

wtf the fuq.

I spent the next few minutes compulsively refreshing the page. F5 F5 F5

by 12:07, I assumed that tickets were already sold out.

I still kept refreshing

by 12:10 i officially resigned i had no chance, ready to close the browser window

I still kept refreshing

Suddenly, the application page loaded with options

I started toggling between either day, as the page said tickets were available for both

the page kept loading

the entry fields continued to show up

i kept hitting enter

i frantically just kept trying combos

then finally….the next page loaded

i s h i t y o u n o t I blacked out. i straight up blacked out, i don’t remember what i thought, what i saw, what I did, WHATWASAIR, my mind just blanked because I DID NOT THINK I WOULD GET THIS FAR.

all i remember is that i just skimmed through the page, scrolled to the bottom and it was a blur of letters i didn’t recognize and then a big pink button.

i clicked it.

the next page just said application complete

???????????????????

what. that’s…..it? that’s it…..?!?!?!??! that seemed too easy. wasn’t I supposed to confirm my name for the ticket? what did I miss? WHAT WAS ON THIS MYSTERIOUS SECOND PAGE. I may never know.

By 12:30 i received an email from eplus with a Family Mart code and a message to redeem the ticket in 48 hours.

with the help from my friend, I was able to track back track the steps that led me to getting the confirmation code

thankfully, she was able to help facilitate the transaction in Japan, so by Monday afternoon my time, I got a note that my ticket was secured.

For a long time, NONE OF THIS FELT REAL.

General sale was, by far, one of the most INSANE experiences I have ever put myself through. I truly feel for all other fans who’ve tried and either succeeded or failed. It’s GRUELING. The eplus interface was not intuitive, the entire process was not user friendly at all, and if Japanese is not your first language, it is definitely a challenge.

However, if you are not weak of heart (or just downright stubborn like me), then I absolutely encourage you to try it anyway!!! I knew that this was my last chance and I am convinced getting my ticket was a fluke. I especially knew it, given how late I got in after the tickets went up for sale that I would be VERY VERY VERY FAR AWAY. But it didn’t matter.

Out of sheer dumb luck and blind determination.

was going

to Maji Love Live 6th Stage.

PINCH ME.

Things I referenced as my guide:

@aishiteruitsumo6‘s 5th stage reports

@otokogizenkaigofight‘s ask about 5th stage tickets

Bernie’s summary of Getting Concert Tickets in Japan (and overseas)

@sincerely-shine‘s How to Get Tickets to Seiyuu events

A Momokuro forum discussion page specifically for oversea fans

good ol’ Reddit

I would say, more or less, these posts definitely set the foundation of the beginning of the process, if you’re curious! (and a massive thank you to all of you, you have no idea how much all of your details helped me!)

(Continues on to Goods Line & Trading @ Sunshine CIty)

#maji love live #maji love live 6th stage #seiyuu #uta no prince sama #utapri #utapuri #yh reports #mll reports #AND SO IT BEGINS Y'ALL #i'm not joking i must've lost years from my life trying to get tickets to this goddamn event #just about 3 months of PAIN to try and get tickets #would i recommend it to everyone?#not at all #like seriously #if you don't like soul crushing rejection #then don't do this #would i do it all over again?#PROBABLY LOL OTL

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wildlyhardphilosopher-blog · 5 years

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How Often and How Long Should you Train Your Dog?, | how to teach a puppy

New Post has been published on https://dogtraining.dknol.com/english/how-often-and-how-long-should-you-train-your-dog-how-to-teach-a-puppy/?utm_source=Tumblr&utm_medium=Tumblr+%230+Freda+K+Pless&utm_campaign=SNAP%2Bfrom%2BBest+Dog+Training

How Often and How Long Should you Train Your Dog?, | how to teach a puppy

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Toggle navigation The Kennel Club Back To Training I approach marking like all housetraining problems, taking dogs back to Housetraining 101, with the emphasis on keen attention, since it is important to interrupt the urge to mark before actual house-soiling occurs. For dogs who are chronic markers, a belly band that prevents house-soiling may be a helpful management tool. If you’re like me and have trouble keeping up with your pup at all times try using a tether. You can buy a tether from the pet store or simply do what I did and use a long lead or leash. If tethering your pup to you at all times is what it takes to make sure they’re not sneaking off then go for it. If you’re not keen on keeping your dog tethered you can use baby gates or closed doors to restrict your dogs access to the whole house. August 28, 2017 9:08 am 3.0 out of 5 starsThree Stars PupLight What is the best way to train and discipline your dog? Pulling and tugging on the leash on walks Sign up for the Most Popular email Dig into the “software your dog comes bundled with” and discover how common psychological practices can help us train dogs to overcome their instinctual behaviors. Professor Donaldson defines terms you’ll be using throughout the training such as prompting, capturing, and shaping. Master the first basic obedience commands: sit and down. x Subscriptions National Edition private puppy training What Meningitis Does to Your Body Based on the principles of social learning, model-rival training uses a model, or a rival for attention, to demonstrate the desired behaviour.[65] The method was used by Irene Pepperberg to train Alex the African Grey Parrot to label a large number of objects. McKinley and Young undertook a pilot study on the applicability of a modified version of the model-rival method to the training of domestic dogs, noting that the dog’s origins as a member of large and complex social groups promote observational learning. The model-rival training involved an interaction between the trainer, the dog, and a person acting as a model-rival, that is, a model for desired behaviour and a rival for the trainer’s attention. In view of the dog, a dialogue concerning a particular toy commenced between the trainer and the model-rival. The trainer praised or scolded the model-rival depending on whether the model-rival had named the toy correctly. It was found that the performance times for completion of the task were similar for dogs trained with either operant conditioning or the model rival method. In addition, the total training time required for task completion was comparable for both methods.[66] Nosework Games and NW2 & NW3 Coaching Clinics with Michael McManus Training the Best Dog Ever: A 5-Week Program Using the Power of Positive Reinforcement by Larry Kay Paperback $10.98 Featured Events potty train dog | how to potty train a dog fast potty train dog | potty train dog potty train dog | best way to potty train Legal | Sitemap

#how do i train my puppy to stop biting me #potty training dogs tips

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