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dvp95 · 4 years

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quiet on widow’s peak (14)

pairing: dan howell/phil lester, pj liguori/sophie newton/chris kendall rating: teen & up tags: paranormal investigator, mystery, online friendship, slow burn, strangers to lovers, nonbinary character, trans character, background poly, phil does some buzzfeed unsolved shit and dan is a fan word count: 3.4k (this chapter), 46.4k (total) summary: Phil’s got a list of paranormal experiences a mile long that he likes to share with the world. Abandoned buildings, cemeteries, and ghost stories have always called his name, and a particular fan of his has a really, really good ghost story.

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

"You're Martyn's brother, right?"

"Martyn is my brother," Phil corrects her, doing his best to keep a straight face. He's never met the teenager, but she'd been happy enough to get on Skype with him for his last-ditch attempt at getting some information that isn't useless. He's really running out of ideas, and he isn't sure how much longer he can stretch this case out. "And you're Frankie's sister."

"Frankie is my sister," she repeats. Her grin is wide, her teeth straight and lips painted a dark pink. Phil wonders how that colour would look on Dan.

Great. He'd managed a whole thirteen minutes of coordinating this Skype call without thinking about Dan. It's a new record at this point, and all it took to break it was the memory of how pretty Dan looked with lip stuff on.

"I'm going to start recording now," he says, getting his various windows all sorted before pressing the big red button on his software. "Can you state your name and connection to the case for us?"

"Sure. I'm Val and I'm one of the people responsible for the sigils in the Wilkins place attic."

Phil freezes. He hadn't known that. Val had simply confirmed that she and her friends had gotten in trouble for trespassing in September, and now Phil feels like an unprepared idiot for not seeing how connected she was to the mystery before he hit call. He wonders what Dan would say about that.

He checks the time again. Definitely less than thirteen minutes that time.

"Will you tell us a bit about sigils in your own words?" Phil asks. Maybe if he keeps her talking, he’ll have time to lasso his wandering mind back into place. "I've done my own research, of course, but I think it can be useful to hear it from someone who knows what they're talking about, y'know? Plus," he adds, giving her a conspiratory sort of smile, "then I can use your voiceover instead of recording one myself."

Val laughs and launches into a Sigils For Dummies explanation that Phil does his best not to interrupt. He asks some leading questions and mentions his own hit or miss experience with taking sigils into the house. For a teenager, she's surprisingly eloquent. Moreso than Phil is, anyway.

They talk a bit about the Wilkins place the way he had with the other people he's interviewed, because he's fairly certain that Val's testimony will be the only one that he actually ends up using for his video. He doesn't let himself feel any creeping sense of hope, though. She could still have nothing aside from some fun backstory, and this whole investigation could still be a failure.

Not just the investigation, either. Phil doesn't like to conflate his own worth with the content he produces, because there are always going to be people who are unhappy with what he does - including himself, more and more lately - and he can't be worrying about his future every time a video doesn't pan out the way he wants it to. Something about this case is making him feel that in a way he tries very hard not to on others. Maybe it's how close it is to home, quite literally, or just how helpless he'd felt while waiting for his friends to wake up.

This investigation could still be a failure, and so could Phil. He can't deny how entwined those are right now.

Phil knows he shouldn't be basing his decisions on something as volatile as a single YouTube video, not when he's usually comfortable posting anything that's entertaining, but he feels like the tide is coming in and he's going to get swept away unless he moves somewhere.

"So, back to your sigils specifically," says Phil. He's supposed to be taking notes or something, probably, but instead he's just doodling some half-assed sigils of his own.

"Yes. We heard about all the incidences and, while we were pretty sure that not everything going around was true, my friends and I wanted to check in and make sure. We did a couple of different rituals first, cleansing the space and trying to see if we could find the presence, but..." Val went quiet for a long moment. "Well. I don't know what exactly was in there, but there was something."

"What makes you so sure?" Phil asks quietly.

"Well, you can feel it," she says. She runs her hands over her own forearms, like she's a mime pretending to be cold. "Goosepimples. Hair on the back of your neck standing up. You keep wanting to turn around, but nothing is looking back at you from the darkness."

Phil keeps his own input rather impartial in interviews. There's no real reason to alert anyone to his own opinions on what might be going on - that's what the wrap-up is for.

So instead of telling Val that he felt everything she's talking about, he simply asks, "Is that all?"

"No," says Val. "No, the rituals we tried to do... it didn't work, Phil. And I know you might be thinking that rituals aren't supposed to work or that magic isn't real or something, but it's not just that nothing happened. It's that... it was like something was messing with them on purpose. My candles kept blowing out even though there wasn't a draught and Sammy's sage bundle just... disappeared. It really scared us, to be honest."

"Why didn't you just leave the place alone from then on?"

"We knew people weren't going to stop partying there," she says. "And that's... a choice, I guess. But we wanted to help if we could, so..."

"So you put the sigils on the floor," he says when she can only finish with a vague gesture. "I know that you can't tell me their exact meanings or anything, since you don't know them anymore, but can you give me a general gist of what you guys were trying to do?"

"Sure, yeah," she says, shifting around like she's getting comfortable in her chair. Phil can see an incense burner on her desk next to a perilous-looking stack of books, and he wishes he could light a candle or something. His room, and his parents' whole house really, has been smelling like nothing but cleaning supplies since he got here. "We took different roles, kind of? I focus on minor protection most of the time, so it was my job to make sigils that would sort of protect innocent people from coming into contact with whatever the entity was, while Sammy is more about healing and cleansing - she was trying to heal the house, I think. We tried not to talk about them in detail so we didn't fuck each other's things up, because the whole thing felt a bit too high-stakes for that."

Phil doesn't know nearly enough about sigils to know whether or not the ones in the attic were helpful or harmful, but he's glad he didn't have to talk to a bunch of teenagers trying to summon a demon or anything. For the second time this year.

"That's really good of you to try," Phil says with a little smile. He's trying to figure out exactly how he should play this one. "And you covered a good amount of the floor."

"Of course, that's when the cops got called," Val grins back.

"That's when the cops always get called," he says.

He's got a handful of other questions for her, but Val doesn't actually know much more about the Wilkins place that she hasn't already told him, and he doesn't want a lesson on protection magic today. She says that he can email her when the video is up, and to send her any other interesting magic cases he comes across in the future.

The future. Phil is trying not to think about that too much right now. He promises, anyway, and ends the call on a fairly light note.

He's got more of an idea how he wants this video to look, now that he's gotten one of the small mysteries solved. He exports the video and audio from the call separately, knowing he's going to use a good chunk of Val's answers as narration over the surviving footage. Not that he has much of that - just the tour of the house that he and his friends had gotten the first night and some more dark corners in VHS and Polaroid form. He knows that he can make a video out of what he's got.

The problem is that he also knows it won't be good enough.

Sure, it might be good enough for his audience - most of them, anyway, since he's got a pretty stubborn set of fans - but it isn't good enough for Phil.

His suspicion is confirmed after a couple more hours of cobbling together what survived into a rough edit, which he sends off to PJ. After a moment of thought, he adds a final line to the email.

P.S. I know you already told me that you aren't a gender guru and that was really funny and everything and I don't expect you to like educate me or whatever, but why do things get so effing complicated with it????? Like I had myself figured out and now I don't, and that sucks.

PJ calls him a little after dinner, lulling Phil into a false sense of security with questions and comments and suggestions about the video. Phil has almost forgotten about the postscript entirely, but then PJ cheerfully says, "So you're an idiot, huh?"

"Yeah," says Phil. "Wait, why?"

"What's so complicated about gender for you?" PJ asks, and Phil wishes he'd never answered the phone. "Are you questioning?"

"You know that I'm not," says Phil, rolling his eyes.

They've known each other for years, and PJ is his best friend, and there is no way in hell that he doesn't know exactly why Phil is Googling words he'd only ever thought about in passing before. He can practically hear PJ's smirk. He seriously considers hanging up before this gets even more humiliating.

"Yeah, I know, but thought I'd ask in case," says PJ. "It would be irresponsible of me as your token trans friend to act like I know how you feel about your own gender."

It's the first time that Phil has actually heard him use the word. He'd always imagined that PJ talked in riddles on purpose, like maybe he didn't actually want to use words for things when he could use extended metaphors and jokes instead, but it's possible that Phil just hadn't been paying enough attention, because PJ sounds ridiculously comfortable with saying it out loud.

"You're not my token anything," Phil says. He waits a beat, picturing PJ's skeptical expression, before he adds, "Dan's my friend, too."

"Dan," PJ repeats. "You've got it bad, my friend."

"What?"

"I can hear it in your voice. You already miss them, don't you? You've been spending all your spare time with them already, you absolute knob. And let me guess," PJ continues before Phil can even attempt to defend himself, "you've got it in your head that liking Dan makes you less gay?"

Phil touches the tip of his nose and then remembers that PJ can't actually see him.

"Maybe," Phil hedges. He knows that PJ is right and he's sure that PJ knows it too, but admitting that is a whole other beast. "And it's also, like... it isn't fair, is it?"

"Fair to who?"

Despite everything in Phil wanting to brush the subject off and start talking about ghosts instead, he takes a moment to consider the question. He supposes that it isn't fair to either of them, really. His feelings for Dan are throwing everything he knows about his sexuality into question and he doesn't know how to deal with that.

Because Phil is gay. He's very gay. He's known it for a long time, even if most of his family members are still in the dark about it, and he's never had reason to think about it like this before. Sure, he's had the usual fantasies of how much easier things would be if he were straight, but he's never actually wanted to be. Maybe he doesn't talk about it the way some people do, but that's because it's far from the most interesting thing about him. Phil has never really considered it other peoples' business.

That doesn't change the fact that it's a fundamental part of him.

Someone who's gorgeous and tall and has big hands that fit ridiculously well into Phil's own shouldn't be enough to throw a wrench in that certainty. But they have, and Phil can't keep acting like they haven't.

PJ is being patient, waiting for Phil to find the words. There's some kind of video game music on his end that Phil can't immediately place, and Phil has a weird moment of homesickness for PJ and the Brighton house, even though it hasn't been that long since they were there together.

"It's not fair to anyone," Phil eventually says. "I think it's pretty obvious why it isn't fair to me, but it isn't fair to Dan either."

"Humour me," says PJ. "Why isn't it fair?"

"Dan isn't... a man," Phil says, slow. He pulls a face at his ceiling, knowing how clumsy he sounds right now. "And I don't think I'd like them if they weren't..."

"You wouldn't be attracted to them if they had a typically feminine body, right?" PJ asks, and then immediately continues as if Phil had answered. "That's not unfair, Phil. I seriously doubt Dan would be bothered by it."

"We don't know them that well," says Phil. It feels a bit like a lie, because he feels like he does know Dan fairly well at this point, but he needs PJ to understand where he's coming from with this. "And I don't know if they'd even be comfortable enough to tell me if they were bothered."

There's a long moment where the only sound is Phil's own breathing and the music of PJ's video game - Spyro, Phil realises - but PJ breaks it in a mild sort of tone. "I get that. Like, I really do get it. You might not think I get it, but I get it. Thing is... I've been somewhere like this. Because I met Soph after I was already living as a guy, right, but I thought she was totally straight at the time. She thought so too, actually, but I know she's felt a lot more connected to the community for a while now. And I didn't know... how to tell her. Because what if she totally freaked? That's not exactly a low risk, y'know."

Phil is far from an expert, but he does know that much. He's well aware of some of the numbers out there, knows that it can end in more than just hurt feelings when trans people come out to their partners, but he'd never once considered that PJ dealt with that. He feels a bit stupid for it. Sophie - and Chris, he supposes, even if he doesn't particularly know the intricacies there - isn't PJ's first foray into dating. Yeah, they've been together as long as Phil has known him, but that's not an excuse.

"Sorry," says Phil, hoping it sounds as sincere as he feels. "That, um. That sounds like it sucks."

"Oh, it totally sucks," PJ laughs. "And that's why I can say that you're freaking out for no reason. I mean, your own shit, whatever, you can run yourself in circles for months if you really want to, but the Dan thing? It's unfair not to tell them how you feel, Phil. They've been out for a little while now, they know how this works as well as I do. Sometimes there are compromises."

"I don't want anyone to compromise an identity," says Phil. He can't explain why that makes him so on edge. It would take too long, and he knows that his friends are various degrees of fluid when it comes to their attractions, so there's no guarantee of them understanding at all. It's not that he's being stubborn or close-minded or anything; it's that he's gay. "Peej, I'm a Kinsey fucking six. Telling Dan I have feelings for them is opening a bucket of worms that I don't know if I could close again."

"A can."

"What?" Phil asks, thrown.

"A can of worms, you fucking buffoon."

"Why would worms be in a can?"

"The - you know what, Phil? I can't have a conversation like this with you right now." PJ is doing his best attempt at a serious voice, but Phil can hear him trying not to laugh. "Tell Dan you like them. They like you."

Phil sighs. "I know. That's part of the issue here."

"I don't see an issue," says PJ. "You like them, they like you. Go... like each other."

"It's not that simple."

"It's never really that simple," PJ says, giving in to the laughter. Phil smiles at the unrestrained sound. "You think what I've got going on right now was simple in the beginning?"

"I don't like to put much thought into what you've 'got going on right now'," Phil admits. "But... no. You just make it look easy."

PJ cracks up properly. Phil can't help grinning, too, because PJ's Muppet laugh is always a bonus to saying something ridiculous. PJ waits until he's got his breath back before he says, "Phil. You're kind of a moron."

"I accept that," says Phil. "And before you get your lecturing pants on again, I know that it would be best to talk to Dan about this. I'm just..."

"Scared?"

Phil wants to deny it. He almost does, knee-jerk, but the problem is that PJ knows him too damn well for that. He knows that Phil worries about everything to the point that he's got medication to help with the anxiety spirals, and he also knows that Phil isn't exactly jumping to think or talk about his feelings at any given moment. It's normally a bit like pulling teeth, both for Phil and for the person trying to connect with him.

But PJ knows him. So he says, "Yeah. More scared of that than of the house."

The lighting isn't as good as Phil has in his room, back in Brighton, but he brings all the lamps he can find into his childhood bedroom to make sure he's decently visible on the viewfinder. He doesn't do a lot of talking to the camera without any external stimulus - the only times he's sitting still and addressing the audience directly is when he's doing the wrap-ups at the end of each video. Sometimes he does an intro as well, but it's usually able to be replaced with some good B footage and voiceover. Phil fixes his hair for the millionth time and takes a deep breath before he presses the record button.

He tells his audience what happened, the night that's been lost. He explains everything, every vibe that felt wrong and every terrifying moment in the attic, every file that he can no longer access. Even as he's saying it, he can imagine what the comment section is going to look like.

"I won't blame the lot of you if you don't believe me. I'll put what it looked like when we tried to access the files on the screen now. The corruption was on our devices, though, and we couldn't retrieve anything."

Another deep breath. They're still not going to believe him.

"And that's okay," he adds. "I'm not here for you guys to take my words as, like, facts or whatever, and it's not my job to convince anybody. I'm just here to tell a good story. I wish it had a more conclusive ending, but I'm sure you're already bickering in the comments about what we all experienced, or if you think we experienced anything at all. So tell me what you guys think, and let me know - do you think I should keep imposing on my parents to investigate this some more or is the Wilkins place a story to leave alone?"

He'd normally start to do his like-and-subscribe routine after that, but he pauses.

"And I wanted to say a really big thank you to everyone who helped me with this project, but especially to Winnie. They really went above and beyond in sending me this one, and I'm not going to forget that."

Phil gives the camera an awkward sort of smile. He might not leave that bit in, but he needed to say it.

#quiet on widow's peak #words words words

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missguomeiyun · 5 years

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I’m back from Korea

I feel like October didn’t happen at all .. but at the same time, it happened & it happened too quickly =/

I was away for 2.5 weeks in Korea, & then when I came back, it was a mini series of night shifts so I practically did nothing. .. & by the time I realized it, it was Halloween & I was working evening shifts so I didn’t go out. O_O it has been 1 crazy month. But November is here now, & things are returning back to normal: my vacation withdrawal is over, & I have some “normal” combo of shifts, & it’s time to say bye-bye to the hot weather. It’s gonna be great~

Okay, let’s be real: I’m never “over” a Korea trip lol the other day, I was really craving that budae jjigae. The struggle was real. So I made it for lunch ^^

For my 1st return post, I’ve decided to keep things simple & just share a brief summary of my 2.5 week-long trip with you!

Day 1-4: I stayed at my usual Seoul home, Namsan Hill Hotel. I was unable to book a longer stay at this place =( These 1st few days, I revisited some places in Seoul: Namdaemun (for hand-cut noodles called “kalguksu”); Sinchon/Ewha Womens Univ area/Hongik Univ area for shopping & ; Gyeongbokgung area for Tongin Market & some art museums; Insadong/Samcheongdong/Bukchon Hanok Village for some relaxing strolls around traditional Korean housing. Some new places I went to include:

- a cafe called “Kopi Han-yak-bang” (lit. trans.: “coffee Korean pharmacy”). Look it up! It’s super cool! The owner believes coffee has a healing power, just like traditional herbal medicine, so the cafe is like a vintage herbal medicine shop/pharmacy. It feels as if you’re entering a movie set rather than a cafe.

- The Skyfarm for brunch! Pretty place with amazing view of Seoul.

- Seongsu area for industrial warehouse cafes. It was a valuable & memorable experience bcos Seongsu used to be an area for large factories (making of leather products & shoes, & car-fixing shops), but it’s revitalizing & the large factory spaces are now being converted to hip coffeeshops. Many of which do collabs with local/emerging artists & fashion designers so there’s lots of artsy things to see in these coffeeshops.

- Seoul Forest. There’s like a picnic area, some basketball & tennis courts, walking trails, etc. .. I had a convenience store goods dinner in the picnic area, & watched the sunset there.

Day 5-8: I moved over to Savoy Hotel located in the heart of Myeongdong. It’s ~15min walk away from Namsan Hill Hotel. Great location but also quite loud. My options were slim when I was booking stuff, & I needed to stay close to Seoul Station bcos I arranged 4x 1-day trips! I didn’t realize it at first but then I was like, “I have 4 back-to-back day trips right now.” I was essentially out every day from like 0700h to 2100h.

Trip 1: Paju~ for Heyri Art Village & Provence. I have been to these places before & really liked it so I went back, esp Heyri Art Village. After the day trip, I met up with 2 of my coworkers for K-BBQ in the Hapjeong area.

Trip 2: Jeonju~ I only went to 1 place in Jeonju & that was the Jeonju Hanok Village. It was raining all day that day. However, it was still very enjoyable. The village was a beautiful place, & under the rain, it looked even more picturesque.

Trip 3: Incheon~ for Incheon Chinatown & Wolmido, which is an island connected to Incheon via a highway. Due to its close proximity to China, Incheon became a major port for trades back in the day, & the Chinese immigrants basically settled here, hence it’s the largest Chinatown in Korea. I met up with my friend Ji Yoon in Chinatown & we spent some time catching up.

Trip 4: Gangneung~ For the annual Gangneung Coffee Festival; its title was “Voices of Coffee” this year! It was held at the Gangneung Olympic Ice Arena. I can’t recall how many shots of coffee samples I had that day, but it was a lot. I also went to the Anmok Coffee Street, which is a line of cafes along Anmok Beach - all the cafes face the beach so the view is pretty. Even more so on the day I went bcos it was cloudy =]

Day 9: remained in Seoul today. Went to the Seoul Botanic Garden, which opened its doors in May 2019. Very pretty displays~ Huuuuuge space too. It was like Telus World x Muttart Conservatory x Devonian Botanic Garden. Lots to see, & if you go, allot more time for yourself here. & then in the evening, I camped out by Yeouido Hangang Park for the annual Seoul International Fireworks Festival, which was named “Life is Colourful” this year. So many ppl! I was expecting that before going but it was beyond my imagination. It was truly an experience- the streets were blocked off for pedestrian traffic & literally, it took like 10mins to move 5meters after the show as over! Then at the subway station nearby, there was a bottleneck, where apparently the capacity inside the underground station was reached so we needed to wait outside the exit.. . still, it was fun!

Day 10-12: 1 way train ticket to Busan. Yes, train to Busan ;) I was safe though hehe Busan was beautiful! In hindsight, I should’ve spent more time here but . .. NEXT TIME! I went to BIFF Square & Gukje Market, which was like across from my hotel, Stanford Inn Busan. Gamcheon Cultural Village was super cute; although I would hate being a resident there =/ The Busan Int’l Film Festival was happening then, & I visited the Expo & Convention Centre for the film market. Can’t go into the exhibition, but that whole area was filled with ads/posters of BIFF - it was a big deal! It was cool to witness such a big event & to experience the sheer scale of it. I then went to Shinsegae Centum City, which is the largest shopping complex in the world. Haeundae Beach was also cool. I went on a cloudy day & it was awesome! That same evening/night, I checked out the Jagalchi Fish Market, which is the largest seafood market in Korea. It has 7 floors total, with 3 underground parking levels :O On the last day, bcos I only had the morning available to do stuff, I had Busan fish cake for breakfast & strolled in BIFF Square again.

*Note: I actually hit all the things on my itinerary EXCEPT for the Busan Museum of Art, which was closed on Mondays =( but the security guy let me in to see the lobby bcos he knew I was a tourist. Thank you!

Day 13-17: Flew from Busan Airport to Jeju Airport. I used more time than needed for the whole process- turned out foreigners have their own line at the Busan Airport, so it’s faster than locals. There’s also a domestic terminal & international terminal, so from arrival to being checked in & through security.. . it took less than 25mins. It was great! In regards to Jeju, I did the following:

- stayed in Jeju City for the arrival afternoon/evening, with my hotel being Astar Hotel. Had a street food dinner at Dongmun Market; they were having this night market/festival event so a bunch of street food stalls were open from 7pm-midnight. Smelled like heaven haha

- I did my 1st hike ever on Hallasan Mountain, specifically the Gwaneunsa Trail, & I reached the peak. It was.. . hard. I can’t say I particularly enjoyed it; however, it has proven to me that I am a land person, & I belong in museums, cafes, & street walking lol. Look up the details of the trail! Was it ambitious of me to go on this for my 1st hike ever. .. without any hiking gear? I went with what some ppl would consider gym shoes, a hoodie, leggings, & a backpack with water, juice, kimbaps, 2 bananas, 6 mandarins, & some snacks (cheese crisps & pineapple cream-flavoured crackers).

- The day after the hike, my legs were still okay. But it was my glut that was starting to get sore XD I went to Osulloc Tea Museum & Innisfree Jeju House. The aesthetics <3

- Went to Black Pig Street for black pig bbq. I was hoping a restaurant or two was taking solo-diners & thankfully, the 2nd restaurant I asked did! I ordered pork neck instead of pork belly - it was quite tender & kinda chewy, actually. Later that evening, I went to the Tamra Cultural Festival 2019. It was neat~ There was an outdoor night market, as well as a stage for cultural dance/play/music.

- Jeju Island is actually quite small, & it takes approx. an hour from 1 side of the island to the other side. Thus, for my 3rd (full) day, I went to the Jungmun (Jeju City is north of the island; Jungmun is south coast) & visited the Yellow Cafe, Chocolate Land, Ripley’s Believe It or Not Museum, & Yeomiji Botanical Garden.

- From Jungmun, I took a local bus to Lee Jong Seop Street in Seogwipo, the next city over. The street is very pleasant & chill, with artwork along the street, coffeeshops & eateries, as well as little gift shops. Totally my thing! It reminds me Bukchon Hanok Village in terms of vibe, but minus the traditional housing look. The Seogwipo Olle Market is nearby, & is a great place to buy Jeju souvenirs. The pricing, I heard/read, is cheaper than Dongmun Market in Jeju City - it is true! There are also less tourists here, which was what made it enjoyable for me, personally.

- Only the morning on my last day was free for activities bcos my flight to Seoul was early afternoon. I visited the area around Jeju City Hall, which was ~20min walk from my hotel. It was a very leisurely morning, where I sat down & enjoyed coffee at Coffee Finder & had a build-your-own-ramen bowl at a place nearby. The architecture of Coffee Finder was unique; it used to be a 2-floor house, with like a driveway/sidewalk. But the ummm first floor ceiling/second floor flooring was knocked down so there’s a “hole” in the middle of the cafe. The cafe has very homely vibes as the placement of tables/chairs are in what was (at one point) rooms of the house. It’s open but also you can get some privacy at the same time.

Day 17-18: Back to Seoul, & stayed at Namsan Hill Hotel~ Itaewon is a must! I need to go to Passion 5 every time lol. & I also revisited the Leeum Samsung Museum of Art bcos I like it. & then I had my last day as a “free” day, where I didn’t plan ANYTHING. I’m a very intense planner & when I go on trips, I literally plan to the minute haha & guess what, I ended up in Hongdae. Honestly, it’s my kinda place. Sadly, the transportation situation there isn’t convenient for the rest of my itinerary, or else I would choose a hotel that’s in the vicinity. I nearly spent 2.5 hrs at Coin Su Noraebang haha I realized that if you score high enough, time gets added to your paid time :O I can’t let that go to waste =P

There ya go, Korea 2019!

PS: I haven’t decided what/how I’m gonna go about posting my trip. .. There are wayyyy too many photos & it will take me a million yrs to write/upload. Perhaps expect unexpected Korea posts scattered between my regular posts :P I will, however, share with you the coffees I’ve had in Korea. I tried diff ones, from franchise to small local cafes, adventurous flavours & the typical black Americano. I didn’t have any poor experiences but there was 1 particular one that I will likely never order again - tbh, I should’ve expected it but I still went for it anyway *shrugs* so I guess it was all my fault haha ok, I’ll ttyl~!

#korea #korea travel #travel korea #korea trip #korea 2019 #solo travel #vacation #seoul #busan #jeju island #paju #incheon #gangneung #jeonju #tourist

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that-bookworm-guy · 5 years

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Character Creation Tag (Alexander)

@pens-swords-stuff did this and this looked cool so I thought I’d do it with my baby Alexander

1) What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering (name, appearance, backstory, etc.?)

The name. I knew he would be a bookworm too

2) Did you design them with any other characters/OCs from their universe in mind?

Nope, he was the first character and everyone else was built around him.

3) How did you choose their name?

always loved the name, since I was tiny. I never knew anyone called Alexander so I have no idea where I got the name from, but it was also a name I was considering when I came out as trans but it didn’t suit me, so my character’s name was born.

His last name is Fawn, which just came to mind and seemed to fit.

4) In developing their backstory, what elements of the world they live in played the most influential parts?

Oooo so in the first book he loses his family. I wanted to really concentrate on his backstory at the start to show how normal his life was and how unprepared he was for everything to go tits up. Everyone has a special power and his is enhanced intelligence and he experiences everything from being able to read minds (Not a lot), to having visions about the future and hearing his powers voice. He wants to get rid of it, so I really wanted to show how much it affected him.

He has ADHD so I wanted to show that through his every day life and I made sure it was mentioned in passing. I wanted to show how he was in school because there are some important characters that come back from there.

His family were well off with house staff and technology because I wanted a clear contrast between his old life and his new life on the run.

5) Is there any significance behind their hair colour?

Nope

6) Is there any significance behind their eye colour?

Nope

7) Is there any significance behind their height?

Nope, he is average

8) What (if anything) do you relate to within their character/story?

He has bad anxiety and depression. I didn’t want to hide it and I’ve had it all my life so I wanted to write a hero who had a mental illness and although it does slow him down, it doesnt stop him.

9) Are they based off of you, in some way?

The whole story came to be because I had a dream where my sister was taken and I had some kind of powers that helped me to get her back. This is basically the outline to the whole of book 1. So in a way yes.

Same with the anxiety and depression, a lot I wrote about it true and was how I was feeling at the time. I feel it made it more realistic to a reader that way.

I can be quite cheeky and was often got told off for it when I was younger, so I really wanted to include that element of fun into his character.

10) Did you know what the OC’s sexuality would be at the time of their creation?

I knew he wasn’t going to be straight. Whether he knew that about himself yet was another story. But it’s turning out to read like he is bi, so I will definitely be sticking with that.

11) What have you found to be most difficult about creating art for your OC (any form of art: Writing, drawing, edits, etc.)?

So there was a scene where he got caught and basically got beaten up but a police officer (They are all working for a corrupt government and know it). I knew I wanted him to get caught and I knew he was going to get treated like a mini adult (He is 13) and that it was going to be a massive shock to him.

But when I wrote that part, it seemed too light. He was basically being interrogated in a cell where they police have no rules.

Then it was too harsh, like way too harsh.

And he didn’t care if he died at this point, he thought he lost everything and in this situation he would have given up. I needed to give him a reason to fight, to be brave and not quit. He needed to get his sister back but thought there was no chance.

So I thought back to my anxiety. If i want something I can’t do it (like ask for sauce in a restaurant) but if my friend with anxiety wants it and can’t ask, you bet I’m going to try to ask for some.

So I put in his best friend (and the guy he may or may not have a crush on) with him, but he was beaten up worse. So he could find some will to fight again.

12) How far past the canon events that take place in their world have you extended their story, if at all?

Oh god I have planned this so much. SO basically I had it so well planned out that me @izzytheheartbrekker and @lantern-keeper had a half hour convo about how I could get my characters to break into this one building. All the reasons they gave couldn’t work because I basically wrote myself into a corner that made it so the ideas would not work at all. They needed to break into this building to find files. The files can only be found in this building, I tried to move them but they just didn’t make sense to be anywhere else because of how I wrote the first book and the characters. But they are on the run and trying to lay low so have no reason to enter this building at all.

They can’t just walk in. It’s guarded because of how I wrote the building in the first story. It was basically a suicide mission. But the character’s traits also held an issue. They wouldn’t break in for fun or a dare.

I did work it out in the end.

But their story is always going and I have ideas that will never get put into the story. I have everyone’s back stories wrote that I could form another book on

13) If you had to narrow it down to 2 things that you MUST keep in mind while working with your OC, what would those things be?

Anxiety. Anxiety controls his life. He wouldn’t do certain things or act certain way because of it.

He loves his sister, in the book I’m currently writing (book 2) I know the first few chapters are missing their interactions. Everything that happened in book 1 was because he was trying to get his sister back, I need to remember that.

14) What is something about your OC that can make you laugh?

His cheekiness, he always answers back, and he doesn’t always mean to.

15) What is something about your OC can make you cry?

His love for people. I cried when I wrote the scene his sister got taken, because I know how much his life revolves around her.

‘“Trust me.”

These were the last words that Alexander said to his little sister before… well you’ll see.’ - start of chapter 9

‘Rosia didn’t look so sure. She ran towards her brother and leant against his chest. He wrapped his arms around his little sister and lent over her like a shield. Protecting her from the world outside of his warmth. If he could take all the pain away from her, he would in a heartbeat. She didn’t deserve this, she didn’t deserve any of this. His shirt felt wet against his skin and he realised they were the tears of his sister. He bent down and rested his hands on the side of her shoulders, before leaning forwards and gently kissed her forehead. Looking into her watery eyes, he tried to smile bravely. He couldn’t bare to see his sister so scared. He wiped away her tears with his sleeve and held her against his chest once again.

“We’ll be alright Rosia. We’ll make it somewhere safe tonight and then we will get away from all of this.”

Rosia lifted her head and looked at her protector. With her face red, eyes puffy and gently sobbing, she opened her mouth and gently whispered one word.

“Promise?”

Alexander stood up and held out his hand.

“Trust me.”’ - end of chapter 9, book 1

WHY DO I DO THIS?

16) Is there some element you regret adding to your OC or their story?

I want him to be an arsehole sometimes, like it would be easier to write, but he is just so darn nice and lovable.

17) What is the most recent thing you’ve discovered about your OC?

He doesnt want to burden anyone, he is struggling and didn’t tell his best friend. His talent has grown out of control.

“He’s been repressing his power which means he isn’t focusing it, which means it’s growing and every time he relaxes the hold even a tiny bit, that will happen” He pointed to Alex. “and it’s only going to get worse the longer he does it. And by longer I don’t mean days, I mean hours. His mind is developing at a fast pace just as teenagers brains do, except quicker. Christ Alex we’ve spoke about this and you didn’t listen.” Theo was becoming clearly more and more agitated by the second.

“You spoke about this, without me.”

Theo looked at Alex, who looked like he was about to blackout again any second. He calmed down a bit, feeling sympathy for him. “He didn't want to worry you.”

Jathan turned to Alex, “You’re my best friend, I want to know if you’re suffering I want to help Alex.” He turned back to Theo “Isn’t this why we placed the seal in the first place so he wouldn’t lose control. Can't we just do that again?”

“You saw what happened the first time we can’t risk that again.”

“What will happen if he continues to repress it?”

“Worse case scenario, it takes over, he can’t take it, his brain shuts down. But that’s if he doesn’t give up first”

“He dies? Shit, Okay, okay and best case?” He inhaled deeply.

“It takes over, it leads his life for him until he goes mad.” He paused. “Then his brain shuts down.”

“That’s exactly the same just worded differently.”

“It’s exactly the same apart from one takes longer.”

“I am still here, and I can hear you.”

Jathan turned to Alex quickly “Shut it, you don’t get a say in this after you didn’t listen the first time.” He turned back to Theo. “So what do we do?” (First draft)

18) What is your favourite fact about your OC?

“I think the scars showed that you survived, you fought and you won. They show you were brave, that you’re stronger than you think. You got these scars so Haylan and Leo didn’t get any. That’s incredibly brave.You’re incredible…. bly brave.”

Alex looked back up and saw tears running down his face. He lunged forwards awkwardly and hugged him, succeeding in knocking him over. Jathan laughed in between sobs as Alex laid on top of Jathan.

He thinks he is smooth, but boy is he not.

I tag @immzies-adventures-through-books and anyone else who wants to do this because I have been lacking on the writeblr side so I’m not sure who writes anymore and I also tag @phantom-solitaire because they are reading my first book currently so I want to show them more of my baby

#writing #writer

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masterdipster · 6 years

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anon date ask meme pt.1

I’ll be answering all the asks about the date ask meme! I wanted to answer to each and every one without flooding your feeds - if you sent in an ask, check here! So many lovely people sent asks that I’m kinda shy aaaaa >///< but thank you to everyone who sent one! This is about 29 asks, so I cut them into two parts; I’ll have part two up tomorrow!! I love all of you guys!

17, female, 5'4, my eye color is blue green and my hair is currently dirty blond soon to be red-orange. My favorite color is blue lavender and my favorite class is choir. I would have to go cliche and take you to a cat cafe, if you aren't allergic, so we could relax have some hot drinks and get to k ow each other while playing with cats. ^u^

- I LOVE BLUE GREEN EYES THEY’RE SO SOFT TO LOOK AT IMO??? dirty blonde is amaze but wow red orange is bold!!! cliches are cliches for reasons girl and if you take me to a cat cafe i swear you own me <3 1000/10 would date!!

174cm, 24yo, Female, little thicc. Favourite ice cream is vanilla bean, specifically. My favourite date would probably be a walk in the snow in winter, sit down somewhere with a cup of hot coffee/tea/chocolate and just talk about our interests. And cuddles.

thicc is beautiful :’))) also I’ve experienced snow exactly one week in my life in Japan and it fuccin killed me, I would love to snuggle with warm drinks <3 1000/10 would date!!! aaa

21, m, darkblond hair, 1m82. Brown eyes with a smidge of green in them. I'm a trained chocolatier, I play the bagpipes and i like writing (even though i never get around to actually doing it). As for a date, I can't decide between a movie, or walk through a nice forest. But afterwards a homecooked meal. I like vanila, not crazy about it but surtain brands are irresistable to me. My fav ice cream to buy is a scoop of chocolate and a scoop of banana together.

did you,,, mention that you’re a chocolatier bc you know my weakness for chocolate???? bc it worked. absolutely. wow. you had me there (and with the brown eyes aaa) yes to movie and/or forest stroll, and YES TO THE HOMECOOKED MEAL, did someone give you a cheat sheet to my heart??? 1000/10 would date wow r u real <3

I'm 16, a female and 160cm. I have dark brown almost black eyes with dark brown hair. I love reading, writing, drawing and learning new things. Since I also love food, maybe the date can be lunch or dinner in a restaurant with us talking about our interests, just to get to know each other. Then we can have desert :D Which is ice cream ofc. I quite like vanilla ice cream, but my favourite is probably Mint Choc Chip :)

your hair and eye color slay me :’)))) FOOD DATES ARE AMAZING AND I LOVE THEM PEOPLE SHOULD ALWAYS DO THEM!!! there is something so sweet and intimate about eating good food and talking with each other, i love it. I love mint choc chip too so we can absolutely share!!!! 1000/10 would date!

24, Non-binary, 166.6 tall, fave ice cream is salty licorice or licorice, good old true creamy vanilla with real vanilla is so good holy shit. I don't do dates, I'm very bad at that. So series/movie marathons with themes, like VERY bad horror movies or low budget movies with bad acting etc. and good food is a go. i have short brownish red hair and green eyes, my hobbies include searching information of anything i ever get interested in and starting tons of projects i never get to finish

TALL! i’ve never had salty licorice, pls introduceee :DD TRUE VANILLA ICE CREAM IS THE BOMB OKAY when it has real vanilla beans, it’s amazing,,,, I’M EXTREMELY EASY TO SCARE SO MAYBE WE’LL STICK TO THE LOW BUDGET ONES YEA XD any date with good food and i’m sold, good food makes me happy and kind and loving <3 1000/10 would date

15, girl, 5’2. Heterocromic one blue eye one green and Strawberry blond hair. I love reading, drawing, gardening and baking. I take kung fu so I can protect u lol. I would take u on one of those berry picking farms where you buy what you pick, and then we’d go home and try to make a pie of some fruit, and make homemade vanilla ice cream! (I rly like vanilla ice cream lol)

I loved reading this one because with every new sentence my attraction to you just kinda skyrocketed. eye color and hair color?? queen. ur hobbies? amazing. kung fu??? yes pls my god. BERRY FARM? HELL YES. ICE CREAM WITH PIE? dead. just. dead. 1000/10 would date i love you very much

Date Challenge: 5’9”, 18, male, turquoise eyes, loves reading MHA on ao3 (or just watching it lol) and listening to movie scores. Favorite Ice Cream: Cotton Candy. Date would probably be lunch at a cafe, talking about interests and just heading home to watch cartoons all night

TURQUOISE EYES??? BEAUTIFUL. MAGNIFICENT. LEGENDARY. YOU OWN ME. Movie scores are shizz, you gotta introduce me to those!!!! and hell to the yes to that date - let’s cap it all off with a Gravity Falls marathon!!!! 1000/10 would date <3

I'm nb, 1.59m, 23 with blue eyes and short hair whose colour varies depending on what I want. Now it's red but I wanna dye it pastel pink next. I love video games and reading (so much books to read... SO MUCH.) I like coffee dates (or tea or chocolate depending on your favourite taste!), but also going out to a restaurant (crêperies are my favourite!) or chilling with each other (kinda like cats, simply being in the same room is enough for me haha). I love vanilla ice cream but my fave is mint!

I WANT PASTEL PINK HAIR AND HAVE WANTED IT FOR SO LONG!!! i plan on getting pink hair once we figure out the logistics of getting my hair bleached :’( PLEASE BRING ME TO A CREPERIE I BEG OF YOU I NEED IT DIRELY!!!! same, being peaceful in the same room is so nice and comforting?? simply being quiet with each other is a date in its own way <3 1000/10 would date!!!

I'm 17 (18 this November) l, I'm male (trans). I'm 1.70 m (5' 7 ) tall. I have brown eyes and dark brown hair (but I'm planning of painting it lilac). I love to draw and I'm actually going to study digital animation. My favourite ice-cream is chocolate with mint probably. And for a date I'll probably take you to a cafe or a chill restaurant and later to the movies.

lovely lovely lovely brown eyes <3 ANIMATION!! amazing aaaaa!!! mint chocolate is amazing, isn’t it??? lmao i love how everyone here seems to know that the way to my heart is food xD but yes, pls, do so, 1000/10 would date!!!

female, 15, hazel eyes and brown hair, 151 cm, my ideal date would just be talking while at a restaurant. ive never had any ice cream, but i would love to try it one day!

HONEY!!! MY SWEET SUMMER CHILD!! WE NEED TO GET YOU TO ICE CREAM ASAP!!!!! let that be our date; let me show you the WORLD!! 1000/10 would take on a magical adventure to discover ice cream

16, trans guy, like 155cm or something, blue eyes n ginger hair, BNHA and figure skating are my special interests rn, and my fave ice cream flavour is chocolate with brownies in it. um,, date,,, is pokemon go in the woods a date?

back the fuck up, you have blue eyes and ginger hair? AMAZING. ICONIC. LEGENDARY, I LOVE YOU!!!!!! OMG we can talk about figure skating all day and have chocolate brownie ice cream, which is amazing!!!!! i deleted my pokemon go app but that’s ok, let me be ur misty and go with you as we find pokemon in the woods!!! 1000/10 would date <3

24, Male leaning genderfluid, 193cm (and also a paunch belly, I'm built like a brick house), blueish grey eyes and long brown hair that I dyed the back third green so that when I tie it back in a braid one of the strands is green. I like speculative world building and roleplaying games like DnD, and I like vanilla and all its variations and everything you can combine with it to make something delicious. For a date, I'd take you out to icecream and invite you to play DnD probably.

A BRAID WITH A GREEN STRAND!! THAT’S AMAZING HOLY SHIT!! AND YOU’RE SO BIG!! bet it would be so easy for you to carry me around xD please please please take me out for ice cream and teach me DnD, i’ve always wanted to play!!! 1000/10 would date!

For the date meme: I'm 16, female, 1.67 cm tall, blue-green-gray eyes with a little bit of amber and brown, brown-ish hair, I love reading, drawing and writing(even though I'm bad in the last two), try to teach myself dancing and piano and I love vanille ice-cream, even though I prefer cookie or stracciatella as flavours^^

oh were you the one who sent me an ask about stracciatella before?? YOU SOUND SO BEAUTIFUL OMGG <3 god i wanna learn how to dance too, we can learn together!!!!! <3 <3 <3 1000/10 would date!!

22, female, 155cm green eye, green curly hair. I love baking and making the others happy. I will take you to city u don't know, we will get lost there and explore and then eat in small cozy restaurant.

GREEN HAIR AND GREEN EYES!! ICONIC!! I accept only under the terms that we eat at more than one cozy restaurant!!!!!! i can already imagine us holding hands while misreading street signs xD and maybe you could give me something you baked?? <3 1000/10 would date!

For the date me challenge thingie!!! I’m 18, female, uhhhhh 150cm I think, short black hair (like a fluffy undercut kind), dark brown eyes, hhnnnnngggggg I love reading, movies, songs, drawing, autumn, nature, animals, tea, chocolate ice cream and a lot of other things. As for the date, I’ve never been on one, but a walk in the park or going to a carnival sounds fun!

omg undercuts are so amazing i love them <3 <3 <3 I LOVE ALL THE THINGS YOU LOVE except nature isn’t always so kind to me so I love it from afar (war flashbacks to Girl Scouts camp,,,,,) please take me to a carnival!!! PLEASE PLEASE!! I want to try this funnel cake that I keep hearing about!!!! But anyway you sound beautiful and amazing, 1000/10 would date!!!

#master speaks #master replies #personal #ask meme: date #THIS GOT VERY LONG #SO I'M SPLITTING IT INTO TWO #I'LL POST THE REST TOMORROW #I LOVE YOU GUYS THANK YOU FOR SENDING ALL THESE ASKS!!!

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unicornprincessinthetardis · 5 years

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My (often relatively reasonable) dad: ...so Enoch Powell was right, what he said has happened.

Me: and you don't think maybe he could've said it without inciting racial hatred and literally saying that in time the rivers might run with the blood of 'native' British people because of immigration, do you?

My dad: no, you're being ridiculous, it had to be said, and there really are areas of cities that are majority black or Muslim now so he was right in his predictions, and it didn't change how things were anyway

Me: *goes away to calm down and read up on the 'Rivers of Blood' speech*

[I already knew some of this but here's a précis for those unfamiliar: in April 1968, in Wolverhampton, UK, a Conservative MP, Enoch Powell, made a speech, about the proposed 'Race Relations Bill' (which subsequently made it illegal to refuse housing/ employment/public services to people on the grounds of race/colour/ ethnic & national origins).

The speech was strongly anti-immigrant, calling for 'voluntary re-emigration' and for moves to be made to stem the tide of immigration, else Britain would be 'overrun' and sooner or later white British people would find themselves fully second-class citizens, and that in some ways they already were. He also talked about a "tragic and intractable phenomenon which we watch with horror on the other side of the Atlantic", which I take to mean immigration in the USA to the similar end of white people no longer being in charge - which in 1968 was so far from the truth, and just horrible baseless fear-mongering, playing on people’s xenophobia and racist prejudice - and compared pro-immigration/anti-discrimination newspapers to the ones that had denied and hid the rise of fascism and threat of war in the 1930s. Plus, he talked about a constituent of his, a woman who lived on a street that had become occupied by mostly black people, who lost her white lodgers and complained to the council for a tax rate reduction because she wouldn't take black tenants, and instead basically got told not to be racist, and presented it as a bad thing that she'd been treated like that.

The speech's common name comes from a phrase he quoted from the Aenid (because he was also a Cambridge-educated classics scholar), 'I seem to see "the River Tiber foaming with much blood"', although he just called it 'the Birmingham speech' and seemed to be surprised by the uproar he caused.]

Me (to self): So it didn't change things did it? How do you explain the attacks against nonwhite people where the attackers literally shouted his name and repeated his rhetoric? Oh, they would definitely have happened if he hadn't made that speech, wouldn't they? And the British people of foreign descent who were so afraid they might be removed from their lives just for not being white they always had cases packed to go? And the fact that experts says he set back progress in 'race relations' by about ten years and legitimised being racist/anti-immigrant in the same way UKIP and some pro-Brexit types have done within the last few years here (fun fact: immediately after the Brexit vote, people were being racially and physically abusive to visibly Muslim and/or South Asian people, telling them to leave because of Brexit, which was of course extreme nonsense because their presence would be nothing to do with the EU, and more likely the British Empire and the Commonwealth, but they were doing it because it seemed suddenly okay to be openly racist, because Nigel Farage and his ilk, and a legally non-binding vote surrounded in lies, said so) and others have done elsewhere, in the US and Europe and Brazil and so many other places.

Powell was interviewed about the speech in 1977 and stood by his views, said that because the immigration figures were higher than those he had been 'laughed at' about in his speech, he was right and now governments didn't want to deal with the "problem", were passing it off to future generations and it would go on until there was a civil war!

He also said he wasn't a 'racialist' (racist) because he believed a "'racialist' is a person who believes in the inherent inferiority of one race of mankind to another, and who acts and speaks in that belief" so he was in fact "a racialist in reverse" as he regarded "many of the peoples in India as being superior in many respects—intellectually, for example, and in other respects—to Europeans." (I mean, I know I can't hold him to our standards but a) that's still racism and b) he did think that mankind was divided into very distinct, probably biologically so, races, which, yes, normal for the time, but the whole 'each with different qualities and ways in which they were better than others' is iffy)

Me: *goes back to Dad to make my point and definitely not get upset* So here are some things that literally happened as a consequence of the 'Rivers of Blood' speech...

So even if he was correct to say what he did (I mean, he wasn't but you have to tiptoe around Dad and I had points to make), he shouldn't have said it the way he did

My dad: so you think the truth should be suppressed? You're only looking at this from one perspective (he thinks he knows better because he was alive at the time and my brother and I weren't despite the fact that we're both into politics and history and, y'know, not into scapegoating, behaving oddly, and laying blame because people are different to us - he and mum also have issues with trans people and we're trying so hard to change their views/behaviours but I'm not sure it's working & that's a whole different story) and there are these areas that really are Muslim-only (because informal lending and wanting to keep the community together is such a crime, right?) and they don't integrate and want to impose Sharia law (only he couldn't remember what it was called right then) and you don't know what it's like (he is an engineer surveyor and travels all over to inspect boilers and cooling systems and all sorts of stuff, and this includes into majority-Black or -Asian (Muslim and otherwise) areas in Birmingham - which is not a no-go area for non-Muslims, I'm a deeply agnostic white woman, it's my nearest big city and I wish I went there more often but it's tricky as I don't drive, public transport is bad/inconvenient, and I have no friends to go with except depression and anxiety [which are worse 'friends' than the ones that I found out only liked me in high school because I always had sweets and snacks at lunch so when I got braces and my mouth hurt too much to eat much of anything which meant I certainly didn't have snacks, they dropped me pretty quickly] so apparently he's the expert on all such matters)

What I wish I'd said: *staying very calm* well, and that's your opinion, I'm going, I've got sewing to finish *leaves*

What actually happened:

Me: have you considered that they are able to buy up areas like that because white people leave because of their prejudice against the 'influx'?

Dad: they buy up great areas because they buy in groups (I think this refers to a sort of community lending thing to be compliant with various parts of Islam? [Please correct me if I'm wrong] which is effectively what building societies/credit unions were, at least to begin with, and he doesn't take issue with those) and want to stay together. Why do they do that? Sikhs don't do that, they buy big houses and aren't bothered about being close together.

Me: different religious ethoses? I don't know... But you do know that they people who want the UK to be a caliphate ruled by Sharia law are just a minority, and that most Muslims would not want that at all, just like you?

Dad: but they still do want it, and it could happen, if there was a charismatic leader,

Me: *incredulous* you know it's about as likely for that to actually happen as for strictly Orthodox Jewish people to be able to make this country into another Israel, right? Besides, there are the police, and the armed forces, and intelligence agencies, not to mention the Government and civil service (thought I'd got a win there, he hates the unchanging upper-class-public-school-Oxbridge nature of the people who effectively really run the government, constant no matter the leaning of the elected party, but no) who have a vested interest in preserving themselves in their current state so would be able to stop anything like that

Dad: yes, but the cutting of funding to police and public services means they might not be able to stop it (I realise now that he's oddly economically left-wing but also really quite socially conservative in some ways)

Me: *getting angry* but it's still an absolute minority, most Muslims would be horrified if it really did happen, and have you ever considered that maybe they wouldn't be so ill-disposed to us and to integration if we didn't demand it of them the moment that they arrive, demand that they assimilate or go away (he often uses the phrase "yes, but they're in somebody else's country, they should make an effort") and maybe young people wouldn't be so easily radicalised and people generally mistrust the people who don't try to understand them, you know, want them to change everything about themselves (for instance, Dad is violently opposed to the burqa etc and not really a fan of the hijab - still doesn't get that it's a choice and people can do what they want because apparently 'anyone could be wearing one of those things' - burqas/niqabs, I presume - and that it must all be forced because who would possibly choose to dress like that - I have half a mind to show him those sites about Christian modest dressing (one was a shop and a lot of their range was pretty cute!) that I once found, just to see if that'll prove to him it is a choice thing) *tries to leave*

Dad: *angry* You stay there and listen to me! You're just looking at it from one perspective and that's not the truth, you're so biased and closed-minded, you only look at things your way!

Me: *furious* Really? Really? Am I? *Scoffs/incredulous exhalation* I'm closed-minded, am I?... *Storms out, shouts as I go* I'm not the one who said Enoch Powell was right!!

This is all heavily paraphrased, because I've been writing this for literal hours now and I was angry and don't remember well at the best of times, it may have been worse than how I'm writing it

Also, going to be tricky to patch up but right now I stand by what I said, because I know my perspective is limited, but at least I actually admit that and try to find out what people different to me think, rather than basing all my opinions and things on my own experiences which can't be universal, as he seems to

Other bs my dad said during the two conversations: "don't get so upset about it, it's only history" (which is bold, considering it was the 50th anniversary this year and he was literally 11 years old when it happened so probably saw/heard news coverage)... "Yes of course far right groups use 'Enoch was right' as a slogan, it doesn't mean anything"... Reiterating the 'nothing changed' thing multiple times... Dismissing the fact that Powell said there'd be a civil war because apparently just because the British/Europeans were aggressive conquerors anyone else who came in numbers anywhere would eventually have that aim and how ridiculous that view actually is... Dismissing the fact that Powell basically incited racial hatred and violence with the inclusion of an irrelevant Classical phrase which spread fear on all sides...

I could go on but I'm so tired and don't want to make myself more upset

I love my parents but I really don't like them very much lately but I don't know if I just put up with it or leave sooner or later and if I do leave I don't know where I'd go because no friends

Basically I'm so sorry for my parents' prejudices which I'm still trying to unlearn myself - I apologise wholeheartedly to all Muslim and Jewish people and honestly pretty much everyone they're prejudiced against

#personal #personal post #my ramblings #my rambles #ramblings #rants #my rants #family #british politics #politics #rivers of blood #enoch powell #religion #anti-immigrant sentiment (not mine #i'm so done #and so alone #i just want a friend #and ideally an income of some description #but if i register for jobseekers' allowance/universal credit i will have to try all the time to get jobs of all kinds and i don't know what #i want to do/am qualified to do/can do bc potent cocktail of autism/anxiety/depression/no self-esteem/perfectionism/home situation #im just horribly stresssed and worried about everything and mum won't go to the doctors about her failing physical health to spite me #and dad has the cheek to say don't worry!! oh thanks i'd never thought of that before!#mum had an ovarian cyst when i was a kid & she didn't go to the dr till it was so bad she could hardly walk so she was in hospital for week #and it could've been dealt with so much more easily if she'd gone earlier so i'm so scared it'll happen again #i mean i'll be able to look after us if it does happen again which is good bc grandparents absolutely can't now #anger #very long post #long post #islamophobia tw #racism tw

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tumblunni · 6 years

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MORE UPDATES ON THINGS WHAT HAPPEN

The half week milestone of the hospital house thingie time! I think the term they use for it is "a residential stay"? Cos like its not a hospital its a shared housing block thats just full of doctors. I get to sleep in a real bed and there's a nice community room and board game nights and stuff. But its still really scary how intense the supervision can be! Like they have a window to look into your room once per hour every hour constantly. And they have to go through your undies and catalog them as part of the possessions check. I was not warned about that and it was mega embarassing trying to explain a binder to a bunch of old lady doctors! Oh and i had yo do a urine test today which was possibly the most fuckin embarassing thing in the actual universe. And you're not even allowed to take your own pills! They keep them locked in a big ominous wall of lockers and you have to come into the office and swallow the pill while theyre watching. I guess maybe because some people might be faking their illness and selling their pills on the black market or whatever? But that literally doesnt happen with antidepressants, they have no 'high' or even any effect at all on non-sick people. So it just makes no sense to me and its real embarassing cos like i said i suck at taking pills with plain water and without a straw. The ones i take are real damn chunky things the size of my thumbnail! I think i'l get better at not (literally) choking under pressure over time, tho. Hopefully.

Anyway that's all the bad out of the way! Now the good and the neutral and the just miscellaneous!

Its still nervewracking having to shower in a shared house but they have a cool walk-in shower and ive never tried one of those so it was vaguely interesting. And im allowed to take my showers early at 6am to minimize the chance of anyone else trying to use the door, lol. My biggest fear is having some staff member walk in on me when im naked like back in that homeless hostel. Oh or that time in the homeless hostel where the teenage boys filled the entire bathroom with inflated condoms wall to wall. Like wow so much damn effort to prank the stupid nervous bunni who probably would have been embarassed by literally anything else. Man this place is bringing so many memories of that homeless hostel but at least this time its a place specifically for sick people and they know i'm anxious doing shared cooking and board games and whatever so they dont make fun of me for it. But in a lot of ways that hostel had more freedoms too.. *shrug*

Anyway! A good! I get to have cooking lesson!! I know literally nothing about cooking and now i get to know several thing!! This nice doctor called Josie taught me how to make an omelette and i tasted ham for the first time! That is just how limited my life experiences are, lol. Oh and they want me to say that she's a 'mental health worker' not a doctor, but its all real confusing?? Like they have the staff that look after you and then the only ones we're supposed to call doctors are the ones who actually have the authority to prescribe pills and diagnosies. But like if youre in a hospital you'd call them all doctors, not just the actual surgeon? Or i guess theyre kinda like nursing home staff?? But they cant be support workers cos support workers are specific government assigned inspector type guys like Richard who only meet with you once a week.and i have to remember to not call him a social worker either cos social workers only work with family and custody related stuff. I dunno?? Basically the medical industry has a lot of names that dont really describe what the actual thing is, lol. Anyway the ham omelette was great and now im gonna try and remember so i can try and make it myself next time! HAM ACCOMPLISHED

Also i played bingo with a few other patients and it was fun but funny that i lost 6 times in a row when there were only 3 of us. I got a consolation prize of a pack of neon highlighter pens so hell yeah!!

I'm getting booked in to try some additional classes starting next week on monday and tuesday morning. The computer programming one was sadly unavailable, but i managed tp snag a place in "confidence building group therapy" and "basic how to use power tools". I wasnt really all that interested in that one but i thought it would be a useful skill even if its less fun. And maybe you get to actyally make something to take home at the end? A lil shelf to help organize this awkward lil room better, maybe?

And an unexpected bonus of being semi-hospitalized is that i get a free bus pass! And cos im here cos of my social anxiety theyre gonna help me get outside more and actually use this thing to the fullest! The first thing we did was the trip to actually get the bus pass itself. It was like "bus, take my money to take me to the place where i can never give you money again!" XD Ive been really stupidly nervous about going on tne bus in my old neighbourhood cos MAN it was really isolated there and everything just amplified my mental illness. An almost two hour bus ride to get to ANY SHOPS AT ALL, with only one bus for the whole town so it was always crowded and full of screaming kids and gossipy everyones. Social anxiety: maximum level proud mode!

So yeah i feel BIG ACCONPLISHED! I was able to take this bus for the first time with a doctor coming with me. Power Grandpa The Strong. His actual name is Paul and he has awesome sleeve tattoos of like anchors and dragons and sports teams and stuff! And he likes thrift stores and wearing silly hats too! Its like he's powerful enough to wrestle away everyone's anxieties! I was able to be a bit reckless too and i went out wearing my fave shirt thats like trans pride coloured plaid. A POWERFUL SHIRT IS REQUIRED FOR THIS QUEST! so we went to the office to register this bus pass and i panicked a bit cos apparantky we brought the wrong form and i wrote my name in the wrong box and then my passport photo looked terrible and aaa! But it all worked out and i was kinda freaking out for nothing. And he took me for a lil tour of the place and showed me this cool shop that does spray paint tye dye t shirts with spiderman on them?? Why does this incredibly specific shop exist and how have i never heard of it before?? There was also a new harry potter shop next to the disney shop, and the old used book store i used to visit as a kid was still there, complete with rickety spiral staircase and ominous basement trap door. I'm still not brave enough to go down there, but apparantly its just the history books section so meh. Then we actually went to a fancy coffee shop and i had this brain freeze mango ice frappucchino thing! Im trying all the new foods!!

And i was TOO HIGH ON DECADENCE and made a RECKLESS CHOICE! i blame power gramp's amazing tattoos, they were totally whispering to me that i shoukd screw the rules and ride off into the sunset on a metaphorical harley davidsen of mental health

So i was like Hey Paul I Am Totally Fine Getting Home On My Own, and it was like i was floating off in the distance somewhere begging my body to not speaketh these words. But it ended up working out okay! The excitement of it all and the sense of accomplishmebt from getting there all okay allowed me to mostly not freak out as i spent the day in town and looked at some shops and stuff. Basic Living Skills: Completed! I chilled out in the library (tho i dont have a card yet, alas!) and visited like five comic and anime stores, and got lost but found a Pizza Hut and that was SO NOSTALGIC FOR MY CHILDHOOD and it didnt taste quite as good as i remembered but the waiter guy was super nice and had a similar shirt and it was All Good! Oh and i gave all my money to a homeless person and that's why i'm broke now. And i bought a plastic slug! I just saw it from across the room and was like OH NO I AM BEING MAGNETISED TOWARDS IT OH NO IT HAS ALREADY BEEN BOUGHT. I need to think of a name for this new friend!!

So yeh i got home okay and i felt really acconplished and that was the furthest trip away that i've taken in ages! Man my mental illness makes me feel pathetic, but it also brings ridiculously big joys from the smallest of silly acconplishys!

Oh and thank you so much to the people who sent me emails! It really helped so much to keep me from giving up during the first few days before i made a bit of progress and felt like i could really do this, yknow? Especially big thanks tp the friend who sent me that mysterious super happy song that they found on a mystery disc in a german market?? Im still not sure whether its in greek or hasidic jewish but it sounds AMAZING and i hope someday i can figure out the band so i can hear their other singles!

Ok this is bunni out! BIG HUGS FOR THE EVERYONE AAAA

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tylerwritez · 3 years

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Thursday July 1 2021

3:52 p.m. update: I got permission to go to my friends house which is 1 hour away :) its tommorow and they pick me up 10am so I need to get ready early... worth it to hang out with my #besties anwyays uh I got up late this morning. Apparently it's like some kinda festivity today... oh! Yeah, Canada day.

Idk how to feel about celebrating Canada with all this stuff about the literal genocide of Indigenous people... but I'm not doing it to "celebrate canada" like as a country... I'm doing it so my dad will do stuff like take us to get Cora's (which is sorta like denny's or ihop) and see fireworks XD.

I WOULD wear orange or soemthing but again, I cant really be "political" with my parents it's.... a thing. They'd be angry. And really, the last thing I want with this divorce is to upset them more.

You may call me a lib, but if you were here you would also stfu.

It's a thing.

Idk, I'm kinda scared to speak my mind.

ANYWAYS. I was under the impression we were gonna light our OWN fireworks... but it's too expensive :( which sucks cos lighting ur own and ignoring the safety labels is 100 times cooler 😎

Uhh anwyays turns out the guy from that Eurovision band my friend put me on yesterday is actually HOT. and like,,, I have no trouble admitting that and hearing my besties gush over him,,,, but I also feel JEALOUSY??? like I'm envious of his looks. It ruins any gushing. Cos I just keep thinking about how NOT HIM I am. XD I'm a loser.

Oh uh we are at this beach rn that is like. Technically a river but it got sand and a sand island by accident and now people treat it like a beach. I was looking for hagstones again but found none... I don't want to be cursed by Jordan of all people... for my irls, yes I'm aware this isnt their name. I spell it this way for anonymity. Anyways. I went in the water... whcih suckdf cos I had just eaten and was bloated and insecureeee also I'm trans so. It sucks yknow, having trouble doing the stuff other people have no issue with. Just because I'm so uncomfortable with my own fucking flesh prison. Whatever. I KNOW it doesnt make me less of a man. It just.... feels uncomfortable. dysphoria things yknow.

Omg I'm playing music here in public and I said I wouldn't play metal and here I am playing fucking Lack of comprehension by Death

I love death tho. They never put out a track I didn't like.

12:36 a.m. update

Hey. Just got home. Basically what happened is I got home from the beach, fucked around for a bit, went out walking with my friend, got home a little late, went to see fireworks... just got home now.

I... I dont know. I had fun until we got home from our walk and my dad seemed mad cos we got there late :/ and my sister kept mentioning every two seconds that she had only eaten once that day, like some sort of badge of honour, and I sat there staring out the window, with all the heat and darkness and city lights from cars and buildings and traffic lights and streetlamps and signs and I squeezed my arm and thought "wow, I'm fat. This is disgusting. Fix it."

Honestly? My body is disgusting. I dont want it anymore.

And the fireworks looked like the Red Static reaching out to me in different colours and I kept thinking about coming home to It. Which would mean death. I sorta spaced out and nothing felt REAL and I kinda wanted to cry because I felt so ugly and fat and that's all I could think about.

I'm too tired for this bs. Gn

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peckhampeculiar · 7 years

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On shiny dog-poop: gentrification in Peckham

By Rosario Blue

Growing up on the North Peckham estate in the early nineties was fun, exciting, scary at times; it was our tepee, our camp-ground, our empire; it was a jungle in Timbuktu – not knowing of course where Timbuktu was or even if it had jungles. The weekends were the one! Sweet reggae blasting out of windows, the soulful rhythm of Afrobeat playing out of others, cars going by with the best underground stations playing a banging garage or jungle tune.

North Peckham estate was also broken-down. There were a lot of gangs around, there were stabbings and robberies. The estate was designed by some genius in the 60s, which ended up leading to an area that even the police refused to come in. Takeaways wouldn't deliver here because it was too dangerous. There were squatters in a lot of abandoned flats, who, just for the record, were really hot and French – at least the ones who lived near me were. Graffiti tags were serious then, proper Warriors-style gang tagging. People avoided going out after a certain time at night, because it wasn't worth the risk. Peckham was honestly a terrifying place at times, and it was in massive disrepair.

But it was still home. As young as I was at the time, I do remember when the regeneration of the five estates – North Peckham, Camden, Gloucester Grove, Sumner and Willowbrook – was proposed. It was suggested that this would reduce crime. But there were some who thought that this was just making the place look new and would it really reduce crime?

There was a story that went round when we were kids that the architect of Peckham committed suicide. Another was that Peckham was built on a mass grave and was haunted by ghosts. I can't find out now whether or not there was any truth in these urban legends, but that we believed it tells you something about how we felt about our home. We thought Peckham was doomed: so did Southwark Council and the government who were desperate to fix the “problem” of Peckham especially after the tragic murder of Damilola Taylor. “Problem” families were moved out of the estate and new families brought in to replace them. A number of the remaining pockets of woodland on the estates were dug up and built over. The foxes that once lived there are now homeless, you can see them out every night – whether having a lovely chat, or straight-out fighting I can't tell you which, I don't speak fox. My feeling at the time was regeneration meant making everything look nicer while stripping the soul out of it.

It worked, though, because, in 2017 Peckham has become the “place to be”. It is hip, it's happening, it's in fashion, darling. We have new, nicer houses, and new, more expensive shops. We have modern, cool places to go, like the Bussey Building, Bar Story, Frank's Cafe, the Hannah Barry Gallery. We have exciting projects like the Peckham Coal Line. We had the council pouring an enormous amount of money into Bellenden Road and it looks gorgeous. We have an expanded UAL, and so now there are load of students.

What is this, gentrification?

(noun) Gentrification: the process by which something that was seemingly dog-poop gets polished and done up nicely, and new people move in with the money needed to live in nice polished places, and then that nicer polished place becomes a sought-after address, prices hike up on everything and the original non-polished people struggle to live in new shiny parts and have to move away or huddle in the still-poopy parts.

Peckham is definitely experiencing gentrification. But does it have to be a bad thing? When I asked Pete Kyrke-Smith, a promoter who was instrumental in building this new-age Peckham, he said he would like to see a kind of “moral gentrification” of Peckham – a “gentrification”, but (if my interpretation is right) one that doesn't subsume the Peckham culture(s) that is/are already there. Is such a thing possible?

I have thought about this a lot, and I don't think it is possible. The middle-class are the great destroyers of culture. They don't mean to be, but they are what they are and what they are is middle-class. When they come to Peckham, they may take an interest in the place, but they will not suddenly become poor. But I'm not saying I think that Peckham's newfound popularity will be its death. I think it's up to the locals to speak up and take control of their communities.

When I heard about the Peckham Festival I jumped at the chance to get involved. What I wanted to know was how much the festival was by and for Peckham. How interested were the local folk? Or was it just a bunch of white folk doing white-people things? Was it really the Peckham festival?

I was encouraged to hear, when I spoke to the organisers, about how much work was put into involving the community, from local businesses to charities and voluntary organisations, musicians and artists. I was discouraged when I spoke to my family and friends to learn that none of them had heard of it. Though I know it's often the case that arty things go unnoticed by the non-arty. And it’s only in its second year.

But I needn't have worried. The festival was a celebration of everything Peckham. The launch night at the Peckhamplex showed videos of Peckham dating back over a century – very pertinent, considering change was on my mind. The weekend had a strong emphasis on people of colour and Peckham’s LGBTQIA+ community, with the gal-dem Film Fest, and the BBZ installation, which was a look into the lives of some remarkable queer, trans and non-binary people of colour. Sunday was carnival: Holly Grove was transformed into a mini-celebration of Caribbean culture; a day mainly hosted by community groups, charities and voluntary organisations. A day that truly appealed to a lot more indigenous Peckhamites with an even more mixed crowd due to the beauty of the music, and real “community” in Peckham to bring people together. This was the day the Peckham I grew up in was really reflected.

Of course, Peckham means different things to different people and has changed many times over the years. For me Peckham is a melting-pot of culture but in the 90s Peckham was to the country at large a “yoof”-riddled no-go area. A hundred years ago, Peckham was a popular and sought-after location for shopping. In the early 1900s Peckham was “the place to be”! So you could argue that the gentrification of Peckham is really a restoration.

But all those early 1900s people are dead, and we're living here. Let's make sure our voices are heard and our needs are met, because the “gentry” (if you will) in Peckham don't need our input to change the place. To keep Peckham's individuality we must stay grounded and refuse to be displaced. To protect established families and community, we need to speak to the council about upholding certain privileges for people who live in Peckham but may not have enough money to continue to live here.

Despite being such a diverse place, or perhaps because of it, Peckham has always had a strong sense of community. I have faith we will work together to protect it.

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lainahastoomuchsparetime · 4 years

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So that’s what I’m gonna do.

Let’s get the Night Vale presents stuff out of the way because I think those are the most well-known things, and, while good podcasts, probably the least interesting for a rec list.

Welcome to Night Vale is probably the podcast that got a ton of people, including myself, into podcasts in the first place. If you don’t know, WTNV is a fictional radio show about a little desert town and the strange things that happen it. It’s super queer, quirky, and has some really good creepy moments. Librarians scare me because of this show.

I don’t really keep caught-up on this, but I do listen to a bunch at once every so often and catch up. With 154 episodes, a couple bonus episodes, and a bunch of live-shows, you’ve got a lot of backlog to keep you busy. Start at the beginning, though.

Alice Isn’t Dead is a horror podcast about a woman who sees her supposedly dead wife on a news broadcast and sets off to try and find her. And it only gets weirder from there. This series has an episode that has creeped me out more than anything else I’ve probably ever listened to. There are three seasons with ten episodes each, plus some bonus episodes. The series has been completed.

Within the Wires is a dystopian science fiction series about a strange alternate reality world. Season One is told through a series of relaxation tapes. Season Two is a set of art museum tour tapes. Season Three is a collected group of audio notations from a man to his secretary.

I’m a pretty big fan of this one, honestly. I don’t love the second season, but it’s still very solid and the third is super interesting. This is a very strange world, and I really like it.

Each season tells a separate story, but they do all take place in the same world. Very queer, as expected from Night Vale Presents, honestly, with a neat bonus being season 3 being narrated by a trans narrator. Ten episodes each season, and season four started September 2019.

Let’s talk about some of my other favourite things!

The Black Tapes was one of the first non-Night Vale podcasts I listened to and it’s still one of my favourites. Funny story, I thought this was going to be a non-fiction podcast. I mixed it up in my head with… Lore! It was totally Lore. Oh, I forgot I listened to a bit of that. So, in my head, this become a non-fiction podcast about urban lengends the way Lore is non-fiction about scary stories/historical events/whatever Lore’s deal is, I didn’t actually listen to that much of it.

And, boy, was I confused after the first episode. Or two. Eventually I realized this is a fiction horror podcast about journalist Alex Reagan’s research into Dr. Richard Strand’s work debunking paranormal activity – specifically the cases he has not been able to debunk. (Strand is basically a fictional version of James Randi, who’s an interesting dude.)

It begins as kind of a Monster of the Week story, but eventually expands from that into bigger arcs in a very natural way. It’s one that manages to balance telling the story without losing sight of where they started out. The third season is a little underwhelming, which sucks as it’s currently also the last season, but I suspect they might be working on things behind the scenes. There’s rumours about NBC working on a TV series, and also rumours about a fourth season. I would support that. It’s one of my favourites.

There’s also a series that takes place in the same universe called TANIS, and I think RABBITS is in the same universe too, but I wasn’t really super into either of those. This, however, is a big favourite.

The Bright Sessions is a science fiction podcast about therapy for people with psychic powers, or as the podcasts says, the strange and unusual. I am also strange and unusual, so I liked this. This is a very positive podcast. It does go a whole lot into a strange world and has some really exciting plotpoints, but a lot of it is just about healing and growth. It made my heart do things a bunch. Not a scary one.

Relevant to my book people, there is a YA book featuring two of the characters coming out (whenever) and I have an eARC of it so you might be seeing a review of that soon. Hopefully.

This also has a ton of queer rep, including an explictly ace character. It also has a musical episode. Yes, that’s as cool as it sounds. There are 64 episodes, plus a bunch of bonus episodes. There’s also a spin-off series but it’s behind a paywall so I haven’t checked it out. This is a satisfying complete series without it.

ars PARADOXICA is a science fiction podcast about Sally Grissom, a physicist who accidentally invents time travel and sends herself back to 1943. And then it gets really weird. If you really like science fiction, this is the one I’d recommend the most. It’s very important to listen to this one in order, as it’s very plot heavy.

This is also way more queer than you’d expect a podcast set in the 40s to be. Sally is explictly asexual and heavily aro-coded, and there are several other major queer characters. Honestly this just has decent representation in general, and most of it is handled in a very sensitive way. A lot of things like racism or antisemitism aren’t just brushed aside as being “Well, it’s the 40s”.

Partway through this, there is a plot involving gun violence. The creators talk about their decision whether to include it or not, and they begin to give content warnings before each episode when needed. I really appreciated that.

This series is complete at thirty-six episodes, with a couple bonus episodes. There’s also a crossover episode between this and the Bright Sessions.

Now, if you’ve never listened to a podcast before and you’re a little intimidated by the idea of getting into something really long and involved, I’d recommend this next podcast.

The Message is basically a mini-series. It’s a science-fiction podcast that, and no one is going to get this reference, kind of reminded me of the movie Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invasion. My brain makes weird leaps sometimes. We all kind of just need to run with it.

Produced by GE, it tells the story of a college student making a podcast following the team tasked with decoding a message sent to earth by aliens seventy years ago. There are only 8 episodes, and most of them are only about 10 minutes, so this is a very good beginner podcast.

Not a super queer podcast, but there is a nonbinary character among the main cast.

I also listened to GE’s second podcast, Life-After, but I wasn’t as big a fan of that. The two are not related storywise.

The Far Meridian is another one I think is pretty approachable for beginners. The episodes tend to be under twenty minutes. And this one is more of a fantasy podcast than science-fiction like a lot of the others have been. I would almost say this has a bit of a magical realism theme, and the writer has talked about being influenced by that genre.

The main character of this, Peri, is an agrophobe who wakes up one morning to find her lighthouse has begun traveling the world. Over the course of the show, you begin to realize how weird the world she’s exploring actually is. The second season especially does some things I personally found super creepy, and I loved it.

It deals with a lot of trauma and anxiety, especially in the second season, but it’s handled so well. They end every episode with “May you always find your way”, and I find that really fitting and also comforting. It’s not a fake Instagram type of positivity. It feels hopeful.

Peri is a Latina woman and I believe most of the cast are people of colour. Peri is also queer, but generally does not want labels put on her yet. She’s okay not knowing. This, also, happens in a scene where another character defines her own bisexuality as being attracted to “cool girls and people who don’t really subscribe to that whole gender thing” which is great.

Overall, I’m a big fan of this one and I can’t wait for the third season in January 2020. Oh, hey, pro-tip: The Google Play feed for this doesn’t have the full second season for some reason, so you have to switch to iTunes or Spotify for the rest of it if you listen to your podcasts there.

Now this one I just finished listening to!

The Bridge is a science fiction podcast set in an alternate-world 2016 where a giant bridge (shocker) has been built across the Atlantic Ocean, taking place within one of the watchtowers on said giant bridge, which has been mostly abandoned and left to rot by the mainland.

Okay don’t make fun of me, but I’m kind of a new introductee to the idea of Lovecraftian lore/mythology? For some reason I kind of missed that whole thing until pretty recently. I only got semi-familiar with it because a Let’s Player I watch played a Cthulhu game, and then a youtube channel that talks about book adaptations I also watch did an episode about one of Lovecraft’s books.

So I’m gonna say this is kind of based on Lovecraftian stuff, but I don’t know enough to say if it’s inspired by it, or actually based on a specific work, but it has that kind of feel. The world in this is really interesting, with things like haunted houses and possessed puppets. They also do a great job with world-building of the way things were back in the heyday of the bridge.

One of the main characters, Bertie, is canonically queer, and talks about his fiance who passed away, and others have been confirmed queer by word of God, but I can’t find said word of God, so I don’t know who they mean and therefore can’t really talk about that. There’s been basically no focus on romance, though, so it not coming up hasn’t felt unnatural.

This has 14 episodes and a bunch of mini-episodes, and while there hasn’t been an update since October 2018, their twitter leads me to be it will be soon. I really like the world of this one, and can’t wait for there to be more.

Parts of it actually reminded me of:

Girl in Space, which is a science fiction podcast about a girl (duh) in space (duh) with only an artificial intelligence system, various birds, and a goat to keep her company… until she sees something on the horizon.

This is still a baby podcast, with only one season (the last episode of which I still need to listen to) but it’s interesting. There’s some things they’re hinting at that I am super excited about seeing explored in season two, and the worldbuilding is really fun. The sun is probably alive, y’all. And I mean, like, it might be sentient.

I have a couple of minor gripes with a similar thing to the Bridge, where characters have only been said to be queer outside of the actual show, but if the words “Cheese is delicious science” appeal to you, check this one out.

And speaking of mixed feelings:

The Box! The Box is a horror podcast about a college drop-out that finds a strange box (again, shocker) in the bookstore she works in, her discovery that it’s full of strange journals, and her search to uncover the truth about them.

There’s a lot I actually like in this. When I started listening to it, I was really missing the Black Tapes and they have the same sort of feeling at the beginning. I like this kind of podcast where a narrator tells you a story every episode, and then the world builds on top of that. It’s not everyone’s thing, but I’m into it. It’s a good premise, and for quite some time into the show, I enjoyed it.

And then it gets weird. And obviously it starts weird, most of these podcasts get weird at one point, but it starts to be strange in a way that I wasn’t enjoying. I started to find it more silly than scary.

There’s also a romance that I found dull as doorknobs, and there’s a thing that I would like to complain about, but I can’t confirm it exactly, and there are not transcripts so I can’t check something without re-listening to the whole podcast. As there are forty episodes and bonus episodes, I’m not about to just jump into that. So I’ll just complain about a lack of transcripts instead.

The Box also has times where the sound design is just terrible. There’s one episode where, in-world, it’s being recorded on a broken recorder, parts of it from another room. And, yes, it makes sense in-world. But to actually listen to it, I had it on full blast as high as I could and I still could barely hear it and missed a lot of the episode. And, again, no transcripts to read with it. And my hearing is okay. If you have any kind of auditory processing issues, that episode basically just says “screw you”.

However, I do like how they work social topics into the stories. At times it can be a bit clumsy, but I give them kudos for trying, at least. There’s an episode that includes real-life audio from something related to a real death of a black person by police brutality. I believe it’s in the episode Strange Fruit but I don’t remember and again, no transcripts. I find this especially frustrating when it comes to potentially triggering material.

This one’s currently on hiatus and I’ll probably check it out whenever it returns (it’s a show prone to long hiatus), but I wouldn’t recommend it unhesitantly. It does a lot of things I like, but I definitely have mixed feelings overall.

Palimpsest is another horror podcast. It tells a new, standalone story each season, with all their stories relating to memory and things that haunt us. I liked both, but especially the second season.

Season one is about loss and memory and forgiveness, and what it means to be haunted by something. It’s largely about the relationship between the MC and her sister and the romance is very minimal, but there’s some (what I call) incidental queerness. It’s not in a way like a Night Vale Presents thing is, or the Bright Sessions, or something like that, but it’s nice not to have it ignored.

GIANT trigger warning for gun violence and child death. Also, there’s thing on-going theme about the creepy sound of a wooden swing in the backyard and, as I was listening to this when I went for walks, I realized I walk past three different wooden swings.

Season two is set in the late 19th or early 20th century or so, and is based in Irish fae mythology which is totally up my alley. This is also the series where the idea of immigrants and people being raised by immigrants having accents confused someone so much I almost didn’t listen to it based on their review. I’m not salty about that, obviously.

Season two is also really freaking queer. Overall this isn’t a really scary horror podcast – it’s more eerie and a little sad. And eerie and a little sad is my favourite mood for ghost stories. My only real complaint is this also doesn’t have transcripts available.

Spines is a pretty recent listen for me, one I really enjoyed. This is kind of like a mash up of all the things I liked about The Box and Darkest Night and Archive 81 without any of the things I didn’t like in any of those. It’s definitely horror, with some body horror elements, and some… is tasteful gore a thing? Body horror and gore elements are used very tastefully and sparingly, and to great effect.

It’s the story of Wren, who wakes up in an attic covered in blood, with no memory at all, and some weird cult ritual surrounding her. She runs, and starts the podcast in an attempt to find her friends, who she’s sure were in the attic with her, and her other half, Zachary, the only name she can remember.

It’s weird but good weird. Solid world-building and really good character building. There’s a particular message that I appreciated that being someone’s “soulmate” didn’t mean you didn’t have a choice in whether or not you wanted to be romantically or sexually involved with them. It’s subtle but again well-handled.

Also, Wren is queer and this is really trans inclusive. There are several times where the show goes against the usual cisnormative thing most media would say in a similar situation, which honestly makes sense as it’s written by a trans writer. There’s also a very significant canonically intersex and nonbinary character, voiced by the writer of the show.

This is a creepy, weird little podcast that made my heart very happy. It’s complete at three seasons of eight episodes each and honestly quite underrated. Big recommend.

Finally, let’s talk about my favourite podcast.

I recently learned that the term “weird fiction” exists as a genre label. Mabel is very much weird fiction. In Mabel, Anna Limon begins a new job as a home health caretaker to an elderly woman named Sally. The house is… strange, and Sally is strange, and Anna probably shouldn’t look too deeply at any of that, but of course she does.

It is a horror podcast with deep folklore/mythology roots, possibly also somewhat Celtic/fae based, but it’s such a blend of things that I can’t draw any hard lines of things I specifically recognize besides one or two things, and that makes it so unique.

Listen to Mabel in the fall. Listen to Mabel when it might rain, when it’s a little windy, when the leaves are crunchy under your feet. When the air smells just a little like decay. Or, you know, whenever, because it’s great, but it is an amazing fall podcast. It’s also super queer, fyi.

Mabel has forty seasons currently, with I think five seasons? There is also a five-part bonus series. It’s really cool. If you don’t listen to anything else I recommend, listen to this.

I also listened to Limetown but I feel like everyone’s heard of that one, and I’m currently listening to Ghosts in the Burbs which so far is kind of interesting, but I’m only like two episodes in.

Alright! Have you listened to any of these? What did you think? What podcasts would you recommend for me? Did you enjoy this post at all? Comment and let me know!

Peace and cookies, Laina

I kinda just wanna talk about podcasts So that's what I'm gonna do. Let's get the Night Vale presents stuff out of the way because I think those are the most well-known things, and, while good podcasts, probably the least interesting for a rec list.

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chocolatequeennk · 7 years

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Memories and Promises

The Doctor takes Rose to a place filled with special memories to ask her for a promise for their future.

Tentoo x Rose, all ages. Betaed by @lastbluetardis.

Going by the stated premise that all Tentoo/Rose moments are missing moments, this fills that prompt for @doctorroseprompts. It also calls back to Woman Wept, which was one of the missing moments suggested.

I did something fun with the structure in this story. See if you can tell what it is.

This is a sequel to All I Need, in the series Two Hearts, One Life.

AO3 | FF.NET | TSP

Rose sighed and pushed her plate away, dinner only half-eaten.

“Are you feeling all right, love?” the Doctor asked as he cleared the table.

“Yeah, I’m just worn out.” She massaged her temple. “Two trans-Atlantic zeppelin rides in two days… whose brilliant idea was it for me to take a forty-eight hour trip to the New York office?”

The Doctor walked behind her and rubbed her shoulders, and Rose melted beneath his talented fingers. “I’ve got a drinks thing at work—did you see in your email that we finished the teleport?”

Rose nodded.

“We’re celebrating tonight at the pub. I have to make an appearance, since I’m a department head, but I should be able to sneak away before too long. Why don’t you stay here and relax, and when I get home, we’ll spend the rest of the evening together?”

Rose tipped her head back and smiled up at him. She could already imagine the way a hot bath would soothe away the weariness of travel. “That is the best idea I’ve heard all day.”

The Doctor bent down and pressed his lips to hers in a soft kiss. “I should be home in two hours,” he promised.

oOoOoOoOo

The Doctor breathed a sigh of relief as he drove away from the house. He’d made it through the first step of his plan. Lying to Rose was almost impossible—she knew his tells too well. But he’d counted on her being too tired to notice tonight, and she was. There really was a party, but he wasn’t going. His coworkers had all agreed to cover for him if need be.

Time for step two.

After a trip to the shops to get the last few things he needed, the Doctor turned around and drove home, parking at the end of their quiet street and walking stealthily into their back garden.

The TARDIS hummed when he opened the door of her shed, and he patted the gleaming blue wood. Rose had been thrilled when the ship had taken the familiar form, and truthfully, so had he. He would have adjusted to a new look, but after so many centuries, it would have been hard.

“Are you ready, dear?” he whispered as he stepped into the console room. The lights of the time rotor pulsed briefly, and he could feel her shiver of excitement buzz around him.

He hadn’t been idle while Rose was gone. The ship had been so close to being ready when she left, and he’d wanted to surprise her with their first trip when she got home.

An unfamiliar weight rested in his trouser pocket. With our first trip, and a question. He ran his hands through his hair, then turned on the monitor so he could go over the final tests he’d run before work.

Half of his allotted two hours was gone. The Doctor pulled out his mobile and sent Rose a brief text, then he put on his glasses and sat down to read.

oOoOoOoOo

The warm water had lulled Rose to sleep almost as soon as she’d slid down under the bubbles. In her dreams, she and the Doctor travelled the stars in their new TARDIS, walking hand-in-hand as they explored new planets. She’d learned how accurate his words were when she walked through the dimensions—the one thing you needed to cross the universe was a hand to hold.

The vibration of her mobile woke Rose up, but she savoured the building anticipation a bit longer. They’d be travelling again soon, and she could hardly wait.

Finally, she yawned and wiped her hands on the nearby towel before picking up her phone to see what the Doctor had said.

Are you enjoying your night in, love?

A warm bubble of happiness expanded in Rose’s chest at the caring, domestic question. Settling into a human life had been difficult; being planet-bound for two years had been almost impossible at times. But she’d never doubted that he loved her.

Rejuvenated by her nap, the earlier desire to be alone faded. A wicked smile crossed Rose’s face as she considered the Doctor’s text. She sent a quick reply, then relaxed back into the water to wait.

oOoOoOoOo

The Doctor could still read faster than a human, and as he skimmed the report for the pertinent details, a smile spread across his face. By the time he got to the last line, he knew he was beaming like an idiot, but he didn’t care.

They were ready.

A wave of giddy nervousness swept over the Doctor. If the TARDIS was ready to travel, then he didn’t have an excuse not to propose tonight. Not that they needed to be on an alien planet for that, but he had Plans and he didn’t really want to let go of them.

He was reaching into his pocket so he could look at the ring again when his Rose-specific text alert sounded. He read her reply quickly, and his heart sped up.

Just taking a bath and wishing you were here.

The Doctor swallowed hard. There was no picture attached, because Rose knew the power of his own memories would be far more effective. Her words reminded him of dozens of times he had watched her bathe, or shared a bath with her. He knew exactly how it felt to sit behind her in the tub, with his arms wrapped around her waist and her head resting on his chest.

And he knew the invitation inherent in those words. It was almost tempting to discard his plans. He could collect the flowers, chocolate, and champagne he had waiting in their bedroom on the ship, take them inside, and propose in their house. Buying that house together had been a symbol of their commitment to each other; it would be a good place to reaffirm that commitment.

The TARDIS sang pleadingly; she wanted to be a part of this moment. The Doctor sighed, but patted the console before sending Rose a reply.

oOoOoOoOo

I’m almost home. Why don’t you get dressed? I want to take you someplace.

Rose blinked; that was not the reply she’d expected. And if the Doctor was ignoring her rather blatant invitation, he must have a surprise planned.

Curiosity got her moving, and she pulled the plug on the bathtub and grabbed a towel. The Doctor’s surprises were always worth whatever effort they took on her part.

A few minutes later, towelled off and wrapped in her dressing gown, she texted the Doctor again. Any special instructions on what to wear?

We’ll be outside, so dress warm.

Rose pursed her lips and tapped her finger against her chin. Curiouser and curiouser, she thought as she selected a warm jumper from the wardrobe. Not that it was unheard of for them to take late night rambles through hidden parks. Maybe he’d found a new place to go stargazing.

She laced up her boots and went downstairs as the car pulled into the driveway. Keeping the November chill in mind, she pulled a coat off the rack and zipped it up as the door opened.

The Doctor held out a hand and waggled his fingers, making Rose laugh. “Come with me?”

oOoOoOoOo

Rose laced their fingers together. “Always.”

The Doctor’s heart skipped a beat, just like it had the first time he’d taken her hand in the basement of Henrik’s and every time since. He knew he had a silly grin on his face, but when she laughed and pushed herself up on her toes so she could press a kiss to his lips, he decided he didn’t mind.

“Shall we?” he suggested, pointing to the open door. Rose stepped outside first, and he let go of her hand to close and lock the door before taking it again and leading her behind the house.

“Doctor?”

He swung their hands between them and pretended not to hear the confusion in her voice. “Yes, Rose?”

“You said you wanted to take me someplace.”

He pressed his tongue to the back of his teeth, then opened the shed door. “You’re right; I did. But not on Earth.”

Rose looked at their TARDIS, then at him. Her mouth opened and closed a few times, and he brushed away the tears gathering in her eyes.

“What do you say, Rose Tyler? Travel the stars with me?” She laughed breathlessly. He pushed open the TARDIS door, ignoring the “Pull to Open” sign as he’d done for centuries.

The TARDIS sang happily when Rose walked up to the console and stroked the controls. This wasn’t the first time she’d been in the ship, not by a long shot, but it was different now that she was ready to fly.

“I didn’t know she was ready.”

The Doctor closed the door and took his place at the console. “We wanted to surprise you when you got home.”

“You certainly managed that!” Rose grinned, letting her tongue tease him, and the Doctor tugged her close so he could kiss her.

oOoOoOoOo

Rose sighed into the Doctor’s kiss, but before she could get lost in it, he spun away from her and grabbed a lever. She laughed again when his eyes lit up with the giddy, almost manic light she loved.

“Allons-y, Rose Tyler!” he crowed, then threw the lever and laughed exuberantly when the time rotor began its slow up-and-down chug as she sent them through the Vortex to his chosen destination. “We’re moving, Rose!”

“I can see that, Doctor,” Rose said dryly. “But where are we going?”

He winked and shook a finger at her. “Nope. That’s a surprise. But you’re wearing a coat, so you’re ready.” He darted over to the coat rack by the door and pulled on the black peacoat he’d reluctantly purchased during his first winter in Pete’s World.

Rose walked over and tugged at the lapels. “Now that we have a time machine, maybe we can find this universe’s Janis Joplin and get your coat back,” she suggested.

“I love the way you think,” he proclaimed as they landed. “But today…” He pointed at the door.

Rose noticed the sky’s soft sunset colours before she recognised the ocean, captured for eternity in a cataclysmic tempest.

oOoOoOoOo

The Doctor took Rose’s hand and led her a few steps away from the TARDIS. “Welcome to Woman Wept.” His words were a whisper, but they still echoed slightly on the icy waves. “So named because from orbit, the single continent—”

“Looks like a woman crying.”

His fingers flexed around hers. “You remember.”

Rose turned from the waves and looked up at him. “I remember every place you’ve taken me, Doctor. Every trip, every adventure… Every time in the last two years that we’ve gotten itchy feet and jumped on the next zeppelin, without caring where it would take us.” She reached out to touch a wave. “This was a good memory to relive on our first trip in the TARDIS. Thank you.”

The Doctor swallowed hard and reached into his pocket. “I chose it for the memories,” he admitted. “The first time I brought you here—well, to the other universe’s version of here—you looked at me like…” He clenched his fingers around the jewellery box. “Well, like you’re looking at me now, actually.” He let go of her hand to brush his knuckles over her cheekbone, and she leaned into his caress. “I was already hopelessly in love with you, but bringing you here was the first time I thought you might see me as more than just a friend.”

“I loved you then, too.” That wasn’t news, not anymore, but there was something sacred in the way she whispered the words on this still planet, with the sunset casting a golden halo around her. “And I love you now, and I’m going to love you forever.”

Time sang around the Doctor, galvanising him into action. In one motion, he pulled the ring box from his pocket and dropped to his knee. “Then… will you marry me?”

oOoOoOoOo

Rose didn’t even let the Doctor open the box before she tackled him to the ground. “Yes!”

His chuckles reverberated through her as he tilted his head down to kiss her, and then Rose was swept away by the most perfect happiness she’d ever known. His lips curved in a smile as they kissed, and after a moment, she pulled back to press her forehead to his.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too, Rose.” He winced. “But can we stand up? It’s bloody cold down here with my back against the ice.”

Rose laughed and scrambled to her feet, then waited for the Doctor to locate the box he’d dropped. She clasped her hands together in front of her chest when he stayed on his knees and opened the box.

“Now, since someone was so eager to say yes, I didn’t get to do this properly.”

Rose stuck her tongue out at him.

The Doctor laughed and flipped the box open. “Marry me, love?”

A princess cut diamond solitaire caught what remained of the evening light and reflected it, but the sparkle in the Doctor’s eyes was even more dazzling.

Rose nodded and held out her trembling left hand.

oOoOoOoOo

Sliding the ring onto Rose’s finger felt almost surreal, and the Doctor stared at it for a moment. Rose’s hand. His ring. How long had he dreamed of this?

Rose squeezed his hand, and he looked up at her. “You all right down there?” she asked, her voice a gentle balm to his heart.

He nodded, then stood up and reached for her, running a barely-there touch over her eyebrows and nose and then brushing his thumb over her lips. He felt her hand on his waist pull him closer, and he bent down and replaced his thumb with his mouth.

Rose’s lips parted beneath his, and the Doctor took the bottom one into his mouth and suckled at it. She sighed and tilted her head so he could deepen the kiss, but he still kept the embrace soft and gentle.

Finally, his lungs burning with the need for oxygen, he broke the kiss and swept Rose into his arms. She shrieked in laughter and wrapped her arms around his neck as he carried her back to the TARDIS.

“What are you doing?”

The Doctor waggled his eyebrows. “We just got engaged. I think it’s time to celebrate, don’t you?”

Her brown eyes turned the smoky colour of whiskey, and she pressed her lips to his neck. “Oh, absolutely.”

The TARDIS doors opened for them, and he carried her to their room. “And then, when we’re done celebrating, maybe a trip to a new planet? The TARDIS wants to show off for you.”

Rose sighed. “I have to work tomorrow.”

The Doctor shook his head as he pushed open their bedroom door. “Rose Tyler, I’m sure I mentioned it also travels in time.”

Rose smiled as he laid her on the bed. “The perfect life. Time and space and you.”

#ficandchips #tentoo x rose #dwfic #doctorroseprompts #series: two hearts one life #cq's fic: memories and promises #proposal fluff!#and first trip in the tardis #pulling out all the cliches and i don't caaaaare #because romance is fun and happy #fic by Nancy

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superchicalonelyviking · 7 years

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Hello everyone! Thanks for visiting and here is the first post! We're currently on a train from Ungheni in Moldova to Moscow in Russia via Ukraine. As we were eating our hearty breakfast (a cereal bar) a Moldovan man called Oleg came over to chat and I think thought we were quite funny tourists and gave us boiled eggs and beer, and the man sleeping near us gave us some slices of this circular bread with cheese in the middle, a lot of home made cheese, some tomatoes, cucumbers and cherries and later some vodka so all in all we are totally full and a bit drunk. The first week of the journey has been fun, we first got the megabus to London, walked over past Buckingham palace (said farewell to the queen) to Victoria coach station where we got a coach to Munich. This was our first experience of long distance coaching and though not the most pleasant way to travel it was surprisingly alright. After a fairly rough night's sleep we arrived in Munich and got a train to Budapest. The train route passes through Vienna and some hilly areas in Austria, and had excellent service (we went to the dining car for dinner and had ghoulash and frankfurters, which were both very cheap and very tasty, and we met a very nice German man called Charlie who told us about his mother who did the trans Siberian railway in the 80's. He also gave us some biscuits, so we really couldn't have been more happy). There was also a lady on the train with a cat on her shoulders the whole time. I don't know if that is a thing in Germany/Austria/Hungary. We arrived in Budapest at twilight and it's a really beautiful station, the traditional architecture is really impressive and then there is a new metro which is immense and spacious (to the point of looking quite empty), we stayed there with a lady we found on air bnb who had very kindly posted our train tickets to us!(they're a fraction of the price if you collect them in Hungary) in her beautiful old apartment, it felt quite 'art nouveau' style (as art GCSE taught me) with this huge ornate entrance hallway and courtyard full of plants. It also had really cool mezzanine level in the bedroom with a ladder up to it (I would like to build one in our house but we suspect it wouldn't be structurally sound)- they're apparently quite traditional here where the flats all have really high ceilings. Around 9 hours later we were leaving the beautiful city and on a train to Cluj Napoca in Romania. The train route passes through the mountains in North Transylvania, and you begin to see haystacks and wells in the countryside between the cities which are full of big crumbly apartment blocks. Cluj was a lovely university city which felt very quiet and relaxed despite being quite busy, we stopped here in a courtyard beneath an obelisk with angels and eagles commemorating a state visit in the time when Cluj was in the austro-hungarian empire. A lot of the old town has survived here (in most of the other cities a lot more buildings were demolished to make way for Ceaucescu's new apartment blocks of the 70's, which are now looking quite crumbly and wonky) and there are some impressive churches , in particular we liked 'Bob Church' pictured here!: Next we boarded a night train to Iasi and had a fairly pleasant-if a little hot on the top bunk of three-night's sleep before arriving and meeting Suzanne at Iasi Nord station. It was so great to see Suzanne again!! We spent the day exploring Iasi and it felt things were really improving in the town with lots of new restaurants and shops and renovations to old buildings. We saw the beautiful university and medical school and even got to experience a Romanian hospital when Suzanne had to go to see a doctor there (Very impressive waiting times, she called the doctor himself after a friend who had just been to an appointment him gave her his number and was seen in 15minutes!). We also got to eat a Kurtoz (or chimney cake) - this amazing Romanian cylindrical cake baked around a big metal stick and dipped in almonds, sugar or coconut. Suzanne had a Dutch man called Jurie staying with her who had come to teach the kids in Costuleni and the surrounding area to play Korfball, i'd never played it before but it's a kind of more modern version of netball (korf is the name of the basket). So we've spent a bit of time watching and playing korfball this week, we also taught the children how to play a rhythm with a cup (Suzanne gave us the idea from a song called 'cups' which was quite famous a few years ago) the children showed us their traditional songs and folk dancing and we had a Rainbow Party one day with colourful balloons, sweets, fruit, nail painting and face painting and more singing and dancing. Casa Lalelelor is the name of the children's centre where Suzanne has been working for the past year or so (on and off for longer ) with Romanian teachers Cristina, Mariana, Mihaela and Irina and Lulia who helps with the cleaning and running of the place. It was looking great and you could tell the kids really loved going there. One day we did some painting to smarten up the outside and repaint the signs (see in the picture). After we had literally painted until the cows came home, the lady Michaela living next door showed us her cows and even how to milk them! Turns out milking a cow is quite tricky. It took us so long to milk half a litre that even the cow was getting bored. Michaela invited us in after for some fresh milk and cake, it was very nice! One day we made an English Sunday roast for Suzanne and Jurie and the ladies that run Casa Lalelelor with their families. We took all the food round to Irina's house and ate outside in her garden. I think it went down quite well (though we were slightly ashamed by the standard of the Yorkshire pudding ). It was a really lovely evening with beautiful weather, a beautiful setting and very nice people of all ages (even grandma and baby Sophia's nanny came along too) and also very nice home made wine and cherry tsvika. And lovely to see everyone and catch up again in the summer time- it was very different there in December! On our last day we attended a church service for the day of the heroes (who had been killed at war) on top of the hill at the graveyard. The school children were there, a lot of whom we knew from Casa Lalelelor , and did some songs and readings. A lot of the service was sung by two of the ministers who had really incredible singing voices. Offerings of food and wine are given and put on the graves of the fallen heroes. After the service cakes are shared and you have to say 'boda proste' which means something like 'he is risen'.... but I'm not really sure- it is really impressive how well Suzanne manages with all the routines and the traditions all in Romanian and happening almost constantly! (every week it seems like there's some kind of national day or celebration) After the service we had games and korfball and English class at Casa Lalelelor and later went over to Lulia's house where she made us traditional Romanian coffee with a pastel cake (a pastry cake with cheese , sugar etc) more wine and biscuits and fresh cherries and showed us the garden which is basically a small scale farm that they run completely by hand and grow a lot of their own vegetables and fruits. It's really impressive how much they do themselves, from the wine to the milk to the vegetables. Most people have chickens too, one time Suzanne's next door neighbour took us into her barn and lifted up a blanket and underneath was a large mother hen sitting on a brood of chicks! So this brings us to yesterday evening when Suzanne took us to say goodbye to everybody before we drove out to the border. The plan was to drop us off and we walk over the border and get a taxi to Ungheni where the train station is but we found out on arriving that you can't walk over the border, you have to drive or be on a bike - so we were very grateful that Suzanne drove us over there and got us into Moldova and after about an hour of Border queueing and confusion we finally managed to get a Moldova stamp on our passports and over to the train just in time for the night train to Moscow. We had such an unforgettable time in Romania once again and would love to go back. The work that Suzanne is doing there is truly inspiring, the charity aims to help the children to learn and to broaden their horizons. If you would like to donate to Casa Lalelelor you can do so via the Sansa! (Charity running it) Website : http://www.sansa.info or if you would like to help in any other way I'm sure Suzanne would love to hear from you!

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dvp95 · 4 years

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quiet on widow’s peak (15)

pairing: dan howell/phil lester, pj liguori/sophie newton/chris kendall rating: teen & up tags: paranormal investigator, mystery, online friendship, slow burn, strangers to lovers, nonbinary character, trans character, background poly, phil does some buzzfeed unsolved shit and dan is a fan word count: 3.2k (this chapter), 49.6k (total) summary: Phil’s got a list of paranormal experiences a mile long that he likes to share with the world. Abandoned buildings, cemeteries, and ghost stories have always called his name, and a particular fan of his has a really, really good ghost story.

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

"So," Phil starts, and then pauses. He has no real idea how to say this.

His parents wait patiently for him to gather his thoughts and his mum mutes the telly. Having their undivided attention doesn't really help, it just makes Phil sweat a bit. He can't even bring himself to sit down, too wired with anxious energy as he is.

The video has only been live for a day, but it's already one of Phil's most popular. People are clamoring in the comments for more; demands for proof and simple curiosity about what could explain his experiences. He's already had a call from Martyn about the benefits of going back and doing an update, but PJ and Sophie have put their two cents in as 'absolutely not'. Chris offered a don't care and then asked for Phil's mum's lasagna recipe.

Phil wants to stay. It's not so much about the mystery, for him, but he's pretty sure his friends and maybe even his brother already know that. He's got his own reasons for not buying a train ticket the moment the video went live and asking his divisive audience what they wanted him to do. Yeah, he'd been sort of hoping for this outcome.

He's not sure if he wants to stay for himself, for the stagnation that being here allows him, or if he wants to stay for deep dimples and a nice laugh. Probably a bit of column A and a bit of column B, if he's honest with himself.

"I uploaded the video on this case," Phil tells his parents. "And there were a lot of, um, unanswered questions. Because of that whole thing with the footage."

"Phil," his dad says, exasperation in his voice already.

"And that means more money from one case," Phil presses on, "because I don't have many expenses here and the ad revenue was really good in comparison to my last five videos. Martyn really thinks I should look into this some more. I promise I won't be here for months or anything, I just - just give me another week. Please, I just need a week."

Money talk usually gets his parents to back down a bit, but they exchange a long look between them that convinces Phil it isn't going to work this time. His mind is already whirring quickly, trying to settle on arguments that it thinks might win him this battle. He considers telling them that this is more than just a video to him, that his whole future feels like it's resting on this one mystery, but he has a suspicion that they wouldn't be very impressed with that lack of foresight. He's ready to bring out specific numbers when their silent communication breaks and his mum gives him a small smile.

"Phil," she says, echoing his dad with a bit more warmth and a lot more pity. "You know we need to talk about this, dear, why don't you sit down?"

He shakes his head and shoves his hands into his hoodie pockets so they don't see the trembling. He's not scared, he's just anxious, and his brain and body are conspiring to make him feel like he's going to die if something unexpected happens.

Phil doesn't like change. He doesn't like seeing his childhood house like this, he doesn't like having his career up in the air, and he doesn't like the way his parents no longer trust him to do what's best for himself. The worst part is that he's not even sure they're wrong - Phil knows he isn't thinking logically right now, that Martyn is the one who even mentioned ad revenue while Phil was busy wondering how best to prove himself.

"I'm good," says Phil. He hopes that the nerves aren't as palpable as they feel to him.

"Okay, well," his mum says, briskly rearranging things on the coffee table like she has to be doing something with her hands while they talk about this. He's reminded a bit of Dan in the coffee shop, of Chris in the attic, and he wonders what it is about him that makes people need to split their focus like that. "Your dad and I have been talking."

"About how I need to grow up?" Phil offers, heart in his throat. It feels like he might laugh or cry at any moment. "Yeah. I've noticed."

"We're retiring, Phil," his dad says. That's not exactly news to Phil - he knows why they're selling the house, after all - but he bites his tongue and lets his dad speak. "We've understood the... unstable nature of your work for several years now, but we can't keep bailing you out whenever you have a bad month. You're a smart man and you've got a good degree, you should have something steadier under your belt."

"We love how creative you are," Phil's mum chimes in. It almost sounds like they've practiced this. Phil bites down harder. "And if you can channel that creativity in a way that isn't so dangerous, you'll have our full support."

Phil kind of wishes that he already had their full support, but he's already had this conversation with himself. The work isn't fun for him anymore, and the risk of getting arrested for trespassing isn't a low one. It's almost not worth it when he doesn't have that full-blown excitement about a case.

He doesn't need every haunt to have a nice ending wrapped up with a bow, but he does need to like the content he's producing. Otherwise there isn't any point to it.

Still. It sucks to hear.

Phil deflates a little bit. His automatic defensiveness that springs up whenever his parents start questioning his many bad decisions in life is fading to something that feels like bone-deep exhaustion. The anxiety is still there, thrumming under his skin, but there's nothing he can really do about that. The truth is that he's been feeling listless and defeated and trapped for a lot longer than he's been back in his parents' house. There's no real point in pretending otherwise.

"Give me a week," he repeats, quiet. "I want to finish this project either way, y'know? Just let me stay for the rest of this week and - and if it doesn't pan out, if I don't find anything new, then... then I'm done. I'll stop. I'll find something else."

"Are you sure, sweetheart?" his mum asks. The relief that pulls at her shoulders and her pursed lips is enough for Phil to be sure.

"Yeah," says Phil. He gives them a little shrug. "I'm comfortable with what I'm doing. I like making videos and exploring places with cool stories, and even talking to people has been getting better. But you're... you've got a point. I can't keep doing this forever. Not at the pace and quality I like to maintain. If this video goes well, it might help me break into a more diverse and less dangerous niche, which would make everyone happy, I think."

His dad nods at him. "Okay. You can stay until Sunday, because that's when we're going to the Isle. You can do whatever editing and post-production stuff you need to when you get back to Brighton. We'll expect a call when you know for sure what you're going to do, Phil."

Phil swallows, clenches his fists tighter in his pockets. "You'll be the first to know."

Nobody asks Phil to leave, but he can't stay in the aggressively neutral version of his parents' house and field their 'casual' questions about what sort of things he might want to do if YouTube doesn't work. He escapes to the city again, sending a message to Dan on the bus. Instead of asking if they want to hang out with him, he simply asks where he can meet them today. As if it's a given that they're going to be spending time together.

Maybe that's presumptuous of him, but Dan uses an exclamation mark when they reply, im at home!, so Phil thinks it's probably fine.

Dan meets him at the door this time, mid-ramble about the broken dishwasher in their flat as if social niceties are no longer expected of them. That suits Phil. He grins back at Dan and joins them in the small but tidy galley kitchen, letting Dan talk his ear off while they scrub at some discoloured Tupperware.

"Sorry," Dan interrupts themself, turning big and apologetic eyes on Phil like they've just registered that he's standing there. "I'm having a weird brain day. Bit all over the place, you know."

"That's fine," Phil says honestly. He smiles, because Dan doesn't look all that convinced by it. "No, really, I don't mind. I like listening to you talk."

The blush spreads across Dan's face too quickly for them to hide by turning away. They try, anyway, and Phil is left looking at their face in profile, turned down and rosy as it is. "Normally I at least break for breath. What's new with you?"

"Since two days ago?" Phil teases. Dan's dimple makes an appearance right before the smile splits their face, and Phil has to twist his own fingers together so he doesn't reach out and poke at it. He's still working through some stuff, still doesn't want to make any decisions about this without thinking it over carefully, but he's never been good at resisting temptation either. "Uh, not much. My parents are still on my case. I'm getting good feedback on the video, but you probably know that already."

"It was a good video," says Dan. They pause as they dry their big hands on an old tea towel. "I... appreciate you saying that stuff about me."

"I didn't say anything that wasn't true."

Dan meets his eyes again, almost stubbornly ignoring the colour in their own cheeks. "I can appreciate things that you think are true, dingus. Take the gratitude already."

Phil grins. "Never."

There are snacks after that and some video games that Phil loses spectacularly and some good ferret snuggles. As the afternoon turns to evening, Phil watches Dan rearrange some titles on the bookshelf as they chatter about one of their science-y classes, no longer self conscious about how much they're talking. He's sitting on Dan's soft, unmade bed with Pixel, who keeps rolling around in the sheets like she's trying to get comfortable.

Phil is already comfortable. It's hard for him to ignore that Dan's bedroom feels so much like a safe haven in the way that his old house no longer does.

At some point Dan gives up on whatever system they were trying to implement. They pick Tofu up off the floor and flop onto the bed with Phil, wiggling around in almost the exact same way Pixel had. Phil presses his lips together tightly so he doesn't laugh.

"I think that things can be improved," Dan is saying, and Phil tries to figure out if they're still talking about the environment or if Dan has picked up the loose thread from their earlier rant about Bethesda. Pixel and Tofu are both running around like Dan and Phil are just bony jungle gyms, and Dan barely even stutters when one of them steps on their nose. "Of course they can be improved, it's not something you just give up on when things get tough, but the problem is that the people in charge have to implement the changes that are necessary for improvement, and - ow, that's my ear, don't bite that - and, uh... where was I?"

"You were telling me about climate change," says Phil. "Or potentially Todd Howard's ambivalence towards a quote-unquote 'perfect game'. I honestly lost track."

For a moment, Dan is quiet. Phil's anxiety rears its head for the first time since he got here, but luckily he hasn't stuck his foot in his mouth this time - Dan starts laughing, more or less cackling, and they roll closer to Phil to bury their face in a pillow.

Phil grins and reaches out to tug at one of Dan's curls, fascinated by the way it just springs back into place. He's done this to PJ once or twice or six times, but he's usually had a couple drinks before he resorts to it. Dan comes out of hiding with tears of laughter welling up in their pretty brown eyes and their dimples in full force, grinning up at Phil like he's the funniest person in the world.

"Those are both really important issues," Dan says, trying their best to sound deadpan when they're so obviously gleeful.

They wiggle around again and Phil says, "You look exactly like Pixel when you do that."

He's pretty sure that Dan honks at that, but he's immediately distracted by a ferret trying to bite his eyebrow.

This is good. Phil likes this. He's trying to dig himself out of the mindset that he'd backed himself into when he first started noticing Dan, because PJ might have had a point. Okay, so PJ definitely had a point, and Phil has been a bit of an idiot.

He won't know for sure how Dan feels about him being gay and uncompromising about that fact unless he asks, and he doesn't think he's ready to do that just yet. But there's a rainbow flag on Dan's wall and they don't consider themselves not not a guy, so... Phil thinks that maybe he's been assigning a strictness to Dan's own relationship to gender and sexuality that isn't actually there.

Dan is talking again, to their ferrets this time, and Phil is almost overwhelmed by the force of affection that washes over him now that he isn't trying so hard to hold it back. Dan's leg is pressed against his own and they're holding Pixel up like they're playing airplane with her and Phil likes them so goddamn much.

"Did you want to," Phil starts, interrupting Dan's musing about what goes on in a ferret's tiny brain. Dan looks up at him with such genuine happiness on their face that Phil's words stick in his throat. He should be asking if Dan wants to go out for dinner again or if they've seen whatever blockbuster action film is playing in cinemas this week, but that's not what comes out of his mouth. When Dan raises their eyebrows quizzically, what Phil ends up asking is, "Uh, come spend the night in the haunted house with me?"

Great. Real romantic.

Dan doesn't make a secret about how much they hate this plan. They say it over and over, but they don't take any of the outs that Phil offers them.

"I hate this plan," Dan says as they make a bunch of sandwiches. It seems like way too much for just the two of them, but Phil isn't about to say no to having a near endless supply of peanut butter and bread when they're stuck in a dusty attic again. "This is stupid. You should have just left it at the first video, Phil, that was fine."

"You don't have to come with me," Phil reminds them for the umpteenth time.

Dan glares. "No, I'm coming."

"You're a very complicated person," says Phil.

With a heavy sort of sigh, like they've been dealing with Phil for years instead of a week, Dan finally sets the peanut butter down. "Look," they say, pointing the dull knife at Phil for emphasis. "I can hate this plan and still want to make sure you don't get fucking arrested or possessed or trip down the stairs or something. PJ knows where I live."

"I think he'd be in the camp of me deserving it if I died in the Wilkins place," Phil says, his lips tugging into a grin. "But thank you."

"Yeah, yeah," Dan mutters. "Will you at least tell me why we're going back? I know you're fucking stubborn and all, but I didn't figure you for someone who beats dead horses."

"Oh, that's a terrible idiom," Phil says, mostly to himself. He reaches out to squeeze Dan's shoulder when he sees them get all huffy at the apparent avoidance. The tension leaving Dan's body under his palm is frustrating to feel, because there's nothing Phil wants more than to lean into it. The problem, of course, is that he really does need to talk to Dan before he starts trying to hug them in their own kitchen. Phil lets his hand drop awkwardly between them and shrugs. "Well, uh. This is the first time in a long time I've actually been excited about a project. And that makes me think that maybe I've worn out my welcome here. Not... not here like Manchester here, but here like... my job, here."

Dan leans their hip against the counter and looks at Phil with their brow all furrowed. "This is an ultimatum," they say. "Like, to yourself."

"Yeah," says Phil. "I need to solve this - or at least find something else that I can show to people. Because if I don't, then I need to actually look at myself and admit I'm not doing something I like anymore."

"It sounds like you're already looking at yourself," Dan says quietly.

"I guess."

"No, you are," Dan insists, their voice stronger now that they can assert an opinion. "Trust me, I'm a pro at unproductive self-reflection and existentialism. Who am I, what does it all matter, I know the song and dance. And I don't think that getting more footage is going to erase what you're already thinking, Phil. Tell me if I'm out of line, whatever, but if you want to do something else with your life then just do something else with your life."

The automatic defensiveness threatens to make Phil snap back at Dan that this isn't any of their business, but he's had a lot of practice in keeping his negative thoughts to himself. He gives Dan a little humourless smile and shrugs his shoulders.

"You're twenty-one," Phil says. "And a student. I don't really expect you to get it."

Dan puts their hands on their hips like they're settling in for a proper row, but instead they just say, "I know. I don't know what you're going through, sure, I doubt anyone knows what anyone else is going through at any time. And, yeah, I've got another year before I have to worry about my career. But I've made some fucking tough decisions in my life, mate. I dropped out of my law course after two lectures. I don't talk to my family anymore. I've tried on so many different names and labels that it would make your head spin. You don't like your job anymore, and one video isn't going to change that."

"Yeah, probably not." Phil looks down at their little collection of sandwiches, feeling lost and stubborn and a bit scared about how much Dan sees him. "But I have to try, y'know? I can't just give up. I have to try."

There's a long moment of silence. Then, Dan sighs.

"Okay. Put these in a container, we don't use unnecessary plastic in this flat. Just whatever they fit in. I'll make some coffee for the road and find our Scrabble board."

#quiet on widow's peak #words words words

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pomegranate-salad · 7 years

Text

Seeds of Thought : Wicdiv #27

I slightly rushed this this month because uni stuff is a bit all over the place lately. Feel free NOT to point out typos as I’m about to dive in 4 hours worth of administrative law notes and I really need to believe in myself right now. Thoughts and opinions on the new issue under the cut, not spoiler-free.

KEEP POLITICS OUT OF US !

“Roll credits !” would say one particular YouTube channel. After four issues, Wicdiv actually provided us for an in-universe explanation for the title of this arc : Imperial Phase (part I) isn’t just our intuitive understanding of it, it’s “a well-supported model” for any Pantheon that enters its second year. And while this information only shows up toward the end, this issue seems constructed like a pop-up book of that point, developing the variations of what this could mean for each character. The issue opens with Baal’s mission, ends with Cassandra’s obsession, and in the middle ? Anarchy in the UK.

Now I’m not going to go and unpack everything this issue does and says about its characters, not only because I don’t have the time, but also because hovering over every loaded panel is something even more interesting : the nagging feeling that none of them, taken individually, really matters. I’m sure there will be much talk about the odd structuring at the core of the issue, but personally I found the actual disposition less meaningful than the effect it had on the reader. Because of the changing divisions between the different snippets, you cannot get into a page by focusing directly on one storyline : first, you have to seize it in its entirety, spot the junction lines and decide which block to read first. Before jumping into one, you have to catch a glimpse of the others, have your eyes drawn to every panel standing out because of a contrast in colour or close faces. When you read a block, you can’t help but deviate to an adjacent panel, read a word or two, get back on track. You get in and out of blocks, move on to the next one, try to draw meaning from their juxtaposition, to find alternative reading orders ; you wonder if the links between them are deliberate or just your own interpretation.

You are like an analyst starring at a data spreadsheet, trying to wrap their head around all the info, to find order in the apparent chaos, highlight common trends, spot outliers. Seize and interpret. A single panel means nothing, and there are no solitary ones in these pages. Out of sample size comes accuracy, on the sum of individualities you build meaning. And because we’re the analyst leaning over the page, and not one of the insignificant data lost on it, we can stamp our general understanding onto every individual story. We never come into one data fresh. Each exists and makes sense relatively to the others.

This ties in to the permanent double layer of Wicdiv, which I’ve discussed here : there’s always a filter to our connexion with the gods. No matter how close we get as an audience, we’ll always be infinitely closer to the in-world audience, the adoring public, the reporters, the historians and the psychologists. Before we are the gods, we are the ones watching them. And while Fandemonium was about what it’s like to be a fan, Imperial Phase (part I) takes us to the world of scholars. In the kaleidoscope of what it means to be a public figure, we’ve left the stadiums and twitter accounts for the museums and the monographies. Another facet, another layer forced on your reading. The gods are not simply obsessed, they’re not simply losing it, they’re reproducing a well-supported model. Their teen angst bullshit doesn’t just have a body count, it has an archive section, a conference cycle and a study department.

I said in my previous SOT that despite the time we’ve spent around them we really do not know the gods that well. And this arc provides us with another shade of not getting to know them : through the glasses of historians, sociologists, scientists and theologians. The gods are never really just themselves. Never free of scope.

And it seems like Wicdiv has mined this topic before, doesn’t it ? Yes, despite having Baphomet on the cover, if this issue has one figurehead, it’s none other than Tara. Tara was crushed by the impossibility to reconcile her self with the layers upon layers of significance that were thrown on her. She made clear in her letter that this crucible doesn’t start at godhood. Existing as a young woman of colour is a political act. You can never be free of the meaning that will be forced on who you are : it is impossible to dissociate yourself from the political signification of yourself, even when you try to create a public persona that will carry these layers for you.

This theme comes back in full force in this issue, as Cass helpfully spells out its subtext : the personal IS the political. Everything the gods do bathes in our political and sociological understanding of it.

When Baal, a young black man from suburban London, says he belongs in the House of Lords, it’s political. When Cass, a trans woman, is having fun in public, it’s political. When Woden uses a sex worker to symbolically assert his power over a woman he fears, it’s political as fuck.

The gods have no control over this double layer : this is something that is imposed on them, no matter how much they’re willing to accept it. Minerva cannot fall apart because if so she’ll just be “another teenage cautionary tale”, and indeed, before she even said it there were speculations on whether or not she’d follow the classic implosion road of the child star. Even when the gods refuse to see anything political in what they are, the audience will be there to imbue that meaning in them. Sakhmet’s quest for emotional impenetrability is something we immediately link to her being a probable abuse victim, despite her never even mentioning that fact. They are never just a teenager off the rails or a woman who has survived abuse, they have to be the flagship of their demographic.

As public figures, the gods are especially vulnerable to this dispossession of their individuality. Exposition allows you to confound your own psychological needs and issues with actual politics. The gods are lost in the blurred lines between a personal research and a political statement. Baal takes a national security issue and makes it about whether he can maintain control, linking it to his personal insecurities. Reciprocally, Amaterasu takes her mysticism and egomania and turns it into a religion.

But at its core, Wicdiv is more about youth than it is about celebrity. As stars, the gods can put a political meaning forward, but as youngsters they cannot push it out of their lives. This is after all the one constant characteristic of the reincarnations : they are young. I’m 23, which would make me one of the older gods in wicdiv ; but even so, this issue aligns perfectly with how I see my demographic treated in society at large. Young people are the single most objectified and objectifiable age segment : from denigrating articles about millennials, to politicians “catering” to us in the most improbable way, we are simultaneously a curious beast that needs to be seized up and a formless plague on society’s values. In a world that doesn’t belong to us yet, everymen and scholars alike are trying to appraise us using a language that wasn’t conceived to fit all of us. The language of oppressors. So we’re being chopped up in representative samples, aligned in databanks, made into statistics. It’s normal to talk of the young as a unified group because the world doesn’t know who we are outside of the political meaning it has stamped on us. We are young, and we are never just ourselves. And this can be draining. I’ve never seen anyone over 30 as hyperaware of how they make “their generation” look as any young person. Never seen any of them as self-conscious when it comes to talking about ourselves, how we can shape the future of language. I believe that there hasn’t been a single time in History in which young people weren’t the most political group of a given society. Being political is not, at first, a choice ; it’s something that has been done to us.

Regarding this, just how special really are the gods ? Them too, them especially, carry at all times the burden of being simultaneously more and less than themselves. More because they cannot exist out of the political understanding of themselves ; less precisely because of that. They are part of a cycle : emerge, burn out, leave the world. A new generation emerges, at the same time completely cut out from the previous one and yet repeating without knowing it the same pattern. The gods are youth personified. In the last pages, David Blake’s speech is mirrored panel by panel to the gods going awry. What can they do, with all their might, to prove this mere human wrong ? Even if they turn out different, outliers, nothing more. Chosen ones, in a long line of chosen ones, a centre page and a footnote, exceptional and yet so, so banal. The gods have never looked more like icons than in these last pages : Batman and Robin in the storm, two lurking shadows, a sacrificial victim, a human sun over her temple – or is it just an illuminated statue ?

Case studies, all of them. David Blake holds the theory. He holds the meaning, he holds the power. And we, as an audience, can only go as far as he can see. Just like him, we are not trapped on the stage ; when the show is over, we’ll pack up and go home. We’ll blog about it and post pictures, until we get tired of it. Those of us who haven’t already will say goodbye to their youth, and will look with various degrees of understanding at the new generation, wondering just how much and how little has changed.

The gods of Wicdiv will never get to grow up. This power will never be theirs. Loved, hated, brilliant. For others to see.

WHAT I THOUGHT OF THE ISSUE :

Holy shit, you guys.

Well if anything, after this people should stop complaining that I’m being too negative for a while.

Because holy shit, you guys.

I feel like those of you who’ve been reading me for a while know me enough to guess I loved this issue. And you’d be about as right as the word love can describe how much I adored this. My feeling might of course change, but as of right now there is no question for me that this is the best thing Wicdiv has ever done. It’s notoriously hard for me to connect with something on a pure emotional level, and while it does come handy to lay out themes and ideas, I always feel like I’m missing something by never being able to just be taken aback by a work of art and not know what to say. The last time it happened to me was when I went to see Mad Max : Fury Road and there was just so much beauty on the screen it sent my brain in overdrive and I wasn’t able to think again until we got out of the theatre. And this is what happened here. The thoughts I laid out above didn’t occur to me until this morning ; from Wednesday to Saturday, all I was able to do was pick up the issue and read it again with my mind completely blank. Congratulations, Wicdiv team : you made something so good it finally got me to shut up about it.

If I am to analyse, I think a good part of my appreciation comes from how little I expected this issue to turn out as it did. From the previous ones, there was no indication that Imperial Phase (part I) was going to be anything more than enjoyable and slightly more conceptual than the arcs before, which after the way-too-conventional-for-my-taste Rising Action felt a bit underwhelming. And if this issue has one flaw, it’s that it’s so good it makes me a bit harsher on the previous issues : #25 and #26 were perfect for what they were, but still a means to an end, and #24 almost feels like a throwaway prologue than could have been dealt with in a couple of pages. I’ve heard somewhere that a good song can make an album, but a great one can kill it. And yes, I’m a bit afraid for the structural integrity of Imperial Phase, but I’ll pass my judgment after the arc is good and done.

But despite my surprise, I think deep down this is the issue I’d been waiting for Wicdiv to make : something as offbeat, subtly sinister and anxiety-provoking as it had the potential of being despite always presenting as too “normal” for its own premise. More than the weird, I’m a lover of the uncanny, in the Freudian sense of the word ; the “disturbing strangeness”, as we say in French. Nothing in this issue is outwardly, consciously weird, yet everything feels slightly wrong, slightly worrisome, like the dark space between the neon lines linking the panels, a record that isn’t really broken but always seems to drag a little, in a way you can’t quite place. This issue caters to my tastes so much I imagine others are going to have a hard time getting behind it. The only thing that could make me love this more than I do is if they’d found a way to cram a Dodo bird in there somehow. I love Dodo birds.

But yes, this is Wicdiv as I wish it always was : slick and messy, grim and bright, cynical and sincere, direct and twisted. Cracks on the marble columns. A dissonant symphony. Madness is looming, but it’s not quite there yet, just something in the air. Who knows what will happen in next issue. Who knows what happens on the first of May. Wicdiv has always thrived in this chiaroscuro, between the lights of the Shard and the shadows of Valhalla. But even if Wicdiv never goes down this rabbit hole again, I’ll always be grateful for this issue, as I am for everything that knocks me off my feet and reminds me just what you can do with Art. Sex and drugs and rock n’roll. Very good indeed.

#wicdiv #seeds of thought #thinkpiece time #i do like administrative law but the legal decisions are long and full of boredom #here in france we have an administration the entire world envies #they could come and take it but they don't

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