Trigunbookclub vol1-2 reread and OHHHHHH god this one's gonna Hurt ;o; (spoiler alert: I already feel DISTRAUGHT like I've been hit by a truck; here we go again with the incoming Emotional Damage~)
See, because if in vol1 Vash asked Rem in his dreams his ongoing existential question: how people in such a terribly dry world aka his waking reality found reasons (hope) to keep on living
"...Rem. I had this dream. Everything was so terribly dry...even people's hearts. In a world like that...I kept asking myself, why people would go on living."
And then after experiencing the Sand Steamer incident, where everyone's Doomed 'ticket' on that ship could be changed and course-corrected with the help of people working together to survive this, he feels a closer understanding towards her beliefs in humanity's hope & potential, and more of those answers towards what it means for people to go on living.
"Maybe...this is what it means for people to go on living. This must be what she believed...why she traded her life for everyone else's."
...But then in vol2 we suddenly violently understand WHY he kept on asking himself that question....
BECAUSE, for all this time, his ONLY reason that's kept HIM going so far (driven with one purpose despite how Hard and dry it's been to live) has been to find & settle his score with Knives. ;o; THAT fiercely angry & resentful, too.
"[Finding Knives is] the the one thing that has kept me living for so long. I must send him to hell! That monster killed Rem! It's time for him to pay for his sins! He's mine!"
But whoaaaaa there, oh noooo Vash sweetie....just what would Rem think of that? Surely her sentiment and sacrifice for the chance that Everyone else could even have a 'blank ticket' future applies to both you and Knives too, right?
"I made a promise. And if I put out the light of even one life, I don't think [Rem] would forgive me."
Because now! Wouldn't Vash's promise to Rem be broken, and wouldn't she become terribly sad (including her whole belief & legacy she's left behind), IF either he or Knives were excluded from that? Would she even be happy if her boys died or ended up killing each other TOO? D:
OR can Vash absolutely not even See Himself (& Knives) as part of that same equation as those (other people humans) whose lives are Worth saving----
"Rem...we were no good...right from the start... [Maybe] we...I...should never have been...born..."
...!!!!!!!! ;A; *gasp* OH MY GOD VASH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~!!!! Aaaa, that's the painful extent of how little he values himself and his life's worth--hating that of what he is, with the terrible destructive power he's capable of and does not want, so much to the point he regrets ever being born.
Bonus: and then all of a sudden his daily pondering at breakfast (vol2 omake: 'Day In Day Out'), where he thinks he can't ever really live like a normal person, hits with terribly upsetting clarity:
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I NEED A REVERSE-PINING SITUATION FOR BYLER ASAP.
SAID IT BEFORE AND I’LL SAY IT AGAIN GIVE ME WILL ADMITTING HIS FEELINGS AND MIKE BEING UNSURE OF HOW TO RESPOND EXCEPT NOW HE LITERALLY CANNOT STOP STARING AT WILL AND GETTING FLUSTERED AROUND HIM AND ITS LIKE A DAM OF EMOTIONS HE’S BEEN REPRESSING HAS BEEN OPENED AND HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH HIMSELF AND HE’S A TOTAL MESS ABOUT IT.
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what is the layout of Home? Like the interior from a birds-eye view. And where are the guest placements?
Okay i'm. gonna be super honest with you. Neither of us know what the layout is.
HOWEVER. I can tell you where each guest is.
Adam: Can be. pretty much anywhere. probably hangs around the guest bedroom with Jonah. and on that note:
Jonah: Guest bedroom wall
Mark: Top left corner of the back hallway
Cesar: ???
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