#v proud of myself for that. like 15 yo me would never believe that i would even allow myself to think about that for more than a second

[princeofyorkshire]

six years since i came out for the first time 🫡

#i saw it is liam’s birthday and i was like holddd onnnn didn’t something else happen on that day and i checked my notes and the answer is Sí #everytime i came out i would write their name out w the date until i came out to my mom in 2019 and didn’t really feel the need to continue #it’s not like i’m OUT out like i keep jumping in and out of the closet lmfao like some days i’m more vocal about it and some other days i’m #kinda regretting making it so public. i don’t know. but one thing i know is that i’ve come a long LONGGG way in the last few years and i’m #v proud of myself for that. like 15 yo me would never believe that i would even allow myself to think about that for more than a second #so yeah. shout out to lil fatima i love you baby we’ll be alright #effie’s journal

[violetsoju]

airport

kuroo tetsurou · fluff · 2.2k

warning: slight suggestive theme, mild language, characters are aged-up

a/n: did i write this on impulse because i still can’t believe i was actually in this situation? maybe. did i write this as a manifestation of having a kuroo to bitch about and assure me? maybe too. did i get more encouraged to write this after reading a discussion in a server on bra sizes and brand recommendations a few days ago? maybe three.

“Kuroo, I’m serious. Stop laughing.”

A distinct cackling laughter from the speaker of your phone fills the four walls of your bathroom, along with a lazy lopsided grin flashing on the screen that’s perched on the wall mounted shelf next to the sink.  

“But you’re making it so hard not to! Plus, you’re supposed to brush your teeth for two minutes, not talk and brush your teeth at the same time for two minutes.” Kuroo reasons, laughter turning into soft chuckles.

“Sorry babe, but I didn’t catch anything you said just now because you sounded like a fish blubbing underwater, except you’re blubbing white foam instead of bubbles.”

He finds it hard not to grin like a fool at your figure from his side of the screen, hands on your hips with a toothbrush stuffed in your puffed-up cheeks, hair pushed back with an elmo headband that he finds ugly yet cute because of the two ridiculously huge eyes dangling on top.

You mumble something yet inaudible while wiping away the drool of toothpaste dripping down the side of your mouth, a small pout dotting your lips.

“Rinse up and tell me from the top again once you’re done, alright?” Kuroo sighs, shaking his head adoringly as he manages to make out a ‘fine’ out of the string of muffled sounds from you.

And do you listen to him completely? Of course not. So he rests his left cheek on his palms, humming to the bits of information you try to squeeze in without accidentally swallowing tap water while cleansing your face.

The white tiles in the background shift to cream walls shakily, along with the shuffling sounds of room slippers against the wooden flooring. “Then as we were walking towards the karaoke place, I somehow fell behind the rest and ended up beside him. And guess what happened?”

“He confessed to you?” He jokes, oblivious to where this is heading, yet.

“God, I’d rather that happen.” You take a seat in front of your study desk filled with skincare products tucked on the side, placing your phone against the wall. “Instead, he called out to me, which I turn to him and find him looking at my boobs, saying ‘oh, its nothing’,”

Kuroo visibly flinches a little, eyebrows furrowed in disgust, eyes widening slightly, like he just tasted a sip of milk that has gone bad. “Excuse me?”

“He was looking at my boobs, Kuroo. My boobs. Shamelessly. Saying ‘oh, its nothing’. What the heck?” You mentally thank yourself for not opening the cover of the toner in your hand, to save the mess you would have made from all the expressive hand gestures.

“And you were wearing your usual tank top, right?” He smacks his lips together, as if trying to get rid of the bad aftertaste.

“Yeah, the usual square neck rib knit tank top that I always wear.” He tilts his head to the side, eyebrows knitted in confusion. Your wardrobe of tops flashing through his head. “The one that you don’t understand why I own a several pieces in different colours. That one.” A long ‘oh’ resonates through the speakers, the particular top emerging from the sea of clothing.

Kuroo processes the image for a few seconds. “That’s not revealing at all.”

“Exactly! It’s like the most basic thing? There’s tons of girls out there who wear the similar thing as me too.” You tap your toner onto your face with your hands. “And I was even wearing a jacket on top of it? It’s not like I was fully exposed or something. But even if I didn’t have my jacket on, I don’t see how it’s taken as a sign to stare brazenly like that. I wear whatever the heck I want to make myself feel and look good, not for someone else to ogle at, unable to keep their raging hormones in check.”

He hums in agreement. “What did you do or say to him then?”

“Honestly, I don’t know what made me so pissed at that moment either.” You sigh, reaching out for your wash-off mugwort mask. “I snapped at him, telling him that when he talks to girls, he should be looking at them in the eye, not at their boobs.”  

“That’s my girl.” Kuroo flashes his signature cheshire-grin. “What did he say then?”

Your lips purse together, recalling the situation. “I don’t think he even heard me. Partly because you know how I rush through words like I’m rapping when I’m mad.”

“Told you to apply for that rap competition show on tv.”

“Kuroo.” Your glare earns an apology and light-hearted chuckles. “Another reason why I don’t think he heard me was because he actually had the balls to sit next to me during the karaoke session.” His eyebrows arch at the statement. “To which I dragged Mizuki to sit next to me and he got pushed to the side with the other guys.”

He huffs through his nose with a tinge of frustration, fingers running through his dishevelled hair. “How old is he again?”

“20, I think. But still, that’s no excuse for being so disrespectful towards girls and women. He’s already a full-grown adult for crying out loud.” You set the timer to 15 minutes on your phone, shuffling to your bed. “Out of all the boys I’ve met that are of his age or back when we were his age, I’ve never met such a disrespectful guy. In this area of discussion, I mean.”

“You mean you haven’t met such a horny monkey before.” Kuroo summarises. You snort at his remark, making yourself comfortable under the covers while waiting for the mask to work its magic.

“So you’re mad that he looked at your boobs.”

You place your phone between your folded knees, slouching against the bed frame. “Of course I am. It’s a violation against my body. How the fuck does he think he’s entitled to look at someone blatantly like that? Imagine someone staring at your dick like its nothing.”

The stupid cocky smirk appears on screen again. “Not gonna lie, but I would be proud. Or amused.”

“Freak.” You scoff, scrunching your nose at his reply.

His amber eyes gleam under the dim lights through the screen. “You sure you’re not mad at anything else?” He prods, not letting you off the hook.

“I guess I’m so mad because I never expected this to happen to me. I mean, look at me. What’s there to look at when I’m basically as flat as an airport?” You gesture to your breasts, ignoring his ‘you’re exaggerating’ interjection. “I would understand if he was staring at someone voluptuous or well-blossomed. But what’s the point of staring at a wall so flat there’s no cracks or dents in between?”

Kuroo’s sharp yet soft features settle into a knowing look. “So there is something else that you’re mad at.”

You narrow your eyes at him. “That is?”

“You’re upset that your boobs are small.”

Your eyes take a 360-degree turn, huffing exasperatedly. “I’m not. I’m happy with the way they are.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am.”

“You’re not.”

“I am.”

His firm discerning expression in the 10-second-long stare off has you heaving a long sigh in defeat. “I mean, there are times which I wish they would be just a little bigger…” You hesitantly admit, biting the inside of your lips. “So I don’t have to rely on push-up bras that much. And they would look nicer in wireless bras… Or in deep v neck cuts… Or plunge dresses…”

“Babe, they’re perfect with the way they are now.” Kuroo’s words doesn’t come out as pity or consolation; it’s filled with raw honesty and sincerity.

You glance down at the soft flesh beneath your oversized t-shirt that once belonged to Kuroo. “I know, but sometimes you can’t help but want more, right?”

“I understand, it’s natural.” He nods in acknowledgment. “But we have to be grateful with what we have, don’t we?”

A soft smile tugs the corner of his lips at the sight of your pout. “You’re right. Why did I get myself so worked up just because of one horny monkey when I have such an amazing and supportive boyfriend?” His lips curl up with a little more pride at you remembering and reusing his little remark.

“At your service, always. And ever ready to chase off any horny monkeys in sight.” He places his hands to his eyebrows as a salute dramatically, earning a hearty laugh from you.

“Question time. On the bright side, don’t you save more on bras because they require lesser fabric than bigger sizes? Less fabric, less production cost?”

“If only it were like that, Kuroo. You know what, we’re going bra shopping for our next date.”

“May I be granted the honour of choosing the fine piece of garment?” He places his hand over his right chest.

You hold onto your imaginary ruffled dress in the air, dropping into a mid-curtsy. “If I have the honourable chance to be blessed by your gracious kindness to pay for it, be my guest.”

“Of course, m’lady.” He bows curtly, giving you a flirtatious wink.

You giggle at his sappiness. “Okay my turn. Aren’t you jealous that you don’t have the chance to hold them like other boyfriends do for their busty girlfriends when their boobs swell and get sore during their periods?”

He shrugs like it’s no big deal, but the glint in his eyes says otherwise. “It’s not like that’s the only time I get to touch them.” He wiggles his eyebrows at you suggestively.

“Pervert.” You gasp, covering your breasts with your arms.  

The timer on your phone beeps, signaling it’s time for you to wash off your mask.

“Didn’t take you to be a boob person. Thought you were more of a butt person.” You place your phone back on the wall mounted shelf in the bathroom, turning on the tap water to run.

“I’m neither. Because I’m a you person, your person. A person that loves you as a whole, not by parts.” You swear you can see him giving you that smug grin of his with your face submerged with water, washing off the remaining residue.

“You know, maybe God deliberately blessed you with a lesser amount in this aspect.”  His voice echoes through the speakers.

You reach out to your face towel hanging next to the sink and place gentle pats on your face. “And why is that?”

“Because God knew that you’d be unstoppable if you were blessed in all aspects. I mean, look at you. You’re already slaying it despite your fun-sized boobs.”

You nearly choke on your own saliva from the fits of laughter at his comment. “What the hell, Kuroo. No one calls a C cup and below fun-sized.”

“If people call those below the height of 160cm fun-sized, I don’t see why I can’t do the same with breast sizes.” He reasons with a nonchalant face.

“Fine, fun-sized boobs they are.” You give in, switching off the bathroom lights. “Your drop-dead gorgeous kick-ass girlfriend has fun-sized boobs.”

“And I love it. That’s what makes her special too.” He adds, face full-on smitten with love.

“Shut up, cheesy conman.” You chuckle softly, your face a mirror image of his.

“Well, you chose one yourself. No refunds.” The coolness of your moisturizer helps soothe the warmth blossoming across your cheeks, but not the warmth spreading throughout your chest like a cosy fireplace on a cold winter day.

【☾】

Zero and one digits flash on the top right of the screen, signalling it’s way past your bedtime. You’ve been on the phone with Kuroo for close to two hours, no wonder you feel yourself drifting to sleep each second. Kuroo senses it too, from the way your eyes twitch and lose focus.

“Alright, last question before we wrap up for today. When are you hanging out with them again?” He asks, stifling a yawn.  

You let out a yawn as well, stretching your arm over your head, popping a few bones. “I don’t know, but I may skip if he’s tagging along.”

“Nope, we’re going together. Me and you.” Kuroo states matter-of-factly with droopy eyes.

You rub your eyes that has been lidded with sleep. “What if you’re busy on that day like today?”

“Then I’ll just clear my schedule for the day. Gotta show the lil boy who owns this airport.” His deep voice croaking through the speakers of your phone.

“Airport?” You question, confused at his statement, wondering if sleep has started to take over your sense of hearing.

“Airport.” He gestures at his tiddies sleepily.

“Kuroo…” Your distressed groan doesn’t stop him from his babble.

“Gotta show to him that it’s a private one too, not some public area that’s available to any common folk like him. Right, babe?”

a/n: in Chinese, there’s a saying of calling flat chested girls or girls with small boobs as 飞机场, which means airport because the airport runway is flat. so it’s like one’s chest is so flat that it can run the plane lmao. all sizes are precious, don’t get me wrong. this is purely for entertainment purposes

shoutout to @moonboohoo​ for being my irl Mizuki that day ily ❤️

#haikyuu #haikyuu!! #kuroo tetsurou x you #kuroo tetsurou x y/n #kuroo tetsurou x reader #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo x y/n #kuroo x reader #kuroo x you #kuroo fluff #kuroo tetsurou fluff #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu oneshot #hq imagines #dont worry guys im not bothered by the incident anymore #i just thought it would be funny to write about #small tiddy gang unite #and i finally have a piece thats not over 3k words omg #mini achievement unlocked 🔓

[mannapolis]

15 January 2019

04:11

Today for the first time I recognized my desire to seduce you as an element of power play. It made me WONDER why I felt such a strong desire for a gratifying sexual fantasy about you today, after a rather disturbing session. I felt that desire when I was falling asleep and now, in the middle of the night, after I woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep. I'm trying to figure out why is ” having you inside me” so arousing and stimulating. I remembered the article I read recently where patient's need to seduce the therapist was presented as her/his way of rebalancing the strong off-balance power distribution. I realized that with each session I need you more and more. My attachment and therefore my dependance on you is constantly growing. At this point, I need YOU, not just any chosen therapist because I've been investing in this relationship in a way that you haven't. If I walked away, I could be quite easily substituted by another client but if you walked away, I would experience a terrible loss. That agonising moment of uncertainty after I ring the entry phone of your office is going to be more and more agonising with each subsequent session. But if I managed to seduce you, at least emotionally or psychologically into loving and/or desiring me, that imbalance of power and my dependent position would be removed or diminished. It made me want to laugh when I realized that my spontaneous gesture of putting my other hand on yours holding mine wasn't, as I initially thought, an ”innocent” gesture of extending intimacy but rather an attempt to ” have you inside” my hands, to symbolically regain some power after ”being forced” to give it up, if not completely, than to a huge extent.

04:35

I'm so excited. I just realized that Wonder Woman's superpower doesn't have to be of the same kind as Superman's. Wonder Woman is a woman who WONDERS. Looking at it this way, we can say that her superpower is of the same kind as Freud's, Jung's, Spinoza's, Nietzsche's, Socrates's to name but a few. I really like this idea. Ten years ago, when I was undergoing my first serious personality crisis, I used to call myself a ”kitchen philosopher”. It was my attempt to unify masculine dominated field of philosophy (rational thinking) with the stereotypical women's realm - kitchen, where witches brew their magic potions. But Wonder Woman sounds a lot better 😁

07:56

This passage comes from the article I mentioned: “The patient, on the other hand, is the central focus. The patient is thereby empowered but by a humiliation; there is the attendant need to become empowered in a different way, to be loved and to see the analyst give up all other ties for her, including those to his profession. To say that there is a vicious power play engendered by the structure of the analytic setting puts it mildly.” So in my last night fantasies I was on top straddling you on your armchair, regaining some power. This morning, however, you were back on top in the tight embrace of my legs as I was in the very tight, loving embrace of your arms and it felt good, it felt safe. I was intending to say something yesterday but I forgot or there wasn't enough time. I was going to say that my memories about ”it” are so repressed that even if I wanted, I couldn't remember the faces of the oppressors. I assume it is a defense mechanism. But it has a serious drawback. Because I don't remember their faces, I can potentially see them in ANY man's face.

10:30

I just listened to Alan Watts’s lecture and I'm trembling inside. He's teaching has that effect on people I believe. It spurred hundreds of thoughts that I couldn't catch because they were ejaculating from my mind like a geyser (yes, I love phallic metaphors). I caught one. He said that if a Man has lived one moment to its fullest potential, he can die peacefully and that is precisely what I thought after one passionate lovemaking session with R. Never before had I felt so close, so united, so embraced, so diffused, not only in the symbolic symbiotic dyad but in the whole universe. It was like a voyage to the stars culminating in the removal of physical boundaries separating self from the rest of the world. When I finally came back to the Earth and uploaded my identity back into my body I said to him with a blissful smile: Now, I can die.

10:40

But then I thought: what if the process of therapy unblocks, melts unsuspected frozen resources of energy? What if this energy could be used to create a new value? I might be curious to wait and see and for that reason I would like to postpone my death 😁

11:56

My ex therapist wore probably exactly the same glasses as the ones you wear in your profile picture... Well, I didn't make that association when I saw it for the first time (or later, until you asked me about it yesterday). All I saw was your warm smile. It's so fascinating and troubling, the fact that we don't always realize what we see when we look at another person. I was thinking about the metaphor I used to describe how my various projections create your continuously metamorphosing face. And I thought that it is not only my projection. We ARE continuously metamorphosing, we don't have just one face. It's impossible unless we mould our expression into a rigid mask. And among all those faces of yours there is, I mean, I see the face of a man, a male specimen of homo sapiens. And the female equivalent in me responds in the most natural way - with the desire to copulate. It responds so strongly simply because I'm deprived of this natural pleasure. This desire is not driven by the need to dominate or subjugate, nor is it driven by the need for intimacy. It is simply driven by the raw impulse to copulate/procreate. This is precisely why sex is the ultimate pleasure. We are simply designed this way to keep reproducing. We as individuals have very little to say in that matter. I mean, sure, we can and we do control those impulses but we cannot decide if and when we want to experience them just as we cannot decide if and when to get hungry. All we can do is to decide WHAT to eat. And this way we're back to the irresistible allure of the forbidden fruit 😄

12:22

I really dread to say it but I will: Don't ever let me ”eat” you. I'm not saying this because I think you need to hear it. No, it is ME who needs to hear it. And I hate to hear it but I need to. It is the only way this whole thing can work. And I still can desire you all I want. Actually, there is a beauty of this particular desire never to be satisfied. It is an endless invigorating energy source - this insatiable desire to run after the only man I cannot ”have”. Do you think Dr Pink Freud would be proud of me? 😂

13:10

I like this picture. I don't feel intimidated by your penetrating eyes when I look at it. I enjoy studying the distinct outline of your chin, your cheekbone, your nose, your eyebrows and your head. I particularly like to gaze at your neck imagining the blood pulsating under your very warm skin. I will never know the taste of your skin but my imagination is so vivid that I can feel it quite clearly. I don't know why I'm doing this. I can't help it. I can't help thinking about your skin, about running my tongue up and down the side of your neck, sucking on the lobule of your ear, looking at your face slowly changing its expression to that of ecstasy... and that is just the beginning. I'll finish on my own 😔

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTx7tfe8iOQ&feature=share

[ Sarah Connor - Sexual Healing (Official Video) ft. Ne-Yo]

20:55

I went three hours without thinking about sex. Is it okay if I reward myself with an orgasm? 😅 I know what you think. That I'm compulsively reacting to unbearable anxiety. Maybe I am but it is also the fact that no one has touched me in an erotic way for... four months. It's not a particularly long period of time. It's particularly long for me, for my lifelong depravation of caring, loving, gentle, warm affection. I couldn't count all men I had sex with but R was the first one with whom I was making love. He taught me how to kiss passionately and gently. When he kissed me for the first time in that hotel room, I had an orgasm. He got scared because he thought I had some kind of a seizure. No one has ever kissed me that way. He was the first man ever that I wanted to look at while we were making love…

22:26

I wish there was a way to process my trauma in one session. I'm having difficult time to deal with my everyday life in this state of suspense between now and back then. I'm neglecting almost everything. If I had a job, I would probably lose it because I can't stay focused for any extended period of time. I wake up at night and can't fall back to sleep. I lost my appetite. Only yesterday when I came back from our session I felt hungry and I noticed it because I haven't felt hunger in two weeks or so. To be fair though, the situation is not tragically bad. I've had much, much worse periods in my life. In all fairness, I can say that I am coping, poorly, but I'm not sinking completely. Knowing that I'll see you on Tuesday is not letting me sink. When I was still back in Poland, after the relationship between me and my son's father ended (I don't use his name because I hate to pronounce it), soon after the violent incident, I remained completely alone. I was shocked, depressed, my lifelong dream about a happy family (with me in a dubious role of mother/daughter 😒) was demolished. I had absolutely no support. My brother and my father both lived within half an hour drive but they didn't bother to give me any support. Plus, they both blamed me for the break up of my relationship even though they knew what had happened. I didn't have much luck with men since the day I was conceived but. What I wanted to say is that I was really depressed, in a mental condition much much worse than now, with my little son in his forming years. And there was nobody I could see and talk to every Tuesday. I did try to find help but those three or four therapists that I contacted, upon hearing my story became rather distant and seemed helpless just like me. They were all women and for some reason I couldn't help feeling judged or feared or secretly despised. I was a victim of a well-established therapist who was also a supervisor, who appeared on the radio quite regularly, gave occasional lectures and was the manager of the clinic where he employed several people. Sure I was attracted to his status! Sure I was attracted to the economic stability he could provide. I thought they were good qualities for the father of my child. Sure I was totally naive and stupid ignoring all those red flags conspicuously waving above his head. He broke the ethical code of his profession and he wasn't a novice which meant that he was extremely arrogant, perhaps mentally unstable and simply untrustworthy. It was so easy to deduce but I didn't want to do it.

Instead of a happy family living in the house of my dreams, I ended up alone with my son living in my mother's apartment, depressed, unemployed, with a small alimony for my son. I wouldn't be able to survive if my mother hadn't helped me financially. I can see, perhaps not absolutely clearly but quite clearly how my life choices were somehow aimed at forcing me into the position of the victim. No matter what I did, I had to end up as a victim. As if being a victim was the only way I could live. And every time I found myself in that position I thought that I had learnt something but I didn't! I never learnt... Is it not too late to learn???

[zapp87]

Tag game!!

I was tagged by Matthew @siouxsies-banshee 😊

1. Who are you named after? Umm first name? A baseball field, believe it or not. Lmao

2. Last time you cried? Umm idk my days have been blurring lately. I was stressed a lot this week though so probably sometime then

3. Do you like your handwriting? I. Love. My handwriting. I worked pretty hard to get it to where I want so like, I’m v proud of it lol and I show it off any chance I get (but sometimes people have a hard time reading it)

4. What is your favorite lunch meat? … Lunch meat?? Wtf this is a weird question and I dont think I have a proper answer

5. Do you have kids? Absolutely not lol

6. Do you use sarcasm? Damn straight lol

7. Do you still have your tonsils? … I had to think about this one lmao but yes I do!

8. Would you bungee jump? Yo, under the right circumstances? Hell yeah

9. What is your favorite kind of cereal? I eat cheerios way too often lol but just regular. Not honey or whatever (sue me). I also like cornflakes

10. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Yeah, I wear high tops every day so itd be hard to get them off if I didnt lol (sidenote, I used to have high tops with zippers on the side?? Amazing)

11. Do you think you’re strong? Yeah, I do. Lol but I actually want to work on my physical strength lately. My upper body strength game is WEAK and I’m gonna change that

12. What is your favorite ice cream? Chocolate chip cookie dough! 

13. What is the first thing you notice about someone? Clothing. I’ll remember outfits/hair before faces and I’ll remember faces WAY before names. I suck at names lol

14. Football or baseball? BASEBALL. I fucking grew up with that shit. I enjoy football too, and I’ll always watch the Superbowl and stuff but… Baseball, man

15. What is the least favorite thing you like about yourself? Listen, I’m a cocky bastard and there’s not a lot I dislike about myself lol but if I had to pick? My lack of physical strength. And I’m working on it, so

16. What color pants are you wearing? Right now they’re multi-colored hippie pants ✌️

17. Favorite smell? Coffee, leather, hairspray, stuff like that. The smell of concert venues is also like, mega comforting to me haha

18. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? I actually call people pretty often so I had to check haha it was my older brother

19. Favorite sports to watch on tv? I’m gonna agree with Matthew. I’m all about WWE, guys. Its so fucking good!!

20. Hair color? Naturally light brown and right now it’s bleach blond

21. Eye color? I never know how to answer this lol theyre brown and green? Not a v good combo but I’m gonna say hazel

22. Favorite food to eat? Umm I love pasta. Also, pulled pork sandwiches are bomb

23. Scary movies or funny? Funny. I’m not big on scary movies tbh

24. Last thing you watched? Sons of Anarchy ❤ the most recent obsession

25. What color shirt are you wearing? Grey!

26. Favorite holiday? Halloween and then probably Christmas

27. Wine or beer? Umm I enjoy both but probably beer

Imma tag @ieroandthepatience, @wildnloose (it took me a minute to find you girl, you changed your url lol), @leathermouthz, and @ubetterhurrytogetapieceofbach if yall want to, of course ❤❤ and its open to anyone who wants to, I’ll tag you!

#this one was pretty fun! #thanks matthew #tag games