#uhh idk too tired just figure it out

[itsadragonaesthetic]

Forgive me for my rambling incoherent nature for I am very tired and scatterbrained. (Post about finding community and connection as a dummy little white American below the cut)

But like, sometimes... I don't know how I feel about things as an American. In general... honestly. I'm mostly white, raised in a white family. I have zero connection to my genetic ancestry, and I don't know most of it anyway. My mom's side is just, mostly white Americans that go back maybe hundreds of unrecorded years. My dad's side is Italian and Irish Catholics. I could not be more far removed from that culture. I grew up in an ecological community that no one in my family has ever known or cared about until I was born.

I just feel like this creature, abandoned to freedom. I feel like this is a very white American thing to say, but I have no... inherent culture at all. None that was given to me by generations of family, considering they all cut ties with me and my parents a long time ago. Me and my immediate family have just been adrift in the ebbs and flows of American life.

But I meet groups of people who have never been to the place I grew up and they have... a lot of reactions. They tell me they hate it here, mostly. They comment on the light stone architecture. They ask me about the old stone buildings in the middle of nowhere. They think the plant life is ugly. They hate how dry and "dead" everything is. They mispronounce words that I kinda forgot were native or Spanish words. People comment on how much I know about the plants.

I think about it sometimes and I feel really connected to this place. We have special holidays unique to only this city. Its nearly the birding capital of the lower 48. This place is literally covered in art. Every empty building face has a mural. The mountains stand like comforting friends to me. I really do feel like this place is a huge part of who I am.

Sometimes I go by Sentinel Peak. The hill the city was named after (an O'odham word that means "at the base of the black hill"). It was used as a sort of landmark to get to a spring where there were ancient settlements. Some of the houses and grinding bowls still stand and are still maintained by the O'odham. There is actually still a garden there dedicated to giving nursery jobs to the disabled.

Like you can guess, some Christian people built a church and began to kick natives out. The Black Hill became Sentinel Peak; a sentinel lookout for Apache invaders. The mountain is now mostly famous for the giant white 'A' that was built by university students around 100 years ago (giving it its somewhat more common name, "A Mountain"). It is also home to an annual firework display every 4th of July that can be seen from every corner of the city. The biggest problem is that the black hill is covered in invasive cattle grasses that combust easily. Every year, the black hill persists in maintaining its name.

I love that hill to bits. It hurts to think of its past, and I feel guilty for even looking at it from my paved sidewalk just under a giant, somewhat ugly highway that has pretty much destroyed any chance for archeological digs or cultural restoration. But I frequently remind myself that negativity gets me nowhere. I begin to feel humbled for this mountain letting me make not only a physical home, but a spiritual home here too. It's like an infinitely forgiving grandmother who welcomes me with open arms despite any wrongdoing people who look like me have done. It's because of the resilience of this mountain, it's people, and it's ecosystem that I have somewhere that my heart can call home.

Then I pull out my calendar and plan another invasive grass pull at the Base of the Black Hill.

#im sry if this post is dumb to nonwhites cuz honestly yeah i feel that #but i sorta hope some white person gets the message #what is that message? #uhh idk too tired just figure it out #peace and love connect with the earth and find salvation idfk #sleepy now might delete later tee hee #my posts #dragon speaks

[sprinedankle]

uhh do i come out or did yall already assume im the gayest ... im still figuring it out but ugh this is so scary and though i know lesbian is the term for me i still try to find ways not to label myself like that and that i can actually like men and andbsbsjddhsh i really wish i could like men life would be so easy for me (well not for me, for my family mostly) and i promise it's going to get so hard from now on when the actual realization comes

#im going to sleep i'll figure this out tmr bye #been trying to figure out the bi to lesbian pipeline for MONTHS #i wish i could happily date women #uhh any lesbians wanna help me out here #im too tired i just idk #this is all bc i dont have a supportive family #like my dad and grandma would kinda accept it but i know they would be disappointed or think its a phase #thinking about all the drama and everything is just so overwhelming and terrifies me #stop i will go to sleep NOW goodbye

[boomerang109]

if anyone was wondering how im coping with s2e03, i somehow just thought my yogurt in the fridge said “do not go far from me”

#like I wasn’t even close enough that I should’ve been perceiving the words but like according to some people *glares at clara* the way words #and letters move around occasionally is probably dsylexia and it’s definitely very slight but uhh whatever it is it means I get to read some #fun stuff that isn’t there sometimes and it’s fun. but usually it’s like. words out of place or misread. not totally hallucinated? #idk I was too tired to lean closer and figure out if the yogurt actually had words that were similar enough for my brain to have moved them #or if I’m just fully seeing things on this fine morning #tvolm season 2 spoilers #tvolm s2 spoilers #tvolm spoilers

[hisbitchhh]

THE NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR

Summary: The neighbors nextdoor were well known friends of your parents, along with their son whom you barely talked to, until one party at your parent's that they were invited to changed your entire view of him.

Pairing: Geto Suguru x Fem! Reader (fem in smut scene)

Genre: Smut, slight crack if you squint, both reader and Geto are 17-18, still live with their parents, still in senior year

Warnings: Drunk sex so no foreplay, drinking before legal age, nudity, pet names, cursing, uhh pp in v, vaginal sex, sex with no condom, size kink, idk if there's anything else.

Notes: HEYAAAA COMIN OUT W ANOTHER FIC AYEE!!!! hope you enjoy😚🤞 ITS NOT PROOFREAD PLS DONT ATTACK ME FOR THE COMMAS LMAO

WC: 3.0K

A soft groan left your lips as you looked around your bedroom with a tired and perplexed look on your face. Did you fall asleep? There was a party still going on downstairs, and you couldn't care less. You didn't even know what the whole buzz was about, just that your parents invited the neighbors next door to celebrate something– and that the music was extremely and excruciatingly loud. Your hand reached out to grab your phone from your bedside table as you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes, ignoring the three empty bottles of beer resting on your nightstand in your peripheral vision with a sigh leaving your lips when you sat up and looked at your phone.

01:38 AM

Why were these people being so loud? Did the other people living in this neighborhood really not care about the noise? You silently shook your slightly dizzy head in disapproval, skimpy dress clad figure pushing yourself off of your bed, looking around your bedroom and walking over to your vanity mirror. When did you pass out? And who the hell did you get so dolled up for? You didn't remember anything from the past hours, but your feet were definitely hurting. Your feet kicked away the bedazzled heels that adorned them, a sigh of relief falling from your lips when your bare feet touched the floor. You stared at yourself for a while, furrowing your brows. You had a face full of makeup, and a baby pink bodycon dress that was a finger away from exposing your ass perfectly hugged your body like it was its last source of life– even your toe nails were painted?

Various questions rang in your head. You usually show up to family parties in sweats and hoodies, simply because there wasn't anyone to impress and it would be a waste to do so. You didn't have time to care, shrugging the topic off as you rushed into the bathroom.Quickly washing your hands in case someone accidentally walked in on you, you let out a soft noise of confusion when you bumped into a hard, chiseled chest. Looking up to see who it was, your hazy eyes widened at the sight. It was him, the neighbor's son. He was the one you were getting all dolled up for, now that you remember. He was the one you spent nearly two hours shaving for, bathing in your own perfume before and after showering, making sure to wear the shortest and tightest dress you had, even going as far as wearing a flimsy white g-string that would be easily seen if you bent down.

You couldn't help it– he was so hot, so perfectly made, as if god himself had taken the time out of his day just to sculpt every single inch and part of his body, making him look like a greek god that you'd gladly get down on your knees for and worship. This wasn't your first time seeing him, obviously not. Suguru’s parents got along very well with your parents, always being invited to activities or parties that would almost alwaysend with them too drunk to walk back to their own house, resulting in them sleeping in guest bedrooms and leaving in the morning. Tonight it seemed, was also like those rare days, and you were extremely happy. Why, you ask? Well– every time he and his parents stay over, you get the advantage to sneak out of your room and watch as his half naked figure snored off into sleep, biting your lip with one hand under your shirt and the other resting snug in your sleeping shorts. God knows how much you need him to do filthy things to you, your wishes desperately waiting to be granted.

Sometimes you'd even go as far as leaving your window without any curtains covering it considering his bedroom window was right in front of yours, always “unknowingly” undressing in his line of sight every time he had it opened, smoking a blunt with his dark orbs sneakily watching your every move. You always knew his eyes were on you no matter what the situation was. What was the reason you were keeping yourself away?-- he's a player, a frat boy, even. He himself would always keep his curtains open, allowing you to see whenever he snuck a different girl up into his room, leaving you with the memory of him aggressively ramming his large cock into the stranger with a certain violence that you weren't sure if he was enjoying the sex with the girl or just trying to mold the shape of his shaft into her pussy. You didn't like getting involved with those types of guys because you always get easily attached, and that wouldn't be a good mental look. But now, you say? Now, you'd be all over him if he let you. No matter what the cost.

The man in front of you raised a brow, the flat line of his lips slowly forming into a large grin.

“There you are,” He sucked his teeth, tilting his head to the side. “‘ve been lookin’ for you.”

You raised a brow and softly cleared your throat, adjusting your dress to cover as much as it possibly could despite the past confidence you felt, telling yourself that you'd pull him to you and get what you want out of him. Now, you were scared– shy, even.

“...Why?” You slowly questioned, feeling your heart violently slam against your chest, threatening to fall out of your mouth as his eyes scanned your smaller figure, a glint of excitement resting in them… or was it desperation? You didn't know, but he definitely looked like he wanted something. This was the first time he'd ever talked to you considering the fact that he sometimes brought a girl to these types of parties and never greeted you, not a single wave of his hand or anything in your direction. Specifically, your family parties. There was always a different girl he brought, a different girl that he clung to the way she would cling to him. It pissed you off because of the hidden feelings you had for him, but every time he brought a girl along you'd spend the rest of the party sulking in your room, sometimes even touching yourself as a way to feel better about the situation because the mere sight of him always heated your inner thighs.

Geto only shrugs, looking down at you and raising a brow.

“‘Dunno… maybe because you called me?”

Your brows furrowed. Called him? You don't remember doing that.

“..What are you talking about?”

He looked down at you as if you had gone crazy, the look of surprise on his face soon turning into a cocky smirk creeping up on his lips. You watched as he pulled his phone out and scrolled through it for a few seconds before showing you the screen, putting it right in your face.

Future fleshlight👀

Sugru

Future fleshlight👀

Combh updtairs

☎️ 5 MISSED VOICE CALLS☎️

Future fleshlight👀

Pleasd

Future fleshlight👀

Comne and fcuk me

Future fleshlight👀

Hurry’

You

Yo

You

You alr?

Read 00:30

Your eyes widened slightly at the name, widening even more when you saw the messages that you sent to him. You must have been drunk– never in your life would you have texted him something like this, even if you were desperate for his cock or just wanting to get some– especially because he always had a girl beside him. You didn't want to risk anything.

“I-I–” You stuttered, snatching the phone from his hand, slowly reading the messages over and over. The boy rolled his eyes, looking down at you.

“How many times do you have to read them? It shouldn't take you long to realize what you said,” Geto chuckled in response, taking the phone from your hands and shoving it back into his pocket. You frowned in response, shaking your tipsy head, ready to walk away from him and totally avoid the situation.

“I didn't send you that! Forget about it, it was nothing.” But before you could move to get to your room, Geto’s calloused hand grabbed your bare arm, pushing you up against the wall that rested right beside your bedroom door. You raised both of your brows and looked up at him with slightly widened eyes, feeling his body press up against yours as his face hovered over yours with an unimpressed frown.

“Drop the act already, love.”

You tried acting confused, furrowing your brows “Wh-what are you on about? I don't–”

His face inched closer to yours, “You think I can't see you? You think I can't see what you try to do just to get me to you? Hm?” He hummed, the tip of his pointy nose touching yours at this point. You place your hands on his chest in an attempt to push him off of you, resulting in you terribly failing to do so and instead looking away from him to avoid his sharp yet relaxed gaze, face heating up in both embarrassment and deep arousal.

He smirked at your flustered expression, thumb reaching up and slowly pulling your bottom lip down, watching as it immediately went back up once he let go.

“What? Cat got your tongue now, hmm?” He grinned, tilting his head to the side. You looked up at him with a harsh glare, the tone of your voice softening.

“I didn't do any- mmmh!–” A surprised moan left you when he tightly pressed his lips against yours in a long, unexpected kiss, pulling you off of the wall and pressing your front against his front with his hand firmly placed on the small of your back. He tasted like strong alcohol– just like you did. Was he drunk? Kinda looked like it. Were you drunk? Probably more than him… He pulled away with a wet smack of his lips, running his tongue over his top teeth. Dark lidded eyes full of nothing but lust and excitement leered down at you, hand pinching the skin of your hip over your tight dress. You let out a soft wince, feeling his lips near your ear, brushing against your skin.

“Where's your room?” He whispered, looking down at you expectantly. You hesitated with a gentle bite of your lip, looking away before pushing the door that was right beside you open, dragging him into your bedroom. Geto immediately pulled you into him, gripping along your body as he once again pulled you into another, much hungry kiss. You were basically eating each other’s faces as you kissed him back just as roughly, your tongues touching and rubbing against each other, your arms wrapped around his neck with a hand untying his bun. A groan left the boy’s lips when you ran a hand through his loose dark hair and began grinding your clothed cunt against his bulging pants, desperate and pathetic moans escaping your own lips.

“S-Suguru,” You cupped his cheek with your hand, the other one sliding down to unbutton his red velvet button down. The one button down that had you drooling in his direction when you saw him walk through your door.

“Hmm, desperate aren't we?” He spoke into your kiss-swollen lips, allowing you to basically rip the dress shirt off of him. Your hands immediately landed on his abdomen, greedily feeling along his perfectly engineered muscles. His eyes caught the whiny look on your face when he opened them, one of his large hands going up to your face to gently caress the skin of your cheek, flinching with a soft groan when he found your hand massaging the tent in his pants. You allowed him to peel your dress off of you as his lips met yours in another sloppy kiss that dramatically smudged your lipstick, leaving you in nothing but your G string. One that you saved for him. Geto only moaned into your mouth and you did the same in response, tongue lewdly wrapping around his when both of his hands reached down and snapped the flimsy cloth in half, throwing it somewhere around your room. A soft whine against his lips left your smudged lips, feeling as his two fingers ran along the soaked folds of your sopping cunt, almost immediately shoving a finger up into your tightness and letting out another groan when he felt your spongy walls mercilessly clench around his middle finger.

“Fuuuccck, you're tight. S’ fuckin’ tight, princess.” He claimed when he pulled away from the kiss, watching as he thrust his finger in and out of you, easily sinking back in. You let out a few soft whimpers as you held onto either side of the edge of your bed, leaning your head back in pleasure. He looked down at you, biting his lip.

“I wanna take you right now–” The boy sighed, rubbing his clothed boner against your upper thigh. “—Will you let me?”

You immediately nodded in response, your heated and tipsy thought process making you too dizzy to respond to him with actual words. Hearing the unbuckling of a belt and the rustling of his slacks, you let out a cry that made him fearfully slam his large hand against your mouth when you felt the painful burning sensation of his cock forcing itself into your tight hole, a few tears rolling down your cheeks when you opened your foggy eyes to meet his as he bottomed out.

“S-Shuguvfhu!” You yelled, voice muffled by his hand, soon slapping it off of your mouth, letting out a gentle sob-moan.

“You could've told me when you were gonna do it!” You hiccuped, looking down at the wet ring of pre cum and your slick resting at the base of his cock; where the both of you connect. Blinking a few times, you looked up to find an unexplainable expression resting on Suguru’s face, furrowed brows with his eyes completely spaced out and his teeth digging into his bottom lip. He looked… so hot– as if he were feeling too much pleasure, the pleasure of your spongy walls clenching down on him, greedily taking every single inch he had. Your legs shook from the unexpected pain, nails digging into his bare shoulders. The boy put you down on your bed with a soft grunt, hovering over your naked body with his cock still resting snug in your velvety walls, closing his eyes as he waited for you to adjust to his large size. You let out a hum after a few seconds, another whimper leaving you when he began to unintentionally slam up into your sopping tight cunt. The pain was still evident but the feeling of his leaky mushroom tip kissing your cervix made the mascara-stained tears on your cheeks worth the while.

“Look at you taking my dick so w-well,” he shuddered, firmly ramming his hips up into yours, watching his slick lubricated cock disappear into your pussy with ease.

“Suguru!--” You mewled, “S-s’ gooooooddddd…” At that point the pain you felt beforehand was gone, and the stretch to your cunt made you much less sober. You arched your back in response to the feeling of his long, thick shaft drilling itself in and out of you, bullying itself into your tight hole. Your hands reached his back when his merciless pace on your swollen pussy quickened, unashamedly marking his pale back with red scratches digging deep into his now flushed skin.

In all honesty, you never thought you'd find yourself in this situation, getting fucked by your parent’s bestfriend’s son, one that you've been drooling over for weeks long. But here you were with your legs on his shoulders, gazing up into his dark lustful eyes all as he groaned out your name every thirty seconds, the bed creaking under yours and his weight as if threatening to snap in half. Right then and there your heavy eyes widened, and a high pitched moan escaped your now dried lips, back arching even deeper.

“Mmmh– Sugu! ‘M cumming– oh fuck, I'm close,” You panted, closing your tear stained eyes with a whine, your voice completely disappearing when all you could do was silently scream and roll your eyes back under your lids as you squirmed and reached your high, your juices releasing all over his dick, legs shaking violently at the newly found pleasure. He replied with a grunt of his own when he felt you spilling on him, tilting his head back as he let out quiet groans with each slam he gave your pussy. You watched his Adam's apple bob when he swallowed, trying to keep his composure. Everything was all a blur until you heard him groan much louder than before, your cunt too numb to notice his thrusts getting sloppy, head leaning forward to catch your lips in a quick kiss.

“Fuuuccckk princess, ‘m cumming,” Geto moaned against your lips, your eyes seeing nothing but the way his brows vulnerably creased and wet lips parted, breathing heavily on your face. You whimpered in response, gripping the sheets as if you were to be hanging on a thread, leaning your head back into the pillow.

“Inside– do inside!...” Your words were terribly butchered and slurred but he still understood, giving you a few more thrusts before his cock twitched, staying balls deep inside of you as thick and warm ropes of his cum spurted into your cervix. So much filled you up that it all began to gush out of your hole while his shaft was resting snug in your walls.

Suguru pulled out after a few seconds, watching the rest of his liquid leak out of you, soon enough moving his lidded eyes to look at your figure.

“You okay?” He asked.

No response.

Suguru raised his brows, watching as your lips slowly parted, gentle snores filling the now silent bedroom. A soft grin graced Geto’s features as he snickered, and he shook his head, falling beside your body and engulfing you in his arms.

“She's okay.”

©hisbitchhh on tumblr

Don't copy my work bitch!! >:( go write something yourself or shove your hand up your ass.

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[elliephile]

heart to heart ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

summary: reader basically comes out to jackson ellie without actually saying it. for context reader has now been in jackson for awhile and has become close friends with ellie.

cw: no smut just kissing and making out. just ellie and reader having secret crushes on eachother & being cute. kinda inspired by dina and ellie during the blizzard. pretty wholesome besides a make out session. also not proofread!

a/n: also this is my first time writing on here and i hardly know how to work this so bare w me if I do something wrong or weird 🚶‍♀️I kept it a little short but i have a couple ideas on where to take it for another part. but i also feel like it might be good as just one part. idk hehe

It wasn’t often that Jackson welcomed new people, but when they did, it was always with open arms and generosity. That is, once whoever they found was no longer deemed a threat. You always thought Maria was better than you for that – for letting in new people, seemed too risky, but then she’d say something like “that new person was once you,” and then you’d feel kind of dumb. You’d just been in Jackson for so long now that you hardly thought about life before you stumbled upon the now familiar settlement. Regardless, life before Jackson wasn’t worth thinking about. You hated talking about things that were in any way traumatic or uncomfortable, which is probably why you didn’t have much to say when Maria was a little too enthusiastic for you to meet the new boy your age that Joel and Tommy ending up taking back to town during one of their patrols.

“He’s cute huh? Well mannered too,” Maria began, her tone rather suggestive. You simply widened your eyes, looking down at the tired, wooden bar counter of the Tipsy Bison, hoping your silence was any indication that you did not like where this was going. “I could set you and him up for patrol together, y’know? You could show him the ropes and I don’t know maybe you two—” before Maria could even finish her train of thought, you cut her off, grateful your order of two sandwiches came at what seemed like the perfect timing.

You smiled a small smile to Maria, hurriedly grabbing both sandwiches and getting yourself up to get the fuck out of there. You knew she meant well. She was always trying to be helpful but there’s no way she could have known that maybe you just didn’t like boys. In the post-apocalyptic world, sayings like “there’s plenty of fish in the sea” were simply inaccurate. It’s not like there were a ton of guys around in Jackson; maybe a few, but you never showed any interest, and you spent most of your time with Ellie anyway. Maria probably just thought you were lonely or something, but you were more than content with Ellie’s company.

“Gotta go Maria. See you around!” You didn’t really know what else to say because you knew Maria would end up doing whatever she wanted. If she envisioned you and the new guy together, it wouldn’t be long til’ she put you on patrol with him. That, and you felt indebted to her for giving you a chance at a somewhat normal life in Jackson, so you never really challenged her. Part of you wanted to come clean and tell her you just weren’t attracted to him, or any guy really, but what if the right guy just hadn’t come along? Your sexuality didn’t make sense to you, and it’s not like there were a ton of ways to figure it out. You could only go by what felt right.

As you trudged your way to the stables, holding the sandwiches close to your chest to contain their warmth, you spotted Ellie alongside Shimmer, putting her back after patrol. Excited to see her, you immediately picked your feet up, struggling to gain any speed with how deep the snow was.

“Hey” you called out, finally reaching the freckle faced girl. “When’d you get back?” your words were hard to form with how cold it was outside and despite the several layers you put on, you never got used to the snow, or the cold weather in general.

“Uhh, just a few minutes ago. You okay?” Ellie’s attention quickly diverted over to you, and though she was worried about you, she also couldn’t hold back a playful smile. Something about seeing you all flustered and cold in the snow made her wanna laugh.

“Please I know you’re holding in a laugh. I’m fucking freezing, but I brought you a sandwich. Here, catch.” A half annoyed scoff falls from your lips as you attempt to throw the sandwich, but your arm feels too frozen to move.

“You know, I think i’ll just grab it myself.” A chuckle falls from her lips and you can’t help but admire her. She seemed to be good at almost everything she did.

You avoided patrol on especially colder days, knowing how miserable you’d be, so Ellie would pick up your slack, offering to go in place of you. You took up the offer only after Ellie insisted profusely; she really cared about you, even if she seemed to be laughing at your misery right now. You always felt bad when she went out of her way for you, so you’d thank her one way or another; today you’d brought her a sandwich.

As she leaned forward into you, your stomach filled with butterflies, and even being a few inches away from her made you feel warmer. She grabbed the sandwiches, placing them in her bag before snaking her arms around you, squeezing you tightly in her hold. Your bodies were so close you could feel her cheek press against yours. “Alright. Let me keep you warm til’ we get back to my place. Consider it a thank you for bringing me food.”

You allowed yourself to lean into Ellie, letting her guide the way back. It was hardly a long walk back but the coldness made it feel like forever. Honestly though, you didn’t mind the excuse to be held by Ellie.

You two were nothing but close friends. Pretty much everyone knew one way or another that Ellie was lesbian, but you’d never expressed that you might’ve been too. Even though there was so obviously a brewing chemistry between you and her, neither of you acknowledged it and everyone else just took it as a mere friendship. It was also very possible that Ellie was utterly and completely oblivious and could never believe in a million years that you liked her.

“I don’t know how you don’t get hypothermia out there.” You mumbled, crossing your arms tightly together as the two of you dragged through the snow. Ellie shrugged, “I mean, I do get cold but I suck it up, get used to it. I guess I’m just better than you.” The two of you made eye contact, an annoyed look in your eyes as you looked right at her, “I would fucking bury you in this snow right now if I wasn’t freezing my ass off.”

If even possible at this point, Ellie leaned her head closer into yours, bringing her lips to your ears, “That’s a load of shit. You know I could take you any day. C’mon now.” She chuckled deeply, and honestly, she was probably right. Whether she was joking or not, you knew there was truth in what she said; she was completely capable of beating your ass.

You let out a dramatic sigh, “Just shut up and get me to warmth.”

“Yes ma’am.” She nudged you gently, her fingers pressing into your side as she provided you with temporary heat.

Ellie held onto you until you were completely inside, sitting you down on her bed and wrapping her blanket around you. “You look cute like that.” Ellie mumbled, causing the butterflies to return to your stomach. You stayed quiet, not sure what to say. It almost made Ellie panic when you didn’t respond.

“I didn’t mean that in a weird way. Like I’m not saying that-”

“I know.” Part you felt a little bummed that she felt the need to clarify. Maybe you wanted Ellie to be attracted to you.

Ellie handed you your sandwich before taking her own, pulling a chair and taking a seat in front of you.

You watched the way she sat on the chair, her legs spread out. Your eyes flickered over her stance, barely paying much attention to the sandwich in your hand. Ellie, on the other hand, wasted no more time getting in a bite.

“Okay, I fucking hate Seth’s bigot ass,” she began, food in her mouth, “buuut he makes a good sandwich.”

“Eat with your mouth closed, you freak.”

She paused for a moment, her eyes meeting with yours. “Oh, fuck you.”

The two of you silently devoured the sandwiches, Ellie quicker than you. When the two of you were laid in her bed, staring up at the ceiling, suffering from food coma, you randomly asked Ellie,

“How’d you know you liked girls?” It was a pretty unexpected question, given you never made a big deal out of the fact she liked girls and not boys. You never really even asked her about it.

“Hm, I think I always knew. Had a ton of girl crushes but zero boy crushes. But I think I knew for sure when I kissed Riley. Felt like my heart was gonna jump out of my chest, but in the best way possible.”

Ellie took a beat before glancing over at you. “Why the sudden curiosity?”

You thought for a moment before shrugging, “I think Maria’s trying to set me up with that new kid. Wants me to go on patrol with him because she thinks I’d like him but, I don’t see myself with him? Or any guy? Fuck I don’t know.” You let out a frustrated sigh, feeling Ellie’s arm on your hip, pushing it towards her so that you two were facing eachother now.

“Can you see yourself with a girl?”

“Maybe? I don’t know. I’ve never had a cathartic or life-changing moment to know. And I feel like I should know without that but I don’t and it’s like something is wrong with-”

If you hadn’t been so consumed in your own thoughts, you would have noticed the hesitation in Ellie’s face as she chose to cut you off.

“I’ll kiss you, if you want. Then maybe you’ll know.” Honestly, Ellie’s heart was racing just as fast as yours, and maybe she just took this as an opportunity to finally do something she’d always wanted to, but it took guts to even offer; she was afraid of being rejected.

You were shocked, but for whatever reason you wasted no time in saying yes.

You nodded your head, too nervous to even speak, and you were sure she could hear how loud and fast your heart was beating. That itself was probably enough indication that you were gay as fuck.

You felt Ellie inch closer to you, using her fingers to pull the hood completely off your head so she could see your entire face. She placed her palm over your cheek so gently, like it was her first time kissing someone when you knew it definitely wasn’t. She pressed her lips onto yours, peppering kisses one by one, gaining more confidence with each one. You leaned into her lips, surprised at how soft they felt, and for a few seconds neither of you pulled away.

When Ellie did pull away, your eyes flickered over the wet shine across Ellie’s lips, then at her eyes. “Yeah. I definitely like boys.” You joked, but your face remained absolutely serious, giving Ellie a full blown panic attack. Your lips quickly curled into a smile, and you began to laugh, causing Ellie to smack you right in your boob.

“You are such a dick y/n! Don’t fucking do that.” She groaned, shaking her head.

“Ow, I was kidding, geez,” you rolled your eyes, grabbing at the spot she smacked you, shifting your body to lay down more comfortably beside her. Something about the whole situation made your core tight and it gave you this new found bravery to push whatever this was further. “Actually, I think we should kiss again. Just to be sure that I definitely like girls.”

“No fuck you. Trial run is over, you jerk.”

“You don’t want to kiss again?”

“I mean, if you were to kiss me again, I wouldn’t stop you.”

At this point you could feel a throb in between your legs, and you pushed yourself up, swinging your leg over Ellie’s hips so that you were sat over her and you placed a sloppy kiss onto her mouth, both of you cupping each others face. Ellie deepened this kiss, the two of you a hot mess. Whether Ellie knew or not, this was your first real kiss, unless you count the time you were awkwardly kissed by the boy who had a huge crush on you when you were like 12.

You didn’t feel cold at all anymore, in fact you felt like your skin was on fire, causing you to pull your jacket off of you.

You struggled to pull the zipper down, making Ellie impatient underneath you, “hurry up,” she breathed out, lifting her head and stomach up to squeeze in a few kisses wherever she could. “I’m trying, ugh,” you murmured back before she decided to take matters into her own hands. She pushed herself up, flipping you underneath her and tugging the zipper down which allowed you to finally pull it off.

“Yeah, take that shit off.”

You didn’t really imagine ever having Ellie on top of you like this; maybe you occasionally thought about how it would feel to kiss her, especially when you’d see her with her other girls, but you never expected for any of it to actually happen. Nonetheless, you were glad. It felt good, and it felt right, and it confirmed the question you’d been wondering for a while now. Your body was feeling all sorts of things you hadn’t felt before and you didn’t want to stop feeling any of it.

You let out a hushed moan when you felt Ellie’s mouth drag across your jaw, leaving a trail of kisses down your neck. You mirrored her actions, warming up her cold skin with your warm lips. Her hands creeped up underneath your top, but she she didn’t push them any farther, instead she stayed focused up top.

Lips nearly swollen and both of you almost out of breath, the two of you pulled away, and Ellie flopped back down beside you. You grabbed her hand and placed it over your rapidly thumping chest. “Feel that? It’s my heart jumping out of my chest for you.” You giggled.

“You’re actually so dumb.”

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams tlou #ellie williams the last of us #jackson ellie #ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams oneshot #ellie williams imagine

[slickfordain]

Your work is awesome!!

I'll read everything else rq, but first-

Hello, how was your day? How are you feeling?

If it's okay, may I share a bit of my game and ask how will characters react on it?

So uhh

I always say out loud how adorable Nahida is and how she is my "adopted child"

Also during the archon quest I was litteraly chanting "someone help, love and protect her please"

Also when I didn't get Nahida on her banner, I was like "Sages, if it was You, I'm about to destroy you"

I also always greet my team and say "bye" if I'm leaving.

I switch to every character and tell them it. Even how THEY did while I was gone

Maybe I'm going insane Idk?

If you don't want to do it, it's okay!^^

Bye-bye! And again- your work(s) are awesome! Gotta read some more

I may sound insane but I as well say “Hello / hi” to Genshin characters one time because I wanted them to feel welcomed??? I’m kind of new to this shit so I stole my friend’s phone to say hi to them 💀💀 this is such a cute request overall, Nahida is such a baby 💔💔

Also I’m doing just well hon, thank you for asking me. <3 I hope you’re feeling well yourself.

Teyvat is protective of their creator no matter what gender they’re specified with;; however, it seems that you favor Nahida more than others— Most likely as if you made her to actually be your related child. Nahida was hesitant and shy at first, but over the time when she thought about it, she couldn’t help but feel so free and blessed with such a humble God mother/father figure like you.

You’re protective, even if it’s the traveller and Paimon… You still warned them to make sure that Nahida stays secured and safe. Everyone in different nations although takes this request far too seriously- that at this point, Nahida feels rather isolated. Though she knew you never meant any harm, how could she ever assume you would? She’s a wise sweet little girl, humble as you even, she honestly could see the connection of being your child. Literally.

But, that of course makes other children jealous… NPC children would most likely have different voice lines when it comes to Nahida too— which is basically in Sumeru city, and, I guess the Archons has to be checked 24/7 all of the sudden? Confused as you are, you weren’t displeased with it, you felt… Happy actually. Happy that people are acknowledging Nahida. (Although they’re fighting over who gets to be Nahida’s other parent)

Alhaitham especially would have some rooms prepared for Nahida, like, y’know, if she’s tired in a middle of nowhere— there’ll always be a house nearby her area, her spot. The followers of you would be cooking food nonstop for the little child, hoping that she’s willing to test their taste. After all, only she knows what you love in a guy/girl ~!

Oh oh, and since you did say you want someone to also protect Nahida during a quest— Nahida will be bawling her eyes out and ugly cry. (Pretty cry actually) People will be freaking out of why the fuck is shE EVEN CRYING— The NPCs will all baby her and, treasure hoarders? They won’t even get the chance to lay a finger on her because of the Archons killing them off. (Not like you know 😻)

Nahida would be an absolute troll however. Yes, she is sweet and always devoted to drop the entire lore to help people out— (For example she dropped the entire shit lore to Aether / Lumine) But she is heavily LOYAL to her mother/father figure.

Imagine Dottore especially trying to talk it out with her since they did sort of have a conversation beforehand. So he thought it’s only fair he becomes her dad, by marrying you right? HAHAHA, wrong. Nahida is truly worried and overprotective of you, despite being just a kid version of her Archon self. She will lie, telling things to the Fatui doctor what you did not like.

And this has gone on for so long, it’s absolutely hilarious. Especially for Sumeru as they see this as an attempt to bring their divine being closer to them.

But the thing is, you’re not that expressive— you’re just existing and trying to live on while babying Nahida who just sobs into your affection. Girlie never got so much, so it was truly a blessing to have herself in your care.

And talking about Sages, just imagine Enjou overall having troubles with trying to get to you. All because of Sages 💀 look, if mans wanna get your forgiveness, better as well protect Nahida from the half monster hybrid looking ass hot man. Enjou is in so much misery… (Cue CPR)

Also, can we just appreciate how caring you are? No, it’s not only for Nahida you’re just caring for— it’s not even the reason she’s so loyal to you. (Well, it is but still) The true reason is, is because you keep saying “Hello” and “Bye” to them everyday, no matter how tiring it might get.

I think Diluc would especially love this since uhm, well, his dad ain’t here y’know y’know. (Or any traumatized character really)

…

Imagine Archon Timmie flying up to the heavens above just to replace Nahida and be your son— (Archon Timmie /srs) But then fails because Nahida is too logical and wise that his brain couldn’t take it anymore either.

Okay I’m stopping there 💀💀💀

Also have a sneak peak of my fanfic because I know some people will assume I’m not working on it 💔

It looks shitty but whatever

#various x reader #various #yandere x reader #sagau genshin #yandere sagau genshin impact #yandere sagau #sagau cult au #genshin impact sagau #sagau brainrot #sagau fluff

[heavyhitterheaux]

Idk if you are still accepting concepts for First Lady verse but I have one. The triplets are in there teens like 17 and Axel bring a couple of friends over. His tell him that they have a crush on his mom and telling him how hot she is and how if they had the chance they would hit it ! Jack over hears it and steps in and tells them that’s not how they talk about girls let alone women and just gives them a sad talk about respecting women!

Thank you

“Ax, babe!” You said while walking into the living room where he and all of his friends were playing 2K on his xbox.

“Yes, mom?”

“Can you reach up on the top shelf and get me something from the cabinet in the kitchen? I don’t want to bother your dad because he’s busy.”

“Sure, I’m coming.” He said while pausing the game, but what you didn’t notice was that there were multiple sets of eyes on you from the minute you stepped into the room. 

“Heyyy, Mrs. Harlow.”

“Hi boys, are you staying for dinner?” You asked and they all eagerly nodded their heads yes.

“If you’re cooking then of course. I’m tired of eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at my dad’s. He can’t cook.” Anthony, who is Axel’s best friend, said in response.

“Hmm, sounds like my husband.” You muttered and Axel immediately stifled a laugh. 

Axel walked into the kitchen with you and you pointed to what you needed before he grabbed it with ease and simply put it on the counter behind you and proceeded to give you a light pat on your head and laughed and you immediately tried to swat his hand away.

“Dad wasn’t lying, you do walk around here like you’re 6’3, but barely 5 feet.”

“He said that?!”

“Oops.”

“That’s fine, I got something for him when he comes back upstairs from being in the studio.”

“Look, I’m innocent and it wasn’t me.”

“Oh no you don’t. You’re going down right along with him.” You said as you were looking in the cabinets below to figure out which pan you wanted to use that would be big enough for what you were making as Axel made his way back into the living room. 

“Yo Ax, I have the biggest crush on your mom, she’s gorgeous.”

“Me too and she’s definitely a MILF.”

“Let me get the opportunity just one time, I’m hitting that.”

“I see why your dad got her pregnant so many times.”

“Okay, chill. That’s my mom you’re talking about.” Axel responded while shaking his head in disbelief and getting defensive. One thing he didn’t play about was people disrespecting his mother, father, or any of his siblings. 

“We know and I thought that was already established.”

“Don’t do that because it’s not only disgusting but disrespectful towards her.”

“We’re just playing, Ax. No need to get upset.” Brandon said while holding his hands up in defense while they suddenly heard Jack’s voice.

“I know that I didn’t just hear what I think I heard.” He said while coming into the living room and it immediately got quiet.

“Uhh…”

“What we don’t do under my roof is disrespect women, especially my wife. I know all of your parents and I know for a fact that you were raised better than that.”

“Mr. Harlow…” Anthony started to say, but he immediately cut him off.

“Turn the game off now, because it’s clear that this needs to be addressed.”

Without hesitation, Anthony, who was the closest to the console, turned the game off and Jack simply sat down across from them.

“I admit that when I was your age that I was guilty of doing the same thing, however, I was already with Y/N so that’s not 100% accurate, but that is exactly how the people around me would talk about women. It is not only disgusting but disrespectful like Axel said and there is absolutely no reason for you to talk about the opposite sex like that. They’re human beings who also have feelings and they’re not just some object. Think about how you would feel if someone talked about your mothers the way you all are talking about Ax’s.”

“We were just joking.” Brandon said quietly, but Jack simply shook his head.

“But were you though? Because it didn’t sound like it and it’s nothing to joke about. Women deserve respect for everything they do and put out into this world whether you agree with it or not. Your mothers didn’t spend hours of being in labor with your big ass heads to have you come out into the world and act like this. Women literally make the world go round and we would cease to exist without them. How do any of you expect to get and keep a girlfriend or eventually get married if that’s what you want if you act like this?”

“Well, if we were to get married, it would stop.”

“It needs to stop now. Being young is not an excuse. We’ve been married for almost 28 years and it definitely wouldn’t have lasted this long if I was continuously disrespectful towards her. From this point forward all of you need to do better and apologize to her when she comes back in here.”

Just then you walked back into the living room to look for Jack since he wasn’t in the studio when you went down there to look for him.

“Hey smush, when did you come up here? Anyway, is PG coming over for dinner too? That means that I need to run to the store to get more ingredients. I told Jess to make three tres leches cakes and Blanca is making chocoflan. Do you think that’s enough?” You asked while leaning down to kiss the top of his curls.

“Been up here for a few minutes and I think they are. Tell Jess to make four because knowing Urban he wants to have one to himself and Blanca probably needs to make four too.”

“Okay, let me just make the list…”

“Mom, we can go to the store for you.” Axel said and you immediately eyed him.

“Are you sure? It’s a lot.”

“Yeah, we got it.”

“Okay, I’ll send you the list and make sure you take daddy’s credit card.”

“WHAT?!” Jack exclaimed and you immediately laughed as Axel held out his hand towards him.

All he did was sigh before reaching into his back pocket and pulling out his wallet.

“Remember happy wife, happy life, dad.”

“Mmm hmm. Stick to the list and get me another bottle of ranch” Jack said and you immediately rolled your eyes.

“Oh, and Mrs. Harlow we’re sorry.” Anthony said and you looked at him confused.

“For what, sweetheart?”

“For being disrespectful towards you and talking about you like you’re an object. Mr. Harlow overheard us and set us straight.”

“Oh. Well you’re forgiven. Just remember all of you would literally crumble without us. Do better moving forward and realize everyone deserves respect.”

“We understand.”

Axel grabbed his keys and the rest of his friends followed him out the door when you simply looked over at Jack before he pulled you into his lap.

“Was it that bad?” You quietly asked and Jack simply nodded.

“Bad enough and I never want anyone talking about you like that and I overhear it. All of them looked like they were about to shit themselves when they saw me and found out I overheard what they were saying.”

“I’m so happy that Ax has such a good daddy to look up to.” You said while leaning down to kiss him.

“He was the one trying to get them to stop, too.”

“I figured. My baby doesn’t play about his mama.”

“And I don’t play about my wife. I love you, baby.”

“I love you too. So much.” You said while leaning down to give him several pecks.

“We need to start planning what we want to do for our 30th wedding anniversary. Damn, you’ve been with me for that long?!”

“34 in total and yes. Wouldn’t have it any other way and we’re going for that many more.”

“Still remember when I first saw that pretty girl with braids in her hair across the street from me.”

“And it was the blue eyes and freckles for me.”

The two of you were sitting in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before you spoke up again.

“Baby, did you say that I walk around here like I’m 6’3 even though I’m barely five feet?”

“Who… who told you that?!”

“Your second born.”

“Imma kick his ass, he wasn’t supposed to say anything!”

#jack harlow #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow x black reader #first lady of pg concepts #first babies of pg

[racketballz]

hi! I’m not sure if you are open to questions like these but I was wondering since your designs have changed over time, what was something new or deliberate you changed about the rrb and ppg designs that you didn’t have or maybe just changed before? like compared to your old character design sheets!

Okay so I will try to think because a lot of these are second nature so I forget ! A lot of these are because I know how to draw better also my taste has changed and I’m more uhh realistic??? Maybe LMFAO

BOOMERS design sheet is a lot more conceptual than he is like shapes and inspos because I was struggling with that at the beginning I think that I would say that I have his shapes down now on the other hand I think that all the other ones I just tweak stuff! He has a square jaw and droopy puppy eyes! There always something boomer is wearing that matches what’s bubbles is wearing it’s usually jewelry because it’s subtle he has the longest eyelashes and like pretty nice lips I think they’re like a little bigger than bricks but I think I make them around the same size (butch has the smallest) a lot of design choice when it comes to boomer because he was the last one I figured out to me it’s like filling in holes that I had available from his two brothers! Like boomer has a nice arms and actual butt

CURRENTLY in a stand off with butch his design has been pissing me off lately =_= I will say that in my he is a little skinnier than his was before a lot of the ~body modification~ weren’t originally on the sheet but that’s what happened (I also have a grasp on the exact type of clothes I put him in and stuff which I had no clue at the time I just kept putting him in a tank top) a lot of things have changed conceptually I feel like I have a lot of things going on with him idk I need to just do his first or soon or something 😭

Brick is p much the same uh brick is intentionally is wearing a lot of clothes at all times idk if that’s in the sheet also he he’s very drab and not flashy his color is read but I put him in like burgundy and tired aged looking tones that are closer to earth and clay(?) compared to like boomer and even butch sometimes! though this doesn’t help much considering his hair fuckin orange and his eyes are bright red LOL but he tries his best

Blossom is p much the same I really went in on hers so I have nothing else to add :) I think

Bubbles changes a couple of things her hair is like green in shadow idk if that’s on there I forget but it’s to bring the whole thing back to blue since she’s lacking in a lot of that in her undertones and stuff hmmmmmmmmmm her head shape is different and I think I said her eyes were down turned but they’re just big and bright now! I think with bubbles I want to see the whites of her eyes all the time I think originally too she was monolid but not anymore

Buttercup…I think her bangs are different! There’s probably other stuff but I feel like I tweak her the most but it’s like little stuff every time I can’t even tell LOL

[presidentbungus]

um erm uhh idk how much you’ve talked abt demoscout on here but! who do u think caught feelings first and who was the first to do anything abt it. that and or whatever scenario youre thinking abt them in rn (or just brainrotting in general abt). i just want to talk about my sillies

okkkk:) (writes 1000 words)

I def think scout caught feelings first and didn't really figure out that was what was going on for the month or two it took them to become really close friends. as soon as he kind of figured out it was a romantic thing he fell like a rock, but by then they were already like friends and trying to rizz demo up like he does all his other chicks would be too weird.….. thus ensues an awkward few weeks where scout, World's Worst Secret Holder Ever, does a very bad job at "trying" to "hide" his massive fucking thing for demo by getting weird and twitchy around him and occasionally talking about it very loudly to anyone in the immediate vicinity as long as demo's not within his eyeline.

demo catches on basically instantly, of course, and has been nursing his own little (dramatically subtler) thing for scout over the course of their friendship, but gets stuck in a kind of weird spot where he's too worried to bring it up or even just try and push it further for fear of alienating scout, since scout is notably keen on just running away from difficult situations, and demo thinks that maybe they might just be better off separate anyway. he still flirts back, that said, in subtle and unsubtle ways, and it makes him just a little guilty but it’s so cute to watch the way scout glows up red and shrugs it off, and there’s always the hope that he’ll maybe, just maybe, take the hint, though of course he doesn’t trust himself to go further than just hints.

thus begins a strange waiting game where they're both kind of waiting for the other one to make the first move, resorting to awkwardly flirting-but-not-flirting with each other every five seconds as they start spending more and more time with each other until they're basically dating already. everyone on-base wishes they would just shack up already, since they're tired of the sincere lack of resolution in their relationship (and not even the fun kind—it's just a kind of tragic infinite loop of missed chances and the gossip's getting kind of stale), but it's declared code not to interfere with developing relationships since the general emotional environment in a place with as many screws loose as this one tends to be very fragile, and to be honest everyone's also just kind of waiting with bated breath to see who finally takes the initiative, naturally.

and, well, scout can't hold his liquor despite getting absolutely fucking plastered with demo twice a week, and absolutely fucking plastered demo is still more sober than absolutely fucking plastered scout, and something was bound to slip between the cracks eventually. one night a few weeks in scout crawls into demo's lap (altogether not too uncommon of an occurrence) and, through an impressively thick film of snot and tears, starts to tell him everything, and one thing comes to another and they’re making out by the second or third sentence. demo pulls away, feels so extremely guilty about taking advantage of scout when he’s not thinking straight (despite how deeply wasted he is too), and says we gotta stop here, if we wanna get entangled and whatnot we’ll talk about it when you’re sober and I’m only half-drunk and you can understand what you’re getting into.

and it kind of hurts to say that, for sure, when all this time he’s been waiting for scout for so long and scout just had to go ahead and do it when he wasn’t in one piece of mind about anything, and he’s not sure scout’s making the right decision here going with him anyway—it’s a whole big clusterfuck and they shout a few slurred lines at each other over it, too far gone to argue coherently but certainly awake enough to yell, but when they both end up falling asleep not long after it’s still draped across each other, scout stuck to demo’s side like a bloody limpet. when scout wakes up first he doesn’t remember fucking anything but he’s so hungover and demo’s got an arm wrapped around his waist, pulling him in, resting his chin on his head and drooling a puddle into his hair, and he definitely gets the general idea. he nudges him awake and demo opens his eyes and immediately starts spilling into a slightly-tearful explanation, pushing away from scout and almost pleading that he’s sorry, and he let himself go and should’ve given him more space and time and he wasn’t thinking straight then and he’s probably not thinking straight now and it’s so fucking stupid that scout just puts a hand on either shoulder and climbs up and kisses him again, right there, and at least, at the very fucking least, that shuts him up.

followed by a slightly more fruitful makeout session, followed by a long boring conversation where demo desperately tries to discuss boundaries while scout wonders why they can’t just get on with being boyfriend-boyfriend already and regularly chimes in to say that man, if I didn’t want to go out with you, I wouldn’t’ve freakin’ kissed you, cool your ass ya big freakin’ sadsack. and that, at least, feels kind of normal, even if nothing about the rest of the situation is remotely normal.

(and for the record, demo puts up such a fight at first and everything, but once he’s figured out scout’s really fine with it they’re sucking face on the kitchen counter about the second day of proper dating-dating. everyone quickly discovers a bad problem absolutely has the possibility to turn into a worse problem, because arguably watching them stumble through a long list of conversational pick-up landmines was preferable to having to listen to them giggle and make out and get all grabby-grabby on the couch next to you when you’re just trying to watch a goddamn movie)

all this is to say: thfey’re silly. I like tghem

#I’m nromal. I’m regular. #thanks for the ask! #bungus headcanons #tf2 scout #tf2 demoman #tf2 #demoscout #hop scotch

[mikmiho]

Uhh hihi tumblr, this is a an essay on David chiem’s personality, I hope you enjoy. (Please keep in mind that I haven’t watched drdt in a while so there may be some mistakes idk though) anyway^^^^

Ever since episode 11, I’ve been thinking about David and his personality. He begins as an optimistic and friendly person, in episode 11 it then turns out that David was really manipulative and lying throughout the series, being a cold-hearted, pessimistic liar. But this ‘true’ david, I believe that is a lie.

David has always seemed suspicious ever since the beginning of drdt because of his sudden changes in behaviour only see for a few seconds before reverting back to normal.This can also make us conclude that the majority of his actions were made because of his ulterior motives, occasionally getting tired of pretending to be such a nice person. But most people would probably just tell me that I’m reality he was always a bad person as he bad mouthed arei even before he received suspicious during the second trial but beforehand the single time ( at least of what I remember) he broke character was in the prologue saying ‘Ugh, am I done with these dumb introductions already?This really sucks. Damn, why’d I even come to this ridiculous school? I hate talking to people anyway…I wish I were in bed…’ These lines were said whilst forgetting Teruko was present, being the most accurate example of his personality prior to chapter 2. You may think this sounds quite similar to how David is currently but I disagree. He speaks here without swearing, despite how visually annoyed he appears contrasting to when he had been in episode 11. In my opinion, I interpreted these lines as David still being a (manipulative) liar but only doing that on the outside as it’s what’s expected of him, getting irritated that due to his popularity he can’t act with sincerity. I base this theory (?) mostly off of this artwork.

David in the art is seen as happy being praised by an adult or an inportant figure in his life. I regularly believe that praise was something David enjoyed receiving as a child repairing in his wanting to act a certain way to be someone that could be admired.This would have eventually spiralled out of control to the point whereas all David ever said were lies to make people happier.

This is why I believe that David’s personality is not what he had shown in episode 11.

Now I must cover the topic of why he had acted differently during the trial.

Well, despite how I’m covering his personality shown in the second trial, i need to talk i about another scene first, David and arei’s (+ teruko, she doesn’t say anything) scene in the playground (ep 5 of chapter2).

This scene is what I believe is the second (still not sure if he broke character between chapter 1 and 2 so I’m still not sure whether I’m right but) scene where he breaks character, this time being much more subtle.The scene I’m referring to begins after arei breaks down in-front of David (+teruko), being calmed down by David afterwards, ( what David said ,I don’t currently have an opinion on whether he meant it or not as it probably was he default reaction to this sort of scene) David is then surprised by arei hugging David back and possibly also her line,‘You’re nice too’. I believe that his reaction is his real self in the scene, this is something I believe because David is bashful, sweating (slightly) and even stutter which had never (probably) happened to David before in drdt.His reaction tells us that it was something not part of his ‘calculation’, making his very bashful, not getting to react as he would in any other circumstances.

Now, when comparing the behaviour i had talked about previously to David (post reveal), David swears very frequently in speech, he is cocky, he is easily irritated and casually lies; this being the complete opposite of how we all know David. David even acts in a way which makes him seem much more different from the prologue David which was irritated and tired and would be much more likely to swear in those circumstances.

This may be me jumping to conclusions but I believe that the prologue David is the real David whilst the other two versions are personas made to create an image of himself. The prologue David is someone that is tired of putting up with being such a optimistic person and just wants to act casually, letting his guard down once it’s slightly quieter, implying that even within those circumstances that may have been calmer that his average day. And Optimistic David was someone that seemed both perfect and normal all at once, being someone that was truely perfect, being relatable and a figure of inspiration. Finally there is our ‘true’ David which is cocky, rude, manipulative and an liar.

This ‘true’ version of David revealed in episode 11 can be explained simply by being an extreme type of prologue David, one that patronises, looks down on and makes fun of everyone regardless of who they once were to him, David continually pushes this cocky personality with a foul mouth so much to the point whereas it just seems he’s doing this just to push this agenda of how awful of a person he is.So much so that I can say with certainty that this ‘real’ David is a lie.

Some wouldn’t believe me after than, well I haven’t provided any evidence to back up my theory, well I’ll be analysing the moment whereas David ‘admits to killing arei’. During the chain of events leading to this ‘reveal’, there’s an evident change in his mind, that changing from being defensive to admitting his ‘crimes’, having to refer back to his speech about min ensuring that everyone is keeping in mind that this David is the ‘real’ one.Although this act does break briefly once he ‘admits’ that he killed arei. It’s easily notable that David appears to be in lots of pain saying ‘I killed arei’ even stuttering beforehand. His sprite is covered in sweat,squinting his eyes even having to grab onto his opposite arm for support.Evidently he’s suffering greatly from saying this, only ‘confessing’ this to keep up with the character he’s attempting to portray.

His story also changes consistently throughout the trial to match the current conversation topic, I we can assume that david’s beginning to lose hope in his lie and began spouting out downgrading statements and claims just to act as someone who’s confident with the current situation despite his real mental state.

Of course even after everything there’s a reason why David began to portray this fake version of himself during the trial rather than revealing the truth. The only possibility currently is guilt. The guilt of having someone’s blood on his hands, not just one person but two. Naturally you would say that David was not the cause of either of Xander and Arei’s deaths but in David’s eyes, he would believe otherwise. In chapter 1 episode 5 David was present whilst Teruko and Xander discussed meeting in the computer room and yet did nothing and then in chapter 2, David was one of the last people to see Arei alive aside from her killer. All of this guilt could have pushed him to a point whereas he feels that he must atone for his crimes by becoming this awful person we know David as now. Maybe even continuing this act so much to the point whereas he wants to be executed for his ‘crimes’. An illogical route leaving everyone aside from the killer dying just because he can’t stand still living with ‘his actions’ never backing down because david just can’t carry this burden any longer. The burden of Xander, Arei and all of the people he’s ever lied to and manipulated, all just too much for David.

#drdt theory #drdt spoilers #drdt chapter 2 #drdt #drdt david #david chiem

[hikari-ni-naritai]

3 6 10 11 12 18 21 23 26 27 29 30 31 36 45 50 52 54 55 57 58 59 60 62 69 (nice) 74 76 86 87 90 95 97

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

man . theyre both kinda. painfully sweet. bubblegum i guess? i also like cotton candy tho its just hard to pick

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

i dotn know what like. most of these words mean. how are half of these related even. tomboy.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

man i fucked hard at dodgeball

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

these days shredded wheat

12. name of your favorite playlist?

the fuck is a playlist

18. ideal weather?

yknow, cloudy, warm, smells like its about to rain

21. obsession from childhood?

warriors cats babeyyyy. and bionicles

23. strange habits?

man i KNOW ive got some but i cant think what they are. i do this wrist flick manoeuver to crack it.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

if im actually out in the warm weather? take a nice walk maybe.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

yknow. i havent done it in ages but i really like doing jigsaw puzzles. maybe put some jazz on.

29. best way to bond with you?

i dunno honestly! i dont have an answer to this one. it takes a lot of time and effort i think.

30. places that you find sacred?

the woods. the woods the woods the woods you have no idea. the woods. its the woods.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

i would die if i tried to do either of those things

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

like...... charlie the unicorn i think.

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

fantasy obv

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

god there was something that destroyed me but idr what it was. the hardest in recent memory was me trying to tell a REALLY really stupid joke that wont make sense to any of you. i did not manage to say it bc i was laughing too hard.

52. favorite font?

i absolutely do not have an opinion on this

54. what did you learn from your first job?

you know at mcdonalds in order to work the grill you have to be willing to put your arms under a hot piece of metal that drips boiling grease on you? thats what i learned.

55. favorite fairy tale?

what IS my favorite fairy tale....... we'll go with red riding hood bc her modern interpretations are always the cutest

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

damn what. uhh ok, having to rebuild my entire social life after the shit that happened a couple years ago, the several year process of going from hyperconservative christian to a . whatever the hell i am now. some kind of far left girl. and uhhhh. figuring out i was trans i guess? idk

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

four??? im good at ff14 raiding, im good at writing, im good at.... uhh... im pretty funny i think, annnddddd uhhh. i dont know that its a talent, but i like to think im good at making people feel safe talking to me.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

heh... guess i shotcha... uhh 'god im fucking tired'

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

ISEKAI OBVIOUSLY specifically something like slime 300 but ill take almost any of them.

62. seven characters you relate to?

SEVEN............ god.... uhh hanako ikezawa, hikari finalfantasy (im cheating), (god i got to ONE and already had to start cheating...) yumiella dolkness, man im tappin out. look at my list of ocs i put way more of myself into them than there could ever be in any other character

69 nice. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

i feel like i know how i know most of my fun facts bc if i didnt i would not really know if i could believe them or not.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

like 8 or 9 probably. i dont really go below a 5 so. its gotta be like migraine or vertebral artery dissection bad before im like 'i should really get some meds'. unless im doing it preemptively which ive done for like when ive got raid later.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

man fuckin SCALLOPED POTATOES BABEY

86. cookies or cupcakes?

the amount of qualifiers this question needs.... cupcakes tho probably.

87. your greatest fear?

dying.

90. luckiest mistake?

i mean most of my mistakes havent been lucky, the best i can think of is when i accidentally followed my girl @handinvampirichand and now we're mutuals with wildly different taste in things but we're cool.

95. favorite app on your phone?

i like tumblr

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

uhh mine, my moms, my moms house, my brother's, my dads. jg wentworth 877 CASH NOW. so thats 6

[2d-dreams]

the arts of HORRORS doodles

so uhh yeah orin is hunter so instead of getting beat up by. marianne i guess. pollux's dad is just. Worse. and he's a dentist. which is funny because if he hadn't been a lawyer and i had figured out how it worked i actually did consider making him some sort of flatland dentist. he's the kind of guy to yell at his kid for going trick or treating because thats A. the devil and B. CANDY ROTS YOUR BEAKKK

im going back and forth between "its just twoey " and "a. shape plant"

i think it works better as a square pyramid. also i love the thought of it hanging from the ceiling or the wall. very a. shape behavior

technically, bill doesnt wear the hat until after the "mushnik and son" song, where Mr. Campbell adopts him and gives him said hat.. but i am afraid of drawing bald bill. whoops.

so yeah. Bill here's an orphan guy somehow.

you'd ask "how come pollux (mr. noble) is in skid row." well uhh idk maybe hunter went into debt because hexagon school (and possibly treatment for him getting stabbed ?? for other reasons?? idk idk this part) was too expensive and they're here and pol is trying to help with his little job a t the flower shop idk im tired

as for the girls (crystal, ronette, chiffon i think) i was kinda on a roadblock bc. i just thought of cy. so for the funsies i put the stick girls for now. hey @presidentcircles-assistant @kismetmoon what do u think

#the arts of horrors #cy art

[protokirby]

I wasn't planning on typing this until I became able to get on my computer because I hate typing on a phone but I don't know when the flop that will happen so I'll just go ahead and type it.

For the 3 people who read about my dream posts, I was finally able to apologize to Leon. And Hop.

This is big so I'll slap a keep reading right there

This happened a few nights ago.

Before this dream, I hadn't seen either Leon or Hop since the last dream I posted that had either of them in it. I don't remember how long ago that was.

I almost always can tell I'm dreaming but never control things which is frustrating. But I was controlling this dream.

So..... before the actual good part of the dream, my family was being very bad to me and I went to sleep in the dream.

In the dream within the dream, I realized I had all my memories from real life.

The location was some beautiful flowing grassy field as far as the mind could see with pretty electric blue skies and it had random gray stones and also gray stone structures that look like a flat platform with a roof with thin pillars on 4 sides to support the roof though the platforms with the roofs were round so idk if I could say it has "sides" but whatever. This place looked straight out of a fantasy world.

Also some kind of awesomely epic and inspiring orchestra type of music was playing.

So, as I had all my memories from my awake self, I called Leon's name and he appeared. Specifically he appeared in a light in one of the stone structures as though the things are magic portals or something. He looked confused and slightly concerned. His expression got even more concerned when he saw me :( come on my guy, we used to be friends until I started having so many nightmares. Hop still thought I was fun to hang out with.

Anyhoo, after summoning Leon successfully, I called Hop's name and then Leon's facial expression changed. Not out of fear of the danger of all the nightmares I have, but something else. I don't quite know for sure what emotion he was portraying but it looked like a form of intense sadness mixed with some other emotions. Mostly sadness.

Anyway Hop didn't appear when I called his name (that could explain the look Leon was giving me) and I had a reaction to that in a way I would react irl in this kind of situation. A head tilt and a "huh?".

So I called Hop's name again but with more force and he appeared in a light in one of the stone structures.

Leon immediately had some kind of face that was a mix of surprise and happiness and so did Hop. More heavy on the surprise with Hop. Leon ran over to him and hugged him and they were both crying. A positive sort of crying like they hadn't seen each other in a long time and were happy to be reunited.

Okay, did dream actually Hop die somehow when I was under the impression that Leon simply found a way to stop him from visiting my dreams?

That's kind of totally super upsetting but at least I brought him back to life finally.

Anyhoo.

I wanted to hug them both but I figured that now wasn't the best time so I made sure they both had my attention as my short-self was looking up at both of them

and I said, full of emotion

"I'm sorry that I put the both of you through so many of my nightmares."

They didn't say anything back. I guess they were just too surprised about everything going on to speak.

But then I got a call on a magic dream phone from Gwen from Ben 10, the one from Ben 10 Alien Force.

She asked me why I was asleep at night if I'm nocturnal.

And I said "I'm not nocturnal. I sleep when I get tired and that just happens to be during the day more than at night. I'm very busy. I got control of my dreams for the first time and I'm finally getting to do the things in dreams I want but I never remember to do. Now leave me alone. It feels like I don't have more than 5 seconds left at most."

Then I hung up. The dream was actually waving around like the very uhh "reality" in the dream was shifting towards wakeup.

I wanted to thank Ryuki for being my friend and called his name, but I didn't see anything more than the light appearing in the stone structure before I woke up.

Thanks Gwen :( how'd she get in contact with me anyway? I've had Ben 10 dreams before but I don't think she's ever been in one and I definitely hadn't ever spoken with her before this as far as I can recall. She knew the "usuals" of my broken schedule too. What-

So anyhoo I was completely flabbergasted by how vivid the dream was.

I got the taste of a controlled dream that night but I want the full course meal. And I want it with every sleep.

I've been looking up online for ways to learn how to control my dreams and one of the ways listed is to write down what I want to dream about before I go to sleep so I got an old notebook and yesterday night I wrote what I wanted to dream about.

I also repeated to myself "I will control my dreams" whenever I wasn't lost in thought at something else because that's another way.

It doesn't seem to be working yet but it needs time and determination I suppose. I will learn to control my dreams for sure. I need this. To have a generally better life and to end my near constant nightmares.

If I can psychology myself into ignoring pain, I can psychology myself into controlling my dreams.

[ahiddenpath]

Life Update

Chatting about life beneath the cut.

Uhh tbh I'm not sure where to start or what to say, so we'll see what shakes out!

Work

Work at my biotech company has been better since I asked to stop working with the guy they paired me with "to train me." Short version- I did my work and about 70% of his for about half a year, and it wrecked me. I've been doing one person's job for the last quarter or so, and it's kind of... life changing?

I'm a lot more confident at work, too, now that I realize I... Geez, where do I start? This year, I generated a protein that no one else in the company has ever been able to, and I'm currently exploring new ideas for the platform that I came up with myself. I did two people's work for half a year and closed out a project that my seniors couldn't get done. Meanwhile, I also did stuff that is, you know, normal expectations- generating DNA and protein, testing leads to see which candidate has the best profile, testing new technologies.

I feel the expectations at this company are very high. Idk if I've ever worked somewhere where my um... The core of my basic expectations is something you, uh, you do in the background while you tackle huge unknowns. I'm also realizing, however, that I quickly became the person who just... Does that. A huge chunk of my work this year was taking stuff no one else could do. Why was it handed to the new hire? I have no idea, I'm still trying to figure that out. It kind of pisses me off to know that I'm handling stuff people with more seniority and experience- aka people PAID MORE THAN ME- can't do.

But I also realize now that, if something doesn't work, I'm not going to stress over it. If other people can fail, and their reward is to be taken off the project... Why am I worried about what I can and can't do? I'll genuinely try my best, then report my findings to the boss.

I'm a weird place right now, because I acknowledge that my work is difficult, and that we don't have enough resources. I also acknowledge that this is my first real career opportunity, and not just a place to show up and get paid and never advance. I'm not sure what to think, you know? There is opportunity here. I am stressed and tired and chronically burnt out. Like most Americans, I've been working since I was a kid. I literally had my parents sign paperwork for me to work when I was 15. I'm tired. I don't know what it's like to not be tired. But I'm fairly compensated for the first time ever, and I'm learning and growing every day, and it's exciting but exhausting and I cannot imagine continuing, and I cannot imagine leaving. This is the fourth biotech company I've worked for. This is the first where I feel I can advance and grow my career. But I am so tired, the idea of advancement and growth and daily learning is crushing, to be frank.

In happy news, I have one more week of work before we close for the week between Christmas and New Years. In bad news, I cancelled the trip to meet with our friends, because the train price would have set us back about a grand, and because we're too exhausted anyway. The money thing is sensible, that's a lot to spend for an overnight trip for two (basically $250 per person each way). But I hate that I exist in a physical and mental state where doing fun things is... A scary, stressful, exhausting proposition.

Speaking of, I still don't think I've physically or mentally recovered from the Japan trip. That sounds like a weird thing to say, right? But spending two weeks traveling, walking from like 8 AM until 9PM-midnight in melting heat and humidity in places so crowded you can barely move will do that to you, especially when you were already exhausted. I'm not sure what to do, because I'm so ridiculously lucky to be in a position where I can take a trip like that. But to financially get there, I have to work so hard for such a sustained time that I've damaged myself to the point where it's difficult to enjoy trips. Hell, it's hard for me to work myself up for a half day outing on the weekend.

When I was in therapy, my therapist and I spoke at length about how to handle work stress and burnout. She was opposed to me taking a break from work or switching careers. As she rightfully pointed out, I worked hard to get where I am, I earn a good living, and I would quickly discover that the stress of financial need is worse than the stress of burnout. And, of course, she stressed the inherent vulnerability of a woman relying on a man for financial support (I'm a woman married to a man).

Logically, she is correct. Also logically, I don't know if what I'm doing is sustainable. Both are true. Where does that lead me?

Other Stuff

Last week was the anniversary of my 20th year together with my husband, and our 10 year wedding anniversary (I'm not sure if this is clear- we married on our 10th dating anniversary). My husband cooked a series of nice dinners over the week, and that was our celebration. We originally had plans to go to a fancy B&B, then to go on a trip to meet friends and go to a fancy hotel with a spa, as I mentioned above. We ended up doing none of that stuff, for a mix of money and exhaustion reasons.

I have a lot of feelings about this. I'm so happy that my husband wanted to make things special within our abilities. I'm so devastated that... Well, no one likes to look back on 20 years and realize that they have chronically lived in a state where celebrating anything feels like an impossible ask.

We've been thinking of having a baby (we are reaching our mid thirties). I told my husband that I truly cannot do a baby on top of our current lives. Mentally, physically, it's just not possible. I often wonder, are other people stronger than me? I know so many couples with young kids at my company who both work high powered jobs or whatever. How do they do it (although frankly, it's harder if you are working retail or something)? Genuinely, I have no idea. I'll only have a kid if I can stop working, at least until the youngest is in school. I have no idea if that is financially tenable in today's economy. Although, to be honest, at my last job, working wouldn't have been worth it. Too much of my pay would have gone into daycare (I'm in a fairly high COL area). Of course, now, as I mentioned, I have an actual career to give up.

Sometimes, I think of what people my age and younger have to give up, compared to a generation or two before us, and I feel so anguished and angry. I think of the people who push through anyway and wonder... How? How are you doing that? Where does the strength and the hope come from? Or did life just sort of... Happen?

It's been a weird year.

Creating

I'm still writing and editing, sort of. Not so much in December, although very much so in November, obviously. I'm still feeling unsure/uncertain/anxious about sharing my work, as I've mentioned before. I wouldn't expect any updates until late January or February, assuming I decide to post again.

Currently, I've been working on the next PdA chapter, and of course, on my Infinite Possibilities Nanowrimo draft. I'm thinking of commissioning someone to make the cover art for Phase 1 (of 3) for Infinite Possibilities.

I think that's all for now, I hope you can have a restful end of year, and that the holidays go well. Please take care <3

#hidden's life

[sappho-official]

that post about aspd reminded me the second worst presentation i ever saw at art school. it still makes me laugh/cringe

one quarter i took a fantastic basic-level psychology class as an elective, and one of our units was on mental illness. the professor made it EXTREMELY clear that she hadn't originally had this as a subject, but so many students had requested it over the years that she got tired and started including it. she did a great job at respectfully teaching about commonly stigmatized conditions like DID and ASPD and psychosis and the history of how we've treated various conditions, from medications to therapy over the past century or so.

the end of the unit had a project: make an art piece based on and do a presentation on a condition listed in the DSM-5*. the only required source was the DSM-5 itself, but the professor encouraged us to read about the lived experiences of people with the condition we were covering. simple enough.

*conditions outside of the DSM-5 were permitted with professor approval, and I actually did mine on grapheme synesthesia

SO presentation day goes through like normal. there was one piece allegedly about PTSD that was a pretty painting of an ice-covered rose that was very very obviously not painted for the assignment (which was against the rules) and the presenter was like "I guess the red of the rose represents blood and the ice is like uhh the shattered glass from the car crash?" not great but nothing too crazy

then this one girl gets up. she's done a digital piece so she brings it up on the projector. it's a line drawing of a girl pointing aggressively at another girl, who is cowering; something about it reminded me of a musical poster but I haven't been able to figure out which one. it was also like a photo collage, I think there were photographs inside the line drawings of the girls.

and so the presenter begins telling us about her piece which is about "Antisocial Personality Disorder" and how it makes you "scared to interact with people."

which is, uh

not what ASPD is.

if you're not aware, Antisocial Personality Disorder is what is sometimes colloquially referred to as being a s*ciopath (idk if that needs censoring but it's an outdated and not-great term so I'm leaning on the side of caution). the DSM-5's describes it as "a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others" which may not be a perfect definition, but most CERTAINLY is not what this girl was describing.

so she continues her presentation on social anxiety "antisocial personality disorder," and maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if she wasn't constantly like "antisocial people hide away from others due to a fear of being vulnerable" "antisocial people are scared that their friends secretly hate them" just REPEATEDLY using the word antisocial incorrectly. someone in the class actually tried speaking up in the middle of the presentation to be like "uh, that's not--" but was cut off. and need I remind you that this was a topic that had been covered IN THE CLASS ITSELF, and, sure, maybe she had missed a day but if she had just read the SINGULAR PAGE of the DSM-5 she was required to cite, she would have been fine!

when the presentation was done, the professor stopped the class for like 10 minutes to basically re-deliver the entire lesson on ASPD, just to make sure no one was confused. I have no idea what kind of grade that girl got, but it was rough to watch.

anyways, the worst presentation i saw at art school was in 1900s art history and involved a guy looking at marcel duchamp's Fountain (a picture of which HE HAD PUT INTO HIS PRESENTATION) and saying that it "looks kinda like a urinal"

it is a urinal.

#wordbarf #long post #btw this is not to say that people with ASPD cant experience anxiety around social situations. that's just like #not what ASPD is sdfghgfds

[fakestage]

uhh im talking about mental health stuff below the cut. its mostly me complaining😭 almost mention of delusions&psychosis but its not in detail, just me mentioning how it affects me!

I hate when my delusions & paranoia get bad because I really just want someone to be here for me & talk to me and listen, but I dont have that, so it takes me a long time to calm down. Even if I did, I dont know how I would go about asking for assistance when I feel so scared and alone. Being mentally ill is the worst thing in the entire world. I am getting better at grounding myself a tiny bit, but it's really difficult when im in that headspace. It's also scary how quickly I can spiral and jump into these delusions; I really believe them to be true in the moment. I want to heal, get better, and change, though. I'm trying my hardest not to feed it. I want to get better at opening up to my current friends so that I can tell them when I need help because.... that would probably help😭 I also want to get better at making new ones, because I really love meeting people and learning about them! I just have really bad anxiety and low self-esteem, but I've been trying to work on those, too. I want to be the best version of myself to show to others !!!! tbh maybe I just need a therapist xoxo ! it WOULD be really helpful to know why or what is causing the psychosis & delusions. whether its from my ptsd or possible ocd, it would be able to help me figure out how to approach it and like.. not make it worse. idk where I was going with this. im very tired and have a lot of thoughts<3 thanks for reading all of this if u made it here. appreciate you bestie

#text #mental health talk