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#u will look at my fan KIDS
sillycharlie · 6 months
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super into boober/gobo cuz i gave em a baby its like WOOOAAAAH and bc of my gf <3
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hyunpic · 2 months
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY HYUNJIN 🖤
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puppyeared · 7 months
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im so predictable
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jounosparticles · 6 months
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jouno’s eyelashes - a quick analysis
yes im analyzing jouno’s eyelashes. im obsessed with him what can i say.
one thing i’ve noticed throughout my many rereads of jouno’s segments of the manga is that he is actually given eyelashes in a lot of the panels he is present in! often times they’re just thin white lines but they’re definitely there. here are some examples.
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now, if we recall back to what harukawa said about eyes a long time ago:
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the darker ones eyes are, the more tainted or corrupted a person is. someone who is doing good and/or feeling good may have whiter eyes. to rephrase, one who’s eyes are dark are typically doing something corrupt and/or are in an emotionally bad state. we see this numerous times throughout the manga with many characters, the shade of their eyes changes with their emotion at the time usually.
now what does this have to do with jouno? well, i believe his eyelashes are used to display his intentions since he keeps his eyes closed constantly.
now, there are definitely some exceptions to this. panels where his eyelashes are small could be hard to colour this way, so im looking past a few instances for that purpose.
anyways, i believe looking at his eyelashes in this perspective also hints towards his betrayal of fukuchi, since you can see he has good intent. more on this later.
i'd also like to preface this by reminding you that jouno believed he was in the right with most things he did. he was sure the agency was in the wrong for a long time, times where his lashes were white while dealing with the agency was likely because he believed himself to be doing what is good.
now, starting with his debut in chapter 57, his eyelids are almost completely black as he arrests dazai
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his eyelashes appear a bit darker as he torments people i find.
such as shortly after he slices kunikida's notebook and asks tetchou to kill yosano.
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one scene i actually want to put a lot of emphasis on here is chapter 78's interaction between jouno and kunikida.
here is his face when he first walks in, he's simply making small talk over how a terrorist attack is awful
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we can see his lashes pretty well.
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we can also see it well when he's talking about his asian pear. maybe he just really likes them.
however, as the conversation progresses onto tormenting kunikida, his eyelids casually grow darker.
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they're not completely black yet, but you can tell he is enjoying bothering kunikida despite his claim of innocence.
after this, you can see his lashes are a little brighter as he announces that yosano is going to be executed.
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this makes sense remembering that he is under the belief that yosano is guilty of terrorism and is getting the punishment he believes she deserves.
after this, jouno walks away as kunikida cries out in anger.
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his eyelashes are almost completely black here, likely because he is getting nothing but personal enjoyment out of kunikida's grief. he isn't doing good by this and this could definitely be seen as corrupt behaviour.
a huge contrast to what i've been saying falls in chapters 71 and 72, the cafe scenes.
you can see the white of his eyelashes in nearly every panel he's in.
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what makes this different than when he was bothering kunikida is that bothering the cafe owner was moving his case forward. he believed he was pursuing justice and doing what is right by extracting important information here; as opposed to doing nothing but mentally torturing someone who isn't improving his case. from his perspective, his actions weren't tainted in anyway except possibly approach, but since he was doing what was right his eyelids were painted white.
another example of this is in chapters 60 and 61, when he is fighting the agency for the first time.
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and when the agency escapes and he's surprised to find out the pursued terrorist group would have allies in chapter 62.
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i found that these three chapters had a lot of small panels where you couldn't really see the detail of his eyes, but generally they were white as he caught the criminals. they were also white as they escaped, since he was likely confused that people were easily supporting the group he perceived as evil.
my last example of this is his eyes being very white as he tortures the bank robbers in the flashback scenes in chapter 92.5.
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he believes that he is seeking justice here. the robber gets what they deserve, and his intentions are what he believes in just which explains his eyes being white.
anyways, to summarize this all: jouno's eyelashes colour often displays his morality. his lashes seem to be coloured more white when he is doing what is morally right from his perspective. even if what he is doing is considered brutal by most, his eyes glow white if it is in pursing of justice or good. in contrast, if what he is doing has no overall benefit and he is just distressing someone for purely his own enjoyment, his eyelids often are coloured much darker.
however, as i said above i believe this subtly hinted at jouno's betrayal of fukuchi.
in chapter 92, we can still see by his eyelashes that he has the right intentions when hunting for the agency.
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and towards the end of the chapter we see his eyes still have a small white streak, implying his bluff on actually being willing to switch to the other side. at the same time, the thinness of the lash could be so small because he is lying to his superior as well, which i suppose could also be seen as tainted behaviour.
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however, after fukuchi's plan is unraveled we see the brightness shine again.
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as i stated above, when he isn't doing what he believes is right or is tormenting people for no reason but his own enjoyment, his eyes look black. but if you look at the image below you can see his eyes are partially coloured white, hinting that he was going to do what was right. it is subtle colouring, i assume that is partially due to the fact that his face was rather small on the page. but regardless it is still noticeable.
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and what do we know? he did switch up and betray fukuchi shortly after saying this.
with that in mind, there's one scene i deliberately avoided bringing up until now; the scene i believe heavily tries to avoid hinting at jouno's betrayal of fukuchi. im referring to the scene where jouno confronts aya.
as i said, if jouno is acting corrupt towards someone for his own fun, his eyelids are dark, but if he's doing something that he believes is just his lashes remain partially white. i believe that out of context his eyes would likely be black as he torments aya, however since he secretly had good intention they would have actually been white.
however, the readers had yet to know the context of his approach until the end of chapter 93, so they needed to hide the fact that he may have had good intent here.
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so harukawa kept his eyes covered (or coloured his face differently) throughout the scene.
the most we see of his face in this whole scene is his side profile, which is small enough to not need to colour his eyelashes in.
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i believe this was an intentional choice to keep the readers from guessing that he was doing something he believes is right here.
anyways, to sum up this segment i believe that jouno's eyelashes in chapter 92-92.5 subtly hinted at the fact that he was indeed siding with aya and was preparing to betray fukuchi.
in conclusion, i believe jouno's eyelashes hint at his true intent a lot. they show that he is a good person hiding behind a facade. the shading of his eyelids is a lot more subtle than how most character's eyes look in the manga, which i believe helps add more to jouno's somewhat moral ambiguity. he is an incredibly well-written character and i can't wait to see more of him!
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snazum · 4 months
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Little ster edit I made… Cause there needs to be more in the world :>
special thanks to like the 5-10 people on this website who upload ster clips. This is dedicated to y’all <3
Audio: noir.audioss on tiktok
Song: Like Me - Chase Icon
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mymp3 · 10 months
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my poster from the con!
#compendiumnotebook#alright finally get to post it!#the glare is killer but i still wanted to try#the con was super fun. there were some dickheads (what would u expect) but for the most part everyone was really nice#waiting in the yuri lowenthal line probably took like 45 minutes#there was an overflow line filled with people with sasuke funko pops and spiderman merch#it was super cute#all of the spiderman fans were incredibly sweet btw#the man himself was a sweetheart、you could tell he did this for a living. very professional. he had little things he would repeat over#a little kid asked abt yosuke and hes like “oh yosuke is my brosuke!” like he did it a million times、but he was still very polite#i was unfortunately a little out of it because there were too many people at the con but he tried striking up a convo w me#he knew what the poster was! he was like “oh neat、the kotobukiya one!”#like you can tell he tries to keep up with the franchises he's apart of for his fans and its sweet#aleks le was also very polite、 poor guy had to put up with carts of resellers though. like just carts of ppl with pops for him to sign#fortunately i got to actually ask him some stuff because i was better adjusted to the con. he thought my poster was cool#he said he had had 2 people previous ask him about persona in the con、so he was excited to talk about it#and oh lol#while he was signing he asked who i was cosplayed as because he thought i looked like akechi. lol.#very sweet men 、nice little expierence
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sappy-detective · 4 months
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luminousnotmatter · 2 years
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This Close
a little j.h.s. something
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pairing: My favorite Texan Naval aviator, Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin x Female...Reader? OC? She’s kind of both? I’ll explain more in the Author’s Note. 😜 warnings: Mutual pining. Yearny. Friends with feelings they’re not acknowledging. PG-level swears. Takes place in a bar that’s not The Hard Deck. There’s a Dean Martin song used.😜  word count: a little over 1k. author’s note: This is my first bit of writing shared in a good long while, and also my first bit of writing for Top Gun Maverick since that movie happened to me this year. Be gentle please I’m nervous???? 😨😱 This story is actually part of a moment I have in mind for a whole, longer, multi-parted story that’s currently simmering on the stovetop of my brain until I can figure it out more/work up the nerve to plot it out and start writing and sharing it involving Jake and a Lady OC who I’m also still developing. Hence she, ‘Birdy’ a nickname she’s referred to as once here ☺, is sort of straddling the Reader/OC line at the moment. I honestly prefer writing this way than in the second person; it’s easier for me and I find I like the way things flow and feel better, so hopefully y’all don’t mind it. Okay. I’ve officially rambled w a y too much so I’m shutting my cakehole now. 🤐 I sincerely hope it pleases you! 💕❤ bonus material: This is the song that’s playing in the bar in case you want to listen in on Jake and Birdy’s dance.  It’s not a love song really, but I love it and find there is a certain sweet, romance to it. But then again, I’m a known Sap, so form your own opinion. 😉 tagging: My Sweet B.💗 ‘cause she’s a dear, inspiring, and encouraging gem of a lady, whom I love. @bradshawsbaby​
"The sun is sinking in the west the cattle go down to the stream the redwing settles in her nest it's time for a cowboy to dream..."
With the first few lines of the song and Dean Martin's signature croon, the energy and volume in the crowded bar immediately shifts, lowering from it's previous loud, buzzing intensity to a quieter, pleasant hum. A few of the dancing couples rearrange themselves into new pairs, but most stay with their current partners.
  Jake's green eyes glow warm. His lips are still upturned in a gentler, one-sided version of his familiar wide and sunshiney smile, as his gaze sweeps around the space casually, before meeting hers.
"Shall we?" he quirks an eyebrow up. Speaks only loudly enough for her to hear. His left hand remains loosely entwined with her right, leftover from the previous, faster dance, but he's inviting her to join him for this one, not assuming she wants to. A gentleman's gesture.
And some might argue against it: but she knows, believes, has seen, that Jacob Seresin is a gentleman, in the truest sense of the word. He just....buries that part of himself, walls it up, far too often.
She tightens her grip on his hand. Let's herself notice, secretly relish, the roughness of his calloused fingers and palm. And the skipping jolt it sends to her heart. "Let's." and a smiling nod is her only response.
“Purple lights in the canyons That's where I long to be With my three good companions Just my rifle, my pony, and me...”
They step in close to one another once more, less than a foot of space between them. It's not really different than what they had been doing a minute or so ago, albiet slower, but the feeling, the energy between them has changed, just as it has for the place as a whole.
  It's not necessarily an unpleasant change.
Jake's right hand holds her waist with a sort of tentative firmness, the heat of his palm bleeds through the material of her dress to her skin. His left hand has raised her right while they sway and take small steps in time with the music.
At first she looks everywhere but at her partner's face. Gaze sweeping around the room at the other couples, the lights above the bar, patrons' abandoned drinks....
She's exposed, raw, hyper-aware of the pounding of her heart against her ribs, of how hot her cheeks are, of the inherent intimacy there is in this slow closeness, and somehow it seems that if she looks in Jake's eyes it will be a tacit acknowledgement of the Truth she's currently refusing to actively acknowledge: that she likes this. Likes him. This man is her friend (becoming one of her favorite, best ones), so of course she likes him, and she is comfortable with him, as a woman and as his friend, but that Truth? What it actually means deep down? It's a damn frightening thing to look at head-on.
All these sensations and thoughts scramble through her heart and brain in milliseconds.
“Gonna hang my sombrero, On the limb of a tree Comin' home, sweetheart darlin' Just my rifle, my pony, and me...”
The sound of the Naval Lieutenant humming the tune of the song near her ear draws her eyes back to him, almost against her will, but not actually. He's looking around too at first, but quickly meets her eyeline with a gentle widening of his smile.
  "You know this song?" she asks with a smile of her own; she knows this tune well but wouldn't have guessed he did. It brings an ache of fondness to her chest that he does.
"Mm-hm." he nods and grins fully with his mouth closed. His nose scrunches up once, barely perceptible but she catches it. The skin around his eyes crinkles and her chest is hurting again.
  She drops her gaze for just a moment, trying to think of something to say. The silence isn't uncomfortable, it's just that she likes the sound of his voice. Likes the way he talks to her. But when her eyes catch the sheen of sweat on his skin over the hollow of his throat, they fly back up. Immediately.
  Jake is still looking at her. His look is so very unguarded (her heart whispers the word: tender) it sends any thought of words out of her mind. His pink mouth is still smiling, but it too is a smaller, softer, a more intentional, meaningful thing.
“Whippoorwill in the willow Sings a sweet melody Ridin' to Amarillo Just my rifle, my pony, and me...”
He breathes out the quietest, whispered, "Hey, Birdy."
Her throat is tight with some unexpressed, still-ignored emotion but she's able to whisper back, "Hey, Jay."
Jake gives her hand two squeezes in quick succession.
“No more cows to be ropin’ No more strays will I see Round the bend, she'll be waitin' For my rifle, my pony, and me My rifle, my pony, and me...”
Someone in the crowd calls for the song to please be played again, just once more. Their request is granted.
She swallows hard. Jake's lashes are long and his eyes are so green and the unguarded, tender look in them is still there. He is no longer smiling, just looking; his expression still soft, open.  He's not only looking at her but seeing her. The rosy, ruddy glow to his cheeks and the firmness of him beneath her hand that cups his back, all shout of the health, vitality, alive-ness of him.
It's a fight to think of other things besides her desire to lean all the way into his chest.
I wanna give up that fight.  For right now: I can give up. I give up. she thinks to herself. With a finality and resolve to which she grasps tightly.
Before anxiety and self-doubt and outright fear can question and crumble that resolve she does it.
She takes the half-step in, tucking her left hand between their two bodies up by her face and rests her cheek to his t-shirt covered chest, right below his left clavicle. She allows any tension to bleed from her shoulders, her neck, her arms, and lets him hold her.
Just for the rest of the song, she tells herself.
As he curls his right arm all the way round her back, Jake holds his next inhale at its peak for a quick extra second or two, then lets it out evenly, once she relaxes fully against him. She can't see his face of course, but he feels like even his blinking is slow, and careful. She's never been quite this close to him before now.  And he's never....he's not sure he has ever allowed himself to consider that he's wanted her to be...but his deep-down self is realizing: he has. Damn.
He shakes that realization and its implications off for the moment. It doesn't have to be dealt with right now.
  Just enjoy the rest of the song, Seresin, he tells himself. Rests his cheek gently against her head. Holds her.
They sway and take small steps, to and fro, to and fro, until the song does...eventually...unfortunately....end.
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red-dyed-sarumane · 2 months
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always feel a little weird bc ik demi's used more as a modifier than as a solo label but the second half of the label is so non important to me trying to assign one never feels right. its either bi or pan functionally but it is what it is
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coolspacequips · 7 months
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My unpopular opinion abt the new Castlevania series ig is that I just don't have any care or sympathy for these little church goons that they were trying to humanize this time around... Like Olrox revenge kill go off, I watch u kill that boys mom minute 1 but I'm still in ur corner bbygirl! I see ur thru line.
But then his little shitty church bf sanctioning and standing by all the actions of the church and also we don't talk about the homophobia he's supporting while also being gay and also sleeping w a man his church would have (and did) sanctioned the genocide of several times over... I'm supposed to think the way he shut Olrox down was anything worth feeling bad for, I just rolled my eyes at his self righteousness. Walk away from that man, Olrox!! We saw where this manic Christian love leads, and it's what ur Abbott did (who I also don't give 1 fuck about him or his white xtian guilt especially after That LOL)
I guess I can tentatively respect that the church guard's storyline is gonna potentially be about deprogramming him, but I hate that they seemed to be posing him as correct in accusing Olrox of having no soul, when we as the viewer know it was an act of love that he didn't think he was capable anymore, after what was done to him at the hands of ppl that the church guard. To me all i felt was the heartache from his POV so common in these communities where u thought you have a Good Christian that saw you, but he still sees you as the monolith of his imaginary enemy the second push comes to shove, even though your actions have shown again and again that there's nuance to be had
#the only whites that gave gotten a pass from me is baby belmont and the speaker mom#who's daughter I'm sure will mature i want to like her but she got shackled into a plot w the abott#which means we have to spend a lot of time on his white man pain about how he had the power to do so many terriblw things and chose to do i#anyway just wanted to get this off my chest i couldn't watch it fast enough and don't remember the guards name#and didn't look it up bc i don't want someone looking for him and starting a fight w me#just sucks bc i love Olrox so much and a lot of his fan content is him w this man i can't stomach tbh#i hoped he would be different i hope he can change or that Olrox finds someone else#text posts#i don't want to get into it too much more i have to rewatch this show bc baby belmont and Annette are my kids and Edouard is so special 2 m#bls im not a hater so if u like the guard i don't care#i just have a lot less interest in these types of threads ik some ppl who have been victims of the church find them cathartic#but i often find the storyline too much in the business of comforting the oppressor being represented and find them tedious#raised in American South where a lot of the cultures being examined exist and have flavored it#particularly this time period being looked at w plantation slavery plus French and native relations being v highlighted in my region#ugh anyway let me not get started x2 plus i don't care who's side drolta is on#she's bad and unjustified just insane and likes murder and looks very hot while she does it the end#(i love her every show putting black girls in it take note of the way they treated her hair so many styles 🥺💕)
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feline-evil · 9 months
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Clasping my hands together in prayer and wishing The GamersTM weren't also fans of what i'm a fan of
#jay talkin#the pain of being a fan of a specific character who has so many things that The Gamers are Fucking stupid about#constant cinema-sins esque gotchas abt stuff that they think they r so smart for pointing out#when in fact they are being so facking dumb. do u know my pain as a kazuhira miller liker#everyday The Gamers do a 'gotcha' of 'oh he couldnt do that he's blind'#do we need to talk about how uncomfortable that is to hear parroted around#do we need to have a talk about the wide range of sight loss covered under the diagnosises that get you labelled Legally blind.#do we need to talk about the fact being blind does not always = total 100% sight loss.#do we need to talk about Being Normal about a disabled man for once in our miserable lives.#also you can't tell him what to do thats hellmaster fucking miller are you kidding me.#also had to bear witness to people callong him a weeb for being called Kazuhira....#my brother in christ how are you gonna act like you know shit abt what yr talking abt#when you don't know that kazuhira fuckin miller is a whole ass japanese man with a backstory#that involves the discrimination and xenophobia he faced as a man who looks like he does#a WEEB? A WEEB?? HES FROM. JAPAN.#oh no way the guy from japan has a japanese name? must be weeb shit guys bc our lil racist addled brains#cant understand that japan is a country outside of our commodification of it bc we r less smart than a bird#WHEEZE. SORRY. I GOT MAD AGAIN FOR A MOMENT. anyway.#GamersTM are insufferable and lack the media literacy to actually be metal gear fans so i wish they'd Go Away#putting metal gear but especially kazuhira miller up on a shelf till you guys can learn to behave
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raven · 6 months
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Oh ok. People who were groomed and blame the people who groomed them are the same as transphobic detransitioners
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izzy-b-hands · 10 months
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I am realising how many spots I missed trying to shave the back and sides of my head last night (down to skin this time bc it grows back so fast and it gets so hot in the summer bc my hair is thick)
This isn’t necessarily an excuse to start saving towards the Boomtown Rats mirror in their shop, but also, I could totally ask Housemate to put a lil hook on the opposite bathroom wall to the main mirror, and we could like. put that there for haircuts and find some cool art to habitat the hook the rest of the time and then the mirror could otherwise reside in my room unless needed for the aforementioned haircuts (bc I don’t yet have a mirror in there and I didn’t think I really needed/wanted one?? until I realised I was trying to style my hair in the flip view/selfie view of my phone camera a few days ago and was like. Oh.)
But also. Isn’t it?
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kindaichiyu · 2 years
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oikawa insists that kyoutani only listens to heavy metal. his #1 artist is p!atd
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i hate going “hey i might not be up to hanging out im just not doing well mentally” but also i know if im either constantly panicking or completely out of it while we’re hanging out then it won’t go well
#got into a fight with my mum because she was like ‘well why r u still scared when we’re not seeing massive waves and hospitals aren’t#overrun and this 80 year old family friend has had it three times and is fine every time#and do you look at what people who don’t have the same opinion of you are saying’#my response to this was ‘no I do look at the scientific articles that come out though and most of the ones about covid are finding it does#damage to multiple parts of the body’#like. i already have fibromyalgia. we’ve removed the cancerous tumor but i still have iodine radiation and have to hope the cancer cells#they found in my blood vessels didn’t go far enough to spread and if they did that the iodine destroys them#like. is a kid with fibromyalgia not enough. im not doing chemo so it’s fine right just get me sick#does she not fucking remember how it destroyed her husband. she watched it we all fucking watched for weeks as he withered away from this#fucking disease#and then everything we didn’t see we got in twice daily calls from the hospital as they told us how his kidneys failed and they were excited#when he could breathe on his side for two hours instead of just on his stomach and then it killed him#am i the only one in the household who remembers seeing my dad as a barely breathing corpse when we forced him to go to the hospital because#he couldn’t say three words or walk a few steps without panting like he’d just done a sprint#im tired of her making me feel crazy for not wanting this disease im not irrational or insane for this i promise i promise im not#im tired of her coming in 5 minutes after i leave an argument going ‘don’t be angry with me. it’s just that-‘ and then making my only safe#place in this house a part of the argument too#fuck it it’s fine I’m out in a few months anyway#vent tw#sittin g in a corner rn so that the only open space is in front of me and i can pull my legs up to my chest and my fan is on and my windows#are open and im tired of being called crazy and paranoid and irrational#covid tw
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crossbackpoke-check · 2 years
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hiii! just wanted to pop into your asks to say thank you so much for always leaving such lovely comments on my artwork! i just love reading through the tags you write for them, it makes my day. please never change! 💓 i loved seeing the ideas you had for the devil!nico/jack drawing i posted, they were SO adorable ( OH and the demon squishmallow is named dante, like dante’s inferno )! again, thank you for being so sweet!
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no YOU thank you so much for creating such wonderful artwork!!! it’s an absolute joy to get to see it, i’m so glad you choose to share it with us 💕💕💕💕 thank you so so much and it makes me so happy to hear that you like my tags 🥺🥰☺️ ALSO!! that’s so cute 😭😭 i love that the devil squishmallow is named dante it’s alliteration and clever
#i can promise i will continue to be an enormous fan of you & your art#not even kidding!!! i can’t believe this!!! did you feel me working up the courage to talk to you!!!!#me about to come into your dms like ‘hi i just needed to say i literally HAVE NOT stopped thinking about your devil!nico i love him so much’#‘it’s been a week & yesterday i went ‘ok but nico’s pointed nails r like. natural stilettos they r PERFECT for nail polish :) demon spa day’#that’s cosmic FATE baybe 🥰🥰🥰 same brain same brain same brain (the brain is love & appreciation)#liv in the replies#anyway. guess who just looked up squishmallows & was like haha what if there’s a jack russell terrier one for jack and GUESS WHAT#there’s not but there IS a little black cat exclusive 500 edition squishmallow named jack who has the cutest little 😌 face &#‘can be a little feisty but he loves to cuddle’ i’m on the floor wheezing of all the squishmallows to be named jack. it’s a little black cat#(notably a *spooky* animal witch familiar which. jack summoned a demon) & it’s exclusive & has a pale pink nose/mouth he’s DELICATE & PRETTY#QUINN IS A KANGAROO I REPEAT QUINN IS A PEACH KANGAROO INTROVERT quinn eldest daughter kangaroo pouch thesis… macropods#luke is a little lamb 🥺 i would have said a puppy but he’s literally the baby the 8’’ version comes w/a rattle HE’S PART OF THE BABY SQUAD#have i devolved into looking up hockey players as squishmallows? YES BECAUSE THERE’S ONE NAMED JOELLE & IT’S BIGFOOT LIKE ARE YOU KIDDING ME#joelle is part of the sassy squad and i am slowly losing it because there is also a winter joelle AND an aus winter joelle#which is exclusive to australia & i did think about the line where joel goes ‘cool have you ever seen a koala’ to raff & wheeze laugh softly#laying my head down on my desk &weeping verbatim from the site connor the cow is at the finish line waiting 4u! connor is quite the athlete#plus serge(i) the skeleton bird… sid the snail… stevie the cactus… nathan gamer cat mackinnon… i’m having too much fun#i don’t NEED squishmallows but also the desire to buy dante just because of devil!nico has been slowly growing stronger#also me: but what if u reread the inferno so u can pick out a title for the fic u are(n’t) going to write & use that as the demon structure#oh editing also 2 say: if u didn’t want me to publish this i can take it down! i do Not know how to answer asks privately even after years
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