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mean-scarlet-deceiver · 1 year

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Hi! What’s your favorite Railway Series book? I have another question too, what do you think of the engines faces being the smokebox doors?

I'm not sure what I think about the smokebox faces? It's peculiar when you try to think through it and make it "realistic" but the notion is so natural that there's not much to think about.

People really get on Awdry's case for not having thought through the implications of his sapient engines but I feel like we gotta cut the man a break. He clearly never had any interest in worldbuilding. It's not like he had some wild oddball idea that he just then neglected to nurture to maturity. Almost everybody has imagined smokeboxes to be the face of a steam engine (and the grill and headlights to be the face of a car, etc.)

No idea if that answered anything. Anyway!

What isn't my favorite RWS book?

Honestly it changes every week or two. At one point or another it’s been:

Thomas the Tank Engine - the structure is so simple yet so sound. this is some Joseph Campbell bullshit right here (positive)

Tank Engine Thomas Again - simply a classic from the moment it was penned. not my personal favorite (i think the ffarquhar line is just a bit too twee as a setting for my tastes?), but you can't beat these stories or this character. objectively, the best stand-alone book in the series. you don't have to know anything about anything to read this and to fall in love and to sense at once that it's an indispensable part of classic childhood literature.

Toby the Tram Engine - this kicked off the era of somewhat darker themes of obsolesce as well as new characters having really great introductory arcs/backstories❤️ points off for the last story tbh—but points on for seeing the Fat Controller and his fam on holiday as well as the parts dunking on busybody cops

Gordon the Big Engine - another one that just has really good structure—plus some underrated character moments in this—plus stories 1 and 3 are hilarious

Edward the Blue Engine - the vibes are impeccable

Eight Famous Engines - altogether, just a really good ensemble romp

Duck and the Diesel Engine - I N T R I G U E

The Little Old Engine - another just-really-good ensemble romp

The Twin Engines - I N T R I G U E, also irony; it's just very ambitious, grow-the-beard stuff

Very Old Engines - the sheer layers going on. also i'm a sucker for prequels.

Main Line Engines - just very classic Golden Age rws stuff, witty and warm, nothing to criticize, all clover. it feels like home.

Enterprising Engines - hooooooooooly crap, it's so good. some bits are shaky or pudgy, i kinda wish i had been the editor for this one, but you have to forgive the nitpicky stuff in the face of all the wealth. a triumph.

Oliver the Western Engine - the books just kept getting better in this era? wtf?????

Duke the Lost Engine and Tramway Engines - i could write ESSAYS on both these books. i SHOULD. like at this point you can start doing high-grade LITERARY ANALYSIS (enthusiastic)

Christopher Awdry's stuff is alllll on a lower tier than the above but while i'm on a roll i gotta give some props here too:

Jock the New Engine - i don't know how to defend it, it just makes the mini railway feel very real to me in a way that their first book (funny though it was) didn't

Gordon the High Speed Engine - it's overrated by certain Thomas bros, who to my eye seem to be deliberately obtuse when they insist that it's every bit as good as any Wilbert book (WHAT??), but it is enjoyable, thoughtful, and certainly the most consistently high-quality Christopher book

Henry and the Express - i'm here purely for the arc and the book's ending. as a final word on Henry's character development, the last couple of pages are unmatched and give him a new and hard-won layer that even Enterprising Engines didn't quite get him to

Thomas and the Twins - the interactions between Thomas, Edward, Bill and Ben are delicious. even if the Trevor story is pretty lame, i'm still soooo glad this book exists, i can't believe it, it feels like someone wrote a self-indulgent fanfic... and i am Here For It

#chatter #the railway series #what even are engine faces #thomas the tank engine (rws)#tank engine thomas again (rws)#toby the tram engine (rws)#gordon the big engine (rws)#edward the blue engine (rws)#the little old engine (rws)#the twin engines (rws)#very old engines (rws)#main line engines (rws)#enterprising engines (rws)#oliver the western engine (rws)#duke the lost engine (rws)#tramway engines (rws)#christopher awdry #the fact that thomas and toby originally bonded over heckling a policeman is amazing 🙏 we stan

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sudriantraveler · 1 year

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The Engines of the Cronk & Harwick Railway

This is a continuation of a previous post in which I gave a basic overview of my rather silly headcanon for the Cronk & Harwick Railway (or as they're frequently refered to The Old Crooked and Horrible), a railway which is briefly mentioned in the IOS Book and appears on a few RWS maps.

This post is about the fleet of engines which run this obscure, backwater, and largely illegal railway.

No.1 - Queen Anne:

The C&H’s first engine has been through several changes over the years. She was originally built as a box tank for the Sodor and Mainland Railway. When first acquired by the C&H in 1900 she was given the name ‘Queen Anne’ by the line's owner. She was immediately set to work, despite being in poor condition from her previous working life on the S&M, but managed to keep going without any major repairs for about 10 years. By 1910 however, she was completely worn out. Instead of sending her off to an actual railway workshop however, the C&H decided they could do the necessary repairs in-house. While she was being repaired, the railway also took the opportunity to make some modifications, and Queen Anne emerged with a set of trailing wheels as well as a cab. It is, however, made of wood, and is said to leak so much that crews wonder why the railway even bothered.

During World War II Queen Anne was stored in an abandoned mineshaft along with the rest of the C&H’s fleet. After the war, she emerged from the mine with yet another change to her design. Her old box tank had completely rusted through and had been replaced with a more conventional saddle tank crudely bolted in its place. Where the railway got this saddle tank from is unknown, though Crovan’s Gate Works reported sometime during the war that one of their spare tanks for NWR number 6 ‘Percy’ had gone missing. There was an interesting continuation of this mystery a few years after the war, when the NWR’s Chief Engineer walked into the works one morning to find a rusty old box tank tucked amongst Percy’s spare parts. Needless to say, Percy was not at all happy about the suggestion, but the big engines laughed about it for a whole week!

Below is a sketch of Queen Anne in her post war form:

No.2 - Surprise:

By 1909 Queen Anne was quickly becoming worn out, and would shortly be going for overhaul in 1910. Another engine was needed quickly. The owner of the C&H had an idea. Taking inspiration from the Coffee Pots then being built for the TK&ELR, he decided to build his own engine right there in Harwick.

Salvaging a vertical boiler from an old riverboat, as well as several parts from various unknown sources (given this guy's track record this engine is almost certainly at least 90% stolen), he assembled a rather unusual engine. The engine was named ‘Surprise’ as in, it’s a surprise whenever he’s actually functioning properly! From the start Surprise was beset with mechanical and steaming issues, but the need for another engine saw him put to work anyway, and within a year a rather unorthodox workaround had been found for his reliability issues. A mast and sail was fitted as an alternative means of propulsion! Amazingly this worked, and Surprise has kept this addition ever since, using his steam for shunting and for starting heavy trains, and then gliding along the line by sail.

This is not always ideal, especially along the ballaswein branch which operates as a tramway for much of its length. Many a motorist and pedestrians have been forced to swerve or leap out of the way at the last second, as a train under power of sail has crept silently up behind them with little warning until it is nearly too late (Huh… I guess the name ‘Surprise’ is quite fitting in that regard as well)!

Below is a sketch of Surprise:

Railmotor No.1 Units A&B - Chitty and Bang:

The C&H has provided a passenger service since the switch to steam power in 1900, when a handful of old S&M 4 wheeled coaches had accompanied the purchase of Queen Anne. This had never really been satisfactory however. The coaches were by all accounts already falling apart before they had even arrived, and the C&H had a reputation of sparing every expense when it came to the upkeep of… well, pretty much everything. Nothing was done about the matter however, for several years, despite repeated requests, complaints, riots and death threats from passengers.

At last, after the rotting coaches and their bare board seats gave passengers one too many splinters where the sun don’t shine, the passengers rallied together, demanding the railway provide a better service for their paying customers!

So one late night break-in to a scrapyard later the C&H had acquired a pair of broken old buses, which they soon set about converting into railmotors as their newest passenger stock. As an additional modification they were also fitted with roof-top storage racks for carrying a light amount of goods and supplies.

The brother and sister pair of railmotors were named ‘Chitty’ and ‘Bang’, and they are… admittedly not much of an improvement over the old carriages… in fact in some ways they’re kind of a downgrade… but at least the seats have cushions now, and coupled back-to-back (as neither has a reverse gear) Chitty and Bang continue to be the mainstay of the C&H’s passenger service.

Below is a sketch of Chitty and Bang:

And that's all for now. As you can see, the C&H's fleet is a rather unusual bunch, in keeping with the ramshackle nature of the railway as a whole. But just as every ship needs a good crew to stay afloat, so to does a railway need a good fleet of engines, so I guess The Old Crooked and Horrible must be doing something right to still be around!

#ttte #rws #ttte headcanon #the cronk & harwick railway #pirate railway

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mean-scarlet-deceiver · 2 years

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duck reviews the rws books

the three railway engines: man, this railway used to be a goddamn mess

thomas the tank engine: thomas would have never hacked it on the Great Western

james the red engine: uh, james? i just cracked a piston laughing at you cheeking off gordon? like, you used to be a normal, likeable engine? wtf happened to you mate

tank engine thomas again: this is still not very Great Western but i admit it’s all utterly charming

troublesome engines: *wide-eyed horror* i am so glad i wasn’t around for this era of the railway

henry the green engine: ah, yes. the one where henry is made a useful engine overnight just by giving him… the coal that is standard-issue on the Great Western.

toby the tram engine: i’ve got something in my eye…

gordon the big engine: i liked the part with the queen. also the part where gordon ran into a ditch like an enormous prat.

edward the blue engine: i unashamedly love literally everything about the last story… except i would have been in favor of james getting banged up at least a little

the four little engines: i wanna be able to run on the skarloey railway!

percy the small engine: features both percy’s and mine finest moments. 11/10

the eight famous engines: ALL THOSE OTHER STATIONS ARE FAKE NEWS

duck and the diesel engine: city of truro visits!!!!!!!!! also, i think i’m in it or something, idk i just re-read the first story over and over again

the little old engine: if i did get to run on the skarloey railway the first thing i would do is to bash sir handel’s stupid buffers in for him

the twin engines: starring the fantastic engines who put gordon and henry in their place in three seconds flat and in the process helped me finally reconcile myself to own my own scottish heritage

branch line engines: kudos to toby for retaining his sanity, i would not have been so mild-mannered about ANY OF THIS

gallant old engine: i am a sucker for these stories where the steam engine brings the train home Despite Everything

stepney the “bluebell” engine: good engine, good times, two headlamps up

mountain engines: … i’ve got something in my other eye…

very old engines: i wish nancy worked our railway! :/

main line engines: the title makes no sense, but i got to meet boco and then tell the big three off proper. overall, easy 9/10

small railway engines: i seriously thought donald and douglas were pulling my wheel. but i’m so glad i was wrong.

enterprising engines: these are some of my favorite memories of sodor 😀

oliver the western engine: i’m still cross about the publishers changing the title, but aside from that “Little Western Engines” is a 10/10 book <3

duke the lost engine: … i’ve got something IN MY HEART *sob*

tramway engines: dumbasses. you’ll notice we do none of this shit on my line. /affectionate /butalsojudgey

really useful engines: THESE ARE DEFINITELY NOT SOME OF MY FAVORITE MEMORIES OF SODOR. stupid book. -1/10

james and the diesel engines: yeah, this one wasn’t exactly fun to live through, either. what is your damage, james. i’m asking really.

great little engines: begging your pardon, but this book was mostly good for helping to put me to sleep

more about thomas the tank engine: i prefer my own line to the main line… but literally anything would be better than being assigned to thomas’s line. omg.

gordon the high-speed engine: as usual when it involves gordon, there’s lots of noise and fuss, yet i can’t actually understand half of what’s going on

toby, trucks and trouble: on the other rail, thomas’s line without thomas is bangin’

thomas and the twins: this book gave me a headache. i’m glad none of this involved me at all.

jock the new engine: mike and jock. whatta pair.

thomas and the great railway show: city of truro is mentioned, so this book is an automatic 8/10… despite that, unlike the big three, i can quite frankly admit i’m jealous

thomas comes home: … as usual, thomas’s branch line seems so much more chill when thomas isn’t there. just sayin’.

henry and the express: i cannot tell you how salty i am that i did not get to see red!henry for myself

wilbert the forest engine: he was a good bloke, he deserved a more interesting book than this

thomas and the fat controller’s engines: yeah, that was the year wildlife was really out of hand on our railway. also, don’t tell gordon i said this, but it was complete bullshit that he didn’t get to pull that train. (seriously DO NOT TELL HIM that i admitted this.)

new little engine: sir handel is like the james of that railway. geez.

thomas and victoria: i’m starting to think young christopher has completely forgotten the little western exists :/

thomas and his friends: y’all would be forgiven for any frustrating sense that you still have no idea what pip and emma are actually like

#ttte #the railway series #thomas the tank engine #ttte duck #ttte thomas #ttte percy #ttte city of truro #ttte stepney #ttte james #ttte gordon #ttte henry #ttte sir handel #ttte pip and emma #just an old bit of silly i've had sitting in my drafts for ages #houseboat got me into a duck mood tonight so i dusted it off and finished it #suggestions to make certain books funnier definitely accepted some were tougher than others #incorrect ttte

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mean-scarlet-deceiver · 3 years

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The Annotated Full Text [RWS #21]

please don't reblog. share the link if you have a friend who is looking for this or might be interested. thanks!

this installment per a royal lunarian's request. author's foreword not included.

Honestly, the TVS adaptation sticks fairly closely to this one, apart from extra details in story transitions and of course not being able to adapt "Buzz Buzz" until season 3.... and, naturally, the extended version of "Edward's Exploit" that is getting so popular in fanworks lately, probably due to a certain tugboat prone to misfortune. Real talk, my editor's soul thinks Allcroft and Mitton made a pretty good job with their cuts—the full scene is a bit much. There are just a few lines I wish had been retained for TVS. I'm tempted to edit my own "cut" of the text free for adaptation but that might be overly precious? Thoughts welcome.

I'm also tempted to make a whole post outlining my belief that Rev. Awdry wrote this book assuming that it could be his last. I've said before that I don't think he ended the series randomly—"Duke the Lost Engine" and "Tramway Engines" are full of sooo many great and subtle and heartwarming echoes to "The Three Railway Engines" and "Thomas the Tank Engine"! What I'm noticing now, though, is that maybe the Reverend made sure quite a few books (aside from the confirmed "Eight Famous Engines") could serve as his series finale if he ran out of inspiration... which he always seemed to think he was on the verge of doing. This book is just one example, but it's the one I would most readily bet the house on for Awdry consciously writing as if he would then retire.

THE DISEASEL

BILL and Ben are tank engines who live at a port on Edward's line. Each has four wheels, a tiny chimney and dome, and a small squat cab.

They are kept busy pulling trucks for ships in the harbour and engines on the Main Line.

The trucks are filled with China Clay dug from the nearby hills. China Clay is important. It is needed for pottery, paper, paint, plastics, and many other things.

One morning they arranged some trucks and went away for more. They returned to find them all gone.

They were most surprised.

Their Drivers examined a patch of oil. "That's a not-very-properly-running diesel," they said, wiping the rails clean.

"It's a what'll?" asked Bill.

"A dieseasel, I think," replied Ben. "There's a notice about them in our Shed."

"I remember, 'Coughs and sneezles spread diseasels.'"

"Who had a cough in his smokebox yesterday?"

"Fireman cleaned it, didn't he?"

"Yes, but the dust made him sneezle: so there you are. It's your fault the diseasel came."

"It isn't!"

"It is!"

"Stop arguing, you two," laughed their Drivers. "Come on! Let's go and rescue our trucks."

Bill and Ben were aghast. "But he'll magic us away like the trucks."

Their Drivers laughed. "He won't magic us; we'll more likely magic him! Listen. He doesn't know you're twins; so we'll take your names and numbers off and then this is what we'll do..."

--- (there is a text break here) ---

Bill and Ben chuckled with delight. "Come on!" Let's go!" they said eagerly because Awdry doesn't have a damn editor that's why. I've never seen such an unnecessary speech tag.

You'll notice the "adventure" narration was added in the TVS adaptation—a good addition, I think. Coz there's kinda no transition here. Maybe the text break really should have come after the dialogue was finished?

Creeping into Edward's Yard they found the diesel on a siding with the missing trucks. Ben hid behind, but Bill went boldly alongside and stood facing the diesel on the points leading out to the Main Line.

The diesel looked up. Because he's not resting! Bill's BLOCKING his way! "Do you mind?" he asked.

"Yes," said Bill, "I do. I want my trucks please."

"These are mine," said the diesel. "Go away."

Bill pretended to be frightened. "You're a big bully," he whimpered. "You'll be sorry."

He moved over the points, ran back, and hid behind the trucks on the other side.

Ben now came forward. The diesel had to stop suddenly. Just let him go lmao. So much confusion and delay!

"Truck stealer," hissed Ben. He ran away too, and Bill took his place.

This went on and on till the diesel's eyes nearly popped out.

"Stop!" he begged. "You're making me giddy!"

The two engines gazed at him side by side. He shut his eyes. "Are there two of you?" he whispered? no that's not a typo, idek 60s British typography man

"Yes, we're twins."

"I might have known it," he groaned. I love the groan—this whole thing just has such a different vibe than the beaming good humor that immediately goes down in the TVS version.

Just then, Edward bustled up. "Bill and Ben, why are you playing here?"

If you don't already know the illustrations for this book, you really gotta look them up. Also, I note that the moment Edward materializes looking like this, all the sudden Bill and Ben's drivers, who masterminded this whole stunt, are like "byyyyyeeeee."

"We're not playing," protested Bill.

"We're rescuing trucks," squeaked Ben. i'm sorry but it's hard for me to imagine steam engines even as smol as these squeaking.

"What do you mean?"

"Even you don't come in our Yard without asking." yeah it's called manners <3

"And you only take the trucks we give you."

"But," they both squeaked indignantly, "this diseasel didn't even ask. He just took the lot! It's like he was raised by wolves in a dystopian hellscape or something!"

"There is no cause to be rude," said Edward severely. "This engine is a 'Metropolitan-Vickers, diesel-electric, Type 2'."

The twins were abashed. "We're sorry Mr — er..."

"Never mind," he smiled, "call me BoCo. I'm sorry I didn't understand about the trucks."

"That's all right then," said Edward. "Off you go, Bill and Ben. Fetch BoCo's trucks, then you can take these."

The twins scampered away. Edward smiled.

"There's no real harm in them," he said, "but they're maddening at times." shut up you dork you love them

BoCo chuckled. "Maddening," he said, "is the word."

BUZZ BUZZ

BOCO reached the Big Station and arranged his trucks. Then he went to the Shed, and asked politely if he could come in. Someone's learned his Sodor etiquette lesson in a hurry d'awwww.

Duck was not pleased to see a diesel but, presently, when he found that BoCo knew Edward, he became more friendly. And by the time BoCo had told him about Bill and Ben they were laughing together like old friends.

"Have they ever played tricks on you?" asked BoCo.

"Goodness me! Yes!" chuckled Duck. This is why he was so pleased to get back to Tidmouth after his name was cleared, lmao. Maybe my theory that he loves the big lummoxes really was premature. He was just completely over the twins! "Edward is the only one who can keep them in order."

"You know," went on Duck, "I sometimes call them 'The Bees'."

"A good name," chuckled BoCo. "They're terrors when they start buzzing around."

Just then James bustled in bringing the sunshine, as usual. "What's that, Duck? Are you afraid of bees? They're only insects after all: so don't let that buzz-box diesel tell you different." Ah he's beauty he's grace omg James who hurt you.

"His name is BoCo, and he didn't. We..."

"I wouldn't care," interrupted James, "if hundreds were swarming round. I'd just blow smoke and make them buzz off."

"Someone wasn't listening when Shedmaster read us Branch Line Engines," retorted Duck.

"Buzz Buzz Buzz," retorted Duck. Because some days he's smooth af when dealing with the big engines but this apparently is not one of them.

James retired in a huff.

James was to pull the Express next morning, and when Duck brought his coaches the platform was crowded.

"Mind your backs! Mind your backs!" Two porters were taking a loaded trolley to the front van. Fred drove, while Bert walked behind.

"Careful, Fred! Careful!" warned Bert, but Fred was in a hurry and didn't listen.

Suddenly an old lady appeared in front. This whole book is just anti-women at stations propaganda.

Fred stopped dead (geddit?), but the luggage slid forward and burst the lid of a large white wooden box.

Some bees flew out, and, just as James came backing down, they began to explore the station.

Someone shouted a warning. The platform cleared like magic.

The bees were too sleepy to be cross. They found the empty station cold. James's Fireman was trying to couple the train. They buzzed round him hopefully. They wanted him to mend their hive. Then they could go back and be warm again.

But the Fireman didn't understand. He thought they would sting him.

He gave a yell, ran back to the cab and crouched with his jacket over his head.

The Driver didn't understand either. He swatted at the bees with the shovel. LOL

The bees, disappointed, turned their attention to James.

James's boiler was nice and warm. The bees swarmed round it happily.

"Buzz off! BUZZ OFF!" he hissed. He made smoke, but the wind blew it away, and the bees stayed. #ProseGoals

At last one settled on his hot smokebox. It burnt its feet. The bee thought James had stung it on purpose. It stung James back — right on the nose!

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeee!" whistled James. He had had enough: so had his Driver and Fireman. They started without waiting for the Guard's whistle.

They didn't notice till too late, that they'd left their train behind. And, of course, Gordon will do the same thing a story later. F in the chat for Sudrians who just want their train to leave on time for a damn change.

In the end it was BoCo who pulled the Express. He was worried at first about leaving his trucks, but Duck promised to look after them and so it was arranged. He managed to gain back some of the lost time, and The Fat Controller was pleased with him.

No one seemed to notice when James came back to the Shed. They were talking about a new kind of beehive on wheels. It was red, they said. Then they all said "Buzz, buzz, buzz," and laughed a lot.

James thought that for big Main Line Engines they were being very silly.

WRONG ROAD

THOMAS' Branch Line is important, and so is Edward's. Thomas again. Excuse to throw him in the illustrations. I swear, the Reverend was prepared to never pick up his pen again after this book. They both bring in valuable traffic, but their track and bridges are not so strong as those on the Main.

That is why The Fat Controller does not allow the heavier Main Line Engines such as Gordon and Henry to run on them.

If, however, you had heard Gordon talking to Edward a short while ago, you would have thought that The Fat Controller had forbidden him to run on Branch Lines for quite another reason.

"It's not fair," grumbled Gordon.

"What isn't fair?" asked Edward.

"Letting Branch Line diesels pull Main Line trains."

"Never mind, Gordon. I'm sure BoCo will let you pull his trucks sometimes. That would make it quite fair."

Gordon spluttered furiously. "I won't pull BoCo's dirty trucks. I won't run on Branch Lines."

"Why not? It would be a nice change."

"The Fat Controller would never approve," said Gordon loftily. "Branch Lines are vulgar."

He puffed away in a dignified manner. Edward chuckled and followed him to the station...

That 'dot-dot-dot' there slays me. The Reverend came a long way with his humor since Book 1.

Gordon, his Driver and his Fireman all say it was the lady's fault. She wore a green floppy hat, and was saying "Goodbye" to a friend sitting in the coach nearest the Guard's Van.

It was almost time to start. The Fireman looked back. He was new to the job. ohhhhh. that explains a fair bit. He couldn't see the Guard but he did see something green waving. He thought it was the flag.

"Right away, Mate," he called.

But the Guard had not waved his flag. When Gordon started he left some luggage, several indignant passengers and the Guard all standing on the platform.

Every evening two fast trains leave the Big Station within five minutes. The 6.25 is Gordon's for the Main Line. Edward's, at 6.30, runs along the Branch.

By the time Gordon had been brought back, Edward's train was overdue.

"You've missed your 'path', Gordon," said The Fat Controller crossly. man these crewmen just shrink out of sight when there's a reckoning to be had, don't they? stop leaving your engines holding the bag, lads! "Now we must clear Edward's train before you can start."

This should have put everything right with the least possible trouble; but Control at the Big Station made things worse. They forgot to warn the Signalman at Edward's Junction about the change of plan.

It was dark by the time the trains reached the Junction, and you can guess what happened — Edward went through on the Main, while Gordon was switched to the Branch...

It took The Fat Controller several hours to sort out the tangle and pacify the passengers.

In the end Gordon was left, with his fire drawn, cold and cross on one of Edward's sidings.

Interesting. So the book does address the confusion? And at minimum imply that the trains were re-routed? But Gordon didn't take his? Maybe another branch line engine ran his train back to the main, possibly to avoid having to turn Gordon around? I think I've seen it generally accepted by the modelling crowd that there is no turntable here, not at this time, and perhaps a turning triangle that was too small for Gordon, or his crew wouldn't have been able to quickly figure out in the dark...

Bill and Ben peeped into the Yard next morning. They wondered if BoCo had brought them some trucks. There were no trucks, but they didn't mind that.

Teasing Gordon, they thought, would be much better fun!

"What's that?" asked Bill loudly.

"Ssh!" whispered Ben. "It's Gordon."

"It looks like Gordon, but it can't be. Gordon never comes on Branch Lines. He thinks them vulgar." How do they know? This implies either a) Edward related the whole conversation at the beginning of the story already or b) Gordon harrumphs on this theme so often that they've... well, they've had even more time for someone to tell them about Gordon's snobberies. *whispers* And the obvious candidate for who would tell them is still Edward lmao. I swear, the worst gossip. I love the passive-aggressive methods he's developed since TTRE era in order to stay three steps ahead of any bullying.

Gordon pretended he hadn't heard. It's kind of Gordon's go-to power move.

"If it isn't Gordon," said Ben, "it's just a pile of old iron..."

"... which we'd better take to the scrapyard."

"No, Bill, this lot's useless for scrap. We'll take it to the harbour and dump it in the sea."

Gordon was alarmed. "I am Gordon. Stop! Stop!"

The twins paid no attention. Gordon shut his eyes and prepared for the worst.

The twins argued loudly and long. Bill favoured the scrapyard, while Ben said that the cutting up in such places was something cruel.

It would be kinder, he urged, to give these remains a quick end in the sea. Besides, he went on, they would make a lovely splash.

Gordon could not view either prospect with any enthusiasm.

Up to that time he had disapproved of diesels. pikachu shocked face

They were, he considered, ugly, smelly, and noisy; but when he opened his eyes and saw BoCo coming into the Yard, he thought him the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.

"BoCo my dear engine!" he gasped. "Save me!"

BoCo quickly sized up the situation, and sent Bill and Ben about their business.

They were cheeky at first pikachu's shocked face now in danger of just freezing that way, but BoCo threatened to take away the trucks of coal he had brought for them. That made them behave at once.

Gordon thought he was wonderful. "Those little demons!" he said. "How do you do it?"

"Ah well," said BoCo. "It's just a knack."

Gordon thinks to this day that BoCo saved his life; but we know that the twins were only teasing — don't we? 😇💛🚂😇

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EDWARD'S EXPLOIT

EDWARD scolded the twins severely, but told Gordon it served him right. Gordon was furious. These are probably my top-2 favorite RWS-only sentences lmao. I can't even begin to unpack all this so we'll just move on.

A few days later, some Enthusiasts came. On their last afternoon they went to the China Clay Works.

Edward found it hard to start the heavy train.

"Did you see him straining?" asked Henry.

"Positively painful," remarked James.

"Just pathetic," grunted Gordon. "He should give up and be Preserved before it's too late."

"Shut up!" burst out Duck. "You're all jealous. Edward's better than any of you."

"You're right, Duck," said BoCo. "Edward's old, but he'll surprise us all."

Bill and Ben were delighted with their visitors. They loved being photographed and took the party to the Workings in a "Brake Van Special."

On the way home, however, the weather changed. Wind and rain buffeted Edward. His sanding gear failed, his wheels slipped, and his Fireman rode in front dropping sand on the rails by hand.

"ComeOn-ComeOn-ComeOn," panted Edward breathlessly. Oh Awdry. You and your gloriously unnecessary adverbs. I like to think that this was your decoy to the editor so you could retain those creative capitalization/spacings, but your editor was asleep at the controls completely. "This is dreadful!"

But there was worse to come. Before his Driver could check them, his wheels slipped fiercely again and again.

With a shrieking crack, something broke and battered his frame and splashers up and out of shape.

The passengers gathered round while the crew inspected the damage. Repairs took some time.

"One of your crank-pins broke, Edward," said his Driver at last. "We've taken your side-rods off. Now you're a 'single' like an old fashioned engine. Can you get these people home? They must start back tonight."

"I'll try, Sir," promised Edward.

They backed down to where the line was more nearly level. important detail to leave out??! but i'm sure it would have made filming harder Edward puffed and pulled his hardest, but his wheels kept slipping and he just could not start the heavy train.

The passengers were getting anxious.

Driver, Fireman, and Guard went along the train making adjustments between the coaches.

"We've loosened the couplings, Edward," they said. "Now you can pick your coaches up one by one, just as you do with trucks."

"That will be much easier," said Edward gratefully.

So, with the Fireman standing carefully in front, the Driver gently opened the regulator.

"Come... on!" puffed Edward. He moved cautiously forward, ready to take the strain as his tender coupling tightened against the weight of the first coach. my editor's pen is twitching here. Britt and David did a good with this one.

The first coach moving helped to start the second, and the second helped the third, and so on down the train. This cut hurts a bit more lmao

"I've done it! I've done it!" puffed Edward, his wheels spinning with excitement. WHY DID YOU CUT THIS. THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER?

"Steady, Boy!" warned his Driver, skilfully checking the wheel-slip. "Well done, Boy!"

"You've got them! You've got them!" And he listened happily to Edward's steady beat as he forged slowly by surely up the hill. a hill. this was against a hill. my childhood was a lie.

The passengers were thrilled. Most had their heads out of windows. They waved and shouted, cheering Edward on. my editor's hand twitches to make a small deletion here

The Fat Controller paced the platform. Henry with the Special train waited anxiously too.

They heard a "Peep peep!" Then, battered, weary, but unbeaten, Edward steamed in.

The Fat Controller stepped angrily forward. He pointed to the clock, but excited passengers swept him aside. They cheered Edward, his Driver and Fireman to the echo, before rushing off to get in Henry's train.

Henry steamed away to another storm of cheers i know this is how a bunch of railway enthusiasts would in fact pro'lly act, but, from a storytelling perspective, please use the cheering a bit more sparingly, your Reverence, but not before everyone knew Edward's story.

Edward went thankfully to the Shed, while Duck and BoCo saw to it that he was left in peace. Gordon and James remained respectfully silent.

The Fat Controller asked BoCo to look after Edward's line while he was being mended. BoCo was pleased. He worked well, and now they run it together. Bill and Ben still tease him, but BoCo doesn't mind. aww.

He lives at Edward's station, but is welcome anywhere, for he is now one of the "family." stop, my heart can only take so much.

Donald and Douglas were the last to accept him, but he often helps with their goods trains, and the other day they were heard to remark, "For a diesel, yon BoCo's nae sich a bad sort of engine."

That, from the Caledonian Twins, is high praise indeed!

#FAMILY #main line engines #rws full text #fan resources #ttte fan resources #rws annotations #rws transcriptions #HE USES THE WORD

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mean-scarlet-deceiver · 3 years

Text

For the two super original frens who suggested we start with The Three Railway Engines... here you go! [RWS #1]

Pilot episode pilot episode pilot episode—

Objectively the very worst book that RWA ever offered. He was an amateur and it Shows. (And condensing the first two stories is surely one of Britt Allcroft’s top 10 editorial moves.)

I still like it, though. Why?

1) The Sad Story of Henry. “It makes no damn sense!… compels me, though.” And it gets worse every time Awdry tried to open his mouth and rationalize it! It wasn’t meant to be rationalized, and yet it’s so much fun to try and do so.

2) It’s also fun to try to get into the mindset of some rando in 1945, experiencing this universe for the first time. (You’d certainly never expect it to one day get as deep as it did! That’s for damn sure!)

3) Any fanfic writer has to get a confidence boost from this. Yup, this is the standard bar. Yeah, that thing. The one that’s on the floor. Here are your binoculars. C’mon. We can write at least as well as Rev. Awdry did when he was published, guys. We’ve got this!

4) Reading this in conjunction with Duke the Lost Engine is just mind-blowingly cool. They form a beautiful set of “bookends” to the series. (What about Tramway Engines, Jobes? Well, I like to compare/contrast that one with Thomas the Tank Engine, soooo… two sets of bookends. Rev. Awdry’s mind is a neat place to explore!)

Per Moon’s request, I’ll do Main Line Engines next, but I’ll put Duke in the queue after that so anyone who wants to can see for themselves. <3

purple text = just things i wanted to draw attention to, mostly details not in the TVS adaptation that have made me rethink various headcanons

strikethrough = i couldn't resist making editorial jokes

Also, pics only of the first page of each story. The illustrations are all available elsewhere.

EDWARD’S DAY OUT

ONCE upon a time there was a little engine called Edward. He lived in a Shed with five other engines. They were all bigger than Edward and boasted about it. “The Driver won’t choose you again,” they said. “He wants big, strong engines like us.” Edward had not been out for a long time; he began to feel sad.

Just then the Driver and Fireman came along to start work.

The Driver looked at Edward. “Why are you sad?” he asked. “Would you like to come out today?”

“Yes, please,” said Edward. So the Fireman lit the fire and made a nice lot of steam.

Then the Driver pulled the lever, and Edward puffed away.

“Peep, peep,” he whistled. “Look at me now.”

The others were very cross at being left behind.

Away went Edward to get some coaches. Because we weren't imagining it, guys — kinda looks to me like the No-Where Railway really did have a one engine in steam situation during this time. At least, it did at this depot. WTH. Locomotive crisis, indeed!

“Be careful, Edward,” said the coaches, “don’t bump and bang us like the other coaches do.” So Edward came up to the coaches, very, very gently, and the shunter fastened the coupling.

“Thank you, Edward,” said the coaches. “That was kind, we are glad you are taking us today.”

Then fortunately Rev. Awdry ran out of morals that he wanted to stuff into tonight's story, so they went to the station where the people were waiting.

“Peep, peep,” whistled Edward — “get in quickly, please.”

So the people got in quickly and Edward waited happily for the Guard to blow his whistle, and wave his green flag.

He waited and waited — there was no whistle, no green flag. “Peep, peep, peep, peep — where is that Guard?” Edward was getting anxious.

The Driver and Fireman asked the Stationmaster, “Have you seen the Guard?” “No,” he said. They asked the Porter, “Have you seen the Guard?” “Yes — last night,” said the Porter. I ship it.

Edward began to get cross. “Are we ever going to start?” he said.

“Just go! lmao,” shouted a boxy tank engine, several sidings over.

Just then a little boy shouted, “Here he comes!” and there the Guard was, running down the hill with his flags in one hand and a sandwich in the other.

He ran onto the platform, blew his whistle, and jumped into his van.

And that's it. That's all the suspense you are going to get during this story.

Edward puffed off. He did have a happy day. All the children ran to wave as he went past and he met old friends at all the stations. He worked so hard that the Driver promised to take him out again next day.

“I’m going out again tomorrow,” he told the other engines that night in the Shed, because, good Lord, this pre-Thomas version of Edward sure seems okay with stirring things up. “What do you think of that?”

But he didn’t hear what they thought, for he was so tired and happy that he fell asleep at once.

Power Move Rating: A+ 💯

EDWARD AND GORDON

ONE of the engines in Edward’s Shed yeah that’s right punks. it’s now Edward’s Shed now and the rest of you just live there was called Gordon. He was very big and very proud.

“You watch me this afternoon, little Edward,” he boasted, “as I rush through with the Express; that will be a splendid sight for you.”

Just then his Driver pulled the lever. “Goodbye, little Edward,” said Gordon, as he puffed away, “look out for me this afternoon!”

It’s an eternal mystery to me whether he’s trying to bully or flirt but either way he’s really rather bad at it.

Edward went off, too, to do some shunting.

Edward liked shunting. It was fun playing with trucks. He would come up quietly and give them a pull.

“Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!” screamed the trucks. “Whatever is happening?”

Then he would stop and the silly trucks would go bump into each other. “Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!” they cried again.

Edward pushed them until they were running nicely, and when they weren’t expecting it he would stop; one of them would be sure to run on to another line. Edward played till there were no more trucks; then he stopped to rest.

Presently he heard a whistle. Gordon came puffing along, very slowly, and very crossly. Instead of nice shining coaches, he was pulling a lot of very dirty coal trucks.

“A goods train! a goods train! a goods train!” he grumbled. “The shame of it, the shame of it, the shame of it.”

He went slowly through, with the trucks clattering and banging behind him.

Edward laughed, and went to find some more trucks.

Soon afterwards a Porter came and spoke to his Driver. “Gordon can’t get up the hill. Will you take Edward and push him, please?”

They found Gordon halfway up the hill and very cross. His Driver and Fireman were talking to him severely. “You are not trying!” they told him. And if you think the only mechanical trick engine-men on this railway have is scolding their engines, oh you just wait until next story!

“I can’t do it,” said Gordon. “The noisy trucks hold an engine back so. If they were coaches now — clean sensible things that come quietly — that would be different.”

Edward’s Driver came up. “We’ve come to push,” he said. “No use at all,” said Gordon. “You wait and see,” said Edward’s Driver.

They brought the train back to the bottom of the hill. Edward came up behind the brake van ready to push.

“Peep, peep, I’m ready,” said Edward.

“Poop, poop, no good,” grumbled Gordon.

The Guard blew his whistle and they pulled and pushed as hard as they could.

“I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I can’t do it,” puffed Gordon.

“I will do it, I will do it, I will do it,” puffed Edward.

“I can’t do it, I will do it, I can’t do it, I will do it, I can’t do it, I will do it,” they puffed together.

Edward pushed and puffed and puffed and pushed, as hard as ever he could, and almost before he realised it, Gordon found himself at the top of the hill.

“I’ve done it! I’ve done it! I’ve done it!” he said proudly, and forgot all about Edward pushing behind. He didn’t wait to say “Thank you”, but ran on so fast that he passed two stations before his Driver could make him stop.

Edward had pushed so hard that when he got to the top he was out of breath.

Gordon ran on so fast that Edward was left behind.

The Guard waved and waved, but Edward couldn’t catch up.

He ran on to the next station, and there the Driver and Fireman said they were very pleased with him. The Fireman gave him a nice long drink of water, and the Driver said, “I’ll get out my paint tomorrow, and give you a beautiful new coat of blue with red stripes, then you’ll be the smartest engine in the Shed.” Because that's the normal purview of an engine driver. I guess.

THE SAD STORY OF HENRY

ONCE, an engine attached to a train

Was afraid of a few drops of rain —

— It went into a tunnel,

And squeaked through its funnel

And never came out again.

😨

The engine’s name was Henry. His Driver and Fireman argued with him, but he would not move. “The rain will spoil my lovely green paint and red stripes,” he said.

The Guard blew his whistle till he had no more breath, and waved his flags till his arms ached; but Henry still stayed in the tunnel, and blew steam at him.

“I am not going to spoil my lovely green paint and red stripes for you,” he said rudely.

The passengers came and argued too, but Henry would not move.

A Fat Director who was on the train told the Guard to get a rope. “We will pull you out,” he said. But Henry only blew steam at him and made him wet. Y'know, he sure has a lot of steam to spare for an engine that most of us headcanon as having just plain run out of steam this day.

They hooked the rope on and all pulled — except The Fat Director. “My doctor has forbidden me to pull,” he said.

They pulled and pulled and pulled, but still Henry stayed in the tunnel.

At last another train came. The Guard waved his red flag and stopped it. The two Engine Drivers, the two Firemen, and the two Guards went and argued with Henry.

“Look, it has stopped raining,” they said. “Yes, but it will begin again soon,” said Henry. “And what would become of my green paint with red stripes then?”

So they brought the other engine up, and it pushed and puffed and pushed as hard as ever it could. But still Henry stayed in the tunnel.

So they gave it up. They told Henry, “We shall leave you there for always and always and always.”

They took up the old rails, built a wall in front of him, and cut a new tunnel.

Because these No-Where people are insane and have absolutely no sense of priorities, that's why. *shrug* Hope this doesn't turn into an ongoing island stereotype!

Now Henry can’t get out, and he watches the trains rushing through the new tunnel. He is very sad because no one will ever see his lovely green paint with red stripes again.

But I think he deserved it, don’t you?

😳

EDWARD, GORDON, AND HENRY

EDWARD and Gordon often went through the tunnel where Henry was shut up.

Edward would say, “Peep, peep — hullo!” and Gordon would say, “Poop, poop, poop! Serves you right!”

Poor Henry had no steam to answer, his fire had gone out; soot and dirt from the tunnel roof had spoilt his lovely green paint and red stripes. He was cold and unhappy, and wanted to come out and pull trains too.

Gordon always pulled the Express. He was proud of being the only engine strong enough to do it.

There were many heavy coaches, full of important people like The Fat Director who had punished Henry.

Gordon was seeing how fast he could go. “Hurry! hurry! hurry!” he panted.

“Trickety-trock, trickety-trock, trickety-trock,” said the coaches. They had not yet learned Sass.

Gordon could see Henry’s tunnel in front.

“In a minute,” he thought, “I’ll poop, poop, poop at Henry, and rush through and out into the open again.”

Today, you see, Gordon was to learn about the Unspoken Plan Guarantee.

Closer and closer he came — he was almost there, when crack: “Wheee ——— eeshshsh,” he was in a cloud of steam, and going slower and slower.

His Driver stopped the train.

“What has happened to me?” asked Gordon, “I feel so weak.” “You’ve burst your safety valve,” said the Driver. “You can’t pull the train any more.” “Oh, dear,” said Gordon. “We were going so nicely, too… Look at Henry laughing at me.” Gordon made a face at Henry, and blew smoke at him. Siblings, all right. I don't need to cite The Lore. This is the most sibling dynamic ever.

Everybody got out, and came to see Gordon. “Humph!” said The Fat Director. “I never liked these big engines — always going wrong; send for another engine at once.”

While the Guard went to find one, they uncoupled Gordon, and ran him on a siding out of the way.

The only engine left in the Shed was Edward.

“I’ll come and try,” he said.

Gordon saw him coming. “That’s no use,” he said, “Edward can’t pull the train.”

Edward puffed and pulled, and pulled and puffed, but he couldn’t move the heavy coaches.

“I told you so,” said Gordon rudely. “Why not let Henry try?” he added sarcastically.

“Yes,” said The Fat Director, “I will.”

Gordon: shocked pikachu face

“Will you help pull this train, Henry?” he asked. “Yes,” said Henry at once. “Yes, yes, oh please yes thinly-disguised God figure I'm literally disintegrating in here with nothing but the spiders and rust for company what are you nutters I'll do a n y t h i n g."

So Gordon’s Driver and Fireman lit his fire; some platelayers broke down the wall and put back the rails; and when he had steam up Henry puffed out.

Seriously. What is going on here. How fast did they raise Henry's steam? Couldn't they have sent Edward on with the first-class coaches at least? Couldn't everyone have walked to Vicarstown by this point? Are all the passengers having a cookout? Was this the You Had To Be There social event of the '20s?

He was dirty, his boiler was black, and he was covered with cobwebs. “Ooh! I’m so stiff! Ooh! I’m so stiff!” he groaned.

“You’d better have a run to ease your joints, and find a turntable,” said The Fat Director kindly.

Too little too late.

Henry came back feeling better, and they put him in front.

“Peep, peep,” said Edward, “I’m ready.”

“Peep, peep, peep,” said Henry, “so am I.”

“Pull hard; pull hard; pull hard,” puffed Edward.

“We’ll do it; we’ll do it; we’ll do it,” puffed Henry.

“Pull hard we’ll do it. Pull hard we’ll do it. Pull hard we’ll do it,” they puffed together. The heavy coaches jerked and began to move, slowly at first, then faster and faster. This scene works so much better in extended written form, wth, somehow it really does make me feel more like I'm beside a starting train than the TVS version.

“We’ve done it together! We’ve done it together! We’ve done it together!” said Edward and Henry.

“You’ve done it, hurray! You’ve done it, hurray! You’ve done it, hurray!” sang the coaches. This part is still lame tho.

All the passengers were excited mostly because after hours and hours of delay they were finally moving again good God the Nowhereland-people sure have some bad Stockholm syndrome. The Fat Director leaned out of the window to wave to Edward and Henry; but the train was going so fast that his hat blew off into a field where a goat ate it for his tea.

They never stopped till they came to the big station at the end of the line.

The passengers all got out and said, “Thank you,” and a few unprintable things pro’lly, and The Fat Director promised Henry a new coat of paint.

“Would you like blue and red?”

“Yes, please,” said Henry, “then I’ll be like Edward.”

The Togetherness™ is strong in this one.

Edward and Henry went home quietly or at least as quietly as two steam engines can wend, and on their way home they helped Gordon back to the Shed.

All three engines are now great friends. No, seriously. Great friends. Besties. Stop laughing!

Wasn’t Henry pleased when he had his new coat? He is very proud of it, as all good engines are — but he doesn’t mind the rain now, because it sure beats the extended tunnel nightmare because he knows that the best way to keep his paint nice is not to run into tunnels, but to ask his Driver to rub him down when the day’s work is over.

A concept that apparently no one thought to explain to him during all the arguments back on page 42.

#we joke that the engines are full of caprice #but they're the most normal beings on the island #it's the sudrians who are all insane #the poor engines are just Doing Their Best to work around the humans' madness #thank you for coming to my ted tags #not tagging this in any helpful sort of way #it's for friends and friends of friends #i miss LJ's f-lock function tbh #but what are the odds i get sued?#ooooooooh i know i should make it a Plus Post lmaooo #seriously though there are several books where it's been agonizing to not be able to find the text online #libraries are not to be relied on for these volumes either #they have. like. the thomas books?#THOSE ARE THE ONES THAT WERE ADAPTED NEAR WORD-FOR-WORD smh #anyway though dear friends #like #save it fast if you want it for ref okay?#i'll probably take this down again at some point #the detail about gordon's driver not being able to make him stop for TWO STATIONS #huh #i can't tell whether this is just awdry personifying *everything* about ordinary train operations #in other words gordon just wasn't due to stop until then but awdry wanted to make it colorful #or whether we want to just... lean into that being a whole Thing #the greatest story never told in TTRE #it's pretty adorable ngl #the three railway engines #fan resources #rws transcriptions #rws annotations #rws full text

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