#tim who is a baby: lol lets off him for the shits and giggles

[deadsetobsessions]

Your name is Tim Drake and you are nine years old.

Today, tomorrow, and soon, you're going to save Robin.

----

Tim stares at his reflection on the sink tap. It trembles, along with the plane, as he contemplates his situation.

His face is rounder, now, with unfamiliar baby-fat rounding out the sharp lines he'd come to expect. Even with the subpar reflection, Tim can tell that his dark eyebags are all but gone, replaced with youthful skin.

Magic. He's being quite literal, seeing as he's been tossed into the body of his younger self at the hands of a crazed magician.

He could find a way back... or he could create a completely different timeline by fixing everything that went wrong. It's not like he has anything to go back to, anyways. That crazed magician was actually competent and killed everyone he ever cared about. Tim barely got away with his life. He could go back to save that shell of a world- surrounded by people whose minds were broken beyond magical and medical repair- or stay here, fix his own personal troubles and cut off the magician before he could start with his world domination bullshit.

Well, Tim already has an idea of what he wants. So he begins a list, after having oriented himself.

Save Robin

There's no point trying to convince Bruce that he knows where Jason's being held. So, Tim finds himself on a plane to Ethiopia a day before Jason's meant to die. This was long before Barbara even thought of being Oracle, and the tech is ancient in his hands. In short order, nine year old Tim has a trust fund with millions in it, all siphoned from billionaires like Lex Luthor and his own parents.

Tim toddles back to his seat, after washing his hands because he still can't shake the extra bit of paranoia that came with a missing spleen. Oh. Tim blinks guilelessly at his seat neighbor, smiling like Timothy Drake, Angel of a Son as he reels from the realization that he still has his spleen.

Tim adds another box to his list:

Keep Ra's away from my spleen, creepy bastard.

What else...? Ah, the League of Assassins.

Damian

Tim pauses. Holy crap. Damian's only six right now. Tim moves Damian's box upwards in urgency. Tim might have a mildly antagonistic relationship with his younger brother back then, but he wants baby pictures of his siblings, dammit. He's gonna put that photography expertise to good use if it's the last thing he does.

Watch over Z, Owens, Pru

'They're alive!' His mind screams. Cold rationality slaps the sentimentality down with a quick 'But they won't be if I fail.'

His mind wanders to Dick Grayson. He scowls as something pops up in the back of his head.

Catalina Flores

Contact Nightwing- in space

He's gotta call Dick back from that Teen Titans mission, Jason's gonna need all of the support he's going to get.

Find Cass

Train Steph

Save Duke's family from Venom

Tim taps at that last point. He'll save them. But that might mean Duke might never join their family.

But he'll be happy and Tim... will deal with it. He'll be the only one mourning, anyways. To end on a lighter note, he adds something that he should have done ages ago.

Give Tam a raise.

Tim sighs as he gets out of the airport, the hired escort he found and vetted, delivering him to a predetermined hotel. They think his parents are already inside. He laughs and does not say anything to make them think otherwise. He has so many things to do, Tim laments as he settles down to track the Joker's movements. Here. That's where Jason's being held. Being tortured.

He can, however, knock two things off his list in one go. Tim picks up the burner phone he acquired. He doesn't have time, or else he would have done this sooner and saved them all the trouble.

[RR: Are you in Ethiopia yet?]

[Deathstroke: Payment confirmed. In Ethiopia.]

[RR: Third building by the docks.]

An hour.

[Deathstroke: Confirmed. Target spotted.]

Ten minutes.

[Deathstroke: Target eliminated. Bringing Robin to Safehouse.]

Twenty minutes.

[Deathstroke: Basic first aid applied. Leaving.]

[RR: Secondary payment sent. Confirm?]

[Deathstroke: Confirmed. Pleasure doing business with you.]

Tim sprawls on the king bed. He sighs a breath of relief. He'd check on Jason in person, if he weren't paranoid about leaving traces that would get back to him. Tim's pretty sure that Deathstroke's going to get hunted down in the near future, regardless, so he made sure to add a huge tip on top of the extra fees for burning one of Deathstroke's safe houses and the emergency first aid. He taps into the rudimentary camera Deathstroke had given him the access codes to, to stare at Jason's rising and falling chest. On a further table, the Joker's head laid in a preservation box.

He bypasses all of the security on the Teen Titan's tech to send Dick a message.

[Robin has been retrieved from the Joker. Contact Batman for details.]

Then, he sends Bruce the location of the safe house. Tim spends the rest of the day staring at Jason and watching his father in another timeline break as he huddles close to the broken body of Tim's Robin.

Timothy Drake destroys the burner phone.

#genius tim drake #tim drake angst #tim saves jason #tim hiring a hitman bc that's the one guy he doesn't really care about offing #tim: if I didn't kill him i didn't cross the line #bruce wayne #batman #jason todd #red hood #dick grayson #nightwing #time traveling tim drake #teen titans #deathstroke #deathstroke: wow my client must be a big crime lord to off a rogue #tim who is a baby: lol lets off him for the shits and giggles #tim drake #tim drake is not red robin #time travel fix it #dc robin

[sylvies-chen]

top five moments of 6x02 ♡

OMG I CAN ONLY PICK FIVE?? OK LET’S GO:

lie detector (tim’s ily) — I think this moment is my favourite part of the episode by far, because first off you have the question about the bugs which was SOOOO cute and so encapsulating of chenford’s relationship that it had me giggling at my tv and twirling my hair lol. but then lucy takes the time to seek out confirmation of his love out of her own will, not because she needed to be proven right but because she wanted to hear it 🥹 and he immediately says yes! he loves her! we finally get to hear it and the lie detector shows it’s true and it’s just so gratifying for chenford fans to finally get this

cop cutie! cute and on duty! — GUYS I KNOW IT’S CORNY BUT HATERS WILL HATE, DADDY COP IS A BANGER!! this was so funny and such an earworm— and to those saying they thought it was an old episode when it opened on that scene, lemme just say SAME lol— but then to up the ante by pulling out the choir as if literally singing for and rejoicing the 100th episode was just so perfect and classic rookie: a little hokey but well executed and fun and all around heartfelt. 10/10 I need it on spotify right now.

if I ain’t got you by alicia keys (lucy’s ily) — okay I’m scared some of you chenford girlies are going to tar and feather me for not putting this at number 1 or 2 but HEAR ME OUT: I’ve expressed my problems about this temporary argument solution!! I think this whole scene is so gorgeous for so so so many reasons: lucy and tim dancing as a couple for the first time, the matching outfits, the kiss, ugh all PERFECT I love my babies 🥹❤️ that being said, I don’t like how so much of the resolution/peace between them relied on tim being completely in the wrong when I feel like it’s a more nuanced issue than that and denies lucy any opportunity to critically reflect on her own feelings about this. and also, it does seem weird to me that she wouldn’t have said ‘I love you’ back to tim when he first said it?? they smile at each other but then they’re back to looking awkwardly from afar at the wedding (prior to this scene of course) and so I’m a bit uneasy at the implication (which the writers did not necessarily add on purpose) that lucy’s ily depended on him admitting he was wrong in any way. but idk maybe I’m just being too nitpicky here, I still ADOREEE THIS SCENE FOREVER AND EVER I want it on my grave k thanks

tim down on one knee — need I say more?? this imagery of him on his knee with the ring staring up at lucy was a glimpse at chenford’s future and it was such cute teasing, god I love writers and showrunners when they add messy fun little teaser moments like this! plus tim totally kicked ass, all covered in blood and ready to pass out, and ah, I do always say the best kind of lust is bloodlust 😌

bailan wedding vows — I actually cannot believe the day has come where a bailan moment is in my top 5 episode moments but these wedding vows showed me how the writers are finally able to articulate what works about them as a couple!! with someone as impressive and as versatile and skilled as bailey, I think literally any other man would feel threatened or emasculated, but nolan really is just Some Guy™️ who’s really into her and obsessed with her and is very sturdy ground for her to come home to. I wish we dove more into her past as a survivor of abuse because I feel like that previous situation informs so much of why she loves john even though, let’s be real: she’s eons above his league holy shit it’s not even funny how out of his league she is. but also she could never be with anyone else! she really just loves him and they have such a nice soft relationship which the wedding really sold me on. I liked it a lot even though I had my qualms about her and him as individuals and together.

honourable mention to wade and luna because I love them so much y’all they are adorable!! anyways, here’s my list and lmk if you agree

#abby.answers #the rookie #chenford #tim bradford #lucy chen #john nolan #bailey nune #celina juarez

[ohpedromypedro]

Pour toi? Toujours.

A/N: This is my first Max Phillips fic and I’m excited to finally get it posted for my fellow Max lovers to read. 😍 In my world, Bloodsucking Bastards ended differently than it did canonically, so most characters are still alive, just vampires. (Except Ted. He’s still dead, but it’s not actually mentioned in the fic. 😏)

word count: 4.4k

pairings/characters: Max Phillips x f!Reader, bout 70% of the characters from the movie (only half have dialogue lol)

warnings: Is a lot an acceptable answer? lmao. uhm in no particular order to how it’s written in the fic; language, smut, mild nudity, public sex, very vocal Max and reader during the sex, possessive/overprotective Max, sleazy jock dude trying to get laid, sexist/homophobic comments from said sleazy guy, character death (guess who?), use of vampire powers, complete mind control, alcohol use, etc.

summary: none, cause I suck at them lmao let’s just say this fic idea came about from one of @a-seeker-of-imagination​‘s and my many thirst conversations about Max. 😘

When Tim suggested a small office staff gathering at some random bar, your immediate response was going to be “hell no” because you did not want to be around your coworkers when they’re intoxicated, seeing as you suffer being around them all day at the office enough as it is, but Max being Max jumped the gun and said “hell yeah let’s do it!” for the both of you. You want to be annoyed, but you love your vampire boyfriend enough not to be annoyed with him for longer than a few lingering moments. If he wants to have fun watching humans get wasted on a Friday night, why not let him have it? If anything you’ll stick right by his side the entire time, not wanting to entertain your coworkers with your presence, maybe only Amanda, Evan, Tim, and Frank. The others, not so much.

“Are you ready, babe?” Max hums when he comes up behind you, wrapping his arms around your middle from behind while admiring the view of you in the reflection of the mirror. The dress you chose hugs you in all the right places, accents every one of your best features and the best of all, it’s red just for Max’s viewing pleasure.

You smile when you feel his arms wrap around you, lifting your head a bit to press a gentle kiss to the underside of his jaw. “Just gotta throw on some shoes and I’m good to go, handsome.”

“You look sexy,” he sighs, running his hands along your sides while breathing in the scent of your recently shampooed hair.

“Yeah? I was hoping you’d think so,” you tease, turning around in his hold and leaning up to press a deep kiss to his lips. “This is all for you, Phillips. Remember that.”

“How could I forget?” He groans, dropping his hands to give each of your ass cheeks a firm squeeze. “I get to share the same bed as this.”

“Mmm.” You hum, small little smirk on your face from the way he grabs your ass. “If you keep that up, we won’t make it to the bar and you’re the one who wants to go.”

“Can’t help it when you’re donning my favorite dress.” He smirks right back, moving his hands back up to your waist and giving a gentle knead with his thumbs.

“Topped with this necklace and I look like a snack.”

“Oh absolutely, Sweetheart. I could just eat you right up,” he murmurs, leaning close to press his lips to the most sensitive part of your neck, his fangs just barely poking into your skin moments later.

“Max,” you gasp, your still human heart thudding against your chest. You know he’d never do anything to hurt you intentionally, yeah he’s a vampire and one little accidental slip could end in him injecting you with his venom, which you’re not quite ready for just yet since you want to wait for the perfect moment, but your heart is racing for other reasons.

“Mmm I can hear how fast I make your heart beat when I do that, baby… Am I making you nervous?” He teases, pressing his nose against the pulse point of your throat.

“I trust you,” you whisper, willing yourself not to focus on the arousal you feel from the dangerous prick of his fangs to your neck.

“And that’s why I love you.” He pulls back, gazing down at you with a gentle touch to your cheek. “And why I will wait as long as I need to for you to be ready for the night I change you.”

“Oh, Max… I love you so much.” You breathe, leaning up to press another kiss to his lips, both of his hands now cupping your face. “How’d I get so lucky?” You whisper when he presses his forehead to yours, smile wide on his face.

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking that?” He chuckles, gently brushing his thumbs against your cheekbones.

“You? I’m the one with an immortal boyfriend,” you giggle softly, giving your head a small shake.

“And I’m the immortal vampire who found a beautiful young woman worth spending his life with and one who’s so willing to be turned when the time is right.”

“I guess we’re both lucky then, huh?” You bite your lip with a smile, gently running your hands over his tailored chest. “You know what else we are, Mr Phillips?”

“What’s that?” He smiles, lightly brushing his nose against your own.

“Late.”

“Oh shit you’re right,” he chuckles, giving his head a shake as he looks at his watch. “We’re too easily distracted by each other sometimes.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” you smirk, pressing a quick, teasing peck to the corner of his mouth before going to the closet to quickly slip on your shoes. “Alright, now I’m ready.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“About time you two got here,” Tim rolls his eyes, assuming that the two of you were busy getting a quick lay in before coming, which oh how wrong he is.

“Didn’t know we had to be here in a specific time frame,” Max tuts in an annoyed manner as he and you approach the side of the bar Tim, Evan, Amanda, Frank, Andrew, Zabeth and a few other new office coworkers are occupying, sort of claiming the area as yours for the time being.

“Don’t listen to Tim. He’s just mad that we decided eight against one to wait until you two got here to order our drinks.” Amanda smiles sweetly at the two of you, moreso genuine to you than to Max, she still doesn’t trust him and she probably never will until you convince her otherwise.

“Well, thank you to everyone besides Tim,” you smile, giving Tim a light teasing tap on the back. “Now, I’m gonna go order myself a drink. Coming, handsome?” You muse to Max, grabbing him by the tie and pulling him with you toward the bar.

“Eager, are we?” He chuckles, settling his hands on your waist from behind after you stop at the bar and wait for the bartender to come over.

“Just dying for a Bloody Mary,” you hum, resting the top of your head against his chest so you can look up at him. Of course he’s smirking.

“What an interesting beverage choice. I wonder what made you choose it.”

“Maybe I like vodka and tomato juice,” you shrug, knowing he’s more referring to the name, but you just love to tease him.

“Mmhm and when’s the last time you drank a Bloody Mary?”

“Uhh…”

“Exactly,” he smirks, playfully nipping at your nose.

“Whatever,” you laugh, giving the bartender a smile when she comes over. “I’ll have a Bloody Mary please.”

“And I’ll take a whiskey on the rocks with a water on the side, thank you.” Max smiles, rubbing his hands over your hips.

“You got it,” she smiles and nods, walking away to go make your drinks.

“So,” you hum, spinning around so you can rub your hands up Max’s chest and fix his tie a bit. “I’ve gotta use the ladies room real quick, could you bring my drink to the table if the bartender’s done before I finish?”

“Of course, beautiful. You know I will either way.”

“I love you, handsome.” You smile, leaning up to press a quick kiss to his lips before excusing yourself to the ladies room to relieve your bladder.

Amanda’s at the sink washing her hands when you walk in and you give her a small smile before going into one of the small stalls to pee. After wiping and fixing yourself up, you flush the toilet with your foot and go to wash your own hands. She’s still standing there at the mirror when you come out of the stall, applying a small amount of lip gloss to her lips.

“Hey. How’re things with Evan?” You smile, turning the faucet off after rinsing your hands and grabbing some paper towels to dry.

“Good,” she says with enthusiasm. “We worked things out after the success of the Phallicyte presentation and everything just started falling right back into place, where it should be, you know?”

“Yeah,” you smile, giving your head an understanding nod. “I’m glad you both worked things out together and I’m also happy to be able to help keep Max off your back since I know how he was before Tim suggested he hire a personal assistant to “keep him busy”.” You shake your head and laugh softly, looking at her with sincerity. “You don’t have to worry about him anymore, you know. I’m not just his personal assistant anymore, I’ve...fallen so hard for him and he’s willing to wait until I’m ready to turn me into an immortal vampire. That’s not the point, though, my point is that I love him and I’m willing to keep him in line for the sake of the people who work for and with him.”

“I appreciate that. Really. It might be hard to trust him, but I’m willing to try knowing he’s got you to tame him.”

“He needs that human touch and interaction for as long as he can before I’m ready to give it all up to spend eternity with him.” You muse, shrugging your shoulders as you take a quick glimpse in the dimly lit mirror to make sure your own makeup is tip top. “Plus, girl’s gotta stick by each other’s sides in every situation.”

“You got that right,” she laughs, the two of you moving to exit the bathroom.

The bar is a little busier now, more people than there were five minutes ago. Your gaze searches the area for Max and you spot him at the table setting your drinks down. You smile and are about to start heading that way when an obnoxiously tall figure steps in front of you blocking your view and your way to the table.

“Well hello gorgeous.”

You look up and meet the gaze of some clearly 21 year old college jock, your eyes rolling back as you take a step away from him. You don’t have time for dumb college guys’ drunken stupors.

“Way out of your league, bud. Nice try though.” You smile tightly, moving to walk around him but he only steps to the side to prevent you from walking away.

“Come on, pretty girl. You can’t come to a bar dressed like that and not expect someone to pick you up.” He smirks, looking you up and down as though you’re nothing but a piece of meat.

“That’s extremely sexist and disgusting,” Amanda chimes in, moving to stand by your side. “Not everyone dresses like this to be picked up by sleazy boys like you. Leave her alone.”

“No one was talking to you, dyke.” He glares at Amanda and you can only gasp with disgust at this asshole’s words.

“Dude, your parents raised you the absolute wrong way. You’ll never find a woman to marry with an attitude and sick personality like that.” You snap, shoving him away from you. “Can’t you see I’m clearly not interested? Plus, my boyfriend is right over there and he’s well on the extreme side of dangerous, so watch what you do and say or it’ll cost you.”

“Oh come on, you think that’s going to work on me? Trying to scare me with your “dangerous” boyfriend? Pathetic. Come on,” he says, stepping toward you again and this time grabbing your waist and pulling you against him, his hand travelling down toward your ass. “I can show you a better time than this imaginary dangerous boyfriend of yours.” His hand squeezes your ass as he smirks down at you.

Max looks over at just the right moment to see the guy grab and violate you and instantly his eyes are filled with murder. Who dares put their hands on his woman like that? And judging by the look on your face and the way you shove the guy away and slap him, just shows Max that you aren’t enjoying this guy’s presence very much, so immediately he starts stomping toward the three of you.

You see Max coming the moment he moves away from the table, can see the rage and hatred in his eyes for the guy who not only put his hands on you, but spoke such vile, offensive and sexist things to you and Amanda. You bite your lip and step back, pulling Amanda with you until the both of you are leaning against the wall. The jock guy goes to move toward you, but Max speaks up.

“Hey asshole!” He growls, earning the guy’s attention now. “You put your filthy little human fingers on my girlfriend and think you’re gonna get away with it?” His tone is dangerous, obviously, and the speed his vampire ability has him approaching the guy with barely gives him time to react. Max’s fangs are already showing and before the guy can even attempt to make a run for it, Max is already grabbing him and going right to snapping his neck.

Both you and Amanda watch with wide eyes as the jock’s lifeless body drops to the floor of the bar, mysteriously the only gazes on the four of you being the eyes of your fellow company. No one else has any clue as to what just happened, powers of being a vampire, you suppose. Max’s chest is heaving and quickly you rush to gently lay your hand on his chest, the other raising to touch his cheek.

“Max… It’s okay. I’m okay. Breathe for me, baby.” You murmur, touching your forehead to his own.

“I need fresh air,” he sighs, taking your hand and pulling you outside with him, leading you to a darker part of the building toward the back so he can clear his mind. There’s a few long moments of silence before he speaks again, his words a low growl filled with lust now. “I can smell you.”

“What?” You whisper, your cheeks turning a bright red from his sudden change in tone.

You can’t lie, watching Max snap that guy’s neck without a second thought turned you on more than you care to admit and it’s the overprotective manner in which he did it that has your pheromones so noticeable to him.

“I can smell how wet you are, how turned on me snapping that prick’s pathetic little neck made you.” He presses his nose to your throat, his body caging you against the building.

“Max,” you moan, your fingers carding through his hair while you give your head a tilt to the side. “Fuck, it was just so hot...watching you kill a man for me, over me.”

“You are mine,” he growls.

“Yes,” you breathe. “Like I said earlier, this is all for you, Max Phillips.”

“No one will ever dare put their hands on you again.” His hands squeeze your hips before moving up toward your breasts where he gently massages them through the fabric of your dress, earning himself soft moans from you in response.

“Please take me right here, Max… Please, I need you.” Your voice is soft, but the begging is powerful in your tone and hearing it is pleasant to his ears.

“I know,” he smirks, capturing your lips for a hard kiss while sliding the hem of your dress up, revealing your lack of panties beneath when his hand moves to rub over your drenched folds. “Fuck, you didn’t tell me you weren’t wearing panties.”

“You didn’t ask,” you moan into his mouth, your own hands dropping to start freeing his cock from its confinements. “I figured we’d end up like this at some point.”

“Oh?” He chuckles, hooking one of your legs around his waist and easily sliding two of his fingers into your drenched core, giving them several curls against your spongy walls.

“Y-- fuck,” you moan, your walls clenching around his digits when they curl inside you. “Yes.”

“Such a good girl you are, huh baby?” He rasps, groaning when your hand reaches into his now unbuttoned pants and gives his cock a firm squeeze.

“Only for you,” you murmur while you pull his entire length free, giving him a few hard pumps as you move to kiss him even harder.

“Fuck,” he groans into the kiss, his fingers promptly pulling out of your heat and replacing them with the head of his cock, pushing his hips forward so your walls engulf each thick inch of him.

“Oh Max,” you moan, jumping up so you can wrap your other leg around his middle and allow him access to your ass to hold you up against the wall while he fucks into you.

“That’s right, baby...only my name leaves that pretty mouth of yours, no other man could ever compare to how good I make you feel.” His movements still once he’s buried completely inside of you, your walls clenching around him like a vice while they adjust to the way he stretches you. God, his cock still takes getting used to.

“Move,” you finally whine out after he stays sheathed inside of you a few moments too long, rocking yourself against him for some sort of friction. “Please fuck me, so anyone that’s in hearing distance knows who I belong to.”

“Good fucking girl,” Max groans, kissing you hard once more while starting to thrust in and out of you at a rapid pace, your arms thrown around his neck to keep yourself grounded as he fucks and publicly claims you against the back wall outside the bar. “Want to hear you scream my name into the night sky, baby...” he murmurs as he presses his lips to your ear, forcing his length deeper and harder into you.

“Max! Oh yes, like that!” You cry out, head now thrown back against the wall behind you. Max takes the chance to start kissing along your throat, teasingly nipping at the sensitive skin with his fangs, knowing how much you get off on it despite the risks. “Oh fuck yes, don’t stop!”

“Wasn’t going to,” he growls, giving your ass a light slap while continuing to hold you up against the wall, the force of his thrusts visible in the way your breasts bounce beneath the fabric of your dress. “You feel so fucking good, Sweetheart… There’s no way I’m stopping yet.”

“Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck,” you moan louder the deeper and harder he sends his cock, your hands moving to tangle your fingers through his hair and give a few hard pulls. “Mmmmm you feel so f-fucking good inside of me, Max...stretch me in all the best ways.”

“That’s right,” he groans, burying his face against the pulse point of your throat and sucking a nice dark bruise there, marking you for others to see in a temporary way until he can finally mark you with his fangs. “Only I fit this perfectly inside of you, I’m the exact puzzle piece your sweet little pussy needs.”

“Oh yes,” you softly groan from the way he marks your throat, eyes slowly rolling toward the back of your head as your impending orgasm starts to creep up on you. “Mmmm Max! I-I’m...fuck, gonna cum soon...”

“Yeah? Gonna drench each inch of my cock, baby? Show the world just how good I fuck my girl?” One of his hands moves to start rubbing fast circles on your clit, his other hand still gripped hard on your ass.

“Yes!” You cry out with a hard clench around his length from the added stimulation to your bundle of nerves, only spurring his rubs to be even harder from how damn good you feel wrapped around him. His rubs to your clit, along with his continued harsh and deep thrusts into you, pushes you right toward your orgasm and soon you’re screaming out his name with another tight squeeze around him. “Oh Max!”

“Fuck. That’s it, baby...cum for me, all for me. My good girl,” he praises in your ear, licking and sucking at your earlobe while he fucks you through your orgasm.

“Please fill my sweet little pussy with your cum, Max! Want your seed coating my thighs by the time we get back inside…”

“Fuck,” he growls, moving to kiss you hard while starting to thrust so relentlessly that he has to swallow all your screams as he fills you with his cum. “Take every last drop and let it be a reminder that no one will ever have the pleasure of filling you the way I do.”

“I don’t want anyone else. Want you, only you... Only need you Max Phillips,” you groan in between kisses, your body slowly overcoming the aftereffects of the waves of pleasure your orgasm washed onto you. “I love you so much.” You breathe, resting your forehead against Max’s as he gradually slows his thrusts after filling you with a thick load of his cum.

“Je t’aime plus que tu ne le sauras jamais.” He says it so fluidly, as though French is the only language he speaks in this moment, and it makes you smile so wide that he knows you love it when he does. translation (per google translate lmao): I love you more than you’ll ever know.

“Say something else in French, something romantic.” You murmur, sighing softly when he slowly pulls his length from inside you and sets you back onto your feet.

“Je veux que tu deviennes ma femme avant de te transformer...je veux savourer ton humanité aussi longtemps que je peux.” He kisses you again, his hands fixing the hem of your dress so it looks undisturbed.

“Touché, mister romantic over here.” You smile against his lips, helping tuck his cock back in his pants and zipping him back up. The things lovers do for another after a nice quickie.

“I said,” he chuckles, holding you by the waist and gazing down at you with a large smile. “I want you to become my wife before I turn you. I want to savor your humanity for as long as I can.”

“Really?” You whisper. “Oh Max, I… You’re actually asking me to be your wife?” You bite your lip, gazing up at him with wide eyes.

“Would you marry me first?”

“Yes,” you breathe, nodding your head fervently. “Absolutely one million times yes.”

“Then yes, I am asking you to be my wife.” He whispers, kissing you one more time before pulling back and taking both your hands in his own. “I...already had a ring made for you and everything. It’s back home in my drawer.”

“You had a ring made for me?” You murmur in awe, looking up at your now fiancé with admiration.

“It not only symbolizes our eternal bond to one another, but also has the power to protect you from sunlight. My ring will do the same.”

“Oh Max Phillips, you are such a romantic.” You giggle, giving him one more quick but passionate kiss before pulling back and leading him back toward the front entrance of the bar.

“Pour toi? Toujours.”

Your smile is wide when you and Max walk back over to the table where your fellow associates are waiting for you, their eyes sort of wide with questions. You only shake your head and move to slide in the large booth next to Amanda.

“Everything’s okay.” You reassure, a smile still on your face. “Actually, it’s perfect.” You look over at Max when he slides in beside you, his arm slipping right around your waist. “Max and I are perfect.”

“Sooo we’re not gonna talk about the dead guy over there?” Tim questions nonchalantly, his thumb pointing in that direction. Evan slaps his hand down.

“What’s there to talk about?” Max inquires, grabbing his water and taking a quick sip. “Guy put his hands on my girl without consent, he deserved it.”

“Amen,” you and Amanda say it at the same time, both of you giving each other a smile.

“He also said some questionably offensive and sexist things, so yeah, he deserved it.” Amanda shrugs, sipping on her fruity cocktail.

 “Are we also not going to talk about how absolutely no one in this bar saw a thing?” Andrew’s eyebrows are raised and Max only laughs.

“Mind control, duh. You’re a vampire now, you should know that.”

“Right,” he nods, realizing now that Max had everybody under his control. “How’d you manage to get the whole bar to pay no mind to any of that?”

“Lots of practice and loads of charm,” Max smirks, rubbing his thumb along your upper arm.

“Did you use it on Y/N to make her fall in love with you?”

“Tim!” Evan scolds, giving his best friend a “what the fuck?” look.

“No,” you and Max say in unison, earning each other’s gaze and a smile.

“I would never use it on her like that, never against her will,” Max shakes his head as he looks back at Tim.

“And I pretty much fell for him before he even took his first glance at me the day I started working as his personal assistant,” you admit with a blush, nestling yourself closer against Max’s side. “There was just a certain aura about him that I felt when I first saw him through his office windows...and I knew then that this job would change everything for me. I was right.”

“She changed my world and it’s why I’m making her my wife.” Max says it so proudly that you can’t help but smile up at and kiss him.

“Is that why you two were taking so long outside? Being all lovey dovey and getting engaged?” Tim asks, giving his eyes a small role.

“You could say that, yeah.” You smile, taking Max’s freehand and pressing a kiss to his knuckles. “Contrary to popular belief, Max is quite the romantic.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Evan mumbles and Amanda gently elbows him in the side.

“Say what you want, Evan, but it won’t change the way I love the woman I’m going to spend eternity with.” Max retorts, pressing a gentle kiss to your hair.

“Je t’aime,” you smile up at him.

“Je t’aime pour toujours, chérie,” he muses, lightly rubbing his nose against the tip of yours.

“Oh gag.”

“Shut up Tim!”

You laugh at all the simultaneous outbursts at Tim, shaking your head with an amused smile as you gaze up at Max and gently rest your hand against his cheek.

“Let’s go home and celebrate, my love. Just you and me.”

“Sounds like a plan to me, baby.”

Everything taglist: @halefirewarrior​ @takemepedropascal​ @wildcard566​ @readsalot73​ @talesfromtheguild​ @msmona​ @oberynispunk​ @whiskeyxinxaxteacup​ @pedrosdoll​ @ah-callie​

Max Phillips taglist: @a-seeker-of-imagination​ (if you’d like to be added, let me know! 💕

#max phillips x reader #max phillips x you #max phillips x female!reader #max phillips x y/n #max phillips fic #max phillips smut #bloodsucking bastards #max phillips #pedro pascal #nsft #my writing #ohpedromypedro

[zigsexual]

Theoreticals; part 1 (maxwell x mc)

lol remember when i started this in july and am just now posting it? also remember when i said that i would post it yesterday ha ha ha lol anyway it’s too long for one post so imma break this shit down into PARTS!!! 

this is the final companion piece to hypotheticals and empiricals, and honestly if you haven’t read those then u probably should because this one has a lot of plot throwback and also tbh its like very divergent from the main storyline seeing as i started writing it in JULY

summary: the coronation is actually happening feat. private planes, maxwell as a baby????? an unfortunate run in with some potpourri, dancing, drake, and an uber driver

word count: 3700+

Riley paces across her room yet again, halfheartedly feigning an attempt to pack for the upcoming trip to the palace. Her suitcase, empty but for a single black camisole and jeans, is splayed out across her bed next to Maxwell, who is also splayed out across her bed.

“Do you think I should bring my boots?” She asks. “My other shoes have like, no tread, and all of the roads by the palace are old-ass rocks so tread is probably important. And what if it rains?”

“I don’t think it’s supposed to rain,” Maxwell replies, but she’s already tossed the boots in his direction.

“Okay, so if I bring the boots, I need boot socks,” Riley tugs open a dresser drawer, rifling through it. “Except I’m pretty sure I only have red boot socks, and that’s going to clash with all my outfits, so maybe I should just stick with a bootie? Except then the tread is an issue again.”

Maxwell laughs. “Riley, it’s two days.”

She whirls around, brandishing a boot sock. “Yeah, two days in the goddamn palace!”

He breaks his gaze from the ceiling to watch her as she makes another futile pass towards her closet, sitting up and leaning back on his hands. “You really want to keep pretending you’re going to finish this tonight?”

She sighs, dropping her things onto the floor. “It’s already too late to give up.”

“Few more hours won’t hurt.” He reaches over and closes the lid, then holds out his hand. “Come on, let’s go on a walk. You’re all strung out.”

She takes his hand, in spite of herself yet again. Everything about him, about this, is in spite of herself and her better judgment. But it’s midnight on the eve of what may be their last chance at anything, and she doesn’t care that much anymore.

It’s dark in the house, the sconces dimmed, and they walk through the second floor hallways like they have the entire place to themselves. Maxwell is still holding her hand, his other shoved into his pocket, watching the portraits on the walls as they pass.

“Is that you?” Riley asks, pointing at one of the frames. It’s a painting of a boy who couldn’t be more than eight years old, posed like the subject of a renaissance art piece and clearly none too pleased about it. He’s got the same soft brown hair and mischievous eyes as Maxwell, his face dusted with freckles and mouth pulled into a barely concealed pout.

“Oh my god,” Maxwell laughs. “Yeah. That’s… yeah.”

“You were cute.” Riley bumps her hip against his, grinning. He reaches up and rubs the back of his neck, looking at the painting sheepishly.

“My parents, they were really into the ‘nobles’ thing,” he says, “You know, ridiculous estates and portrait painting and etiquette classes, all that. I mean, I guess you have to be when you are a noble. I mostly let Bertrand handle that stuff now.”

Riley holds out her free hand and traces the curve of his painted face, the rough brush strokes in sweeping lines under her fingertips. She smiles.

“Bertrand would kill me if he knew I was letting you touch the paintings,” Maxwell says.

“Bertrand would kill you if he knew you were letting me touch you.”

“Touché.”

She steps back from the portrait, squeezing Maxwell’s hand gently. “Your parents, what were they like?”

He doesn’t say anything at first, and she worries she’s treaded into inadmissible territory. She turns to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Sorry, you don’t have to—“

“No, Riley,” he smiles, but it’s sad. “It’s fine.”

He looks up at the painting for a long moment, and she wonders how much of that baby-faced boy is still a part of him. He still has those faded freckles across his cheeks, that air of something…. more, like he’s privy to a thousand secrets one could never hope to know. She suddenly wishes he were as much of an open book as he likes to say he is.

“My parents were… well, I guess they’re pretty self-explanatory.”

“What do you mean?”

He’s still got his eyes on the painting, but his jaw is set. “You’ve been in the study.”

“Duh.”

He breaks for a moment, to shoot her a smile, but then he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth. “So, that’s my dad.”

“The study?”

“Yeah.” He frowns. “We didn’t change anything in there after he died. It just… felt weird. And there’s already all these rooms in this place, it’s not like we needed another one. So now it’s just there, filled with polo trophies and fencing equipment and all that ‘nobles’ shit.”

“And Drake,” she adds, a tentative step towards levity. Maxwell pulls her closer, letting go of her hand so he can slip his arm around her waist. He doesn’t have to say it, but she knows he’s grateful for the reprieve.

“And Drake. Unfortunately.” He looks at her and smiles. “You would’ve liked my mom.”

“Yeah?” Riley smiles back.

“Yeah. Well, I know she would’ve liked you, anyway.”

They make their way down the rest of the hall, passing more portraits and art pieces and the occasional odd sculpture, everything in brocade like something out of her high school history books. She runs her fingers across gilded wallpaper and marble shelves, still marveling at the fact that this, somehow, has become her life.

“What’s New York like?” Maxwell asks her. “I mean, I know what the tourist parts are like, thanks to Liam, but what’s your part like?”

“My part?” She tilts her head. “Uh, not that great, honestly. My part is a shitty studio in Queens with an elevator that doesn’t work, a roach problem, and a toilet that only flushes half the time. I don’t even have a bedframe, I just sleep with my mattress on the floor, and sometimes if I’m lucky, there isn’t a drunk guy peeing on my stoop when I come home from the late shift.”

“Sounds like a dream,” Maxwell says, and the funny thing is that she can’t quite tell if he’s joking or not.

“Can I quote you on that? My landlord keeps asking me to leave him a Yelp review.”

Maxwell looks puzzled. “I thought… you didn’t have nobility in America?”

Riley shoots him a bemused look. “We don’t.”

“But then, why would you…?”

It takes her a moment, but then she shoves his shoulder and laughs. “Oh my god, wait, are you talking about my landlord? That’s the guy who owns the place I rent. It’s just like, a name for rental property owners. God, you’re such a one-percenter.”

“Shut up,” He rubs the back of his neck, embarrassed. “Things are different in Cordonia, okay?”

“I can’t believe you didn’t know what a landlord is. I can’t believe you thought landlords are literal lords of the land.”

Maxwell makes a face at her, and she doesn’t even remotely try to stifle her giggles. “Excuse you, the only ‘landlords’ I know are literal lords of the land, so it was a logical conclusion.”

Riley taps him on the nose before turning away dramatically, hand on her heart. “Deepest apologies, Lord Beaumont. I would never disrespect your status or your land.”

“Hilarious.” He crosses his arms, but he’s smiling.

“Please accept this token of my atonement,” she continues, lifting some imaginary skirts so as to further sashay down the hall, “Imported from the duchy of Newest York, one hundred — no — one thousand of our finest Manhattan pigeons.”

Riley dips down in a ridiculously low curtsey, stumbling forward a bit and catching herself with a laugh. “Perchance would you like to visit with one of our most prestigious landlords? He is so terribly fond of — Max!”

She shrieks as he comes up behind her, arms around her waist, pulling her close and spinning her. She can feel the breath of his laughter against her neck, his whispered, “Shhh, you’ll wake everyone up,” and the way his fingers linger on her when he sets her down.

Riley, flushed, brushes her hair out of her face and adjusts her shirt. “You’re the worst.”

“I accept your pigeons,” Maxwell says with mock formality. “And I would love to meet your landlord.”

“Oh, you really shouldn’t, the pigeons are fucking gross.”

“Okay, pass on the pigeons then.”

“My landlord is gross too.”

He sighs. “You’re not making a great case here.”

Riley smiles, and compelled with a sudden irresistible urge to touch him, reaches out and runs her fingers along his jawline. She almost expects to feel the brushstrokes there too, a perfect likeness of his childhood painting, all grown up and still off-limits.

“You could come visit, if you want,” she says softly. “The mattress is a twin, but we can make it work.”

He kisses her, and she closes her eyes and lets herself believe for a moment that they’re not here, not in this ridiculous world full of princes and balls and family portraits, but somewhere else, somewhere loud and brash and filled with the scent of street food and smoke and dreams yet to be realized.

But of course, they aren’t.

“Come on,” he says, his voice gentle against the sudden sharpness of the moment. “Let’s go finish packing.”

They walk back to the room hand-in-hand, and Maxwell helps her fold things and find things and then sits on the suitcase so she can shove everything in properly and zipper it away. The sky stops getting darker and starts getting lighter, and the laughter between them grows less practiced and more delirious as they finish up.

She smiles when she steps out of her bathroom, face washed and hair up, to find him tucked in against her pillow, finally stolen into sleep by his own exhaustion. It’s a rare occasion to find Maxwell so utterly still, and she stands there for a second watching him.

She’s known for quite some time that she’s fucked. This whole situation: the competition, the prince, the stupid stupid boys. She’s just fucked, no way around it.

But as she lingers in the doorway, memorizing the rise and fall of his chest, it occurs to her that she is now — for lack of a better term — royally fucked.

---

It’s as if she’s barely slept at all when she feels his hand on her shoulder. “Riley? Hey, time to get up.”

She burrows her face back towards her pillow, trying desperately to shut out the light filtering in through the curtains. Maxwell, however, refuses to be shut out.

“We’re leaving in an hour or so, if you want to get ready.” He sounds just as tired as she feels, and she realizes then that he’s most likely spent the entire night here, with her, probably shoved into the corner while she bundled herself in covers. The thought makes her sit up suddenly, blinking blearily into Maxwell’s face, only a few inches from hers.

“Oh,” he says. “Hey.”

“Hey,” she says back.

They look at each other for a moment, Riley squinting up at him as she adjusts to the rush of sunlight. Under the sudden scrutiny of his gaze, she pulls the blankets up around her, a flush spreading into her cheeks as she realizes what she must look like: hair a tangled mess, sleep marks across her face, oversized t-shirt hanging in a particularly unflattering way.

“What’s the ‘Knicks’?” Maxwell asks.

“Hmm?” She quirks an eyebrow in confusion, and he nods at her shirt. She looks down. “Oh. Basketball team. They’re the… uh, the professional team for New York.”

“Do you like them?”

“I like their shirts.”

He laughs, turning away from her to slip down onto the floor. “Sometime, will you teach me what basketball is?”

“You guys don’t have basketball in Cordonia?” Riley lets the blankets fall back around her and pushes herself out of the bed with the intent to follow him, but the hardwood is like ice against her feet. She lingers near the familiar warmth of the covers while she watches him go.

“We don’t have a lot of stuff in Cordonia,” he answers. “Basketball, Disneyland, those breakfast things you like.”

“Pop-tarts?” Riley grins, crossing her arms. “Yeah, real bummer on that one.”

“Prom, Costco, monster trucks,” Maxwell continues, “And we’ve barely even got you for much longer, so.”

The words hit her harder than expected, and the smile drops from her face just as her arms fall to her sides. The chill of the floor spreads up from her feet, twisting its way through her body and settling in her heart.

Maxwell heads towards her suitcase. He lifts it down off the table, yanks the handle up until it clicks. “Come on, you gotta get dressed. I’ll take your bag out to the car.”

She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth, hands fiddling with the hem of her shirt. “Will you come back?”

He turns his head, eyes ghosting over her face as she bites harder into her lip.

“Riley…” he says, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, totally.” She crosses her arms over her chest, pulling her shoulders up in what she hopes looks like a nonchalant shrug. “Just, big day, you know.”

“Understatement.” He smiles at her, and the sinking feeling subsides.

“What should I wear?” she asks, in a feeble attempt to keep him in the room a few moments longer.

“Definitely just that. The king and queen will be so impressed.”

“Shut up.” She sticks her tongue out, reaching back to pull the comforter up from the bed and around her shoulders before crossing toward the closet.

“No I’m serious, the press will not be able to stop talking about it. Bertrand will love that.”

She whacks him with the comforter as she passes. “You know what else Bertrand will love?”

“What?”

“You spending the night in my room.”

He laughs. “Okay, okay, point taken.” He turns to grab her suitcase, but not fast enough to keep her from noticing the blush rising in his cheeks. She laughs too, pulling open her closet door.

“Go get dressed,” he calls after her, “I’m actually taking your stuff out this time.”

“As you wish, Lord Beaumont.” She twirls around to drop in a curtsey, blowing him a kiss as he makes a face at her and heads out the door.

---

Riley wakes up to Maxwell once more, her face smashed in against his shoulder in the back of the car. She lifts her head, blinking the sleep out of her eyes, only to meet Bertrand’s disapproving ones.

“You have lines on your face,” he says disdainfully. “You look wretched.”

Riley sits up, rolling her neck and wincing. “Thanks, B. Are we at the airport?”

“Yeah,” Maxwell answers, seemingly unfazed by her using his arm for a pillow. She hopes she didn’t drool. “There’s coronation traffic, but that’s to be expected. We’ll be at the plane in five.”

Riley looks out the window, expecting to see the familiar bustle of brake lights and taxicabs that punctuate all her visits to JFK. However, all she finds is a great wide sea of black tarmac and planes.

She turns to Maxwell and Bertrand. “Wait, where are we?”

“The airport.”

“No, I — yeah, I know that. But where are the people?”

Maxwell looks confused. “…On the planes?”

“Don’t we, y’know, have to go through security and stuff? Or is that not a thing in Cordonia? Or like, don’t I need to show someone my passport and check my bag?” She nods her head in the direction of the trunk. “That thing is not gonna fit in an overhead compartment, I can already promise you that.”

The car slows to a stop and Maxwell laughs. “What? Riley, we’re broke, but we aren’t fly commercial broke.”

Riley says “Oh,” and then someone in a full suit and black sunglasses is opening her car door and saying, “Lady Riley, I’ll be taking your bags,” and she says “Oh,” and Maxwell says, “Thanks, they’re in the trunk.”

Riley whips her head around to face him, eyes wide. Maxwell shrugs. “Liam has a plane.”

Her eyes go even wider, and she pauses to make sure Bertrand is mostly out of earshot before whispering, “You didn’t think to tell me we’d be in an enclosed space with Liam for an extended period of time?”

He smiles sheepishly. “Well, the thought crossed my mind, but I was worried you’d try to cut your losses and run before we got here. And besides, he told me he wanted some time with you. To talk about something.”

Riley shoots him a pointed look before turning to slide out of the car. Talk to her about something! Great. What a mystery as to what it could possibly be.

The man in the suit, most likely a member of Liam’s security team, is already unloading their things from the trunk. She squints into the sunlight, eyes settling on the enormous white jet just a few hundred feet from their stop, its wings ringed with gold and an egregiously large Cordonian seal plastered along the side.

“Discreet,” Riley mutters, sighing as she heads off towards the staircase lowered down from the plane’s back entrance. She’s never boarded a plane like this before, not without hours of waiting and TSA screenings and watching as every other boarding group took their place ahead of her in line. The tiny staircase seems too easy, and the staff waiting at the bottom are too quick to offer her their arms as she climbs up into the ridiculous fixture of luxury.

As she makes her way inside, wandering slowly towards the aisle, she gawks at the interior: a scaled down recreation of the palace sitting areas, complete with ornate lamps and crystal stemware and what looks to be an entire grand piano off in the corner. Riley feels her stomach clench at the sight of it all, a reminder of how desperately she doesn’t belong in this world of opulence and glamour.

There’s a rustle of a curtain and footsteps behind her, and she turns, expecting to see Maxwell on his way in. She’s already whispering, “Max, I think I should—” before her eyes settle on the person who’s actually in front of her and she stops mid-sentence. “Oh, fuck.”

Drake looks her over and frowns.

“What are you doing here?!” she hisses, shoving him in the shoulder. “And why are you sneaking up on me?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” he answers, leveled. “Pretty sure your boyfriend is still back at the car.”

Riley shakes her head, letting out an agonized sigh. “I am truly not in the mood for this, Drake.”

“Aldridge, you going soft? Can’t handle the banter anymore?”

“On Liam’s goddamn plane? Yeah, maybe it’s not the ideal choice of venue.” She crosses her arms, but her defense wavers. “Drake… you didn’t… I mean, you didn’t say anything, did you?”

He rolls his eyes. “Relax, I’m not that much of an asshole. Liam’s on a conference call in the diplomat suite anyway.”

“Diplomat suite?”

“It’s a big fucking plane.”

Riley lets her hands fall back to her sides, glancing around the room once more, eyes following the rows of soft leather seats.

“Well, thanks, I guess.”

He shrugs, looking everywhere but at her. “I know you’ll talk to him. You don’t need me to do it for you.”

She lets out a sigh. “Maxwell said he invited me on the plane so we could talk, so if you’re awaiting my downfall, it might come sooner than you think.”

“I’m not —” Drake looks taken aback, “Riley, come on, you know that’s not how I feel.”

She starts to say something in reply, but the sounds of footsteps coming up the staircase echo loudly into the cabin. Drake turns, and Riley feels her nervous tension ease. Maxwell is finally here, he’ll know how to handle Drake and she can just —

“Riley,” an all too familiar voice calls, “Is that you harping on and on in there?”

Riley grabs Drake’s arm, face twisted in horror, and mouths, Olivia? He nods, looking slightly pained, and then there she is at the landing — mouth twisted in distaste, red hair spilling out of a white fur hat, sheathed in some sort of emerald green evening coat that could probably cover Riley’s apartment rent for the next ten years.

Her mouth curls up into a smile when she sees them. “Oh lovely, I was right.”

She steps into the room, her heels clicking against the hardwood, and drapes her arm across Drake’s shoulder, leaning against him as she surveys Riley. “You do know we’re going to a coronation ball, right?”

“Wonderful to see you too, Olivia,” Riley replies with a grimace.

Olivia smiles again, straightening up and patting Drake dismissively on the back. “Hey Drake, will you be a dear and roll out the bar cart? I have a feeling we’re going to need some drinks.”

Drake rolls his eyes so hard it almost looks painful. “Sure Olivia, I will happily roll out the bar cart. For myself.”

As he turns and pushes past her, she frowns, watching him walk away with a hand on her hip. When he disappears through the cabin door, she looks back at Riley. “Is he always so pleasant?”

“Pretty much, yeah. You’d think you two would get along.”

Olivia arches an eyebrow. “Cute.”

She hears someone else coming up the stairs and prays it’s Maxwell this time. When she sees him step inside, she releases an audible sigh.

“Hey Riley, did Bertrand already come up here? I think he — oh.” His eyes fall on Olivia, who flutters her fingers in a wave. “Olivia?”

“And Drake.” Riley smiles through gritted teeth. “Isn’t it wonderful? Gang’s all here.”

Maxwell blinks. “Uh. Cool?”

Drake emerges from the door then, glass in hand, and stops short when he sees Maxwell. “Hey Max! Long time no see. Great talking with you in the study last night.”

Riley glares with the ferocity of a thousand suns. Maxwell blinks again. Olivia looks between all three of them and rolls her eyes. “You guys are so fucking weird.”

She turns toward the closest seat and settles in, draping her legs across the length of it so the red bottoms of her high heels are on full display. She pulls an eye mask out of her purse, tugging it over her head. “I’m going to take a Xanax and listen to Ryan’s Roses. Do not even think about speaking to me.”

“Trust me,” Riley says under her breath, “It was the least of our concerns.”

part two.

#the royal romance #mc x maxwell #maxwell x mc #trr fanfic #trr #my fic #its probably gonna be three parts total #i will try to get part two out asap #there's not a lot of fluffy shit in this one whoops sorry????? #part two makes up for it i promise #wait or maybe part three #jk i dont know my own story

[matsbarzal]

‘Skating’ Lessons - Matthew Tkachuk

Note: ok honestly im pretty sure i’ve spelt matty’s last name wrong every time i spell it so if its spelt wrong just hmu and tell me im dumb also v sorry this is terrible rip to all you reading

Mentions: Auston Matthews, Johnny Hockey

Warnings: matt’s an asshole lol

Requested by Anonymous: Can you do a matthew tkachuk imagine where he teaches you how to skate?   

Up Next: Noah Hanifin maybe idk

Matthew Tkachuk is an asshole.

Everyone acknowledged that, his teammates, his past teammates, other teams, their wives, he was an asshole and he embraced it. The kid showed it off and let everyone know… except you… most of the time.

“You’re like seriously the worst Canadian I’ve ever met. You didn’t know anything about hockey until I met you, you basically admitted that you could live without Tim Hortons and now you don’t know how to skate? I think we need to break up.”

One thing no one knew about Matt Tkachuk was his perfect timing, such as right now. Your skate covered feet were currently in his lap, inches away from his crotch while the laces were in his hand.

You kicked your foot forward, not hard enough to hit his crotch but close enough it had him jumping backwards. “Wanna keep making fun of me, Matty?”

Pouting at you, he dropped the foot that was currently in his hand and beckoned for the other one.

“You’re so mean to me, I do nothing but love you and you threaten to castrate me. Who would dick you down then?”

“Castrate, eh? Such a big word for such a small brain. But I’m sure I could get Auston to dick me down, he did always say I was too hot for you.”

You winced as he purposely pulled extra tight on the laces, squishing your foot even tighter inside the skate. “Or how about no?”

Giggling as Matt dropped your foot to the ground, he grabbed your hand to pulled you up alongside him, the blades on your feet making it difficult to walk.

Turning to you, he straightened your posture and bent down to look you in the eyes. “I understand that you don’t know how to skate, but I can’t have my girlfriend walking like a penguin in front of all the Calgary Flames. Fix yourself.”

“Oh, fuck you Matty.”

Shoving him, a large grin appeared over both of your faces as he pulled you into his side and pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “It’s okay baby, Johnny’s been playing hockey for years and still waddles.”

Laughing at his words, you allowed him to grab your hand and direct you towards the Flames ice. It was the Christmas skate, the first one Matt and you had ever attended for the Flames. You had secretly hoped for weeks that you would’ve been scheduled for work so you didn’t have to admit to your professional hockey player of a boyfriend that you didn’t know how to skate.

“You’re on your own kid, let go.” He swatted at your hand that was placed on his arm semi-jokingly as you looked at him in worry.

“It’s okay (Y/N), I’ll just teach you how to skate, with this jackass you probably won’t even learn properly.”

The shortest and most questionable ‘man’ of the hour, Johnny Gaudreau appeared beside you two, offering his arm up.

“Well, at least you’re nicer than my boy-”

“Goodbye, Johnny.” Matt laughed as he pulled you along, jokingly shoving past Johnny Hockey to get to the ice.

He immediately got on, as you stood there, looking at the slippery surface with a tint of fear in your eyes. You really didn’t understand why you had agreed to this in the first place. “You can’t just stand there all night, baby.”

Quirking an eyebrow at him, you gestured with your head towards the few wives sitting out with children in their arms. “Well, until you pop me out a few cute ass fucking kids, you’re skating.”

“Matthew!” You scolded, going to slap his arm and accidentally stepping on the ice with one of your skates. Feeling that leg fly out from underneath you, you immediately went to latch onto the closest thing. Just your luck, there was nothing to latch onto. Thankfully, your boyfriends reflexes came in handy as he quickly grabbed onto you to steady your balance.

“Perfect, one foot on the ice, now two, lets go.”

Slowly listening to Matt’s instructions, you stepped on the ice with your foot that wasn’t already on it. He moved his grip so that he was now holding your hands instead of holding you by the shoulder. Standing still was hard, with both your feet slowly trying to move on their own accord because of the ice, it also didn’t help that your asshole of a boyfriend was slowly pulling you towards centre ice.

“Seriously, all you gotta do is go one foot at a time, slowly glide and push off with your other foot, we don’t have to go fast.”

Trying to do what he said, you put one foot forward and tried to push off with the foot at the back, just for you to fall right into him, almost knocking the both of you off balance again. “It’ll take a few tries, don’t worry.”

He squeezed your hand tightly, a loving grin on his face. “Matty’s in loveeee.”

Matthew barely acknowledged his teammates remark as he continued to pull you along, occasionally looking over his shoulder to make sure no one was behind him.

“The daycare is towards the management office, Johnny.”

Laughing, you began to notice that you were slowly getting the hang of the glide and push movement, enabling you to push both Matt and you at the same time.

Turns out, the man in question noticed as well. “I’m gonna let go of one of your hands now, okay?”

Nodding, he bent down to press a kiss to your forehead while letting go of one of your hands.

The two of you slowly glided alongside each other for a few minutes, with you occasionally losing your balance slightly and him having to adjust your posture again. “You’re terrible at this.”

Pouting at him, you let go of his hand in an act of defiance and with the intention of showing him that you really weren’t that terrible. You skated a few metres forward on your own, at a decently average pace, before the wind was completely knocked out of you and the feeling of ice hitting your butt was immediate.

Groaning, you laid flat on the ice, glaring at the jumbotron above you. “Holy shit, I’m so sorry! Are you okay?”

“Johnny, what did I ever do to you?” He laughed, helping you back to your feet while your so-called boyfriend came up behind you two, almost falling over as he clutched his stomach in laughter.

“Fuck, that was great. Maybe next season you can be the bane of Drew Doughty’s existence, babe.”

#matthew tkachuk #matthew tkachuk imagine #nhl imagines #hockey imagines #calgary flames imagine #requested

[swearronchanel]

Tired of these yet? A Christmas journey in March with 4.09

I’ve actually been productive today *claps* I’m the worst™ and a procrastinator to the core, so it was about damn time I got shit done. Plus+ I ran out of clean jeans so that was some motivation to do laundry & once I started moving I just kept going haha. But today I watched the Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher’s memorial & omg it was so emotional ugh. Now that I’m so sad I guess I’m going to watch Call the Midwife. Care to join me?

I closed my eyes and pointed to the episode list, looks like we’re watching 4.09 aka the 2015 Christmas special

I don’t have to pretend very hard that it’s Christmas because it was like 17 degrees f the other day lol

Am I the only one who hums along in their head to the theme song? ok nvm

Aw a baby

Tom is actually in church lol, we rarely see him there

Sister MJ lol, what is she looking for?!

Sister Winifred actually cooks/bakes pretty often

SISTER EVANGELINA 😭💔 I still miss her

Sister Winifred aka queen of cringey facial expressions, I love it

Ah no! the death joke is no longer funny sister E 😭😭 rip💔

My bby Trixie on the scene😍

What is quality street? I looked it up before but forgot. Candy right?

whoops is my American showing

I hope Sister MC comes back soon☹️

“Behold, I have located the Brandy” three cheers for alcohol 🍻 I wouldn’t choose brandy though what am I a rich old business man at a country club?

Lol Sister MJ & Sister W giggling so pure !

“You give us enough gip when you’re stone cold sober“😂 same

Gremlin kids in the front haha

Oh no😂 Babs gave them all candy and now has to make them spit it out😂

Aw I love Christmas

But looking at this snow is triggering even if it’s fake😭😂

WE’VE HAD SO MUCH THIS MONTH HERE & IT’S MARCH❄️

yikes these kids are awful, who let them up there! 😭😂

SHELAGH’S FACE 😂 SHE IS DISGUSTED OMG HAHAA

Patrick laughing so hard like same 😭😂

Welp he’s lucky, Saved by the bell thanks to Trixie

Doesn’t Sister MJ explode whatever’s in the pot?

Ahh Shelagh looks so good™!😍 I love when they dress her up!

In other news, Laura tweeted me, which means she knows I exists. What a time to be alive™😭✨👏🏼you know I was shook

Angela so precious aww, I hope my future baby is that pretty

Now I just think of The Crown when I see Mrs Willens *she’s in it if you haven’t watched*

Oh no Sister MJ!!! 😭😭 why are they always giving her illnesses! Dejala sola!

She was legit ill in the first Christmas special 😭

Love Trixie’s ponytail, why Patsy’s hair a mess tho? LOL I SHOULDN’T BE TALKING

I’m a walking ball of frizz. And when I don’t wash my hair for a few days it actually dread locks 😂 gotta love curls

Aw Delia’s not here- I forgot she cracked her head open and went back to Wales

Protect Sister MJ at every cost

Violet literally sewing Fred’s ass into the Santa pants 😂😂😂 fun fact they  did that to Olivia Newton John in Grease

not sure if I knew that because I have a junk brain of useless information or because I’m trash that reads buzzfeed

Violet’s been wearing blue eyeshadow for 3 series

“I’m not biting this, it’s too close to your backside” lol okay vi give it time. You’ll be cringeyly very handsy with each other in a bit anyway 😂

She’d do it now with no hesitation I bet

I’m here for their relationship tho😂

SISTER MJ HAD PNEUMONIA IN SERIES 1 DID SHE NOT?

Ugh distaval, fuck that. Just wait and see what chaos it brings

Aw Pats looking at the photo of Delia💔 oo wait that was a parallel then in the Cuban missile Crisis episode this series

PHYLLIS !! I missed her presence lol

Tom’s opening letter from bbc it’s lit

also: he looks good™

Poor Sister MJ! What are they feeding you, liver ew

Ah I forgot, this is when they get the tv😭

Poor Babs can’t go home for Christmas

You’ll have the nonnatus fam❤️❤️

“All should head home” *breaks out into song* THERE’S NOOO PLACE LIKE HOMEEE, FOR THE HOLIDAYSSS

Which is true because NYC is pretty beautiful at Christmas time, I can’t deny that

But also is when 100000x more people are visiting 🙃and stop in front of you when you’re walking to take pictures 🙃 *clenches fists* moving on..

Lol Tom you need to be more clear on this, they’re not getting it

Sister J shut him down 😂

“Mrs Mop” lmfao this BBC guy is a jerk😂

Laura’s another queen of facial expressions

“Aesthetics are vital” I feel

Aw Shelagh so cute being defensive of the kids of poplar

Lets be real though Shelagh’s always adorable bc Laura is an actual angel

pink wafers aye

i still have been craving them lol, there’s no bodega’s around my university though☹️

Angela is giggling, was this the last time we heard her make a noise lol

Wait this is when Sister MJ runs away

yikes measles

when did the vaccine become a thing then? that mmr shot ugh

Glad I got it because there’s supposedly someone with mumps on my campus like wtf

Why was Sister E so harsh yelling at Sister Mj!? That was unnecessary !!

LET 👏🏼SISTER 👏🏼MJ 👏🏼DECORATE👏🏼FOR👏🏼CHRISTMAS 👏🏼AND👏🏼WATCH 👏🏼TELEVISON !!

I’m so protective of her, stop😢😢

She doesn’t deserve that 💔

Sometimes I forget Patsy’s name is Patience

Fred’s Santa beard is gross ew😂😂

yikes an enema

I’d rather die

Oh no, there she goes *sings* there she goessss todayyy

Yes Babs lollipops are fascinating

She just slipped that baby out

I want to go to London at Christmas time

I love lights ✨✨

Delia! What up Bitch where you been!

BUT WAIT I HAVE A COAT THAT LOOKS REALLY SIMILAR TO MRS BUBSY’S LOL

It’s vintage too, i love it, makes me feel fabulous af

until I remember it’s probably a dead woman’s coat

WATCHING THEM LET THE BABY JUST HANG MAKES ME SO ANXIOUS OMG

“You clever girl!”

Aw poor iris 😭💔

Violet is actually so sweet & we don’t see much of her w/o Fred like why 

Everyone on this show is so sweet and pure !!! I just love it too much!

remember when I was normal and didn’t care so much about television? Yea me neither 😅

Sister MJ is gone

ALL SHE WANTED WAS TO PUT UP THE TREE!!

that necklace and sapphire ring were so pretty though 😭 wish my mom had a sapphire ring for me to inherit 

Shelagh is too pretty for this grey suit, where’s the navy one?!

I will never be comfortable with cookies being called biscuits tbh

“No dogs!” “If it can’t sing silent night I’m not interested”  SHELAGH IS GOLDEN

SHE HAS SOME GREAT LINES BUT GIVE HER MORE !!

Oh Hay Peter

if you think about it Miranda Hart put this poor guy out of a job. Like he used to have more screen time lol but he can’t be around much with out her

“Very like a family in fact” 😭 I love when they call themselves family cause they are !!

Wait rehearsing before school? Ugh that must have been so early 😂

I couldn’t have been in that choir. In high school I woke up at 6:45am everyday & started at 8:05am & only lived 2 blocks away but I still got there at 9:15am 🙃

plus I’m an awful singer 😂

“She probably thought her habit would keep her safe”

Sister Mary Cynthia says that about her self the next series when she’s attacked 😢

Babs was right though! She was just excited bendito 😭😭

How much is a bob?? £??

I barely can keep up with how many $ is a £ tbh

Lolol had to check when I donated to Laura’s fundraising 😂😂

Delia has been with this big ass bun for 3 series as well

The cafe they’re in is aesthetically pleasing

so Delia’s mom is hella protective but didn’t notice she left to another town lol??

well I guess they’re even now since patsy left & then lost contact for a bit

LET ME TELL YOU, THE FIRST TIME I WATCHED THIS EPISODE I WAS SCREAMINGGG

I THOUGHT THEY HAD KILLED SISTER MJ AND WAS FREAKING TF OUT ™

I’m trying to think of what Phyllis’s hat reminds me of

I wanna say Mary Poppins 

IT’S NOT SISTER MJ👏🏼

I knew it wasn’t but still!!!

Is Shelagh wearing lipstick? i’m here for it!

but I don’t like her dress

@ wardrobe/costume ppl be nicer to my bby pls

“Well, there’s just a word that no-one likes singing. It’s in that line and it begins with a "b”’ 😂 lmaooo c'mon Tim 😂😂

He was talking about breast feeding like how many episodes ago why is he embarrassed now? 😂

Patrick laughing 😭 me as a parent tbh

Poor sickly Sister MJ 💔

My bbys Trixie and Shelagh are ¡interacting!! 💕😍

How do I get my hair to look like Trixie’s/Helen’s

SORRY CANCELED

Lol jk all will be well bby

SISTER MJ REALLY OUT HERE IN THE WOODS, LIKE HOW ??

Ah Shelagh’s dressed up again! Love it 😍 and she’s wearing earrings & matching pearls!! so pretty!! 💕💕

this has been an episode of gushing over Laura sorry not sorry

Look at her hat, she can wear anything

LMAO HE WASN’T EVEN PETER PAN GET OUT OF HERE MAN

You have to be impressed that this 80 yr old woman with dementia found her childhood home

for real though I want Shelagh’s coat

mrs willens + shelagh was kinda a friendship & was cute

“Well I stopped holding out against that happiness, didn’t I?"💔💖

people on this show are always holding hands platonically & romantically like how sweet and pure !?

"Almost all the world was before your time child … you are concerned to see it last a little longer”

Hell yea lets get it, round up the nuns and nurses lets SING !!

“But it sometimes seems to me the older I get, the more I have to learn” 😭

“We get so much out of love, we find strength in it and courage. Love is our foundation and our fuel”

DAMN IT WHY IS THE WRITING SO GREAT??!

HEIDI CAN WRITE MY EUOLGY SINCE SHE’LL BE THE CAUSE OF MY ACTUAL DEATH WHEN THIS SHOW IS  OVER ONE DAY *WHICH IS HOPEFULLY NEVER, ..I MEAN DAYS OF OUR LIVES IS ON SEASON 50 SO IT’S NOT IMPOSSIBLE🙃🙃*

shelagh and sister j❤️❤️ so pure. I love their relationship + moments together

BUT I STILL *NEED* TRIXIE & SHELAGH TO HAVE A REAL FRIENDSHIP + ACTUAL SCENES TOGETHER

no sister, it’s not your fault that she ran away😢

broadcast about to be lit

Why did we never see Trixie giving Barbara a makeup lesson😭😂

Trixie getting excited about putting makeup on Babs like same 😂I like helping people with makeup *even though I’m not even that good haha*

“Oh some lipstick might be nice, with a touch of gay geranium you’d look quite like Jean Simmons” SISTER W SNEAKS OUT TO THE MOVIE THEATRE ON HER DAYS OFF AND NO ONE WILL CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE OK

PHYLLIS GARGLING OMG

WHY IS IT SO FUNNY 😂

yea sister E I’m sorry you were kinda bitchy

I’m sorry to call a fictitious nun a bitch oops lol

SHE’S GOING TO REDEEM HERSELF AND FIND SISTER MJ THOUGH SO IT’S OKAY!! 😭👏🏼👏🏼

Tom is so handsome! i think the collar distracts you from noticing though haha

What does wet behind the ears mean and why does it sound cringey?

on the next episode of I didn’t know I was pregnant: Christmas miracles in Poplar

No but for real it seriously was a show on TLC😂 I had a phase where I watched like every show on that channel

“Antonia! Nanny found a bible in your room again” so?? like you wish she would’ve found drugs or something?

Ugh I don’t think Sister MJ will live 3 more series & I WILL BE A WRECK™ WHEN SHE DIES

Surprise! you’re pregnant & will give birth in the next 12 mins before this show ends

imagine omg never mind not feeling safe Iris I’d be freaking tf out

I told you sister Julienne just shows up and speaks and you just feel calm

“Love is not going to be halved, but doubled” I swear someone says this again in another episode but I can’t remember

maybe I’m lying idk

The Fred + Sister E dynamic was golden

what is Sister Evangelina holding?

it looks like a bong tbh

Sister MJ saying pawning her mother’s jewels was an “interesting experience"😂 dios te bengida, she needs to always be protected  

aw pats & deels reunited *and it feeelsss so gooddd*

Fred saying rigging this raffle is immoral like HE WASNT THE BIGGEST SCAMMER IN POPLAR

I was here for it though lol😂

Phyllis gargling 😂😂

Wait omg she has earrings on how precious!

I always notice when girls/women don’t have their ears pierced because I didn’t realize for the longest time that it’s mainly just hispanics that get their ears pierced when they’re babies😂 I’ve had mine since I was six weeks old👶🏼

"Beatrix Franklin, midwife of mystery” aka my bby and ray of sunshine✨😭

it’s all good though, Trixie has Christopher, Tom has Babs, now where’s my handsome Englishman??

cue Vanessa Redgrave

“Sometimes the route to joy is indirect, our journey home not quite as we expected. There is no magic star to guide our steps, no ancient prophecies to predict our way. The greatest gift is to know that we travel not alone, but in the company of others. That there are hands as can reach for and hearts to keep us warm..”

Laura’s angelic voice blessing™ me on this Saturday night

I need it after being degenerate every other day of the week

*sings loudly* CHRISTTTTTTTT THEEEE SAVIORRRR IS BORNNNNNN

AHH I WANT CHRISTMAS NOW ! + THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL 

patsy lowkey snuggled up on Phyllis I love it

Trixie is serving looks in the corner 😍!

I still want those hoop earrings she has!

And they finally got a tv😭👏🏼

“And the family gathered round, watching their faces flicker black and white. Their very presence in the room an act of love, a welcome home”

*BANGS FISTS ON AN IMAGINARY TABLE* THIS SHOW IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND PURE AND IF YOU DISAGREE WE CAN FIGHT

I love it

Now I must go. until next time..

#who lets me do these lol #I dont stop #call the midwife #my commentaries™ #i have too much time on my hands #but not really #i am certified trash for this show

[swearronchanel]

Kicking off the hiatus with 5.04

A few people have requested that I continue my commentaries™ during the hiatus & after all the positive feedback, I couldn’t say no! But I expected to have an awful day & it actually went well so I thought I’d go ahead and do it now. You know since I’m going to avoid all my responsibilities anyway it might as well be for a good cause🙃

I watched a lot of shameless on Netflix today so it’s nice to watch something wholesome for a change of pace 😂

“The world was shifting on its axis in 1961, strides were being made, decisions taken, questions asked..” Vanessa’s narration is always on point like I wish I had the patience to post all her quotes 😭😂

Aw sister Mary Cynthia! I hope she’s in the Christmas special

My bby trixie looking flawless while riding a bike, goals

But who is this nun they’re having a service for lol ??

Like it’s kinda irrelevant oops,  r i p & dios te bendiga but why do we care? at least I don’t

Isn’t this girl from something? She looks so familiar

i remember saying this before .. oh yea she’s from game of thrones I think. I don’t watch it though haha

“Angel? I could get used to that!” Aw my bby is so cute like yes trix ur an angel

yikes that cough lady, I have a stuffy nose rn and I’m hoping I don’t start coughing 😭cause then I wanna be in a coma cause I hate being sick

Aw he'a so excited! He got into university👏🏼 that was legit me though 😂 I’m so irrational and literally only applied to one university (well I filled out many applications but didn’t submit any others because you gotta pay so I tried to wait and see if I got accepted to where I wanted first😂) I found out in English while on my phone instead of doing work & I screamed and just ran out the classroom 😂 I went to my guidance councilor and told everyone in the main office and then called my parents who *were nervous I wouldn’t get in* but also were literally going through security in the airport on their way to Dominican Republic .. ah, I was full of excitement and hope. Look at me now 3 semesters in &I’m over it 😂😂 it’s so stressful and mentally/emotionally draining and sometimes I’m just like how do I become a trophy wife asap?

BACK TO THE SHOW THOUGH

My bby SHELAGH! 😍 she is so precious in her suit aww, but lets be real the navy suit is the best™ one she owns. But I still like her best in uniform at the clinic though 💁🏼

she’s over here giving a talk on giving birth at home & Im just like holy shit SHE JUST HAD A BABY IN THEIR NEW HOME, I STILL CANT BELIEVE IT😭!!!!

Tom’s so excited for Ian it’s so cute and sweet

And Tom is so cute and attractive ugh, he could get it

oh damn wait Mrs Cottingham has the baby with no limbs

aw yea and she wanted a girl

I agree though little boys are gremlins 😂😂 from ages like 7-14, get them away from me 😂

Ian all hopeful for their future and then boom he’s a dad. That went from 0 to 💯 real quick

Phyllis!! & lol sister W giggling

But damn why they all acting like Sister J is too old and incapable 😂 she wants to go to St Cuthberts, let her

Sister Monica Joan upset aw😭 don’t worry sister you’re Help is needed

Pats and Deels look cute “tanning” outside

“You want to see Anita Ekberg in that fountain just as much as I do”  Lmaoo 😂😂 for real though have u ever seen La Dolce Vita? Like Anita Ekberg was too hot to handle. I wish I looked that good damn

Trixie came to thirdwheel even though she isn’t unaware she is lol

But Trixie is serving summer looks™ I love it 😍

Damn though Patsy’s legs are pretty pasty 😂😂

Trixie wondering what the hell kinda magic bra Anita had on, literally same cause I want it. Always need good quality strapless bras for summer👍🏻

Patsy inviting Trixie and Delia gave the side eye omg 😂

Here comes Babs lmao

LOL DEELS IS SALTY OMG

ugh this is when Babs first got with Tom and they were annoying lmao, I got over it though

If I was Trixie I’d be lowkey mad too like that was her ex-fiancé but I’m glad they got over it and are friends despite that 💕 cause I know petty girls that would just cut the other off

WHY DO THEY PRONOUNCED SCHEDULE LIKE THAT? And honestly How?? Like I can’t even lol it’s hard. Oops is my American showing

Sister J out here

Ohh yea this matron is a bitch lmao, vete ya

What is the correlation between going to grammar school and getting pregnant ?? @ Ian’s mom

Lol Trixie’s just like pls don’t ask me

ugh get this nurse/matron or what ever tf she is off my screen before I smack her

I swear Jenny Agutter has such a relaxing voice, like she really can calm you down & tell you all will be well & you’ll just be like “yea you right”😭

Tom is so rational and sensible because if I walked in I’d immediately start screaming and all that like “calm tf down people" 

Pats and Deels sneaking around in a convent lol it gives me anxiety always thinking “oh shit u think someone will walk in?”

LOL OKAY TOM YOU TELL YOURSELF TRIXIE IS MAD ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE

Damn Tom you just made Babs feel like a rebound™

“Who’s to say we won’t carry on” ya will be fine & get married next year chill out

So Babs is only 23, how old are the other nurses *well how old do you think*??

WHEN WILL WE SEE A NONNATUN BIRTHDAY?? *I preferably want to see Trixie or Shelagh have one* but I’d take anyone really, like these people literally celebrate every other damn holiday/event but no one has had a birthday?? Except for Jenny and Chummy but they’re both gone lol

yikes emphysema, one of my grandfathers died from that. 70 odd years of tobacco smoking 😬 he did someone love to be 85 yrs old though. Idk how, he couldn’t breathe for so long

I love Phyllis just saying again for the millionth time

Aw Trix 💔 you will be happy soon💕😭

See! She said w/o Sister J she’d be screaming! Her presence is calming

Emergency c-section aye dios

Turn up at the pub

Lol funny how the dad gave Tom orange juice bc he’s a vicar but he was drunk af the night before his wedding 😂 drunk enough to have little memory and to be hungover the next day

we’ve all been there tho I don’t judge

Is it really CtM if there’s not at least one mention of babycham a series?

c-sections are wild omg

also I’ve never been under anesthesia so I’d be scared af

LOL & also I’ve never had a kid so that’s scary too duh

“Oh God another one” ahh omg

Do you think that was a doll ??

Again this show makes everything look real af so I never know

Is the doctor here the Mr Kenely that I hate??

They really left that baby there to die like o m g

Sister J praying/blessing the baby 💔💔 my freaking heart omg

again this nurse is on my screen and I need her to go, preferably to carajoland

“may the lord bless you and keep you”!! 💔😭

the third deformed baby and they didn’t report it??

“I’m not drunk” I mean you’re sitting on the floor in the bathroom so I’d think you were too 😂

Lol remember.. *cringes* no wait lets not

Tom worked in a record shop that’s cute

damn Tom do you really think telling them to just settle is the best way to comfort him

Aw sister J needs a hug😭😢💕

and yes prayer you’re right sister MJ

Sister MJ, Sister MC & Sister J comforting each other is so pure, all the they have scenes together wash my sins away for a second

wait where tf is sister Winifred lmao, did she just scadaddle after compline? snuck out to see a heathen movie i bet  jk jk I’m sure she only sneaks to quality films

but then I say dumb shit like that ^ or even worse/more inappropriate & the sins return😂😂

There’s my bby Shelagh! And in uniform, love it. 😭😍

Whenever Shelagh goes back to work next series I hope we see more of her being a nurse cause I love it

Wild that the hospital was just not saying anything about the deformed babies

Sister J coming to the best detective in Poplar, Dr Watson aka Shelagh Turner aka secret agent Shealgh Turnova™ 😂😂 *forever one of my fave lines of hers*

Lmao Tim helping out old ladies, being a good seed & too perfect of a teen

But damn boy comb your hair!

“I haven’t boiled any urine today, nice to have a change of pace” Lol Babs😂😂

oh no she’s bleeding 😢

I’m having flashbacks to Shelagh’s threatened miscarriage like lets not go down that painful memory lane  

Sister J told Ruby it was a girl bc she knew she wanted a girl ughhh 😢

Ruby thinks it was a punishment 💔 ugh my heart & ugh again makes me think of when Shelagh thought she was being punished/greedy when they told her she couldn’t have a baby 💔

Stop the sadness I say, stop it now

“We haven’t got a fairy godmother between us” WHERE IS PHYLLIS WHEN SHE IS NEEDED?

And Poor what’s her name 💔💔

oh yea it’s Linda omg how could I forget that’s my Gram’s name

But Shelagh and Trixie are interacting!!

It’s about a patient but at least they’re speaking right .. LMAO BUT WAIT ILL NEVER BE OVER HORMONAL SHELGH YELLING AT TRIXIE ABOUT THE FAMILY PLANING CLINIC ENTRANCE

ALSO: I’LL KEEP SAYING IT TILL I DIE, ALL I WANT IS A TRIXIE & SHELAGH FRIENDSHIP! 😭😭💕💖💖 they’re my bbys and I’ve been asking nicely

shit ¡¡ @beatrix-franklin wrote a damn essay as to why we need/want it !!

PLS LET IT HAPPEN @ HEIDI & OTHER WRITERS😭💔

Shelagh’s grey cardigan is actually cute *she just doesn’t need anymore lol*

“What the poor pet really needs is a good cry, a bottle of aspirin and a hug in no particular order..but the hug is of prime importance”  you see. We could’ve have a cute scene of Trixie visiting Shelagh in the hospital & a little parallel of when she visited her in the sanatorium

or Just give me Trixie hugging Shelagh and I’ll cry of joy 😭💕

omg wait

shit I forgot Ian put his head in the oven

Angela playing on the floor !! So precious 💖

“..Don’t think they’d thank you for that Patrick, they’re both younger than me”  Lol I always laugh at that, it’s kinda cute. I like when Shelagh has funny lines , why didn’t Patrick say anything back 😂 there could’ve been cute playful banter. Even this series we could’ve heard him call her an elderly primigravida is a joking/playful banter context ..BUT at least we know now Shelagh is 36!

Yea man those bombs impacted multiple generations

“So World War II is history now is it?” I seriously love these little lines of Shelagh’s lol. Also funny how she prob sees her self as old, and she was what, like my age, when the war needed?? 18 or 19 depending on her birthday (We’d know but nonnatuns apparently don’t ever have birthdays)

Shit. Wait..I feel. Kinda strange and scary to think my future children will learn in school the events I’ve lived through so far ??

okay lets not think about that

what’s the sluice? I know he washes instruments but what exactly is the sluice? The room ? Idk

Aw Angela crying, one of the the only times we’ve heard her make a sound lol

WAIT HE COULD BE SUED FOR BREAKING THE ENGAGEMENT WHAT??

“How long have we been broken off?” “A year. To be precise a year and ten days”  I know they weren’t really a good match but aw 😭 it was nice while it lasted

Trixie Bby 💔💔 happiness is coming your way I promise

“I never know when I love you the most. But I sometimes think these are the times I love you best..”😭😭 BYE IM DEAD AGAIN & MY HEART EXPLODED AGAIN😭💔💕💕

thinking about it though, they’ve never actually said I love you properly, have they??

See Patrick’s little med school anecdote, can Shelagh share one anytime soon? About anything from her past, I’m just curious.

Was that just a piece of “in the mirror” or is it playing in my head? Honestly it happens quite often, I’ll swear I hear a song and it’s actually in my head

alright Ian so why were you marrying her? you switching it up kid

I’m calling him kid like he’s not probably older than me lmao

Phyllis in her robe I love it

Trixie serving yet another look™😍

I’m so glad Trixie gave Babs her “blessing” & became good friends. So pure, we don’t need any more women being put against each other

“Fuzzy felt apostles” WHY AM I LAUGHING AT THAT? It’s not even funny?

Now the service for a nun we never knew, filled with extra nuns we will never know or care about.

I love that the nurses are at the service lol, like they probably don’t have to be but still there for fam

& Shelagh there wearin a mantilla, so sweet😭💕

“God hugs you” aw sister MC 😭❤️

You gotta admit even if you aren’t religious this show does make you feel some type of faith

“We knew so little then, in a world that seems so filled of opening doors and bright horizons. We thought only of what was new and better because it was new and better. And it would take us to places we had never been before.” VANESSA😭 she never fails with the narration, never.

Trixie helping Babs fix her bracelet bc there’s no hard feelings and she’s happy for them aw

“..We couldn’t see what was coming or understand yet what had already come to pass, yet so much still to learn”

Oh shit that foreshadow was heavy, especially because it ends with a shot of baby cottinghams body in the box.

I don’t think I picked up on that the first time ..                                     Anyway it’s 1:15am I should go to bed I have class in the morning 😭😂

The End.🙃

#my commentaries™ #call the midwife #who lets me do these lol #sorry it's long #oops #ya know I'm so extra™

[swearronchanel]

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER 6.07

AHHH OMG, I was out all day & Actually MISSED the NEW episode like wtfff?!!? it was TOrture!! & I literally had to delete twitter and Tumblr off my phone because the devil himself would’ve tempted me lmfao😭 I love spoilers but not when everyone has seen the episode but me! it’s okay though I had some rum chata to distract me lol, which is just rum and horchata which is the Hispanic version of Horlicks so, At least I was in the CtM Spirit 🙃

Anyway I’m finally getting to watch it so here we go ..

shit I’m so nervous and I haven’t pressed play

why is my heart beating so fast omg

i usually skip the intro but I’m legit not ready

PHYLLIS !! 💕

damn Vanessa already hinting at what’s to come

Baby Susan so precious omg!!

No lie one of the prettiest babies I’ve ever seen. I’ve seen lots of ugly babies and lots of cute babies, I’m qualified to judge.

“Courage and resilience will matter most of all” 😭😭ahh omg

My spirit animal and campion Phyllis deserves nothing but the best I’m not ready to see her hurt

SHELAGH GETTING EXAMINED 😭😭💕💕 MY HEART IS BURSTING & her belly is so big omg!

CRYING SHE STILL CANT BELIEVE ITS HAPPENING ME EITHER BBY 😭 like holy shit I’m still not over it.

But I’m going to binge series 6 with my mother when I’m home Saturday and can’t wait for her to watch because she wanted to see shelagh have a baby & also she doesn’t know what tf has happened 😭😭😂 it’s been a crazy series! She will be s h o o k

“I know I’m just not a very relaxed sort of person” SAME but BBY RELAX 😭💕

LOL I WOULDNT HAVE READ IT EITHER

That was a cute moment with Babs and Shelagh!! But still wish it was w/ Trixie though 🙁 also it didn’t seem like a “heart to heart”? was it supposed to or was I expecting too much

Aw Rhoda 💔

what a ignorant ass teacher though, I’ll  FIGHT HER REAL QUICK

BOY OR GIRL??? I REALLY WANT TO KNOW UGH WHAT IS BABY TURNER??!

ugh Shelagh and Patrick’s faces 😫 I hope they don’t feel guilty for having a baby

But also why does shelagh have to keep wearing the same things lol, I feel cheated of all the cute maternity looks she could’ve served instead

“Having to explain” poor Mrs Antoine UGH THAT MAKES ME SO ANGRY, THERE’S NOTHING TO BE EXPLAINED   I’m mixed, Hispanic and white not black and white but still my dad is tan & we’ve been places where people have given my parents the dirtiest looks and have heard a nasty comment or two & it BOILS MY BLOOD

Omg the Antoine boys are precious

TRIXIE 😍😍 my bby looks good!

PHYLLIS IN TROUSERS HELL YES

UM VALARIE CAN U NOT BE RACIST

I swear if she says anything more I’ll lose my shit

“No one can really choose who they fall in love with” BLESS U DEELS

Bless Phyllis for making sure those cubs don’t grow up to be as ignorant as their parents

“I surmise the puller of teeth is intended to admire it” SISTER MJ IS A GEM

LOL SISTER J WANTS HIM TO COME THROUGH

SISTER WINIFRED WITH ANOTHER PRICELESS FACE IM DEAD

A bassoon? Lmaoo what the actual fuck Tim

Oh it’s for girls ofc LOL give him a girlfriend already, I’d get such a kick out of it. & Patrick could make another dad joke and say like take a lesson from me I legit beat God over a woman’s heart

The Mullucks fam 😭

Patrick with Susan omg aww

Trixie looking like a b a b e I’m dead 😍

“You’ll look like you’re trying to hard” DELIA HAHA OMG SHE GETS LIKE ONE MIN OF SCREEN TIME BUT SHE ALWAYS HAS GOOD LINES

I need Trixie’s everything, no joke. HOW

But I’m dying my hair blonder this week don’t play

Ah my bby shelagh again 😍💕

I feel so sorry for Patrick like this wasn’t your fault

LMAO SISTER WINIFRED CANT CONCENTRATE IN COMPLINE  SHE IS ANNOYINGLY PRECIOUS

She’s scared to take her driving test aw 😂😂 same like I have my permit but I’m scared to fail the actual driving test

“Oh I have a soft spot for the Antoines” PHYLLIS TIENE UN GRAN COROZON 😭

Omg Mr and Mrs Antoine are so cute too, dios te bendiga 😰

Christopher being a flake wtf no me gusta

Sister W is in on the drama like Sister B was, am I right??

LMAO HER RUN

Prosthetics are so wild, my abuelo has a prosthetic leg and I was so interested when he first got it. But also I’m going to hell for being evil because I joke around way too much when he’s extra senile

“People call my kids hair frizzy, but I think it’s beautiful” MY HEART😭💔 literally my mom was the same with me. Defensive over my curls - even tho my hair is frizzy sometimes😭

The song though, took me a second to process but that’s my bby shelagh’s song ?? Ummm wut

lol sister Winifred hella late, let me guess this will make her want to drive?

this prosthetic place is so great wow omg

damn it Bernie

PHYLLIS LOVES THIS FAMILY AND I LOVE THEM ALL OMG 😭😭

GET THE RUM ! or I will lol

ah never mind

LOL SISTER W AGAIN & PHYLLIS SHAKING HER HEAD

the question is, does/has sister Winifred drink/drank ? she seems like a light weight

fuck is this when it’s gonna happen

I’M NOT READY DAMN IT

damn Bernie..

UGH MY HEART IS RACING IM SO ANXIOUS AND SCARED AHJXKWLXM

HOLY SHIT OMGGGG

THAT WAS SO HARD AHH OMGG

IM FUCKING SCREAMING

Phyllis is in shock o h m y g o d

I can’t process this either

OMG I CANT DEAL

PHYLLIS IS SOBBING, IM SOBBING WTFFFF OMGG 😭😰😰😰💔💔💔

MY FUCKING HEART

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO OMG

AW SISTER W ASWELL UGH WTF I SHOULDNT FEEL SO MUCH

LMAO OMG THANK U FOR COMIC RELIF

TIM SUCKS LMAO stick to the damn piano boy

PATRICK AND SHELAGH GIGGLING OMG MY HEART IS OKAY NOW 😭😭💕💕

SHELAGH AND PATRICK BEING SO CUTE IM CRYING

DAMN THALIDOMIDE

DAMN THAT CAR UGH  

DAMN IT ALL

LOW FUCKING BLOW BERNIE THAT WAS NOT HER FAULT

BABS TRYING TO COMFORT PHYLLIS  IM CRYING AGAIN

SHE IS SO HURT, I AM SO HURT, IM A BLOODY MESS OF TEARS. IM SOBER AND SAD NOW & THERE’S MASCARA In MY CONTACT LENS & MY 3yr OLD GREMLIN LITTLE COUSIN IS KICKING ME (lol he’s laying next to me)

AND CARRIE CRYING NOW OMGGG NO LENNY WONT DIE STOP

“That lovely gp of yours” lol does everyone have a crush on Dr Turner but me? Lol don’t come @ me pls I’m sorry I know people love him 😭😭 Im here for Christopher and Tom But He is handsome, just in an older man way Lmaoo guess it’s cause he could be my dad 😂 lol he’s older than my dad

I’d take him as a sugar daddy real quick though. I need my tuition paid and he is so sweet😏 😭😂

So it was a scarf, hmm I thought trixie was gonna find like stockings or something

“Not Hermès but something very like it” lol how does Trixie know what Hermès feels like on a nurses salary?

Valarie is on my nerves & she’s had like 2 mins of screen time Lmaoo I’ve liked her until this episode. I hope they don’t ruin her for me

“But I’m a member of the institute of advanced motorists”  UGH PHYLLIS IS A GEM WHO DOES NOT DESERVE THIS !! SHE IS THERE FOR EVERYONE ALWAYS, SHE ALWAYS DOES GOOD WHY MUST THIS HAPPEN TO HER?

Aw Sister Winifred

Oh Rhoda 💔💔she’s such a great mother

MY HEART, THEY WERE WALKING AWAY FROM BEING TEASED

BLAME THE RACISTS, IT IS ALWAYS A VALID BLAME

YES PHYLLIS IS A GOOD WOMAN! 😭😭

Tom trying to comfort Phyllis😭😭

“You’re fond of your meat, and our views on God and His existence are divergent to say the least, but we both follow vocations…. so if you caused harm to someone else, even inadvertently would it not make you question what everything in your life has come to stand for?” I’m c r y i n g

“I, a rational woman, have no one to question but myself” 😭💔

IM REALLY HURT

“Sometimes cheering people on the sidelines doesn’t help”

my bby killing it 😍

Why you being a flake Christopher? go ahead man tell her about your kid

BRUH YOU DONT TELL HER LIKE THAT LMAO

he’s divorced ah, thought it was out of wedlock. I don’t care though haha

NO DRINKS FOR TRIXIE, TELL HIM BBY.. in your own time of course 💕

BABY SUSAN SO PRECIOUS

Fred brought her car ugh And Phyllis is still so hurt as am I 💔

This lady is so sweet! I hope she and Rhoda become friends right now

DID SHE TAKE DISTIVAL TOO?

lol wait where are the Turners I miss them??

“.. and the words ‘Nonnatus house this is not a midwife speaking’ are most unlikely to reassure the caller” SISTER MJ!

YES SHE DID OMG. I need them to be best friends omg 💔😭

“Nothing was said, nothing was done” 💔💔

PHYLLIS LOOKING AT THE CAR

SISTER MJ IS GOING WITH HER MY HEART OMG

my heart my heart

aw the mullucks'😭 ofc IT WASNT YOUR FAULT!

SISTER MJ IS A GEM 💕😭 & PHYLLIS IS JUMPING BACK IN

TWO GEMS 😭💕 but also if this was the birth they meant that sister MJ was involved in ill be lowkey sad, but we shall see next week if she’s randomly with Shelagh when she delivers

Trixie serving more looks 😍

Aw my bby 💔does she tell him about her alcoholism at the end of this ?

Also what are we guessing about Valarie rn?? she has a secret? tragic backstory to be unlocked? what ? She gay?

Aw the mulluks’s again! All so sweet💕 & YES LYDIA BE FRIENDS

ugh Christopher looks good af😍 and that car yes

YES TRIXIE 😍 my girl looking good as well

SHE TOLD HIM 😭 IM CRYING IM SO PROUD 😭😭💕💕WHY DO I FEEL SO PROUD FOR A FICTIONAL CHARACTER??! I love her

Oh shit Patsy’s dad is dead. I assumed that was coming

Phyllis reassuring Delia awww

PHYLLIS BACK AT THE CUBS 😭 MY CHAMPION AND SPIRIT ANIMAL BOUNCING BACK

Lenny’s speech omg brb crying

The support group for thalidomide victims omg my heart

I was cryin before and now I’m crying more for this Irish lady

Omg side side side note there was this cute old interracial couple that seem like my parents in 20yrs in JFK yesterday that were so precious and sweet and we’re talking to me the whole time waiting at the gate & then there was this sweet Irish couple who were confused about the time difference and I helped them out and then when we landed they helped me out looking for my bag so now I have much more faith in humanity because usually the people in NYC airports are angry new yorkers who don’t care lol like me (jk)

“There’s no rule of life so simple or so true ..” 😭😢💔💖

Thank u Vanessa I’m so emotional, show me next week 

Bonus: next week

OMG PHYLLIS HUGGING SHELAGH OMGGG. I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED TO SEE THIS

PHYLLIS BETTER DELIVER THE BABY I KNOW I WANTED TRIXIE BUT IT DOESNT SEEN LIKELY AND SO INEED PHYLLIS (sister J too ofc?! She was barely in this past episode)

MY BBY SHELAGH’S TUMMY IS SO BIG IN HER UNIFORM OMG SHE’S SO PRECIOUS I LOVE HER I MISSED HER THIS PAST EPISODE

BUT OH MY GOD BABY TURNER IS COMING HOLY SHIT THIS IS HAPPENING THIS IS NOT A DRILL

HERE COMES THE PILL READY OR NOT #LETSGETIT1962

Lol oh shoot I didn’t take mine yesterday or today brb

AW DELIA

WHAT IS SIGNIFICANT ABOUT BABS SLEEPING I NEED TO KNOW

Lol idk why but even though I like Tom and Babs their relationship just doesn’t do anything for me😂😂 like I don’t give a shit? They’re cute but idk it doesn’t cut it. Like they’re just there and I’m like “aw ok”

OMG I CANT WAIT WHAT WILL HAPPEN ?! I NEED ANSWERS

I will die next week. For real. 

#call the midwife #lets get it 1962 #masterpost #protect my bbys at all costs though #my commentaries™

[swearronchanel]

Unnecessary post of my random thoughts rewatching Series 3, Episode 5

I got one of my friends to start watching the show & she’s up to series 3, episode 5 so I decided to watch the same episode.

- I don’t know why but I giggle when Sister Julienne faints, maybe because I know it’s coming? I don’t know I just do, guess I’m just awful. No I am awful I find it funny

- I understand why Tim is annoyed, like I feel you kid. BUT STOP BEING MEAN TO SHELAGH, SHE DOESNT DESERVE IT. Also he’s at that age where boys are gross and gremlin like

- Lmao @ Sister Winifred, Sister Julienne doesn’t trust you to run things

- Shelagh take off the headband lol, I don’t like it?? you’re too pretty for that bb

- Shelagh raising her voice >> yell all you need to sweetie

- I get it Shelagh is a little overprotective and over sensitive but she’s worried, SO PATRICK STOP WAGGING YOUR FINGER AT HER WTF

- She’s not a little girl, the finger wagging bothers me. I get the time period but Patrick, chill. I will fight him

- Aw no Shelagh’s apologizing, stop bb it’s okay

- Yasss Shelagh, looking smart in that navy suit. Show off that figure girl

- Sister J, you gotta relax, you just fainted lol. You left Shelagh in charge before, she’s got it, she’s just wearing new clothes.

- “We’re making each other nervous..” aw

- Peter you need to chill, Chummy don’t take that shit from your husband.

- it’s alright they’re still cute

- HEY TOM ;)

- Aw, I miss Sister Evangelina yelling

- Trixie being cute of course

- You guys can thank Shelagh for Patsy

- lol who stepped in dog dirt

- we know it’s you Sister E, go clean up

- “You may recollect that some of us have taken the vow of poverty” .. THE SHADE

- WHY SISTER E, LET IT GO - SHELAGH DONT LET THEM SAY THINGS LIKE THAT - YES TAKE HER SHOES

I’ve suddenly realized I’ve had too many comments after 12 mins I may have to chill

- Patsy serving looks and she just got here - Trixie just said she wanted coffee?? I thought they only ever drank tea haha

- Pats impressing everyone - Trixie saying “I think I might have just fallen a little bit in love with you” = gold

- Trixie hoola hooping = gold

- Sally and Jacob 💔

- Patsy making dick jokes in the convent lol

- Patrick it’s called Down’s syndrome

- Sister MJ screaming, i’m cracking up

- Shelagh’s not tryna deal with sister MJ and sister E’s nonsense lol

- the stigma makes me so sad & from Sally’s own dad

- Trixie being hopeful for Sally, thanks girl

- damn it Sister Winnifred, ruining the surprise

- sister E, stop yelling at Shelagh she’s doing what she was told - “You forfeited your right to lecture me or anyone else on the religious life” AGAIN SISTER E, STOP THROWING SHADE - I’m sorry Shelagh you don’t deserve that

- aw Jacob, “I wanted to know she was looked after..” welp there my heart shatters

- I’m sorry young Timothy is so awkward haha, But at least he’s having fun

- it’s okay Sister E, he’s your brother

- shelagh singing in the back of chapel 😭

- oh shoot Sally’s in labor - I forgot the baby died omg

- WHY DO YOU HAVE TO KICK JACOB OUT? - yes Tom stay on his side

- “we can’t chose where we love..” omg my heart again

- “You already have a child Shelagh” THIS SCENE MAKES ME EMOTIONAL - DONT WORRY BB YOURE GOING TO GO THROUGH SO MUCH TO HAVE A BABY AND THEN YOU’LL BE SO HAPPY AND THEN THEY SURPRISE YOU WITH PREGNANCY ANYWAY

- I’ll never forget Netflix for cutting that scene, also this is so heartwarming. Especially after Sister E was so shady during the episode

- Jacob is gonna take the cardigan for Sally ugh my heart hurts again

- Tim’s walking without braces! Wait I knew that happens - that hug at the end, I could cry

- THE JUBILEE 😭😭😭 - Dios te bendiga - all the people she delivered awww - Tim giving her a kiss 😭 - Shelagh looking precious in the background

- the pink cardigan and the note 💔

- sister E’s brother 😭 - and, cue Vanessa Redgrave’s outro

The End.

#call the midwife #i'll delete this later #who let me do this #only 3 more days #series 6 lit #well almost 3 days #it's 8pm here #but I'll pretend it's tomorrow #my commentaries™