#those in particular i need to crawl into petes brain and find out how he Knows how i feel when i can fucking put it to words

[honestmouse20]

Once again smfs knows me so much better than I know myself. I can write it better than you ever felt it. Gonna give my therapist homework to listen to this bc jfc

#like specifically fake out and time to be alive and heaven iowa #those in particular i need to crawl into petes brain and find out how he Knows how i feel when i can fucking put it to words #ive spent ages in therapy trying to get to avross that im not sad and i don't wanna die anymore and thats somehow still sad #and it makes my anxiety worse bc now i have to see the world around me and how it is and realize that despite it all i still dont wanna die #idk #this is probably tmi but Still #like #i knew this stuff before the album ofc but Hearing it puts things in place and i am So unwell aboht it #things to show my therapist lol #shes already read my fics tho so like #nothing nrw #okay these tags are so lomg im so sorry #d rambles

[anthrobrat]

7, winnix ❤️

Kiss Prompt #2! Finally! (~1700 words)

(This one got away from me a bit)

Title: Monday Morning Song

Pairing: Winters/Nixon

Rating: R Rated but not explicit? I’m a terrible judge.

Notes: Sorry this took so long, but after a week-long bout of writers block, here it is. Thank you @churchkey for all the inspiration and daily doses of Winnix HCs! This is for you!

7. routine kisses where the other person presents their cheek/forehead for the hello/goodbye kiss without even looking up from what they’re doing

“Do you ever wonder if we’re in a rut?” Lew asked on a random Monday morning over coffee, eggs, and toast.

“What do you mean? Are you not happy?”

“Woah, Dick, no reason to jump to those conclusions. I just mean, do you ever wonder if we’re just doing the same things over and over and nothing changes? It’s not a bad thing, it’s just -- I don’t know -- a rut.” Lew shrugged his shoulders so as to seem noncommittal about it all. Noncommittal was a good stance, right?

Dick stared at him. He really was hoping to avoid having to explain himself, but apparently that was not going to happen on this particular Monday morning. For all the times they could communicate with just a look or a touch, he supposed this was not one of them. So much for being soulmates, he would just have to use his fucking words.

“You know… We get up, we have coffee, eggs, and toast, you kiss me goodbye, and then you go to work ridiculously early and I stroll in two hours later. We come home, you attempt dinner, I eat it without grimacing, and then we go to sleep. Dick. We fuck on Wednesdays and Saturdays.”

“That’s not --”

“Wednesdays and Saturdays. I was an S2. Keeping track of things is second nature still. You want to see my journal?”

At this, Dick’s look of confusion turned to something far too close to hurt. Lew’s heart twisted at that look. After Germany he had promised himself he would try to keep that look off of Dick’s face as much as possible. But today he felt like he might crawl out of his skin, and he didn’t have the will to keep it in.

Lew wanted to reach out, but his stubborn hands remained wrapped around his mug. “I swear I’m not unhappy, okay? I love our life. Do you? Or are you just, I don’t know, going through the motions out of some weird guilt or loyalty?”

“For Pete’s Sake, Lew, I’m happy. This is the best… I’ve never… This is it for me, okay? But this is who I am. You know that. You lived by my watch for three years. Did you not notice?”

“No. I know. But that was war, and we needed it. Now? I don’t know. Just go to work, I’ll feel better once I shower. November is always a weird time of year, you know how I am.”

“I do know how you are, Lew.” Dick brushed a foot across his ankle. “Isn’t that the whole point?”

Lew shrugged again for good measure, hoping to find any last answers in his coffee before raising his eyes to gaze at his lover. He tried to loosen the tension in his shoulders and smile, but he knew it didn’t reach his eyes. He wished he could find a way to explain what he was feeling. He knew he’d get past this, but he just couldn’t see the other side yet. For a man who had excelled at understanding oppositions, who had been promoted for his ability to problem solve, this disorientation was daunting. 

Dick eventually got up and walked around behind him, grabbing his plate and empty mug and dropping them in the sink before he walked out of the kitchen and bounded up the stairs to get dressed for work. 

Lew tried, once again, unsuccessfully, to shake off whatever was weighing him down. He picked up the newspaper and turned to the funnies even though it would set the whole stack out of order. Add that to this morning’s tab, he supposed. 

He had just finished the last of the cartoons and was working on the puzzle at the bottom when Dick walked back into the kitchen to grab his lunch box. Out of habit, Lew leaned forward and presented his forehead when he felt Dick turn toward him. Dick bussed him on his forehead like usual, but as he was about to move away, stopped and pressed a little harder. His hand came up and around Lew’s neck to hold him there for a few seconds before Dick backed away, cleared his throat, and walked back out of the kitchen. 

“I’ll see you there in a few hours?” He yelled over his shoulder.

“They keep paying me, so I’ll keep showing up,” Lew mumbled with a smile that felt a little more natural.

Dick huffed out a laugh as he shut the front door. When it slammed, Lew slumped down in his chair. He shut his eyes and tried to just breathe, but when he opened them again he had crumpled an entire section of the newspaper in his hand.

Lew finally trudged upstairs and turned the shower on. While it heated, he sat on the toilet seat with his head in his hands. Maybe this was just what life would be, right? It wasn’t bad. He hadn’t lied. This life was more than he had ever even considered hoping for. 

He continued to ponder as the shower’s water sluiced over his head and down his back. Dick had been his beacon for five years now, calling him home again and again. He could get over the fact that the man was regimented. He watched the water fill the tub around his feet. Maybe he would just have to fill his own spontaneity in around Dick’s rigid pillars.

Just when he was coming around to a plan, he heard the bathroom door open and close. He stood frozen, one hand in his hair, ears perked. A belt buckle being undone. Pants swishing to the floor. Finally, the curtain opened to reveal one Dick Winters, in all his red headed glory. 

“How in the hell are you back?”

“I got two blocks from the house before I turned around. Called Mary at the office. Said I poisoned myself and my roommate with last night’s dinner. Terrible mishap. Told her I doubt we’ll be in today, with getting sick every ten minutes.”

Lew could do nothing but stare, mouth agape, at this man. He was happy to note that Dick was willing to take full advantage of his surprise, leaning in and thrusting his tongue into Lew’s open mouth. He stood there, under the warm spray, with Dick’s arms around him, for what felt like forever before he pulled away for breath. 

“You called us in sick? You… you called our office and told them we were sick when we are not sick?”

“Yes, Lew, that is exactly what I did. Do you not remember Heguen--”

“I’ve tried to forget most of that, yes.”

“Hmm.” Dick thread his hands through Lew’s hair in a gesture that was, by nature. quite soothing. “Well if we can lie to a Colonel, we can lie to Mary and your father.”

Dick seemed to laugh to himself at that, before wrapping his arms around Lew’s shoulders and kissing him once again. Lew’s brain finally caught up at that, and he slid his hands around Dick’s hips. 

Lew spun them so Dick could also enjoy the warm water of the shower while they continued to explore each other’s mouths. His hands slid from Lew’s shoulders to his chest before he lowered them to his hips. Dick turned them once again so Lew was blocking the water and used the grip to lever himself down to his knees. 

“Jesus, Dick, what are you --”

“I know it’s not Wednesday, but I figured that wouldn’t bother you.” 

It is certainly no bother floated through Lew’s mind, and maybe out through his mouth as well, he honestly couldn’t tell, as Dick went about blowing his mind on a Monday morning at 8am. He threaded his fingers through Dick’s hair as he was dragged over that razor’s edge of pleasure. 

Dick stood back up and kissed Lew once more on his mouth. “Happy Monday, Lew. What should we do with the rest of the day?”

If it were up to Lewis Nixon they would have spent the rest of the day in bed, but he enjoyed sitting under the tree in the backyard, bundled in their sweaters and scarves, while Dick read to him. The fall weather was still hanging on, so they ate lunch on the porch as well.

“I can be spontaneous, you know. Order is comfortable to me. I just need you to remind me sometimes.” Dick blurted out over their ham and cheese sandwiches. Nix was surprised to have a soda in his hand instead of whiskey, but it fit the mood. 

“I think I’m still used to following your order. We’ll grow out of it though, right?”

“Yea. Yea, I think we will. Might take some time, though.”

“Well, I’ve got plenty of it, I hope.” At that, Lew turned to face Dick, whose hair had caught the afternoon light, and smiled. It finally felt natural again. “Maybe finally being the sole proprietor of my time is the issue.”

“Hmm” was the only thing Dick said in reply, but he reached over and threaded his fingers between Lew’s, like maybe he was the only other person who knew exactly what that meant. 

The next morning, Lew woke once again to the smell of bacon and coffee. He felt the smile spread across his face before he rolled out of bed. When he walked into the kitchen and sat at the table, his plate of food and mug of coffee were waiting for him. 

“Mornin’ Lew.” Dick’s voice was too perky for the early hour, but the kiss he laid on Lew’s mouth on his way to the table made up for the abrasively happy tone in his voice. 

Lew quirked a brow back at him. “Mornin’ Major.”

They sat and ate in comfortable silence, Dick’s foot nestled in the cradle of Lew’s own feet, toes rubbing along the bone of his ankle. 

Lew opened his favorite part of the newspaper as Dick bustled around the kitchen and ran back upstairs to finish getting ready. He came back down, grabbed his lunch, and turned. Lew’s forehead was, once again, leaned forward awaiting Dick’s lips. He obliged. This might just be what love is supposed to feel like.

#winnix #kiss prompt #kiss prompts are the best prompts #my fic writing #band of brothers